Coloring Outside the Lines
by WinndSinger
Summary: Yes, it's the sequel to Red Line, finally! Edward and his family are starting their new life in Wyoming and it will not be easy. Can Edward really leave his past behind him and start all over again, being a father, lover, and cowboy?
1. Chapter 1

"How many is that, slut?", her voice was so close behind me I nearly jumped out of my skin.

I could feel my arms straining above me, dying to be free from the shackles that held my useless wrists high over my nose as I tried to look up. I had to be on my tiptoes to take the pressure off the bones there, and for a second it felt like my hands might just rip off if I were to dare to put my feet flat down on the rough cold floor beneath me. I almost cried out but I clenched my jaw shut, knowing what would happen if I broke the silence she always demanded.

Now I knew the reason I couldn't look up. I was blindfolded. And worse, I could not remember if I had been given permission to speak…to answer the question before me. How many is that? I had no idea! Oh God, I lost count ? I never lose count. I'm a dead man.

"Wake up, you little WHORE!", she bellowed, delivering a hard blow across my face, making me flinch against my will now.

"I asked you a QUESTION!", she shoved verbally, her hand grabbing at the back of my hair, so close to the scalp I knew I lost a good handful at least.

"I'm sorry, Mistress…I'm not sure…", I heard myself whimper and hated the way I sounded instantly. God, I'm weak.

"Are you not paying ATTENTION?", she released my hair and I let my head drop, awaiting her wrath.

LASH !

I felt a long thin slice bite through my back, right near the spine. It slashed my flesh and cracked against the bone at the same time. I knew I should have taken it without sound, but I had no control of myself somehow.

"AAAAAAAAAA!", I roared out without restraint, feeling wetness in my blind eyes. My fists clenched above me, trying to will the pain away faster.

"You are so pathetic.", her voice added to my discomfort. Then she said, it seemed to someone else nearby, "He sucks !"

Then came the worst possible moment of my existence.

"LEAVE MY DADDY ALONE !", my little girl's voice screeched, in even more pain than I thought I was feeling.

"VICTORIA!", I snarled, suddenly filled with strength and fight, "LET HER GO! DON'T YOU TOUCH MY BABY YOU BITCH!"

"Paying attention NOW, sweetheart?", she put a fingernail on the cleft of my chin as I flinched away from her touch.

"WE HAD A DEAL!", I heard myself say before I could even think. I felt tears moving down my face now, escaping out from under my blindfold.

"That deal was broken the second you ran off !", she cut in immediately, her voice filled with venom, "I told you – you can never leave me Edward! Not in life, not in death even! You ARE MINE and you'll ALWAYS be MINE! Now you'll pay."

"No, Vic—MISTRESS, please DON'T!", I begged, yanking so hard on my wrists I wouldn't be surprised if they were both broken.

"Come make Daddy feel better, sweetie.", Victoria's poisonous voice was like a snake and I felt her hands around my waist, unsnapping what felt like tight leather, releasing the one clothed part of me.

I shouted out, my feet trying to fight their way out of this ballerina position they were in, but it was just hurting me more, not freeing me.

"Open up, little girl.", Victoria instructed and I felt little gasps of breath coming closer to my crotch.

"NNNNOOOOOOOOO!", I roared, leaping and hurling my arms out into nothingness.

"Edward!", I heard in the distance but it didn't register. I kept fighting in the blackness, hoping I could save Katie.

"It's okay, it's okay !", I heard a sweeter woman's voice far away but my brain was too wild to pay attention.

"KATIE!", I screamed, sobbing like a child.

Suddenly, there was light and a pair of arms tried to encircle me. I almost lashed out at them but I'm glad I was too exhausted to try. I knew it was Bella there with me, but my body had not figured it out yet.

"Is he alright?" a small sleepy voice sounded very concerned off to the left of me. I couldn't see anything right now between the sudden bright light and my tears.

"He's alright, honey, I promise.", Bella was saying closeby as I felt her arms tighten around me, "He just had a bad dream is all. He'll be okay."

"Bella…", I choked out and clung onto her, shaking despite my best efforts to appear I was just fine now.

"I have those sometimes.", I could hear Katie saying.

"Here Daddy.", she handed something soft and sweet smelling to me, "It's Jinx. He'll take good care of you."

I clung to it like it was my life and saw her blurred face there in front of me.

"Thank you baby.", I heard my voice shiver and still hated how weak I sounded.

"Okay, I'm going to bed then. I have school tomorrow you know.", she reminded for the three thousandth time today.

"We know.", I heard a chorus of voices all say at the same time. I looked around and saw Tanya's parents standing there in the doorway of my room, also worried but very tired looking.

They chuckled as they watched Katie hop away to her room right next to mine. Everything she did, they always watched with awe as if she were an angel who might fly away at any moment. I know I do the same thing. Only in my mind, she doesn't fly off on her own. Someone comes and grabs her away.

"Breathe, Edward.", Bella made me look into her eyes and I realized I had escaped the dream world again. Her dark eyes always soothed me, always brought me back to the real world again.

I felt and heard myself take a deep breath and let go of a horrid little strangled sound in the bottom of my throat, wetness trailing down my face.

God, what an ass I must look like to all of them, I suddenly thought, crying and clutching Katie's teddy bear, or whatever animal it is I'm strangling.

"I'm sorry…", I clawed at my eyes to erase the tears, "I don't want her to see me like this…"

"It's fine, baby, she's fine.", Bella had her hands in my hair, nose to nose with me, placing a small kiss on my salty wet lips, "She understands nightmares. They're not just for kids, you know."

"I know, but…", I breathed.

"Shhh…", Bella held me closer until her mouth was next to my ear, "It's alright. Don't apologize. We all love you. We know."

"Maybe Katie should stay home tomorrow.", I said aloud, knowing the reception I would get.

"Edward, that will kill her.", Tanya's mother, Angela, said from the doorway, coming in a step or two, "She's been going on and on about it for two weeks now. She's so happy to be going to school with the other kids finally."

And for a split second, I hated Tanya's mom. I know it's wrong. They've done more for Katie in her life than I have, they gave her a family life I never got to offer her. But she wanted Katie to go out there, into that sick world alone. How would I get through the day tomorrow, waiting for her to come home? What would I do as the seconds crawled by?

Oh yea, my new job. Or I should say, my cover job. I still had no idea what I'd be doing. I just knew to wear boots and something I didn't mind getting dirty. Swell.

"Edward, I know how hard it is, letting her go.", Bella tried, making my glare soften a bit as I stared down at my quivering hands.

"But this is a nice little town, far away from New York.", Bella continued, stroking my hair, staring at my face, "She will be fine. She's going to love school. You'll see. You can't keep her locked up all her life."

"Besides, you have two of the officers at the school, dressed up like teachers and janitors to make sure she's safe.", Tanya's father reminded.

Thank you, Ben. Everyone is against me.

"Yea.", I took another breath, then winced.

"But even policeman make mistakes and there's so many kids there…", I began.

"Um, can I talk to Edward alone for a minute?", Bella asked the folks at the door.

"Go on, I'm going back to bed.", Tanya's dad waved a hand at us, leaving quickly.

"I'll make some tea if you want, Edward.", Tanya's mother offered, such a nice gesture after I nearly gave her the evil eye.

"Oh, no thanks, Mom. You can go back to bed, I'm fine.", I said, and got her warm smile instantly. She loved it when I called her that. And I meant it. She was more like a mom to me than my own.

She nodded and quietly left the room, closing the door slowly behind her, giving us our privacy.

"I know, I'm in trouble now, aren't I?", I asked like a child who'd misbehaved.

"Loads.", Bella said without hesitation, "Katie is going to school tomorrow. You are going to work. If I find out you blew off your job and are hanging around that school tomorrow –"

God, she knows me too well.

"It's not an important job!", I suddenly yelled and looked up at her, expecting to see fear. But she surprised me again, as always, and faced me sternly as I ranted like a baby.

"I'm probably gonna be jerking off cows to get their sperm or something!", I went on insanely, "That's probably the only thing I'm qualified to DO around here!"

She waited and didn't say a word. God, I love Dr. Bella. She never lets me get away with anything.

I looked at her and saw a brick wall. I didn't know what to say now.

"Are you done?", she crossed her arms, waiting. Man, she's like Katherine, my beautiful irish nanny back home.

I let out a breath, defeated. "Yes." I gave in.

"Edward.", she gently took my hands into hers, kissing one of them, "When are you going to make an appointment to see someone baby?"

"I don't want them, I want YOU.", I said for the sixtieth time, "You know me, you know my whole story, why can't you be Dr. Bella for me? You did it before."

She rubbed her eyes and for a second I thought she was crying. I felt like such dog shit.

"I told you, I'm not good enough.", she said for the eightieth time, "I'm a student, still learning, I can't counsel you. I never could. I should've never even tried in New York…I could've done serious damage to you…"

"You SAVED me.", I corrected, "You're the best. I know you're a student, but you're so GOOD…I feel safe opening up to YOU…"

"I love you…", she kissed me softly on the cheek, "That's what you were feeling, not my brilliant techniques. I don't know half of what I should before counseling ANYONE. I just got lucky with you, that's all. I WANTED to know you…I fell in love the moment I saw you in that crappy club, in that horrible cage. I wanted to take you away from all that shit you were tangled in. That's why I think you opened up to me, because you wanted out of there too. If I met some stranger today who I had no connection with, I doubt I'd be able to help at all. You need to see a REAL doctor, Edward. You can't go on this way. You nearly belted me in the nose just now."

"I thought…", I swallowed, "…you were HER."

"I know baby, I know.", she cradled my face and moved damp tears away from my right eye, "But I can't see you suffer like this anymore. It's been almost a month since we've been here and almost every night you have these dreams, and every night worse than the last. Aren't you tired of it?"

"No, actually, it's kinda fun…", I drawled out sarcastically, rolling my eyes a little.

Being a wimp, showing my daughter what a weakling I am…being a pussy in front of my girlfriend and Tanya's parents…God, what they must think of me…

"Please…do it for Katie…do it for me…and most of all, do it for yourself.", she kinda shoved me as she said the last word. I grinned at that and saw she was grinning back at me.

"Jerk.", she added teasingly.

"I AM a jerk.", I looked down at myself with a smirk, "Look at me, clinging to this thing."

I looked at Jinx and saw it wasn't a bear at all. It was a purple elephant that looked older than ME. But it also looked very loved and happy. It should, it's been with Katie for longer than I've been.

"You're very cute, holding onto your little elephant.", Bella smiled more, trying to hold the giggling inside.

She kissed my lips this time, very briefly but tenderly. I wanted more but I knew it was the dead of night and she also had school starting tomorrow.

There was a small college about ten miles from here and she was all registered to attend. We got a rental car paid for the local police department, a little Ford Fiesta that could probably be blown away by a huge breeze. But it was red so Bella loved it. She never had her own car before, living in New York one didn't really NEED a car. Thank God she had a license and knew how to drive though.

God, I miss my Volvo. Poor little innocent car of mine. Poor little innocent DECEASED car of mine.

I was in luck, though. MY job was close by and a truck would come by at 6 am to pick me up. I pictured a heap covered with hillbillies that had straw clenched in their teeth. Ever since we got here, every voice outside this place was like something I only heard in old Andy Griffith episodes. I didn't mind southern accents, but around here, it was very…yee hah ! Bella liked it, she said I'd get used to it. But I doubted it.

I keep telling myself all I care about is being with Katie and Bella, of course. Katie could live here and be safe and happy, although I couldn't imagine her marrying one of these people. She would be a small town girl here, not the cultured, elegant presence that Tanya was. I knew it would be a good thing. Bella was a small town girl and I couldn't think of a better woman.

"Will you stay with me for the rest of the night?", I used my saddest face to convince her.

"Oh you bastard!", she laughed out loud, knowing exactly what I was doing, "You just think you're irresistible, don't you?"

"Yes.", I smiled wide, unashamed.

"So bad.", she muttered as she clawed at the quilt and got under it with me.

"YAY!", I enthusiastically laid down and kicked my feet to create some much needed heat inside the sheets.

"Shh.", she checked the alarm clock on the nightstand and flicked off the lamp, "I don't wanna get busted by Katie so behave."

"I will.", I smiled as she turned to face me on her side. The moonlight was giving me a slight view of my Bella's face and I was glad to see her smiling back at me.

"I don't believe you.", she saw right through me.

"I promise…", I smiled fiendishly, hidden in the dark, "For instance, I promise not to do THIS…"

And in seconds, I was stroking my hands up and down, and then in nice circles over her ass that was nicely wrapped in a pair of fleece pajama pants.

"Uhhh…", she instantly tried to resist me, knowing how close Katie was.

"Edward…", she hissed, trying to move my hands from her derriere.

"And I promise not to do this, either.", I vowed, moving my right hand between her fleece legs, firmly stroking up and down….real slow.

"You –", she tried to stop me but her heavy breathing told me otherwise.

It was sad but lately, since we moved here, our nights together had become very G rated. Bella understood and was wonderful about it, even to the point that she offered to sleep in her own bedroom here in the house…but I missed her. And I hated it that she was sleeping alone after leaving her father, her friends – EVERTHING behind for me. I never wanted her to regret choosing me.

"Edward !"

"Whhhaatttt?", I asked as if I couldn't COMPREHEND what was bothering her.

"Please stop doing….that.", she was trying to grab my hands but I wouldn't have it.

"Wait, I have more promises to make to you…", I said, slipping my quick little hand into her bottoms.

She gasped out loud, not seeing that coming.

I let out a satisfied hiss when I felt the wetness waiting there for me already. I never saw a female so ready so fast. She misses me too.

"Shhh…", I covered her protesting mouth with my kisses, and in between I whispered, "Just for a few minutes…let me make you come and we'll go to sleep, I swear."

"Liar.", she said back in a deeper kiss.

I answered that remark by wiggling all my fingers and she nearly screamed.

I smiled bigger as I watched her squirming beneath me, trying to keep her mouth shut. This is fun.

It didn't even take five minutes before Bella was very happy and relaxed. We laid on our backs, side by side, staring up at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to claim us. I hoped she would get some rest. I knew I was up for awhile.

"Do you want to talk about it?", she finally asked, breaking the silence.

"I thought you didn't want to.", I could hear the hurt in my own voice, even though I didn't intend to sound that way.

"I never said that.", she corrected, "I said I couldn't be your doctor, I didn't say I didn't want to hear about it, or talk to you about it. I love you. You can tell me anything. You know that."

I knew she was right. I let out a deep breath I'd been holding for a long time and just said, "It's too awful, Bella. I don't even want to say it out loud."

"That's okay.", she laced her finger through mine, holding my hand, "You don't have to."

"I'm afraid.", I admitted, using my strongest voice available, "Not for me. For Katie. I know that's what the dreams are telling me. It's alright if I'm hurt…I'm used to it. But then Katie comes into the dream…and there's nothing I can do to stop it…"

"She's safe, Edward.", Bella said again. She'd been saying that since we got here. I never believed that.

"No one is safe, Bella.", I said without hesitation, "There is no safe place anywhere. This whole fucking world is a playground for psychos. And in a few hours, Katie will be out there all alone…I don't think I can let that happen. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it…"

"You can't be with her all the time.", Bella said calmly, moving her fingers over my cheekbone, "She's seven years old and never been to school with other kids. She went through all those surgeries, all those years in and out of hospitals…it must have been very lonely for her. She is a beautiful little girl and she finally has a chance to go make friends. She told me last week, that's her dream. To go to school and make REAL friends. It's such a small request but it means everything to her. Promise me you'll try to smile and not scare her tomorrow. I know it's hard for you. You've seen such a dark side of life and I do understand that you'd see the world the way you do. But you can't let Katie think the world is filled with evil around every corner. How will she live that way?"

"She's all I have…", I heard myself say before I could take the words back.

"I mean, I know I have you too…", I stammered, knowing I was screwing up.

"I know what you mean.", she didn't sound angry at all. See? The best Dr. Bella ever!

"She's your baby, I see it everyday how you adore her.", Bella smiled, "It actually makes me love you even more than I did before, watching you with her. You're a beautiful father, Edward. Really."

"It's been easy this last month, having her with me all the time, summertime in a new place…", I said, sobering up as I spoke, "But it's about to get really hard. Letting her go…again…I'm going to need your help Bella. You have to shove me out the door tomorrow. No matter what I say or do."

"I'd love to.", she put a finger on my lips.

"This is nothing you know…", Bella said with a wicked smirk on her lips, "First day of school is cake! Wait until Katie's first dance when a date comes to pick her up!"

"Ugh.", I grimaced just imagining it.

"Yea."

"Try and go to sleep overprotective eagle…", Bella teased, closing her eyes.

"That's FREED eagle, thank you.", I muttered, still very proud of my Sioux name.

"Yes, you're a free eagle…and you're squawking too much.", Bella grinned, eyes still closed, "Close your eyes…think happy thoughts…"

"Like what?", I scoffed.

"Practice your southern accent.", she suggested and giggled to herself.

"I hate you.", I pretended.

"Hate you more, TONY!", she said with a really bad southern accent.

Ugh, Tony! I forgot my new name assigned to me was Anthony. God, no one would call me Anthony and I knew it. It would be Tony this and Tony that. I'd feel like I was trapped in a Goobertown version of West Side Story.

"Howdee!", I tried to do it without laughing, "My name is er, Tonee! How y'all doin?"

Bella was laughing and I loved that I could make her do it at 3 am.

"Wow, that sounds so natural.", she commented, "It sounds like you've talked that way your whole life."

Oh you wicked little bitch !

"Listen here, little fillie, I don't hold with that kind of lip!", I kept doing my nasally Barney Fife voice while she laughed and tried to quiet it under her pillow.

"Don't make me put you over my knee, darlin!", I kept going.

Then I said in my own voice, "Hey, this is getting fun!"

"Oh god, he's liking it now…", she giggled, "If you don't stop it, I'm gonna make Katie call you PA !"

"Oh NO!", I laughed, "And I could call her young'un !"

I tried to keep my mind laughing…even though I knew tomorrow would be pure hell for me.

Bella had told me over and over again, usually in the middle of the night, after I awoke from another Victoria induced nightmare, that it was alright and Victoria was gone forever, and could never come back to reach Katie or me. My mind knew that but as soon as I closed my eyes, she was there, and I was in her clutches again. I tried to dream of Bella and Katie, doing fun things together, enjoying our lives in peace. But it would never come. Victoria was always there, just waiting for me to fall so she could have one more lesson to teach me. She was enraged that I'd left her, and even more pissed off that Bella had killed her. It felt so real. My dreams became memories, as if they really happened. I wasn't given the luxury of forgetting those images and feelings once my eyes were open.

I know it, even if Bella doesn't. Victoria is still here. Victoria still owns me. I'm still not free. I don't feel safe. And I know Katie is not safe either. Bella is not safe. None of us are. I need Dr. Bella and she's not here either. I can't talk to a stranger about any of this, we're in the witness protection program. I don't trust anyone around here even if we weren't. I would love to hear her saying, "Edward – session ten. Hi Edward!"

I feel so lost already, one month into this. And now Katie is going to school in one direction and I'm going off in another direction. I hate this. If anything ever happened to Katie, I couldn't go on living.

Bella did get up with the alarm clock before Katie woke up. I think I may have gotten ten minutes of uninterrupted sleep so I was fresh as a daisy.

Katie was dancing around the second she woke up, so giddy about going to school today.

I did enjoy seeing her so excited but when I went into her room to help her get her outfit on, I was properly chastised and escorted out. She was too old for me to help her get dressed. Grab knife, yank it out of my heart. We used to have so much fun getting ready for the day together, I can still remember it. She used to spike my hair up with her little hands and we would brush our teeth together. It was magical. And it's already gone.

"I'll help her out.", Angela offered, not noticing the giant hole in my chest as we passed each other in the hallway.

"Just because I'm not a woman…", I grumbled, "I miss out on helping her with her new outfit…"

I don't remember my sex coming into any other area of our lives before.

Then I figured out why Angela was in Katie's room with her. Bella is in the kitchen making breakfast. There have been quite a few fun episodes in this kitchen, now that two women lived here and were used to doing all the cooking. Nights were divided up so it was clear who made dinner on what night of the week. I hardly got to cook ever anymore and I did miss making Bella and Katie something good to eat. Maybe I can pencil my name in here and there when no one's looking. I wonder what Angela would do if she caught me in the kitchen with no shirt on, cooking my special omelets for my girls. I chuckled at the thought of her expression. Yes, will definitely HAVE to do that soon.

Then right away I thought better of it. No, I couldn't rub it in Angela's face that I was half naked around Bella. After all, I was Tanya's husband. And Ben and Angela have been so great accepting Bella into the family.

At first, Bella was going to live separately from us. She almost insisted on it so I could have quality time with Katie. But when they saw my face and heard the whole story of what Bella had gone through for me, to get me back to them, they told Bella she was going nowhere. They took me back in also, never once bringing up my time with Victoria, or what I had done. I don't deserve them.

Katie would never hear those stories, but we did sit her down and all talk to her about Bella. I was amazed at how easy it was, asking her to understand at such a young age. She loved the idea of new people living in the house with us and she grew attached to Bella very quickly. I never knew Bella was so great with kids, but I should have guessed it. Bella told me privately that maybe later Katie and her would have problems. She was prepared for that, she said in time Katie might grow to resent her cutting in on her Daddy time or moving in on her mother's territory.

She didn't understand, though. Katie never really had a full time mother who was always around. Tanya meant well but she was always out trying to make things up to me, trying to earn back what Carlisle had taken away from me when I married her. I would give anything to go back and tell her that I understood now and how sorry I was for not understanding then. I wished I could tell her how sorry I was. I can't even visit her grave now because Victoria's or James' family or goons might be watching.

That was another fun thing on my horizon: testifying in court about all that happened to me – and what I'd seen Victoria do, including the murder of that boy, Jasper's brother. I wondered if I'd seen him again in court. I did miss him and Emmett. They had been my only friends a month ago. And now I'd probably never see them again.

This really is forever. Living here in Wyoming, no neighbors around for a mile. I always dreamed of showing Katie the world and finally having a chance to go wherever I wanted once I was free, if it ever happened. I guess I could forget about all that. God, what if after living here long enough, I really DID start talking like the rest of them?

I shuddered and came up behind Bella as she scrambled eggs. I let my arms curl around her, smelling her hair and then all my gripes about what is or isn't all melted away. Bella is here. Katie is here. My world is here. And I'm going to love it, even if it kills me.

"Who are you and why are you cooking eggs in my kitchen?", I teased her with my sexy voice.

"I'm Ben's girlfriend, so don't touch me.", she retorted quickly, making me laugh.

"Kinky.", I wrinkled my nose, imagining -no, I can't imagine that.

"Stop doing that, old man coming in.", Ben announced as he sauntered slowly into the kitchen, taking his seat at the table with his paper.

"We weren't doing anything.", I defended us, still a little unsure when it came to Tanya's parents. I almost felt like I was cheating with Bella right in their faces.

Bella shot me an annoyed look as she put a cup of coffee in front of Ben, whose face was hidden by the newspaper.

What? I mouthed to her, shrugging my shoulders.

But she went back to making the eggs, waving a hand at me as if to say shut up.

Damn. No one likes me today.

"There's a newspaper in this town?", I tried to read the headline, "What's the big story, cow tippers running amok ?"

I was the only one who laughed at my joke.

"No, Edward, but you know what?", Ben asked, "There's no murders, no rapes, no kidnapping…no terrorist activity…this is the best paper I've ever read."

"You GO BEN!", Bella spun around towards him and gave him a high five.

"Am I in the twilight zone?", I flopped down at the table, looking around, "No one ever asked that in one single episode…but they knew…they were in the twilight zone…"

I never heard Bella say YOU GO to anyone. Now her and Ben are BFF's. High fiving each other. Are there any bars in this town?

"Here you guys go.", Bella was serving plates of eggs with toast and bacon on them to Ben and myself.

"Hurry up, Edward, you've got to get dressed and be out there in 20 minutes.", Bella reminded.

"Well, aren't you the little timekeeper?", I cracked, slamming my fork into my scrambled eggs and getting a bite.

"Can't wait to hear what this job is all about.", Ben put his paper down and looked at me as if trying to read me.

"Ever hear of cow jerking Ben?", I asked sarcastically but Bella cut me off.

""Uh, Ben, what do you guys have planned out for today?", she asked over my question.

"Oh, I thought we'd go into town and look around some more.", Ben was still looking at me as if trying to read my mind.

"Look around town?", I asked, "There are two stores. A shoe store and a store with everything else in it."

The Sierra Trading Post I think it was called. Trading Post. God !

"Oh, look at that, Edward's all done!", Bella yanked me up and spun me around, back towards my room, "Go get dressed – you know what to wear."

"Bella…", I started to complain.

"Anthony Masen", she shot me with that look, "Go put your town clothes on, you want to look like the other little boys today so they don't tie you to a bull or something!"

"Town clothes…", I muttered, going reluctantly to my room where my cowboy clothes waited for me. I am NOT wearing the hat. I don't care what she says.

Our first trip into town we all got some new clothes. Bella had also found me a nice black cowboy hat. Katie forced us all to get dressed in our new clothes when we got home and Bella took pictures of us all standing in front of our new home. Yes, there was a picture of me wearing the hat, only because Katie made me put it on.

In short, we looked like the cast of Little House on the Prairie.

I haven't worn those clothes since. But now I'd have to put them back on. And wear them in front of REAL cowboys. Someone kill me.

I went with the least horrible shirt, a white and black flannel shirt, black jeans, my black cowboy boots, and I put the black hat on the made bed, hoping if I stared at it long enough it would vanish.

I could hear Victoria laughing in the back corners of my mind, she loved to mock me.

_God, you look fucking stupid_, she'd most likely say to me.

Fuck her – I don't give a damn what you think, Victoria. You're fucking dead so leave me alone !

I looked at myself in the full length mirror on the back of my bedroom door and right away I FELT stupid. My hair is too bright, my face is too…I don't LOOK like a cowboy. I should've let some stubble grow on my face. But it was baby smooth. I look like I haven't done a lick of work in my lifetime. Those guys were going to eat me alive.

Bella tapped on the door and peeked her head in.

"You decent?", she asked with a smile, looking disappointed to see me all dressed.

"Katie's all dressed, you have to see her!", Bella enthused, leading the way as I automatically followed her out.

As dumb as I felt dressed this way, I knew Katie would look adorable no matter what she was wearing.

When I got to the kitchen, she was standing there, beaming, so exhilarated to be going to school today. I wondered how long that feeling would last.

She was wearing a little denim skirt, light tan cowgirl boots, a white blouse and a cute little hot pink vest, suede, with fringes hanging down from the edges…and to complete the whole ensemble, there was a little white cowgirl hat on her head, hiding a bit of that fire red hair. It was in two ponytails that were tightly braided on both sides.

"Wow.", I said as she looked up at me, "You look INCREDIBLE!"

I took her little hands in mine and twirled her around so I could see every inch of the outfit.

"You look good too, Daddy.", she surveyed me now, "But where's your hat?"

"It's around.", I shrugged.

"Here it is.", Bella plunked it on top of my head from behind me, half covering my eyes with it.

Katie laughed at that so I smiled too, adjusting the damn hat so I could at least see.

"Pull it down Daddy, like this.", she reached up as I bent down to her. She tipped the hat down a bit, and added, "It looks better this way."

"Yea?", I asked, trusting her judgement, "Okay."

She moved the sides of my hair a little to tuck into the hat and when I straightened up, looking in the mirror near the front door, I had to admit it wasn't as bad as I thought. At least the hat hid my hair for the most part.

"Now, Katie, don't forget, your name is Katie MASEN now, not Cullen.", I heard Angela reminding my daughter and my heart sank a little. I did this to them. I should stop whining about this whole situation and try to embrace it. No one else is complaining, just me…and it's all my fault we're here in this.

My daughter can't even use her last name.

"Hey Tony!", Bella came up behind me again, right on cue to wake me out of my morose state.

"Here's your lunchbox.", she handed a black metal box with a handle on it to me and I smiled when I saw ANTHONY MASEN written in white across the top of it.

"Everytime you call me Tony," I smirked at her, "There's one more whack added to your next spanking."

I said it low so only she could hear me and she actually looked delighted at that statement. Katie was sitting down to eat breakfast; Ben and Angela were fussing over her, getting her things ready for school. Angela was writing Katie Masen on her little lavender backpack.

"Tease.", Bella commented, stepping back to assess me.

"I feel so stupid in this getup…", I put myself down before she could, "I don't feel like myself."

"You look hot.", she put her arms around me and nuzzled my nose with hers.

"Great, hot.", I looked up, "The guys will love that."

"You know where to go?", she changed the subject.

"Yes.", I said slowly, "Right outside the door, down the walkway, by the road?"

"Very good.", she placed a small kiss on my lips, "So smart. You'll be fine baby. Relax. Just be yourself. The other boys will LOVE you."

"Why do I feel like I'm five?" I asked loudly enough for everyone to hear.

"Be nice to everyone Dad…and they'll be nice to you!", Katie gave me some advice for my first day.

"Yea and if you see a bull, don't show fear!", Ben pointed his fork at me, his thick glasses making his eyes look large, "Stand your ground and don't run!"

"Thank you Ben.", I deadpanned in response.

"It's good advice.", Bella tilted her head a bit as she gazed up at me, "Stand your ground…and don't run."

"If I could do THAT we'd still be in New York.", I said back, erasing her smile.

"And how would you feel if Katie were going to school today in New York?" she asked, raising a brow.

"Got it.", I put a hand on my stomach, feeling it tighten up.

"Come kiss your daughter goodbye.", she pulled me by my hands towards the table and now I felt even sicker.

"Bella, I can't do this…", I whispered to her under my breath.

"The first day is always the hardest.", she said, not lowering her voice at all, "But like you said, I am to shove you out the door if necessary."

"Kiss Daddy.", Bella announced as she delivered me to Katie's side. Katie put her fork down and reached up to put her arms around my neck. Our hats blocked us from getting too close at first and I grumbled about that.

"Damn hats, I can't even kiss my little girl!", I muttered, turning my head so my hat was out of the way so I could kiss her little syrup lips.

"Mmm, pancakes huh?", I smiled at her.

"Waffles!", Katie, Ben, and Angela all said at once.

"Pardon, Ma'am.", I used my bad accent again. I made Katie laugh and I was pleased about that at least.

"DADDY WAIT!", Katie turned, "Come here!"

Then Katie took a toothpick from a little glass holder in the center of the table and placed it at the corner of my mouth.

"There, hold it with your teeth!", she instructed, "That looks good!"

"Thanks.", I took it out for a second and squatted down to face her at eye level, "Katie, listen…be very careful out there…and…if you see anyone who looks strange or…not right…then go straight to your teacher and tell him right away…DON'T EVER go anywhere with ANYONE no matter what they say…"

"Anthony…", Bella rubbed her hand on my back, "You're gonna be late, babe."

I feel like I'm going to throw up. What if they get her? What if she disappears and I never see her again?

Katie nodded while I was warning her but she didn't look afraid at all. Was I trying to scare her?

"Do you want me to go with you today?", I asked her, hardly able to breathe, "Cause I will."

"No Daddy, you have work!", Katie looked appalled by my idea of going with her, "And I'm not a baby, I can go alone!"

God, she's so much tougher than I am.

"That's right Daddy.", Bella yanked me up by my shirt and re handed me the damn lunchbox, "Play nice with the other boys and don't tip the cows."

"Bella, please don't make me do this…", I almost begged and I felt my eyes clouding with unshed tears. God, I'm such a big baby.

"I love you Edward, but you'll thank me for this later.", Bella was ushering me to the door and I felt like the air was leaving my lungs.

Then she whispered to me, "Just this once, tonight, if you want, Dr. Bella will talk to you."

"Really?", I felt a little hope returning to my soul.

"Yes.", she looked down, "I can't say that I can counsel you, but I'm always here to listen…and do what I can to make this easier for you. I hate that you look so scared. Don't be afraid. Everything is fine. You're going to work today, outside in the clean air…in the sun. I love that!"

I wanted to feel the same way. But I still felt ill.

"I love you.", she whispered to me, hugging me tight, "And I'm shoving you out the door now. Have a good day sweetie."

And she pushed me out, closing and locking the door behind me.

I took a deep breath and told myself that I had to play my part now. I've played a cowboy before, although not a real one, a half naked, dancing one. I thought my days of putting on masks was over. Maybe life is just wearing one mask after another.

I'm Anthony Masen. Former New Yorker who moved out here for a simpler life, a better life for my daughter. No one here knew I was a whore. Would it show? Would they sense something off about me, even if I didn't tell anyone? Could I really do a man's work like them, or would I be the weakling of the herd?

I swallowed thickly and made my feet move me to the road. I even walked away from the house a bit, hoping it would calm me down a little.

Before I wanted to, I heard an engine coming from behind me. I turned, squinting as a beat up truck ambled up and slowed to a stop.

"You Masen?", the driver asked. I could only see his giant cowboy hat and nodded mutely.

"Climb aboard.", he thumbed back behind him.

I went around to the back of the white truck and saw a huge black cage like thing with no roof on it - on the back of the truck, like a metal pen that held about ten other guys inside. One of the men opened a piece of the cage to let me in. I had to climb up a bit to get there and I made it without too much effort.

"Hi.", I greeted the guy who'd let me in as I closed the cage door behind me.

"Hey, howyoudoin?", the man asked, shaking my hand, "I'm Bob."

"Ed-Anthony Masen.", I corrected, hoping he didn't hear the Ed part.

Bob looked like a nice guy, brown hair down to his shoulders and a mustache, a white cowboy hat perched on the back of his head. He also wore a shirt like mine, only it was red and gray plaid. He wore jeans that looked very worn at the knees I noticed when we sat down side by side, the truck chugging off abruptly.

"Nice to know you Anthony.", Bob said, thankfully not calling me Tony.

I tried to smile back at him…but all I could see was the house, getting smaller and smaller as we drove away…I couldn't fake my feelings for once. I was terrified for Katie.

Be safe, Katie. I prayed in my mind, willing her to hear me somehow. Come back to me. Have a great day, angel.

"Hey!", Bob nudged me and held a thermos in front of me, "Want some Ant?"

Ant? Maybe I was wrong. Tony wasn't the worst thing I could be called.

"What is it?", I tried to see inside it.

"Cow piss.", he said and I looked at him in shock while he laughed.

"Coffee, what else?", he nudged me again and gave it to me, "City boys…you guys crack me up!"

"How do you know I'm a city boy?", I wondered aloud, taking a little sip of the coffee, hoping we didn't hit a pothole and it would cover me completely.

"You have that look.", Bob shared, "The clothes are right but you have that scared look in your eyes. Don't worry, it'll pass. Before you know it, you'll be one of us."

I looked at all of them, tired looking, some asleep, all wearing cowboy hats and plaid shirts. Is this really what I was destined to become after all I've been through? One of the herd? I knew it was wrong but the thought stabbed at me like a blade – I used to stand out, I used to be one of a kind.

Shut up, EDWARD! I told myself before I could even complete the thought. You were a nasty whore and there was nothing special about you! This is a good life, an honest life, stop BITCHING like a girl! This is what you wanted, to be free! To be with Katie and Bella. Just because it wasn't wrapped in a perfect package doesn't make it any less a miracle. If you shovel cow shit today, you'd better do it with a big smile on your face and welcome the day you won't have to strip naked before starting your workday!

"By the way, what job is this anyway?", I asked Bob, hoping to finally end the mystery.

"You don't know?", he looked surprised as I shook my head.

"Rodeo.", was all he said, smiling with pride.

End of Chapter 1

Poor Edward is having a rough start of it, huh? Maybe Dr. Bella can help. What do you think?

See next chapter soon!


	2. Square Peg

Hey guys ! WOW! Thanks for all the love and feedback so soon! I must admit, I was a little nervous to do a sequel. I don't want to disappoint anyone who loved Red Line so much, and I felt maybe this sequel would not be as good as the first part, as Edward is no longer in the sex business. But if you guys know me, and it sounds like you do, I will try to stuff as much sexy goodness in here as I can. It really touches me that you all love these guys as much as I do, and even though I waited awhile to write this, I knew I had to do it.

In the past, there was some feedback that took a toll on me and was a bit hurtful. I'm glad to say I'm over all that now. I'm stronger as a writer because of that and proud to say that I don't care what the haters have to say. I am writing this for me – and for those of you, all of you who appreciate it. So thanks.

Also, I mean no ill will against anyone from the south with or without an accent so please don't take any offense. If you want to be offended, wait a little while. I'll offend you with something really wicked, believe me. LOL. Yea, I know that opening dream sequence was a little rough. I watered it down, believe me. And I agree that Edward is being a crybaby right now. There are reasons. Don't forget, he has a lot of demons still and even though everyone else seems fine, he is not. He is still afraid, still a prisoner in his own head. Moving doesn't change that. So please try and bear with negativeward during this little journey. I'm sure with all the love and support he has now, that he will get better…in time.

And I did some research on rodeos, (something I never saw myself doing), so bear with me a little on that. It will be cool.

Oh, and also…my favorite line of Edward's was about the cow jerking too…LOL

Okay, I guess I'm done ranting now…let's get back and see what's up in Wyoming…

Luv y'all ! LOL !

Chapter 2

EPOV

I hate Bob. Yep, it only took two minutes for that to happen.

"Boy, you're pale!", he observed right to my face, staring, "Where did you live before here? The moon?"

I grinned as he guffawed at his own lame joke.

No, I was locked in dungeons you moron.

"Just jerking your chain, Ant, don't fret!", he laughed a little more.

"I'll try not to…fret.", I looked away and rolled my eyes, holding the hat on my head as the truck sped up, making the wind whip around my head.

"So, what kind of work do you do at the rodeo?", I asked, squinting through the grayness. I really had no idea.

"I'm not going to be IN the rodeo, am I?", I probed further, "I don't know how to do ANY of that stuff!"

"Oh, no, you won't perform.", Bob took a big gulp of his coffee, "That takes years of training. There's even colleges that teach rodeo! You'll have to see where they put you. Most times, if you're brand new, they'll have you tending the horses. If you work real hard, and learn fast, you can move up to taking care of the BULLS!"

"Oooh, advancement.", I mumbled to myself, picturing it. A two thousand pound bull chasing me as I ran clutching his food dish, the fucking horns almost up my ass.

I like the idea of the horses. Maybe they have a pony area I could start in.

It didn't take long for us to arrive and I was glad. I was looking forward to ditching Bob.

The truck passed a huge and empty parking lot, then passed by the arenas where the bleachers and big round pens stood, also looking rather empty at the moment.

A few people were milling around, most of them with cowboy hats perched on their heads. I didn't see any horses or bulls at all.

Bob was watching me closely and informed, "Stables are around behind everything."

Oh, okay. I would be working behind the scenes. That made me relax a bit. I couldn't hide from the world if I was in the middle of the stage being chased by bulls.

I was impressed with how the outsides of the stable looked. It wasn't old or broken down like most things I saw out here. It was modern and white with a perfect gray roof and a huge emerald field of grass in front of it, strong fences surrounding the perfect lawns.

"That's where the horses just graze and relax.", Bob pointed there, teaching me, "There are other pens back there where the horses run and get their exercise."

I nodded and felt myself smile at how beautiful it was back here. The sun was starting to come up and glow orange warmth all over everything. It struck me that usually at this hour, I was dead to the world, asleep, exhausted from being awake all night "working."

I felt cheated that I couldn't remember seeing a sunrise before. It was so…I don't know…but suddenly I felt different, saved…clean…good. It's like something heavenly was looking right through me…and where I'd usually feel cheap and dirty, for a split second, that was gone.

"You okay, Ant?", Bob slapped my back and I blinked back the wetness starting to form at the edges of my eyes. I couldn't dare cry here, in front of the cowboys. I'd never hear the end of it. This was nowhere to get in touch with my emotions.

"Yea, I'm good.", I said, feeling the grumpy old man in my soul disappearing.

"Don't worry, you'll love this.", Bob smiled at me as the truck slowed to a stop.

Okay, maybe I was too harsh hating Bob so soon.

Everyone here, in this sweet little town called Casper, seemed like nice, decent family people. I know the problem is ME, not them. I'm like a square peg and all the holes here are round.

It was easy to see when we first moved here that the landscape was something that seemed to arise out of my dreams. Green as far as the eye could see, fields that reached out to eternity, trees so tall and strong that you couldn't see the tops of them. The air was so clean, I could FEEL it when I inhaled. My lungs took a few days to get used to it.

You could drive down the roads here and pass by mountains, red clay giants that, once the sunset shone against them, you couldn't pull your eyes away even if you wanted to. Any moment it seemed possible that an Indian chief would come charging out to the cliff edge on his painted war horse, chanting and singing.

And when the sun went down, this amazing peace seemed to glow everywhere. The skies were filled with so many colors, I couldn't even do it justice to talk about it. The moon was always in full view and you could see it easily from anywhere around here. You didn't have to peer through a little apartment window and twist upwards to get a glimpse of it. It seemed closer here. I could walk outside our front door and there it would be, right above a majestic set of purplish, jagged hills in the distance. I loved standing out there, just looking at it. It was magical. It made me feel safe, even though I knew I wasn't. Another deceptive goddess.

Everyone we met when we first went into town seemed to be expecting us, they all knew we were the new city people who moved here, and they all went on and on about what a nice place this was to live and raise a family. We couldn't tell them much about us or our past, and all we did tell them were lies and half truths. I felt like I was still pretending, still hiding.

And most of all, I felt, deep down, that Bella didn't want anyone to know what I was…I think she is ashamed of my past and wants me to just leave it behind, as if it never happened. I wish I could do that. For her…for Katie, I would. But I don't know how to stop thinking about it, to stop remembering it…to stop being so afraid and such a weakling. They deserve more than me. And I know it.

Ben and Angela, Bella and Katie, seemed to belong here, seemed to embrace everything here so easily. But I feel out of place here. This town is too sweet…too wonderful. I feel even more repulsive as I walk down the little quaint streets, looking at all the happy people wandering around. Something in my head keeps telling me that I don't deserve to be here, that everyone knows what I am, as if I reeked of smoke and dark clubs and body oil and sex. It's only a matter of time before I'm discovered and driven out of here by hooded villagers with pitchforks.

What if Katie finds out? What if the trial details come out somehow? What if all the kids are talking about it someday and she hears all the things I've done? What if Bella meets some decent cowboy type and decides my past is just too much to bear? In reality, Bella and I just met over two months ago! She's so young, what if she decides she's too young to play mother to Katie? What if she wants something lighter, more fun in a relationship? My stomach hurts.

Even in the middle of all these negative thoughts, something in me kept trying to keep hope alive, even know as I stared at the stables.

Maybe, somehow, I could fit in HERE. Animals aren't like people. They don't judge you or make you feel unwanted.

Bob opened up the cage again to let us out of the truck bed and we all leapt off one by one. Everyone else knew where they were going, straight towards the front door where the single word STABLE was etched into the wood above it.

I followed the crowd, hoping someone would know what to do with me once inside. Thankfully, the second we stepped in, Bob called to me.

"Come on, Ant, I'll introduce you around.", Bob put his arm around my shoulder and I tensed the second it happened, before I could stop myself.

"Sorry.", I felt my cheeks get red hot as I swallowed thickly. Sir Kevin popped into my mind for a split second along with several memories of him that I wished would die forever. Maybe that's another reason I hid behind Katie all the time, and didn't push the issue when Bella took her own bedroom. I had no problem making her come, or touching her…but when she began to touch me…I felt panicked and strange.

"No problem.", Bob gave me some space and didn't try to touch me again.

"Sharon!", Bob started calling as we entered. Everyone was going into a kitchen area and putting their lunchboxes into a huge silver refrigerator. There was plenty of room in there. Bob and I did the same as the others and then he waved for me to follow him out another door and down a long hallway.

"Sharon is in charge of the stable.", Bob said, "She loves these horses like they were her babies. So don't do a half assed job here, she'll kill ya."

"I'll do my best.", I promised, hoping I sounded as true as I felt.

"That's good enough for me.", he said, smiling, no hint of sarcasm in his voice.

We got to the stable area where the horses were, and again, I was impressed at how clean and new everything looked in here. I guess the rodeo makes good money.

Yes, there was the horse smell but I expected that. But everything in here was light colored wood and black iron, fluorescent white lights high overhead. The floor was gray cement and spotless. A hose was laying on the floor, running up the entire length of stalls, each one with a wooden door at the bottom and black metal bars on top.

"God, there's so many of them.", I said before I realized I was talking.

"Yea, about 60 horses here.", Bob put his hands on his hips, looking around, "And each one of them have their own little personality, too. They're show horses so they all have a little bit of a diva inside 'em."

We laughed for a second and then this little woman with a long white braid and a red baseball cap approached us. She wore no western wear, just a gray sweatshirt and matching sweatpants, sneakers. She was a little plump but you couldn't call her anything but cute. She had such happy eyes – that's the first thing I noticed about her.

God, did I always find SOMETHING attractive in EVERY single woman…or was that Victoria's training still in me?

"Ah, Sharon Booke, this is Anthony Masen.", Bob introduced us. I put my hand out to shake her hand but she opened her arms to embrace me ! I almost froze, unsure what to do about this. I knew I had to let her hug me, she was my boss, and before I had time to analyze myself, I just instinctively felt that you don't deny the boss lady anything.

"Nice to meet you, Anthony.", she said as she did so, and Bob cut her off.

"Anthony doesn't like that, hon.", Bob began to say, his hand touching her arms, gently moving them downward.

"Oh, no…", I shrugged, "It's alright."

And I quickly hugged her, patting her back a couple of times. It was a weak embrace and I knew it. Victoria would slap me across the face for doing such a half hearted job – and have me hug her again, properly, if she were here. And that went twice for anyone she wanted me to show affection to, not just herself. I was to make any stranger feel loved by me, at a second's notice. I became good at it after awhile.

Usually, I would give a woman like this a HUGE hug, so she could feel my embrace all the way down to her toes, and then I'd even give her a big kiss afterwards. I knew I wasn't at Fire anymore and that wouldn't go over very well. This was a nice little G rated town and I'd be sniffed out for being weird right away.

I glanced at Bob with a little bit of annoyance and I'm not sure why. He was just trying to make me feel comfortable. But again, the feeling was there that he was trying to hurt me somehow by his little gesture.

I used to be a great hugger. Women used to call me the sweetest man ever. But I don't want to be too affectionate to strangers – they might see right through me.

"Welcome, honey.", she beamed up at me as I straightened, "And aren't you CUTE?"

I couldn't help but laugh at that. I was relieved that I'd pleased her, as sick as I knew it was.

"He would be so perfect for Jenna.", Sharon looked at Bob and he nodded his head, assessing me even more now.

"Um, no…", I said quickly but politely, "I'm…spoken for."

"Tsk.", she clicked, "Too bad. But I'm not surprised, handsome as you are."

"Thank you though.", I was feeling uncomfortable now as they stared at me.

"Alright, enough matchmaking, let's get to work, huh?" she asked then said, "Bob will show you the ropes, listen and learn. And take good care of my horses, that's all I ask."

"I will, Sharon.", I assured her, already sure I didn't want to let her down.

"Good boy.", she said, not meaning any harm but the sound of those words turned my stomach upside down. I quickly got over it and followed Bob, waving goodbye to Sharon as she went in the other direction.

Was she mad at me? Did she not like me now?

"First thing we do is feed 'em all.", Bob announced, "And they all have a different diet, depending on their health and what vitamins they need. Sharon's organized it and each stall door has a plastic slide on it that tells you what to feed 'em and when. See?"

He pointed this out on the nearest stall where the back of a light brown horse was facing us. As we moved closer, the name on the stall said Kiss and Tell.

"When you feed one, you initial and put the time right here in this box, see?", he pointed out as I nodded, "That way no one else feeds 'em after you've done it."

And then for the next hour I was shown the grain, the pellets, the oats and corn. Then I was shown where to find the hay. I always thought hay was light but God, was I wrong! It's heavy as a bitch! Thank God I'm used to working out. I guess I don't have to worry that this town has no gym for me to exercise in.

I must've brought a million blocks of hay to Bob today. As soon as I placed a block or two down in front of a stall, he'd just say, "Two more, Masen. Hurry up."

"Why can't the fucking hay be close to the horses?", I muttered to myself as I went.

Finally, after my shirt was stuck to my back with perspiration, and I began to feel dizzy, Bob stopped asking for hay. Now it was time to deliver huge plastic bowlfuls of food to their rightful owners. Each bowl had a name magic markered on it's side, it wasn't hard to figure out. The tricky part was getting into the stall to give the horse his plate while he nearly attacked me to get his snout into the bowl before I could put it down.

"HEY!", I shouted at the third horse I delivered to, a cute white horse named Butterfly.

"Don't bite ME!", I jumped back, seeing her teeth near my hands, "EAT the FOOD !"

I tossed the bowl to the ground and spun around to leave the stall – but before I reached the door, I felt a strong, hard snout smack me in the ass – and toss me face first out of her stall. The only thing I was surprised at was there was no pile of shit there for my face to land in, the way my day was already going.

Edward vs. Butterfly: winner: Butterfly. I am so pathetic. How am I gonna convince people that I'm this tough man's man – cowboy – when I couldn't get past a little thing like Butterfly for God's sake?

I could hear Bob laughing out there, then later, a few other voices were snickering along with him. I was getting pissed. I hate being laughed at, mocked. I usually endured humiliation everyday without even a whimper. But I thought I was past that part of my life now.

Bob was kind enough not to come over and help me up and I preferred that. I got right back to my task, hoping the other horses weren't so cheeky.

But they were worse. Butterfly was actually a playful little girl compared to some of the males! One horse named Krazee flat out pissed right on me when I entered his domain.

"They won't let me get in and put their food down!", I finally complained to Bob, "Is there some trick you're not telling me about or something?"

"City!", a voice from far away cried out, and more laughing ensued from the other side of the stables.

I frowned fully at Bob now, waiting.

"There's no tricks, Ant.", Bob tried to straighten his face, "The horses know you're new. I told ya, they have personalities too, all different. But all of them are hungry in the morning. They won't politely wait for you to come in and place the bowl down. You have to show em who's boss."

This sounded like good advice at first. But the more stalls I tried to enter, the more I was shoved around and snapped at. Bob said in time it would be better. I hoped so.

Next, every horse needed water. Thank God there was a hose and I didn't have to saunter down to a well or a pond to lug buckets of water back and forth. I snuck a peek around and when no one was looking I shot some nice cold water down my poor back. It was a September day, but a warm one, and I was already roasting. Whenever I glanced at the clock on the wall, it seemed like only ten minutes had gone by. Fuck! Time was dragging by like death!

"MASEN!", Bob called for me again and I kept forgetting that was ME. Bob must think I'm retarded when he calls me and I don't answer.

Bob handed me a pitchfork and shovel and grinned, saying, "Time to muck the stalls."

Then he smiles more and waits, staring at me. He's enjoying watching me squirm. Maybe he has the hots for that Sharon and he's jealous of me or something.

"What does that MEAN?", I asked, feeling even more stupid, hardly able to hide my contempt and frustration.

Other men were letting the horses out of their stalls, leading them to the open double doors at the end of the row, out to where a huge pen waited, only soil on the ground there, no grass. Those other men were getting on the horses, riding them around the circle.

"You don't ride, you said, right?", he asked.

"The horses?", I asked, confused, "No."

"When you can ride, you can help with the exercises outside.", Bob informed, "But for now, you shovel the shit. We've all been there before. New guy does all the crap work, unfortunately. Nothing personal."

No problem. I've done the crap work for the last six years of my life. I told myself I'd rather shovel horseshit then do what I used to do for Victoria.

Bob pushed a wheelbarrow up beside me and opened the first stall that read Bam Bam.

There were giant piles of horse poop here and there on the hay. I tried not to inhale or make a face.

"Scoop up the manure, put it in the wheelbarrow.", Bob talked like I was slow, "Any wet hay means it was urinated on. Wet hay goes in the wheelbarrow. Make it nice and clean, if you need more hay, well, you know where that is, doncha?"

I couldn't help the look my eyes gave him. I wanted him dead in that moment.

"Yea.", I sneered and squinted my eyes at the same time before I realized I was doing it.

"Kay.", Bob smiled, still as friendly as ever, "You do this side, I'll get the other."

"This side?", I realized I was about to muck about 30 stalls back to back – alone.

"Yep.", Bob informed, "Don't half ass this part, Sharon HATES bad muckers. Horses can get sick or infected if it's not clean in their stalls."

And now a sick feeling arose in my stomach again. I knew what it was. Fear of making the boss lady angry. Hey, I analyzed _myself_ that time.

"Muck YOU.", I mumbled to myself after I was sure Bob was out of earshot.

Then I started mocking Bob. "Oh, you're gonna LUV this, ANT! Don't FRET NONE!"

This seemed to make me smile a little and caused time to fly by faster, and it took my mind off my sore back and legs, the horse piss cologne I was soaked in and stuck with all day, and the intense heat just made my flannel shirt that much cozier. Isn't there an air conditioner in here?

I know it's wrong, especially with my past, but I want to claw every stitch of clothes off my body and hose myself down for a good hour. Right away, I was filled with shame. Maybe I was just a whore at heart, no matter what surroundings I was in. I was spoiled and lazy as hell. God, I'm weak. This is my new chance, the miracle I was praying for and GOT…and I was failing already. I'm glad Bella can't see me now.

I decided to try harder and stop thinking about my own discomfort. Do it for Katie and Bella, I kept telling myself.

About two hours later, just as I was almost finished with the 30th stall, I could hear the men and the horses coming back. Oh, great. I just got it all clean and here they come to fuck it all up again.

My hair was soaking wet, in my eyes. My hat was glued to my head and my nice leather cowboy boots were not only muddy, shitty, and disgusting now, but they were killing my feet. Every bone and muscle in my body is throbbing! And did I mention that I STANK like URINE?

In short, I was an inch away from bursting into tears. I looked at the clock and saw it was only 9:13am ! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I feel like I've been here for two weeks ! Katie just started school at 9. I wonder how she is. I swear, if any kid there hurts her feelings or teases her, I'll tear their face off !

Yea, Victoria, laugh your ass off, you bitch! I can hear you.

Bob came up behind me as I was fluffing the clean hay, covering the last bare corner.

"Good work, Masen, you're alright.", Bob assessed with a tinge of pride.

God, did that little compliment make me feel good. I almost launched myself into his arms.

"Yea?", I felt myself beaming, clutching the handle of my pitchfork to hold myself up.

"Yea, pretty good.", Bob said, "Just move a little quicker tomorrow, that's all."

My face fell. Move quicker? I might be in traction after today.

"Alright, break's over.", Bob snapped at me with his fingers, "Time to groom the horses."

BREAK? Did I black out and miss something? Did I just have a BREAK? Maybe he's talking about my fucking back ! And just like that, I hated Bob all over again. I decided then we'd be having a love hate relationship. He was my new Victoria.

I followed Bob like a mummy, feeling void and numb inside, my eyes staring ahead like two empty orbs. God, this walk is familiar. The only thing missing is my god damned LEASH!

We decided to start grooming Apollo, a male horse. Bob attached a leather strap to both sides of his head to hold him in place while we groomed him.

Bob started by showing me how to comb all the knots out of Apollo's tail. There were so many combs and brushes. Bob was fingering through the long black tail as if it were a beautiful head of woman's hair.

I really tried not to make a face. I hope I didn't.

Then he told me to take little strands of the tail hair one at a time and gently comb through each strand until the whole tail was done. And to stand to the side – NEVER behind the horse. I had no idea why and I didn't ask. I was past the point of curious banter with Bob at this point.

I learned the three different kinds of curry combs and what each was for. Bob let me do it but he stood back and instructed me. He had me start at Apollo's neck and just use nice circular motions. This I liked. The horse seemed to enjoy it too and I understood that. I, too, enjoy to have my hair played with or brushed…ugh, I'm comparing myself to the horse now. I need a lobotomy. I'll write to Santa tonight.

And funny, with Bob around, the horse seemed to behave himself. I wasn't fooled. This horse was one of the big assholes during feeding time today. I felt myself scowling at the back of the horse, thinking, I used to think horses were such sweet creatures, but now I know they're the sneakiest fuckers on earth!

I learned how to wash the horse's face with a wet sponge, cleaning around the eyes, wiping out the nostrils, which was very interesting by the way, and I learned how to lift the hooves and clean the dirt and little rocks out from under there. A couple of times I nearly got kicked in the face but I did as Bob said and kept a tight hold on the hoof until the horse relaxed, then it was easy to bring it up between my legs and do my job. And don't think for a second I wasn't terrified with the hoof of one of these guys right between MY legs, either. But no one kicked me in the balls, so I guess someone was watching over me for awhile.

And I learned how to find sweat marks on a horse and how to clean and brush them off the horse's coat. One thing about this rodeo, they wanted their horses clean and looking perfect, I guess because they were also performers in the show.

I saw what Bob meant about the horse's personalities as I groomed a good bunch of them. Some were sweet and gentle, even a little playful with me as I worked. And others were just rude, trying to give me a hard time, even making a little whinny or nickering sound, as if laughing at me sometimes.

One of them, Psycho was his name, even took a very steamy dump right on my legs as I brushed his ass! He got a great deal of pleasure out of that.

I guess I know now why you don't stand directly behind the horse.

"I don't like you.", I gritted at him as he tossed his head around with glee, hysterical.

"Dear Bob…", I grumbled to myself as I took the hose and turned it onto my own legs, "It was nice working with you…but I'm sorry to inform you that I'm suddenly allergic to horses…"

And as the cold water soothed me and half erased the manure stink, I knew it was just a pipe dream. I couldn't quit. This was what the police assigned me. I was stuck here, being the horses' bitch.

I held back a little sob as I realized that. God, I'm such a girl! I tried to remember my old ways and suck it up, take it in silence and put on a happy face. I wish there was someone mean around here who would tell me off and order me to get to work. I could deal with that.

After I was done hosing myself off, soaking wet from the waist down, Bob appeared.

Great !

"Masen, the horse gets a bath, not you!", he chuckled good naturedly.

I glared at him again and was about to go off when I forced Victoria into my mind.

"You useless little BITCH!", she hollered at me, slapping my face, "You SUCK! Clean up this mess and stop looking at me that way!"

I cast my eyes downward and breathed in relief.

"I'm sorry Bob.", I said, almost inaudibly, "I'll do better. I'll clean it up."

"It's okay, Ant.", he smiled, "It happens. You okay?"

"Yes, Bob, I'm fine.", I replied with all the warmth of a robot.

"If you're hot, you're allowed to take your shirt off.", Bob was guessing my dilemma.

No I can't, I thought silently, my eyes on the hay below me, I'm covered with scars – lash marks from Raven's whip. They had healed somewhat, but they were not going to go away. I can hardly take my shirt off in front of Bella. And I can NEVER do it around Katie. We went swimming in a pond three days after we moved here and I had to wear a t shirt in the water. I felt like such a fool.

"I'm not hot, I'm fine.", I said, still using my submissive tones, praying he wouldn't figure out how I was coping.

"You're sweating!", Bob was about to take my hat off, seeing the wetness of my hair, and that's when I snapped.

"DON'T TOUCH ME !", I bellowed, my jaw so tight I thought it would break. I clenched my eyes shut, not wanting to see him put his hands on me.

I waited…and I didn't feel his hand touch me. I froze in that stance for about a minute as he said nothing and didn't move either.

Finally, he said, in the calmest voice I ever heard, "Sorry. That was my fault. I forgot. I'll let you finish up."

I felt something in me let go when he disappeared and I felt my vision blur. Great! Fucking tears again. What the hell is wrong with me? I want Dr. Bella NOW!

And it's only around 12! How many more hours do I have to be here? I wanted to run…to haul my ass as far away from here as I could. But where would I run to?

I blinked and felt wetness on my face. I ignored it and went about cleaning up Psycho's manure, and then, finishing his own bath so I could go get another horse and start the whole nightmare all over again.

Bob was probably out there now, spreading the word on what a pussy the new guy is. Not that I cared. I didn't want any of them to be my friends.

I kept peeking out, hoping Sharon wasn't going to come over here and fire me. I didn't know why but I really didn't want to disappoint her.

Katie must be having lunch now, I thought as I rinsed out Psycho's ass.

I hope she has someone nice to eat with…I hope she's making friends.

I led Psycho to his pen and backed out of it, not taking my eyes off him as I went, and closed his door, locking it with a metal bar that went down into the holes of the door.

"You've got the right name.", I commented now that I was safely on the other side of the bars. He just stared me down, daring me to make a move.

I was just about to go and open the next door, a horse named Scratch Me Not, when Bob shouted out from behind me.

"MASEN!", he called.

At this point, he'd now called me Masen so many times, I believed it was my real name.

"Yes ?", I turned to him, feeling my eyes move downward against my will.

"I'm up here, Ant.", he joked, motioning with his finger to his face.

I forced my eyes up, half apologizing with them as they looked into his happy, carefree face.

"That's better.", he grinned, "It's time for lunch."

I almost wept.

But on the outside I just said, "Oh, okay." I sounded void of any personality at all. I didn't even recognize myself.

I didn't know if there was some kind of lunchroom but I knew I didn't want to sit in there to eat next to other people. I was dirty and smelled of shit and piss. And I was still very wet.

"Uh, we can eat outside.", Bob waved me after him as I followed. I thought maybe he read my mind but maybe he was right. Maybe he had been through all this before, too, and understood.

"It's a nice day out.", he explained as he opened the fridge and handed me my own lunchbox, "And maybe if we eat fast enough we can take a dip in the lake out back."

That sounded so heavenly but then I realized I'd have to take a dip in my clothes. I still wanted to do it, though, but I knew the stories would be flying around about what a nerd I was. Why I cared I have no idea. Yea, I do. I crave approval. Bella told me that once.

I already started making up stories about how great my day was, something I could tell her when I got home. Katie would want to hear cute horse stories. I began to create in my mind as we walked out around back, behind all the fenced in pens and fields. Thankfully, there was not one single horse in sight.

Hi, I'm Edward Cullen and I hate horses. Oh God, Katie would murder me for even THINKING that!

The two of us walked out way away from the stables until we got close to this pretty little lake. The sun was full on above us now and I thought maybe it felt even HOTTER out here than it did in the stable.

Bob sat down on the grass and began taking off his workboots, his lunchbox to his left.

I just stood there, watching like an idiot. I didn't like this. We were far away from everyone else…what if he started taking off his shirt? Maybe I can make up an excuse and go back.

"Come on, Ant.", Bob took off his second shoe, then his sock, "I know your feet are sore."

"Yea.", I said, as if it should've been obvious.

"Hurry up, then," he smiled, "Lunch is only 40 minutes. Then we gotta feed the horses again."

Ugh. Didn't they just eat? It didn't seem that long ago that I was attacked about 30 times in a row.

Bob laughed at something my face must've done.

"It'll get better, Ant.", he assured, as if he knew, "Come relax. I won't bite."

I wanted to apologize. I wanted to confess everything and say 'I'm sorry I'm like this'. He had good intentions and was a good man and here I am acting like he's about to rape me because of something someone else did to me. One of these guys probably wouldn't touch a man in that way even if you held a gun to their noses.

I sat down at Bob's side, a little distance away so I didn't appear unsociable, and put my hands to my right boot, gently peeling it off my aching foot. I winced and clenched my face as it came loose and as I took a breath, Bob chuckled, "Felt like it might come right off in the boot, didn't it?"

I laughed at that, too, because that's exactly what I was afraid of.

"I feel like such a wimp.", I admitted, taking off my sock, "I had no idea horses could be so much work."

Bob made a snort and moved his feet in the water as he opened his lunchbox.

"It's a hell of a job.", he said, taking out a wrapped sandwich, "When I first started, I wanted to leave one hour in."

I clamped my mouth shut internally. I had wanted the same exact thing myself.

"But I kept at it.", Bob looked out into the water, "My family needed the money. There aren't many jobs I could step into around here. So I kept trying. Every day I got a little better at it. Every day I got a little closer to the horses, and they got used to me. Your body adjusts as you do this everyday. It'll get easier, in time."

I saw now that Bob and I had some things in common. That made me feel so much better. And now I carefully stuck my feet in the water.

"Uhhhh…", I heard myself moan out, my eyes closing as my head fell back a bit.

Bob chuckled and nodded, eating a bite of his sandwich.

He instructed me that this job could be easier if I knew a few things. First, no fancy leather cowboy boots. Work boots were best, or rubber ones. Second, dress in comfortable clothes. Bob told me I didn't have to dress up like a cowboy if I wasn't comfortable in it. T shirt, jeans, or even sweatpants were fine. Whatever I wanted. He told me to keep the hat, it would keep sun off your face, and shield your eyes from snow and wind as well.

I listened, opening up my box to see what my beautiful Bella had put in here for me.

Right away, I saw a little post it note looking up at me. It was pink and said, "Good luck today! I am SO proud of you Edward!"

That was Bella's handwriting. Then, below it, Katie squeezed in her own words.

"We love you Daddy.", it simply said.

I felt like such a piece of useless shit right then.

I heard Bob ask, "That is, if you're coming back tomorrow. Are you?"

I tried to answer but found my throat all choked up. I nodded my head and tried to smile at Bob. Then my voice came half way back.

"Yea.", I cleared my throat, "I will be here."

We ate in silence for a bit, and it didn't feel strange or awkward. I felt myself taking a deep breath, letting go of the last few hard hours, trying to start a clean slate after lunch.

I devoured my thick steak sandwich, the gravy from our leftovers the other night almost made me come right there next to Bob. I had never had a lunch break like this one before and I discovered that I liked it. I even got a little pudding pack, probably Katie's idea, and gulped down a very cool can of coke. That satisfied my sweet tooth, although I was still in search of a slurpee machine in this town and would not give up yet. I will find you !

I enjoyed my meal so much that I almost forgot what I smelled like. Then Bob was climbing into the lake, totally dressed in his shirt and jeans.

"Come on, Masen.", he waded out until he was up to his waist, "Ohhhh it's SO nice!"

I was glad no clothes were coming off and I followed his lead, going in up to my own waist.

"Ohh God yes!", I stretched my toes out below as I let the cool water erase all the day's disasters from my body. Bob dived in, his hat tossed aside on the grass, and when he erupted from beneath the water, he looked soaked but blissful.

I wasn't much of a diver, so I waded in until I was up to my neck and then I laid my head back and let my hair drown in the coldness.

I ran my hands through a few times and couldn't suppress my enjoyment of it all. I squatted and let my face dunk under a couple of times and sighed out loud, closing my eyes again.

"See?", Bob smirked, "You're fine."

"This was a great idea.", I said without any hesitation, then added, with utmost sincerity, "Thank you, Bob."

"Someone took me under their wing when I started…", he shared, moving his arms around him, "That's all I was trying to do for you…and…I'm sorry if I got too grabby with ya. I know that's a problem I have…"

"Oh God, no, Bob…", I heard myself stopping him, as I looked away, "It's not YOU…don't apologize. I have…issues. You were just trying to help me, I know that now. I'm sorry."

"Well, it's none of my business.", he said kindly, "But if you think I'm getting too touchy feely, you just say so, alright?"

I couldn't hide a smile. "Alright. Thanks."

"Alright Masen.", Bob grinned, "Race you to the other side !"

"Ugghhh!", I roared, watching him swim off as I began to swim, determined to win.

*End of Chapter Two*

See next chapter soon!

Love WinndSinger


	3. Paging Dr Frankencock !

Chapter 3

A/N:

Sue me, I got struck with inspiration today and wrote all day long. YAY for weekends!

Bella's POV:

I was on the way home as I stared at the lines of the road, thinking over everything that had happened in the last month. I wondered how my father was doing. I guess he went back to Forks but would he still be police chief? I hoped he was out of the hospital by now but I couldn't be sure. I kept wondering if he recovered well, or did he take a turn for the worse? I know hospitals can screw up. He could be dying now for all I know. I'm his only child. What if he needs me?

Shut up, Bella, he let you go, he knows how the witness protection program works. He wants you to be safe and happy, he'd understand.

Do I understand?

I would never regret being with Edward. I love him. But my heart still hurts when I think of my Dad. And I think of him a lot. I feel so guilty for leaving him the way I did. I know I had no choice but it still bothers me.

And Edward. He looked so afraid this morning, looking to me for some miraculous answer that I couldn't give him. I want to take his pain away, all of it. But I know I can't.

He wants me to be his Dr. Bella. I am so afraid to say the wrong thing, to counsel him in error. Not only is it his life but Katie's and mine that hang in the balance if I fail. But he wants only me to be his therapist.

He's just afraid to open up to someone new. He's chosen us to be in his little circle and no one else is allowed in, ever. He doesn't trust anyone, he doesn't seem to give anyone else a chance. Every time we meet someone nice around here, he finds some reason not to like them. It was a small miracle that he left the house today and allowed Katie to go to school. I think the only reason he did is because I got a little demanding with him this morning before he left. He responds to that and I hate it. I have to be so careful not to use that too much or go too far with it. I DON'T want to be his Dominatrix.

Well, it might be nice to tie him up and have my way with him once in awhile. UGH! My mind is so filthy these days. And I know why. Edward opened this door into a wonderful, sexy part of me…and I changed from shy little geek girl to a woman who was just discovering her wants and desires, dark as some of them may be. And now I feel like that's over or at least on hold for awhile. I love Katie but she's always there. I can hardly even kiss Edward when I want to. And when she's not there, Edward is afraid to be too loud or of waking Katie up. I think he's avoiding me.

Even last night, he touched me and I was so thrilled! Then as soon as I came once, he was off of me and said we should go to sleep. He won't tell me his nightmares. And that just hurts me more than I can say. It's like he's punishing me for not being Dr. Bella by closing off to me completely.

I know Victoria is in those dreams, and Katie…I can figure out what that means. But there's something more. Something he's not told me about. I know he needs to tell me but we don't get much of a chance to discuss adult things anymore.

I'm glad, as much as I know I can't really erase Edward's problems, that I'll have a session with him tonight as Dr. Bella. I know how he loves to hide during therapy, and that may never change. But I don't want any secrets between us. No matter how ugly his past may be, I want to know what eats at his heart. I have to know or I can't help heal it.

I say HELP because I know I can't heal his pain alone. He MUST have a good psychiatrist. I'm thinking a man might be better for him. I hope he'll listen to me and call someone, at least talk to them and see if he clicks with one of them.

I'm glad I have some good names and numbers to give him. I know nothing about this town's psychiatric care so I hope my counselor didn't steer me wrong.

All my worries and complaints aside, it was a very lovely day. Casper College is beautiful! The huge campus lawns and terraces around every building, the light tan exterior with glass and bright red piping, giving it a modern look. And how many colleges are nestled in the foothills of her town's mountains? Every window you look out of you can see them. It's like the rocks are protecting it, shielding it from the world.

In the information I read today about the college, I recall that there are 28 buildings on campus, on a total of about 20 acres of land. And I think there are about 5,000 students attending right now. And I also believe I know why they put us here in Casper, Wyoming. This college has the lowest tuition in the United States, because of some tax base Wyoming has, due to their exports: gas, oil, coal.

I can't complain, though. This is not some little country college. It has everything. Everything I need. It will take me longer to get where I want to, but I told myself to forget that. All that matters to me is being with Edward and Katie. They need me. And I need them. Everything else will work itself out. I really believe that. But we have to all work to make it happen. And that includes Edward.

I pulled into the driveway of our cute little house and felt a smile coming on. I never had a place of my own, I mean a house. I had to admit it was small and not filled with luxuries or fancy furniture, but I loved it. I can look around and see what it can be, and once this trial garbage is over I can help work too and we will be able to afford paint, curtains, and all the little things that make a house a home. I didn't mind waiting. The last thing I wanted to do was put pressure on Edward to earn this big living right away. He would have to get used to working a regular job. I will try to be patient I said again to myself.

I do try but sometimes it is so hard, watching him struggle. And I can't really help him.

He can't find all his successes in ME. He already acts like I'm a superwoman but I'm not. I'm a college student he happens to be in love with, one who stumbled on an escape route for him.

The truth is, I got lucky with the whole Victoria situation. Our friends and family helped us…and we squeaked out of it all by the skin of our teeth. My Dad was maimed for us. Our friends risked their lives. If not for them, we'd be dead now…or worse, owned by Raven somewhere enduring daily sexual torture together. I shuddered just remembering it, when I was chained up and whipped by those parasites. Edward is the reason I got through it at all. He was nose to nose with me, making me look into his eyes, taking the bulk of the pain for himself to spare me from it.

And if I am disturbed by my one little experience, I can imagine how Edward feels all the time. He covers it up, smiling, saying he's fine. I know he's not. The thing I need to do now is get him to admit it.

I turned off my engine and picked up my books, walking up to the front door with keys in hand. I couldn't wait to hear how Katie's day had been. I knew it would take my mind off some of the big things off my mind for a little while. I went inside and found Katie, Ben, and Angela at the round kitchen table. There was a nice stack of paperwork there, waiting to be filled out. I remember my Dad grumbling about all the forms he had to fill out for me on my first day of school every year. I almost laughed, picturing his face.

"Hi Bella!", Angela smiled at me and Katie looked up from what she was writing, her face beaming with excitement.

"BELLA!", Katie came running up to me, "I was in school today!"

"I know!", I laughed as Ben and Angela chuckled from their seats.

"How was it?", I asked enthusiastically, already sensing she had a great time.

"IT was SOOO cool!", she gushed, taking my hand and slowly leading me back to the table, "My teacher is the NICEST person! Her name is Miss Betty! She was telling us ghost stories! Do you know there are a lot of ghosts in Casper?"

"There are?", I asked, sitting down as she stood in front of me, "I hope they're all _friendly_ ghosts."

Ben grinned at me, getting my little joke, but it went right over Katie's head. I don't think Casper the ghost is on TV anymore. How sad.

"No!", her eyes went wide, "Some of them are bad !"

"Really?", I asked with a grin, "What do the bad ones do?"

And she told me a few juicy ghost stories. I had to admit I loved them. I prayed she wouldn't tell Edward too many of them though. I'm already trying to exorcise Victoria's ghost from his life. I didn't need new ones to battle.

For a split second I checked my conscience to see if I felt any guilt about setting fire to that bitch. I hadn't felt any at all since the moment I'd done it. And now? Nope. Still not guilty. I wonder what that says about ME.

I used to think that there was no such thing as an evil person. I considered them disturbed, in need of help. Now I knew better. There are lots of evil people out there, men and women. Victoria was an evil dog who needed to be put down. I was glad I was the one to do it. But I was sad that it didn't erase the hold of fear she had over Edward. I was angry that she still found a way to torture him every night. I wanted to step into those dreams and take her fucking head off. But I can't do that. That is Edward's right…that is his journey…and once he takes it, he will be free of her someday.

"And did you know that Casper started out with a lot of Irish people in it?", Katie asked.

"No I didn't know that, either.", I replied, "You learned a lot today."

"Yea, and you know what else?", she finally sat down, telling me more about Casper, Wyoming, "We have a baseball team, the Casper Ghosts! Daddy will want to see them play, he loves baseball!"

"That will be GREAT for him.", I said, looking at Ben and he smiled, nodding his head at Katie, as if proud of her for finding Edward some much needed medicine.

"I'll check it out in the spring.", Ben made a little note on his post it pad. Ben loved to write notes. I guess because his memory's not what it used to be. It was cute, though, once I found a note on the toilet seat that said "The Mrs. Is going to the store today. If you need anything feminine, tell her."

I cracked up for over a half hour on that one. Anything feminine. I wanted to go nose to nose with him and say, "Do you mean FEMININE HYGINE products, Ben? Pads? Tampons?" But I chickened out. Even the thought of his face during my little scenario was enough to make me chuckle now if I needed to.

"Spring is so far away.", I sighed, "I wish we could find something fun for him to do now."

"He'll be alright, Bella.", Ben's gravely voice was like a gentle old bear's. It reminded me a little of Charlie's.

Katie was deep in thought about what else we could do to make Edward smile.

"Hey!", she lit up inside suddenly, "We're going to put on a play at Christmastime! My friend told me!"

"I KNOW he'll LOVE that.", I smiled at her cute little ivory face. I see Edward there so clearly…a happy, innocent Edward. One that was never touched by whips or chains or sick women.

"Definitely.", Ben agreed, scribbling down the words _Xmas Play_.

"POP POP!", Katie yelled, snatching his pencil away, crossing out the word XMAS. "That is TERRIBLE! You don't put an X – you spell it out!"

And she did. Only trouble was, now the entire post it was filled with her giant words.

I had to laugh at this look on Ben's face. He looked absolutely reprimanded. He liked to growl and look hard but when it came to Katie, he couldn't even raise his voice to her. I was thankful for that. I can imagine Edward if Ben liked to yell at his daughter all the time. It wouldn't be pretty.

"Sorry kiddo.", he nodded, knowing she was correct, "I was just trying to abbreviate. Not much room on these little pieces of paper."

I couldn't help laughing out loud. They were so cute together. It was easy to see their bond, although at first I never would guess that a little girl and a stubborn old man would have such a connection to each other.

"You need a bigger pad.", I teased and he looked up at me over his big glasses, as if daring me to go a little further. Then his little mouth tipped up at one side, giving him away again.

"YEA!", Katie tore off his post it note and wrote herself a new one, "That's what I'll get you for Christmas! A big BIG pad!"

"That would be great!", he said in complete agreement, "Make it a blue one!"

"Okay – BLUE!", she wrote that down too.

"There you go.", he peeled it off and gave it to her, "Save your money."

"I know.", she took it and went off to her room.

"You know you're passing your post it note addiction down to your granddaughter.", I informed, standing up to go get a cold drink from the refrigerator.

"Oh she loves it.", he snickered, coughing a little bit afterwards. I got him a glass of water and placed it down in front of him.

Angela was in the basement, where the washer and dryer was located. I could hear the metal door slam below me. There wasn't much that could happen in this house without everyone else hearing it.

I was pouring a glass of milk when the phone rang. Ben and I tensed at the same time, looking at each other in silence.

Let me explain.

First, we have a strange phone here. Since we're in the protection program, we aren't able to make or receive any calls except to two places, the police station and the doctor's office, if one of us gets sick. If we need to call anywhere else, we tell the officer at the police station and if he thinks it's alright, he'll connect us. We definitely can't call outside anywhere outside of Casper, that's a rule.

So if the phone is ringing now, it's either a police officer or the doctor calling to say hello. We both knew it was the police. Right away I thought of Charlie. I knew my paranoia was right. He was hurt!

"I've got it.", I heard my voice crack as I went to the little coffee table by the sofa and yanked it up, "Hello?"

Ben slowly came up beside me as I heard a man's voice on the other end.

"This is the Casper Police, Detective Robin here. How are you today?" he asked with a kind voice, as if he actually did care.

"We're fine – what happened?" I snapped back in response.

"Is Edward okay?", Ben asked behind me and right away I felt horrible. I didn't even think about him, I was so wrapped up worrying about my father.

"Is Edward okay?", I asked, more urgently now, picturing my baby with a gun in his face…what if they already found him? What if they already…killed him? And I pushed him out the door today! OH GOD !

"Calm down, calm down…", he assured, "Everyone is alright. I'm sorry if I startled you. But you have to realize not every call we make to you is going to be bad news, okay? We check in all the time, we even come over unannounced sometimes. It's for your own safety."

"He's okay.", I said to Ben and we both breathed again. I turned and saw Katie standing in her bedroom doorway, she was shaking. I waved her over and put my arm around her as I answered the detective.

"We aren't used to this.", I said to him, my voice a little stronger. I'm a cop's daughter and seen a lot of things but I've never been in the shoes of the people who go through it. My Dad had sheltered me a lot, I saw that now.

"I know and I'm sorry, Ma'am.", he said, his southern accent sounding very nice and old fashioned to me, "I know today was the first day you all ventured out your separate ways, so I thought I'd check on you."

"That's nice." I spoke exactly what I was thinking and felt a little smile form on my lips, "We're not used to the police thinking about how we're doing, you know. We're from New York, where the only time you see the police is when you're being arrested."

I tried to laugh but it came out so forced.

"Well, get used to it.", he sounded like he was smiling now, "This is Casper. We all know each other here, we all care about each other. You're one of us now, and we all stick together. So don't be afraid, alright?"

"Alright.", I played with one of Katie's braids, and she wasn't shaking anymore.

"One little thing I need to tell you.", he said and I tensed again.

"The marshals are coming over tomorrow night to talk to all of you.", he informed, "They check in sometimes too. Nothing to be worried about. They should be around after dinnertime, abouts."

"Oh, yea.", I shrugged, "Sure."

"Alright. You have yourself a good night now, Ma'am.", he said politely, and hung up.

"You too," I replied before he was gone.

I put the receiver down and they were both staring at me.

"Everything is fine.", I repeated, "We have to calm down and not freak out every time the phone rings. Edward is fine. Everyone is fine."

I saw Katie looking up at me and little tears were in her eyes.

"I thought Daddy was dead.", she said and then a second later burst out crying.

I instinctively sat on the arm of the sofa and held her close, her little sobs tearing my heart open. She even cried like her father did. I felt tears in my own eyes, too. Ben turned away, looking angry with nowhere to direct it.

"Shhh…", I gently took off her hat, touching her hair and kissing her bangs, "Nothing will take your Daddy away from you, nothing. He's with you now and he's staying with you. I'm sure you won't even get rid of him when you get old and married. He'll probably move right in with you guys…and go on the honeymoon too."

I hoped it would make her laugh but it didn't.

"I want my Daddy.", she said so small it crushed me. I looked at the clock and saw it wasn't even four yet. I doubted he'd be home that early.

"I'm going to get him.", Ben turned and was going to the door, taking my car keys off the hook on the wall.

"BEN!", I turned, "Come back here now! You are NOT going to get him! You don't even know where he went."

"I'll find out.", Ben went to the phone, about to call the police department again.

"STOP!", I put my hand on the receiver, stopping him, "Everyone calm down! If we go GET Edward now he'll never go back to work again! He'll be sitting next to Katie in her high school classes! Sit down Ben, please."

By now Angela was coming up and I thanked God to have her to help me with Ben.

"Angela, watch your husband.", I directed her as she put the laundry basket down, wondering what the hell was going on.

"Come here with me, Katie.", I took her into her bedroom, half closing the door. I sat on her bed and put her on my lap.

Here comes Dr. Bella. I hoped Edward wouldn't find out she was here for Katie before himself. I just had back to back sessions today, I'm swamped.

"Here, baby.", I gave her a tissue out of her little box next to her bed.

I let her take her time wiping her eyes and to take some deep breaths before talking to her. I didn't want to lecture her or tell her she was being silly for being afraid. Katie had been through some hard shit, too, not just Edward, and she also needed some counseling. I am just not good enough to do all this for everyone. I am going to insist Edward calls for someone first thing tomorrow. I don't care what he says.

"Tell me what's got you so upset, hon.", I began, allowing her to talk and get it out.

"I thought the bad people got Daddy.", she said simply, her voice so frail, her eyes down. Just like Edward's.

We had told her about the "bad people" so she'd understand why we had to move, and why our last names were different, why we couldn't say much about ourselves. It was hard to explain and I thought we'd done a fair job of it. Until now.

"No, baby, the bad people are far away from here.", I said and wondered if that was right to say. There were bad people everywhere. I didn't want to say she was totally safe – what if a stranger comes up to her tomorrow? This is so hard.

"They don't know where we are.", I said, more honestly, "They won't find us, I promise."

"I thought the police always caught the bad people.", she sounded confused, looking up at me.

"They try to.", I explained, playing with the fringes of her vest, "They want to. Sometimes it takes awhile to do that. So until they do, we're going to be country folks. We're going to fit in and make good friends, and wear the cowboys hats…so we don't attract the attention of the bad guys. Do you understand what I mean?"

"Like a disguise?", she asked. God, she's so smart for her age.

"Yea, like that.", I rocked her a little, "Like when Superman dresses up like Clark Kent, remember that movie?"

"Yea.", she smiled, "I like him as Clark Kent. He's funny."

"Yea, me too.", I admitted, "Clark is sweet."

"I would love to see Daddy dressed up like that.", she smiled more, giggling a little.

I giggled too. "So would I." I just pictured his hair all slicked down to one side, and him tripping over everything, wearing those big black glasses.

After she stopped giggling, a small pause rose up between us. I knew she was still worried, just like him, but I had to make her feel secure in some way.

"Daddy fought through a lot of bad people to get home to you.", I felt tears come to my eyes as I said it, "He was so brave but he did it for you, sweetie. He hates that we had to move away so far from everything, he blames himself. He would never want you sad or hurt in any way. But this is what we have to do so the bad people never bother us again. It won't be forever."

Katie's brow furrowed. "You mean we'll move again someday?"

"I don't know. Maybe.", I shrugged, "Do you want to?"

"No.", she put her hands on my hands that laid in her lap, "I love it here. Everyone is so nice. The whole class said they were my friends. No body screams when they see me anymore."

"Kids screamed at you?", I asked, not aware of this.

"When I was little.", she said without any pain, like it was a fact she'd gotten used to, "They said I was ugly and they were scared of me. They screamed when I tried to play with them. Then the nurses took me back to my room and said I couldn't play with the other kids anymore."

"Katie.", I felt a tear escape my eye now and run down my face. Those were the years her face was burned, during her surgeries. This little person had been through so much pain. Losing her mother, her father, her life almost. Being disfigured, having children scream at your appearance…and yet she's so brave she went to school as if she couldn't wait for it today. This girl is the meaning of strength.

I wiped it away before she could see it and I held her tighter, laying my chin on her shoulder.

"I think you're beautiful, Kate.", I whispered to her, "Those kids were stupid. You deserve all the friends in the world. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I wish I was there."

"Me too.", she hugged me back, "Bella?"

"Yea?"

"If the bad people do get my Daddy…", she took a heavy breath, "Will you leave too?"

Oh God, this poor little thing. I didn't realize she was thinking about all this for all this time.

"No Katie.", I said without hesitation, clinging her to me, "I'll never leave you. And neither will your Dad. He loves you. _**I **_love you."

This is the first time I've really said those words to her. And I felt bad about that.

"I love you too.", she whispered, and I rocked her some more as I held her.

After a few minutes of quiet, I spoke again.

"Now on a more serious note…", I cleared my throat, "Daddy needs our help now. Adjusting to this life is not going to be easy for him, either. He's no cowboy. _Yet_. Now, when Daddy is at work, you have me, you have Grandma and Pop Pop. And that is all the love in the world times THREE ! We have to let Daddy find his place here. Do you know what I mean?"

"Daddy's place is HERE.", she looked puzzled.

"That's true, but…", I thought as I spoke, "Daddies feel good if they can go to work everyday and if they like their work, it makes them happier. I know that whatever Daddy's job is, it's probably going to be very hard for him to get used to it or learn to love it. He loves you more than anything and if you call, he'll RUN to you. And that's good – if it's an emergency. But if it's not, I'm afraid he'll never want to leave your side ever if he thinks you need him more. You saw how he wanted to go to school with you today."

She didn't say anything. I hoped I was doing this right. I shouldn't be doing this.

"You have school and your new friends.", I pointed out, "Daddy will have work and have his new friends. And then at night and on the weekends, we'll all have family time together. I like it here, too. We have to help Daddy love it here also. Because we may have to be here for a long long time. And it's better if we all like it, don't you think?"

"Yea.", Katie replied, not adding much.

"What's the matter, Kate?", I asked, recognizing the avoidance her father loved so much.

"I don't like being without Daddy.", she said, right to the point, not the brilliant hider that Edward was when he was being counseled.

Katie…she was so afraid she would lose everyone all over again. I read once that what you fear the most is what's already happened to you. Now I understood that. I was also afraid to lose him again, too. I knew I couldn't go through that again, those days he was back with Victoria…those days my Dad didn't tell me what was going on with him. It was the worst kind of Hell.

"I don't either.", I said truthfully, "But he'll be home soon. I know you have a lot of time to make up with your Dad, and I understand. I would love to have him around all the time, too. But we have to keep being strong and do what's good for each other. It's hard for me to explain to you, but believe me, going to work everyday will be good for your Dad. He needs to. Just like you need to go to school."

Please let her understand and not get the wrong message from me, I prayed . Edward was one thing, but if I ever hurt Katie by saying the wrong thing, I could never forgive myself.

A little knock tapped on the door and I knew that was Angela. Ben's knocks were like angry soldiers about to break in.

"Yea?", I asked, wiping my eyes.

The door moved open more and Angela was there, smiling sweetly.

"Everything okay?", she asked, looking at me.

"I think so.", I looked at Katie's face and she looked at mine, "You okay?"

"Yea.", she sniffed, still holding her little damp tissue, "I guess I just needed a moment."

I almost laughed out loud as she hopped off me and left the room. Once she was out, Angela did laugh.

"I say that all the time.", she shared and I chuckled with her for a second.

"Did Ben tell you?", I asked her.

She nodded. "Yea.", she sounded a little mad, "Damn policemen, scaring us half to death."

I looked at her, feeling a little pissed that she lumped all police into that statement.

"Oh, I don't mean your father, dear.", she hugged me quickly, letting me go, "I'm sorry. I don't care for the police too much. Long, boring stories."

"It's okay.", I said, walking out of Katie's room, "Let's go see if Katie has any homework."

We went into the kitchen again, and Katie was seated at the table, opening her little purple bag.

"Any homework tonight?", I asked, moving my fingers through her bangs that hung in her bright blue eyes. I felt like I had a beautiful little piece of Edward with me right now, so it made missing him a little bit less terrible. I had been worrying about him all day long…and I was still worried. I was still shaken from thinking what I was thinking a few minutes ago. It reminded me how real this whole danger is…and how any second we could get a real phone call that would kill us all.

Ben was gone and I looked at Angela.

"Where's Ben?", I felt myself stiffen as if I was about to go on a mission to retrieve him.

"He's here.", Angela said quietly, "I hid the car keys. I think he just went out back to get some air."

"I'm glad he cares so much.", I said, meaning it completely, thinking how lucky I am to be part of this family.

"He cares too much sometimes.", Angela said, "He's got a lot on his mind lately."

I thought about things from Ben's side for a minute. And I found a lot of pain there also.

Their only daughter is gone, they had to care for Katie all those years without Edward, dealing with the pain she went through everyday, not knowing if Edward was dead or alive sometimes…except for when he called at 3pm everyday. And now that they have him back, it must be scary for them too, wondering if something will take him away next.

We all need therapy. I know I sound like a broken record, but I couldn't help it. I cared about all these people. I wanted to see them whole again.

"Edward is not just our son in law.", Angela was washing a dish, "He's our son."

That's all she said and I nodded, understanding. I think Angela was crying but it wasn't obvious to Katie so I changed the subject to her.

"So…sorry, Katie.", I grinned at her across the table, "No homework?"

"Nah.", she looked disappointed, "It's the first day of school so they didn't give any."

"Oh.", I shared her disappointed expression, "Sorry."

"You know, sometimes I think this town is just TOO nice all the time!", she exclaimed, looking very hostile. I had to laugh.

"I know what you mean.", I grinned, "The only cranky person here is POP POP!"

She laughed more at that and I hoped I wasn't making Angela angry at me. It was just good clean humor. I wanted to see Katie smile some more. Especially before Edward got home. If he came in and saw that she'd been crying…

"He's not cranky, he's just OLD!", she chortled.

I put my hand over my mouth and tried not to laugh as hard as I wanted to, afraid I'd spit out the milk I'd been drinking.

I was relieved to see Angela smiling over at the sink.

"Wanna help me make dinner, Squidge?", I asked, it was my thing to call her something new everyday. I just made up all kinds of weird names, sometimes they just came tumbling out of my mouth. My favorite one so far has been Ooop Ooop Ooplefski.

But today was rough on all of us so Squidge was the best I could do.

"Okay.", she shrugged, not looking too enthused.

"You must be the only kid who doesn't like cooking.", I tossed a dishtowel at her as she followed me.

"Sorry." , she said.

"It's okay.", I opened the fridge, looking around inside, "This is 2010. You can make your husband cook while you go to work everyday."

Angela was on her way outside and laughed at my comment. I guess she was going to talk to Ben and I was glad about that.

"I don't want a husband.", Kate informed calmly, watching me take out a defrosted chicken covered in plastic wrap.

"Oooh, a modern woman!", I said, "I like that. You go, girl!"

I wasn't stupid enough not to see there was more behind her words, but I wanted to keep tonight as light as I could, especially after that damned phone call. I vowed to go deeper with her about this another day. I would do all I could to investigate every inch of Katie and what pained her.

Was it the heat of the oven that scared her? She had been horribly burned. Was it that she used to cook with her mother a lot? Maybe she cooked with Edward all the time, and only wanted to do it with him.

Maybe she just doesn't like to cook, my inner brain rolled her eyes at me.

Later, as I was cooking, and Katie was on the floor watching Spongebob, I smiled, remembering the day I first heard Edward watching Spongebob in my apartment. It's too bad he was missing it now. I remembered Edward saving me when I was stuck in my bathroom, and us in the shower. He was so playful and alive then. It seemed so long ago, but it wasn't. I can still feel his lips on mine, so hungry…as if I were the only woman he'd ever kissed before. Was that really him…or a part he was playing? Does he really love ME? Or is he confusing that with the thrill of being free?

And just then, something inside me started to hurt.

Yes, I know, I need counseling too. Shut up Dr. Bella!

A little while later, a honking sound blared outside and I heard Katie racing to the window by the front door.

Then a war cry – "DADDY'S HOOOMMMMEEEE!"

"YAY !", I put my spoon down and ran to the door too. I heard a deep thud and by the time I got there, Katie was screaming and Edward was on the floor right inside the doorway, face down.

"EDWARD!", I went to the floor, clutching at his arm to turn him over, fearing I'd see blood.

But he was on his back on his own and was shushing Katie, trying to calm her down.

"I was kidding!", he said, "Just kidding! I'm alright. I was just tired, that's all!"

"That's not FUNNY DAD!", Katie yelled at him and then threw her arms around his neck.

I prayed she wasn't crying.

"Sorry baby.", he held her gently, kissing her cheek, "It was a bad joke, I'm sorry. Do it."

He looked at Katie's face, free from tears, and Katie smiled, putting out her lips like a duck.

"There's my ducky lips!", he sounded so happy, as if he'd won a million dollars, "And he picked her up, kissing her on the lips.

"How was school?", he asked as if he couldn't wait to hear.

He walked right past me, not saying a word. What the HELL ?

I spun around and went back to the kitchen, slamming around everything I could find. Is that what I am now, the little woman in the kitchen, making her man his dinner? I don't even get a hello ? Why doesn't he just call me fucking WILMA FLINTSTONE?

Maybe I see now why Tanya had to get out of the house! There was no room for her between Edward and Katie!

Stop it, Bella – my inner shrink said to me. You're just suffering from lack of sex, get control of yourself woman !

I could hear Katie near the TV in the living room and I peeked out to see Edward was sitting on the floor with her, watching Spongebob and listening.

His head was leaned back a little on the sofa behind him and his hat was on Katie's head now. You could hardly see her under there!

"And Mrs. White, who owned the hotel, comes out at night and goes up and down the halls…", Katie was telling her ghost stories to Edward, who looked like he was enjoying it immensely.

"And some people said they heard a knock on their door and then the doorknob turns, like she's trying to come in!", Katie was going on and on.

"No way!", Edward breathed. And in a second, I fell in love with him all over again. But I was still pissed and he'd be hearing about it later.

"WAY!", Katie responded, "And then when they went to the door – NO ONE WAS THERE!"

"We're not staying at THAT hotel!", Edward shook his head, looking back in my direction.

"No DUH!", Katie said, her eyes huge.

"Hey, I'll be right back, okay Ducky?", he asked, trying to get up. I withdrew and hid back near the stove, half of me hoping he was coming for me, the other half hoping he wasn't.

Oh who am I kidding? All of me wants him.

"Help me up, help…push me…", he was groaning like an old man, "Ughh, thanks kid!"

Katie giggled and I could hear cowboy boots coming, clicking on the floor, coming in my direction.

I put on a face of indifference and checked on my chicken in the oven.

He came up behind me and I pretended not to hear him….OH GOD – or smell him! WHEW what WAS that ?

I inhaled my chicken and hoped we had strong enough soap in the shower.

I felt his hands, both on my back, moving down me…and my eyes closed right away. This man's hands were pure magic and I was trapped in their spell.

He moved them down and they stroked down each side of my legs, on the outside. He leaned his mouth down and kissed a bare spot of my shoulder, moving my sleeve a bit to the right to get more.

"Bella….", he whispered, "You have no idea how good you feel right now…"

He kissed closer to my neck now, and I could feel his tongue…JESUS!

"You can see me now, can you?", I wanted to sound angry but it came out so sexual…my damn voice betraying me.

"I ALWAYS see you.", his voice was deep and dark and he had his hands around my stomach, pushing me back against him…so hard! Wow…this reminds me of the fun we used to have in my kitchen when we first met.

Then his tongue licked up my jugular and I felt his teeth softly move into my skin there.

"Oh God, Edward…" I nearly cried, "I missed you…"

And I wasn't just talking about today.

I turned to him and dived on his lips, grabbing his hair so hard he let out a sexy little grunt. His hands held me so tight to him and I felt myself moving and pushing against his rock hard erection, wanting him right then and there. To hell with the odor, I didn't care.

"Hey!", Katie's voice cut in like a knife.

Edward pushed me off and I frowned before I could hide it.

"There's CHILDREN in the house, you KNOW!", she glared more at Edward than me.

Uh oh. Edward, you're in trouble! HE started IT !

Edward cleared his throat and folded his hands, placing them in front of his enormous penis.

"Sorry.", was all he said, not having much else to say in his defense.

"Spongebob is back on.", she waited, her arms folding like she was a school marm.

"Okay, I'm coming.", he said, making a confused face at her and then to me.

I shrugged and he silently followed her, mouthing an 'I'm sorry' to me as he went.

I nodded and stuck my face in the freezer after they left, gritting out a little scream into it.

I hoped that I would have my time with him tonight. Katie had to go to bed early now that school was in session. And Ben and Angela could watch 24 together, as they usually did on Monday nights. I would give him Dr. Bella…and then he will give me Dr. Frankencock.

His voice was in my head now…' You may have your way with my brain…and later, my body. Although I think you may enjoy one more than the other.' I could see him laying on my old couch….seductively displaying himself for me….his arms up around his head, his eyes closing softly. His mouth is sooo beautiful…all of him is so beautiful…

I felt my eyes close, dizzy with lust and a loud BBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZ almost gave me a heart attack.

Oh, the timer on the stove! Stupid timer! Shut up! I flipped it roughly until it stopped buzzing, glad I had killed it for messing with my memories.

"Dinner!", I tried to call out in my cheeriest voice, picking up the pan of chicken with my oven mitts and walking out to the table.

End of Chapter 3

See next chapter soon!

Aww, poor Bella! I felt so bad doing that to her when I wrote this. LOL…evil laugh!

Let's not all kill Katie now, let's remember she's just a kid…lol. Maybe there's a camp Katie can go to sometime….rofl! Don't worry, I'm on the case. You know me.

Love WinndSinger


	4. Enough Hiding

Hi everyone! Thanks for all the nice reviews and the funny ones, too. Some of you really crack me up when I read them. I'll have to write something really hot soon to take some of your minds off my punctuation issues. LOL. I'm glad you're liking this so far, I'm having fun writing it.

Thanks for the horse advice from some real country/horse people out there! I will try to do better the next time Edward goes to work to make it realer! (Sorry I do my research online and think I got some bad info. Damn google!)

And even I am going back and re reading Red Line, so don't feel bad. LOL. I guess I shouldn't have waited so long to write this sequel, huh?

Also, Casper is not really as small as I'm making it out in this story. It's really a beautiful town, and the college of Bella's is a real place, too. If you ever want to google it, there are so many beautiful pictures. The ghost thing is real, too, that town has lots of great spooky stories. And they do have a rodeo too!

The rodeo Edward's working at IS a real rodeo, and it puts on a show every Saturday, you'll see that in action in a few more chapters.

Anyway, let's get back to the little house on the prairie…lol…

PS Bella is under a lot of pressure, let's not kill her for anything she may do or say in the next couple chapters. (Slinking off to hide)…

BPOV

Katie was laughing as I took my last bite of chicken, unable to take my eyes off the dancing eyes of Anthony Masen. He was being absolutely adorable tonight, telling us about his day. It sounds like he LOVES working with the horses. Ben and Angela look so happy for him, too. Something is wrong. He's being too charming. I know this Edward. This is the Edward I met the first day at my apartment. Fun Edward. I hoped I was wrong but I don't think I am. He's acting again. Putting on a brilliant show for his daughter…and me. And it was making me angry.

"And there's a horse there named Butterfly ," he said, smiling, "And she is the sweetest thing ever. She always lays her little white head on my shoulder when I go into her stall to feed her."

"Awww!", Katie looked envious of her father, "I wanna go there too!"

"Maybe some weekend I can arrange it, baby.", he grinned, taking a sip of his soda.

Katie had already told Edward all about her first day at school, her teacher, the entire history of Casper, Wyoming, and all her new friends. It was only ten minutes ago that Edward had a chance to tell his stories.

I got up for a second to take a couple dishes off the table when Edward looked up at me.

"Are you okay?", Edward asked pleasantly, "You've been quiet."

"I…have a headache.", I said and regretted that right off. Now I'm sure not to be approached for sex tonight. I am SO stupid.

I came back to the table and sat down, hating the way I was acting. But I just couldn't shake it.

"Your turn.", Edward beamed at me, taking my hand, "How was the college?"

"Beautiful.", I grinned, "I was so surprised. It's so huge, too."

Everyone waited for me to say more.

"What's your teacher's name?" Katie asked, curious.

"Oh, I have a lot of teachers.", I informed, "College has a few different classes and you get a different teacher for every one."

"Oh cool.", she looked surprised.

"So, you liked it?", Edward asked, looking hopeful.

"Yea, I do like it.", I admitted, "Everyone was really sweet to me."

"Sweet to you?", Edward's brow furrowed, "Were there guys being sweet to you?"

I looked at him and let out a little snort. "No, Edward, it's a college for nuns."

Ben cackled at my remark but Edward didn't look very amused suddenly. Ben shut right up when Edward sent a little glare his way.

"There were no guys after me, if that's what you're asking. NO men are interested in me." I shot that remark Edward's way and stood up, not afraid to look into his eyes.

I started to clear off a couple empty plates from the table. Ben and Angela thankfully didn't interfere in our conversation.

Edward sighed as I went into the kitchen by the stove where he couldn't see me.

I heard Katie and Angela near the table, talking about getting her into the tub.

"Oh, WAIT!", I heard Edward stand up, his chair making a wooden scraping sound, "I get the shower first!"

Thank God for small favors, I said to myself. I can' t believe he wanted to eat smelling that way. He must have been starving. He is the first one to make sure he's pretty and sweet smelling at all times. I can see he's tired, too. It's in his eyes.

I took care of the dishes while Edward was in the shower and every now and then I couldn't help but be wicked and turn the hot water on full, stealing it from Edward. I could hear him in there when the ice cold water shot out, giving a small yell. I am so mean. Why am I doing this?

Oh yea, I want sex.

This is not the way to get it, Bella! My inner shrink is back again. I wish I could turn cold water on YOU!

Once or twice, I could hear Edward going, "Uuuhhhh…", and "Aaaahhhh" in there and I almost collapsed to the floor. I wanted to go in there and surprise him, step into the shower with him and wash his body. But I couldn't.

Ben was watching some sports show on TV and Angela had gone with Katie into her room to pick out tomorrow's clothes. I was glad they kinda went away. Washing the dishes was good therapy for me, it seemed to snap me out of my moods most of the time.

Katie did come out and ask me if a pair of jeans went with a blouse she was holding up. I smiled and said "Jeans go with everything, that's why they're AWESOME!"

She was satisfied with that and went charging back to Angela.

I miss Alice. I'm not the fashionista to go to for outfit advice. I miss Rosalie, too. They might have some great advice for me on the Edward problem. I would love to have a girlfriend to talk to right now, to tell all my sad little secrets to…funny, when I had them I never felt like talking much. Now that they're gone…I want to talk forever. I felt tears in my eyes as I remembered them and blinked them away as I heard the shower water turn off.

'We're gonna be friends _forever!'_ I could still hear Alice saying to me…and I remembered hugging both of them one night we were all having a sleepover, all dressed in warm fleece pajamas. I felt my lips twist in pain as I scrubbed a brillo pad against a pot.

Ben was muttering something derogatory at the TV and I almost chuckled, thinking of Charlie. He would do the same thing. I want to call him – no – I want to SEE him and hug him and not let go. Charlie's harsh words kept coming into my brain. When he was in the hospital, trying to convince me to stay with him, he'd said horrible things, things I didn't want to believe. But now they kept taunting me.

'He doesn't really love you', Charlie had said, 'He thinks he loves you because he thinks you have a cure for him. It's not real love for him, Bella! And you think you love him because he's shown you a few new tricks, he's made you feel things for the first time…but marriage is more than just great sex, Bella!'

I shut my eyes and made myself stop hearing it. I decided then that I would call one of the numbers my counselor gave me today. I needed to talk some things out. I would have to ask the police if I was allowed to do this. I believed they would let me. It was therapy, it's not like they could deny me that! What would Edward say?

The door to the bathroom opened and a wall of steam gushed out, wrapped around a very happy looking Edward, who wore a white t shirt and a gray pair of shorts. They weren't tight shorts, they were cotton and went to right above his knees. I still enjoyed the view, though…what cute little hairless knees. His legs were so toned with nice muscle but not too much. They were perfect…and his bare feet!

His wet hair was brushed back but a single little sharp strand hung down on his forehead. I almost drooled.

I was about to say something to him and his eyes looked at me, happily watching me in return.

And then Katie pounced.

"DAD!", she crashed right into him, "It's about TIME! I've been waiting for you FOREVER!"

"Sorry, babe.", he grabbed her two ponytails, spinning them in circles, "What'cha doin?"

"Trying to pick out clothes for tomorrow!"

"Oh, well, then let me in there!", he went with her, saying, "I am the wizard of outfit picking!"

"I know!", Katie had him again…and I went to watch TV with Ben.

I have to put a lock on her door and "accidentally" close her in sometime.

"Hey Ben.", I sighed, plopping down next to him, staring at basketball players but not understanding it much.

"Hi girl.", he grinned, "Such a sad face…"

I tried to smile, to hide it. But Ben wasn't fooled.

"I know that look.", he chuckled, "Edward's in the doghouse."

"No, it's not like that—"

"Yea, yea…", he cut me off, waving his hand at me, "I'm an old husband, I know, you don't have to tell me."

I just gave a nervous little laugh.

"Things will get better, Bella.", he tried to comfort me, "Everyone is trying to find their footing now, their balance. Edward and Katie have been apart so long…I know it's hard to share…I was the odd man out when Tanya was little. It was her and her mom all the time, dressing up…doing each other's hair…I understand the feeling of being left out sometimes. But you have to make time together, you two. Or else it'll never happen on its own. Go out together, take walks together…just make the time."

I wanted to say, 'I love you Ben.' But instead I just said, "Thank you, Ben."

"Okay, there you go.", he gruffed and went back to his show.

I decided he was right and so I got up and went to Katie's room. Why should I feel like I'm not invited? Angela is in there.

"See?", Edward asked as I got there, "You put this shirt under this one, and leave the buttons open, now you have two colors instead of one."

"COOL!", she beamed, liking what Edward was holding up in front of her.

"That is so clever, Edward!", Angela was sitting on Katie's bed. I nearly rolled my eyes.

Edward looked up at me and gave me a cute little wink that nearly took my breath away. He was sure adorable when he wanted to be.

"Try that out.", he handed her the hangers of clothes and she looked up at him with a funny look on her face.

"I know, get out.", he said, walking out the door to let her change.

"Thanks Daddy.", Katie peeked her face out the door before she slammed it on us.

Edward laughed, looking at me and thumbed the door, "She's so cute! She never heard of layering before."

I took his hands in mine and felt roughness there, and I could feel my own brow furrow.

I turned his palms up and saw a few scratches and a couple of new calluses forming there.

"I'm already getting cowboy hands.", he said, as if he already noticed that.

"Awww…", I kissed the sore spots and looked up at Edward with my sultriest stare, "I like cowboy hands…"

He smiled down at me and said, in a most husky voice, "Keep doing that."

I felt a little funny kissing his hands in front of Ben but any contact I could have with Edward was good for me. I slowly opened and closed my mouth over his rough patches of skin…not leaving anything to his imagination. I even licked up one of his middle fingers. He let out a deep breath and I knew I had to stop for now. Katie would come out here any second to douse icewater on our steamy little scene.

"Maybe later we can take a nice walk together.", I suggested.

What I really pictured was the two of us in some empty wooded area, tearing each other's clothes off.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so tired!", he said with all the sorrow he could, "Maybe tomorrow night?"

"Oh.", I wanted to cry, "Okay."

"I mean, I just took a shower and I feel so good in my pj's.", he explained, "I don't want to change again…and my feet are killing me."

"I got it.", I said, "I'm going to lie down for awhile."

I ran off to my room, escaping. I felt like such a little girl, a brat who was sulking for being denied what I wanted. Katie owned him now, not me. I guess I should be grateful that I got to have him for the two weeks. Those were the best…and also the toughest two weeks of my life. Where was that confidant, fun guy I met back then? Was he an illusion? A trick of Victoria's?

I thought Edward would follow me and knock on my door. But he didn't. And I wanted to throw something across the room for the lack of noise outside my door. I knew I was being a baby and a selfish bitch but I couldn't help it. And I cried, face down in my pillow so no one would hear me.

Out of spite, I heard my mind thinking up a punishment for Edward. I heard it saying 'He thinks he's getting Dr. Bella tonight – fuck him! He's not!'

I hated that dark side of myself. I took a deep breath and sat up, squashing her down and locking her in a cage somewhere. I would be Dr. Bella tonight. I promised him. I reached for my notebook and began to make a list of things I wanted to bring up with him later.

The first thing I wrote down was : First day of work.

I knew his stories were bullshit. He was hiding it all night but I saw him walk. It looked painful. That was not the smooth, Edward stroll he usually did when he moved. And the way he smelled, I knew he worked his ass off today. Why would he not tell us that?

Second thing I wrote: Ignoring me when you got home.

After those two things, the rest came easier. By the time I was done, I had three hours worth of issues here to discuss. I sighed. Would I ever stop being Dr. Bella? Did I want to? I prayed I could keep my own hurt and anger at bay so I could be a good therapist for him tonight. But the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to yell and scream and let it all come out. I went back to my first notebook page and saw the names of doctors with their phone numbers on the right hand side. Did I want a woman or a man? A woman might hear my story and think I'm a sleaze for buying a male prostitute. A man might like that too much. A man might talk Edward down for that. Charlie certainly didn't think much of Edward's past.

A little knock tapped on my door and I put the notebook in my lap, closed.

"Come in.", I fixed my hair on each side as the door creaked open.

It was him. And right away my heart started pounding in my chest.

He came in, closing the door behind him, and smiled at me without a word.

"Hello notebook girl.", he said in that same voice from two months ago, "What do YOU desire?"

I wanted to be happy for that little reminder of what we were. But instead I was mad. I felt like he was mocking us. Rubbing it in my face that we weren't that couple anymore.

"Ten minutes with my boyfriend would be nice.", I said back in a bitter tone.

Edward looked like I had taken all the wind out of his sails in that second. I looked down and regretted my little comment right away. If I had answered differently, we could be kissing right now. I suck.

"Katie's asleep.", he informed softly, "So I thought—"

"So you thought now that I would entertain you.", I finished with a worse tone than before, "Yay for me! Girl number two!"

Edward's face was instantly angry now. And I looked down at my notebook again, hoping to find some peace there.

"You are NOT girl number two.", he said, trying to keep his temper, "God! What is it with you women? Being jealous of a child – I just don't get that! Tanya was the same way!"

"I'm starting to see Tanya's side!", I growled low in my throat, "No one can get a word in edgewise between you and—HER!"

Oh God, that was a big mistake. I nearly said something bad about Katie. I almost called her his little princess or something just as awful. But the way I said HER was not very nice either.

"I can't believe you said that…", he said, stunned.

I grabbed my hair and stood up, throwing myself into his arms, the tears coming back as soon as I touched him.

"I'm sorry, Edward.", I cried, "I didn't mean that. I'm so alone here. I just want you…"

He held me in his arms and I felt half healed already.

"You have me.", he whispered, kissing my head, "Shhhh….please don't cry…"

So I cried more.

I was getting his t shirt all wet.

He held me and waited until I was quieting down before he spoke again.

"Come here…lay down.", he laid me on my side as he laid in front of me, turned on his side too. He moved my hair out of my face and kissed me so tenderly. My forehead, my nose, my wet eyes…then, finally, my lips.

One last little sob came out as he was being so sweet to me and he whispered, "shhhhh" again.

"I'm here…", he whispered, kissing my cheek, "I'm yours…"

He kissed my other cheek and added, "Always."

I let out a jagged breath and he nuzzled me.

"You'll never be number two," he whispered, "…in anything…especially my heart."

That statement was like a life preserver for me, tossed right to me while I was drowning. I clung to it desperately.

I felt myself let out another little cry but he kissed my lips, crushing it right away.

"You are so fucking beautiful, you know that?", he kissed me again.

Right. I probably looked like a wet monkey right now.

I half wondered if this was another tactic of Edward's to get me to stop fighting with him….but I didn't have it in me to care right now. If this is an act, I'm falling for it.

I shook my head gently and whispered, "You are."

He smirked at me and whispered, "Stubborn."

He moved my hair out of the way and placed a wonderful kiss on my neck, right at the edge of my jaw.

"I know we're going to have a fight later…", he whispered in my ear, "I know you're mad at me…I know I've been stupid…but before I'm punished I just wanted you to know how much I love you…"

He was kidding about the punishment part I think. I could see him smiling at me and I couldn't help but get drawn in by those goddamn beautiful eyes of his.

"I love you too.", I whimpered back. I liked his technique here. Yes, we were going to have a fight and he knew it. But it was nice he had done this first.

He moved his fingers over my forehead and I noticed how nice he smelled now. Irish Spring soap…yummy.

"Now tell me, how have I displeased you?", he asked in a very sensual voice, but he was smiling a little so I know he was kidding to be saying those words.

"Stop.", I almost whined.

"Okay, erase that.", he kept touching me, making me lose my anger, "I know I've been very busy with Katie lately. I know that's not fair to you."

"I don't mind sharing you with Katie.", I shook my head, "She's your daughter and I understand that. But sometimes…"

"She wants all of me, all the time.", he said.

"Yes!" I let a huge breath out as I finally admitted it, "I'm not jealous…well, yea, sometimes I am jealous. I don't want to be. But sometimes I want to cuddle with you on the couch."

"I know.", he said, his voice sounding a bit sad, and his fingers kept stroking my hair, "I want you, too. But I also don't want to ever push Katie aside."

"I never want you to do that either.", I said right away.

He sighed quickly and closed his eyes. "I will try to do better, Bella.", he promised, "I want to make you feel included in every way. I never want to hear you say how alone you are again. It's my fault. I'll try harder."

Man, he is a good talker. He can really say all the right things. But does he mean it? My guts told me yes. But my guts were not such a keen judge these days.

"I'll try harder too.", I said, sniffing, "I'll be more understanding. Less of a brat."

"You're MY brat.", he kissed my chin, "And I love you. I kind of like jealous Bella. But I don't like you being so sad. I'm sorry."

"Me too.", I took another breath, feeling so much better now.

"Do you still want to take a walk?" he offered and I nearly cried again. Damn, he was so fucking sweet.

"No, you're tired.", I kissed his nose, "And you do look so fucking good in those pajamas. You'd look even BETTER out of them…"

He smiled wider, showing those perfect white teeth and I nearly died.

"Why, Dr. Bella…", he breathed, "Are you trying to seduce me?"

I bit my lip, knowing how much he loved that and I grabbed him by his little white shirt, yanking him closer to me, if that was possible.

"Damn straight.", I raised my brow, licking my tongue up over his lips with one curl.

He grunted, aroused at once as I said, "I need to consult with Dr. Frankencock. It's an emergency."

"Oh my God!", he played along, unbuttoning my shirt with the speed of an expert, his mouth kissing my neck, "I'd better get right over there…it's a fucking emergency!"

OH YES! Nothing better stop this now! I wouldn't leave here if the place was on fire! Oh…bad choice of words…you know that I mean.

He yanked open my shirt now and I pulled my arms out, getting stuck on one of them. He helped me and tossed the shirt away, his mouth moving down to my breasts, the bra getting in his way again.

"What did I say about THESE?", he sounded angry and broke my bra right in the front, tearing it off me. I let out such a moan I'm sure even Jack Bauer heard it in the room down the hall.

He pinched my nipple so hard and I cried out.

"Say you'll never wear those damn bras in my presence again.", he ordered, "Say it!"

"I'!", I rattled it off so fast I didn't even understand it.

He released my nipple and replaced it with his own hot, wet tongue. And I had to stop myself from screaming out.

"Damn, Bella…", he devoured my breast with his mouth, "I've been dieing to do this for weeks!"

I yelped again, loving that he said that. All my worries about him not wanting me anymore were quickly dieing.

"It's so hard…", he said as he pushed himself against my leg, the long evil erection pressing against me, "…getting an appointment with you…but it's SO worth the wait!"

"Uuuhh….", was all I could say…I wasn't as good as Edward when it came to these little lines he'd make up.

"Uuuh, you see?", he was after my other breast now, "That was FUCKING brilliant! Where else could I hear that?"

I giggled and tried to stop myself, not wanting to laugh while he was ravaging me.

"Tell me more, Dr. Bella…", he said seductively, unbuttoning my jeans.

He always wanted me to talk dirty…he knows how hard this is for me…but he's still teaching me…making me expand my little horizons…

I hesitated, trying to think of something to say. He ripped my pants down my legs and I pulled my feet out.

"Nothing to say?", he raised a brow, "I thought this was an emergency! If there's no problem here, I guess I'll leave…"

My eyes almost popped out and I started talking before I knew what I was saying.

"My body doesn't feel right.", I played my part as best I could, "It's all achy…and it feels numb most of the time!"

"Hmmm…", he looked at me, deep in thought as he rubbed his fingers over my panties, right where my clit was throbbing for him.

"Oohhhhh!", I arched my back and couldn't help my shout of pleasure.

"How about here?", he asked, "What does that feel like?"

"SO GOOD!", I shouted, putting a pillow over my face, "Don't stop, PLEASE!"

"I need to take a closer look.", he pulled down my panties, and I just pulled one leg out, too anxious for this to care.

"Oh here's the problem…", he said as I panted like a dog, "It needs water…"

And he took a giant, thick lick up the top of my clitoris…I did scream that time, half not caring if we got heard or not.

"Lots and lots of water…", and he buried his head between my legs, placing the tip of his tongue right in the perfect spot…wiggling it like a master!

The things Edward's tongue could do…there are no words. It got into every little fold and crevice…going hard and so feather light in all the right places, at the right times. GOD HE IS TALENTED !

I lost track of the number of times I came as he took his time making sure my "problem" was cured. I had become a growling animal by the time he was nearly through with me there.

"More…", he demanded, and slid his tongue into my pussy, but I howled out, liking the muffled sounds my voice was making under the pillow.

"NNNNNNN!", I seemed to be protesting now…not sure I could take much more. It seemed like an hour had passed!

My legs were writhing under him and he held them down by my thighs.

"Hold still or I can't fix the problem, Dr. Bella…", he complained, "You want me to get to the bottom of this, don't you?"

He scooped his hands under my ass and clutched the flesh there, raising me up to give him a shot at a new angle.

"NO!", I panted, not really wanting him to stop, "Nnnnnooooo…."

Everything just felt so good, so many times in a row, I felt like I would die if I came anymore.

"Be a good girl.", he warned as he continued his treatment.

I was howling again a moment later, when he did in fact, discover a new little corner I never even knew was THERE! But he did.

"OH MY GOD!", I roared into my pillow, "OH FUCK!"

He laughed into that little space and his hot breath did me in. I came again…my legs quivering like they were epileptic. I had no control over them!

As I slowly came down from my skyscraper high…I could feel his lips all over my body…licking and kissing…gently…

I grabbed his hair hard, bringing his face up to mine. He took off his t shirt and wiped his mouth a little. I just gawked at that perfect hairless chest of his…such nice curves and lines…perfection. I could still see thin flesh lines of his whipmarks here and there but I didn't care. He was always beautiful to me.

He kissed me and I could taste myself there…it wasn't a bad taste.

I shoved him back down on the bed and straddled him now.

"Thank you, Dr., for your thorough examination.", I said formally as he grinned up at me, giving me a nod, "But now it's time for YOUR checkup."

He laughed for a second and answered, "I hope I'm alright!"

I gave him a look and said, "We'll see."

I gave him the pillow for his own mouth.

"Insert this into your face, Dr.", I giggled, "Not that I want to see your pretty face covered up!"

"Thanks.", he smirked, "I'll hold onto it in case I behave as badly as you did."

And he put the pillow behind his head, thinking I wouldn't be able to make him scream. That annoyed me.

"Yes, my treatments are a little rough sometimes.", I warned, moving back and grabbing his shorts, pulling them down a bit as he raised his hips up, helping me.

And just like always, no underwear. Just a very big and pulsing Dr. Frankencock, smiling back at me, a drop of clear liquid on the tip.

"What's this?", I put my hand around the head, hearing him give a little moan of delight.

"Something's coming out here…leakage.", I said as Edward laughed.

"Quiet!", I grabbed it harder as he inhaled sharply, "No laughing during the exam!"

And he stopped right away.

"Let me see what this leak is all about.", I said scientifically, opening my mouth and licking over the head, swirling my tongue around in the salty warmness there.

Edward was breathing heavier, not making much noise. I would have to remedy that. I wanted him as wild as I was when I was being treated.

I had learned a lot since meeting Edward. I was no expert yet…but I learned what he liked and how he liked it. It wasn't long before Edward had grabbed the pillow from under him and stuck it over his mouth.

Very deep noises came out of the pillow….

"RRRRRR…UUUHHHHH!", his voice was so damned sexy, especially when he screamed.

I sat between his legs, then moved on each side…taking my time with him as he did for me…he could hold out for a long time I realized as he was about to lose it now.

"GODDDD!", he moaned, his toes curling up as I went all the way down, then slowly moved up…my mouth making sure he was extra wet with my saliva…the sloppier the better. Edward loved to hear the wet sounds of me sucking him off. GO HARDER, my inner goddess told me.

So I did.

"BELLA!", he begged into the pillow, "BELLLAAAA!"

He always warned me when he was about to come. He didn't get it yet that I wanted him to…I wanted to swallow him…drink his essence…it was such a turn on.

He lost it and I moaned out loud, swallowing him all down as he jerked against his will. I sucked and licked at his head, just to be a little cruel. He was so sensitive after coming…it was a little torture for him.

"Aaaahhh!", he winced as he looked down at me, the pillow beside his head now.

I tickled the bottoms of his feet and he giggled like a little boy. So cute !

I climbed up on him and laid on his chest, crushing my breasts into him.

"Mmmmm…", he closed his eyes, liking this, "Dr. Bella. You fixed my leak."

I put my hand over his mouth, not wanting to hear his laugh right this second.

"We're not done yet.", I said, my voice full of want, "When Frankencock wakes up in a minute, I have other…treatments to try."

He closed his eyes and looked so blissful that I almost wept from the sheer joy of it all. I really feel connected to him now…as I did when we met. Why was it only this way now during sex? Is sex all we have?

I pushed that thought away and began kissing his beautiful skin…his neck…his pecks…I licked my tongue over those little lines as I came across them…loving them as they were now a part of him, hating the way they got there…but still trying to heal them with my love.

Slowly, I kissed every inch of that chest, running my fingernails over his ribs as he moaned out softly. He took that hand and brought it to his lips, kissing my fingers…sucking one of them into his mouth…wet…tight…

I felt dizzy for a second…

"Edwarddddd….", I sighed, in a dreamy voice.

Then I saw that my good friend Dr. Frankencock was awake!

I smiled at him and said, "Dr. Frankencock is back again. He must have more problems."

Edward smiled. "He's a sick little dude."

"Little?", I asked, "I don't think so…"

I was still soaking wet from Edward's magical tongue earlier that I couldn't help myself. I just crawled over and straddled him, my hand guided him inside me and I implaled myself down over him.

No waiting. I couldn't wait anymore.

He arched up and shouted out as I felt my crotch touch his. I was filled with him and didn't want to let him go. I clenched around him and his eyes opened wide, his voice growling in agreement.

His fingers dug into my ass and he began moving me up and down around his thick, hot shaft. We both couldn't keep our mouths shut but we were trying to be quiet. That was a new torture all in itself.

The bed was banging against the wall with each thrust but we didn't care. Edward's hands were getting nice and rough as he bounced me up and down on his dick…and I was also trying to move on my own, my knees doing their best. I grabbed my own hair tight and leaned back, letting my little breasts thrust out proudly…

"FUCK, FUCK!", Edward gasped, breathing the words instead of screaming them. His eyes were closed for a second, then opened and dazzled me with their lust.

"Don't stop…harder!", he groaned, clutching my ass cheeks harder, slamming me up and down on top of him as I tried not to scream.

I fell back a bit and put my hands on his legs, my hair falling back as I let him have control of my lower half. He sat up, biting my left breast and sucking it so hard as he thrust up inside of me over and over, banging with a super fast speed.

I sounded like I was crying but I was loving every second of it. I prayed he wouldn't stop.

He sounded like a caveman as he growled and grunted, not letting go of my breast. Edward could fuck for a long time, longer than average men, and I knew I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. I grabbed his hair and tried to guide his mouth to my other breast, my left one needing a break.

In a minute, he got the idea and attacked the right breast. I squealed out, feeling teeth…and his tongue. He was almost an animal right now…unthinking…a hungry savage. God, how I love this man!

"Yes…yes…yes…", I whispered, letting him know I was okay. He always feared he was being too rough with me during sex and afterwards he would tell me so.

It was hours before we were finally finished with each other, and we laid in bed, clinging to each other, sweaty and hot, shivering.

"I'm sorry I wasted your shower.", I said into his ear.

"Shut up.", he breathed, "You have no idea how much I needed you tonight. How long I've needed you…"

"Let's not wait so long next time…", I nuzzled into his chest.

"I'm sorry.", he said again, stroking my arm, "I'm sorry for the way I've been. It's never been YOU…"

He took a hard breath and I knew something was wrong.

"Tell me.", I sat up a bit, on my elbow, looking into that face that had hurt written all over it.

"I can't…", he looked so angry with himself, frowning as if in anguish, "I want to…but I know you'll be…disgusted."

"Hey!", I took his chin and made him look at me, "Nothing about you disgusts me. This is your Dr. and your woman speaking. You can tell me anything. I'm a big girl. I can take it."

"No, I don't want to do this right after we've made love…let's just enjoy this…please?", he leaned in to kiss me again.

"Alright.", I kept hold of his face, "But, after our shower, we have a session. And Edward, you better not run from me. Tell me what it is. Let's face it. Enough hiding."

"Enough hiding.", he agreed, and I kissed him with everything I had. I hoped he meant it. I was way too worn out now and jelly like to play catch me if you can with him again.

End of chapter 4

See next chapter soon !

Ah, I feel better now! Dr. Bella next !


	5. Close your mouth, Ben !

Chapter 5

Edward sat down on my floor, crossing his legs like an Indian's and smiled at me like a child on Christmas morning, awaiting his gift.

We were both damp from our shower, which we took together – you know, just to save the hot water – (yea right) and we were in our pajamas and ready to begin our first session in about a month. I took a deep breath, nervous to still be doing this, but at the same time, I had to admit, it felt good to be doing this again.

"Alright Edward.", I moved my wet strands of hair back away from my eyes, "You said—"

He looked disappointed and was watching me like I just killed Santa.

"What?"

"You're not gonna do it?", he asked, crestfallen.

I rolled my eyes and smiled, pretending to hit a button on the carpet between us.

"Edward Cullen – session 2 million.", I joked as he beamed back at me. God damn that perfect colgate smile!

"Hello Edward.", I smiled at him, shaking my head a little, "Nerd."

"Hello Dr. Bella.", he grinned back, "Gorgeous."

"That's very inappropriate, Edward, so stop that.", I acted professionally, unable to resist that face, "Behave or your session will be terminated early."

"Yes.", he looked down, getting serious, "Sorry."

"Alright.", I looked up a little, then opened my little notebook. Edward tried to peek up over it to see what I had in there, a nosy little boy peeking into his presents.

"Quit it.", I yanked it towards me as he chuckled.

"So, Edward, you had a big day today.", I began, "How was your day at the new job?"

"It was great.", he shrugged, "It was so nice to do an honest day's work. I got a decent workout too."

Time to play hide and seek with Edward.

"Edward…", I looked into his eyes, sternly, "You know if therapy is to work, you have to tell the truth…"

"I am telling the truth.", he looked at me without a hint of guilt.

"Cause, I used to go to camp working with horses when I was a kid.", Bella informed, "I thought it was all going to be fun and riding. But I was so shocked when I saw all the work that goes into caring for horses. Two summers of it and I never wanted to do that again. My dad was smart to send me there. It showed me that animals are a big responsibility and damn hard work. I never hurt so much in my life…"

"Are you calling me a liar?", he asked, his face a little tense now.

"No…", I looked away, "I know you probably had to color your stories up a bit for Katie. But I'm not a little girl. I would like to hear what happened. Good and bad."

"I like it there.", he stared back at me, his tone getting a little hostile, "Okay?"

"Why are you already hiding from me?", I asked, "You just said earlier, no more hiding. You wanted this session. Come on, Edward."

He looked down at his hands as they opened and stretched under his eyes.

I waited.

"I think you'll be ashamed of me.", he began.

"After all the ways we just had each other?", I tried to joke, "Can't you see we have no shame?"

He took a breath.

"I…", he began and stopped, then started again, "I suck."

I almost laughed, remembering myself saying the same thing when I tried ballet. But I kept my face straight.

"I got pushed around by every single horse there.", he continued, "They hate my guts. They kicked me, bit me, pissed and crapped all over me. And those were the HIGHLIGHTS of my day!"

I hid a smile, imagining it for a second. But he looked so sad.

"Did you get our note?", I asked, hoping that made at least three seconds of his day a little nicer.

He smiled then. "Yes I did.", he almost whispered, "You have no idea how much I needed it today. It did a lot of good for me. Thanks."

"Katie's idea.", I shrugged, "She's a little sweetheart, just like her Dad. I wish I had thought of it."

"I used to put notes in her lunchbox.", he informed, smiling to himself, remembering, "So really, it's my idea."

"I should've known.", I grinned at him.

"So what will you do now?", I asked, trying to stay objective, "Will you go back?"

"Yes.", he said, not looking very thrilled.

"Why?"

"A bunch of reasons.", he looked up, thinking about it, "For one, Bob, the guy I told you about, he's a good guy. He helped me a lot today, but not too much. He treated me like a man, a man who could handle it on his own. And I don't want to change his opinion of me. I want to get better and show him that I can do it."

I smiled. Good, he was talking now. Come on baby, tell me more.

"And Sharon, the lady who runs the place…", he thought as he spoke, "I don't want to let her down."

I nodded.

"And also…", he looked up at me then down, "I heard Victoria's voice in my head today."

I frowned before I knew I was doing it but I didn't want Edward to think I was angry with HIM for this.

I waited, in silence.

"When it was getting really hard…", he went on, "And I was hurting all over…I…I invited her into my head."

His voice cracked a bit as he said, "I know I shouldn't have, but I needed it, Bella. God fuck me, I needed a voice – a voice that was cruel and mean – to make me push myself harder, to keep going. It worked. And I felt myself becoming that…thing again. I couldn't even raise my eyes if I wanted to. And then Bob snapped me out of it somehow."

"What did he do?"

Edward smiled and gave a small laugh for a second. "He took me to a lake.", he stated, "We had lunch with our feet in the water. And then he jumped in, clothes and all. It was great. I felt…new again. It was weird. I mean, it was just a lake."

"It was more than that.", I smiled warmly at him, "Someone cared about you. Someone showed you that work doesn't have to come with insults and demands. Someone showed you that it's okay to suck on your first day."

"He is really cool.", Edward admitted, "At first, I didn't like him at all. He calls me ANT."

I laughed at that.

"And something else happened before the lake…", he remembered, "I thought he was going to…attack me. When he suggested lunch by the lake, alone…far from the stables…I got scared."

"Oh sweetie.", I touched his hand, "It's okay."

"I thought I was over it…", Edward said, "I thought in time, I would forget it and it would be gone…but it never goes away. The only reason I could be with you tonight is because I felt so good after the day was over. I was sore and tired and everything, but I didn't feel like a whore anymore. I felt…clean, even with the odor I brought in here tonight."

I hugged him and stroked his hair.

"That is so great.", I said, "And I know in time, with the right therapist, you won't feel afraid of people all the time. You can never really GET OVER what Victoria did to you…it was six long years of horror for you. And this is where I tell you that you need to see a REAL doctor. I got some names for you from school. I want you to pick one out and try calling them, see if you like one, and we can make an appointment for you."

"No.", he said flat out, his eyes defensive again, "I told you, it's just you. I don't want this town whispering about me behind my back. I don't want kids talking about me at Katie's school."

"Everything is TOTALLY confidential Edward!", I said for the three thousandth time, getting a little loud, "No one else will know ANYTHING!"

"This is a little crap town, all the hicks stick together here.", Edward frowned, "He'll tell everyone what I am and Katie will hate me. She'll be sick to her stomach…"

And just like that, I felt myself break.

"That's it, I can't do this anymore!", I stood up, watching his eyes follow me as I turned then turned back to him, "I am NOT a psychiatrist! I don't have all the answers for you! I can't snap my fingers and make it all okay! Do you know how much pressure this puts on me? Not only do you need deep counseling, but so does Katie! So do I ! And it wouldn't hurt Ben and Angela either. I can't save everyone here myself!"

"Katie does NOT need counseling.", Edward's mouth was in a hard line.

"Yes she does!", I sneered, out of control now, my voice lowering, "The poor kid lost everything, including her very skin! She lost you, Tanya, and she told me today that when she was little, kids used to scream at her, cause they were afraid of her face!"

"Stop!"

"But she went to school today.", I pointed towards her room, "She went with a big smile on her face and made every kid in that class love her! She is so strong but she needs some help too. Do you know we got a call from the police today?"

Edward looked up at me, his eyes alarmed.

"Yea.", I said, "We all freaked out, thinking maybe something had happened to you. Katie was SHAKING! And she told me she thought the bad people killed you. She is hiding it but she's afraid too. She's so afraid she's going to lose you again. That's the reason she hates you being out of her sight!"

Edward was clutching at his hair, and I could hear sniffling.

"No one has even helped her get over the death of her mother.", I pointed out, "Ben and Angela never took her to see someone!"

"My God, Bella, she needed constant care for the burns all over her body!", Edward growled under his breath, "Not to mention her internal organs! Where were they supposed to find time to squeeze a therapist in there?"

"They should've found the time.", I had to admit, as much as I loved them, they had messed up there, "The poor little thing went through so much physical pain not to mention the emotional – I'm sure it would've done her a lot of good to have someone to talk to. She seems fine on the surface, Edward, but I'm telling you, if she doesn't see someone soon, she's going to have real problems later."

"I know, you think EVERYONE needs therapy!", he sat there, glaring at me.

"YOU keep begging for it!", I accused.

"I'm completely fucked up, that's why!", he hissed, leaping to his feet.

"You are NOT!", I flung my fists at the air, "And you will keep getting better if you just grow some BALLS and go SEE someone!"

"This has nothing to do with my BALLS!", he shouted back, his eyes ablaze with fury, "I am trying to make this life work for us! I'm trying to suck it up and not complain all the time!"

"Oh GOD!", I laughed with a cruel voice, "Are you KIDDING me ? I am SO SICK of hearing you complain! I think it started on the airplane on the way over here and it hasn't stopped since ! You whined all through August! And you're gonna WHINE all through September too! I can't WAIT to hear your CHRISTMAS whining!"

He just stared at me with this hurt little face…but my mouth had more horrible things to say.

"You told me you wanted to be with your daughter, you told me you wanted to be FREE!", I went on, unstoppable, "You have that now! It took a fucking miracle to free you ! It took my father's leg ! You were SHOT ! And yet everyday I hear you complaining about EVERYTHING from the fucking cowboy hat to the NO SLURPEES in this town! GOD ! What did you think this was gonna be? Perfection?"

He looked away, his face in a wince that I hated seeing there.

"Do you miss your old life?", I asked, feeling tears in my eyes now, "Do you miss HER? Do you want your nice clothes back? Your cool friends? All the fun parties? Your beautiful car ?"

"NO!", he answered, his own eyes glistening with unshed tears, "NO!"

"Do you think you're the only one who's having a rough time here?", I asked, "Do you know that I think of my father everyday? I left him in the hospital with half a leg and I can't even call him to see how he is! I can't check on him and see if he needs help getting around. I just dumped him! And Alice, Rosalie…I love them and I'll never see them again!"

He let out a sob and turned away from me, standing up. "Please stop." He almost pleaded.

"Do you know why I was so quiet at dinner?", I kept going, "I found out today that I have to start college all over again, because all the credits I earned in New York can't be transferred over here, especially since my name is now Marie Brown!"

There was a small pause. He looked at me, heartbroken, looking around as if there was some way he could fix it. But we both knew he couldn't.

"I'm sorry.", he wept, "I didn't know…"

"And why did you just walk past me when you got home like I wasn't even there?", I asked a little loudly, "Are you pissed at me for making you go to work today?"

"NO!", he said and as his eyes squinted, a tear trickled down his cheek.

I wanted to stop fighting with him…I knew I was hurting him. But I was hurting too and it was all pouring out now. I had held it all in for too long. It was the cruel part of me out of her chains, raging.

"THEN WHY?", I demanded, "Why did you DO that? I feel like the only time you WANT me is when you know Dr. Bella will be coming after! You never touch me anymore! You hardly even TALK to me! Then you just walked by and went with Katie like I was fucking FURNITURE! I was worried about you all day!"

"I think this session is over.", Edward wiped his cheek and tried to get to the door, but I blocked it.

"No, I want to know!", I yelled, "Tell me!"

"Bella, move out of my way.", he warned me, "I told you I have a nasty temper and I don't know how long I can keep it under control."

"I knew it!", I said, "I can't be your Dr. Bella anymore because you LIE! You say you're gonna tell me the truth but then you hide and run every time! When you stop doing THAT, THEN you'll be a man."

He grabbed my arms and I let out a little gasp or squeal, or a combination of both. I thought maybe he was going to hit me, even though I didn't think he would do that.

"You wanna know why I'm not MR. LOVER all the time?", he shouted, growling it, "You wanna know why I'm not the fun little TOY you miss so much ?"

"Let me go!", I fought but his hold on my was tight as he shook me.

"I was raped!", he let me go, letting my back fall against the door.

For a minute I couldn't even move…or breathe.

"And not the way I usually am. It was that…Sir Kevin guy…from the club.", he informed, his voice low and solemn. His eyes didn't look into mine. There was such shame all over his face.

I watched him in shock, not processing the words right away.

As he spoke, I began to shiver all over, hating what I had just become.

"The bug…", Edward said quietly, turning his back to me, his hands in his hair, "I bit down on it and destroyed it. I didn't want Charlie…or you…to ever hear that…to ever find out. I thought I could at least keep that part of my…past a secret. But it keeps coming back. He pops into my mind all the time. Even today at work. Bob went to take my hat off and I lost it. He was totally nice about it, though. When I came home, HE was in my head again. I was afraid to look at you, afraid you'd see right through me and know. Katie snapped me out of it. A few minutes later, once it was gone and I knew it wasn't coming back…I felt how much I missed you all day…how much I wanted you, wanted to tell you that even though I hated the job and the fucking horses, that I LOVE you…and I still do…even if I can't always be the lover I used to be all the time. I guess I felt guilty, not telling you about it all this time…I should've trusted you."

"Edward…", was all I could say, crying, pinned to the door by my own evil mind. I felt like I didn't deserve to touch him now…or maybe he wouldn't want me to.

He was facing me now and his eyes held no rage anymore. He just looked empty.

"I am so afraid that you'll get tired of all this…of me…", he said softly, "And want to leave. I wouldn't blame you. I'm more afraid of that than all the Sir Kevins in the world. I want to be the man you deserve, Bella. I want to make you happy. I don't want to be a whiner or a crybaby…or a stranger to you. I'm sorry I've been that way. You'll never hear me complain again."

"No, Edward!", I cried, throwing my arms around him, "I'm so sorry, baby, please don't pull away from me! I didn't mean all those things I said. I love you so much! You are the man I want, right now!"

I wanted to say so much more but I burst out crying in his arms…and he held me, crying in mine. A lot of women say they want a tough man, a man who never cries. But I love that Edward can cry in my embrace and not be ashamed. I'm glad he wants to lean on me when he needs it. I felt closer to him now than ever before.

"I'll never leave you.", I wept, clinging onto his back, "Please forgive me…"

"Nothing to forgive.", he whispered, "You were right. I DO need to see someone. I don't want to put all my baggage on you. You have enough shit to deal with of your own."

"I love you.", I cried in a little girl voice.

"I love you too, my crazy little Dr.", he kissed my head, "And if you think we all need therapy, we'll get it. Hell, maybe I'll even bring all the horses with us."

I laughed and so did he. It didn't erase all the bad things we would have to deal with, but at least we knew we were still together…still loved each other as much…no, more, than the two weeks we spent together in the start.

The more of these hurdles we climbed together, the closer and closer we would be. I knew even more now that I needed therapy, after the way I attacked Edward just now. That's not me. But I was glad at least I had forced some things out that would've never come out any other way. I was sick to hear what that fucked up Kevin guy did to Edward, but I was thankful that he let me know about it. I was thankful that he could see that nothing would make me abandon him. And most of all, I was thankful that now he could deal with this latest nightmare with a professional. Even the best of all, I couldn't wait to report his ass to the marshals coming tomorrow night. He would be ass fucked a million times in prison, I would make sure of it.

"No more secrets, okay?", I whimpered as he rocked me in his arms.

Secrets could kill. I've always known that. Maybe now Edward did too.

"No more.", his voice croaked as he kissed my lips, just right.

We held each other all night…well, after I gave Edward a very thorough body massage. He instructed me how to do it like the one he'd given me on our first night together. I think it loosened up all the pains of his very long day, (he made enough very happy sounds while I was doing it) and also, I wanted him to feel my touch…slowly get used to it again…and relax without fear as I touched him.

I hoped that he could face tomorrow a little bit stronger.

When I got up in the morning I could hear and smell someone cooking in the kitchen. I thought it was Angela. But as I walked into the kitchen, I was so glad to see a very handsome Edward at the stove, creating something that smelled sooo good.

Is my man amazing or what? He has to go tend horses all day today and he gets up early to make breakfast. What lottery in heaven did I win?

"Hey Cutest Maximos !", he smiled at me as my eyes adjusted on him. He was wearing a black short sleeved t shirt, a pair of jeans, and workboots. In short, he looked adorable!

"Hey.", I smiled back, pleasantly surprised, "Nice booties."

"Booties?" he raised a brow, "Boots. They're Ben's."

"You STOLE Ben's boots?", I asked, shocked, looking around for him.

"NO.", he frowned at me, squinting again, "I asked him!"

"Have a seat and eat.", he demanded like I was his daughter and I giggled at that.

He put a plate in front of me and placed a kiss on my head, whispering, "Thanks for the massage last night. I feel like a new person today."

I didn't know what to say so I just gazed at him as he went back to the stove. Then I looked down and found an omelet with bacon and toast…orange juice !

"Come on, Kaitlyn, I called you twice!", he actually sounded firm, like a real Dad, not a buddy. Cool. That's very new.

"Where does that child get her laziness from?", Edward teased, "Mmmm mmm mmm!"

He went into the room and I heard Katie screech out suddenly, then laughter from both of them.

Edward came out of Katie's room with her tossed over his shoulder. She was giggling and he was smiling. Then he spun her upside down and deposited her in her chair.

"Feed your face, kiddo.", he said, putting pancakes in front of her. It had a face on it, bacon smiling lips, and an M&M for each eye.

"Cool!", Katie loved that and started to make the mouth talk. Edward handed her the bottle of syrup and said, "Drown him."

And she did. I never saw so much syrup go onto pancakes before. I see a very big dentist bill in Edward's future.

Katie was making her pancake man beg for mercy while she killed him.

In a high pitched voice she was going, "Nooo please! Don't drown me, I'll do anything!"

I laughed and shook my head, saying, "There is something very wrong with you people."

Everyone laughed at that. I waited for the appearance of Ben and Angela but they never showed.

Edward sat down and began eating his eggs, winking at me as the three of us sat there alone together.

I was about to say something but Edward got there first.

"Katie, I want to tell you something.", he said, sounding very serious.

She ate and listened and so did I.

"I wasn't totally honest with you last night.", he said, making direct eye contact, "I told you how fun my day was yesterday with the horses. Well, it wasn't all true. It's a very hard job and it nearly crippled me yesterday. I'm a city boy, those other guys were right about me. I haven't had to work very hard in the last few years, not like this. But it's a great job, an honest one. I don't want you to think that a job that pays more is better, just because it's easier. I don't want you to quit something just because it's hard.

And this is a good town. The people here are wonderful. So, even though it might be hard for me, and I'm still not that good at it yet…YET…I am going to try as hard as I can to make you happy here…you and Bella and Grandma and Pop Pop…and I am going to stop being such a baby and complaining all the time. Alright?"

Toughlove…who knew that was the key?

"Alright.", she said, popping a big bite of pancake into her mouth.

"I love you.", I had to say to him, kissing his cheek and touching the back of his hair.

"I love you.", he said back to me. And he didn't push me away as Katie watched us. Wow. What happened to him last night?

And I saw Katie smiling at us, as if she were watching characters in a romantic movie.

"Why are you making goo goo eyes at us?", I teased her, tickling her stomach,"Eat something."

She laughed and ate and I whispered to Edward, "Where's Ben and Angela?"

"They're still sleeping.", he said, looking down the dim hallway.

"Really?", I asked, "They usually get up to see Katie off."

"Maybe they wanna sleep in today.", he shrugged, whispering, "Besides, this is nice, just us three."

I blushed a little. "I know.", I whispered back, feeling awful to admit it.

"Do you think they heard us last night?", I almost mouthed the words to him.

"No doubt.", he chewed, "Maybe they're mad at us for keeping them awake."

"Oh God…", I could now see things from their viewpoint of last night. The bed banging on the wall, the screamings into the pillow and not into the pillow…the fighting…

"I can't look them in the face today.", I felt my face get hot as Edward smiled at the blush in my cheeks he loved so much, "What are we gonna say?"

"What are YOU gonna say?", he drank his milk, "I'm an innocent victim, I was seduced."

I felt my mouth fall open and I slapped his arm. He laughed and tried to shield himself.

"Old man coming through.", Ben's voice was more gravelly than usual as he shuffled in wearing his ratty old robe and slippers.

"Hey Ben.", Edward greeted warmly, "There's coffee and eggs if you want any."

"Oh, coffee, yea.", he got a mug and poured himself some.

I still didn't have the balls to say anything to Ben yet. Besides, he wasn't much of a morning person.

Angela came in wearing her lavender robe and gave Katie a huge hug.

"Hi little angel.", she kissed Katie's lips, "Oooh, lots of syrup, huh?"

"She is very tasty, isn't she?", Edward asked, chuckling at his daughter, "You could get a cavity just smooching with her!"

Angela tensed up when she heard Edward and silently went to the fridge.

"See, she IS being weird about hearing us last night.", I whispered to him as he made a face at me.

"I'm sure she's had sex before Bella, she'll live.", he whispered back and then noticed Katie was paying very close attention to us.

While I was very attracted to this new Edward, I really didn't want to talk about our sex life in front of that little face. She looked like she was taking mental notes.

"So Ben…", Edward began as Ben sat down, stirring his coffee, "What did you two do last night?"

"We watched 24.", he said back as if it were obvious. Edward nodded, not looking too interested.

"Then I got lucky.", Ben added and Angela dropped a glass pitcher of juice. The shatter was so loud Katie even screamed!

"BEN!", she gasped.

Ben gave the dirtiest laugh I ever heard in my life.

"Gotta thank you guys…", he winked at Edward and I, "It would've never happened if not for the sounds coming down the hall."

"Oh. My. God.", I said under my breath as Edward got up to help Angela clean up the mess on the floor, he was such a clever avoider. But he left me here alone with BEN! Oh, Ant, you are SO dead when I get you again!

"Next time, skip the yelling at the end, but other than that it was great!", he took a big sip of his coffee.

"I'm glad you…liked it…", I heard myself saying as Edward laughed from the kitchen.

"Pop Pop!", Katie asked very loudly, "What does it mean…reduced?"

"Reduced?", he asked, "That means to make something smaller. Why?"

"Daddy said he was reduced last night.", Katie informed.

Now Edward was laughing more. "I certainly WAS.", he said.

"So was I.", Ben wiggled his bushy gray eyebrows at me.

"Ugh!", I stood up, "My skin is itching, I have to go get dressed for school! Yukky men!"

As I went, I heard Ben asking Edward, "Hey, Ed, is it okay if we talk later when you get home?"

"Sure, Ben, what's up?", he asked.

Yea, I was listening in. So kill me.

"Nothing much.", he said, "Just guy talk."

UGH! If he tries to compare notes about last night, I'll vomit!

"Sure.", Edward said. And that was it.

I came back in, remembering what else was happening tonight.

"Oh, Edward, I forgot to tell you…", I made a face, clenching my teeth, "The marshals are coming over tonight. Around after dinnertime. That's why the police called yesterday."

"Why are they coming?" he looked worried.

I shrugged, "They said they check in all the time. No big deal."

"Oh.", he scratched the back of his head, "Alright."

"By the way…", I said as I leaned against the doorjamb, "You're wonderful."

He smiled at me, those teeth! "I am?"

"Yes.", I closed my eyes for a second, "I'm so proud of you…everyday."

He knew what I meant and I didn't want to go into it more in front of everyone. I blew him a kiss and went to get dressed.

I felt like Edward had turned a new corner today. I saw a bunch of things that were a big improvement already this morning and I was thrilled.

But we will have to find a more private place to make love from now on, that much was certain. I was thankful that Katie slept like a rock, just like her father.

Later, I saw that Edward had put together his own lunchbox and Katie's too…and he put on his black cowboy hat without a cringe or any argument. He looked much more comfortable and relaxed today, that was for sure. I just knew today's day at work would be a little better than yesterday's.

"Katie!", he called at the top of his lungs as he neared the door holding his lunchbox.

She came running out, all dressed in the outfit he helped her choose.

"Kiss your old man.", he bent down.

"Pop Pop?", she asked.

I laughed at that one. Ben just raised his brows, a tad insulted.

"No, me you goofball!", he kissed her cheek and she hugged his neck.

"Be a good girl.", he tipped her chin up with his finger, "Stay away from the boys."

"I hate boys!", she flinched and ran away.

"That's my girl.", he gave a strong nod. Then he saw me standing there.

"And that's my girl, too.", he motioned me over by curling his first finger up and down.

"Daddy!", I jumped up and put my legs around his waist. He let out a big laugh of surprise and held me up with very little effort, his hands cradling my denim ass.

God. What would Charlie say?

"Be a good girl too.", he smiled at me under that sexy as hell hat, "I know it'll be hard for YOU cause you're the BAD one!"

"Yes I am.", I kissed him and I heard him drop his lunchbox.

Then I whispered something very dirty in his ear. He almost dropped me.

"My God!", he teased, "VERY bad girl! Spanking for YOU tonight."

Then he whispered to me, "Ben is watching us."

I turned and he was staring at us, his mouth open.

I giggled and hopped off my cowboy.

"Go give those horses hell today, Masen.", I moved his hat down, and had to admit he looked so incredible with this hat on.

"I will.", he promised, looking very determined.

"Bye Ben!", Edward called, "You be good, too. Tell Angela…hi."

I giggled at that. Angela was hiding out with Katie now, ashamed to show her face because of Ben's big mouth.

"Yea…", Ben grumbled, the show over, going back to reading the paper.

I knew it was still hard for Edward to leave, to know Katie would be alone again in school today…but he never showed it.

"We'll miss you.", I said, wishing I could tell him how much it meant to me that he was trying so hard already…hoping that he just wasn't playing a part…praying he could really be happy like this for real here.

"I'll miss you too.", he stroked my face with the back of his hand, "But I'll be back. I'll always come back to you. And thanks…for straightening me out last night. You are one in a million. I just don't know what you're doing with ME."

"I have a thing for guys in black hats. Get lost, Ant.", I flicked the brim of his hat…and that made him smile.

"See you, Gorgeous.", he said, opening the door, picking up his lunchbox, and going out into the dawn.

I watched him walk away from the house and his silhouette was just lovely. I wanted Sir Kevin dead. I wanted everyone who ever harmed him dead. He deserved so much…I wished I could just give it all to him right now.

I closed the door and without even looking, I walked by and said, "Close your mouth, Ben."

See next chapter soon!

Love Winnd


	6. Dancing

Chapter 6

**When we see Edward working in the stables today, I am trying to use my new horse intel to make it more believable so if something's different from day one, just live with it! LOL thanks to my horse loving friends!

Also, I know the real town of Casper is not as southern accented and little town as I'm describing, but for the purposes of this story, I've made it that way. Picture a little country town, everyone knowing each other's business all the time, southern accents. Thanks!

I promise no perfection when it comes to punctuations in our out of dialogue tags…sorry. I am very flawed, just like sweet Edward…lol.

EPOV

I felt so great this morning…I didn't say anything at breakfast but I couldn't wait to tell Bella tonight. I hadn't had any nightmares last night, after being with her. I slept like a baby, utterly worn out but it was a delicious aching I rather enjoyed, especially after Bella massaged me.

At first I was tense when she suggested it. I thought it would conjure up images of HIM behind me, touching me, stroking my…

Anyway, I was so glad to be wrong for once. Bella was smart to always use her voice to let me know it was her there, she didn't say anything overly sexual…just…very soothing, like, "You're safe…" and "I've got you…relax…" and my favorite, "just close your eyes and feel how much I love you…yeeaaa…."

She touched me so gently…I almost cried. It was like that night I let myself trust her for the first time, when she took care of me after Raven had kicked my ass that weekend. How did this angel find ME and why is she bothering with my sorry ass?

God I love her. It was almost like Dr. Bella and my sexy Bella had combined into one being. It was Eden. And for a few hours, I DID feel safe…protected. I knew if anyone tried to hurt me then, my Bella would eat them for lunch!

It was the one time since Sir Kevin that I really did feel safe.

I thought back for a moment to fierce Bella and I shivered a bit. Bella is tough, and when she cares she fights like a tiger. It shows me how much she really loves me, going so berserk like that. The things she said did sting…even burn. I wanted to be mad at her, to walk out, even though I know I can never do that. I walked out on Tanya once and then that fire happened, burning my whole world down.

But I provoked Bella and I know it's my fault. I lied. I begged for Dr. Bella and then I betrayed her by hiding, like she said I would. I am such a fucking coward. When did that happen? I used to be afraid of nothing. I leapt into all kinds of sexual games and torments without blinking not so long ago…and now, I shiver all the time, at nothing.

I don't know why I do the things I do. I certainly didn't mean to hurt her anymore than I already had. I recalled the night Bella and Emmett saved me from Raven's place. She was RAW that night too. I have to stop lying and hiding like a child. Like she said, and she was right…when I stop, THEN I'll be a man.

And so I made a mental list of all the things Bella deserves. All the things Katie needs. And I decided to start today to put things right…even if I don't fully feel it in my bones. I can make myself be that man. I have to. Or I'll lose them…and they're everything.

I have to admit, it felt awesome when Bella jumped into my arms and called me Daddy. I am such a sick fuck. Who knows what would've happened if Ben wasn't staring at us?

Speaking of sick fucks, I was with Bob now, on the truck again, and I just couldn't hate him today. I brought a thermos of coffee today and shared it with him, to return the favor yesterday.

"Have some of my cow piss.", I offered him, opening it and hoping he liked the way I made it.

One thing I knew how to do was cook and make a wicked cup of coffee. Victoria had made me her slave in every sense of the word. I cooked, cleaned, Hell, I even shaved her legs and gave her fucking pedicures when she demanded it!

Bob smirked at me and thanked me, tasting it without hesitation, showing he trusted me.

"WOW!", he looked at me in surprise, "Damn, that's GOOD! What'd you do to it?"

"That's MY secret.", I grinned, "I've been trying for years to make coffee that's just like Starbuck's. Now people tell me that mine is BETTER."

Bob looked at me, furrowing his brow and asked, "What's Starbucks?"

Oh. My. God. Poor Bob. I think I would lay down and die if I'd never tasted Starbucks before.

The sorrowed and shocked look on my face must have tickled him, because he chuckled and took a bigger gulp. I blinked and saw Emmett for a half second…and swallowed hard, looking away. For a moment, it was almost like I was sitting beside him, relaxing after a long, tough night. Emmett loved to make Starbucks runs after work and bring us all something great. I miss you, man. And you, too, Jasper. I hope you guys are alright.

I closed my eyes, opened them, and decided that Bob was my friend, too. I would work hard to let my walls down a little and try to trust him. I just hope I'm not wrong. I feel so fragile, as if – if one more hurt gets in, I'll be done for. I have to get tougher. I won't survive if I can't find some kind of armor.

Something occurred to me and I widened my eyes, thinking maybe HE would know…

"Hey, Bob?"

"Yea Masen?"

"Do you know what a Slurpee is?", I asked, setting my jaw, prepared to be disappointed if he didn't know either.

BPOV

I am the hugest bitch on the planet.

I came to that conclusion as I drove to school. First I force myself on him sexually, acting just as slimy as Victoria ever did. I knew he was tired and sore…I should've let him rest, but NO, my own selfish desires came first before what he was going through. UGH!

I wouldn't have TOUCHED me if I were him and I just went off on him for being too close to his daughter. I put myself in his place and saw it from his angle. And I looked so ugly to myself from his viewpoint. But as usual, he just forgave that right away and…performed when I demanded it. Oh God! I turned him back into a toy, only now he's just MY toy! I won't even share him with his child !

Then, I totally lost my shit in the first two minutes of a session with him! I felt tears in my eyes as I heard my own voice screaming at him.

'THEN you'll be a man!'

' DO you MISS HER?'

"I can't WAIT to hear your CHRISTMAS whining!'

All my words were killing me to remember, especially now that I knew what had happened to my Edward.

He was raped. By a fucking MAN!

The enormity of those words…I can't BREATHE! He was suffering with post traumatic stress disorder and I didn't even SEE it. I called him names and screamed at him. Oh my God! I fucked up so bad! Edward…

I could see his eyes, filled with tears while I yelled at him last night…

I was crying now, full on. My vision is getting screwed up. SHIT! I almost hit that other car!

My fists were turning white against the steering wheel, I could make out their strange color. Then I could see Edward struggling, pleading…crying…helpless in leather restraints…maybe even gagged by chains or a black ball gag…his growls of fear and pain speaking for themselves…and that FUCKER put his hands on my baby!

I let a roar escape my trembling lips as I imagined him behind Edward…doing any damned thing he pleased with his body against his will…I could feel bile rising up my throat…and then this last little tidbit fell onto my brain.

He was raped because you confronted Victoria that night…and he stood by you. That was his fucking punishment. You stupid bitch. You did this to him.

I couldn't take anymore and I yanked the wheel of the car over as hard as I could. I didn't know where I was or if I was in any danger from other drivers, but before I knew it, I was face down in a bush, heaving my guts out, losing the amazing breakfast Edward had cooked for me.

UUHHH…orange juice goes down a lot better than it comes up! My throat feels like it's torn up! It serves me right.

I was sobbing and puking at the same time, but somehow I still heard a voice behind me asking, "Hey…are you okay?"

EPOV

Hey I learned something new today from my new buddy Bob. Girl horses are called mares and boy horses are called geldings.

I was wondering why Bob giggled when I'd say, "I just fed Sparkle, the girl horse there."

He just said it tickled him to hear me say it, but since I came back today, he'd be nice and correct me when I got it wrong.

I also found out that I was the brunt of a big "new guy on the job" joke. Horses don't eat out of plastic bowls. You bring the feed in a bucket and then pour it into this thing called a manger, like a holder for their food, located in the side of the walls for each horse. They eat out of THAT. No wonder they were all trying to kill me yesterday! They were trying to tell the newbie that he was doing it all wrong!

When Bob filled me in, all the other guys were laughing and clapping at the look on my face. I almost got pissed off but they were smiling at me, and each of them came up and shook my hand, saying they were sorry, and nothing personal, and welcome to the family. Word must've gotten around about my hugging phobia and I was glad of that.

I thought these guys all hated me or didn't want to be my friend. But here they were, all being so nice, telling me 'good job yesterday' and 'no hard feelin's, kid…welcome.'

What a jerk I am. I almost didn't want to come back today, and it would've been for nothing…I would've thrown away my life, Bella and Katie's respect for me, and what little dignity I had…because of a little practical hazing joke. I'm such a baby.

And Sharon gave me the last hug, saying, "My pretty one came BACK! I'm SO glad, Anthony!"

"Me too, Ma'am." I said softly, smiling down at her.

Is it wrong that I was happy she called me pretty? The other guys surely wouldn't like to be called that. I have to grow more stubble. I have to make myself look like a cowboy.

Victoria has really fucked me up. She made me feel my only worth was my pretty face and body…and now that was still with me.

"Sharon!", she corrected, "We're all family here now. No Ma'am crap!"

"Okay.", I felt myself blush a little, "Thanks."

Bob also informed me that thanks to me he won one hundred dollars. Each guy bet ten bucks that I wouldn't come back today, and Bob was the only one to bet that I WOULD. I was touched that Bob had bet on me, and now I was even more determined to do well here.

Even the horses saw all this and seemed to go a little easier on me today. Not all of them. Some were still psychotic but when I opened their stalls and carried buckets instead of bowls, they seemed to know I had been educated a bit and let me get by.

Although, Psycho still pissed on me when I opened his door. It's nice to know some things don't ever change.

"Good morning Psycho.", I said in a flat voice, going past him and dumping his feed into his trough, "I missed you, too."

Maybe I can find some rubber pants.

And I backed out, keeping my eyes on him just like yesterday.

I wonder if I'd get in trouble for putting something into his food that would put him to sleep for a few days.

I noticed a little today that most of the mares…the female horses…(see how knowledgeable I'm getting?) seemed to like me. Now that the bowls were gone, they were giving me a very nice, quiet look when I entered their little pen.

Either that, or they liked my Psycho piss cologne.

I was thinking about it last night, and I decided to try and use my experience to help me out a little here. When you think about it, these horses are not worse than the hordes of hungry women I'd glide through to serve drinks, and to serve myself to them if they wanted me. I had learned to be graceful under pressure there…how was here any different? Except that these horses were a better class than what I used to serve.

If I could make those dregs love me in New York, I could win these creatures over. I remembered all Emmett's lessons back when I was a new dancer. It was weird but most of them could work HERE for me too. My every move today I made into a sort of dance, like when I served drinks at Fire. No one else watching me could see I was really "dancing" but it was all inside me. And I did start to feel as if it were easier, I didn't feel like I was stumbling through it all, like yesterday.

As the day went on, I found myself talking to them. I warmed up to the mares first, like I said. Naturally.

"Hey Dazzle!", I smiled my best, most charming smile at a pretty white mare first, and said, "You look so pretty today! You hungry, girl? Yeaaa…good girl!"

I also discovered that they liked it when I ran my fingers through their hair, so I did that too. I recalled an older woman once stroked my hair when I was in the vampire cage…and how much I loved it. She was gentle…so I was gentle now, too. And they were responding.

I heard a couple snickers in the distance but I didn't care. All I knew is I wasn't getting bitten or kicked…at the moment anyway.

"Got something new for YOU today, Hot Gossip!", I heard myself saying to another mare a few minutes later, seeing she was getting new food this morning, "You're gonna LOVE this…awww….so sweet…eat it up, baby."

Before I left her, I even dared to whisper in her soft ear, "Hey, do you know where I can find a Slurpee machine?" Maybe she'd heard something, her NAME is hot gossip! But she didn't tell me anything. Damn!

I think the horses liked it when I spoke to them. Maybe the other guys didn't do it. I didn't hear anyone else conversing with the animals. If nothing else, it kept me cool and calm when entering the stalls. And maybe they responded to that. Bob said they smell fear and that might have made them skittish around me yesterday.

I didn't feel afraid of them today. Maybe I remembered that there are scarier things out there to fear. And the full night of sex and sleep didn't hurt me either, I'm sure.

I even tipped my hat to a horse named Bella Donna! She liked that. I could tell by the way she flipped her hair up at me and gave me a cute little girly giggle…horse style.

"Can't resist the Bellas.", I said to her, "They're my favorite!"

I figured if I won the women over, the guys would follow later. I could dream, couldn't I? Great, my big dream is a day without being pissed on.

After lunch, Bob had the radio on in the stable to hear the news. I listened as I worked, wondering if I'd hear anything about Victoria or James or any of my mess back home. But I'm glad I didn't.

I was sweating but it wasn't as bad as yesterday. Cotton is better than flannel in September here, lesson one learned.

"Masen, I'll be back in awhile.", Bob called to me, "Sharon wants me."

The other guys were out, riding some of the horses, rehearsing them for the show on Saturday. I peeked out there, seeing them running and leaping over piles of stacked up hay. That looks fun. Those horses move FAST! And I LOVED speed!

Maybe someday I'd get to do that and some other slob would be in here, shoveling horse poo.

I gave a nod to Bob and kept working, scraping the dirt out of Yoyo's hoof. Yoyo was a boy, but he was young. So I guess that makes him a colt? I'd have to ask Bob later.

I liked Yoyo, he was a sweetheart. Besides being so cute, he was also the exact color of my Bella's hair. He kept nuzzling his face into me while I tried to groom him. It actually tickled a little and I heard myself laughing a couple times.

"Are you cuddling or are you trying to taste me like your father did?", I asked with a chuckle. Apollo was Yoyo's Dad. Oh wait ! Apollo was a stallion, Bob said. He could make babies. Geldings were boys but they couldn't make babies. Hey, I'm learning!

I became aware that I was being watched like a hawk by his mother, a giant black horse named Big Momma. She was waiting for me to take one little misstep with her baby. She would be sure to leap over her stall door and murder me before I could open my mouth to scream.

"Yoyo…behave…", I smiled a little less, trying to get serious now, "Your mother's watching…you're making me look bad. Stop tickling the human."

As I washed him, I asked, "Hey, now that we're such good friends…maybe you can pass word around to all the other horses that I'm not such a dork. Tell 'em I have access to apples…and carrots."

I didn't even realize it happened but music started playing on the radio and as I brushed Yoyo in nice wide circular strokes, my body was dancing! When I did notice myself moving, I laughed to myself and Yoyo stared at me, as if to ask, 'What are you DOING there?"

"Sorry, boy.", I said to him with a smile, "You can take the dancer out of the sewer but-never mind…you won't know that expression."

"GOOD song!", I commented as the next song began. I flashed back for a second. I had danced to this song many times at the club. And my body was moving against my will, as if it was still programmed to perform. But this was not a bad thing. This was nice. I was dancing and it was actually…fun again for me. I found myself liking it…no, loving it. This is weird. I haven't danced for so long…I thought if I ever had to again, I would vomit. But it wasn't like that right now.

But then, when I was dancing onstage at the club, I wasn't within reach of the women. Sure, there were the catcalls but…it was the one time they couldn't get me. They just had to watch…and wait.

(I suck at describing dance moves, just picture like John Travolta from Stayin Alive, at the beginning…or the end. Look it up, it's HOT! This song is Let's Get Lost from Eclipse soundtrack, listen to it while you read this, it's a HOT song too !)

"Touch me I'm cold…", I sang along with the girl's sensual soft voice, "Unable to control…"

The music was hot and relaxing to me…and I was alone…I felt myself smiling as I showed Yoyo some moves.

I wasn't doing my more graphic and obscene dance steps, I did the ones that actually looked like real dancing…I couldn't help that every move I had possessed a certain sensuality to it. It was all I knew.

Yoyo watched as I took a step or two back, not wanting to spook him as I just enjoyed the moment and gave my neck a slow roll, closing my eyes and moving my hand through my hair, moving it down my chest, leaving out the crotch grab I used to do. I bucked my hips a little, my legs dancing and rocking the rest of my body left and right.

I got a little whinny of approval from Yoyo, he seemed to be envious of my mad dancing skills, wishing he could copy me.

I placed my black hat on his head and laughed, running a hand through my damp hair.

"You liking that, Yoyo?", I smiled, doing a spin and putting my arms up a bit, right near my face, my foot striking a single stomp on the cement beneath it.

I laughed and sang along to the words (something I was never allowed to do at the club).

"Touch me, I'm golden…", I sang, "As wild as the wind blows…"

I was so hot so I said to hell with it and yanked off my t shirt. No one would see.

I rolled it up playfully and tied it around my eyes as I kept dancing. I heard another horse laughing at me, that is exactly the sound it was, I'm sure of it.

But I had all their attention, I'm sure of that too.

Strange, with it on, I was more aware of my surroundings than ever. I felt safe this way and felt my body completely relax and let go, letting it do what it wanted. I was dancing….and I felt so free.

And I saw Bella…when I sang the words, "If just for tonight, darling….let's get lost."

I glided in a circle and felt a stable's metal bars behind me. I grabbed them, as if my hands were trapped there, and threw my head from side to side, my hips rolling up and down, my legs splayed out wide apart….I arched my back up and let out a breath, letting go of so much tension…then I held on with my one hand, the other one scratching its nails across my pecks, my teeth clamped tight, sneering, slightly in pain.

When the man's voice began to sing in the next verse, I yanked the shirt off my eyes and made two slashes in the air with it, as if it were a whip, the music seeming to make just those sounds.

And for once, I didn't see Victoria…didn't even think of her. I was just having fun, as if Emmett, Jazz and I were fooling around, coming up with our dance routines. It felt almost natural.

"Let me come closer," I sang with the man's voice, "I'm not your shadow…"

I'm NOT a fucking shadow anymore…I'll never let myself be that again. Enjoy your fucking death, Victoria. I'm alive…and I'm enjoying it. I'm still here, bitch!

You didn't break THIS toy.

I'm in the warm sun, dancing…living. It was like…being on the moon.

My legs easily did a full split, right down to the cement floor, and my head rested on my knee, then I pretended to pull my own hair from the back, and rose myself up, getting back on my feet as if I had really yanked my body up somehow. That move took me years to master…a trick of Emmett's that I swiped.

I spread my arms out like wings, then held them out as if I were being stretched against my will and threw my head left and right, rolling my neck. I leapt and spun in midair, landing perfectly, smiling at Yoyo as I sang "If just for tonight, my darling…let's get lost…"

Laughing, I stroked the sides of Yoyo's face, even placing a little kiss on his nose as the song came to an end.

All the horses seemed to applaud with their collective knickers and whinnies….and I took a little bow before them.

"Thank you, thank you…I'm self taught.", I joked, "And don't try that at home, I'm a professional."

It's so weird. I have incredible, deep lows…times when I loathe myself and the pain feels as if it will destroy me…and then…suddenly…I shoot upwards, like a bullet…flying…laughing…almost HIGH. I tried to remember a time when I was right in between and I couldn't. I know that's not good.

I wiped the perspiration from my neck with my shirt and I heard clapping behind me…from above.

That was enough to make me spin around towards it as if I wore wheels! My mouth gaped open as I set my eyes on Sharon, Bob, and another woman. My whole body tensed and I fumbled to get my shirt back on FAST!

There were stairs up above…metal ones that led down to the back of the stable. They had been standing up there on that platform, watching me !

Bob shook his head and gave a little laugh of nervousness, it seemed like.

"He's from New York.", I heard Bob explain, still looking at me with affection.

I opened my mouth three times to explain…but no sounds came out except hollow air.

They were coming down stairs to get closer to me. I just managed to get the goddamn shirt on as they reached the spot I was frozen in.

"God, that was utterly BEAUTIFUL!", the woman with Sharon smiled at me. She was younger, in her twenties, with long blonde hair that flowed far past her shoulders. Blue eyes, nice figure…she wore tight blue jeans and a white lacey blouse…most men would find her very attractive. But I didn't. And for just one reason.

She was looking at me like I was a piece of meat. I knew that look well. I couldn't breathe. Just when I was feeling good and at peace, ice cold water was thrown on me…and I was terrified. They saw ! They know what I am! And that's why this woman looks as if she's going to pounce on me any minute now!

"Wasn't it though?", Sharon's look upon me was different…she smiled at me but it wasn't a lust filled stare like this other girl.

"If only I were 100 years younger…", Sharon grinned at me, her eyes twinkling, "You'd be MINE!"

She touched both sides of my face as if I were a ten year old boy, and I made myself smile at her, as weak as I'm sure it was.

Did they see my scars?

"I'm sorry, Sharon…", I began, my voice still not working all the way, "I—the radio was on and…I didn't know if—"

"God, he's CUTE!", the other woman looked at Sharon and commented like I was deaf or something, "And shy, too….adorable!"

I felt like a cute sweater she was looking at off the rack.

Bob cut in and saved me.

"Er, Anthony, this is Jenna, Sharon's daughter.", Bob introduced, "Jenna, this is Anthony Masen, he started yesterday."

I put my hand out and she gave me her very manicured hand, the glossy pink nails catching my attention for a second.

I nearly kissed her hand, as I used to be required to do when meeting a lady friend of Victoria's. I shook it gently instead, not bothering to wipe off my hand first. Maybe that will turn her off. But it didn't seem to.

"Hello.", I said, still very tense, "It's nice to meet you, Jenna."

"The pleasure is ALL mine.", she said in return, and I felt my face get warmer.

"Now THAT'S what should be in our show!", Jenna motioned to me, where I'd been dancing, "Sexy, dancing cowboys! I'm so tired of watching horses do the same tricks over and over again!"

"Oh, you don't mean that.", Sharon teased her daughter, "You've just been alone too long."

I felt so cheap now when moments ago, I was having such a nice time. I thought all the horrid women were back in New York.

"And you're making the boy nervous…", Sharon told her, noticing my unease, "Stop acting like a bitch in heat!"

Jenna laughed, not taking that comment badly.

Bob was scratching his head and said, to me, "Jenna is one of the best riders in Casper County. She's the star of the rodeo."

Jenna looked at Bob as if he were a dog that did his trick as trained.

"Oh?", I asked, not sounding very impressed.

I have to be careful. I don't want to piss off Sharon here.

We all stood there in silence for a moment….then I looked at Bob helplessly.

"Well, Ant has a lot of work to do.", Bob said as I nodded, giving him a small, but very grateful smile.

"Yea, Yoyo is waiting for me…", I began to turn back to my little buddy, who was watching with keen interest.

I gave him a double take, taking my hat off his head…plunking it onto mine, hoping no one saw that. How did he keep it on his head like that?

"Maybe YOU can teach Anthony to ride!", Sharon said it as if it just occurred to her suddenly. Maybe it did. I don't think Sharon meant anything wrong by suggesting it. But I didn't like the sound of this.

She smiled at me, looking me up and down and asked, "New to equestrian activities, are you, Anthony?"

I frowned, confused, trying to figure out what the hell she was talking about.

"I don't know what that means.", I said honestly, feeling stupid, which is just what she wanted. I've played these little games before.

Bob muttered, "That's horseback riding."

"Oh!", I felt hot again, "Uh, no. I don't know how to ride horses."

"Mmmm, a virgin.", Jenna said low under her breath to almost herself but I heard it, "This just gets better and better."

I wish I could say I was gay. That usually shut women like her up. Once Emmett even came over and verified my story by putting his arm around me and kissing my cheek! I think he even rubbed his nose into my neck! At the time I was repulsed…but now it was a fond recollection.

But I can't do that here. I'll never have a male friend in this town, and after the Sir Kevin thing, I didn't want to go there.

"_**I'm**_ teaching the kid to ride!", Bob saved me again and I took a breath, my eyes going back and forth between them. I feel like a doll the two of them are fighting over.

"You have a family.", Jenna reminded, "I'm sure they want you home for dinner at night. I, on the other hand, have lots of spare time."

Then she smiled at me like I was three years old and asked, with all the sugary sweetness in the world, "You'd like me to teach you, wouldn't you, Anthony?"

She is SO not talking about horseback riding lessons. I began to itch. Funny, she thought there was something SHE could teach ME. HA! That is for to LAUGH!

I looked at Sharon and hesitated.

She shrugged and grinned. "It's up to you, Anthony.", she said, "Whatever you want."

Bob looked down and kicked something softly, probably thinking I'd choose Jenna instead of him. Don't worry, Bob. I've got your back. That's another thing I learned with Emmett and Jasper. Never turn on your friends.

"No offense, Jenna," I smiled with a pleasant voice, "But Bob has been a great teacher for me so far and I'd like to stick with him. If…that's alright."

I looked at Bob and he grinned.

"Fine with me, kid.", he said, looking happy about my decision.

Jenna sighed and looked at her mother. I expected trouble but she gave none.

"Whatever.", she tried to cover her disappointment, a weak smile on her lips as she turned and began to walk away, but her eyes stayed on me, and she added softly, "But I'll be keeping an eye on YOU, little Anthony. See ya."

Sharon looked a little embarrassed, and said, "She lost her boyfriend awhile ago. She's harmless. She just gets a little…aggressive sometimes. Sorry."

I nodded and tried to look unaffected as Sharon walked off, no doubt on her way to bawl out her daughter for acting so forward.

Bob was giggling a little and I frowned at him.

"What?", I asked.

"You okay?", he asked me first.

I shrugged, acting cool. "Yea.", I said quickly, "Why?"

"Jenna's a nice girl, really.", Bob watched her small figure as it kept getting further and further away, "She's not usually so…uukkk…"

(I swear I wrote that line BEFORE I heard Rob's commentary on Eclipse…lol)

I tried not to laugh at Bob's face when he'd said that.

"She's just lonely…", he informed, "And in this town, a single woman has to be strong. She's worked her butt off to become something here. She's had it tough. Men treat her real bad most of the time. Or they're too chicken to approach her at all, thinking they don't have a shot cause she's kinda a celebrity in this town."

"Hmm..", I watched her like Bob was doing. Maybe I'd judged her too fast. Maybe she was like me…damaged. Hiding behind a mask too. Just because she made me uncomfortable didn't make her EVIL, I guess. I'd have to learn to stop comparing all women to Victoria.

"Well, get back to it, Ant.", Bob changed the subject, to my great relief, "Yoyo ain't gonna groom himself."

"Uh, Bob?" I asked, and he stopped and turned a bit towards me.

"You…", I began…then winced, looking around me…"You….saw…me dancing?"

I motioned around me, where I'd been making a damn fool of myself and he turned more towards me, crossing his arms.

"Oh, is that what that was? Yea?", he shrugged.

He had to have seen my whip marks…he had to have seen that it was not a normal kind of dance I'd been doing…would he tell people? Would he act all weird around me now?

"And…", I waited, adding…"You have nothing to…say? Or ask?"

I waited for him to judge me, to ask all kinds of things I didn't want to answer.

"It was a little weird, but I prefer line dancing myself.", he looked confused…or was he just pretending to be dumb about this.

"But—", I was about to elaborate but Bob cut me off.

"Ant!", he smirked, "It's none of my business. I'm still your friend, if that's what you're asking . All I care about is that you do your job…and do it well. So move your ass, boy."

I almost hugged the man. Even though he still insists on calling me Ant.

"Okay.", I felt a huge weight rise off my shoulders, "Thanks Bob."

"Alright.", he gave a nod and walked to the other side of the stalls, opening one and taking out a white horse with brown spots.

BPOV

"I'm so embarrassed.", I admitted, sitting there in my new counselor's office; a mug of coffee in my trembling hands, "I cannot BELIEVE I did that."

I was looking at Josh, the counselor I'd met yesterday who informed me how things would be with my classes. At the time I'd been so angry and frustrated…I didn't notice how handsome he was.

(This guy is based on Josh Holloway, Sawyer from Lost…mmmm, although Edward is STILL my favorite, don't get jealous, Cullen! )

He was older than me, maybe in his mid thirties. His hair was golden blonde, parted down the middle, and fell in nice waves around his shoulders. A hint of a line was near the corner of each of his baby blue colored eyes, but it didn't show age, only experience. He had a little stubble on his face and it suited him. To complete things, his white t shirt clung to his every curve, now that he had taken off his brown leather bomber jacket and tossed it across the back of his chair.

And did I mention his voice? Wow! It was a southern accent but it wasn't off putting…it was sultry…a bad cowboy…that's the only way I can describe it.

What am I doing? I have the love of my life and here I am, mentally taking inventory of my guidance counselor. I am not well.

"Don't worry about it, darlin'.", his eyes seemed to twinkle as he talked and smiled at me, he took a swig of his own coffee cup, "Everything around here is too green, if you ask me. It needed a bit of color."

I twisted my lips up and shook my head, trying not to laugh. But when he did, I couldn't hold it in either.

This guy was a very laid back, relaxed type. I found myself very comfortable around him.

I searched for something else to say, something to get us off the topic of my hurling in the opening terraces of the school. I just knew the poor bastard that was cleaning it up now was cursing me out somewhere. Maybe he'd slash my tires or something. I couldn't blame him.

But it turns out Josh spoke first.

"I'm sorry again…", he said, his face straightening a bit, "About yesterday. About the way things turned out with your classes. I nearly got fired yesterday for screaming at the monkeys in charge. It's not fair. You should pick up where you left off."

I felt myself shrug, as if it was no big deal, when actually it was a very big one.

"It's okay.", I took a little sip of the coffee, tasting that it was way too strong for me, "I see their point. It's just…a lot of hard work went into those years. And I feel like that's all just been erased. But it won't stop me from getting what I want. I know people who've had to start all over again…and experienced worse unfairness than me. So how can I complain?"

I saw Edward's smile in my mind instantly and I felt a warm glow spread out all over the inside of my body. I miss him so much and I just got here.

Josh studied me for a minute but it didn't make me feel funny, as I usually felt under a man's stare. Not that it happened to me that often before Edward.

What Josh knew about my situation was nothing. All he knew was that I'd had to change my name, I'd moved here from New York, and my classes couldn't be transferred.

"Go ahead.", he raised a brow, his lips in a devilish little smile, "I won't tell anyone."

I gave a little chuckle at that and drank my coffee, ignoring the taste. Was I really hiding behind this cup?

"It's good for the soul to be a little selfish sometimes.", he said with a deep voice, his eyes holding mine as if they were willing me to take his advice, "Being in our field, we're so busy helping and thinking of our patients, that we can forget ourselves. Not good. You can't save anyone if you're drowning, too."

"True.", I put my cup down at last and took a deep breath, thinking of Edward. Josh was right. I was drowning in the water beside Edward…and I had unintentionally yanked him underneath it, clawing and hurting him to ease my own grief and terror. I started to think of ways I could avoid doing that in the future.

"You know, Marie…", he leaned forward a bit, his eye contact never breaking, "I know you asked me for some names, doctors. I am also a psychiatrist."

I began to make sounds, trying to find a way to politely decline his services when he spoke again.

"I know you can't actually be a patient of mine.", he said right away, sensing my dilemma, "Conflict of interest and all. I understand that. But I am your counselor. If you ever want to talk…about anything…you just have to knock."

I doubted I would be able to tell this man all about my problems, about Edward and his past…it wasn't safe. We were told not to tell anyone anything. I'm glad the marshals were coming tonight. I could ask about this.

So all I said was, "Thank you Mr. Holland."

"Josh.", He corrected me, and there was that naughty little smirk. I had to admit, while I'd never do anything about it…it was nice to look at. I bet he had lots of girlfriends. He looked like he'd be a lot of fun…as a friend. Rosalie would stalk him for weeks if she were here.

"Josh.", I smiled, feeling like a sixteen year old girl. Oh JEEZ, MARIE, get a grip! He's a teacher and your counselor! Remember James?

He was looking down at his desk now, writing something in a little scribble.

Tearing a slip of paper from a pad, he held it up between his first two fingers.

"Take a mental health day.", he ordered, "On ME."

"Oh, no I'm fine…", I began, standing up, taking this as my cue to leave and get to class.

"Now don't argue with me, Miss Brown.", he teased, his eyes stern but amused, "Go home, relax, and take care of YOU today. Doctor's orders."

I wanted to tell him he could call me Marie…as much as I hated that name. But I didn't want him to get too close to me so soon. I had to keep people at a distance. Is this what Edward's life was like before me? Was I catching his habit of not trusting anyone?

He still held up the slip and I knew I couldn't win this argument. A day to myself did sound nice. Maybe Ben and Angela went out today. Maybe I could just drive around town and explore. I couldn't help but feel guilty having a day off on my second day of school while Edward was killing himself working in the stables. Maybe I can call and check out some of those counselors.

I took the slip of paper and that pleased him. He looked up at me, that grin still in place.

"Thanks.", I felt myself blush and I wanted to die right there of humiliation.

"No problem.", he said, watching me as he leaned back in his leather chair.

"Bye.", I said, trying to make a smooth exit. But of course, I nearly slammed myself in the face with the door.

I rushed out, hearing his low chuckle in the air as he watched me leave.

See next chapter soon!

Love, Winnd

Next – the marshals will show up and Ben will have his talk with Edward! LOL!


	7. Time to Take the Reigns

Chapter 7

A/N: Hey guys, thanks again for all the nice reviews! Sorry to annoy, I thought my little inserts were a little out of place. And don't worry, just because I'm introducing new, good looking characters into the story doesn't mean Ed and Bella will just drop each other and go with them. But, yea, Bella had a little bit of an issue there with her counselor, didn't she? I make no excuses for her, I'm just telling the tale…lol.

(Don't you want to see Jealousward? I DO!) Okay that one was before the chapter, so it's okay. Let's not forget that Bella DOES love Edward but she also has not had many experiences with good looking men. They make her nervous, especially when they're being nice to her. And Edward did not fall in love with her in the usual, romantic kind of way that most people do. But, yes, I agree, she should definitely know better. We'll see what she does next. I think that Bella is just desperate to find a friend that is her own again.

And there were so many good reviews, feeling bad for Edward when he did his dancing there, like he doesn't know if he hates or loves his own body, and is so afraid of how others react to him…that was very good, that's what I was going for, more than just showing him dancing. I also read a lot on the male survivors of rape, it's just horrible what men go through after being attacked. Women are embraced after their attack in our society, but men are doubted, questioned, and just not paid much attention to at all.

But don't worry, therapy will be happening for Edward soon and I have a wonderful idea for who his shrink will be. HE HE HE !

**Answers to some questions and confusion: **

Katie is 9 years old, Edward left her when she was 3yrs old, he was with Victoria for 6 years.

Sir Kevin will be addressed soon. Bella was told Sir Kevin probably died but she's not sure yet. There was much confusion and all when they had to run all of a sudden.

Renee is dead, yes, died of cancer.

Horse information: I am really trying my best to be accurate with the horse stuff but please bear with me and just don't overanalyze it too much. I will try harder to make it more realistic, and as far as the rodeo goes, it is a real rodeo, some of the things Edward is seeing with the horses are just exercises and drills. But when you see the rodeo in action, it will be authentic. Bulls, cowboys, violence…all the good stuff.

Sorry if there was any discrepancies in the story. My bad.

BPOV

Having a day off helped a great deal. I was able to walk in the sun, alone, just wandering through town, window shopping…getting some ideas for Christmas gifts, even though once again, I'm shopping for that a bit early.

I tried not to think of Charlie, and how I wouldn't be with him for the holidays. And it's not just THIS holiday, it will be every year, every Christmas…I had to pull away from these thoughts, storing them away for another time.

I looked at things with Edward in mind, and Katie, Ben and Angela. I have to accept that they are my family now. I do love them but I still don't feel like I'm part of them, like I feel with Charlie – comfortable, quiet, included. Ben and Angela don't exclude me and they've been very nice to me, but still, that feeling is there. I'm not really their daughter. I'm the girl in their daughter's place. They don't say that to me or anything, but it's inside MY head.

I switched gears and began to get a bit productive with my time. Stumbling across the grocery store, I went in and got some much needed items, including a box of cherry icees. It wasn't the same as a Slurpee, and I never heard of the brand name, but it was better than nothing. Maybe it would make Edward—sorry-Anthony smile.

I wished I could afford more. I wished I could buy him a new Volvo or something. I owed him big time after how I treated him last night.

I did have the $20,000 that Edward had gotten back for me, and that was in the hands of the Witness Protection people. I could have it if I wanted it, but Edward suggested I leave it, save it. He was taking over Charlie's mission – making me save that money to start my own practice someday. Edward even said he'd make me a beautiful sign that read "Dr. Bella" when I had my own office. It was so cute I had to laugh.

He didn't have a cent to his own name, as everything he ever earned went straight to Victoria. That pissed me off so much, not because I wanted his money but because after all he suffered, he should have had some money to live on at least.

But then I reminded myself that, as vile a creature as she was, she DID keep her word about paying for all Katie's medical bills. Ben and Angela had a decent amount of money as Ben owned a hanger factory, but Edward was too proud to take anything more from them, saying they had given him so much already, by caring for his daughter so well all these years.

This is why Edward chose to work. He didn't HAVE to but he wanted to. He said he didn't want to mooch off Ben and Angela. I had to admire him for that. He could've easily laid back and let them pay for everything, but he was surprised to find that he had pride…and that was nice to see. I didn't know if I could handle an Edward who did NOT want to work a regular, low paying job. If he acted lazy, I really think it would cause problems between us. But, thankfully, my worries about that were put to rest quickly.

And Edward was making a pretty decent salary at the rodeo. He would probably get a raise as he learned more the marshals had told us.

I didn't really care, I never needed much anyway. But I did want to get something for Edward and Katie for the holidays. Something with money I earned. Maybe there was a job in town or at school, a temporary thing for the Christmas season. I don't see any malls around here.

A sweet old man just said hello to me as I walked by him and I have no idea who he is. I wondered if talk about us new people had spread yet, or if he was just being polite. Either way, it felt nicer than being on your guard all the time, like I had to learn to be in New York. Rosalie had taught me, make no eye contact with strangers on the street, and if they said anything to you or looked directly at you – get away from them – FAST.

I was glad to leave that "kill or be killed" stuff behind. This town reminded me of Forks, without all the rain and dreary gray skies. It was warm again today…almost hot. I had to admit, I loved a warm climate.

When I did get home, I put all my food away and sat right down to play "who can I call on the telephone". I had my list of names in front of me on the table and took a breath, dialing the zero that connected me to the police station.

"Casper Police.", a man's voice said with a touch of friendly to it. He sounded bored but not hostile.

"Um, hi…", I began, unsure how to do this, "This is…"

Shit! I almost said Bella Swan.

"This is Marie Brown.", I began again, "I want to make a couple of local calls."

"Hi Miss Brown.", he sounded as if he were smiling now, enjoying my amateurish attempt at this.

"Where would you like to call?", he asked, making me feel instantly intruded upon.

"I need to call a couple doctors in the area.", I tried to say as little as possible, "Not doctors for our health…I mean…huuuhhhh….psychiatrists. Is that alright?"

"Yes, that's alright.", he agreed with no hesitation, "As long as they're local."

"Yea, they are.", I nodded, looking at the first name on my list.

"Okay.", he said and I heard typing in the background, then a click, "Dial your number normally, as long as it's local, it will go through."

"Thanks.", I said, then asked, "Should I hang up first?"

"Yep.", he said, "Hang up with me, then you can dial. Anything else you need today, Miss Brown?"

"No, I don't think so.", I looked out the window, hating this.

"Have a good day then, Miss.", he said, and he was gone.

Other than that little inconvenience, it wasn't so bad calling the names on my list. I spoke to a couple receptionists and they told me I could call back for an appointment when and if the family was ready. I wanted to ask questions about the doctors themselves, to get a feeling if they were good enough for Edward…but I got shot down on that every time. The doctors were busy with a patient and I was told that I could find out more about them during our initial visit. I didn't have a laptop or computer either, and I was really missing that. I used to get all my information from the internet, but we weren't allowed that, either, in this witness protection cage we were locked in.

The truth was, though, I didn't want to use Edward like a guinea pig, taking him to a whole bunch of doctors, trying them on him like coats in a store. Edward had been through so much, I wanted him to get help NOW, with someone GREAT. I didn't want to take a chance that he'd get in a room with some ass wipe who might make things worse. What if they said something and he withdrew completely away from seeing someone at all? It would be back to Dr. Bella and I'd never get him to try again.

I decided to try the last two names later. I was getting aggravated and cranky, and didn't want to be that way if I WAS lucky enough to actually get to speak to a real doctor.

The couch looked so inviting, and for once it wasn't covered with people, so I indulged myself and stretched out on it, laying down and closing my eyes with a big stupid smile on my face…enjoying the silence while it lasted. It felt divine but at the same time, naughty and lazy…but I couldn't make myself care at the moment.

"Bella?", a lovely voice was close by…and I could feel those familiar long fingers in my hair…."Bella?"

"Mmmmm?", I rolled onto my side and found his hand with mine, not opening my eyes yet…just feeling the soft, thin digits that were playing near my temple. I kissed them, and hugged my arms around that hand, snuggling into it playfully.

I heard a little chuckle and smiled myself, imagining that perfect face when it laughed.

"Come here and snuggle with me.", I suggested, not hearing Katie, Ben, or Angela in the vicinity. It hadn't even dawned on me that it was the middle of the afternoon and Edward was home already.

"Bella, I have to talk to you.", he said, and I noticed his voice sounded strange…nervous…afraid?

My eyes opened right away and I SAW the fear in his eyes.

"What happened?", I shot up to a sitting position, "What?"

"Shhh…", he gently held my arms, and I saw he was kneeling there beside the sofa, his black t shirt on, no hat on his head.

"Nothing's wrong.", he said, then looked away, "I mean…it is…but…there's no emergency or anything. Your father is fine, as far as I know."

I let out a huge breath. I felt my body relax a bit.

"Oh.", I said, "Good. What's wrong, then? Why are you home?"

"Bella…", he swallowed hard, "There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to say it."

I frowned, wondering what the hell it could be.

"Okay."

He let go of my arms and looked down, "I'm going back. To New York."

I felt like someone just smashed me in the face with something hard and ice cold.

All I could muster up was, "WHAT?"

"I've tried this life.", he explained, his face filled with agony, his eyes rising up quickly to mine, then back down fast, "I don't like it. I'm not good at it."

"You've only tried it for a MONTH!", I heard myself holler, my insides churning harder as I sat up more, alert, ready for battle, "What are you—what do you MEAN-WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? You CAN'T go BACK!"

"I can.", he answered solemnly, his eyes still down, staring at his hands, "I know people there…I can find a place."

"CAN YOU?", I roared, filled with rage, "What about your daughter? Is there a place there for HER too?"

His eyes were painted with sorrow as he looked right into my eyes then.

"I'm leaving her with Ben and Angela.", he informed, as if it were all decided.

"The FUCK you ARE!", I shoved him and stood on the couch, glad to be towering over him now, "Where – what the HELL is your PLAN? Victoria's DEAD!"

"I don't want to tell you what I'm planning, Bella.", he said, sitting back on his legs, as if awaiting his punishment, his head down, "It's easier if you don't know."

"Fuck THAT!", I growled, out of control, grabbing his hair until he was looking up at me, "I WANT TO KNOW! WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? TELL ME!"

"Raven.", he said without any other explanations.

I wanted him dead right at that moment. I wanted to kill him myself. I felt like he just vomited all over me. I couldn't even stand touching him and let go of his hair like it was burning me.

It took me awhile to speak.

"Raven?", I sneered it like it was the shittiest of all words.

"She knows what I am.", he said with a very sad, resigned voice, his head down again, "She accepts me. She doesn't push me to be someone else."

I couldn't BELIEVE this was happening! I WAS going to be sick! I walked past him, not even able to LOOK at him now without repulsion. I tried to be level headed about this…what would Dr. Bella say?

With a very controlled and calm voice I heard myself ask, "Is this what you want? What about your daughter? What about ME? What about YOU?"

"You're all better off without me.", he didn't move from his spot near the couch, "I'm just not…good. I tried. For you and Katie…I tried. But I can't do it. I'm not what you imagined me to be. And I can't keep pretending to be. I'm so sorry Bella. I would die before hurting you but—"

"NO!", I shouted, my hands clenched and quaking hard against the kitchen table, "NO! You are NOT just going to quit and walk out on us! It will kill Katie! It'll kill ME! And worst of all, it'll kill YOU! That bitch almost killed you! TWICE! Why would you go back to HER?"

I sobbed hard and felt tears running down my face but I didn't care. I wanted to hear his answer.

"She loves me.", he replied, not making eye contact with me, "She loves me for what I am, flaws and all. She doesn't ask me to be MORE. It will be easier with her. "

"That's what it IS, isn't IT?", I spun around, looking at the back of his head, "She'll give you a nice room in her mansion, won't she? She'll let you sleep all day and have anything you want, right? Just as long as you allow her to USE you like a -"

I couldn't even go on. I raced to the sink in the kitchen, feeling bile rising up.

The only thing that stopped me from puking was his angry voice. He leapt to his feet and spun around towards me, yelling.

"At least I won't have to shovel HORSE SHIT all day!", his face was pure disgust, someone I had never seen before.

"I HATE IT HERE!", he screamed, and I felt his hate in my bones as he said it, "This crummy, fucking dump we live in ! This TOWN! A God damned HOLE! And I HATE pretending that WE have this perfect relationship! We DON'T! You're every BIT as demanding and HUNGRY as Victoria EVER WAS! The only difference is you don't chain me down first!"

"BELLA!"

I jerked when I heard Katie's voice calling to me suddenly. She can't see Edward like THIS! Oh GOD!

"It's okay, Katie…" I began to explain, feeling her little hands on mine.

I was laying on the couch again. And Katie was there, staring at me, confused. Ben and Angela were behind her, looking at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears.

Edward wasn't here. And I was panting like I'd just run four miles!

"You have nightmares like Daddy's.", she said, straight to the heart of it, knowing it without a doubt. She sounds like ME when I'm Dr. Bella.

"Eeeww, you're all wet!", she winced, touching my forehead. I discovered she was right…I WAS sweating like a PIG!

"I'll get you an ice water.", Angela was already on her way to the fridge for me.

"Thanks.", I said, still dazed, still unaware of if that was real or my own personal fiction.

I wondered if Katie had a doll she could give ME.

"Jeez, thank GOD that was a dream!", I breathed to myself as Katie helped me sit up. She was being very nice to me and I had to admit I needed it right now.

"Daddy's not home?", I looked around, still not feeling it fully sink in yet…IT WAS A DREAM…IT WASN'T REAL. Fuck…I need a shrink bad. Why did I stop making those calls?

"Not yet.", she looked at the clock on the wall, "It's only FIVE O FOUR! Daddy gets home at SIX O O !"

It was a dream…a dream…a god damned dream…thank you GOD! Thank you ! I almost sobbed again when I got the glass of water to my lips and tasted its ice cold wash over my sick tasting tongue. That was so real…I almost felt the vomit in the back of my throat.

That was one of the worst ones I'd ever had, as far as nightmares go. I didn't even realize it…but I guess now I know…my subconscious is not just afraid of the past tortures Edward has had to face…it's also terrified of the future…of Edward finding things here too hard and wanting to go back to his old life.

It makes perfect sense to me. Lots of hookers, not that I was calling Edward one of them, who tried a normal life often become discouraged. They lived in luxury before and now they had to apply for jobs as Burger King cashiers or waitresses, making minimum wage. How could they live on that, and find a place of their own, pay rent? Not to mention all the rejection, which they weren't very used to, of employers seeing their past record and refusing them? Pimps…ones like Victoria, would take care of everything, handle all those little details. Hell, they'd even make the hooker feel LOVED, as Edward once felt in his Mistress' clutches. Until I came along, he didn't even realize what property he WAS in her eyes.

Now they would be alone. And despite the hard outer shell a hooker could armor themselves with, it is scary as Hell to be alone in this world.

It's even worse if the hooker is addicted to drugs or alcohol. Thank God Edward is smart enough to have avoided that shit.

Edward is not alone, I told myself, and I felt glad about that. Edward is lucky in some respects. He doesn't have to go out searching for a job. He doesn't have a record…or does he? We never talked about that. I made a mental note to ask him.

And Edward has a nice place to live, although not very fancy yet, he has support and family around him. That's very good. And Katie…she is a constant reminder that he can't go back to that life. I should've known that dream was bullshit. Edward would never leave her now. Not for millions of dollars and I DO know that for sure.

I feel ashamed I even DREAMED it. I decided not to tell Edward about this. He would be hurt that I'd even think of such things. I wanted him to know that I believed in him.

How hard it must be for others out there, who really WANT to leave that life but find it impossible? I never considered it before Edward.

I wanted to spend the rest of my time cooking dinner. Cooking always took my mind off my troubles. But it was Angela's night and she was taking out all kinds of food now, preparing things.

I didn't want to make any more calls in front of Katie to psychiatrists, and I really didn't want to lay back down again. My nightmares are getting too evil lately.

I needed a walk. And this area was perfect for that. The landscapes…the sky as the sun was setting…thrilled me. I can't believe Edward can't see what I see when I look around here.

"I'm going for a quick walk.", I muttered as I put a hand on Angela's back, "You need any help?"

She always said no.

"No, dear, I'm fine.", she smiled warmly at me, "Go have a nice walk."

Too bad. It probably would be fun and educational for me, cooking with Angela. I'm sure she had decades of cooking tips and tricks. Oh well.

As I walked away from the house, I couldn't help but think…Angela was being nice to me…but she still wasn't letting me in. I could understand that. I'm not her daughter. Maybe Tanya and her mother liked to cook together and she's not ready to let me do that with her. I wanted to ask her if she was mad at me, for last night's noise…but then I realized I was asking her to forgive me for making love to Edward. Screw that! I was sorry for Ben and Angela's loss, but I would NOT apologize for loving him…for living.

Edward had waited so long to live. I would not hold back just because they're watching.

Before I knew it, I was walking down a nice little path that left the house behind and I couldn't help but smile as I found green hills…and large tan rocks, bigger than me…older than me. The sun was low and orange in the distance, everything almost had a reddish glow in its hands. For a split second, I imagined myself a Sioux maiden…I could almost feel the soft suede of my Indian dress against my skin. There goes my dumb imagination again.

There was a little lake below as I stood on an enormous rock formation. It trickled along happily, as if it had no worries. A young one. I felt a little envious. I miss my young days without worries. But I immediately knew I'd never go back or trade my present for my past. It was without trouble but…it was also very empty. I'm a RIVER now. Older, stronger, with responsibilities, bigger and deeper than I was before. And despite it all, even though I'm not babbling and giggling like this little lake here…I AM HAPPY.

I sat on the rocks and closed my eyes, letting myself reflect and take stock of my life now.

I am a lover. I am a mother. I am a friend. I am a daughter. I am a student…and a teacher. I am a helper. A healer…kind of. I am trying. I want to be a better one.

I let out a breath, returning to focus on the positive, not to keep lingering on what I'm NOT yet. It's weird, but it's like the rocks around me…the breeze and the sky and the sun…are helping me…it's like inhaling good medicine. I could just see myself living here in a little teepee. It would be magical, to live in a time like that. Everything you needed was right here. And there were no pimps back then.

I pictured Edward as an Indian warrior, with a lovely long mane of wild red hair, like furious flames twisting around his flawless, ivory face…black and blue lines of war paint lined beneath those fierce, impossibly beautiful green eyes.

My Freed Eagle.

I do love it here.

I don't really pray much, or go to church as often as I should…but I felt so close to heaven here…so…to whoever's listening…

"Please…" I heard myself whisper, not wanting to disturb the amazing silence, "Please let us be happy here."

That's all I wish for. Please.

EPOV

When I leapt off the truck and landed on what was left of my feet, I almost let out a scream. God, I hurt. I can feel muscles I never knew I had…and they were all on fire.

Those horses are killing me. And they're enjoying it, the little demons.

"See you tomorrow, ANT!", Bob called and then a chorus of other male voices immediately chimed in, "ANT!"

It sounded more like a group of football players cheering their quarterback than a bunch of cowboys saying goodbye. I guess they haven't noticed I'm walking away like Quasimodo, on my way to the fucking bell tower.

"Bye you lunatics.", I commented back, hearing a couple of them laughing good naturedly as the truck roared on, continuing its journey to return each of them home until tomorrow's day of torturing the new kid.

At least I know that they don't hate me, I told myself as I limped to the door of my tiny dollhouse. I'm the new guy, and I have to pay my dues. I looked forward to the day I would be in on the hijinks, not the victim.

I didn't even make it three steps before I heard the shrill cry, "DADDY'S HOOMMMEE!"

That girl could sure make one feel like a rock star when they arrived, I grinned to myself. Please don't let her jump on me…please please please.

Make sure to make Bella feel included this time, dipshit, I told myself as I reached to open the door. But I never got the chance. It was ripped open by the little redhead standing inside.

She was about to pounce but I put my hands up and pleaded, "WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!"

She stopped, thank God, and smiled up at me. She looked so adorable with one single braid ponytail, perfectly straight bangs.

"You can hug me…", I began, almost afraid, "I'll even try to pick you up. But PLEASE don't JUMP on Daddy. It would honestly kill me today. Okay?"

"Okay Dad.", she sparkled as she giggled at me.

"Alright…GENTLY…", I opened my arms and she responded, carefully coming up to me and placing her arms around my waist.

I worried about her inhaling my stink but she didn't seem to mind. She even snuggled her face into my shirt and exhaled, as if completely at peace now that I was here.

"Ohhh, that's SO nice…", I felt my eyes close, loving the way her hugs would make me feel. I wasn't a mere mortal when she held me…to her, I was a giant, a hero. I always enjoyed that fantasy while it lasted.

"I missed you, Daddy.", she breathed out, contentedly.

"I missed you, too, Baby.", I said without thought. I still worried my ass off about her today, and everyday, but the horses would always find some way to take my mind away for a few seconds.

"Where's Bella, G-Mom and Pop Pop?", I asked, trying to pick her up into my arms.

DAMN! She was getting bigger…and heavier.

"They're all in there.", Katie said, pointing behind her as I carried her inside.

As I came in, I felt the calm wash over me…Bella and Ben were at the table, looking over while Katie had been doing her homework, and Angela was cooking in the kitchen. The food smelled great, like always…and it was warm, cozy here. For one of the first times since we moved here, it felt like I was home. My home. No…OUR home.

Bella was smiling at me, her hair looked so long and sexy, cascading over both her cheeks. I noticed she stayed at the table, letting me have my moment with Katie. Part of me liked that, but another part of me wished she would come charging up to me too, and leap into my arms…but then my back quickly responded, mentally slapping me for even making such a suggestion today.

Then with this sensual, deep voice, she said, "Hey Daddy."

No one else seemed to notice the sultry tone Bella used…or maybe it was just my wishful thinking.

"Hey Bad Girl.", I put Katie down and walked over, lightly tugging on a strand of her hair, making her look up at me, adding, "How was YOUR day ?"

I left the hat on my head, knowing she liked it. She let this incredible smile spread slowly over her lips and answered, softly, "I missed you."

Her way of saying she missed me was different from Katie's. Very different. I hope my back doesn't fail me tonight.

All my girls miss me when I'm gone. I am so lucky. I'm loved, whether or not I deserve it.

I just smiled and leaned down, giving her a small, soft kiss on that perfect mouth of hers.

She was sweet enough to let it stay an innocent kiss, in front of everyone. I knew if Bella wanted to, she could kiss the mouth off me. But she didn't.

"Ukkk.", Katie sounded, plopping down into her chair, "We're doing MATH, Dad!"

"Oh, you girls are too PRETTY to do MATH!", I retorted, getting a little chuckle from Bella.

"Yes, we are., but there's more to life than being PRETTY!", Ben pretended to play with his thinning hair on the right side of his head.

Everyone laughed, me included…but I heard that message. I don't think Ben meant anything by it, he was joking. I forgot about it right away and took my hat off, putting it on Ben's head until it was pushing his glasses down, half covering his eyes.

"There you go, Ben, stay in there.", I said, smiling, laughing as he made his head turn back and forth, trying to see. He was acting up for Katie, she was hysterical…so he kept up the entertainment.

"I can't see, I'm blind!", he growled as his head spun to and fro.

I moved into the kitchen and said, "Angela! My WOMAN! What are you making? It smells SOOO good!"

I tried to peek into one of the pots but she giggled and shoved me away.

"Keep out of here, you little NUTBALL!", she shooed me out, "UUHH, go take a shower! You STINK!"

"That's why I love YOU Angela!", I wrapped both my smelly arms around her while she struggled, trying not to breathe as she cried out for help.

"YOU are the ONLY one who tells me like it IS!", I teased, "TELL ME how much I STINK again! KISS ME!"

I puckered my lips and pretended I was going to kiss her lips but she screamed and turned her face away, so I kissed her cheek, more like a son would.

Bella and Katie were almost on the floor laughing at us. Ben had emerged from under my hat now and was yelling at me.

"STOP MOLESTING MY WIFE!", he shook his finger at me, still in the spirit of kidding as I laughed, releasing Angela. She was jerking and wiping off her sleeves, the odor of me still in her blouse. She made a gagging sound that made me laugh harder as I made my way towards the bathroom.

"She loves it.", I teased, "Tell him, Angela, tell him about us…"

"UGH!", she winced, the smell still bothering her. It wasn't me she was disgusted by. Angela was not good with dirt or smelly things. It was her kryptonite.

"Don't be ashamed of our love, baby…", I smiled wide at her.

Bella ran up to me, smirking as everyone else kept laughing.

"Get in there and wash your dirty ass before I do it FOR you!", she playfully shoved me in. She was about to slam the door when I stopped it with my hand.

"Do it for me.", I whispered, loving the look on her face when I said it. I wished she COULD just come in here and wash me all over…I was heartbroken that she couldn't really. I miss those two weeks. We were so free then, we could do anything, anytime…it was bliss.

Was it over?

"So BAD.", she shook her head at me, her eyes glistening with lust.

Then she closed the door, closing me in here alone.

If I could have, I would've GROWLED. But I'm too damn sore.

Once I was under the hot spray of the shower, I remembered those marshals were coming over tonight. I hoped they wouldn't stay very long, if they were just coming to check in, that shouldn't take long. But they were coming here all the way from New York. I knew they'd want something.

When I came out of the shower, I saw clothes folded up on the closed toilet lid.

Mmmm, Bella…you take good care of me, don't you?

I found a nice red t shirt and my favorite pair of jeans, ones I used for just hanging around the house. They were broken in and soft, not too tight. Socks…and…no underwear.

I squinted my eyes at the closed door of the bathroom. Bella…either she remembered how I used to never wear underwear…or she was punishing me for play-molesting Angela. It didn't take me long to realize which it was. That little…oh, yea, she WOULD pay. I couldn't wait for that.

When I came out to the table, I was treated like a celebrity. The table was set and Katie even pulled my chair out for me. She handed me my napkin as I sat down, trying not to laugh.

"Welcome to the dinner table, Sir.", she said, wearing a cute little white apron. I noticed how nicely decorated the table was, even a red tablecloth! Wow! What's the occasion?

"Thank you, Miss.", I said formally, as if we'd just met, "Are you new here?"

"Yes, I'm your server today.", she said, playing, but I still felt uncomfortable with her using that word. Server. How many times did I ask women how I could serve them?

I pushed that aside, not seeing Bella yet. Ben was in the kitchen helping Angela get the food together.

I decided to play along, not making a big deal out of her little game.

"Well, I didn't think I'd seen YOU here before.", I grinned at her, charmingly, "I would've remembered THAT. You're very beautiful, you know."

She turned bright pink and giggled, pouring me a glass of iced tea.

"Stop that, Sir.", she smirked, "I'm not that kind of girl."

"Oh, I LOVE you!", I couldn't help but share with all the enthusiasm in the world.

I had to hug her and she broke character, hugging me back.

"Dad…", she laughed, "You're messing up my thing."

"Katie…", I closed my eyes, loving her so much it hurt me physically, "You're so much smarter…and stronger than your Dad…don't ever change, Baby."

She didn't understand and pushed away from me, not noticing my wet eyes as I blinked them dry.

"Would you care for a roll?", she offered me a big bowl filled with warm biscuits.

"Absolutely!", I took one, "Thank you Miss."

"You're very welcome, Sir.", she put the bowl down.

I looked around. "Any butter, Gorgeous?"

"OH YEA!", she bit her bottom lip, reminding me so much of Bella, "I'll GET IT! WAIT HERE!"

She charged off and right away I yelled, "Don't run into the kitchen, KATIE! You can get hurt!"

"Dad, stop messing up my THING!"

Yes, I am paranoid. I pictured hot food or a knife in someone's hand colliding with her as she raced in there.

Bella was coming to the table now and smirked at me.

"Is this seat taken?" she asked seductively, but not overly so.

I kept in character and rose to my feet, standing for a lady as she neared the table.

"Good evening, Miss.", I greeted, pulling her chair out for her, "It is NOW. Have a seat."

We chuckled and she eyed my roll.

"That looks good.", she folded her hands, "Where'd you get it?"

"This smoking hot little waitress.", I looked around for her, not finding her, "You should see the way she's been throwing herself at me….it's shameful!"

Bella laughed at that, shaking her head, muttering, "Something seriously wrong with you…"

Then, loudly, I said, "The food here IS GREAT but the SERVICE IS KINDA SLOW!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming!", she called, then came rushing back with butter and a couple of butter knives.

"Oh, there she is!", I waved my hand, "Told you she was a knockout."

"Man.", Bella looked down, "I can't compete with THAT."

I laughed as Katie kept serving us. Bella was very nice to our waitress too. We had both gotten a roll and had it buttered for us while we waited for Ben and Angela.

"I love little fingerprints in my butter.", Bella smiled, taking a big bite of her roll.

"Oh, I specifically ASKED for that.", I pointed out, "It's the BEST."

We smiled at each other…and it was better than any five star restaurant I had ever been to in my life.

We had a wonderful meal. Angela had gone out of her mind and made everything! It felt like a Thanksgiving meal or something. A special dinner. But I couldn't recall today being anything super special.

Angela kept her distance from me, in fun, acting like I couldn't be trusted. She had changed her blouse I noticed but I kept making her laugh, eyeing her with mocking seductive glances across the table.

"What a doofus.", Angela muttered, laughing and turning red.

"She loves calling me that.", I told Ben, "It's her pet name for me."

"Age before beauty, kid.", Ben chuckled gruffly, "That's all I'm saying."

I was about to say something witty in response but Bella put my roll in my mouth.

"Here, chew on that.", she said, scolding me like a teacher would a five year old.

Mmmm, I love Bella sticking things in my mouth. I am so fucked up.

After dinner, our little waitress began taking our plates away. I wanted to whisper in Bella's ear for a minute but Ben crashed in on us again.

"Edward.", Ben handed me a can of beer, "Come out back with me, I want you to see something."

Bella watched us and turned a little pink, and I remembered Ben wanted a man talk tonight with me. Oh GOD! What does he want to SHOW me? This could be gross.

I followed Ben, looking back at Bella, mentally begging her to save me. But she didn't. She was avoiding my eyes, drinking iced tea.

Ben walked way out into the back yard, it was pitch black out here. There's nothing out here but woods! What's he got to show me? I felt myself crossing my arms, acting like I was a little chilly out here. In fact, it just calmed me down somehow. I felt very uncomfortable. And I trusted Ben completely.

"BEN?", I squinted, hardly able to see him as he vanished in the blackness, "Where are you GOING?"

"Right here, boy.", Ben stopped and I found him.

I stopped, watching his silhouette. As my eyes focused, I found I COULD make out his features in the moonlight overhead.

"What's up, Ben?"

Ben was never one to make long speeches.

"We're moving out, kid.", he said, looking at me with a firm expression.

I felt my stomach drop as the words sunk in.

"What?", I blurted out.

Ben sighed, not liking to repeat himself.

"Me and the Mrs.", he pointed out, "We're moving out. That's what the marshals are coming over for later."

I thought of Katie and began to panic, feeling sick to my stomach. She would be heartbroken. Ben and Angela were her whole world.

Then I realized why. Bella and me.

"Oh God!", I said aloud, "Because of last night…Ben – no…wait…"

"It's got nothing to do with last night.", he said before I could go on, "We put in for this a month ago, when we first moved here. It's taken them this long to arrange things."

"Ben, please…you can't go…", I heard myself begging, "Look…Bella and I…"

I was about to explain that I loved Bella and that our relationship was good….and would never harm Katie. I was about to say that I had loved Tanya once…and part of me always would. She's the mother of my child. Tanya lives in Katie. I would always honor that. But I was not going to say I'm sorry about loving Bella. But Ben beat me to it.

"Bella and you love each other.", Ben stated, confused, "I know that. And I'm glad about it. Bella is a wonderful girl. You're damn lucky to have her."

"I know.", I said, even more confused now.

"This isn't about Bella…or Tanya.", he said, "Tanya was my baby, like Katie is yours. I'll always love her but she's gone to a better place. She helped bring you back to Katie…to US. I prayed for that every night while you were gone. Both me and Angela did. Our prayers got answered."

I wondered if Ben knew all I had done, if he had any clue. Maybe that's what was wrong.

"Ben, I know that I was gone a long time…" I began, "And I did…disgusting things…unforgivable things…I don't blame you if you're disappointed in me…I know I probably make you sick…"

"Shut the fuck up with that shit.", Ben cut me off again, "I've NEVER been disappointed in you. Neither is Angela. We LOVE you, you stupid ass."

"Then why are you leaving?"

Ben let out a breath.

"Look, I'm not stupid.", he began, "I know you had to do things…to make sure Katie got all she needed. You did what you felt you had to do. I just wish that…I had had the money so you didn't have to resort to all that to get it. It's my fault."

"NO Ben.", I cringed, hating Ben feeling this way, "That's NOT true. I owe you my life for taking care of Katie the way you did. My own parents didn't give a shit enough to do it. I owe you everything. Whatever I did, I would do it all again to save Katie's life. Her face…is so amazing. It still stuns me how beautiful she is. You made sure that money was used right, you chose the doctors and plastic surgeons…but more than the outer –her heart, her spirit…it's so perfect…you and Angela did that…you raised her to be what she is now. And when I look at her, I see Tanya. But it doesn't hurt. It's like…she's alive…and she's happy."

"Tanya IS happy, Edward.", Ben looked away, looking up at the moon, "I wouldn't be surprised if she sent Bella to you – to straighten your dumb ass out when you need it."

I had to grin at that. "Yea, you're probably right about THAT.", I said. Tanya never took any of my shit, either.

"Look, Edward.", Ben turned to me, "We're not going to the MOON. We're gonna be in town, it's not far from here at all. We wouldn't just leave Katie like that. And we're gonna be running a little ice cream place down the street from Katie's school."

"An ice cream place?", I sound stupid. I could never picture BEN working in an ice cream parlor of all places!

"Yea.", he eyed me, waiting for me to laugh, "We've found that we like kids. We'd like to do something where we can see them, I don't know."

"What about Katie?"

"We'll see Katie all the time.", Ben stated, "She can hang out with us at our place whenever she wants, she can help scoop ice cream if she feels like it. And if it's okay with you, she can come to our place some weekends."

"But I don't –"

"Look, kid.", Ben shoved his hands in his pockets, "It's TIME. Time for YOU to take the reigns, like they say around here. You're a great father…and you'll be a great husband too."

"Ben…"

"I don't know what kind of a cowboy you'll make, but…"

"Ben, don't go.", I heard myself plead, "We're a family."

"Listen!", he took hold of my arms and looked right into my face, "I know you're scared. That's GOOD, you should be. It's a big responsibility, raising a daughter in this world, having a family, a wife. I know you're nervous and this is coming all of a sudden…but you can do it. I did it. I wasn't perfect, but, I did my best. You'll do the same."

"But –"

"I'll be around, kid, if you ever need me…if you need advice.", Ben slapped my shoulder, "God knows with Bella, you'll need all my best secrets."

"Ugh…BEN!", I winced. I really didn't want to picture Ben and Angela naked again. I just ate.

He gave a rough cackle and grabbed me into a hard embrace, shoving me away afterwards.

"When Tanya died…"

"Ben, don't…" I felt my eyes widen, not sure if I could handle this.

"No, now listen.", Ben eyed me again, looking away after, "When Tanya died, our lives were fucking empty. She was all we had. I honestly didn't know how I'd get through the rest of my life. And then you brought Katie to come live with us."

I looked away, feeling tears in my eyes. I didn't want to look like a pussy in front of Ben, but it was dark. He wouldn't care anyway.

"She healed us, while she healed.", Ben said, half smiling, "She's a kid, but she's a lot more…she's special. It's been hard for the Mrs., letting go. It'll be hard for both of us, not to have Katie around everyday. But it's what's right. You and Bella are her family now. You're the parents. It's time for us to step back and be Grandma and Pop Pop again. Everything will be alright, don't worry Edward."

Ben began to walk away but I stopped him this time.

"Ben?", I called and he stopped, turning to me.

I hugged him and said, breathing the words, "Thank you."

I wasn't thanking him for going. And he seemed to know that. I thanked him for Tanya, for Katie…for being a father to ME…for accepting and loving Bella as well. He was far too good for me, but he stuck with me everyday, even when there seemed there was no hope for me. Everyday at 3pm, I could call his house and speak to my daughter. He never let me down. He never shut me out. He knew I was a dirty whore and he still allowed me into Katie's life. He could've turned his back on me, he could've turned Katie against me, and told her what I was and what I was doing…but he didn't. I would always love Ben and Angela…my trust in THEM was a rock.

Ben was not a hugger, but he hugged me that night. And I did feel like his son. Completely. And I somehow felt it WOULD be alright. I COULD do this. I almost thought I could do this on my own, but I knew I wasn't alone. Bella was still with me.

And that strengthened me, too. Maybe Ben was right. It was time for me to be Katie's FATHER, not just her friend.

Now I know why Angela made such a special meal. It was our last meal all together, living under one roof. They would be at our house all the time, I was sure of that, even if they didn't LIVE with us, but it wouldn't be exactly the same. This must be so hard for them, leaving Katie with us. I tried to make this transition a little easier on them. I would be positive and upbeat and anytime they wanted Katie, I would be fine with that.

"Let's get in there before they eat all the chocolate cake.", Ben pulled away from me, smirking as I followed him.

End of Chapter 7

See next chapter soon!

Love, Wind


	8. No promises

Chapter 8

EPOV

Eating chocolate cake made Katie very happy. We decided to let her enjoy it. Ben and Angela would take Katie out after this and have a nice heart to heart talk with her about what was going to happen. I knew it would be hard, but I also felt it wouldn't be the end of the world. Katie would spend the night with them at their new place tonight and they would get her off to school tomorrow. I thought it would be good for her to see their house and be part of it. She could have two homes, neither of us would make her choose.

But now I would be the Dad of the house. I would be the old man coming through every morning. What the hell do I know about running things? For the last six years I've done every single thing I was told without question! How could I correct Katie when she was wrong…oh JESUS, how could I punish HER? She is going to walk all over me, I know it. I can't be like a tough DAD. And I can NEVER spank her or anything like that.

Every time I thought of it…I had another bite of the cake. Damn it's so moist and DARK! Just the way I love it. Save me, chocolate cake…I know you can do it.

Ben said he would call if Katie needed me. They took my little waitress with them, under the premise that they were going to the movies to see the new Harry Potter. That worked and as they left, I hoped she'd be alright. They should let her watch the movie first, before telling her the news.

"Come on, Papa, she'll be fine.", Bella assured me as I watched them drive off into the night.

I walked back into the living room, following Bella's lead and sitting with her on the couch.

"It's gonna be so weird, not having them here.", I shared, feeling so all alone with Bella suddenly.

"I know.", she touched my hand, stroking it, her eyes on mine, "They love you so much…it really touches me how they want to do the best thing for Katie…and for us. It must be so hard for them to go…after all they've gone through with her. I can't even imagine looking into that little face and saying that I'm moving…even if it IS only a few minutes away."

"I should stop this.", I said right away, seeing things from their point of view. I couldn't ask them to do this.

I was on my feet but Bella yanked me back down onto my ass.

"Katie looks exactly like Tanya.", I explained to her, "They've already had to lose their daughter once, this is too much to ask. Their hearts will BREAK if they make her cry…"

"Edward.", Bella was firm and looked deeper into my eyes, "They want you to be her father. They're right. Things are a little difficult for kids sometimes, but Katie will be alright. She's not LOSING them. She'll never lose them."

I took a breath and tried to listen to her words. Bella was right. Maybe we shouldn't blow this up into a huge drama. We should look on the positive side of things.

I was nodding, feeling her hands holding mine, and I raised them to my lips, kissing them both. I got that breathtaking smile of hers in return and she leaned us back on the sofa, snuggling herself into my arms. Bella is my anchor. As long as she's around, maybe I won't screw up this Dad thing too badly.

"Just think…", she whispered, "After Katie goes to bed, WE can hang out in here and watch 24 together."

I laughed, admitting that did sound very nice.

"I don't think we've ever made out on this couch before, now that I think of it.", I said, raising a brow and looking over at her.

"No, I don't think we have.", she commented, not moving, raising her brow back at me, hurling the ball back into my court.

"Maybe…", I slowly leaned forward, close enough that I could smell her perfume…or was it just that strawberry body wash…"We can fool around a little on THIS sofa sometime…you know, in the future…"

She was shivering…and it made me smile how nervous she could still be around me sometimes. It was adorable…innocence…was becoming like a drug to me.

"We…could do that…maybe…", she half whispered, her voice not as strong as she might have liked right now.

"Maybe…", I gave a deep whisper, and placed a very small and very soft kiss on her bottom lip.

I leaned back and watched her reaction. Her eyes closed, heavily, and she trembled. I was always amazed at Bella's responses to me. There was this sweet girl…naïve…and timid…but then, right under the surface…if you knew how to please her…was a sexual PANTHER. She was so exciting. And I hadn't been sexually excited for years before she came along.

"Come here…", I smiled and saw her eyes open as I curled my arms around her.

She leaned into my embrace and sighed as I moved my fingers over her back, firmly massaging, letting my fingernails scratch lightly….

"Uuuhhhh…", she moaned, clinging her little fingers into my own back…and I could feel her sweet, small breaths of hot air on my neck…in my hair.

"That feels sooo good…", she whispered.

Good, Bella…you're getting so great at talking while I'm touching you.

"Tell me…", I said, challenging her to say more while I buried my nose in her hair, my lips hungrily drinking the flesh of her neck, "Tell me what you want…it's yours…"

But she just sighed again and let her fingers wander to the back of my head, tugging a bit on my hair. God, I love that! Pull harder, baby! Rip it out!

"I just want YOU.", she said right into my ear before she bit her teeth into my earlobe. It was hot and wet and I felt Frankencock leap up, completely awake. Damn you, Frank! Can't you ever play hard to get?

"Bella…", I groaned, unable to restrain myself anymore. That's how it always was for me and Bella…a couple little sparks…then…BANG! A raging fire!

She was wild now…taking a huge lick up the veins of my neck and then a very firm bite. Mmmm….my vampire girl. She loves to use her teeth.

"Oh yea…", I panted, my eyes clenched, "Bite…harder…taste my blood…"

I had no idea what I was saying but I was caught up in the moment…I WANTED her to mark me…hurt me.

But then she eased up a bit…and placed a very open mouthed kiss on the spot she was biting a second ago. I smiled. I know she hates hurting me, even if I'm begging for it.

I felt her laying me back on the arm of the couch and to my surprise, she was pulling my t shirt up, exposing my chest, all the way up to my neck. My arms could only go above my head now, and I grabbed onto the sofa arm, turning my head and closing my eyes, awaiting her attention.

I opened my legs, and felt her settle in between, laying on my aching penis.

Come on, girl…

Gone was the shy, notebook girl…her thick, wet tongue roughly moved up my right nipple…and she was sucking it so hard…I grunted like a teenager, feeling my teeth biting my own lip this time.

Control…I had no control anymore. I used to be able to wait hours before coming if I was ordered to hold it…but with this hot little angel…I couldn't last five minutes.

I felt the teeth again and I let out a pleased breath, smiling in spite of myself, keeping my eyes gently closed.

I could hear Bella, breathing harder, her fingers all over me…moving down my ribs, clenching my hips…

"Fuck YES!", I moved my head in the other direction, raising my cock until it was resting against her denim pussy.

Bella gave a little whimper and moved my hips down, my ass back on the couch. I almost pouted.

What a little tease!

She rained a trail of warm kisses from my right nipple to my left…and she began attacking that one just as fiercely as the other.

God, I wish I was tied down! I won't be able to hold still much longer if she keeps this up!

I could feel my socks digging into the cushions, as if they'd rip right through at any moment. I curled my leg around hers, silently beckoning her to come closer.

"I think I LOVE this couch!", I panted, peeking down at her as she licked a circle around the pert flesh there…her other hand found the lonely right nipple…and began pinching it, little pinches over and over again…

Her other hand was tickling its fingernails up my side…and I nearly flinched.

"It was worth waiting for…", she whispered, fully in control, and she devoured my lips with her mouth…tongues licking…almost intertwining…mint…strawberry…heat…God, so WET!

My hands were free and half way up Bella's shirt…she moaned out loud, harder, as my fingers moved over the warm flesh of her back…on their way to that damn bra that I'm sure was waiting for me.

She let her pussy lay on top of Frank and grind against me.

I couldn't take anymore…I growled loudly and pounced.

"Bella!", I breathed roughly, curling up into a sitting position, my hands grabbing the back of her hair like a savage…then, my hands on her neck…just holding…not squeezing…be careful, DICK…my mouth swallowing hers down. My tongue was all over hers…and I could hear her fighting to get a little breath every couple seconds, when I allowed it. I FELT like a vampire for real, swallowing…drinking her…insatiable…not even aware that I was stealing her life as I just kept gulping her up, helpless to stop myself.

She made no move to stop me or calm me down…no…she was as wild and thirsty as I was. Suddenly, we weren't people anymore, we were just two stupid, horny animals…incapable of speech…clawing at each other with no apologies.

I thought I heard a thudding noise but I ignored it, my two hands grabbing the hem of Bella's shirt collar and yanking the edges apart, a glorious tearing sound filled my ears along with her screech that said keep going. I found the right breast and the miracle of no bra covering it there…and I attacked! She was seated in my lap, her head above mine a bit…but I was blissfully at eye level with that sweet little white tit and it's little button pink nipple.

She was really pulling my hair now and that spurned me on harder. She wasn't pulling me AWAY…she was pinning my head to her chest…silently ordering me not to leave this spot. I would obey her…in anything she wanted. I was hers now…happily, forever…a prisoner without chains. A willing slave…an adoring, broken doll…loving his girl.

Then that fucking noise happened again. I heard myself murmur, "What the fuck is that?"

Bella didn't seem to hear it either, she just clawed one of her hands into my half bare back, holding me closer to her, if that were possible. We were almost ONE right now!

I heard her incoherent voice slur the words, "Thinkitsssthedoor…idonnknow…donnttt stoppppp Eddddwarrdddd…"

Don't you fucking worry about that, baby. Edward's not stopping anything.

Then it happened again and both of us roared at the same time, two pissed off lions.

I shouted, "GO THE FUCK AWAY!" and Bella screamed, "FUCK OFF!"

Jeez…I hope that's not Katie at the door.

And just like that…Edward the lion became…Edward the bitch.

As hard as it was, I had to tear my flesh off Bella's body. I whispered my deepest apologies, kissing her lips a couple of time before I left the couch, saying, "Wait…just a second…it might be Katie. I'm sorry, baby, I'm SO sorry…wait a second…"

Bella didn't balk or look angry at me as she tried to close the rip in her blouse I'd made. I'm glad she at least realized, as I did, that we can never ignore doors knocked upon or ringing telephones…not while our daughter was out there. Hmmm…OUR daughter…that thought just popped into my head but sounds so right…so good.

I yanked open the door and looked down, as if expecting to see my baby there. But she wasn't. It was a man and a woman…and they were staring at me very sternly. They must've heard what we shouted at them a few seconds ago. I hope they wouldn't take it the wrong way.

I pulled my shirt down, realizing it was still half way up my torso, and greeted them.

"Yea?", I asked, seeing a woman with long, dirty blonde hair in a ponytail, wearing a white blouse and black slacks, black boots. Then there was a man with her, short, brown hair, wearing a purple button down shirt, gray blazer and matching gray pants. They looked like cops, and they looked like they were from New York. These must be the fucking marshals. Cock blockers.

"US Marshals, Benson and Morrison.", the woman rattled off as if she was bored already, showing her badge quickly.

I did not open the door to them.

"You aren't the marshals we came here with.", I said, never able to forget a face or a name. That rude little shitty redhead and the dopey guy were the marshals to bring us here on the plane.

"They've been…reassigned.", the man said, "Trust us, you have the better team NOW."

"Why'd they get reassigned?", I asked, still not trusting this.

"Look, if we were bad people you'd already be dead right now, Edward.", the man said, "If you need proof we're for real, let us in and we'll explain it all to you."

It took the marshals about ten minutes to explain things and prove themselves. We even called the Casper police while they sat at our table, waiting while we checked out their story. Everything was okay. Oh, yea, and Bella had put a new shirt on too…sadly.

Then, once we knew all was clear, Bella began with her questions.

"How is my Dad?", she asked first, almost desperate to know.

"He's fine.", Benson, the woman, informed, opening a file, "He's moved back to Forks, he's still refusing our help. But a woman's just moved into his house."

"What woman?", she looked threatened as she asked this…or maybe she was just angry.

"Sue Clearwater.", the man read from his own file, "I don't think it's a romantic relationship. She's taking care of him, as much as he lets her, anyway. He's not a very good patient, is he?"

"I know Sue.", she looked less irritated now, "She's a friend of the family. I'm glad he's not alone. What about his job? Will he still be Chief of Police?"

"Not likely.", the woman said, her eyes looking a little sorry for Bella at this, "A new Chief has already been appointed, a Sam Uley. We're not sure if it's permanent or not, I don't think THEY even know. Charlie resigned his position as soon as he got there."

"Maybe he just needs some time, Bella.", I said to her.

She nodded and fidgeted, grabbing a pencil off the table.

"How about Emmett and Jasper?", I asked, "Alice…Rosalie?"

"Yea.", Bella chimed in.

"Emmett and Jasper are in the program, we can't tell you where they are.", Benson informed, "And Alice and Rosalie went back to their lives. They're in school, like before."

"And they're safe?", I asked, wishing I could know that for sure. Those girls had put their lives on the line for my second chance. I didn't want them hurt in any way.

"Yes.", the man, Morrison, said, "You told us they didn't see Alice or Rosalie at any time, so we have no worries about their safety."

They sounded so positive. I didn't like that.

They told us about Ben and Angela's new place – we told them we knew about it already. They gave me a fat envelope for Ben with extra keys and paperwork inside.

Bella looked very on edge. I don't think it was very nice of the marshals to say Alice and Rosalie just went back to their own lives, as if Bella were nothing to them at all. I knew that's not how it was, but the way they spoke…bothered me.

Police made me itchy…Charlie was the only one who I ever got close enough to and trusted. He was a real person, and he treated me like one, too. But these two were like the others…they knew what I was and were treating me like a stupid whore, and worse, they were treating Bella like the dumb bitch who got involved with a stupid whore. Aren't there any human beings on the police force?

"So now, who exactly are we running away from here?", I asked after awhile, "James is locked up, yes? And Raven?"

"Yes, they are both in our custody.", Benson said, opening more of her files.

"And that Kevin guy, the fucker with the long black hair…", Bella piped up, making me stiffen, "He's dead, right? Jasper said he was."

"Kevin Doran." Morrison opened a file, laying it down on the table in front of us.

I actually jerked away from it before I realized I was doing it. There was a big picture of Sir Kevin in there, maybe from a couple of years ago. It looked like a picture that they would've found in his own house…a casual picture of him sitting in a chair, smiling.

I had gotten a good glimpse of his face…his smile…his fucking eyes…and I hated it…it was like, for a split second, he was looking into my face again…seeing me…glad he'd found me again.

Bella was holding my hand tight, her other hand rubbing my back as she spoke to the marshals.

"He's dead, right?", she asked again.

"He was badly burned…but he survived." Benson said, "They nearly left him for dead but then he started screaming your name."

I jerked my head up and gaped into Benson's eyes.

"He was screaming MY name?" I asked, repulsed.

"Yea.", she informed, "They had him at the hospital after you had joined us. Someone there dropped the ball and didn't cuff him, they weren't sure if he was a victim or not, so…when they went to arrest him, his bed was empty. We're still investigating his whereabouts."

"Well, I feel better now, you're investigating his whereabouts!", Bella started shouting at them, "Do you KNOW what that fuck DID to him?"

"No BELLA!", I yanked her towards me by her hand, growling under my breath…no, more like pleading with her, "Don't!"

She looked at me and touched my face…remembering what I had said…putting her rage aside to think of me first.

Looking at the marshals, she bit her lip and said, "He was one of them…one of Victoria's men. He chained me up with Edward in the basement. He whipped us. He intended to kill us, he told us he would. He should be put away with the rest of them. Find him. Fast. He's a sick SHIT."

"We can go after him for kidnapping, assault, maybe attempted murder…", Morrison said, almost to himself, taking notes in Kevin's file, "It won't put him away for life, like the rest of them. Even Raven may walk. She says it was all consensual, a play party for masochists. A jury might buy that. You were all into the lifestyle."

"Can you…close that please?", I asked Bella, jerking my head at the file still on the table. I knew it was there…but until it was closed I couldn't look at that end of the table. And I couldn't even HEAR what the cops were saying as long as it was there, waiting for me to peek over at it again.

"Oh, yea, I'm sorry, Edward.", Bella said, slamming the damn file shut, shoving it at Benson.

"You have the tapes my father made that night. You have Edward screaming his head off for ten minutes while they dragged us to that dungeon! And we weren't INTO the lifestyle. I was never part of that world and Edward was forced into it.", Bella was an invincible defender. I knew she had my back.

"We know.", Benson said, "Don't worry, the evidence is safe. Your side will be told. We will do all we can to put them away, I promise you."

A silent moment passed. An awkward pause. I hoped justice would prevail, but I've never been a huge believer in the system. The guilty walked all the time. At least Victoria wouldn't walk away from this. For that much I was grateful.

"So then, there's Victoria's family, right?", Bella was asking, "She was in some big mob family Edward said. So they could be after us, or men hired by them."

"Yes, Victoria's father is Victor Spears. He's one of the most intelligent criminals we've ever faced.", Morrison said, "No matter what they try, the FBI can't get him. And now that his daughter is dead, and his son is in jail, he may try something stupid for revenge or to stop you from testifying against James. As far as we know, James is the only child he's got now…he may make a mistake, now that his emotions are involved. If he does, maybe then we can finally get him."

I looked at Bella, wondering if it sounded to her like it sounded to me…like they were hoping.

"Well, good luck with that.", she said sarcastically.

"I didn't mean it to sound that way.", Morrison winced a little, "We are certainly doing all we can to ensure that you're NEVER found…by any of these people.

"We don't mean to come off unfeeling or anything.", Benson said, her eyes a bit more sympathetic now, "But we have a job to do. This case won't be a slam dunk, easy win. A jury will have very little sympathy for a male prostitute and his girlfriend."

I cringed, hating the way she saw us. Would I always be that? A male prostitute, no matter how old I was…no matter how long I lived a clean, good life? Jesus, what if Katie had heard that? I would just die if she ever found out any of this. I felt my body break out into a cold sweat just picturing the revulsion in her eyes as she would look at me.

"FUCK YOU!", I heard Bella spit out as she leapt to her feet, "Edward wasn't a MALE PROSTITUTE, he was a fucking SLAVE! He was FORCED to do all those things!"

Morrison looked at me with this glance, as if to say, yea, right, while Bella was talking.

Even I knew that although I wouldn't have done it all on my own, I WAS actually, a prostitute. I had taken money from thousands of people, Bella included. I can't blame it all on Victoria. I'm a grown man.

"That's all very sweet, but will a jury believe that?", Morrison asked, keeping his distaste partially hidden, "At the end of the day, that's all that matters, what they'll think. If they don't believe in Edward, then they'll let every one of them walk out of that courtroom."

"That is a load of SHIT!", Bella kept yelling, her face beet red, "They're fucking GUILTY! They murdered Jasper's brother!"

"And James' lawyer now tells us that he says Edward was in on that too.", Benson informed, opening James' file, "He said it was Victoria and Edward together, high on acid, bathing and having sex in the kid's blood."

"What?" Bella snapped back.

"The cloth that was soaked with blood…", Benson turned a page in her file, "Two types of blood were on it. Jasper's brother…and Edward Cullen."

I felt my entire stomach hollow out. I couldn't breathe. They were going to try and pin that murder on ME?

"I NEVER did ACID!", I began, then added, "And I NEVER KILLED anyone!"

"How is your blood on that cloth, then?", Morrison asked.

"I told you before, they had my blood, when I signed myself over to Victoria.", I explained and began to see what the marshals were saying. Even I didn't buy my own story.

"Wait, I thought you were FORCED…a slave?", Benson asked.

"I—was!", I frowned more, trying to defend myself now, doing a lousy job, "But she made me sign a contract…"

"Which James' attorneys have now…", Benson looked at me as if I were retarded, "And they will use to prove you consensually entered into a Dom/Sub contract with her."

"Oh my God!", I heard myself groan, "I knew she'd cover her ass…I knew it…she knew if I ever tried to leave, she'd fuck me over. And all I have is my word, which means nothing to anyone!"

"It means something to ME.", Bella sat next to me and jerked my chin so I was looking at her, "Look at me, Edward. It doesn't matter what she did to cover herself. Don't you give up now. Not after all we've been through so far. You're not going anywhere, you hear me? We're gonna go into court, tell the fucking truth, and those assholes will go away, where they can never hurt anyone again. And we're gonna come back here, raise Katie, and grow old finding that goddamned Slurpee machine. Got it?"

I couldn't help but grin at that last part. Even though I was scared as Hell, and felt as if I'd been thrown back into the darkness all over again, Bella was my lighthouse…and man, did she shine!

"Got it.", I breathed, kissing her hand, holding it.

"We are on your side, guys.", Benson said, reminding us they were still here, "But I don't sugarcoat things. I hope you can appreciate that."

"I do.", I said, looking at Bella, hoping she didn't get mad at me for understanding their point of view.

Then, to Bella, I said, "I would rather have them tell us the truth than to sit here and say how easy it will be to win this case. I like to hear it straight, honestly, no punches pulled. Just like Dr. Bella gives it to me."

She smirked and nodded, closing her eyes and taking a breath. This whole being a witness thing would not be easy at all, and I could end up going to prison right along with the rest of them…or worse…I could go to prison…and they could go free. And Bella…what would happen to her? And Katie? Great, all I needed…more to worry about.

"Emmett and Jasper's testimony will help…but I don't know how much…", Morrison commented, "They're also prostitutes."

Bella clenched her eyes and made a very nasty sound that told them to stop using that word. I stroked her hands, trying to soothe her a bit…then she let out a ragged breath.

"What about Charlie?", I asked, trying to help a little.

"He'll help.", Benson nodded, "But he wasn't actually there in the start of your relationship to Victoria or when that boy was killed. He only knows what you told him, so it'll be hearsay."

"No, I think my father's missing leg IS NOT hearsay.", Bella pointed out, "They shot him, they shot Edward! And if he didn't get in the way of that bullet, I'd be dead now. And funny, I didn't see any policemen there to protect me…except my father! But a _male prostitute_ put his life on the line to save me. And if this is how you people PROTECT us, we should put hookers in blue uniforms and stick YOU GUYS in the cages!"

"I know this is emotional for you guys, but you can't do this in court!", Benson scolded Bella for her passion, "You have to give yes and no answers, keep calm. If you show this kind of rebellion, we'll lose."

"We have a lot of work to do before court.", Morrison sighed, glancing at his partner.

"What does THAT mean?" Bella asked, her face very unforgiving.

Benson sighed and rubbed her eyes.

"It means we're going to have to ask Edward questions, as the defense attorney would. They're gonna be hard questions…questions that are designed to anger, confuse and humiliate him…and we're going to have to ask them over and over again until Edward can answer them calmly…and with credibility…to win the jury over. And when all that is done, then we'll have to work on you, Bella."

"Me?"

"You are very spirited and full of passion, and that's great.", Benson informed, "But it won't fly in court. You'll be removed from the stand and your testimony will not get in. The jury will think you two are…and I'm sorry for my use of words here…big mouthed trash…and worse, they'll think you capable of violence and drug use…it stinks but that's the way juries are."

Bella snorted, muttering, "Yea, like murderers don't sit quietly in court."

"And the innocent don't shout out from the bullshit of it all.", I muttered back.

Even now, we're still a team. Granted, we're a bratty, big mouth thrash belligerent cop hating team…but a team, nonetheless.

"Lots of work to do.", Benson muttered to her partner.

I know I should probably be worrying over all the humiliating questions and role plays we'll be doing soon, but right now, I couldn't give a shit. Bella was holding my hand and I was holding hers…and it felt like even God himself couldn't tear them apart…tear US apart. But still, I hated more shit being loaded onto Bella's shoulders because of me.

How much would be TOO much before she broke…snapped and decided she couldn't take this anymore? I didn't need more things trying to tear her away from me.

It was clear that I was going to be raped all over again the second I took the witness stand…and I could deal with that. But to think of Bella there…I'd rather go on a honeymoon with Sir Kevin right now.

Was I wrong to keep it my secret from the cops about Sir Kevin and what he did to me? Would that put him away longer…or would it just be a pointless ordeal…telling the whole courtroom in detail about that endless fucking day…no pun intended…I'm sure they'd eat it all up too…it would make a juicy, sordid tale. And I'd have to tell it calmly…without emotion? Get real. I couldn't even tell it to BELLA, how could I tell it to god damned strangers? Reporters scribbling down every word…or taping everything I was saying…Jesus, what if they let the trial be videotaped? I'd become a fucking rerun on Dateline or something.

The marshals didn't insult us any further that night and just asked how we were doing here…how my job was going…Bella's school. That's when I loudly asked what kind of bullshit is making Bella having to do her college credits all over again. They just quietly said they'd check it out and see what they could do…but no promises.

No promises…the story of my fucking life.

They told us they'd be close by. They would not be going back to New York for awhile…they had to begin preparing us…going over our stories over and over again while the lawyers prepared their cases back home. I mentally told myself Bella and I would have to go over our story together alone before Cagney and Lacey here got us separated and eventually heard two different things. After all, we were keeping stuff out…and…our story about Victoria's death was definitely a lie. They would never know that Bella was the one to shove that candle down, setting fire to the bitch.

If it came down to it, I'd admit to it myself before letting them take Bella down for murder. She would protest, of course…but who would the jury believe capable of it? A police chief's daughter…or a male prostitute bent on hurting his pimp? They'd believe me on that one point I'll bet.

Hopefully it would never be questioned. But if Sir Kevin was alive…if they found him…he would tell them he wasn't the one to burn Victoria…he was knocked out when it happened. How would a jury believe that he set fire to Victoria, and then himself? And why would he turn on her, if he was one of her men?

That left Jasper, me, and Bella. Fuck! I can't believe it, but I hope Sir Kevin is never found. Maybe he died after he ran from the hospital. A simple infection could kill him if he was so badly burned without medical care. And in the darkest part of my soul, I actually prayed for that to be true.

Does God hear prayers like this? Or am I praying to someone else now? I felt myself shiver, and turned away from my inner monster. He was the ugliest thing I'd ever seen…and Bella had never really got a glimpse of him…I hoped she never would. I hoped, foolishly, that living well…living this good life…would kill and suffocate the sick thing living inside me. And that Dr. Bella would help burn him out with her words…with her love. But I'm wrong. Only I can end him forever. I have to find the way…I have to get counseling. If we are to survive this shit coming up…I have to get better…stronger.

When the marshals left…and Bella went to get a shower…I glanced at the phone…seeing Bella's list next to it. She had names with lines through them so I skipped those.

I went through the oh so fun process of calling out through the police station…there were just two names left on Bella's list: Dr. Marilyn Saunders…and the last…Dr. Peter Facinelli. When I got through to Dr. Saunders, her voicemail was on…and it said to leave a message.

Like a fool, I began mine this way:

"Uh, hi.", I hesitated, "My name is…Anthony Masen…and I…I guess I would like to make an appointment to discuss my…well…"

Can I say, "I'd like to discuss my fucked up life" on a doctor's answering machine? It didn't feel right.

Actually, I felt like a horse's ass…and I can speak from experience on that one.

"Never mind.", I finally said, hanging up the receiver with a loud CLANG!

Try again, Edward – my inner drill sergeant demanded. I looked at the clock. It was already like 9pm. No doctor would answer his phone at this hour. I'll probably have to leave another message. I worked out what I'd say before I dialed this time.

'Hi, Dr. Facinelli. My name is Anthony Masen and I'd like to make an appointment with you as soon as possible. My number is blah blah blah…' That doesn't sound too bad.

Okay…here I go. I dialed and took a deep breath, waiting for the machine to start.

The phone rang twice and then nothing…someone picked up and a male voice said, "Dr. Facinelli's office."

Now I was thrown…and my speech flew out the fucking window.

"Oh…HI!", I stood up with the phone in my hand, "Uhhmmm…I didn't think anyone would answer so late…is this his service or something?"

Then this perfect, smooth laugh trickled into my ear.

"No, I don't have a service.", he said, "I'm not that huge yet. My office is in my home so if I hear the phone, I pick it up. It's not like I'm doing anything that exciting anyway. Are you a patient of mine?"

"Uh…no…", I tried to sound as relaxed as he did, failing miserably, "I just moved here and I…wanted to see if I could set up an appointment."

"Of course.", he sounded like he was smiling…and I even felt a warmth from him…over the phone! How'd he do that?

"What's better for you…mornings…afternoons…evenings?" he asked.

"Um, definitely evenings.", I answered, not adding anything more.

"Great.", he said without any sarcasm, "What's your name?"

"Ed" FUCKKKK! "I mean…Anthony Masen." I was silently screaming at myself, my mouth moving and all for fucking up already.

He gave a little chuckle and said, "Don't worry…I don't give anyone's names out or anything. Anything we share will go to the grave with me. On that, you have my promise."

"Cool.", was all I could think to say on that. Man I sound dumb.

"I have an opening on Saturday night…", he said, "This Saturday at…mmm…8pm if that's okay."

That could work. Katie could be with Ben and Angela…and maybe Bella could come with me that first night…we could go out to dinner beforehand.

"That's perfect actually.", I couldn't keep the surprise out of my voice.

"Are you sure?", he asked a little playfully, "I'm not interrupting a date or anything? Saturday nights are never taken…everyone has more fun things to do that night of the week."

"I know…", I said, smiling, liking this guy already…then corrected myself and said, "I mean…I can see that a lot of people might feel that way. But not me. I really need…this…bad. And my girlfriend will be really proud of me for setting this up without her…is it okay if I bring her with me?"

"Sure.", he said, "Anything you want."

This guy is very cool.

"So tell me, Anthony…", he said, just when I thought the call was nearly over. And I panicked, thinking he'd ask me things now about my problems…about myself…and I wasn't sure if I was ready to just open up on the telephone with a total stranger…but again, he surprised me.

"What is your favorite drink?" he asked me.

I knew my brow was furrowed…and I answered…"Uhhh…Cherry Slurpee."

God, I am a total moron. I can't believe I said that!

"Oooh, good choice.", he said, as if he were writing it down, "Any what about snacks? What do you go for?"

I let out a little chuckle and shrugged like he could see me…"Uhh, I don't know…chips…Doritos?"

"Sounds good.", he said, "And oooh, that great warm cheese dip…"

"This is…a psychologist's office, right?", I had to double check, "I got this number from my girlfriend…"

"Yea.", he sounded a tad insulted, "Why? Don't psychologists eat? Would you rather not have the chips and the slurpee?"

"There are no slurpees in this town, but thanks for asking.", I smiled as I spoke to him…it felt like talking to a buddy, not a doctor.

"I might know where to get one…", he said very mysteriously…and suddenly I wanted to go there NOW.

"Oh man…you're good.", I laughed, "I've been searching for one since I moved here."

"Oh, now I DEFINITELY have to get it for you.", he confirmed it, then his voice got a bit more serious, "Listen…can I call you Anthony?"

"Okay."

"Anthony…", he began, "I may be a little stranger than the usual doctors out there…my ways might sound weird or different than everyone else's…but I have all the degrees nailed to my walls…you can see them when you come here…and I have helped many, many people…I can help you. Whatever you need, I'm here for you 24/7. All my patients have that promise. If you choose to see me again after Saturday, I'm with you all the way."

I got so choked up I almost couldn't respond. And then the bathroom door opened and Bella was coming out, wearing a towel around her body….mmmm….

She looked at me standing here with the phone in my hand and looked quizzical, as if asking who I was chatting with. I hoped she would be proud of me and not insulted that I did this without her.

"Anthony…you still with me?", he asked, not hearing me for a minute.

"I'm here.", I piped up fast, not wanting to lose him, "And that DOES sound great to me…what you just said. I like weird. The snacks and slurpee sound great too, if you can find it."

I laughed so he'd know I was kinda kidding with him. And he laughed too. It was a good laugh. I like this guy…so far.

Bella came closer to me and leaned her damp cheek against my chest…softly putting her free arm around me…rubbing my back up and down as I finished my call.

"I will not let you down.", he sounded amused by the challenge and I heard him click his pen. I guess he was writing my name in now. I got the double meaning from his sentence…and I appreciated how committed he seemed to me and we were just talking on the phone for the first time.

"Thank you.", was all I could think of to say next. Bella placed a very sweet kiss over my heart through my t shirt…I think she figured out who I'm talking to.

"You're welcome Anthony.", he said with all the sincerity in the world, "I look forward to meeting you. It'll be fun…the first meeting won't be too hard…don't be nervous. If you're nervous, then you'll make ME nervous, okay?"

"Okay.", I said with a little laugh. I like that he's not all cocky…like he knows everything. He doesn't make me feel like an imbecile.

"Alright, man.", he said, "Saturday. Do you know how to get here?"

"Uhhmmm…", I looked at the list and saw there WAS an address written under his name, "I have the address. Yea."

"If you get lost, ask.", he suggested, "Everyone knows where I'm at."

"Alright, thank you Doctor.", I said politely, not sure why I was being so formal while he was being so down to earth and real with me.

"Take care Anthony.", he said…and then he waited for me to hang up first, I guess in case I wanted to say anything else.

"Bye, Doctor.", I said, fumbling a little, and then hung up.

I let out a deep breath and felt the room tilt a bit….but then Bella was right there with me…her warm, wet body wrapped in terrycloth….waiting for me. But her mind wasn't in the gutter with mine at the moment.

Her smile was pure heaven…this wasn't a smile I had seen often…she was beaming with pride…love…adoration…

"Baby…", she purred, "You called a doctor…you made an appointment for yourself?"

"Yea.", I said like a little boy awaiting his prize for a good deed, "He was the last guy on the list…but he was SO cool. He says he's gonna have a cherry slurpee there for me when we come."

"What?", she giggled.

"I know, I know, he sounds a little weird…", I nodded, "But I…liked him. He's not all stuck up sounding like some of these other ones…"

"You didn't even talk to those other ones…", she smirked at me, shaking her head.

"You know what I mean.", I rolled my eyes, "You didn't like these other guys…you crossed them off."

"Yea I know…", she looked at the list by the phone, "They weren't good enough for you."

"Well, I don't know how this Facinelli guy will be…but I have an appointment.", I said, "Saturday…8 o clock. He said you could come with me if I wanted you to."

"Wow, Saturday?", she looked impressed, "Lots of doctors are only Monday to Friday."

"I know!", I couldn't help but hear my own excitement as I spoke…and I realized…I was allowing myself to hope a little, "And he answered his own phone…and it's so late already."

"And he said if I become his patient, he's there for me 24/7, whenever I need him.", I shared, "That sent chills up my spine!"

"What else did he say?", she asked, smiling up at me.

"He said he could help me.", I shared the other thing he'd said that touched me.

She let out a breath and held me tighter.

"I love you, Edward…", she sounded a little weepy, "And I'm so fucking proud of you."

"I love you, too, Bella.", I held her closer, moving my hands through her wet hair, "And I don't want you to worry…or be afraid of what those marshals said. We'll be alright. We'll get through this…together. Partners, right?"

This is something Bella said to me back in New York.

"Partners.", she agreed, "Forever. And I'm not worried. If they try to put you in jail, I'll be there the next day to break you out. No one will take you away from me…not ever."

"I know it.", I said, trusting that with all I had, "And this time, I'll be a strong partner for you…you won't have to carry me. That's why I called the doctor. I don't want you to have all the weight on your shoulders. I'll help YOU this time."

She clung onto me tighter, and I saw her eyes glistening with tears as she kissed me…saying all she needed to say to me now.

"I'm taking you to dinner, too, before our appointment.", I announced.

She laughed, kissing my neck and looking back up at me.

"Oh yea?", she smiled, "Where will we go?"

"I think a Chinese place…", I thought aloud, looking down at that adorable face, kissing her sweet little nose, "We haven't had _Lo Mein_ in over a month."

She gasped…"Ohhh Lo Mein!"

"Take it easy, kitten…", I teased her, "Daddy has to find the place first. We're not in Kansas anymore you know."

"You can do it…", she was hopping up and down, "Please, please, please!"

"Jesus…what's gotten into you tonight?", I laughed.

"More like…what's GOING to get into me tonight…", she jumped up and threw her legs around my waist…the towel falling to the floor. Oh my God…wet Bella wrapped around me! How can I resist this? And why would I try?

"Oh yea…we kinda got interrupted on the couch earlier, didn't we?", I asked.

She kissed me hard and then whispered into my ear, "Walk over to the freezer, I have a surprise for you."

"I think I've heard this one before…", I teased, laughing and carrying her as I went to the freezer.

"Open it, DUH!", she said as I stood there, waiting.

I laughed, saying, "You just said to walk to it…you didn't say to OPEN it."

"Oh my God.", she yanked it open and reached in, letting out a little squeal as the frosty air flew out and hit her warm, wet breasts.

She shrank back from it but I couldn't let this go.

"Oh, no WAIT!", I opened it more, putting her back right up against it as she screamed, struggling against me.

"NO EDWARD…AAAAA!", she hollered, "Let GO!"

"Let's go to the freezer, you said…", I taunted, laughing, "Oh, look…ice!"

"NO!", she bucked and jerked against me…and that was turning me on even more, "NO! DON'T!"

She was trying to stop me but I managed to get a nice hunk of ice out of the tray to the right…and I put it into my own mouth…sucking off the sharp edges before using it on my Bella.

"EDWARD!", she cried out, "I'm NOT enjoying THIS!"

"Yes you are, you don't fool me, Dr. Bella…", I smiled as she let out a nervous laugh.

I took the ice out of my mouth and slowly moved it around that pert little nipple, already standing at attention from the cool air around it. Bella "let" me do this…and I watched as the small drops of ice water moved down the round valleys of her breasts…down the middle of her torso…traveling to better places below. But I couldn't torture Bella for very long. My heart wouldn't allow it. I saw she enjoyed it but she was also cold and uncomfortable so I had to stop.

After moving it all around her flesh, I had a small piece left and I popped it into my mouth, tasting her as I let it melt on my tongue, soaking into the crevices of my teeth.

"Mmmm…Bellasicle…yummy.", I smiled, about to close the freezer door.

But she stopped me. And pulled out a red box of something, handing it to me without a word.

I looked at it and heard myself go, "NOOO WAY!"

"Way.", she giggled, watching me act like a little kid.

"Are you SERIOUS?", I tore open the box with my teeth as she made a face and laughed at me, "Where'd you FIND these?"

"It's a big secret.", she shook her head at me, "Only I know…and you only get them if you're a good boy."

Then she winced at herself…as if she said something wrong. But I didn't take any offense at that. It was cute.

"Then I'll have to be very good.", I said with a tone that let her know I was fully aware what she meant and that I had not forgotten how naked she was, wrapped around Dr. Frankencock.

"You're ALWAYS very good.", she said, her eyes dizzy and wanton just like mine probably were right now.

"I wanna eat these…", I informed, very seriously while she laughed.

"But I wanna lick them off of YOU after they melt a little.", I finished.

She looked scared but thrilled and asked, "Is this where I say Lo Mein?"

"Nope.", I shook my head, tossing her over my shoulder, "I'm going to erase those words from your memory bank, little girl!"

She giggled and said, "Lo Mein, Lo Mein, Lo Mein!"

"That's it!", I slammed my bedroom door behind us as I took her inside, "Spanking time!"

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

End of Chapter

Hey guys, sorry to cut it there…maybe I'll give more details about it next…

How'd you like Dr. F ?

See you soon! Love, Winnd


	9. No Worries

Chapter 9

BPOV

"You're a bad little girl, Bella Swan.", his voice informed as he grabbed me by the hair. He was kneeling behind me on the bed and I was naked and on all fours in front.

"I know…I'm sorry.", I said, smiling from ear to ear internally.

"I didn't say you could SPEAK.", he sounded cold and pissed off. I felt something cool and soft curling around my throat…and then he yanked me up onto my knees, resting my head behind me on his shoulder.

I heard a buckle click and realized he had a belt of his around my neck. He wasn't cutting off my air, but the leather kept me securely in place before him. My naked ass was against his jeans and I whimpered because I couldn't feel any sign of Frankencock there.

"You're a beautiful little pet…", he said, his voice deep and dark, "But you need discipline. You need to know who your master is, don't you, girl?"

I let out a little whimper and that pleased him. He moved around to my side and looked into my eyes from this angle now.

Now the buckle was under my chin and he was holding the strap of the belt like it were a leash.

"Back on all fours.", he shoved me down, my hair almost blindfolding me as I landed on my hands, the mattress giving a little groan.

His hands went under me, groping my breast…clutching it…squeezing it.

"Perfect tits…", he muttered, like I was really a puppy and couldn't understand him.

"Ready for your spanking, girl?", he moved his hand down my spine and down my ass crack.

Before I could even THINK of answering, he had delivered a very hard slap against my right ass cheek with his hard as a rock hand!

"AAAA!", I let out a little cry, and I tried to struggle away from him, but he pulled me back to him with the belt around my neck, his other hand around my thigh, moving me back into place. He was so strong, escaping him was not an option.

"Get back HERE, you little bitch!", he nearly laughed as he said it, "We're not done yet!"

"No, no…", I tried to crawl away…

"Yes, yes…", he mocked my voice and in a couple seconds, he had me right back in my position, whether I liked it or not.

"Hold still or you don't get fucked after.", he roughly moved my hair out of my face, to look into my eyes.

I nodded, letting him know I was still alright…and that I was enjoying this little exchange.

I braced myself as his hand moved over the place he'd struck me a moment ago…he was massaging the area…letting the pain dissipate before landing another blow.

WHACK! WHACK! Two more very firm slaps against my ass. I panted, feeling little tears prickling the sides of my eyes…I took a deep breath, letting the feeling wash over me. It was a bit painful…but it was also very arousing, being spanked like a child…being leashed like a dog.

"Good girl.", he stroked where he'd just spanked, "You took those without any struggling at all."

He stuck his fingers into my mouth and I sucked them hard and deep…closing my eyes…moaning.

I heard Edward's breathing become a bit more labored while I sucked those fingers good….then he yanked them out…I felt myself pout when they so rapidly abandoned me.

He didn't intend to spank me for long…this was just in fun. After a few more light slaps, I was REALLY warm and almost buzzing in my bliss.

"Get up against the wall, bad girl!", he yanked me up suddenly, and before I knew it, I was standing up against the powder blue wall. His hands were all over me…his body shoving up against mine, holding me tighter to the flat surface.

I couldn't help my moan of desire as he spun me around to face him. He held my hands in his and moved them up over my head, his mouth kissing me with a savage energy that made my knees shiver.

His one hand broke free from mine and grabbed a handful of my long hair, tipping my face up so he could bury his face into my neck…I felt his tongue and teeth again…my vampire!

He let out a ferocious growl and then took a step back from me, in one circular motion, he yanked off his t shirt. Then, with the speed of a magician, he undid his jeans, quickly stepping out of them, a naked and very large Dr. Frank smiling back at me.

I'm glad I didn't give him any underwear earlier.

God, his body is gorgeous…those lines…the perfection of his skin…the muscle tone…and then if that wasn't enough, there was that face…JESUS…this is really MINE?

His bare feet took the step forward, back against me now, his hungry mouth suffocating mine, his hands moving my legs open…his fingers moving…and playing with my aching, wet clit.

I screamed out, his touch like sexual fire…he towered over me but I never felt SMALL with him…without a word, he pulled both my legs up and around his waist. I locked my ankles together at his spine and my arms curled around his neck as he nodded at me once, a very sensual smile there.

"Yes…yes, Edward…take me…", I whispered, wanting him so bad, "Fuck me…"

And then I felt him penetrate me…entering with the precise right slowness…and once inside…there was no stopping him then.

We both cried out when he had sheathed himself all the way inside…his head fall back a bit but his hold on me never weakened. I felt totally secure as he held me against the wall, a bit higher than his head…but he could reach my breasts…sucking my nipple as he rode me hard, my back thumping over and over again against the wall behind me. I felt him trying to fuck a little easier, so not to hurt my back…but screw that!

"NO!", I screamed, "HARDER! DON'T STOP! Don't fucking stop!"

His face was so damn hot as he looked up at me, pounding me without mercy. I could hear pictures falling off the wall on the other side of this wall and I loved it.

A couple minutes later, he moved me off the wall, still fucking me in his arms as he brought me to the bed. In seconds, I felt him withdraw but then I was on all fours again….and he was behind me, and right deep inside me again, my howl of ecstasy rising up into the dark air.

He was kneeling behind me, riding me fast, his hands clutching my waist…the sounds of our flesh slapping against each other arousing me even further. And then there was Edward's voice….growling and violent like a raging bear.

I knew Edward could fuck forever if he wanted…this would not be over in a few minutes. I'm going to be wonderfully sore tomorrow, sitting in my wooden little school chair all day.

He clutched the belt leash around my neck and firmly held it, bringing my head back as he pummeled me over and over again. God, his dick was talented! It's so huge but while it fills me up, it doesn't hurt in a bad way. The pain is sweet…red hot.

The clinging bell of the buckle drove me on further, lighting something inside me as I thrust my pussy against his oncoming cock. The crash of them together with each stroke was killing both of us…but still we didn't slow down.

I love hearing his voice as he fucks me. It's something I can't describe. He's not speaking but those low moans…the panting…the growls…I wish I could get it on my ipod so I could hear it during the day. Oh…I don't have my ipod anymore. Damn.

"Hot little bitch…", he panted, breathing the words, shoving me down, releasing the belt collar around my neck, "Get down, stay!"

I wasn't on all fours anymore. He forced my head down into the mattress, my hands resting beside my hair. My muffled sounds of pleasure were now floating through the quilt beneath my lips.

At this angle, he could get in much deeper…as if he wasn't going deep enough before.

But when he thrust into me now, I couldn't help but let out these shrill little screams. I hoped he wouldn't stop, thinking it was hurting me.

"Yea…", he growled, his hand giving my ass cheek a couple of light slaps.

Thank God Edward is an expert at this stuff. He just KNOWS. It's amazing. Would I ever get this good?

The hours went by in a haze for me, like always. I would just move into the positions he guided me into…and then fuck, fuck fuck! Some positions were tougher than others…he really knew some STRANGE things that I never even heard of before…but I think I did well. I was open to everything he wanted to try, up til now, and I just hoped someday he didn't want to do things that would be too much for me. I would hate to disappoint him. He was so advanced in this love making game…and I was a novice still trying to learn the basics. I knew I had to learn fast…I didn't want him getting bored with me in this way.

I loved, especially, the in between times…after Edward would finally come…and we'd wash up a little…he was what dreams and fantasies were made of. He fed me as I laid back in the bed…he did some very sexy things with the leftover chocolate cake…not to mention the cherry icees I had bought him. That was a cold time for me, but I remembered when he told me once women had put scoops of ice cream all over his naked body and then ate and licked it off him. At the time, it sounded so erotic to me. Now that I was on the other end of it…well, okay, it was still very hot…having Edward lick and eat an icee off my flesh as I shivered…but it was still a little cold and uncomfortable at times. And I was sticky afterwards. But Edward washed me from head to toe in the shower so I couldn't complain…much.

We had a lot of fun with the hershey's syrup, too. I love Frankencock splashed with dark chocolate sauce!

This had been one of the first nights we had been totally free to explore and do whatever we wanted, without fear of sounds traveling or eyes seeing too much. It was so amazing to walk naked through the dark house, giggling like two little kids - to go to the fridge or the bathroom. We even sat at the table together, not a stitch of clothes on either of us. It was all I could do to stop Edward from taking me on the tabletop. It just didn't feel right to me. This is where Katie does her homework, for God's sake!

We made up for that, though. Besides Katie's, and Ben and Angela's rooms, we christened every other room in the house. The basement…man! Edward found a lot of wicked possibilities there. He loved the thick pipes overhead and the low ceilings. He said someday he'd love to tie me up down there. I couldn't deny that did sound like pure heaven…but my Dr. Bella side shook her head on that one for now. Edward was still getting over being tied and subjected himself. I didn't want to dredge up any bad memories and have that poison our lovemaking.

We never did get a call from Katie, Ben or Angela. And I knew Edward was starting to worry after the sixth time we'd made love. He laid next to me, trying to hide it…but I could see it. He kept looking at the clock, sighing.

"She's probably asleep, Daddy.", I smiled, moving his chin so he'd face me again, "She has school tomorrow."

"You think Ben would at least CALL to let me know she's okay.", he sounded frustrated.

"Maybe they fell asleep too.", I tried logic, "I'm sure they'll call you in the morning, before they take her to school."

"He better.", Edward sounded stern.

"I love you.", my voice sighed, my body so light and exhausted.

He smiled at me, as if this news thrilled him…and he turned more towards my body, on his side, moving his fingers over my lips…so gently…

"Really?", he asked, as if in awe of me. I wondered what he SAW when he looked at me. I don't see it when I look in the mirror.

"Yes, really.", I cuddled into his warm chest, searching for a little chest hair to play with…but it was smooth as a baby's bottom, just like the day I met him.

"So smooth.", I kept stroking the area where his heart was…"I can't believe no hair has grown since last month."

"It'll never grow.", Edward's eyes closed, looking a bit heavy now, "Vic—SHE made me do it. Lasers…it's permanent."

But I had bigger fish to fry now.

"Hey, you didn't say you love me too.", I almost whined like a kid.

"Didn't I?", he kept his eyes closed, smirking…he knew what he was doing…"The hours and hours of sex didn't say anything to you?"

"You're SO mean!", I frowned, pretending to be mad and roll over, my back to him as he laughed.

"I'm so mean?", he came up behind me, his hands slipping around my waist while I struggled to keep him off me, and he added, "I just fucked your BRAINS out…obviously!"

"Get OFF!", I squealed out, trying to pry his hands off my body.

Then there was a moment of dead silence…I almost thought he was hurt…I was just joking…and was about to turn around and tell him that…but then…

His fingers moved over my hair like it was a precious, fragile lace…then down my bare shoulder…it felt like a feather, not skin. I felt my eyes roll back into my head…my back arched a bit…this man was something that rose from my dreams…sometimes, he was too good to be real.

"I love you, Bella Swan.", he said, his voice soft and deep with emotion.

I felt his lips touch the back of my head and he did it so reverently, as if I were a goddess or something. I felt tears in my eyes instantly. God, this man could TOUCH me.

"I don't know how NOT to love you." He whispered in that same delicious voice, moving my hair slowly off my shoulder…his mouth opening and closing on my shoulder blade.

"Edward…", I closed my eyes, breathing…so incredibly turned on again…and I didn't know HOW…I was like jello right now, I'm sure I would not be able to go for round seven.

"Yes?", he kept kissing my shoulder.

"You are gonna put me in the hospital…", I said with a grin and he laughed at that. His laugh made me feel so good. Emmett had told me that Edward hardly ever really LAUGHED for real…before I met him.

"No hospital for YOU, Bella.", he kissed me again from behind, "You'll recover right here, in the bed of Dr. Frankencock."

As wonderful as that sounded, my inner diva stomped her foot. She wanted sleep. We had school in a few short hours. Didn't Edward ever get tired?

"Aren't you tired…", I stroked his arm that was wrapped around my waist, "I mean…from the horses and all?"

He sighed and kissed my back, saying, "Yes. I am very tired of fucking the horses. They don't seem to appreciate it the way YOU do."

I burst out laughing at that one. I never would've known it when we met, but Edward Cullen is very funny. He's a little jokester.

"But at least they don't say, 'you're so mean' afterwards!", he teased, mocking my girl voice, giving me a small nibble at the back of my neck.

"Shut up!", I giggled, the total hysteria from lack of sleep kicking in, "I just meant, it's such hard work…feeding 'em and washing' em…cleaning out their stalls…"

"Is THAT what I'm supposed to be doing with 'em?", he joked some more, "Jesus! No one ever told me….in that case, that makes my day EASIER!"

"Cut it out, you nerd!", I chuckled.

He stopped kissing me and cuddled in, spooning me, his cheek resting in my hair.

"Close your eyes and fall asleep, little girl.", he whispered, "You have some book learnin' to do tomorrow."

He said that last part with a southern accent and I was giggling again. So was he.

"Yes, Pa !", I retorted in my best hillbilly voice.

"Goodnight, John Boy…", he said, giggling in the dark. It felt like summer camp.

It seemed like I had my eyes closed for two seconds, then Edward was there, shaking me.

"Time to wake up, little girl!", he announced, sounding awfully chipper today.

"Noooo….", I pulled the covers up more over my shoulders, "Don't wanna."

Then he came back a minute later, poking me in the butt through the quilt.

"If you think that you can fuck me senseless all night long and then sleep in the next day while I go to work, guess again, bad girl!", he said and I could hear the smile in his voice while he said it.

"Why are you such a morning person all of a sudden?", I groaned, my eyes still closed, "I thought you vampires slept during the day!"

"I know, I used to.", he said lightly, "But now I see all that I've been missing. Daytime is really great. And it's BRIGHTER."

I hate him and his damn positive outlook. I want SLEEP!

I didn't answer him…I floated back to sleep again and then he was stomping back towards the bedroom….sounding pissed now.

"GOD, GO AWAYYY!", I put the covers over my head.

"Bella Marie SWAN!" he sounded very scolding now. I could almost picture him with his hands on his hips, he sounds like my MOM or something…"If you don't get up right this second, I'm gonna pick you up and put you in a cold shower!"

"Uuuuhhhh…", I heard myself whine.

I am withdrawing my vote for Edward as Den Mother. He's so bossy!

"One!"

He was counting?

"TWO!"

I growled, hurling back the quilt and leaping out before my brain knew it.

"ALRIGHT! CHRIST!", I screamed.

"No, Edward.", he corrected me.

"Ha ha…so FUNNY.", I saw him through the two slits that were my eyes, "Have I told you funny guys turn me OFF?"

"That's not what your orgasms said to me last night.", he came back quickly, smiling, not seeming to take any offense.

"I was faking it.", I grinned, going into the bathroom.

He laughed. "Yea, right.", I heard him say…and then I heard a sizzle sound…that might just be him…he is very hot. But I have a feeling he's cooking again! Yay! Maybe I can keep the food down this time.

I took care of my human needs, and then tried to fix my fucking hair! Jeez, it was so nice last night…and NOW! I look like I stuck my finger in an electrical socket!

I did my best and put it up in a clip…when I came out and walked into the kitchen, I saw a very familiar and welcome sight.

He was there, in the soft glow of dawn, cooking…and his t shirt was around his waist, tucked into his jeans. I almost cried!

"Eduardo!", I whispered, so glad to see him again, "Where have you BEEN baby?"

He smiled that fucking sexy ass smile of his and turned to me, putting his hands out and giving an elegant bow. Then he said something in Spanish, I think…it was very natural to him and the accent he used even sounded Spanish too. That turns me on.

It took me a second to recover from that but I finally said, "I have no idea what that means, but it sounds incredibly HOT!"

I walked up to him and put my arms around him…he kissed me as if he hadn't seen me in five years…how does he DO that?

"Buenos dias, hermosos.", he used that sultry voice again, "Has dormido bien?"

"Mmm, don't stop…", I could listen to him all day, and I hugged him tighter…smelling irish spring on his chest.

"What did you say?", I asked, needing to know.

"I said, good morning, beautiful. Did you sleep well?", he translated.

"Yea, until some NUT came waking me up!", I shoved him as he smiled more, laughing to himself, "Did I sleep well?"

"Yo soy el amor lo siento.", he said, his lips pouting as he gave me the puppy dog eyes. I was on the way to the table, sitting down and pouring orange juice. On second thought…no orange juice. I'm still not over how that tasted coming up yesterday.

"What's that mean?", I asked, unable to keep the smile off my lips as I watched him plate the eggs and bacon.

"I'm sorry, love.", he interpreted again, putting my plate in front of me, sitting down at my right hand side.

"No grande deal –o.", I tried my hand at some Spanish…and Edward laughed, muttering, "No grande deal –o."

"No es gran cosa.", he was teaching me now. I felt like Lucille Ball to his Ricky Ricardo.

"See?", I pointed at him, "I got the 'no grand' part right."

He rolled his eyes. "Yea, you got that part right."

"Where'd you learn Spanish, anyway?", I asked, taking a bite of my melty, cheesy omelet de Eduardo.

"Victoria.", he said, honestly, eating a piece of bacon, his eyes watching me for signs of anger, "Well, not HER. She made me take classes. I can speak a few languages."

I looked at him in shock. "I never knew that! What other languages can you do?"

"French, Italian…", he shrugged, "Japanese, Chinese…"

"Did you have a lot of…foreign speaking clients?", I asked, not putting any judgment into my voice. It reminded me of our beginning, when I'd ask him things about his life and he'd just tell me anything I wanted to know. As long as we weren't discussing HIM, he was an open book.

"Yea.", he admitted, taking a sip of his orange juice, not saying anything more.

"It's okay, you know.", I nudged him with my arm as I leaned into him, bumping him, "We can still talk about things…we did before. I won't get mad."

"I know.", he looked at me sheepishly, "It's just that we…haven't…lately."

"Lo siento, Eduardo.", I said, hoping I got that right from before when he said he was sorry to me.

He smiled at me…proudly. "That was sexy.", he gave a little shiver.

"Did I get it right?", I squealed, happy that I had pulled it off.

"You did.", his eyes sparkled as they held me, "Smarty pants. Or should I say smarte pantalones?"

"Yay.", I enjoyed my little victory.

"I know that it's hard to talk about things when Katie is here…when the folks were always around…", Edward looked at his plate, "And I didn't know it until just now, but…I have missed our talks."

"Me too.", I looked sadly at his face, "We'll have to make time to talk, just us. Maybe after Katie goes to bed every night."

"No, I like to do something ELSE after Katie goes to bed.", Edward looked at me, laughing…playful.

"Me too but we have to preserve ourselves.", I said sarcastically, "If we go like that every night, I won't live to be thirty!"

He liked that one and I loved seeing him look so happy and carefree. Even though I knew we were both anything BUT.

"This is nice.", he said, his hand laying gently over mine on the table, his fingers stroking mine.

"Yea, it IS.", I agreed, "I love having you all to myself. I've missed that, too. I mean, I love Katie…you know that. But our relationship is still very new…you know? I feel like there's so many things I still don't know about you…I want to know everything…what toys you liked when you were a kid, your first friend…the first time your heart got broken…"

He just beamed at me, shaking his head a little.

"What?" I asked.

"Who ARE you?" he asked in awe again. It was like he couldn't believe someone could be so in love with him.

"I'm your girl.", I said in my best Forrest Gump voice.

"You'll ALWAYS be my girl.", he said back in his best Forrest accent. But it wasn't a joke…his eyes told me that.

And just like that…in the middle of breakfast…we were kissing again.

"Te quiero." He mumbled as we kissed.

"What?", I asked as our lips melted together, "Did you just call me queer - o?"

He laughed as we made out and he said, "No, it means I love you, LUCY!"

Oh, so he felt the Lucy/Ricky thing too, huh? We have alike minds sometimes.

"Shut up and fondle me, Ricky!", I let my tongue slip into his bacon tasting mouth.

"Ooh, morning breath!", he said at the end…and I shrieked, shoving him away.

"You JERK, I BRUSHED my TEETH!", I growled with a smirk.

In seconds, we were on the floor, wrestling with each other…laughing like idiots. I wondered what Ben and Angela, and Katie would do if they were here now.

Later, Katie DID call. I was glad, I'd hate to force Edward out the door if he didn't hear from Katie. He'd never go.

He spoke to her and I heard his end of the conversation. It went like this:

"Hi Baby, how you doing?" Edward asked.

Pause.

"Oh."

"Do you like it there?" he asked, trying to sound upbeat.

Edward listened then clenched his eyes for a second, sitting on the arm of the sofa, his back to me.

"No, Baby, I'm not trying to leave again.", his voice sounded frail, cracking a bit, "You're coming home today. You're just visiting G-Mom and Pop Pop. I told you, I'm NEVER leaving you again."

Another pause.

"I promise.", he said, his voice deeper and full of agony, "I SWEAR!"

"Oh man.", I said to myself, listening from the kitchen as I cleaned up the dishes.

Before I knew it, I had my car keys in hand and gave them to Edward, saying, "Go there now. It's the ice cream place down the street from her school."

Edward looked at me and I saw gratitude there.

"Baby, I'm coming there now.", he said, standing up, leaning over the phone a bit, about to hang it up, "Yes. Don't cry. I'm coming. Bye."

"Thank you, Bella. I'm sorry, bunny.", he kissed me fast.

Bunny? I kinda like that.

"I have a late class this morning, it's okay.", I handed him his lunchbox, putting his hat on his head, "I'll take the bus. You drive to work. I'll tell the cowpokes when they get here."

"Okay, good.", he hurried around, "You sure you don't mind?"

"GO DAD!", I smiled at him, shoving him out, adding, "Adios LOCO!"

EPOV

If I wasn't sure where the ice cream place was, I shouldn't have worried. Ben was outside in his bathrobe, waiting for me, to flag me down as I approached.

He actually waved his arms like I was an airplane coming in for a landing.

"I see you, Ben.", I said to myself as I pulled up, rushing out of the car.

"What happened?", I asked him, with an almost accusing tone of voice. I kept walking, going to the door as he followed alongside me.

"She was fine last night.", Ben began, "We had a great time. We talked to her about things. She was a CHAMP! Then this morning when she woke up, she started asking us where you REALLY were and if you took off with Bella…"

"Oh God.", I felt my chest constrict just hearing him saying the words.

I was in the door now and Angela was there, holding Katie as she cried.

"I'm here, baby." I said just as Angela whispered into Katie's ear, "Here's your Daddy."

I threw my damn hat off and knelt down next to their couch where Angela was sitting with her. Katie launched herself into my arms and almost knocked Angela out of the way.

"Daddy!", she clung onto me.

"Hey, what's all this about?", I held her tight, stroking the back of her long hair, "I told you we'd see you today."

I should've never run here without Dr. Bella. How was I going to handle this?

"I thought…you left.", she hiccupped as she tried to talk…and she panted a little, as if it was hard for her to breathe.

"Calm down.", I rubbed her back, "Breathe…relax…"

She cried like ME. Is this what Bella has to deal with when I go off?

Then I got a little bit of an idea. I would act like Dr. Bella…I would do what she does with me…maybe it'll work. It was worth a shot.

"Now…tell me…", I began after she was breathing normally again, "What got you so upset?"

"I don't know…", she sniffled, wiping her eye, "I went to the table to eat…and you weren't there…and I just got scared that you and Bella left without me."

I wanted to cry and hold her forever…that was Edward Cullen…but I was being Dr. Bella now.

"Now, Katie…first of all…", I said so calmly I amazed MYSELF, "You know we would never leave you. Didn't I promise you that? Didn't Bella tell you the same thing?"

"I…know…but" she let out a ragged breath.

"Now look at me.", I tipped her chin up so she was looking right in my eyes, "Do you think I would really LIE to you? Do you think I would hurt you like that, ever?"

Please say no. I felt like a bastard. I had lied to her. I had to. Had she already seen through my disguise?

She looked confused but then finally shook her head no. Thank God. Then it occurred to me…she's like me…she doesn't trust. Either that or trust was hard for her, too.

"Katie…do you know what trust is?", I asked.

"Yea.", she answered, but didn't say anything else.

"Well…what I think it is…", I said, "Is letting someone inside the soft part of you…the part that loves…that can get hurt…you know?"

"Yea."

Wow, she's listening to me. Cool !

"For a long time, I closed that part of me…after you moved in with G Mom and Pop Pop…I shut down because I was so sad without you. I just didn't want to ever feel sad like that again…so I stopped trusting everyone. I was very lonely and it started to make me into a very different person. Do you know what I mean?"

"I think so."

"Well, what I mean is…I wasn't very nice.", I shared, glancing at Ben as he looked away quickly all of a sudden, like he wasn't listening.

"I began to think that everyone was out to hurt me, so I never had many friends…and as long as I was like that, no one really had a chance to know me either.", I explained, "Bella tried very hard when she met me to get to know me…but I was so closed up…it took her a long, long time to see the real me. I was so used to putting on faces…masks to keep everyone away."

I was getting off track…she was looking confused.

"What I'm trying to say is…I'm happier now that I trust. I can be myself.", I took a breath, "I trust you. I trust Bella, G Mom, Pop Pop…and that's a good feeling. I'm scared sometimes that I'll get hurt…and I still might…but you can't keep going on thinking that people will leave you…some people in your life will be forever….others won't. But that's okay. Old friends go…and new friends come…sometimes old friends come back again…but you still love them all no matter where they are. But, Katie…I am forever in your life. I know it might take some time for you to trust in me…I haven't given you many reasons to believe in what I say…but…you CAN believe this: I love you with all my heart and I would DIE before I ever left you again. You CAN trust ME."

I felt very hurt that she didn't feel that way already but I also knew I had lost six years with her when she'd needed me most. I couldn't expect her to just snap her fingers and trust in me right off the bat.

She was crying again…and I thought I screwed up.

"I DO trust you Daddy…", she buried her face in my chest again, "I'm sorry!"

I felt something weird happening inside me…did that work? Did I do good? I looked at Ben and Angela and they were smiling at me…at US. Ben gave me a thumbs up sign! Wow! I feel like I just won a million dollars! I know it's not all instantly fixed…but maybe what I said clicked…and made sense to her. And that was good enough for now. Healing would come in time.

"I'll always be here, my baby girl.", I held her close, stroking down her smooth, lovely hair, "I promise. You can believe it. Not all the forces of HELL could drag me away from YOU."

She sniffled and kissed my arm, the one that was closer to her face. I have her love…I have everything.

"Hey.", I had a good idea, "Wanna sing ? Remember we used to sing after your bath? I'd wrap you in the towel and then we'd sing a song before getting dressed?"

"Uh huh.", she nodded, wiping her other eye.

"Hakuna Matata?" I asked, knowing what she used to love…I hoped she still loved it.

"Yea!", she lit up…she was always a sucker for the Lion King.

Turn your back, Elton John, I'm stealing some of your magic.

"Hakuna Matata…" I sang, "What a wonderful phrase…"

She sang with me, smiling, turning and laying her back against my chest as I rocked us back and forth.

"Hakuna Matata…ain't no passing craze…" we sang together. Disney was a big deal for us when she was a kid. We heard every song a million times. The lyrics to every song were permanently engraved in my brain and I couldn't get rid of them if I wanted to. By the way, I don't want to.

"It means no worries…for the rest of your days…" we sang together as I closed my eyes, loving it that we could do this again…even if only for this one time. I thought I missed these years and she was too grown up for this now…but thank God… I was wrong. And for a moment, I was back in the past…with her, three years old…before Tanya was stolen from us…before Victoria stole me…back when her heart was completely unscarred…and before hurt and lonely found her.

This was the perfect song for the moment, I thought to myself…and how I wished singing these words could make it come true. I wish all our worries were behind us…I wish I could erase all the wrong I've done to this child.

"It's our problem free…philosophy…", we sang, "Hakuna Matata…"

Let's see if she remembers this part.

I said, "Hakuna Matata?"

She smiled…remembering we used to do this, doing our own parts.

"Yea! It's our motto!", she said, looking up at me.

"What's a motto?" I went, grinning like a dope.

"Nothing!", she giggled, "What's a-motto with YOU?"

She laughed and I owned the world.

I hugged her and closed my eyes again, making my wishes for her inside my heart.

"I love you, you little goofball.", I said, my voice betraying my pain.

"I love you too Daddy.", she clung onto me even tighter.

"Forever.", I said, looking at my hand, smiling at how little her hand was against it.

"Forever.", she repeated, closing her little fingers over mine.

`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`O`

End of Chapter 9

Hey, sorry, I used to do that Lion King thing with my daughter all the time. And when she turned 18, I took her to see Lion King on Broadway. She still loves it. Some magic IS forever. Okay, don't go thinking I'm a sap now…I can still write things that will make grown men run under their beds and CRY! LOL! Don't MAKE me whip out my RAVEN chapters, I will! I'm not afraid to use 'em...or write more! How about a little Raven or Victoria flashback, Scarecrow? He he he!

How do you think Edward did there? I think he'll make a great Dad. And don't worry, Katie will be fine…and the sleepovers at Ben's will still keep happening. I love writing Bella and Edward time without Katie in the house.

See u soon! Gotta go Christmas gift wrapping…see, I put you guys before my own family…LOL…love ya !

Wind


	10. Beavers

Chapter 10

EPOV

For once, I was glad to be put to work that day. I had managed to put a mental band aid on Katie this morning…I kissed it and made it better…but now I knew that Bella was right.

Katie would need counseling.

In a lot of ways, Katie was a lot like me. She had not gone through the Hell of my world with Victoria…but was her Hell any less horrible than mine had been? She almost died…her body was almost burned to death…but by a miracle, she survived. Then she had to endure the pain and agony…the terror of the hospital. Then there was the loss of her mother. Then…there was the loss of ME. After all that, she still had to go through years and years of painful surgeries. Rehabilitation. Infections. Sickness. Rejection. Loneliness. Isolation.

The more I thought of it, the more my heart broke for what this little girl had gone through…and would still have to go through now.

Maybe she had actually been through MORE shit than I had been through. After all, I was an adult experiencing my shit. She was only three fucking years old!

I had seen some things about Katie since last month. I saw that she could be so wise beyond her years sometimes, because of all she had seen and felt. Her eyes looked very old sometimes…as if an adult were looking at you through them.

And then at other times, I saw that she was much younger…more innocent than a typical nine year old. She had been sheltered…protected by Ben and Angela. She had not really had any social interactions with kids her own age at all. I have to admit, I liked it that she was still kind of frozen a child, it meant that I had not missed her WHOLE childhood. But I wondered how other nine year olds would react to her, once they got to know her. She was very naïve, even for a little girl, and much more innocent about things than her peers.

Part of me wanted to keep that in her…and the other half of me knew that she could not remain a child forever. I kept telling myself, she'll catch up, once she sees how the other children are. She'll adjust and be one of them. And then the horror of that sentence hurt me physically. She'll adjust…and be one of them. I didn't want that, either.

Katie is special. Is that a bad thing that she's different? John Lennon and Elvis had been different…and they had changed the world.

I had told her today to trust, to open her heart, even though the risk of rejection was always going to be there. And for myself, the very thought of it still terrifies ME. It was like I was laying there with broken legs…teaching her how to walk on hers.

Did I do the right thing? Do all parents wonder about every single move or choice they make like this? Can I live with it if I make the wrong choices and Katie's life is ruined because of it?

While I was asking all these life and death questions of myself, my eyes were trained on what I was doing right now, mucking the stalls. Funny, after a couple days here, I almost can't even smell the shit anymore. Or maybe my mind is just too occupied today.

Either way, I threw myself into my work…even Bob said I was moving at super speed today. A couple times already he told me to calm down and pace myself. Maybe I was letting my anger come out as I worked and it seemed to him I was in some kind of frenzy.

I hadn't seen Bob for a little while but that was normal. There were lots of times I was totally alone in the stalls with the horses. I think they noticed I was not myself today because they seemed to just be watching me, puzzled. Sometimes it sounded like they were talking to each other, talking about ME.

I took my hat off and stuck it on the handle of the stall door, going about my business as I wiped my sweaty forehead with my arm. I heard a couple footsteps clicking behind me…for a second I froze, thinking it might be that Jenna woman. I steeled myself and straightened, turning around to see who was there.

And there was Yoyo, standing there in the middle of stable, outside his stall. He just looked at me, almost smirking as if he knew he was busted.

"Hey!", I stuck my pitchfork into the ground, "How did YOU get out here?"

I swear, he looked up and tried to feign innocence as I walked over to him.

Maybe I didn't close his door all the way or something. I had been thinking of Katie all day. I have to pay attention. These are living creatures too. And I'm responsible for their care.

I pet his mane and his nose, looking around. His parents were both outside right now, rehearsing and exercising. Maybe he was lonely for them.

"Aww, they'll be back soon, big guy.", I smiled at his sweet little eyes as they looked back at me, "Come on, back you go…I'll play with you later, okay?"

I took him back where he belonged and checked his water. He still had plenty and it was very clean. Good. I had a little basket hanging on the wall that was full of carrots, apples, and sugar cubes. Bob brought it in, saying treats were alright once in awhile for the horses. He left it to me today to decide who deserved them…and who didn't.

Psycho would not get a treat from me if I lived to be one hundred years old. But Yoyo is a good boy. And he'd been one of the first of them to show me any kind of friendship.

I made sure his door was closed, putting the pin in and pulling on the door. Closed. Good.

"Stay there a second.", I said to him as he watched me a little sadly.

I got a carrot, not too sure yet about how to hold the apple for him so my fingers wouldn't get bittten off. Carrots seemed easier.

The other horses were watching me like a hawk, and I could feel the jealousy coming off them in waves as I bought it over to my little buddy. His eyes lit up as I approached, offering the carrot to him.

"Here you go, baby.", I smiled warmly, showing him he could trust me, "Thanks for being so good…"

I loved the sound of him chomping on his treat. It reminded me of Bugs Bunny cartoons I loved as a kid. I loved it when he made that chomping sound when he ate his carrot.

I wanted to say thanks for being my friend, but that sounded so corny to say aloud. I knew if the other guys heard me say that, I'd never hear the end of it. But I stroked his face as he ate…and I think he got that message.

After he was done, I turned to the horses across from his pen and said, "If the rest of you want some, you can start being a little nicer to me."

I laughed to myself. All their eyes seemed to say 'fuck you' to me in response.

Returning to my work, I hummed to myself as I concentrated more on what I was doing.

Then I heard – CLOMP - CLOMP - CLOMP.

I turned. And there was Yoyo again, out of his stall. He stopped cold in his tracks when I saw him. He acted like if he didn't move, I wouldn't notice him. I decided to pretend I missed him, and was going about my job. But actually, I was watching him out of the corner of my eye. What is HE up to?

He watched me for a minute, not daring to move yet. He was very patient, not making a move until he was sure I wasn't tricking him.

Then, finally, he moved a single hoof forward, trying to step very carefully, trying not to alert me with his noisy feet. I acted like I didn't hear anything, humming to myself while he slowly moved towards me.

For a second I was concerned about myself. What if he tried to bite me? But he was smaller than the others…and he seemed very gentle. What was he doing?

He was so close to me now…and I watched. He opened his mouth and I saw his teeth. But he wasn't after ME…his open teeth closed over my black cowboy hat brim…and the little thief lifted it off the handle I stuck it on! He seemed to tiptoe it back to his stall.

His stall door was wide open and I was dumbfounded as to how he got out of there. I know I closed it right!

And I thought HE was the good one! I almost was going to let him have my hat for a second, but then I thought of him eating it or worse, taking a dump on it and I was on my way there to retrieve it. As much as I hated it, I do need it. And Bella gets turned on by it. I got a quick flash of me in my hat, playing cowboy with her, using my lasso to hold her still.

I went up to his stall and leaned on the open door, raising a brow at him. He had his back to me, ignoring me like I wasn't even there.

"Excuse me." I said and he glanced back at me, as if to go, 'Oh, hi, what do YOU want dumb human?'

"Yoyo.", I said, my face and tone stern as I called him.

He ignored me again. Just a flick of his tail.

I went into his stall and looked around for my hat, muttering, "I don't have time for this…"

"There it is.", I said to myself as I saw it half sticking out of the hay bedding on the ground. The little creep tried to hide it under the HAY! What a sneak!

"You know, I don't appreciate this, Yoyo.", I picked it up and brushed the strands off it, "You're lucky we're not in New York."

Someone there tried to mug me once. Man did I kick his fucking ass! Emmett was so proud of me. I hate to think what Victoria would've done to me if I came to her, robbed of things she'd given me.

I put the hat on my head and eyed him, walking out without another word, making sure again that his door was closed properly.

"I'm telling your Mom on YOU, Yoyo.", I said, hoping that made him afraid.

I was really amused by it all. I know he liked my hat, ever since I stuck it on his head yesterday. But I was really more interested to know how he was getting out of his stall by himself. I didn't want him getting out during the night. He could get hurt in the dark all alone.

So I went back to the other side of the stables, going to the next empty stall, this one belonged to a horse named Temper.

God, I fucking hate Temper! He's such a pig! I learned a couple things from cleaning out the stalls so far. Some horses were very neat, almost Felix Unger-ish and when I came to their stalls, it showed. Some of them even did their droppings in the same spots every time. But others, like Temper here, were disgusting! Temper was fond of grinding his shit into the bedding on the ground. It's like he was trying to hide it from me or something…or make me work to get to it. He took great delight in tap dancing on his feces. Either that or it would be floating in his water bucket! Bob said he was aware of it and there wasn't much I could do about it…just grin and bear it.

"Burn in Hell, Temper.", I groaned to myself, and not for the first time, either, as I began to dig in the bedding, looking for manure like a kid searching for Easter eggs in the grass.

Oh, I almost forgot…I'm supposed to be spying on Yoyo.

I pretended to work, my eye watching him from its side. He was looking around casually, as if it were a normal day. I kept watch on him for a couple minutes and he seemed to know it because he didn't make any moves. But I was patient. And I waited.

Finally, he was doing something. I squinted, trying to see better. He opened his mouth and lowered his head down to the door handle. His teeth expertly bit on the metal pin and he slowly pulled it up, out of the hole. This released the door.

"You little shit." I smirked, admiring the kid for having the creativity to do such a thing.

I looked down for a second, discovering horse poop…speaking of shit.

"Eur – fucking – eka!", I grumbled like an old man.

When I looked up behind me, I saw Yoyo holding the basket of treats in his white teeth…headed back to his stall.

Oh, now he's graduated to bigger things! Grand larceny!

"HEY!", I shouted and chased him. That was a mistake. Instead of going into his stall, he took off, galloping out of the stable completely!

"Yoyo NO!", I yelled louder, racing after him. The little crumb was still holding the handle of the basket in his damn teeth while he ran away from me.

"You're SO DEAD when I catch you!", I shouted behind him. It sounded like he was laughing at me as I ran with all my might.

I wasn't even paying attention to where the hell he was going…I just saw baby horse ass in front of me and I was determined to catch it!

We ran past a couple of other guys and they chuckled at us as we went by. I felt like a stupid ass and knew one thing – Yoyo would pay for this!

A black horse came galloping in front of Yoyo and I saw a large loop of rope fly up into the air…it fell around his neck gracefully and Yoyo slowly came to a halt. I was glad! I was nearly out of gas! Damn, he was FAST for a little pony!

I panted, coming up behind the little fugitive…the other horse was approaching now and I turned, looking up to thank the guy for helping me out. But it wasn't a guy.

My throat locked up as I saw the long blonde hair flying in the breeze. She wasn't all made up and fancy like she'd been the last time I saw her, she looked more natural. But that smile was still there. Fresh meat…that's me.

"Hi Anthony.", she grinned, holding the rope that held Yoyo.

"Hi…Jenna.", I looked down, not making eye contact anymore.

She giggled and said, "Oh, Anthony…you're so shy. Why do you look down all the time?"

I don't know…I almost said 'Because I'm fucked up, that's why.'

I shrugged and looked at Yoyo, touching his side, petting him.

"Thanks for…stopping him.", I peeked up at her, then focused back on Yoyo again.

"He wasn't tough to catch.", she sounded like she was smiling, "I need some practice with my rope anyway. Competitions you know…"

Just keep it off ME, I couldn't help but think. The sight of the rope made me break into a little bit of a cold sweat…but I hid that pretty well, I think.

"That's nice.", I said, knowing that made no sense.

She wasn't making a move to let me take Yoyo back…and I wondered how I would do that. If she released him, he might take off again.

I looked down and noticed the basket was on the ground…carrots and apples strewn around. Good, I can pick them up! That will give me something to do while she jabbers on.

I bent down, taking the basket and putting the items inside a few at time, not before shooting Yoyo a very indignant glance.

He even bent to grab the hat off my head again, biting the top of it but I quickly took hold of it, shoving his face away and muttering, "NO, Yoyo!"

I could hear her laughing and felt myself turn red hot from the humiliation of it all. Was she laughing at me? So many women had laughed at me…I should've been used to it.

"You're cute together.", she commented, watching us from above, "He likes you…"

"I wish I liked HIM right now.", I glared at Yoyo, and he almost looked down himself, in shame.

She laughed again, enjoying our little show. I wish she'd just let me go already…I wanted to get back to the stables with him, where I felt comfortable.

God, I feel COMFORTABLE in the stable? Wow.

I kept looking at the rope around Yoyo's neck. For a second, I imagined her throwing her lasso around me, pulling it tight around my neck. I saw myself freaking out, screaming and …

_No, Victoria, don't! Please! I'm SORRY! _

It was my voice from the past…I used to resist being tied up at first…when she first introduced me to pain play. I didn't trust her back then…and she would bind me up, blindfold me, and go to town on my body. Razors…lighters…cigarettes…lemon juice…she got off on hearing me scream…and cry.

I stopped myself from that, feeling my breathing quicken a bit more. Get under control, I told myself…calm down.

"You're funny.", she surmised, as if she just discovered it herself.

"Yea, well…", I tore my eyes away from the rope, "They're not paying me to tell jokes, so…"

I hoped that would give me the line I needed to exit…and she'd let me leave now…but she wasn't that easy.

"Are you coming…", she asked, pausing until I looked up at her, confused.

"To the rodeo, I mean?", she finished, "Tomorrow?"

Oh yea, today's Friday. Cool. I almost forgot in all the drama.

"Uh, no…probably not.", I looked down at the basket in my hand, "I have plans tomorrow."

I would love to spend the day with Bella and Katie, just the three of us, before my appointment with Dr. F.

I snickered inside my head, thinking of the OTHER Dr. F…the one that specialized in Bella's problem.

"Oh come on.", she urged, "It's a lot of fun. You can bring your daughter, she'll love it! And you can watch the horses do their thing. Aren't you curious to see what they can do?"

"I said NO!", I heard myself burst out suddenly, glaring up at her, seeing Victoria instead of Jenna for a mili second, "You know what that word MEANS, don't you? And how do you know I have a daughter?"

She looked surprised but didn't look all that insulted by my little tirade.

"I don't know…I heard it around, I guess.", she shrugged.

"Well stop discussing me and my family around town.", I snapped, looking away, "And the last thing I want to do on my weekend OFF is come back here! And if I want to see what the horses can DO – I have that fun everyday when I'm shoveling their SHIT! And I get to share their magic with my family when I get home and they tell me how much I STINK!"

I yanked the rope around Yoyo's neck and pulled, not caring if she let it go or not. She let go of the lasso, handing it to me as I stormed off, dragging Yoyo the moron behind me, my little basket in the other hand.

I gave Yoyo a very long lecture all the way back. He didn't resist me as I led him back home, in fact I think he was even sorry.

"Now STAY in there this time!", I removed the lasso and tossed her nasty rope aside, as if it were covered in shit…and when I put the pin into the slot this time I thought better of it and used part of the rope to tie a good, strong knot around the pin and handle. If I knew anything, it was how to tie all kinds of strong knots.

"There…try that.", I began to walk away…and then heard Yoyo give a little whimper. I couldn't walk away now.

"Oh come here…", I sighed, scratching behind his little ears, "I'm not mad at you. I'm still your friend, okay? Okay…"

Then I asked him in a very soft voice, "Do YOU ever get scared?"

I heard slow horse hooves approach and tensed again. God, can't this girl take a hint?

I looked and saw Jenna dismount her horse. She pet the side of his face and walked away from him. He remained still, waiting. Yoyo could take a lesson from him.

I felt my eyes lower again and my jaw set firmly as she came closer. But she wasn't looking at ME, she was looking affectionately at Yoyo.

"You've got a sweet nature…forgiving…", she said, her voice echoing in the air.

"I've worked with horses for a long time.", she smiled at me, then back at Yoyo, petting his mane that hung between his ears. She moved it out of his eyes and giggled for a second. He seemed to enjoy her attentions.

"You can't get mad at them because they have a spirit.", she shared, looking at me, "Some walk right up and eat out of your hand…others hiss and buck and show their teeth at you. Personally, I love the ones that resist. It makes it that much sweeter when they come around and let you ride them."

I could only scowl at her in response. Ukkkk.

"Oooh, see?", she smiled and pointed at me, "Spirit. I love that."

"I have things to do.", I picked up the basket and began to walk away from her.

"Well, I came here for my lasso, but, it's no big deal.", she looked at the knots I'd made around Yoyo's door handle, "Keep it if you need it. I've got more."

I'll bet.

"Thanks." I said, putting the basket on the hook where it was before.

"I also wanted to say…", she crossed her arms, looking at me, "That I'm sorry if I came off like a bitch in heat yesterday. Sometimes, I just talk that way. I didn't mean to make you feel weird or anything."

Well, that was nice…I guess.

"Thanks.", I said, giving her a little bit of a grin, crossing my own arms and leaning against the wall by the basket.

"It's true, I DO like you.", she smirked at me as my eyes shot to the floor. One second she's being nice and then the next, she's coming onto me again. Please go away!

"And I don't come from the school of shy, quiet girls who bat their eyelashes and wait to be asked to dance…", she said, "I was raised to see what I want and go after it…and I make no apologies for that. That doesn't make me a slut, Anthony."

I was a little shocked that she was being so direct and I heard myself going, "No…I never thought that…"

"Well, you LOOK afraid of me, Anthony.", she was coming closer, "Or…like you think I'm cheap or something."

She came within a couple feet of me and I had nowhere to go to get away. CRAP!

"I'm not afraid.", I said, making my eyes raise a bit towards hers…but they never really made actual contact.

She waited, smirking…looking me up and down. If she touches me, I swear to God…

"I'm NOT.", I looked at her defensively, "I have someone. Someone I would NEVER cheat on, someone I plan on MARRYING someday."

There. Take THAT.

"Uh huh.", she kept smiling, "Well I was once a girl like that too. A man once said they were gonna marry ME. Men lie. They get bored. They change their minds."

"I'm not gonna change my mind.", I said, shaking my head slightly, "I love her."

She let out a laugh suddenly, sneering to herself, "Love."

She said it like it was a filthy word. God, she reminds me of Victoria. Victoria used to say, 'Love is poison. It can kill you.'

I guess she was right. She thought she loved me and now she's as dead as a doornail.

And I guess I used to agree with that 'love is poison' crap. After I lost Tanya, I thought I'd never love another woman again…and I really didn't want to risk being destroyed like that again. I could see that point of view…but I knew better know. I knew Bella now.

"Okay, Anthony.", she gave a nod, grinning, "I'll be good. I can wait."

"No, no waiting…", I frowned, my fists clenched in my folded arms.

"Shhh…", she smiled more, playing with me, putting her finger on my lips as I squinted my eyes at her, not moving.

"I get it.", she took her hand away and I wiped off my mouth instantly.

I was about to tell her to fuck off but my stomach was churning…I felt like I might puke. What's happening to me?

"Can I have one of those apples?", she jerked her head at the basket.

"Yea, if you take it to GO.", I grabbed one and handed it to her.

Instead of taking it out of my hand, she took the couple steps towards me and put her hands gently over my hand, leaning in and opening her lips…taking a very small bite of the apple. She gave a little moan of delight and sucked the spot she'd taken a bite from…her tongue came out and traced around the edges of the yellow and red…licking off the juice.

Don't come out, Frank…don't COME OUT! I'll fucking KILL you! Stay down, boy! Think of wrinkled old naked ladies! Ben and Angela humping…sorry guys.

Then she looked up at me and gave me this little innocent smile. I felt my face just frowning hard back down on her.

"Thank you Anthony.", she said with this very baby doll voice, "When you get bored…you know where to find me. I can keep a secret."

I didn't move or speak…I just watched her walk back over to her horse, climb aboard, and tip her hat at me, galloping away without another word.

I could only release a sigh of relief when she was gone. Maybe she'd leave me alone now. And thankfully, for once, Frank listened to me and stayed away. That was a first. I was sure I'd get rock hard and she'd see it…and before I could stop her, she'd have me right here on the friggin' ground!

Maybe Frank was playing harder to get now that we were in the country. Or…not hard to get…whatever… Good boy, Frank! I love ya!

I felt a little proud of myself. I had refused a woman…and didn't cave…I stood up to her. I know it wasn't much…but it made me feel good. My stomach was already calming down.

I realized I still held the bitten apple in my hand. EW! I tossed it away, wiping my sticky hand against my shirt. Yoyo watched the apple roll right outside his stall…not quite within his reach. He looked appalled at the injustice of it all.

"Serves you right.", I said to him, deciding to get back to work.

See? I said to myself, this place took your mind off Katie for almost fifteen minutes!

"Anthony.", Bob called as he came walking into the stable.

"Yea?" I swallowed, thinking maybe I was in some kind of trouble now.

"After you're done, we've got our first riding lesson!", he announced.

"Cool!", I said, surprised by this so fast. I assumed it would be weeks from now…but I had to admit, I was excited to try it. Victoria never really took me out for many outdoor daytime activities…and horses in the country wasn't really her scene.

Vacations with her were like tanning by the pool, getting massages at the spa…nude beaches, parties. I was always an object, even on "vacation". She would see women looking at me and ask them if they wanted to fuck me, right to their faces. By nightfall, she had three of four women on me, taking off my clothes while she watched…sometimes she even videotaped it. I just prayed they weren't on youtube right now.

I did feel a bit nervous about what horse I'd be learning on. Some of these fuckers would JUST LOVE to get me on their back so they could murder me! Maybe Bob would let me choose the horse I wanted.

I resumed my Easter egg shit hunt in Temper's stall as I considered my favorite horses here so far: Yoyo was too small for me to ride yet. So he was out for now. Fuzzy was a nice little girl horse…and always seemed to giggle and whinny when I came into her stall. Dazzle was another favorite mare of mine. She was very affectionate and always tried to lick me when I was feeding her.

Before I knew it, Bob was opening the stall of a horse named Midnight Sun. This was a gelding, a male horse. As far as I knew, this horse never tried to eat me or kick me, so I was agreeable.

He already had a horse for himself and showed me how to saddle and bridle Midnight Sun. He was a sweet horse and didn't fight me at all as I fumbled around, copying what Bob was doing with his horse. Thank God the horse was very patient with me and even seemed to smirk at me while I learned.

Then I thought we'd just jump up on the horses and go…but I was wrong. First Bob taught me how to lead the horse. Apparently, it's very important. I wished I knew how to do this before Yoyo took off on me earlier.

I liked it that we could say, 'Come' and the horse would walk with us. Then, 'whoa' to make them stop. They understood! This didn't seem that difficult yet. Making them go backwards was a bit harder. We said 'Back' and faced our horses, then you had to pull down and slightly back with your lead rope, my right hand pressing on his left shoulder.

Bob also said don't force your horse. The harder you pull, the more a horse is likely to resist. Good thing Yoyo didn't give me a hard time. I guessed these horses were already very trained and didn't need to be pulled along, they already knew to trot or follow just by hearing the commands.

Then I learned how to mount the horse. These things were so damn tall! I had no idea how trying that could be! Bob made me do the mount and dismount several times. I was feeling like a damn fool for awhile. Even the horse looked at me like, 'you gonna ride me or what?'

Once I seemed to pass that little test of Bob's, he allowed me to stay seated on the horse.

"Nothing too heavy on the first lesson, Ant.", Bob grinned, "Let's just walk 'em around awhile."

Bob showed me how to hold the reins…even THIS was important. I never realized so much went into riding a horse. And we hadn't even moved yet!

"That's it.", he said with approval, "Keep your wrists and fingers relaxed. Let your arms and elbows rest naturally, but don't let them FLAP. Hold the reins just as if you were squeezing a sponge."

I listened to all he said and he seemed pleased with me.

"You're a fast learner, that's good, Ant.", Bob smiled at me, "Ready to take a little walk?"

"Yea.", I smiled at him, wanting to get moving.

"Alright…", Bob watched me and instructed, "Gently take the reins towards you, take up the slack."

I watched what Bob was doing, he moved slowly so I could observe. I copied him exactly.

"Squeeze your legs on the sides of your horse…", he said as our horses began slowly moving, "Right, back there is perfect. Also, push your hips forward a little. Right."

"You can relax your legs when the horse responds…", Bob said calmly after we went a few steps, "And move your hands forward now, that prevents jerking on the horse's mouth."

So many things to remember, so much to consider. Bob said that the better I would get as a rider, the more comfortable the horse would be. I never thought of that. I figured that every rider was the same to a horse, but Bob said no. A bad rider or a cruel rider could do damage to a horse.

"There you go.", Bob watched me, nodding, "Now you can just relax and move with the horse as it's moving…don't tense of you'll have BIG saddle sore tonight."

As I was concentrating on THAT, trying to relax my ass cheeks, Bob looked out over the grassy fields we were riding through. It was very beautiful here…I could see trees and the lake in the distance. We weren't stuck inside a pen…we were just wandering.

"How long does it take, to learn to ride?", I asked, trying not to keep looking down at the horse. Bob wasn't doing it.

"It depends on the person…", he shrugged, "It took me a good year…to get REALLY good, knowing what I was doing by myself. But it's worth it. I had never ridden before then and I just got addicted to it. It's the most relaxing thing I do now. Just going out…me and my favorite horse…and it's a bonding thing, too. Me and Sally are forever, aren't we, girl?"

He scratched her mane and she gave a pleased gush of air from between her lips, her head giving a little jiggle. I laughed at that.

"That's cool.", I felt my smile widen, showing teeth, "I wish I could do that."

"You will, give it time.", Bob foretold, "It took me awhile to find my soul mate, here. You'll find yours."

"All the horses hate me.", I shook my head, looking out into the landscape.

"I told you, don't go by the horses HERE.", Bob thumbed towards the stables, "These are rodeo horses, they compete and a lot of them are tough bastards! You have to see the rodeo to see what I'm saying. Also, the more applause they get, the more stuck up most of 'em get, too! Your kind of horse will be simpler."

Simpler.

"Are you calling me a dope or something?", I furrowed my brow.

Bob laughed, "God, no. You're real smart. I can see that already. Look how good you're handling that horse all on your own. I just meant that your horse will be less of a superstar personality. I can tell that you're a man who likes substance, not flash. For instance, I bet if you had a choice between Angelina Jolie and…ummm…Reese Witherspoon…"

"Reese.", I said right away, although I DO prefer brunettes.

"I knew it.", he grinned, "And by the way, I met your Marie today."

Marie? OH BELLA! Shit! I still wasn't used to that.

"Oh yea?", I smiled at him, thinking of her. I knew she was going to tell them that I went to work on my own this morning. I'm sure Bob stepped right up and introduced himself.

"She's a GEM, Anthony.", he stated, "A real sweet girl."

"I know.", I grinned back at him, glad the brim of my hat was keeping the sun out of my eyes.

"You're lucky.", he looked out on the horizon.

"I know that too.", I looked away, "I keep wondering when she'll wake up and realize I'm not good enough for her."

I gave a little chuckle afterwards. Bob did too. We fell into a little silence after that. I had to admit, it was nice…just riding…quietly.

We talked about other things…guy stuff. Sports, cars, women. I didn't realize it until today but Bob is a bit of a gossip. He was telling me about some of the women in town. They were mostly funny stories, so I just listened to him going on like a little old lady.

I wished I could tell him all about Bella. I wanted to rave and tell him about her goals, her dreams…her accomplishments…but I wanted to protect her MORE. I didn't want anyone telling stories about her all over town. I was afraid to reveal something accidentally, hell, I was even afraid I'd slip and call her Bella! I hated holding back this way. How can I make any real friends here when I can't truly let my walls down and be myself? I feel like I'm lying.

He was talking about his last birthday and I gave a sad little sigh.

"Bell—" I said, "Marie's…birthday is coming up in a couple weeks.", I said, "I really want to do something special for her. This is the first time I'll get to spend it with her and I keep coming up blank for ideas. In New York, I'd have no problem. I knew it there…but here…I haven't got a clue."

"Oh, WELL!", Bob smiled big, "You've come to the right place then! I know every inch of this town!"

"I don't want to take her square dancing, Bob.", I said sarcastically, making a face.

"Hey, we have more than square dancing here, boy!", he looked insulted, "I've been married for 18 years! And every one of my wife's birthdays has been something REAL nice. But if you don't want my advice…"

He looked way, feigning hurt.

I rolled my eyes. "Alright, what are your ideas?"

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When I got home, I was glad to see that everything looked very normal, except for the absence of Ben and Angela. Bella was making dinner and Katie was sitting there on the floor watching SpongeBob.

And again, Katie came hurling through the door when I walked up to it.

"I know, I know…gentle.", she said as I smiled at her with gratitude.

"Yea.", I almost winced, my ass on fire. Guess who forgot to relax his ass cheeks during the hour long horse ride?

She gave me a very careful hug and I kissed her head, coming inside.

Bella came up and planted a quick kiss on my lips once Katie had gone back to the floor. She picked up a crayon and went back to her coloring book. She was very artistic, just like her mother. I was glad. Art is important.

"Can I help?", I asked Bella as I followed her into the kitchen, taking off my hat and sticking it on one of the posts of the kitchen chair. As long as I didn't have to sit down yet, I was fine.

She leaned in and inhaled me. "You don't smell as bad as you did yesterday.", she complimented…I guess.

"Thanks.", I said and a second later Katie was standing behind us.

I wasn't sure if she was just spying or if she wanted to join us.

"Guess what I did today?", I asked them both, putting a little excitement in my voice as I spoke.

"Ummm…", Bella pondered hard for a moment, "You gave birth to …SEVEN penguins…no wait! Eight!"

Katie thought that was SOOOO funny. I just shot them a look. I went to go laugh at Bella's comment but then I suddenly stopped in mid-giggle, scowling, saying, "NO!"

"WAIT, WAIT!", Katie jumped up and down, "Let ME go now!"

I folded my arms, waiting, setting my jaw. I didn't realize this would turn into a "mock the cowboy" evening.

"Ummmm…", Katie made that same face Bella had done a second ago, "You…flew on broomsticks with Harry Potter!"

"God, no.", I sneered, "I'd NEVER do that!"

"What, then?" Katie asked, giving me a glare for daring to insult the name of her new love, Harry.

"I rode a horse today.", I revealed, taking the dishes Bella gave me…going over to set the table.

"Ohhh…", Bella sounded like she LOVED that…and Katie gasped out loud.

"That is SOOO cool, Dad!", she beamed, "When can I go ride the horsies?"

Bella laughed and I almost said, 'After you've cleaned their shit for three days.'

I wasn't very keen on the idea of Katie on the back of one of those monsters I worked with everyday.

"Katie, it's part of Daddy's job.", Bella smiled at us as she stirred the spaghetti in its pot, "It's not like he's just doing it for FUN you know."

"But it WAS fun.", I admitted, putting forks next to each plate, "I LOVED it, Bella!"

"Really?", she looked at me, not sure if I was joking.

"Really.", I said, smiling as Katie straightened out the forks I'd already placed down.

"Bob said I did really well for a first lesson.", I said with a hint of pride, "Maybe next week he said he'll teach me how to go a little faster. We just walked today."

She gave me the biggest smile.

"I love how excited you are!", she said, "I'm so glad!"

"Did you do any jumps, Daddy?" Katie asked, sitting down.

"No, not yet baby.", I said, "You can't just jump on a horse and GO, you know. There's so much to KNOW. It might be months…or years before I know how to jump or do any of THAT stuff."

"Don't give him any ideas, Kate…", Bella play whispered to her, "We don't want Daddy falling on his head!"

"Ha ha.", I rolled my eyes, taking the bowl of spaghetti from Bella, bringing it to the table.

"By the way…", she asked me, "Did you wear a helmet?"

"Helmet?", I frowned at her, "NO! I had my hat on."

"Ugh.", Bella was pouring ice tea in our glasses, "I wish you'd wear one…what if you FELL?"

"I'm not wearing a helmet!", I argued, "Bob didn't have one on."

"I don't care, Bob's not my goofball. You are.", she put the iced tea back in the fridge.

"Awww, you say the sweetest THANGS!", I threw my arms around her waist and lifted her off her feet, giving her a little spin as she screamed. Katie watched, laughing at us.

"Unhand me, GOOF!", she laughed, breaking away from me, sitting down.

"Bella, these are honest to God COWBOYS!", I broke a piece of bread in four pieces, handing a couple to Katie, "I can't go putting a helmet on while I'm horseback riding out there! It's not like we're in New York, riding a bicycle! I didn't even wear a helmet THEN!"

"Well, it's the LAW!", Bella sighed, spooning everyone some noodles, always the police chief's daughter. God, I love her.

"Well, I'm a loner, Bella…a REBEL!", I quoted Pee Wee Herman, cackling as both women looked at me like I was nuts!

I was instantly sobered by their stares.

"Watch a movie once in awhile, will ya?", I teased Katie, "Explore outside the cartoon network."

Dinner was wonderful. There was never a gap in the conversation. We laughed, told stories of our day…we hardly seemed to notice the two empty chairs at the table…hardly. Or maybe we were just pretending not to notice.

We talked about tomorrow…and what things we could do together, since it was Saturday.

Katie was so excited, saying that there was a huge park around here where you could do lots of fun things.

"Like what?", I asked.

"WAIT, I have it in my bookbag!", she ran off, coming back with a pamphlet, tossing it into my lap.

"You were all prepared, weren't you?", I grinned at her, looking at it.

"Edness Kimball Wilkins State Park.", I read aloud as everyone ate, "This small day use park six miles outside of Casper is a shady oasis on the North Platte river."

"Sounds boring so far.", I commented.

"Read, Papa!", Bella scolded.

"Once the site of a quarry, this park is now known for its wildlife watching, fishing, and picnicking.

At the west end, near park headquarters, there is a boat ramp on the river and a wheelchair-accessible fishing pier. Fishermen try for carp, white and long-nosed suckers, rainbow, cutthroat and brown trout, channel catfish, black bullheads, chub and walleyes.

The river is also popular for boating, flatwater rafting and canoeing.

Swimmers head for the center of the park, where the quarry site has been converted to a pond with a sand beach. Canoeists and rowers, and ice skaters in season, also use the pond.

Nearly three miles of wheelchair-accessible trails wind through the cottonwoods at Edness K. Wilkins. The trails may be used by hikers, in-line skaters and cyclists. Horses are allowed on unpaved paths.

The park is a haven for wildlife. Mule and white-tailed deer, foxes, beavers and many other mammals reside here.

The park's value as a birdwatching destination has been enhanced by the placement of birdhouses, ponds and viewing blinds. The local chapter of the National Audubon Society has identified more than 200 species at the park, including yellow-billed cuckoos, bald and golden eagles, sharp-shinned hawks and up to 16 kinds of ducks.

Remnants of the 19th-century Immigrant Trails are visible here, and the park has interpretive displays to mark the sesquicentennial of the great westward migrations."

I almost expected them to be asleep when I was through.

"That sounds GREAT!", Bella took it out of my hand, looking at the pictures, "Look how beautiful everything is! Look at the people watching the water there…"

I looked at her like she was insane. "Bella, they're just sitting there on a bench, staring at WATER! If you want to do that, you can pull a chair up to the shower!"

I laughed at my joke but no one else joined me. Women. Where is Ben when you need him? I'm in a house full of GIRLS and I know I'm gonna be outvoted.

"They have BEAVERS, DAD!", Katie shouted, pointing to a picture of some in the pamphlet.

I sealed my lips shut, not allowing anything dirty to escape my mouth at that one.

"I love a good beaver as much as the next guy," I said, watching Bella put her hand over her mouth, trying not to laugh, "But what can we do there? It's a lot of walking…and you're short. I'll have to carry you all day!"

"Uh uhhhh….," she denied, "We can FISH! See the Dad, there, fishing with his kids? And if we catch some, Bella can cook 'em for dinner!"

"Fish?", I felt my face twist in disgust and shock, "Who ARE you?"

"Katie.", she answered, confused, like I really forgot her name.

"I know who you ARE, Kaitlyn!", I informed, dipping bread into my tomato sauce.

Bella was laughing and trying to stop herself.

"Maybe I can shoot a deer, too, while I'm at it.", I teased, rolling my eyes a bit.

Katie gasped as if I'd pissed on Daniel Radcliffe.

"NO DAD, you CAN'T shoot a DEER!", her eyes were two round orbs.

"I was kidding.", I squinted at her.

"Oh…whew…", she was waving her hand at her own face…a trait of Angela's.

"Isn't there anything like an amusement park or something around?", I asked, "I love a great rollercoaster!"

"Why are you looking at Katie, asking that?", Bella held a hand out towards Katie, "Does she look like a tour guide to you?"

Bella took the pamphlet and read to herself for a minute.

"It DOES say that they have people there to teach kids how to fish.", Bella revealed, making Katie jump up and down in her chair, going "Ooooo, oooo, ooooo!"

Mental note: Kill Bella later.

"Well, my Dad and I used to fish all the time when I was little.", Bella grinned, reminiscing, "It would be fun…and you and Katie could learn together."

"Do I look like a kid to you?", I pointed my fork at my chest, "Do you know how DUMB I'll look sitting there with all the kids, learning to fish?"

"You're never too old to learn.", she said, "And yes, most of the time, you DO look like a kid to me."

She smirked at me and I couldn't help but smile at HER. I was losing this battle…but I was really kidding around mostly. I didn't care where we went…as long as we did something together. I just love needling them. It tickles me.

"Take a leisurely picnic with the family and get away from the noise of the city.", Katie read.

I laughed. "The NOISE of the city?" I asked, "The only noise I've heard here was when BEN ate beans for dinner that time! It's so quiet here I can hardly SLEEP at night!"

"I know.", Bella agreed with me at last, giggling from my Ben remark, "I used to close my eyes and just WISH to hear a garbage truck or something go by."

"Yea.", I sighed, remembering my dark lady, New York. Would we really never be there again? Tanya would die all over again if she thought Katie wouldn't get the benefits of New York's culture. Theatre, museums…she lived for all that. She wanted to pass all that onto Katie.

"I sleep fine here.", Katie commented, slurping a big long strand of spaghetti into her mouth, the sauce flicking her in the face. You'd think she'd have learned not to do that…but she did it every single time she ate spaghetti. I wiped her nose off with my napkin, shaking my head and giggling.

"You could sleep in a CIRCUS!", I retorted.

Bella laughed, knowing that to be the truth in the short time she'd known her.

"Come on Dad!", Katie whined, "I wanna fish!"

Don't listen, Tanya. But I think our little girl is a boy.

"Me too.", Bella joined in, giving me a sexy little lip bite. Oh man…she is playing dirty now.

I decided to stop teasing them and give in. It did sound like we could have a lot of fun there.

"Well, now I can't get those beavers off my mind!", I said, glancing at Bella as she turned a little pink, my hand slamming on the table, "Let's DO IT!"

"YAY!", everyone cheered as I rolled my eyes, swirling my fork into my spaghetti.

"How did I get stuck with you people?" I asked….and Bella went "Awww…"

And in three seconds, I was being hugged and kissed from both sides by my little women. It was heaven!

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End of Chapter 10

See you all soon! Thanks for all the great reviews and feedback!

I love you guys!

Love, Winnd

PS This park is a real place 6 miles outside of Casper, Wyoming. It does sound awesome. A little country fun for our city family wouldn't hurt. I keep picturing Edward in a cute little fishing hat….LOL.


	11. Family Day

Chapter 11

BPOV

It was really exciting this morning, getting a little extra sleep…then rushing around, packing things for our little road trip. I wished I had Charlie's fishing poles to take with us…and Charlie to help teach them how to fish properly.

I couldn't feel sad today, no matter how hard I kept trying. We would be going out today, just the three of us, fishing! And even more miraculous, Edward would be going to see a psychologist for the first time tonight. If anyone asked me to, I would be able to FLY today.

I wondered what Dr. Facinelli would be like. Would Edward like him as much in person as he seemed to over the phone?

I don't know why but I was relieved when Edward said he'd made the appointment with a man. I know it shouldn't make any difference what sex the doctor was, but I think I would feel a little pang of jealousy if Edward sought help from a female doctor. He had put me on such a pedestal, acting like I was so brilliant…part of me worried that once he saw a REAL doctor, he'd look at me now like I'm chop liver.

I told myself to stop that. Today would be a fun day, a family day. And I would see Edward fish. I brought Ben's camera with me. I couldn't pass up these photo ops.

I also borrowed an old fishing hat of Ben's and had that packed away, out of sight. It was gray and old…beat up and filled with fishing lures that were hooked into the material. I couldn't wait to see it on Edward's head. It even has a chin strap under it!

Edward had checked the weather and it looked like it would be a very warm and summer like day. Everything was working for us and couldn't wait to write in my journal tonight about all that was going to happen. I had been keeping a little journal, in case…maybe someday we'd see Dad and Alice, Rosalie again…not to forget Jasper and Emmett…but this way, maybe I could share our experiences with them…it made me feel like they were with us now, not left out of anything.

Before I knew it, we were in the car, Edward at the wheel and Katie in the back seat. I was riding co pilot next to my captain, with the map in my hand. Edward thought I wouldn't be able to navigate, but he was surprised. My father taught me many guy things, and I knew my way around maps. I could also change a tire, check my oil, and spit farther than any boy I'd ever met.

"Wyoming.", Edward read a billboard that had a cowboy sitting on a bucking horse, "Forever west." This was a sign that we'd seen here before. It was the state motto and it was even on the Wyoming license plates.

Edward's voice had sounded a little sarcastic when he'd read that tagline. Then he mumbled, "It FEELS like forever."

Complainer. So much for no more griping about this state.

"Are we there yet, are we there yet?", Katie could hardly be contained in the back, buckled securely.

"Not yet.", Edward squinted out at the highway and then at me, "Are you sure we're going the right way?"

I huffed loudly. "YES!", I almost yelled, "Stop treating me like a stupid housewife from the 50's! I know what I'm doing!"

We were on Interstate 25 now…and our exit is 182. And we just passed exit 180.

And here comes Katie…

"Two more exits to GO!", the little announcer declared. Edward and I laughed, glancing at each other.

"Thanks Katie.", we whined at the same time, as we did after every exit we'd passed.

"Oh, bite me.", she shot back and I felt my mouth fall open, looking at Edward in shock.

"HEY!", Edward frowned and looked at her in his rear view mirror, "What the HELL is that? You don't talk that way!"

I almost giggled as Edward told her not to swear while he swore at her.

I wanted to go, 'Yea, DAMNIT!' But I stayed out of this one.

"Where'd you hear that?", Edward was still scolding Katie while I changed the radio station.

"This kid in my class says it all the time.", she shrugged, not looking very afraid of Edward's yelling.

"Kids…", he grumbled to himself, hating those other wicked children…the ones who were leading his little angel astray. I shook my head, watching his face. Edward really had to face the fact that Katie was not the perfect little cherub he imagined.

"Well when we get home I want his name, address, and phone number.", he ordered and then I couldn't hold it anymore. I had to laugh.

"What's YOUR problem?" he frowned at me.

"What are you gonna do with that?" I asked, trying to keep a straight face.

"Call his parents.", he said, as if it were obvious.

"Oh, okay.", I smiled, "I thought you were gonna go over there and do something…"

"I'm not THAT nuts.", he smirked at me.

When we finally reached our exit and found Edness Kimbal Wilkins State Park, Edward found instant appreciation of the natural beauty there.

"Uuuuhhh!", he gasped, "Pizza HUT! We're going THERE for lunch!"

"YAY!", Katie agreed.

I'm so glad those horses keep him jumping. The way he loves to eat, he'd be a little butterball if he didn't get some kind of daily workout. Not that I cared. I loved him and would always do so no matter what he looked like. And I had to admit, it was fun picturing him older, balding…putting on a few pounds. If he knew what I was doing in my head now, he'd absolutely murder me. But I got a little chuckle out of it.

I wonder how Edward will handle it when he DOES get older…when that beauty begins to fade…his appearance is so important to him. Let Dr. Facinelli deal with that, I told my inner Dr. Bella.

Maybe in time, Dr. Bella could be Edward's sexual healer alone. His head would be someone else's job.

"Aren't there any salad places around?", I asked, trying to promote healthy eating habits to the young, impressionable mind in the car…and to Katie too!

"Ppppbbbhhhttt!", Edward scoffed, "Salad."

"You're such a little glutton.", I said to him.

"Yes, when I find something I like, I eat it ALL…I devour.", Edward shot me a dirty little grin, "And I could go on for hours and hours…sometimes until my tongue is NUMB…but if you don't like that about me, I can change. I'll just nibble on some lettuce…"

Damn him.

"What kind of pizza do you guys like?", I asked, earning a great big kiss from my little boy at the wheel.

"Watch the road, I'd like to live!", I turned his face towards the windshield.

The day was absolutely marvelous. I was taking pictures of the mountains and the forest as we took a hike through one of their nature trails. Edward carried Katie on his shoulders and as much as I thought her weight would be too much for him, he acted like she was a feather. He didn't even seem to break a sweat!

It made me misty eyed to think that to an outsider, I guess we looked like a regular little family.

"DADDY!", Katie screamed as I spun around, seeing her looking up into a tall tree, "Come out of that TREE! You're too OLD to climb all the way up THERE!"

"Am NOT!", he argued back, and all I could see was his denim ass and legs from down here.

Or maybe people think I'm just babysitting my daughter and my overgrown goofball of a son.

"EDWARD CULLEN!", I shouted, forgetting about our fake names, slapping a hand over my mouth, "Anthony Masen! Come down before you break your neck!"

"Neither one of them are in right now." he said like an answering machine, "Please leave a message at the beep. BEEP!"

I growled very loudly, afraid he was going to lose his balance and land right in front of me with a giant THUD. It would be stupid to die that way after all he'd already gone through.

"Aww, come on, Mom, I want to see the top!", he joked, going even higher.

I looked at Katie and sighed, "Is he always like this?"

"Yes.", she sighed with me, looking like a midget 40 year old mother, "He shouldn't have had all that sugar. I knew the cotton candy was a big mistake."

I laughed at her, loving her even more. I'm glad I had an adult to hang out with today.

"I MADE IT!", he screamed, celebrating with his squirrel friends up there, "I'M THE KING OF THE WOOORRRRLLLLDDD! WOOOOOO!"

"I'm not with you guys…", I started to walk away, putting on my sunglasses.

Later, we were feeding the sixteen different kinds of ducks. Edward was teasing them, making them do tricks to get their pellets. I had no idea that white bread is bad for ducks. The park ranger told me as they confiscated my plastic bagful of bread slices.

I must've contributed to a lot of duck health problems in my day.

"FLAP!", Edward was demanding this white duck, while he held a couple pellets over its head, "FLAP your WINGS!"

In less than five minutes, we were being chased by about fifty pissed off ducks. I was so scared, I think I lost five years off my life. I'll NEVER stop hearing those horrible honking sounds they made. They finally cornered us and we threw our bag of duck food at them, hoping the bribe would save us from being pecked to death. I couldn't believe Edward grabbed Katie under one arm and took off, leaving me behind!

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!", Edward screeched, moving at lightning speed.

It took him an hour to get back on my good side after that one.

"You said you were an independent woman who could take care of herself.", he explained, trying to get out of the doghouse.

"Bite me.", I borrowed Katie's new motto, and us girls shared a fist bump.

"Where?", he asked, topping that one. What a punk!

You'd think he would've learned after the duck incident (as it came to be known) that he would've left the animals alone. But he didn't.

"Edward!", I shouted, following him later on, "Leave those BEAVERS alone!"

And seconds later, we were running from a huge pack of beavers! They were faster and scarier than the ducks! Their teeth were like six inches long!

I kept looking for the fishing class. If we weren't murdered by pissed off carnivores by lunchtime, I wanted to do that next!

After Edward was done being patched up in the First Aid office, we did go to Pizza Hut for lunch. I tried to tear the sticker off his shirt the nurse had given him that bore a giant star and said, 'I was a brave cowboy today.', but he refused to part with it. It was even harder trying to get the lollipop out of his mouth…yes, a cherry pop, you guessed it.

That bitch nurse didn't fool me. She acted all innocent but I saw her face when she put that thing right into Edward's mouth! Whore! The nurse, not Edward.

It was good to see him calm down a little. I watched him balling up the straw wrapper and he used his straw to blow it across the table at Katie. She loved that, blowing it back in his direction with her own straw. I had to get in on this game and we had a ball! We must've looked like a bunch of DOPES to everyone else but I didn't care.

I had to admit, I envied Edward his playful spirit. When he played, he PLAYED…hard! He's a lot of fun and even more fun now that Katie's around. She makes him young again…I could see that. I can't believe anyone would ever be so cruel as to try and split them up. I couldn't be angry with him for having fun this way. It had been six years since he could go out and do anything like this, just being free. I kept telling myself that whenever he began to aggravate me.

Then the waitress had the GAUL to bring water guns over to our table.

"WATER GUNS!", Edward's eyes boggled, snatching one, "I WANT BLUE!"

"Are you out of your MIND?", I gritted my teeth at the waitress. But she, too, had fallen under Edward's spell and just wanted to make the large kid happy in any way she could.

I watched him unwrap his gun and he looked around like a hawk.

"I'm getting WATER!", he said, running out of the booth and straight to the men's room.

"ME TOO!", Katie chased after, going into the men's room too.

A second later, Edward placed Katie outside the bathroom door, his face pink.

"You use the Ladies' room!", he reminded, "There's bad stuff in HERE!"

I'm glad we did this. I'm seeing a whole new side of him today. I THINK I like him this way…I haven't decided yet. I was trying to be fun, too, but Charlie had raised me a bit differently. He didn't run and play and climb trees. His was a quiet way. Fishing was fun for him.

I kind of envied Katie and Edward. They had such a sweet bond. Edward had that magical knack for allowing his adultness to slip off him like a coat. He could be nine years old if he wanted, and he wasn't ashamed of it. I wish Charlie and I had had times like these together.

I don't want to be the stick in the mud trying to ruin everyone's good time. I'd loosen up, I told myself.

And then I felt ice cold water hit me in the back of the head.

My mouth dropped open and I slowly turned behind me, hearing two dead people snickering, ducking quickly under the hostess podium behind our booth. Like I can't see that spiky red hair from under there.

It was them, and they had fired several shots into my hair before I'd made eye contact with them. At first, Edward almost looked sorry.

But then I locked my jaw and grabbed my pink, wrapped water gun. My Dad had taught me to fire these things. No one shoots me in the head and walks away from it.

I was ready.

"You guys are SO going DOWN!", I jumped up and raced to the ladies' room, ready to load up.

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"Well, there's one Pizza Hut we can never go back to again.", I said after the manager had nicely asked us to go back to the park.

"They didn't kick us out.", Edward snickered, shooting water into his own mouth, drinking the cold water, "He just said it would be a good idea if we left now."

I was fingering through my damp hair, glad it was warm out today. My hair would dry, but it would frizz to oblivion. Great. I just knew there'd be a picture of me with my big afro hanging on our wall someday.

"Stupid waitress.", I cursed her under my breath. I'd never get those guns out of their hands now.

"They weren't mad at us until that old guy got in the way of our shots!", Katie defended her father.

"Oh, yea, what a jerk that guy was!", Edward remembered, walking through the forest path beside us.

"Yea, he was a jerk.", I agreed, "Why would an eighty year old man stand up and try to get some pizza from the buffet table while you two are deep into your shootout?"

"He reported us!", Edward pointed out.

"After you sprayed him in the BUTT!", I added, "The poor man almost thought he wet himself!"

Edward tried to stop himself but he was laughing, going, "Pppbbtttt" when the first huge burst of laughter came stabbing out of him.

Katie joined in loudly, belly laughing right along with him.

"And it's not like the whole PLACE didn't see you until then!", I grinned, almost laughing too, "You guys were all over, shooting and crawling under tables!"

"Hey, you were right THERE with US!", Edward pointed at me, accusingly.

"Yea!", Katie half frowned, "You shot me like, ten times!"

"Yea.", I smiled happily, remembering that…"It felt good."

"It would've been more if I didn't cover you and block all those times.", Edward informed his daughter.

"Okay, here's where the fishing thing is!", I pointed to the sign that pointed the way.

"Yay!", Katie and Edward cheered at the same time, no sarcasm at all.

"And I don't know how you'd do it, Edward, but DON'T tease the FISH!" I pointed at him, "We've been attacked by every living thing here today, let's have a nice experience on the pond at least, okay?"

"Okay.", he agreed, giving me this innocent smile. I didn't believe him.

"If they kick you off the boat, you're swimming back ALONE!", I warned, "I'm not getting wet for you."

"You won't?" he asked, a filthy little giggle falling from his lips as I ignored him. Ben would've been proud.

"Oh, Bella…", he took my hand and placed this very moist kiss upon it, then put it to his chest…"Don't be mad…I'll behave myself."

"You've been saying that all day.", I glared at him…but I didn't pull my hand away…those pecks feel FIRM today…mmmmm….his chest feels so warm…and a little damp…

"Feel something you like?", he sparkled those wickedly beautiful eyes at me and I felt like some black magic had just swarmed around me. Would I ever NOT tremble when he looked at me that way? I honestly couldn't picture myself, even 50 years from now, being BORED with this man.

But if this is what our kids would act like, I may have to rethink that whole having his baby dream I had awhile ago.

"Euuwww. We ARE in PUBLIC, you know!", Katie walked past us, pretending not to be with us for a second, her hand going up on just her right side so the image of us would be blocked.

This time, the laugh was between Edward and I…and Katie was the old angry mother.

Yes, he plays as hard with ME too. But this is a family place.

"Edward, sit down!", I said a little loudly across from me in the boat as the park rangers in the middle began to row us away from the dock.

Edward tried to stand up a bit, peeking over the edge of the boat to see if he could SEE any fish in the water yet. Would my baby boy ever grow up?

I almost rolled my eyes. If Charlie were here, he'd smack Edward in the back of the head.

Katie was sitting next to me for once and I was glad. She might love this and it could be a part of her adult life someday. It was good to start a kid young with this. I hoped these guys knew what they were doing, the park rangers that were rowing us out into the center of the little pond. They wore yellow polo shirts and khaki shorts, baseball caps on their heads. They seemed very friendly and I knew they'd have to be if they were working with kids everyday. There were about twenty other children in the boat with us. Edward and I were the only adults on board besides the rangers.

"Hey, we can reload!", Edward pulled out his water gun and began filling it up in the pond water to his right hand side.

Like I was saying, I was the only adult on board besides the rangers…

"I hope you drop it.", I teased, looking out into the twinkling waters.

"If he does, he'll just fish for it all day.", Katie looked her father over, telling our future, "Once he knows how to fish, that is."

"True.", I looked at his happy expression as he plugged up his gun, fully armed.

He stuck his gun into his jeans, at the hip, like he was a cop or something. I heard him laughing at the look on my face when I saw this.

"Oh, here.", I pulled the hat out of my tote bag, "Put this on."

Edward winced at it, hardly touching it as I handed it to him.

"On MY head?", he asked, as if his head was too pretty to wear such a repulsive thing.

"Yes.", I said, "It's a fishing hat. It's Ben's."

"You stole his UGLIEST hat?" he asked, getting a glare from Katie, "I mean, you stole his hat?"

"No.", I smirked, "I earned it."

Edward's face fell open…and then we both laughed.

"What's so funny about that?" Katie asked, but neither of us were going to explain it to her.

"Okay, everyone, I'm passing out your happy fish head hats!", one of the fishing teachers announced, handing out foam caps that had a giant fish on the top. The fish was wearing a big, goofy smile.

"Give me that.", Edward took Ben's hat back from me, and plunked it on his head.

As Katie put hers on, Edward helped her adjust it in back and gushed, "Awww, you look SOO cute in this! I'm sorry I already have a hat on, or I'd wear it too….but…"

"Can it, Dad.", Katie's eyes were so funny. They were like Bert's from Sesame Street when he got mad, the eyebrows would over the top half of his eyes so he'd look UBER PISSED…almost murderous. That was Katie now.

"I need a picture of this, Bella, click it.", he snapped his fingers at me and I almost threw the camera at his face.

But I had to have this picture, too. And Edward put his arm around Katie, smiling with his eyes closed while Katie kept glaring in my direction, her yellow fish hat totally within the picture frame.

"That's a classic.", I commented, putting the camera in my bag, "If the fish could see this now, they'd die laughing."

"Bella, I really like you.", Katie warned with a very dry tone of voice, "Don't give me a reason to change my mind."

Before long, we had gotten to the spot in the pond, the "sweet spot" they called it. Charlie had lots of lucky spots like that in Forks. I knew them all. And he swore me to secrecy. If I were to ever tell anyone, I'd have to kill them. That was our deal.

They handed out a small fishing pole to each child. They were cute and light but sturdy.

And Edward nearly had a heart attack when they handed every child a hook. "No, KATIE, don't touch it, it's SHARP!" he said before he found out that because these were kids, the hooks were barbless, meaning no sharp edge to prick the kid's fingers on.

"No sharp edge?" I wondered aloud, "How do we snag the fish then?"

"These are training hooks.", one of the men informed me politely, "But they'll work on our little fish here."

"Sunfish?", I asked the man and he smiled at me.

"Yea, hey this girl knows her fish!", he announced, "Everybody give her a round of applause!"

Oh God. I wanted to die right there as everyone clapped for me. I have never been so embarrassed.

Until…

"Hey, Ken doll!", Edward addressed him acidly, "She's with ME! Help one of the kids with their dull hook or something."

And then he realized he was saying that wearing Ben's old man hat. He whipped it off his head, staring the guy down.

"Show him your gun, Dad!", Katie frowned, just as jealously as Edward was.

The poor man looked terrified at the mention of a GUN. Oh Jesus, we were going to spend the night in jail tonight! Maybe Dr. Facinelli can bail us out.

"No, there's no gun!", I told the man, "It's a water pistol!"

"Yea, right.", Edward made some scary moves with his eyes, like he was a complete PSYCHO, "It's just a water pistol…"

I don't know how I did it but I got us all back on track. In a few minutes, we were learning how to tie our fishing line knots. The lines had a little red bobber tied into them, so if the fish bites, the little red ball would bob under. It made it easier for a child to know when they were getting a nibble.

All the kids had done very well with their knots, and I was impressed by Katie. She did it perfectly the very first try!

"God, I can hardly SEE the line!", Edward looked away, blinking his eyes, "Aren't there lines that have some kind of COLOR to them so I can SEE what I'm doing here? KEN!"

I just kept picturing Edward swimming back to shore while I looked away, pretending not to know him.

And if you can believe it…there was actually a SONG the rangers were making the kids sing about baiting a hook!

"It's time to bait our hook, bait our hook, bait our hooks…" the rangers began, getting blank stares from every child…and Edward.

"It's lots easier than it looks, than it looks, than it looks…" they continued, not getting anyone to sing along.

Edward leaned in and whispered to me. "I'm leaving now." He rose up like he was going to jump out of the boat but I stopped him.

"Sit your lily white butt down.", I growled lowly under my breath.

He grinned and provoked, "Tell me more about my cute little butt."

"I didn't say the word CUTE.", I muttered, helping Edward tie his knot.

We baited our "hooks" with dough balls, something lots of people do with kids. Real bait is slimy and smelly and it turns a child off. And the little sunfish love the dough. I didn't think it would be too hard for my kids to catch a fish here. The pond is small and shallow, that's a good thing. And I was glad.

After 30 minutes, if a kid hasn't had a bite or caught something, they'd get bored and want to quit. And if a child has a bad first day of fishing, it will probably be their last day of fishing.

I remember the thrill of my first catch. It seemed like I battled forever to reel the bastard in…to me, it felt like a whale was fighting on the end of my line! And then I HAD him! He wriggled in the sunlight and splashed water on me and I was SO proud! I showed my Dad and he grinned, saying, "That's great, Bells."

He took it off my hook and tossed it back in without another word. I screamed so loud I think I scared away every bird within ten miles. Then Charlie explained to me about fish that were too small versus larger fish you could keep and take home to eat. It didn't seem to ease my mind…or change my plans of killing him in his sleep…until I was older.

I'm glad that wouldn't be happening to Edward or Katie today.

Another good thing about our dull dough baited hooks was that when we learned to cast, we wouldn't be snagging anyone else's eye or shirt or whatever with our hook. That part always made me very squeamish.

The rangers were too funny with their lessons. They were good and meant well, but they were a little corny too. They were actually telling the kids to choose a buddy next to them and start up a conversation.

One of them said, "You can talk about your Mom and Dad, your day at school yesterday…or your favorite color…"

Edward turned to me and snidely asked, "What's YOUR favorite color, Bella?"

"Black and blue.", I came back quickly, and heard Edward chuckle.

Shit! I shouldn't have said that. Dr. Bella was in! How could you say that to Edward? He probably got bruises all the time at the hands of those shit bag bitches.

I was quiet for a long time after that. Edward asked me if I was okay and I felt even worse then. I miss my Dad. I am screwing up things with Edward, too. And I suck as a therapist….and I suck more as a girlfriend or a soon to be stepmom.

And then a miracle happened. Katie caught her first fish.

I took about a hundred pictures, yelling at Edward, telling him what to do to help Katie get it. I got every second of it on film and I could NOT wait to get these back.

My favorite part was Edward screaming, "Put the camera down and HELP ME BELLA!"

Edward had stood up to assist Katie and started rocking the boat a bit…but thankfully we didn't capsize. Everyone stayed dry, mostly.

We were laughing and celebrating like a trio of drunks when Katie got her fish freed of the hook. She was so cool, seeing it trying to breathe made her feel bad…and she tossed him back into the water herself.

Edward kissed her and held her tight, the pride glowing off him like light.

"You're SOO great, Kate.", he closed his eyes, that love so thick and unbreakable, "I'm glad you're not a murderer."

Nice.

There were juice boxes and snacks on the boat and that kept Edward happy while he waited for his own little miracle to happen. He looked so bored as he stared at his red bobble on the water, seeing nothing happen. He whipped out his water gun and started to shoot it at the bobble…and then BAM! His line jerked under the water HARD!

It seems that Edward's line was being fought over by two large sunfish. It was a mess and Edward fought like a champion. His pole almost snapped! But in the end, he was victorious and had caught not ONE, but TWO fish!

He stood there, high on the feeling of power as "Ken" helped him free his fish off the hook. Then Edward made his two fish talk to each other as they gulped for air.

"Hey, you're cute.", he made one say to the other, his voice a cross between Grover and Elmo.

"So are you!", he made the "girl" fish respond.

"Let's do some fish kissing.", he made the first say and he put their mouths together, and it did look like they were kissing.

"Oh. My. God.", I deadpanned, getting his laughter…Katie was already half off the boat in hysterics at what her Dad had been doing. Then he tried to make the fish kiss KATIE…and she squealed, shrinking away from him.

"Are you gonna play with them or let them live?" I asked, watching their poor eyes bug out of their heads.

"Oh, yea, sorry guys.", Edward said to the fish, "Go home…have a nice life!"

And they were tossed back into the pond, free to live another day.

Later, once we were back on land again, Edward tried to comfort me.

"It's okay, Bella.", he put his arm around my shoulder, "You've caught lots of fish before, REAL ones!"

Katie and Edward were proudly displaying badges pinned to their shirts that said in big red letters , 'I caught a fish today!'

I hate them.

"Shut up, Edward.", I wish he'd stop trying already.

"It was probably that Ken guy's fault. You didn't respond to his flirting and just by some WILD coincidence, you're the only one who doesn't catch a fish! I think he rigged it.", Edward pondered aloud.

Then he whispered into my ear, his arm around me pinning me to his side, "I'll make it up to you later, I promise. Don't look so sad."

I almost melted against him.

"Hey Dad!", Katie interrupted, "Look, there's a fox trail over there, with real foxes!"

"Don't even THINK about it!", I grabbed Edward's arm and directed him in the opposite trail.

Before we knew it, the sky was getting bright red and the mountains in the distance were colored black. The water looked purple. I got about ten shots of that!

None of us could look away and we just sat there in the grass, cuddled up in a group of three, silently watching our wonderful family day come to an end. I felt Edward kiss my temple, and then he kissed Katie's head, one of his arms around each of us.

"I love you guys.", he said, sounding a little emotional, trying to hide it.

"I love you too.", Katie and I both said at the same time…we all gave a small laugh.

Once the sun was gone, it was time for the park to close. The way back to the car was spent reminiscing about all the funny parts of the day.

"Did you see Bella run from those ducks?", Edward giggled with Katie.

I was laughing now, too. All my aggravation was long gone.

"How could YOU see me?", I asked, "You were way out in front of me!"

"I had a child to protect.", he defended himself slyly.

"How about YOU when that beaver BIT your finger?", I asked, waving my finger around wildly, doing his voice, "GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME!"

Katie and Edward laughed hard at that one.

"Thanks both of you for NOT getting it off me, by the way.", he grinned, his finger all covered by a white bandage.

"I'm not grabbing a BEAVER to get it off you!", I said in a high pitched squeak, "I didn't need it coming after ME! YOU were the one who had to go screwing with 'em. You learned a big lesson about nature. Don't fuck with it."

"Language, MARIE.", Edward joked, widening his eyes at me like an old school marm.

We only made one stop on the way out. Getting cotton candies to take home with us for the future.

"That sugar is bad for your teeth, you know.", Katie informed as Edward rolled his eyes, carrying his FIVE bags of cotton candy to the car.

"Not to mention what it does to YOU!", she went on, "You turn into a HYPER little person!"

"Amen, sister.", I agreed 150% with her on this.

"I need my sugar.", he plead his case, "It makes me happy."

That ended that discussion.

We dropped Katie off at Ben and Angela's, making very sure first that she'd be okay this time. I think today showed Katie a few things…most of all, that she was important to us…and that we would NEVER leave her behind. She seemed more secure in that now.

"I'm good.", she said, "I'm kinda tired. I think I'll go to bed early after dinner anyway."

"Yea, you've had a big day.", Edward leaned in, kissing her on both cheeks, whispering, "I had the best time with you today."

"Me too.", I heard Katie say to her father, "Bella was fun."

I was? I thought I'd been the pain in the ass all day.

"Yea, she is.", he said, smiling warmly at her, "We'll come over tomorrow, here, for dinner with G Mom and Pop Pop. Right?"

Edward and I talked about that earlier. We would try to have Sunday dinners together with Ben and Angela as much as possible. It would be a nice tradition to begin. And besides, Edward and I really missed having them at our table. And it had only been a couple days! We were sure Katie missed them, too.

"Right.", she yawned, looking very drowsy.

"Bye Angel.", he said, kissing her forehead.

"Bye Daddy. Bye Bella.", she said to us, walking us to the door and opening it for us.

"Be good for them.", Edward warned, a slight parenty tone entering his voice. It was nice to hear after a whole day of him being her nine year old playmate.

We drove and talked about how great today had been. I even told Edward that for the first time, I felt like we really were a family today.

He simply responded, "We ARE a family."

"Yea, I know but…", I looked around the town as he drove through it, "It's not legal or anything…I mean…I'm not asking, but…we're not married or anything."

How many times could I say 'anything'?

"Ohhhh…", Edward had a little teasing tone in his voice, "The M word!"

"I don't want to get married, Edward.", I said and his face sobered right up.

"I mean…not YET.", I corrected, seeing hurt in his eyes, "There's a lot I want to do before we get married…IF we ever got…married. I'm gonna stop saying 'married' now."

We were at a stop light and Edward turned towards me, his smile so delicious.

"Bella…", he said, "I want to marry you. You're the one, I know that. If you're worried about our future, don't be. You will be my wife…when you're ready…when Katie's ready."

"What about you?", I smiled, feeling all hot and squishy inside.

"I need to be a better man before I marry you, Bella.", he said it with such meaning that I knew it wasn't some line.

"I'm a sick guy right now.", he began to drive again, the light green, "I won't marry you until I'm the man you deserve. A man who makes you happy."

"You DO make me happy.", I assured him, my eyes wet.

"I know.", he said, looking at me and stroking my cheek with the back of his hand, "You love me with all my flaws…but I know in time, when I'm better…I'll make you even happier. I don't want to be in another miserable marriage. And especially with you. I want our marriage to be strong. Unbreakable."

"I love you, you little sap.", I snuggled into his side more, playing with his little sticker from the nurse. I wanted it OFF him…but I'd have to be sneaky about it.

"Ditto, Marie.", he kissed my head, then said, "Do you realize…that when we get married your initials will be M. M.? M and M…I love that candy."

I thought of that and my mouth fell open.

"Oh, man."

"Wait, your middle name is really Marie, so it'll be M.M.M.", Edward figured out…"Mmmmmm!"

"NO!", I protested as he laughed, "NO WAY! I'll DIE first!"

"I like it.", Edward decided, "It fits."

"Well forget it.", I said, "I'm not having that as my monogram. I'll change my first name or something."

"You could call yourself Ursula…and then you'd be UMM." Edward chuckled, enjoying this.

"Okay, enough."

"Or you could stay single and call yourself Debbie Ursula…but that would be D.U.M.B." he continued.

"Where are we going, anyway?", I tried to stop this crazy train his mind was on right now, "You have an appointment at eight, you know."

"I know.", he looked completely relaxed as he said this, "But first, we're going for some Lo Mein!"

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End of chapter

PS I know the last few chapters have been cute and fluffy but if you know me some wrenches will be thrown in soon. Enjoy the fluff while it lasts. Kids always act up eventually. Don't worry, I'm not making Bella or Edward cheat on each other. Do I look that crazy? I don't want a repeat of the Red Line Vampire chapter mess, (as it came to be known) lol if you who were there may recall.

I still have nightmares about it! LOL!

Dr. Peter coming up next.

See u soon,

Love ya, Wind


	12. Ebony and Ivory

Chapter 12

Hi guys! Before this chapter, I just want to say that I mean no offense to anyone, I love all people, all races, etc. And the character in this chapter in the Chinese restaurant is based on one of my favorites, Doakes from the Dexter series, if you've ever seen it. If you haven't, type in doakes on dexter on youtube sometime, he is a fucking riot that I had to bring back to life for this great new acquaintance of Edward's. He curses in every sentence and is very angry, but is a cool guy so…you've been warned.

Thanks for sticking with me so far all of you…I've been plotting things out and lots more surprises are coming…I think you'll like it. Hard times, yes…but some great stuff is coming to life in my wicked head…it will be good, I swear.

This will be a fun chapter before the Dr. appointment coming up right after this. It will be posted tomorrow. Oh, delicious Dr. Peter!

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EPOV

Bob told me that the only Chinese place within the city limits is a little restaurant called Jimmy Chan's. He told me the food was good, but to have a sense of humor when I went in. Any further detail didn't come out of his mouth and I couldn't pry it out of him.

Our day had been a lot of fun so I figured a little more humor couldn't hurt us now. Besides, it was really relaxing me before my oncoming appointment with Dr. Facinelli. I tried to keep myself in fun mode today, not wanting to imagine the torture I'd be going through at eight o'clock.

The outside of the place looked very nice, brick and glass…a neon sign burned red in the window, saying OPEN.

I stopped the car and looked at Bella. "It looks okay.", I said a bit cautiously.

And when we stepped out of the car, the aroma in the air was just pure heaven.

"Uuuuhhhh…", I felt myself purr very loudly, more like a panther than a kitten, "That IS CHINESE FOOD!"

I nearly began jumping up and down right there in the parking lot, which was empty by the way.

"Just promise me you'll be good in here.", Bella came up and slipped her arm behind my back, walking with me to the door.

"I promise to be good in here.", I lifted my hand, making my oath, adding, "Mommy."

"Ugh, please don't call me that.", she cringed as we entered. There was a little stand that had a sign. It read, 'Please wait to be seated by hostess.'

We waited, seeing no one. The oriental music playing softly from above was very relaxing. I looked around, and every table was empty. It didn't even look like anyone was working here. Maybe it's some strange holiday that I don't know about. Is it Casper's birthday?

"Damn, we're too late, it's packed in here!", I joked, stomping my foot.

Bella gave a laugh and waited patiently. Then she looked around the wooden stand.

"Is there a bell or something?", she asked.

"I don't see one.", I investigated, "Here, I know….BING!"

I impersonated a bell as well as I could, but nothing happened.

Bella and I began clearing our throats very loudly, hoping that would bring someone on. But that didn't work, either.

"Maybe the hostess is INVISIBLE!", I guessed, my mouth hanging open as I waved my hand around in front of us, "Sorry, Ma'am, didn't mean to touch you THERE! I didn't see!"

Bella was laughing harder now, and I was glad my jokes were working tonight.

"HEY!", a very loud, angry voice suddenly popped up from behind this kitchen window to our left. A very large African American man had risen up from somewhere and was standing there, glaring at us with a long knife in his hand.

Bella froze for a second while I looked the man over. He was bald, his head shining under the light above him. His eyes were very cruel but he had nice facial features. He had a small black mustache and very muscled arms. He was wearing a black t shirt as far as I could see and he was looking at us like we were cockroaches.

"What do YOU want?" he asked when neither of us replied to his very friendly greeting.

"Uh…", I took a step in front of Bella, feeling a need to protect her, "We…we wanted to get something to eat."

I never had to EXPLAIN the reason why I walked into a restaurant before. And for a split second, I was reminded of New York. This is the first person in this town who was actually rude to me for no good reason…everyone else here was so sugary sweet I should probably have a mouth filled with cavities.

"Oh JESUS !", he tossed the knife down on something hard below the edge of the window ledge, "Well, sit your asses down and I'll be there when I get there!"

I saw Bella give a little smirk at me when I looked at her, asking if it was just me or was this guy great!

Most people would've probably just rushed to find the first table they could get to. But we all know, I'm not most people.

"We're waiting for the hostess.", I smirked, looking at Bella as she looked down to the floor, muttering, "You PROMISED!"

Then the man did a double take at me and his eyes narrowed while I folded my arms, waiting for our hostess to arrive.

"Are you fucking with me, white boy?" the man's voice raised a couple octaves, "Don't you play with me, Priscilla! You don't need a damn hostess to find an empty table here, do you? SIT, Motherfucker! Or you can go find the other restaurant in town, you know, the one with three selections on their menu – Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner."

"Okay, okay, we're sitting.", I smiled back at him, watching Bella almost RUN to the closest table.

"No, baby, not that table. It stinks.", I said, trying to provoke the guy even more as he watched us from his spot like a hawk, "You don't want to hear all the noise from the kitchen in a Chinese restaurant. Come over here…ALL the WAY down here…there's a nice view from this window…look – COWS!"

Bella sat down and tried not to laugh as the guys' eyes followed our every move. She looked out the window and pointed out a mommy cow and her baby…that was nice to keep us entertained while we waited for our waiter.

"What are you doing?", she asked, gritting the words so low I almost couldn't hear her.

"What?" I asked innocently.

"Don't piss this guy off.", Bella glanced towards the window, "He seems a little nuts."

"Maybe that's why I like him.", I took a sip of my water, looking around for him, "Doesn't he remind you of New York? He's so cool! I love the way he talks! He called me Priscilla, what do you think he means by that?"

And then, a second later, as I checked my hair out in the mirror wall behind me, Bella snorted and said, "I have no idea."

I chewed on a little ice cube from my glass and said, "I love the way he said, sit our asses down, motherfucker! No one else here talks like that."

"I know.", Bella grinned, "It was nice while it lasted, huh?"

Bella didn't know this about me, but Victoria, Emmett, and Jasper did. I love to argue with people. I love winding them up. In New York, it was so easy. So many people there loathed their menial little jobs and I found it a little funny to mess with the rude ones. It used to make Victoria laugh so hard. I wouldn't have done it now, here with Bella, but this guy was such a welcome change to all the people I'd met here so far. He was crude, obnoxious, lazy, even racist…I loved him already.

I could hardly wait for him to come over here.

"Will you calm down?" Bella looked at me like I was an alien, "You're bouncing!"

"I am not.", I looked at myself, not seeing anything strange.

Bella smiled at me and reached over the table, taking my hand, "This place reminds me of the last time we had Chinese food…remember?"

"Yea.", I couldn't help smiling back, my fingers playing with hers, "You were so cute…and so scared!"

"I was not.", she frowned a little around the eyes, her lips still curled upward.

I scoffed, "You nearly choked to death when I just asked you a simple question about yourself."

She let her mouth fall open, "You ASKED me if I ever sucked cock before! It's not like you just asked me about my childhood or something!"

She had tried to keep her voice down as she made that last statement but I wished she'd get louder so that guy would come back and start with me again.

I rolled my eyes at her, "You were so green back then…so easily shocked."

"That was like….two months ago.", Bella squinted her eyes, "Back then…"

"Yea, but you've come a long way since then, Bella.", I assured her, "You're my best student."

"Student?"

"Remember, the Edward Cullen School for Bad Girls?", I reminded, "I told you about that…didn't I?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about.", she huffed, leaning back in her booth wall, crossing her arms.

Uh oh. I angered the goddess.

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to upset you, sweetheart.", I said sincerely.

She frowned at me and leaned forward, "And stop getting all subservient every time I get a little bit mad at you. I hate that…you know it. I'm not HER, Edward. You can have an argument with me…fight back once in awhile."

I was about to open my mouth to respond…and that's exactly the wrong moment for the waiter to arrive…so of course…here he comes now.

"Oooh, wait.", I sat up a bit, "Here he comes!"

Bella tried to hide it but she was enjoying my thrill of finding the one true person in this town that might be REAL. I wonder what his name is.

"Anthony!", she sneered low in her throat, urging me to behave, then she corrected herself, calling me, "Priscilla!"

"Shh…", I felt my eyebrows come together as I watched him. He looked like he'd rather eat shit than come all the way to the other side of the place to wait on us. This was gonna be GREAT!

He tossed a little bowl of those crunchy fried things I loved so much before the meal. Half of them fell out of the reddish wooden container as it landed. They were on my side of the table so I picked one off the surface and crunched on it. The man loathed me and that was clear from the eyeing he was giving me.

"Mmm, those are SOO good.", I said to him, then Bella, "You know I've eaten these things all my life and I never found out what they're called. What are these things?"

I held one up and asked him, hoping it would get on his nerves.

He looked like he wanted me dead right then. This guy was SO great!

"Welcome to Jimmy Chan's.", he deadpanned and I noticed there was no southern accent there, "Our special tonight is Fried Pork Chop Noodles. What do you want?"

His delivery was brilliant. I loved him more with every word he spoke.

"Fried Pork Chop Noodles?", I leaned in more towards him, my hands resting on the table full of crunchy things, "I never heard of that. What is it?"

"Anthony.", Bella warned.

I winked at her as the man unleashed his evil eyes upon me. But I couldn't stop looking at the guy…he was perfect!

"It's something I made up.", he looked up, hating us more each second, "It's good. What more do you want to know?"

"It's like…pork chops…and noodles…probably.", Bella tried to make nice talk…but the guy wasn't taking his eyes off ME.

He was waiting for me to provoke him again. I couldn't let him down.

"We never got menus.", I pointed out. I was starting off slowly…simmering is very important…

"Oh CHRIST!", he went to another table and yanked a couple off its surface…then he threw them down on our table. Bella looked afraid to reach out and take hers. But I did…I opened it and slowly perused our choices while he stood there…waiting.

I started to laugh right away, loving this guy's menu. It was artwork, fucking artwork!

Under Desserts, for example, the choices were:

Unfortunate Cookies

Sweet Fried Rolaids

Ice Cream with Garlic Sauce

Boneless Pudding

Chicken Almond Ring Ding

"This is genius, totally!", I had to admit, smiling at the man, "Did you do this?"

Bella now grabbed her menu quickly, looking to see what I was talking about.

"Genius is something that scares you white hillbillies.", he gruffed, trying to keep hating me.

"We're not hillbillies.", I defended, "We're not from here."

I don't know why but I wanted to earn the guy's respect…somehow.

"Yea, I didn't think I heard Gomer Pyle in your voice.", the man sighed, already bored with us, "You passing through or something?"

"No…we live here now.", I admitted further, not sounding very glad about it.

"My condolences.", he snapped, "So what do you want?"

I laughed more when I saw under Chef's Specialties a dish called Sesame Street Duck.

"Sesame Street Duck, Bella…look!", I pointed out but she just gave me a very stern, "I SEE it, I see it!"

"What's the Sesame Street Duck?", I asked, "How's that made?"

He just stared me down, probably imagining eating my throat out.

"It's choice chunks of undernourished foul pelted to death with water chestnuts and stir fried in a sizzling wok by popular Muppets." He came back with razor sharp sarcasm, a MASTER!

Bella was laughing…and then came to a halt the second the man looked at her.

"Sorry.", she looked down.

Oh, he made my baby afraid. He had to go down. I had to try…even if I knew I couldn't win against his sparkling wit.

"I'll have that.", I said, having to try it now, "And can you also give me a little side of peeen-usss?"

I slurred the last word on purpose, hoping he'd take the bait.

"What?" he frowned more at me.

"Peen—uss", I slurred it again, "Make 'em real big…I LOVE giant peen-usss."

"Edward.", Bella growled.

"Penis?" he looked at me like I was covered in shit.

"Yea.", I looked at him like he was stupid, "You probably like little peen-uss, huh?"

He was going to come at me, he lunged forward a bit but Bella leaped up, putting her hand out, almost touching the man.

"PEANUTS!", she said, "PEANUTS is what he's saying! I'm sorry. He THINKS he's funny, but he's NOT!"

The man took a step back, eyeing me again.

Bella grumbled to me, "It's a miracle you ever survived New York. How did you not get your ass kicked every day again?"

"New York?", the man asked, "You're from New York?"

"You've heard of it?" I asked, wanting to piss him off some more. I was a little miffed at Bella…she ruined my joke. I could've gone on with it for a lot longer. It was always a riot with a Chinese guy.

"That's my town.", he actually smirked a little…a little!

"No, it's MY town.", I countered, giving him the same smirk he was giving me.

"I think a lot of people live there.", Bella inserted quietly, watching for another sign of a fight.

I couldn't take my eyes off this menu! Every dish was funnier than the last! No Fun Noodles…Baby Corn with Adoption Papers…Pork and Mindy! This was amazing!

"Bella, listen to this one!", I found a great one, "Tienanmen Square Beef! Oppressed young beef, severely battered, crushed with Bamboo shoots and brutally smothered as you watch from your table on a big screen!"

Bella laughed with me, daring it.

"That is POETRY, man, POETRY!", I couldn't be mean to him if I wanted to now, "You are really COOL!"

"Thanks, I'm touched.", he deadpanned again, "Can we order something now or are you just gonna keep jerking me off?"

I love him. It's official.

Bella was staring at me like she was terrified…and I realized why in two seconds. I was standing up before I knew it, and I threw my arms around the man ! What the Hell am I doing?

Bella was stammering now, maybe the guy was giving her a scary look but he didn't stop to move me.

"Uhh-he likes you!", she began, "Uhh—I mean—he—he's just been missing New York so much—you know, the rude people…NOT that you're rude…oohhh God! I'm sorry! ANTHONY! GET OFF HIM!"

She pried me off and sat me down, handing me the menu.

"Sorry about him.", Bella dared to face the man, "He's not been taking his meds lately."

I had to laugh. That was a good one for Bella.

"What's your NAME?", I asked him.

"Is that on the fucking menu?", he asked, very hostile now that I hugged him.

The name of the place was Jimmy Chan's. I had to do it.

"Are you Jimmy Chan?", I asked, grinning, "Is that why you're embarrassed to tell me? It's alright. I like Chinese people."

"Oh. My. God.", Bella looked down, shielding her eyes from the guy.

"Do I look fucking Chinese to YOU?", he barked, and I just smiled at him like an idiot.

"Mmmm…", I thought very hard, squinting at him, tilting my head a bit…"Not really, no. But you're bald…it kinda reminds me of Yul Brenner in the King and I…"

"We're gonna die.", Bella said to herself, reading her menu, her voice doing a false happy tone as she said it.

"I'm black.", he said right out, his fists at his side, "You got a problem with that?"

"Not really.", I answered politely, "I don't discriminate. I'm not a hater. Ebony and Ivory…you know?"

Bella mumbled, "Our Father…who art in heaven…"

"Look.", the man finally said, and I thought I saw a hint of a smile there on his face, "You're from New York, so I'm gonna give you a pass this time. Order something right now…and I won't piss in your food. Okay?"

Bella looked horrified at that. I almost laughed.

"I just can't believe that this place isn't FILLED!", I said, getting his murderous glare again, "I'm gonna be a fucking REGULAR here, I tell you that! You'll be seeing me in here maybe four times a week! We'll be the best of friends…"

"Um…I want some Pork Lo Mein, if you have any…", Bella glanced at her menu, "And…I'll also try…the Lemon Pledge chicken….and a coke."

He just tolerated Bella as she spoke…but he looked glad some food was being ordered.

Now it was my turn to order…hmmm…so many great choices.

I couldn't honestly just choose one thing. These dish names were too clever!

"Go on, Anthony.", Bella urged.

I made a smacking noise with my lips as I looked everything over. I was taking my sweet time. The man was plotting my death and I FELT it. I was sure to have piss in my food tonight.

"I think I'll have….", I began…then went…"Noooo…wait…"

Bella closed her eyes and rubbed her temples.

"Ummm…okay…I'm ready.", I said, "I want…a cherry coke. Do you have that?"

He just stared at me harder.

"Okay. A cherry coke.", I repeated, "That's for sure….and then….hmmm…Okay…I'll try the Burn Your Tongue Platter. And you can cover it your special piss sauce if you want. Surprise me."

I handed the menus to him and he didn't make a move to take them out of my hand.

We stared each other down for a long time. I didn't blink. It was a guy thing.

Then a frigging miracle happened! He gave a little chuckle!

He snatched the menus from my hand and walked away, saying, "You'll get it when it's ready. Don't bug me about how long it takes, either!"

"No, never.", I folded my hands, "We'd figured it would take YOU all night to get it up!"

The man spun around and Bella squealed, half up on her feet again, "He's kidding, he's kidding! Sorry! Sorry!"

"Yea, I'm just kidding.", I laughed, "Jimmy."

Bella looked relieved when the man began to walk away, muttering to himself, using all his restraint not to eat me alive.

Then I said, "Oh WAIT!"

The man just stopped, not turning towards us at all. He just waited.

"Can I change my order?", I asked, loving this, feeling Bella's hand grabbing at my arm.

"I'd rather have the Duck Edwing Prepared in Questionable Taste.", I pointed to it on my menu, even though he wasn't even looking at us.

He waited, not saying a word.

"And the cherry coke. That I still want.", I confirmed, "Not too much ice, either, okay? And….the piss sauce…I still want that, too…nice and hot."

He walked away…without another word…and I felt like I had won the first battle. I intended to have many more with him, whatever his name was.

"We can skip the Dr. appointment, because YOU ARE INSANE!", Bella hissed across the table, leaning way in towards me.

I just laughed. "He's from New York! He probably loves this as much as I do! He laughed!"

"He LAUGHED because he's probably thinking up ideas of what to do with your HEAD after he RIPS it off your shoulders!", she whispered and yelled at the same time.

I just shook my head and kept laughing.

"It's a guy thing.", I said, "You'll see. He likes me."

"Not everyone has to like you, Edward.", she said softly, "It's his loss if he doesn't."

"It'll be a miracle if we get home alive.", she added, looking around nervously.

It seemed like it was just the man and no one else in here but us. No witnesses.

I kept on thinking up new ways to piss the guy off while he was gone.

"It's a shame there's not more people in here.", I said out loud a little while later, "It's a Saturday night, this place should be jumping."

"I don't think the locals are into his kind of atmosphere.", she grinned.

"Yea…", I made a tsk sound, "That sucks. This place would ROCK in New York."

Bella tried to change the conversation slyly.

"So…are you nervous?", she asked, "About your appointment?"

I thought about it and had to admit the truth.

"Yea.", I sipped my water, looking up at her as I did, "Maybe that's why I'm being so…WOOOOO today. I keep thinking about it…off and on…what's he gonna make me say? I mean, what DO I say? Hi, my name's ANTHONY and I was raped recently?"

Bella was there with those beautiful, soulful eyes…the ones that could look right through and see me…the GOOD me.

She took my hands in hers and rested them on the table between us. "You don't have to make an announcement…just say whatever you feel. He may ask you some questions…the first appointment is usually about the doctor finding out about you. Your story. I don't know how you'll tell him all that in one hour, though."

"I know.", I swallowed, "And I don't want to tell him EVERYTHING real fast…in one sitting. It's impossible. Isn't it?"

"Let him lead, Edward.", she said to me, stroking my hands with her ivory thumbs, "If he was as good as you said…he will get you there. Don't worry."

"Thank you for coming with me.", I held her hands a little firmer, "And thank you for today. I know I was a lot nuts…."

"You were adorable!", she said, denying any aggravation I might have caused her, "I had so much fun. My Dad and I…never had that much fun before. I wish…never mind."

She was avoiding my eyes but I couldn't let her do that. It felt like she needed ME now…and even though she was Dr. Bella, I knew she had problems too…sorrows…I wanted to be there for her like she was always there for me.

"Your mom died when you were little…", I said carefully, not wanting to intrude. I remember Bella telling me that it was cancer that took her mother.

"Your dad was probably very sad without her…" I said and as I did so, I realized I had been that dad…Tanya was stolen from us…Katie was just three…if I had been around Katie after that…would I have become this very sullen, sad father? I was thankful that, if nothing else, Katie could look back and see some fun memories with me in them.

"Yea.", she said very quietly and it looked like she was close to tears.

"I wish I was better at this." I said honestly, "I'm sorry."

"You're great.", she managed a grin my way, "You're here. That's all I need."

"This is why I need to see the doctor myself.", I kept explaining, "I want to be someone you can lean on too. I don't want to just take…and not give…to YOU. I want to give you everything."

"You DO.", she said, kissing my hand, closing her eyes and resting her cheek there, "Today I got to play…I never had that before, not really. It was because of YOU. Although, sometimes I did hear my mother's voice coming out of me today. I'm sorry if I ruined your good time at any point."

"No way." I smiled at her, stroking her cheek, "You were great. Someone has to be the voice of reason. I'm a mess!"

"I don't always want to be the voice of reason.", she smirked, "I wanna play too."

"I know, baby, I'm sorry.", I kissed her hand this time, "I promise, next time I'll be the responsible Dad and you can be the kooky little girl."

She liked that and laughed. I was so glad to make her smile again.

"That sounds funny.", she agreed, "I would love to see you doing that. But I think I like you better as a goofball kid."

"We will learn from each other.", I revealed, "It's great that we're opposites, I think. You're the level headed, smart one…and I'm the wild little kid…playing all the time. In time…soon…we will mix together and I'll be a little more mature for it…and you'll be able to play and be silly too. I'll teach you to be a kid…and you can teach me to be an adult. We might actually be normal someday."

"That would be nice.", she nodded, liking my little analogy. I thought I was pretty smart there for a second.

"In fact, I think Dr. Bella has already rubbed off on me a little.", I announced, "When Katie was all upset after sleeping over Ben's place…I pretended to be YOU."

Her face seemed to light up everywhere.

"You did?"

"Yep.", I glanced towards the kitchen area where that man had gone, "I figured out the reason she was so upset. She felt she couldn't trust in me. I saw myself in her while she cried…and I saw no trust…fear of being left behind. I told her about how it's hard for me to trust, too…and how you taught me to trust you…and how wonderful my life has been since then. I don't know how, but she heard me. It worked."

She had tears in her eyes now and she said, her words breaking, "I love you, Edward Cullen."

"I love YOU Bella Swan.", I whispered, my eyes doing the same as hers….we tried to stand up and hold each other right there in the booth…it was almost funny…if we didn't need each other so badly right then.

We must've looked all bent over, trying to hug, our asses sticking out…but I didn't care. It wasn't like anyone could SEE us here.

"Hey!", I heard glass thud against the table, "Sit down and put your dick back into your pants. This ain't no cathouse! Separate or I'll get the hose!"

We sat down in our own seats, Bella wiped her eyes fast, hiding her emotions from this guy. I was glad to see him. We needed a lighter moment. This would do it.

"What's with you white people today?" he muttered to himself, and I saw our drinks on the table, "You've all lost your damn minds…"

"Thanks Jimmy.", I smiled at him, putting my menu on the seat beside me…I had to have it. I planned on stealing it if I could. I wanted to hang it on my bedroom wall. It was art.

"Did you remember not to put that much ice in my drink?", I looked at my glass and shook my head, "No, no…this is too much!"

"How many ice cubes do you like in your drink, Sir?" he asked very nicely, even smiling at me.

I was kind of disappointed.

"Oh…one is fine.", I shrugged, looking at Bella. She acted like she didn't know me, looking out the window into the night, trying to make out the cows again.

"One.", he repeated, "Very good Sir."

Then he stuck his fingers into my glass, routing around and removing the ice cubes, one by one, letting them hit the floor behind him, tossing each one over his shoulder, soda flying off each one. Bella's mouth fell open, watching in disgust.

I smiled at him more, loving this guy to death! Now I FELT like I was in New York.

Then, with the last ice cube, he took it out, and said, "Oh, wait…you wanted one ice cube, right?"

"Right.", I said like all was fine with me so far.

"Very good, Sir.", he said again, sucking all the soda off the ice cube, making a loud SSSSSSSSSS sound…and letting it go, the ice plopping into my drink…a little splash of soda staining the table.

I have to be friends with this guy. I would do it if it killed me. Which it probably might.

"Is there anything else I can do for you, Sir?" the man asked with a smile.

"No, thank you, James.", I changed Jimmy to James for a moment, "That's lovely."

"Is your drink okay, Miss?" he looked at Bella.

Oh no. Not cool, my friend. I felt like a dog suddenly, mentally leaping in front of my sexy little poodle girlfriend, ready to pounce if necessary.

"My WIFE is fine.", I flashed a bit of anger in my expression, letting him know his fight was with ME, not her. Let him try disrespecting her, I'll kick his ass, I don't care how big he is.

"Mine's good.", Bella said quietly, holding her drink to her chest almost, "I love ice."

He seemed to get my meaning because he gave a nod and walked away.

I lifted my coke to my lips and Bella grabbed my arm.

"You're NOT gonna DRINK that.", she almost asked.

"Why not?" I sipped it.

She made a gagging sound that I ignored and I asked, "Why do you think he has a place like this? He's not Asian. I wonder if he can really cook good Chinese food. It smells good."

"I love how interested you are in this guy.", Bella chuckled, putting her coke down, "He scares the Hell out of ME."

"He won't do anything to you, Bella.", I assured, "That's what that just was…I told him not to THINK about messing with YOU. He got it. He backed off."

"I loved the way you said that…she's my WIFE.", she smiled sexily at me, "Even though I'm not in any rush and neither are you…it was nice…what you said about that…earlier. About us."

"I'm not giving you some line, Bella.", I said, "I hope you know that. I meant it…with all that I am. I want you…forever. I just hope you don't change your mind about ME."

"Not possible.", she said right away and I puckered my lips and gave her an air kiss from my seat. I was afraid to try standing in the booth again after the last time.

"I don't want you to feel like the very first session will work some miracle.", Bella said, in reference to my upcoming appointment, "It make take weeks to feel comfortable…or to feel like the sessions are doing anything. I hope you'll stick with it."

"I will.", I felt a little insulted for a moment, finishing another sip of my cherry coke, "I promise, Bella…I want this. I want to change…I want to be your husband. That's why I'm doing this."

"No, you can't do it for ME.", she put a straw into her coke, "You have to do it for YOU…or else it won't work."

"Okay, then, I'll do it for me.", I agreed, guessing she was right. I didn't want to resent her if the sessions got real tough.

"Hey, just treat Jimmy like he was a patient of yours.", I suggested to Bella, hoping that would make him seem less scary to her, "What would you do if you were his doctor?"

"Shoot myself.", she laughed. And I laughed with her.

"See?", I smiled, "You're a LOT of fun. That last statement wasn't mature at all."

"Thanks.", she said with a little sarcasm, not angry with me.

The food came a few minutes later and I was glad. Even though I was having a great time with this guy, we DID have an appointment.

I had told Bella while we were waiting, joking, of course, "OH, it'll be TERRIBLE if we miss my appointment!"

"It's not happening.", she smirked back, "You'll just go hungry, that's all. Or we can bring this guy along with us."

But now he was coming, loaded down with a heavy tray full of food. Man, it DID smell good.

I quickly tried to think of some more good battle lines…

"Hey, Jimmy, you got it up!", I began as he put a couple of plates in front of Bella. She kept shooting me her glare.

"We had a bet about that.", I went on, "Bella won. She knew you could do it."

I wanted to see if he'd dare try messing with Bella again. If my message was received.

"I'm sure she'll enjoy her winnings.", the man came back so fast at me, "What, does she get to wear YOUR silk panties now?"

I laughed. "Good one.", I grinned, not afraid to admit a beautiful shot when I saw it. At least he was insulting me now, not trying for my Bella anymore. He IS cool.

He just nodded, a small smile on his lips as he put my plate in front of me.

"Hey Jimmy!", I couldn't call him that enough. I knew it pissed him off royally, "We were just wondering…what is the name of this song? It's so beautiful."

"How the fuck would I know?", he made a face at me, "Mr. Wong gets a blow job from Lotus Blossom…who gives a shit?"

He's my new best friend. I don't care if he wants to be or not.

Even Bella laughed at him that time. He's an artist.

The food looked incredible, even if they had weird names. I didn't care.

"This looks great!", I said, being serious for a second, "We've been dying for good Chinese food since we got here….this is so awesome!"

Uh oh. I gave him a little opening there…he'd use it for sure.

"Awesome.", he rolled his eyes, "Gag me with a spoon."

"Oooh, you know Valley Girl talk, too?", I grinned, "You don't look old enough to…I'm not either, but I just LOVE the eighties. Remember Dweezil?"

"Shut the fuck up and EAT.", he ordered, "I don't wanna hear your life story, Clay Aiken!"

Bella let out a furious laugh at that one…and I was feeling scared he was winning my woman over to HIS side! He walked away, the winner of round two…I had to concede that. What a worthy opponent!

"Sorry.", she tried to stop laughing.

"Do I look like Clay Aiken?", I asked, looking into the mirror wall again.

"No baby.", Bella tried to eat her lo mein noodles, "You're very manly and red hot. You know that."

Is she messing with me now? I felt myself squint at her.

We ate…and ate…and ate…MAN! The food was fucking amazing! I couldn't stop eating it, even though I was feeling so full I could bust. The duck was so juicy and soft…it melted in my mouth! And the sauce…I never had sauce like it before!

"I am taking some of this sauce home and keeping it.", I told Bella, letting her lick some of it off my fingers…she was being very naughty during dinner by the way…I think Chinese food turns my little girl on. This is my new favorite restaurant.

"Such a bad girl.", I commented after she licked my fingertip clean, sucking it a bit.

"But I love you for it.", I added after she was done, "Valedictorian of my school."

"How's yours bunny?" I asked her.

"The best I ever had!", she was pleasantly surprised, trying to use her chopsticks because she was scared what would happen if she asked that guy for a fork.

"I know."

"And why are you calling me Bunny all the time now?", she asked, trying to get some noodles on her sticks.

"Cause you have that cute little bunny nose…" I informed, "And it wiggles sometimes, like a bunny's…"

"Okay, enough.", she laughed, "You're making me puke. I thought it was something to do with your Thumper thing…like I fuck like a bunny or something…multiplying too fast or something…"

I had to laugh at that one. "What a dirty mind you have…you put a lot of thought into that, didn't you?"

We were having a hell of a nice time. Today had been too perfect…I started worrying about my appointment again. Something had to happen…it always did when I was having too good a time.

We laughed a lot…and loudly. But Jimmy never came out to yell at us. Maybe he's not hating us after all.

She fed me some lo mein noodles…holding it up over my mouth while I kept my hands down, trying to get it with my tongue and teeth. Bella was enjoying that. I got it every time.

"This is fun.", I said, "We should play this at home…naked."

"Definitely.", she said.

After a while, the man came thundering up to our table, looking very tense.

And, as if he were forced to ask us nicely, he asked, "How is everything, fuckface?"

"It SUCKS!", I shot back, right through the heart. And I did it with the sweetest smile on my face.

"No it doesn't!", Bella smiled, "Everything is SOOO good! In fact, we're taking some of this home with us. Can we have a box or something, please?"

"Yes.", the man gave Bella a little grin, "Of course."

Bella, stop ruining my game.

"HEY JIM!", I cut in, "Can I ask you a question?"

He just stared at me, trying to keep himself in check.

I waited but then went on anyway.

"Did you really cook all this yourself?", I asked, in disbelief, "And why do you have a place like this ? You can tell me…you have a little Asian woman back there chained to the stove, don't you, Jimmy?"

"Oh, I see," he was angry again, "Cause I'm a black man I can't run a Chinese restaurant? What SHOULD I have? A place that serves fried chicken with a side of watermelon? I DID cook all this MYSELF and I'm damn good at it!"

"There you go, bringing color into things again!", I replied with a grin, "We're talking about FOOD."

Bella was kicking me under the table but I was having too much fun.

"You're done.", he said, telling US, and without taking out a check or anything, he just totaled our bill, saying, "Thirty two dollars and fifty cents."

"No dessert?" I asked.

"I'll give you a handful of whipped cream to go.", he answered.

"I'm sorry, I know you have a lot of other people to help but we would like a dessert.", I informed, "This is kind of a special night for us. You know how it is."

"What do you want?" he gritted his teeth, as if it itched him for us to still be here.

I picked up my menu from the seat and looked at it again. I was hoping he wouldn't try to take it back from me.

"HEY!", the man pointed at me, "Where'd you get that?"

"You gave it to me.", I said, then quickly ordered, "Let's have two unfortunate cookies…and two bowls of ice cream with garlic sauce."

"Yea.", Bella nodded in agreement, "Chocolate garlic sauce."

"Ooh, yummy.", I said, "For me too."

"Fine.", he said, "And then you'll get the Hell out of here."

"Maybe.", I folded my hands, tilting my head to the side.

He let out a huge sigh and stormed off. "Asshole…" he muttered under his breath.

"He loves us.", I decided aloud, "He doesn't really want us to go."

"Just like the Pizza Hut people, right?", Bella reminded.

"Oh, they were old sticks in the mud.", I cringed, "This guy is great. You'll see. He'll ask us to come back."

"Of course he will.", Bella snickered, "We're his whole customer base."

"Yea.", I felt a pang of sadness for the guy, "We should recommend this place to people…tell our friends about it."

"We don't have any friends.", she reminded.

"Oh yea.", I remembered suddenly. We are so sad.

"Well, we when make some friends…" I began.

"When we finally make some friends, we're gonna tell them to come HERE?", Bella pointed to the table, "So he can tell them to fuck off and sit their asses down? You don't know what the word friend means, do you?"

"Shh, here he comes again.", I smiled wider, hardly able to wait to hear what he'd say next.

He placed Bella's bowl and fortune cookie down but tossed my things at me. I knew he wouldn't let me down.

"Thank you.", Bella said with a soft tone.

It was vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce on it. It looked very good too.

"Yea, thanks Mr. Chan." I added.

"You got three minutes to eat it and screw the fuck outta here.", he looked at his watch, "I'm timing this!"

"I appreciate it, I can see all the people waiting their turn to eat!", I hollered after him as he strode away.

Bella had to grab me to sit me down. "Hurry up, we have somewhere to be!"

"We have time.", I said, "He can't throw us out of here for not eating fast enough."

"No, but he can kill us…", Bella ate her ice cream with a big spoon, "We could be tomorrow's special of the day."

"We have to come back here soon.", I planned my next visit here already, "We could bring Katie with us."

Bella looked horrified at me. "NO WAY!" she put her foot down.

"Yea, you're right.", I sighed, "That won't work. Katie's too smart for him."

We ate our dessert and then I remembered the unfortunate cookies!

"Oh, Bella, our fortunes!", I said to her, "Remember how great it was the last time? When our fortunes were about each other…"

"How could I forget?", Bella asked, smiling, "My fortune saved my LIFE!"

"That's right." I said, picking my cookie up, "I wonder what an UN-fortunate cookie will say?"

"I'm terrified to look.", Bella smiled, shaking her head at me, putting her spoon down.

"This is gonna be epic, I can feel it!", I closed my eyes, cracking it open and looking, taking the slip of red paper, commenting, "Ooh, red paper!"

Mine read: FUCK YOU WHITE BOY! GO HOME ALREADY!

I was on the floor laughing, my eyes filled with tears while I howled! Bella thought I was having a fit until she took it away from me and read it.

"Very nice.", she commented, sitting back in her chair.

I couldn't get over it. It was his last play and it was fucking brilliant! Just when I thought I couldn't laugh anymore, I turned my fortune over and it had Chinese lettering there then it's translation: FUCK YOU !

"I have to keep this…", I said in between my fits of laughter…my sides were killing me and tears were coming out of my eyes but I didn't care…

"Open yours.", I said to Bella, prepared and composed enough to appreciate what hers was going to say. It better not insult her, that's all I have to say!

"Oh Jeez.", she took a breath and cracked hers open, "This is such a mistake."

She took out her little red slip of paper and dared to read it, giving a little chuckle.

"Read it!", I HAD to know what it said.

She looked at me and smiled, reading, "Beware of huge gifts with pretty wrapping, you could end up with a little box of small peen-uss."

We laughed and even Bella had to admit…this guy was the shit.

"I am going to tip this guy like I never tipped anyone in my LIFE!", I wiped a happy tear out of my eye, taking the money out to pay our bill.

"We have to come back here." Bella agreed, "Maybe on a weekend when Katie's not with us."

"I hope the place will still be here.", I worried out loud, "What if he has to close down, because no one comes here?"

"That would suck." Bella said, looking around, "This place is perfect. The food, my GOD!"

"I know.", I felt so sad inside now.

"Well, let's get going.", Bella looked at her watch, "We don't want to be late."

"Okay.", I felt very nervous about leaving…this was my last stop before the doctor's.

"Hop Sing!", I called, "Come on, we're leaving. Come tell us the outrageous price again!"

He came rushing out, a look of tension still painted all over him.

"Thirty nine fifty.", he said, adding, "Plus tip."

"Plus tip?", I pretended to scoff, "For what? The superior customer service? Or maybe for getting a peek of you in those tight pants!"

"You better tip for all the crap I had to take from you tonight or I'll bend you over and take it!", the man threatened.

Oh shit. Why'd he have to say THAT?

Just when I had nothing to say…and my breathing began to speed a bit…a big surprise…my Bella came with her sword to fight by my side.

"I've got a tip for you, MONTEL!", she came out swinging, her eyes squinting a bit, "BITE ME!"

Hey, she stole Katie's line. Oh well, she tried. It was a valiant effort.

But the man laughed at HER!

"Crazy ass white people.." he looked away, giggling.

I handed him a bill and his eyes widened a bit.

"This is a hundred.", he said, "I'll get your change."

"Keep it.", I said, "This was the best dinner we've had in a very long time. You have no idea…"

"I had fun, too.", he said, and he shook my hand. I felt like we were two skilled warriors, shaking hands after a matched battle…a draw. No winner, no loser.

"You had some very good ones, man.", he admitted.

"You too.", I smiled, "That fortune cookie – Jesus! You're too good!"

"I have to have some fun around here, right?" he asked.

I wanted to stay and talk to him longer. We were finally becoming buds.

"We have to go baby.", Bella whispered to me, hating to ruin my new friendship already.

"I have to go to my psychologist's appointment now.", I said it like I was kidding and he laughed, "They hate it when I'm late for my electrical shocks."

"So that's why your hair looks like that.", he quipped in return, still on fire.

"Wait…what about my hair?" I asked, really worried now, "What's wrong with it?"

Bella came and grabbed my arm into hers.

"Thank you for everything…" she said to the man, "Goodnight."

"Goodnite girl.", he said to Bella, "Good luck with THIS guy."

"I'll need it."

I don't like where this is going now…

"Wait a sec.", I came back in the door, putting my hand back out to him, "I'm Anthony Masen and this is my girlfriend, Marie Brown. It was really great to meet you."

I wanted his name. I felt like I HAD to know it now.

He looked at my hand and it looked like there was something filthy about to come out of his mouth…but then he shook it again and said, "I'm Marcus. Marcus Evans. NOT Jimmy."

I smiled. "That's a good name, Marcus.", I said, honestly, "We'll be back."

"You don't have to say that.", he let go of my hand, "No one ever comes in here twice. But you guys are cool. You took my crap, you ate my food…fuck, you even drank that coke…and you stayed for dessert. That never happens. I appreciate it, man."

"Are you kidding?", I asked, "We love it here. We'll be back. And soon, too. I mean it."

"Yea, okay.", he didn't look completely convinced, "Well, thanks anyway. Have a good night."

"You too.", I smiled, walking towards the door now.

"Fuck you.", he grinned, having one last clash of swords with me.

"Fuck you MORE." I called back, totally in love with this guy. Not THAT way…you know what I mean.

"Must you always have the last word?" Bella asked me as we went out into the parking lot.

"Yes." I said, unlocking the car door.

"Well there's another place we can never go back to again.", she commented as she sat down in her seat.

"Fuck that.", I said, affected by all the fucks I'd uttered tonight, "We're going back."

Bella sighed and then smiled, saying, "Okay, Edward…no more fucks tonight, okay?"

"No more fucks tonight?", I started the car…"You sure about that?"

Then she realized what she'd said and looked very sorry about it.

"No, I didn't mean—"

"You said it! No more fucks tonight!", I pulled out of our spot, "I'm so sorry, Miss Swan…once it's said, it's SAID!"

"NO!", she was playing now, laughing and trying to cover my mouth while I was driving down the street.

"NO MORE FUCKS TONIGHT!", I yelled out the window, seeing no one on the street, "Marie SAID IT! She sleeps with the pillows tonight!"

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**LOL! Man, sorry! I had so much fun writing this. I hope you liked it.

Tomorrow I'm posting the Dr. appointment chapter.

Love you guys!

Winnd


	13. I promise

Chapter 13

Hey yall! LOL…sorry.

Thanks for not chasing after me for that last chapter. My humor is not always cool with others…thanks for getting it. Long Live Doakes! (Marcus)…and you KNOW he'll be back in the story. I love him dearly! And yea, the ice thing…it happened to me for real in New York. True story. Well, he didn't suck on my ice cube…but he dug the rest out and threw them behind him. And no, I didn't drink it. Edward is braver than me. He's been in very gross situations, so he can take it.

And the reason Edward's acting so loopy today and in the Chinese place is that he's very afraid of the Dr. appointment. He's trying to numb himself and forget about it…and that's why he's getting into so much trouble during this day. He's not suddenly retarded or anything…lol.

Oh, and don't worry about them using their real names sometimes…I am fully aware of that…I'm doing it on purpose. It's very hard to start calling someone a different name suddenly. You'd be surprised how often you'd mess up and make a slip.

Okay, this is your warning that this next chapter is not that funny. But definitely a big step for Edward…love you all, see you soon! Merry Christmas, MOVIEHOUSE! (In the immortal words of Jimmy Stewart) Love you Jimmy!

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EPOV

We were being goofy all the way there….but inevitably, we got to the house where my doctor practiced. It was a very big house on a hill, the mountains all lined behind it. Nothing much was around it at all. Just land…and sky.

"This is it.", Bella said softly as I parked.

There was a nice old fashioned look to the place…but it looked new and in good shape. A porch wrapped around the whole house, seats and sofas elegantly accessorizing it. There was even a little porch swing.

"This is nice.", Bella said as we walked up to it…I frankly couldn't even think about the house now…I felt like I'd vomit at any moment.

"Are you okay, Edward?" she asked, rubbing my arm, her eyes full of love and concern.

"No.", I took a deep breath, wishing my stomach would stop what it was doing.

"Breathe, Edward…" she instructed me, totally here for me, "Take a few deep breaths…good. Everything is okay. It's just the first visit. It will be fine, I promise. Don't forget, you already spoke to him. You liked him….right?"

"Yea.", I agreed, feeling my eyes cloud up a bit.

"Sit down a second.", she said, pointing to the steps. I did it, feeling my legs shaking.

"Talk to me. What's wrong, babe?" she asked, very calm…a rock.

"I don't know.", I breathed, "I'm scared."

"He's going to help you.", she sat next to me, stroking my hair, looking at my eyes as I looked at my shoes.

"It IS scary…" she said, "I won't lie. There will be things he'll ask you…want you to talk about…that will be hellish for you…and I'm real sorry about that. But this is the only way to heal now. You're bleeding, Edward. I have tried to stop it myself…but I can't. This doctor can help you more than I can. I'll still be here…I'll still love you and talk to you about anything in this world…I'll go through this Hell with you…gladly…with no regrets. But we need someone to guide us through. This man could be the one to do that. You're brave, Edward. I've seen it. Look at how you just handled that Marcus guy."

We laughed for a second.

"You can do this.", she took hold of the back of my hair, kissing my cheek with so much love, "I believe in you, Edward Cullen. I know you can beat this…THEM. You have more power than they EVER will. You have everything."

"I have you." I said, knowing that would be my strength forever, "I…I couldn't do this without you, Bella. You saved my life. I can never repay that. You got me back to Katie. Love…is not a big enough word for how I feel about you."

We clung to each other, as if our lives depended on us touching each other…and maybe they did. I imagined her in a wedding gown…walking towards me…and I realized just how fucking much I want that. I want her…for longer than forever. I was wasting time sitting here being a pussy.

"I'm ready now.", I heard myself state out firmly.

"Wait, Edward.", she said, her eyes sad as she looked at me, "I want to tell you something. I hope you know it's real hard for me, too...handing you over to someone else...this doctor. I loved being Dr. Bella for you. You were my first...my first patient...my first love...my only and last love. I would never give you away like SHE did...I hope you understand."

"I know that, Bella.", I kissed her forehead, a deep, warm kiss, "You're doing what's best for me, even if it's hurting you. I know it's not easy for you...loving me. But you do anyway. And this is the part where I do something for YOU...and myself. So it's not so hard for you all the time. I want you to smile when you think of me...not cry."

She held me and kissed me again. We stood up and turned towards the door, seeing a brass plate next to the doorbell that read "Dr. Peter Facinelli."

I took another deep breath and shook my hand loose, the muscles so tense…my other hand clinging to Bella's.

She waited for me to do it myself. And I rang the bell.

We didn't have to wait long…after a minute, the door whooshed open and the first thing I saw was a big cowboy hat, brown and so tall, with a crooked sheriff badge, a star, on it…the huge brim hiding the eyes of the man under it…and finally, an arrow was shot through it.

It looked like it came right out of a cartoon. I smiled before I knew I was doing it.

"Howdy.", the man said from under there, and he yanked the monstrosity off his head.

He ran his fingers through his messy brown hair. It almost looked kinda like mine, but darker. His face was very young…younger than I imagined. His smile was very infectious and his eyes were light bluish-green, I couldn't decide which. But they were bright and engaging as he looked at me. He had a great nose, very straight and angular.

Then I noticed he was wearing a black t shirt that read (and I'm not kidding) "I don't suffer from insanity! I enjoy every minute of it!"

He wore jeans and no shoes, just socks! I smiled, because, just seeing him like this…I felt more relaxed…not like I was here for my own funeral. I had pictured some older guy, stiff and in a suit for some reason…I don't know why but that image had frightened me. But this guy didn't.

"Hey, sorry about that.", he tossed the that aside, "I do that sometimes…it breaks the tension a little."

"Nice hat.", I heard myself say.

"Thanks, I've got dozens of 'em. I'm a collector of weird hats. Anyway…you're Anthony?", he put a hand out, and I felt like this was a guy I could hang out with, not a doctor type guy. I hoped he would be good. If he was a quack, I don't know if I could do this all over again with a whole new person.

"Yea." I gave him my hand, shaking it firmly, not wanting him to read me wrong with a weak handshake, "Hi, how're you doing?"

"I'm great.", he ran a hand through his hair, something I do all the time. Bella noticed it, too, and she gave a little look my way.

"This is Bella, my girlfriend.", I said and he went to shake her hand.

"Bella…", he began but she said, "Marie."

FUCK! I am so goddamn stupid!

"Sorry, I meant Marie…", I felt myself break inside…I had already fucked up.

"Bella is his pet name for me.", she covered me fast, smiling at him, "He uses it so much he sometimes forgets my REAL name. Marie Brown…nice to meet you, Doctor."

Damn, she's good.

"At least I got my own name right.", I shrugged, feeling dumb.

But he wasn't upset in the least. "Enough of this doctor stuff, call me Peter.", he almost glowed with goodness and casual energy. I felt like he was an old friend I was seeing again.

"Get in here, you guys.", he stepped back and let us inside. The house was very nice, expensive looking but lived in…I felt at ease right away. There was a pair of shoes in front of us and Peter just kicked them out of our way.

"Sorry about that.", he looked a little sheepish, and I heard a baseball game playing on the TV in the living room we were entering now.

"Marie?" he smiled that perfect white model smile at my girl, "I'm trusting you…can I trust you?"

She blushed a little and said "Yes?"

"Okay.", he took a remote control off his coffee table and placed it into her hands like it was a powerful crystal or something, "This is my remote. You can watch anything you like…but please don't hurt her. Her name is Marsha."

We all laughed at that and Bella looked at me, a strange little grin there.

"Okay, I'll guard her with my life.", she said and that made the doctor very happy.

"I knew I could count on you, Marie.", he put a hand on her shoulder. If I wasn't so damn nervous, I would've gotten mad at him for that.

"Make yourself at home.", he waved at the white plush sofa and the table in front of it, covered with goodies…cookies, snacks, even drinks!

"Oooh, devil dogs!", I reached out but the doctor grabbed my arm.

"Not for YOU, those are Marie's.", he widened his eyes at me, grinning afterwards, "You don't want the chocolate to mess up your cherry slurpee moment, do you?"

My mouth fell open. I almost forgot!

"You found it?" I asked.

"Indeed I did.", he looked proud, "And it wasn't easy, either. You're a man of distinct taste. Follow me, Anthony."

He spun and walked out of the room. Bella was sitting down on the sofa. She looked at me and waved, saying, "Good luck, sweetie. Play nice."

"Don't leave.", I said, not sure why I'd said it.

"Have we met?" Bella looked at me like I was dumber than dirt, "Have I EVER left you?"

"I know, I know.", I shook my head, hurrying to catch up to the doctor.

I rushed after him, going down a hallway that lead to another door. I guess this is his office.

I felt a breath of air escape my lungs as he opened the door and switched on a nice soft light…not bright at all…it made the room easier to walk into.

"Come in, Anthony.", he waved a hand inside. As I entered, I saw a leather sofa, very long with one end up that I could lean against. There was a leather chair also, and a table beside the sofa that had a bowl of Doritos, cheese dip beside it, and…standing there like a vision was a very tall Cherry Slurpee. The 7-11 logo was there…and the cup was that familiar red and blue design with the swirls of color everywhere! It was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen! It felt like Christmas!

I almost dove upon it but I kept my cool.

"You DID find it!" I picked it up, the frosty prickles already numbing my fingertips, just like I remember it…"How? Where?"

"I'm not telling YOU that.", he teased, going to his chair behind the desk, opening a drawer, "Sit down, enjoy. We don't have to begin until you're ready."

I felt bad sitting here alone eating and drinking.

"Well, you join me and I will.", I sat on the sofa, moving over to one end, leaving him room to sit with me.

"Ah, that's nice of you.", he smiled again, taking something out of the drawer and putting it on his desk, "I think I will. I haven't eaten in hours!"

"Cool.", I watched him take a chip and I took one too. I know I should've been full after eating at the Chinese place, but I found I still had room in my gut for more. Bella's right, I am a glutton.

"This is mine, though." I grinned, taking the slurpee.

"Yes, it's yours. Slurp away.", he chuckled, dipping his chip in the cheese.

I sucked that first thick gulp down…having to work it a second before it rose up through the straw and found my tongue…

"UGGGHHH!", I couldn't help the orgasmic sound my throat made after that first taste. The doctor laughed, watching me enjoy it.

"It's been so long, you don't know…" I closed my eyes and drank some more.

"I do know.", he nodded, eating his chip, talking with his mouth half full, "I've had to do without in my day, too, let me tell ya."

"Thank you so much for this…" I said between slurps, "You didn't have to."

"I want you to feel at home here.", he said, seriously now, "As much as you can. A lot of time will be spent here, if you choose me. I don't want it all to suck. No pun intended."

He was nice, I like him a lot.

"I do like it here…" I said truthfully, "So far."

"Good.", he crunched another chip, "I can't tell you how good that makes me feel, Anthony. Thank you."

While I drank the slurpee, Peter asked me little things… just to make conversation. He took no notes or anything.

He asked me where I was from, how long I've lived here, etc. Stupid things that I didn't mind answering. But before long, the slurpee was gone…and it was time to get to work.

I didn't want to lay on the couch…I didn't feel that comfortable yet. Besides, that was Dr. Bella's alone…I didn't want to share it with anyone new just now.

I sat in the chair across his desk and he took his seat. He explained to me that the first thing he needed to do was assess me…to find out my history. I liked that he was letting me in on this instead of just firing questions at me right away. Then he asked me if I was comfortable with him taping our sessions. He assured me I didn't have to say yes.

I said yes and he seemed glad. He said he HATES taking notes as a patient is speaking. "It's so rude.", he wrinkled his nose and I had to laugh. He said he wanted to have his full attention on ME when I spoke, not a notebook.

"Anthony Masen. Session number one.", he said as he sat back, about to begin.

Right away, I felt myself tense.

He was so good he saw that right away.

"What's wrong, Anthony?", he asked, his keen eyes watching me.

"I don't know.", I replied, "I just…I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize.", he stood up, coming a couple steps closer, not touching me, "Just tell me what I can do."

"I don't know…" I tried to figure out my problem, "It's just…this. The desk…the chair…it feels so…it feels like it's all closing in."

"It feels like a doctor's office.", he looked deep in thought.

"Yea!" I looked up at him, feeling like such a wimp.

"Got it.", he turned and switched off the tape recorder. I thought he was mad…and didn't want to help me now.

"That's it.", he said and I was about to apologize again when he picked the recorder up, "Grab the chips and cheese. We're going outside."

I felt like such a baby but he was so great about it. We moved our session out to the backyard…a patio that was made out of glass and beautiful redwood. There was a table there, a round one. The view was unbelievable! Black mountains…the moon, a huge round orb of gold overhead. It gave us so much light but Peter lit up a candle that was already on the table.

"It's one of those keep away bug candles.", he smirked, taking the lighter away, "Some of my patients used to leave here with mosquito bites all over them.

"Oh no." I laughed, "So I'm not your first…I'm insulted!"

He liked that and I heard his laugh. It made me feel good. I felt better.

"All my patients are special to me, Anthony.", he sat down, at my side instead of across from me, and it felt like we were two guys just chilling out.

"A lot of people feel the way you do about the office.", Peter said, "I don't mind. Wherever you feel comfortable is where our therapy will happen."

"I like it out here." I said, looking out, "It must be great to have a view like this every night. I can imagine at sunset…"

He shrugged. "It's no fun when you're alone."

I felt a little pain stir inside me. Was the doctor all alone here? He seems like such a cool guy, I can't imagine no woman is with him.

"Anyway, let's begin, huh?" he grinned, hitting the recorder, and pausing a minute.

"So, Anthony…" he leaned back, crossing his feet under the table, "Tell me a little bit about yourself."

Man, I hate open ended questions.

"Well…" I looked out at the view, "I'm new to the area…just moved here. I used to live in New York. I had some trouble there so I left. I left everything behind, except Bella. Marie."

"You can call her Bella if that's what you prefer.", Peter inserted softly, not trying to intrude.

"Okay.", I took a breath, "Bella got me out of the trouble I was having there. She and I came here together, looking to start a new life. And then I have a daughter, Katie. She lives with us. She's nine. It's been so hard for all of us…starting over. And even though we left New York behind…and all the people there…I feel like they're still with me. Inside my head. I have nightmares all the time. Bad ones. The last couple nights I didn't have any because…I was….WITH…Bella."

"You were intimate with her?" he gently asked, his eyes on me.

"Yea.", I felt a little heat enter my face, "When that happens, the dreams don't come. Bella has some experience with psychology. She took courses in it, in college. She was trying to help me…and I thought she was doing great. But she told me that she can't do it anymore. She says she's not a real therapist and shouldn't be advising me. So here I am."

I left so much out. He would never leave it at that.

"Well I'm glad you are here.", he said, his eyes not judging me.

"And you're right.", he said, "You can move to the other end of the earth, but you can't run away from your problems. They're in here.", he touched his chest, "And in here.", he touched his head.

He asked me about Katie and I told him all I could about her. I raved like a proud papa and he smiled and laughed here and there. He asked me about Bella and I went on and on about her also.

"Who else is in your life?" he asked me, "Who else loves Anthony Masen?"

I told him about Ben and Angela…and a little about Tanya…how she'd died. How Katie had been burned…and how I had to get money for her…I slowly found myself telling the story of how I came across Victoria…and Emmett. Before I knew it, I had revealed a very big secret of mine.

"I became…a whore there.", I heard myself say, waiting for the shock to register in his face. But it didn't.

"Go on.", he looked up at me, no fear or disgust there at all.

"There are so many stories to tell after that.", I played with the empty slurpee cup, "I was a slave and a hooker for Victoria…for about six years. And I was very expensive. I did everything. I never argued. I never said no. I thought I loved her. I thought she loved me. And for her…and for the fucking money…I was so down and dirty…I did things that I can't even BEGIN to describe. If the money was there, I did whatever they said, no matter how nasty. I've pissed into women's mouths…I've fucked mothers and daughters in the same bed …I've drunk their blood…they've drunken mine. It's a fucking miracle I don't have AIDS or something. But Victoria always checked to make sure I was safe and the clients were safe. I guess I owe her something for that at least."

He didn't speak. He waited for me. Still, no looks came from him…no surprise or disgust.

"I've told Bella things…" I said, looking down, "But never like that, like I just told you. I held back. I didn't want her to be disgusted by me. She loves me, she says. But I know if I tell her everything…she'd change her mind."

"How does it feel, telling me?" he asked calmly.

"Good, actually.", I admitted, just realizing it, "I don't know you and I don't care what you think, so I feel freer to say what I want to say."

Peter gave a grin and I realized what I just said. It must have insulted him.

"I didn't mean I don't care what you think…" I tried to correct that, "I just mean-"

"It's okay.", he put a hand up, "I totally get it. It must have been real hard having your girlfriend counsel you on something so difficult. Never knowing how much to tell…and it's hard for her, too. She may not be prepared to hear all of your story. She hasn't ever counseled anyone else before you?"

"No, I was the first.", I informed, "She picked me for her school thesis. We fell in love. I thought she hired me as a hooker."

"Uh oh.", he smirked at me.

"Yea.", I nodded, raising my eyebrows, "That was a fun conversation."

"I'll bet.", he smiled, playing with something on his sneaker.

"So you both ran away?" Peter asked, "You left New York and came here to escape all that?"

"Yea.", I kinda lied about this part, "Bella saved me from Victoria and when we got here, my daughter moved in with us. Ben and Angela lived with us the last month…but now they moved about five minutes away. It's good, though, they're still close by. We're having dinner with them tomorrow."

"Good.", he said smoothly, "Keep your loved ones close, always. You need support. Don't let them fade out of your lives."

"Never.", I said , meaning that with all my heart, "They're like my parents. Mine suck."

"I hear that.", he said, as if he could relate.

I was afraid he'd ask me to tell about them…but he didn't.

"So, you're here to conquer all the memories of those six years?", Peter asked, or summed up, "You want to be free of all that…am I right?"

"Well…no…not exactly." I said, feeling my throat tighten a bit, "I think I would be alright…with what happened in those last six years…I don't think I'd need therapy for that. It's something else."

"Go on.", he watched me, leaning in a bit more, his interest never breaking.

I took a few breaths…but my voice would never work.

"It's okay, Anthony.", he said, his eyes concerned, "I'm here. You can say anything. You won't shock me or scare me off."

And I believed him.

I closed my eyes, putting my head on my hands that laid on the table.

It was easier when I couldn't see him. So I just said it.

"A man…", I said, hearing my voice crack, "Attacked me."

Just saying the words made my insides seem to tear and rip…slowly apart…it was agonizing. And for a second, I saw Sir Kevin's smiling fucking face…heard his voice, trying to soothe me…

"_Don't cry, angel_…" he had said so tenderly as he entered me slowly, "_Shhh, please don't cry…we belong together."_

I screamed with all my might, in my mind, remembering that moment…I had screamed like that for real when he'd said those words, like a lover…we belong together. In Hell.

I wanted to rip my own ears off but I knew that wouldn't erase him from my brain.

I didn't know it at the time, but I heard myself crying. I felt Peter's hand on my arm. I almost flung it off but something in me said not to.

"I know how hard it was for you to say that.", he was still unshakeable, his faith solid, "I'm here. Take your time. You don't have to talk every minute."

When I began to speak again, I heard how horrible my voice was. It shook and broke and I sobbed the words.

"I can't even say it was rape.", I said, "Victoria gave me to him like I was a puppy! I was chained but…I could've said no. I tried to."

"He knew you were there against your will.", Peter said, not asked, "He should have stopped. This is not your fault, Anthony. The only blame here is with HIM, NOT you. Do you understand?"

"I should've fought.", I wept, "I keep thinking I should've done SOMETHING! But…she said I was being punished…she knew men was not something I was willing to do !"

I had roared that last part…filled with hatred.

"You sound more angry at Victoria than this man.", Peter clued into this right away.

"She KNEW!", I snarled, the tears heavy in my eyes, "She knew what it would do to me. She was supposed to care about me…"

"She was supposed to love you…", Peter read my thoughts so easily.

"YES!", I seethed, my fists on the table.

"Did you WANT her love?" Peter asked, his hand still on my arm.

"I don't know…", I sniffed, "I thought I did once. I didn't know what love was after Tanya died…after I lost Katie. I thought that…what I had with HER…was the closest I could come to love. I was empty inside…the little kindnesses she showed me…made me feel like it was love. I know now it wasn't. She was just using me."

"Let's go back to Victoria later.", Peter suggested, "I won't ask for all the details of what happened with this man yet. We have plenty of time to deal with that later. Do you want a little break?"

I nodded and he left me alone for a minute, allowing me to stay out here to get fresh air…to breathe it in and out. Then I heard Bella's voice behind me.

"Hey baby.", she smiled, slowly approaching me, "How are you?"

I ran to her and took her in my arms. She was what I needed to breathe again.

She clung to me and kept kissing me, wiping my tears, whispering, "You're doing so well…I'm so proud of you…I love you."

I couldn't say much. My voice had gone for awhile. But she never pushed me to speak. She just held me…and stroked my hair.

"Is he better than me?" she tried to make me laugh. But I just shook my head no to that question.

She gave a little chuckle. "Uh huh.", she looked into my eyes, "Good, lie to me some more."

I just smiled and laid my head on her chest. I liked hearing her heartbeat. It was calming me down.

Peter came out after a few more minutes and he smiled at the two of us. He didn't interrupt us though. He waited patiently.

"I'm gonna go back.", Bella finally said softly to me, giving me one last kiss on the lips, her hands on both sides of my face, "SO proud of you, Edward."

She had whispered my name into my ear. I had needed to hear it, calling myself Anthony and hearing the doctor call me that made it sound like he was speaking to someone else sometimes. It was good that she spoke to the real ME.

"I am in the middle of Legends of the Fall.", she thumbed to the living room where she'd been, talking to me and the doctor now, "I don't want to miss any of THAT."

I smiled at her. She did cheer me up with that sentence and in seconds, she was gone.

"Enjoy, Marie.", he said to her, and I noticed he never used the Bella name on her. He respected that it was a name only I called her. I liked that.

And I liked that I was able to tell my little story in a nutshell and open up to the hardest part of it all. And this was my first session. Bella was right, he had led me very well…I didn't even know I was being led there. I knew now he was my doctor. I trusted him already. I felt safe with him. And more importantly, I truly liked him. I didn't need anything more than that in a doctor.

He had gotten her for me during my break. He knew I needed her. He knew inside I was screaming 'SAVE ME!' and he got the angel who could do it. He is smart. He is our guide…through this shit, like Bella had said. I knew he'd be able to help us find the way out someday.

Besides all that, he got me a slurpee and I liked his hat and t shirt.

With the time after that break, he changed the subject and asked me about things that are happening now, besides the nightmares…things that have troubled me. At first I couldn't think of any…but the more I pondered it, things began to come out.

I told him about Jenna…and the rope around Yoyo's neck. He nodded, as if he was expecting to hear that. How sick I felt inside…how I felt as if I might vomit right there on her boots!

"Yes.", his brow furrowed, "There will be many things…objects, places, scents…that will trigger memories. We would work on that if you come back to me. It takes time to conquer that but it's do-able."

"As for this Jenna." Peter sighed, "I would continue to be firm with her…tell her you're not interested…but Anthony…please don't be cruel to her, if you can help it. She sounds very troubled as well."

"Troubled?" I asked.

"Yes.", he replied, "She may have experienced some trauma, just as you have. People act in very different and strange ways when they've been abused. You constantly look down because you've been programmed to be subservient and non threatening. Things in Jenna's past…may be urging her to be more domineering…more aggressive."

"You mean…you think she was…raped too?" I tried to guess what he meant.

"I can't KNOW that.", he shrugged, "Not unless I meet her and speak to her…but it's a very strong possibility that yes…someone may have abused her, somehow…sometime."

"She sees you look down and she gets a signal that you're a man to be preyed upon." Peter revealed, "She sees a man who wouldn't raise a hand to her, a man who wouldn't force her to do anything. You attract her because of that. And sadly, sometimes we take on characteristics of the person who attacks us. Or she may think the way she was abused is normal."

"Do you think I would become like…Sir Kevin…the man who…attacked me?" I asked, feeling a new fear rise up within me.

"You wouldn't become like him but…"

"Because there was a time recently that I was…with Bella…", I gulped, "And I…I…"

"I can't SAY these things!", I clutched at my own hair, looking down at my shoes.

"You can say it.", Peter waited, "Take a deep breath, inhale….exhale….and say the words before you think of them."

I did exactly as he said….and the words did come.

"I put a belt around her neck while we were having sex.", I said it very quickly.

He waited a second, but never looked upset with me.

"Why did you do that?" he asked.

"I don't know…", I felt a little anxious now, "I was in the moment…I saw it on the bed…I just wanted to. I thought it would be…exciting."

He gave a little smirk. "And was it?"

"Yea.", I replied instantly, "Bella seemed to like it too. She didn't safeword."

"Safeword?" Peter asked.

"That's when you make up a word…"

"I know what it is.", Peter held up a finger, smiling, "But I don't understand. Are you two involved in a dom/sub relationship?"

"NO!", I felt my eyes bug out a bit.

"Then why are you using safewords?", he asked, just as if curious.

"I don't want to hurt her, ever.", I said, "I don't trust myself to do the wrong thing…the games I've played…the way I've had sex these last few years…it's almost like I don't know what's normal anymore. From the start, we've had a word she can use that will stop me. It's how I've lived for six years, I still need that now, I guess."

"I understand that.", Peter gave a nod, as if he should've known it without my explanation.

"First of all…", he asked, "Did you choke Marie with this belt?"

"NO!", I almost gasped, "I would never hurt Bella. I put it on loose…I just held it a couple times…during…"

"I've got it.", Peter tried to suppress a grin, like he got the picture without me having to draw it out.

"Did this…Sir Kevin…" Peter asked, "Did he bind your neck?"

"Yes.", I set my jaw, thinking he'd be drilling me now about the whole ordeal.

"With a belt?" he asked.

"No.", I took a breath, "I had a collar on in the beginning. And then, later, he took that off me and used a choke chain. He said I was being…difficult."

Peter looked pissed off but he contained it behind his eyes.

"A choke chain.", he stated as I nodded, "He used it? I mean…did he cut off your air supply?"

I nodded, swallowing.

"Anthony….", his voice trailed off, and he sounded truly sorry for me then.

I saw a little flicker of the wall I was looking at while Kevin pulled the chain, cutting off my air…I heard myself gasp and gag roughly…my mind panicked, wondering how long I could hang on without oxygen…I felt like that fish I'd seen today…my eyes bugging out against my will…my wrists wildly jerking behind me in their leather cuff restraints…please STOP! I can't BREATHE! It HURTS! I couldn't say any of these things…but inside, I was screeching the words.

'_Say you'll be a good boy_…' Sir Kevin's voice sounded amused…like we were having fun playing this…I could feel the hard chains embedding themselves into the flesh of my throat…and I tried to speak…but nothing came out but groans and jagged croaks. I was nodding my head, making the motions huge so he'd see me agree.

And he would release the chain. And I felt my body drop like a puppet without the strings…my air rushing in all at once now…too hard to breathe it all in.

'_Such a sweet baby_…' Kevin stroked my hair while I nearly puked on the floor trying to gulp the air down.

"Did you ever lose consciousness?" Peter asked me, snapping me out of my trance now.

"Once I blacked out for a little bit." I remembered, "But he brought me out of it with smelling salts. One thing about these people…they have all kinds of crap with them to ensure they'll get to play their games. His day wasn't going to be interrupted by a little thing like my passing out."

"His day.", Peter picked up on this, "How long did this attack last?"

"He had me for the whole day.", I replied, "Victoria gave me to him at six AM. And he left at around dinnertime…around 6 PM I guess."

"Twelve hours." Peter said, that angered but calm look in his eyes again.

"Give or take, yea.", I felt a shiver go through my body.

He didn't say anything and I got scared.

"Am I too fucked up?", I asked, "Is that too long a time to recover or something?"

"Oh, God, Anthony, no.", he said right away, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel that. It just pisses me off, hearing how evil some people can be. I know I'm supposed to be objective and not show anger but…it's very hard. I'm a human being. How can I NOT be angry at what he put you through?"

"There are people who've been held against their wills for days…weeks…even years.", Peter informed, "And I know that most people who come to see me for the first time…people who've been attacked…come in here with a little secret fear. A fear that they're slowly losing their minds and going crazy."

He looked at me and I felt tears come to my eyes. I gave a half nod, looking away, at the moon.

With accurate precision, he pinpointed my biggest fear. The fear I would lose my mind and hurt Bella…or Katie…or both.

Peter gave a warm smile and said, "You are not going crazy, Anthony. I promise you. You're hurt. You've had precious things stolen from you. Safety…trust…power…control…esteem…and even intimacy with another. We will work to get these things back to you…your problems are NOT insurmountable, Anthony. No one's are. Nothing is too big to handle…you CAN get better. I know that. I've seen it…in people much worse off than you are now. Believe me."

"I DO believe you, Doc.", I said, hoping he didn't mind me calling him that, "And that's why…I want you to be my doctor. If that's okay with you."

"I'm not going to reject you, Anthony.", he smiled at me, "No fear of that here. And I would be honored to work with you."

"Yea?" I asked, feeling like I just won something…I felt myself smile.

"Yea.", he smirked, taking a couple of chips, giving me one. He dipped his in the cheese and so did I.

"Anthony…to us.", he held up his cheesy chip. I laughed and touched my dorito to his, like it was a glass, and I said, "To us. To fixing my fucked up head."

He laughed and corrected me, "Your head is not fucked up. This world is. Sadly, it's the reason I have a job. But I will do my best, Anthony, for you. I swear. And you can call me anytime, even in the dead of night. I'm here. If you need me….call, come over…I don't care."

"I can't do that.", I began to say, "You have your own life…"

"I do?" he asked a little bitterly, then put a hand on my shoulder, saying, "Look at me."

I made myself look up into his soulful eyes…they were so full of caring it almost hurt to stare into them.

"Promise me.", he said, "That if you need me…you'll find me. No matter when it is."

I remembered once Victoria made me say into a microphone, the words 'I promise' when I was her vampire. She'd told the crowd that you could hardly believe a vampire's promise…I knew if I told Peter the words 'I promise' they would mean something…something solid as stone. But I wasn't afraid.

"I promise.", I said, not looking away or down this time.

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End of chapter 13

I love Dr. Facinelli. What do you guys think of him? How'd he do so far? There will be more Dr. F goodness in the next chapter too. A very hard homework assignment waits for our beloved Anthony.

Love you guys!

See you soon!

Love Winnd


	14. Love this Slave

Chapter 14

Hey everyone!

I, too, think Edward did open up a bit quickly to Peter, but he didn't tell him everything. And don't forget, he's had a couple months' worth of those nightmares we saw in chapter one of this story…and he's very sick of having them. Edward never really had trouble telling Bella sexual things about himself, if you recall in TRL, in fact he even enjoyed telling her some of his job details, because it seemed to shock her so much.

It was the things about Katie, Tanya, his family…stuff like that – that he had trouble discussing. Now he has another big problem. Talking about Sir Kevin, which he absolutely doesn't want to do, with anyone. He wants to just forget it, but he can't, and that's strange for him because he's forgotten so many women he's had to perform for.

With them, he felt like he had some kind of choice…like he was still in control somehow, with most of them. He went in knowing what the "date" would be and he did it for the money and fear of what Victoria could do to his daughter. He became a machine, as Emmett tells him in TRL. So it didn't bother him much. It was his job.

But this, with Sir Kevin, was not his choice at all…and it was very long and very brutal for him. So this is the first time in years that he's really felt raped. Not only by him but also by Victoria. She had always protected him and seemed to care. But this was the ultimate betrayal. This one day of abuse…forever broke the Edward/Victoria relationship for him. He could never stay with her after this. He even, for a little while, planned on killing her, remember?

The trust was gone, even if it was false trust he had in her. And we all know Victoria would have had Sir Kevin abuse him again in the future, if she had a chance to. Or even other men…who knows? She found the ultimate punishment for him that day…and I think she enjoyed cutting him so deep, because she was hurt when she saw Edward defend Bella to her. She saw that Edward loved Bella. She wanted revenge.

Besides, just because he gave the basic problem to the Dr., doesn't mean he's going to tell all the details right away. And there will be exercies, role plays for him to take part in that he will not want to do, either. Edward will go back to being difficult, I assure you, when the therapy starts getting tough. Poor Dr. Fac! And yes, he is based on Peter Facinelli, and looks like him with the dark brown hair.

And yes, I will eventually give you his back story…I gave a couple hints there already…but you'll see.

Basically, I just wanted Dr. Pete to have the skeleton of Edward's story…so I don't have to write twenty chapters of him trying to get Edward to talk to him. You would all get bored of that real quick, I'm sure.

Whew! I'm just rambling.

Okay…let's go back to Dr. Peter's patio….mmm I wish I could be there for real!

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EPOV

"I can't believe I opened up so fast…", I heard myself saying to the Doc as we hung out on the patio, "When Bella first met me, I avoided her questions for weeks! I kept my mouth shut…I made it so hard for her. Then I meet you and I'm pouring my guts out."

Peter smiled and took a bite of his chip. "It's because of all her hard work with you that you were ready to talk to me. I owe her big time. She's really talented, isn't she? A student…and the way she was able to reach you…it's very rare."

"She's a genius.", I smiled wide, remembering some of our sessions, "Some of the things she did…during our therapy…were unbelievable. Once, she blindfolded me and pretended to be Victoria so I could tell her off, without actually doing it for real. It was brilliant."

"Good role play idea.", Peter said and for a second I thought he was talking about something sexual. But then he pointed out, "I mean, on a psychology level. Role plays are a very important part of therapy. We'll be doing that later."

I wasn't sure if I liked the sound of that.

"So…nothing I said tonight shocked you?", I asked him, "I mean…you looked so cool about it all…"

"Anthony, I've been doing this for awhile.", Peter gave me a smile, "I have worked with many sexually abused people…men and women alike. I've found that my best work is done there. I don't know why…it kind of chose ME, I guess."

"But I'll admit your story is unique for me.", Peter added, "I've never before had a patient that had so much happen to him by so many people…like you have. And I know your big concern right now is Sir Kevin…but, Anthony, don't fool yourself. You have many things to tackle when it comes to the six years with Victoria too. And the issues with your parents…with Tanya…and then there's your future…Marie…Katie…there is much to do. But we'll get there. One step at a time."

I had to agree with that.

"There will be times when you'll hate me.", Doc said, "I'll be asking you to do and talk about things you won't want to. But we have to do it. The reason you're still having nightmares is because you're trying to run away from the past. To do that, means never getting rid of it. And I warn you, I'm not EASY…I will push you to keep moving forward."

I nodded, liking it that he was being so straight with me. I appreciated that.

"So tell me a little bit more about these dreams you keep having.", Peter leaned back in his chair, "How do they begin?"

I took a moment to think about that before I started speaking.

"A lot of times, when I'm about to start having the nightmare…" I said, "I always hear that fucked up song…you know that one 'Down with the Sickness'?"

He gave a nod and I continued.

"I hear that part in the beginning…where the guy says 'Can you feel that?' And I do. I feel something inside me…growing…moving under my skin. Like you said, I feel like I'm getting sick…slowly…like one of those zombies in the movies. It's like…I've been bitten…and I can feel myself deteriorating from the inside out.

The music is too loud and full of static…it kills my ears…it's so real. I'm naked all the time, trying to run away from it…trying to find clothes before it gets me. I'm in a hallway of mirrors…and I couldn't find any doors…and in the reflections of the mirrors, I can see my hair falling out…and then it starts growing in…long and black…like Kevin's.

My skin is falling off…in chunks, bloody pieces…and there's tan skin underneath it. Little by little I turn into him…it's fucked up…I start screaming and smashing the glass…I'm bleeding…and then a hand comes out through the broken glass…and gets me. It drags me through by a rope around my neck…and then I'm me again…and the nightmare begins…Victoria has me…either her or Kevin…sometimes both…and I can never wake up…I'm fucking trapped. And they start going to work on me. Sometimes I have no mouth at all…so I can't even scream."

"My God.", Peter said simply, "Well I think it's time to do something about them. I think they've had you long enough, don't you?"

"Yes.", I said with no hesitation.

"Good.", Peter tapped the table with his knuckles, "And now it's time for me to give you your homework assignment. Here's where you start hating me."

"I won't hate you.", I said, knowing it.

"Alright.", he took a breath, "I want to begin dealing with Sir Kevin first. I want you to write the story…the whole day with Sir Kevin."

I felt like I'd just been smashed over the head with something large and spiky.

I sat there, dumbfounded as he went on.

"Write every detail…", he continued, his voice slow and quiet, "Write every word said between the two of you. Write what you smelled, tasted, saw…everything."

I waited…hearing the silence of the night…only the sound of crickets chirping kept me company.

"Anthony….breathe.", Peter leaned forward, his eyes on me, "Are you alright?"

I felt myself looking at him like he'd just stabbed me in the chest. I didn't mean to…but…

"You can do this, Anthony.", he assured, "I know it won't be pleasant…but…"

"I can't do that.", I heard myself say, my voice quivering, "Please, give me something else to do…don't ask me to…"

"Anthony.", Peter warned with his stare, "No more running. And please don't beg me. I only respond to monetary bribes."

He'd tried to make a joke! A god damned joke!

"But I don't think I can—"

"If you don't want that monster inside you to keep growing, you have to be brave.", he said, "You have to stop running away, stand still, then turn and face those fuckers. Sorry about that word. Once you do that, we can start making them go away. And instead of fearing that itchy demon inside you…we can put him to sleep for good. We have to get the poison out of you. This is how it's done."

"But what if—"

"Go home…and maybe tomorrow night…after your little girl goes to bed…sit down at your table…and just try writing a little bit. When it gets too hard, put it aside. Then try again the next night…and the next. Do it alone. Don't have Marie help you. This is YOUR battle."

I could hardly say anything as Peter stood up and guided me back into the living room where Bella was watching TV. She was kind of pacing around…looking nervous…worried about me, probably. When she saw me, she looked even more worried.

"What's wrong?" she asked me, taking my hand.

"Nothing.", I said, trying to smile at her.

But she wasn't stupid.

"Anthony…", Peter came over to me and handed me his card. It was an appointment card…and it was like I'd told him…next Saturday night at 8pm. Like it would slip my mind.

"I know you won't forget, but I accidentally ordered like 3,000 of these cards online.", he grinned, "I have to get rid of some."

"Good," Bella smiled, "Can I have one, too?"

"What?" Peter looked at her, a tad confused. But I wasn't surprised.

"I could use…some help too.", she said a little awkwardly, "If that's alright with you."

"Marie…I'm honored.", he looked a little shy suddenly, "When would you like to see me? Maybe after Anthony's appointment next Saturday…nine o'clock?"

"That would be perfect.", she nodded, "Thank you Doctor."

"Hang out here a sec.", Peter went back to his office, "I'll get you a card."

He jogged away and looked more like a college kid than a distinguished psychologist.

"He's cute.", she commented as she watched him jog away in his socks.

"Cute?" I asked, "That's no reason to choose him for your doctor."

"That's not why I picked him.", she said, her arm around me, "He seems great! Did you like him? How was it?"

"Really good.", I said, "Up til the end…"

That last part was so low I don't think she heard me…and Peter was coming back now, with Bella's card.

"Here you go, M'Lady.", he gave a little bow of his head…and we noticed he was wearing a court jester hat now…with red, yellow, and blue horns that had jingle bells on the ends of them. I wanted to like it…but I couldn't be into it right now. I kept picturing myself throwing up all over a piece of paper, while trying to write the words…

Bella laughed and I felt myself make a face.

"This hat thing is beginning to scare me, Doc.", I joked, "How many hats do you HAVE?"

"Mmmm….", he looked up, counting them up in his mind, "About…two hundred and thirty nine."

"Oh my God!", she giggled.

Before we left, we also got a couple of names from the doctor of child psychologists that Katie could see. He told us these names were the best of the best. We paid the bill and I noticed he only charged me for one hour, and when I got to the car, the time said 10:35pm.

"I was there for over two hours?" I asked as I started the car, "It didn't seem like it."

Bella kissed me and we went home. When I stopped the car, I didn't move from my seat.

"I knew something was wrong.", she said, "What happened? You didn't say a word all the way home. And you were shaking when you came out of his office before."

"I have a homework assignment.", I said with sarcasm and an edge to my voice, "And I don't know if I can do it."

"What is it?"

"I have to write the whole story of my day with Sir Kevin.", I revealed, "With lots of fucking detail."

"Oh my God.", she breathed, her hands holding my free right hand.

I know Dr. Bella would never force me to do such a thing.

"I can't do it.", I said flat out.

"What do you mean?", she asked.

"I mean, I'm not doing it.", I heard myself say, opening my car door, getting out.

I knew Bella would be close on my heels now…and she was. And I don't know why, but I'm angry…angry at Dr. Facinelli…angry at Bella because she's going to talk me into doing this fucked paper.

"What do you MEAN, you're not doing it?", she asked, following me to the door as I unlocked it, "You HAVE to!"

"No I don't.", I responded, not making eye contact with her as I went into the kitchen, taking the Jimmy Chan menu out of the back of my shirt, placing it on the table.

Bella ignored that and said, "What about all that talk about wanting to get better so we'll have a shot at a future together? You're just gonna quit after the very first session? You said you'd stick with it!"

I ignored her, hating myself for it.

"I'll be with you when you write it.", Bella tried as usual to help me…she said, "You can dictate it to me and I can write it."

And I hated that idea. I hated that I would have to say it out loud…and hated more that she would have to HEAR me say it. Then she'd have to write it down…she wouldn't be able to. She'd cry and try to be Dr. Bella for me again. I didn't want her to come through this door in my brain. I didn't want anyone there. Even me.

"I love you, Bella, but you can't keep wiping my ass for me.", I went to one of my bags of blue cotton candy and tore the plastic open, removing a huge chunk and sticking it into my mouth. Come on, sugar…help me.

"The doctor said not to let you help me this time.", I revealed, "He said this is my battle…whatever the fuck that means."

"I'm not trying to wipe your ASS!", she was pissed now and I didn't blame her, "I'm just trying to help you…"

"I don't WANT YOUR HELP!", I spun around to her and that statement came out so sharp…like a god damned blade aimed right at her heart.

I saw the pain in her eyes and I hated myself instantly. I began to take a step towards her to beg for her forgiveness…but she flinched back away from me.

"Fine.", she looked at me and I saw tears in her eyes, "You have your doctor now and you don't want or need me or my help anymore, great. After all, I'm just a fucking murderer, apparently. One that took YOUR trash out for you! But you don't want my help. Whatever."

"What are you talking about?" I furrowed my brow.

"On the pond today, you told Katie you're so glad she's not a murderer.", she shouted at me, the tears falling down both cheeks now.

My stomach almost burst.

"That had nothing to do with YOU!", I felt ill suddenly, "I was kidding about the fucking FISH! I wasn't even THINKING about you or Victoria…"

"Things come out when we least expect sometimes.", she said, wiping her eye, wanting to be angry at me, not sad.

"Please, Bella, you have to believe me…I would never think that—"

"I have to go to bed.", she cut me off, "I'm tired. I had to baby sit _children_ all day."

She was walking away and I tried to follow her, saying, "Bella, wait…please talk to me."

"No!", she walked away faster, "Dr. Bella's not in! Leave me alone!"

She slammed her door on me and I stood there for a long time, listening…I could hear her sniffling…crying. She was a soft crier, not like me.

"I'm sorry.", I whispered, feeling tears in my own eyes…my fingertips lightly stroking the door, as if it were her hair.

I wanted to smash my fist into something hard…and break my own hand. But I have to be at work on Monday. Fuck.

I pulled on my own hair, making it hurt as I stood there, hating it that I was hurting her. I didn't blame her. I was going back on everything I'd promised her. I'm such a prick.

My feet led me into the kitchen…and I was staring at the stove…unable to turn away from it.

I wish I could burn myself. NO! my inner voice shouted, don't even think about it.

Instead, I rummaged around the kitchen drawers…and found one of Bella's extra notebooks. I brought my cotton candy bag to the table with me and took a pen from the pencil holder in the center of the round table, clicking it.

One huge bite of the cotton candy first…then I let out a huge breath, looking up. Please help me, someone…whoever…just don't let me be alone in this. Stay with me.

I closed my eyes…and there was Sir Kevin, smirking at me.

Okay, you fucker. I'm not running. I'm here. And I'm not chained up now. In fact, I pictured myself holding a long, shining samurai sword. Something I saw at Jimmy Chan's place earlier.

I felt better with that in hand…and I put the pen to the blank paper. The pen is mightier than the sword after all. Okay, Cullen, you fucking cornball.

"Let's dance, bitch!", I sneered at him, sounding more like Clint Eastwood in an old movie than myself.

And I wrote the first sentences:

_I was kneeling in the dungeon, nude, waiting for my mistress. I was waiting to be punished, so I was in that position, perfectly displayed as she liked me to be. My arms folded tight behind my back, knees together, head down, eyes closed. I made my body and posture just right, not wanting to displease her even further. I could smell the familiar scent of leather and cedar wood…that musky smell of an old basement…I could feel the rough, gritty cement floor under my knees…it used to hurt me but now I was used to that tingle of pain. I waited for her…knowing she'd make me wait a little while…wanting my mind to wander, to fear and imagine what punishment she'd bring this time. _

_Instead, though, I kept thinking of Bella…of her smile…her laugh…the way she wept when I left her that morning…she loves me. I still couldn't believe it. _

_Even if we don't get to be together…these last two weeks were enough to keep me smiling for the rest of my life. I'd always have them to look back on…no matter what else I had to go through from here. She made me a man…with her I was REAL, flesh and blood..not a shadow._

_Whatever the punishment is, it was worth it, I told myself, smiling a little._

_And then I heard HER high heels clicking down the hallway…coming for me._

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BPOV

That was the first night…that I truly hated Edward Cullen.

Well, I love him, but I hate him. I knew it was too good to be true, that perfect Daddy and boyfriend act the other morning…Eduardo making me breakfast. He's still playing roles…he's still wearing his masks…he just added a few new ones that I'd never seen before. And replaying a couple of the ones he knows I enjoyed in the past.

Who was the real Edward? Have I even met him yet?

It had been such a perfect day. He held me as the sunset and said he loved me…US…including Katie in…I really felt like we were a family then. I had hope everything would be okay. And then when he said that about marrying me in the car…I nearly cried! It was such a big step for him, saying he wanted to get better before he married me. I couldn't believe it. But I let myself believe it. I wanted to believe it. But in reality, no one heals this fast, just like that.

It will take years for Edward to be alright. I have to accept that and make friends with it. There will be lots of hard times…there will be fights and arguments. This wouldn't be the first or the last. If I want my happy ever after ending…if there is such a thing…it will take a lot of work, a lot of strength on my part as well as his.

We may never get married. We might just live together like this. And that's okay with me. Marriage is just a piece of paper, it doesn't mean anything. But what about me having children of my own someday? Would that happen? How could I raise a baby with all this going on? Would it still be going on years from now? Would I ever get a chance to just rest and be happy, with no worries?

It won't work. It will NOT succeed, WE won't succeed, if he's willing to quit this easily. I know this assignment is hard…it's damn hard and I couldn't imagine myself having to do it if I were in his shoes, but…it's what his doctor thinks is best. It's a treatment that has worked on many, many patients before him. If other women or men had done this, why is Edward so special that he feels he shouldn't have to?

Therapy is not easy for anyone but you have to try it. You have to risk it. I don't think Edward has the guts to risk anything more right now and I hate thinking that.

I love him…I want to be with him, I DO. But I don't know if I can keep playing his little game. He wants to be healed one day…and an hour later, he doesn't. This hurts too much. I don't know if I can do this anymore. I feel like something inside me is dying…something beautiful that he and I shared…and I am so scared!

I didn't sleep all night…I just paced and thought…and cried. I tried to be logical and think it all through…but my emotions were too caught up in it all…and in the end, they won out.

I didn't know what time it was and I didn't even care. I opened my door and went into the kitchen, looking for Edward. I was going to drag him by the scruff of his neck back to Dr. Facinelli so we could all three of us sit in a room and I could have my say. I had to know what he thought and what he suggested we do. But Edward was not going to get away with this. He was going to go to therapy or else!

I marched out into the kitchen, seeing the light still on over the table. I thought maybe he'd be asleep on the couch or in his own room…but he wasn't. He was sitting at the kitchen table, his arms folded over something, his unruly reddish brown hair sticking up from under them. I heard a little snore come out of him and I moved closer.

There was a big, empty plastic bag next to him where the cotton candy had been. And upon further inspection, he had a pen in one hand. His hands looked more like fists as he slept…and I came around so I could get a better look at his face. There were puffy red lines under the eye of his I could see, and long, white-ish tear stains on his cheek.

His lips were slightly blue and I nearly had a heart attack! But when I touched them, I realized it was the blue sugar from the cotton candy he was eating.

I couldn't see what was written on it…but I could see a notebook under his arms.

He was doing his homework assignment. All on his own.

I shivered and put a hand to my mouth so I wouldn't sob too loudly, and wake him up.

But I couldn't leave him here. He'd be so sore tomorrow.

EPOV

(**Warning: Victoria flashback!**) (It's not that bad this time….but later, in future chapters, it will be.)

I was laying on my stomach, hogtied, my hands and feet meeting behind me bound with so much rough rope it was already breaking some of my skin. But I couldn't worry about that now…I had angered Victoria and she was punishing me hard tonight.

Her ass was bare and in my face as I laid on the table…

"Get your face in there!", Victoria shouted, making me reach for her with my head, "Smell it! Get your nose in my ass and smell it good!"

I did it, inhaling and burying my face in the pale white flesh…that little pink ring staring at me as obeyed, not saying a word.

"You fucking pig!", Victoria shoved her asshole into my face more, "Beg for my ass, you little bitch! Beg me!"

"Please let me lick your ass, Mistress, please, please!", I always threw myself 150% into the begging…some men didn't sound very convincing when they were ordered to speak…I always was. I played my part well, always.

"I need to lick it…please…", I almost panted, as if my need for her was so great.

"Lick it pig.", she allowed me and I immediately lunged my tongue out as far as I could. She moved away from me, half my body was nearly off the table but she was making me work for it.

"Uuuhhhh…", I tried to inch my body off the desk more, to get to her…

"That's right, SQUIRM!", she looked behind her at me, "Crawl like the fucking worm you are!"

I was almost there and she took one hand, spreading her ass cheek away from that little tight hole so I could have access to it.

"Good boy….reach for it.", she guided, "Reach for it…lick it! All around…nice and wet…you're SO fucking disgusting…"

I made my tongue do anything to please her…I ignored the taste and just licked with all my might, using all my juices…my hot saliva…anything to make her calm down again.

"Oh yea….", she moaned, "Don't STOP…harder! You want to eat tonight, don't you, bitch?"

I didn't answer, I just kept licking and swirling my tongue…

Then she got mad again and she turned a bit, slapping my face hard.

"Fucking answer me when I ask you a question!", she shouted, slapping the same side of my face again, "Do you want to eat tonight, pig?"

"Yes Mistress.", I panted.

"Fuck you.", she turned and put her ass back in my face, "Lick it! HARD! I will beat your fucking penis if you don't stop playing with me! Do it right! Taste my shit!"

"Nnnnn…", I made a sound of fear as my tongue worked twice as hard…and I tried to insert it, wiggling and wetly slapping my tongue against her tight little opening…

"You lazy fuck!", she looked back at me with a scowl on her face, "Work that god damned tongue or I'll cut it with razors and pour lemon juice in your mouth!"

I moaned and shoved my tongue inside that hole…all the way….and I made my tongue spasm wildly in every direction…inside her.

Now she was screaming and her hands went back to grab my hair, pinning me there, telling me not to stop now. I wouldn't.

Then, suddenly, I was on my knees, on the floor of her dining room. My ankles were bound together and my arms were bound behind me at the elbow and again at the wrists. And she was naked, before me, sitting on the table edge, her legs spread wide…her pussy right in front of my nose.

She held a leather whip with lots of strands hanging out of it…and she slapped it against my back, the lashing sounds echoing in the air while I plunged my tongue into her white and pink folds.

"Is that all you got?", she asked, whipping me over and over again as I went harder, "You eat pussy a lot better when you're getting beat, don't ya?"

"Yes Mistress…", I said quickly, lapping at her and taking a nibble of her clit.

"I can't believe you're making me work to get a decent cunt licking, you lazy WHORE!", she lashed me twice more while I sucked and licked her at top speed, "If you like pain, I have canes and whips with hooks in 'em…you want that, bitch?"

"No Mistress…please…", I dived back into her…devouring her.

"You're so fucking spoiled…", she whipped me again and again as I licked and sucked…"Well, no more…you're gonna WORK from now on, every minute of the day and night!"

I just kept trying to please her…doing my best tongue and mouth work…

"You will scrub the fucking floor…you'll clean out the toilets with your bare hands…" she gave me my list of chores that I'd do after we were finished.

"Yes Mistress…yes…", I breathed, trying to please her with my mouth…wishing she'd just allow me to…

"You'll make dinner, take out the garbage…and wash the dishes…you lazy bitch…you do everything!", she demanded, "You'll even paint my fucking toe nails! You're MY bitch now! Got that?"

"Yes, Mistress, everything, I swear…I'll do it…" I said in between her pussy lips…

This is back when she had first paid off my debt to those loan sharks. She basically bought me for fifty grand. I owed her and she intended to collect. She told me if I didn't do all she said, she'd give me back to them, wrapped up with a big red bow on my head. And my daughter would never get her operations. I wouldn't let that happen.

But she'd told me first I had to prove myself worthy of her. For a couple months, I'd have to show her my devotion. And if she was happy with me, she'd train me to be her slave…and her new dancer.

"Lick the CLIT you fucking moron!", she screamed and I centered on that little button between her legs…."Pretty isn't EVERYTHING, is it?"

"No mistress."

"Tell me you'll do everything I tell you from now on!", she whipped me over and over again, hitting my spine in the same spot with every blow, "Say it, you spineless CUNT!"

I grunted out in pain and tried to ravish that clit at the same time.

"Yes Mistress, anything! Anything!" I promised, "I'll do everything you say."

"Make me cum!", she demanded, "Get on that clit now or I'll fucking BURN your cock!"

"Yes…yes…" I moved my tongue around with all I had in me…not allowing numbness or exhaustion to get in.

"A nice curling iron would feel good on that cock, wouldn't it, bitch?" she whipped me again harder as I growled out slightly, my tongue still going strong. She began to lay back on the table…her voice ragged and deep with desire. I had found the right spot!

"Yes Mistress…", I agreed. She loved it when I agreed to the pain.

She was writhing and growling in heat…I was doing well, finally! But I knew even then…she was getting off on my total submission to her. That was her power. That was her excitement. Demeaning me.

"YES YES YES YES YES!", she arched her back…"Don't FUCKING STOP, DON'T or I'll kill you!"

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When I woke up, I didn't jerk or feel afraid. Dreams of Victoria were nothing but memories now…and compared to the Sir Kevin dreams…I'd prefer her every time.

I had gotten very used to Victoria's cruelty and her lack of caring about me. Once in awhile, she'd throw me a little bone and be nice…but it never lasted for long.

But now I was feeling what had woken me up. Kisses…so small and tender…I knew it wasn't Victoria…I opened my eyes slowly, squinting in the light overhead…and saw Bella.

She was bent over me, her hair tickling my face as she moved her lips against my eyelid.

"Bella…", I felt my chest tighten, still hating myself for our fight earlier. It was all my fault…and maybe that's why I had let myself slip into the dreams of Victoria…I knew I needed to be punished. And I got some of that in my sleep, although it wasn't as painful as Victoria could get with me. She could call me all kinds of names and insult me…I didn't care. I thought I deserved someone like her back then, for letting Tanya die…for failing my daughter. I WANTED her wrath.

"I'm sorry, Edward…", she whispered, tracing her fingers over my lips as I closed my eyes and reverently kissed them.

"I'm SO sorry.", she said again and I saw her eyes sparkling with unshed tears.

"I'm sorry, too.", I held her so tight in my arms, holding on for dear life, as if I thought I'd never see her again, and my voice cracked…my body trembled. After my dream, I realized how lucky I am to have this fucking goddess in my arms. Someone who truly loves ME, even if I'm only half a man at the moment.

We held each other and just cried. There were no speeches necessary. It was all because of me…because I let her down after I'd promised. Suddenly, I remembered and straightened up, grabbing the notebook in front of me.

"Bella!", I took a jagged breath and didn't bother to wipe my tears, and I offered the notebook to her in my two hands, like it was an ancient scroll or something, "I did it! I mean…I started it! I'm sorry, please forgive me. I WILL do my homework!"

God, I sound like a five year old kid that had a tantrum. Maybe Bella's right. I am a juvenile delinquent.

She almost laughed but just smiled at me, her hand moving my hair back away from my eyes.

"I know.", she didn't look at the notebook, just me, "I'm sorry too. I should have believed in you more. Don't tell anyone, but I'm not as perfect as I pretend to be."

"You are perfect.", I shook my head, the tears coming on harder now, "You're…"

I had no words to tell her how much I loved her and I just took her into my arms again, letting the notebook fall to the floor. I smothered her with love, hoping it was enough…hoping it would say all I couldn't.

"It's okay, baby…" she rubbed my back with her hands as she held me, "I'm with you. I love you. I'll never leave. I'm sorry for the way I acted."

"No.", I looked at her and I felt her wipe the tears from my right cheek, "You were right. I made a promise to you. And our lives depend on me keeping that promise. You walked away from your whole life to be with me…I know that was hard…and still is…for you. I'm not going to quit now because this is hard for me. I'm going THROUGH this…not around it anymore."

"I'm going through WITH you.", she kissed my lips again, then smiled up at me, "Thank you for not quitting. I know I can't always help…and that's a little hurt that I have to deal with…but I'm always going to be in your corner…cheering you on…and when the bad stuff comes back again…I'll be sitting right here next to you…if that's okay."

"Definitely ok." I touched her hair, "You're my AIR, Bella. I couldn't even start the first step of this without you."

She kissed me and grabbed at the back of my hair…and I loved the roughness of her fingers.

"Here.", I picked up the notebook and turned back to the first page, giving it to her.

"You don't have to give this to me, Edward.", she kept looking at me, not the page below her.

"I know, but look!", I turned some of the pages…"It was pure shit, but I got through the first hour or so I had with him. I would've done more, but…I…needed a little break. I guess I fell asleep."

"Crying?" she asked, no judgment in her eyes.

I looked down. I didn't want to lie to her anymore. "Maybe…"

She put her finger under my chin and made me look at her.

"Yes.", I blinked, "I'm a big fast pussy, aren't I?"

"No, Edward.", she frowned, then softened her face…"You've been through something terrible. And even if your head forgets it for awhile…your body remembers. Your emotions are going to be all over the place for a long time. Sometimes you'll be on top of the world, screaming like a kid from a treetop…and other times, you'll cry for no good reason, for hours maybe. That's okay. You have every right to cry, after all you've been through. You've held it inside for so long…it's good that it's coming out now. Don't ever feel ashamed of what you feel, sweetheart. Especially not with me."

"I know…", I answered, "I just hate fighting with you. I'm not used to it. And I hate it when I hurt you. I made you cry. I could STAB myself for that. And I would, if I didn't know it would hurt you even more."

"Edward…my God. There will be hard times and arguments.", Bella informed, "We will have some big blowouts, I'm sure, from time to time. But don't ever think that I don't love you anymore. That'll never be true. You really piss me off sometimes…and I might even hate your guts…"

And we both laughed as she said that.

"…but I'm always yours.", she finished, "Forever. We're partners."

I nodded, a small smile on my mouth, adding, "For life."

I remembered what Bella once told me…swans mate for life.

"For life.", she confirmed…then she took the notebook and closed it, slowly handing it back to me.

"I love you, Edward.", she gave a weak smile, "And it really pains me to do this, because I want to keep helping you…but the doctor was right. This is your fight, not mine. I'm in it with you…but I can't keep stealing your chances to stand on your own…and face your demons. I'm at your back, fighting them, too. But there are some things…I don't have to know. Later, when you're stronger…if you want to show this to me…I'll read every word. But for now, it's yours. Yours and Peter's. I really do want to know all your pain…all of it. But I'll wait until you're truly ready to share it with me. Is that alright?"

Bella used to hate that question, because I asked it of her all the time, always the sub, asking permission. Now she was asking for mine. She was too good for me. But I'd be damned if I'd tell her that and scare her away.

I looked down at the notebook and couldn't find any words…until finally some came.

"Damn it, Bella.", I smirked, "You are going to be one Hell of a doctor someday. So many people are going to be saved because of you…do you know that?"

"There goes my little sap again."

"No, for real!", I felt my brow crease, "You have such a gift. You're so lucky to have it…and to know what you were put on the earth to do. And to be able to help other people…I envy you that."

"You have gifts too.", she responded.

"Like what?", I scoffed, "Saying 'yes mistress' and 'no mistress'? Cleaning out horse stalls?"

"Raising a daughter.", Bella raised a brow at me.

Damn. She gets me again.

"If you do nothing else in your entire lifetime, you're raising a child.", she wiped my other cheek with affectionate fingers, "There's no greater job in the world than that. And Edward, there WILL be more. How could there NOT be more for someone like you? With so much love to give?"

"Yes, Bella.", I used my old phrase…one she used to hate. But I think it fit nicely here.

"Don't give me that yes Bella…" she playfully mussed up my hair with both hands while I laughed.

"Let's get some sleep.", she yanked me up to my feet, and I took the notebook with me as I came along, "It'll be so nice to sleep late tomorrow…with my sweet white boy in my arms…"

I smiled back at her, loving the way that sounded.

"Don't get mad…and don't take this the wrong way…" I began, "But sometimes, I wish…or wonder…what it'd be like if you were my Mistress. You and me together…that way…MAN! Forget about it!"

Bella laughed and I was relieved as we crawled into my bed together.

"I've thought about kicking your ass a few times since we moved in together.", she teased, "I have to admit…and to have you all tied and helpless to stop me…the temptation would be too great, probably."

"Aww, you wouldn't hurt me.", I smiled as I laid on my side, the blue moonlight streaming in upon us, "You're much too sweet…"

"I have my dark sides, too, you know.", she made a strict face at me…but I wasn't fooled.

I snickered.

"We just made up and you're actually trying to piss me off again?" she grinned, "What a brat you are!"

"What would you do to me…", I whispered, moving my hand down her leg under the quilt, "If I were all tied up…naked…waiting for you here in this bed?"

"Edward, go to sleep."

"I wanna see your dark side…", I breathed into her ear, letting my tongue lick around it's edge…my hot exhale trickling inside…"You can show it to me…."

She closed her eyes and I gave her one of my sexy smiles…loving it when I could drive her crazy.

"You DON'T wanna see it.", she was blushing and I knew it even if I couldn't see it, "It's fucking terrifying. You couldn't handle it."

I wanted to say dirty things to her. I wanted to call her Mistress and ask her in breathless purrs how I could serve her. But even I know that's too fucked up for us right now. She would turn into Dr. Bella and start saying how I was looking for Victoria in her and blah blah blah….I didn't feel like being analyzed and measured right now.

I just wanted to play with her…but I know I'm too sick to do that yet.

It didn't really matter. Just being with Bella made me happy. We could be playing checkers for all I care and I'd be fine with it. Well, maybe naked checkers.

How long will I be a walking hormone, constantly in a state of perpetual heat? I have two modes: Sad and horny. Wait, THREE modes: Sad, horny, and goofy.

"And what is THIS?", Bella suddenly frowned at me, grabbing a fistful of my shirt.

"My shirt." I said stupidly.

"And what's rule number one around here when no children are in the house?" she asked.

"Sex?" I scooted closer to her like a big dog, panting like he was just offered a treat.

But she stopped me with her hand against my heart.

"NO!", she frowned, squinting her eyes at me, "Not for YOU! You've been SO awful tonight! And you have the BALLS to ask for sex!"

Oooh. I like this Bella. And she's right…she IS a little scary.

"I'm sorry. You're right, Bella.", I said quietly, ashamed of myself, wondering what she'd say next. This is great!

"Rule number one when no kids are around…NO SHIRT. Any of this ringing a bell, beautiful?" she knocked on my forehead with her fist, not hitting it very hard.

"Ohhhh yeaaaa.", I remembered now…the no shirt rule. How I wish there were a no pants rule.

"Wow, look at that…a little light blinked on!", Bella smirked at me, waiting, "Finally."

"I never said I was a GENIUS.", I played along, and she gave me a real Bella smile as I pulled my head out of the shirt, about to pull it off my arms.

"Stop…right there.", she put her hand on my arms…and I saw the sleeves were still around my wrists… the shirt loosely pooled there. It wasn't restraining me but I could pretend it was. If nothing else, I was a great pretender.

"Yes, Bella…" I whispered, my eyes so heavy with lust I could hardly keep them open.

"Mmmmm….", she shoved me onto my back and leaned over me…her eyes roaming over every line and curve of my torso…her fingers began stroking around my neck…and achingly slowly…she made these feather light strokes over my shoulders…then down my arms…then, at last, to my chest…she put her finger into her mouth and withdrew it very carefully, it took forever but I watched eagerly…then I nearly cried out when she placed her hot, wet finger on my nipple…circling around it with that same agonizing speed.

Her fingers touched me as if I were something precious…like I was brand new, never before in the hands of another. And for a moment, I felt that way.

"So beautiful…", she whispered, "Inside…and out…"

I heard a big breath exhale from me as I enjoyed that…closing my eyes. Then I felt her flick that nipple with her fingernails and I let out a little yelp of arousal.

She smiled at me and gently rolled me a little bit towards her, moving me as if I were incapable of doing it myself. I was almost her doll at the moment…and loving every second of it.

And then she lowered her head to my other nipple, the one close to her now…and I felt her burning, velvet tongue lap at it once. I moaned, praying for more, peeking at her face as she came in again…wanting more of me.

Fuck, being a slave was NEVER this fucking good! If it were, I'd still be there, painting Victoria's goddamn TOES!

But I knew the difference right away. She is pleasing ME. And herself. She's not getting a thrill out of my pain. And it was so fucking marvelous…feeling this way. I can never lose Bella. I'd die.

I don't care if Peter asks me to dance naked on his desk next week, I'll do it! I'll do whatever it takes to keep this woman in my arms…in my bed…sucking my flesh. OW! A little bite! My Bella…my valedictorian, my masterpiece! And I had to do it…and use Katie's line…

"Bite me, Bella…" I breathed, looking down at her head on my pecks…I wouldn't mind her teeth sinking into my flesh and muscle…sharing her essence with me…her DNA mixing with my blood…I could use some magical elixir to kill the scum Victoria and Sir Kevin had injected into me.

I closed my eyes…and clenched my fists…pretending that they were sealed in concrete. I would not move…I would obey her…and let her play with me forever if she liked. I knew it was wrong to think this way…but I couldn't help it. Maybe I was still a slave in my heart…but if I was her slave…that was my honor…my dream come true. To love my Mistress…to love Bella…it was what I was living for.

It made me a better person, a better father…and I would keep getting better…and in time…maybe I wouldn't be this subservient thing she sees before her now. But still, it made me happy that she could love this slave…and not make him feel like less because of the mental chains that still clung onto him.

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End of Chapter 14

Hey everyone! If I don't post before Christmas, HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!

MERRY CHRISTMAS MOVIEHOUSE!

AND reviews are better than Edward chained up with garland, wearing only a holly leaf…and a santa hat…sucking on a huge candy cane under the Christmas tree.

Fuck that! No they're NOT! LOL! Be good…or try to be…Santa's watching!

Love, Winnd


	15. Maybe this could be home someday

Chapter 15

BPOV

The next morning was very tense as we ate in silence. At first, we just kept taking things out of the cabinets…it wasn't until Edward slammed one shut a little too loudly that I realized he was pissed.

He was eating cereal, one of his favorite breakfasts, although he always cooks for everyone when he's feeling good. But I know he prefers the sugar in the lucky charms cereal he's eating now. And as I watched him sprinkle more sugar on top of it, I almost said something but didn't. I sat down with my toast and began to butter it, letting out a sigh.

Believe it or not, Edward was reading the cereal box! I'm sure he's just trying to ignore me…but it's just pissing me off more. Last night, we had made up…and it was so great…until I realized our little game was going a bit too far…and I had to put the brakes on it. Edward was very hurt…and it still showed today.

This silent thing went on for a little while but eventually I KNEW that Edward was not really trying to solve the puzzle on the back of the box. And if he was, then we had real problems.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I just said something to begin the conversation.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you, Edward.", I said very calmly, looking at the leprechaun on the box that was standing between us, Edward's messy hair poking up from behind it.

And like a typical man, he replied.

"You didn't.", he said so casually, "I don't care. Do what you want."

I sighed again, setting my jaw. He was often a child but this was supposed to be a grown up conversation. It was obvious I was speaking to twelve year old Edward right now.

"I WANT to talk to you, if that's possible.", I rubbed my forehead, peeking at the box again.

"More therapy, Dr.?", he answered back kind of snidely, still not looking at me yet, "Didn't I have enough last night?"

"Apparently not.", I said, trying to keep emotion out of my voice.

"Can you please move that box out of the way?", I asked, trying to keep cool, "I feel like I'm discussing my love life with the friggin' lucky charms elf!"

Edward sighed, "He's a leprechaun, Bella."

"I don't give a fuck!", I snapped, "Move it!"

Then, with one finger, Edward slid it out of the way, and his eyes shot at me with this very cold look…and I have to admit, it did hurt. I never wanted him to look at me that way…but he was.

Then his eyes went down into his cereal bowl and I tried to remember what I was going to say.

"We should be able to talk about it.", I began, "I know you're angry with me and I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you…and I didn't mean to reject you…"

I saw Edward's jaw tense and his eyes were not on me, they were on a sugar dispenser on the table.

"I love you, Edward.", I said, wanting to reach the part of him that was in pain, "I want to do everything with you…but…not that. I can't. It's just going to hurt you…"

"It wouldn't have hurt me.", he said firmly, "I've done it before."

"And that's the problem.", I let out a breath as I said the words, "Edward…I can't be your Mistress. And honestly, it hurts me to think that you want me to be."

"I didn't ask for THAT.", his eyes looked at me now, no longer cold but very intense and full of embarrassment and pain, "I just…forget it. I won't ask for it again."

"If I tie you up, it will do damage to us, Edward.", I said, hating that I had to make him feel this way, "It could hurt our relationship. I know you don't want that. I don't. I know I'm making all kinds of mistakes when it comes to you…and us…but I have to trust my gut and it's telling me that it would not have been good for you. We should talk to Dr. Facinelli about this on Saturday."

"NO!", his eyes suddenly looked filled with shock and fear, "He doesn't need to know everything, Bella."

"He's our psychologist.", I replied, "We shouldn't keep secrets from him, that just slows down the whole process of us getting better. There's nothing to be ashamed of. I mean, it's perfectly normal that you…feel safe when you're tied up. It's like when people get out of jail, it takes time to feel secure again."

"Bella, please don't tell him…", Edward looked like a guilty little boy suddenly, "He already thinks I'm a freak as it is, please…"

I sat in the chair next to his and held his hands in mine. That usually calmed him, when we were touching.

"I'm sorry.", he said, his voice cracking a bit as he looked at my hands, "I didn't mean anything by it…I just…I just wanted to be yours…completely yours…I gave myself to you…"

He let out a very pained breath as if he knew how wrong it had been and that he was genuinely sorry. But I never blame him for what he feels. It's that bitch…and all those people who've harmed him over the years that I would love to have access to.

"You are mine, baby, you ARE.", I stroked his hair, kissing his forehead, "Ropes don't hold me to you, sweetie. YOU do. Your heart, your soul…they tie me to you. They make me so happy…you make me so happy…nothing could ever change that."

"I know…", he said, and his breathing was becoming a little faster now while I held him close and cuddled against his cheek with mine, "But it's been so long since I've been tied…and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else…but you…I don't know why, Bella. I just know I craved it…dreamt of it…I wouldn't have wanted you to do anything to me…I mean, not to hurt me…maybe just to kiss me and undress me…I know it's fucked up but I would've been happy with that. I would be able to sleep."

"I know, baby, I know…", I felt tears come to my eyes as I kissed his lips, "I know that's how you went to bed every night, right? Before me?"

He nodded, his eyes glancing into mine as he admitted this.

"She…", he said and I knew he was talking about Victoria, "She…didn't believe in kissing, which is why I probably want to kiss you too much. I love kissing…you. But she tied me up in whatever bed I was sleeping in during the day. She put the blindfold over my eyes so the sun wouldn't bother me, if I was good that night…other times if she was mad at me, no blindfold. But I was always bound in some way. She said I would get used to it and maybe I did. My body got used to it. I'm sorry I asked something like that of you. I don't want you to treat me like she did…it's just…I haven't truly been able to sleep through the night since we moved here. And I trust you to tie me to the bed. I love you…so much…I guess I just screwed up again. Please don't be angry at me."

"I'm not angry at YOU.", I kissed his mouth again, "I'm angry at THEM. All those people who hurt you. I know they hurt you real bad. And it's okay to screw up sometimes. I'm doing it all the time. We'll just have to find new ways to make you relax so you can sleep right. Maybe, later…in a few years…we will be able to play some games together again…when it's alright. But we can't right now."

He was silent for a long moment and I did feel a sadness in saying it, too. We had played some very sexual games…and I have to admit, I liked most of them. But that was back when he was playing his part, doing his job, as he was trained to do. He was very good at it but that's not really who he was. We have to explore, maybe for years, to discover who that is…the real Edward Cullen. I was willing to do wait for him. I knew he'd be so worth it.

"I know.", I said, my own voice very sad now, "I'll miss those two weeks, too. I don't know if it's right or wrong to say it, but, I learned so much in those first fourteen days with you. I found myself. You showed me what real passion was…what it felt like to lose yourself…and then almost die…and slowly come back to life again…you opened those doors for me. You made me a woman, Edward Cullen. One I love being. I will hold those memories in a very special and secret place in my heart…forever. They'll never die. But, Edward, we have to be so careful right now. If we blur the lines between slave and free…between lover and Mistress…we may lose everything we have together now. Do you know what I mean?"

He gave a little smirk and muttered, "More lines…"

"What?", I asked, not sure what he meant.

"Nothing.", he gave a little shake of his head and looked like he was very interested in my fingertips suddenly, adding, "I'll miss those two weeks also. And thank you, for saying that. I always thought…I was always afraid that you would look back on those two weeks with a bad taste in your mouth…like…you would regret playing with a whore for fourteen days…"

"You know I don't like that word.", I said right away, and I saw him give me that little crooked grin, as if he'd known I would say that.

"You were never a whore to me…or a toy.", I moved my hands down his perfect cheekbones, my fingers resting on his lips, "You were my love…my first love…my ONLY love. Once I was through being afraid of you…or trying to figure you out…I realized…you stole my heart away. You little thief!"

I playfully laughed and mussed his hair, shoving him away a bit, seeing his smile grow.

"I'm so sorry if I made you feel like…a whore last night.", I apologized, tears coming to my own eyes now, "I never want you to feel that way with me, okay? You…you're everything to me…and I want you to feel special every single day…."

I was full on crying now, knowing last night's pain was my fault. I remembered his face when I first looked at him, after he suggested me tying him up in bed last night. I didn't mean to look shocked or disgusted but I know I probably did…because he looked so frightened and ashamed in that half second of time…I know I stuck a knife into his heart.

In his mind, he was giving me a gift…giving me himself…his trust…his submission. It was all he ever had in the last six years…and he was offering it to me. And I reacted badly…I had made him feel like a sick, twisted thing…I wanted to rewind time and take it back…but I couldn't…and that broke my heart.

Edward held me in his arms and stroked my hair now, trying to ease me, saying, "Ssshhhhh….it's alright, Bella…please don't cry…it's my fault. I'm so sorry!"

Only the two of us could make such drama first thing on a Sunday morning.

We comforted each other and each took the blame for last night's disaster. But it didn't make me feel any better. I was glad that I had decided to be Dr. Facinelli's patient. It would be good to have someone else, a third party, to talk to about these things…maybe as a student knowing what I knew about the mind so far was a bad thing in this situation.

Maybe I was overthinking too much. Should I just have done it for him? Tied him up and covered him with kisses until he fell asleep? Would it really have hurt him? Or was that just my school training telling me all that? I'm so confused. I want to make him happy, but I don't know what I'm doing here. This is so hard. And this is my first real relationship. If I ever did anything wrong with Edward, and he ended up hurting himself…I knew I couldn't go on living. But I would have to. I promised Katie I would never leave her. I would have to live on and love the one living part of Edward that remained. And I would do that, gladly…if it would put his soul at peace…finally.

We'd spent the rest of the day just hanging out together, doing nothing special at all. We were in our pajamas…and Edward was only in his pajama bottoms…observing rule number one quite nicely. We watched old black and white movies and laid on the sofa, one on each end…our feet cuddling on each other and every commercial break having foot wresting wars with each other. We had junk food and even took a nap in the middle of the afternoon, snuggling and spooning each other. I was glad when I heard him snoring. I would have to ask Dr. F. about ways I could make Edward sleep through the night. I could imagine Katie walking into his room one morning and he's all tied up, nude in the bed! We don't want THAT talked about when she goes to her first doctor appointment.

We had dinner with Ben, Angela, and Katie…and it was so great to be with them all again. Katie's overnight with them this time was much better and she told us how much she loved scooping ice cream for people over the weekend. Ben even paid her a little money for it.

And, get this – the name Ben chose for the ice cream parlor is "Ice Cream, You Scream!"

Edward and I loved it right away. It was genius. Then they revealed that Katie thought of the name. The sign would be coming next week.

And for desert, Ben himself made all of us a huge banana split, saying he has to practice for his customers. Edward was very delighted. I knew he'd be a regular there at Ice Cream, You Scream.

And for the next couple nights things went very normally, except that after Katie went to bed, Edward went into Ben and Angela's old room with his notebook. There was a desk in there and we had agreed on Sunday that it would be a good place for him to tackle his homework on his own. I told him if he needed me, to come and get me. But those first two nights…he didn't. He was standing on his own, as he was told to do…and I was so proud of him, even if a little part of me hurt that I was left out of it all.

Sometimes, I'd tiptoe to the locked door and listen…hoping he was alright. I heard sniffling and sometimes sobbing…even a couple angry growls…and something flew across the room and smashed on the wall…but I didn't bust in on him. I let him fight his battle. And that was so fucking hard for me, standing back…letting him suffer. Every minute of those nights, I thirsted for Sir Kevin's god damned shit tasting blood. I scared myself with my rage. I had never been particularly violent before, but now…I knew what hate was…what evil was. I wanted that fucker's head right this second! And the things I imagined doing to that head…it wasn't pretty.

I would try to do my own homework…work I'd already done before, years ago…but my mind kept drifting back to Alice…Rosalie…to my Dad. God, I missed them so much. Do they really think I'm dead? That Edward is dead? How horrible it feels for me to know they could think that and I can't call them to correct it. My world in New York was small…with three people being the center of my universe…but it was a great small world. I really missed it…a lot.

My birthday is coming up. I can't believe my Dad won't be able to call me and say, "Hey, kiddo, you're getting old! Happy Birthday, Bells."

On the second night, I decided to write more things into my own journal, the one I'd started when we moved here. I began to write letters to my three loved ones…not to mail…just to write the words…and pretend that they would get these someday. It actually did help me…putting it all down on paper. Writing is a great thing…Dr. F. was right about that. I hoped it would really help Edward in time.

The five bags of cotton candy didn't last very long. Every night, Edward needed one or two to get through his assignment. I didn't argue. If he can't have me in there with him, he should have something that makes him happy. Sugar would do her job with him. But I was still anticipating huge dental bills.

We had spoken to Katie about seeing a nice lady and talking to her about whatever was on her mind. We explained that some doctors are for the body….and she had seen plenty of them…and that some doctors are for the mind…and heart. She seemed totally fine with this and looked forward to going. So we had made an appointment for her with the doctor Peter had recommended.

Edward even told her that he and I were going to a similar doctor and that he was very nice. That was brave of Edward and it gave Katie a little more strength, too, when we all decided it would be good for her to try it.

It was still very hard for me at school. I mean, the subject matter was easy for me. I was repeating things I'd learned before. But I mean…socially. I still kept to myself, in the back of the room, not wanting to let anyone in. The rest of the kids seemed to sense my avoidance, so they ignored me right back.

I didn't want any new friends to be honest. Alice and Rosalie…how could I ever replace them? There's no way. I wanted to be left alone. All day long I thought of Edward and Katie…and the things I'd done wrong…the things I could do wrong in the future…and I agonized over every mistake…every wrong word…was I hurting him more? Was he ready to have such a relationship so soon after leaving Victoria's world? Would we make it? Would we perish in flames? Sometimes, I couldn't even eat lunch I'd made myself so frantic. I counted the days until Saturday, when I could talk to Peter. I needed someone I could confide in…and get advice from. I wished I could call him…he said we could…but I never did. I didn't want Edward to think I was going behind his back and talking to Peter about him.

In the middle of the week, we got a lovely surprise visit from our marshal friends again. Ben had come to take Katie for the night so we could discuss things without the fear of her overhearing.

"Tell me, Mr. Cullen…", the male marshal began, "How did you meet Bella Swan?"

Edward sat in a kitchen chair, turned towards me and the woman marshal, like we were in court…the other one was standing up near Edward's seat like he was the defense attorney. We were going over our testimony and he wanted us to feel what it would be like when we were in the witness chair. Edward volunteered to go first, I think, to protect me from having to do it. And he was on the hot seat now, looking at me.

"We met at a nightclub where I worked at the time.", he said, very calmly…giving me a little wink as I smiled back at him, my flawless creature.

"A nightclub?", he asked Edward, "Isn't this, in fact, a place called Fire? Where stripping and exotic dancing goes on?"

Edward looked at the marshal and took a breath through his nose.

"Yes.", he replied, still strong and in control.

"And you worked there.", he said to Edward, "What did you do there?"

"I waited tables…", he began, "And….I performed there too."

"Performed.", he replied, making a snort noise, "Interesting choice of words."

"I object!", I said before I knew I was doing it. Edward looked at me and smirked, liking my protective mode as much as I loved his.

"You can't object, Bella!", the woman marshal said to me and eased my pointed finger down at my side.

"Well, he's not lying!", I argued, "He did perform there, that's the truth."

Morrison, the male agent, ignored me and went back to questioning Edward.

"What other things did you do there, Mr. Cullen?", he asked, probing on.

He let out a breath and his eyes went into that cold, defensive look. I knew that one.

"Let's just cut the crap and get to what you're asking.", he said, "You want to know if I whored there, right?"

"Mr. Cullen…."

"No, wait, Mr. Morrison!", Edward looked at him, with anger but it was under control, "If you want to ask me something, just ask it! Don't dance with me, get to the point. Yes, I was a whore there. Question answered."

I almost did a fist pump for how beautiful Edward was in that moment. God, how could you NOT love him?

"So, you slept with other women there, for money?", he went on, not deterred by Edward's bravery.

"No one _**slept**_.", Edward smirked at me and I had to look away, putting my hand over my mouth so I wouldn't laugh.

"Well I wouldn't be doing a very good job if women fell asleep under me, now, would I?", Edward asked and then I HAD to laugh.

"Are we gonna get serious or what, Edward?", Morrison asked, his eyes not amused, "I mean, if this is how you take the stand…get ready to watch James and Raven and all the rest of them walk out of court with big smiles on their faces, ready to tell reporters how great it is when the innocent go free!"

"While you two go to prison for murder…", Benson, the woman added in, "It's a life sentence you know. Not too funny."

"Alright.", Edward straightened, "I'm sorry. Go on."

I hated watching this. They were trying to rip Edward down and he had been putting up a fight for once in his life…and now he was apologizing for it…and for me…he was going to be quiet and sit still, taking it.

"What did you do there, at the Fire club?", Morrison asked again.

Edward took a breath and answered, "I stripped there. I had sex with women for money there. I danced onstage. And waited tables."

I didn't break eye contact with Edward. I didn't look down or away. I smiled at him, proudly…telling him that I wasn't ashamed of him. And that I loved him.

"Did you sell drugs there, Mr. Cullen?"

"Absolutely not.", he replied right away, his eyes taking on an angry look.

"Face.", Benson pointed to Edward's face from her chair, notifying Morrison.

"What?" Edward frowned, confused.

"You made an angry, hostile face just then.", Benson informed, "You can't do that. You look like you're lying."

"I made an angry face because those PEOPLE are saying that I dealt drugs there.", Edward tried to keep his cool, "But it's not true. I never got involved in the drugs there. That was not my job."

"You said you never got involved in drugs THERE.", Morrison looked at Edward, "Where did you get involved with them?"

"I didn't.", he answered then looked away and sighed, "I never dealt drugs. And I…."

Edward looked at me now…and he swallowed…hard. I frowned and worried about him as he looked up and I saw tears glistening there.

"Bella…", Edward whispered, "Please don't be mad…"

I felt my eyes widen and I couldn't speak.

"Victoria…", Edward said to Morrison, "Sometimes…once in awhile…not often…she gave me…drugs."

I felt my heart stinging from this statement while Morrison went on, asking, "What kind of drugs?"

"I don't know…", Edward looked at me, helplessly as he spoke, "She injected me most times while I was chained up. I never saw what it was…and she never told me. Once she made me swallow pills…"

Edward looked at me and Morrison was saying something but I couldn't hear him. Edward was talking to me over his voice.

"It was usually on very hard days, Bella.", he said to me, pleading for me to understand, "Back then, when I liked to hurt myself…like - on Katie's birthdays, after I called her…Victoria saw what I was like…she thought she was giving me a gift…to take away my pain…so I wouldn't do harm to myself…she tied me up and injected me. Most times, it would just make me so weak I could hardly move…I had weird dreams…sometimes I'd laugh for hours…and other times, it would be bad. I'd see Tanya's face burning in the fire…I'd BE the fireman holding Katie when she burned and screamed….but I never asked for it. And I could never take drugs when she didn't give permission for it first. Most of the time….about 360 days of the year, I was totally sober and clean. That was her rule."

I felt myself nodding at him, accepting this new information. I felt stunned that I hadn't known this before. What else didn't I know?

"So, you could've been on acid that night that boy was killed.", Morrison stated, "You just said yourself that you had no idea what she gave you…for all you know, it could have been acid or something like that…something that made you violent?"

"No.", Edward stated firmly, "I was sober that night. I'll never forget that. And I was locked in a cage while she killed that boy. And whenever I was on a drug, I was caged or bound."

"Jesus.", Morrison rubbed his temple, picking up his notebook, muttering something to himself that I couldn't hear. But Edward looked very pissed off as he eyed the marshal.

"Alright, let's go back to when you met Bella Swan.", Morrison suggested, "You met her at Fire…and did she pay you to have sex with her?"

Edward looked deadly now. And even I felt a little nervous.

"No.", he sneered, "She wouldn't do that. She wanted me to be the subject of her thesis for school. She studies psychology. She asked me to be her patient for a couple of weeks."

"Edward.", Morrison scolded him with his voice and eyes.

"It's TRUE!", Edward's eyes bulged, and he looked at me, in disbelief that now he was telling the truth and even the marshals weren't buying it.

"It IS true.", I added and Edward looked relieved that I'd confirmed it.

"So, Charlie's whole story about Bella paying twenty grand to you for two weeks is a lie?", Morrison asked, looking at his notes.

Edward looked a little defeated then but still replied, "She thought that was the only way she could get me to agree to it. There was a misunderstanding. Bella has that money back now. If you check her accounts with your people, you'll find twenty thousand dollars in it under her name. I never took that money."

"Twenty grand is a little cheap, isn't it?" Morrison asked, "For two weeks of YOUR time, I've heard women have paid like…fifty or sixty grand…isn't that right?"

Edward looked at me and his eyes were soft.

"Yes, some women pay a lot of money for me.", he said quietly, "But I wanted to be with Bella. I liked her. Twenty grand was the lowest I could go without Victoria becoming suspicious."

Then I found myself smiling back at him and I could see he was remembering that first night as well as I was. My caged vampire…the man I would end up living for.

"So at the time, she was your John and you were her prostitute.", Morrison summed it up like a leech.

"No, it wasn't like that—", Edward began but Morrison began to cut him off.

But Edward would not be cut off this time.

"No, STOP!", Edward shouted and Morrison shut his mouth.

"Bella is an innocent college student.", Edward frowned as he spoke, "She went in that club, not knowing what kind of world she was walking into. She was curious, a young girl out with her friends. She thought she'd see dancing…maybe a little muscle…some skin…nothing more. She brought a notebook with her for God's sake!

She accidentally got sucked into a bad situation, unaware of how dark my world was. I should've turned her down that night. If I was worth a damn I would've turned her away and let her walk out of my fucked up life. But I was selfish. I wanted her…I NEEDED her.

I was drowning in the shit of my world…and in her I found something so rare…someone REAL. Someone who noticed my "pretty eyes" - as she called them - in a red fucking room where every inch of me was on display! She's not some pervert who went looking for a hooker to get laid. She's a lady. She has class. And I won't let you or an attorney or any judge try to make her look UGLY! And I know I'm supposed to be calm and not show emotion but I can't help it! There IS emotion. Especially when you're after MY girl."

"Let's take a break.", Benson suggested and they went outside for a smoke.

I smiled at him, shaking my head at how wonderful a man I'd found when he said, "We're going to lose this case, aren't we? I'm going to be locked up for the rest of my life."

"Don't say that.", I walked up to his chair, standing in front of him, touching his hair, leaning my chin on his head, "This is our first try at this witness stand thing. We'll get better."

"I don't want them smearing you in court.", Edward seethed as he spoke and I could hear it as he put his arms around my legs, hugging them, "I can't hold still for that, Bella. It's alright if they want to fuck me over on the stand…but they won't get YOU. Not if I can help it."

"It's not alright with ME if they fuck you on the stand.", I informed, kissing his hair, "Your ass belongs to ME."

It was a joke and I'm glad he laughed, holding me tighter to him.

"I love belonging to YOU, Bella Swan.", he said and I remembered the first night we were together he'd said this to me. Back then I thought it was just a line. Now I knew he meant it.

"Ditto, Edward Cullen.", I answered, "And I would've really been hurt…if you turned me down that night. I never knew you felt that way."

"I almost didn't even ask Victoria if I could take the job.", he recalled, "I planned on being so cruel to you…to scare you away. I was going to laugh at your offer and tell you to go fuck yourself. I didn't want you to ever come near the place again. I liked you that much when I first talked to you in that little room…remember?"

"Remember?", I scoffed, "That was the scariest moment of my life, of course I do."

"You were scared.", he agreed, "I felt you shaking so hard when I took your hand. I didn't know that to do. But I had to kiss you. You were so quiet…and sweet…like soft piano music…in a world filled with loud, banging drums. And when I kissed you, I just knew you would be special to me. I knew you were important. My notebook girl."

"Those kisses did me in.", I said into his hair, smiling as I remembered, "And you were so…ugghhhh….you were kissing my neck and down my skin…into my blouse…it was all I could do to keep talking while you were doing all that to me."

"I'm sorry.", he grinned at me and then wickedly smirked, adding, "No I'm not."

I laughed. "I know you're not. You were trying to shut me up, weren't you?"

"Not really.", he kissed my fingertips, each one at a time, "I loved hearing you talk…you were so cute…so nervous. I thought you were after your first time. I wanted to give it to you, as best I could in that place. I was kind of relieved when you wanted to hire me for two weeks. Then I could give you the attention and time you deserved. I think I loved you even then."

"I loved you the first time you kissed me in that cage.", I admitted, "When did you first realize that you loved me?"

"I think I really loved you that moment I stole your notebook. The first time I actually realized it….", he thought aloud, "Was when you gave me that nightshirt and said you'd rather have me be comfortable instead of sexy. I wanted to marry you that night."

"Wow.", I smiled, "Then it was ten dollars well spent I'd say."

"It wasn't about the shirt.", he looked up at me, "It was you. You were loving me…and it took me awhile to realize it cause I'm stupid, but…I got it then. I remembered what it was like…having someone care. I wish I still had that shirt. It's important to me."

"I know.", I played with his hair, "There were so many things I would've liked to take with us…like the tape recorder…"

"The couch.", Edward added, "The stools!"

"Definitely the stools.", I whined, missing them too, "All my nice underwear you bought me…that Alice and Rosalie picked out. I didn't even get to wear most of them."

"I'll get you more, Bella.", he promised.

"I know, I know.", I said, kissing his head again, "It's just…you know…it's not the same…"

"I know.", he said, stroking up the backs of my legs, "I'm the same way about that stuff."

Before long, the marshals were back and were working on Edward again.

He tried to answer the way they wanted him to…but whenever they got back to me he would lose his temper again. I didn't know if they'd ever get us to behave the way they wanted us to…I would probably be the same way when they asked me about Edward. I was glad that the case would take months…maybe years to come about. I was in no rush to see Edward humiliated in front of the world.

It turns out that I didn't even get my turn on the stand by the time the night was over. The marshals were pretty tired after all the resistance they got from Edward and decided to call it a night. They left and we just went to bed, using Edward's room tonight since Katie was not sleeping here.

I didn't know if it was wrong or right but I decided to try something to help Edward fall asleep.

I was not after sex at all and I told him this first. I undressed him completely, kissing him very softly and gently as I exposed his flesh.

"If you're not after sex, I think you're doing something wrong, Dr. Bella.", he teased, standing there naked beside the bed.

He bent his head down and kissed my cheek so reverently, I felt like something special for a few seconds. His hand was cupped lovingly under my chin as he deepened the kiss but I knew where that would lead us.

"Not tonight, beautiful.", I whispered tenderly in his ear, not wanting him to feel unwanted like he did that last time, "I know how tired you are…I see it in your eyes. I want you sleeping tonight. And I want you to lay down, however you're most comfortable. Please."

He smiled at me and laid down on his back, unsure of what was going through my mind.

"You are so important to me…you know that?", I began undressing myself, bending down once to kiss those perfect fucking lips of his. They were so warm and thick…I almost got drawn in again. Those are very talented lips.

"No, no…", I grinned at him as he groaned. I managed to pull away and finish disrobing for bed.

"Bella…", he whispered but I was debating with myself whether or not I should even try this.

I knelt next to his side of the bed as he looked at me and I put my fingers to his eyes, carefully moving them over his eyelids.

"Close your eyes, sweetheart.", I whispered, my voice low but audible.

He closed them and smiled to himself as he waited for my next words.

"How did you usually sleep, baby?", I dared to ask, and then said, "Keep your eyes closed. Just show me. Please. It's ok."

He did as I asked and swallowed, taking a breath. Then he put his arms up over his head, lightly placing his hands in the headboard, and his legs spread out a bit. Thank God it was a double bed.

"You're so strong, Edward…", I whispered to him, tears in my eyes, "I want you to know your strength…but I want you to be able to sleep too. But I won't tie you. You can sleep in this position if you like. Would you like to?"

It took him a moment or two to answer but he finally gave a couple nods of his head…and his face looked full of pain at this admission.

"Shhhhh….", I touched his face with both my hands…"There's no right or wrong answer, Edward. It's alright. You can sleep this way. It's alright. It won't be forever."

He let out a big breath that sounded like pure relief.

I stroked his arms and whispered to him.

"Does it feel better?", I asked, "Do you feel relaxed right now?"

He nodded, keeping his eyes closed. And there was no shame in his face.

"Good.", I kept moving my hands lightly over his body…not to stimulate him sexually…just to relax him, "Just breathe in…and out…let everything go…there's no one but us…you're completely safe…you're not going anywhere."

And as insane as it seems, it actually started working! He did begin to fall asleep after a couple of minutes…I knew I was successful when I heard that cute little snore he does sometimes.

I gently kissed his mouth and it half smiled in sleep as I went to my side of the bed, getting in. I covered him up with the quilt and said a little prayer that he would sleep through the night without any nightmares. I told God in an almost pissed off mental voice, "Just let him sleep for one night without any god damned rape or torture scenes will ya?"

And I fell asleep as my eyes watched over the man I love. I wondered what he'd have been like if all his pain was suddenly erased, as impossible as that is. Would he be different? Would I like him? Would he like me? Or do I just have him because I'm kind to him?

EPOV

"You're getting so good, boy!", Anthony complimented with a big smile as I trotted my horse over to where he and Sally were standing.

"Thanks Bob.", I breathed, smiling back, "I just love this! You have no idea…"

"You like going fast, huh?", Bob smirked at me, sizing me up again, "You probably love to race cars."

"Oh, I LOVE fast cars.", I admitted, hating staying still for this long already. I wanted to move again!

"It's not usual for someone to pick all this up so fast.", Bob informed, proudly, "You're a natural. I knew you'd be a fast learner. It's like you were born to ride."

"I don't know about that.", I felt my face turn hot as I looked away.

The truth is, I always wanted to ride horses. As a kid, I had everything and my absent parents enrolled me in all kinds of preppy boarding schools, the best of the best. I hated all of them. So I misbehaved and did things to get kicked out. Some schools were very hard to get expelled from. But always, I wasn't allowed to take riding lessons like the other kids, because I was a "problem child." It was the one thing that stung during my stays at these schools. In fact, they didn't even want me near them even as a punishment to clean up after them. They thought I'd do harm to the horses. I took that as a big insult. I had never HURT anyone in my attempts to escape. And I would never hurt animals.

I just wanted to be home…near Joseph and Katherine. It was the only place I felt safe and wanted. And no matter what I'd done or what trouble I got into, they were always there, loving me anyway. They would scold me, of course, and lecture me. Especially Katherine, who said she'd turn me into a good man if it killed her, which it might. But she never rejected me. Angry or not, she was there for me, like a real mother would be.

God, I miss her. She thinks I'm dead, they both do. Just when I came back into their lives, they think I got blown up in a car accident. I never got to even SEE her again. This has to be killing Katherine. She's a tough Irish woman but I know she loves me like a son, the only son she ever had. She IS my mother. I don't care what biology says. And I hate that she's hurting because of me. How badly I want to call her. But I can't.

Funny…I don't give a damn about what Esme and Carlisle might be feeling.

"It was a good lesson today.", Bob said, looking out over the sun soaked hills, "Good job, Ant."

I was getting used to my little nickname and I wasn't sure how I felt about that yet.

"Thanks, Bob.", I said, meaning it completely, "I really appreciate you taking the time to teach me…"

"No problem, it's fun for me.", he said, "It beats mucking out the stalls, that's for sure."

"I heard that.", I agreed, and then for a second I felt like I actually missed being in the stables with the horses. I wondered what Yoyo was up to now, and if he was alright. Weird.

"Go out one more time, I know you want to.", Bob allowed, seeing my face light up under my hat brim, "Ten minutes. We need to get back."

"Okay, thanks!", I felt like a kid as I took off, bouncing my boots into the sides of the horse and shouting, "YA!"

And I pushed through the trot, making him move faster, into the wide expanse of golden field ahead. The wind caressed my face as my body moved with the horse's. I held on with my legs, securely on the saddle as the amazing clomp of his hooves comforted me.

I saw Bob trotting around where I left him, giving Sally a little cool down before we took them back to eat.

I looked back ahead and couldn't help but feel the speed…the feeling of almost flying as I stared at Midnight Sun's black mane flying in the breeze before me.

I felt like a cowboy and I heard myself let out a "WWWWOOOOOOOOOO!"

Well, at least I didn't scream "Yee-ha!"

I laughed at how stupid I probably sounded…but I really didn't care. I wonder if I can call this horse Volvo from now on.

The ten minutes of free ride was glorious. I never wanted it to end. But too soon, it did and Bob was calling me back. I groaned and turned around…headed back over to him.

This riding was worth all the crap work I'd gone through in the stables, I'd decided as I returned to my teacher. I loved it and knew I'd feel sad when I couldn't do it everyday. It would be even harder now to do my job in the stables while the other guys were riding the horses out there. I could do a few basic things now, but I was still very new at riding. I knew it would be months, years maybe before I could really do the riding that the other rodeo guys were doing. It was rough and fast…I saw a little of it while I was working. Some of the horses would go up on two feet sometimes and that looked terrifying to me. I know I have a lot more to learn yet.

But I can run. And even if it's not that fast yet…I don't care. I feel free while I'm galloping…no one can get me. I love that feeling.

"Don't look so sad.", Bob laughed a little at me as we walked the horses back, "We'll go out again tomorrow."

"I know.", I sounded like a kid, pouting, "I just love this. I said that a few times already…I know. There's no complications…it's just…completely great!"

I didn't know if he knew what I was talking about, but he nodded, seeming to understand.

"I know, I know.", Bob agreed, grinning, "I told you you'd get hooked. I felt the same way when I started riding."

I really wanted Bob to know how much I appreciated his friendship, all his teaching, not just at riding but in the stable, too. He has been so great to me…and I'm bad at saying things like this…but…here goes.

"You're a good friend, Bob.", I heard myself say, a quiet statement but very heartfelt, adding, "Thanks."

I hoped he knew that I was talking about everything…not just today. He smiled at me and replied, "You're a good friend, too, kid. You're doing great. I'm proud of you."

And he sounded just like a Dad. Those last two sentences I would've given my right nut to hear from my own father all my life. But I never did. I almost got all misty eyed right there on the damn horse! Thank God for my hat, I could hide my eyes under it a little.

We rode back the rest of the way in silence. And it wasn't awkward. It felt like we'd been friends for years. And on the horses, just riding through fields, I almost felt like we were in an old western, riding together somewhere to vanquish some evil bunch. It was a fun little fantasy until I saw cars and stables in the distance.

Maybe it wasn't so bad here after all. Maybe…this could be home someday.

As long as I didn't have to go to prison for murder, that is.

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End of Chapter 15

Hey guys, hope you had a nice holiday! I'm back on the job! Good stuff coming up soon! I love Edward riding a horse real fast! That image is very nice for me…thanks for hanging in there with me. I know this is kind of a filler chapter, but more good stuff is coming, I promise!


	16. Penance

Chapter 16

Penance

EPOV

A couple of days later, I was being grilled again, in my pretend witness chair. Bella watched me with these sorrowful eyes…I had been trying to answer like the marshals had said…but it was getting way too hard now, hours into the questioning.

"How long does this have to go on?" I asked, almost pleadingly after a very difficult question about Victoria.

They actually asked me if I loved her and wanted her…and I had to answer that in front of Bella. I lied. I'd said no, never. But I know I once did think that I loved her, back when I was royally fucked up and didn't know any better…before Bella came and opened my eyes.

"You could be on the stand for days.", Benson, the blonde haired woman marshal informed, "You can't break. Stay strong. The defense will be wanting you to weaken. Don't give them that."

"And does James get to be on the stand too?", I asked, unsure of how court actually worked.

"Not unless he wants to.", Morrison said.

"This is so unfair.", I said to myself as Benson was now coming at me like she was the attorney.

"Mr. Cullen, you are a submissive, is that correct?" she asked next.

"Not exactly.", I stayed collected, "A submissive is there willingly, to serve his Master or Mistress. I was called a slave. I was bought for fifty thousand dollars by Victoria. Once I stepped into that, I was caught. There was no getting out. Submissives have choices, and safewords. I didn't have that. I did what I was told and like it or not, I had to."

"You were free to go anywhere you wanted, though, isn't that right?", Benson continued, "You had a car, you were free to come and go when you weren't working…"

"My daughter.", I reminded, "I told you…they would've killed her or WORSE if I left. I wasn't really free to come and go…"

"You could've gone to the police."

"The police don't care.", I stated like a fact, "And cops in New York are dirty. I didn't know who I could trust. I wouldn't ever take a chance on my daughter's life that way."

"Come on, now, Mr. Cullen, we're all adults here…", Benson said, "Weren't you a willing submissive, working and playing with Victoria Spears of your own free will?"

"No!", I answered and Benson put her hand up, motioning for me to keep the volume lower.

"No.", I repeated, taking a breath, trying to remain aloof and quiet.

"You have to try to give yes or no answers, too, Edward.", Benson coached me, "You're saying too much. Don't give them more than what they ask for. You could hurt yourself."

"Yes, let's not hurt myself, that would be terrible.", I replied sarcastically, shaking my head at Bella, who smiled back at me, trying to put on a brave face.

"Mr. Cullen…", Benson went on, "Tell me how you met…Raven Daniels."

"She was a client.", I said honestly.

"You prostituted for her."

"Yes.", I sneered, my jaw tightening.

"What kind of activities did you do with her?"

"Activities?", I asked, "Interesting choice of words."

I so loved turning things around on them for once. It felt good tossing their own words back in their faces.

"Please answer the question, Mr. Cullen."

"She played a mean game of shuffleboard.", I said, muttering, "Activities."

"Edward…"

"She liked to dominate me.", I replied, keeping it short like they'd said.

"She tied you up?"

"Yes."

"She chained you?"

"Yes."

"Did she whip you?"

"Yes."

"Don't people know what the word dominate means?" Bella came to my aid again, "Why do you have to draw them a picture like that?"

"It has to be clear what she did to him.", Morrison said, "The jury may feel sorry for him if they know all the details of what's been done to Edward."

"Oh, the pity card.", I said, "Beautiful."

"Well, if he has to answer yes to everything she ever did to him, we'll be there all year!", Bella interrupted.

"You're not going anywhere, are you?", Benson asked, "Look, court takes time. Trials take time. A judge won't care how long it takes. The facts have to be presented."

"Can't you see how this is affecting him?", Bella asked, her voice tender as she looked at me, "How is he supposed to go through this over and over again? And when the trial comes, it'll take months and months of this before it's over? Edward is the victim here. It's not right!"

"It's all right, Bella.", I said, trying to calm her down, "I'm fine."

"You are not fine.", she argued, sitting down and crossing her arms, fuming.

"Go on.", I looked at Benson, my eyes ready and hard as I regarded her.

"You willingly drove to this Raven Daniels home, alone?"

"Yes."

"No one forced you to go there?"

I took a breath and said, "Yes, I was forced to go there. But I drove there alone."

"Isn't it true that you had to be hospitalized after a few days at Raven's home?"

"Yes.", I answered, "She wouldn't let me leave. I was dehydrated and I had lost a good amount of blood. I nearly died."

"But then you went back to her place after that incident, correct?"

"Yes, six months later.", I answered, "Victoria ordered me to. She said Raven promised not to go too far like that again."

"And did she hurt you again?"

"Yes.", I said, looking at Bella, "She single tailed me for hours."

"Single tailed you?"

"There is a whip called the single tail.", I explained, "It's long and thin but deadly. It can do a great deal of damage if not used safely. Raven never uses it safely. She liked to watch me bleed. She licked the blood off me…then began again."

Later, I couldn't contain my emotions while they were talking about that night Bella came to the club to save me.

I felt tears come to my eyes while I told the story.

"I fought as hard as I could…" I said, "But there were too many of them…and they had Bella behind me. I felt them chain me to the hook overhead in the dungeon…and then in a split second, Bella was right there in front of me, nose to nose with me…they were chaining her up on the same hook with me. I knew they were going to hurt her…I begged and tried anything to stop them…"

I looked down and felt a couple of tears fall.

"Then what happened?", Benson asked, her voice a tad softer.

I almost sobbed the words. "They were taking Bella's clothes off…"

"Enough.", Bella ran up and held my head in her arms, talking to Benson, "You've been on him for hours! Take a fucking break!"

They left, going out the front door, talking to each other as Bella stroked my hair.

"Baby…are you alright?", she asked me, touching my face as I looked up at her.

I nodded, blinking back the tears that threatened to overflow. I was about to apologize to her for that night…for not stopping them from stripping her clothes off and trying to whip her. Thank God they made a game of it so I took most of the pain from the whip. Just thinking of being chained while they whipped Bella over and over again…I nearly lost my mind.

I was going to beg her forgiveness but I knew she'd tell me not to be stupid, that it wasn't my fault. She'd said that before and I already knew her opinion of that night.

"Sorry.", I fingered away the tears in my right eye, "I guess I'm just so tired."

"I'll get you to sleep again tonight…if you want.", Bella massaged her fingers in the back of my hair and it did feel incredible…I nearly let out a very deep, satisfied purr at her touch.

"I want.", I smiled, snuggling my cheek into her palm, "I love how you put me to sleep. You're so smart, the way you help me. Thank you, Bella."

"No thanks required.", she smiled down at me, stroking my cheek with the back of her hand, "I love helping you, when I can. I'm sorry I can't help more…with your homework…with what these jerks are doing to you tonight. I love you so much…I just want you to be happy. I hate watching them question you all night like this. It's like they're trying to strip away all the progress you've made…trying to make you look like….it sucks."

"It's not that bad.", I tried to sound stronger than I felt, "I can handle it."

"We'll get through all this.", Bella said, full of hope, "I know we will. We've already overcome so much. I know we'll be alright…someday. We just have to hang onto each other and have faith. I can't believe fate would bring us together just to destroy us now."

"You're my faith.", I said, kissing her palm, "You're my hope. And don't worry, about the trial. I won't let them get you, Bella. I'll give myself up first."

"No you won't.", she said, "We're not going to jail, Edward, either of us."

"Alright, Bella.", I said, not wanting to argue with her now.

"Real love is very hard sometimes.", Bella said gently, "My Dad told me once…it's more than just flowers and pretty words…real love means keeping promises, even when they're hard to keep…and holding on, even when you don't want to…or it hurts too much…it's being strong for each other, leaning on each other…and even through all we've been through together…the good and the bad, and all the stuff in between…there's still no one else I'd rather spend my life with. I know now the price of real love and how hard it is to get to those anniversaries that most people think are so easy. I understand and I'm by your side, no matter what comes. I don't regret a single thing, Edward. I know I've chosen the right man for me. It's okay that it's hard. It'll be that much sweeter when we've made it…and on our tenth anniversary we can look back and see all the struggles of the past…and laugh at them. We won't throw our love away like so many people are doing now…because we'll know how precious it is…and how rare. We will make it. I know that."

I clung to her and knew it too. I just wish I had as much true faith as she did. I'm so glad she never had to survive in my old world. That sweetness and innocence would've been crushed out of her in time. And what a tragedy that would've been.

"I love you Bella.", was all I could possibly say to her now, "I'll always love you."

She sat on my lap and kissed me hard…and I gave right into the kiss…loving it all the way down to my toes.

Just when it was getting good, the damn marshals came back to begin again.

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"MASEN!", I heard the next afternoon as I was washing off Psycho with the hose.

I turned and saw it was Clyde, one of the guys who helped take care of the horses with us.

"Jenna's asking for you.", he informed, "She wants you to meet her on horseback on the hill out back."

"Why?", I asked, feeling myself frown.

"Don't know.", he walked by, "Something about her horse. Better get out there."

Bob wasn't around at the moment so I put Psycho back in his stall, and saddled up Midnight Sun.

"Wanna go for a little ride, boy?" I asked him sweetly as he neighed quietly.

"Okay, boy…", I said, mounting him and slowly walking him out to the hill.

What did she want? She couldn't possibly make a move on me while we were each on horseback, could she? Either way, I wouldn't hide from her. I would confront this and make it stop. Dr. F. said not to be cruel. I wouldn't be. I would try being a friend…maybe she would respond to that. After all, I had known some pretty messed up people in my old world…maybe I could relate to her after all.

I saw her out there, on a beautiful black stallion. Her hair was blowing in the breeze as I slowly approached her…I was a couple of feet away when I cleared my throat, letting her know I was here.

She turned a little towards me, her eyes meeting mine. This time I kept my eyes on hers, letting her see I was not looking down. She smiled at me, staring into my face.

"What did you want, Jenna?", I asked nicely, not letting any fear or anger come into my voice.

"Anthony…just the one I wanted to see.", she began, seeming friendly enough.

She looked back at me and squinted a little.

"You have beautiful eyes, Anthony.", she complimented, "Green…but with emerald highlights…little flecks of gold…and a thin line of dark blue around the edges…gorgeous."

Then I made the mistake of looking down. I felt like she was looking too deeply into my eyes. That never happened to me until Bella. My eyes were always to be pointed down, and no one really looked into them that much. Well, except for Raven. But she looked at my eyes in a different way. She was excited by my looks but that excitement turned to violence and pain. I felt like letting her look this close into my eyes was like cheating on Bella. My eyes were for her alone.

"Tsk.", Jenna sounded when I'd looked down then.

"Sweetie…", she cooed, "What's happened to you? Why are you so afraid of me? I just like you. Is that so terrible?"

Then I looked up at her.

"Jenna, I don't want to be mean to you.", I said calmly, "I really don't. You seem like a nice person and all…but I told you, I'm with someone else. That's not going to change. Please stop…"

"Stop what?", she asked, smiling more, almost amused by my little speech.

"Stop this.", I said firmly, not needing to explain it any further.

"Give me one little kiss and I will.", she grinned. She's playing with me now.

"No, Jenna.", I said gently.

"Come on.", she turned her horse so she was coming closer to me, "If you're that much in love, one little kiss wouldn't mess anything up."

"Please, Jenna.", I turned my head away from her and found myself looking down, "Stop this. It makes me very uncomfortable. And I have work to do."

"You have work to do right here.", she said and before I knew it, she grabbed onto my shirt, and pulled me to her, and her lips were crushing against mine.

I felt my lips tighten as I yanked away from her violently. She almost fell off her own horse when mine pulled away from her as well.

"JENNA!", I wiped my mouth off, "What the HELL?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?", she yelled, "Are you queer or something?"

I rode off, away from her, not bothering to say anything more. The look I gave her before I turned was enough.

"Anthony!", she was yelling after me as I trotted away on my horse, "You're going to be with me, sooner or later! I promise you that! FAG!"

I rode away harder, hearing Victoria's voice in my head as I escaped. I got Midnight Sun cleaned up right away and put him back in his stall. I went back to what I had to do…expecting Sharon to show up at any moment and fire my ass. But nothing happened.

"I mean, I said no nicely, what else should I have done?", I asked later, "No means no…didn't women make up that line? What do you think?"

Yoyo whinnied in reply, shaking his head a little.

I thought about it and said, "Yea, you're right. Thanks, man."

Yoyo is a great listener.

Psycho made a snorting sound at us nearby and I frowned at him.

"Shut up, Psycho.", I scowled at him, holding my pitchfork, "What do YOU know?"

On the way home that night, Bob sensed something was wrong with me, but I didn't tell him anything about Jenna. I kept it to myself.

Saturday came so fast and Bella had a great idea about how we could spend it. There was a play going on at her college, Sleeping Beauty. Katie couldn't wait. She never saw a real play before. And if this was as close to theatre as I could get my daughter, that was fine with me.

I was surprised at how great it was, for a community college production. The actress who played Sleeping Beauty was exceptionally good and even funny at times. And her voice was magnificent. I think I showed a little too much enthusiasm over her because I saw Bella getting a little jealous in the seat next to mine. I held her hand and squeezed it, kissed it…and smiled at her. She seemed to forgive me then and she kissed my cheek in return.

When it was over, Katie was on her seat, standing on it, clapping with all the vigor I'd ever seen in her.

"Say 'Bravo'!", I yelled in her ear against the thundering roar of the audience.

"BRAVO!", Katie shouted and I laughed, loving her spunk. Tanya was right. Katie did love the theatre. I'm glad I was the one to bring her to it for the first time and that I got to see this look in her eyes.

When Sleeping Beauty came onstage last to take her bow, I put my fingers in my mouth and gave one of my giant loud whistles. She seemed to hear it and laughed, blushing and shaking her head. And someone handed her a bouquet of roses from below the stage. I smiled, glad that she had someone who cared. She's really talented. She took the red roses and blew a kiss to the blackness below her, joining her cast mates and all of them took one big last bow together.

I looked at Bella and she was smiling at me, shaking her head at me. I put my arm around her and gave her a little kiss. Just because I appreciated a good princess doesn't mean I've forgotten my real life one. Never fear, fair Bella. No other maiden will ever steal my eye from thee.

After the performance, the cast were onstage and meeting people from the audience. Katie was dying to meet Aurora, the princess we'd all grown so fond of.

"Please, Daddy, PLEASE?", she hopped as she looked up at me. I looked at Bella, silently asking.

"Come on, I'm sure Daddy wants her autograph, too.", Bella joked…I think…and we got in line to meet the princess.

"I just think she's got great acting skills, that's all.", I explained to Bella as we stood online.

"Uh huh.", Bella looked away, muttering to herself.

"What?", I asked, feeling like I was in big trouble now. Christ, if I ever made Victoria jealous…I'd be sure to bleed that night. But I was more worried that Bella seemed upset.

She didn't answer but I leaned into her ear and whispered, "You're the only princess in my heart. You know that."

And I got her smile. The one that said she loved me. I could breathe again.

Finally, we were next to see her. I could hear her talking to the little girls in front of us and she was being so sweet to them.

"It's nice being a princess, but I'd much rather be playing softball, like you guys.", she'd said to them as she signed their programs, "I love getting dirty."

She was cool. It's nice that she's encouraging girls to be more than just pretty in fancy dresses.

Then they said goodbye to her and we stood in front of her.

"Hi!", she looked at Katie and gave a wonderful smile to her, extending her hand, "I'm Aurora. What's your name?"

I smiled down at Katie as she said her full name, "Kaitlyn."

Even she's trying to impress the princess. I chuckled to myself.

"That is beautiful, Kaitlyn.", she replied, "That's even prettier than MY name!"

"Nah.", Katie denied, adding, "We thought you were GREAT! Even my Dad said so!"

Oh, thanks Katie. Now I'm embarrassed.

"Oh yea?", the princess asked and looked up at me…and stopped dead in her tracks.

I smiled politely back to her and said, "It's true, you were great. I think your voice is even better than the original Sleeping Beauty…whoever that was."

Bella laughed a little but the princess didn't answer. She stood up and was looking right at me. For a minute I thought she was going to faint. What's her problem?

"Are you alright?", I asked.

She had tears in her eyes…what the hell?

"Michael.", she breathed the word.

I was confused…my brow furrowed.

"No, his name's Edward.", Katie used my real name accidentally, then covered her mouth and gasped. I shot her a little look that said it was alright.

"Michael…it's me…", she grabbed her blonde wig and pulled it off, taking a pin or two out of her dark hair, and it fell around her shoulders, her bangs over her right eye…and then my mouth fell open.

"Melody.", we both said at the same time.

Oh God. No…not here. Not in front of Katie.

I was frozen and stood there, in shock, as she threw herself into my arms. She whimpered and I felt my hands on her back, not knowing how they got there.

"Oh God…", she wept quietly onto my shirt, "I can't believe it! Michael…."

I felt my heart stop in my chest and I'm sure Bella and Katie were watching in horror but all I could think about right now was how the hell I was going to get out of this.

Then she released me from her embrace and looked up at my eyes.

"What are you doing here?", she asked, a single tear falling down her face, "Do you live here now?"

"Uhhh…", was all I could say.

"Yea, we ALL do.", Katie said from below and I looked at her. She looked super pissed that some strange woman was hugging me and calling me Michael. I didn't even want to DARE look at Bella's face now.

I had to get her away from them now.

I glanced at Bella and asked, "Bella, can you take Katie to the car? I'll be right there, okay?"

I heard her say the word "Okay." She sounded confused and concerned…but not angry. I would have to explain to her later. FUCK!

"Is there somewhere we can talk?", I asked Melody in a soft voice.

"Yea…come on.", she took my hand and led me onstage and behind the curtains, it was dark back here but I could see her in a blue light from overhead.

She hugged me again, this time tighter, crying.

"I knew you were alive, I knew it!", she breathed a sigh of relief, "My mother kept saying to let you go…but I never did. I always knew I'd see you again. My Michael…"

I felt my eyes close and my insides twist in agony. She didn't deserve this. I should be shitty to her and let her move on with her life…but when I looked down and saw her eyes filled with tears…her cheeks covered with them…I couldn't do it.

"Melody…", I began and my voice clenched in my throat.

"Shhh…", she held my face and smiled at me like I'd come back from the dead…and to her, I guess I had.

"I still love you, Michael.", she whispered, more tears falling, "I've always loved you. I've missed you so much…"

She kissed me and I tried to kiss her back…but I couldn't…I wasn't a toy anymore…a hired lover…I was ME now…and Edward Cullen loved Bella Swan. I couldn't play my parts anymore. And this girl was one of the innocent victims in my wake…she deserved the truth, even if she hated me for it.

"Melody…", I said as I broke the kiss gently, my hands on her arms, moving up and down to comfort her as I started to break her heart all over again.

"Yes, Michael?" she asked, her eyes drinking in every detail of my face. The love in her eyes for me was too much…it almost hurt physically.

"I'm not a soldier.", I admitted, "I'm not anything. I'm not even Michael."

"What are you talking about?", she gave a weak grin, thinking I was playing a game.

I took her hands into mine and looked at her sweet eyes. They reminded me of Bella's eyes…they were blue but they had that same light…that same innocent magic. And I was about to destroy it.

"I'm a…", I began and she kissed my hand, laying her cheek on it.

"Melody, please listen to me…", I pleaded…and she looked at me again, concerned.

This is so hard.

"I'm not Michael.", I began, "My name is Edward."

"What?"

"My name isn't Michael.", I said, "I lied to you."

"Do you think I really care what your name is?", she raised a brow, "I don't. I love you and I've been waiting for you to come back to me. And now you're here. It's fate. We belong together…you said so that last night…before you had to leave."

"Melody…", I heard my voice crack as I looked up then down into those eyes again, "I lied. You're a very sweet girl…a wonderful girl. I really like you. You were one of the few girls…that were far too good for me. I know I said I loved you…but I lied. I was incapable of love when I was with you."

"I don't know what you're saying…", she looked puzzled...and hurt.

"I was paid to love you.", I blurted it out, "I won't say who paid me. But I was hired to be your first love…I'm not a soldier…I'm not SHIT. I'm so sorry I lied. You didn't deserve that. You were supposed to forget me after I left."

"No.", she took a step back, looking dazed, "No…you…you wrote me letters after you left…you wrote me poems…"

"I didn't write anything.", I informed honestly, "My job was over and I went back to where I lived. A few miles from your house, actually."

"I have the letter that says you were killed in battle!", she shrieked and came at me, her fists flying.

I caught her arms and I felt tears come to my own eyes now, saying, "I'm sorry, Melody. I never wanted to hurt you. You were one of the most wonderful girls…women…I've ever known. I felt like shit when I had to leave, that's the truth! I didn't know they'd tell you I DIED! I wouldn't have done that to you. I know it doesn't mean anything, but I'm truly sorry. I didn't know you'd go on loving me…I thought you'd forget…"

"HOW could I FORGET all we had together?", she shouted, sobbing, "You said death was nothing compared to our love! You said my love made you indestructible and that you weren't afraid anymore! You said to wait for you! You SAID you'd be back!"

"I KNOW!", I shouted back, my vision blurred now, "I was a total PRICK! I don't know why I said all those things! Maybe I just wanted it to be true. I play my part as the lead in love stories all the time…but I never felt it! Not until about a month ago."

"Who hired you?", she shoved me now, angry and hateful, "My MOTHER?"

"I can't tell you that Melody.", I said again.

"Don't bother, I know it was HER!", she sneered, "Who else could it be? She probably wrote those damn letters too! Well, I guess you two had ME fooled, didn't you?"

"It wasn't like that, Melody…", I tried to cushion the pain, knowing I couldn't.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!", she yanked away from me, freeing her arms. And the way she looked at me now was the total opposite of earlier. She looked at me like I was pure shit. And I was.

"You made love to me!", she hissed, her princess costume gleaming in the bluish glow, "You were so…gentle…so patient…so wonderful. I should've KNOWN you weren't REAL!"

"I'm so sorry, Melody, please believe that, if nothing else…", I heard my weak response and I hated it.

"How much?", she asked, her face painted with betrayal.

"How much what?"

She closed her eyes and braced herself, "How much were you PAID?"

Oh.

I took a breath and decided to tell her the truth, for once.

"Forty thousand dollars.", I looked down, waiting for her to behead me.

She gave a cold, humorless laugh.

"That's a lot…", she said, almost to herself, "But my mother is rich. You're stupid. You could've gotten much more if you haggled a little bit."

"Melody…"

"DON'T TALK TO ME! DON'T SAY MY NAME!", she screamed, covering her ears for a moment…then taking her hands away when I stayed silent, not moving from the spot I was stuck to.

She was silent for a long time but I waited.

"For over two years I've been dreaming of you…missing you…wishing you'd come back.", she said in a monotone voice, "I haven't been living…not really. It's just recently I've moved out here to start over again. I've been going to school, pursuing my music and acting…trying to look happy. But I wasn't. I needed YOU. I love you, whatever your name is…you stole the last two years of my life…you stole my love…you stole even my virginity…and you say you're sorry…"

I felt a tear or two on my own face now and a jagged breath escaped me. I couldn't say anything. I was a piece of scum underneath a giant piece of shit.

I wanted to tell her that not everything was a lie. I had enjoyed being with her…getting to know her…making love to her…at the time, it was the closest thing I really had to a real love. I really did like her…so much. She was perfect. But I wasn't.

"I almost let you go when I moved here…", she said, still like a robot, "I almost gave up the dream of you being alive somewhere…maybe with amnesia or something…and that someday our paths would cross again. And today, they did…and I feel dead inside. It's like I traded places with you, Michael…"

I didn't correct her this time. I kept praying I could fix this somehow. I realized then that I'm not the only victim in the world. I can't keep crying tears over my past…look at what I'd done to this amazing girl. And how many others were out there, suffering because of my lies?

I just stood there and let her say all she deserved to say to me. I wouldn't leave until she did. I owed her that much.

"Those dog tags you gave me…", she said as I remembered it, wincing, "They weren't real, were they?"

I couldn't speak. I felt another tear fall as I shook my head silently at her.

I had those tags made at some little joke shop in town. They cost $4.99 plus tax.

"Those were so precious to me.", she said sadly, "I still keep them under my pillow at night."

"I'm sorry I didn't love you back…that way.", I whispered, "I didn't know how. It's not because you weren't right. I wasn't right. You're perfect. You deserve someone a lot better than ME. I can't believe no other boys…"

"They've tried.", Melody answered, looking at me with a stern face, that light now gone from her eyes, "I didn't want anyone else. I loved YOU. Only you."

"It may not have been the way you wanted, but…", I tried to lessen her pain, "I did love you too…in my way…but I couldn't let myself really feel it…I wasn't allowed to fall in love…I had turned my heart off, in a way."

I didn't want to bring Victoria into this conversation.

"What am I supposed to do now?", she asked, to herself.

There's where I can help her.

"You forget me.", I stated, dead serious now, "Hate me and let me go now. You have so much going for you. The way you can sing…the way you acted onstage just now…it was brilliant. I didn't recognize you but something inside me was really touched by you. My heart remembered you. You've really got something, Melody. You ARE really something. You deserve to be happy. You deserve all the great things life has to offer you. Now you can go out there and get them. I'm sorry I got in the way of that. If I could take it all back now, I would."

She sniffled and wiped her eyes.

"I wouldn't.", she half smiled at me, "It was painful…but it was a great first love. You made me feel things I never imagined before. I flew. I danced. I touched the stars. WE…touched the stars."

I felt my face twist again in agony as I looked down at my fists.

Then I felt her hands cup my face and make it look into hers. I was confused by her kind touch suddenly.

"Thank you, Michael.", she wept, placing a soft kiss on my lips, touching them one last time with her trembling fingers, "Thank you for the truth. Thank you for letting me go…and even, thank you for all the time we had together. True or not, I'll always have those memories. They've kept me alive all this time."

I told you guys she was too perfect. Why doesn't she slap my face or something? She's too good to be true.

"Goodbye, Edward.", she used my right name this time…and then she brought her knee up fast, right into my groin.

I heard myself let out a huge yell and fall to my knees…a second later, I was on the floor, face down, writhing.

"I'm sorry, but I think you deserved that.", she said above me, sounding so strong and Xena-like suddenly…even though I was dying, I was proud of her.

"Definitely.", I groaned from the floor, trying to make the stars in my eyes go away.

"I'm going to go back out there and meet my little fans now.", she announced and I peeked at her while she put her wig back on.

I nodded in response, still unable to get up, holding my crotch with both hands.

"Then I have a very important call to make to my bitch mother.", Melody said and I was even more surprised. Melody had always been a little princess herself, never daring to curse or do anything unladylike…she sure had changed for the better. Or had I just changed her?

"Thank you.", I said to her as I grimaced, "I needed that kick in the balls."

"You're welcome.", she looked at me with a hint of sadness now, "I really did love you, you know. You were very good. A better actor than me."

"I'm done with that life now.", I breathed, "I'm trying to live a good life. I'm glad I found you. I need to do major penance. And I'm glad you were the first to smash my junk."

"Me too.", she smiled down at me, "Bye. Have a nice life."

"Bye. You too, Melody.", I huffed, rolling over to my other side as she moved the curtains and vanished through them.

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End of chapter 16

Ooh, Edward didn't see that one coming, did he? Fate is such a cruel bitch sometimes. But Melody needed her closure and release I think. Now all he has to do is explain to Bella. (Evil laugh)!

I hope no one hates Melody. She's sweet. She didn't know. What would you do, if you were her?

Next, I'm taking our couple back to the best Chinese restaurant in town…and the only one. And then they're back at Dr. F's place.

Plus, I just wanted to say in Bella's defense…it's okay that she's making some mistakes. It's reality that she's not always perfect and has doubts and fears.

At the end of TRL, she was kind of in this fairy tale princess mindset, thinking they would have a happy ever after…and now she is seeing that to get that, you have to work at it and go through Hell and back sometimes to achieve that. She will see. She is seeing it now. That's good, she's growing up and someday Edward might too…lol…but not all the way…we don't want that, do we?

But Bella knows that she loves Edward, that is for certain. Her reactions will be wrong sometimes and petty, even jealous…but that's all parts of us women…and we have to learn to deal with them, that's how we become strong and confident chicks, right? Don't forget, she's a 20 year old girl, in love for the first time in her life. I think she's doing pretty well so far. She's very mature for her age.

Okay, I'm done now. Hope you liked this, the idea just came to me over the holidays when I bumped into an old boyfriend of mine in the mall. No, I didn't kick him in the nuts, but I WANTED to…LOL…see you soon!

Love, Winnd


	17. Let's Play Restaurant

Chapter 17

Hey everyone! A lot of people are worried now about Melody blowing Edward's cover. I'm not going to say if you're right or wrong, but there are a couple things:

Melody just got Edward's first name, not his last. She thought his name was Michael all this time and I doubt she'll remember the name of Edward after the shock of the whole meeting and all.

Melody's mother probably doesn't even know Edward's name either, most of his clients never really did. He had a lot of fake names and identities when he was doing his jobs. Remember the bachelorette party when he was the cop? I bet no one asked his name that day. What a fun chapter that was to write. I miss those chapters….sigh…

Even if Melody bitches her mother out, who is her mother going to call? Victoria's gone, Fire is closed. Her contact was probably only with Victoria, through being a customer of the club, and if she tried to contact Victoria, she just might get a recorded announcement that the number is no longer in service.

But I could just be playing with all you guys and not revealing what I have planned! HE HE HE HE!

But, don't worry…they won't have to move or report anything to the marshals. At least, they're not going to. They think they are still safe…for now.

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EPOV

When I walked into Jimmy Chan's for the second time, I was ready. Bella followed me and I opened my knapsack, placing a silver bell on the empty hostess station, along with a sign that read: Please Ring Loudly – Jimmy is Deaf – and Rude.

"Edward!", Bella hissed, "You are not putting that there!"

"I'm trying to help him, Bella.", I grinned at her and began banging my palm against the silver button that made the bell ring out, I almost think it echoed as I kept slapping it down.

I heard a big crash in the kitchen and a loud "FUCK!" come out, sounding very surprised and alarmed.

"What the FUCK ?", he shouted as his head looked out as us from the open square window that was in the kitchen.

Then he recognized us as I smiled big at him. I had really missed him a lot.

"Surprise Motherfucker!", I greeted loudly, "We're baaaaccccckkkk!"

"I really have to start seeing some other people.", Bella joked quietly behind me.

"You fuckin' asshole!", he came charging out of the kitchen as I placed my hands at my sides, not moving an inch, "You just made me drop a whole wok on the fucking floor! Two hours of my time – WASTED! All because you – you fucking weirdo – like playing with BELLS!"

"Did I scare you?", I grinned more, "I'm sorry. I thought big black guys like you weren't afraid of anything. See? Another myth proven wrong."

"That'll be the day that I'm scared of YOU, Nancy Priscilla Dewdrop!", he shot back, "It was the fucking BELL! Where the HELL did that come from?"

"It's a gift from ME.", I smiled at him, "Your only customer. I thought you could use something here since your invisible hostess doesn't seem to be able to show anyone to a table. Look, I even made you a little sign to go with it!"

"What do you WANT from me, white bread?", his eyes were gleaming with hate for me. He's so cool!

I sighed loud.

"Must we explain this every time?", I asked in frustration, "See…this is a restaurant. We…(I motioned to myself and Bella) are what's called…customers. The customers come inside….like we just did…and then they sit down and order food. You…(I motioned to him) are the person who cooks the food…and then you bring it to the table, see? We eat it…and then YOU…(I motioned to him again)…get money from us (I motioned to ourselves again)…and that's the way this whole thing works. You can thank me now…I'll wait."

He looked like he wanted to lick the meat off my bones. But I knew I was doing well so far. A week without this guy was too long. I love this place!

Some time went by and he didn't say a thing. I was kind of let down by that…

"Are you in there?", I asked, looking into his eyes, tilting my head, "I didn't confuse you, did I? Did I go too fast for you? I can explain it again, slower, if you want. If you have paper, I can even draw it for you…Jimmy."

"Mothafucka!", he shouted back at me, his jaw straining.

"Yea, that's me.", I smiled, "You remembered! I know how hard it is, keeping track of all your customers. It's nice that you kept me in your mind. I have that effect on people. Once they meet me, they just can't forget about me. Have you missed me?"

"You're here to EAT…again?", he asked, as if he didn't believe it.

"Yes, Mr. Chan.", I put my hand on his shoulder like an old friend, "That's allowed. That's what's called a REGULAR customer. That's a GOOD thing. You can smile now."

He flinched my hand off his arm and grabbed menus, whipping them from their spot in the hostess stand. Then he slapped them to my chest, sneering, "Sit down 'Cilla. And you better not be as big an ass as you were the last time."

"You say the nicest things to your regulars.", I beamed back at him, taking the menus, "It just feels like home here, doesn't it, babe?"

I had asked that of Bella and she just walked past me, muttering, "Please don't bring me into this…"

"I don't think she likes you as much as I do, Jim.", I whispered to Marcus, "You know how girls are…maybe she's intimidated by your big, brown muscles."

"SIT DOWN!", he suddenly barked into my face as I had been watching him very closely while I was just speaking to him. The volume almost shoved my head backwards.

Bella had gone to the same table we were at last time and she was already sitting there, but I wanted to screw with Marcus some more.

"No, not there, honey…", I motioned for her to come with me, "Let's find a good table this time, I don't like watching cows defecate while I'm eating. You should really put a wall over this entire section, here, Jimmy. It's gross. Maybe after a few years, with the money we pay you for our dinners, you can have that taken care of."

I found a nice corner booth and thought that would be great.

"Here we go, Marie.", I said to her, smiling, helping her into the booth like a gentleman, "This is nice…and quiet, away from the crowd."

Bella gave a little chuckle but then stopped herself as I sat down, handing her a menu.

"Aaahhh.", I breathed out in relief as we settled in…Marcus was eyeing me again, worse than last time.

"Like what you see?", I asked him, puckering my lips a bit and giving him my seductive eyes.

That really got him and he looked away from me then. I had to laugh out loud.

"Just order something so I can go spit in it and make myself feel better, okay?", he demanded, giving a little grin now.

"We just sat down, Mr. Chan.", I looked at him with bewilderment, "Why don't you do your waiter thing and get us some water and those crunchy things I'll never know the name of…you know…chop chop!"

"I'm gonna pull your lungs out of your body through your goddamn NOSE!", he threatened. Bella looked nervously at me.

"Don't be like that, Jim.", I frowned slightly at him, "Is that a way to treat your best friend and loyal customers? I don't think you meant that. You're just being lazy again. Come on, go get the stuff…let's play restaurant. You be the waiter again this time. We'll be the customers."

He growled and spun around, almost running back to the kitchen. I laughed so hard I nearly wet myself. I was hiding my face behind my menu when Bella scolded me.

"Are you gonna be like this to him every time we come here?", she asked.

"Of course!", I wiped my right eye, "It would suck to come in here and have him be all nice to me…and polite…UKKKK! I'd be so sad. OH!"

Then I hollered into the kitchen, my hands on the sides of my mouth, "Don't forget – just ONE ice cube IN MY WATER, JIMMY!"

"Wow.", Bella just smirked at me, looking into her menu.

"Bella…", I got serious now, "Are you sure you're not mad at me?"

"I told you, Edward…", she put her menu down, "No. I understand. It must have been hard for you to run into her after all this time. I think I'd have been destroyed. I can't believe she got over it that fast."

"I don't think she's over it.", I thought aloud, "I think she was so sick of the pain that she HAD to let it go…maybe it was a relief for her. That's how I saw it. Do you think that's right? Do you think she'll be alright?"

"You're starting to sound like ME.", Bella said with a little approval in her voice, then said, "I think she'll be alright. I hope so. I don't know her as well as YOU did…"

Uh oh. That was a little zing right there.

"I heard that.", I said, looking at her sadly.

"What?"

"That little bit of anger there…under the surface…'I don't know her as well as YOU DID.' That! You are mad at me."

"I'm not mad.", she argued, "It's just a little weird for me to see you hugging and kissing a perfect stranger, that's all. I'm glad Katie believed my story about her being your second cousin…I'm bad at pulling things out of thin air."

"Bella…"

And then Marcus was coming over with a tray holding two waters and a bowl of those things.

Before he even got near us, I turned and yelled at him, "NOT NOW, JIMMY! CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE TALKING HERE? WAIT A MINUTE! YOUR TIMING SUCKS!"

And he threw the tray down to the floor, a crash of water and glass and crunchy things in a mangled pile below him. He spun around and went back to the kitchen, grumbling to himself, the words, "White trash can get his own damn water".

"Bella….", I went back to her, ignoring Jimmy's little outburst, my hand on hers, "I'm so sorry you had to see that. I'm sorry I had to see it. I never dreamed I'd run into any of my…former clients around here. But I think it happened for a reason. She was really suffering because of what I'd done to her…the only reason I'm not in a ball on the floor now is because…I really think I helped her, by telling her the truth. I thought you'd be proud of me for that. I wanted to lie to her, so badly. But I didn't. I got to apologize and hopefully…I freed her from the agony she's been feeling for the last two years. And I'm glad I opened her eyes to her mother's shit. That woman is foul. You know she offered me money to sleep with her after I was finished with Melody? UUKKK!"

"What did you say?", Bella asked me, smiling at me now.

"I told her to go fuck herself…literally.", I replied, "She wanted me to dominate her…UGGHH…(I gave a violent shiver)…I'd rather eat dog shit."

"I'm sorry Edward.", Bella said, stroking my hand now, "You were right. I'm wrong. Again. You must think you made such a mistake, thinking I was this perfect person all the time…"

"Hey…no….", I leaned in closer to her, dotting her nose with my fingertip, "You are perfect….for me. And I kinda like it when you make mistakes. It makes me feel a little bit better. No one wants to live with a saint, you know. Even when you screw up, you're adorable…and you're always MY Bella."

I kissed her and we went at that for awhile. We were almost making out there over the table…I couldn't take it anymore and felt my tongue slide into her mouth…and she whimpered, grabbing my jawbones with her little fingernails…bringing me in deeper.

I knew Marcus was standing there but I ignored him. We just kept on going…and I even moaned a little bit, because I was already tasting the most wonderful thing in the world…and finally, he cleared his throat. But I wasn't letting Bella go…and she didn't seem to hear him either.

"HEY PORNO BOY!", he finally yelled and Bella yelped, flying back into her booth corner. My lips were still in midair, puckered…and my tongue out. It was a miracle she didn't take it with her when she jerked backwards that way.

Then I slid my evil eyes towards the one who scared my baby away.

"What the FUCK do YOU WANT?", I hollered at him.

"See, this is the part of our little game where YOU (he motioned to Bella and I)…order some food so I (he motioned to himself)…can go and find a way to make it rip out your intestines when you get home tonight.", he said, fighting back now, smiling and blinking his eyes at me, "So, are we ready to order, Sir?"

"Look up timing in the dictionary when YOU get home tonight.", I jerked open my menu, "Call me if you need help looking up the big words…and yes, T is still after S when you get into it."

"Let's go, Glitter.", Marcus rushed me, "I don't have all fucking night for your dumb ass!"

"I think you do.", I shot back, "Your sign says you're open until 11pm. It's like 7pm now. So you have at least four hours to take any crap I feel like sprinkling on your very bald head!"

"Move it, Eminem!", he set his jaw, "I'm waiting."

"That's one of the job requirements when you're a WAITER, James.", I said as I perused my menu slowly, "And what happened to our water and crunchies?"

"They're over there.", he pointed out the mess on the floor a few feet away, "Enjoy."

"Huhhhh….Jimmy…Jimmy…Jimmy…", I said lowly, in disappointment, "This restaurant thing just keeps eluding you…"

Bella said, "I'll have the What's Your Beef Platter and the Broccoli in Human Waste Sauce please…and a coke…"

Marcus didn't write anything down….he just looked back at me then.

I took my sweet time again…clucking my tongue as I looked at everything on the menu…twice.

"You should really add a Motherfucker Special to this menu.", I suggested, "I would love to see what that would taste like…"

Marcus just looked up and seemed to be praying for strength, his fists almost bursting at his sides.

"The Burn your Tongue Platter I had last time didn't really burn my tongue, so…I don't want that again.", I thought out loud, very slowly…"What do you suggest, Mr. Chan?"

"That you move your ass and order before I twist your little white boy head and N'Sync hairdo right off your fucking shoulders!", he snarled.

Bella laughed at that one…and I smirked at her.

"N'Sync!", I huffed in annoyance…"Like YOU know N'Sync! You probably like those rappers like 75 CENTS or Snoopy Doggy Dog. I dig that. They're CHILLIN'!"

Bella hid her face behind her menu now, giggling.

"Damn it!", Marcus shouted at me, "You're pissing me off again Pinocchio!"

"Well, if you can name me ONE N'Sync song, I'll eat your HAIR!", I challenged…then added, "Oh, sorry, someone already beat me to it."

"75 Cents…", Bella was still laughing to herself…unable to say much at all now.

"Are you gonna order some GOD DAMN food?", he shouted.

"I will, I will…relax!", I made my voice go high pitched, sighing, "You're SO impatient!"

I looked over everything again and said, "Okay….first, I'll have a cherry coke. That's for sure. And can I have plenty of ice in that, too?"

"Cocksucking-motherfucking-asshole licking-blew his father and swallowed it—and loved it—son of a bitch!", Marcus sneered to himself as I tried to choose a meal.

"Was that Chinese?", I smiled at him, "Did you just bless us and wish us well in the future? That was so beautiful sounding, wasn't it, babe?"

"Very.", she grinned, not making eye contact with Marcus.

"What's this – the Overpriced Happy Family Platter?", I asked, "What's that?"

With a sigh, Marcus replied with no hesitation at all.

"Scallops, crabmeat, and psychotropic mushrooms sautéed with fresh white boy thumbs and served in a Sealy posturepedic mattress.", he stated.

"Oooh, yummy.", I smiled, "I'll have that. I can take some home to my daughter. She loves Chinese food."

"You have a daughter.", he glared at me, "How the hell did that happen?"

"Well…", I folded my hands, "I don't know if you're ready to hear about this, but….when a man and a woman love each other very much…"

"Fuck YOU!", he shot back, cutting me off, "Like YOU could tell ME about fucking! The only thing you know that I don't is how it feels from the BACK!"

I wish he would stop with those jokes…but he didn't know. It's not his fault. I still love him. But I had to change the subject fast.

Bella looked at me sadly, as if about to tear Marcus' head off, but I winked at her.

"Hey, Jim.", I asked, smiling, "When you had hair, was it an afro? Or was it like…corn rolls…like Stevie Wonder's? Or maybe dreadlocks?"

"I'm getting your shit.", he grabbed a towel off his shoulder and swung it in the air as he turned to get back to the kitchen, "God knows I don't want you in here a second longer than you HAVE to be, you fucking WEIRDO!"

"Wow.", I laughed when he was gone, "This is even more fun than last time."

"Are you okay?", she asked, touching my hand, "That was really mean, what he said…"

"It's all in fun.", I shrugged, "He doesn't mean anything by it. He doesn't know."

"I love you.", she smiled at me, "Did I tell you that in the last five minutes?"

"You tell me every second, baby.", I kissed her hand on mine, laying my cheek down on her knuckles, "And I love hearing it."

She stroked my hair as I closed my eyes and rested for a minute. Today had been a long, rough one…and I was glad that we'd be seeing Dr. F soon. Locked in the trunk of the car, was my notebook full of Sir Kevin stories. I had completed it, the whole thing, as fucked up a book as was ever created. But it was done. And I felt great about that. I was finished and would never have to think of it again. Peter would read it, probably after I left his office tonight, and it wouldn't have to be discussed again. I could move on and never be in that dungeon with him again. I was ecstatic…and exhausted at the same time.

I loved the way she was caressing me…so soft…so quietly…I drifted off slowly…not wanting to ever leave this spot…the oriental music played so lightly and gently in the background…it almost made me see the bonsai trees in the mist…water…a small paper house in the distant hills.

"Oh, fuck, is he dead?", Marcus' voice cut in as I saw his face in the middle of my oriental fantasy, "Tell me I got my Christmas wish early and he fucking croaked right on my table!"

I opened my eyes and squinted, hearing Bella say, "Sorry, Jimmy, he's alive."

I looked at Marcus, still trying to focus when she added, "At least until he eats the food."

I smiled at Bella, saying, "That was a good one…thanks babe."

"I'm here all week.", she joked and I smiled up at Marcus. He wasn't laughing. He was holding a tray full of food.

"You interrupted my dream, CHAN!", I scowled at him.

"Sorry, I hate when people wake me up right when Mel Gibson's dick is about to insert into MY ASS too.", he shot back.

"You have that one, too?", I asked, letting him toss the plates down in front of me, "Wow! We are like…brothers."

"Shut the fuck up, and get out of the way so I can put the fucking food down, willya, PRISS?", he asked grumpily, passing everything out.

"My Mom used to say the same thing to me when she served me dinner.", I said with a sugary sweet tone, smiling at him again, "Can I call you Momma?"

Bella liked that one and giggled again, almost snorting out her soda.

"Can I call you assface?"

"You always do.", I replied, "Oh, and my wife needs a fork. She doesn't like your chopsticks. They're so…thin and skinny…she prefers long and thick…like her man, you know…"

"In your fucking dreams.", Marcus sneered, "No one gets a fork here. This is a Chinese restaurant, asshole. Live with it."

"I thought you'd say that.", I went into my knapsack and took out a big handful of silverware, putting it in the middle of the table, "Here you go, sweetie."

"Thanks Eduardo.", she commented, taking her fork and knife, even a spoon.

"I think I'll use a knife and fork, too.", I took them and held them in my hands, "You never know where those chopsticks have been."

"Give me those!", he got so mad he tried to grab my utensils out of my hands!

But I was quicker and I kept moving my hands out of the way so he couldn't grab them…I almost thought he was considering crawling into the booth and sitting on me to try and get them…but he restrained himself.

"FUCK!", he finally gave up, unable to steal my silverware, "FINE! KEEP IT! Every time you eat Chinese food with a fork and knife is another year in HELL, white boy! Don't forget that when you're frying!"

"I've done Hell.", I took a bite of my food while I spoke, "They asked me to leave, it didn't scare me that much."

"Eat….try not to choke on anything…and then get the fuck out!", he thumbed behind him towards the door, "And this time, stay out! I don't want this place to become some kind of FAG white boy hangout!"

"That's all this town has!", I said as he was about to walk away, "I never see no brothers around. This must be like an alien planet for you, living here. You're the only one of your kind. You're like…Superman…only you're black and bald…and you can't fly…and don't have any super powers…I guess you're not really like Superman at all, now that I think of it…"

"Like I said…don't choke.", he glared back at me, "Cause if I hear it, I'll just be in the kitchen, dancing a little happy dance! You can give yourself the fuckin' Heimlich!"

"There's another procedure you can perform on yourself, Jimmy!", I shouted after him, "But I'm sure you know all about that, every night back there!"

"Alright, alright.", Bella eased me back down to a sitting position, "Just relax and eat your food….we both have an appointment tonight."

"I think I'm winning tonight.", I said to Bella as I ate and eyed the kitchen from here, "What do you think?"

"We're eating here.", Bella said, "We're all losers."

"Oh, wait.", I went into my bag, remembering my props. I took out a DO NOT DISTURB sign and a roll of tape, and began sticking the string to the sign on the table.

"You are losing your mind, white boy.", Bella smiled, taking a bite of her broccoli.

"He loves this.", I assured her.

Later, as we enjoyed our food, I asked Bella, "Are you nervous? About your appointment? I know I was the first time."

"Not much…maybe a little…", she said as she chewed, "I really like the doctor, so I think I'll be alright."

"He is very cool.", I told her again, "He even moved our appointment to the patio because I was a little nervous in his office. And he does the tape recorder thing, too…just like my favorite Dr. Bella."

"Oh man, you do the tape recorder with him?", she asked, teasing, "I'm hurt…deep down, I'm hurt…you cheated on me!"

"I'm sorry, Bella…", I joked right back, eating as I talked, "But I can't help it…Peter's tape recorder is flashier than yours…I was reduced!"

She giggled and tried to hit me with her napkin while I laughed and ate a little drumstick from my huge family platter. Damn, it was so good. This guy can COOK! I guess it's the one good thing he CAN do…besides bust balls, that is.

"Ugh…that's it!", she replied with no emotion, "It's over. I can't compete with Peter and his fancy equipment!"

"Hey, don't say that, Bella.", I teased back, "There's no reason we all can't session together all in one room. We're all adults. It'll be a threesome!"

"Oooh, kinky!", she laughed, "I'm in!"

"I love it when you laugh, Bella.", I smiled at her, my eyes adoring her little face, "That's why I think I do such goofy things lately. I just want to keep you smiling and laughing…just like this, always. I know life with me hasn't been all fun and games. I'm sorry. I'm working on it."

"Only you could make me laugh with all that's going on around us all the time.", she said, taking a sip of her straw, "You're my funny little boy…that I wuv sooo much…"

"Thanks, Mommy.", I smiled back at her, "I wuv u toooo."

"Eat your vegetables.", she snapped back, like a real mom.

"But I DONNNNTTT WANNNAAAA!", I whined like a brat, "I HATE 'EM! And Jimmy Chan is UGLY! He scares me!"

"Eat those all, Mister, or you'll be sorry!", she pointed her fork to my veggies.

I pouted and stuck my bottom lip out, giving her the eyes.

"Oh God, stop that.", Bella looked away, covering her eyes, "You know I can't take THAT face!"

I kept doing it for a minute just to tease her but then I saw she had juicy brown sauce on her fingertips. I gently took her hand and brought it to my lips…gently sucking on each fingertip…my tongue slipping out to taste also…

"Oh my dear Lord.", Bella whispered…watching me taste her as I closed my eyes.

"Mmmm….", I stared back at her with lust in my eyes, "You are SO delicious…"

Her eyes melted and she scooted closer to me little by little as I kept licking the sauce off of her. Before I knew it, she was practically in my lap.

"My baby girl…", I purred thickly in my throat as I smeared some of the sauce onto her lower neck area…"Awww…you got sauce on your neck…I'll get it."

She squealed out, giggling as I dived in there to lick it off. I even think she's putting up a little fight, too, clawing at my shirt and hair as I lapped up the sweet juice.

"Don't fight with me, Bella…", I demanded, taking a firm bite where the sauce was, "You can't win against a vampire."

She screamed out a little, laughing and then breathing heavier as I sucked her skin….her resistance waned slowly…and then she was just putty in my hands…I pulled her shirt down a little more and saw cleavage, my other hand dipping in the sauce so I could rub some of it down there…

"Don't mess up my shirt, we have somewhere to go soon!", she tried to argue.

"I'll mess up your shirt…", I took the little jar of sauce and acted like I'd pour it into her blouse…and she giggled and screeched, trying to grab my wrist.

"No, Edward, NO!", she couldn't stop laughing, "Edward, BEHAVE! We're in a friggin' restaurant!"

"I don't care.", I dripped some of it into her breasts as she squealed out for a second, "I'll molest you anywhere I want to, is that clear, young lady?"

"Yes, yes!", she finally gave in, "It's CLEAR!"

"Good.", I put the sauce down and dove my face into those nice round breast tops…tasting that great sauce…hearing her laugh…it was the best part of my whole week!

"Get out of there, Mister!", she panted and giggled, "He's gonna come BACK!"

"So?", I asked, licking her, "What the fuck do I care about HIM? He's just jealous that you're all MINE!"

I dove in again, trying to undo that god damned bra of hers that I forbid her to wear…and I heard Jimmy over there clearing his throat, waiting for us to stop. But I didn't want to. For once, me and my baby were having fun…and I didn't want anything ruining it.

"No, Edward, NO!", she struggled, laughing, "Don't undo it! We're in PUBLIC!"

"I don't care….what did I say about bras?", I asked her, nose to nose with her, "What did I say?"

"HEY!", Marcus shouted, "In about two seconds, I'm throwing ice water on you two!"

"Stop!", Bella shoved me off, hearing that he was there now, "STOP…go over there…let GO!"

I released the bra and let it snap against her skin as she yelped, adjusting herself as I reluctantly slid away from her, eyeing Marcus.

"What the fuck is your problem, Hand Job?", Marcus frowned at me, "I keep telling you this is a fucking restaurant, you eat the food, not the girl! If you're horny, take her out to your little car and make it rock back and forth. Not that you two could really DO anything in that little ass car!"

"Didn't you see my sign?", I asked, hoping he did.

"Oh, yea, your sign…", Marcus smiled down at it, then yanked it off the table, tore it up into little pieces and sprinkled them over my head. I sat there, staring him down….and then he took the string with the tape on it and stuck it on my forehead, the string hung down my nose.

"There's your sign, Sir.", he grinned, his hands behind his back now, "Anything else?"

"Yes.", I held up my glass of soda, "What the fuck is THIS? You filled the glass so full of ice cubes, there's no room for any cherry coke IN THERE! I can't even get a straw in here!"

"You said plenty of ice.", he informed, "Careful what you wish for…"

"I wish for less ice and more soda, JEEVES!", I nicknamed at the last second, slamming my glass down.

"Well, you can wish in one hand…and shit in the other…and see which hand gets filled first.", Marcus replied, "But I think I can help you out a little…"

I thought he'd pick the ice cubes out like before but he didn't. This time, he tossed the glass at ME and the ice flew into my lap! Where was the ice when I needed it backstage at the play earlier?

"That should cool you off, Casanova!", Marcus commented as I growled and half stood, brushing the ice cubes off my pants.

"Ohhh, if I had my water pistol…", I shot back, "You'd be SO dead right now!"

"Alright, alright, children!", Bella eased me back into my seat, "This is getting a little out of hand now…let's stop…"

"Bring it ON, CLAY!", Marcus shouted back at me.

A little while later, I looked down at my white t shirt filled with cherry coke. It was still sticking to me! I'm glad I had Bella's soda to throw back at Jimmy when he poured that pitcher of it on me.

"Are you still pouting?", Bella asked, "Stop. You both got each other. He's wet and sticky too! And now I have to explain why you're all messed up when we get to Peter's office. You should talk about your need to taunt this guy every weekend, that might be something for both of you to take a look at."

"I didn't have enough soda.", I grumped out loud, "He had a lot more. I lost that round! And I was doing so well until then…"

"Well, I'm sorry I didn't get a gallon of coke when I ordered.", she apologized…but I think she's being sarcastic.

"Now I don't have a drink, either.", Bella complained, "And he won't give us another one."

I rolled my eyes and pretended not to hear that.

"Your hair looks drier.", she offered…but I just shot her a little glare.

"You're not making me feel better, Bella.", I informed, taking a swig of my glass of ice, getting a little trickle of ice water out of it. Somehow, though, I'm still thirsty.

"I wonder if Dr. F. will have another Slurpee there for me tonight.", I pondered aloud, looking towards the kitchen, just waiting for him to make another move.

"Ugh!", Bella sighed, "He was so cool to give you one last week, and you're going to expect it every time now? He's a doctor, Edward, not a 7-11."

"I know.", I said, trying to think of a great revenge for Marcus' pouring a pitcher of soda over my head. Maybe I can tie him to one of those cows outside. Nah, that would be cruel. For the cows. Hey, I know! I can set him up with Jenna! Oooooh…nice!

Several times I thought to bring up the Jenna situation, as I was calling it now. But I didn't want to put any more shit on Bella. With the marshals, the trial, the request to be tied up…Melody…Katie…I knew if I laid one more thing onto her shoulders, she would snap. I had to start trying to take worries OFF her mind, not the other way around. Besides, it's not like I'm attracted to Jenna. She's just an annoyance, nothing more. I can handle it myself. Maybe I will tell Bob about it. I don't want to be a whiner, though. And I don't want to fuck up my job.

I hate to think it, but things were sure easier when I was just a slut chained up and gagged. My only worry was how long can I fuck and how hard do they want it. Real life is much harder. But I know it's worth it. I have Katie. I have Bella.

We were waiting for our desert and unfortunate cookies. I knew Marcus would have something even more brilliant written in those. Damn.

He was coming over now, bringing chocolate ice cream with hot fudge on it. Right away, I noticed something was wrong.

"Hey Jimmy!", I complained, "How come she has sprinkles and I don't?"

"Cause I like her.", he answered back, letting my bowl hit the table hard in front of me, "You I hate."

"You don't mean that.", I smiled up at him, "I know you love me. I've seen the way you look at me from that kitchen window. Don't deny it."

"Just stop bitching about your damn sprinkles and eat it, then get the fuck out!", he huffed, walking away, swinging his arms like a big hostile gorilla.

But I still love him. Even if he hates me for the moment.

"I'm gonna make that guy love me.", I informed Bella, taking my spoon and stealing some of her sprinkles, "Just watch."

"HEY!", she squealed, trying to stop me from robbing her bowl, "Those are mine!"

"You won't share with me?", I asked her with my mouth open.

"Fine.", she scooped some out of her bowl and flung them into mine.

"Women…you're so selfish…", I teased, and she shot me a very dirty look.

"I'm kidding!", I put my hands up, smiling at her, "See? I'm smiling."

"Yea…", she grumbled, eating her ice cream, muttering, "Sprinkle thief…"

"So…can I ask you a couple things?", Bella asked, her eyes down in her bowl.

"Sure, ask me anything.", I shrugged, having nothing to hide.

"That girl…Melody..", she began carefully, "She really loved you. I saw that in her eyes. The two of you…must have had a lot of time together."

She wanted to know more about our story. I knew she was hurt, deep down. But she covered it well.

"We were together for about a month.", I said, swallowing the cool cream, licking my lips, "Her mother wanted me to pretend to be a soldier, I guess so I'd have an excuse to leave suddenly. You should've seen me in that outfit, the camouflage…the boots…the sunglasses…"

"Okay, I got the picture of the outfit.", she smirked, taking a bite of her ice cream.

She waited a moment and then asked, softly, "It sounds like you two had a very intense love story…did you love her? It's alright, you can say it. It was before me."

I swallowed and took a deep breath.

"I liked her.", I replied honestly, "She was a very nice girl, pretty, and smart. She was good to me, affectionate, a real sweetheart to everyone she knew. She knew music…we had that in common in the beginning.

She's a great singer. I can't believe I almost forgot her voice. We had a lot of fun…everything around me said I should have fallen in love with her. But I just didn't. I was so afraid that I was becoming something hard and unfeeling, like a rock…a machine, Emmett once called me.

I was becoming a robot, playing whatever part they told me to. No regret, no remorse…no thought to what her life would be when I left. I was horrible to do that to her. I really hurt her, after she gave her heart to me…gave everything to me.

She waited for me, after I had to go off to my fake war, while I was really dancing naked in that club. She wrote to me, she even thought I had died…but she still waited. It's times like this that make me hate myself…this is where my self loathing comes from that you don't like so much. I wish I could just take it off, like a coat…but I can't. I may be the victim in some things, but in others, I am the villain. I did that to Melody…for money. Fucking money. I can never say I'm sorry enough.

But, no, I didn't love her…not like the way I love you. I loved her like a friend, I guess. I did miss her for a few days after I went back home. But I went on to another client, another game…I made my mind erase things after they were over. I wouldn't have survived it if I didn't. I didn't let myself get attached. It was a rule of mine."

"But why did you let yourself get attached to me, then?", she asked, her eyes full of understanding and patience, "What made it different with me?"

"I don't know.", I thought about it, "I just knew when I touched you that you were rare…like what I told Katie…about people who come and go…and then forever people…you just felt like forever to me. You still do. You always will. I don't know why God decided to melt my heart just when you came along, but I'm glad he did. I would've never wanted to hurt you like I did those other girls."

"Were you planning on that?", she asked me, not taking her eyes off mine.

"In the beginning…", I looked down, feeling such shame, "Yes. I planned on leaving after the two weeks like a complete asshole, saying, thanks, it was fun…but it's over now. I wanted you to stay away from Fire and me and Victoria forever afterwards. Victoria threatened to hurt you if she caught me with you again after the job was done. She even said that I would no longer be working with young, pretty girls anymore. It was going to be older women from now on. I was fine with that. I didn't want anymore innocent girls to cry over me ever again."

She didn't say anything…and I couldn't even look at her.

"Told you I had an ugly side.", I looked down at my melting ice cream, "There are still a lot of things…I can't talk about…that you don't know. I want to tell you…but…I just can't…not yet."

"We all have an ugly side.", she slid over and sat beside me in the booth, holding my hand, "You should hear some of the thoughts I've had about Sir Kevin and Victoria lately. It's very ugly, let me tell you."

"Bella…", I looked at her now, "Our love story is REAL. I was acting at first…but I hope you know that I am not pretending to love YOU. I do. And it's the best…and most terrifying time of my life. But it's no act. I am completely in love with you."

She kissed me and held me close, whispering, "I know."

She kissed me a second time and smiled at me, then went to finish her ice cream.

"Hey.", I nudged her.

"What?"

"Don't you want to say something?"

"Like what?"

"Like…you love me too.", I reminded her.

"Nope.", she said, "I changed my mind. You stole more than half my sprinkles. That I can't forgive."

She smirked at me and we started laughing like idiots.

"I'll steal something from you…gimme that bra!", I growled, pouncing on her and putting my claw down her blouse.

"NO!", she squealed out again, giggling and struggling with me again.

"I'll bite it off, I don't need my HANDS!", I laughed, plunging my face back into her shirt as she screamed out, squirming underneath me. I got hard right then.

"EDWARD, Edward STOP!", she laughed and yelled at the same time, "You're biting my BOOB!"

I was hysterical just hearing her say it that way…and I could hardly keep attacking her.

Then, suddenly, a whoosh of ice cold fucking water poured down on us…and went right into Bella's blouse.

She screamed a shrill cry and I turned my head to see my new best friend, Marcus, standing there, an empty pitcher in his hand, and a huge smile on his face while we dripped, soaked through.

"I DID warn you.", Marcus turned and walked away from us…laughing loudly to himself. His laugh was deep and purely wicked…and kinda like Eddie Murphy's laugh.

"He's a dead man!", I bolted up but Bella grabbed my arm as hard as she could.

"Edward, no!", she begged, "NO! His right arm is bigger than you! Please don't!"

"Size doesn't matter.", I growled, trying to get up again, "I know how to fight dirty, street fighting! He won't even FEEL it when he goes down!"

"Edward, no!", she grabbed my cold, wet shirt, "We have to keep a low profile. If we get arrested, the marshals will kill us! We're supposed to be blending in…being nice, quiet country folk."

"Cowboys beat up assholes all the time!", I argued, still looking at the kitchen, wanting his ass, "I'll be blending in!"

I don't know how but before I knew it, we were standing at Dr. Facinelli's door, soaking wet and Bella was nicely asking for a couple of towels.

Of course, Dr. Facinelli was wearing his hat. This one was a gray castle with flames and a green dragon rising up out of it, looking like it was about to blow fire at US. I had to admit, that's another cool one.

"Yea, sure, come on in.", Peter looked at us quizzically, keeping his hat on as he walked down another hallway, "Is it raining out?"

"No.", I said in frustration, "We got water thrown on us by Jimmy Chan! Wait til I go back there…I'm gonna be so ready for him next time…"

"Next time?", Bella asked loudly, "No, sorry, there's not gonna be a NEXT TIME! I refuse to wear a raincoat while we're eating Chinese food in there next week. That's how I feel!"

Peter looked at us like we were nuts. And he's a psychologist!

"We have to go back there, Bella.", I said as Peter handed me a large black towel, then a white one to Bella, "It's still a great place…and I still love Marcus. He's amazing! I'm just mad that he won this time! And he refused to give us our unfortunate cookies too! That stung."

Peter listened to us and he looked confused.

"Doctor," Bella dried her hair with her towel, "The first thing I'd talk about with him tonight is his obsession with this Jimmy Chan guy…it's really starting to concern me."

"His name isn't Jimmy Chan.", I corrected her, "It's Marcus Evans. He's my new friend."

"He is NOT your FRIEND!", Bella shouted, "He threw soda on you…and poured ice water on US! He's a psycho who runs a Chinese restaurant and I'm thinking of calling the cops to see if there's any missing people in this town! I'll bet every person who ever wandered in there is still in his kitchen, in JARS! We could be next!"

"Oh, now you're just being silly.", I wiped my face with my towel, but it didn't get rid of the stickiness there.

Once we finally got Bella calmed down and settled back into Peter's living room, he asked me if I'd like to try talking in his office this time.

"Yes, okay.", I agreed, since he'd been so great to me last time. I carried my knapsack with me, the notebook inside it. It almost felt like it weighed a thousand pounds as we walked there, when Peter turned on the light inside…it was still that soft, comforting light. I was glad. I hate white light. Soft, dark rooms had been my world before. I still was stunned by the light of the sunshine everyday…it was magical to me.

And, I smiled when I saw the single slurpee sitting there by the sofa…waiting for me.

"Again?", I asked, grinning like a moron.

"If two dollar slurpees set your mind at ease before we begin, it's an investment well made, I'd say.", Peter smiled, taking his hat off and setting it on a hook in the wall, "Drink…take your shoes off…relax…"

And so I did. Dr. F. was easy to hang out with and I found myself telling him the story of Jimmy Chan's and Marcus…and how we got wet. He laughed and listened…I felt like I was talking to Emmett for a minute, except the doctor didn't make any disgusting remarks about Bella's wet t-shirt. God, I miss Emmett.

"Interesting.", he looked to the right for a second while I drank my Slurpee, "Public displays of affection…that doesn't bother you?"

"No.", I grinned, "I like it. It's exciting for me. And I wouldn't call Jimmy Chan's place public. We're the only two people who're ever in there! It's a ghost town in that place!"

"Hmm.", he said, thinking to himself. I didn't ask him what he was thinking. I was afraid to know.

Soon after that, we began our session. I was sitting in the wooden chair across his desk and he was sitting there, his hands folded. And right away I felt like a kid in the principal's office.

I didn't want the couch, though. I didn't like the idea of laying down next to Peter yet. Or any guy for that matter.

"What's wrong?", Peter asked, just like last time.

"It's this desk.", I waved a hand at it, "It's so…in between us…and I feel like a kid when I used to get summoned to the dean's office, which was a lot."

"Come on.", Peter stood up and slapped his chair, offering it to me, "You sit here…I'll sit in your chair. How's that?"

I am such a pain in the ass. This guy is so patient.

"I'm sorry, Doc.", I stood slowly, "I don't mean to be such an ass pain."

"Ugh, you're not.", he waved a hand at me, "It's good for a doctor to sit in his patient's place sometimes. This way my head doesn't get too big."

"Right.", I grinned, going towards his chair, "You'd have to buy new hats."

"Exactly!", he pointed at me and I laughed, liking this guy more and more. I wonder if he could be my friend…is that allowed?

I sat down in the doctor's big chair and looked around…

"So this is how it feels to be a doctor, huh?", I asked, biting my bottom lip, letting myself spin once in the chair.

Peter laughed and answered, "Not as glamorous as it looks, is it?"

"It's pretty cool.", I assured him, looking around his desk, "You have a bitching desk…"

"Bitching…", he chuckled, his hands behind his head, "I haven't heard that one since the eighties."

"I like to keep the classics alive.", I put my towel in my lap, noticing a picture to my right.

"Wow…what a beautiful girl.", I looked at it and a supermodel with blonde hair was looking back at me. It was just a shot of her eyes and face…she was smiling a little…and what love in her eyes…her hair looked so soft, blowing over her right eye a bit.

"Who is that?", I asked, still looking.

Peter stood up quickly and grabbed it off the desk, putting it face down on a shelf to his right hand side.

"My wife.", he said, his eyes not looking at mine, "Sorry. I don't want it distracting you during our session."

"It won't.", I smiled, "She's gorgeous. See, it IS cool being a great doctor! You have HER."

"Yea.", Peter sat down and started to speak but I cut him off.

"Where is she?", I asked, "I've never seen her around HERE. Does she work at night or something?"

"Something like that…", he said, "She's out of town for awhile. Her work takes her all around."

"What does she do?"

"Anthony…this is your session, not mine.", he said and that surprised me. His voice wasn't rude but…it was tight. I never heard him like that before.

"Alright, Doc, Jeez!", I put my hands up, "I'm not looking for a date, I'm just nervous, trying to make a little conversation."

"I know, I'm sorry Anthony.", Peter's voice was back to its nice, friendly tone again, just like that. I was relieved. I didn't really blame him. I'm the same way when it comes to my Bella.

"No problem.", I shrugged, smiling back at him.

"So…let's begin, shall we?", he asked.

"Sure."

"How did it go…with your homework?", Peter asked.

Oh yea. My homework.

"It was hard.", I admitted, "Damn hard, actually. I almost wasn't going to do it. But then Bella pulled away from me and it scared the fuck out of me. I started writing that night you assigned it. I finished it."

"Good.", Peter looked really proud of me as he said that, "Do you have it with you?"

"Yea.", I took it out of my bag and handed it to him, not even looking at the notebook. It was almost like an ugly reminder to me now, just the sight of this blue fucking book made me break out in a sweat, "Here. Enjoy. I'm just so glad it's over."

"Over?", Peter asked me and I looked at him as he just stared back at me and the book I was still holding out to him.

"Yea.", I furrowed my brow, "I did the assignment. I wrote it all down. I'm done."

"Anthony…", Peter paused and looked at me with concerned eyes, "I'm sorry that you thought that…but it's not over. We're just beginning. It's good that you wrote all those painful memories down…it's a great achievement and I'm very proud of you. But that's just step one."

I was still sitting there, holding the damned notebook in my hand, my arm reached out to him….when he said, "Now I want you to open that notebook…and read it to me."

And in that moment, I felt like he stuck a knife into my chest. I felt my hand shivering, and the book with it…and a huge lump formed in my throat…and I felt sick to my stomach.

"Out loud?" I heard myself yell in disbelief.

"Anthony…", the Doc said to me in his very calm voice, "Don't panic. You can do this. We'll take it a little bit at a time."

"No!", I shook my head as tears sprung to my eyes, "I can't, I can't! I cannot read this out loud. No fucking way!"

And in a split second, I was on my feet and enraged.

"Do you know how long I spent writing that fucking thing?", I shouted at Peter, throwing the notebook to the floor at his feet, "How many times I threw up while I was writing it? I had to stick my face in the pillow so my nine year old daughter wouldn't hear me crying from the next room! I didn't skip a god damned SECOND of that fucked up day and now you just tell me to READ it OUT LOUD, like it's some fucking essay I wrote about TREES or something! Fuck you! YOU read it out loud!"

I bolted to the door to get out but Peter jumped up to stop me. All I knew was a man's hands were holding my arm and I spun around, hurling him off, bellowing, "DON'T TOUCH ME!"

And when the smoke cleared, Peter was on the floor, on his back, looking up at me with sadness all over his face. But he didn't look afraid of me. Or angry.

"I'm sorry Anthony, don't go!", Peter held a hand up, hoping that would slow me down from running, "I know this is a hard thing I'm asking of you. I know that. I understand what you're feeling….but—"

"You don't understand how I feel!", I yelled back at him, "Have you ever been chained up like a fucking animal and raped for twelve hours by a strange man? Have you ever screamed and not have anyone give a fuck? Have you ever cried out and had someone duct tape your mouth shut so you wouldn't ruin their hard on? You don't know SHIT about how I feel!"

I stood over Peter, waiting for him to say something…anything. But he just waited…and looked at me like he knew how much I had suffered…and that he was hurt by it too. How does he do that?

"I know.", he finally said, "I haven't been there where you were. I don't claim to know what those things feel like. I can't begin to imagine. But Anthony, I do know about pain. And loss. I have screamed out and had no one hear. I've seen some things in my time. I didn't get it all from books, believe me. Please stay. Let's talk about it some more. You don't have to read it yet. But, Anthony…you do have to read it sometime. Have you ever been scared of a horror movie?"

"What?"

"Have you ever been scared of a horror movie?" he repeated, still sitting on the floor.

"Yea.", I frowned, confused, "Psycho. Joseph had it on one night and I got up and went into his room. It was right at the shower scene part…I nearly had a heart attack. I didn't shower until I was fourteen."

"How old were you? When you first saw Psycho?"

"Four.", I guessed.

"Are you afraid of it now?"

"No.", I replied, "Joseph loves that movie. When I got older, we'd watch it every Halloween together. It was funny then. I knew it wasn't real."

"You watched it over and over…", Peter stated, "And the more you watched it, the less frightening it became. Right?"

"Yea.", I said, "So what?"

Peter picked up the notebook and handed it to me.

"This is your new horror movie, Anthony.", he informed, "The thing that haunts your nightmares…even when you're awake. You will read this, and read it again…and again…and again…and one day…believe it or not…you won't have any trouble reading it at all. It won't totally erase the pain of those memories…or make them any less real…but, Anthony…it will get easier. And then there's the stuck points to explore."

"Stuck points?"

"Yes.", Peter started to rise and I gave him my hand to help him stand, "The stuck points…are places you are going to stop reading…and hurt…and want to give up. When that happens, we will talk about it and find out why they are your stuck points. We will get to the bottom of every feeling…every fear…we'll take a good deep look at them…and then kill them all…one by one. It will take time. And some of the pain will never go away. It's part of you now, like it or not. But eventually, it will heal…not completely, of course…but…it will be something you can live with…think about from time to time…learn from it…maybe even someday…talk about with others who are new to their own horror movie, like you are now. This pain, this experience in this book, can kill you…or it can make you stronger. It's up to you. I see you are a fighter. That's why I chose this treatment for you. I know you can do it."

He was still holding the book and I looked at it…and then him.

"Why did you have me write all this down?", I asked quietly, ashamed of how I'd pushed him to the floor, "If you wanted me to talk about it, you could've just asked me."

"Writing is better.", Peter said, "People give more detail when they write, instead of talk. And if you read the same words, over and over again…it will become easier and easier…in time. And someday, before you know it, I'll be asking you to write about it all again…only this time, I'll bet the words will be different. There will be no self blame, no guilt…I'll bet there will be a stronger voice speaking on that day…and it won't be a story about a victim named Anthony. It'll be a story about a sick bastard whose destiny is to burn in Hell for all eternity. And the end will be about how he didn't break you…and how you survived."

"Man.", I finally said after he finished, "You sure are a great talker, Doc. I'll give you that."

"I don't have to be a great talker, Anthony.", Peter said, "I'm telling you the truth. The words aren't mine…I'm just sharing them with you. And maybe someday, you'll share them with someone else too."

"Give me that fucking book.", I said, taking it out of his hand and sitting back in his chair while he took the one across from me and the desk.

I looked at the cover and took a very deep breath, my fingers almost afraid to touch it, like it would burn if I did.

"I don't know how much of this I can really read.", I warned him, "But I'll try it…okay?"

"That's all I ask, Anthony.", Peter said, and folded his hands, putting his head against his fingers, closing his eyes like he was preparing to listen.

"You may begin whenever you are ready.", he said, not rushing me.

He waited while I took a few breaths…remembering in my head what the first few pages held in them…seeing the images in my mind…fuck, I even almost SMELLED Sir Kevin and the leather he'd worn that day. But Peter kept waiting, frozen in his pose, letting me decide when I would read.

I finally closed my own eyes and opened the book…the first page waiting there for me like a cobra wearing a big smile.

I cleared my throat and blinked my eyes….I cannot believe I'm actually going to do this.

And I began to read:

"I was kneeling in the dungeon, nude, waiting for my mistress. I was waiting to be punished, so I was in that position, perfectly displayed as she liked me to be. My arms folded tight behind my back, knees together, head down, eyes closed. I made my body and posture just right, not wanting to displease her even further. I could smell the familiar scent of leather and cedar wood…that musky smell of an old basement…I could feel the rough, gritty cement floor under my knees…it used to hurt me but now I was used to that tingle of pain. I waited for her…knowing she'd make me wait a little while…wanting my mind to wander, to fear and imagine what punishment she'd bring this time.

Instead, though, I kept thinking of Bella…of her smile…her laugh…the way she wept when I left her that morning…she loves me. I still couldn't believe it."

I looked at Peter and he was listening, his eyes still peacefully closed…and a little smile came to his lips. I felt okay…so I went on.

"Even if we don't get to be together…these last two weeks were enough to keep me smiling for the rest of my life. I'd always have them to look back on…no matter what else I had to go through from here. She made me a man…with her I was REAL, flesh and blood…not a shadow.

Whatever the punishment is, it was worth it, I told myself, smiling a little.

And then I heard HER high heels clicking down the hallway…coming for me."

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End of Chapter 17

There will be more Dr. F. in the next chapter, when Bella has her turn. And there will, unfortunately be more of the Sir Kevin story and other stories, not all at once, but here and there…so you've been warned. Don't come after me for the rougher parts of this story. It's part of Edward's journey to be whole again. I'll always warn you, and if you don't want to read it, that's ok. I'm used to that. You should've seen the nuns in my school when I was a kid and I'd write things…they tried to exorcise me! LOL!

This chapter went on longer than the others…I didn't want to cut it off anywhere so…Happy New Year! This new year will bring Water for Elephants…Bel Ami?…and definitely Breaking Dawn Part one! Can't wait! See you all soon! Thanks for staying with me! More good things to come! Love ya!

Love, Winnd


	18. I Love Therapy !

Chapter 18

Hi guys! I love reading all your reviews, the long ones and the short ones…they're all so intelligent and thoughtful. Sometimes you all have ideas that I didn't even think of…lol! Thanks for all your wonderful points of view, and your love of this world and characters…and yes, I did read Master of the Universe! LOVED IT! Fifty shades…mmm…if he existed, I'd be at his door now, on my knees…begging…

**(Marcus throws cold water on me) Thanks Marcus!**

**Fuck you, Winnd! Get on with it already and get the hell outta here!**

**Okay, sorry Marcus. **

**Thanks so much to you also for saying how good and accurate the Dr. Facinelli sessions are…I have worked really hard to make them great. It really makes me happy to hear you say that, so thank you very much! The horror movie thing – that's mine. The writing and reading the details of the attack is a real treatment for rape victims…when I found that out, I was like…OOHHH that's gonna be so fucking hard for Edward…and then I HAD to write it.**

**And no, I'm not a psychologist or studying to be one…I wish. I have done a lot of real research into this and added my own ideas…and also, I have done some time on the Edward side of the desk myself. (Long story, you don't wanna hear it. LOL!)**

**Don't pull away from me now…it's my sick mind that is bringing you all this wicked goodness…LOL! Oh, there will be stories…everyone start preparing yourselves now…and pick a buddy…stay together, we'll be alright.**

**We made it through the Red Line, we can do this one!**

**And yes, there will be lemons…are you kidding me? It's me, Winnd, remember? **

Let's go back to Dr. Peter F's office…it's Bella's turn now….

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BPOV

"It's especially difficult for Anthony, being a male rape victim.", Dr. F said as he sat in his chair across the desk from me, "Most men don't think they could ever be a victim of rape…it's thought of as a crime against women. But there are special issues males will have in this situation, like doubts about their sexuality or masculinity. Do you know that in the state of Virginia, even today, on their books, rape can only occur between men and women?"

"Really?", I found that so hard to believe.

"Really.", Peter gave a nod, "Many male victims don't even report the crime for fear they won't be believed. Society embraces women who are raped…but men…not as much. Male victims need to know that strong or weak, young or old, gay, straight, or bisexual…they have done nothing wrong that justifies the attack. At NO point or circumstance does anyone else have the right to violate or control another's body. Sexual assault is a crime of violence and power…control…it's not about lust or passion. The motivation of the attacker is to humiliate the other person."

I just learned and listened, finding his words to be dead accurate when it came to Edward.

"Anthony will feel rage, shame, guilt, powerlessness, helplessness…", Peter read off the list, "He will often feel unsafe, he may even get physically ill sometimes."

"I've seen all those in him.", I agreed, recalling those memories, "And, even now, in bed…he wants me to tie him up, the way Victoria used to when he slept every night. I didn't do it, but I feel like I hurt him by saying no to that. I think if I got out the rope tonight, he'd be happy about it."

"I will help him with that.", Peter made a note, "There is no miracle cure but there are some exercises…relaxation and breathing techniques that I can share with him."

"It's the only way he sleeps now.", I informed, "I didn't know what to do so I asked him to get in the position she tied him up in…and then I just talked him to sleep…gently…letting him know he was safe…that seems to work."

Dr. F. smiled at me and his eyes warmed even more than before.

"You have a gift, Marie.", he complimented, "You know what Anthony needs and you give it to him out of your own mind and heart…your techniques aren't in any textbooks…but they're insightful…and correct. I feel very good that he's in your hands during the week."

"That's nice of you but I feel like I'm messing up all the time.", I shared, "I rejected him when I refused to tie him up. You should've seen the look on his face. I know I hurt him real bad that night. And I'm always seeming to be yelling at him all the time! I get so angry, so easily lately…I don't know what's happening to me. I think about him all the time, even in school! I used to know without a doubt that we would be together forever…but lately, I'm so scared that I'm losing him! There is so much crap in the way! I feel like we'll never get out from under it all!"

I started to cry, grabbing my hair, something I was picking up from my beloved Edward.

Then I saw out of the corner of my eye, a box of tissues. I took one and wiped my eyes, touching it to my nose.

"If you could erase him out of your life right now, completely…like you never knew him…would you?", Peter asked me.

I didn't even have to think about that.

"NO!", I looked up at him as he stood there, leaning his butt on the front of his desk, holding the tissue box.

"Alright.", Peter grinned at me, "Take a deep breath…in fact, take a couple of deep breaths…"

I did that as he watched over me, nodding.

"Good.", he said firmly, "Marie…it's wonderful how much you care. Truly. I see the love you two have and it's very strong. But you've been putting all the weight onto yourself, worrying, agonizing over every little step…it is wearing on you, Marie. This is why you're angry and tired and resentful at times. This is too much for one person to bear. It's even too much for Anthony to bear alone, which is why I'm so glad you've both come to see me. No one can do it alone. The ones who try end up institutionalized or dead. You have help now. I'm here. When you get tired or scared, CALL ME. I don't care what time it is. Will you promise me that?"

I smiled, feeling this overwhelming sense of relief. It was nice.

"Anthony is right.", I shared, "You are too good to be true."

He smiled at me more. "I'm just doing my job. I don't know if I should tell you this, but since you're going to be a colleague of mine someday, I'm going to trust you. I lost a patient once…awhile ago. She killed herself. Without going into her private details, I couldn't seem to reach her…or she felt she couldn't reach out to ME when she needed someone most. I swore never to let that happen again, if I could help it. So every patient of mine now gets the speech….that they can call me anytime, anyhow…if they need me. Anthony promised. Now I would like you to promise me as well. Can you do that for me, Marie?"

"I promise.", I heard my voice creak a little, "How horrible that must've been…losing a patient like that. I wouldn't even know how to begin dealing with that…"

"It's part of the job.", Peter looked down at his tissue box, "But one that I will work my ass off never having to face it again. You can't save everyone, Marie. I had to come to terms with that. It's still very hard for me to accept."

"Well, we're going to save Anthony.", I almost called him Edward that time. I have to watch my big mouth.

"Yes we are.", Peter smiled down at me like a father would, even though he's not that much older than we are, "And Anthony's going to help save himself, too."

"And we're going to take some of the burden off your shoulders, too, Marie.", Peter informed, "You've carried so much for so long. It's time you got some relief…some backup?"

"That would be great.", I was feeling lighter already. Damn, this guy IS good.

We talked over a lot more after that. My jealous side…my insecurities about Melody…and his past with women…how I felt I wasn't experienced enough sexually to hold his attention for long…the way I felt that maybe he just loves me because I'm kind to him…there were no easy answers Peter could give me…but he did have some good advice and insights into it all.

He told me all my feelings are perfectly normal and that to hide them would be a mistake. And that my self esteem was a little low…I already knew that. He told me that we'd work on that so I could see I was not LESS than Edward. He said I should see in myself all the things Edward sees in me.

"He talks like you're an angel.", Peter smirked at me, "You know everything, you fix everything…"

"He puts me too high up there.", I replied, "He thinks I'm this perfect person…but I'm SO not. And every time I mess up, I know he sees that. I'm afraid that one day he'll see me just the way I am…just…ME. When he gets better, he'll know I'm a big fraud and he won't need me anymore. And then my life will be over."

Peter inhaled and spoke.

"First…your life will not be over.", he said sternly, "No man makes your life or takes it away. Even if Anthony did leave or if you broke up, you would live on. You have your school, your future, YOURSELF."

"I know.", I felt stupid now for saying that. He was right.

"Second.", Peter went on, "No one is perfect, not even ME. (he laughed for a second with me)…And if Anthony is searching for a perfect person then he's going to be looking for a long, long time. He will have to see you for what you are…I think he already does. But, yes, I've seen he does have a little bit of a worship thing going on with you. In time, he will be able to stand on his own…almost like a child. A little baby adores his mother…she is the center of his world. She loves him, she helps him grow…she teaches him to walk…he does grow…and he sees that his mother isn't perfect, that she has flaws and faults like everyone else. He may even pull away a little…but, Marie…he will still love you."

"You sound so sure.", I said softly, wishing I could be as certain.

"I know this is your first love, Marie.", Peter said sympathetically, "And I know this is an especially hard relationship as it is. I'm sorry about that. I will help you both…all I can. It will get better, I promise."

Before I knew it, I had been in Peter's office for one and a half hours. He never stopped us right when the hour was up. He paused when he saw that WE were finished for the night. I had to admit, he was wonderful. He is our doctor. For sure.

"You know, everyone always talks about their successes…their wins…", Peter had said to me at the end of our session, "But no one ever seems to discuss their failures. I've met some of the most important people in the world, Marie…and you know what? They've all had their failures…their mistakes…their regrets.

With a lot of young people I've known, they're all so scared to take a wrong step, to fail. But to never fail means to never learn from it…and if you're SO careful in your life not to ever have any failures…then, Marie, you're not really living. Your life will be a contrived, emotionless void…nothing more than a big fat zero. It's okay to fail, is what I'm saying…some of the best things arise from failure and mistakes."

He was so right. I never thought of it that way. That nagging ulcer feeling I had in my stomach was gone for now…and I cuddled against my Edward all the way home in the car. He had his arm around me and kissed my head, talking softly to me…

"You seem happy.", he summed me up as he drove along the empty dirt road leading back home.

"I am.", I said without hesitation, holding his hand that curled around my shoulder, "I feel like I've gotten a new wind…like I've just taken medicine. Dr. Peter is phenomenal!"

"Yea, he's good.", Edward agreed, "But he's no Dr. Bella."

I chuckled and looked out into the road ahead…laying my cheek on his warm red t-shirt, the cotton and muscle beneath rising and falling…so comforting…and arousing.

"How did your session go?", I asked, closing my eyes, listening to him breathe.

"Hard.", he answered, "I don't think I did very well. I threw Peter to the floor."

I gasped. "No you didn't."

"Yea.", he assured, "I did."

"Do you want to talk about it?", I asked, giving him the option.

"Not really.", he answered, "I'm not very proud of it."

"I'm sorry, baby.", I looked at his face and saw sadness there.

"It's okay.", he gave a little shake of his head, looking at the road, "He wasn't angry with me…he was so nice about it. I tried to make it up to him…I had to read my homework out loud. That's step two of my process, it seems."

"Oh God.", I felt a lump form in my throat, "I didn't know he would do that…"

"It's alright.", he answered, "I tried to read some of it tonight…I didn't get very far."

"It's your first night reading it…", I tried to soothe him, "You'll do better next time."

"I cried like a fucking baby in front of him, Bella.", he said with a disappointed voice…disappointed in himself.

"He understands, Edward.", I laid my face back to his warm chest, "I can see it in his eyes…that he gets it. And tears are good. It means you're getting rid of some of that pain. Sadness is a good feeling if you think about it…you cry, you feel a release…it's the empty, nothing feeling inside that sucks. My father had that for years after my Mom passed away. See, you're NOT a machine. You feel things…that's great."

"Thanks, Bella.", he sounded a little better now when he spoke.

I was feeling so good a wonderful little wicked idea came to mind.

"Pull over.", I said.

"What's the matter?", he asked, looking at me, "Do you feel sick?"

He was pulling over as he questioned me and when he brought the car to a stop on the side of the little road, he put it in park and turned to me, very concerned.

"Yes, I'm sick…", I leaned forward and turned the dial so the headlights would turn off, enveloping us in blackness, "I need Dr. Frankencock."

And I climbed onto his lap, as tight and impossible as that was. We were so close, and I was pressed up against him…I attacked his mouth with mine…grabbing his jaws and making them work for me as I licked and sucked…my breathing hard and heavy…my hair in his face as he moaned in happy surprise and returned my little tongue war.

"Bella…", he moaned into my open mouth and the sound almost echoed inside it…I clung to the back of Edward's seat…mashing my breasts into his chest as hard as possible…he almost was too close to touch them with his hands.

I was in the moment and I grabbed his wrists, putting them at his sides as I moved my tongue down and licked a very long, wet line across his beautiful jaw line, traveling quickly right to his jugular.

"UUUGGGHHHH!", Edward shouted out, and I felt his rock hard cock poking me through my jeans as I straddled him, my spine pinned to the steering wheel behind me.

"Ohhh Godddddd…", I heard his voice murmur in a slurred state of bliss as I bit into his flesh…and I let go of his wrists…wanting to grab that wild, fucksexy hair of his.

I clutched at it in two different places and yanked his head back a bit, letting it rest on the headrest behind him as I licked up his adam's apple.

"Fuck…please don't stop…", he panted, closing his eyes and keeping his hands where I'd placed them before.

"Never.", I growled, grabbing at the collar of his shirt, desperately trying to tear it open…but I wasn't strong enough. I was just pulling and tugging his body back and forth into mine…I was getting mad at the damn fabric when Edward said, "Allow me, baby."

And he tore his own shirt open for me, just at the collar.

"Go ahead.", he smiled, "It's not one of my favorites."

I dived on the tear and yanked it open…the lovely ripping sound of his shirt exciting me even more. He made this delicious, aroused noise as the shirt came apart, exposing him to me.

"Yessss…baby yes…", he whispered….peeking down upon me as I devoured his left nipple first…licking so wetly…breathing hotness on the little pink nub…sucking…biting…pinching…

I was like a bitch in heat, rubbing my pussy against his huge erection…leaning back against the steering wheel…arching my back, my hair covering half my face…

"Oh, fuck ME…", Edward was watching me and feeling me…and loving it, it sounded like, "Fuck, BELLA!"

"That's a great idea…FUCK BELLA!", I came back and grabbed his hair again, my hungry lips taking his again…our bodies were almost trapped in this tight little sitting up position…and our legs and arms began to struggle to find a way to free ourselves of this little prison…so we could have room to violate each other in very rough ways.

"Ughhh..", Edward was really trying to move now…wanting to get me, "Bella, please…oh CHRIST!"

"Edward…", I whimpered his name and moved my hands behind me…feeling controls and dials…buttons…I just touched them all, not caring what would happen.

The radio squeaked on, blaring out loud rock music…and then lowered and raised as my fingers played on…and the headlights flashed on and off at random…then, finally, ice cold air blasted out of a vent and ran up my back…blowing my hair up over my head, covering my face more.

I let it blow…knowing it would be very hot in this little car real soon. I heard Edward suffering, stuck in his pose, unable to even unbuckle his pants or spread his legs…

"Do you want this?", I tried to be sexy…seeing his eyes darting all over my body as I slowly undid my still damp blouse…somehow getting out of it and tossing it to the back seat…my bra was there…but not for long. Slowly, I moved the straps down each of my shoulders…then put my arms together, shoving my breasts together and upwards with one move, right up against Edward's perfect long nose.

"Ughhh…yes!", he put his face into my big cleavage and covered what he could reach with wet, tongue licked kisses…

"Take my bra off.", I suggested, my fingers grabbing at his cherry smelling hair again…he didn't need to be told twice…he could reach behind me and tear that hook apart that held the damn bra closed. And he did…violently.

I heard the window rolling open…and saw that Edward was rolling it down by the handle.

"This is what I think of your bras!", he sneered so hotly and tossed it far out of the window…and he rolled the window back up again.

"You're such a bastard!", I smiled lustfully back at him.

"Gimme!", he smirked, proud of himself and clutched my naked breasts…keeping them shoved together…ravaging every inch of the poor little twins…but they loved getting their Daddy's attention.

I moved up a little bit, rising on my knees that were curled up on his sides…and he followed my tits as they rose up a little over him. It was easier for him to get them when they were hanging in his face I learned.

"I could just cover your whole face with these…couldn't I?", I tried my dirty talking again, as Edward had tried teaching me to do during sex, "Would you like me to push them into your perfect little face?"

"YES!", he groaned, hardly able to speak as he was tasting and licking me.

I giggled, finding that I could only see his eyebrows when I shoved my boobs further down. I could feel hot, wetness…his tongue…God, there's a puddle in my pants!

"I'm getting so wet for you, Edward…", I shared, scratching my dullish fingernails down the sides of his warm, naked chest…feeling rib bones as I went.

Finally, he snapped and savagely grabbed at my jeans…unable to get them loose in the spot we were shoved into right now. A very brutal growl came out of him…he was getting real frustrated and I nearly laughed…

"Hold on, baby, let me help…", I looked and reached down to his left, pulling the lever that made the seat go backwards…and leaning the back of the seat downward…all the way down. Perfect.

Edward's upper half just fell back with the seat and I could feel my legs unfurl a bit…finally a little bit more room to maneuver.

"MMMMM!', Edward approved as he kept sucking my tit…his hands firmly grabbing at it so it could not be taken away from him.

His other hand roughly grabbed at the waist of my jeans…forcing me towards him…moving over my stomach and curling around my lower spine…I wanted to see if he was that good that he could unbuckle and unzip me with one hand.

He was grunting like a hot animal as I felt him do something with his thumb at the button of my jeans…and I felt it come open! His hand slipped right inside, making the zipper tear apart as his fingers expertly crept inside my panties…like water easily moving in…and I screamed out loud as those talented fingers found the wetness I was talking about a moment ago.

"UUUUHHHHHH!", he sounded like it pleased him as much as me when he began fingering that very sensitive, slick tissue…his fingers moved hard up and down against the perfect spot that needed the friction…I was already feeling a little tiny orgasm coming on and I loved it!

"Ohhhh, YESSSS!", I spread my denim legs open more, loving the feeling of the open air on my soaking wet clit as he worked those digits….and then he inserted a couple of them into me with no difficulty…I was a creamy, hot mess down there for him.

"JESUS BELLA!", he winced, as if the sensations were almost stinging him as well, "You're SO GOD DAMNED WET! FUCK! It's running down my fingers!"

I was too busy panting and squealing to pay much attention to what he was saying…I just knew his tone was filled with pleasure and want.

"You're gonna cum for me now…right now…", he growled, demanding my orgasm as he made his fingers move faster…"Uhhh you hot little BITCH! I love you SO FUCKING MUCH…COME NOW!"

And I did…almost against my will…but it was so erotic. The minute he called me his hot little bitch I was done for…and I spasmed…screaming…feeling my clit explode and quiver…my legs shivering without my consent.

My whole body seized in a very heated and wild frenzy. Every cell in my body was on fire…alive and quivering in lust. I never wanted it to end.

And before it really fully subsided, Edward was grabbing at my half open fly and groaning, "Give me those god damned PANTS!"

I let out a little squeak of surprise at his violent outburst…this was so incredibly hot I was eating it up with a spoon! I don't know how, but Edward tore my jeans off me…when they finally gave way and yanked off my legs, I was leaning sideways in the front passenger seat. My panties were gone too, and the clutch between the seats was right between my pussy lips.

I was not myself…I was another girl completely right now…and I began grinding my clit against the clutch handle…unable to wait anymore. I was gasping and panting…and Edward was watching me…his breathing jagged and hard also.

"Play with yourself…", his voice was deep and insistent in the dark…and I obeyed it.

He stroked up and down my thighs, close to my pussy as I kept moving myself up and down along the clutch stick there. It was abrasive and cold…I would've rather had Edward's cock.

"Play with ME.", I suggested, "I want YOU…"

"Come here.", he grabbed me up and laid me in the back seat, his laid down driver seat level to it…I lifted my legs and put one up over the back of the seat, by the back windshield…and the other leg raised up, almost toe to ceiling.

"Yeaaaaa…", Edward laid face down on the flat driver's seat, licking my clit from sideways…the tiny car making it a challenge for him…but he would not be deterred.

A couple of licks and he was on fire, gobbling up my juices and flesh, making angry savage sounds…like he'd been starving and now he was devouring steak, sucking up the blood and engorging himself without care.

I was screaming again, my legs so very out of control this time! I was amazed that they were doing this on their own…but it was that fucking intense!

As I kept coming, his lips caressed and wetly moved against my little overworked clitoris…and he began again before this orgasm was even OVER!

"OH MY GOD!", I felt like I was gonna die as I gasped a few times in a row…but the sensations were so god damned good that I prepared to die and didn't care.

"I could eat you all night…", he sucked some juice from my shivering folds of skin, "And all day…and all night again…"

Then he started one more time…not letting me escape as he began to drag me towards orgasm again…

Is it possible to die from too much coming? There's so much I don't know!

In a daze, I found myself a little later, clutching onto the steering wheel, looking out at the road as my knees rested on the edges of the flat, laid back driver's seat. The seat was holding my legs apart in a way, they were pinned there, Edward's doing…and he was behind me…pounding into me without mercy.

He had a hold of my waist, near my legs…yanking my pussy far behind me towards his demanding cock as he sat on the headrest of the laid down seat.

"Don't you let go!", he sneered as he kept pummeling the weak flesh between my legs, "You let go and I stop!"

"No, no!", I begged, clinging onto the wheel so tight my knuckles were throbbing.

"Shut up!", he ordered and I clamped my mouth closed, whimpering like a dog as he kept slamming against me…the slapping of the flesh such a rush and a turn on for me.

Then he changed his rhythm and began pulling all the way out of me…then BANG! Deep inside me…I screamed out with a howl…the pleasure far outweighed the pain…and the mixture of the two was pure torture…and the most fucking amazing sexual thing I'd ever felt in my life!

"That's right, DRIVE!", he saw my fists on the wheel…and even though we weren't going anywhere…I couldn't help that the wheel was moving to the left and right while he banged me stupid. For a second, I thought he really wanted me to drive for real! See, I told you he fucked me senseless!

"I'm gonna fuck you until you WEEP!", he threatened, plunging deep into me again.

And I believed him. In fact, I was about to cry from the most surreal experience of my life. I felt like I was having an outer body experience or something!

And I never in my life cried while I was being fucked. But I did that night. The pleasure was so thick…so unending…I had to weep. But it was a good weeping…I was crying in passion…in sweet agonizing lust.

"That's a good girl…", he scowled behind me as I sobbed, coming at the same time, the tears moving down my cheeks, "Cry because it feels so fucking GOOD."

I inhaled and cried softly…and Edward moved his gentle hand down my hair.

"Lo Mein?", he checked, asking if I was alright.

I shook my head…panting, "No…No Lo Mein…More…MORE!"

He kissed my back and said in the most sexy and tender voice, "I love my Bella so much…such a good girl…"

"Yes…Oh GOD please!", I begged for more…sniffling and letting the tears roll as I smiled.

It seemed like I blinked and in moments, Edward was sitting up in the driver's seat, as we began…and I was sitting on his cock, my legs apart, once again stuck in the sides of the seat, and he was inside me…his head laying back, almost dangling off his shoulders against the headrest…as I held the handle above me to my right…my other hand grasping his silk mussed hair.

I was bouncing up and down upon his tall cock as it fully penetrated me. Edward had been clutching at the steering wheel as I moved in lots of different ways…now I was bouncing fast upon him…and that was making him go insane. Earlier, I was moving very slow…and I will slow down again…just as he's about to come…

"Oh YES!", he looked at me with very tired eyes, full of drunk sexual heaviness…"Ride me, Bella! Fucking RIDE ME! HARDER!"

He took his hands off the wheel and grabbed my ass, helping me bounce harder and higher up off his cock as I rose up…forget slowing down! This feels TOO fucking HOT! The car is rocking, squeaking as we fuck! God, I love this car! I'll bet Edward would never let us do this is his precious VOLVO! I hope my car doesn't tilt sideways or something when I go to drive it tomorrow.

My breasts kept bouncing with me as I was fucking him…his eyes never left the twins as they jumped.

Edward must've shouted "YES!" about fifty times as I sprung like a ball up and down attached by a string on one of those paddles…

We were covered in sweat and out of our minds…I am still in awe at how long Edward can fuck without coming. It feels like forever….not that I'm complaining.

He screamed out and held my pussy tight to his waist as his open eyes bulged and watched the ceiling overhead. I felt his hot thick fluid inside…and I got a giant feeling of satisfaction and pride…that he was mine…that I had pleased him…that he wanted me so much.

"MINE!", he cried with a growl as he held my crotch flush against his cock…he panted, a lock of his hair letting a thin line of perspiration rain down slowly from his forehead…down the side of his face…his arms then clenched around my body, his hands on my wet back as we both shook like we were freezing. But nothing could be further from the truth. We were stuck together by our sweat, I think.

"Yours…", I half breathed, my voice hardly working, "Yours…"

He gave a very pleased grunt at my word, and he laid his face on my breasts, nuzzling against their heat and moisture, his lips giving a very sensual kiss there on the top of one of them.

I had my arms around his head, holding him to my bosom as my fingers moved in the wet tangles of copper and brown that could be made out in the glare coming from our headlights.

We seemed to cling to each other for a lifetime and one day…and I even thought maybe Edward fell asleep with his head in my boobs. But then I heard a police siren and my eyes popped open…so did Edward's.

Both our heads flew around, looking for the cop arriving. But there was just blackness…

"FUCK!", Edward began to laugh…"It's the radio!"

"Jesus Christ!", I put a hand to my heart, "I almost had a fucking heart attack!"

A commercial was on now about being pulled over without having insurance…that's why we'd heard the siren.

Edward held me, laughing…kissing my lips very softly as I finally joined him and found myself giggling too. I love the way he holds my face when he kisses me this way…like I'm made of crystal…so delicate…

"I never get pulled over without insurance.", he smirked, "But they bust me naked and fucking in my car everytime."

"We'd better get out of here before we ARE busted for real!", I looked around, now suddenly paranoid.

"I can't believe not one car went by…there's like…no one out here, at all!", Edward laid his face back onto my breasts, "That's one advantage this place has over New York! You can't go anywhere in that city without someone seeing you!"

I tried to move myself but Edward pulled me back into his arms.

"No, don't leave me…", he said like a little boy, "Love me."

He snuggled his face to my chest again…and I couldn't resist him if I wanted to.

"Always.", I began placing little kisses on the side of his head…"You are sure one hot little number, aren't you, Mr. Cullen?"

"Yes.", he still spoke like a brat, giggling as I play slapped him.

"I think you broke me.", I tried to move my left leg, "I'm numb! I can't feel my fucking legs!"

"Good.", he smirked, kissing my nose, then placing a kiss under my eye, "I don't want you to go…stay with me…"

"Mmmmm…", I smiled as he kissed me again, on my eyelid this time…"Ooookayyyy."

Edward laughed and kissed me again…as if he couldn't kiss me enough.

"I never got laid in a car before.", I shared, "I always heard what a pain in the ass it was…but it was so much FUN!"

He gave me this wonderful, crooked smile…a devilish grin…and shook his head.

"Bella Swan…", he said, "What have I done to you?"

"Everything.", I smiled…and came in to get another one of those smoldering kisses of his.

When Edward pulled the car up to the driveway next to the house, he looked down at me beside him, still not believing it.

"Bella.", he smiled, "We're home. You have to put your clothes on."

"No.", I whined, laying there in my eased back seat, stark nude, "Don't wanna."

"Okay, don't.", he said, taking the key out of the ignition and getting out of the car, his perfect naked body looked right at home in the moonlight as he came around to my side of the car…and he yanked the door open, grabbing me up into his arms as I screamed and giggled. Only Edward would've driven home stark naked because I dared him to.

"See what a bad little girl you are?", he smiled, carrying me as I kicked a little, holding on around his neck.

"I hope the whole town isn't inside, waiting to yell surprise at you for your birthday!", he teased as he got me to the door, having the strength to unlock the door as he held me with no effort.

"That's not until next week!"

"Hence, the surprise part.", he said and opened the door….the blackness waiting for us.

He waited…and for a second, I got scared. What if he's not kidding? I would absolutely die!

"Guess not.", he said, carrying me inside and kicking the door closed behind us.

"Punk!", I play punched his arm.

"Too bad.", he chuckled, "You would've been the most popular girl in town."

He carried me to his bedroom and pulled the covers down…laying me inside like I was the only woman on earth. He covered me up and stroked my hair…like I was a living doll he needed to groom for viewing.

"What are you doing?", I had a sleepy smile on my lips, "I have to help you sleep…"

"No, not tonight.", he smiled warmly down upon me, "I'm going to put you to bed for once. I'm going to be the man this time."

My smile grew. "Okay.", I said, "I'd like that."

"Scoot over.", he pulled up the quilt and climbed in next to me…I was giggling like a kid again…only not the kid I used to be. I was so serious…too serious. Edward was doing what he promised. He was teaching me to be a child…and to have fun.

He laid next to me and held me in his arms, moving his soft fingers over my eyelids.

"Close 'em.", he whispered, "I'm going to sing you to sleep…and hold you…if that's alright."

"I think that's acceptable.", I snuggled into his side…laying my cheek on his hairless chest, my fingers interlacing with his in the dark, "What will you sing to me?"

"Mmmm….", he pondered it, "Something you've never heard before. Italian love songs…"

"So I don't know what you're singing?"

"So you don't sing ALONG.", he laughed as I looked for some skin to pinch…but he had no body fat anywhere…SO UNFAIR!

"Settle down.", he stopped me and I decided to abandon my fight and snuggle in some more. It was so nice here in his warm arms…he knows how to hold me so well…like he'll never let me go…like he never wants me to go.

I put my palm against his chest and closed my eyes as he began to serenade me…and his voice…damn! I'd heard him sing before, that day in my old apartment when he sang Music of the Night from Phantom…and it made me just fall in love with him more. Tonight was no different.

I couldn't understand the words…but they sounded so beautiful…exotic…it was like listening to an opera song…only it was gentle and quiet…almost a whisper…and his fingers stroked my hair as I breathed against his skin…feeling so relaxed…so safe…so loved. The melody was so innocent…I didn't know what the song was or what the words meant, but I just loved it. I still can't believe this man is mine. I must've done something really heroic in a past life to be laying here in this man's arms now.

Edward Cullen loves me. Me – Bella Swan – the most plain and boring girl in school.

Take that, Kathy Harginson. She was a girl in my high school who always told me how ordinary I was and how I should try to fix myself up a little. Fuck YOU, BITCH! Peter is right. There's nothing wrong with me. Not if this man loves me. My self esteem should be much higher. I am wonderful! I make Edward happy. I love me…I love US.

I fell asleep quickly as my Romeo sang me to sleep with old romantic love songs. If my life ended right now, I couldn't complain. I've known love…real love. I was determined to hold onto it, forever…and protect it with all I had. I would work hard with Peter, as Edward was doing, to resolve my issues and problems so I would never have to know a night without this man.

And I decided right then…I love therapy!

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End of Chapter 18

Looks like Bella got some extra therapy…and Edward was rewarded for trying so hard and completing his homework! YAY! I love the images of them trying to screw inside a little car…LOL…car loving is sweet!

Happy New Year to all you guys!

Love, Winnd


	19. A Heart Whose Love is Innocent

Chapter 19

BPOV

Is it possible to love a child but at the same time, be driven absolutely crazy by them? I was trying to get dinner together and was glad for the little bit of quiet time before Edward got home. And then, she pounced again.

"Bella?", her little voice asked behind me and I put on my best smile, turning to her.

"Yes, Kate?", I replied, seeing she had one of my t shirts on.

"Does this shirt look good?", she asked, posing in it for me, her hands on her hips, "Can I wear it to school tomorrow?"

"Katie, is that my shirt?", I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Ummm…I don't know…", she lied.

I decided to let that one go for now.

"Well, first of all, it's not nice to go into my things without asking…", I began gently, "And second…I know your father wouldn't like you wearing my shirts to school…"

"He won't care!", Katie frowned at me and got a little loud.

"And third…", I closed my eyes and tried to keep my cool, "I can see your undershirt…see, it's too low cut when you wear it."

I tried to touch the collar, to show her but she smacked my hand away, yelling, "It IS NOT! You're a PRE-VERT!"

"No, Katie…I'm a pervert.", I corrected, thinking of Roseanne…I should take some lessons from her. She had it all together.

"SHUT UP!", she looked embarrassed, "You can't tell me what to do! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

And she ran off, slamming her door as I stood there, a look of bewilderment on my face.

"Where's that arsenic?", I joked, taking the salt and sprinkling some over the steaks I was making.

A couple of minutes later, I heard her going into my room again. I groaned, making a mental note to get a very strong deadbolt for my door.

"Kaitlyn Ariel Cullen…", I called, trying to sound a little more strict now, "Please get out of my room…"

I kind of sang that…in a sarcastically sweet way…and I heard drawers being opened and closed…I was not used to this. I was always an only child and never had to worry about little siblings getting into my things. And if she found something that was…ummm…too "adult" in my drawers…I know Edward's not going to like to have to explain what a vibrator is and what it does.

"Gee, officer…", I muttered to myself, "I don't know WHAT happened to her…she was playing one minute…and the next, she was hanging upside down by her ankles outside my bedroom window…"

I turned off the flame on the stove and walked slowly to my room, seeing if I could catch her at what she was up to in there.

I found her in my makeup box…looking in the mirror and trying to put the lipstick on…God, it was a mess! Now I'm mad.

"Katie!", I went in and pulled the lipstick out of her hand, seeing it was all messed up and broken now. I couldn't even put the cap back on it!

"Again, this is MY room.", I pointed out calmly, taking my makeup box away from her, "You ask before you come in here. Alright? And it's not cool to use another girl's lipstick…that's a rule."

"This is my DAD'S HOUSE!", she yelled, the red smears of her lips making her mouth look bigger.

"No.", I turned to her, my voice a little tighter, "This is OUR house…and I don't go into your room uninvited…so you shouldn't come into mine unless I say it's okay. Okay?"

Katie's eyes squinted and she clenched her little fists.

"My DAD pays for everything!", she shouted, "YOU don't even have a JOB! SO I can go WHEREVER I WANT!"

I had to pull my claws back in before I lunged at her.

"Katie…", I began but then I heard the front door close and Edward's voice called out, "Hello, hello…where are all my beautiful girls? I'm ready for you to worship me and sprinkle rose pedals before my feet."

It would've been cute if I wasn't so mad at his evil offspring.

"We'll SEE now!", Katie smirked at me and walked out, "DADD!"

I didn't know what I was saying to myself as I followed but the words "demon child" registered in my brain.

"Hi DADDY!", Katie leapt into Edward's arms as he gave a loud "UGGGHHHH! What did I ask you about not jumping me when I came home?"

I walked into the kitchen area, smiling at Edward…and he smiled back at me…holding his daughter.

"Hi babe.", he said to me.

"Hey.", I tried to smile but he saw it wasn't a true one.

"What's all over your face?", Edward asked Katie as I went into the kitchen to finish putting the food together.

"Make up.", Katie informed, "Bella said I should wear it to school tomorrow."

"What?"

I slammed the stove closed and flew back into the living room, scaring Daddy and his little angel.

"That is a lie!", I gasped, looking at them, then I said to Edward, "She keeps busting into my room, putting my clothes on, putting my make up on…I told her –NICELY—that she shouldn't be in there without my permission. But, as she just told me, this is YOUR house and she can do what she wants because…YOU pay for everything and I don't even have a JOB!"

Edward looked at Katie as if he couldn't believe it.

"No, Daddy, I didn't say that stuff!", she put on her innocent little sad face, the one he always fell for, "Bella's being so mean to me today!"

"UGH!", I half laughed and groaned…putting my hand up and going back into the kitchen, too busy for this bullshit right now.

I was listening though and Edward had better not say the wrong thing here.

"Katie…make up and Bella's clothes are not for you.", Edward said delicately, "You're a little girl, she's a grown woman…you know you can't wear this stuff to school. If you wanted to play dress up, I'm sure Bella wouldn't mind…but you have to ask her first. You know better than that."

"You NEVER believe ME!", she screeched back at him, and I heard Edward put Katie down, "You just care about HER! BELLLLAAAAA….ohhhh BELLLAAA!"

I just listened and wondered how expensive the nearest boarding school in Switzerland was.

Edward sounded shocked as hell when he answered, "KATIE!"

"I'm not a BABY and I don't play DRESS UP!", she lashed back, "GOD! You just can't face it that I'm grown up now! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

I heard the door slam in her room this time. I released a breath and hoped I didn't see Edward chase after her and beg her forgiveness.

Lucky for him, I didn't. He came into the kitchen where I was…and he looked absolutely dazed.

"What the hell was that?", he asked, stunned.

"Have you ever seen Chucky?", I asked, "That's all I can compare it to."

"What should I do?", he wondered aloud, looking at her closed door, "Should I go talk to her? The Bradys always used to go talk to the kids…"

"Oh God, you're basing your parenting on what the Brady Bunch would do?" I almost laughed, "Don't do it…you're a much better Dad than Mr. Brady was…"

We heard something bang against Katie's wall and then Katie let out a very shrill squeal.

I smiled at Edward and announced, "Welcome to the pre-teen years Mr. C."

"Oh God, Mr. C…", he blanched, "Don't say that, I'll feel like Richie Cunningham's father…ughhh…I hated that guy."

"Yea, he was so un-cool.", I teased, "Edward, from now on, you're not allowed to watch Nick at Nite…it's affecting you."

"Did you do this…when you were a kid?", Edward asked, unsure of how to play this problem.

Okay, at least now he was trying to relate to real life people, not TV characters.

"I guess.", I shrugged, "If I did, my Dad missed it. He worked a lot…I was alone a lot as a kid…some nights I heated up my own dinner and put myself to bed before his shift was over and he got home."

Edward looked sadly at me.

"I didn't know that.", his eyes looked into mine as I cooked, and his hand stroked my shoulder.

"I got used to it.", I shrugged, realizing we never got into many discussions about my own childhood, "I took care of myself. Charlie and I got closer when I was in my late teen years…it took awhile for it to happen. But it was never as close as I had wanted it once."

A 'tsk" sound escaped Edward's lips and he took me into his arms…I felt a little of my anger melt away as I hugged him back….holding my breath so I wouldn't inhale horse cologne.

"I hate imagining you so small…all alone like that…", he said softly into my ear as he touched my hair, "If Charlie didn't save my life and all, I'd call him right now and tell him off. And I still might."

"You're my sweetheart.", I touched his back and placed a little innocent kiss to his neck, "But you have bigger fish to fry now. Your little red haired daughter is in there, planning my fatal accident as we speak."

"Oh, she is not.", he said with a chuckle, glancing at her door.

"Are you kidding?", I asked him, taking the rolls out of the oven, "I thought her head was gonna spin all the way around before you came in. And here I am, all out of holy water!"

"Bella…", Edward gave me a very fatherly look…like a 'behave' kind of look…it was very sexy.

"Sorry Daddy.", I used my little girl voice, "I'll be good."

I laughed and so did he, a little. His smile cheered me right up and he said, "Oooh, cute…do that again."

"No.", I shoved his hand off my ass, "I'm cooking. Stop or you could get burned."

As I put the food on the table, we decided to let Katie alone and see what would happen. Maybe she just had a bad day today. We sat at the table and I nudged Edward to call her to come eat.

I felt like my lessons of teaching Edward to be a grown up were starting right now.

"Oh.", he nodded, then cleared his throat and called, "Katie! Dinner!"

He looked at me and I smiled back at him, nodding, confirming that was correct, my hand on his, patting it.

God, he's cute. My Mr. Brady.

It took awhile for Katie to emerge from the cave. I put the food on everyone's plates and we started eating before she arrived. If she thought we were going to wait for her and let our food get cold because she was late, she was wrong.

Funny…last week she was waiting on us, taking our orders and being so adorable. It was nice while it lasted.

Katie came to her chair and yanked it out, sitting down and scowling at Edward and I…waiting for us to react or say something to her. Don't weaken, Edward, I thought, hoping the message would reach him somehow.

She saw the slab of steak on her plate and eyed Edward, the thick red smudges still all over her lips…my shirt still on her body…

"Oh, I'll get it.", Edward moved her plate towards himself and began cutting the meat for her. She shot him the dirtiest look I'd ever seen her give before.

"Cut the baby's meat, right?", she yelled at Edward as he froze, not cutting anymore.

"I always cut your steak.", he informed.

"Why don't you just give me BABY FOOD?", she shouted.

I almost stepped in and commented on how it would be appropriate for the way she was acting…but I stayed out of it and let Edward handle it himself.

"Come on, Katie…", Edward went back to cutting the steak, "Bella made such a nice dinner, I'm just helping you so you can enjoy it…"

"I HATE Bella's food!", Katie looked at it like it was dog shit, "Why can't YOU make dinner?"

I'm moving in with Ben and Angela.

"I'm at work all day.", he said, then quickly, "Besides, Bella's a great cook. And you're being really insulting tonight, Katie…Bella does a lot for you…"

"I don't NEED her to do anything for me!", she shoved the plate away from herself, "I'll make my own dinner."

"Good, peanut butter and jelly are over there." I grumbled as I took a bite of my steak.

"Alright, you know what, Katie?", he put his fork and knife down, "Go to your room."

I almost threw myself into his arms and kissed him. He is wonderful!

"WHAT?"

"Go. To. Your. Room.", he said each word at a time, standing and pulling her chair out for her, "You don't appreciate what Bella made for you, then you get nothing. Go to bed."

Ooooh, even better! Edward C. is good at this discipline thing…

"No!", she argued, "It's only six o'clock!"

"Then you'll get lots of rest…and it sounds like you need it, you're a little crank pot!", he frowned down at her, "And before you go to bed, wash that crap off your face and take Bella's clothes off."

I didn't know I could love this man more…but I do. He is doing so great…and I know how hard this must be for him. I don't think he ever really punished anyone before, even when he was with Victoria.

She looked up at Edward and her bottom lip quivered…the crying was going to start any second now.

"I HATE YOU!", she screamed, crying as she took off to her room, "I WANT MOM!"

Ouch. Those two shots went right through Edward's heart, I know it. I winced just hearing it.

We could hear her crying in there…most likely face down on her bed. Edward looked like someone just tore the heart out of his chest. He just stood there, staring at the spot where she used to be.

"Edward…", I looked up at him, "Kids say that stuff all the time…she doesn't hate you."

"I know.", he said, for a second acting as if he didn't care…then he sat down and he let out a ragged, pained breath. He closed his eyes and tensed his jaw.

I held his hand and put my other arm around his back, talking right into his ear.

"She loves you…", I felt myself get all misty eyed at the pain in his face, "She's just mad…mad because you punished her. Kids always try to test the waters…to see how far they can go before you stop them. It's good what you just did. You can't let her walk all over you…"

"I know.", his voice cracked a little this time, "She never said she hated me before…I'm sorry…I should be tougher, shouldn't I?"

"You're doing great.", I kissed his cheek, nuzzling against it with my forehead, "Being a parent is really hard sometimes. You have to be the bad guy once in awhile. You can't always be her friend."

"She said she wants her Mom.", he said, squeezing my hand a little in his.

"Well…", I said gently, "She's getting to that age…where girls need their mothers…to learn how to be a woman…it's normal. It doesn't mean she doesn't need her Dad anymore. In a way, you ARE her Mom and her Dad right now."

He didn't answer or cry…but I knew he was really hurting…those words cut like a knife. I wish I could do something to stop the bleeding.

"It's good that her appointment will be in a couple weeks.", I whispered to him, stroking his hair a little, "Just like when I blew up at you awhile back, remember? Sometimes us women just go berserk!"

Finally, he gave a weak little grin and said, "Yea…you women ARE crazy."

"You'd better get used to it.", I smirked back, "Cause we're not going anywhere."

"Good.", he smiled back, the warmth coming back into his eyes.

We listened to Katie crying and throwing her tantrum in the other room. Part of me thought Edward should have talked to her but I knew he couldn't stand another hit if Katie said some more horrible things to him right now. I wanted her to calm down and not be angry before he spoke to her again. Maybe I could talk to her first.

"Go take your shower.", I suggested, "You don't want to eat anymore, do you?"

He looked at me apologetically and slowly shook his head no.

"It's okay.", I gave him another little hug, "The shower will relax you…and I can heat this up later if you're hungry."

"Okay.", he agreed, his face still very sad and concerned, "I'm sorry, Bella…"

"Go on.", I stood him up and spun him around towards the bathroom, "Do under your arms."

He laughed and went into the bathroom while I finished eating at the table alone, listening to Katie bawling and kicking her feet against the bed because Edward wasn't coming in there to calm her down.

"I'm getting my tubes tied.", I said to myself, chuckling, taking a drink of my soda.

`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0

The next couple of days were rough on Edward. Katie didn't talk to him much and if she did she was very rude and cold. And she didn't talk to ME at all…just glared and scowled at me.

Edward stood his ground, though, and I was real proud of him. He kept trying to reach out to her, but he didn't kiss her butt…and he didn't beg for her forgiveness. He was a real Dad…a good one. I was getting angry at Katie for doing this to him…but I knew it was perfectly normal for her to be acting this way.

The last two nights, Edward slept in his room…and he wasn't really in the mood for anything but sleep. He said he was tired…and I got the message as he laid in his bed, in the dark, alone. I can't deny how much it hurt. I wanted to be there for him now…but he wanted to be by himself.

Is he mad at me for making him punish his daughter? Does he blame me for the whole fight? I made some notes in my journal and waited for Saturday to come again…it was my birthday but I didn't care. I still wanted to talk to Peter…it had felt so good last time. He said I could always call him…but he doesn't specialize in child psychology. I figured at last that this wasn't the biggest problem in the world…a kid irritating her father was something older than the hills.

The third night after the fight, I was in my room, doing my homework when I heard a crinkling noise. I looked around and saw it was coming from under my closed door.

A slip of notebook paper was inside here, slipped under the crack of the door…and it had quickly scooted back outside…I stood there, half smirking, waiting for it to return…and in a minute, it did. It slid under quite easily and I could see some Edward handwriting on it.

It read:

'I'm sorry I've been such a dick lately.'

I had to admit it was nice to hear an apology. He hadn't really done anything to me but it had been very tense and quiet between us these last three days.

I felt my lips smile a little and the paper jerked out again…and I could hear some scribbling going on out there. No one can ever deny how fucking adorable this man is, that's for sure.

The paper came back and under the first entry was written:

'I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY sorry. For REAL!'

I heard myself give a little giggle as I sat down on the floor, waiting to see what else he'd do.

The paper slid out there again, very fast…and I crossed my legs, anxious for more correspondence from my boyfriend.

The paper came back and now it said:

'How much longer are you going to make me beg for forgiveness? Not that I mind, I'm just curious.'

And beside that was a big smiley face.

I yanked the paper towards me and leaned to my right to get my pen. Hmmm…what can I say?

I almost said, 'About four more hours' but I knew he'd just agree to that. I didn't want him begging me for anything, especially forgiveness. I wasn't mad at him, it wasn't his fault. Katie had really hurt him and I understood that. I didn't hold it against him for not being all sexy and romantic with me while his daughter was freezing him with her cold silent treatment.

So I just wrote: 'I love you. I'm not mad at you. I just miss you.'

I slid that message out the crack and waited. I heard his breath exhale as if glad or relieved…and then he yanked the paper out his way. I laughed a little because this was the weirdest form of communication I'd ever participated in…but it was fun.

The paper came back and said, written in red this time…with hearts and smiley faces all around it:

'I WUV U 2 BELLA!'

I chuckled and commented, "My little goofball."

The paper left again before I could grab it. Edward has fast hands!

It came back and said: 'Can I come in to play with you?'

I giggled like a thirteen year old schoolgirl. God, what is happening to me?

I stood up and opened the door quick before he had a chance to know I was doing it. And I looked down…and there he was…sitting on the floor, on his knees, his shirt off and soft little black shorts on. His eyes were so bright and happy as the light from my bedroom touched them…and once again I was in awe of how fuckingly beautiful he is. What entity made this? It had to have been four of five gods, not just one. And they were all artists.

He even bit his bottom lip a little as he looked up at me, like I was as lovely as he.

I didn't say a word…I just stepped backwards, motioning him in with my finger, curling it playfully as he pretended to leap up on all fours like a horny dog…panting and leaping in after me as I let out a surprised little scream. His voice growled out in triumph, as if he had hit his target.

The door slammed behind him and the lights went out almost simultaneously as he pounced. I never had a chance.

Hours later, as we both laid in bed together, and we had gotten a little rest…we talked about Katie.

"Maybe I should talk to her teacher.", Edward thought aloud, "Maybe something's going on there. You think?"

"Maybe.", I placed a kiss on the little dent in his perfect chin, "She is kinda going on and on how she's not a baby anymore. I told you she was going to try and catch up to the other kids in her class. And it's so hard…being a girl."

"Boo hoo…", Edward teased, moving my hair away from my face, "You girls all have it so easy…you all do anything you want and then you complain how tough it is to be a female."

I made a snort in argument but he went on.

"It's just as hard being a boy.", Edward pointed out, "Boys have fistfights."

"So do girls…now.", I said, "It's a much tougher world. You don't know. Girls can be even twice as scary and deadly as boys."

"First – I DO know.", he bugged his eyes at me, "And second, I know all about how fucking frightening women can be. I think I wrote that book."

"Oh yea, that's right.", I felt dumb, "I guess you DO know."

Edward closed his eyes and nodded like a little know it all. I had to laugh at that face. It was a new one.

"Well, yea, if you want to call the school and set up an appointment with the teacher, that's cool.", I nodded, "Or you could wait until parent teacher conferences, that's usually in like October…I think. Or we could wait until Katie sees the psychologist. They won't have any quick answers on the first visit though. Or...you could try talking to Katie again yourself."

"She won't talk to me.", he sounded so empty inside as he said those words…and I felt the hurt inside him, "Yesterday she said I was ugly. And I just asked her if she wanted to talk alone with me."

"Try again.", I suggested, "Don't give up. Try your paper under the door thing…that was VERY clever."

"Yea, it worked!", he smiled wider at me, his hands exploring my body under the quilt a little more now…

"Hey HANDS!", I struggled a little, "I think you've had enough for one night, don't you?"

"Nope.", he smiled more, not stopping those fingers of his…

"Edward!", I gasped and panted at the same time as they gently began to circle the very moist clit between my legs…right at the top….where it was most sensitive for me.

"Yes?", he asked, as if he was totally innocent…but that devilish smirk…was so damn hot.

"Six times…", I breathed, nose to nose with him as he worked on me in the dark.

"Six times what?" he didn't stop doing that…and he began slowly moving his fingers up and down…torturing me and knowing it.

"Six times…", I moaned a little, "Is not enough for you?"

He kissed my nose and slipped his one finger into a little fold in the side of my clit…I almost screamed but kept it to a very loud groan as he laughed, his lips on mine while we both made two very different noises.

"Is it enough for you, Bella?" he said in a voice so sexy…I nearly came right then from it alone.

I growled low in my chest, a little miffed that he was tempting me back into him again…I never could resist him and when he turned on the charm…and those bedroom eyes and voice…and those FUCKING TALENTED fingers!

I am already done for.

He's gonna put me in the hospital.

Doesn't he ever get tired?

I whimpered and clawed at his body…arching my back and unable to tell him to stop anymore. It was so good…I didn't want it to stop.

"That's right, bunny…", he whispered, "Just enjoy it…don't think…let me show you how much I love you…it feels good, doesn't it?"

I panted and nodded hard, my nose right beside his as I crushed my breasts against him.

"Good…", his voice was deep and sultry, "It's alright…relax…take your time…I'm going nice and slow…it's so intense this way…feel it?"

I almost couldn't speak…I loved the way he was talking while he was doing this…and it WAS incredibly gentle and slow…but it was AMAZING!

I nodded fast again, my fingernails digging into his right peck…but he didn't even flinch or make a sound…except that seductive voice…talking to me…

He opened his lips like he was going to kiss my mouth…but then his tongue just took a quick lick of my bottom lip….then the top one…he smiled as he teased me. I panted and moaned, helplessly caught in his web…not upset about it in the least. It even felt like he had stolen the power of SPEECH away from me somehow!

"Such a good girl…", he smiled at me approvingly, like a prized pet, "I love the way your legs are so open for me…ohhhh you're so smart…you want me to go deeper, don't you?"

I just kept making these aroused, little mews of sound…letting him know what he was doing to me…both with his hand and his voice.

"Like this?" he whispered.

I yelled out loud and clung onto him tighter…."UUUGGGHHHHH!"

He smiled down at me…"Yeaaaaa….see? Your body wants this…just give into it…trust me…the doctor knows what you need…"

I let his voice keep drawing me in…as his fingers curled and stretched inside me…touching places I never knew could feel sooo….sooooo….

"That's my baby…my little bunny…take your time…enjoy it…come on my fingers…"

At that, I came undone…again. I screamed and bucked against his body….wild with orgasm and lust…and he was kissing me, most likely trying to quiet me a bit without slapping his hand or a pillow over my mouth.

This man can never leave me. Never. I won't let him go. I can almost understand that little part of Victoria…and Raven…he is a drug…addictive…exhilarating…fuck, he's even GOOD for you…maybe, in the case of those sick bitches….too much so. He was too damned hot for his own good. I could see how angry, hostile women would want to suck him dry and keep all his goodness for themselves…even if it destroyed him in the process. They were the real vampires, not Edward. They had been swallowing his life blood for years…and not giving a damn.

His kissing was arousing me even while I was coming again! His tongue…his lips so strong and sure…he really knows what he's doing every second…damn, he's good!

Even his free hand is grabbing my hair…and just right…that's making me hot too!

I need sleep! I have school tomorrow! I wanted to cry but I was too busy struggling in vein in the bonds of orgasm…not really wanting to be free.

Finally, it seemed a year later, I was whimpering, "please…please…"

"What do you want, beautiful?", he smiled at me, giving me another little kiss, "More?"

I made a very scared sound as he laughed at me.

"I'm kidding…", he assured me, stroking my cheek, "I know you're tired, right?"

I sadly gave a little nod, clinging to him tighter.

"It's alright.", he snuggled his forehead against mine, "I'm sleepy too. Want me to hold you while you fall asleep?"

Is this man for real? DUH, of course I DO! I had really missed him the last two nights.

I just clung onto him, laying my face on that perfect chest…the heat so inviting, and nodding like a mute.

He gave a little chuckle and held me so well…I felt like all the demons in Hell couldn't hurt me now. I closed my eyes and breathed over the wonderful little curves and ripples in his torso. He laughed again, saying how it tickled…but he didn't make me move. He said he loved it.

"Go to sleep, angel.", he adjusted the quilt over our bodies, his chin resting against my head, "We always have the morning you know…"

Every woman needs one of these. I highly recommend it. But, we will need to find some kind of magic elixir for ourselves…to be able to keep up and not die of exhaustion or dehydration.

In the next few days, school was a little better. I had taken Dr. Peter's advice and started talking to a few other students. I even was invited to go out to lunch with a few of them one day…and even though I was never very good at the beginning of new friendships, I had to admit they were a fun little bunch.

We went to a place called the Campus Café. It was about a ten minute walk from the class we had right before lunch. The weather was warm and crisp…autumn was always my favorite season. I crunched my boots in the leaves as we went, making a little fun of our teacher, a Mr. Camafeel. He was old and very strange…and always wore yellow socks under his trousers.

I tried to stop being so stiff and formal, like they were strangers…because they were being so nice to me, including me like I had always lived here. It was a nice change from high school, where I was treated like a pariah, when no one would have invited me to sit with them at their precious lunch table. Who really wants to be friends with the Police Chief's daughter after all?

There was Cindy, a cute blonde girl who had lived here in Casper all her life. She was young and naïve…a lot like me before I'd met Edward. She seemed to have no problems at all. I almost envied her.

And Dan, a very uncomplicated guy who loved football and was going to try and make the team on this first year he was attending this college. It's all he talked about. You could bring up world peace and he'd find a way to bring the conversation around to football somehow. But he was also funny and big…he reminded me a little of Emmett.

Susie, a girl who seemed very smart for her own good. She always rolled her eyes at Dan and sometimes Cindy…she loves books and getting good grades. I could definitely see her as someone who would change the world someday. And so serious. She keeps asking me what my goals are while I'm here at school. She seems to like the fact I want to be a psychologist. She even said, "Finally, someone with a brain!"

There were another couple of people in the mix…Peter, who was very shy and standoffish, who I know nothing about really…and Annie, who has thick red hair and fair skin….she makes good jokes now and then…but I don't know much about her yet, either.

Separately, I probably wouldn't want to hang with any of them for long, but together, somehow, they worked. They bounced off each other's personalities very well and they all seemed to care about each other, all jokes aside. It wasn't a group I would have chosen, but maybe in time, I would come to love them all too. Maybe I could be part of things…and belong.

Even if things didn't work out with this group, I was glad I was at least starting to form a life of my own…just because I was eating with them today didn't mean I was married to them…I could always make other friends. But all else aside, it was fun being with them today instead of eating alone on campus or in my car listening to the radio. I liked it. I could talk about stupid, non important things…I could be twenty years old and be young. Some days I feel like I'm two hundred and five!

Friday came before I knew it and I felt good. Looking forward to the weekend was nice…maybe we could talk things out with Katie in the next couple of days. Or maybe she just needed some space. I was thinking about this when I heard a little tap on my window behind me. It sounded like something tiny and hard had hit the glass. I looked…and the soft orange glow of twilight was peeking in back at me. The sun was going down soon…I should start making dinner.

The little sound happened again and I turned around, my brow furrowed.

If Katie is throwing rocks at my window from out there…

Ding! Ding! Two more little taps right along with each other knocked on my pane.

I heaved out a breath and yanked the window open, saying, "Katie, are you out here?"

And then I screamed and flew backwards when I found myself nose to nose with a horse!

I wiped off my face because the horse had splattered me a little with his lips as I'd shouted out.

It took me a second to register it…that a horse's face was looking at me from out there…he had cute eyes…they looked at me as if to ask, 'What's YOUR problem?' He was brown…a thin white line down the center of his head…and with black, long hair.

A hand came around and placed a long red rose in the horse's mouth. The horse held it in his teeth….and the hand shoved the horse's face a bit, and it came inside the window a little more…offering it to me. I couldn't believe it but the horse didn't eat the rose…he just held it…as if he knew it was wrong to snack on it.

I smiled and slowly walked forward, almost afraid to take it….what if he bit me or something? I gently took hold of the long stem that wasn't near the teeth of the horse…and right away he let go of the flower.

"Thank you.", I said, not knowing what else to say, a little chuckle erupting out of me.

I noticed the thorns were all gone from the stem…and a little sprinkle of baby's breaths were encircled around it. It's a rosebud…not fully opened up yet. The horse moved a little, his side showing through the glass now…his head back outside. The hand moved up inside and pulled the window all the way up. And I saw a black hat as the rider bent down to greet me.

"Howdy Ma'am…", he smiled and used a very cute southern drawl, his hat brim dangerously hiding some of his eyes, his fingers touched the top of the brim, in polite greeting to me.

"Howdy Sir.", I played along, or tried to, "Who are you and what are you doing in my window?"

He smirked and leaned his arms on the saddle he was sitting on.

"Your husband home?" he asked, naughty boy.

"No.", I smiled more, "He's at work. He'll probably be home in a couple hours, stinking like horse poop."

He made a little bratty face at me, trying not to laugh or smile at my little statement.

The handsome stranger looked around him and then offered me his hand.

"Wanna go for a ride, pretty lady?", he asked me.

I almost jumped up and down. And I gave him my hand and said, "I would love that!"

Climbing out the window was a little challenging…thank God all the rooms were on the ground floor. His hand held mine securely, coaching me verbally how to get out and then climb up in front of him. I'm glad I had my long, flowy blue skirt on today. It was easier to maneuver.

"What about Katie?" I asked before we moved at all.

"The young'un?", he asked as I giggled, "She's taken care of. With her grandparents, I reckon. Don't worry none about her."

He's funny. He planned all this. For my birthday…a day early…what a little sneak!

I couldn't believe I was straddling the horse and my panties were all that was between me and the saddle as he gave a little cuddle with his cheek against my hair.

"Alright.", I smiled, "I won't worry none."

"Hold on, little lady.", he put my hands on the leather knob of the saddle while he held the reins.

The strange cowboy made a little kissing sound and kicked his boots on the sides of the horse…and slowly, we began to move away from the house, towards the setting sunset, trees and forest waiting ahead of us. It was like being in a movie…at the end.

I still had my rose, unwilling to let it go as we rode on. We didn't go fast…it was just steady, slow…so quiet. The muscles of the horse moving us along with him as we went. I was really enjoying this so much. We didn't even need to say anything.

This is so cool - I thought, like a kid…I LOVE my cowboy!

In minutes, the house and road were gone…and all I could see were mountains and hills…grass…the sky…forests all around us. No proof of living in the year 2010 existed here…everything I could see was ancient…and yet brand new all at the same time.

I watched Edward's hands handle the reins…and I was impressed. He'd learned a lot in a short time. And I felt safe, not nervous at all. I trust him.

"So beautiful.", I heard myself exclaim as we slowly moved past a lake…the reflections of the red sun and purple clouds seemed like a mirror…something I'd only seen on canvas or in photo books at Barnes and Noble.

"I was just thinking the same thing…", he laid his face against mine from behind me…and kissed my shoulder, right where the sleeve began, kissing my skin instead of the fabric.

God I love this man.

"Hey, watch it…", I teased, "I'm a married woman, remember."

"He's a lucky man.", his voice said deeply into my ear as we rode, "I hope he knows it."

"He BETTER.", I shot back, smirking back at those lovely eyes of his, the emerald so distinctive in the red glows of the twilight skies around us.

We rode around at the same pace for so long…I never wanted it to end. There was so much to see…so many unexplored areas. You could walk forever around here and never see it all. We even found a family of little rabbits and before Edward could dismount to pet them, I said, "Don't even THINK about it."

I was not in the mood to be eaten by a rabid pack of angry bunnies tonight. Animals all seemed to want Edward's ass…all except for this very calm horse we were on right now. He seemed so relaxed and sweet. He never once stopped to eat leaves or grass, or drink from the lake. Such a good, noble steed.

It was so sensual, too…having Edward's chest behind me, my head resting on him every now and then. I even closed my eyes from time to time, enjoying the feel of his body behind mine, his arms so strong curled around mine…almost in an embrace as he steered. His voice and breath were right near my ear always…and he spoke so low…so soft…it was just right for our surroundings…like he didn't want to disturb nature by making too much noise.

And, embarrassingly enough, my open legs were bare under the skirt, so the hot feel of the horse's sides against them…not to mention the movements under my cotton covered vagina…were doing something to me also. It wasn't like it was a super thrill…it was subtle…but it felt nice…powerful…a low hum just gently laying there inside me…

I wasn't sure if Edward knew where we were going ahead of time, but as we came up to this one area, it was certain that this was a gorgeous spot for lovers to hang out in, almost like it was created just for us…virgin territory not yet touched by human feet.

There was grass…and in other spots just soil…rock…a distance away was a rounded little cliff, overlooking the world, it seemed. Below were mountains…and valleys. I saw no buildings, no cars, no people. Just the ever changing reds and oranges, violets and screaming white streaks ripping up the sky that felt just out of my finger's reach.

You could never really see a full sunset like this in New York…something always got in the way…skyscrapers, planes…telephone wires…there was none of that here now. Just me…and him…and God.

"Whoa, boy.", Edward gently moved the reins back a bit…and the horse obeyed his command right away.

"Good boy.", he stroked the horse's mane, patting his neck affectionately. I liked that. I always heard how he hated the horses and how the horses hated HIM. I saw that was already changing for him. I was glad.

"Stay here a second.", he said firmly to me as he carefully dismounted. And I watched him take another rope that was around the horse's neck and he gently led him as he walked over to a very thick tree a couple feet from us. The horse went with him, and I kept holding on, giggling a bit as we arrived to it.

Edward skillfully tied a couple knots around the tree base, tugging to make sure it was secure enough. Then he came to the side of the horse and looked up at me.

I almost began to move so I could get off the horse and go to him but he said, "WAIT." It wasn't loud but just a tad louder than he'd been during our ride.

I thought I did something wrong but he just looked up at me from under his hat and said, gently, "You have no idea how beautiful you look there…the sky is like…crimson behind you…and your hair…your eyes…"

He stopped and looked down a moment, then when he looked at me again, his eyes were glistening a little, and he said, his voice cracking a bit, "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I love you, Bella Swan."

"I love you, Edward Cullen.", I said back with no hesitation at all, meaning it with all my soul.

He reached up for me and I made a horrible dismount…but it didn't matter…he caught me in his arms and carried me bridal style, kissing my lips as he stood there, looking out over our world, as if it belonged just to us…and it did.

"Happy Birthday, Bella.", he whispered to me, only his eyes visible to me as the setting sun began to melt away from us.

"It is NOW.", I replied, kissing him again…my arms wrapped around his neck as he deepened it…placing three small kisses there as I began to break the kiss, needing air.

"No. More…please…", he wouldn't let me end the kiss…and came back for more…mumbling the words against my lips.

I held his face with one of my hands as I gladly gave him more…I felt dizzy by the end of that kiss…and he was still standing, holding me without fail.

He placed me down on the grass, making sure I was comfortable as he began unbuttoning his shirt, letting it slide down off his arms, and then he balled it up and used it to place behind my head, a perfect pillow.

The hat stayed on and I loved that. He kissed me again, laying a little of his weight on my body as my legs under the skirt parted, letting him nestle himself there while we made out like teenagers. Only no teenager I ever knew could kiss like him…and I found myself whimpering before too long. He was driving me crazy and I wanted to be naked NOW.

He was kissing down my chin…and then down the middle of my neck…setting my skin on fire. I remembered the moment we were in that little room at Fire. It was kind of like this…reddish light…him kissing my neck this way…beating down my resistance fast. So I said what I'd said to him that first night.

Panting, I tried to say clearly, "Wait…can't we…talk first?"

I'm not sure if that's exactly what I said, but I was stupid from lust.

Edward was so good, he caught on right away.

"If it pleases you…", he whispered low above me, "I'm a very good talker."

And then he opened his mouth, placing his lips on the spot right between my breasts and closed them…slow and wet.

FUCK!

"Screw talking.", I growled, "Fuck me now!"

"Why, Miss Swan…I'm shocked.", he kissed up my neck now…knowing it was my weak spot.

He was taking his time…instead of tearing my clothes off. I hated him for that at the moment.

"Please…Edward…", I begged like a puppy.

"Patience, Miss Swan.", he smiled down at me, "I like to be…thorough."

Thorough…what a sexy word.

"I don't want an inch of you untouched by me when this night is over.", he informed, kissing behind my ear.

Before I knew it, I was completely naked, out in the open air…arched back and with my breasts proudly standing out, bathed in the scarlet light that caressed our ivory city bodies. We must have looked like two vampires outside their usual hunting ground, almost sparkling in the dying light of the fading sun. Edward was sitting on the grass, and I was impaled on top of him, moving up and down, as he leaned me back, almost in a laying down position, so the sun could keep stroking my flesh. He said he wanted to see the light on my body…until it was completely gone. And he did.

I kept shouting his name, so close to heaven that I'm sure God could hear it. I silently thanked him over and over again for this miracle, this love that turned my life and world upside down…but look how my little life has changed! Look how much I FEEL…look how much I LOVE…I've never really had this before…this love of life, this passion for anyone or anything. It set fire to everything I thought I loved before it…but it didn't burn it down…it lit everything up…it made it all sweeter…better…fuller.

I did cry…silently, with just one single tear moving down my face and landing on the earth…on the spot where I was happiest in my life so far. It is my birthday…and I am reborn this year. I'm not that scared, lonely girl I used to be anymore. I'm a woman, loved, wanted…no longer afraid to face life's demons. Armed and ready to take them on…because my future will be a great one…filled with great people…I'm going to be a mother…a wife…a friend…I could glimpse my future, the one I could have if I didn't give up and fought for it…I want it…so badly. And I'm going to have it.

What better place to re enter the world than out here, under the hand of whatever creator made it all so long ago? Whoever you are, I thank you for bringing my life to Edward, for bringing him to mine. I will work hard to be worthy of your gift. I will try harder.

I almost felt like we were Adam and Eve, two nude lovers in the middle of a forest, not needing anything more than what was here already. But Edward's hat never came off during our entire lovemaking near the cliff edge…he was watching the sunset while he made love to me…and I was watching him…we both had fantastic views of something marvelous.

And that little lake a few yards away…Edward carried me there and I almost screamed, thinking it would be ice cold. But it wasn't. It was actually quite warm and so soothing…we sat in there together and Edward kissed me while we watched the sky and talked about things only lovers could discuss. No problems, no therapy, no issues…just how good we felt, how strong we were together…our past…our future…it was so honest and open…so rare…I felt closer to him now than ever before. I hoped we'd keep getting closer as time went by. I knew we would.

Eventually, the sun was nearly gone. And Edward sprung into protector mode. I stayed in the lake as he ran naked to the horse, opening up a pack he had strapped to its side. I giggled as he came running back with a blanket and one towel.

"You planned this too?", I asked in the warmth of the water as he looked like he was shivering out there at the lake edge.

"Not really.", he stuttered a bit as he spoke, looking cold, opening the towel for me, "If I had, I would've brought TWO towels…and a heater!"

I hurried up and came to him…and he dried me all off with vigorous hands so I wouldn't catch my death of cold. Then he took the big blanket and wrapped it around me, over my shoulders.

"Keep warm.", he took the damp towel and began drying himself as he kissed me, "I'm gonna put my pants on and then start a fire for us."

I laughed and followed him back to the clearing around where the horse was…where a little circle of rocks waited in the middle of the soil ground near the cliff.

"I didn't know you could make a fire.", I said, not bringing up how afraid of fire he usually was, "I'm having a Frosty the snowman and Penny moment here…"

"Pipe down you.", he smiled at me as I sat a couple feet back, watching him going into his pack again that laid on the ground now.

"Watch and be amazed at my camping skills, little one.", he took two rocks and a little stick out of the bag.

"This I have to see.", I watched, thinking this way of making a fire was only done in old westerns and was a myth.

He began clicking the stones together, a little pile of twigs and dead grass bunched up underneath them. This went on for a couple minutes and all the stones did was make little sparks. Nothing caught fire.

Finally, I joked, "Stop, it's getting TOO hot now."

He shot me a little glare and laughed.

"Luckily, Bob told me how to do this the smart way.", Edward went into his bag, "And if you can't do the flint thing, he said…do this."

And then he took a little can of gasoline out of his pack and squirted a couple circles of liquid onto the dry clumps in the stone ring…and he took out a little box of matches, struck one, and tossed it in…and a nice little fire was born!

"YAY!", I clapped and hugged him as he held his hands out as if to say, "Voila!" like he'd just done something magical.

"My cowboy!", I kissed him as he shrugged, sheepishly, and said, "It was nothing."

We laughed like kids and the fire slowly got bigger as we added more twigs and things into it. In a few minutes, it was getting very warm and cozy indeed. And Edward's arms around me didn't hurt, either.

"Did you ever go to camp when you were little?", I asked him.

"No.", he said, "I always wanted to, though. Another dream you're making come true for me tonight."

He was breaking little pieces of stick off the edges of a long stick, and he handed it to me.

"Is this in case a bear runs up to us or something?", I asked, play swinging it in the air like a sword.

"No.", he smiled, going into his bag and taking something out, tearing two ends of something apart that I couldn't see as he turned his back to me a second, "It's for this."

He stuck two marshmallows on the end of my stick as I giggled.

"You thought of everything, didn't you?", I chuckled as he started to make his own stick now.

No date with Edward would be complete without some junk food.

I placed my stick in the fire and slowly turned my marshmallows around as he watched me happily, like a small kid who was so excited he was getting the chance to do this now. I felt a little sad for all that he'd missed in his life…I made a mental note to make sure all his missed things would be done now…he would live now…now that he was free; not just from Victoria but free of his parents and all their baggage. In a way, this witness protection thing was the best idea for Edward now. He could leave all the people behind who'd harmed him…even if they were blood relatives.

And he looked so cute when he finally got to put his own stick in the flames. He was made happy by so little. Or maybe it wasn't little at all…maybe I'd just took it all for granted myself.

It was very dark out there now and the sun was all gone. After the marshmallows were all eaten and the bag was empty…THEN…Edward took out our dinner. Typical. Sugar first, food after. That's my naughty little boy. I can't wait to take him to the dentist. And to hear the drill.

"What's this?", I asked as he spread out the towel, now dry, and began placing little containers upon it between us.

"Dinner tonight is provided by our bestest buddy, Jimmy Chan.", he announced, licking his finger as he opened the last little white container.

"No way!", I smiled, looking inside all the great little boxes as Edward handed me a silver fork out of his bag while I laughed.

"Way.", he grinned, "I told him it was your birthday and he said, 'no charge white boy'."

"NO!", I felt my mouth fall open, not believing it.

"Yep.", Edward grinned, "Told you he likes us."

"Awww…", I felt all misty eyed, "We have a friend!"

"Yay for us!", he yelled up over our heads, to the heavens above, "WE HAVE A FRIEND! WWOOOOOO!"

"Shhh….", I laughed, grabbing his bare arm, "Please don't make the owls attack us or something."

He laughed, too, and opened a coke for me, sticking a straw into it.

"I wanted to get wine…but Jimmy said I have a better chance of picking up toothpicks with my buttcheeks than finding a decent wine around here. Is soda alright?"

"Perfect.", I assured, loving my soda and sipping it through the straw as he kept setting things up.

"You're so cool.", he said to me, winking because I was so happy with what he'd done so far. I bet a lot of the women he'd known were very difficult to please…and that this whole night wouldn't have been acceptable to them. Well FUCK them. I'm loving this!

Edward held up his cherry coke can and said, "To our friend…and more importantly, to the day you were born…the most important day in my life now."

I almost cried as we clicked cans and drank.

"I still can't believe you went to Jimmy's for our dinner tonight, that's soo great!", I said as I ate a bite of something very rich and creamy…noodles and chicken it tasted like.

"You should've been there!", Edward enthused, telling me the story, "I rode the horse up to a window back behind the kitchen!"

I felt my eyes bug out as I laughed harder, imagining that.

"OH GOD you DID NOT!", I almost choked on my food while I giggled at him.

"Yes I did.", he said proudly, "I banged on the glass and he almost shit his pants…and then when he saw the horse! I wish I had a camera! He went NUTS!"

"That wasn't a long trip I'll bet.", I laughed while I ate.

Edward beamed as he told the whole thing…"He was like, 'This is not a DRIVE THRU mothafucka!' and I said, 'Well, you need one. This is a suggestion from your one customer.'"

"Then I said,", he went on as I was hysterical, "And besides, it's not really a drive thru if I'm RIDING a horse…I guess you'd call it a RIDE THRU.' And he almost killed me! He said he'd die first before ever installing something called a RIDE THRU in his restaurant. 'That's all I need is horse shit all over the fuckin' place, besides all the retarded white folk hanging around!' he said."

"I like how you do his voice.", I laughed, tears in my eyes, "Do some more."

And he did.

"If that horse shits, Woody, YOU'RE finding it in your food next time you mosey on in here, that's a fuckin' promise!", he mocked and did a perfect duplication of Marcus. I could listen to him all night long.

"He called you Woody?", I almost fell over from laughing.

"Yea, that was a good one.", he smiled at the fire, remembering it with affection, "He's the best!"

"Did he-(I kept laughing)—Did he…bring the food to the window where you were?", I asked.

"Yep.", he replied, "I told him if he didn't, I was bringing the horse inside to get my food."

"Oh man…you got him back for the ice water, that's for sure!", I wiped my eyes, picturing Marcus' face.

"And after he gave me all the food and said no charge I asked him, 'No carrots for my horse?'" he laughed, telling it well.

I roared out, saying, "You are brave, Masen! So brave! That's a beautiful shot! You're good!"

"What did he do?", I asked, almost afraid to ask.

"He was cursing and shoved M.S.'s face out of the window…and slammed it closed. I could still hear him as we rode off.", Edward smirked with pride, "I heard him going 'UKKK…fucking HORSE SNOT on my HANDS! MOTHERFUCKER!' It was so great!"

"Okay, stop…stop…", I begged, "I can't breathe…wait a minute…"

"The only thing I wish is that M.S. DID dump right there outside the window. But he didn't have to go then.", Edward stated.

"M.S.?" I asked, "Is that the horse's name?"

"Midnight Sun.", Edward informed, glancing at him as he hung out back a few feet away from us, "He's a nice old guy…perfect for learning to ride on. Mellow…quiet…not a troublemaker at all."

"He's great.", I smiled at him, "And you're great with him…I saw how well you handled him…how nice you were…"

I thought to myself that when I was tied up with him…back during those two weeks…he had been very gentle with me too…he didn't hurt me at all…in fact he was extra careful not to cross the line and harm me in any way. It occurred to me that after how cruel everyone had treated him when he was in the submissive position…that when he was in control of another…even a horse…that he made sure to be kind and safe with their well being. That said a lot about what kind of a man Edward Cullen is.

"We'll have our own Midnight Sun…", I looked up at the gigantic golden moon over us, "Well, in a few hours maybe…"

"Yea, it looks like even the moon wants to be here for your birthday.", he smiled up at it…"And all the stars too…everything loves you."

"Keep going.", I smirked at him, "Flattery will get you EVERYWHERE."

"Oooh, don't say that.", he grinned, "I'll have to pull out the big guns and recite poetry next."

"You know poetry?" I asked, not aware of that.

Edward cleared his throat jokingly but then spoke like he just stepped in from the 1800's….a romantic speaking poetry to me.

"She walks in beauty like the night…

Of cloudless climes and starry skies

And all that's best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes…

Thus mellow'd to that tender light

Which heaven to gaudy day…denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less

Had half impaired the nameless grace

Which waves in every raven -sorry—chocolate (he changed that word) tress

Or softly lightens over her face.

Where thoughts serenely sweet express

How pure, how dear their dwelling place.

And on that cheek, and over that brow…

So soft, so calm, yet eloquent.

The smiles that win…the tints that glow

But tell of days in goodness spent

A mind at peace with all below…

A heart…whose love is innocent."

Yes, I had to dive upon him again after that. That's how fucking innocent my love is! Who wouldn't attack him after that? It was Lord Byron, for Christ's sake! He just gets more and more attractive to me every time I peel another layer and find something about him that sets me on fire!

This is turning out to be one Hell of a birthday!

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See more next of Bella's birthday celebration! It's not over yet!

Love you guys! Hope you all had a great New Year celebration! See u soon!

Enjoy the nice stuff now, more bad coming later. You've been warned!

Love, Winnd


	20. Don't Piss off the Wish Fairies!

Chapter 20

BPOV

We were laying naked on the blanket, on our stomachs, our heads propped up on our arms as we smiled blissfully at each other, the fire so hot beside us that we were actually moist with sweet perspiration. It was like being in a little sauna…and the night sky wasn't scary to me at all. Maybe in New York out here in the open with my naked ass sticking out for all the world to see, I'd be real paranoid. But I didn't feel that here…with him. It felt like the world was only us…and I was loving it.

"Are you sleeping?", I chuckled as I looked at his peaceful face…his closed eyes.

"No way.", he opened them, smiling at me, "We have to ring in the most important day ever…my watch says it's almost time…midnight."

"Don't whip out any horns or noisemakers now.", I smirked at him as our feet cuddled with each other behind us.

"No noisemakers.", he shook his head a little, sighing to himself, "Just your presents."

"Presents?" I asked, my voice taking on the spirit of a five year old girl.

"Yes, PRESENTS.", he mocked my voice and laughed as I felt my teeth biting on my bottom lip.

"It IS your birthday.", he added, "What kind of a lover would I be if I didn't get you at least one present?"

I looked at him as if I could eat him right up. Not that I hadn't tried before now.

"What'd you get me?", I pounced on him, doing my best impersonation of that little girl he'd wanted to see inside me. And he just hit the thing that turned me into her every time…presents!

"God, calm down!", he giggled, surprised by me, "Didn't you ever get presents before?"

"Sometimes.", I shrugged, "But not very often. Christmases and birthdays were hard for my Dad…without my Mom around…mostly, my gifts were things like…a photo album of my Mom's pictures or something."

"Jeez, that sucks.", he looked at me with that sad look again, and picked up his watch that laid in front of him on the blanket.

"Okay, it's close enough.", he sat up, going into his bag again…"Close your eyes, close 'em! Be a good little girl."

"I am, I am!", I giggled, closing my eyes…maybe peeking out of one of them.

"HEY!", he pointed at me, "I see you Swan! Peeking loses you presents."

"No, no!", I pouted, putting my hands over my eyes now, "I'm not looking, see?"

"Okay.", he handed me one medium sized present…it was a little heavy too.

"YAY!", I hopped up and down a little, forgetting I was naked and sitting up, and that my breasts would bounce as I did this.

Edward just watched them with a hint of perverse pleasure while I tore into the green wrapping paper, shredding it like a cat with my claws. Edward was laughing at my enthusiasm…and I saw the box under the paper.

"Converse sneakers…", I read the box, confused, "Men's."

"Open it.", he urged, watching me excitedly.

I took the lid off, expecting to see shoes…but there was the most gorgeous tape recorder I had ever seen in my life!

I felt tears come to my eyes and I made a tiny little squealing sound…carefully lifting it out of the box….looking at the beautiful black and silver exterior…touching the buttons.

"It's even nicer than Dr. Peter's.", he informed while I cried, "It can record for up to 20 hours…and it's voice activated…you can say STOP and it will stop, you can say RECORD and it will start again. It's the best. You don't like it. You hate it. I can return it."

"No, no, no!", I cried like such a girl, hardly able to speak, whispering as I wiped my cheek, "I love it! It's so…OOOHHHHH!"

And I crushed him into my arms…almost losing the recorder in the process. Edward caught it and held it while I sobbed and clung onto him, covering him with kisses…whispering I love you over and over again…

"Yay, you like gift number one!", he held me and kissed me back, also like a kid who'd done good. He rocked me from side to side, doing a little happy dance in my arms.

Gift number two was a big box of tapes to go with the recorder. And I couldn't stop crying.

Then gift number three came…and it made me laugh. It was a couple of books, one called Psychology for Dummies…and then a matching Borderline Personality Disorder for Dummies. It was so great to laugh with tears running down my face.

"See, you don't need school at all.", he smiled at me, wiping one of my tears away from my cheek, "You just have to read these and you're good. They didn't have any Dealing with Ex Slave Boys for Dummies, though. Not yet, anyway. You'll have to write that book I guess."

I kissed him and showered him with love again…but he broke away before too long, wanting to give me gift number four.

"How crazy did you go out there?", I blinked and felt more tears fall out of my eyes, wiping my face as he handed me a blue wrapped box.

"I didn't buy this one.", he smiled, "I made it myself, with my own little hands…"

"Awwww…", I tore into it, not able to wait to see this.

I lifted the lid of the box that said this was a potato peeler, laughing at his funny choices of containers to help throw me off the trail…and I moved tissue paper out of the way to see what was in here…and I heard myself let out this shrill gasp.

"Edward!", I felt the tears coming on again.

"It's the one I promised you…", he watched my face as I stared into the box, touching it with trembling fingers, "I know someday…soon…you'll have your office…and you'll be saving more people like you saved me. I know you think it's a joke of mine when I call you Dr. Bella…but…this is not a joke gift…if you like it, maybe you could put it on your desk…or on your wall someday. It'll kind of be like Dr. Peter's hats…a cute little way to break the tension…break the ice when you have another tough customer like me."

I picked it up as I cried and stroked my fingers over the very smooth stained wood. The colors painted on it were so rich and vibrant…glossy…it was so cute and beautiful. It was a sign that read 'Dr. Bella'…and the letters were so attractive…the font was like casual but also feminine at the same time. It wasn't too girly, though, which I would hate…it looked like I had just painted my name there with cherry red paint, an occasional loop and flair at the end of each letter. After the Dr., the dot was a tiny red heart. And all around my name were different words…in very subtle pastel colors. Words like 'honest' and 'real' and 'smart'…'caring'…'true'…'tough'…'strong'.

It was simply perfect…and he had made this on his own? I couldn't speak!

I was bawling and could not stop myself.

He smiled at me and tried to kiss me but I was making too much noise.

"Uh oh, time for gift five!", he tore that one open for me himself…a pink box of Kleenex…and he ripped the top off, expertly pulling out the first tissue without ripping it like I usually did. He offered it to me then and I laughed while I sniffed…taking two or three of the tissues…

"Blow.", he instructed, listening to me obeying his command and blowing my nose, wiping my eyes, trying to pull myself together.

He smiled at me as I held the sign to my chest as if it were my magical talisman. It was the most precious thing ever…

When I finally got myself together…even though my voice was still shaky and weak, I took his hand and said, looking into his eyes, "I love this so much…I can't even tell you…I promise you…it will be on my desk every single day that I am working. Ohhh…Edward!"

And I started sobbing again, almost hurting him as I grabbed onto him.

"How did you do this?", I finally asked, moving my fingers over it…the detail…the hours it must have taken…were obvious.

"I used to love wood shop.", he shrugged as if it were nothing, "I used to make lots of things…even after high school…it relaxed me sometimes so…I was allowed to do it as a hobby…and Bob let me use some of his tools during our lunch breaks. It's no big deal."

"Are you kidding me?", I asked, "This is the best thing I've ever gotten…and not just because it's perfect…it's for my office…it's like you know I'll have one…I love YOU!"

I had him again, but he allowed me to nearly choke him as I clung around his neck.

"You _**will**_ have one, Bella.", he said confidently into my ear, "I know that. And you'll be the best damn doctor this world has ever seen. I can do a testimonial on your first commercial!"

He was making me laugh and I loved him even more for that.

"You would be so great in my commercial.", I smiled up at him, "Every girl in town would be coming to my office, looking for you…I'd have to beat them off with a stick!"

"I'll make you a stick for Christmas.", he smiled brightly at me.

"Yea, a bitch stick, that's what we'll call it.", I nodded, "Nice and long…and thick…so it hurts when I whack 'em with it."

"Definitely.", he agreed, "It will bruise the crap outta them."

"This is all too much.", I finally said as I looked around at everything.

"It's not over yet.", he handed me another little box and I froze for a second.

"It's not what you think…", he assured me, "Well, not exactly. Open!"

I ripped off the silver paper and saw a black velvet box there below me in my hand.

"Don't be scared…open it Bunny.", he winked at me.

I did…and saw a very unusual necklace staring back at me. The chain was gold and there was a diamond key lock hanging from it…but it was all cracked and broken looking, like someone had smashed it. The jagged cracks glittered like magic…almost like there was light shining through each break.

"It's my chain…and the lock that held me when we met…symbolically, of course.", he explained to me, "It's all cracked and smashed because that's what you did for me…you freed me, Bella. In two fast weeks you slashed my chains and defeated all the things inside my head that were stopping me from BEING free. It wasn't really Victoria or James or Raven that were holding me…it was ME. My stupid fear. You changed that…you changed ME."

He took the necklace from the box and held it up so I could hold one end as he undid the clasp…and he held the other end.

"Because you cared…because you loved me…and never gave up on me…is why _**this**_ chain is so strong…it's my new life…the life you've given to me…and because I have this…"

He took a ring out of another little box in his hand and showed it to me. It was a gorgeous engagement ring with a solitaire diamond in a marquis shape. Instead of putting it on my finger, he put it on his end of the chain, letting it swing down and lay beside the broken lock pendant there…and he continued his speech…

"That I can someday ask you to marry me…", he finished, "And it's because of this that someday, when we're both ready…"

Now he took out another ring…a gold band with a design on it that looked like little crystals of light were blowing around it. He put that ring on the chain also and let it slide down beside the other things waiting there…and said:

"That you will marry me…and be my bride…forever.", he said, "And as time goes by, it'll be up to us what else can be added to this chain…."

He was putting it around my neck now, clasping it closed and moving my hair as he stared at me…the tears now in his eyes as well as mine.

"But if you'd never taken a chance…", he stroked my hair, "And given up everything….and broken all the rules by falling in love with a nasty whore like me…"

I shot him an angry look at that part…but he went on.

"Then I would've never had this life…this chance to even HOPE for any of these things.", he finished softly, "I know we have a long way to travel yet before we get there…but whenever you feel like we'll never make it…or it seems like we're lost and will never get there…I want you to look at this necklace…and know…that every session I go to…every homework I do…it's one step closer to that place we both want.

And even if I act like a complete asshole sometimes and get things wrong…that I mean it with every cell in my being. I love you, Bella. I will work so hard to make you happy everyday…and be the husband you deserve. I swear my life on that. This is my promise to you…my vow. And in a world where most men don't keep their vows…I will. And it's forever…I want to die in your arms…no one else's."

I was in his arms again and weeping like an idiot as he kissed me with that urgent, 'I'll die if I don't kiss you' kiss of his…I think I melted to nothingness as he moved those pedal soft lips of his over mine. And he started kissing the tears off my eyes…off my face…

"Without you, I'd still be there right now…at this very moment…", he said, his voice full of emotion as he spoke the words, "Kneeling at that bitch's feet…letting my child grow up without me…never knowing love like this could exist…"

I cried more, not even able to think about it…and I kissed him so he'd stop saying it.

"Never again…", I breathed as I kissed his face slowly, "You'll never be trapped again, I promise. You're free. You're mine. Don't look back there, please…not tonight."

Edward's watch beeped and we both looked down at it. It's midnight!

"Happy Birthday, Bella.", he caressed my face, as if he was memorizing every line…every little detail…"My doctor…my savior…my friend…my love…my LIFE."

"My heart.", I added, looking at him…holding his face…kissing him even deeper than I had before.

In moments, he pulled me down to lay on top of him…and we couldn't stop French kissing…it was disgustingly WONDERFUL!

I felt his erection poking me in the stomach and I smiled down at him…giving him that look that said, 'You're gonna get wildly fucked now'.

"Time for present number six?", he asked, smiling, moving my hair so he could see more of my face.

"Unless you have a new couch in there for me…or some new stools?", I grinned.

He chuckled…"No…sorry. It would have killed Midnight Sun."

"Good.", I smiled like a wicked witch casting a spell upon this glorious prince beneath me, "Cause I have everything I want right here…and I hope God closes his eyes…because I am going to do unspeakable things to you…"

"Oooh!", his eyes lit up with excitement and desire, "Bella!"

"That's Dr. Bella to YOU.", I smirked and lowered my head…ready to ravage this man until he couldn't walk anymore.

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As the sun began to arise far off in the sky, before it truly bloomed yet, Edward and I were still naked as jay birds, except I was wearing his black hat…and he sat up, his arms around me as I cuddled in front of him, seated between his legs as we stared out into the very young sunrise.

Finally, one of us spoke.

"Thank you, Bella.", he said quietly, his arms holding me a tad closer as he said it, "This has been one of the best nights of my life. Not many girls would like being out here in the wild, stark naked and having semi-warm Chinese food on their birthday."

"Are you kidding me?", I snuggled into him more, still looking out at the gold slashes of light that threatened to slice through the darkness, "It was the best night of MY life. Definitely the best birthday! And I've decided that making love outside is my absolute FAVORITE way."

"Notebook girl…", he said, kissing my head from behind me, stroking it, "Whatever became of you?"

"I got better.", I looked back at him, to see if he agreed.

And he did with a certain nod of his head and smile. "Yes you did. I still can't believe that in all this mess, somehow, I've done a little good for you in return for all you've given me."

"You have no idea.", I smirked at him, turning back to the sky out there.

"So you're 21 now.", he declared, "An adult in every sense of the word. I won't have to drag you out of bars now, will I ?"

I laughed and so did he.

"I was an adult when I was nine.", I said a little bitterly as I stared at the light and black of the canvas we were looking at, "I want to be young. I want to FEEL young…before I really AM older…you give me that, Edward. For the first time in my life…I FEEL like I'm only 21. I mean…a couple weeks ago, I was at Pizza Hut shooting a water pistol. That was the first time I'd ever done that. And I loved it."

"So you LIKE it when I'm a doofy kid.", he stated, as if it were almost an accusation.

"Yea I do…SOMETIMES.", I stressed that last word.

"Got it.", he chuckled, moving his fingers down my arm.

"Want to play hide and seek?", he asked now, "Loser has to lick the winner for…30 minutes…in any place the winner says."

"Ooooh.", I smiled, "That DOES sound good. In a little while, okay?"

"Okay.", he said.

"What does the winner get?", I asked him then.

"To be licked for 30 minutes.", he said as if it should be obvious, "No one loses."

"Cool.", I smiled.

"Hey!", Edward said suddenly, "We never opened our Unfortunate Cookies! I ordered them…they better be in here!"

Edward was searching now for the cookies…and I was afraid if they weren't there, we'd be on our way, on horseback, to see our buddy Jimmy Chan again.

"Oh, okay.", he finally said, "Here they are."

He came back and handed me one, sitting down as I turned to face him.

"You first.", I nodded towards him, hardly able to wait to see what his said.

"No you.", he shook his head, "It's your birthday."

"Alright.", I grinned, breaking it open and seeing there was a light pink scroll of paper inside it…not red.

"Awww…", I smiled at him, reading it, "Happy Birthday Girl! Have fun!"

"Girl.", Edward gruffed, "He doesn't even know your name."

"We gave him my fake name anyway.", I reminded, "I like this better than if he called me Marie in it. I hate that name. When people use it on me, it feels like they're talking to someone else, not me."

"Hey, try being called ANT all the time.", he raised a brow.

"Okay, you win there.", I allowed as he gave a defiant little nod of his head.

"Open yours now.", I waited, hoping it wasn't too crude.

"Alright.", he cracked it open and pulled out his paper…colored red, as usual.

He laughed and read it, "If you lied to me about it being her birthday, I'll rip your fucking face off, white boy!"

And he had to turn it over to read the whole message because Marcus had run out of room on the one side.

We laughed and I said, "He never disappoints, does he?"

"Nope.", he smiled, saving his fortune like he did with the other one, putting it back into the pack on the ground.

Later, we did play hide and seek and I "had" to lick Edward for 30 minutes. He just loved it, too and I think after that I let myself be found a few times. Edward was an excellent hider, though, and a couple of times I got scared that I was lost…that's when Edward dropped down from some tree or rock and held me until I calmed down. I didn't count those rounds against him.

And later, he showed me that he DID bring the water guns along…and we filled them up in the lake…and played like two little dopes. We were dressed for the most part of the day…undressing only when one of us had to service the other in a lost round of our newest game.

Another gift he'd given me today: to play all day…to be a child…well…until it was time to pay up for my loss anyway…but that was fine by me too…I liked that part of being an adult.

"Can this be our special place?", I asked him later on while we were laying on the cliff ledge, resting…the warm sun stroking us lovingly.

"It is our special place.", he agreed, "We'll come back all the time. Just me and you…and whatever horse we ride up here on."

"Deal.", I closed my eyes and felt like I could fly if I wanted, "Today has been so much fun…I love being a kid with you."

His hand found mine and he held it, bringing it to his lips and kissing it.

"Me too.", he answered, "My little kid behavior was always punished. Victoria hated it. Grow up, she used to yell at me all the time. I used to hold it back always…and even now, you think I'd be nervous or even afraid to act this way…but somehow, with you, I'm not. I know you said I'm free…and I know I am…but I don't always FEEL free…but now…here with you…playing this way…I feel it."

Later, when it was finally time to pack up and leave, I saw Edward carving something in the tree next to the one Midnight Sun was tied to. I smiled when I saw the words: Edward Loves Bella.

"How very Little House on the Prairie of you.", I teased, actually loving it. No boy ever did anything like this for me before.

"Just marking our territory.", he grinned, blowing the words so the wood splinters would fly away.

He gave me one last kiss before we left here…and it nearly made my knees buckle as I leaned against the words he'd carved. Then he picked me up in his arms and tossed me up on the back of the horse. Midnight Sun was watered and fed this morning by Edward so he seemed anxious to get moving again…maybe he missed home.

When we got back to our house, there were pink and white balloons outside…and I saw Ben's car in the driveway.

Edward muttered to himself, sounding mad, saying, "Stupid old goat…surprise party means surprise…and he puts the balloons outside and parks his car right in the driveway…"

I giggled and looked back at him as Edward walked the horse into our back yard, saying "Whoa boy.", as we reached the center of the grassy square.

"Sorry Bella.", he apologized, "I explained this concept to Ben but obviously he's scooped one too many ice cream sundaes."

"It's alright.", I shrugged, "Don't worry about it."

He got off the horse first then taught me how to properly dismount him myself. His arms were still there to catch me, though, as I came down on my feet.

"Good job.", he smiled with approval, the hat on his head now.

He led the horse to the tree and tied it off like before. I followed, petting the sweet elderly horse as he made small, pleased noises. I liked him very much.

"He loves that.", Edward informed, smiling at us, almost jealously.

"Aww, you want some too?", I asked, and pet him along side the face the same way.

Edward made the horse noise and I giggled, taking his hand as we walked to the door, to my…"surprise party".

It wasn't a huge bunch waiting for us, but it was an important one. Ben, Angela, and Katie all shouted, "SURPRISE!" when we opened the door. Ben even blew a little red trumpet thing after the shock registered.

"Surprise.", Edward raised a tense brow at Ben, "With balloons outside and your car right out in front?"

I blushed a little and tried to act like it was no big deal to me but Ben argued back.

"Don't tell ME!", he grumbled, "I wasn't in charge of decorations!"

"What are you in charge of then?", Edward asked, "The trumpet playing?"

"Stop it, boys…let the girl come in and have her birthday.", Angela got in between them and silenced them as she hugged me, "Happy birthday, honey."

"Thanks, Angela.", I smiled.

"Katie has a very special card and gift for you, too.", Angela said to me and Edward looked at his daughter, his eyes a bit tense and concerned as Katie hung back, looking afraid.

"Come on, Kaitlyn.", Angela said, sitting on the couch, bringing me with her, as Edward stood beside us with Ben, looking on.

"Here.", Katie looked down but handed me an envelope that had glitter decoration and my name in giant letters on it.

"Happy Birthday.", she said further, peeking up at me as I carefully tried to open the envelope without messing up her artwork, adding, "This is so pretty…I love the red glitter."

Katie smiled a little as I opened it, and there was a piece of paper folded in half inside…she had made me a card. There was a drawing of me, Katie and Edward on the front, running away from a bunch of ducks that looked very angry with heavy eyebrows and open beaks.

Of course, Edward was in front, leading the race, his mouth open wide and his big eyes with a little dot in the center, looking terrified, his hair red and wildly standing out on all sides. _RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! _He was saying, a little balloon drawn around it and pointing to his big circle mouth.

I laughed and showed it to Edward, who was already standing there, looking, a smile on his face too.

"That was the best day.", he commented as I opened the card, reading it to myself silently.

It said:

_Dear Bella,_

_I am very sorry for what I said about your food. You are a good cook and I'm sorry I was so mean to you and used your make up. I promise never to do it again._

_I am glad that you live with us and I like how happy you make my Daddy. He used to be so sad all the time. Now he's not because of you. You were right, this is OUR house and I'm happy you're in it. Please don't leave._

_I hope you're not mad anymore. I love you._

_Happy Birthday!_

_Love, Katie XXX OOO_

Is this whole family determined to make me cry this weekend? She sure has her father's gift for writing.

Katie looked at me, full of shame…and that reminded me of her Dad too. I just took her into my arms and stroked her long, silky hair. She hugged me back and breathed a sigh of relief. And I felt Edward's hand moving along his child's hair also…silently telling her for the first time in days how much he loved and had missed her.

"I love you too, kiddo.", I said, blinking away the tears, "And I'm not mad anymore. And I love this card. I'd rather have it than a million dollars."

"Really?", she asked.

"Really.", I said, closing my eyes, and then I whispered into her ear, "Go and give your Daddy a hug, okay? He's missed you so much."

Katie nodded and let me go while I wiped my eyes. She climbed upon the sofa, standing on it so she could get near eye level with Edward.

"I'm sorry Daddy.", she cried, bursting out with the sobs when she saw his face looking back at her now…he was holding her in a mili-second…clinging to her and kissing her.

"I love you baby.", he said, his voice a little strained.

"I love you too.", she gasped and half sobbed, her face buried in his chest.

"I DON'T hate you, I don't!", she cried on, "I don't know why I said that. I'll NEVER hate YOU."

"It's okay.", he answered softly, a tear in his eye I noticed, "It's okay to hate me sometimes. It won't make me go away, ever. Everything will be alright, I promise. I know you've been through so much…I understand, baby."

There was not a dry eye in the house then. Even Ben.

Angela said, "Ben, you're crying."

"I am NOT!", he shouted, turning away, "I got candle wax in my eye!"

It was nice that we all got to laugh then. We needed something to lighten the moment.

Katie had also gotten me a nice bottle of perfume, Bonnie Bell Fairy Dust perfume. It was perfect! I put some on and sprayed some on her, too. We were a couple of pixie princesses then.

I tried to spray Edward but he took off, saying, "Get that away from me!"

I looked at Katie and smiled, saying, "BOY repellent! Awesome!"

"Put some more on her, then!", Edward called from the table where he was trying to steal some chocolate icing off my birthday cake. Angela swatted his hand and sent him out of the kitchen promptly.

Ben and Angela had given me three beautiful fall sweaters, dark blue, powder blue, and turquoise blue…then Angela said, "Edward said blue is your color…and I couldn't decide which blue I liked best, so I got them all."

"I love 'em all! Thank you!", I stood up and hugged her…and then Ben.

"I don't hug!", he protested but I grabbed him anyway.

"You do now.", I hugged him, "Stop struggling!"

"Alright, okay…", he patted my back, "You're welcome. Happy B'Day."

I cried again when I read the card Ben and Angela had given me. It said:

_We love you so much, Bella. We're glad Edward found you. You're like a daughter to us._

I know how hard that must have been for them to write…but they did.

It was a nice afternoon and Katie hung out with me for the majority of it. She painted my nails for me and I didn't mind if she got a little messy with it around the edges. While Angela made dinner for us, Katie went on to give me a pedicure and my feet were up, cotton balls between my toes as she worked.

"Look at you, the picture of tranquility.", Edward sat in the chair next to the sofa, his feet up as we watched 'You've Got Mail' on TV.

"It is the perfect zen experience…", I smiled back at him, feeling something sharp and painful happen to my big toe…my scream alerted the whole house to my side.

"What happened?", Edward asked, looking, sitting up more.

I was bouncing my foot in agony as Katie replied, very casually, "I had to pluck this big long hair out of Bella's big toe, it was GROSS!"

"Ughhhh…", I answered, both out of pain and embarrassment.

Edward tried to be mature but he failed miserably. He and Ben were guffawing in three seconds. Only Angela sympathized with me.

"Katie, don't just tear hairs out of people without a warning or something.", she shook her head and walked back to the kitchen, "That DOES hurt."

Edward tried to talk to me but he couldn't stop laughing…it reminded me of when he was on my floor hysterical when I nearly walked out in my care bear bathrobe.

"Do-you-(he laughed some more, halfway on the floor next to me)…Do you want….(more laughter)…an ice cube for your toe?"

And he landed on the floor, on his face, giggling like the Joker…Ben did too, from the table, pouring himself a beer.

That's alright, though. Revenge is a dish best served cold. He would pay. He may need a whole ice cube TRAY for his junk later, I told myself. Maybe I can invite Marcus over to lay in my bed when he comes sneaking in later…that would serve him right!

Dinner was great, like a special family meal. I much preferred these kinds of dinners to going out somewhere. Besides, the only good place to go was Jimmy Chan's…and I already had that last night. Also, I was a little scared to go there so soon after the ride thru horse thing happened there. He would get us next time…and I trembled to think what he'd do.

I had a very good time…and when Angela brought the cake with my name on it to the table…and all the 21 candles were lit…and it was time to make a wish…that was the only time I felt myself sadden a little. I thought of my Dad…of Rosalie and Alice…I wished they could be here…and I blew out the candles. I already had everything else I could wish for right around me at this table. I didn't want to be greedy. That pisses off the wish fairies. They'd already given me so much.

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End of Chapter 20

Hey guys! Don't get bored of the fluff, it's almost time to start hearing horror stories.

Love you all, thanks for all the great reviews and input! I really do appreciate it.

More to come soon!

Love Winnd


	21. Can I Please Die, Victoria ?

Chapter 21

***Warning: This chapter has a flashback…a journal entry from Edward's past…it's very very rough. Man against man stuff. It's not pretty. ***

**It's long too. Sorry. Sorry in advance. Bye, I'm going to hide now.**

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EPOV

Katie was a little better for awhile after Bella's birthday. But at times, she was often sad and didn't want to talk about it. She went into her room and closed the door. I had a feeling it was the other kids at school…but she just kept saying school was "fine" or "great". In the start, she couldn't stop talking about it all. Now, only weeks in…she was distant and aloof about what was going on there.

I decided to wait for October to talk to her teacher when the conferences came up. Before that, Katie would be going to her appointment. It felt so terrible to me as a father to stand by and do nothing to help her with her problems. But like Bella said, I can't fix everything for her all the time. Sometimes, as much as it hurts, you have to just stand by and wait to pick up the pieces when your child comes to you crying. Pain teaches things…it makes one grow. I knew that from my own life. I just never wanted Katie to feel any pain at all, ever. When she was born, I told Tanya I would make sure nothing ever harmed my little baby. I blew that big time.

One thing that happened in the couple weeks after Bella's birthday was that we all had a meeting. Well, first Katie and I met and talked about it…then we met with Bella…and happily informed her that we had taken a vote…and Bella would now be sharing my bedroom with me. Bella couldn't believe it, that I had actually talked to Katie about it and explained it to her in a way that didn't hurt her, or insult her mother's memory. It was a nice night…and Katie even helped move all Bella's things into my room…and we let her help decide where pictures or statues should go. We included her and that made all the difference.

And after Katie went to bed that night…mmmmm….well, let me just say it was a night full of magic.

We made a couple of rules about Daddy and Bella's new room. Katie made a string necklace thing with a big pink glittery heart on it. When we have that on the doorknob, it means DO NOT open the door. KNOCK and ask if you can come in. That was acceptable to Katie. And the second rule: No listening through the door either. I told Katie she'd thank us for these rules later.

Therapy was going very well for both Bella and I with Dr. Peter. I had still not read very much of my homework assignment, and it was still so very hard for me to do it without tears…but Peter was so patient…so great. I didn't think I was making much progress at all, until, one night when we stopped at a gas station. Katie had to go to the bathroom, and they had only one restroom there. It was either a men's or women's room and I didn't like the sound of my daughter being alone in there so I went with her.

I went in first, making sure no urinals or men urinating were in there. The coast was clear. I made sure the toilets were clean…and I felt myself break out in a cold sweat as I bent over the second one. I wasn't sure exactly why…or why my breathing was becoming labored and heavy…and then it occurred to me. The images and voices…came flooding back in…the smell of the air in here…triggered memories I had long ago blocked out…even way before Sir Kevin. I felt tears in my eyes as I heard Katie banging on the door to come inside…and I nearly panicked.

But there was no danger here, I told myself…and I let her in quickly…standing outside the stall as she did her business. I paced, looking at the sinks…looking at myself in the mirrors…the smell of the room was making me shiver…I even locked the door from the inside so no one could get in here. Even the sound of the lock turning and clicking in place made me want to wretch.

"Daddy, are you okay?", Katie asked as she sat in there, her little sneakers visible to me under the door.

"I'm fine…", I replied, trying to do those breathing things Peter told me about, "Please hurry…I'm sorry baby. I don't feel well. I have to get out of here."

She did hurry up and I made her wash her hands…and that was making me sweat even more…the sound of the soap dispenser…I almost groaned out loud but I didn't want to scare Katie.

After she was done, I nearly lifted her up so we could run back to the car. Bella was totally out of the loop as I floored the car, getting us far away from that room….and the stink…and the past.

When I got home, I went into Ben and Angela's room, locked the door, and went to a new blank page in my fucked up journal, which is what I called the book now. It was usually locked inside a little safe under the desk where I did my writing…I never wanted Katie to see these pages, ever. And I wrote…and wrote…it was so strange. A month or two ago, when I knew Bella, I had told her some story about a husband of a woman making a little pass at me…and that's when I told Victoria I would never be with men in that way. I had thought that was the truth then…honestly. I know now…the memory of that night was so horrible I had forced my brain to erase it, like I was ordered to…as I agreed to. But it was back now…and I wanted it gone again so I did like Peter told me…and wrote it all out:

She took me to this bar once…soon after I was officially called her slave in training. She said she just wanted to hang out with me and relax. She kissed me and said not to worry. Nothing sexual would happen tonight. She said that we could go out like any regular couple and that was alright. I believed her. But she had other plans for me. I would be learning a big lesson. Something every slave needs. To be able to take humiliation. This would be my first date with it…but not my last.

I still had my one drink and she'd already had four. The place was crap, in the middle of the worst neighborhood…gangs were everywhere on the streets and the police didn't even come there anymore. Victoria knew most of the guys that were inside. I guess they knew her father or something…or her. They all looked like they just escaped from prison two minutes ago. I tried to keep a low profile and keep my eyes down, as she'd told me to do.

Man after man came to join us at our table in the corner. I kept moving over, being shoved every time a new guy arrived and kissed her. She looked at them all like they were old friends, hugging…but her kisses were unmistakable. They weren't just friends. You don't tongue kiss and let a friend lick your neck when they say hello. I didn't know what to do…they were all man handling my Mistress…and I just sat there, not saying a word.

She must have noticed I was giving her looks because she sternly said to me, under her breath, "Just sit there. Don't you fucking move or make a PEEP. Eyes down."

I did what she said, not liking it. I stared at my fists under the table in my lap.

I glanced up a few minutes later as they all chatted and talked over old times…there must be like ten or eleven huge ass guys here…I noticed a couple of women…standing off back there, I guess they were girlfriends of a couple of these men.

"So, what YOU been doing lately, girl?", a tall, bearded man with long greasy hair wondered aloud, almost sitting in my lap as I leaned back, trying to stay out of the conversation.

"I'm training a new slave.", she said right out, without a bit of difficulty. My eyes bugged out as I looked up at her…and she smirked at me.

"Oh, God, another little faggot?", the man laughed, "What's this one look like?"

"He's right there.", she thumbed at me in between them. The man shot his eyes at me and I felt myself swallow before smiling and saying, "Hi. Nice to meet you."

The man and Victoria burst out laughing at me while I turned bright red and looked down at my shivering fists, wondering why they didn't just explode already.

The guy bellowed it out for the whole bar to hear – that Victoria had a new faggot in training and I was sitting right here. Laughter overlapped laughter and voices were all around me…I could only make out a few different words…"Pussy boy…Nancy…that's not a BOY, it's a GIRL! Does he have make up on?"

"Victoria…" I whispered, looking up at her helplessly, "Can we please go? I'm not feeling very well…"

"Keep your fucking ass in that chair, cunt!", Victoria sneered at me, smoking a cigarette and flicking her ashes in my lap. The guys thought that was funny.

"What's wrong, baby, are you on your period?", the big man with greasy hair put his arm around my neck…and the stink of his armpits was suffocating me. He pulled my head to himself and his other hand grabbed my face, making my lips pucker.

"Here, give Bo a big wet kiss!", he forced me over to the man at his side, shoving my face into the guy's mouth. That got a big round of laughter as the man I "kissed" stood up and wiped his face violently, as if I'd just shit on him.

I struggled uselessly and looked at Victoria. She was laughing, too, not doing a damn thing to help me.

"LET GO!", I heard myself shout and Victoria shot me the most evil look I'd ever seen her give me. But that didn't stop me from trying to move my face, trying to get him to let it go.

"YOU FAG!", the man I'd been forced to "kiss" threw his drink in my face and I felt the burn of the alcohol in my eyes…a little of it in my throat as I coughed a bit.

But the man holding me was stronger than rock and I was just wriggling within his hold, clearly not going anywhere.

"He's a sweet little girl…", the man holding me was looking at my face, "Pretty, too. Are you gonna let me play with her a little?"

"Victoria…", I whimpered, feeling the man's tongue lick the alcohol off my cheek. I was digging my fingers into his arm that coiled around my neck…but he didn't even seem to feel it.

"Sure, go ahead.", she shrugged, "What the fuck do I care?"

"No…", I began to protest but the crowd of guys was getting so loud…I didn't even hear myself, "Victoria!"

"Thanks Vic.", he laughed, pouring a drink with his free hand while I kept trying to attack his other arm.

"Here, baby girl…" he put the little shot glass to my mouth, "Have a little drink with Daddy."

Victoria eyed me, warning me to behave. So I let the drink pass through my lips…and the FIRE of the drink hit my gut…it was STRONG! Never much of a drinker before, I was gagging and coughing as they laughed at me.

"Good, huh?" he asked me, my head sideways against his chest, my body half leaned over in his fucking lap while he poured another one. The guy was sweaty and damp and his odor was killing me! But I knew this was just the beginning.

I shook my head a little, wishing I'd gone to the gym more often as he brought the glass back up to my lips again.

"No, no more!', I struggled harder, "I don't want it…VICTORIA!"

But her name was gurgled as the second shot went down my throat.

I was coughing harder now…and I could hear them all laughing…partying like nothing was happening.

"He could use a few of those.", Victoria said to the guy holding me, "He's a little boy , he could use some man lessons."

"Who's your new bitch, Jess?" a voice from a few feet away asked as the guy poured a third drink…and I was glad this time he drank it himself. While he was busy for a moment, I tried to make eye contact with Victoria.

"Victoria…", I wished she'd look at me and see I wasn't enjoying this. But she didn't care. She thought this was fun…"Please…"

"This is my new baby.", Jess jerked his arm closer, my air cut off for a second as he forced my cheek against his rough beard, "Isn't he sweet? I'm teaching her all about drinking."

Laughter again…from all around…it was so dark in here I could hardly see anything…except my Mistress. I saw her lean down and take a rolled up bill into her hand….she was sniffing cocaine! I didn't even know she did that! She did two lines and smiled as she pinched her nose closed a second…then she looked at me.

I know the way I was looking at her was going to make her mad. But before I could correct it, another drink was being brought to my mouth.

"Uuugghhh…", was all I could say in argument as it went down. My whole body jerked in reaction this time…and I gagged out loud, hating the aftertaste.

"That's good for you, girl.", the man said to me, "It'll put some hair on your chest…speaking of that…let's see the tits."

What?

The man's other hand put the bottle down on the table and roughly went into my silk shirt. I heard a little rip sound as his hand rummaged around in there…and I felt him pinch one of my nipples.

I gasped and roared out loud…really trying to break free with new vigor. But I was still hopelessly outmatched.

Victoria was giggling, no doubt high on the coke, as the man grunted in satisfaction…"Yeaaa, nice little tits…so soft…"

"GET your FUCKING hand OFF ME!", I screamed, growling in my throat as I tried to stand up…but he quickly yanked me right back down again, right into his lap.

"Ohhh….come on, now, come on…", Jess didn't seem worried about my tantrum at all, "Be a good girl…don't make Daddy slap you around."

"Victoria, please help me!" I heard myself beg and scowled at her as she took a drink, talking to some other man next to her now. I didn't even think she heard me.

I closed my eyes, hating every second of this. I was entertainment for the whole bar now, it seemed. And the one person who was supposed to protect me was getting high and probably forgot I was even with her now.

To make matters worse, the arm that held around my neck…the hand on the end of it was how laying on my chest, as if there were a real breast there…he was squeezing the flesh and muscle there…and his other hand was pouring another drink.

"Owwww…", I tried to let this guy know I was not into this but he ignored my little plea.

"Open up, beautiful.", he picked up the glass and poured it in, not even caring if my lips were open this time.

"What's it's name?" Jess asked Victoria, having to poke her to get her attention.

She looked at me, furrowing her brow, as if she forgot.

"I call her CUNT.", she giggled…and I wanted to punch her in the face.

"Oooh, cunt, what a beautiful name.", Jess groped my chest harder…swigging from the bottle himself.

I tried to think of something that I could say to get out of this…even if I could just get up for a second…I could get away. They looked like they were all drunk anyway. Maybe it wouldn't be too hard.

Then I felt something touch my shirt and I moved my eyes to the left…my head was locked in its grip and couldn't even TURN. There was a man, sitting on this side of me now, a black teardrop tattoo under his eye…long black hair in a ponytail…and a goatee. He looked to be in his fifties and he wasn't as big as Jess but much bigger than me. And he was slowly unbuttoning my shirt.

"HEY!", I shouted, frowning and trying to shove his hands away from me, "GET OFF!"

"Stop being such a little bitch and behave!", the Mexican accent was thick and I could hardly make out what he'd said while all the laughing and conversations going on around the table.

He didn't stop what he was doing and while I tried to fend him off, Jess yanked my head back into his chest so he could tip my head backwards, downing another shot into my shouting mouth.

I couldn't see Victoria at all now, just a sea of male faces, all ugly…all focused on me.

"VICTORIA!", I heard myself calling, searching for her…, "VICTORIA!"

"NO!", I was screaming at Jess now as he grabbed my hair with his fingers, shoving my face back until I was looking straight up at the black ceiling…smoke swirling overhead.

"LET ME GO you ASSHOLES!", I roared, trying to get free as I felt my shirt opening…my bare chest felt so naked suddenly…and I felt half my sleeve push down over my shoulder….like they were trying to get it off me completely.

"What did you say, baby?" Jess was there above my eyes now…and I felt intense heat very close to my eye…it was his cigar. He didn't make a move to burn my eyeball with it…it was a warning to be quiet…to stop fighting them.

"Nothing.", I shook my head, feeling tears prick the inner corners of my eyes.

"Good girl.", Jess grinned, half his teeth missing as he moved out of my line of sight. I panted, wondering what they were doing…I couldn't feel anything at the moment…

I heard a waitress or some woman say, "What are you doing to that guy?"

Several voices answered but I could make out, "We're playing with Victoria's new toy…" and another said, "Fuck off, bitch! Mind your own business!"

I didn't hear from her again…but even when she'd asked what they were doing…it didn't sound as if she wanted to save me…she just sounded curious.

"Please…", I raised my hands back up, trying to move the hand that was under my chin, forcing my face backwards this way, "My neck hurts! Please let go…"

My voice was very quiet now, no longer loud and demanding like before. No one was listening to me.

"Look at the pretty pecks…", the man who'd unbuttoned my shirt was commenting….and I felt his fingers roughly manipulating my left nipple as I growled deeply in my chest…clearly not wanting this.

"So sweet.", he said and I felt a tongue moving back and forth over my nipple, "Mmmmm…"

"VICTORIA! VICTORIA!", I howled, struggling again. I was going to be gang raped right here and she wouldn't even KNOW it. Where the FUCK did she go?

"Baby wants his Mommy!", someone laughed and I felt that large hand around my neck yank me back over to him…like a rag doll, I flew and felt myself land.

"Mine!", Jess spat the word at the man who was licking me on my left…and I realized I was sitting on Jess' lap now, and he grabbed my hair again, close to the scalp, jerking my head backwards again.

"Vic said I could play with her, NOT you!", he sneered, and I felt my hands shivering, shoving against Jess' stained t shirt.

"I can play with it, too!", the man argued, "Vic likes me more than you anyway."

"Fuck that.", Jess snorted, his meaty hand moving slowly towards my open shirt, and he massaged my lower torso area in big circles…dangerously close to my waistline…, "Go ask her if it's okay, see what she says, motherfucker!"

"I will!", the guy slammed his glass down and got up, going off into the dimness to locate my fucking WHORE of a Mistress!

"You like me better than HIM, don't you, baby?", he asked seductively, his voice low and close…his hand kept rubbing…getting lower.

I put my arms down by my hips, ready to protect if he reached down there. My eyes were full of tears and I could hardly see shit anyway…but I was trembling all over…I knew they were gonna get me, I knew it! And they'd have Victoria's permission too.

"Don't YOU, BABY?", he yelled at me, pulling my hair back so hard I thought I broke something in my neck.

"YES! YES!", I screamed out, "VICTORIA!"

"Be quiet now…", Jess let go of my hair and his arm was around my neck again. I felt like a ventriloquist dummy on Jess' lap, "Have another drink, gorgeous."

"No, noooo….", I began to argue as he poured another one, all the way up to the brim of the shotglass. He brought it to my lips this time, his eyes staring at me as if they were in love. I clenched my eyes and let him feed it to me…it was better than him forcing it back into my throat with my head tipped backwards.

"All the way…", he coached me as I drank it down, my body convulsing again as the liquid warmed my stomach, "Such a good girl. Your mouth is so pretty."

Uh oh.

And before I knew it, I had a mouthful of beard and slimy tongue…tasting of cigars and that horrid drink he kept forcing on me.

His hand clutched around my denim crotch and I screamed out loud, through his mouth, praying to God that Victoria would show up and say 'April Fools!'

My hand grabbed his wrist, trying to get him off me, any way I could.

I heard people around us, howling, laughing…cheering this asshole on…encouraging him to do more!

"Fuck that little tight ass!", I heard someone say.

"Oooh, he loves it!", another voice laughed.

"Victoria's here, ASSWIPE!", the Mexican voice was back…and I shoved away as hard as I could, breaking the kiss.

I looked out of the corner of my eyes and saw her standing there, hands on her hips, smiling at us like we were the cutest couple at the fucking prom!

"You getting along with my baby?", she asked Jess and I interrupted, begging with all the energy I had.

"Victoria, please help me!", I tried to reach my hand out towards her as she just raised a brow at me, "Victoria! Please, let's go home, PLEASE!"

But Jess slapped his big smelly hand over my mouth and nose as he leaned me back against his chest.

I heard Jess saying, "You said I could play with her!"

"I know, and you can.", she said back, "But there are rules. He is my property and he's only a baby. He doesn't know shit."

"RRRRRRR!", I kept making noises through his hand, hardly able to breathe, my hands trying to grab his arm and get it off me.

"No fucking.", she said as I shivered harder, "He's a virgin. And that's my ass."

She knew I wasn't a virgin, but I figured she meant in the sense that no man had taken me before. I could be glad for that rule at least. But it didn't make me feel any safer…and my mouth was still trying to plead, going, "MMMMMM!"

"You can blow him if you like…", she shrugged, "He's got a very huge cock. You'll love it."

"RRRRRRRRRR!", I frowned and struggled, "NNNNNNN!"

"You can all play with him.", she waved her hand and my eyes widened at her easy dismissal of me, "Just don't hit his face. I don't like bruises on my slave's cute little face. The rest of him, whatever. Don't break any bones or anything. I'm not up for going to the ER with him tonight."

About ten other men cheered around us and I nearly vomited.

"Take your turns and play nice.", Victoria said finally, to them all…and then she looked at me and dotted her finger on my forehead, saying, "Have fun learning how to suck cock…and you may come as often as you like, sweet pea."

"NNNNNMMMMMMM!", I growled, jerking harder in my captor's hands, trying to get loose.

"Let him talk, Jess.", Victoria said softly to the man restraining my mouth.

Finally, that hand was gone and the arm curled around my chest, holding me to him.

"Victoria!", I panted, "What are you doing? Please don't!"

"I've taken care of it, baby.", she stroked my cheek, "If anyone fucks you in the ass, I want you to tell me! That dumb prick will lose his dick before morning!"

She yelled that to all the guys…and they did look afraid of her. This was the first time I saw that she had some power with others.

"Wait, Victoria…", I felt a tear fall, "I don't want to do this! Don't make me do this!"

"You have to learn, baby.", she said like a baby doll, "This is the best way…with real guys."

"But we agreed, no men!", I struggled as Jess put his hand back into my shirt, fondling me again.

"No men will fuck you.", she pointed out, "But I want you to know how to suck cock. A lot of my clients use strap ons, dildos…they'll expect you to suck those. And I don't want you unprepared."

"But I-", I was about to beg some more when Jess slapped his hand over my nose and mouth again.

"No one will fuck him.", Jess said so close to my ear, "I'll make sure of it."

"Good boy, Jess.", she smiled, giving him a very deep, wet kiss, "I know you'll take good care of my baby."

"Take him to the bathroom.", I heard Victoria say to him, "He needs big lessons in humility. He thinks he's special. I know you boys can do THAT."

"I love humiliation…", Jess croaked out, and I felt him nuzzle my neck while I kept trying to speak through his humongous hand.

"Have fun.", Victoria played with my hair, "I'll come get you later. I have some fun of my own to get to. You'd just get in the way."

"NNOOOOOO!", I was screaming through the hand over my lips, "NNNOOOOOO!"

Everyone could hear me screaming…people at their own tables were watching from afar, staring with fear or shock…but no one did a god damned thing to help me.

Victoria danced away into the blackness with a couple other men…as Jess stood up and dragged me off to the right hand side of the bar, I could see the men dancing with her, grinding up against her…moving their hands up her thigh…

"Bathroom.", I heard Jess say to the other men around us. He yanked me to my feet like I weighed an ounce and his other hand gripped my arm, twisting it around behind me so tight it would break if he put just a little bit more pressure on it.

I screamed all the way there, my voice muffled and faint with the blaring music overhead. It seemed the closer we got to the bathroom, the louder it became. No one would hear me. All those men were right around me…following…or leading the way…not wanting to miss the show. A couple of them had bottles of whiskey or some other kind of liquor in hand.

I kept bracing my feet and locking my legs, trying to get away from them. Jess only took a second longer to jerk me upwards in his huge arm, my feet leaving the floor for a moment as he kept leading me, his hand never leaving my mouth and nose.

I heard myself muffling , "PPLLLLSSSSSEEEE, NO! NNNOOOO!"

"This is gonna be SO great!", I heard a man's voice chuckle behind me.

"I know, I love it when Vic brings us a new sub!", another said, "She's SO kick ASS!"

Finally, I saw a black door that said MEN on it. And I felt my chest tighten so fast I almost couldn't breathe.

Jess shoved the door open and walked me inside, holding me as still as he possibly could as he waited for the other men to follow in…I kept screaming as much as I could, before the door closed for good…praying someone would hear and come in to help me.

"Hurry up!", Jess sighed in frustration, and to the last man inside, he nodded towards the door, saying, "Lock it. We don't want our baby to leave us, do we?"

He licked up my face again as the click of the door lock echoed in my ears. The other men were celebrating…smiling at us as I tried to stomp my foot on Jess' instep, that area on top of his foot. He didn't even seem to feel it.

"Victoria put me in charge.", Jess eyed them all as I shouted, growling under the restraint of his hand, "In case no one heard, there's no fucking allowed with this one. He's a baby slave, not even trained all the way yet. No rough shit, either. Vic doesn't want him hurt. Those are the rules. Anyone breaks 'em and you have me…and HER to deal with."

I was panting, running out of air, my screams echoed loudly in the porcelain of the room but no one outside the door would ever hear them.

"Mark, you've got the duct tape.", Jess nodded towards another tall man with long raggy blonde hair, his body very heavy and overweight.

"Yep.", he held a roll of silver duct tape up, and he came forward. I struggled even harder now, my head thrashing pretty well even though Jess had a good grip on me.

"He's scared.", Jess said aloud to the man with the tape, "Don't scare him. Isn't he cute?"

"Yea, the prettiest one yet.", Mark replied, and I heard the first screech of the tape being pulled off the roll.

"Give me some paper towels.", I heard Mark say to someone else and Jess turned my head in the other direction.

"Give us a minute to get him ready.", Mark said to the other men waiting. They talked amongst themselves and I couldn't bother to eavesdrop on their talks just now. I was screaming too loud.

"Open his mouth.", Mark said to Jess and I felt his hand come off my face.

"NO!", I immediately started howling, "NO! LET ME GO! VICTORIA! VICTORIA!"

"Open your mouth, baby girl…come on…don't be like that…", Jess stuck his thick fingers in my mouth, spreading them open so my screams were more hollow…my words garbled again.

"Good, good.", Mark nodded, smiling, stuffing paper towels deep into my mouth, shoving them back and back…as each new one went in…I sounded like I was almost choking…but not while he did this and Jess pulled my hair back, making me look straight up again…a large brown water stain on the white ceiling…

When at last I could hardly hear myself screaming through all the paper, they decided I was gagged enough.

I was still struggling, though, but Jess had his arm back around my neck.

"Duct tape please.", Jess smiled from behind me and I could hear the grin in his fucked up voice.

"Yep.", Mark tore off a long piece, placing it over my top lip. Then the whine of the tape being pulled apart again….and another long piece went underneath the first…

"Relax…relax…", Mark tried to soothe me as he kept covering my mouth with tape. I think five pieces later, he smoothed his hand over the entire taped area and made sure it was secure.

"That's good, I think.", Mark said to Jess, looking at my face as I screamed, "MMMMMM!"

"I can hardly hear him, so I think we're okay.", Jess agreed, "Aren't we, kitten? Are we okay?"

He was talking to me at the end there and he took hold of my arms now, twisting them behind my back.

I shook my head no, very violently, trying to break free, my arms killing me.

"Come on, guys, help me get his clothes off.", Jess announced to a couple of guys standing to our right.

I started REALLY fighting now…but in a minute or two, I had Jess holding my head, another guy holding my arm…other men were yanking at my shirt, trying to get it off my arms.

"NNNNNNNNN!", I struggled and bellowed out as much as I could but then I heard ripping…I felt the cold air of the bathroom on my back…I felt my chest hit the icy tile walls and my face pressed hard against it as they yanked at the shirt Victoria had bought for me…all I felt now were the cuffs, still buttoned at my wrists…

"Good enough.", a man said out loud after the silk had been ripped away.

"Alright.", Jess spun me around and I had my head leaning back against his chest again, his arm tight under my chin, "Get his pants. I've got him."

I felt their hands on me, unbuckling my jeans and quickly zipping the fly down. I was screaming and crying, kicking my legs.

"Don't be stupid, take his shoes off first!", another man's voice said, a laugh echoing out from behind the group.

They had my feet off the floor and Jess held me securely while they pulled off my shoes, tossing them away. I felt my socks coming off, too, and for a split second, someone sucked on my smallest toes, the last three at the end. I heard, "MMMMM….GOD!"

"RRRRRR!", I growled like an aggravated tiger as they got hold of the ends of my pants…lifting me up as they pulled them, sliding them off my body.

"Good.", Jess held me close to him, as if he were comforting me now, "Good, all done…all done, girl."

I growled harder and felt my naked ass up against his keys that were hanging from his belt loop.

"Nice, no goddamned underwear.", a man's voice commented.

I heard a round of fucking applause and catcalls when they got a look at my dick.

"Jesus, that thing's a fucking monster!", someone said, all the voices overlapping so much I couldn't make much out.

"Oh my Lord, you are perfect, baby.", Jess looked down at me from behind and licked my ear.

"Come on, man, let's go!", another voice was very impatient.

"NNNNNNN!", I protested non stop, "NNNNNMMMMMMMMMMMM!"

"Wait a second, let's put him over here.", Jess dragged me to the straight wall of about three sinks…a long counter holding them.

"Mark, tape his hands behind him.", Jess spun me around with no effort and bent me over, my head locked in his arms as I heard the tape again.

"Yea, go around and around…", Jess said to Mark…"A lot…make it nice and tight."

I felt the roll wrap around my wrists about twelve or thirteen times before they decided it was tight enough. They tore it off, and my arms were bound.

"Do his ankles…the same way…", Jess kept holding me under my face with his arm, he looked at a couple of other men and said, "You guys, hold his legs together so Mark can do the tape."

Two men got down on their knees at my sides and put their arms around my legs, pinning them together as I screeched and tried to move…but they were so fucking strong and big.

I was so screwed.

The tape went around and around again…it seemed to never end. My ankles were almost painfully pressing together when they were done. And Mark bit the tape, tearing it off, smoothing it over my flesh.

"There…nice and still." Jess kissed my cheek as my body bucked and writhed anyway.

"Pick his feet up, lay him over here on the sinks.", Jess nodded towards the counter. They put me down so my bound hands behind me were in the hollow hole of a sink. My feet were in the sink below and my head was laying back in the first sink.

"That's perfect.", Mark said, smiling.

Jess smiled down at me and said, "I've done this before."

"Watch this.", Jess took the tape out of Mark's hand and stuck the strand on the counter, then pulled the roll so it stretched over my throat, and over the edge of the other side of the counter. He tore it off there, and smoothed it so it had my neck in its solid grasp.

"A couple more times.", Jess said and they did this three more times to hold my neck in place.

"Again here at the waist.", Jess put his hands on my pelvis and I screamed out, trying to move even as they were securing me down like an animal.

"Good.", I heard Jess say after my waist had been taped for the fourth time. I couldn't raise it or even move it at all now…and I was really trying!

"And then tape a couple over his knees.", Jess held my legs down as Mark quickly worked the tape, smoothing it every now and then.

When they were finished, I was so still I felt like I was wrapped in a cocoon!

Jess and Mark looked down over me, admiring their work as I kept making my MMMMMMMM sounds…resisting with all my might, even if it was futile.

Jess looked down at me, finding my eyes and asked, "Do you want to be blindfolded? It's your choice, kitten."

I guess they'd put tape over my eyes. But that would scare the hell out of me, not being able to see what they were doing…I hadn't had any experience with being blindfolded much…so I shook my head no, hoping it wasn't a trick.

"Alright.", he said, moving his scratchy hands over my body…examining me like I was a piece of meat, "Oh, he's SO CUT! Look at him…uuhhh…I can't wait!"

"One at a time.", Jess still wanted total control of this thing as I tried to shake my head and free myself, my hands twisting…my feet jerking, trying to loosen the tape.

"Come on, Mark, you first.", Jess said, standing near where my head was in the sink, "You helped. Go ahead."

"Don't gotta tell ME twice!", he walked down where I couldn't see him anymore and Jess stood there, supervising…leaning on his arms a bit, covering my head as he crossed his arms over it, leaning on my chest….holding me down.

And then I felt hands touching me…jerking my cock.

"MMMMMMMMMMMM!', I screamed out, trying to struggle…hearing all their voices having a good time and watching, commenting as I was molested against my will.

"Oh yea…", Mark said below me as the sink darkened under the weight of Jess, "Come on, get nice and hard for me, baby…that's it…yeesssss…."

Then I felt a tongue licking my head…a voice moaning out as his mouth opened and took me inside…I growled and tried to move again and again…I clenched my eyes, willing myself not to get hard….but my dick was a fucking pig…and it seemed any stimulation awakened it.

NO NO NO NO NO NO ! I kept trying to scream…my cock was fully erect and I could feel that…and a mouth slurping and sucking me hard…he kept spitting on my cock…to keep it wet and lubricated as he took what seemed a lifetime…

"Jesus, it's BIG when it's hard.", I heard a voice saying in the background.

"I'm next, I'm next after HIM.", someone else said.

"I want that ass so bad!" another man said.

"Don't start, Skull!", Jess said above me, "I told you the rules. No ass tonight. If you can't handle that, you can go."

"Alright, alright…", the man sighed, "Stop being such a bitch."

I was making more noise…struggling more than I could've because I was getting close…and I hated it! I didn't want to come, I didn't want to let these assholes think I was liking this! But my body betrayed me. Mark was sucking me off at super speed, yanking on my cock so hard I thought he'd pull it off! He kept moaning and groaning as he had me in his mouth…and the vibrations were killing me…shoving me to the edge.

"NNNNNOOOO!", I screamed muffled sobs…"MMMMMM!"

And then, my body arched a bit…my toes curled and bent…I panted and groaned through my paper gag…and felt myself spasm…my cock harden more…and the juices spurted forth against my will. To them, I most likely looked just like a bound body without a head while they watched and laughed…like I wasn't even a real person.

"MMMMM!", Mark was thrilled that he'd finally gotten what he wanted from all his hard work…and he didn't stop sucking even after I came! It was more torture…and I bucked and screamed out…

"Good job, Mark…", Jess bumped fists with his friend as I panted for air…jerking my shoulders, trying to loosen my restraints. I felt my eyes flood with tears and all I could see was Jess' arms leaning on my lower neck…hiding my face from the rest of them.

"Oh God, sooo sweet.", Mark gave one last lick up my cock and patted it as it laid there, flat between my legs, "That's the sweetest tasting cum I ever had…thank you, baby."

"How are you, kitten?" Jess stood up and stopped leaning on me, looking at my face.

"Awww, don't make such a fuss about it…", he took a paper towel and wiped my eyes, "You just came! I know that had to feel good."

After a few minutes of a smoke break, Jess put out his cigar and started rubbing his hands around my nipples again. "That's it, baby, just relax…don't fight it…" he said, trying to ease me…but that just made me shout more and jerk my body so they'd always know I was being forced into this.

Where the fuck is VICTORIA?

The next guy had a problem sucking my cock after another guy did it. So he turned the water on in the sink my feet were in, the first burst of water was ice cold as I screamed. But in a moment, the water was warm…then hot…this guy pumped some of the soap out of the dispenser and was washing my cock…stroking it up and down as he washed the bubbles away…and just like that…my cock was back up, hard as a rock.

"Wow, I love this guy!", the man said, thinking he'd have to wait about 15 more minutes before being able to have his turn with me.

Each one of them would copy the soap and water thing after this guy and it worked every single time. I hate my cock. And every time I heard someone pumping out soap at the dispenser thing…I screamed and struggled, not wanting to go through it again.

The night seemed to be endless…and one after another…they took their fucking turns. Jess always watched over me, sucking my nipples and biting them as he leaned on my chest, blocking my head from the light above while they sucked me off to orgasm. Some went slow and it took an eternity. Other were rough and fast and Jess had to warn them to watch out. No one seemed to want to piss Victoria off.

But I never stopped screaming and crying through it all…even when my voice was nearly gone…I couldn't let myself fall quiet.

After the last of them swallowed me down, my eyes were so dazed and my body so exhausted that I forgot my own name. All I knew was I wanted out of here…and I hurt everywhere…would it ever end?

"I'm glad he's hairless.", Jess said as he took his turn on me, the final one. Mark took his place at my head while Jess stroked my balls, knowing by this time what stimulated me and what didn't. He had watched them all before him…and learned.

"It'll make getting the tape off a little easier.", Mark agreed, licking my left nipple as I panted and lowly growled under my breath…my previous energy gone…my fight very weak at the moment.

"Oh baby…what a big fat cock you have…yesss…", Jess talked baby talk to me, going down on me so hard he was gagging himself with me…

I finally came again…and gave Jess the drink he'd been begging for all night. He agreed my cum was like sugar…and he asked how I make it like that…even though he knew I couldn't answer him.

"Alright, guys, help me out.", Jess said to the others, "Let's cut him off the sinks here."

And then about five or six guys came over to the counter I was laying on and clicked their switchblades open…cutting the tape near the counter, not scaring me by cutting near my skin. I knew it was for Victoria's benefit, not mine, that they were being so careful.

As soon as the tape began to loosen, I tried to jump up, to get my ass off this fucking thing…to run the fuck out of here and never look back.

But I wasn't done yet.

My ankles were still taped and my hands behind me also. But the tape holding me to the table was severed and jagged, still half hanging off my neck and waist….knees too. I threw myself at the locked door…a wall of scum standing there to block me, smiling at me and laughing…always laughing…what the fuck is so god damned funny?

"No, no angel…", Jess grabbed me around the neck again, holding me to him like before.

"Not yet.", he said as I whimpered, "A little change in scene for you…"

"MMMMMM", I sounded more pitiful now than enraged like before. I was begging…but softly…weak and tired.

"Shhhh…", he dragged me along with him since my ankles were bound together, and he was leading me to the big handicapped stall, opening it, and taking me inside.

Mark was there again, with the fucking tape. God, I hate YOU MARK!

"I don't think we'll need more tape…wait…give me your belt.", Jess said to Mark.

They sat me on my naked ass on the cold floor, in the corner of the stall, and my head was high enough that it was leaning back on the bar at the side of the wall, a bar that was there to support a person who needed it to stand up inside. But now they were putting the belt around my neck, bucking it tight to the bar to secure my head in place, pointed upwards.

"Go bring me some wet paper towels.", Jess said to Mark and he went to get some. The other voices were outside the stall door and I couldn't see them but I knew they were there. I wasn't stupid. I knew what was coming next, just by the position they were putting me in. I was at eye level with Jess' crotch while we waited for wet paper towels.

I made exhausted, agonized growls and noises…my legs were laid out straight in front of me.

"On second thought, he said to me, get up on your knees…", Jess re-positioned me so I was kneeling on the floor now and Mark entered the stall with dripping wet paper towels.

"Good.", Jess liked the way I was really leaned back now that I was on my knees, the belt that much more uncomfortable as they began wetting my duct taped mouth with the very cold wet towels.

"Once it's wet, you can peel it off better.", Jess said as he and Mark began taking the tape off my mouth.

I clenched my eyes and let out some pained sounds as it began to come off, pulling a lot as they worked it off my skin.

Finally, it was gone and I realized that some of the paper towels in my mouth had gotten wet with my saliva during the attack and as they pulled the dry towels out, they began to find pieces of wet paper towel…yanking them out of my mouth, telling me to spit the chunks out that would fall into my throat if I didn't.

I had spit out the last of it and they flushed it down the nearby toilet but I couldn't care less about them now, I was screaming again…for help…for Victoria…for whoever would listen!

"VICTORIA!", I screamed, "VICTORIA!"

"Go on, Mark, shut him up.", Jess chuckled as Mark undid his pants.

"NO, DON"T TOUCH ME!", I snarled, glad to have my voice back, "VICTORIAAAA!"

"Here, stick this in your big mouth…", Mark joked, taking out his dick and shoving it deep into my mouth. It filled it entirely and I was reduced to gagging sounds and choking noises. Mark held my hair in both hands and kept fucking his cock into my face, my head pinned back to the tile as he had his way with my head. There wasn't much I could do, even if my body struggled, my head was totally within his control. He moved me any way he wanted, he even made my head move back and forth as he moved in and out of my lips…my eyes clouded and crying as he stuck his cock into the back of my throat….holding it there so I couldn't breathe…then finally, out a bit…allowing me air.

He slapped my face suddenly and looked down into my eyes.

"Loosen your jaw…", he ordered, "You're too tense…relax your teeth…if those fucking teeth scrape me, you're gonna be fucking sorry bitch."

Time crawled by on hands and knees as each of them entered the stall, closing the door behind them as Jess stood watch beside me, sitting on the closed toilet seat as they all grabbed my hair, and rode my mouth in the way that they liked. It was fucking endless and each time I had to swallow them, I wept and screamed, resisting as hard as I could. Some of them took DAYS to come, it seemed. Others were quicker. But each time a new one came inside here…they had to really struggle with me before they'd get what they wanted. Even Jess had to hold my nose closed so I'd finally have to open my mouth and take them in. I wanted to bite them…to spit their chewed up dicks back into their faces…but Jess told me Victoria would not like that. And I thought of my daughter. So I gave up on that idea.

When it was finally Jess' turn at the end, he smiled down at me as I scowled up at him.

"I want it nice and slow…gentle…firm…", he undid his pants, dropping them to his knees, "I won't hold onto your hair…I know it hurts you."

"Fuck you.", I sneered back at him, so tired now and used up that I didn't give a fuck anymore. I spit on the floor, the taste in my mouth so disgusting I can't even describe it. It felt like I'd never get rid of it.

He took out his hunting knife and put it under my chin, using it to bring my face up more.

"What was that, bitch?" he asked sweetly, smiling down at me.

I felt my face turn into a frightened mass of agony again….and I closed my eyes…and opened my mouth.

"Wider….", he pressed the knife edge a hair harder, "Wider…Daddy's real big, baby."

"That's it…" he said as I had my mouth open so wide a truck could've driven in.

"And open your eyes.", he ordered as I did so, glaring up at him, "I want to see those pretty eyes while you make me come. Girl eyes…"

I did as he said and moved slowly…my mouth wet and tightly wrapped around the very gigantic, smelly cock of this asshole. He was going to make me do everything…slowly…looking at him the whole time…I wanted this guy dead. I gagged and nearly vomited a few times…but he didn't care. He just continued.

It felt like four years went by…but finally, he was exploding in my throat as I clenched up everywhere….making myself quickly swallow that funky shit down. I shuddered, nearly throwing up, as I wanted to do each time. Vomit would be a welcome taste in my mouth right now.

"That was sooo good, angel.", he said to me as he withdrew himself out of my mouth.

"Can I go now?', I asked, trying to regain control of my breathing, not even looking up at his grotesque face.

"Go check with Vic.", Jess said to Mark, a few voices still talking and laughing outside the closed stall door. I wondered what the fuck they were hanging around for…they got everything they wanted…or were permitted to get from me. What more could they hope to take from me now?

"Yea, tell her I said hi.", I sneered bitterly, looking down at my sweaty, nude body…the remnants of silver ripped duct tape hanging from me like dead flesh. My legs were slightly apart, resting on the hard floor as my bound ankles held the weight of my ass upon them. I couldn't even FEEL my legs anymore. They were dead and numb…I wondered how long I'd really been in here…it felt like decades.

I felt my arms trembling against my control and I tried to stop them. Jess stared down at me and didn't say a word…he just kept swigging out of his bottle, studying me silently.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.

"What the FUCK are you looking at, JETHRO?", I shouted, unable to stop myself.

"You better watch your tongue, girlie.", Jess smirked down at me, "We were nice to you…we could've hurt you…bad. But I made sure that didn't happen."

"Oh, well, thank you sooo much.",I answered with the snidest of tones, my eyes ice cold as I looked up at him, "Where should I send your Christmas card this year?"

Jess took a fast step towards me but I didn't flinch…I didn't move a muscle…I just kept staring him down. I waited…and I knew he had that hunting knife in his pocket…but I couldn't imagine that any stab wound would hurt more than what I'd just been through.

"Fucking bitch.", Jess turned away, taking another swig of his putrid piss drink.

It wasn't much…I'd been subjected to the lowest shit imaginable tonight…but I felt like I had won a little piece of myself back just now. They may have had their fucking way with my body…but I had just told them that they didn't lay a hand on ME. But even then, I knew they had fucked me up inside…that I was changed in some way. Less.

It took a few minutes more for Mark to come back in…and he opened the stall door. I almost expected to see Victoria with him. But she wasn't.

"She's busy, she said.", Mark informed and I bit down on my teeth, feeling them churn together, "Keep him entertained, she said."

Jess smiled at me and I felt my arms shivering again.

"She's fucking half the guys here.", Mark added, shaking his head and grinning, "High as a fucking kite."

"She saving some for us?", Jess asked, still looking at me.

"Yea.", Mark nodded, "She always takes care of us. We just have to hang in a bit longer, watch the brat, and she'll give us the usual."

"Cool." Jess smiled more, handing his bottle to Mark…slowly coming up to me…I inched even closer to the bar I was bound to…wishing I could melt into the wall.

I looked down, wondering what would happen now. Then Jess got down on one knee, meeting my eye as I glanced up into his.

"Well, well, well…", Jess moved his finger over my bottom lip as I winced, "What are we gonna do with you now?"

"NOOOOO!", I screamed a few minutes later, "NOOOOO, GET OFF ME! LET GO!"

"Keep your fucking head in there!", Jess ordered, grabbing the back of my head and shoving it into the clear toilet water a couple inches below my face. I heard laughing and muffled sounds as my face touched the bottom of the toilet…I tried to hold my breath but they held me under for a decent amount of time. Finally, I had no more air and I was breathing out in bubbles…willing myself not to inhale.

I wished I would drown. I wanted to be dead.

I jerked my head up and I felt the hand in my hair disappear. I was choking and spitting up water…the laughter of the drunken assholes close behind me as they watched.

"Give me that.", I heard Jess behind me, and someone else lifted up the toilet seat.

I was kneeling in front of the toilet, my hands still behind me as Jess stood with one foot on each side of my legs, his body pinning me tightly close to it.

I coughed and fought to breathe, spitting and letting the water fall back into the bowl…my head jerking and shaking the water off as I struggled.

"Get back in there, baby.", Jess clutched my wet hair and bent me over again, putting my head inside the hole again.

"No, PLEASE!", I struggled, my voice weaker and more exhausted than it was before, "Please just let me go! I did everything you wanted! JESS! Come on!"

"Shut up, bitch.", Jess silenced me, "You had your chance to be nice. You blew it."

I heard the duct tape screeching again as it came apart from the roll. I fucking HATE duct tape.

Then I heard the tape being stuck to the side of the bowl and it was stretched across the bowl, sticking to the back of my head, and being secured to the other end of the toilet. It tore off and then they did it again, this time the tape sticking to the back of my neck….i growled and fought…nose to the water…as they put two or three more strands of tape over me and the bowl, holding me tightly in place.

"NO!", I twisted my wrists and tried to move my legs but then I felt another long strip of tape going under my bare ass, across the back of my legs, holding me to the fucking bowl bottom.

"RRRRR!", I tried to move and struggle but I couldn't do much. They watched to see if my efforts got me any results…and they sounded pleased that I was trapped again.

"Such a cute little ass she's got.", I heard Mark comment as I moved my body in my restraints…or tried to.

"God, I'd love to fuck it good.", Jess said behind me as I clenched my eyes tight, imagining it…I was so god damned vulnerable in this position…and if one fucked me, they'd all follow.

"Victoria will have your BALLS.", Mark replied, "You'd go right back to jail."

"No shit.", he answered, spitting on the floor.

"Come on, let's see how long he can hold his breath.", Mark said, walking closer to the bowl where all I could see was the clear water and the hole at the bottom of the bowl.

"No, please…guys…", I whimpered, afraid of what they'd do now.

This is what I had become…a weak little shit…begging them for mercy. This is what Victoria had wanted…for me to lose my pride and strength. To become a worm.

But without a word, Mark flushed the toilet and the loud sound of the water pressure stabbed into my ears…then the water began to rise…

"No!", I tried to turn my head but couldn't…"Noooo…"

My last plea was drowned in cold water as it met my face and circled around my ears.

It was a very slow flush and the water kept swirling around me as I held my breath.

I could hear Jess laughing and other voices, too…I was back on display again…entertaining the crowd.

Finally, the water descended again and I was spitting and coughing…the water dripping off my nose and mouth into the whiteness below.

They did this a few more times as they broke into hysterics, tickled by the way I pleaded and choked on the icy water.

"Man, all that flushing is making me want to piss.", I heard some other guy's voice behind me.

"I know.", Jess agreed, and I clenched my eyes…gritting my teeth and giving a low growl of warning.

I was jerking and trying to move my wrists….and I was desperately trying not to flex my ass while I struggled…I didn't want any more talk of anyone wanting to "do my ass".

"I had so much to drink…taking a piss sounds great.", Jess said, and I felt his boot land squarely on my right ass cheek.

"What do YOU think, cocksucker?" he asked me, "You don't mind if we take a piss, do you, girl?"

"Please…", I breathed, panicking as I considered it, "Don't!"

"Come on, guys…", Jess smiled behind me, "When you gotta go…you gotta go…"

"NO, NO, NO!", I screamed, hearing a bunch of them approaching, "DON'T PLEASE! VICTORIA! VICTORIA PLEASE!"

I felt tears in my eyes as I heard them all around me….I knew it was coming…but nothing prepared me for it.

I heard a couple of them, moaning, "Ahhhh…" as they relieved themselves…and I felt hot streams of foul smelling water pouring from all directions down in my hair, on my neck…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!", I screamed with all my fury and might…"NNNNOOOOO!"

I felt it's warm piss stench flow down into my face as I screamed again, my eyes clenching and my mouth spitting and trying to keep the urine out of my mouth…my nose wasn't as lucky, though…and I tried to blow out my nostrils…not ridding myself of the odor or the shame. My eyes were stinging…almost like I had gotten soap in them. It was like acid.

"UUUUGGHHHH !', I spit and sobbed as they kept pissing on my head.

"FUCKING FAG BASTARDS!", I roared out, hating each and every one of them, spitting and gagging, the acidy taste creeping into my god damned teeth now. They laughed at me and I felt my stomach rising up fast…those drinks Jess had forced me to drink before…the dinner I ate before we came here….

I heaved it all up in one long, ripping bucketful…the taste was even worse than the urine.

They all roared with laughter at me, and I felt someone pat my back. "Poor baby…get it all out, sweetie."

I vomited again, feeling my stomach pull as I spit and coughed it up…feeling my nose running with it as I stared down at my orange vomit mixed with the combined urine of my new friends.

I kept spitting as I cried, sobbing from the feeling of disgust and degradation I felt as I inhaled the stink below me. Chunks of shit from my stomach floated on the surface inches below my nose and I blinked, feeling the wetness from my hair leaking down into my eyes again, stinging them cruelly.

"God!", I begged, "Please no more! Please let me out! FUCK!" I kept gagging, the stench and the sight of what was right below my face…repulsing me.

They just laughed and drank around me, pouring some of the booze down in my hair.

"Time to take a drink again, darlin', Jess said above me and I heard him jingle the handle of the toilet, like he was about to flush it.

"NOOOOO!", I felt my eyes widen, "NOOOOOOOOO!"

He pressed down on the handle…and the murky water began to rise again…coming for me.

Later, as my back ached and my knees throbbed, I just laid my head down in the toilet, my eyes dazed and my voice half gone. I was still taped in there, stinking of piss, shit and vomit…and trying to breathe as my eyes stared blankly at the hole below me…glad that the water was finally clear again.

They'd had a fun time using me as their personal toilet and now they were kicking me in the ass, smacking my dick into the porcelain it was taped to.

They had wanted to carve their initials into my ass earlier, but Victoria had told Mark no. She didn't want her property damaged that way. Like they weren't damaging me enough tonight.

I felt several different boots smashing against my ass as I grunted and banged into the bowl base, I didn't make much noise anymore. I had nothing left. I tried to cry out about fifteen minutes ago, but all that came out was a croak and air…no words.

"Are you falling asleep, angel?", Jess asked, driving another hard kick into my ass as my head jerked uselessly in the hold of the tape behind it.

"Poor baby's tired.", Mark said sarcastically, drinking something.

"Let's give him a little wake up call.", Jess came up behind me and I felt myself tense.

"Victoria…", I didn't really shout it…I just said it….and it came out like a breathed whisper…a fucked up prayer that would never be answered.

I felt hands on my ass cheeks and heard Jess moaning behind me. He was squeezing them and stroking…I panted, wishing I could scream again. But what good would it do?

Victoria probably went home and forgot to come get me. I could be here until morning…maybe the janitor would find me here, waiting. Maybe dead, face down in the toilet water…if the toilet clogs and doesn't drain right…I'll be fucked.

"Nooo…", I whimpered, feeling him spread my ass open and make a sound of approval…

"Man…tight little ass…God, it's beautiful…", I could hear Jess saying, almost to himself.

"Don't do it, man.", Mark sounded really drunk now.

"I know, I know…", Jess said, "I can't fuck her…but I can play with her…"

And I felt wetness…I felt his tongue…licking at my asshole! He was lapping at it and going, "Uuuhhhh…..MMMMM"

Now I screeched hoarsely and let out a cry I didn't know I had in me.

"STOP IT!", I growled, jerking and trying to move, "JESS! !"

Then I felt two tongues there…battling for a taste. I just cried…used up…unable to do a damn thing about it. I could feel light bites…even a little penetration with their tongues…but they were on dangerous ground now. They were getting very close to breaking Victoria's rule. I knew their names, both of them…I would tell…they would pay!

I must've said NO! a thousand times…but they never got sick of licking my ass. I don't know what happened to the other voices…they had seemed to become bored after awhile and slowly they left the room…all I could hear now were Jess and Mark.

"Go lock the door.", I heard Jess say and I froze.

Mark got up and I listened as he went, the lock clicking neatly into its place.

Jess was stroking up and down my asshole, making round circles with his fingers as he waited for Mark to come back in the stall.

I heard the stall door lock, too and I began crying again…not liking this at all.

"Please let me go…", I cried, begging with no pride left anymore.

"What's up?" Mark asked, close behind me now, too.

"I'm gonna fuck her.", I heard Jess state like a fact.

"NO!", I roared through my tears, fighting again, "VICTORIA! VICTORIA!"

"Shut him up for fuck's sake!", Jess yelled at Mark.

Mark flushed the toilet and the water came rising up, drowning my voice quickly.

I tried to hear what they were saying but the damn sound of the toilet was too loud.

When the water began to calm and lower again…I heard Mark say, "You better not say anything, man. If we get caught, we're dead meat!"

"The bitch might talk.", Jess said, pondering this before acting.

I guess they were talking about me.

"We just deny it.", Mark said, "If we stick by each other, she'll believe us. She doesn't even really KNOW HIM."

"Please don't!", I begged like a dog, crying, "I swear, I won't say anything if you just let me go now…please! I'll leave myself, I don't need Victoria to take me home…"

"Flush him again.", Jess said and Mark leaned over, flushing the toilet once more.

I spat the water out as it lowered again…and when I could hear again…I heard the sound of a belt buckle jingling. They were undoing their pants!

"NOOO PLEASE!", I sobbed, "PLEASE! I'll DO ANYTHING! JUST DON'T!"

"Time for you to be quiet again, pretty." Jess said sweetly to me as I felt the duct tape again…they stuck a piece to the corner of my mouth and began to wrap it around my lips, around my cheek, behind my head….and around again as I screamed, becoming more muffled and quieter with each wrap.

Then he tore the tape off, and I heard another piece being torn off. It went on my ass cheek, pulling it aside…and then the other one…they were taping my ass cheeks open!

I bucked and gave shrill screams of terror but I think that spurned them on even more.

I felt and heard one of them spit on the area exposed there, preparing it for being fucked.

Then I felt a sharp edge, a cold thing against the base of my dick. I remembered his knife and froze again.

"If you say a word to your Mistress…", Jess sneered into my ear from behind, "I'll find you…and I'll EAT your cock for breakfast. Is that clear?"

I felt tears falling from my face, landing in the still toilet water below me.

I gave a disturbed "MMMMMMMM" as a reply…and a weak nod of my head. I WOULD tell on them…but it wouldn't save me from the attack. I resigned myself to that fact.

"Hurry up.", Mark coaxed his friend, "I don't like this. If we get busted…"

"He's gonna be a good girl.", Jess fingered my ass again, about to insert his sausage fingers inside…I braced myself and thought my eyes would pop out from the way I was crushing them closed.

"He won't talk.", Jess said and I felt his fingers beginning to move into the tight hole there…and the pain began to register.

And then a knock sounded on the bathroom door.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!", I screamed for help instantly, doing it as loud as I could, "MMMMMMMMMM! VICTORIA!"

I TRIED to say her name…but the toilet was flushed on me again and in seconds, I was in the water again.

The tape ripped off my ass cheeks as I screamed out from the sensation of flesh being torn off, at least that's how it felt…and Jess stood up, zipping up and buckling his pants.

Mark went to the door and unlocked it, opening it up a crack to see who it was.

"Hi Victoria.", he greeted, letting her inside as I howled even louder, screaming for her help now that she was in earshot.

"It's Vic.", Mark said, locking the door as she came in, her heels clicking on the floor while I shouted muffled cries to her.

"Hi Vicky.", Jess said, a smile in his voice as I heard him kiss her cheek, "We're keeping your slave entertained…she's being such a good girl…mostly."

"MMMMMMMM!", I shrieked out, trying to fight some more.

"We made him our little toilet slave…", Jess informed, sounding amused…or worse, proud of himself, "Humiliation 101."

"Classics never die, do they?", she asked, sounding just as relaxed and tickled as he had.

"Oh my…", I heard Victoria's voice sounding amused as she came into the stall, "You ARE having lots of fun, aren't you boys?"

I growled and shouted as they observed me…letting her know I was done and wanted to leave NOW. If she left me here with them now…they'd be sure to fuck me. I couldn't even TELL her…I was pulling with all my might against the tape that held me in place…it felt like my skin was starting to tear but it didn't stop me from trying.

I felt tears gathering in my eyes again at the feeling that her eyes were on me, like this…and that there was no feeling or care for ME in there when she spoke. She wasn't even coming close enough to TOUCH me! Stroke me….nothing.

"My baby doesn't sound like he's having that much fun…", Victoria laughed a little, standing behind me.

"He is.", Jess assured, "He came like….ten or eleven times…every single time…he loves getting his cock sucked…"

"And did he thank you all properly?" she asked.

"Yes he did.", Mark replied, "Such a sweet little mouth she's got…he got very good after the first couple guys…"

"That's why I waited to be last.", Jess shared.

"He did put up a bit of a fight as each guy came in to get his turn, though.", Mark added, "But there wasn't much he could do to stop it from happening. He learned."

Then I felt Victoria stroke her hand down my back and I felt so fucking betrayed…her hand was like fire to me. I cried out suddenly, having enough of all this…I wanted out NOW!

"I think he's a little cranky.", Jess said, "He's had a long night."

"Yea.", Victoria said, "I'm about ready to leave, too. Ooooh, he smells! I don't want him in my car like that!"

"We'll clean him up for you, Vic.", Mark offered, "It's the least we can do."

I growled out again…wanting her to stay…please don't leave me alone with these two again…please please please!

"Alright," she said, "Bring him out to my car in ten minutes. I have to go do something. And this is for you two….my thanks for babysitting tonight."

They sounded so pleased by whatever she gave them. I heard her kissing them each…I heard tongues and lips smacking against lips…I wanted to throw up all over again.

I made some sounds that spoke of pain, exhaustion and longing to be out of this fucking toilet…I was praying she could hear that, pity me, and come free me…or at least come in and show she cared…and Victoria said, "He's such a jealous little girl…he doesn't want anyone else touching his Mistress…he's such a cutie pie."

"See you out back.", she said and I heard the door unlock….she left and it locked again.

I was really arguing now through my tape gag as they came back to the stall to get me.

"FUCK!", Jess was angry now, "I knew I should've done it earlier when I had the chance! Bullshit! "

"Hey, she was pretty cool letting us have him all night…", Mark reasoned, "Maybe she'll bring him back later sometime and let us fuck him then…she gave us the coke. Don't fuck things up over a little piece of ass, man."

Jess sighed and sounded very disappointed.

"It's not often I get a shot at something so beautiful…and so pure…", Jess reached between my legs and found my flaccid cock…grabbing the shaft and moving it up and down…slowly as I groaned out in protest again.

For a minute, he kept forcing me to arousal and I hated my cock for growing and hardening.

"See, she likes me.", Jess said to Mark as he kept fondling me.

"Come on, man.", Mark finally said, "Let's get him cleaned up and get him out there. You'll see him again."

I promised myself I would NOT be going through this shit again. I'd die first. Victoria has some big fucking explaining to do when I get hold of her.

"Let's get the tape off him.", Mark suggested, and I heard his switchblade spring open behind me. I gave a little "MMMMM" sound, unable to hide my nervousness about them slicing the tape off me with their fucking razor sharp knives. I was so thankful that Victoria had the hair lasered off my body. It would be a bitch to tear duct tape off my flesh and hair.

They didn't have to cut much to free me from the toilet where I'd been for hours…I felt the tape give way but I wasn't able to straighten up to take my face out of the porcelain bowl…my legs were numb and useless, my hands still bound behind me…all I knew was that my body hurt everywhere. My knees throbbed and ached, my arms, so sore from struggling…hung behind me like dead strands of flesh. My throat was killing me and I was sure my voice would be nearly gone when I next tried to speak. I had screamed my head off all damn night…and not one person had heard me. No one cared. No one gave a shit. Victoria was right about that much at least.

I felt my back lay down against the cool floor and for the first time in hours and hours, I enjoyed the sensation. I moaned out loud, not even registering that I was with two assholes who had my life in their hands right now. I guess my mind had gone a little crazy…and for a moment, I didn't even care what they could do to me right now. I just wanted to feel the relief of the cold tile on my back…the firmness of the floor pressing against my spine. It was heaven…for a moment.

Then I felt my legs lift up a bit and I was sliding against the slick floor of the bathroom. I peeked up and saw Mark dragging me along, his hands securely around my silver taped ankles. Jess was not in sight and I was fine with that.

My mouth was still bound very tightly and my hands behind me but the trip to wherever I was going was not very painful yet. He was sliding me as he backed towards the bathroom door, leading out into the bar area where all those people had been before. Was he really taking me out there? People would see…I am totally naked. I guess he wasn't concerned about that because the door was now unlocked and he just kicked it open and dragged me out there.

The lights were very low…and the music was not playing anymore. I didn't see or hear anyone out here…chairs were upside down on the tables…and there was no one tending bar. I guess the place was closed now.

The floor out here was smooth and not rough on my back or ass either and I just tried to stay quiet, hoping Victoria would show soon and take me the fuck out of here. I would never complain about being tied up in bed all night again…not after I had seen how fun the bathroom could be.

I kept looking for her…for that fire red hair and ivory skin…but I never found it.

Mark wasn't taking me out the front door…we were headed towards the far back of the bar.

Once we got to the back door, it opened and Jess was standing there.

He looked at Mark and they shared a look that I didn't like at all….then Jess bent down and helped him get me to my feet. It wasn't easy as my legs were like wet jello right now. But they seemed to know that I'd be useless to stand on my own, as they propped me up and Mark steadied me by putting one hand on each of my arms so I wouldn't drop.

"Stay, girl…that's good…", Jess said to me as Mark kissed the back of my neck, the cut tape still hanging from it, and all over me for that matter. It's even hanging from the backs of my legs under my ass cheeks where they stuck me to the toilet bowl.

"I know your legs hurt…", Jess began to massage the right leg as I let out a hard groan, the pain intense and the relief even more intense. I blinked and felt tears on both my cheeks, wishing I could wipe them away before these fucks ever saw it. I didn't want them seeing my pain, my emotion, my vulnerability…it wouldn't matter to them anyway.

"Sorry, baby…", he worked on my other leg for a minute and took out his knife, the huge one he'd threatened me with earlier, and I tensed…but he just used it to give the tape around my ankles one skillful slice, freeing my limbs.

He jerked and yanked the tape off just my ankles and I didn't cry out or even wince. Everything there was totally without feeling anyway.

"We've gotta clean you up now.", Jess informed, opening the door…"Can you walk?"

I tried…I didn't want them helping me do another damned thing…but when I took that first step, I felt my leg cave underneath me like wet paper, and I almost landed on my face…seeing that this door lead to the outside…a concrete area and small parking lot with no light at all…completely empty.

Jess had caught me before my nose broke against the cement ground out there and he helped me up…then took hold of my legs…Mark carrying me by my arms…and they brought me outside to the back.

"Let him sit down.", Jess said to Mark as they leaned my back against the wall of the building…"That's good."

"Here." Jess said to Mark and handed him something. Then I saw Jess walk over to my left and begin to uncoil a short hose that had been stored there. It was summertime and warm out here so I had no fear of freezing to death if they wanted to hose me down. I closed my eyes and wondered when the hell this tape could come off my mouth when Jess turned the dial of the hose and the water began to rush out of it…the spraying sound like music to my ears.

I felt the cold water hitting my body…my chest…my penis…my legs…the blood began coming back into my dead limbs and it was hurting me…but I kept my mouth shut and let them finish with me so I could leave.

"He's even beautiful WET.", Jess sounded sad that he hadn't gotten his big opportunity to rape me senseless in the men's room as I saw him walk over to me and point the hose down over my head…letting it run down my face and hair…I could smell piss and vomit but I held my breath until it washed away…I looked down and felt my hair turn to wet strands that hung over my eyes. I could feel the water on my back and shoulder blades…

"Alright, he's wet enough, hit him with the soap.", Jess kept hosing me off as he ordered Mark around. And then Mark was there, squeezing a plastic bottle of lemon dish soap all over my body…and in my hair….Jess turned off the hose and watched as Mark roughly moved his hand over my head…and then down my chest…making the soap lather as I tried not to react.

Mark didn't wash me all that thoroughly, just enough so that I smelled clean to Victoria when she came to collect me…IF she came.

"Good.", Jess decided after a couple minutes and then he turned the hose on me again….making sure to get all the soap out of my hair…my eyes clenched as it ran down my face…making a little noise as the soap DID run into my eyes and start to burn them.

They didn't pay attention to that and before I knew it, they had peeled the tape off my body where it had been hanging earlier…all that remained was the tape on my mouth and around my wrists now.

"Good girl.", Jess placed a kiss on my nose as he tossed the hose aside, "You were very well behaved during your shower."

"Maybe she learned something useful tonight after all.", Mark commented, smiling at me like we were new friends. I didn't make the face at him that I wanted to. I looked down at my legs, wishing they would work so I could run as far away from here as I could…I did not want to risk any more tonight…I wanted to go home so badly. Fuck me, I even wanted Victoria. I even wished that she could hold me and tell me how sorry she was for giving me to those guys…and that she would kiss me and show me some kind of affection. I had worked so long and hard to win just a little piece of that from her…and I had gotten nothing.

Nothing except a night full of molestation and fellatio from a bunch of strange ex con, "don't care who I do" rapists. I thought she was beginning to care for me…as something more than a fucking slave boy. When she asked me to go out with her tonight, for a drink…I thought we would be celebrating something. Maybe that she would tell me how well I'd been doing, and how glad she was that I was her slave now…but it was all bullshit. A pre planned trip to this scummy hole where she had a dozen guys waiting to abuse me…to humiliate me…to make me their god damned bathroom slut.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed but the next thing I knew I was being lifted to my knees, one hand under each of my armpits, holding me up. My eyes were so dead and lifeless that even I was aware of it as they began dragging me, my legs scraping behind me on the street like ribbons.

I made a little noise through the tape over my mouth as I looked around, thinking people would be standing around out here, and see my naked body out in the open this way. There was the street in front of the bar…and cars…but no one else that I could see.

I heard a car alarm squeak sound as the locks of Victoria's car clicked open. They brought me around the back of the shiny black Porsche and lifted open the trunk.

"Goodnight, Cunt.", Jess stroked my hair, leaning in and kissing the spot where my lips would've been, if they weren't covered with the tape. It still made me sick to my stomach, though, even the thought of him kissing me.

I was on my knees as Mark came up, leaning down and taking another couple licks and a hard bite of my right nipple as I cried out, my body struggling again.

"Just saying goodbye for now.", Mark grinned at me, then said to Jess, "You ready?"

He nodded and I nearly had a heart attack…but they just lifted me up by my arms and tossed me face first into the little trunk.

"Fuck.", Jess commented as he took one last look at my naked ass, "I wanted that ass bad."

And the trunk lid slammed closed, sealing me inside the blackness. I felt everything in my body release…relax…instantly…and I wasn't in control of myself…I just sobbed like a baby…relieved…terrified…disgusted…betrayed…horrified. I didn't care what I sounded like or who could hear me…I just wailed and bawled…finding these moments a kind of sick pleasure…I was out of there…I was safe…for the moment. I wanted to stay here forever.

I think I even almost cried myself to a thin sleep and later, I heard Victoria's voice nearby. I did not call to her now. I didn't even want to SEE her…let alone hear her. But I found myself listening. I wanted to be sure I was finished with this sleazy little test of hers.

"He's in there, nice and snug.", I heard Mark say and I felt myself frown, hating his rotten fucking guts.

"Good.", she laughed and I listened as her, Jess, and Mark all hung out, drinking and smoking a joint…laughing…not even talking about ME. It was like I wasn't even here…or important enough to discuss…an object in the car that Victoria didn't want to leave behind. Like sunglasses.

I waited an eternity and then I heard them all saying goodbye…kissing and talking…and then Victoria's car door closed. The engine started. It sounded like she was alone in the car…good, they aren't coming too. We were moving…and I could really truly breathe again….through my nose at least.

When we finally did stop…I was rolled on my back inside the trunk. I wanted to look into her eyes and make her see mine…and without a word tell her what she'd done to me tonight.

But she never came. She got out of the car and went inside the house…she never let me out of the trunk. She forgot about me.

When I saw sunlight coming through the cracks in the trunk, I began to kick my feet against the metal above me…trying to scream before the heat killed me. I was a wet, sweaty mess and also dying of thirst in here.

It wasn't until hours later that the car alarm squeaked and the trunk unlocked. When I opened my eyes, it was Emmett's silhouette I saw towering over me.

"Shit.", he said, almost to himself, reaching in to help me, "Sorry, man. I came as soon as I couldn't find you. Are you alright?"

I gave a weak little nod and went "Mmmmm.", as he helped get me out and then inside the house.

He got the tape off me with very little pain and handed me a blue bathrobe. My arms were so weak and numb, he had to help me put it on. I was shivering all over, even though it was so hot in there….and Emmett helped bring the bottle of cold water to my mouth…letting me slowly drink it down.

It was a long time before I could say a word…and when I did, it was, "Thanks."

"Don't even talk.", Emmett looked at me sadly, "Just keep sipping this. If you don't feel right in a bit, I'm calling the doctor."

He didn't even ask me what happened…maybe he already knew. He was here before I was…I'm sure he had known.

"Victoria was so high.", Emmett informed, "She's out cold in her room."

"Really.", I stated….and Emmett stared at me. A moment later, I had grabbed a long, deadly knife out of the butcher block on the counter…and I was on my way to her bedroom.

"Edward, don't.", Emmett chased after me, his eyes frowning a little, "I know she's rough but you CAN'T kill her! Think of your daughter!"

I kept moving…not being deterred. I wanted to see her blood smeared everywhere in that pretty little white room of hers.

"Edward, you'll go to jail.", he kept talking, "It's murder, man!"

"I'll carve Jess' name into her chest cavity.", I snapped back, turning a corner, moving up the stairs that would bring me there.

Emmett leapt in front of the door, blocking me. His eyes looked hard and fierce.

"Get out of my way.", I sneered with venom.

"I love her.", he said clearly, "I won't let you. Look, she can't help it. She gets high and does fucked up things sometimes. I should've watched out better for you. It's my fault. Stab me if you want to."

I was so crazed that I did lunge at him, ready to destroy anything or anyone who stood between me and her. Emmett moved away from me with such precision…and then in seconds, everything went black.

When I woke up…I was chained all over…naked as the day I was born. I was in Victoria's basement…laying on a bare mattress, my one ankle had a metal cuff padlocked around it…and it was connected to a long chain that went to the cement wall a couple feet away. I wore her collar, a thick leather one this time with a padlock hanging from my throat, another chain attached to it…and I had a ball gag in my mouth, the familiar taste of rubber saying hello to me once more.

Victoria was sitting there next to where I was laying…lifting one of my eyelids and shining a little pen light into it.

I knew then I was going to die. If Emmett told her about what I almost did…what I wanted to do…I would be killed today. And I felt so weak…like wet tissue paper. I couldn't even hold my head up for long.

"He's alright.", Emmett said, looking worried about me from behind Victoria, "He's coming around enough that you can talk to him now."

The light went off and I saw blue dots as my eyes blinked, wondering what the hell was wrong with me.

"Edward…", she said sternly, unbuckling the ball gag from my mouth, removing it, "Time to have a little talk, love."

Love. I wanted to puke all over her.

My eyes tried to focus on hers to give her that look of hatred I was practicing in the trunk…but she was all blurry.

"You're going to feel all woozy…", she informed, walking away a step or two, "But you'll tell me the truth…now. And you'll be calm."

"I will.", I agreed, unable to make up anything false at this point. I felt so relaxed, like smoke.

"Hi Emmett.", I smiled big at him, glad to see him.

"Hi Buddy.", he grinned back, looking a little nervous, "Everything's okay, man. Just gonna answer a couple questions, alright? Don't worry."

"Okay Buddy.", I grinned more, feeling great now.

"Edward.", Victoria grabbed my hair, making me look up into her eyes, "What…are you alright?"

"I am now.", I laughed, "This feels SOOO cool."

She slapped my face hard and that sobered me up a little. Then I looked at her eyes and felt such a sadness…I nearly cried.

"How could you do that to me Victoria?", I slurred, "You just gave me to those guys…they did such terrible things to me…you didn't care…"

I felt myself crying a little, unable to hide the pain from her with the drugs she'd given me running through my blood.

"I know.", she hesitated, and told Emmett to leave.

"But Vic…I think I should stay in case—"

"LEAVE!" she shouted, her word bouncing off the walls around us.

He breathed a huge ragged sigh and left us, slamming the door up above.

"Listen, Edward.", she slapped the side of my face to make me pay attention, "I fucked up. I shouldn't have left you to those guys. You are my slave and what I do with you is my choice, not yours…but I didn't mean to do that. I didn't know it would go that far. I was high. It's not an excuse or an apology…but it's as close as you'll ever get from me."

I just looked at her and felt a tear fall out of my left eye.

"Can I please die, Victoria?", I asked, as if I were asking for eggs for breakfast.

"What?"

"If this is the kind of slave you want…", I said without fear, "If this is what I'll have to do all the time…then I don't want it. I'd rather die. It's alright. You can kill me. I won't tell anyone."

"No, Edward.", Victoria looked scared and even a little sad for me now, but she was still firm, "No, I won't allow that. And don't you try killing yourself either. I like you. And I didn't put all my time into your training so you could just check out on me now. I don't give you my permission to die. Is that clear? Listen to me, EDWARD! If you do that, I'll collect my fifty grand back. I'll have your daughter. You'd be amazed how much I could sell a little four year old girl for…burned or not. Are we clear?"

"Yes we are clear.", I said with a pleasant tone…even though inside I was raging…it was the drugs, "I won't kill me. I promise. Please don't take my daughter…"

"I won't, I won't.", she assured me, petting my cheek, "Relax. Everything is alright now."

"No.", I jerked my head suddenly, looking at her eyes again, "I can't! I can't do it…please don't ever let those guys get me again. I can't do that again! I'll do anything you want…anything with women…but if I have to be fucked by men, I-I-"

"Don't cry, baby, don't cry.", she kept stroking me, "You don't have to get fucked by men…I swear. I will keep that promise. I mean it. If you feel that strongly about it, I will never give you to men again. Alright?"

"You mean it?", I heard myself ask like a crying child…and inside I hated myself…but I was out of it…a calm little weakling…that's what Victoria wanted me to be…and that's why I was injected with whatever she put into me.

"Yes I mean it.", she kissed my lips so tenderly…that something in me believed her.

"Edward.", she said, "Now tell me. Did any of those guys…fuck you? If they did, tell me and they're dead."

I knew the true answer in my mind…and as I thought about it all…they DID fuck me…mentally. And I did want them all dead…every one of them. So I answered her.

"Yes.", I half sleepy smiled at her, "They all fucked me. Every single one of them."

Victoria breathed out in anger…not at me…but at THEM. They broke her rules…they didn't obey her. They didn't fear her as much as she thought. Now they would pay. And I felt so at ease.

"Go to sleep now.", she put her fingers over my eyes…and I closed them…resting but still aware of what was happening, "They won't hurt you again. I'll fix it, Edward."

"Okay.", I sounded sleepier…laying my head back on the flat mattress…like it was a velvet pillow. The chains were cool and just a tad heavy as they laid against my body.

"Emmett!", she yelled and I heard Emmett coming back. But my eyes were too tired to open again…I just listened peacefully. I couldn't even realize fully what I had just done. I couldn't even care.

Victoria waited a moment and then said, "Bring all these men to me. Tell them I have a gift for them."

"No problem.", he said…and left.

Days later, when I awoke again…and was sober, I was tied to Victoria's big four poster bed. I was clean and fresh and smelled like cologne. My teeth even tasted like minty toothpaste.

Then she told me she had killed those men…for me. To apologize. And now it's over, she'd said, and we can forget it and move on. Can you do that, Edward, she asked me.

I had still not earned a dollar from her at this point…and needed the money…I needed to win her approval so I could start earning as her slave. As I thought over my limited options…Victoria added, "And also…I'll send your daughter thirty thousand dollars today. So she can have her first set of operations. I spoke to her doctor…that should be good to get things started for her. Is that acceptable? Can we start again?"

I nodded without words, sealing my fate…giving myself to her with the one rule: no more men in any way. It was written into my contract.

The next day, when I was free to roam around again, I found Emmett.

"You didn't tell her.", I said to him, my eyes hard.

"No.", he frowned back, "She'd have killed you."

"I guess I owe you my life again.", I said bitterly, not liking that.

"You don't owe me anything.", Emmett answered, "I know I'm not a guy you can call a best friend. She owns me too, in a way. I do what she says. But I'll watch out for you…as much as I can. I like you."

I frowned back more.

"Not that way.", he made a face, "Ugh! Don't flatter yourself. I'm strictly into women."

"So was I, I THOUGHT.", I replied, still unable to forget that night.

Emmett didn't say anything and his silence spoke volumes.

"You know how to fight, don't you?", I asked him, not fully trusting this guy yet…but maybe I could get something useful from him.

"I've never lost a fight.", he stated without bragging much, "I beat those guys who had guns on YOU, remember?"

"Yea, I do.", I squinted a bit, "Will you teach me? I don't ever want to be weak like that again. And if a gang of jail rats grab me again, I may not win….but I want to break their jaws before going down."

"Grasshopper.", Emmett grinned, "You've come to the right place. Meet me out back in ten. I'll teach you."

That's when I learned how to fight and defend myself. That's when I swore I'd never be taken down against my will again. I lied to myself and said whatever happens to me now, it's my choice, my decision.

I went through lots of fucked up punishments and tortures after that…lessons…hurts…but they were all dealt to me by women. I never had another man involved with me again….until Sir Kevin.

I ended my journal entry there. Closing my notebook, I locked it into the safe and took the key. I walked back into my warm, cozy family world as I closed the door behind me…and crossed the invisible line between my old world…and my new one.

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End of Chapter 21

I told you it was rough, real rough. And long, too. This is the first time in Edward's past when he really became dark inside…and sold himself by his own choice, in a way. And this is what brought on the no man rule…and why Victoria abided by it for so long…and why it was so terrible a betrayal when Sir Kevin came into the picture.

And now poor Edward can't even use public restrooms. I hate Victoria.

I'll be hiding in Bermuda now. See you next chapter!

Love, Winnd


	22. Better the Hell you Know

Chapter 22

Hey everyone! Everyone here? Did we all make it through that dark tunnel okay? Did you take my advice and have a buddy? Good! I totally understand people who don't want to read those kind of chapters, and I'm not offended…and to all of you who did read it, I want to say I'm sorry and I thank you at the same time. It's not easy…I know, reading OR writing this…I'd rather write all fluff. But it is necessary. Without going into detail, I DO know some real things about Edward's life and that things like this DO really happen…more than we all want to believe.

And I don't want to play it safe…that makes for a mediocre story and life to be honest. So, right or wrong…hard or not, I have to write what I have to write. I hope you can all understand that.

And it is necessary to show Edward's dark past…so later, when he's got it all beaten and he's got his Happy Ever After…we will all be able to know how hard it was for him to have gotten there…and we will celebrate right along with him…and it will be so much sweeter for all of us. Trust me.

I also think the journal writing is good, too, both for Edward and the story. This way, he can write things down…he doesn't have to tell these stories to Bella, which I know he wouldn't do…and if he even told Dr. Peter, in a session, the detail and words would not give us, the reader, a real look at what he's gone through, how he felt, what he thought, etc. As hard as it is, this way it's like we are in his mind with him as it is happening.

Also, in defense of Emmett, don't forget this last chapter happened when Edward first came to Victoria, about six years ago. I am going to show that, Emmett changed over time…as he became Edward's best friend…almost brothers…Emmett didn't just live for Victoria anymore…he started caring about others…and later, six years later, when he saw Victoria for what she was…and how she was hurting Edward, Jasper, etc., he rose up and freed himself from her hold on him. So, in a way, Edward did his part to teach Emmett about friendship…and also how Victoria kind of discarded Emmett as her main man when Edward came along…so it's good that Edward and Emmett got together. It may have been a cold start to their relationship, but when Emmett taught Edward to fight…that's where they began to bond and become close…they started watching out for each other after that…like abused brothers trapped by their evil mother.

And don't worry, now other things will happen…and maybe in a couple chapters, there will be another warning about a Sir Kevin flashback along the way. But I'm not going to make this whole story about gross stories from Edward's life…they will be part of it…but the real story is what's happening to them now…and in the future. So thanks for hanging in and braving the storm with me. You're all very cool…and I am proud to have every one of you by my side fighting this battle with me. Thank you.

Let's show this Jenna bitch how we do things DOWNTOWN! Power UP!

LOL…sorry, I had to do it. Love,Winnd

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EPOV

I closed the Fucked Up Journal, taking a deep breath and wiping my left eye, the tears making my face feel cool in the breeze out here…on Dr. Peter's patio. Leaves were under my feet, making for nice things to crunch whenever I got anxious about reading my newest entry into my book. I still can't believe I got through it, with hardly a pause.

Dr. Peter now opened his eyes and looked at me…I peeked up at him and saw wetness there in his ice blue pupils…even out here in the darkness, lit only by his bug candle on the table.

"Don't be ashamed to take a tissue, Anthony.", Dr. Peter nodded towards the box on the table.

So I took one and wiped my face quickly with it…shoving it in my jeans pocket.

There was a decent pause where neither of us said a thing…it was driving me crazy.

"I told you I was fucked up.", I said, low and full of shame, not meaning to sound that way.

"No, Anthony.", Peter leaned forward, his hand gently touching my arm, to support me, "THEY…THEY are fucked up. Say it."

"They are fucked up.", I said it weakly, looking at the leaves.

"Again…", he verbally pushed, "Mean it this time."

I thought of Jess' face…and Mark…and all of them…and this time I said it with venom and hatred…liking how it rolled off the tongue.

"THEY are fucked up.", I almost growled it.

"Good for you, Anthony.", he slapped my shoulder and smiled, leaning back in his seat.

I felt good and couldn't quite figure out why. But it was great.

"Thank you for sharing that with me, Anthony.", Peter said with calm pride, "I didn't assign you another journal entry…but you did it on your own. I'm very proud of you…that took balls. I knew I was right about you. You're tough. Strong. God surely has a big purpose in mind for you, Anthony Masen. You can believe that."

"God.", I scoffed, before I realized I was doing it.

Peter looked at me pleasantly, not judging, asking, "Do you believe in God?"

Very clever. He did that on purpose to find out my take on religion. Damn, he's good.

Smirking a little, I thought about it a moment.

"I used to.", I said honestly.

"What changed?"

"My family caught on fire.", I shot Doc a hard look, answering him flatly.

"And you believe that was God who did it?", he asked.

"No, it was the devil!", I gasped, being sarcastic and a brat. But he didn't falter.

"Maybe it was.", Doc thought to himself almost, "You of all people know that Hell and evil exists…why not a devil?"

"I was with the devil for six years.", I replied smartly, "Better the Hell you know…right?"

Peter looked confused as he listened and then said nothing.

"All I know is…I believed in God…I went to church every Sunday with Katherine…I prayed, I tried to be a basically good kid…I never hurt anyone…and when my daughter was born…I KNEW there was a God…a wonderful God up there that was GREAT! He gave me this little angel…"

My eyes were beginning to tear up again so I went on, trying to shove them down.

"And then, one night, in the blink of an eye, he decides to let my building go up in FLAMES!", I shouted, throwing my journal on the table angrily, "My baby was only THREE YEARS OLD! She should never have know that kind of pain or fear…NO ONE should!"

"I know.", he said, not stopping me.

"And my wife!", I yelled harder, "She was a lot of things, but she was a nice person! Just because we weren't head over heels in love anymore, doesn't mean she should have DIED either! She could've changed…she deserved the chance to see her daughter grow up!"

"Get it all out, Anthony, you're doing great.", Peter smiled warmly at me.

"If there WAS a GOD and he GAVE A FUCK he would've STOPPED IT!", I stood up, needing to pace, "HE WOULDN'T HAVE LET IT HAPPEN IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

"What do you think he should've done?"

"He could've made it RAIN, the flames could have died out!", I was rambling but loudly as I grabbed my hair, yanking at it cruelly, "Someone could have saved them! There could've BEEN A WAY OUT! SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO BURN!"

"Katie.", Peter gave a nod, knowing who I was talking about.

"YEA!", I shouted, feeling more tears coming on, "Church people are always telling me things happen for a reason…God works in mysterious ways…FUCK GOD! HE BURNED MY BABY! HE BURNED HER UNTIL THE SKIN WAS GONE AND HE KEPT BURNING HER INTO HER ORGANS! THERE IS NO GOD! AND IF THERE IS, HE'S MORE EVIL THAN VICTORIA EVER WAS! BECAUSE HE GIVES YOU THINGS…BEAUTIFUL THINGS…AND THEN HE DESTROYS THEM FOR NO REASON RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES! Victoria was a bitch but she never played that cruel."

I kept pacing…searching for any more venom I had built up for the notion of GOD. But nothing much more came to me…I just tried to control my breathing now.

"Good, Anthony…", Peter was still in his chair, "Keep pacing…breathe…you're fine…it's alright."

A few minutes later, Peter's soft voice was there, just talking.

"So you lost Tanya…and Katie…and God…your faith…", he shook his head a bit to himself, "It's easy to see how you fell into Victoria's clutches. You had nothing left. She saw that. And pounced. You were weak, Anthony…it wasn't your fault."

"I agreed.", I stood still, looking down at the stones on the patio floor, "It's partly my fault. I know that."

"Okay, good.", Peter looked at me, again, proudly, "Own what you do…that's great. I'm glad to hear that. So many people never take into account what their own part was in things…it's always someone else's fault. But, Anthony…none of these attacks…none of the abuse you've suffered is YOUR fault. That's all on THEM. You can look back and know that you chose the wrong things here and there…but never blame yourself for what they did to you."

"I don't know what to believe now.", I said quietly, taking a breath, "I feel that way about God…and I hate him…and now I have Katie back…and Bella is in my life…"

I closed my eyes and exhaled. Is God giving me them now…only to take them away again later? Will I have to endure it all over again?

"Why does life have to be so fucking confusing Doc?", I asked, crossing my arms and looking out at the night sky….a half white moon out tonight.

"Another great question.", Peter agreed, "I wish I knew. I wish I knew."

"I once thought my life was over.", Peter shared, "I felt the same as you do now. I didn't believe in anything. But, in time…I began to see some things. Because of the things I suffered, I was able to go on to help people…to understand…"

"I've thought of that.", I snapped, not meaning to, my eyes still on the moon, "But I can't swallow it. I can't stand here and say it's good that Tanya died, it's good my daughter suffered all that pain…because now we can help other people…or get how painful life can be. It's a weak excuse and when I die, I want to SPEAK to the fucker in charge and look in his or her eyes and I WANT THEM TO TELL ME WHY MY CHILD SUFFERED THAT WAY! And it had better be ONE FUCK OF AN ANSWER! Or I'll RIP heaven down with my own two hands!"

Peter gave me a kind smile. "I would love to be there to see that.", he said, sounding truthful.

"You can help.", I turned and looked at him, smirking, "I'm sure you've seen all kinds of suffering, being a doctor…a psychologist…I'm sure it bothers you, too, all the pain…with no reasons for it all."

"It does.", Peter said, adding nothing more.

"The only God I know is in ME.", I said, "God is supposed to be a loving father. That's what I'm trying to be for Katie now…for the rest of my life. I will love her…nurture her…protect her…ME. I don't need a fake God…a fairy tale doing the job for me."

"I understand all you're saying, Anthony.", Peter said, "I truly do. I'm not a priest. I don't know any better than you if there's a God…or a heaven…maybe we all just come from apes…I don't know. Everyone has a right to believe what they believe. We'll all find out someday."

"Bob always asks me to go to church with his family.", I informed bitterly, "It's like everyone here believes…without question…and they expect ME to believe it too. But how can I? After all I've seen…and experienced? There's no way. And then I feel bad that I'm not even giving Katie the choice to go herself. Will she see me as bad if I don't want to go? Uugghhh…yea…it does bother me. I want to do the good thing for Katie. But I don't want her to be weak when she grows up. I don't want her to pray to God for help when she can stand up and fight on her own. I want her strong. I don't want her to be what I was…in any way. I want her free…and happy."

"You're a great father, Anthony.", Peter stated, "You'll figure out the answers…together with Katie and Bella…ask them…lean on them when you need them. They'll be there. You don't have to worry about everything alone. And don't worry about what everyone ELSE is doing. This is your life…your family. You do what works for you and them…and don't make any apologies."

I smiled. I love the Doc!

"You're cool.", I stated, deciding right then, "You don't talk like all the other shrinks. Do all your other patients know how good you are?"

"Of course.", he grinned back at me.

"I got more off my chest than I planned.", I went and sat back in my chair, "You're a sly one, Doc. I didn't even see that coming…until we were there."

"You should see me do magic tricks.", he teased, "If I pursued it, David Copperfield would never have come close to me!"

I had to laugh at that one.

"You certainly have all the HATS if you wanted to perform the rabbit trick.", I smiled.

"Yea, and getting three more soon in the mail.", he leaned back a bit, looking up at the stars, as if this was the happiest thought in his world. I almost felt sorry for the guy…but then I remembered my fetish…the Slurpee…it was all gone now. Damn.

"So where'd you get the Slurpees from?", I asked again, like I always do.

Peter chuckled and shook his head, "Nope. I told you…you're not gonna find that out until your tenth visit. Maybe then I'll feel like telling you."

"Ugh….", I let my head fall back, "You're SO MEAN! But smart…bribery definitely works. It makes me keep coming back…"

Peter gasped, kidding, "And here I thought you kept coming back because I'm so friggin' brilliant! I'm hurt!"

I laughed with him and threw a leaf at the Doc.

"Nerd.", I took a friendly shot at him…

Peter looked challenged…and his mouth fell open. In seconds, we were having a full on leaf war…I had big handfuls of dry leaves and was throwing them at him as hard as I could…but he was faster…

"BOYS! BOYS!", I heard Bella running out here, standing in between us….staring at our faces in utter shock and disbelief.

We froze…glaring at each other like children…our hands full of dirt and foliage…our teeth showing…our mouths panting.

"What the FUCK is going on here?" , she asked with a shrill voice, "Leaf therapy?"

Peter and I saw each other's eyes…and there was amusement there on both sides…we were doing all we could not to laugh….Bella is so funny…her voice is like a school marm's right now.

And so, as if we could read each other's minds…we turned on her and dumped all our combined leaves over her head…Peter even turned and scooped a giant pile up with the lid to his garbage can and a wall of leaves washed over her.

She stood there, unmoving for a second…dry leaves of yellow and brown stuck in her hair…hanging from her sweater and arms…we tried not to giggle too hard as we awaited her response to this.

"Well at least we have the right doctor for ourselves.", she said so serenely, as if nothing had happened to her…and then she smirked and announced, "YOU'RE BOTH SOOO DEAD!"

Peter and I screamed like twelve year old girls as Bella chased us….and when I looked back she had a shovel in her hands!

"RUN PETER RUN!", I howled…his yard was so huge it was like a golf course…and it was so dark…it reminded me of when I was a kid and would be at boarding school…we, me and some of my hoodlum friends….would sneak out and play tag or hide and seek on the dark grounds of the campus. Running away from the teachers and security guards was the best part of it all. It was the most fun I ever had there…and I was doing it again…it was the best therapy ever.

"She's GOT A SHOVEL DOC!", I put my hands on both sides of my mouth…"SAVE YOURSELF!"

Peter was fucking FAST! He vanished in the trees and I couldn't stop laughing at the sight of him running…it was slowing me down.

"PUSSIES!", Bella roared, right on my heels…"COME BACK and FIGHT LIKE A MAN!"

We were all kids again…playing…it was perfect.

But…play always ends…and work begins…SUCK!

I was at work a couple days later…Mondays bite!

I had told Bob the G-rated version of my date with Bella on her birthday. Taking the horse had been his idea…and I had to thank him for that. The gifts, the being naked all night…the making love on the cliff edge…all the really great ideas were MINE…but I thanked Bob anyway.

The work was still damn hard…and it broke my back everyday…but Bob kept saying I'd get used to it someday. I was starting to think he was lying to me about that.

After lunch, I was handing out treats to my well behaved horses…Yoyo got a carrot…Psycho…gets NOTHING…Pixie…"Yes, you're a good girl…here's an apple for you, baby."

Psycho leered at me as I passed his stall with hardly a glance. I got a little perverse pleasure out of that…and then I felt something wet and thick hit me in the back of the shirt…and the fucker was actually SNICKERING at me!

I felt the slime on my back and winced, glaring at the horse who hated me and who I hated more than life itself.

"You fucking PIG!", I yelled at him, "You SPIT at me!"

Then he flapped his lips at me and snickered some more.

"I am gonna get you, Psycho!", I pointed at him, swearing revenge, "I don't know how or when…but rest assured, you're MINE bitch!"

I put my basket down and got something to wipe my back off with….making disgusted sounds as I began to plot.

"Maybe Marcus needs some new meat for his Saturday night special – UGLY ASSFACE HORSE MEIN!" I shouted at Psycho…but he didn't look impressed.

"Disgusting JERK!", was the best I could come up with now as I yanked my basket off the floor, backing away from my arch enemy.

"MASEN!", one of the guys came in, calling me.

"YEA!", I raised my arm, cause he was looking around for me, "HEY CLYDE!"

"Sharon wants you to fetch some new saddles and bring 'em to the rodeo area…where they're rehearsing. Pronto.", he said.

"Where are they?", I asked, moving my hat back on my head.

"In the cellar, go down those stairs…all the way down…there's a door on the ground…it's in there.", he informed.

"Okay.", I said, putting the basket down and going right away.

I followed the black metal staircases….it went down like four levels…I'm underground, I realized…as I got to the bottom with nowhere else to go…and saw the double metal doors on the floor…one handle on the upper door that clamped over the lower door.

I pulled on the handle and the door squeaked open, a shrill yelp.

"Needs oil.", I said to myself, and peered down into the darkness. The light out here was bright and white fluorescent…so I guess I'd have enough light to find some saddles. And I didn't open the lower door…I could get in easily with just the one door being open. There were steps going down in there…and I took a deep breath and told myself if was alright….and made myself step down into the cellar.

I got to the bottom and looked around. It was kinda big in here…lots of shelves and boxes, marked with labels. "Saddles…saddles…where are you…", I kept looking…and then I saw some…in the corner…to my left. I went to get them and a loud CRASH exploded into the silence, scaring me to death. And the light from above was gone…I was in complete blackness…and as I ran up to where I'd come in…I saw the door above was shut.

"HEY I'M IN HERE!", I called out, thinking someone did it accidentally, and I went up the steps, pushing on the door. It jerked up a bit…but it didn't open…I exerted more pressure…using my muscles this time…but it wouldn't budge. It was locked!

"COME ON!', I told myself this wasn't happening…and tried to keep calm, "HEY! I'M IN HERE! HELLO?"

That was all the calm I had left. Then I shouted, "I CAN'T BE IN HERE! HEY! I'M NOT KIDDING, IF THIS IS A JOKE, IT'S NOT COOL! BOB! CLYDE!"

I felt myself sweating all over…and my leg was shaking…my hands too. I wildly threw my arms against the doors…banging a bit but not doing myself any good. I couldn't see my hand in front of my face!

"No, no, no…", I whispered to myself…trying to breathe…failing miserably…"Please no…I can't do this…."

I felt around me…my fingers shivering as I tried to figure out what was around me. Maybe I could find a flashlight or something.

I didn't grope around for long before I freaked out again…maybe thirty seconds later.

"I CAN'T BREATHE IN HERE!", I screamed out now, into the metal of the doors, "PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR! BOB! HELLOOOOO!"

I was so desperate already, the next thing out of my mouth was pure retardation.

"YOYO!", I bellowed.

I went to grab at my hair and I felt my hat. I threw it off, angrily, feeling my breathing accelerate…I was losing it…I felt tears in my eyes.

I let out a strangled half sob and tried to calm myself. I thought of Peter…and Bella…what did they always say?

"Breathe…breathe…", I said to myself…trying very hard, "Close your eyes…inhale…exhale…nothing can hurt me…I'm safe…safe…"

But fear is a scary thing. It has no reason. That's why the next thing I yelled was even more stupid.

"BELLLAAAAA!", I roared…then knew how dumb I was being and felt my ass hit the cement step…and I sat on it…whispering to myself…"Bella…."

"Find a way out…", I breathed to myself…thinking what would Bella do? I tried to swallow and nothing but dryness clucked at my throat.

Maybe I could find a shovel…a pitchfork…something to smash against the door. It was a long shot but what the hell else did I have? If I stay here much longer, I'll run out of air…I'll die. In the dark, I was freaking out…everywhere I reached…finding nothing…I got this strange and impossible fear that Raven was there, waiting…or Victoria….or Sir Kevin.

I thought of Silence of the Lambs…when Clarice is in the dark…and she's reaching around….and the killer is right in front of her.

"Bella…", I breathed…seeing her smile instead…willing myself to hang onto that.

I knew I was being a pussy but I heard my voice crying a little as I kept trying to feel what was down here with me…

"I'm safe…", I whispered to myself, not believing it, "Nothing is down here with me…nothing can get me…"

I felt like I'd walked a hundred miles in here…only feeling cardboard boxes….and then a blaring light popped out from nowhere and someone said "BOO!"

I screamed and flew backwards in horror, landing on my ass, on my back with my arms up over my face as I heard a woman laughing…nearly hysterical.

I was almost afraid to look…but I did….and saw Jenna, standing over me, laughing hard…holding her sides as she bent over.

"You fuckin' BITCH!", I heard myself growl back, "What the hell are you DOIN'?"

I got to my feet as she kept giggling like a moron, and I was so pissed off that I found myself grabbing her arm, violently, jerking her behind me as I started to go back to where the door was.

But she didn't follow me. She jerked her arm from my hand and her laughing stopped.

"DON'T YOU EVER PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME!", she shouted back, not able to hide the rage in her eyes at me suddenly, "I'll break your ARM if you EVER grab me like that again!"

Well, we have that in common.

"Fine, I'm not touching you.", I sneered at her, my hands at my sides, looking at the light bulb hanging from the chain between us, "But open the DOOR – NOW!"

"I can't.", she smirked at me, looking me up and down.

Is this what this is all about? Her wanting to be alone with me? Is this why I'm going through this fucking hell? I was even more pissed off now.

"OPEN IT!", I roared, both my hands grabbing her arms and shaking her hard.

"I CAN'T!", she screamed, shoving me off, "I CAN'T! I SWEAR! I paid someone fifty bucks…to lock the door. He'll be back in two or three hours to let us out."

"No!", I breathed, feeling my chest tighten again, "No, I can't BE in here for that long! MAKE HIM COME BACK AND OPEN THE DOOR! NOW!"

"I CAN'T!", she shouted back, her eyes angry and hard now, "Calm down. What's WITH you? It's just a dark room! GOD! What a baby!"

I looked back behind me and saw nothingness…if we stood here, we could see each other…but a few steps away and it was back to the blackness.

"You don't GET it, JENNA!", I yelled at her, no longer interested in being her friend or a kind acquaintance, "It's MORE than just a dark room to ME! But what do YOU care? Because you're ELVIRA, it's okay with YOU…but I can't BE in dark places, locked in! Fuck it, you don't care!"

I wanted to walk away from her but I'd be leaving the light behind.

"Is there something in here I can use to break our way out?", I asked her, trying not to sound psychotic.

"Not really.", she crossed her arms, doing absolutely nothing to help. Then it occurred to me why she did this…or I just remembered her motivations.

"Oh, I forgot.", I scowled at her, "This is part of your plan, right? The 'I have to fuck Anthony at all costs' plan. And you're so dumb, you think THIS will work? Boy, are YOU WAY OFF!"

"Yea, sorry…", she smiled at me, "I didn't know you were such a little puss when it came to the dark. You should've heard yourself when the door closed…yea…I heard you crying…calling for Bella! Bellllaaaa! I didn't hear you scream for your Mommy, though…so maybe you have at least ONE ball left in there somewhere."

"Fuck you.", I said to her with no remorse…"You know, I tried to be nice to you…I tried to say no like a gentleman…but no, you have to hear it the hard way…so fine."

I felt the old me…a very mean side of me…emerge…the nasty one who used to break Tanya's heart in every argument…he was here now…

"Even if you were pretty, which you're NOT…", I began, staring right into her face, "Even if you were sweet, which you'll NEVER be…even if you were smart, which…DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH…even then I wouldn't fuck YOU…not here, not anywhere…not EVER! Because you're cruel…you're a pig…and you're FAT!"

She wasn't really fat…but I know every woman thinks they are…and that knife cuts!

I turned my back to her…hoping this ended our little relationship…and then I heard her crying. Fuck! Every girl plays this card. Don't listen….don't listen.

"Shut up and get us out of here.", I said, cold as ice.

She kept crying…softly…in the corner where I couldn't see her…she was turned away from me, her hands cupped loosely around her mouth.

"You're NOT fat…", I sighed, rolling my eyes…hating the mean part of me…but she had asked for it, "Okay? Can you stop now?"

But she cried harder…and I clenched my jaw.

"Look, I'm sorry.", I said, feeling like myself again, "I didn't mean that. I'm just…not good in locked places. We need to get out. I can't wait three hours."

She had calmed down and wasn't crying anymore…just sniffling.

I went up to her and put my hand on her shoulder, hoping that would make her stop and help me out. But, she turned fast and threw herself into my arms, her legs leaping up and curling around my waist…locking together at my spine.

Her lips were on mine and doing their best to try and win me over…I tried to pry her off me but she was like GLUED on! I protested and broke my mouth away and yelled, "GET OFF ME!" but she kept holding on…I could understand that, her whole job was to ride horses that were trying to throw her OFF!

"JENNA!", I stumbled back a little and fell over something…landing on my back, and she was still on me…straddling me now.

"Oh yes!", she chuckled in delight…grabbing my arms and trying to hold them at the sides of my head…and her tongue took a long lick up my mouth.

Now I am utterly PISSED.

"WRONG MOVE BITCH!", I roared, throwing her off me with a force that scared even me.

"If you think you're GONNA FORCE ME!", I sat up, yelling at her as she sat under the light bulb, "You've got the wrong GUY! You'd better come at me with MORE than lip gloss and slutty perfume if you WANT TO FORCE ME TO FUCK YOU!"

Do your homework, bitch! Chains, whips…shackles…you have a lot of shopping to do before you're TAKING ME!

But she was still not turned off and she leapt back on me…straddling me again and attacking my neck! She wasn't even kissing it! She was biting it…ALL OVER! And it HURT!

"OWWW!", I shouted, grabbing her wrists, then repeated it, "OOOOWWWW!"

I pushed her away again, looking at her like 'what the fuck are you?' but she grabbed my shirt and tore it open, the buttons flying everywhere.

"HEY!", I grabbed onto her wrists again, "STOP IT! CONTROL YOURSELF YOU SLUT!"

The language that was part of my world was all coming back to me now…and pouring out.

"Ohhh YES!", she laughed, sounding aroused, sticking her face into my naked chest, "Call me a SLUT AND A WHORE! PLEASE!"

"STOP IT!", I pushed her and screamed so loud…that it echoed off the walls a few times.

Jenna did stop now…and she was on her ass again…looking at me like I'd grown five heads.

"What is WRONG with you?", I breathed, really wanting to know, "I said NO. You're like a rabid DOG! I'm a PERSON, Jenna. If I say NO – that should be the end of it. You don't have the RIGHT to my body. It's MINE. I decide who plays on it. And it's not YOU."

That was some of my session talk coming out…but it sounded right. I think Dr. Peter and Bella would be proud of me.

"Come on.", she smiled at me, not making any more moves to jump me, "We have a couple hours…why not? No one will know."

"I'll know.", I glared back at her, trying to close my shirt, "And worse, YOU'LL know."

"Well, let me put it THIS way.", she raised a brow, "Fuck me once…and I'll leave you alone. Fuck me not….and…I'll just tell Bella you did me anyway. You already have the marks on your neck…your ripped shirt…it won't be hard. Or maybe I'll just rip my shirt open…make some marks on myself…and say you forced me in here. Either way, you're fucked. And out of a job…maybe even facing jail time."

"Blackmail doesn't work on me, Jenna.", I said, firm, standing up, dusting off my hands, "If you want to do something, try helping me find a way out of here."

"Anthony…", she stood up, trying to be nicer now as I felt around for a tool or something, "I'm good. You won't be disappointed. Please? I know you like me."

"No I don't.", I stated, squinting at a box to see what the label said…but I was in a dim area.

"It's hot down here.", she said…"I guess I'll just have to take my clothes off."

My head spun towards her as she stood by the light…and she began to unbutton her shirt…and took it off, letting it fall to the floor…she had a white bra on…and was beginning to unhook it from the back. All the time, she stared at me, smirking.

"Jenna, don't do this.", I said, almost pleading, "I need this job. I'm engaged!"

"Blah, blah blah…", she giggled, taking the bra off, tossing it at me playfully, exposing huge tan breasts.

I looked away and was glad for the darkness then. I began to feel my air going again…the panic…the fear…

"HEY SOMEONE OUT THERE!", I yelled, "WE'RE LOCKED IN HERE! LET US OUT!"

Jenna just laughed and began to pull her boots off.

"We're so low underground…" she informed, "Everyone else is so far away, rehearsing for the rodeo this weekend…"No one will hear you."

I let a jagged breath out of me…and maybe it showed her that I was afraid of her…I don't know and I don't care…I'm not touching her! She can't MAKE me. I'd probably pass out in five minutes from lack of air anyway.

I heard her unzip her jeans and I moved away from her…and the fucking light…having my Raven and Victoria flashes again.

"Hey Anthony!", she called to me but I ignored her, looking for a miracle, "I have a little gift for you…a great bottle of wine…"

"HELLLOOOOO!", I shouted out above us, clenching my eyes, just knowing this was going to end badly. I knew I wasn't going to do anything with her…but I knew it was a definite possibility that I'd punch her lights out…which wouldn't go over well with my boss or Bella either, for that matter.

"Here.", she came up behind me and I turned, flinching as I saw she was stark naked…

She was trying to hand me a glass filled with dark crimson liquid in it…but I shoved her arm away from me.

"No, thank you.", I said snidely, then was about to call for help again when I yanked it out of her hand and muttered, "Wait, I need one."

And I drank it down fast, coughing a bit as it hit my chest…making it a bit easier to breathe now.

"Hey!", she giggled, "Take it easy, it's a $300 wine, not fruit punch!"

I handed her the empty glass roughly, wiping my mouth as I moved further into the dark, feeling around until I reached the doors again.

"Come on, Anthony, look at me.", she was right behind me, trying to be sexy.

"Leave me alone!", I groaned, almost tripping over something else in here.

"I wonder what Miss Bella will think when you tell her you were down here with me, naked for two hours today while you're supposed to be WORKING!", she warned.

"I'm not naked with you down here.", I informed, "So it doesn't make much sense, does it?"

"Does she know anything about me, Anthony?" she asked, still nude and on my heels, "Did you tell her about our little moments together?"

"No because you're not important enough for me to bother.", I shot back, "Piss off! Go rub yourself against a shelf or something, willya?"

"Get off it, Anthony.", she said, "Turn around and look at me!"

She spun me around and I exhaled, looking at her face sternly.

"I'm looking at you. Now what?", I asked, not moved.

"I don't see you looking down now, Anthony.", she noticed, "Go ahead…look down…look at my breasts."

I was no stranger to naked bodies and saw them all the time in the last six years. So I looked at her, hoping if I acted uninterested now, it would make her give it up and leave me alone.

"They're breasts.", I shrugged, "So what? You don't have something no other woman on the planet has."

"They're big…", she said seductively, taking my hand and trying to place it against one of them…"Round…full…"

I yanked my hand out of hers and finished, "Yea, of silicone!"

"They're REAL!", she shouted in frustration.

I made a sound of disbelief and said, "REAL EXPENSIVE. I know what real breasts look like and yours…AREN'T."

"So what?", she asked, a little bitter now, "They look good."

"I guess.", I shrugged, "Are we done now? Can I go back to the fun of screaming for help?"

Without waiting for her answer, I kept feeling around to get back to the doors, calling as I went, "HHHEEEELLLLPPPPP! We're LOCKED IN HERE!"

"Come here, you want real?", she asked, still behind me, taking my hand as she turned me towards her again…and she placed my hand between her legs as I went to open my mouth in disgust.

She stopped me from talking by saying, "This is real…you feel that? That's what you do to me."

She was so wet but I couldn't care less.

I pulled my hand away again, wiping it on my shirt and replying with, "Please, the breeze blowing probably does that to you."

When I turned away from her again, she let out a breath and it sounded sad.

"Why do you hate me so much?", she asked with this low self esteemed, sorrowful tone.

"I don't hate you.", I kept my back to her, "I wanted to be your friend. But you've been after me from the first day…throwing yourself at me. I don't like that."

"All men love that.", she replied, as if it were a fact.

"Not me.", I said immediately, "I guess I'm not most men."

"Take one look at me from head to toe and tell me I'm not BEAUTIFUL!", she dared, "Go on, you LIAR!"

"I don't need to see your body to know you're beautiful.", I said, "I would only need your eyes…or to hear your laugh…to hear you talk…your beauty's not in your skin…it's in other places."

"What?", she asked.

"Please put your clothes on.", I half turned my head towards her, "Nothing is going to happen, believe me."

"I don't believe you.", she pointed out, still behind me, "I think if you have a couple drinks…and look at me long enough…you'll do me."

"Wasn't that a romantic little story?", I asked in sarcasm.

"BOB!", I called, cupping my hands, yelling louder.

She turned me around again…she's pretty strong for a woman…but then, she's a rodeo star. I was against a wall of boxes…and she opened my shirt…kissing down my chest…moving lower until she was on her knees…and I felt her trying to undo my pants, saying, "I know how to make you like me…"

"NO!", I shoved her off and buttoned my pants, "N. O. Look it up in the dictionary sometime! It means: a negative, a word used to express denial or refusal or dissent to a question or a request! JESUS CHRIST!"

She was saying something behind me but I kept talking to myself.

"I wish I had been burned in that FUCKING FIRE!", I spewed, "I REALLY do! I'd be disfigured, scarred and FUCK UGLY! THEN every man and woman ON EARTH could LEAVE ME ALONE and GO FUCK THEMSELVES! If anyone wants to get me a GOD DAMNED CHRISTMAS gift, that's what I WANT! To be BUTT UGLY, FAT, BALD…WHATEVER! IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK?"

And now Bella will find out that I was down here with this naked loser all day…that'll be the end…the last straw…she'll leave me…I can't live without her…I can't do it…I began to hyperventilate again…and sweat…I felt the way I did that day I nearly died in Raven's basement…alone…thirsty…bleeding…without hope…whispering my goodbyes to my daughter as I bled.

And Jenna was behind me, still naked, with the bottle of wine in her hands…I couldn't make out what she was saying…and I didn't care…but suddenly, I couldn't take it anymore…I snapped!

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!", I screamed with all my fury, throwing the bottle so hard that it almost hit her in the face as it smashed out there in the blackness. She had screamed and shielded her face as it whizzed past her nose.

She was so close now…and she grabbed onto my shirt….her face up, looking into mine.

"Go ahead, hit me…", she said, waiting for me to, "Hit me…and then fuck me…I want you to. It's alright. I like it that way."

I felt like the walls were closing in…I panted for air…and got none…I felt unsafe…like at any moment, people were going to bust in here and attack me…and Jenna…was just magnifying it by a thousand.

I felt my legs give out and I landed on the cement floor…my hands in my hair, my voice cracking and sobbing quietly.

"I need to get out…", I kept crying like a child, not caring what the bitch thought anymore, "Please let me out…please…I can't breathe…I can't…"

Then I heard myself calling my loved ones.

"Bella…", I wept…"Katie…uuuhhhh…please let me out…"

I heard dead silence in the room with me…for a second I thought I might have imagined the whole Jenna thing. God, I am a sick fuck. But then she spoke…very softly…a few feet away.

"Hey, what's wrong, Anthony?", she sounded scared and concerned, "This isn't just about me. What's going on?"

I crawled and found the metal doors…and I smashed myself against them, hoping I could muster up some super strength to break through the doors.

I was just screaming, without words as I attacked the doors that held me in here…and just as fast, I was out of air and energy…and back on the floor.

"You're breathing is all out of whack.", she said in the distance, "Are you sick?"

That's the first right thing she's said all day.

"I'm safe…I'm safe…", I kept chanting to myself, rocking as I pulled out my hair, "No one can get me…everything is alright…"

"Anthony, you're scaring me.", she said with her southern twang. It didn't help.

I didn't notice it, but she must have put her clothes back on…because she was there, sitting beside me, fully dressed, except for her boots and hat, and she was pouring me another glass of wine.

"Good thing I brought more than one bottle. Shhh…", she said, "Shhhh…alright…now here…drink this. On me. Sip it."

I took the glass and slowly sipped on it…able to take little breaths in between sips.

"Does it help?", she asked, looking at my face, a little smile on her lips.

I nodded mutely, still rocking a little, sipping the drink…it was actually very good…sweet…warming. It eased me a little.

"I'm sorry, Anthony.", she said, still looking at me, her brow lowering a bit, "I didn't know you were claustrophobic. I didn't think. Sip some more."

And I did. I felt my eyes close for a few seconds as it went to work relaxing me…even my tense legs that were all coiled up a moment ago were starting to feel looser…normal again.

"I wish I had the key or something.", she said now, "It only locks from the outside. My friend will let us out soon, I promise. Until then, I guess we can just hang out."

I felt myself nodding, holding the glass to my chest as I took some deeper breaths…and the walls stopped closing in.

"There you go.", she said, patting my back a couple times, "Nice and easy…relax. Drink the rest."

I had a little more in my glass and so I drank it down.

"A little better?", she asked me…and I looked at her, nodding and breathing, "Yea."

"Good.", she said, pouring more into my glass…and some into her own, "At least it works for something. Cheers."

She put her glass up for a second and then drank some of her wine, looking out into the area out there where the light bulb was still lit, her boots and hat on the floor below it.

"Anthony…", she sighed, crossing her legs Indian style, "Why is life so shitty?"

"I have no idea.", I replied, honestly, drinking more of my wine.

"Why didn't you hit me?", she asked, sounding like a different person now than the one I'd seen up til now.

I looked at her, confused.

"You could've had sex with me…and you said no…", she summed it up, "I pissed you off and offered to let you hit me…and you didn't. I even threatened to wreck your job, your girlfriend…everything. So why wouldn't you hit me?"

"I didn't want to.", I answered, "I was raised not to hurt girls…women. Besides that, I know how it feels to be hit. That's why I don't hit other people. Well, unless they deserve it…if it's self defense. But never a woman, no matter what. It's been hard for me at times…I've known a lot of women…who probably should've been hit. But I just can't."

She looked at me in a new way now and went, "Hmm."

I waited for her to speak and she did.

"You're a good man, Anthony Masen.", she said as if she just found that out, "Very good. I AM sorry…that I got you locked up in here. I just thought…we'd have a little fun."

I made a breath that spoke of anger that she thought this would be fun for me, on any level. Like locking a person up in the dark was a lot of fun…like they all thought…every time I was trapped…maybe that's where all their laughter comes from.

"Were you locked up…like this…as a kid?", she asked gently, her hand on my arm, "Is that why you're so scared now?"

"No, I was locked up as an adult.", I stated, taking more wine into my mouth.

"Oh.", she sounded like she understood that, her hand rubbing against my arm, and not in a sleazy way…the way a friend would…like Bella would…when we were friends…patient and Doctor.

"I was locked up…as a kid.", she shared, "But I went the other way…instead of being scared of the dark…I love it. I think I was a cat in my past life."

I just grinned weakly at her…finding her not so repulsive right now.

"It's what happens in the light that's fucked up.", she said with an edge to her voice.

"That's the truth.", I agreed. She clicked her glass to mine, and we both drank a little more.

"Did…Sharon…", I began but then she cut me off.

"No.", she frowned slightly, "Sharon adopted me when I was eight. My father was a real mess. He used to beat me…and…other things…and then I'd have to take care of him. He was a no good drunk. But he was all I had."

She took another sip and went on.

"I used to run away from the house sometimes…after he was finished with me…", she said, her eyes staring out at nothing, "And I'd come here. It was close to our house…and I loved the horses. Sharon was real nice to me…and always let me ride 'em. Then one night I went back home and he was laying there, in a pool of blood…dead. He fell and hit his empty head on the edge of my mother's glass coffee table. The one good thing my mother ever did for me before she left us. She bought that gorgeous coffee table. Sharon took me in. I'm her daughter now."

I handed her my half full glass of wine, thinking she needed it more than me. But she laughed and shoved my hand away.

"Go on, drink it.", she smiled, "We might as well. There's nothing else to do down here while we wait."

"I'm sorry I said all those nasty things before.", I finally had my real voice back, "I didn't mean—"

"Yea, you did.", she grinned, shoving my leg with hers, "And it's okay. I was being a bitch. I deserved it. It didn't hurt. Words don't really hurt me…or make me happy either…I don't know why…but I only feel anything now when I'm either fucked…or beaten…or both."

"Did you…ever…see a psychologist or anything?", I asked, sounding just like Bella, "After you went with Sharon?"

"No.", she shook her head with a violent twist, "I'm not crazy. I'm just…screwed up."

"No.", I smiled a little, not believing I was gonna do this, but I stole Dr. Peter's line, "HE was screwed up. HE was. Not you. Keep telling yourself that. It DOES help, believe me. And going to a doctor doesn't make you crazy. It helps. Just days ago, I was having a leaf war with my doctor. It was great!"

"Leaf war?", she asked, chuckling at me.

"Yep.", I smirked, "And I won."

"Or he LET you win.", she teased.

"No, I WON.", I assured her, "It wasn't even CLOSE."

"Give me that glass, Leaf King.", she had the bottle again…and poured me some more.

"I probably should stop drinking this.", I said, "I'm on the job….I'm supposed to be working now."

"It don't hurt.", she poured herself some more, "Wine and beer… are like milk and cookies around here."

"I like milk and cookies.", I heard myself say.

She laughed at that. And I laughed a little too. This was better than suffocating, as long as she was nice and didn't try to take her clothes off again.

"What doctor are you going to?", she asked, sounding curious.

"Dr. Peter Facinelli.", I said, his last name sounding fuzzy on my tongue as I spoke it…or maybe it's the wine.

"He's really good.", I went on, "You should go see him…just to talk. He's very cool. He's got this thing with hats…it's creepy at first…but it's really funny."

"I know that guy.", she shook her head, "No thanks."

"Why?", I asked, "What—"

"I can get drunk alone, or with you…that's alright.", she said, "But I'm not paying a guy 75 bucks an hour to drink while I'm talking."

"He doesn't drink while you're talking.", I defended.

"Anthony, it's okay.", she said, "He's your doctor, that's fine. Let's change the subject, okay?"

I was confused and wanted to know more about what she was saying about Peter but then she asked, "How's the wine? Like it?"

"Yea.", I answered honestly, "It's really good. Thank you."

"You looked like you could use it.", she sipped hers, "Feeling better?"

"Yes.", I took a full, clean breath…I felt calmer.

We sat in silence for a couple minutes and then I asked, "Are you going to try and seduce me again?"

She smirked at me.

"Do you WANT me to?"

"No.", I said right out, the wine taking away my hesitations.

"Then I won't.", she smiled warmly now, and it was like when the Ice Wizard melts and he's a person…and he's nice…it was in some old Christmas movie I used to love. But I can't remember the name of it now. Is this wine making me all stupid?

"Thanks.", I grinned, looking out at the dark around us.

"Do you think I'm pretty though?", she asked.

"Yea.", I replied, looking at her, "You're beautiful. You know that. But it doesn't matter….to me anyway. I love Bella. It wouldn't matter if you were the most beautiful girl in the world, or had the best boobs or the best butt…it doesn't matter. Bella is my girl. For the rest of my life."

"Damn.", she smirked at me again and took a sip or two of her wine, "Love. That's a hard one for me. I've never felt it. Only for Sharon, but that's not the same. Love with a man? Puulleassee…"

"It's real.", I shared, "I didn't believe it either…until a couple months ago…when I met her. But it is. You should hang on…your somebody will find you. Or you'll find him. Or HER. You never know what form your love will come in. But when it's there…you have to grab it."

"I'm no lesbian.", she chuckled, "But maybe it's not a bad idea. You men sure all stink!"

"We do.", I agreed and she laughed at that too.

A little while later, we were very happy and had gotten into some real soulful conversations. We had discussed everything! And I found out Jenna is not the devil. She doesn't even LIKE having sex all that much…she told me so!

Man, it's too bad I was in love and devoted to Bella…in the old days…I could've changed Jenna's mind about sex. She was sure going to be a great challenge for some poor bastard someday.

I wasn't sure how much I was telling about my own life…but I made sure to keep slavery and witness protection and Bella's name out of it. Before a couple of hours had passed, we were becoming pretty good friends.

"You know, Jenna…", I slurred a little as I spoke, "You're not so bad when you're not being a bitch in heat."

She giggled and put a hand up to her mouth…and I laughed too, unsure why.

"And you're not so bad when you're not being a little judgmental WOOS!", she shot back, not missing a beat.

"Here's to us!", I lifted my glass, "Just good friends…"

"And staying that way!", she finished and we clicked glasses.

"Will Bella let you be my good friend?", she asked, looking a little tipsy, sounding like a little girl in her insecurity.

"I think so.", I nodded, "She's real nice. As long as you're not trying to take your clothes off again I think she'd be cool with it."

"I doubt it.", she said, "Girlfriends don't like me. They all feel like I'm gonna try to steal their man."

"Do you?" I asked.

"Sure.", she answered and we both laughed.

"You are a hot mess!", I decided.

"And you are so nice.", Jenna smiled at me, "I wish we could really be friends."

"We can.", I said.

"Huh.", Jenna looked into the black, "A man FRIEND. No sex."

"No sex.", I agreed.

"That's weird.", she laughed as I rolled my eyes, feeling a little tipsy myself all of a sudden.

I stopped drinking the wine…and so did she…and in a little bit, we sounded more normal again. We were talking like people, not two happy drunks anymore.

"You can change, Jenna.", I was saying to her, "I did it. And I come from a place…most don't come back from. It's up to you."

"I guess.", she thought about it, I could see her brain working on things already.

"This is nice.", I thought aloud, "I wish we had hit it off like this from the start. I could use some friends."

"You don't have any friends?" she asked.

"I have one friend…kind of…", I looked out into the void.

"I would like to be friends…if you still do.", she said, sounding so…fragile…so unlike the way she was before…she sounded like she was thirteen. It was sweet.

"I'd like to be friends with YOU.", I informed, "Not that other Jenna. I like the real you a lot better. You should let other people see you."

"I've tried that.", she said, the wall back up again, the eyes all hard again, "That's when I get hurt. I'm never letting anyone hurt me again."

"I get that.", I told her, "That's why I look down all the time…I've been hurt real bad too. But when I stopped pretending…when I tried to be ME…whoever that is…that's when Bella fell in love with me."

"Do you think someone would ever fall in love with ME?", she asked, looking at me with uncertainty.

"THIS you?", I asked, then said, "Yea."

She smiled a little.

"But not the other you, Jenna.", I added, "That Jenna is really going to get hurt someday…not every guy will be like me. And I would feel sad if something bad happened to you. You're my friend."

She looked at me and got tears in her eyes. Then she looked away and brushed them away with her finger, pretending she wasn't crying.

"I hate this sensitive shit.", she said, her voice creaking a bit.

"Me too.", I agreed.

We had another little pause of silence.

"Are we…really friends then?", she asked, as if I was playing a joke on her.

"Yea, I guess we are now.", I said, "Life is weird. I didn't see that coming."

"Me either.", she grinned.

"And HEY…", I shrugged, "If you want to meet a nice guy…I have my one friend I can introduce you to. He's single. And he owns his own business, too!"

"Oh yea?", she made a face, "What's his name?"

"Marcus.", I said, "Marcus Jimmy Chan."

I smiled to myself, knowing if he could hear that he'd hate it.

"I don't really go for oriental guys…"

"No, he's not.", I assured, "He's black. And REALLY…REALLY nice."

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See? Jenna's not all bad. Do we like her yet? Do we trust her? Only time will tell!

Love you guys! More coming soon!

Love, Winnd


	23. Hot Rolls and Haunted Mansions

Chapter 23

Hey Guys! The votes are in! Everyone hates Jenna! LOL! Wow! I get that, I hate sluts that go after taken men also…there are sure lots of real ones out there, too, I know. I understand. Well, we'll just keep our distance from her in the next few chapters and see what happens, ok? You never know…

Oh! And for anyone who's confused – a slurpee is a wonderful drink that some stores have…it's like an icee…thick, cold, cherry flavored goodness…I love 'em so much that I made that one of Edward's obsessions. They have all different flavors, too.

And as for the Jenna thing, yea, Bella will be told…but I wanted Edward to have to solve his own problem here with her. I would've loved to let Bella get all in Jenna's face…but in real life, that bugs me…a guy who lets his girlfriend deal with the "other woman"…ugh…I never feel good about that. It's the guy's place, I think, to put the bitch straight. And I think Edward did a great job of it. And even if they can't be best buddies, if they see each other at work during the day, at least they can kind of wave to each other and it won't be so tense. I know it looked like she wanted to rape him down there…but Edward is strong and he was able to keep her off him. The real attack from her was in his mind…it was a test, in a way, to see if he could say NO to a woman who was demanding him. It's sad that sometimes women do things…and if a man did it to a woman, they'd be locked up…it's not fair, the treatment should be the same. Just like the way Peter was talking about how male rape survivors are treated differently than women. Those are true facts I got out of my research.

I think, in Edward's mind, he sees her as another person like himself. This town doesn't have many fucked up people like him and I think he feels like a freak sometimes there. In New York, he was NOT alone in being a freak by any means. He had Emmett, as messed up as Emmett was in the beginning…and although THEIR friendship wasn't likely, it did happen over time. Because Edward didn't have a lot of friend options. Emmett started out as Victoria's goon, a lovesick servant to do her bidding. He ended up fighting at Edward's side, trying to save him and Bella…he carried Charlie out of the club on his shoulder! That's a BIG change over six years for Emmett. And it happened because Edward gave him a chance to be his friend, even though he DIDN'T trust him at first. Keep an open mind is all I'm asking in regards to Jenna. She is foul right now and that's how I wrote her…but everyone has a right to start over again…and try doing it different this time. That's one of the reasons I used to love the Xena show so much! Xena was pure evil – a killer! And then she changed and tried to do her life over again. That's what Edward is doing…and Bella…and all those things that happened to Edward in his past…for awhile…DID make him into something else…he wasn't always so nice to women…he came to hate them after awhile and who could blame him? It's a MIRACLE that he's fallen in love with a woman after all they've done to him! He even said he never thought that could happen for him.

Lots of unlikely things we'd never think possible happen all the time. Okay, I'm getting off my soap box now. LOL! It's nice to be back from Bermuda…thanks for letting me!

Okay…let's get back in the cellar…

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EPOV

Once Jenna's friend unlocked the cellar door, I was afraid what would happen to my job now. But Jenna told me to follow her…and we were headed straight to Sharon's office upstairs.

I gulped but I went…hoping the stink of the wine wouldn't give us away. I was so fucked!

"Mom.", Jenna came right into Sharon's office without knocking first…Sharon looked a little aggravated at her for a moment, then saw me standing behind her daughter at the doorway.

"Hi Anthony darlin'…", she beamed as I gave a weak nod and grin, "How're you doin'?"

I was at a loss for words…I was too scared and happy at the same time to be in the light again…out of that hole.

"Mom, I have something to tell you.", Jenna darted back in, "I paid Owens fifty bucks to send a fake message to Anthony that you needed saddles out of the cellar. I waited in there for him…I had Owens lock the door after he went down there…and I tried to force myself on him."

"JENNA!", Sharon growled, as if this didn't come as a total shock.

"He wanted no part of me, of course…", she glanced back at me as I held my shirt closed, "But I really lost control…I bit his neck all over…I ripped his shirt…I even tried to get him drunk so he'd…but he's too nice a guy…he loves his fiancé…so nothing happened. Don't blame him for any work he didn't get to do today. It's all my fault."

"Jesus Jenna.", Sharon looked so disappointed in her I almost felt sorry for her.

"Anthony, come here.", Sharon said to me. I was afraid to come in more but Jenna nodded at me and I woodenly approached Sharon as she stood up and walked away from her desk.

"Let me see.", she lifted my face a bit with her hand, being gentle as she inspected me, "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST JENNA! YOU DREW BLOOD!"

I wasn't aware of that and I touched my neck with my hand, looking at it…it must be dry…I didn't see blood.

"I know!", she looked down, looking angry with herself, "I know. I'm sorry. I don't know why I did it…"

"After all that happened to YOU, now YOU'RE the aggressor?", Sharon glared at her daughter, "Anthony, we have a nurse here…down one flight and to the left…go have her take care of you, hon. I'll be down there in a minute to start my apologies for my daughter's DISGUSTING behavior! I'm sorry, Anthony. This is not part of your job. Although I'll bet it makes dealing with ANIMALS that much easier."

Sharon glared at Jenna when she said the word ANIMALS…and she winced, hearing the hurt in her mother's voice. I wondered if Sharon knew everything….but I didn't want to out anyone if they had secrets. I have them too.

I knew I shouldn't feel it, but I did want to defend Jenna a little bit. I wanted to tell Sharon how Jenna comforted me and stopped my panic attacks…but I didn't really fully trust Jenna yet. What if this was all another trick of hers? Trusting women is a big obstacle for me…and Jenna is the Queen at the top of that mountain. But at least she told the truth.

"Yes Ma'am.", was all I heard myself say and I left the office to go to the nurse like I was told.

I could hear Sharon's yelling voice all the way down the stairs…and I didn't hear Jenna at all. She was taking it…letting her mother tell her off…I guess she deserves that.

The nurse was an older woman, thank God, and she was taking excellent care of my Jenna bites. I told her I was scratched by one of the horses and she didn't ask any more questions. I was worrying about what Bob would do to me when he came in a little while later.

"There you are!", he smiled at me, then asked, "Are you alright?"

"It's just a couple scratches…", I lied, "I'm fine. I was down in the-"

"I heard the whole story.", he put a hand up, "You don't have to go through telling it, Ant."

"Oh."

"It's not your fault.", Bob said, looking at my eyes until I raised them and looked back, "Jenna…she has…issues. We all tolerate it, for the most part. She's been through a lot."

"Yea I know.", I said.

"But it's not right what she did this time.", Bob added, "Sharon's had it. She's taking her out of the rodeo for awhile, until she gets some help."

"No way.", I felt my eyes widen a little.

"Yep.", Bob said, "She's not getting paid and she's gonna have to start back at the bottom…doing what you're doing now. So you're gonna have some help in the stables."

"That's a great idea.", I scoffed, "Put her close to me all the time after today? Brilliant!"

"It won't happen again.", Bob promised, "I'll be closer to watch…and while she's shoveling the shit…you'll be getting more riding lessons during the day."

He knew that would make me happy…and I found myself smiling.

"See?", Bob plucked his finger on the brim of my hat, "You're already moving up a little! Maybe soon you can ride one of the REAL horses!"

When I came home that night, Bella was surprised to see not just me at the door, but also Dr. Peter.

"Hey!", she smiled and looked at the two of us, "Dr. Facinelli!"

"Peter.", he smiled back at her.

"Sorry, right, Peter.", she stood back and let us come inside, "What's going on?"

"I thought it would be nice if Peter had dinner with us.", I fibbed a little…but Bella is not stupid.

"Something's wrong.", she said suddenly, "Something happened. Oh my God! Is it my father? Did you hear from-"

"No, no no!", I held her face softly and felt her fear rising so fast, and I hugged her, "No, Bella…your Dad is fine…nothing like that…ssshhhhhh…relax…"

Peter stood there, looking at the two of us as Bella calmed…I kissed her lips tenderly and touched her hair, "I'm sorry…I should've told you I was bringing Peter with me. It's my fault. I scared you, I'm sorry."

I thought I saw Peter giving me a kind smile as I turned to him.

"Come in, Peter, sit down…", I urged him, "Don't be a stranger by the door…"

"Yea, come in….sorry.", Bella looked embarrassed now, and went to the kitchen, "I'll be right back…I have rolls burning now…."

"Where's Katie?", I asked, looking around for short people.

"She's with Ben.", Bella informed from a distance, "He asked if he could help her with this project for school. It's about the war…or something…and Ben is an expert…so…she's with them tonight. Is that okay?"

"Yea, fine.", I answered, kind of glad that it worked out this way. I had things to tell Bella and she wasn't going to like it. I was glad Katie wouldn't hear her screams tonight.

"Are you going to tell her?", Peter whispered to me.

"Not this very second!", I whispered back, "She's got ROLLS burning!"

"Your ASS is gonna burn if you don't—"

"I saved the rolls.", Bella came back in and we stopped talking right away, sitting at the same time and grinning at her like two idiots.

"Good.", I took one out of the bowl as she put it down, "I love rolls. Do you like rolls, Doc?"

"I do…I LOVE…rolls.", he answered tightly, as nervous as I was…maybe even more!

"Here, have one.", I gave one to him.

"Oh, thanks…YES…ROLLS!", he fidgeted…"They're very good…and hot."

"I LOVE hot rolls!", I announced, "That is the best way…to have them…hot."

Bella stared at us with a tight jaw.

"And butter.", I added.

"BUTTER!", Peter shouted, smiling nervously, "I do love butter, too. Butter with rolls…such a great combination!"

Bella wasn't buying any of this dinner chatter. We were dead.

And Peter STINKS as a liar, not that I was asking him to lie…but he wasn't very great under pressure. It's good that he's a psychologist instead of Jack Bauer. 'What a combination!' Is he serious?

"Cut the crap and tell me what you have to tell me.", she said, "Wait…let me sit down."

I guess it wasn't right to ask Bella to eat a whole meal, wondering what Peter was doing here the entire time…and to wait until she'd eaten before telling her…Peter was right, I shouldn't do that.

I was wearing one of Peter's shirts right now and she must have noticed that when I came in…and she didn't ask me right away about my neck and what had happened…but I know she saw it. Maybe because Peter was there…I don't know…

But we kind of forgot about dinner and the damn rolls as I began to tell the Jenna story…right from the beginning, as Peter told me to when I saw him earlier. Sharon had let me leave work early today after the nurse finished with me…so I used that time to talk to Peter. He didn't have a patient there and I think I surprised him…but he was glad I came to him. I didn't know what else to do.

I was so afraid of losing Bella…and even though I was innocent today, would she believe me? Would she get mad that I didn't tell her all this before now? Peter was right, not telling something is a form of lying. I have to stop doing that.

"Oh my GOD!", Bella was yelling, "Oh my GOD! She took off her clothes! ALL OF THEM?"

"I didn't look…", I peeked up at her as she stood over me, "But I…well, yea…she made me look…"

"SHE MADE YOU LOOK?", Bella roared, and for a second she scared me, "What did she DO, hold your eyelids open?"

"Well, no, but…"

"SHUT UP!", Bella shouted, and I obeyed. Peter just looked at me like a deer in the headlights. When is HE gonna get involved? After Bella comes after me with a KNIFE?

"I don't want to hear anymore of this, I really DON'T!", she turned her back on us…and then whipped around, looking at me, "What ELSE happened? What did YOU do?"

"NOTHING!", I felt my brow creasing, "NOTHING! I was just trying to BREATHE! I didn't want to see her naked! I just like seeing YOU naked, I SWEAR!"

Peter grinned at Bella sheepishly, not knowing what to say to that as she looked at him.

She growled and turned away, going into the kitchen…slamming things around in there…

Peter looked at me and whispered, "You're doing fine…keep up the good work – just tell her the truth and you can't go wrong!"

"YEA RIGHT!", I hissed back, "She's ready to carve me into little pieces! And I don't blame her!"

"She's got a very fragile self esteem!", Peter breathed back as we hunched towards each other over the table, "Her reaction is perfectly valid! She is so afraid that some other woman will catch your eye…she doesn't see herself clearly at all!"

"I KNOW!", I whispered back, frowning more, "And by the way, when are YOU gonna help me? I keep looking at you and you just SIT THERE!"

"I'm not here to tell your girlfriend your story!", Peter kept his voice low, "I'm here to help you two deal with it…"

"Well deal with THIS!", I breathed, "You better not leave me hangin' or the leaf war is back on again! No more peaceful negotiations or truces! Your country will STARVE for all I care!"

Bella came back in fast, her hair flying around her as she slammed a beer down on the table, popping it open and sitting down.

"Okay, go ahead.", she took a breath and wiped one of her eyes, "What else happened?"

"Are you crying?", I tried to reach out to touch her but she flinched away from me like I had dog vomit all over me.

"NO!", she glared at me, "That'll be the DAY!"

I looked at Peter and glared at him now.

"Marie…", Peter said gently, "Do you think Anthony cheated on you? Is that what you think we're going to tell you?"

I didn't even THINK of that! I looked at her, bewildered, seeing the pain on her face in a different way now.

"You don't really think that, do you, Bella?", I asked her, "After just the other day…on your birthday…what I said…"

A tear fell out of her eye and she wiped it, drinking a sip of the beer.

"Just tell me.", she braced herself, unable to look in my eyes.

"Wait.", I got closer to Bella and looked her in the eye, "Look at me."

She did, after a minute, and the look almost physically hurt me.

"Do you really believe that I cheated on you?", I asked, feeling very hurt myself now, "After all we've been through…after what I said to you on your birthday a couple days ago…do you think I'm that weak that I just laid down as soon as a naked girl threw herself at me? I want to know."

Peter watched us silently, letting me find out what I needed to know. My heart would be broken if she said yes…if she thinks I'm that much of a slut still…I know my past is bad but…I had been trying so hard to prove myself to her…to be better. I know it's only been a couple months but…still.

Bella took a decent amount of time to answer me…I touched her back and finally she said, "No."…and as the word came out, a tear fell from each of her eyes, moving all the way down her face.

"I didn't cheat on you, Bunny.", I felt tears in my own eyes now, "I'd never—never…."

And she threw her arms around me and we cried, clinging onto each other…sniffling and wetting each other.

I was on my knees in front of her chair before I realized it and she was hugging my neck.

"I'm sorry…", she breathed, placing little kisses on my face, "I know you wouldn't do that…."

Later, I finished the story…and added, "Nudity is not that shocking to me, you know, Bella. I saw it everywhere all the time when I was with Victoria. It almost became normal."

"I know…I forgot that…", she said, "I mean, I didn't FORGET…I was just so upset…"

"You don't have to always be a saint, Bella.", Peter informed kindly, "It's okay to get scared…and angry. Edward is important to you…I'd be concerned if you were so alright with it all. In fact, I was even a little afraid of how you'd react."

"Yea, another secret revealed.", I said under my breath, looking at him, "Peter is a weanie."

Peter looked mad at me as I smirked back, hoping he'd know I was only joking.

"I'm NOT a weanie.", he stated, "I just don't want to see you lose Marie. I know how much you love her. It says a lot about her that she didn't throw us both out about 15 minutes ago."

I smiled at Bella and she gave me a little grin back. I knew she was still not okay about all this…but I had her smile and that was a start.

Peter was talking, saying, "Love for ourselves…is the hardest of all. We love others more easily than our own selves so often. You BOTH have some work to do in that department. So maybe sometimes, we'll have sessions that include all of us. Build up the trust a little more…"

We both agreed to all that. I wanted Bella to trust me, without question, someday. I never wanted to see that look on her face again. I trusted her completely but I had to admit I was also very jealous, whenever a man noticed her or was even NICE to her!

I knew in my gut that someday, a good guy with no problems or horrible past would come along, a guy with a great career…someone who would blow me away as a boyfriend…or a husband. Even Peter made me a little nervous when he talked to Bella! He seemed to be everything she would want. A doctor, a person who shared her love of psychology, a nice guy…thank God he's already married.

We ate a little bit after that…and we didn't mention how the food was a little cold. Peter gobbled everything up like it was all perfect. He cleaned his plate twice! I'll bet his wife has him so whipped…I can see why, she's a supermodel! I almost pictured Peter on his knees in front of her…ewwww…stop that Edward! BAD! BAD!

Bella finally said, as she picked at her food, "The way I feel right now…I hate to say it is…PISSED. I want to go down there and kick that Jenna's ass!"

Uh oh. Is it wrong that I got hard from the image of Bella and Jenna fighting…tearing each other's clothes off…STOP IT EDWARD! BAD! BAD! AGAIN!

"Not because she's interested in Anthony.", she pointed out as Peter went to open his mouth, but because of how she did it…of all the horrible ideas…locking him in that cellar…I just want to HURT her!"

"I know.", I said, "That was fucked up."

"It was ALL fucked up.", Bella shot a look at me…and I looked at my plate, "You should've told me earlier…maybe it wouldn't have gone this far."

"I wanted to handle it myself.", I said, hoping she'd understand that, "I don't want to come to you crying like a kid all the time with my new problem. I've given you enough of those."

Peter kept trying to cut in and talk but we kept talking instead, to each other.

"I WANT to hear your problems!", she got a little loud, "I've always been patient and supportive when you want to talk, haven't I? I could've handled this! You should've trusted me!"

Peter put a finger up and opened his mouth again but I shouted back.

"I DO trust you!", I frowned a bit, "I trust you with my LIFE, BELLA! You KNOW that!"

"But you didn't tell me anything about HER!", she came back at me, "What if she came to the door or something? Have you ever seen FATAL ATTRACTION?"

"I thought I could handle it myself!", I argued back, "I wanted to be a MAN for once and fix it myself, is that a CRIME?"

Peter was sitting back now, in his chair, his arms folded, as he watched us.

"Not telling me about this says a LOT!", she debated, "Are you attracted to her?"

"NO!", I denied.

"So she's not pretty.", Bella guessed, looking at me.

"She is but she's not YOU !", I said, "I don't WANT anyone else but you!"

Peter waited, still not interfering.

Then, suddenly, I noticed he was there.

"Doc, where the HELL are you?", I asked, "Are you with me or not? What the HELL kind of wingman are ya?"

"I've been trying to play, but you two are having your own little personal VOLLEY!", Peter huffed, sitting up now.

"Marie…", he began warmly, looking at her, "Anthony has been trained to obey women, any woman Victoria threw into the mix…for six years. That's a very long time. He's been made to perform at a moment's notice…on complete strangers. And today, he said NO. Today, even though his guts must have been telling him to obey…to perform…he didn't. He chose not to. He stayed true to YOU. I think that's really significant."

Okay, maybe the truce could stay in place after that little speech. I didn't think of all that.

"And I'm not your WINGMAN.", Peter suddenly said to me, a little annoyed.

"I'm here for Marie also.", Peter pointed out at the face I was making at him, "I'm here for both of you. I can be both your doctors…and not reveal what's said to me in therapy…but when you both need me…I can do that too. I'm glad you came to me today, Anthony. You kept your promise to me. Thank you for that."

I smiled at him and thought of something else.

"The thing is, my guts weren't even telling me to perform.", I shared, thinking about it, "They were telling me no….to get out of there…to get away…I didn't even get hard."

I glanced at Peter, a little ashamed I'd said that last part…but he grinned at me, looking away.

"My advice is…in regards to Jenna…", Peter said, "Let her go way and you go yours…if things are resolved now, fine. If she starts bothering you again, then let me know. See if she makes any real changes in her behavior…"

"You're NOT going to be her FRIEND.", Bella stated at me, "Not after what she's done to you."

"Bella…"

"NO!", she pointed at me, "Do not give me BELLA…I don't trust her! She could hurt you again! What if you couldn't breathe in that cellar? What if something happened to you?"

"I know…."

"If you want a friend, it can be Marcus…or BOB!", Bella said, waving her hand out around her, "No women friends!"

"Now that's not right.", I heard myself say aloud, "I would never tell you not to have men friends."

"Oh, you wouldn't?", she challenged me, raising a brow.

"Okay I would.", I said, "But I don't think it's right that I never have a woman friend. I felt like I was growing there for a minute. I've never wanted to have or trust a female friend before."

"You're not GROWING _**there**_ around any other women.", Bella ordered, "You can do all your growing right here."

"Marie…careful there…", Peter said very softly, as if not wanting to cut in loudly, "You're ordering him. Edward has looked down three times already. You don't want to do that."

"HEY I could've had a man friend if I wanted!", she shouted at Peter, "But I didn't think it was a good idea! I thought of ANTHONY and said no!"

"Said no to who?", I asked, my ears up now, my fists clenched.

"No one.", she said, looking at me, then rolled her eyes and said, "This person at school."

"You never told me about him.", I said, sounding just like Bella had a moment ago…now I felt what she was talking about…and it wasn't fun.

"How does it feel?", she asked, "Not good, right? And he never did HALF the stuff this JENNA did! He never took his clothes off in front of me! What would you do if he did that with ME in a locked room? You'd drive over there right now and KILL HIM!"

"YEA I WOULD!", I stood up, "What's his name?"

"Anthony, sit down.", Peter grabbed my arm and pulled me back into my seat, "Let's all calm down a little bit…"

"Is he handsome?", I leapt to my feet again, staring down at her, "Younger than me?"

"No, older.", she informed, "And yes, I guess he's handsome."

"OLDER?", I winced, "UKKKK! How much older?"

"I don't know!", she yelled at me, "GOD! I only met him ONCE for crying out loud!"

"But you've been thinking about him!", I pointed, "You just brought him up out of nowhere!"

"Oh my God…you are…", she said, "I was just making a point, I don't think about him. It just would have been nice to have a friend here…someone I could talk to about little things…like school and psychology…"

"Cause I'm too dumb to talk about those things, right?", I shot back, still standing over her, "I'm just some ex whore that only knows about sex and fucking, what could I POSSIBLY know about school or psychology?"

"That's NOT what I'm saying!", she had tears in her eyes as she looked up at me, then she looked at Peter for help.

"Sit down Anthony, please.", he asked me without grabbing me this time. And I sat down. I was fuming.

"There are a lot of things…between you two…", Peter began, "That we will work on. Trust…jealousy…the way you see yourselves…all those things could kill any relationship…and you have a very complex situation…and you've only just begun. If you want those years…those anniversaries the Jared commercials are always saying are so easy to have…then you have to face all those things, as ugly as they are to look at…and conquer them. You can do it…if you want to. If you love each other enough…to do the work. Anthony…do you love Marie?"

"That's a stupid question.", I grumbled but Peter raised his voice.

"Do you love Marie?", he asked again, closing his eyes for a second. See, even HE thinks I'm a pain in the ass as a patient. I saw Bella make that face more than once.

"I feel your pain, Doc.", Bella muttered to him as I shot them a look.

"Yes…" I looked into her eyes, feeling my anger melt a little, "I love you, Bella. I'll always love you."

I got her smile and couldn't believe my luck…that this woman is mine.

"Marie, do you love Anthony?", he asked her…and I so wished he knew my real name and hers…he thinks Bella is my pet name for her, he has no idea…

"Yes.", she smiled at me, "I love you too. Forever."

"That's all we need to know then, for the moment.", Peter said with a tone of finality, "I'd like you two to hold each other now."

I felt funny having Peter tell me to do this. I'd like – he says! I'd like him to shut up! And he nudged me over towards her.

And in seconds, we were hugging and she was sitting in my lap, and I was tasting her beer flavored lips…

"Mmmm…", I kept kissing her…and I felt her hands in my hair…God, only she turns me on like that when she touches my hair…"MMMMM!"

I thought I heard something buzzing in the background but I tuned it out…Bella was French kissing me now…and she was being very forceful and HOT!

I LOVE makeup kissing!

I seemed to lose all track of time and then when Bella broke the kiss and looked around…as I tried to move her face gently back to mine she asked, "Hey, where'd Peter go?"

"Peter who?", I asked dimly, then went, "Oh yea! DOC!"

I got up, not really thrilled about that as Bella stood up out of my rock hard lap, and searched for him…going to the front door and opening it. His car was gone.

"He left a note.", Bella called from the table and I went to her.

She handed it to me and it said, "I'm glad I could help. I'll let myself out. – Peter, King of the Tree People, formerly known as the losers of the Great Leaf War."

I laughed and she sat back in my lap, stroking my hair.

"He is so cool.", I said again.

"Yea.", Bella placed a kiss on my cheek, nuzzling her forehead against it, her eyes closed.

"Formerly.", I read the word in his note, "It's not formerly…he's still known as the loser."

"Edward…", she stood up, taking some dishes and starting to clear the table.

"Well, it was just days ago!", I stood up, following her, holding the note, "Some countries lose a war and for decades they're known as the losers! They still teach in school, how the North beat the South in the CIVIL WAR!"

"Are you gonna help me clear?", she asked.

I didn't realize until days later, how nice it was that we could argue and fight so passionately, and then still come together after it was over…it was like we KNEW…the petty fights and stupid differences weren't more important than our love. It may sound naïve of me, but I liked being innocent and naïve for a change. I was once jaded…cynical…cold.

Jenna behaved herself around me after the cellar incident, as it came to be known, and she did a great job of mucking the stalls and cleaning the horses…feeding them…and she never complained…she did it all without a sigh or a grunt.

She wasn't dressed up like the little princess anymore…and she stunk as bad as I did at the end of the day. She did everything I asked…and yes, I asked. I didn't order. Bob told me to make her tow the line…to order her around and make her do things twice or three times if I felt like making her pay…but I couldn't do that. I was fair. I tried to be decent to her, as Bob was to me when I was here for the first time.

I believe in karma…in what goes around comes around. I've seen it happen to my enemies. I didn't want to turn into them now and punish Jenna just because I could. It wasn't right. I think she saw that and appreciated it.

She even showed me some stuff to help me with the horses. I was surprised at her and she grinned, saying, "I haven't always been the star, ANT. I was a kid…Sharon taught me about how to care for the horses. I started at the bottom, just like you. Don't worry…you won't be in here forever…you're gonna be something one day."

And then she went over and gave Yoyo a big kiss, stroking him behind the ears. What a little jerk the pony was, he was eating it up! I felt that little part of me get jealous that she was playing with my little friend.

God, I need to get out there and find some HUMAN friends!

I was learning to ride faster now…and Bob upgraded me from Midnight Sun to a horse called Twilight. He was younger and stronger…and when he let go and galloped-MAN! It was the most exciting rush I'd ever felt…my blood pumped quicker and with more ferocity!

Bella and I still borrowed Midnight Sun from time to time, though…and we visited our special little place. But it was October now…and we couldn't go in the lake or lay out naked all night…it was getting colder…so we hung out for a bit, made a fire, ate marshmallows…and talked…and took a horse ride around, exploring every inch of the new world around us. I decided not to get naked outside with Bella during this season after she caught a nasty cold one Monday from being exposed all night. I never felt so guilty and pissed at myself before. I took care of her so well, she was better by Wednesday…but I would never put her in harm's way again.

We would go home after our ride and make love in the house…and neither of us admitted how much we missed being butt naked on the grass and the stones…screaming out into the sunset as we came together. I was counting the days until the Spring…and there were SO MANY!

One night, we were taking a ride and I decided to explore a new path…and we stumbled upon a secret little canyon. It was like…a gigantic hole pressed down in the earth…not visible from the land until you were right upon it…and it took a little riding around it and around it to descend into it…and there was this big house there…no…a mansion!

Bella was a little scared to go down there but I wanted to see it closer. I talked her into it and we got there in about 30 minutes…

"The place doesn't look lived in.", I said, seeing the nailed wooden boards over the windows and the front door.

"Yea, neither did Norman Bates' house…", Bella shivered as we looked up at it, "Until the guy went up the stairs and then AAAAA!"

I laughed and kissed her head from behind, "You're so cute."

"Yea, and you're adorable, too.", she wisecracked, "But I still don't wanna be murdered protecting your little ass!"

"Awww, you'd protect my little ass?", I peeked at her from behind and she rolled her eyes, muttering, "Maybe."

"Let's go in.", I suggested, wanting to check it out inside.

"Are you insane?"

"You can really ask me that?", I chuckled, dismounting.

"Edward, no…", she tried to grab my arm to stop me, "You don't know who's in there…"

"No one is in there!", I walked around the side of the house a bit, "There's nothing around for miles!"

"And that's how every fucked up horror movie STARTS!", Bella tried to get off the horse as I helped her, "The young couple comes in to use the phone…and then—"

"You've gotta stop watching those corny old movies.", I said, taking the lead rope on Midnight Sun's neck…and leading him over to the nearest tree, securing him.

"How can you be so brave at times like this and other times…", she began.

"I'm afraid of PEOPLE, Bella, not empty houses.", I informed, taking the pack and slinging it over my shoulder. I didn't mention or remind her of my homeless days, before I married Tanya…I had to learn to find shelter and do what I had to do at one point in order to have a warm place to sleep for the night.

"Well there could be PEOPLE in there!", she said, "Evil, evil people who want to EAT us!"

I laughed at her. "And they're hiding all the way down here, boarded inside, just waiting for us to arrive?"

"YES!", she replied.

"Come on…", I coaxed her a little, taking her hand and taking a couple steps towards it, "If it's deserted and nice enough…this could be a nice little spot for us to…you know…."

"We have a home.", she looked at the huge house, looking up at the third story.

"But this is fun…", I slowly led her towards the house, "It's dangerous…exciting…forbidden…remember the book store?"

"That was different.", she argued, slowly coming along with me.

"Come on, Bella…notebook girl…", I kept trying, "Break the rules once in awhile…take a chance…I'll protect you. Nothing will happen to you, I swear."

"Word for word, what the BOYFRIEND always says in every horror movie!", she spat back, "And then he's the first one to die just when his girlfriend needs him MOST!"

I turned and started working on the door. Bella was standing behind me, looking around nervously.

"Isn't this breaking and entering or something?", she asked.

"Hush.", I demanded gently…and then I laughed.

"What?"

"The door is open.", I pushed the door inside…the wood slats nailed to it opened right along with it, "That was a poor job securing the place…I didn't even need my credit card to open it."

"Where did YOU get a credit card?" she asked.

I held up my fake red credit card. "It's not real.", I said, "It came in the mail asking me to sign up…I didn't…but I liked the card so I kept it. Most places I wanted to get in, a credit card always worked…usually. It was getting out that was the problem."

Bella grabbed my shirt in my back as I slowly stepped inside.

"Hello?", I called politely…the setting sun shed a little light inside…and it wasn't like an old dusty haunted house…it was nice…white carpeting…white sheets covering furniture inside…we stood in the foyer…it was big and the ceilings were tall….marble floors and all….

"This is where the cannibals start running towards us.", Bella whimpered behind me, not looking.

"No, it's okay.", I smiled, looking around…it wasn't even that dirty in here, "Look, Bella…it's beautiful in here!"

She was silent for a moment and I took her hand as she looked around with me.

"Wow.", she said a minute later as we turned a corner…a huge glass wall looked back at us and the sunset was shining through it…making the colors on the stained glass GLOW and shower down over us.

"This is like lifestyles of the rich and famous!", I grinned, "I'm kinda bummed. I thought it'd be like an old haunted house! This is posh!"

"Posh?", Bella asked, laughing…"How do you know that word?"

"Hey, I've been in some very posh places.", I defended with a grin, "Let's go find the bedrooms!"

There was a very fancy black iron staircase that glided and swung around into the big room we were in right now. And the steps were white and carpeted. Black and white…those were the main colors in here so far.

"No, Edward, don't!", she pulled my arm back as I went up one step.

"Come on, this is so COOL!", I was jumping out of my skin to explore upstairs, "It's like some big rich dude went on vacation or something and left his house all empty! Let's play a little!"

"Ughhh…", she gulped.

"Listen, Bella, you wanted kid lessons, right?", I raised a brow.

"Yea.", she looked up, searching for villains.

"Well, this is lesson one.", I informed, "Kids don't care about the rules."

She hesitated. "Kids…or juvenile delinquents?" she asked timidly.

"Stop being so adult…", I was nose to nose with her now, "No one is here…the place is clean and full of nice furniture…it's warm in here…let's just try it…have a little fun."

I was leading her up the stairs now…and she came with me.

"Pretend this is our house…", I began the game…"And we've just come home from the OSCARS!"

"Who are the Oscars?"

"No, we both just WON Oscars!", I pretended, "You, for most important actress in a meaningful role…and me for….Hottest Actor in a Non Speaking role."

"Those are NOT categories.", she huffed as I kept leading her up the steps. I was going to have to roll my sleeves up and teach this girl to relax or she'd have an ulcer by the time she's thirty.

"They are now.", I decided, "Go with it."

"Brad Pitt was so sweet to me…", she said, "He said next week, we're coming to his place for barbeque."

"Forget that.", I played along, "Angelina can never keep her hands to herself when we go there…it's SICKENING!"

"I like the way she strokes ME.", Bella teased back and I had to laugh…

"Good one.", I said, smiling back at her, "There may be hope for you yet, Marie."

"Bite me, Ant!"

"Such a bad girl…", I smiled more, finally getting to the top of the steps…there were hallways going in two different directions, "JEEZ, this place is HUGE! Which way, baby?"

"That way.", she dared to choose the right hallway of doors.

"Okay.", I walked to the third door, randomly choosing it…and opened it. Bella was still a bit nervous but when I went in, she came along quietly.

This room was big but empty and the walls all around it were made of clear glass…you could see the whole canyon outside…and Midnight Sun was out there, hanging out.

"Hey, look!", I pointed down the left side of the room, "There's a pool down there! And it's inside the house!" We have to figure out how to get down there!"

"Great, fill up your water pistol.", she snidely responded.

"I'm sorry, is that little girl Bella or Momma Bella talking?", I asked, picking on her a little.

As we explored some more, we found out why the place was empty. The whole back side of the mansion was destroyed…burned and demolished.

But that didn't stop us from swimming naked in the pool, after I cleaned it a little…after I removed the cover…and I figured out how to use the hot tub beside the pool, too. That put Bella in the right frame of mind!

We fucked like rabbits in that hot tub and it was amazing! We found the kitchen and although there was no food or anything edible inside, we made very nasty use of the smooth marble island in the middle of the room…a sunlight right above Bella's naked body as she stared up, seeing the sky and birds while I ravaged her little body…and then I flipped her over and pounded her from behind, pressing her perfect little tits into the cold surface…it was INCREDIBLE!

"When I tell you to make me a nice dinner, I MEAN IT!", I growled as I pummeled her mercilessly from behind…my eyes on her back and ass as it bounced. I was teaching her about roleplay now…and this was her idea…she's the maid and I'm the rich asshole boss of hers.

"I don't LIKE BURNED steak, is that CLEAR?" I kept pounding her as she tried to hold on to the edge of the marble she was laying on.

"YES!", she squealed out, in ecstasy, "IT'S CLEAR! It's clear! I'll do better next time…please don't fire me, Sir!"

"We'll SEE about THAT!", I answered with a cruel, angry tone, "Keep fucking! Let's see if you can do THAT right and maybe I'll give you another chance!"

"Yes Sir…yes Sir!", she panted, bucking hard against me as I broke character and let out a very loud groan of pleasure. God, I LOVE it when she calls me SIR! I am such a sick fuck!

And most of all, the rush from being in a strange place…a place we were trespassing upon…we had so much fun!

I was going to be bringing Bella back here all winter, I'd decided as we got dressed the next morning…dawn coming outside the glass walls as we got ready to go home.

We couldn't stop kissing and touching each other, even as we put our clothes ON…and I think Bella was telling me this was a great idea.

We walked out…like teenagers in love…my arm around her…her hand on my ass as I closed the door, starting to walk over to M.S. so we could start heading back.

And then we both heard it.

Footsteps. Twigs cracking…it sounded like more than one person, too…in the woods there…not too far away…

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Uh oh….lol….see next chapter soon!

Do YOU love hot rolls?

Love you all! Love, Winnd


	24. You're Safe Now

PS – If Peter called Edward by his real name in the last couple chapters, I promise u it was a mistake of mine, BAD, WIND, BAD! Sorry!

Oh my GOD! I just saw the video that Biel made for the Red Line! I am crying! I can't believe how fucking great it is! Jesus! If you haven't seen it, you should check it out. I'm shaking! Thank you Biel! I can't say how touched I am by all your hard work and how perfect every second of it is! WOW!

To see it, go to: .com/watch?v=7jSBkfwL6Ks&feature=player_embedded

Or just go to youtube and type in red line fanfiction. It's five minutes long by Iambiel. It's killer HOT! I feel like someone just made my story into a movie and I love it! I have to go get a slurpee now….damn….THANK YOU BIEL and thank all you guys too for loving TRL as much as I do!

SIGH

**ALSO: I do not really know anything much about horses-so…just go with it. Thanks! I try to make it as realistic as I can. I do research, watch animal planet…LOL…but sometimes I still get it wrong. Thanks for understanding!**

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Chapter 24

EPOV

I couldn't hear any voices…but something was coming! I immediately saw red and panicked, thinking it was an enemy of ours…but then my brain clicked in and asked, 'How would Kevin or Raven find you guys out here, in the middle of nowhere, at this deserted house?'

Either way, I didn't want to take any chances with Bella. And even if it was a cop, I wanted to spare her the permanent arrest record. She wanted to be a psychologist and it would not help her if she was arrested for trespassing and breaking and entering.

"Bella, come here!", I yanked her arm behind me as I moved along the right side of the house, crouching in the bushes.

I still couldn't make out what was coming, or hear much more but I looked around, working out a way to remove Bella from this little equation.

"Bella, get inside the house and hide!", I told her, "Lock the door and don't come out no matter what happens. I'll come find you…"

"No, Edward, I'm not leaving you!", she whispered back at me with a frown, holding onto me.

I sighed and kept looking in the woods a few feet away but nothing…nothing except sticks cracking, footsteps coming…and tree branches moving. It looked like it was a group, not just one person…and that scared me. But I shoved my own fears aside and kept thinking of how to get Bella safely out of this.

I moved around the side of the house, going further back, looking for something…anything I could use as a weapon, if I needed it. All I found was a small pipe, about as long as a baseball bat…it wasn't very thick…but it would have to do.

"Stay here.", I said and she shivered but didn't let my hand go.

"I'm just going around the corner, over by those trees. You'll be able to see me.", I assured. She nodded again and reluctantly released me.

I kept my eyes on those trees and tried to make out who was in there…and what they were doing. I snuck quickly over there, not seeing anyone's face looking back at mine…maybe they didn't see us…maybe they owned this place…they could be totally innocent of any wrongdoing…after all, WE broke into this place…they could think we're the bad guys. But I also knew if some of the folks in this town caught us on their property, it could be: shoot first, ask questions later.

I was so intent on looking for more movement in the woods that I didn't even hear or see anyone approach me from behind. I felt arms grab me and I almost backhanded whoever it was…but it was Bella!

"Jesus, BELLA!", I hissed, "You almost got HIT!"

"Sorry!", she clutched onto me, "I didn't like being all alone over there! I want to be with YOU."

"Awww…", I said, almost touched…if it weren't for the terror it would've been a sweet moment for us.

"There THEY are!", she squealed, pointing to more movement, the tree branches bobbing up and down…and we could hear boots clomping in the dirt…shushing through the dry leaves…someone was coming.

"Move back, Bella.", I instructed her, raising my pipe and jumping out in front of the trees. Bella yelped and put her hands over her mouth, frozen as I confronted them.

"I've got a GUN!", I shouted, wincing and turning the pipe as if it were a rifle, "I'll shoot if you make any fast moves so DON'T! Come out here, SLOW…and put your hands UP!"

The movement had ceased for a few seconds…and then it started again…they were coming forward…about to leave the shelter of those trees…I could almost see them now…I felt myself freeze…my eyes surprised and shocked at the same time.

"It's a HORSE.", I said aloud, my eyes squinting as a tall, white horse limped and almost stumbled out into the clearing where I was waiting.

But this wasn't a normal horse. Although it was a white horse, it was very dirty. Not only that but it was bleeding. It had reins on, but they looked so tight and there was streaks of blood trickling from under the straps down its nose. There was also dry, almost black liquid around it's eyes and mouth. The knees and ankles were red and scabbed too, and the ribs were jutting out on it's sides, clearly visible. In fact, every bone in its body was poking out from under the horse's hide. The back of it was all sunken down in the middle. As I got closer to it, I saw that it had barbed wire around its neck and blood was dry all around it…and she was dragging a piece of broken fence that was connected to the wire it was stuck in.

As it turned a bit, I saw that it was smeared with dry blood on its sides and on its butt it looked like there was skin torn off. This was the most frightening horse I'd ever seen!

As I moved a little closer, I noticed it's hooves…they were too long and almost curled upwards, which made it look like it was very painful and difficult for the poor thing to even WALK!

"Edward.", Bella came up to me, grabbing me as she took in all the abuse I was witnessing on this haggard, half dead looking creature.

"Don't get too close to it, Bella.", I warned her, "It's in pain and it could be dangerous if you get too close. Stay here, let me try."

"You can get hurt too!", she pointed out.

"I have horse experience, you don't.", I informed.

"You have a few weeks of taking care of the horses experience!", Bella reminded, "You don't know how to deal with abused animals."

"Don't I?", I asked, giving her a little glance, "I'll be careful, okay? Stay back a bit."

"Okay."

I put the pipe thing down and moved really slowly…it was staring at me and moving from side to side in a strange way…maybe trying to get the wire fence off her neck…maybe because of the pain.

"It looks like it's dancing.", Bella said softly from where she stood and I agreed it DID look that way. But I'm sure that's not it.

"Okay, baby…", I said to it, my hands at my sides, putting them up a little, "It's okay…I'm not gonna hurt you…don't be afraid…."

It made a high pitched sound of fear and pulled back away from me, bucking up its front legs and kicking them out, warning me to stay away.

"EDWARD!", Bella was freaking a few feet away, scared for me.

"It's alright.", I kept my voice very extremely quiet and level, "See Bella…how I'm making my voice? Very soft…they like that. Don't you baby?"

"Yea, it looks like it's working real well.", she said, afraid as she kept watching.

I didn't want it to run away…I wouldn't be able to catch it and then it would most likely die out here. Maybe he was too weak to get out of this canyon…there were parts that were very steep as we rode in here last night. It looked like it was starved, almost to death. I'd never seen an unhealthy horse before…and it hurt me, and scared me…all the way down to my core.

There were cuts and bright red scabs and fresh blood under one of its eyes…and a big rip down the neck from the wire that was still bleeding, dripping down its body even now.

It almost looked like it was crying bloody tears as I inched a little closer.

"Shhhh sweetheart…", I kept using my voice to keep it calm as it looked at me, its eyes showing no trust at all, "Not gonna hurt you, baby…promise…"

It's one eye was swollen up, I could see as I got nearer…the closer I got the more pain I seemed to be feeling as I got more detail.

"Oh baby…I know…I know…", I had tears in my own eyes as I got a couple feet closer, "Please don't run away…let me help you…shhhhh….shhhhh…"

It didn't make any moves to lunge at me again or bite me. It looked so tired and frail that I thought it might fall over at any second now. But it just gently rocked from side to side….lamely swinging its head along. I never saw that before…what is it doing?

"It's okay, Bella…", I said to her although I kept my eyes on the horse's face, "I'm alright. Stay there though."

I still said all that in my very calm voice…not wanting to spook the horse away. It was dangerous now, that I was so close….if it got scared again, it could kick me or trample me…and really fuck me up. But so far it didn't.

I noticed each hoof had black colored hair around its edge…the rest of it pure white, with the exception of all the redness from the bloodstains. I noticed bites around the ankles and legs of the horse…and wondered if coyotes had come across its path.

Finally, I reached the horse and was almost nose to nose with it. Bella watched, not even daring to breathe as I got closer.

"Hi baby…ooohhhhh sweetie…I know, it hurts…I know…it's okay now…you can trust me…shhhhhh….", I kept cooing, assuring it as my eyes looked right into his…or hers…I couldn't tell what the sex was yet.

"Ohhhhh…", I slowly moved my hand up a bit but the horse tensed and lurched backwards, showing teeth and snorting through its nostrils. Bella gasped from where she was but I didn't react…I stood my ground.

"I know you're scared…I know…", I whispered, "Not gonna hurt you baby…not ever…shhhhh…."

I must be nuts to be even attempting this, I told myself…but I couldn't back away.

I wanted to pet the horse, and looked for an area that wasn't harmed…but I couldn't find one. Poor baby…who would DO this? I found anger and rage rising up in me…but I had to hide it…I had to be sweet and gentle…or I'd lose him.

It seemed like forever that I just looked into its eyes and spoke to him…it didn't move away…

"Can I touch you baby?", I cooed, slowly…SO slowly…moving my hand up, seeing a very worried look cross over the horse's dark eyes.

Its eyes were so soulful and sad, I noticed as I watched them…very rich brown in color with dark brown lines and shadows inside…long eyelashes and a circle of white light shining in the upper left of the pupil I was looking at now…and my reflection looking back at me…I'm glad I wasn't wearing the hat now.

It looked as if it was just waiting for something bad to happen to it any moment…I didn't want to give it any fear that I would bring it any more pain. I wish I had my treats with me now…

I decided to try touching it alongside its neck…in the spot that wasn't ripped open…and my trembling fingers made very soft contact…and stopped shaking as I very carefully moved my hand down.

"Good baby….", I praised calmly, keeping the eye contact, "Good…shhhhh…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry….shhhhh…I'm gonna help you sweetie…that's it…relaxxxxx…."

I felt the blood, both the fresh wetness of it…and the dried, hard scabs that had formed who knows how long ago…I didn't flinch of show signs of disgust.

In need of something to do after awhile, I figured the only way to save this horse was to try and get a lead rope around its neck, secure it to a tree, and then gallop back into town on Midnight Sun and call Bob to come bring a horse trailer so we could get it to the stables. There we could have him looked at by a vet.

It took another hour or two to approach it again with a rope in my hand. I had no idea what I was doing, but the horse didn't seem to be a mean one…it was scared…and my voice seemed to calm it down…I was afraid what it would do once I got the big loop of rope around its neck…it might kick and go wild…but just as I was about to move the loop around its head, the horse looked like it had gotten dizzy and fell to its side…and just laid there, seeming to pant in short breaths.

"Edward, GO, hurry!", Bella waved me towards Midnight Sun, "I'll stay back here and watch him…HURRY UP!"

I didn't like leaving her alone here but she told me it would be alright. I don't know why but I had to help the horse…it looked like it had been through the most horrible painful shit ever. I knew that feelilng…that feeling of falling down like this…too exhausted to get up.

"I'll be right back!", I said to her, hating to leave her even for a little while.

"Go, GO!", she said and I rushed to Midnight Sun, untying him, getting on him in seconds, and yelling, "YA! YA!"

And we took off so fast…I'd never rode this horse with such speed but it was an emergency. Most of all I worried about Bella…I wanted to get back to her as fast as I could. Luckily, I made my way out to the road in about a half hour…and flagged down an oncoming truck. I was so pissed that we weren't allowed a cell phone in this witness protection shit…I could've tried to call myself standing next to Bella.

The guy in the truck let me use his cell and I called Bob, never dismounting M.S.

Bob knew where that canyon and house was and he said he'd be there right away. I thanked the nice guy and galloped away…and heard his son in the back seat asking if I was the Lone Ranger. That made me smile a little…if I wasn't so scared about leaving Bella. Kids today know about the Lone Ranger? What a cool kid!

The man had said to his son, "Kind of. He's saving a horse."

When I finally got back there, I saw Bella and I let myself breathe again. She came up to where I was tying M.S. off and before she could say anything, I held her tight.

"I hate leaving you alone.", I said, "I'm sorry."

"I'm fine.", she said, "The horse is still laying there…not moving much…it keeps looking around for you…"

I started to approach again, very slowly….Bella stood off in the distance a bit.

This time the horse didn't make any noise at all as I got close to it.

"Hey baby…you laying down?", I asked tenderly, still using my gentle voice, and it let me touch him again…"That's good…you rest…help is coming baby…help is coming real soon…"

Bella was a couple feet behind me, wanting to help.

"Bob is coming.", I said, turning to her, keeping my voice level and soft.

"Good.", she crossed her arms, watching on helplessly.

I just stayed with him…or her…stroking…massaging my fingers under its face, and around the nose…trying to make him feel good…not touching any of the injured parts…I was finally sitting right next to him…moving my hands over its sides…feeling my own body ache as I pretended not to feel all the hard bones so close under the skin.

"Such a good boy…or girl…", I smirked, enjoying the feeling that I was making the poor little creature relax…"That's right, take a little nap…sweet little baby…"

I saw white stuff oozing out of the mouth…and I wondered where the HELL Bob was…and then I heard the sound of engines…cars coming.

"You're gonna eat real soon, baby…real soon…hold on…hold on sweetie.", I soothed as I saw a bunch of men in cowboy hats from up above the canyon begin to make their way down on foot, not able to approach here by car. Damn, I didn't think of that.

I couldn't do much but wait until they got here and at last, they were a few feet away.

"The horse was kicking and all earlier.", Bella told them as they stood off where she was, "It's in really bad shape, bleeding and…it just fell down before Anthony went to get help."

Bob had three or four other guys with him. I recognized a couple from work, guys who I didn't see much, they were rodeo guys. And a police officer was there.

"Okay, Anthony…", Bob said gently, "Back up a little…slowly…don't scare him…"

I did what he said…and the horse started to get aggravated that I was moving away from it. Its breathing sped up more and it's eyes bulged out more…staring at me…whinnying weakly.

"It's okay…", I soothed it again, as I slowly moved backwards, my hands out at my sides, "Just going over here…I'm not leaving…relax…you're okay…"

When Bob and the other guys began to approach, the horse's head jerked up and it made a very shrill sound again…kicking its front legs a little…bucking its head right and left…and that made the tear in its neck worse…fresh blood trickling down the dry blood there before it.

"No…", I stopped moving away from it, "No, don't do that…"

I was talking to the horse, like it could understand me.

Bob and the other guys stopped approaching and tried to speak nicely to it like I had…but that was just making it worse. I stood back, letting them handle it, because they're supposed to be the experts…but they were scaring the horse even more. One guy had a needle or something like it in his hand, a little case in his other hand, maybe a vet or something. Or he just had his own kit with him, for his own horses that were in the rodeo.

The horse got back to his feet and was dragging the fence and barb wire thing along beside it…and it began to neigh loudly and show its teeth again…jumping up a few times to throw its legs out at the approaching men.

I could see it bleeding a lot more now…and I knew that the more the horse fought like this, the more pain it was in…and before I knew it, I was back in front of it.

"Shhhh baby…", I said, taking my time to let him or her know I was here…"Hey…it's okay…it's me…these are my friends…don't be afraid…don't…we want to help you baby….shhhhh…"

And once I was near it again, the horse calmed down and stood still…I nodded to them to go around behind it…maybe if I stayed in front of it…and kept making eye contact with him…they could approach and start checking him out.

"Nobody's going to hurt you…not while I'm here…", I kept petting my fingers over the bloody white muzzle. By now my fingers were covered with blood but I didn't care.

The other guys got close enough as long as I was keeping the horse quiet, and they were talking to each other as they assessed the horse's injuries. I couldn't hear much of it…but I'd be sure to hear it later, once we got the horse to the stables.

Bob told me that we needed the poor horse to try and walk out of the canyon to get to the trailer in the distance. It didn't seem real far away…but for a horse this injured, I knew it was going to be a long, painful walk.

I tried to let the others rope it and lead it off, but the horse wasn't having any of that. The only thing that ever worked was me being there, close by, leading it towards the trailer, coaxing it with my voice all the way. Bella followed a few feet behind, smiling at me as we made our way out of here…I felt so bad…I'm sure she was starving too, we hadn't had anything to eat since last night, but she never complained.

Now and then, I could hear the other men talking beside us…

"That horse isn't gonna make it."

"It's the worst I've ever seen…", another said, "It's so underweight…you could add 300 pounds to it and it would still be dangerously emaciated."

"It must've been out here for weeks…", Bob said, "What did, someone just leave her here?"

"She's at death's door…it's just a matter of time…"

Her…it was a girl! At least I could call her girl now. I ignored the guys, even though it pained me to hear those things…I knew they were good men and did care…and were just as pissed as I was…but I also heard some of those things when I was at death's door once…in Raven's basement.

I heard a paramedic say, right as he was working on me, "He's got maybe hours left…maybe he deserves it…fucking whores. They never learn. Money…that's all they care about."

But I had made it. Maybe, even fought harder because I'd heard what that man said. I knew she could fight and make it too.

"You're doing SO great, girl…", I found myself placing a kiss right between her eyes, "I'm so proud of you…you're a strong little woman…come on…follow me…good girl…"

Maybe it's not such a curse after all, women wanting to follow me all the time.

Bob and another one of the guys were also carrying the part of fence, walking along with it so she wasn't dragging it behind her and making the wounds on her neck worse. They wanted to get it or cut it off back where she was laying down before…but the wire was embedded in her skin. It was too risky to try and remove it until the horse was sedated.

There was a big discussion about how we'd get the horse to get into the trailer. I didn't want to waste any more time in getting her some relief so I just took it on myself and walked into the trailer while the geniuses kept debating amongst themselves.

"Anthony, get outta there.", Bob scolded me.

"Come on baby…come on girl…come get me…", I coaxed her inside…and slowly, it took a chance and stepped inside…walking timidly towards me, the hooves clanking against the metal floor as she let out a small, exhausted sound of pain.

"It's all over now…good girl…", I kissed her nose, smiling at her, "Yea…you did it…we're going to a good place now…we're gonna fix you up baby."

"I've never seen a horse go into a trailer that fast…no way…", one of the guys said from out there.

"I'll stay in here with her.", I offered, seeing Bella out there, holding Midnight Sun's reins, petting him affectionately.

"You can't stay in there, Masen, you're NUTS!", one of the guys said to me.

"Yea I know.", I smirked, "But if I leave, she's gonna go crazy again. It's not far…I'll be alright."

"No Anthony.", Bella said now, looking in here with concern written all over her face.

"It's okay, baby.", I winked at her, petting the horse's face, "Ride up in the truck with Bob…I'll be alright."

No one liked my idea…but in the end, it was the only way the horse would stay calm. So we tried it. Bob drove the truck pulling us in the trailer…and he went real slow. I think a kid on a tricycle passed us as we crawled along the road.

The whole ride, Bella was looking at the trailer behind her, trying to see me through the little window behind my head. I kept looking out the window every so often, smiling at Bella and giving her a thumbs up sign. She was going to kill me after this was over.

Funny, I didn't feel scared at all, being locked up in this little coffin like thing…huh.

At last, we reached the stable and I was never so happy to see the place as I was today.

"You're making me go to work on my day off.", I said gently to the little face staring at me now, "I hope you appreciate this."

The horse made a little 'ppppbbbbbb' sound and gave a little shake of her head.

I was laughing at her when we stopped and Bob came around to open the back of the trailer up.

"You okay, ANT?", Bob asked right away, looking terrified.

"We're fine.", I said calmly, moving my fingers through the horse's white mane at the top of her head, "We're just talking."

"Get your butt outta there now.", Bob demanded me, looking worried.

"Come on, sweetie pie…", I slowly began to move around her side…and Bob and another man carefully took up the fence part again, ready to move when she did.

"That's my girl…", I looked back and saw she was trying to turn around in here.

"No, NO!", the other guys said, "Don't let her TURN…make her back out!"

"How am I gonna DO that?", I asked and the horse got a little nervous when I shouted.

"Sorry, sorry…shhhhh…shhhh…" I calmed her.

Eventually, we did get her to back up and follow me into the stable. I felt like I'd just run a marathon when we entered…and we got her into one of the stalls.

The other guys kept going, "I don't believe this…the horse just follows him in…too weird."

"I just have that animal magnetism.", I joked back, now outside the stall, "Good, she's here…where's the vet?"

"Won't be here until 5.", Bob informed, looking at the beaten little horse.

"Five?", I frowned, looking at the clock, "It's eleven AM now…are you saying five PM? He won't be here til FIVE PM?"

"There's no real vets here in town.", Bob looked at the horse sadly, "The closest one is hours away. We're lucky he's even coming…it's the weekend."

"I don't give a FUCK about the weekend! She needs help NOW.", I heard myself getting upset and louder. Bob looked a little surprised at me…I wasn't usually like that at work.

"I know.", Bob said.

"I told her it was all over, that she was gonna get HELP now.", I was shouting a little at Bob even though it wasn't his fault.

"We can do a few things here until he comes.", Bob began but I was getting more pissed now.

Bella stood beside me and looked at me with sad eyes too, not saying anything as I paced back and forth, grabbing my hair…not listening to Bob much.

"Anthony.", a voice said from behind all of us…and Jenna was there, dirty and sweaty, looking more like a farm hand than a girl, "I can help. I know horses. I'm not a vet, but I can make it better until the prick shows up."

Bella smiled at her, not knowing who this was. Should I say anything? Maybe later.

Bob gave me a nod and confirmed that she could help us.

"Okay, Jenna.", Bob said and I cringed…knowing Bella was right beside me…and now she knew.

"Okay, let me wash up and I'll be back in five minutes! I'm gonna get my Mom…and medical supplies!"

"MOMMMM!", Jenna yelled as she took off at a sprint.

I was afraid to turn around.

"Bob…", I put a hand on his shoulder, "Is…Marie standing there?"

"Yep."

"Is she smiling?"

"Nope."

"Thanks Bob."

"Yep."

I turned around and Bella sprung on me.

"That's JENNA?", she asked loudly, "THAT JENNA?"

"Yes.", I glanced back, not seeing her yet, "Maybe I'll introduce you two later…"

"No, I want to meet the bitch NOW.", Bella growled, swatting my hands away as I tried to move her back away from the horse.

"Bella…Bella….", I whispered gently, holding her around the waist, "I thought you said you trusted me…"

"I DO trust YOU.", she frowned more, "I just don't trust HER. And I want to tell the little bitch myself that if she comes near you again, I'm gonna tear her fake TITS right OUT!"

"I get that.", I looked into her eyes, "I really do. And any other time, GREAT. But can we please please please think of the poor horse first? It's bleeding bad. Look."

I showed her my bloody, dried red hands and Bella's skin turned pale white.

"I know it's asking a lot…", I pleaded, "But if she knows something that can help the horse…"

"Alright, alright.", she gave in for now, "But when the horse is out of the woods, I'm telling her EXACTLY what I think of her!"

Bella walked away, towards the other end of the stable and I said, "That'll be lovely."

Later, we were all in a huge, square pen, the floor lined with soft hay…the horse was laying on its side…panting a bit…and I was sitting in the corner, the horse's head on my lap as I stroked her. It was the only way she'd hold still to take the needle.

Jenna was showing me how to inject a needle in, really teaching all of us.

"You want to inject at the top half of the neck here…", she said, "In the muscle…vets give shots in the veins in the front of the neck…but we're not trained to do that, so this works over here, "I pinch the skin to let them know I'm coming…and just stick it straight in, like that."

"I'd like to pinch YOUR skin to let you know I'm coming.", Bella muttered viciously from the far left corner of the pen we were all sitting in. Bob was next to Jenna by the horse's legs.

Jenna didn't respond to Bella and kept her eyes on what she was doing…I kept massaging the horse's face…under her mouth…it was making the horse very happy at the moment…and Jenna said I was a natural at finding the sweet spots, the places the horse loved to be touched most."

Bella would not be able to be civil to Jenna for long and I really hoped I wouldn't have to break up their fist fight while the horse's head was holding me down. I didn't know a horse's head was this heavy.

"There you go, girl.", Jenna took the needle out, petting her side, looking at me, "It'll take a little while to work…not long though. Just keep her calm, you're doing great."

I wish she would leave now before Bella destroyed her…but Jenna sat down on the hay now, starting to examine the wire around the horse's neck.

"JEEZ.", Jenna took a finger and lightly moved it along the wire edge…the blood very wet there, "I have Sharon coming with something we can cut the wire off with. She's sterilizing some things."

"I can't believe she's laying her head in your lap that way.", Jenna grinned at us, "She's smitten…"

That would be it, I knew it…Bella would pounce now.

"I can't take this anymore!", Bella began and the horse began to open her eyes more…making noises…noises like…'be quiet, I'm trying to sleep'.

Then Bella winced that she upset the horse and hissed at me.

"Aren't you going to introduce me, Anthony?", Bella asked.

"Yes.", I swallowed, "Jenna – Bella, Bella-Jenna….there now we're all good and we can just sit here in silence until the horse falls asleep...and for the rest of the night."

Where's Peter when you really need him? Some wingman.

"Oh, Bella.", Jenna looked a little tense now…ashamed.

"Yes, Anthony's fiancé.", she squinted at her.

I knew I was probably in trouble for not being involved in this exchange more…but I was out of my element here…women didn't usually have to fight over me. If they wanted me, they paid and Victoria stepped aside, and wished us well. Hell, women SHARED me…sometimes four, five at a time!

Should I be meaner to Jenna? Was that right?

"Look, I know you probably hate me.", Jenna said to her, looking her right in the eye, "I don't blame you. If Anthony were mine and some bitch tried to steal him away, I would punch them in the face!"

"I'm glad you approve.", Bella said quietly, glancing at the horse's face, "Cause that's your future!"

"Hey, I'll LET you hit me.", she shook her head, looking at the horse's legs, "I deserve it. And I don't expect you to like me or trust me…but I'm telling you the truth when I say…you've got a good guy here. He wouldn't cheat on you no matter how hard I tried…don't be mad at him…it was my fault."

"Jenna…", Bob cut in, "Why don't you go get some lunch for Anthony and Marie? I'm sure they're starving. Get some drinks too."

"Alright.", she stood up, "I'll be back."

Bella let her leave, making an angry scowl at her with each step she took.

I smiled at Bob, giving a silent thank you to him.

Bob just looked back at me, not knowing what else to say…so we all concentrated on the horse instead.

Bob and Bella began cleaning the smaller wounds on the horse's legs. Bob had some iodine and other mixture of medicine to help kill any infections and cleanse the dirt out of the cuts and tears in the horse's skin.

Before too long, the horse was completely asleep so I was able to slip out from under her head, Bella and Bob lifting her head off me so I could scoot out. Then I got to help them, too, and I paid attention to what Bob was teaching us…and asking questions here and there as we worked.

Sharon arrived with her instruments and Jenna supervised that whole operation. We all put our crap aside while we each did our jobs. Jenna was cutting the barb wires in the precise places and she had another little tool like pliers with long, thin pinchers to grab the wire part that was embedded and remove it.

It was Bella's and my job to put heavy gauze all along the wounds after the wire was out…to stop the bleeding. Bella was great. She held the gauze down firmly like I was doing…not letting the horse's blood on her hands affect her at all. She even smiled at me across the horse as we did what we were instructed to do…every step…every thing we could possibly do ourselves until the fucking VET showed up.

Bella and I were applying heavy gauze to all the leg wounds…then wrapping the legs with vet tape like we were told while Jenna and Bob carefully removed the bridle and reins from the horse's head.

I couldn't see it from where I was, but Bob and Jenna both made sounds of pity and anger as they removed it.

"God, I'd love to get my hands on who did this.", Jenna sounded enraged, but controlling her voice for the horse's sake, "Fucking people!"

"Yea, you're right.", Bella said firmly, "People are crap…especially when they lock other people in a dark cellar for three hours."

I just let Bella say it, looking at Jenna, not rushing to her defense. Bella was right to be angry. If a man had done this to my Bella…he'd already be dead and I'd be in jail.

"A person who cannot BE locked in a small space for hours in the dark!", she was getting louder and angrier now.

Jenna looked down, not saying anything, letting Bella say what she deserved to say.

"Do you know what could've happened to him?", she asked Jenna, "He could've DIED down there, because of you! After everything else he survived, YOU could've killed him! And you're so lucky you didn't….because that's the only reason you're BREATHING right now!"

"I know.", she said without any attitude or sarcasm, "I know…I AM very sorry. Really. I don't know what else to say. I made a huge mistake and I know that."

"It was no mistake.", Bella said with a deadly tone, "A mistake is leaving your car keys behind! You _**meant**_ to lock him in there…with you…so you could -uugghhh….I just never thought he would have to deal with such a disgusting thing like this again, at this job…but I guess skanks are everywhere now, aren't they?"

Everyone looked so scared…so uncomfortable…Bella was the one to put it all on hold for now.

"I'm not saying anymore now because we need to be in here together for this poor horse…", Bella said, calming down now, "But I have a lot more to say after all this is over."

"Fair enough.", Jenna nodded, not looking all that relieved…but at least we could all go back to our jobs and focus on the horse that needed us. I gave Bella a smile…silently telling her I was proud of her for the way she was handling herself. I have to admit…I LOVE this Bella. She's protecting me…fighting for me…Victoria never did that.

A bit later, the horse was awake again and back on her feet…or hooves I guess. And it kept doing that rocking thing…Jenna was gone for now…but Bella stayed…and Sharon was here now, helping us gently wash the horse.

"Sharon, what is she doing?", I asked, smoothing my fingers over the white side of the horse, glad to see the blood and dirt wash away, "When she moves like that? Is she dancing?"

Sharon laughed and kept tending to her side of the horse.

"No…", she smiled warmly, "It looks like that, though, doesn't it?"

I nodded and watched the horse keep swaying.

Sharon's voice sobered as she informed, "She's in a lot of pain, Anthony. That's why she's doing that."

I didn't know what to say to that…something inside me began to hurt even more than it did before. And as I cleaned the horse's body, I began to see scars…rough lines deep in the flesh of the horse…some looked very old…

"Am I right that this horse has been hurt a long time ago…I mean, before all this?", I asked Sharon, looking at her across the top of the horse's back.

"Yea…very good, Anthony.", she said, proud of me and sad for the horse at the same time, "This poor little thing has been through a lot. It looks like the previous owners, whoever they were, used to abuse her. Some people hit their horses when they don't obey…I never do that."

"That's because you're great.", I shared, looking at her eyes a bit sheepishly…but she smiled.

I did admire Sharon. She was in charge and these horses could be real stubborn and a giant pain in the ass. But she never would hurt them, even in anger, and she would never tolerate others harming these horses either. She has patience and strength…and character. Animals are easy to abuse. They can't tell anyone, they can't press charges…people who cared for them were noble in my opinion. If Victoria had treated me half as well as these horses got treated everyday…maybe I wouldn't be so fucked up now.

"Thanks, Anthony, I think you're pretty great, too.", she replied, "I appreciate the way you've been with Jenna, by the way. She deserves to be in the shit right now…but I've seen the way you treat her. You're a kind person…a very forgiving person. But if you DO feel like kicking her when she's down, I totally understand and approve."

Bella was standing outside the little pen, talking to Bob…I didn't think she heard our conversation…

"I think my fiancé will be doing some ass kicking…real soon.", I warned, hoping it didn't come to that. I didn't want to see Bella reduced to having a girl fight here in the middle of the stable. She was better than that. Bella has class.

"Jenna has it coming.", Sharon said, not looking sorry for her daughter.

Changing the subject, I asked, "Do you know…who owns that big house down in that canyon…that's where we found the horse. I'll bet those are the owners."

"That house is haunted.", Sharon smiled wickedly at me.

"Haunted?" I asked, hoping Bella didn't hear that.

"Yea, there's a lot of juicy ghost stories here in Casper.", she said mysteriously, "That house used to be, back in the early 1900's…a house full of…ladies of the evening, if you know what I mean…"

"A whorehouse.", I said, not offended in the least.

"Yea.", she blushed a bit, looking down, then saying, "The people in town hated that there was such a place so close by…all the husbands snuck over there all the time...but in the light of day they all stood by their church going wives and said the place HAD to go.

But the women wouldn't leave. They liked it here and wanted to stay.

Then, one night, some of the elders of the town got together, masked themselves with burlap…and went to the house. They burned it down, with the girls asleep and inside."

"Jesus.", I heard myself breathe, "That was a little harsh."

This story was hitting a little too close to home…I started to pretend it wasn't bothering me as much as it was.

"Yea.", Sharon agreed, "The girls all died in the fire. But no one ever wanted to live on that land or rebuild. People were afraid the ghosts would get revenge on them. And then, a few years ago, a rich couple looking to come here to get away from the rat race moved here…they didn't know the story of the land or the burned down house…and they built this gorgeous mansion. That's what's there now. But on the night they actually moved in there…the house caught on fire while the couple slept. It was funny, though, because…as soon as the couple got out and took off, the fire just stopped right in its tracks. I think the girls like that mansion…and they didn't want to burn it all down completely."

CHRIST, I was IN THERE! With Bella!

"You alright?", Sharon smirked at me.

"Yea.", I answered, wondering if I'd have the nerve to go back in there now. It's just a story…I better not tell Bella about this.

My other thought was, 'Good for THEM!' I kind of wish the hookers WOULD'VE got some kind of revenge against those assholes! I thought of the fire that claimed Tanya and almost Katie…and shuddered. Maybe that fire was meant for me that night…but I went out.

The horse snapped me out of all that pondering…when it made a little noise of pain.

We worked hard and had all done everything we possibly could for the horse. And we waited…and waited…the fucking VET was two hours late!

The only thing that kept the horse calm was when I was close to it…talking to it…so I stayed with her all the time. She only let others around when I was there. It was kind of flattering and sweet…I didn't know why the horse liked me so much…but it felt good. Most of the other horses here hated my guts.

The horse went wild again when I had to go to the bathroom. The guys had to come running after me to tell me to get back there so the horse wouldn't hurt herself or anyone else anymore.

And no, I couldn't use their public restroom. I was in the bushes, pissing against a tree like a dog! I'm glad I didn't attempt the restroom. If I did, and those guys came busting in, yelling like they did…I'd have had a heart attack!

Everyone tried to get me to take a break and eat…but I couldn't. I was getting attached to the horse…who am I kidding? I fell in love with the horse…fast! Now I felt like a protective parent…watching over my baby…waiting for the god damned DOCTOR to show up! The more each minute passed past five, the more pissed off I got.

I was alone with her right now, and I just kept talking to her, stroking her side.

"I know how you feel…", I whispered, looking into her tired, weak eyes, "I've been there…they hit and hit…and hit…and they don't stop, do they?"

The horse gave a soft little whinny…and brought her face to me, closer…as if she wanted me to pet her muzzle again…so I did.

"I know…", I whispered, getting a little misty eyed, "It wasn't your fault…I've learned that…you're a good horse…a great horse…you should be loved…and protected. It's okay now…you're with me…I won't let anyone hurt you, I swear…you're safe now…safe."

A long, silver teardrop leaked out of the inner corner of the horse's eye…and moved down the side of her nose…

I felt like a sap, but I whispered, "_**I**_ love you…I love my baby…"

And I smoothed the hair where the teardrop stained it…and I kissed the horse's nose…leaning my forehead there…"Shhhh….ssshhhh…"

This horse is not gonna die without hearing those words. At least she has that. No one was at my bedside declaring their love for me. I don't even remember seeing Victoria sitting near me when I was in the hospital. Bitch.

If this horse dies before the vet shows up, I swear to GOD I'll kill him!

And, even though everything in me was against it…even though I didn't really believe in it…I heard myself praying…in my head…asking for this one little thing…

Please don't let this horse die.

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See next chapter soon!

Will Bella kick Jenna's ass? Will Edward kiss the horse's ass? LOL…

Don't worry, this is not gonna turn into a ghost story or a horse story…it's just one chapter. There are little reasons for it, you'll see.

Thanks to all of you for staying with me…a lot more chapters to go…

And yea, it will be revealed what Jenna meant about Peter…hang in!

And yes, I know that Ed and Bella are screwing up, calling each other by their real names at times…they are trying but it is very hard. At times, even I write their real names and have to fix it…when I realize it…LOL…In Jenna's case…Edward thought he was alone in the cellar when he was going, "BELLA!" so he can't really be blamed for that slip. Dr. Peter doesn't know about witness protection stuff.

Will the horse live or die? Will Edward kill the vet? Tune in soon for all the answers to

this and more…LOL….yes, I'm doing my old fashioned soap opera thing…sorry.

See you all soon!

Love, Winnd


	25. Again Edward Teaches ME

Chapter 25

HEY GUYS! How're you all doin? Oh, I just read all your kind and helpful words…and I do try to read all the reviews…you all have such great insight and I love it when some of you guess where the story will be going in the future! I do have more surprises though, don't worry.

A couple things I wanted to talk about:

You guys are again, dead accurate and right about Edward and his horse therapy. It will come out later, that Edward was purposely put on horse duty because of his past and someone (can't say who yet) thought it would be a good, healing line of work for him, a total opposite of his past is best, although hard and unfamiliar. I did consider other jobs he could've done…like working in a bar or singing at a club…but honestly, I wanted his job to be somewhere ELSE…in the sun, in the light – no longer in the dark surrounded by drunks, people who would remind him of his past life. Later Edward will re visit that life…for a little while, as a homework assignment, and you will see some changes in him. (Can't give the whole plot away but you'll see).

And caring for something else, a helpless innocent creature…is good therapy for Edward. It takes his mind off his own scars. And yes, a lot of abused people DO work with animals, as this is a proven help for them. Edward and others who are hurt by people a lot, don't feel safe around most people…so he is surrounded by animals now…and that will do him some good. I gave all that a great deal of thought, honestly.

And again, you're all so good! You picked up on the things Edward was saying to the horse, "you're safe now…no one can hurt you…", those were things Bella said to him when he couldn't sleep without being tied up…and he used that…and he also said those things to himself in the cellar, trying to use her good methods even down there. So, in a way, Bella's love for Edward is helping the white horse now. I thought that was pretty cool.

And yea, the ex whorehouse is going to be significant in the future. And yes, the ghosts allowed Edward inside…he is one of them…or was. That's why they didn't jump out at him and even opened the door for him. A regular person would not have gotten in that easily I'll bet and it they DID…they would not have stayed long. I tried to make that very subtle, it's creepier that way. But now Edward will be a little nervous there…it'll be fun. I think the girls of the house may even have had a hand in bringing Edward there to help the poor white horse too. I totally believe in that. Spirits. But like I said, I'm not doing a full ghost story. It's just a cool little part of it. I love ghosts and ghost stories. They are just people who've died…they're not all bad and scary. Look at vampire Edward, he's cool. LOL.

And finally, I get that this story is not as sexy and dirty hot like the Red Line, even though I try to create some hot lemons…and will still be making more…but I am having a great time writing it. I wasn't sure for a long time if I should do a sequel, I wanted it to be as good as TRL. I hate crappy sequels myself. And all these new ideas starting flying at me from all over…it's like a voice was saying, "Time to write the sequel!" So I did. And I AM very inspired…the words ARE coming at me faster than I can type sometimes…which is why I screw up and sometimes write Edward where it should say Anthony…LOL…I'll try to watch out for that in future chapters. I get all caught up in what they're saying and feeling and forget that Edward is now Anthony. Some of their screw ups with the names are intentional….but the last chapter was my mistake when Peter called Anthony Edward. My fault. My bad. Thanks for not getting mad.

And I do understand if people want a real sexy hot story…then this might not be what they're looking for. It's a different story than TRL but I think that's good. I didn't want to crank out another TRL, that's not where I want my characters to go. It's a whole new life…which is what witness protection gives you…so, hence, it's a whole new story…but we still can't leave the first story behind…their past, like all of our pasts…never goes away. We have to make friends with it and embrace it to ever go on with our lives.

There was a GREAT quote…a line in a show I watch Boardwalk Empire. It's:

"We all have to figure out how much sin we can live with."

That reminded me of Edward and this story. He's trying to figure it out now…and I think he will by the end of all this. He has problems, demons, issues with God…etc…but he has to learn to face all that and live on anyway.

So I hope I don't lose all you guys who are liking the story so far…I have it all figured out as to what's going to happen and the whole ending – I can't wait to write it! I think it's gonna be epic! But I've been wrong about that before…LOL. I like being wrong sometimes…it's good for the soul to make mistakes and fuck up a little.

If people get bored and want to leave, that's cool. I know not everyone is going to like what I'm doing…and that's okay. I do hope that you'll hang in with me, though…there will be great things coming. And I love seeing all the same names, all your names, on every chapter review…and I love all your thoughts and kind words…even your criticisms are most welcome too! Really. So thanks. Stick with me. It'll be worth it, I think.

Man, I can't shut up tonight! Okay, let's get into our story again! Edward and Bella are looking at their watches, waiting for me to close my big mouth! Okay, guys, ACTION! Get in your places! Let's GO!

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EPOV

Two more hours passed…Bella and Bob kept getting up to call the vet again…they kept getting no answer. I was getting so pissed off that I almost cried a few times…I stayed near the quiet little horse, doing whatever Sharon and Jenna said to make her as comfortable as she could be.

I tried to offer her a carrot again…but her head hung down limply around by my knees as I stood there, stroking her…

"Come on girl…you hungry baby?", I asked, not believing that she wasn't gobbling it up after not having anything to eat for so long. You could see she was starving to death just by looking at her. Sharon said it was okay for her to try a little of the carrot or an apple before the vet arrived. He might have to put her on a special diet, as it's unsafe to feed her full on now that she's emaciated.

"Can you eat a little for me, cutie?", I cooed, like talking to a baby…it almost reminded me of my 3am feedings with Katie when she was an infant. Yes, I was Mr. Mom…and I loved every second of it. I didn't know it until now but…I had missed it…having someone to take care of…someone depending on me.

The horse gently moved her head away from the long orange stick and stared down sleepily at the hay…not even interested in trying to eat THAT.

"Please?", I asked, my bottom lip trembling a bit, remembering all too well how fun hunger was for me, "Look, I'm eating some…"

I took a bite of it and chewed it, despite the taste. Sharon just smiled at me from where she was, at the back right side of the horse…trickling cool hose water over the more serious looking wounds there…it relieved some of the horse's pain.

"Yummm…", I crunched the bite in my mouth, then offered it to her, "Want some? It's really good."

She looked away again and peeked up at me like I was annoying her now.

"You don't know what you're missing…", I sold the carrot with all my might, "I can't believe you're gonna just let me eat it all…"

Bella walked up to the open doorway of the pen we were in and Bob was right behind her. I turned and looked at them, a huge bulge in the side of my cheek.

"Still no answer.", Bob said, looking as pissed as I was.

"FUCK!", I shouted and the horse jerked her head up, looking at me with a little fear…like I'd strike her. But she didn't kick or make any sounds.

"No, no…shhh…", I instantly went gentle…realizing my mistake…stroking her face with my free hand, "Sorry, baby…Daddy's not mad at YOU…it's alright…"

"Call someone else.", I thought, turning towards Bella and Bob.

"I called two other vets, further out…they'll be here tomorrow afternoon.", Bob informed, several steps ahead of me. Good Bob.

Bella came inside the pen, asking what she could do to help…walking around near Sharon, keeping her distance from Jenna for the moment.

"Where the fuck is he?", I asked calmly, inhaling and flexing my jaw tensely.

Bob came up next to me and softly said, "He pulls this shit a lot. Which is why we've learned a little bit to do while waiting for him to arrive. He knows he's the closest vet around…so he doesn't exactly hustle to get here when we call. We've wanted someone else for years…but everyone else is even more expensive and farther away. It sucks but…what else can we do?"

Kick his ass! I thought immediately. Maybe if he's scared enough, he won't be late next time.

But on the outside, I kept trying to feed the white horse…but she wasn't interested no matter what I tried. It felt like she was saying, 'Don't bother…just let me go…'

A little while later, the horse began to get into a laying down position again…Bella and Sharon had to run out from where they were standing so they didn't get sat on…

"She's laying down again.", I said aloud, watching her…she looked so tired.

"Is that normal?", I asked Sharon, "I thought horses slept standing up."

"They do.", Jenna said sadly, "It's sometimes okay for a horse to lay down…it means they feel safe and relaxed…but if we leave her down for too long, it could be bad. Fluid collects in the lungs while they're laying on their sides like that. 30 minutes…an hour max – is the limit for her laying down. Then we need to get her standing again. But if she starts rolling or thrashing, it could twist up her intestines…and…if she stays laying down for a long time, and we can't get her up…that's bad. She'll die, Anthony."

I hated the way that last sentence sounded, even though Jenna had said it gently, and I appreciated her directness and honesty here. I found my eyes looking at Bella, Bob…and Sharon…hoping one of them would say something to contradict Jenna's prediction. But none of them did…they just looked at me with sad eyes.

"It doesn't mean she's definitely going to die.", Sharon offered a bit of hope, "She just laid down…some horses do that sometimes."

"Don't lie to him, Mom.", Jenna wiped her forehead with her sleeve and looked at the horse as her eyes drooped half closed.

"It's not a lie.", Sharon defended, "I have hope, that's all."

"That's great, Ma.", Jenna said a little bitterly, "More fairy tales."

The horse opened her eyes a little more now, staring right at me. And then, she made a little horse sound of hurt…and scraped her overgrown hoof on the hay…almost like she was reaching out for me, trying to move me closer. She called to me again…weaker than before.

"I'm here baby…", I carefully stepped closer to where her head was, "You wanna cuddle again?"

I sat in the hay beside her….and like before…she placed her head on my legs…very carefully, like she was taking care not to hurt me either.

Her head was so heavy and so hot against my jeans…I felt her breaths, each one of them, exhaling…and inhaling on my thighs as I looked down at her eyes…and used both hands to rub behind her cute little ears. She closed her eyes all the way and made a little sigh of pleasure.

"Oh, you like that, huh?", I smiled at her face, almost seeing a little smile there in return, "You girls all LOVE the massage…okay…"

BPOV

"I'll be right back.", Jenna said, walking out of the pen and going outside, into the dark night air.

"I'll be right back too.", I said, getting a concerned stare from Edward, who was trapped for now under the horse.

"Bella.", he said, not sure what he should do.

"It's okay, stay with her.", I smiled at him with love…watching him with this horse today was magical to me. He was so wonderful and loving…it just reinforced all my feelings for him and also gave me some insights into why I was so angry with Jenna, besides the fact that she was a filthy man stealing slob. I had some things to say…and now that I was calmer, I could say them…and hope, for HER sake…that she listened…and really had changed her ways. But people don't change overnight. I know that.

"It'll be alright.", I assured Edward, "No punching. Just gonna have a girl talk with Jenna. I'll be right back."

He looked so cute and afraid…I had to jog a little to catch up to the bitch…but I got there.

"Jenna!", I called without too much volume…but my distaste for her was not hidden as I said her name.

She turned and saw me…and stopped walking. With a little bit of apprehension, she looked at my face as I approached slowly, showing her no aggressive walk.

"Can we talk a minute?", I asked, thinking that was a good start. I kept trying to think as Dr. Bella…not Bella Swan, ordinary girl trying to hang onto her Adonis while Miss Popular Western Barbie Doll had him in her sights.

"Sure.", she said, "Just tell me when you're gonna swing, okay? I won't stop you…but I need a second or two warning."

She was serious. God, she's messed up. That wasn't very Dr. Bella of me.

"I'm not going to hit you, Jenna.", I said, "YET. But I have some things to say."

"Shoot."

I let out a breath and began.

"Anthony…", I said, "Has been through a lot of pain…in his life. Both mental…and physical. I'm not telling you the whole story, but when I met him, he was NUMB from the pain it was such a part of him. It wasn't that long ago. A couple months. He's healing now…like that horse in there…but it's gonna be a long time before he'll be truly strong enough for…people like you. I mean…what you did to him…I HATE that!"

"I know—", she began but I cut her off.

"NO!", I shouted, then lowered my voice, sounding deadly, "You DON'T know. You never will. But that day, when you locked him in that cellar…you brought him right back to where he started – just like that – with the turn of that fucking lock.

One second – almost erased all the weeks of progress he was making. It's the equivalent of a person going into where that horse is now and starting to beat her all over again, just as she's starting to relax and trust.

That's what you did to him.

We came here to get away from people like that…so many people have hurt him. In ways you'll never know or imagine. And he is very afraid of people and who could fucking blame him? And then he comes to work here, busting his ASS to make a new life for himself…and you just swooped in and turned this nice place into the fucking HOLE he worked so hard to escape from!

I hate you for that!

I promised him he'd never have to be afraid again. And maybe that was a naïve promise. And not mine to make. But because of you, my promise is broken. I want him to make friends and trust people around here…to build a life! He was just starting to come out of his shell and look around…and then you sprang out like a fucking COBRA! Thanks!

And the only reason I'm telling you all this is because of HIM. After all he's been through, he should be hard and ice cold…even mean. He could very easily be someone like YOU.

But you see how he is, after watching him all day with this horse! By some miracle, he's kind. He's patient. He's…so innocent and god damned loving…to everyone! (I heard my voice crack…and had tears in my eyes, but I went on)

He's good. TOO good sometimes for people…for this crummy world. Even after what you did to him, I can see he still wants to forgive you…and forget it happened already. I know him. In you, he sees a fellow victim, another lost person walking the same path he's on…whatever. I don't trust you but I can see he is already doing it…and forgetting that you CAUSED his meltdown in that cellar…all he remembers now is that you were nice to him after he lost it down there.

He thinks you're worth befriending. Okay. That's his choice. I won't lose him by ordering him who he can have as his friends. I can't stop him from giving you a chance. And that's what I mean. He wants to love everyone…and trust them…so badly…even if it puts him and his heart in danger. And that makes the pain that much worse for him, because he trusted half the FUCKS who screwed him over!

If his assault was just to his body, he'd be able to come back from that. Anthony's biggest healing is to be done inside him…in his head…in his heart. And I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna let YOU fuck his healing up! I _**CAN**_ STOP THAT!

He's a miracle…and a mystery. And I love him with all of my heart. I wouldn't change a thing in him."

Jenna listened, looking still and sad as I made my voice turn lethal now.

"So because I love him I'm going to be his protector until he's ready to protect himself.", I stated, "I'm not great at threats but let me tell you one thing. If you EVER…EVER…betray his trust again…or hurt him in ANY FUCKING WAY…or even make him feel unsafe or uncomfortable - I will be on your ass in SECONDS! And believe THIS – I WILL…kill you. Don't let my face or size fool you, either, Jenna. I CAN do it. And I WILL do it."

I HAVE done it. I killed Victoria to save Edward and his daughter. And I'm certain that God was there, cheering me on as I did! Maybe I'm getting crazy or cold…but I'd be willing to line up the bodies of every bitch who'd ever harmed him – and that includes Jenna…and Sir Kevin.

"Fuck with him just once.", I said in a low voice, my eyes shooting daggers at her, "And you're over. You got all that Jenna?"

"Yea.", Jenna looked right back at me, her eyes staring into mine, "I got all that."

"Good.", I sneered a little, "That's all I wanted to say."

I went to walk away from her but as I did, she said to my turned back:

"Don't worry, Bella. I won't hurt him. I know you don't believe me or trust me…but I mean that.", she said.

"Don't _**tell**_ me.", I stopped and turned my face a bit, "Show me."

And I kept walking until I was back where I belonged, with my Edward. My sweet love.

"AAARRRGGHHHH!", I heard someone screaming as I got close to the pen where they were…I began running, scared…what the hell…it's not Edward's voice…

"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?", Edward was screaming, his eyes frightening as he slammed a medium sized, older looking man against the wooden wall of the pen.

His eyes looked murderous…psychotic…the horse laid on her side on the other end of the pen…making aggravated noises as she watched Edward fight with this other guy I'd never seen before.

Bob and Sharon were trying to pull Edward off this poor skinny guy…but Edward's fists were clutching the man's shirt, near his neck…cutting off his air a little as he slammed his head into the wall one more time.

But they couldn't restrain Edward at all, and he was roaring at the man in his clutches.

"DID YOU GO TO DINNER FIRST? IS THAT WHAT YOU DID? HAD A NICE EXPENSIVE MEAL?", he guessed, tightening his hold on the man's shirt…his hands itching to coil around the guy's neck, "WHILE THIS POOR LITTLE HORSE HASN'T EATEN FOR WEEKS! WHILE SHE'S IN AGONY, WAITING FOR YOUR USELESS, LATE ASS TO SHOW UP SO SHE CAN ACTUALLY EAT!"

"Marie, help us!", Bob pleaded.

I wasn't surprised they couldn't yank Edward off…he was mostly sweet and gentle, but also very strong and deadly when someone he loved was threatened. I'd never seen him quite this angry, though. He was right, he does have a very nasty temper…and I could see why in this case. This must be the vet.

"Anthony…", I wished I could use his real name here…"Baby…"

I got close to his side and put my hand on his shoulder, gently, calmly saying, "Anthony, please let that man go."

"RRRRRRR!", Edward growled like an animal and slammed him again, his eyes raging as he looked at the pathetic, weak face of the vet, who cowered in his grasp.

I knew it wasn't only the vet Edward was seeing…it was Victoria…Sir Kevin…all of them…

"No, baby…no.", I said, a little bit of disapproval in my voice, "You don't want to hurt anyone…this is the veterinarian…he's here to help the horse. You want the horse to be alright, don't you, Anthony?"

The vet even looked at me, helpless and glad that I was trying to talk him down.

Edward looked a little less angry now…but he still had a long way to go.

"Anthony…", I said further, rubbing his arm, "The horse is in a lot of pain…she wants you…she needs help. Think of her. Let the man go, please?"

We all waited a minute…and Edward began to come back…and finally, he shoved the vet into the wall, releasing him.

The vet looked so terrified…he didn't move at first. Edward kept glaring at him, not breathing, looking ready to re attack him if necessary…Bob grabbed the vet's arm and dragged him along the wall, out of eyeshot with Edward…and brought him over to the horse…followed every inch of the way by Edward's livid stare.

After the man took a breath or two, and realized he was attacked, he began to complain.

"I'm pressing charges…", he said, "And I'm not treating this horse either…"

Edward grunted like Frankenstein's monster and lurched forward at the stupid jerk.

"Alright, alright!", he backed from Edward, "Look out, let me see the mare."

Quickly and timidly, the vet opened his case and took out his stethoscope, putting it in his ears, knelt down beside the horse's legs.

He began to perform his examination…and I eased Edward a couple feet back. The horse looked at Edward the whole time…nervous and anxious. We all watched and waited to see what the doctor would say. I was so afraid of what that would be…so afraid Edward would kill the vet if the verdict was not good.

The vet began to stand up at last and Edward was right on him, the ability to form words happily back in him.

"She won't eat.", Edward said, "I tried to give her a carrot but she wouldn't take it. What should we give her instead?"

The vet sighed and put his stethoscope around his neck, his hands on his hips.

"I wouldn't force her to eat.", he said, looking at Bob, "This animal's in very bad shape…very bad."

"So fix her!", Edward said, just like a child would have said it. Demanding, angry…expecting a miracle.

"I can't.", the vet answered, "There's just too much damage…besides the starvation and dehydration, her legs and hooves are infected…among other things…she'll never run again. Then there's the gash in her neck…infected. The big chunks of skin torn off the back side, infected…and her eye, the swollen one…that's infected too. In addition to all that working against her, she's in a lot of pain…some of those wounds on her legs and knees go down to the bones."

"So what do we do?", Edward asked, as if this was all within reach to cure.

"There's nothing to do.", the vet shook his head, looking at her, "Not with this horse. Sorry."

The vet began to walk away a step or two and I cringed as Edward went to grab the man again.

"Where are you GOING?", he shouted, "There IS something to do! Get your ass in gear and HELP HER!"

"Anthony…", Sharon began but he would not listen.

"Listen, I know how you feel.", the vet said to Edward, "But rescuing an animal, ANY animal is very draining…emotionally, physically, and financially. It takes not only TLC, food, wormer - but the vet, the farrier, the equine chiropractic, floating the teeth, the re-training. Depending on how degraded the body condition, the foot care, the teeth, the emotional well-being of the horse. It's a thankless job with tons of hours, money and tears."

"It's not thankless.", Sharon said sternly, "And all that is made worthwhile with one single nuzzle or grateful nicker."

"I'm touched that you care so much for me.", Edward sneered at the vet, "I don't care about all that, I want her taken care of!"

"Are YOU paying for all this?", the vet asked Edward.

And I hated that look on his face. For a moment, he looked defeated.

"I am.", Sharon said right away, stepping in where Edward couldn't. I got tears in my eyes seeing the look Edward gave to her…he was so grateful.

"This horse will never be able to perform in a rodeo.", the vet looked at Sharon, confused, wondering why they'd spend so much on a "useless" horse.

"Is THIS what we waited all day and night for?", Edward asked, shoving the vet, "Some HACK who shrugs and says, 'Just give up…she can't perform!' Maybe when I'm done with YOU, YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO PERFORM EITHER!"

"Anthony.", Bob put a hand on his shoulder, "I don't want you going to jail tonight, kid. You're needed here. Got me?"

And Edward just stared the vet down, not saying anything else.

"Sometimes you do everything you can to ease the pain, fix the issues that can be fixed, only to have to make the hardest decision. Is it better for the **horse** to gently, peacefully end their suffering and pain - even thought it's going to financially and emotionally train wreck you? If you don't think you can make that decision, then, please, don't rescue a horse. Or any animal. Sometimes we can't fix them. Sometimes everything isn't enough."

"It's like you WANT this horse to die!", Edward scowled at him with disgust.

"He's not completely wrong about this, Ant.", Bob said warmly, looking at his friend, "Sometimes it's just in God's hands."

"God again.", he sneered, as if the word was poison and he paced a bit, "No, it's not in GOD'S hands…it's in ours now…tell us what to do so she's okay again!"

"First of all," the vet said, "This horse looks like she's already made her decision. When they lay down that way, they've lost the will to live. You said yourself she won't eat. She wants to go. She's got nothing left."

"No.", Edward's voice cracked, as he looked at her, then he looked at the vet with rage, "NO, you don't know what you're talking about! She's just tired and weak! And you won't lift a finger to help her!"

Edward's eyes were filled with tears now and I felt myself crying, just watching him.

"Because she can't EARN money for the FUCKING RODEO!", Edward screamed, throwing the doctor's kit so hard across the room that it pounded against the wall in back.

"It's all about MONEY, isn't it, you fucking PRICK?", Edward accused, "How much is a life fucking WORTH to YOU?"

"Anthony…stop…", Bob tried but he flung Bob away, still going after the vet.

"I'll call my father tonight…and he'll pay whatever you want.", Edward informed as my mouth fell open. He can't do that!

"Can you help her now?", he looked at the vet like he was vermin, "I'll bet you can."

"Sure, if you're not going to accept the truth.", the vet shrugged, "There are some things you can do to ease her pain a bit…make the end kinder…easier. But it won't stop the agony this horse is in…it won't cure anything. Sometimes, you get a miracle…sometimes, it's just not meant to be. Because YOU can't come to terms with it, this poor animal will keep on suffering."

"I haven't heard ONE medical statement out of your mouth.", Edward gritted through his clenched teeth, "Are you a licensed veterinarian?"

Now the vet looked very pissed off and insulted.

"Bob…", the vet looked at him now, ignoring Edward's glare, "I usually deal with YOU. This horse needs to be put down. It'll live in constant pain if it's not. I can do it now. It's just two shots: one to make her unconscious…and one to cause immediate death. $150…instead of the thousands it'll cost to prolong the inevitable."

"I don't NEED TWO shots to cause YOUR immediate death!", Edward was back in the vet's face again, threatening him.

"Or you could just use a firearm.", the vet was trying to anger Edward now, foolishly.."Most cowboys just do it that way…firing directly in the forehead…"

I leapt on the vet myself before Edward drank his blood.

"Get your ass outta here!", I yanked him backwards, away from Edward, out of the pen, "Take a break! We need to talk to him, and have a meeting, just us HUMAN BEINGS!"

"Asshole.", I muttered as I came back in.

"Good job, Marie.", Sharon smirked at me.

Edward wasn't paying attention, because Bob was talking to him.

"I know you're attached to this horse, buddy, I know…", he was saying, "I saw that out in the canyon. But maybe he's right about this one…he's worked for me for years…"

"You think he's right that we shouldn't even TRY?", Edward had tears in his eyes again, standing his ground in front of the sick horse, "If this was a person laying here, would we be saying that?"

Jenna was standing in the doorway of the pen now, watching silently.

"But it's not a person, Ant…", Bob reasoned softly, trying to be understanding.

Sharon looked down, sadly, not saying much.

"She's a living thing!", Edward cried, a tear falling, looking at each of our faces for support…"Please…I'll pay whatever it costs, I swear! She doesn't want to die…I know that."

Then he looked at me, with a look like he was drowning and croaked, "Bella…."

He needed me and I rushed to him…holding him and placing a kiss against his heart, through his shirt. He held me and touched my hair, his hands shaking.

I didn't know what to say. I don't know anything about horses and frankly didn't know what was the more humane thing to do: try to save her in vein…or just let her be put out of her misery. I knew why Edward wanted to save her. He WAS her. I saw they were soul mates, kindred spirits…and that was so beautiful…but now it just hurt like Hell.

His heart was breaking…and I didn't know what to do about that.

Jenna was the next person to speak up.

"I've seen horses come back from heavy shit before.", she stated without emotion, and we all turned to her.

"Some horses make it, some don't.", she said, "Doctors don't know everything. They're wrong all the time. I say we wait it out with her tonight. See what the morning brings. If she's still laying down by then, there's nothing we can really do but let her go. But if she fights, even a little…then we do what we have to do to make her whole again."

I hated to admit it, but Jenna was right. She wasn't promising the horse would live, she was just saying it should have a chance. One more night wasn't a big thing to ask for.

Personally, I wouldn't be able to bear it if they had to put the horse down. Edward would fight it…and it would kill me to see that all happen. Once it was decided officially, I was calling Peter to get over here pronto.

"Yea…", Edward agreed right away, and I hated it that I wasn't the one who had the knowledge to suggest it. In Edward's eyes a little light of hope flickered.

"I think she's right.", Edward continued, looking at Bob and Sharon, "The horse is tired from the sedatives and all the things that happened today. She'll get up again. She was so full of life in the trailer today…she was cuddling with me…and moving her face up and down over mine…even when I wasn't touching her, just holding on in there. She was like a pony…she was playing."

"You know my vote.", Sharon said, looking at Edward, "I try to do all I can NOT to put a horse down. So I'm with you."

Bob looked down and exhaled.

"I understand what all you guys are saying…", Bob said kindly, "But I hate to prolong a horse's suffering. I like this horse, too…that's why I would like to put her at peace. I just don't think she's strong enough to do it."

"Bob…", Edward spoke now, firmly and calmly, "I am the absolute LAST person who wants to see anyone or anything suffer. I know what you're saying. And if this was totally hopeless, I'd say let her go…and I'd hold her until the last breath. But I really think she can do it. Please? I want your help with her, too, Bob…you're the best horse guy ever."

"Damn it.", he took his hat off, tossing it aside…"Alright…one night. You promise me, Ant. If she's got nothing left tomorrow, you'll be calm when it's time to put her to sleep."

"I can't promise I'll be calm.", he said honestly, "But I won't try to stop it."

"Alright.", he agreed.

So we all began to do everything the vet told us to do. We tried to give her water and she did drink a little, we tried to feed her the food the vet instructed…but she didn't eat any of that…we kept dressing and treating the wounds all over the horse…keeping her cool with the low pressure from the hose…then we placed a huge horse blanket over the body, keeping her warm as the night air became colder.

Edward was the hardest worker in the bunch. He wanted to almost everything! He even went and got buckets of warm water and lugged them all the way back here so he could wet towels and hold them against the wounds and stitches in the horse's neck. He kept kissing the horse's face and forehead, smoothing her hair to the side and talking…always talking to her. Some of the words were heartbreaking to listen to.

"You have to think about getting up soon, baby girl…", he said in a very soothing, slow voice, "It's okay to lay down for a little while, but…you have so much to do tomorrow…carrots to eat…new horses to make friends with…and before you know it, you'll be running around again…probably chasing Yoyo…he's a little thief. You'll meet him tomorrow. Ugh…and Psycho…I'm not letting you play with HIM. He's trouble."

I was so glad to see Peter looking into the pen when I looked up, trying to blink the tears away.

He looked a little lost until he saw us and then smiled! I waved him in and smiled back, saying, "Hey Peter."

Edward looked and his smile was dazzling.

"DOC!", he said in surprise, "What are you doing here?"

"I was in the neighborhood so I dropped by.", he chuckled, coming in further, squatting down near the legs of the horse, "You'd be surprised how many horses need to talk over their problems."

Edward snorted. "No I wouldn't!", he said, "All the horses in that stable are nutjobs! If they had cash, Doc, you'd never have to work again."

We all laughed and then Peter smiled at the horse's face.

"What've you got THERE, Anthony?", he asked with a grin.

"It's my mare.", he answered and I got new tears in my eyes.

She IS his. And she is dying. This is killing me.

"She's beautiful. Can I pet her?", he asked Edward.

"Yea…be careful!", Edward was now a mother hen watching over her chick, paranoid.

"I will, I will…", he hardly made contact as he stroked along the side of the horse's face, "Hey girl…you're so sweet…"

Edward smiled down at the battered, scarred face of the poor little horse like it was the most gorgeous creature that ever lived. I understood that. That was me when I looked at Edward for the first time.

"Yea, she is.", he leaned in and kissed the head of the horse, petting the spot afterwards, "She's asleep right now…but she'll wake up soon. She has the prettiest little eyes."

"Okay…", Peter said, as if everything was fine, "Can I sit with you until she wakes up?"

"Yes.", Edward nodded, not taking his eyes off the face in his lap.

Bob and Sharon quietly walked out of the pen, taking Jenna with them…they didn't even say hello to Peter and that didn't seem like them. Maybe they were just sad about the horse…or Edward.

"What's her name, Anthony?", Peter asked curiously.

Edward looked at him and then me…as if it was a secret…or that he'd been thinking of it and had already chosen one…I gave him a smile…and he smiled back at me…and answered. It was good…for the horse to have a name…even if she did die…no one should die without at least a name. It would be like no one loved her at all while she was here.

"Her name is Dancer.", Edward informed, "She dances…kind of. It's cute."

And because he was a dancer once, I said to myself. I'm sure Peter got that too.

Even each hoof had a little black edge around it…and that reminded me of leather cuffs, the ones Edward always told me he had to wear…like I saw him wear when he was a vampire that night in his cage.

Before too long, Peter had Edward talking with a little more clearness.

"Well, they want to put her to sleep.", Edward was saying later, "And that DICK vet, you should've seen him! What a waste of space that guy is! He was FIVE hours LATE! Knowing a horse was suffering!"

"Not every doctor can be as legendary as ME.", Peter smirked.

"Yea, you didn't want to put me to sleep when I came to see you…and I'm millions worse than this innocent little horse.", he smiled down at her again.

"No you're not, Anthony.", Peter said with affection, "You and that horse are kindred spirits…you're the same. You love this horse…and that's wonderful. But part of you also sees this horse as yourself. And you probably think - if this horse can be saved…then you can be saved too. But Anthony…if the horse does…pass away…I don't want you to feel that you're lost as well. Do you know what I mean?"

"I know it's stupid, how attached I am to this horse…", Edward answered with a weak voice, "I mean, I just found it this morning…it makes no sense…but I love it…HER. Are you saying it's wrong that I care about her so much? Isn't it good to care about things?"

"Yes, yes of course!", Peter furrowed his brow a bit, "Love is a wonderful, selfless thing, especially when you love an animal…but I don't want you to have false hopes…or suffer a setback if this horse does have to be put out of her misery. I care about YOU. I don't want you to hurt yourself if something happens to his horse."

Edward frowned at him as if he was on drugs.

"I wouldn't do that.", he said, "I have Bella…and Katie…I wouldn't kill myself over a horse…even this one."

"Good.", Peter smiled, "You say that like it never happens. It does…more than you know. You'd be amazed."

Peter saw the little pail of carrots and apples next to Edward and he took one, asking, "Can I feed this to her?"

"She won't eat anything.", Edward shook his head…and then I heard crunching!

"HEY!", Edward squealed like a twelve year old girl, "She's eating it! How'd you do that?"

"I just put it up to her mouth.", Peter smiled, laughing a little.

And Edward threw his arms around Peter while Dancer ate her first carrot.

"Bella!", Edward looked up at me with teary eyes, his voice creaking, "She's eating! Peter got her to!"

I came over, feeling invited to join now, and smiled as I watched. It was wonderful to see any little sign of improvement…of desire to live.

"See, she wants to get better.", Edward said, his hopes skyrocketing now, it was obvious, "She's going to live, Bella. I told that quack. He's a moron."

Peter spent the entire night there with us…helping us take care of Dancer. He did anything she needed, he even went to get us coffee and donuts…and yes, he brought Edward a slurpee.

I followed Edward, running to keep up, in the morning…at 5:30 am…as he ran to where the vet was asleep in the house area where Sharon and Jenna lived.

I had to see this!

Edward busted into the vet's guest room and grabbed the guy by his nightshirt, growling, "GET UP ASSHOLE! I want to show you something very interesting!"

Sharon was just waking up, in her bathrobe…and asked, "What's going on? Anthony?"

"Come on, Sharon!", Edward leaned in and gave her a big kiss on the cheek, "You had a big part in it, come SEE!"

The vet struggled and shouted as Edward pulled the door open to the pen where we had spent the night.

"Take a good look, dickhead!", he tossed the vet inside, face down on the hay…at the feet of the white horse, Dancer, who was standing next to Peter and Bob, who were smiling like idiots…but it was the same smile I was wearing.

It wasn't just the fact that Dancer was on her feet again…or that she was eating another carrot…it was the look in her eyes. Before, it was a disinterested, solemn gaze…and now she looked…well…alert…and well, not exactly happy but…there was life in those eyes now.

There was real hope!

I thought Edward was losing it last night but he never gave up…he hung in there, even when everyone told him there was no reason to…again…Edward teaches ME something. Edward touches my heart with the depth of his love, not just for me…but for everything.

His physical beauty is great…but the more I get to know this man…the more I SEE…the real beauty is inside him…and if it came out and saw the light of day…this world couldn't HANDLE the magnificence of it.

I had never been much of a believer, I didn't see that until now. My father was a cop…and cops see a lot of stories end in death…or worse. I was kind of raised not to expect a happy ending to every story. I have to change my thinking. As a doctor, like I want to be, I have to believe…I have to be able to see my patients happy ending out there…if they work hard enough to make it come true.

The vet checked Dancer out now and kept asking, "What did you do to her? You must've done something…"

He couldn't even admit and say it out loud that Dancer was much improved this morning. But she was. We all knew it.

She wasn't cured overnight…that would take a lot of time and money and work, like the vet had said. But the most important thing had changed: Dancer now had the will to live…she had a fight in her that wasn't there yesterday. And why not? She had two hunks waiting on her all night long.

"We LOVED her, you FUCKSTAIN!", Edward replied, and tossed his ass out the door, slamming it in his face.

Edward smiled at Peter and said, "I'll bet they didn't teach him THAT in VET school!"

"The one medicine a lot of doctors forget about, Anthony…", Peter agreed.

Jenna and Sharon came in…and they were celebrating, gasping and gently petting Dancer. It was almost like Christmas morning! Only better.

And in moments, Edward was thanking all of us and he pulled us all into a huge group hug, his eyes filling with tears as we all joined him in crying like a pack of saps…

"I love you guys…", Edward said softly, his voice breaking a bit, "Thank you all…you saved her."

"WE saved her.", I corrected, so he'd be included in that.

Everyone agreed, saying, "Yea, WE ALL saved her…"

"WELL NOT THAT FUCKED UP VET!", Edward shouted.

Everyone also agreed with that statement.

"Can you fire that guy, Bob?", Edward asked a little loudly, "Sharon?"

"He certainly deserves it, doesn't he?", Sharon asked, almost to herself.

"Yea.", we all said at once.

"That settles it then.", Sharon smiled, laughing.

And then Dancer was rubbing her muzzle against Edward's back…like she wanted him to herself now, jealous of the others in our circle.

"Oh, I'm sorry baby…", he giggled like a kid, turning to her, "Do you want a hug, too? Huh? Okay…a soft one…"

He hugged the horse's face and kissed her forehead, whispering, "I love you, Dancer. You've got a name, baby."

"And soon she's gonna dance for real, not rock in pain.", Bob added.

"DAMN RIGHT!", Edward shouted and we all laughed at him.

"She already dances…", I thought aloud, smiling at her, "Look at her eyes…"

"She danced right into my heart.", Edward added more corn to the mix….but I loved him for it.

"Someone I know did that to my heart, too, once.", I smiled up at my cowboy.

"Bella…", he smiled and lifted me straight up in his arms, lifting me off my feet for a moment as he kissed my lips and then let me slide down his body a bit until I was back on my own feet again, "How do I love you more and more every day? How is that POSSIBLE?"

"I'm ME.", I teased back, getting another wonderful kiss.

I'm so glad that Jenna bitch was there to witness it. It was better than breaking her nose with my fist.

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See next chapter soon!

Love you guys!

Love, Winnd


	26. Sounds Like Heaven to ME

Chapter 26

Hey guys! I just read all your reviews so let me try to answer everyone's great insights and all:

The Peter story will be revealed real soon – yes, there's a reason Sharon and Bob were kinda rude to Peter when he showed at the stable…and yes, Bella did call Peter there. And Peter came, even though he knew he probably wouldn't be embraced by the people around there. He did it for Edward. And yes, he does have a lot of free time on his hands that he shows whenever Bella or Edward call – good you guys noticed! There's a reason.

And yea, Bella does have a lot of guilt about leaving Charlie. That will probably be talked about in her therapy with Dr. Peter too.

Oh, what a great thought you had about after all this healing, what if Edward has to go to prison then – and get raped all the time? Wow! I didn't even realize that! I may make that into a nice wicked little nightmare for him sometime! Thanks for that!

And I love all my reviews! I don't care if they're long or short – so don't worry about leaving a long review – I love 'em!

Edward does have a lot of issues with "being smart". He was going to college, headed for medical school one day…he had wonderful grades despite the bad behavior in all his boarding schools. And then Carlisle stole his school away from him, and he had to work jobs as a busboy and he was homeless for a time. That is still with him, that he never had the chance to pursue his dream and that he didn't finish college. So, Bella going to college…Edward doesn't even realize it, but he's a little jealous of her…and he thinks she's smarter than him, and one day will be "too smart" for him. He sees her being a psychologist and he'll still be a stable boy. He worries she'll leave him for someone smarter, better, with a career.

And he's not that old…but he FEELS old, after the life he's had the last six years. I never specified his age but…I'd say he's…almost 30. Maybe 29. Katie is nine. Edward could've been taken by Vic at the age of 23. Edward and Tanya got married soon after that first year of college…and they got pregnant right away…so that all fits. Yea, let's go with that. Ed's next bday they can rib him about being the big 3-0!

And yea, I know the horse can't understand what people say…although my dog always knows what I'm saying to her…but I do think that somehow, after Edward said that she was HIS mare, (and he's doing good at learning the right names for the horses now), and that he named her…I think then the horse FELT loved…and owned by someone who cared for it…and that began her fighting back process. Also, she does like Peter too…and I can't tell you why…but still, she loves Edward more. She IS HIS horse.

Thanks again for all your great feedback and love! That's what keeps me inspired and typing away on my little laptop everyday while my little picture of Edward smiles back at me on my desk. He likes how the story is coming out, too! LOL!

Okay…let's all go back…we're still at the stable!

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EPOV

The sun was shining so beautifully today…it was like something up there in heaven was doing it just for Dancer. Rays of light poured into her pen…like fingers, stroking her as she slept. The other vet, the one that was on the way from further away, was finished trimming and caring for her hooves…and I had watched the whole process, really watching over HER.

This vet was a good guy and I liked him. He was even teaching me things as he cared for her. He didn't have to do that. He was younger than the other asshole, maybe in his late thirties. He had black hair, and it went down to his shoulders…if it was a bit longer I'm sure this guy would remind me of Sir Kevin and I'd be keeping my distance from him.

Dancer would sleep now, for awhile. The vet had given her something to sedate her before he worked on her hooves. And now he was eating at Sharon's house….and I was still here, watching over my new baby…glad that she wasn't hurting right now.

Bella came up behind me, and put her arms around my body, rubbing my chest and leaning her chin on my back.

"Hi baby.", she greeted, "How are you doing?"

"Good.", I smiled a little as I held her hand and kissed it, "I'm glad she's asleep. She looks so peaceful."

"And what about my little sweetheart?", Bella asked, "Is HE going to get some sleep soon?"

It's funny, I didn't even think of that. Technically, it's Monday now…so I'm supposed to be working.

I was about to say this to Bella but she saw it coming already.

"Sharon said it's okay.", she said, "She told me to take you home and put you to bed. Dancer might sleep most of the day, the vet said, so she'll be alright. She's in good hands here, you know that."

"I know.", I turned my head so I could see her perfect face, and I saw how sleepy her eyes looked…that convinced me, "And I know you're tired too. Okay, we'll go. In a few minutes, okay?"

"Okay.", she came around and leaned against the wooden wall behind her, looking at Dancer too, "She's so cute."

"She's adorable.", I corrected. I could see all the damage and the scars…and the bones sticking out…but to me, she was the most gorgeous horse in this place. My eyes began to imagine her body, healthy…smooth and shiny…with no evidence of her bony skeleton beneath…the scars airbrushed themselves out of my mind…and, before long, it was like I was looking at a heavenly creature…almost a unicorn! A Pegasus, sprouting wings and flying up into the red and violet skies.

God, I DO need some sleep!

"I'm not really all that tired.", I shared, honestly, wondering if maybe I could hang out here today with Dancer. But I did miss Katie…and Bella needed her sleep, too. I'm sure she'd be missing her classes today, because of me.

"Edward…", Bella shot me a look, "You are going to sleep today. Don't even think about it."

She knows me so well.

"Bella?", I looked at her, wondering if my next idea was any good.

"Yes?", she raised a brow, crossing her arms.

"Can…", I began, "Can…I…show you that cellar? Can we go there for a little bit?"

She looked surprised…but then, proud of me. Peter had just gone home a few minutes ago, but even if he were here, I just wanted Bella to do this with me.

"Why?", she asked, and I wondered if she already knew the reasons.

"I don't know.", I shrugged, looking at Dancer's face, "I don't want to be closed in there again…not yet, anyway…but…I don't like the way I freaked out down there. I don't know why it happened. I've been in locked, dark places before…and never even SCREAMED!"

"It's BECAUSE you've done that before.", she informed, "You used to shut off the fear, when you had to…perform…and now you're not performing…you are FEELING the fear now…and it comes rushing in, after all those years of keeping it away. You're not numb to it anymore."

"Yea.", I thought about that, "I wish I could, like…work on that…with you. I don't want to be afraid of it. I thought…'what if Katie was in here and needed me?'…would I be able to help her?"

"Come on.", Bella smiled at me and offered her hand…and we walked to the cellar together. Weird, I don't feel afraid. At all.

This time, when we got there, there WAS a padlock on it…but it wasn't closed.

"See, I should've known…", I took it off and opened the one door like I did before, "There was NO lock on this door when I got here that first time."

"Wow.", Bella looked down into the blackness, "You went in there? You ARE brave."

"I had to.", I said, "Sharon needed saddles…I THOUGHT."

She smiled at me, "It's a big step that you even WENT in there AT ALL, even before the door closed."

We stood there, looking down in the hole.

"I just had the worst idea ever.", she said and blushed! I looked at her and instantly got hard now. She was thinking about SEX!

"Bella…", I smirked at her, "Are you getting all horny?"

She turned MORE red then and looked at me, shocked. "NO!", she denied, "No!"

"Liar.", I said, "Tell me. What idea?"

"No.", she shook her head, "It's not cool. It just popped in there."

"What?", I smiled more, "Tell me, Bella."

She shook her head again and now I was getting aggravated.

"Do I do that (shaking my head like she did)…when you ask me to share my feelings?", I asked as she cringed a little, "I try to be open with you…even when it's hard. I expect the same from you. I'm the doctor now. Dr. F. And I want to know what's on your dirty little mind. Spill it."

And then she told me.

And moments later, it was happening! I was standing on the steps…my top half out of the hole, my bottom half inside…I was holding onto the handle of the closed door in front of me….laying my face against the hard metal…groaning as Bella undid my jeans from under me, inside the half dark stairway below. Her fingers were fast and urgent as she unzipped me…and yanked the denim down…a bit roughly but I loved it and felt myself smiling as my eyes closed.

"This is good therapy.", I breathed, "I'm not scared at all."

"Oh, shut up!", she growled and I felt her fingers moving the denim off my bare ass, giving the flesh there a nice stroke as she moved it down, "Just keep doing your job as the lookout!"

"I am.", I smiled more, my eyes still closed peacefully, my jaw against the metal door, "I'm watching like a hawk, I swear."

I waited for her to comment about my lack of underwear but she didn't…she didn't say anything else, she was so hungry! She dived on my cock and licked…sucked…then took the entire length of me into her hot mouth…still trying to take all of me without gagging…and then I heard a little gag and cough.

I smiled again…I know it's awful, but I like that my cock is so big…and that it doesn't scare her away…and that she's still trying to take it all without choking. She thinks I want her to be as skilled as a porn star, but she's wrong. I love her innocence…I love that she's learning…on me.

"Sorry.", I whispered, not sounding sorry at all.

Bella released me from her mouth but her little hand was still wrapped tight around the base of my dick…and she grumbled, "I AM going to do it…someday…this perfect, gorgeous, GIANT cock of yours!"

"Uhhhh….", I moaned as she got back to it, sucking the head and then wetly moving her tight mouth up and down my shaft…not all the way…but enough that she was already driving me insane with lust.

I loved her sounds as she sucks me…little whimpers and then deep moans…like she's enjoying it so much. Like it's the best thing she's ever had in her mouth.

"OH GOD!", I felt my legs weaken a bit as I held onto that handle…my mouth opening and laying against its edge…and I even felt my tongue fall out and lick the side…panting a little harder…imagining Bella down there, fully clothed…working me…and that was turning me on even more! And that's something, getting hot from imagining a girl with ALL her clothes on!

"God…so thick…", she breathed, her voice echoing a little from down there, "So fucking thick…and big…uuuummmmmmm…."

And she was wildly sucking on me now…I even gasped as she attacked with new vigor, and she dug her fingernails into my ass…moving me back and forth against her mouth. I could feel her face against my crotch…her nose touch and graze my pelvis.

"OH FUCK!", I growled as she yanked on my poor cock, mercilessly, sucking and swirling her tongue around it and around it…"FUCK!"

And my word echoed all around us…repeating a few more times above me…I almost laughed. That's cool!

"FUCK ME BELLA!", I shouted out, just to hear it repeating back to me. And I almost laughed.

Then she bit down on the side a little and she had my full attention then. My hands both grabbed the handle and my eyes popped open, my mouth holding back a strangled cry.

"Stop making so much noise.", she gritted, "Do you wanna get caught?"

I almost said 'No Mistress!' and that would've been fucked up.

"No Bella.", I winced, panting like a dog in heat.

"I want to hear you…", she released her teeth, "Just not too loud, baby."

I like this new Bella!

"Yes…yes Bella.", I panted as she got back to work, kissing and licking the spot she'd bitten down on…and I felt my eyes roll back into my head, my teeth opening and biting on the metal handle in front of me. That would keep me quiet and relieve the sensation that I needed to bite into something!

"RRRRR….", I made happy sounds against the smooth metal taste in my mouth…my tongue moving against it involuntarily…I imagined that it was Bella I was licking…

My jeans were at my ankles…my sneakers still on…and it was like my legs were trapped, happily. Her other hand kept moving, exploring…and then she was clutching my balls…squeezing and kneading.

"MMMMMMM!", I was like an aroused animal, biting harder into the metal my hands were clinging onto, "MMMMMMyyyeeeeaaaaa…."

Bella's voice was talking now as her hand kept working there…"I've wanted this all night…I want that sweet cum…I want to drink you…so bad…only me…this is just mine…"

"YES…YEAAAAA…", I said through the bar in my mouth…loving the way she was talking now…she's SO HOT!

"Sweet fucking ASS!", she growled, getting more turned on as she spoke, her other hand groping my asscheeks…I almost wished she would slap my ass…but she didn't.

"So FUCKING HOT! I want you, naked in the hay…on all fours for me…and I wanna RIDE YOU!", she growled in between her heavy breaths, and then she turned my hips halfway, and bit hard into my ass cheek! Not enough to break skin…but FUCK!

WOW! Bella gets HOT in the stables! Who knew ?

"OH MY GOD!", I groaned, wishing she'd be able to suck my cock and keep talking this way at the same time.

"GIMME!", she turned me back, pounced again and sucked my cock…so sloppy and wet…warm and hot…making those little noises…I wouldn't be able to hold on much longer….after she said all that stuff…usually I felt sorry for Bella while she sucked or fucked me…I know I can go a long time before orgasm, I was trained to and I still couldn't get rid of that…but this time, I was racing towards the finish line…unable to slow myself down.

Then, she was taking my cock and making the head slap over and over again, against her waiting, red hot tongue…and she was yanking it each time…

I couldn't help it…I was almost screaming now…going, "UUUGGGGHHHHH! UUUGGGHHHHHHHH!"

I've never had a blow job like THIS before! It was LEGENDARY! Where the HELL did this BELLA come from?

My legs are shaking! Almost ready to collapse! That never happens to me during a blow job! The only reason I kept on my feet is that I was afraid to lose contact with her mouth now!

"OHHHH BELLLAAA….", I kept heaving and moaning…."YYEEEESSSSS BELLLLAAA….GODDDD YEESSSSS! Please don't stop! DON'T STOPPPPPP!"

And then she came at me even harder!

She was taking me in…all the way! And I could hear my cock hitting the back of her throat…and she kept making this GGUUHHH sound as the head made contact there…she wasn't gagging…she was making my cock almost fuck her throat!

Part of me wanted to stop her from doing this…this was my sweet little Bella, I couldn't let her dirty herself this way! But in a nano second, my evil side grabbed that half of me by the hair and threw him in a box! Shutting his ass up for good!

"OH MY GOD!", I cried, "OH MY GOD! You're doing it! You're…FUCK!"

She was holding my legs, right at the sides of my cock…and making me move back and forth against her as she kept applying her savage torture…torture that I both loved and couldn't take at once! I begged mentally for orgasm…to come and be free…and then I nearly cried thinking it would be over then.

I had gotten loud again and my echoes bounced around me…but that made things more intense for me, hearing my voice coming back like that…sounding more alive and pleasured than I had ever felt before…made me so happy.

I felt tears in my eyes as I opened them for the first time…looking up at the black staircases above me…no one was coming. No one BETTER interrupt this!

Finally, I saw and felt the light at the end of the tunnel that was this ecstasy!

"I'm GONNA COME!", I slammed my hand against the metal door, feeling it so close now…just out of my reach, digging my fingernails like claws against the smooth metal in front of me, "I'm GONNA COME SO FUCKING HARD ALL OVER YOU!"

I sounded like the devil with that voice I just used…and that wasn't a warning, it was more like a threat…a growl of a fact…a dirty desire of mine after she had driven me so insane all this time.

If she stopped now, I knew I'd sob like a little girl! Victoria loved to stop just when I was about to come. But Bella was worth more than one million Victorias…I am so fucking lucky! She's mine! She's all mine! No one has ever touched her but me…I think.?

I was still getting used to coming without permission…but I knew Bella wouldn't say anything like that….I imagined her voice in my mind…telling me it was okay.

'_Come get me, baby_…' her fake voice in my head purred, '_Soil me…come all over my tits…give your baby a drink…'_

And then I did…I bit down hard on the handle and growled like a panther…heaving out air and sound as my fingers turned white on the handle…and I screamed out, as if in agony…feeling my eyes pinch closed…seeing stars and flashes of naked Bella as my body jerked and violently spasmed….and I felt my cock shooting its juices…as if everything I WAS was barreling out of me…against my will almost…and feeding itself into HER. If I did have to lose myself…this was the way I wanted to…and the one person I didn't mind losing myself TO.

She could have all of me…if she wanted it…I would be glad to give that to her.

I felt her tongue lick and her throat swallow…and if it were possible, I nearly came again.

I just hung on, like a fucked up animal, my teeth opening and just laying there, now, on the handle, almost drooling as I panted…exhausted and spent…wet and sweaty…and never so sexually satisfied in all my life.

Bella wouldn't like me to say it but…she owns me.

I waited for her to start lifting my jeans up and start to talk to me about how I felt…I was so sad…it was over. I nearly cried.

But she didn't do that. She was grabbing my ass and then I felt her pull me down into the hole further, grabbing my jeans at my ankles and dragging me down…my grip on the handle loosening…my chin moving off the door edge and vanishing down inside.

"I'm sorry but I want you!", Bella growled, not herself at all, "NOW!"

Ooooh!

When I felt my back moving down along each step, I got hard again. Thanks, Frank! Now when I NEED you, there you are! It's about time we started working TOGETHER!

I got to the bottom of the steps…and Bella laid my back down flat on the ground, turning my face so it was right in the rectangle of white light that shone down upon me. She was still in the darkness…and I couldn't even see her that well with the light in my eyes.

"There.", she said a little roughly, her breathing hard and shallow, "You're in the light…the door is open…you're safe…is this alright, baby?"

"Yes.", I smiled and closed my eyes that she was thinking of me and my little phobias, even while she was so hot and bothered, "Thank you, Bella…"

"Yea…yea…" she grabbed at my t shirt, clawing at it, "GET THIS OFF!"

I did it, fast, before I even thought of it! And I put my hands up over my head as I lifted the shirt off myself…and left them there for a second, wanting to see what she would do to me.

She took one sneaker off my foot, throwing it as I laughed a little, peeking down at her…she was out of control! And she just let that one foot out of the jeans leg…so I could open my legs more now. Yea, that's better.

And she started ripping her own clothes off now! Kicking off her shoes so fast…and roughly taking off her own pants…and panties. I wanted her to put them in my mouth but I didn't think she'd like that. But my voice betrayed me.

"Please, can I have those?", I begged like a dog, "Bella, please? Can I taste? Can you put them in my mouth…please?"

She looked at me and I thought she might not like this…but then she smirked wickedly and said, "Since you said please…"

Then, she carefully lifted them over my mouth…teasing me a little…

"You want this? So close…but so far away…", she giggled a little as I tried to reach it with my long tongue…but she pulled it away…they were red! YUMMY!

"Please…", I whimpered…as she moved them down my face…lightly tickling my nose as they feather touched me.

"Open baby.", she played along with a sweet voice, not a mean one.

I opened my mouth wide and she shuddered a bit, muttering, "Can't believe I'm doing this…"

And she carefully placed her panties in my mouth…not shoving them deep down like others would do…she's my angel.

"Bite down.", she instructed, letting me bite down on the panties, so a little was still poking outside my teeth, "I don't want you to choke, okay?"

I nodded, happy as a clam. I wouldn't choke, I'd trained to take gags of all kinds…but she loves me. She cares about me.

I sucked on the cotton quietly, tasting my Bella's arousal after a few seconds…and moaning when I'd found it. She IS really wet!

I watched while I sucked and Bella was straddling me now…her wet, naked flesh against my aching, ready to go again already cock. But I wasn't inside her…not yet.

"Mmmm…", I gave a little sound as she took off her shirt, revealing that she had no bra on under it! YAY! She's learning!

Her breasts are so perfect! Round but not too round…big but not too big…I was so sick of fake breasts and implants! Hers were just right…naturally…God, if there is a God…is a fucking genius! He made my Bella without a single flaw!

I bucked my hips against her, wanting her to ride me now. But she smiled down at me, her face in the dark, mine in the light…

"Mmmmm…", she purred as she moved her damp little pussy along the length of my cock…and he jumped up even more!

"That feels so good…", she whispered down upon me, and kept rubbing herself against me like a kitten in heat!

It feels good for YOU, I thought, it's killing ME! Frank wants to FUCK!

"I'll bet I could get myself off just rubbing against you like this…", she moaned again…and kept doing it.

I closed my eyes and went, "MMMMM…."

"What's wrong, beautiful?", she smiled down at me, looking like she felt bad about teasing me, "You want to get to it? You want to just shove yourself right in there, don't you?"

I nodded vigorously, tasting the wet cotton in my tongue…sooo good.

"In a minute.", she said, her fingers moving over my nipple, "I like playing with you a little…"

I whimpered in a masculine voice…liking this a lot!

My pelvis kept moving up and down under her and I didn't even realize it until she said, "Yea…keep doing that…it's hot!"

I laid my head back and clenched my teeth, loving the way it felt when I moved against her…I could feel her thick warm juices slowly running down my shaft…onto my balls.

She leaned down and licked my nipple…I made sounds of lust and agony…and that provoked her on even more. She went back and forth with her tongue…then up and down…so slowly…now she was going around and around it…and I gasped through the panties in my mouth, my one jeaned leg kicking a bit.

"You like the circle?", she asked, then kept doing it, swirling it around, then pinching it a little…to make it stand at attention…"You are so yummy…"

And then she gave me a light little nibble.

When did Bella start getting so good at all this? She's been watching me and taking mental notes, I think.

She ignored the other nipple and then leaned down, her palms against my pecks, over both nipples as she looked at me.

"Let me see your eyes.", she said and I looked at her, opening them, my lips smiling at her.

"God.", she looked in awe, "The way they look when the light's on 'em like that…shit! Are you SURE you're not a dream?"

I gave a slow nod.

I am real, baby. I'm flesh and blood…at last! Thanks to you! And I'm yours…I'll always be yours.

A funny little thought jumped in, me as Pinnocchio, in a high pitched voice, saying, 'I'm a REAL boy!'

I shoved him off the edge of a cliff and he went down howling!

"Give me these.", her fingers took the panties that were in my teeth…and she began to lift them out but I protested without words…whining and trying to hold onto them with my teeth as she pulled gently.

"Edward!", she tried to look strict, while I shook my head no…"Be good…gimme!"

I whined again and whimpered…and released them, my mouth pouting as she tossed them aside.

"Awww…", she giggled, "Don't make that face…you're killing me."

"Don't you want the real thing?", she cooed, wanting to make my sad face happier.

A little light of bliss must've risen in my eyes because she laughed.

"That's my boy…", she climbed up a bit further up my body, still straddling me, and leaned down, feeding her right breast, holding it at the base, into my eager, open mouth.

"There you go…", she let my lips and tongue have it…and they devoured the nipple…my eyes closing and voice moaning as I tasted her…sucked and warmed that sweet flesh.

She was loving it, too, and she grabbed my hair tight, with both hands, not letting me stop.

I felt my hands move, no longer mental prisoners above my head…they were stroking her hair…and her back….moving down to touch the crack of her smoking ass!

She pulled away gently, and I felt like an infant, having my favorite sucker taken away…I let a hollow breath of air out, about to protest when she replaced it with the twin….and I moaned out, satisfied, and began to work on this new nipple…licking so wet that she let this deep and dirty sounding groan escape her own lips.

"Oh fuck…" she groaned again, "Keep grinding into me…oh yea…JESUS!"

No…Edward. I hate when girls call me by the wrong name.

I was rubbing my very throbbing cock against her clit…and just that was making her a hot mess. I love stimulating the clit without penetration…women LOVE it!

"Oh God….oh please…please….please…", she kept saying…and I knew that all this was getting to her…I'd love it if she came just from rubbing against me alone.

She gasped as I grabbed her by the hair, tight! I bit gently into her nipple as she began to tip over the edge…gasping….my hips working slowly…just enough to…

And then she let out a feral roar, like a lioness! And I felt her back arch, but I didn't let her go…or escape my mouth…and she was fighting against me a bit, helpless in the wildness of her orgasm…she didn't want me to stop but her body was struggling a bit…unable to handle all the sensations at once.

"EDWARD!", she screeched, putting her hands on my chest again, trying to push me as I continued, "EDWARD…UUGGHHHHH….FUCKKKKK!"

Now she knows my name.

And now Bella's voice was echoing and leaping all around us…I smiled as I kept going…listening to my new favorite song.

I can't believe I was afraid to be down here! This is GREAT!

She was jerking against me, her legs trembling against my ribs…it was subsiding now…she was floating back down to me…like a white feather.

That's it, baby…good girl…I thought in my head.

Once she landed…all the teasing was over. She was back to being wild animal Bella. And I was the prey. No, scratch that. I was the MEAL!

"Give me that cock!", she growled, almost yelling as I laid there, and Frank leapt up like a soldier under command, "YEA! FUCK ME! FUCK ME HARD!"

That sentence kept repeating over and over again, in the echo, as I tried not to laugh, obeying her wonderful order and penetrating her without a hesitation or care in the world. Frank slipped in there easier than a key fit into its lock. Sly Frank…he's better and more sneaky than Jack Bauer himself.

She was moaning and squealing as I kept fucking her, lifting my ass all the way up off the floor, my legs spread and feet against the floor as I thrust up into her, almost taking her off the floor with me as I pumped. It was fun, I was taking her for a real ride up and down.

I could do this all day, my legs were well exercised and strong and with the way she was screaming and bucking against me in return…I could live here.

I was grunting and panting with no words as we went on and on…Bella arched back and began to move her breasts together….and I felt my mouth fall open. She pinched her own nipples and rubbed them….closing her eyes and making little mew sounds. I was transfixed on her…I wouldn't look away now if President Obama came to the cellar door and said, "Stop THAT Edward! Have you lost your DAMN mind? White boys!"

Not that he would…he seems pretty cool.

What the HELL is wrong with me? Would Bella believe me if I said I was thinking of the President while we were having hot, steamy, dirty, in public SEX? Probably not.

Shut up, Masen, and fuck!

Okay, yea…sorry Frank!

I later wondered how long we'd been in here…and no one had come around…Jenna was right. No one comes down here, ever. Now it was a good thing.

"That's right…", I grunted, later, now in a different position with her, "Fuck me…harder! Make it hurt!"

She was on all fours now, in front of me and I was pulling her hair with two hands, gently…making her slam her pussy back and forth, against me as she whimpered, her legs open wide.

"That floor hurts your knees, doesn't it, slave?", I asked with a cruel tone.

"Yes Master.", she whimpered. We were just playing a little bit, it was her idea.

I liked her calling me Master…okay, I loved it. I am a sick fuck.

"Tough.", I said as I fucked her, "Keep going."

She sounded more aroused from my mean voice and DID fuck me even harder. I was still in the path of the light…and she was in the blackness.

"You LIVE on your knees when you're MY slave girl.", I grunted, banging her mercilessly, "You eat on your knees, you SLEEP on your knees…and most important, you COME on your knees! Those are the rules! MY rules!"

Bella screamed out, coming very hard as I pounded inside her…and I wasn't close behind her. I had to admit, the slave world was not a good place to live in day in and day out….but you have to admit…playing it is very hot sometimes!

"Yes Master….YESSSSSS!", she had said as the orgasm took her suddenly…without warning like a masked man in the dark, slapping his hand over her mouth and claiming her.

I was about to come and I interrupted her screams to order her one last time.

"Shut up and put your face to the floor!", I shouted, "I'M coming now. My orgasms are more important than YOURS!"

I was in full Master mode and she loved it. She did what I told her to do and silenced herself…waiting for my cum.

"Yes Master", she whimpered.

I was impressed. She makes a very well behaved slave girl, indeed!

I came and a rush of euphoria washed over me. I panted, feeling the last of my seed flowing into her…and I whispered with authority.

"Thank me.", I said flatly, yanking her hair up, lifting her face off the floor for a moment.

"Thank you Master.", she trembled, her hands still on the floor, her legs still wide open, not breaking her position, "Thank you…for loving me…for playing with me…I love you so much…"

Her voice cracked a bit and I knew those were words from her heart, not in play.

"Come here.", I said softly, my own voice back in place…and I turned her so she was on her back now, HER face in the box of light. I took her leg and extended it, looking at her kneecap.

"My poor baby…", I whispered, licking the flesh there…hearing her voice cry out in relief and slight pain.

I kept licking the knee, knowing how much kneeling on cement killed the kneecaps. No one had ever done this for me…and that's why my Bella would get the full treatment. Her gift to me…even if we were just playing…she had given herself completely to me…and she would be rewarded…cared for…and cherished because I appreciated that gift…with all I had. I kissed the flesh and bone there, my fingers massaging it…taking my time…making sure I was doing a thorough job of it. She deserved it…and so much more.

I never understood some of the hard Doms I had seen over my six years. They were so rough on their slaves, and me…but there was never this kind of thank you from any of them, not that I ever saw. It seemed so natural to me, when I played the Master…to thank the woman who'd endured so much for my pleasure…to thank her by giving her pleasure in return. But maybe I'm just too naïve, like Victoria told me so many times.

And then I saw Bella's eyes and a single tear dripped out as she blinked, her smile capturing me.

"Are you alright?", I was very concerned when I saw the tear.

"I'm great.", she looked up into the light, letting me keep caring for her knees, "I just love you too much. I'm afraid you've ruined me, you know. If you are a dream, and you disappear when I wake up…I'll never get over it you know. I'll always love you. I'll never love anyone else, ever. You know that, don't you?"

"No.", I kissed her other knee now, closing my eyes for a second, "I'm too afraid that YOU'LL vanish…or burst into smoke and float away…then my life would be over, too."

I felt the same way as she did. If I ever lost her, I would have to go on living for Katie…but the color would be gone from my world. The music would be tinny and shallow…I would forever be in the dark…alone…never to see the light of day again, worse than being locked in a cellar.

After I had gotten Bella's knees back to normal, I thought we'd get dressed and leave then…but we didn't. Bella wanted to make sure I had really been here a long time to face my fears…you know, for…therapeutic reasons.

And, so, a few minutes later, I was sitting on the staircase, getting my own skin pounded by the concrete now as she sat up, straddled over my cock, her arms tight around me as my poor ass grinded against the hard surface. We moved against each other hard, ferociously, grunting and mindless as my knees bent up behind her, letting her lean back against them as she rode me.

My legs could do all kinds of things that most people wouldn't be able to imagine. Positions…there were so many of them. I'd been in some that others would look at and go 'Oh my God – how'd he get like that?'

I saw her lean her head back against my leg and my lips went in to her neck, my tongue taking a teasing little lick…and she groaned…and then I dived in…kissing and biting that neck without care…she yelped out and grabbed my hair, wanting me to.

Cellar therapy! I'll never be afraid to be down here again! I'm so glad I didn't do this one with Peter!

Yes, that was a joke! Jeez, you evil, horny women! Why I'm not gay, I don't know….

But I love you…I love you women…or I did before they started hurting me all the time…and now, I love just this one, the queen of your gender.

It felt like we'd been in here for days…even years! I pictured Katie all grown up when we got home, going, 'Where the HELL have you guys been?' It was a funny thought and as Bella laid there, beside me, at the bottom of the stairs, on the floor, she asked me what I was laughing at.

"Katie's probably in college now.", I teased, "And when I see a mirror again, I'll be old and wrinkled…"

"Shut up.", Bella laid her cheek against my bare chest, "I didn't see YOU checking your watch the whole time."

"I don't have a watch.", I answered.

"Oh. My. God.", Bella deadpanned and we both laughed.

I sighed and thought of Dancer. I wondered if she's still asleep. I better be careful. I don't want Bella getting jealous of my newest girl.

"You're thinking of that horse, aren't you?", she raised up a bit, looking at my face, again…dead accurate.

I laughed and she smiled at me.

"God, it's scary how well you read my mind, woman!", I shared, "You're gonna be a great psychologist, with your mad mind reading skills."

"You can do it, too.", Bella smiled up at me, "Go on, read my mind now."

She closed her eyes and waited.

"I can't read _**your**_ mind.", I laughed, thinking I had truly fucked my girl's brains out for real this time.

"Sure you can…come on, try it.", she giggled.

I looked up at the light and tried…"Okay, I'll try."

I paused and said, "You're thinking…"

Then I mocked her girl voice, saying, "Oh, Edward…you're so masculine…and you're the best lover in the world! I'm so grateful to you for making me come three thousand times and I hope there'll be three thousand more to come! Take me again, Edward, TAKE ME!"

Bella was hysterical now and I laughed too.

"DREAM ON!", she slapped my stomach as I laid her back down in my arms, to snuggle some more.

"Told you I couldn't read your mind.", I said without any anger, "So what were you thinking?"

"No, you.", she shook her head like a brat, "You were thinking of Dancer. That's okay. What were you thinking?"

"It's not like I was thinking of her DURING sex, you know.", I began first as she laughed, "That would be gross…"

She quieted and then I said, "Just glad that she's sleeping…not hurting right now. I don't know why or what happened but…I was so terrified she was gonna die. It was like…that night…of the fire. I felt that scared…and helpless…but then when I had a chance to do something about it…to take care of Dancer…it was better. I never got a chance to help Tanya…or Katie that night."

"I know, baby…I know.", she said softly, stroking the circle around my heart, kissing my chest and holding me closer.

"I kept imagining myself, holding Dancer's head…", I shared, remembering it, "Thinking…even if she dies, she's gonna die in someone's arms…in my arms."

"I can't blame her for wanting that.", she sighed and held me tighter, "When I die, there's no place else I'D rather be."

"Don't say that, Bella.", I felt a chill now, "I can't even IMAGINE…that…and then…a world without YOU in it…somewhere. No…it won't happen."

Bella laughed a little. "I'm not going to die?", she asked, "Ever? That is so nice of you. Thanks Edward."

She was being sarcastic.

"Well…", I tried to think of a way out of this, "I'm older than you, so I'm dying first. I'm gonna die in YOUR arms, so…you'll have to find a friend…A WOMAN…to hold you when you die…"

Bella gasped. "That's pretty selfish of you. You die, leave me behind, then I have to have some faceless WOMAN hold me when I die? What am I, a lesbian after you die? That sucks!"

"Hmmm…", I thought aloud, "Maybe you're right. That wouldn't be right. We'll have to die together, at the same time. That would solve everything."

"How is THAT gonna happen?", she challenged, laughing at my idea.

"Well, I will die of natural causes…", I said, "So…when I start feeling like it's the end…you'll have to start swallowing pills or something so we go at the same time."

"You're gonna make me commit suicide?", she asked, even more appauled, "What about my Dad?"

"What about him?", I asked, "He'll be a ghost for a hundred years by the time WE go! He'll be hanging around, floating up there…waiting for you, going…Belllaaaa…Belllaaaa…"

She was laughing and said, "Only if I commit suicide, I can't go with him to heaven! I'll be in HELL!"

"Well, DUH, that's where I'M going!", I said, as if she didn't already realize this, "It's perfect! And it's probably the only way you'll ever get to come to Hell WITH me…so…your Dad will have to find someone in heaven to hang out with…maybe Sharon."

"Oh my God, how'd we get in this SICK conversation?", she giggled, putting her hand over her eyes.

"You started it…by reading my sick mind.", I informed.

"Oh yea.", she frowned, "Sorry."

"Maybe now you'll stay out of there, little girl!", I teased.

I closed my eyes and then a pause went by.

"Do you really think you're going to Hell?", Bella asked me now.

Oh man. Here comes Dr. Bella, breaking back into my fucked up head a second later, like a little sister trespassing in her older brother's room.

"Sure.", I answered honestly, "I'll be there, locked in a cage of flames, grinding my cock against the fire and dancing at the same time while dead horny women rip my skin off."

"Ugh.", Bella said, "That's a pretty picture."

"I've seen it.", I shared, my eyes still closed, "I've dreamt it more than once."

"Edward…"

"You'll be okay, though.", I assured, "You'll be there for suicide so…you'll probably have to work in Hell…maybe you'll serve drinks or something…"

"No, I'd help YOU!", she argued, "I wouldn't let anyone hurt you, even Satan!"

"Maybe you'll be Satan's psychologist.", I said, "He probably could use a good one."

"We're not going to Hell.", she decided, "We're gonna be in heaven. You've been in Hell for long enough. You deserve a little paradise. Maybe Eden? That sound okay to you?"

"I think the houses are too expensive in Eden.", I joked, "The neighbors are such snobs…and the waiting list…forget it."

She giggled and said, "I could just see you there, naked…with little white wings fluttering out of your back."

"Ugh….", I pictured that, "I sound faggy! And why are there no clothes in heaven? Won't I be cold….or embarrassed? What if my MOM is up there?"

"You're wrecking my fantasy, shush.", she put her hand over my mouth, "When we're alone, you'll be naked, how's that?"

"That's good.", I smiled, "That DOES sound like heaven. Hey, then I guess we're in heaven right now."

"I am.", she agreed.

"Me too.", I said back.

She sighed and rested….and then I said, "But I want big, white wings….like…epic huge owls' wings, so when I hold you, my wings wrap all the way around us…you know?"

"Don't tell ME.", she smirked, "I'm not in charge of the wing department. Maybe, if you're real good for the rest of your life, you'll get the big wings."

I considered that.

"Maybe you have to bribe the angel in that section.", I thought aloud, hearing her laughing at me.

"There's no money in heaven.", she chuckled.

"That sucks.", I thought about it, "How do people shop?"

"There's no shopping in heaven, either."

"Who says?", I asked, making my voice sound angry now as she giggled, "There HAS to be shopping in heaven! That would just be….too cruel not to have it! Are you SURE this place is heaven? It sounds like Hell to me so far!"

Bella just laughed at me.

"Shopping is so much fun.", I revealed, "There has to be shopping there. All the best stores…anything you've ever wanted…and then you use your glittery gold card…and then the bill NEVER COMES! THAT'S heaven baby!"

"Your glittery gold card…", Bella was laughing and wiping her eyes as she became hysterical.

"Yea, the heavenly express card.", I smirked, being dumb now, "Don't leave your cloud without it."

"Alright, that's it.", she laughed, kissing my lips and standing, leaning on my face with her hands as she rose up, "Time to take you outside and get you some air! The heavenly express…"

Her last three words were a growl…and she began putting her jeans on, without the soaking wet panties. It was a joy to behold.

"What would you buy me?", I asked her, reluctantly standing and slipping my feet into my jeans, "If you had that card, and no bill was coming…what would you get me?"

She smiled, thinking about it as she buttoned her jeans up.

"Well, you have a horse, so that's off the list.", she began, and that touched my heart so much already, "So…first I'd get you a new Volvo…since I blew up your old one…but it would be black, not silver. You'd look so hot in that color car. And black sunglasses…cause you'd look so good wearing those while you drive. And black leather driving gloves. Yea!"

Are there roads in heaven? I decided not to bring that up.

She was good at this. I smiled wide, "Tell me more." I said.

"Then…", she said, thinking, putting her arms into her sleeves, "I'd get you the best piano my gold card could buy. So you could play me music every night."

I'm glad she doesn't see me playing the harp in heaven, I was thankful for that much at least.

"Ooh, yea!", I smiled, like it was on the way for real, "A white one!"

"No, a black one!", she argued.

"Black again?", I asked, "I'm seeing a theme here, Dr. Bella. Is there something you want to tell me? Should I not bring you around Marcus anymore?"

She laughed and swatted at me as I fended her off playfully.

"What else?", I asked.

"What else?", she widened her eyes, "That's not enough? Jeez, what a little pig you've become since we died and went to heaven! See, that's why there's no money or GOLD cards in heaven!"

"What would you get ME, huh?", she dared, "How about THAT?"

"Oh, I'd spoil you rotten!", I said for sure, my shirt and jeans on now, and I came up behind her, pressing my cock into her tight little ass, whispering in her ear, "How'd you like a white fur…"

"Oh no!", she argued, "I hate fur coats."

"Shh!", I frowned playfully as she jumped once, waiting for me to finish.

"In heaven, no animals died for the fur coats.", I explained, "And I'd get you every color…black…white…chocolate…silver…how'd you like to be naked…and feel that soft, hot fur against your breasts?"

And my fingers lightly moved up and down the side of each of her clothed breasts…loving it that there was no bra in my way.

"Oooh…", she said, surprising both me and herself, I'll bet.

"Oooh indeed.", I said in my very seductive voice, "Or I could lay you on top of it…while I fuck you over and over again…we wouldn't get tired in heaven…ever."

"On my new COAT?", Bella turned her face to mine, "Are there dry cleaners in heaven?"

"No, don't need 'em.", I shot back, "Nothing stains in heaven."

"Oh, okay.", she replied like I had been there or something.

We put our shoes on and ascended the steps to leave our little cellar playhouse, and I felt so proud that I never once felt afraid or scared in here…I knew why…it was Bella. She always made all the difference. The whole world, not just this cellar, would be so scary without Bella…WITH her…it was fun, exciting…great!

I knew I could've never started my life over again without her. She saved me when she came after me and stopped me from getting on that plane without her back then.

"So, what do dry cleaners do when they die?", Bella asked as we locked the cellar door and walked away from it.

"I don't know…they lay on the beach, I guess.", I said.

"Oooh, I want to go to the beach too!", she said like a little girl.

"We will, we will. Relax!", I laughed a little, "And we don't need sunscreen…no sunburn in heaven. But I don't want you getting sand in my black Volvo. We'll take your car."

"Why my car?", she argued back as we went out to the stables, my eyes rolling.

It seems even heaven has its complications. But the more we talked about it, the more I wished it were for real….that we'd be there, arguing like an old married couple this way, for all eternity. It sounds like heaven to me.

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Hey guys! How's that? With all the talk of lemons, I got all worked up! LOL! It seems I'M the sick fuck, not Edward. LOL. I don't know where the words come from sometimes, the whole heaven and hell discussion just happened while I typed away! You know when crazy people have voices in their heads? I do too. Only it's Edward and Bella's voices! It's a twilight nightmare! AAAA! LOL!

Man, now I have to have a cigarette! And I don't even SMOKE! LOL! Next chapter, we'll get back to the story. This was well needed after all the angst and Chapter 21.

See you real soon!

Love Winnd


	27. Who's Your Daddy?

Chapter 27

LOL: I love what paammee11 said: every time I post a new chapter, an angel gets his wings…that was good! Thanks! Thanks to everyone who's smoking with me in the girls' bathroom. I love all you guys! And good for you, the people who missed the horse chapters during Chapter 26 – you are much nicer and more innocent than I, and I applaud you for that! LOL!

I, personally, love when Edward goes all Master on Bella. I would adore him that way all the time…but alas, in this tale, he's not that. Sorry. He's a very loving Dom, though, caring for Bella and her sore knees afterwards. That's what real Masters do…its called aftercare. It's sad Edward doesn't know what its like to be cared for afterwards. Poor little baby.

OH! When you get to the part about Donald Duck, go to youtube and type in Donald Duck Sex Tape Scandal. I found it and had to work it in somehow! I think it's a riot, but I apologize in advance if I'm wrong. Thanks!

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BPOV

Every day Dancer got a little bit better. She stayed at the stable where Edward worked and about twice a week the new vet came in and checked on her. Edward was always there, to keep her calm…to make sure she was getting all she needed…and most of all, to talk to her, stroke her, and sneak her carrots, apples, and sugar cubes whenever Bob or Sharon weren't looking.

While I was there, that day, after our cellar experience, as I called it, Edward did introduce me to his friends. Yoyo, who I instantly adored. I had heard stories about that little guy and it was so great to play with him a little bit. I saw Temper and Psycho, too, but didn't get very close, as Edward warned me to stay back.

Most of Edward's favorites, I noticed, were most of the female horses…and they sure loved him right back. But it wasn't the same type of love that he and Dancer seemed to share. Those other girl horses liked Edward…but Dancer truly loved him, and the more time that passed, the stronger that bond grew. Every night Edward came home now, he had a big smile on his face…and stories of Dancer and how she was doing. He was still sore and tired, but he didn't complain about it anymore.

Katie was dying to see Dancer for those first four days after we found her…and then, that weekend, we took her to visit the stables. Edward was so proud to bring her there and introduced her to everyone he worked with, especially Bob and Sharon. Jenna was smart that day and made herself scarce, which was fine with me. I think if Jenna touched Katie, I'd deck her for sure! Then a part of me wished she'd show up and meet the little girl whose life she nearly ruined by trying to hurt her father. Maybe that would cure the little bitch's heat.

And we had lunch at the lake where he and Bob usually dip their feet and hang out.

Then Edward showed us all the rooms and told us all the things he did there everyday. He even gave Katie a few carrots and apple wedges, and let her feed the "good horses" in his opinion.

And he actually CARRIED Katie in his arms as he passed Psycho's stall, keeping his eyes on the horse…and not turning his back on it. Katie waved at Psycho and he smiled at her, sweet as a lamb. I accused Edward of exaggerating these Psycho stories of his but his mouth just fell open in disbelief.

Yoyo won Katie over in about one second. As soon as she saw a small horse, she went "Oooooo!" and wanted to ride him. Yoyo liked that idea, too, and he practically jumped up and down when Edward asked him if he wanted to give Katie a little ride.

Edward, with his black cowboy hat on, was leading Yoyo around in the big pen outside, with a soil ground, holding his lead rope while Katie rode on his back. Edward had also showed her the proper way to mount the pony and even a little bit about how to steer him and make him stop…but still, he held the rope, not trusting Yoyo enough to let it go completely.

"Let go, Daddy.", Katie kept pleading, wanting to make Yoyo move on her own.

And he kept saying, "Not yet."

"Not ever.", I said from the side of the fence as I watched, and Edward shot me a little look, a smirk. He knew I'd read his mind once again.

I didn't really mean that. I'm sure Edward will let go someday…maybe when Katie's like…30…40…maybe then. Maybe.

Finally, he did let go…and let the horse take about three steps before he ran over and grabbed the rope back again. I laughed…would poor Katie ever get to grow up with this valiant protector always at her side? I doubted it.

And then, Katie met Dancer…and it was so beautiful. Edward opened the door to her pen and whispered to her, as if we were going into church, "Try to be quiet, okay, baby? She's still not well yet."

"Okay, Daddy.", Katie whispered, respectfully, as he had, and we all quietly entered the pen. Dancer was standing up, her head down a bit, her eyes closed. Sleeping.

"Ohhhhhh…", Katie awed with a whispered voice and looked at her face very closely, not touching yet, "She's SO beautiful!"

Her voice was still being very hushed and Edward smiled at Dancer too.

"Yes she is.", he whispered back, his fingers moving in the mane hair that hung in her eyes a bit, moving it away.

I told Edward he didn't have to worry. He was afraid Katie would find Dancer ugly, because she was so injured and scarred. In a way, he was also saying that if Katie ever saw him, as he was, or knew his past someday…that she would find him ugly too.

But, like I told him, Katie had been burned severely, disfigured. And she had come back from that. But still, she would always live with the memories of what her face used to be…and how other children treated her…and I knew she would have compassion…special eyes to see the beauty in Dancer that Edward and I could see. I'm glad I was right.

Katie looked like she wanted to touch her but then took her hand away.

Edward noticed that and whispered, taking her little hand, "It's alright, you can pet her…just be very gentle…like a feather…"

And he showed her how to touch Dancer…and Katie did wonderfully at being soft and kind with her fingers and hand. Edward took his own hand away, seeing this, and smiled at her with such pride.

Dancer didn't wake as Katie smoothed her hand down Dancer's neck, avoiding the stitches in the center…and then her eyes filled up with tears.

"Is she really very sick Daddy?", Katie asked, still petting her.

"I'm afraid so, baby.", he whispered back, watching his daughter, "But she'll be better someday. Maybe then, if she's ready, you can ride her sometimes."

I smiled at that idea. I couldn't imagine a better thing for Dancer than to ride a cute little girl around on her back. Even more, I pictured Edward riding her and I melted.

But that probably wouldn't be able to happen for a very long time.

"Why'd this happen to her Daddy?", Katie still kept her voice low, but it was such an innocent question, one that brought tears to my eyes just hearing it.

"I don't know.", Edward whispered, his voice sounding pained, "We all know that bad things happen sometimes. And we don't know the reason why. But maybe, someday, we will. We'll see and understand. And then we'll thank God, for sending Dancer to us…to teach us to be compassionate…to teach us to be gentle…to teach us how to HEAL. And maybe, someday…maybe…if we're strong enough…we can even learn to forgive…the rotten bastard who did this to her."

I laughed to myself, holding it inside…that was really moving and lovely…even the rotten bastard part. Katie didn't flinch at Edward's words…she looked like she agreed with him on that count completely…and was glad he didn't talk to her like she was a baby.

Then he added, "Although I doubt that I'm that strong or ever will be."

Katie looked at Edward, like he was being silly.

"You're real strong, Daddy.", she patted his arm.

"Thank you baby.", he smiled down at her, "So are YOU. I'm real proud of you, Katie. Most kids your age would be scared of her…or say mean things. But not you. You're special."

"I would never be mean to a horse.", Katie looked a little unsure of what to say, "Or to anyone."

"I know.", Edward smiled down at her, looking at his heart on two feet.

"Can I help you take care of her, Daddy?", Katie asked.

Edward began to shake his head and answer but I said, "I think that would be so nice."

Then Edward looked at me and his eyes held a question in them.

I nodded and said, very softly, "I think Katie would be such a great nurse for Dancer."

"Can I, can I?", she asked Edward, full of happiness and excitement.

Edward was so choked up he could only nod and smile, trying to hide the oncoming tears from her.

He still thought of Katie as a baby, in his mind. But he had to start seeing her for what she was: a young girl…growing up, years away from being a woman. He thought she couldn't handle this, with Dancer…the blood, the stitches…the pain of the horse…but I knew what a heart this little girl has. I knew she could do it.

And so began the partnership of Edward and Katie, his loyal nurse. Later that night, I had told Edward that I thought he and his daughter should have some alone time together. I had been thinking about this for awhile and knew it was correct, and Peter confirmed my thoughts on it.

It was good that I was a part of their dynamic, their family. But still, Edward and Katie were father and daughter. Like Charlie and I. They should have their own moments together, their special times bonding without me in the mix. And while they were doing that, I would be trying to make some friends, too. Dr. Peter said that I should have other relationships outside the house. Edward hated that idea and nearly fired Dr. Peter that Saturday night.

I even had dinner out with a couple of the girls from one of my classes…and it was nice. Not terribly fun or interesting, but still good. We played pool, believe it or not, and had a couple of beers. I was God awful at playing the game but no one cared. I think the whole night I sunk two balls into their holes. I felt naked without Edward there…and I rushed home fast.

He was like a den mother, sitting there, tapping his foot as he waited for me, sitting in the easy chair in the living room. When I came in, he leapt up and started grilling me.

"Did you have fun? How was it? Were there boys there? Men? What? You're not saying anything, did someone hit on you? Grope you? I'll KILL him! Who was it?"

This was all done in one long sentence…I still had not said one single word since I came in.

"Do I smell beer?", he asked then, "Were you drinking? I knew it was a mistake, letting you turn 21! Are you drunk? Are you gonna throw up? Do you need me to help you to the bathroom?"

I just had to laugh at him, he was being so friggin cute in a very annoying and controlling way.

"Why are you laughing?", Mr. Questions continued, "Did something funny happen? Was there some funny guy there? Do you like funny guys? I can be funny."

I just grabbed his face and kissed him so hard…I had really missed him that night.

"You ARE funny.", I informed, walking past him to go to our room to get dressed for bed.

"Why don't you answer me, Bella?", he asked nervously, following me inside, back to his string of inquisition, "Did you dance? Did you have something to eat? A movie? What? What are you not telling me?"

I almost called Peter that night to hear Mr. Ask-It-All while he was doing it, but I spared the good doctor that phone call.

Maybe Peter was right about going out once in awhile. Edward was acting way too nuts after me just going out for three hours! I did record it, though, with the fancy new tape recorder Edward gave me for my birthday. He didn't know he was being taped at the time…but it made for funny listening later. Katie and I almost peed with laughter the next morning when I played it at the breakfast table. Edward wanted to look angry at us…but he failed. He was laughing, right there with us.

"Shut up. You guys are SO immature!", he smiled, walking away from us and sitting on the floor to turn on Looney Tunes, eating his Lucky Charms cereal.

And then Katie and I laughed even MORE!

"He's a cute little thing, isn't he?", Katie asked me.

"Precious.", I nodded, looking at the flames of his hair, shooting out on all sides.

"Oooh!", he turned up the volume, "I LOVE this one! Daffy DUCK!"

We still saw Marcus all the time, going to his place as often as we could. Always on Saturdays before our appointments, too. And it was never boring. I thought, after awhile, their banter would turn normal eventually…or even water itself down a bit….but no. It just got more and more intense.

"When the FUCK are you gonna stop coming in here, white boy?", Marcus shouted at Edward once.

"NEVER!", he frowned and yelled loudly, "I love you Jimmy!"

"FUCK YOU!", Marcus shouted back.

"FUCK YOU TOO!", Edward spat back, "And can you bring me a half of an ice cube? Yours are way too big, they're obnoxious! Remember what Freud said about men who have to have giant things all the time? I understand…but I can't even chew on these! Can't you get another ice machine…like one that makes SLIVERS of ice? That would be great! You should look into it."

"You should look into my ASS!", Marcus fired back, enraged, "And if you don't like my big man ice cubes, then get the FUCK outta HERE! No one invited YOU!"

"Invited me?", he asked, "This is a restaurant! Your open sign and hours on the door IS an INVITATION DUMMY! Didn't they teach you that in chef class? You should watch Hell's Kitchen. That can show you what real restaurants look like…and what it's like when a whole bunch of customers come in. I don't think you get this whole thing."

"That'll be the DAY I need some little FAG English tart teaching ME anything!", Marcus spun and left the table, muttering, "Half a fucking ice cube…douchebag!"

And as always, Edward was convinced, "He loves us."

I just knew one day we'd be on the front page of the paper, under a headline reading: Couple Gets Killed by Jimmy Chan.

And today, we were shopping for Halloween costumes.

Once we got in the costume store, Katie took off to find something for herself. Edward kept his eye on her, like always, in public, even though this town was so much safer than being in New York….but, sadly, Edward never really ever felt that safe outside, around strangers.

"Katie, stay with us!", he called to her but she ignored him and went down another aisle, looking on her own.

"She's fine, Daddy.", I teased him a little, smiling at him, "Are you sure you want to get dressed up too? We don't have to."

"Are you CRAZY?", Edward smiled now, and just like that, the child in him came to life…all the fun things in here…he was dazzled already, "I haven't had a Halloween with Katie in six years! I'm dressing up and SO ARE YOU! So just smile and go with it."

"Why did I not see that one coming?", I smirked, looking at a Dorothy costume that hung on the wall in a plastic bag.

I haven't dressed up for Halloween since I was 13 years old, but I had to admit, this Halloween might be lots of fun. Charlie was never that into it, he was always working that night because of trick or treaters getting lost or mischief night pranks…he went with me once…and he just walked along the sidewalks, watching me go to the doors and get my candy….and every time I walked up to him, he'd always go, "What'd you get?"

It was not that much fun for me.

But I knew with Edward and Katie…I had great hopes for a very fun filled Halloween this time. I was excited.

Edward was looking for my costume before his OWN! He kept calling things out.

"Oooh, look, torn black fairy wings!", he pointed, "Dark Nymph! Oooh, Goth!"

That outfit looked like something a hooker would wear. I almost said it out loud and was SOOO thankful that I hadn't. He would've taken that personally.

"We're going out with Katie.", I said gently, "I don't think Dark Nymph would be right."

"Yea, you're right.", he looked a little disappointed, "We could get it for AFTER Halloween, though…if you know what I mean…"

He gave me this look that nearly made my panties fall to the floor. I was stunned into silence, my mouth hanging open.

The more we looked in female adults, the more I just kept seeing too sexy outfits. Some of these things were so small, so slutty that I'd have a hard time wearing it alone in my own room! And of course, Edward had bought them all to my attention, like they were real options for me to wear on the neighborhood streets of Casper around all the other Moms!

"Devil-licious.", Edward read, looking at the sexy devil costume, it looked sprayed onto the model and the jagged flames hardly covered her fake boobs. She wore five inch heels too. I could see myself walking over dirt roads with these on!

"Next.",I said, raising my eyebrows at him. He just kept moving along.

"Elvira, mistress of the dark.", he said with a sexy growl.

"Forget any costumes with the word Mistress in them please.", I smiled, shaking my head.

"Oh yea.", he frowned a bit, "Sorry."

Then he gasped and turned to me, "A nurse!"

I wasn't opposed to that idea until I saw the nurse costume he took off the wall. There was this slut wearing a wide open nurse dress, her breasts half out of her top….and a belt for a skirt….and she had the hat on and the needle in her hand.

"That is not a nurse, Edward.", I informed, "If it was, I'd never have left you or my father alone in the hospital in New York."

"It's cute.", he looked at it, "I could be a doctor, we'd match."

"Maybe if you find me a decent REAL looking nurse's outfit.", I left that a possibility for now but we kept looking, "And this is the year 2010, maybe I could be the doctor and YOU could be the nurse."

Take that, Romeo. I'll bet the doctor costume is totally normal, but the nurse looks like a fucking streetwalker! A real nurse would probably never stop laughing at this costume.

"That would just be silly.", he said, looking up on the wall of choices.

"Why?" I put my hands on my hips.

He held the nurse's outfit up to his chest, "How could I wear this?"

"You could do it.", I tried not to smile, "You'd make a sexy little nurse! We get you a couple of tennis balls for the top and put some lipstick on you…you'd be all set."

"Keep it up, I'll take your temperature the hard way!", he snickered, putting the nurse outfit on the wall again.

"Oooh, Doctor!", I cooed like an airhead.

"Shut up.", he shook his head, smiling, still searching.

In the next few minutes, Edward suggested other outfits.

"Ooooh, pixie lust!", he said, taking it off the wall.

"Ugh.", I took it out of his hand, "I don't believe this! Look what they did to Tinkerbell! It's so disgusting! Walt Disney would roll over in his grave!"

To further destroy Disney, next there was a Sexy Snow White. Edward almost jumped up and down when he saw that one. I felt like a Mom in a candy store saying no to everything my little boy picked up.

Maybe we could buy that one for fun alone later, I told him.

"Is there one friggin' thing here that has a FULL top in it?", I nearly shouted in the middle of the store, people looking at me.

"Bella, you're making a scene.", Edward put his arm around me and led me to another aisle.

"Oh, here's something!", Edward picked one up, showing me, "Prisoners! We can be handcuffed together!"

I just stared him down, raising a brow, waiting for him to make the connection.

"We can be prisoners who escaped, handcuffed together?", he smiled a little stiffly, showing teeth. He resembled a ken doll now.

"Guess not.", he said, putting the orange jumpsuits back.

"They have old fashioned prisoners…with black and white stripes…", he tried as I cut him off, by saying, "Moving on!"

"Oooh, CATWOMAN! In leather!", Edward shouted, "And she has a whip!"

Then he went a little pale and said, "I'll just slap myself for that one, sorry."

I started to feel sad…what if I found nothing? I was ruining Edward's fun, too, I felt so bad…and so old.

Edward looked at me and saw that I had small tears in my eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong, Bunny?", he asked, kissing my nose, "Why are you upset?"

"Because I'm no fun.", I felt my chin quiver, "And I'm ruining your Halloween."

"NO!", he argued back, at eye level with me, "NOT TRUE. BELLA – you never ruin anything for me, you hear me? Stop that right now. We'll get through the wall of slutwear and find you something nice, alright? I promise. Even if I have to make it myself."

Then he gasped….and smiled at me.

"I can make it myself.", he said again, "I can make your costume for you, Bella. I know how."

I was confused and then he explained to me, as much as he could in this store.

"I used to make my costumes for work, we all had to.", he informed, "If you want, I can make whatever you like. Okay, baby?"

I just couldn't picture Edward with a needle and thread, sewing. He was truly a marvel of hidden talents. He could do anything!

"Okay.", I felt a little better and also at the same time realized my man is the best! How many other men would MAKE his woman's Halloween costume for her? I wuv him!

We had a little more fun after that, after the pressure was off me to buy one of these costumes. Edward was looking in the men's area now, having a great time.

"Look, Bella, a giant condom!", he showed me, laughing, a man inside a very long condom.

"Good, we need those! Get lots of them! They'll fit you.", I teased, "But what'll you wear for your costume?"

He looked shocked and laughed at me, hitting me in the head with the package, "You're SO vulgar!" He even blushed and looked around, but no one was looking.

And every second or two, he'd scan the store, looking to see where Katie was…and located her, then his body relaxed again. He is so great.

"A banana!", he looked at it, "And the skin peels down so your face can be seen!"

"That's cute.", I grinned, not seeing him as the banana type. I notice the men's costumes aren't slutty. This world…is run by pigs.

"Would that make me more A-PEEL-ING?", he asked me, snickering as I stared at him with no emotion.

"Not after that lame ass joke, no.", I said and he laughed.

"You said you liked funny guys.", he teased, putting on a giant pair of sunglasses, "You lied."

"No, I DO like funny guys.", I smiled, "And when you find one, let me know."

"Oh.", he gasped, looking at himself in the mirror as he put an afro wig on himself, "You are so mean to me."

I burst out laughing at him. Now he was funny.

"What the HELL are you putting on?", I giggled.

"It's the 70's!", he informed, putting a fake mustache on, "How great would it be if I went into Jimmy's this way?"

Then he gasped again.

"Will you put black make up on me?", he asked, "I can act like I'm his brother!"

I laughed but I vetoed that little idea.

"I don't think so.", I giggled, "But it's got style."

He took that stuff off, leaving the mustache by accident.

"Now you look like Charlie.", I laughed more.

"Oh my GOD!", he tore it off immediately, "Why didn't you tell me? I don't need you seeing me as your father, no offense to Charlie…"

"Oooh, Gladiator!", he said and did his Russell Crowe voice, "My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next!"

He was brilliant…and people around us applauded. I felt my face turn hot and Edward's blushed too. He shyly waved the people off, saying, "Thanks."

"Thanks for not making a scene.", I joked, smiling at him.

"God, that was SO embarrassing.", he said under his breath.

I hugged him and kissed his cheek, saying, "I thought you were excellent. Better than Russell Crowe even did it."

"Really?", he smiled, his shame forgotten as he followed me, "Wanna be my groupie?"

"I thought I already was.", I replied.

I turned a minute later and Edward was putting on a black leather jacket….and put the collar up, looking at me and giving me the two thumbs up, going, "AAAAAAyyyyy!"

"Oh my God, you DID NOT…just do that, did you?", I laughed.

"Fonzie.", he said.

"I know who he is." I said, and walked away, pretending not to know him for a second.

"Oh, look, Anthony!", I used his fake name this time, pointing up, "Giant angel wings! There you go!"

"I want those.", he said firmly, his eyes staring.

"You want to be an angel?", I asked, not knowing many guy angels walking around on Halloween.

"No, not for Halloween.", he said, "I just want them."

"Okay.", I said, feeling like we were going to have some fun with costumes starting November 1st.

He grabbed them like a kid and ran them over to the register, asking the lady to hold them for us. And when she saw his face, she agreed.

I hung with Katie for a few minutes to see what she was looking at. I hoped the girls section wasn't as trashy as the women's.

But she acted all weird when I was near her and I asked her if she was okay.

"Yea, I don't need anyone to walk with me.", she said politely, "I'm not a baby, no one will steal me or anything."

"Okay.", I said with no hurt feelings, going to find Edward.

There was a guy with a Mohawk…a purple one and he was looking in the mirror on the wall. I rolled my eyes and said, "Excuse me."

I tried to move past him but then he called me by my name.

"Bella!", he said and I turned. It was Edward.

"The eighties!", he smiled, making a Billy Idol sneer, talking like he did now with an English accent, "What'dya think, girlie?"

"I am SO gonna have Peter prescribe you something.", I said with a serious look on my face, trying to get him to laugh…and we both did.

"It's a nice day for a …white weddin'!", he sang, thrashing his head around, playing air guitar.

I almost ran away from him.

"Twisted sister wigs!, I heard him say behind me as I kept walking.

I turned to say something to him and he was standing there, looking at the mirror, a long, black haired wig on his head….long hair, curly. Oh NO!

I rushed over and said, softly, "Edward?"

He was just looking at himself…his face even whiter than usual.

"Baby.", I felt a little shiver inside me, and snatched the wig off his head, "Take that off. Are you okay?"

"Yea.", he had a strange look on his face, "It's just a goddamn wig."

He walked away and didn't say anything else. I let him have a couple moments alone…hoping he was alright. That was Sir Kevin's hair, exactly, that wig. Can't he have one day without being reminded? I wanted to slap God across the face.

I knew it was up to me to get him smiling again. He always did it for me.

"Oh, look Edward!", I grabbed one, "Xena, warrior princess!" And then I did the war cry.

Edward smiled weakly at me and said, "Cool."

Oh. That breaks my heart. He looks so sad now. Damn you Sir Kevin, I hope you burn in HELL!

I tried to look around for something else…anything to make him laugh again.

Oh GOD! I found it!

"Hey Edward.", I smirked, and he looked at me, looking very tired suddenly, "This is the one! Naughty Nun!"

It was a black leather nun outfit, but with a low cut cleavage and short skirt…and the leather habit. Christ, even nuns aren't safe from the sleaze-o who thought up all these fucked costumes!

And then, I got the little smirk.

"You're not going to wear that.", he stated.

"Yea, I am!", I said with a high pitched voice, "I'm going to church in this too!"

And, a miracle happened! He laughed! Thank you GOD!

"I would love to see that.", he chuckled, smiling at me as I put the habit on my head…once I did that, he was belly laughing.

"Put your hands on the table, face up, you bad little boy!", I played, as long as he kept laughing I was willing to make an ass of myself…today.

"Is there a ruler in there?", he peeked into the bag, his naughty little grin back in place.

He looked up and was nose to nose with me…and I smiled at him.

"You're very special, too, Bella.", he said with tears coming to his eyes and a fragile voice, leaning his head on mine, closing his eyes, "You know that?"

I closed my eyes too and put my arm around his neck, "I'm here. I love you. Don't forget that. You're not alone in this. I AM chained to you already. You got that?"

He nodded. "I know.", he whispered, "I love you too."

Only we could be having this scene in the middle of a Halloween store.

It was only then that I realized I was still wearing the leather nun habit on my head.

Edward looked at me when he opened his eyes and burst out laughing again, while I yanked it off my head…bright crimson red all over my face.

"Sister Bella.", he created a new nickname for me, his eyes wide.

"Oh no…don't do that.", I covered his mouth, "Forget you ever saw me in that hat!"

Edward gasped. "Let's get one for Dr. Peter! I'll bet he doesn't have this one in his collection!"

We both laughed, agreeing right away on this idea. "Yes.", I said firmly, "Definitely yes."

Later, I tried to get Edward to be the Tooth Fairy, but he ran away from me as I tried to convince him.

We had decided on costumes for ourselves at last, having seen something cute we could not resist. Now we waited for Katie to make up her mind. Of course, we had to wait AWAY from where she was looking, so we just hung out, playing with things.

"What does the teacher say to you, when you go to the conference?", Edward asked, not knowing much about these. Tonight was ours, at 7pm with Katie's teacher, and you won't believe this – his name is Mr. Donald Duck – no lie. It took Edward and I twenty minutes to stop laughing when we got the card from Katie.

Katie's original teacher was a woman…and she had a baby, so this new teacher, Donald Duck replaced her. Katie never told us about this and she seemed to be over the joke weeks ago…but we still found it funny…especially after the way the ducks chased us in the park that day.

"I'm gonna ask him why him and his whole family chased us that day.", Edward had said and I couldn't stop laughing, I almost passed out.

I kept picturing a white duck sitting on a teacher's chair, with glasses on, talking to us with that Donald Duck voice…and I would start up all over again.

Edward kept doing the voice…and he did it soooo good! Everytime he did, I would bust out again. I'd be a mess, laughing so hard I was CRYING! My mouth would pull back and my teeth would be sticking out, that's how hard I laughed at it!

He would say, in the duck voice, "Ohhh Good Morning, class! My name is Donald DUCK! And today, we're gonna learn about modern poetry."

And he would do the laugh. And he was killing me! He could say anything in that voice and it would bring me to the floor! I could hardly understand some of the words, but it didn't matter. It was THAT good!

He'd been doing it for a week now, and my stomach was sore from laughing at him. It was especially fun in bed at night, when he would talk dirty to me as Donald Duck.

For example: in the dark, while we were in bed, and I wasn't even touching him…he does the voice and starts saying, "Oh my GOD, that feels SO GOOD! OH YEA…oh….oh slow down…OH YEA! OH YEA! Who's your DADDY? Who's your DADDY? OH MY GOD! Oh yea, play with my BALLS…play with my BALLS! Oh that feels SOOOO GOOD! Yea, just roll them around…in a circle! OHHHH my GOD…I LOVE it when you…oh wait uh oh…slow down…slow down…UUGGGHHHHHHH!"

And then he makes this horrible long Donald Duck cry…as if he's coming….and then pants a couple seconds, adding, "Don't move, Bewwa…I'll go get you a towel."

I knew Katie didn't hear it because my laughter was so loud as I cried in hysterics.

"Don't do it, Edward.", I warned him now, giving him the look.

"What?", he smiled, looking too innocent for my tastes, and said, "I'm really asking now…no more duck jokes, I swear."

Yea, right. He's such a liar.

"Well…", I watched him closely, "He'll probably tell you how she's doing in school, how her grades are. Then, he might talk about what Katie is learning now…what he plans to teach by the end of the school year…and then if there's something specific about Katie that he wants to say…"

I eyed him and he laughed, asking, "What?"

"You know what.", I squinted, "You just can't wait to do that duck voice again."

"I won't.", he promised with a devious grin, "I know it hurts you and you can't stop laughing. I won't embarrass you here. I'm saving it for the teacher tonight."

"You'd better not!", I said a little too loudly, then lowered my voice, "You'd better be good, this is Katie's teacher! You have to be a grown up at the parent teacher conference, no duck voice! Promise me."

Edward looked like a little kid denied his toys. He hung his head and mumbled, "I promise."

"Let me see those hands.", I raised a brow and he smirked at me, showing me his hands that were behind his back…and they had their fingers crossed.

"Stop that!", I untwisted his fingers, and held the hands…"Promise again."

"I promise.", he made a face of disappointment.

Everything was so cute at the school. We looked around and saw a poem Katie wrote on the wall with all the other children in class, and pictures they'd all drawn…the little desks were so adorable! When the teacher walked in, I became nervous. Edward was dying to do his Donald Duck voice and I didn't know if the temptation would be too great for him to keep his promise.

A nice looking young man came in. He looked to be in his twenties…and had close cropped brown hair, a nice smile, and wore a sweater vest and gray slacks. He reminded me of Jack from Will and Grace, to be honest, and he bounced when he walked.

"Hi, you must be Katie's parents!", he said, "I'm Donald Duck!"

And that might have been fine…but he spoke in the fucking duck voice!

Edward and I looked at each other and burst out laughing before we could stop ourselves…and Mr. Duck was laughing too, with us.

I felt my eyes tearing up fast and kept wiping them, like I always did when Edward did the voice. Now I felt like a jackass in front of the teacher!

"I always do that when I first meet people, it's a nice way to break the ice!", he said as I kept laughing…Edward had stopped now but I couldn't.

"Babe, control yourself.", Edward put on this serious, adult face and I could've crushed him for it, "This is the parent teacher conference."

I needed a couple more seconds…but at last, I was able to stop myself.

"I'm Anthony Masen, this is Marie Brown.", he introduced us, "I'm Katie's father and Marie is my fiancé."

"Oh, congratulations!", he leaned in, his eyes twinkling, "Ahhh…isn't true love beautiful?"

Edward looked at me and we shared a look. This guy IS Jack from Will and Grace! If this guy is married, I'll eat Peter's new hat!

I almost asked him if there was a Mrs. Duck but I couldn't make myself do it without laughing. I kept picturing Daisy Duck in my mind. And then Edward's dirty duck talk…I did all I could to keep a straight face as the teacher talked.

Edward was the perfect parent, listening and asking questions. God, I HATE him!

All I could think of was Edward's duck voice going, 'Play with my balls, play with my balls…'

I looked away, putting my hand over my mouth, acting like I was wiping my lips or something. I searched for anything to take my mind off the voice, ANYTHING!

Now I was picturing Donald, Daisy Duck and the three little ones, Huey, Dewey, and Louie chasing us through the park. I had to get outta here.

"Is it alright if I go to the ladies' room?", I asked, "I'm sorry."

Edward stood up as I got up and Donald rose up as well. He told me where it was and I almost ran there.

When I got back to the classroom, Edward was coming out, with Katie's report card in his hand.

I looked at him sadly and apologized, "I'm so sorry, baby. I had to get away or I was gonna pee!"

"I know, I noticed.", he smirked at me, "It was alright, it was nice. I liked that…conference thing."

"So what did he say?", I asked when we got to the car and he started it.

"I think I know what's been bugging Katie lately.", he revealed.

"Really, what?"

"Donald said…"

I started to laugh again.

"Bella…"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, go ahead.", I tried to hold it together.

"He said that they're doing a play, rehearsing it.", Edward explained, "It comes out in January. Anyway, he said it's gonna be Toy Story 2, the play. And he wanted Katie to play Jessie, the little cowgirl with the red hair…"

"Yea.", I smiled, "And Katie would be great! She has red hair and the little cowboy hat and all!"

"He said she's the best child in class for the part.", Edward sounded proud, "But she won't do it. He said she refused to play that part. She went for a little part, a Barbie doll with one lousy line!"

"I never saw that movie, did you?", I asked him.

"No.", he said, "Not that one, I know Toy Story number one…"

"Then he said that she sings this song so beautifully, one of the songs in the play, I guess….", Edward shrugged, "And that she does it perfectly. She makes you FEEL it, he said. But that she cried while she sang it and the other girls all laughed at her. They called her a baby, he said. And they've been calling her that ever since."

"Oh man.", I looked out the window, "I hate little girls!"

"HEY!", Edward thought I included Katie in that.

"Not Katie, MONGO, those mean little girls!", I pointed out, "Why are they so cruel?"

"Little bitches in training. I can't believe Katie never told us anything about this.", Edward said, driving, "I didn't even know they were doing a play! I felt like such a loser, not knowing what he was talking about."

"Girls this age love secrets. So what did you say, to Mr. Duck?", I asked and made myself NOT laugh.

"I told him we'd talk to her.", he said, looking at me, "Right? Should we do that? I mean, I don't want to force her to do this big part if she doesn't want to….but man, would Tanya have LOVED it to see Katie have a part in an actual PLAY. She loved theatre. She used to love acting, dancing and singing in college…all that stuff."

I smiled at him, touching his arm, "She'll see it, Edward. She sees everything Katie does, I'll bet."

"Her grades are very good.", Edward changed the subject, sounding upbeat, "The brain is working."

"She's really smart, just like her Dad.", I looked out the window.

"Ha ha.", Edward said in sarcasm, and he sounded bitter.

I frowned and looked at him. "What?"

"That was good.", he looked mad as he drove, staring out at the road, "Good one."

"Good one, what?", I asked, "I wasn't joking."

"I heard the way you said it.", he frowned more, "Just like her Dad…" he mocked my voice.

"Woah.", I turned to him, "What the Hell are you talking about?"

"Just because I never finished college doesn't mean I'm stupid!", he was shouting, his eyes never looking at mine, "I could've gone on to be something if my FUCK FATHER hadn't disowned me."

"Edward, I never said you were stupid!", I felt tears in my eyes now, angry, "I think you're the most intelligent, amazing man I know! Where is this coming from?"

"Even fucking Donald DUCK has a degree!", he shouted, slamming his palm against the steering wheel violently one time, "And I have SHIT! A fucking job shoveling HORSE SHIT!"

"Pull over, Cullen, RIGHT NOW!", I said with a deadly voice….and I'm glad he listened to me and did it.

"First of all, I'm pissed at you.", I said as he clutched the steering wheel hard, staring at it like he hated it.

"Second of all, you have SHIT?", I shouted, "Really? Look back at the last six years…and now look at today! You have shit? You have Katie…you have me, you have—"

"I know.", he said, weeping right away, without trying to hide it, and he slammed his face into the center of the steering wheel, "I know…I'm sorry, Bella. I don't know why I said that, I didn't mean it."

He cried without words and I felt myself crying too. I hugged him and kissed his hair.

"What happened?", I asked, holding him.

"I don't know…I don't know!", he kept his face on the wheel, gripping it tighter, "He was going on and on about grades and college…I guess it just got to me. I feel like such a loser, sometimes, Bella. I really wanted to graduate college, I really did. I wanted to be a doctor."

He cried a little more and I felt the tears moving down my face now…I knew that was his dream but I never heard him talk about this in real detail before. It was so sad…the way he cried…I didn't know it hurt him so deeply. Still.

"How will you look at me when you're a doctor and I'm still a fucking stable boy?", he asked and cried a little harder, "How is that gonna fucking work?"

"I'll always be proud of you, Edward.", I cried, sniffling, "No matter what you do. I was proud of you when you were a dancer, and I'm proud of you NOW! Nothing is going to change that, ever! EVER!"

"What about Katie?", he asked, still crying, his words slurred a bit, "She'll be ashamed of me…when she gets older and her friends come around…she won't want me to tell them what I am! Not to mention if she ever finds out what I've done…with Victoria…"

"Katie will love you forever, Edward.", I stated firmly, "I've seen the way that child looks at you, you're the WORLD to her! The sun rises and sets on you in that little girls' eyes!"

Edward looked up a bit now and stared out at the empty road.

"I sometimes dream of it still…", he said softly, his voice so brokenhearted, "And it feels so real. I'm operating…delivering babies…listening to heartbeats with my stethoscope…"

"If you want to be a doctor, Edward, you can be.", I said, stroking his hair, "If that's your dream, nothing should stop you."

He paused and straightened up a bit, wiping his right eye and frowning.

"Those are pretty words, Bella, but it's not true.", he said coldly, "Dreams die."

"No.", I argued, "We…WE kill them! And when we do that, a little piece of us dies with it. Look how it's hurting you. You're mourning that dream."

"I'm too old. It's too late.", he looked at me, his eyes wet and defeated.

"It's never too late.", I frowned more, "That's Victoria talking, not you. You believe in dreams, you talk about them all the time. And if that dream was really dead, you wouldn't be getting so upset about it now."

"I love you, Edward.", I said, holding him again, and tighter, "And I don't want you to be miserable for the rest of your life, trying to be something you're not. If you have something you want to do, I want you to do it. After the trial, the money your father gave us will be unfrozen…and you can go to school for anything you want. You can do it."

"If I'm not convicted of murder.", he added.

"That's not going to happen, Edward.", I vowed, meaning it with all my soul, "I told you, no one is ever taking you away from me…or Katie. I won't let it happen. Believe me."

"I love you, Bella.", he cried a little more and held me in his arms now, "I'm sorry!"

I was so relieved that he was holding me now, and listening to me…that I was bawling too, right there with him.

"It's okay…", I sniffled, "It's okay. You're never losing us, so stop being afraid of that, you hear me?"

He nodded, unable to say much more as his jagged breaths cut across my neck and shoulder.

"Man, this has been the worst parent teacher conference I ever went to!", I tried to lighten the moment.

Edward gave a little weak chuckle.

"Who would've guessed that Donald Duck could upset you so much?", I asked and then I heard him laughing a little more.

"I hear that.", I peeked in my arms now, seeing if he was alright, and he was smiling.

I lifted his face with my hands and kissed his lips, looking at his perfect, wet face.

"I just have one thing I want to ask you.", I said with a smile.

"What?" he asked.

"Who's your Daddy?", I asked. And he laughed. I'd rather have had that laugh of his, right now, than all the psychologist degrees or honors in the world.

Edward started the car a few minutes later, heading home…and a second later, he was back to doing the Donald Duck voice, the dirty talking one again. He is so evil.

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Love you guys! See you real soon!

Love Winnd


	28. A Scary Halloween

Chapter 28

Hey all! What's up? Thanks for digging my sick sense of humor. My daughter was rolling her eyes at me when I was on the floor, listening to the Donald Duck sex. I was CRYING I was laughing so hard!

Katie and Bella will get their bonding time – eventually. The relationship is still new – it'll be cool, watch. But I think it was great the way she put Edward and Katie together to have their own times alone. She's kick ass.

I almost had Edward dress up as Marcus, and was laughing at that, but it wasn't meant to be I guess. Maybe next Halloween. LOL.

Love you guys! Glad you're all still with me! Oooh, I will be showing some nice chapters later with Edward and Bella in their private costumes. LOL. Gladiator meets Snow White…yummy! Angel Edward and naked Bella? Wow.

Yea, the play Katie's class is doing is Toy Story 2 – and later you'll see the reason she doesn't want to sing a certain song. My lips are sealed.

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EPOV

I knocked on the door and asked, "Katie…can I come in?"

"Yea.", she said from inside and I grinned at Bella, who was giving me the thumbs up sign. I opened the door and she was sitting on the bed, reading a book. I immediately started picking up clothes off the floor, and tossed them into her little pink hamper.

"Oh, Harry Potter again.", I smiled, sitting on the edge of the bed.

She put her purple bookmarker in it, closing it and laying it between us. Her face didn't look very happy. She knew we had just come home from seeing the teacher. Maybe she thinks she's in trouble.

"I just met your teacher.", I said, taking a breath, "He's very nice."

She peeked up at me and folded her arms, shrugging. "Yea, he's nice."

I know started to see how hard this was from Bella's point of view when she tried talking to ME.

"Uhhh…", I looked at Katie's dolls on the shelf for inspiration, and continued, "Your grades are GREAT! Three A's and Three B's! That's very good. Very good."

Why do I feel like I'm talking to a stranger here?

"What's the matter, baby?', I asked her finally, seeing the tension in her, "It's just me."

"Can you please not call me baby anymore?", she asked and it was the equivalent of sticking a knife into my chest. But after talking to Donald Duck, I guess I understood why. I know I'd feel the same if Bella kept calling me 'whore' or 'boytoy' all the time. I got that.

"Sure, if you don't like that.", I tried to smile, "I'll call you something more grown up, huh? How about…Kate? Katie is a baby name. But Kate is a woman's name. That ok?"

She smiled at me then and nodded. "Thanks Daddy."

I nodded back and looked down, moving my fingers along the edge of her book.

"Ummm…", I tried again, "Your teacher tells me you're all doing a play. Toy Story 2 ? That sounds like fun."

"It's stupid.", she scowled, her arms crossed again, "Everyone has seen the movie. It'll be dumb to do it in a play!"

"I've never seen that one.", I shared, hating to admit it, "I'm real excited to see it! Especially if YOU'RE in it! I have my agent all ready to strike when the tickets go on sale! I want front row center seats!"

Katie looked at me with a little bit of a sad look in her eyes and didn't respond.

"And you know…", I continued carefully, "It doesn't matter to ME at all what part you have in it. You could be a tree and I'd be there, whistling and applauding for you like a crazy person, taking pictures of you every time you move a muscle and embarrassing you to death."

Katie grinned now, knowing I was right about that.

"And ", I went on, "Sometimes it can be really scary, getting up in front of a lot of people. I would never want to do it. So I have a lot of respect for actors and singers…it takes guts. And sometimes people can be mean when they're watching other people perform. They think they're watching TV and when they talk the actors can't hear them. People are fucking ignorant sometimes. Sorry. I shouldn't curse."

"No, it's okay.", Katie looked at me with interest now, "Go ahead."

I guess she does have some anger at those nasty girls who laughed at her.

"Remember, when we went to the play, Sleeping Beauty?", I asked her.

"Yea."

"That was so great, right? And we loved it so much!", I smiled.

"Yea, that's the reason I WANTED to be in the play.", Katie informed, "And I tried real hard to do my best when everyone got a turn to sing. And then…"

She stopped and looked at me, afraid to tell me the rest. I didn't want to embarrass her more by telling her I knew what those little creeps at school had done. But I wanted to help her.

"Your mom used to sing.", I revealed softly, "Did you know that?"

She looked at me and gave me a little nod. "Grandma showed me videos of her onstage once, when she was younger…and then later, when she was older…she was real good."

"Yea she was.", I smiled, remembering, "She IS. And you know what she told me?"

Katie shook her head, listening.

"She told me she was afraid a lot, nervous…before a show, before she had to go onstage.", I told her the truth, "She got butterflies all the time. She would be scared that people wouldn't like her when she got out there too.

But when the moment came, and the music played…she just made herself forget all that. She had to learn to forget all them and focus on what she was doing. Because she loved acting and singing so much, she put that first, above all the scary feelings. And you saw how good she did.

I know that it's real hard, and you don't have to do this play thing this year, but Kate…if you run away every time you're afraid…you won't get a chance to sing…or dance…or fall in love…or chase your dreams…raise your children.

And I would be real sad to see you miss all that. It's life. Facing your fears…meeting your challenges…it's real life. And it is great. I'm just finding that out now. But I don't want you to be thirty years old before YOU figure it out. It doesn't have to be today…or tomorrow…but soon, someday, you have to face what you're scared of and do what you want to do, no matter what some asswipe kids say."

Katie looked down at her book.

"I really did want to be in the play.", she said in a low voice, "Mr. Duck said my voice was really good."

I just waited, letting her decide. I'd never heard Katie really sing before and that made me sad. I really wanted to hear it now.

"And I HATE Barbie!", she scowled, "There are ten girls playing Barbie dolls."

I made a face. "I never cared for Barbie much, either. Fluffhead."

"Jessie is cooler.", she said, considering it.

"It's up to you, Katie..", I said then corrected myself, "Kate. Like I said, I would love to see you read the phone book onstage! So…think about it. I'm proud of you, either way."

Now I saw what Bella was saying. Whether I was a doctor or a stable guy, she didn't care. And I didn't really care what Katie wanted to be, either. I'd be in her corner even if she wanted to be a Sumo wrestler! As disturbing as that might be…

"If everyone was afraid to go onstage," Katie said, pondering out loud, "Then we'd never have gotten to even SEE that play. And it was so cool."

"I know.", I agreed, stroking a long piece of her hair.

"Daddy?"

"Yea?"

"If I do…sing in the play…", she hesitated, "Will you…like…not get all weird?"

"What do you mean?", I asked, "I am weird, I don't know if I can HELP that!"

She laughed a little with me and then said, "I don't want to hurt your feelings. Or make you upset."

I'm lost now.

"You won't hurt my feelings.", I furrowed my brown, "What do you mean?"

"Nothing.", she looked down, crestfallen, "Never mind."

I looked down at her book.

"Did I help you, Kate?", I asked, "Or did I make it worse?"

"No, you helped me.", she grinned up at me, "I almost forgot about Mommy being in her plays. And I didn't know she got scared like that."

"Everybody gets scared.", I shared with her, "Even me. And that's okay. It's part of everyone. There's a saying that goes, 'Cowards die many times before their deaths.' And that is true. And all those kids in your class, they get scared too, don't let them fool you. I would hate to think you'd given up something you really wanted to do because of those dopes."

She laughed at that.

I saw the clock at her nightstand and it said 9:37pm.

"It's past your bedtime, kiddo.", I said with a pleasant tone and smile, and I took the book and put it on the table next to her bed.

She did look tired and didn't even fight with me on this tonight. Good, I wasn't in the mood for the whining.

Katie snuggled down under the covers and smiled up at me.

I bent down and kissed her nose, then got my face in there and gave her some butterfly kisses on her cheek with my eyelashes. She squealed and giggled, my favorite sound in the world, as she grabbed my hair.

"DADDY STOP!", she laughed, and I growled and said, "DOGGIE SNIFFS!"

"NOOO!", Katie screamed as I pretended to be a puppy, sniffing all over her face and hair, nuzzling and whimpering, panting like a dog.

I used to do this way back when she was little, back when she couldn't have a dog. I substituted myself and did this doggie sniff thing, what a puppy goes when they go crazy all over you, sniffling and licking, digging their nose into your neck…Katie always loved it. And she still does.

"NOOOO BELLLLAAAA HELP ME!", Katie screeched, struggling against me as I kept going, "DADDDD has gone NUTSSSSS!"

"No one can help you NOW!", I said in my deep, evil Darth Vader voice, tickling her with my fingers.

She screamed again and I stopped, smiling as I got up again, saying, "Good night, woman. Don't let that Harry Potter invade your dreams tonight. No smooching with him, either."

"Ewww DAD!", she frowned up at me as I kissed her again, on the cheek this time.

"See you tomorrow Kate.", I smiled as I took her full hamper and got to her door, and switched the light off, leaving the door open a crack.

"Bye Daddy."

Katie told us a few days later that she DID decide to play Jessie, and we were so proud of her. It made sense. Katie had faced more than a few brats laughing at her in her lifetime. She'd been through years of surgeries, tests, treatments. A school play should be a cakewalk. I had a feeling there was more to it, though, than her being afraid or having stage fright. But I never got any more information or clues about what had really been bugging her about this play…and why she cried while singing this song, whatever it was.

And twice a week, and on Sunday afternoons, Katie helped me at the stables with Dancer. She amazed me. She cleaned wounds, changed bandages, looked at bloody, torn muscle, seeing bone sometimes…and never flinched away. The most incredible assistant ever! And she didn't mind the smells, the manure, nothing. It was like she was meant to be there. Dancer loved her, too, and would sometimes lick her head a bit, to tease her when Katie was working in front of the horse.

Katie would look up at Dancer and Dancer would almost look away, playing innocent. It was so great, watching Dancer's personality unfold before my eyes.

She is different from the other horses, like Bob had said. She suffers quietly, and never asks for much, and is grateful for what is given…affectionate if she feels herself trust you…and now I was seeing a new part of her…her playful, sweet side.

Then Katie would look down again and Dancer would lick her again, right on the part in her hair on top. Katie would laugh and wipe her head, going, "Dancer! Behave yourself."

And Dancer would give a little horse chuckle, enjoying this new little pet before her.

They were too fucking cute together. Bella was right. This was a good idea for everyone involved.

I kept seeing Dr. Peter and one night was especially tough. We were starting to, after I read some of my journal that is, look at certain objects and find a way to relax and breathe white looking at it. It wasn't always easy.

We had begun awhile back with rope. I had managed that pretty well, as I worked with ropes also. But this one particular night Peter really floored me.

"Very good, Anthony.", Peter said after I read a section of my journal and we discussed it. My eyes were still a little red and puffy but I was alright. A few moments later, he asked me, "Are you ready to see another object?"

I took a breath and nodded at him, willing myself to relax.

Peter seemed to believe me and opened his drawer in his desk, and said, in an almost guilty voice, "Something a little bit harder today. Don't panic."

And then he took his pointer finger and moved it into the drawer, and lifted out a chain…connected by two dangling leather cuffs…wrist cuffs.

I froze and looked away, feeling my leg shiver a little as he laid them on the desk between us, the little clink of chain sounding in the air.

"Alright, Anthony…", Peter watched me closely as he sat his chair closer to mine, sitting on my side, "Do your breathing like we learned. Focus on your internal breaths…all inhalations through your nose…all exhalations through your mouth. Good."

I didn't feel very good. I felt nauseous.

"Commence inhaling slowly, smoothly and deeply to a mental count of 4 seconds. Fill your lower lungs first by pushing out your abdomen, then your middle and upper lungs.

Hold your breath for a mental count of 7 seconds.", Peter was coaching and I was trying to listen.

"Very good, Anthony. Slowly and smoothly exhale for a mental count of 8 seconds.

As you exhale, try to let go of all your anxiety, tension & stress. Let it all go, Anthony."

I wish I could.

He had me do this exercise of breathing a few times…and then, I did feel a little better.

"Talk to me, Anthony.", Peter then said gently, "What does this make you feel?"

"Scared.", I said honestly, wishing he'd put them away.

"Go on."

He always pushed me to go deeper, further.

"I feel like…" I looked at him and then back to the cuffs, "Someone's gonna come in here and make me put them on."

"Who?"

"HER.", I didn't even want to say her name now.

"She's gone, Anthony.", Peter informed calmly, "She can't hurt you anymore."

"My brain knows that.", I said, "But…"

I stopped, hating how weak I sounded. If anyone was a baby, it was ME, not Katie.

"I know.", he looked back at me with those crystal blue eyes of his that seemed to see right through me, "But say it anyway."

"It still feels like she's around.", I admitted, daring to look at the cuffs, "Like she's gonna come get me or find me. It's crazy but it's how I feel."

"And you're afraid of what she'll do to you…", Peter said.

"No.", I frowned a bit, "Not to me. To Katie…and Bella. I know if she could come back, she'd hurt them to hurt me. That's how she is…was."

"Oh.", Peter looked like something clicked in his head, "And so these cuffs scare you because they'd render you helpless to stop that. Am I right?"

I nodded and felt tears in my eyes.

"I was bound and chained in those when Bella needed me once, back in New York.", I reminded, or said for the first time, I wasn't sure which, "But they chained her up with me and I couldn't do a fucking thing about it! They whipped her…not very hard or for very long. I took most of it and then things happened that stopped them. But it could've been REAL bad. They could've done real damage…they could've raped her…even killed her! And I'd be hanging there, just screaming about it…watching it happen."

I didn't hear anything from Dr. Peter and when I looked at him he was staring down at his folded hands, and they were trembling a little.

I frowned and asked, "Are you alright, Doc?"

"Yea, fine.", he shook his hands and stood up, going back to his seat at the desk.

He asked me if I felt up to putting the cuffs on. I almost decked him! Then he smirked and asked if I could TOUCH them…just for a second. I wanted no part of that. Peter said we'd work on the cuffs over time. He said someday they wouldn't even bother me. I doubted that highly.

We started talking about the upcoming holidays and how hard they could be sometimes. I told him I was looking forward to it a lot! And I am! This is my first Christmas with Bella and with Katie in six years! I was going to do it big and I was going to do it right!

"What are you doing for the holidays?", I asked Peter, "Maybe you could come over and meet Katie, have dinner with us one night."

"Oh.", he looked touched with emotion, "That is a very kind invitation, Anthony. Thank you. But I'm probably going to spend the holidays with my wife and her parents in Chicago."

"Oh cool.", I grinned, "She's from Chicago? Can she cook?"

And Peter would change the subject, getting back to my therapy. I guess I understood that he wanted to keep his private life private and not discuss his wife with the nutty patients he treated. Maybe he thinks I'm dangerous. Does he think I'd attack his wife? That's why his wife is gone when I come around. But I never discussed that with him. I was afraid of his answer.

Before I knew it, Halloween was approaching fast! I had such great plans for Mischief night and Marcus' place but Bella caught Katie and I whispering about it and discovered missing eggs from the fridge and she busted us! I was fucking grounded! Can you believe that?

I wasn't really going to do anything BAD to Jimmy Chan's….just stuff like…collecting all the horse poop from the stables and putting some all around the entire restaurant. Or putting signs on the doors saying 'CONDEMNED BY THE BOARD OF HEALTH' you know…fun stuff like that! But I guess Bella is right, that's not good, teaching Katie to do these things.

So we watched horror movies that night and ate popcorn. I was so pissed. I've never NOT vandalized SOMETHING on Mischief night, EVER! Even when I was with Victoria, she would give Emmett and I a list of people she didn't like and we'd go to work, putting our jet black makeup on, along with our black clothes. We never got caught. Some of our ideas were legendary! Once, we sank this guy's brand new Lamborghini, in his very own swimming pool!

We scored big points that night! Victoria allowed slave girls to serve us the next night. But I shoved those thoughts away. I didn't share all this with Bella, though, I'm not that stupid.

Bella just said that this was my first year as a grown up and that it was a year to celebrate. Yea right.

Ben and Angela were doing great with their ice cream shop, it was a big success and there were always a gang of kids there. We helped them decorate the place up right for Halloween and that was a lot of fun. Our own yard looked like a ghoulish cemetery with fake headstones with funny poems on them. Everyone told us how cute the house looked as they went by and we were so proud of ourselves.

I had a couple of great ideas for Halloween night and Bella let me take charge of the holiday. The stables had a great haunted forest set up there, where kids rode the gentle horses through it, and that was very fun as the sun was going down. I nearly died when Bob and Jenna popped out from behind trees, dressed as zombies, trying to grab our horses. Classic!

Then I took us to the cemetery, the real one, a mile out of town, and after we dragged Bella in against her will, and sat in the dark by a tall tree, lighting our faces with our flashlights, we all told ghost stories and scared each other by screaming suddenly, jumping at each other.

I wanted to play hide and seek in the dark, foggy air blowing around at the bases of the stone slabs around us…but both Bella and Katie didn't like that idea. Girls.

Finally, we were walking around town, trick or treating, ready to show our costumes to all the other residents of Casper. Now, suddenly, I was rethinking my outfit.

"You're a cute little Thumper.", Bella said, placing the Thumper head over my own and smiling up at me in my furry gray rabbit outfit.

"It's okay for a girl to be a bunny.", I said, my voice echoing in my rabbit head that surrounded me, "Like YOU! You're a cute little bunny! But I feel stupid."

Bella adjusted her white bunny ears and wiggled her nose that was painted black with makeup. She'd also drawn whiskers on her cheeks, a little pink blush…and had pink lip gloss on. On her body, she wore a fluffy white body suit, long sleeves and legs that went all the way to her ankle, white gloves on her hands and a cute little fluffy white tail on her ass that I sewed on while Bella was bent over, wearing it. She actually believed me when I told her that's how I had to sew it on. That was a lot of fun. I know, I am a sick fuck. But I'm also a talented, sick fuck.

Bella loved the outfit I created just for her nickname, my little Bunny.

She was utterly fuckable in this outfit and I had been drooling as soon as I saw her in it, I didn't care if I couldn't see lots of skin. She'd be sexy in a suit of armor.

Katie's outfit was an even bigger problem for me. She decided to be a BRIDE! I hated that! She's only nine! Bella had calmed me down and explained it was just a costume but I still don't like it even now. Every time I took her hand I got a flash forward of me walking her down the aisle. She did look really pretty, though. Hair all curled up, long and silky…all in sparkling white, complete with the red roses in her hand and veil on her head. From time to time, she'd put the veil over her face, sometimes because she saw a girl she didn't like, or that she didn't want certain people to see she was with her parents, who were dressed as rabbits, taking her around trick or treating.

I was having a bad time seeing through this head sometimes and once in awhile, when I walked, and held Katie's hand, my Thumper head piece would turn sideways little by little until I was blind, and it looked like I was looking at Bella when I wasn't.

She kept turning my head for me and giggling as I tried to maneuver it but my other hand had my trick or treat bucket in it. Bella couldn't believe that I was actually going door to door with Katie, saying "TRICK OR TREAT!" and asking for candy myself. But hey, it's free candy! And we did all get dressed up!

One lady asked me, as I stood there, towering over all the small people around me, "How OLD are YOU?"

"That's kind of rude, asking a rabbit that question.", I replied and the kids all giggled around me, enjoying my getting busted for impersonating a midget.

"How old are YOU?", I asked her, shooting back, my head making me feel safe.

I didn't realize there was an ID check before the candy was handed out. When did this start?

The lady held her bowl of candy at her chest, denying me until I proved myself.

"Okay, I'm six.", I said in my normal adult voice, shoving my bucket forward, waiting and the kids all laughed again. I'm sure Katie was dead of humiliation already but she didn't say anything.

The lady just stared at me, not impressed.

"Seven?", I asked, then squatted down more, making myself as short at Katie, doing a kid's voice and saying, "Seven and a half?"

Bella showed up then and dragged me away so the kids could get their candy. I was yelling as she pulled me, saying, "HALLOWEEN IS FOR EVERYONE! NOT JUST FOR KIDS! IF YOU STAY YOUNG AT HEART YOU CAN TRICK OR TREAT! I'M COMING BACK HERE NEXT YEAR! I WILL GET THAT CANDY!"

"Hush!", Bella got me to the curb and went into my bucket, taking out a lollipop, ripping off the wrapper, "Here!"

And she opened the little slot in the Thumper head where my mouth was, and stuck the pop in. I was sucking on it quietly, the stick poking out of the slot.

I heard myself go, "MMMM!"

"Good baby.", she smiled at me as I stood there, silently waiting for Katie to come back.

Katie returned and showed me a death glare.

"Did you give him something?", Katie asked Bella.

"Yep, he'll calm down in a minute. This is a big day for him, he gets cranky.", she said, like I was 6 months old.

"I know.", Katie said with understanding as we walked on.

As the night went on, I saw that the kids were all following Bella and I, liking our costumes. One kid kept yanking on my bunny tail! "Hey!", I would always yell, hearing a chorus of little giggles behind me.

We even stopped at Jimmy Chan's, and the crowd of kids had followed us inside, thinking they'd get something good in here. I felt a little nervous, wondering if Marcus would curse in front of the kids.

When we snuck inside, I whispered to all the kids, "You're all going to like this. This is a VERY scary haunted restaurant! And if you like UGLY…SCARY…SMELLY monsters…this one is the UGLIEST! He uses little children as the food he cooks the customers! You wanna see him?"

"YEA!", they all shouted, brave souls.

"Alright, let's all yell REAL LOUD – TRICK OR TREAT, okay? On three."

The kids all agreed and Bella just stood there, giggling as I counted, "One…two…three!"

And the loudest shrieks I've ever heard in my life screamed out all together, "TRICK OR TREAT!"

My reward was the sound of pots clanging against the floor and a bigger, longer crash of metal afterwards as I laughed and jumped up and down, clapping my gray and white rabbit paws together, making the kids all laugh with glee.

"We woke up the monster!", I announced.

Jimmy came thundering out, ready to unleash a whirlwind of profanities at me, but stopped talking when he saw a crowd of children, and two tall bunny rabbits in the center of it. All the kids screamed, as if a true zombie came running out of the kitchen. Marcus jumped, almost as afraid of them as they were of HIM.

Then I realized he can't see my face! He doesn't know who I am. But Bella is standing beside me.

"What the f-", Marcus clenched his jaw and tried to begin again, "What do YOU all WANT?"

I hated seeing Marcus censor himself and almost felt bad for the guy.

"Trick or treat!", I sang, "Smell my feet! Give us something good to eat!"

Jimmy looked at me and squinted, recognizing my voice. I decided to take the head off for a second.

"Surprise, it's ME!", I censored myself too, smiling at him as I held my head at my side, "And I'd like you meet my little friends!" I said that last part like Al Pacino in Scarface and Bella gave that a little chuckle.

"Oh Christ!", Marcus frowned more, "You again! What the HELL are you doin NOW Priscilla?"

"Trick or treating.", I said as if it should be obvious, "It's Halloween! I know this is a religious holiday for you, and you're probably in the middle of your human sacrifice but we need candy!"

"YEAH!", a few other kids yelled, staring Jimmy down like if he didn't give it to them, they'd drink his blood.

"I don't have no CANDY, you f-you WEIRDO!", he censored himself again, "This is a RESTAURANT not Willy Wonka's fu-FACTORY!"

This is great! Marcus can't curse me out. At least not tonight.

"Alright, you heard him guys!", I announced, "No candy! TRICK! Tear up the joint!"

They began to cheer and run around like unleashed animals, all high on sugar from their previous scores at other houses. They were climbing on tables, pushing things off others, and ringing the bell I'd bought him the second time I came here. Some of the kids were leaping up and down on the booth seats, using them like a trampoline.

I laughed and then Jimmy grabbed my arm, yanking me into the kitchen area. I'd never been back here before, and it was hot for me with my fur costume on.

"What the fuck are you DOING HERE you ASSHOLE?", he let loose now on me, "And why'd you bring all the dumb white kids on earth with you? LOOK AT WHAT THEY'RE DOING TO MY FUCKING PLACE!"

"Well if you give them something, they'll stop. And I couldn't deny the kids the chance to see the scariest place on earth, today of all days.", I grinned at him, glad to have at least a little bit of fun today with Marcus. He'll never know how Bella saved him from my mischief night plans.

"GIVE 'EM WHAT?", he shouted, "I said I don't have CANDY here!"

I shrugged, saying, "Well, then, Crypt Keeper, I can't help you. They asked to see a dead ogre who serves human flesh, so here we are. And if you can't give them a treat…or money, we have to play a trick on you. Those are the rules."

"Fucking PRICK!", Marcus went out into the restaurant and the place looked very messed up, but not destroyed. These kids weren't that bad. I've seen worse.

"HEY, EVERYONE OUT!", he was shouting at the kids as I went after him, and he went up to the first kid he could reach, which was a little bride…my Katie…and she was trying to reach down into a fish tank, making a valiant effort to grab the exotic fish inside. At first I was going to scold her myself but then Marcus grabbed her hand and said, "HEY GET OUTTA THERE!"

"I'll handle this!", I took Marcus' hand off my daughter and frowned at him, "This is MY little bride!"

"It figures.", Marcus replied, "She looks like your mental equivalent! Congratulations!"

I smirked at him and pulled the veil up and swung it back off her face, ready to introduce my daughter to Marcus for the first time…and I was staring down at a little blonde haired girl, a couple years younger than Katie. My heart stopped dead in its tracks.

"Hi Bunny!", she smiled up at me…not realizing she was looking at the face of a man about to have a heart attack. A dead man.

I looked around, mutely, searching for other brides…there were none! I looked down at the little child in front of me and backed away from her like she was going to explode. I had taken this child's hand and walked away…it took ten minutes to walk here from the last house! I began to shake my head a little, unable to move…or even blink! Not only was I a kidnapper, but now someone else has MY baby!

"Anthony…", Bella walked up and saw me and this little girl…"What's going on? Where's Katie?"

Everything was dark all of a sudden…sounds melted into sounds…figures looked blurry and unimportant…all I could hear was my heart beating, pounding in my chest! I could see James walking down the street, holding Katie's hand…then Sir Kevin…then Victoria! I pictured them throwing my baby into the trunk of her car! I was having a hard time breathing…everything was moving in super slow motion.

I could hear Bella talking in the background, rounding all the kids up, making them line up so she could see if Katie was really here or not. She took charge and I heard Marcus say, "I'll check the bathrooms and in the back!"

"She's a little girl with long red hair!", Bella shouted, turning around in one big circle, and running outside, seeing adults, the parents of the kids with us, in the parking lot. I felt my legs slowly and woodenly moving myself behind her….still locked in the nightmares of all that could be happening to her right now…because of me.

Bella leapt on top of a car hood and shouted, "LISTEN EVERYONE! THERE'S A LITTLE GIRL MISSING! SHE IS ABOUT 4 FEET 3 INCHES TALL, HAS LONG RED HAIR AND FRECKLES! SHE'S DRESSED LIKE A BRIDE! EVERYONE SPREAD OUT AND IF YOU FIND HER, COME BACK HERE! OR CALL 555-3498!"

Bella had read that phone number right off Jimmy's sign in the window behind her.

I heard Bella's voice crack just once when she shouted, "HER NAME IS KATIE."

Parents instantly moved and went in different directions, fast…looking, calling out, "KATIE! KATIE!"

I was panting now…ready to be sick when I heard Marcus come running up beside me, helping Bella off the car.

"There's no other kids inside.", he said, "Where were you before you came here? Let's go there!"

"Umm…this way…", Bella tried to remain calm and even said it out loud, "She's okay, I know it…we just have to be calm and not panic and we'll find her."

Bella was talking to me, I guess…but I was unable to be reached now…I flashed on Victoria with that boy, Jasper's brother…while I was caged…and he turned into Katie…and Victoria sliced a long, deep line of red across her little white throat.

"KAAAAATTTTIIIIIIEEEEEE!", I roared with all the pain inside of me…feeling like my intestines were about to come up out of my mouth as I ran hard and deep, blowing past Bella and Marcus and flying down the middle of the street.

"Like that.", I heard Bella say way behind me as they began to chase me down.

A couple of cars were approaching as I refused to move aside. Bella screamed as I threw my hands on the roof of the first car to stop in front of me…and I flew to the driver window, smashing against it as the woman inside screamed in terror.

"Is my daughter in there?", I bellowed, not seeing anyone else inside…the woman driving off around me, hysterical and afraid of me, "KATTTTIIIEEEEE!"

The sane part of me thought, the poor woman. Being attacked on Halloween by a guy in a rabbit suit.

"Oh my GOD!", Bella was screaming behind me, "MARCUS!"

And then someone very strong grabbed me from behind and pulled my arms behind me.

"NO MARCUS DON'T!", Bella sounded like she was crying as he moved me out of the road, sitting or throwing me onto the grass as I shouted, enraged that he was letting cars pass by without me getting to look inside them. Marcus held me face down on the ground, telling me to calm down and he'd let me up.

"Don't hurt him!", she was crying and Marcus said, "I'm not hurting him, I'm just calming his dumb ass down!"

I was watching the cars that passed, trying to get up as Marcus grabbed me again, growling, "Stupid white boy! STOP IT! STOP!"

I was sobbing, not even caring that I was dressed in a fucking Thumper outfit.

"THEY'RE GETTING AWAY!, I sobbed harder, seeing a couple more cars pass us…"KATIE!"

Bella was saying, "She's not in any of those cars. No one took her! I'm sure she just wandered off! She's probably walking around trick or treating! Come on, we have to look!"

"No, you guys should go back to my place and wait in case someone brings her there.", Marcus said, "I'll go look for her."

"You don't even know what she LOOKS like!", I screamed, crying like a god damned baby now, and Marcus let me stand up, watching me close in case I ran after innocent people again.

"Alright, then you come with me, Marie, you stay at my place!", he pointed at me.

"I think I should stay with Anthony.", she began but Marcus grabbed my arm and yanked me after him, "He'll be alright. I've got him. Trust me. GO! We'll find her."

I was a mess and no use at all but Marcus took charge and led me down the street where we'd come from.

"Come on.", he shoved me hard, "Stop that crying shit. That won't help her now. Move your worthless ass."

I heard those words and started to pull myself together…knowing he was right. I did my breathing shit, the stuff Peter taught me. In minutes, I was walking faster, focused, looking at children as they passed us, searching for her. I felt this unexplainable hatred for every parent I saw who had their child, having a good time.

These were, without a doubt, the most terrifying moments of my life. And that is saying something.

"KATIE!", Marcus shouted, his two hands on both sides of his mouth, "KATIE MASEN!"

I was calling her too, my voice creaking and breaking with every single call of her name.

Marcus started pounding on doors, asking people if they saw Katie. That was a brilliant idea and wished I'd have thought of it. Every door we tried, no one remembered seeing a little red haired bride. I was starting to lose it again.

Time seemed to crawl by like forever. Minutes were years. I kept thinking that every moment, every second, she was getting farther and farther away from me. What if I never see her again? What if she just vanishes and I never find out what happened to her? I would die.

Every time I began to cry, Marcus snapped me out of it. "Shut up, NANCY boy! We've got a job to do, let's DO IT!"

He was the best friend ever! I loved him more with every step we took together. In my old slave days, he would've been a very cool partner, my black, muscular sidekick. Together we could've pleased hundreds of wicked women. God, what is wrong with me?

The more homes we approached, the bigger our search party became. All the neighbors and people wanted to help find her. Some men got in their cars and started to drive around to look for her.

It was so strange, too, I remembered once calling these people stupid hicks who all stuck together. Now I was hating myself for saying that. And thanking God that they were sticking by me and my daughter.

Marcus took over our group and was telling people to go down this street or that one…so we covered the whole area. I could hear Katie's name being called from everywhere around me…and I would cry all over again.

I saw men and women on horseback, galloping out into the hills and dirt roads to see if she went in there. Or worse…maybe someone took her in there.

I panicked when I thought of that…my baby could be getting raped at this very moment! Or killed! Police always say that if a child isn't found within 48 hours, then they're most likely never coming back. How many hours had it been? How much time do we have left? How do other people get through this fucking Hell?

"What if she's screaming, calling me right now and I can't hear her?", I sobbed to Marcus, feeling him leaning me on his arm as we walked.

"She's okay, she's okay.", Marcus kept saying, assuring me, "This is a good town. Good people. Dumb fuck white people…but still, good people. I've never heard of any kid being grabbed out here. She's just lost, that's all, lost, looking for you. Hang in there, man…hang on. It's alright."

My mind was the cruelest machine…delivering scenario after scenario…playing horror movies in my brain…the images…the terror…I couldn't take it for much longer…but I had no choice. What little sanity I had left was quickly crumbling away.

"KATIE!", I kept calling, "KATTTTTEEEEEE! Please answer…"

Then Marcus' cell phone rang and he quickly answered it…and I stared at him, frozen, wondering if this call would mean that they found Katie alright and alive…or if they found her and she was dead. I felt tears falling as I waited.

"HELLO!", he answered, looking right back at me, "YEA! YES! ALRIGHT!"

I looked at him, waiting, dying inside.

"They found her!", Marcus said loudly for all the people in our area to hear, "They found her! She's at the ice cream place! Let's GO!"

Oh FUCK! Ben and Angela! I didn't even THINK about them! My fucked up brain!

Marcus and I were racing there, on foot, as fast as we could run…I could hear Marcus trying to talk while he kept up with me.

"People went looking into the ice cream place and found here sitting there eating ice cream!", he shared, "Then the old guy who owns the place found out the whole town was looking for her and called my place like they told him! Marie got the call and called me!"

I was sobbing now because I could only see her, sitting with Ben and Angela, eating chocolate ice cream, her little mouth all messy and happy. It was a miracle! A fucking dream come true! And whether I wanted to admit it or not, an answered prayer.

I guess I can't be pissed at God anymore.

The whole town seemed to go with us to watch this whole thing play out to the end. I was out of breath and sweating and sore but I didn't care.

I sprinted all the way there, seeing the tall, huge sign that glowed in the dark. It was red in the background and a white cartoon headed kid was screaming there, and then the face smiled, receiving the ice cream cone. The words 'Ice Cream, You Scream' in blue neon above it all.

Cute, but I didn't care about that right now and I busted in the door, hyperventilating so badly, I couldn't even talk when I saw my little baby there, sitting at a table with her G Mom and Pop Pop, looking worried, melted ice cream in a bowl in front of her.

I fell to my knees and my palms hit the floor when I got there and gasped for air as the little bride, without her veil, ran over and put her arms around my neck. All I knew was that she was alright…and the fucking intense relief…coming over me…was unreal. I'd never wish these last two hours on ANY parent.

"Daddy!", she hugged me as I choked and cried like a fish without water, clinging onto her little body so hard, I thought I would break her.

"I turned around and went to the curb and you guys were gone!", she tried to explain, thinking she was in trouble as I sobbed and fought to breathe, "I looked around but then I just got all twisted around and lost! I walked around until I saw Pop Pop's Ice Cream Sign…in the sky and I came here! We called the house and left a message but you guys have no cell phone!"

We are SO getting a couple of cell phones tomorrow.

"The sign just arrived yesterday, too.", Ben commented from the left, "Good thing I got it up and working!"

I didn't care about all that right now. I just cried, and promised to never let his child go ever again. From now on, when Katie's in school, she's gonna be sitting in my lap while she's there.

"I'm sorry….", I blubbered, kissing her little face over and over again, "I am so fucking sorry. It's my fault…I'm sorry!"

I heard lots of people all around, clapping and celebrating that the missing child was found safe and sound. Angela said something like, "Who wants ice cream?"

Lots of voices shouted, "ME!" even adults! And Angela got to work and began giving out free ice cream to everyone. Normally, I'd be right there with them…but I was still waiting for my nervous breakdown to end.

I just stayed where I was on the floor, not letting go, life going on as usual, all around us.

And then I heard the door slam open hard and Bella's voice was behind me, her arms around me and Katie both.

"KATIE!", Bella was bawling too, "ARE YOU BOTH ALRIGHT?"

"YEA.", we both answered at the same time.

"You two JERKS!", she was crying, kissing both Katie and I all over as she cried, "You just HAD to find a way to scare the CRAP outta me on Halloween, didn't you?"

"YEA.", we both answered again, like two ashamed children being scolded by their Mommy.

"I love you…", she cried, "I love you two DOPES!"

"I love you too.", we both said back, our voices overlapping a bit. But we all clung to each other…sniffling and silent…none of us wanting to be the first to let go.

"Fucking dramatic white people.", Marcus muttered in the distance, saying, "Can I have some chocolate, please?"

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Love you DOPES too! LOL Just kidding!

Love Winnd

See more soon!


	29. A Great Combination

Chapter 29

Hey guys! Yea, Marcus is a great friend, and now I think he won't be able to deny that to Edward anymore. We will hear his story soon, don't worry. Marcus is one of my favorites too.

I am also in big trouble! LOL! I can't stop watching that Donald Duck sex thing! LOL! I love it so much! I need some Dr. Peter therapy….or the other Dr. F…yea, I'll take HIM!

Going to put my head under cold running water now…see you soon! Love you guys!

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BPOV

An hour later, we were sitting at the best table at Ice Cream, You Scream, and it looked like the entire town had showed up to see Katie, meet us, and wish us well. Everyone told their stories about where they looked and how scary it was for them when their kids vanished in the past. A few of the mothers lingered a little too long for my taste, smiling at Edward like sex craved teenagers.

And the entire time, Edward ate a giant ice cream sundae, sharing it with Katie, as she sat on his lap. There was no chance of separating her from him tonight and I didn't even try it. A couple times he dripped hot fudge on her head as he brought the spoon to his own lips and she would go "HEY DAD! WATCH IT! That's my HAIR!"

She got up at one point to go to the bathroom and Edward almost followed her in. But he was stopped. Instead, he waited outside the door, his leg bouncing a little as he looked up and mumbled to himself. Life was going to be very rough for a little while I guessed.

Marcus sat with us, too, and had met Katie officially. He was so different here with her than he usually acted at the restaurant. It was nice to see he wasn't a complete ass.

Other people were sitting around us, too, in the booth, hanging onto Edward's every word as he told the story again. I think a star has been born. Edward wasn't really interested in being popular, but I think he was just on such a high of relief after finding Katie that he had to share it.

The place was a sea of different colored cowboy hats, parents and their kids having a nice little treat after trick or treating. After what happened to us, no one else was really in the mood to keep knocking on doors to get free candy. I guess free ice cream was better.

"Marcus lost it completely.", Edward said to the people at our table now, "But I knew I had to keep him calm if we stood any chance of finding Kate again. So I put my own anguish aside to help him hold it together…"

A couple people went, "Ugghhh…" and one lady said to Edward, "You are so brave. What a good friend you are."

Edward shrugged, nodding, and taking a bite of vanilla ice cream, acting like it was no big deal.

Marcus was looking at Edward with his mouth hanging open, and paused a moment as Edward smiled at me, like a little devil…and then Marcus' whole head flew around in a circle as his high pitched squeal flew out.

"WHHHAATTTT?', he screamed, sounding like he'd just swallowed helium as I burst out laughing, trying not to spit strawberry ice cream at Katie, across from me.

"See?", Edward pointed at Marcus' head, "He was so scared, all his hair fell out! He had a full on AFRO at eight o'clock!"

And then Edward laughed at his own joke, roaring and almost sliding down under the table as he guffawed, Katie rolling her eyes and trying to stay upright on his lap.

Peter was right. Severe lows…followed by sky rocket highs. It's great to see Edward so elated and giddy, but part of me couldn't wait to see him even out a little in the future, so he wasn't swinging back and forth between despair and bliss. Because even when he's happy, like this, soon, he's going to swing back there into the darkness. And I can't always stop that from happening. I'm helpless to keep him here and that kills me.

In time it will be alright and I hold onto that every day. But I hope I don't lose this happy little house elf I'm staring at now. He's so alive and adorable. He makes me young…for the first time in my life, I'm YOUNG. God, I love him so much it makes me ache.

Marcus was so pissed but there wasn't much he could say with kids and Katie right in Edward's lap. But that still didn't stop him from sharing.

"This is why I HATE FU—I HATE HALLOWEEN!", Marcus' eyes were steel as he looked around the table, not afraid to make eye contact, "The whole damn day was created by a bunch of redneck hillbillies who thought it would be FUN to dress up as GHOSTS so they could get away with going to a BLACK MAN'S house, burning crosses, and hanging his poor ass from a TREE! HAPPY FUCKIN' HALLOWEEN!"

Everyone was silent now…I think even the background Halloween music that was playing, "Monster Mash" halted on its own.

Then, finally, Edward was the one to break the tension.

"Hey, has everyone met Marcus?", Edward tried to ask politely, "He has so many friends, but with his bubbly personality, he always has room for more! Aren't you going to read to blind kids after you leave here tonight, Jimmy?"

I could tell it was right on the tip of his tongue to say 'Fuck YOU!' but he restrained himself beautifully. I was proud.

One man in a cowboy hat addressed Marcus now.

"Are you new here too, Marcus?", he asked, being very friendly with a smile.

"NEW?", he squealed again, "I've LIVED HERE FOR FIVE YEARS!"

I would've laughed if I didn't feel so sorry for him. He sounded just like George Jefferson. I know, I watch Nick at Nite too. I must stop soon.

Edward almost lost the bite of ice cream in his mouth as he laughed.

"Well, maybe it's because you're so busy, you have the Big Brother program, you reach out to the inner city kids and teach 'em to play basketball…and then you deliver Meals on Wheels to the elderly...", Edward shot back, "Besides all the time you put into your thriving business."

"Inner city! There IS no inner city! This town has TWO STREETS! Main Street and First Street! Maybe it's because I'm BLACK!", he flung back, not afraid to say the words.

"Again with the black thing!", Edward looked disappointed, "No, that's not the reason! It's because you're scary, smelly and bald! I'm sure people still wouldn't like you even if you were white."

A couple people laughed, not blaming Marcus for his outburst in the least. But I wish Marcus didn't have the look in his eyes that said he'd be chasing everyone in town tonight with a chainsaw! Edward especially.

"And that's not true, Marcus!", Edward butted in right away, "What you said before…about the ghosts and the hangings…"

Marcus almost leapt out of his skin, leaning over the table in Edward's face.

"NOT TRUE?", his voice went up three octaves again.

"I mean about how Halloween got created!", Edward explained, "That's not how it started. That's how the KKK started, but Halloween was much earlier!"

"How the fuck—", Marcus stopped and smiled at Katie and then cleared his throat, "How do YOU know, where you THERE?"

"Everybody knows!", Edward argued, frowning, "Read a BOOK, MAN! If you CAN! Or I'll read it TO YA!"

Marcus stared at Edward eating his ice cream like a snake would watch a little mouse happily strolling along, waiting for just the right moment to bite its little white head off.

"Halloween started a million years ago!", Edward said as everyone listened and ate simultaneously, "Every year, on this night, people believed that the line between the ghost world and the human world would BLUR! And they were afraid that the spirits of the dead would grab living people to drag them back to the underworld. So, they dressed up as monsters, ghosts, and zombies so they'd blend in and not be taken to Hell!"

Then Edward paused and smiled to himself a little…and he muttered to himself, "Lines again…hmm…interesting."

I'd have to ask him later what that was all about.

"That.", Marcus stated, "Is a fairy tale, Cinderella!"

Katie laughed at that. I didn't want to see the look on Edward's face now so I ate some ice cream, laying low.

"Have some more ice cream, Jimmy!", Edward tried to change the subject, taking Marcus' spoon and digging into his bowl, putting it up to his friend's tight lips, "Come on, baby Jim…open the doors."

Katie giggled at that and watched Marcus. But he didn't open the doors. Until he spoke.

"It wasn't so long ago that people like ME lived here.", Marcus went on, sternly, his voice loud, "Lots of US! But your great great grandparents all murdered 'em! And after they were done, they probably sat right on this spot, eating ice cream and laughing, like you are now! And if the ghosts of all those poor bastards you lynched come back tonight to drag all your pale asses to HELL I say GO, BROTHERS, GO! WELCOME! And it's ABOUT FUCKIN' TIME!"

Again, dead silence. I think even the crickets stopped chirping.

"Ohhhh…kkkaaayyyy.", Edward replied, afraid to move or break eye contact with Marcus.

"You know…", another man inserted, "I knew a black guy once…"

Edward's eyes went round in horror, shaking his head at the man talking.

"MARCUS, I forgot to tell you something!", Edward covered the other man's conversation with his loud voice, grabbing his friend's arm and getting him out of his seat, "It's SO IMPORTANT and I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT!"

Edward dragged him away, then turned and took Katie by the hand, taking her along with him like he nearly forgot her. She whined and went along with him.

"DADDDDD!", she complained, "I don't have to go everywhere YOU GO NOW!

What happens when you hafta go TO THE BATHROOM?"

I laughed as Katie looked back at me, as if silently pleading for me to rescue her.

Maybe I would…later. I snickered a little wickedly to myself. Take my lipstick willya?

I was eavesdropping a little as Edward took Marcus to the corner of the room. It's not like they were trying to be quiet!

"What the Hell is WITH YOU, Bro?", Edward asked heatedly, holding Katie's hand as she looked away, trying to get Angela's attention with her scared face.

"I AM NOT YOUR BRO!", Marcus shouted back, his voice higher than before, "You PEOPLE just can't handle the TRUTH! Halloween is a racist holiday!"

"IT IS NOT!", Edward's voice raised up high to match with Marcus' now, and he grabbed at his hair, "It's about CANDY and SUGAR and we can ALL appreciate THAT! And I'm not gonna stand here and watch you try to KILL HALLOWEEN! OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

"That's the most BEAUTIFUL thing you've said all night!"

"It's not about BLACK AND WHITE!", Edward argued, "It's about monsters versus humans! Good versus EVIL! The DEAD versus the LIVING! And now I am seeing why YOU'RE so upset! You're in the wrong clubhouse! You want the big, black HOUSE down the road that says 'BATES MOTEL!'"

"FUCK YOU PILLSBURY WHITE BOY!", he shot back, his eyes burning into Edward's face.

"Is that all you ever say when you're OUT OF THINGS TO SAY?", Edward yelled back.

"That's the only appropriate answer I can think up for YOU, Snow WHITE Brother-Fucker!", he spat back.

"HEY, watch your MOUTH!", Edward put his hands over Katie's ears, after the curse word was already said, "There's a C-H-I-L-D HERE!"

"Oh, please, she's smarter than YOU!", Marcus pointed at Edward, "SHE knew how to find her way home at least! What do YOU do, wander around until someone picks you up?"

"Boys…", I called over to them, "You're making everyone jealous over here with what you two have…it's so beautiful, truly! But why don't you tone it down a bit and come finish your ice cream?"

"What?", Katie shouted, squinting at me, Edward's hands still over her ears.

"Let her GO, Anthony!", I ordered him…and he released her, allowing her to race over to me and throw herself into my arms, as if she was afraid of her father now.

Edward turned to Marcus and hissed, pointing at him, "I KNOW you like me, despite my COLOR! We had a moment…a whole night of moments tonight! YOU ARE MY FRIEND, whether you like it or not!"

"AM NOT!"

"ARE TOO!"

"NOT!"

"TOO!"

"And I'm gonna save your ass now, whether you WANT IT OR NOT TOO!", Edward shouted, "NOT FOR YOU! NOT FOR THIS TOWN! BUT SO THAT IF I FEEL LIKE HAVING AN EGG ROLL SOMETIME, I'LL HAVE SOMEWHERE TO DO IT! EVEN IF IT IS YOUR CRAP OF A PLACE!"

"ATTENTION EVERYONE!", Edward continued, standing on a chair as everyone quieted, looking at their new hero, "My best friend, Marcus, the leader in the search for my daughter, Katie, wants me to tell you that for the next week, all the meals at his WONDERFUL RESTAURANT JIMMY CHAN'S are HALF PRICE to celebrate Katie being found safely!"

Everyone clapped and said, "YEA!"

But Marcus looked like his head was gonna spin all the way around.

"HALF PRICE!", Marcus bellowed as Edward stepped down from the chair, "YOU BETTER POP BACK UP THERE, GAY-IN-THE-BOX, AND CORRECT THAT SHIT!"

"Oh, alright.", Edward said, getting back on the chair, "EXCUSE ME, WAIT! WAIT! THAT WAS WRONG! EVERYTHING IS HALF PRICE, EVEN APPETIZERS….THE DRINKS ARE FREE! AND KIDS EAT FREE! OH….AND THE DESSERTS ARE FREE TOO! THANK YOU!"

I began to run up to them as Marcus put his hands around Edward's throat, dragging him to the men's room.

"Come here, I WANNA TALK TO YOU, RIM JOB BARBIE!", Marcus growled.

"NO, NOT THE MEN'S ROOM MARCUS!", Edward resisted hard, his face full of fear for a split second…then, all of a sudden, he did a cool martial arts kind of spin that freed himself…and pinned Marcus to the wall, against the red and white striped wallpaper. Marcus couldn't get out of the hold Edward had him in as his cheek pressed to the surface, and Edward yanked Marcus' thumb up a bit and he shouted out loud.

"I don't like being forced into small places.", Edward informed, very cool and collected, not even breaking a sweat as Marcus struggled a little, amazed at how fast Edward had put him in this predicament.

"If you want to talk to me, we'll talk.", Edward said, "But don't ever put your fucking hands on me like that again. You're still my friend but I want that made clear. Is it clear?"

"Yea, YEA!", Marcus agreed, wincing a little.

"Good.", Edward smirked at his friend, "I'm letting you go now. Don't try that again. I don't want to hurt you, even by accident. Alright?"

"Alright.", Marcus said.

"While you're here…", Edward said quietly, "I don't like your little GAY jokes. Call me Priscilla, Barbie, Nancy…all that's fine. But no more jokes about doing me up the ass, taking tips out of my ass, or basically anything concerning my ass. I don't like those. Yes?"

Is it wrong that I'm suddenly hot for Edward right now? He's stronger than MARCUS! He DOES know how to defend himself!

"Yes.", Marcus said without a fight.

"Alright.", Edward said…and let him go. Edward even brushed Marcus off a little as he turned to him.

"Sorry about that.", Edward said, meaning it.

"Me too.", Marcus looked a little ashamed, "I shouldn't have grabbed you like that. Sorry."

I looked around to see if the whole town was staring at them but no one was really paying them any attention. Weird. Maybe here in the country, this happens a lot between men. In New York, everyone would be standing around, going, "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

Ben walked by them now, his hands full of ice cream bowls.

"If you two wanna do something useful, grab some trays and move your asses!", Ben grumbled.

And, funnily enough, they started DOING that!

"Yes, Ben.", Edward answered, going behind the counter and taking a tray. And even stranger, Marcus followed and took a tray too! They are so weird…but cute. I watched them like they were apes…and I was Jane Goodall.

"Half priced meals!", Marcus hissed behind Edward, "Have you inhaled too much of that hair spray you use? How can I afford THAT?"

"Marcus, do the MATH!", Edward replied, serving dishes of ice cream to the tables, smiling in between their argument when kids were looking, then he went right back to it, "Fifty people eating for half price is MORE than no one eating for NOTHING! Besides, it's just for a week! After that, maybe people will come back and pay full price! That's a little lesson from your good friend, Anthony Masen, business major."

"Look—", Marcus began.

"And also…", Edward peeked behind him at Marcus, taking bowls off his tray and placing them in front of people, "Marie is gonna be your new hostess SLASH waitress. For a little while. Until you find a permanent one that's not mine!"

"WHAT?", Marcus yelled, now even more irate.

"Marcus, you're a great chef and a cool friend…", Edward complimented, "But you're not the face people are going to see when they come into Jimmy Chan's. You need someone sweet, someone pretty…someone…human."

"Who the hell do you think you—"

"I'm trying to help you!", Edward put a hand on Marcus' arm, "I already talked to Marie about it. She wants to help you. And she needs a little part time job right now, for the holidays. She wants to buy her own presents for us. Isn't that adorable?"

"I don't—"

"And she's a psych major.", Edward informed, "Maybe she can help you in…other ways too."

"But it's MY PLACE!", Marcus shouted, following him.

"It's your place!", Edward rolled his eyes, "And no one's taking that away from you! You have your kitchen, you can keep the menu, you can even play the Mr. Wong gets a blow job music…but you're not gonna work in Customer Relations. It's not your department."

"What is it YOURS, Tinkerbell?", Marcus asked a little loudly.

"Call me…a consultant.", Edward licked his thumb, raising his brows as he walked away from a table, saying, "Enjoy.", to the kids and mother sitting there.

"If you think—"

"Ugh…MARCUS, I'm working for you for FREE, MAN!", Edward pointed out, "Just wait, you'll see! I know a little bit about presentation, marketing, and especially selling, okay? Trust me."

"I don't!"

Edward smiled at his friend's face, patting his shoulder, and saying, "You will.", and then walked away…and it was all settled.

The next night, Edward was there, dressed in a new suit, a knockoff that looked just like a Dolce and Gabbana. It was tough seeing Edward settle for a cheap suit off the rack at the store that morning. I could tell that he was used to knowing what was the best and getting it, even though he acted like it didn't matter to him. I think it did.

But he wanted to look his best, he said, for the opening night of the "New Jimmy Chan's" in his words.

I also got to buy a very beautiful dress that Edward chose for me, a blace lace bodice with long see through sleeves and see through lace around my cleavage to make things look sexy but hidden. I had to admit I loved it. But it was a bit sexy. And Edward was looking at black high heels for me when I came out of the dressing room to show him.

"OOOH!', his eyes lit up as his body spun towards me, "BABY, are you STUNNING!"

"I look pretty in this!", I smiled like a little girl, excited. It wasn't often I got real girl clothes.

"You sure do!", he smiled back, in awe, making me feel even more beautiful now.

"Is it TOO sexy though?", I asked, cringing a little, turning to the mirror, "My legs are all exposed!"

"Your legs ARE HOT!", Edward stared, "And the dress is perfect! We'll take that.", he said to the salesman, then talking to me again, "Besides, you're the hostess. You're supposed to look a little sexy. It draws customers in."

I looked at him as he checked out the girl shoes and asked, "Who ARE you?"

Edward smirked at me as I laughed and he answered, "Your new boss. Try these shoes on, woman."

"Yes SIR!", I chuckled, mocking irritation at him, saluting as I went back into the dressing room.

Edward even got Katie involved in this, and she was thrilled! She had a ballerina dress she wanted to wear and Edward adored that idea. He said it would make her stand out and he was certain there wouldn't be any other little ballerinas running around to confuse him like last night.

Oh, and a new rule was in place: No more hats, heads, wigs, and especially NO MASKS or VEILS would be worn by any of us EVER on October 31st.

King Edward proclaimed it last night.

And now we all stood there, at the door of Jimmy Chan's…greeting the customers who were actually bunched up, in a line, waiting to be seated.

"Good evening, welcome to Jimmy Chan's.", Edward shook the men's hands and directed them to me, "The lovely Marie, here, will get you our best table."

Then, to another couple, Edward poured on the charm even more, "So GOOD to see you again! Hello! Welcome to Jimmy Chan's. I'll make sure you get a GREAT table in the back, I know, you guys are newlyweds, no problem, I understand!"

"Katie!", I handed her three menus, "Take the Hobarts to table number FOUR, okay?"

We had marked all the tables on the sides so Katie could help out.

"Yes, I'd love to!", she smiled, being as glittering and attractive as her father, "Please follow me…"

We are gonna be in HUGE trouble when Katie takes an interest in boys. I got a chill, picturing Edward sitting in between Katie and her first date, scowling at the poor little boy the whole evening.

The night was a huge success! We were busy the whole night and everything went pretty smoothly…well, except for a few glitches that Edward saw coming.

Edward was there to explain to the customers that the menus, while very creative and fun, did not truly mean that there was human waste in the food or that you'd actually burn your tongue on the Burn Your Tongue Platter.

He said things that were genius, talking about a new idea of excellent food meeting comedy and the spirit of fun. DAMN! He's good!

For the first time, I really saw that he had learned something good while with Victoria. He knew how the business worked. He paid attention. He watched how she schmoozed the clients…and he was doing that now for Marcus. I was in awe of him, he was charming, entertaining….but real and not phony. He treated the women like Queens, the kids like they were his own…and the men all wanted to BE HIM! He is a wonderful consultant!

Everyone left happy and Edward and I were always there to open the door for them and say, "Goodnight! Thanks for coming! Drive safely!"

Every so often Edward would go in the kitchen and then it truly DID sound like the back of a New York CHINESE KITCHEN! I couldn't always make out what they were saying, but the yelling was obvious. I kept turning up the volume of the Chinese music.

Edward would charge out, fuming…muttering under his breath and then see a customer and smile so wide and say, "How IS everything? Isn't that good? I LOVE the duck too!"

Once I heard him say, "Isn't she a BOMBSHELL? That's MY girl, though, hands off!", and he laughed with the guys at the table.

I loved it when he said that. How does he make me fall deeper and deeper in love with him every second?

I went in the back once because a customer had a request and I didn't know what to do about it.

Edward was talking to Marcus, saying, "It's a good thing, having lots of customers. Stop bitching."

"I'm NOT bitching!", Marcus cooked fast, his bald head shining with sweat, "I'm just saying it doesn't mean you're RIGHT and I'm wrong! Where'd all these people come from, anyway? These are more customers I've had TOTAL in the last three years!"

"Well, it IS All Saints Day.", Edward informed, "Maybe God's just giving you this one day miracle for helping us last night. Say thank you."

"Thank YOU?", he shouted.

"You're WELCOME, Marcus…awwww…", Edward went to hug him but then saw the sweat…and retreated…"Maybe later after you've had a shower…this is a new suit."

"AHEM!", I cut in and they both looked at me, Edward smiling and Marcus…not so much.

"I have a problem.", I began.

"No kidding.", Marcus eyed Edward, smirking as Edward slowly turned his head towards him…not looking amused.

"There's a family who is asking to meet the chef!", I bit my bottom lip.

"Oh God.", Edward's face drained of color, his hands out, "Don't panic. Let me think a second."

I came in a little more and Marcus tossed a wok down on the stove.

"If they want to meet me, I'll meet 'em.", Marcus informed, "It IS MY PLACE!"

"Hold it right there, MONTEL!", Edward put his hand on Marcus' chest, "Not so fast! Not after all the work we've done to make people think there's a PERSON cooking back here! Let me think a minute."

"I'm not gonna HIDE back here, like I'm a Burger King employee!", Marcus complained.

"Maybe I can run to the antique store down the street and grab Mrs. Nusbaum!", Edward thought aloud, his mind racing.

"She's 87 years old!", I said.

"So?", Edward frowned at me, "She can run!"

"And I'm SURE people will believe MRS. NUSBAUM can make Chinese food!", I added.

"If Marcus can do it, anyone can!", Edward argued, looking at him now, up and down, "Obviously."

Then Edward gasped and looked around. "Wait a second!"

He ran out and then ran back in, holding Katie's hand.

"NO DADD!", her little voice whined loudly.

"Sit down here a minute, will ya?", he said to her as she crossed her arms, angry, sitting on a stool he placed down for her, "I told you to stay in my sight at all times."

"I AM DAD!", Katie shouted, looking at Marcus, matching his angry eyes with her own.

"I feel you, Katie, I feel you!", Marcus put a hand to his own chest, "I'll write a note to the authorities for you, kid, don't worry."

"Maybe if we tell people he doesn't speak any English, just Chinese!", Edward thought next, "Will you just nod and shake your head if we take you out there?"

"FUCK YOU BOZO the CLOWN!", Marcus replied, not holding back for Katie's sake.

Katie giggled and Edward put his hands back over her ears, glaring at Marcus, "I have BEGGED you NOT to SULLY this child! Stop using the ….F-U-C-K word!"

"I LOVE THE F-U-C-K WORD!", Marcus squinted, firing back, "And I'll say it all DAY! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK, FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK…. F U C K !"

"You are so unhealthy!", Edward said in response, seething inside, still clamping his hands over his daughter's ears, "I wish you would come see Dr. Peter!"

"FUCK Dr. PETER!", Marcus shouted, "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK PISS, SHIT, ASSCOCK, PENISFUCKER, POONANI, THUNDERCUNT, TWATWAFFLE, BITCHTITS, FUCKER-SUCKER!"

"This is our chef, Mrs. Nusbaum.", Edward said a few minutes later, gently putting his arm around a woman who looked exactly like the one who used to ask, 'Where's the BEEF?'

She looked like she didn't even know where she was or what was happening….but she was here and smiling at the customers. Man…Edward CAN run fast! I think he carried her back here in his arms! Marcus was locked in the bathroom…just for a minute until the one family left.

"Everything was SO wonderful!", the lady complimented, "How do you make those wonderful little dumpling things? They are OUT OF THIS WORLD!"

Mrs. Nusbaum was mostly deaf so she just nodded and smiled.

"Umm…", Edward jumped in, his arm still around the quiet old woman, "She doesn't like to tell her secrets, you know…recipes passed on from generation to generation…you understand…"

I walked away, rolling my eyes. If anyone thought this old jewish woman is cooking Chinese food with recipes passed on down to her from her great great great grandmother, they were on something.

Once that whole situation was diffused, and yes, the family DID believe the chef was Mrs. Nusbaum, God help us, everything was going pretty well again. Ben and Angela had just left, picking Katie up and taking her for the night around nine, and Edward and I got to take a small little break outside behind the restaurant.

When I came out there, I saw him leaning against the wall, and looked twice. He was smoking!

I furrowed my brow and came closer, saying, "I never knew you SMOKED."

"Oh.", he looked like a teenager who got caught doing it, "I'll put it out."

"No, it's okay.", I sipped a soda, "I just never knew, that's all."

He exhaled a misty line of smoke through his nose and looked at the cigarette in his hand.

"Bad habit I used to have.", he flicked the ashes away from me, "I haven't even WANTED one…until tonight."

"What brought it on?", I asked, smirking at him…he looked so damn good there, and the cigarette just made him that much hotter, "Marcus?"

"No.", he shook his head, putting the cigarette in his lips and the way they puckered and sucked…drawing the smoke into his mouth…Oh God, this is making me so hot for him! I want to rip that suit off his body until it's in shreds! Why? Smoking is bad for you and I should be saying that…but I can't! Bad boys…mmmm…..my weakness, being a cop's daughter.

"I think it's…being here…working, sort of.", he said, deep in thought, as if he was already trying to figure it out before I came out here, "It reminds me…of my old job."

"The dancing?", I asked delicately, deciding to call it that now.

"Not entirely.", he let the smoke just ooze out of his lips as he spoke and my eyes were mesmerized by the easy way it looked, "The customers, the stroking…the serving…the tables…maybe that's why I like it here…or like coming here all the time. But that's wrong, isn't it?"

I snapped out of my transe when he looked at me, asking for answers.

"Uhhh…no, it's not wrong.", I said, thinking now, looking down for a moment, "That was your world for six years…and I remember watching you that first night I was at Fire. I never told you this, but you just amazed me. You owned the place…you moved with such grace and…style…you loved everyone there…old, young, drunk, sober….you smiled and the room lit up. And everyone loved YOU. You made every single one of those women happy…I saw it…they all felt…special after you walked away, even though none of them were very…special for real. You were great. You ARE great. And that wasn't all because you were half naked…it was YOU. You captivated them all. They were all yours…whether it was a wink, a smile, a brush of your fingers…that's when I knew…you are really something, Edward Cullen."

He exhaled, as if a laugh escaped accidentally at my words, and smoke came out of his nose. He put the cigarette out and smiled at me.

"You're really something, too, Bella Swan.", he answered, "Who else on the planet would bring a notebook to a strip club?"

He smiled at me, amused by my facial reaction to his question.

"I'm glad I had it.", I said simply, "It got YOUR attention. And that was no easy trick in THAT place!"

"True.", he put his hands in his trouser pockets, and leaned on his side, his head against the building as he gave me this fuckhawt stare.

I was incapable of speech at the moment but he filled the void.

"Thank you…for helping me.", he said in a very serious voice, his eyes so tender and dark in the night sky, "For doing this…for Jimmy."

I smiled and leaned the same way he was, letting my hair blow in the wind and fall over half my face as I stared back at him, hoping I was being as seductive as he was.

"I'd do anything for YOU, Edward.", I breathed, hoping it didn't sound fake…I did mean it…but I was implying more with my words than just a good deed, "Anything…"

"Bella…", he looked at me with more heat than I'd ever seen in those eyes before…and he lurched forward, grabbing my hair so tight with one hand and taking a long, wet lick up my neck…his tongue in my mouth before I even knew it was happening.

I whimpered and wanted more, I wanted him to be rougher with me…and then he grabbed my neck and held me in place as he probed my mouth deeper with his urgent tongue…he tasted like mint and cigarettes and I LOVED it! I lapped at his tongue with mine inside our mouths and we both moaned into the other's lips…and his hand was between my legs…making such lovely friction against my panties…

"You want this?", he asked without shyness as he kept moving his jagged palm against me as I screamed out a little, opening my legs more…so glad I wore the thigh high stockings like he told me to tonight.

"Huh?", he grabbed my hair like I was his bitch and forced me to look up into his eyes as he yanked my dress up higher…"Answer me! You dirty little thing! You like this?"

"OHHHH GOD YES!", I groaned like another woman, someone very foreign to me…but more myself than ever…"Please…please!"

He winced and grabbed the panties, tearing them off with one yank as a rip sound drove me even further into my lustful haze.

"Open those legs, open 'em!", he shouted as I went up on my tiptoes…spreading my legs so far apart it was painful…but I didn't dare move a muscle.

"That was easy, wasn't it?", he growled like a deadly tiger, "Do you open those legs that fast for everyone…or is it just me?"

He was moving his fingers around my clit, not softly…savagely! And it was what my dark dreams were made of! If this is what I get for working for Marcus, I'll be here every fucking night of my life! For FREE!

Edward looked at me with hard eyes and it just made me even more wet as he yanked my hair back more, making my one eye that was visible open wide and look up at him.

"JUST YOU!", I panted, "Just you EVER! No one else!"

God, I LOVE this game!

"Really.", he sneered, moving his hand against me again, up and down, then around in a circle over my entire vagina as I moaned and whimpered.

"Yes…I swear.", I trembled, loving the way his fist felt controlling my head by my hair. The high heeled shoes were painful with my feet and legs this way, but I put that aside for now. My pussy was in charge now and she said nothing was going to stop this – PERIOD!

"I love you…", I squeaked, playing the scared little woman to his bad boy man.

"LOVE.", he scowled and pulled a little on the soft hair between my legs as I let out a screech, "Don't use four letter words with ME, BITCH! This isn't about LOVE, this is about FUCKING, understand?"

JESUS this Edward is RAUNCHY! I LOVE him!

"Yes…I'm sorry..sorry…", I arched my back a bit as he released the small curl of hair and clutched at my pussy.

"You certainly are.", he leered down at me, "But you're mine. And this filthy little pussy is mine!"

He was rubbing his hand against me again and I looked up into the night sky…the cool night air and his fingers touching me at the same time was driving me into a orgasm HIGH! I was making sounds I didn't even know I could make!

"Yea, make your little slut noises…", he seethed in my ear, "Cry for me while my fingers fuck you out here for everyone to see…"

And then his fingers inserted themselves into my creamy wetness. I went to cry out from the pure bliss of it but he slapped his hand over my lips and kept his fingers working.

"Shut that little pig mouth of yours…", he said, looking down my dress as his fingers moved forcefully in and out of me, playing me like an instrument, "I don't want anyone coming to save you, now, do I? Not that they COULD."

"MMMMMM…", I whimpered into his palm and found that sooo delicious. My head and body were against the wall and it was cold and exciting.

My fingers were claws and they gripped like a weak kitten's against his jacket…not fighting him…just…expressing their intense pleasure at what he was doing.

"Look at those tits…bouncing up and down…heaving out of that dress!", he sounded disgusted and turned on at the same time…and he took his hand off my mouth a moment to undo the snap behind my neck…as I let out a breath of arousal….watching him move the top half of my dress down just so my breasts were out.

"MMMM!", he put his hand back over my mouth and ravaged my naked breasts with his mouth…biting and licking, sucking…everywhere…without reason or apology. He was purely…an animal. This is SO FUCKING GREAT!

He kept biting and licking…burying his face in between my breasts and biting that little valley of skin as I let out a little scream, muffled by his hand and making this even more thrilling.

Then he started doing something with his fingers inside me that was making me even MORE of a screamer! I had no idea what he was doing there, but it was fucking fantastic and I didn't want it to ever end!

I began making sounds, deep, grunting sounds…wild, untamed noises….and I looked up into his dark eyes with my one uncovered pupil…and we shared a small second…we both knew we were pleasing the other…and vice versa…it was understood….without a word between us.

"A slut is about to come…", Edward purred dangerously in my ear, "I think I hear one now…"

"MMMMM!", I grunted without shame, rubbing my pussy against his hand as he increased that move he was doing in there…and my head flew back and hit the wall and I screamed louder, "MMMMMMMM!"

"Every time a slut comes, a devil gets her horns you know…", he teased me as he slowed down a little with his fingers…and I glared at him.

He snickered and watched my face, my breasts still poking out and moving up and down with each pant of my breath.

"Maybe I'll slow down…", he said cruelly, smiling, "Maybe I'll stop…"

"NNNNNN!", I shook my head, banging my head against the wall, "NNNNNNNNNNMMMMMMM!"

"No?", he asked, "You sure?"

I kept smashing my head back and forth, growling, struggling in his grip now…but he didn't let me go. He just laughed.

"Little slut wants to cum, doesn't she?", he asked me like I was a baby, "Do you…do you want to come for me?"

I nodded with all the energy I had.

"I don't believe you…", he teased as I screeched out under his hand and nodded harder.

"Alright, alright, don't grovel, it's pathetic!", he grinned, and began working my pussy again, like before, getting my screams in return.

"I hope I can make you cum before Marcus comes out here…", he said as I heaved and grunted mutely, "That would be a shame if he did…maybe I'll let him finish you off."

I widened my eyes and he laughed at me. "Just kidding. I'd never share THIS little MEAL.", he smirked and looked down my breasts again, licking the right nipple…biting into it.

I was back where I'd been before and it was coming fast…so fast! I had tears in my eyes as the most intense orgasm ever began to arise inside me. My body was tensing and out of my control, my open legs shivering and jerking as if I was having a seizure!

"Here she comes…", Edward smirked wickedly at me and that was all I needed! It was born! It was running all through me and I was howling like a fucking werewolf at the moon!

"Come, slut…come…yessss…..oh, such a good little bitch…", he said and that made the orgasm even MORE erotic!

It went on for a very long time, longer than ever…and I felt my legs almost give out from under me but Edward caught me in his arms, leaning me up against the wall, right up against my body with his, keeping me warm. He was kissing my lips now…softly…then biting my bottom lip with gentle teeth…chewing on it almost…and I closed my eyes as he breathed into my mouth.

"I love you, Edward.", was all I could breathe in response.

He kissed my nose and I wiggled it for him, doing my bunny nose thing. He loved that.

"You know…", he moved my hair out of my other eye now, gently, "A lot of women have uttered that phrase afterwards…but you're the only one who made me wish it was true. I love you, too, Bella. Today…(he kissed my nose)…tomorrow…(he kissed my lips)…and forever."

I smiled up at him like an idiot who'd lost the gift of speech…just admiring the view. Angels MUST have made this. And they'll want him back…someday….but for now, he's all mine…I intend to hang onto him for about sixty…seventy more years…and even then I won't let him go without a fight.

"There must be a God after all.", he said, stroking my face, kissing it, "And he must like me…he sent YOU. He knew you'd save me. And you did. But why I'll never know. I'm such a sick bastard."

"Correction.", I kissed him back hard, "You're MY sick bastard. And I wouldn't change you for the world. Except to take the tears out of your eyes. And I'm working on that."

He smiled and kissed my lips again, his fingers moving around my left nipple.

"I don't know…", he kissed me again, briefly, "I think I'm starting to like crying. I was never allowed to before. And it feels good sometimes. I feel like I'm getting better every time I do. I'm not a machine anymore."

He kissed me again and I closed my eyes, wishing I could BE INSIDE this man, that's how desperately in love with him I am! And his fingers…are soooo damn good.

"Yes…", I turned my head away a little, biting on my lip as I just FELT those fingers brushing around the edges of my cool little nipple, "Ohhh Godddd…."

"And you're getting better too…", he diagnosed, "Every time you do that…"

"You're not even closing your legs…", he informed, looking, "Or pulling up your top."

"Does that mean I'm gonna make it, Doctor Frankencock?", I asked, looking at him with heavy, lustful eyes, peeking down at his fingers that were still wet with me, touching my nipple too softly that it was driving me crazy.

"I think so, Miss Swan…", he smiled, making eye contact with me, "I think so. Of course, I'll have to run a few more tests before I can be sure. We don't want to rush things, do we?"

I smiled more and looked up, then right back at him…shaking my head…"No, definitely not, Doctor. I want to be cured. I'll do anything it takes to save myself."

"That is so wonderful, Miss Swan.", he responded, holding my neck again and kissing my bottom lip, sucking on it as I cried out a little…my wet pussy quaking down there, missing her finger friends.

"A great attitude like yours wins half the battle.", he moved his lips down my jaw line, kissing and sucking on the edges…"Of course…my bedside manner is legendary. I think we have a great combination here…I really do."

"Me too, Doctor…me too.", I breathed, smiling, knowing I was the luckiest bitch on the planet…and loving it.

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End of Chapter 29

Man, that just totally came out of nowhere, I swear! Writing Edward smoking got ME all hot and bothered and…the rest is history…LOL.

My favorites: Mrs. Nusbaum, Marcus' cursing tourettes tirade, Marcus' Halloween tirade, Edward calling Marcus BRO…Edward slamming Marcus into the wall, showing his mad fighting skills, and most of all: hot mean rough sexy Edward behind Jimmy Chan's.

Love you all!

Love, Winnd


	30. The Guts of a Hero

Chapter 30

Hey guys! For those of you who know about the Toy Story 2 song, COOL! Thanks for not outing the secret yet!

And Peter will get the nun's habit soon. I'm still thinking up a cute way to do that one.

And with the last chapter, Edward calling Bella a bitch, slut, etc…it is not a TRUE fight he's having with her, this is said in the heat of the moment…and unfortunately, this is the way he's been taught to play. It won't go away just like that. And Edward does feel shitty afterwards, always, and asks Bella if she thinks he's disgusting…and she always says no. If he was calling her a bitch during an argument, THEN I'd have a real problem with that, and wouldn't let him do that to her. But, it is a different thing when you're role playing. That's just how I feel. Edward has a lot of deep feelings for Bella, and a lot of them are sexual and at times, dark, as that is the world he's been living in for the last six years. Bella doesn't know much about sex but she is learning what excites her and what doesn't. That is a personal thing every couple has to figure out as they "play". I won't be doing that all the time during a lemon, but I thought it was important to show that Edward doesn't always make sweet, gentle love. He's been changed by Victoria but he's trying to do better.

Also, Edward is very insecure. Part of him, deep down, believes that Bella is too good for him and that some better guy will come take her away. And although he doesn't realize it fully himself yet, he thinks he needs to perform, sexually, for Bella, in exciting and unusual ways so that he will get some kind of approval from her, and so she'll stay with him. He doesn't want to bore her and lose her. He's been made to feel that's all he has to offer a woman, and that will take time to go away too. Dr. Peter will unpeel that sad little layer in time.

AND – Male victims of male rapists often have big problems with their sexuality. They keep asking themselves, 'Did I like it?' 'Did this or that give me a little pleasure?' It's sad. Edward might be doing these elaborate sexual scenes with Bella to "prove his manliness" or prove to himself that he's not gay, after that attack with Sir Kevin. That does happen a lot when men are raped by other men.

And also, for anyone who didn't like the Marcus gay joke stuff, I apologize. I have no intention of hurting anyone's feelings AT ALL. This is a character, and even Edward told him that he doesn't like those "jokes". Marcus will change over time, also, the more he's befriended by human beings…LOL…so I do hope you all understand that. I, myself, just wrote Edward's objections to that part of his language, and Marcus understood and will stop that now. Marcus has a story, too, and you will see in time why I do what I do. But I never mean to hurt anyone, I want that clear.

People are getting sick of Marcus and the Edward/Marcus relationship? Man! I'm not! That's the most fun I have in writing this. We need comedy relief sometimes. But if you mean the bickering, arguing, etc…that will change a little as their friendship develops. They'll still argue and fight, but as friends. I loved the Odd Couple and they fought all the time…also Archie Bunker and Meathead! Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton! I love those kind of relationships, where you can fight but at the end of the day, still be great friends.

I love you guys and thank you for staying with me…good stuff is still to come!

And we'll hear more from Dancer in next chapter. She's doing good!

**Warning: this chapter has the beginning of the Sir Kevin journal, how it began.**

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EPOV

On the way home that night, after helping Marcus close up the restaurant, we were driving home, tired but also happy and fulfilled. I loved it that we were able to do something nice for someone, especially Marcus. It felt like we'd done a very good deed, even if it wasn't totally appreciated. But I was used to not being thanked for things.

We helped him count up the take at a table a little while ago, and he'd taken in a great amount of money. I was smiling but he sat there, still pissed about being kept away from the customers.

"This is called making a profit.", I informed slowly, putting the pile of money in a rubber band and placing it in front of him, "How does it feel?"

He went to answer but then he didn't. And he let go of his angry stare and I saw his face soften a bit.

"Why do you keep coming here?", he asked quietly, "Why did you do this for ME?"

"I like you.", I put a hand on his shoulder, then saw Bella smile at us from her seat, and I corrected that, "WE…like you. God knows why, you don't have one redeeming feature. Maybe that's why. You're a big mess, just like ME."

He smirked and peeked up at Bella and I.

"Well, that much is true.", he admitted, looking a little ashamed at the towel he had clutched in his hands.

I paused and looked at Marcus, saying, "If you really don't want us to come back here anymore, we won't. But you have to say it to me – right out…right now. If not, I'm sorry but I'm going to be a big pain in the ass and hang around and bother you…but it's all because I'm your friend…and you're mine…ours."

Then I waited and gave Bella a little smile, hoping I got the answer I wanted. But I meant it. If he truly hates us, this was his chance to say so and get rid of us forever.

"So, what's it gonna be?", I asked, kicking his leg with my foot under the table, "Do you love us as much as we love you?"

I snickered, knowing I'd get his angry eyes.

"If you wanna hang out here sometimes…", Marcus began, not making eye contact with me, "I don't care…"

I nodded, shrugging, playing it cool, even though inside I was moonwalking.

"I guess…maybe…once in awhile…we can come have something to eat.", I acted so disinterested, "If we're ever that hard up…"

"Whatever.", Marcus shrugged back, looking at the table edge.

I smirked to myself and decided to put it out there, just this once.

"You helped me a lot…", I said without fail, my voice strong, "Last night, when I thought Katie was gone…and when I kept imagining what could be happening to her….I was losing my mind. You're a good friend, Marcus Evans. And I don't forget my friends…ever."

"Jesus.", he sounded scared of my last statement…and then he smiled at me! He ACTUALLY smiled! Showing teeth!

"A white friend…", he mumbled to himself, "God…looks like this town has finally driven me nuts."

"I now pronounce you husband and wife…you may kiss the bride.", Bella teased, "It's one A.M. I wanna go home."

Dr. Peter laughed at what Bella had said then when I told him the entire story in my next session.

"So you've made a good friend in Marcus.", Peter smiled as I sucked on my Slurpee straw, "I'm so glad. He sounds like a lot of fun."

"He is!", I grinned, the sugar rush making my head a little light as my eyes seemed to sparkle from the inside, "I can't wait for you to meet him! One night, we'll have a dinner party or something! Marie's a great cook! And if you clear off six months of your patient calendar, I think you could do a lot of good for Marcus. I don't know if you noticed or not from the stories I've told you, but, he has some issues."

Peter smirked as he looked down at his folded hands and replied, "Just a few perhaps."

"First, there's his mouth!", I began, "Curses like a drunken sailor! Then there's so much black and white stuff that he always gets hung up on…"

"I wish you would've called me, Anthony.", Peter shared, "That night…I would've been there…"

"Doc, I was so terrified I even forgot about BEN and ANGELA!", I answered, taking the Slurpee straw out of my mouth, "You're not mad, are you? I didn't mean to leave you out, it's just…I was a puddle of GOO that night, I couldn't THINK rationally! Marcus was there and he just took over."

"I'm not mad at you, Anthony, of course not.", he shook his head, looking away, "I'm glad everything turned out alright."

"I WAS thinking of you, though, Doc…", I smiled, taking the black gift bag with the orange tissue wrap inside it off the floor next to me and placing it on his desk, "Happy Halloween, Peter…from your scariest patient."

Peter looked so happy suddenly and I couldn't help but beam back at him. I loved giving presents!

"Anthony…what did you do?", he asked, blushing a little around the ears, taking the bag and looking inside, taking the card first and opening it.

He smirked at me and read it aloud:

_One day, two nuns were riding their bicycles down the road and two men jumped out, took them into the bushes and started to attack them._

_The one nun cried out, "Lord, forgive him, he knows not what he's doing!"_

_And the other nun said, "Mine DOES!"_

_Thank you, Doc, for all you've done for us so far. We're glad we found a guy who really knows what he's doing._

_Love, Anthony and Marie_

Peter laughed and looked at me, saying, "That is one card that's not boring, I must say Anthony…"

"See what's inside there!", I urged and he took out the orange tissue wrap and put his hand inside the bag, pulling out the black leather habit with the sequined white cross in the front center of it.

"Oh. My. Dear. Lord.", Peter laughed and looked at the front, "I got scared when I felt leather, I'm glad it's not what I thought it was…we'd have to have a very serious conversation."

I laughed along with him and took out my new cell phone, the one that matched Bella's new one perfectly.

"You have to wear it at least for a minute, so I can take a picture of you.", I aimed it, waiting for him to oblige me.

"God.", he shook his head, considering it, "Won't I go to Hell for this or something?"

Oh no, not more Hell and Heaven talk!

"Hopefully.", I said, waiting, "If you think I'm gonna burn for eternity and not have you there to discuss how it makes me feel, you're crazy!"

"Oh well.", Peter grinned, turning it around the right way, about to place it on his head, "This life has been so much fun, Hell should be Club Med, right?"

"Right!", I waited, "Put it on!"

"Alright.", he said, swinging his head back as if he had long hair, acting like a little diva, "I'll break all the commandments for you this time, Anthony…but let's not get into any bad HABITS!"

"Oh God, that was so lame!", I taunted him, snickering as he placed it on…and once it was there, on his head, hiding all his hair and going down to his shoulders, I couldn't contain myself. I was giggling like a girl who'd heard her first dirty words.

Every time I tried to take the picture, I started laughing again…and Peter just sat there, making his face stern as he folded his hands on the desk, waiting for me to take the damn shot.

At last, I managed to quiet enough to hold the phone steady and click it…Peter smirking and tilting his head like a happy little nun would. It was gold and I couldn't wait to frame it and hang it on our wall at home. Maybe I could give out copies in town.

This is what you get when your country loses the Great Leaf War.

"Silly Habit!", I made my voice like a cartoon characters, "Tricks are for KIDS!"

"Can I take it off now?", he asked, smiling like a movie star at me.

"Wait, wait!", I put my hand up, "What do you call a nun mixed up in a blender?"

"I'm afraid to even guess the answer to that."

"Twisted Sister.", I answered, watching Doctor Peter smirk and try not to laugh as I went right ahead and laughed out loud.

"That's very nice, Anthony.", he gave a little chuckle, "NOW…may I take this off?"

He's no fun sometimes!

"If you must.", I agreed, putting my phone away, "It would prove to me how brave you are if you wear it the whole time we're talking here."

"Oh, you mean I wouldn't be a WEANIE anymore?", Peter snapped back, removing the habit and chuckling, placing it in the center hat hook behind his seat at the desk, as if proud of it.

"I said that with love, Doc!", I assured him, grinning up at him as he adjusted the newest hat in his collection, making sure it was straight enough, "You know you're OUR weanie!"

"Thanks, I'm touched.", he said, taking his seat again, "That's one that I'm sure will never be topped in my collection."

"As soon as we saw it, we knew it was for you.", I stated, "You're just like a nun…you're smart, you're good, you've got faith…"

"I never get any…", he finished, making me laugh again, almost losing my Slurpee mouthful.

I was about to answer him after I swallowed but he took over our session.

"Let's have you read some more out of your journal, Anthony, alright?", he asked, getting to business.

"Sure.", I took the fucked up journal out and went to the page we left off on, taking a deep breath, once again trying to read the words as if they meant nothing, trying to pretend I was reading some foreign language that I didn't understand…but it never worked.

And I began to read:

"You don't want to kiss me yet?', Sir Kevin asked very softly, not insulted at all, his hand stroking my face as I winced and felt my whole body tense, "That's alright, my love. I'm patient…I'll wait until you WANT MY lips…I will get you there, my sweet little thing…trust me. I intend to SAVOR you…for many, many hours. You will want me."

I still couldn't believe this was happening…I turned around, looking for Victoria…she wouldn't really do this to me, would she? Just because she's jealous of Bella.

"Relax, little one…", Sir Kevin noticed my attention was elsewhere, but his tone was still very soft and chilling. I felt myself break out in a cold sweat…and I was shivering, the tears gathering in my eyes as I contemplated all that would happen to me today.

"She's not coming back.", he stepped around me as I knelt there, stroking the back of my hair, "Awww…so sad…don't be so scared. I like you a lot…I won't be cruel to you…you're such a sweet little slave…yesss….don't you cry…I'll start off slowly."

I gulped and tried to think of something to say…anything! But I was stricken mute by my fear…by the betrayal…by the revolting feeling of this guy's hands in my hair…and on my shoulders…firmly massaging them with both his hands.

I felt my muscles manipulate in his fingers and a strange sensation of small pleasure registered for a half second. I felt a tear fall as I tensed again and growled, bending a bit, trying to struggle in the leather and chains around my wrists behind me, the jingles of my shackles and restraints laughing out loud at my stupid attempt.

"Shhh…relax angel…relax…", he took his hands away now, and came around in front of me, "Let's see what you can do first, huh, shall we? Want to show me all the tricks you've learned from your Mistress? I'd like that….come, angel…follow me…"

He picked up the chain attached to my collar and began to walk away, pulling me by the neck behind him…I had to follow him on my knees, not going as quickly as I would if this were a woman or Victoria…I pulled back a little, breathing heavier as I reluctantly crawled on my knees after him…another tear falling down my face as he walked me over to a large chair. He released my wrists from the chain that held them…leaving my leather cuffs on. Then he sat upon the chair and looked down at me, petting my hair in front again.

"Go on, slave, take off my boots for me.", he ordered pleasantly, extending his leg and leaning back, as if resting.

I felt my body go right into slave mode again…I would often have to undress my mistress and do all kinds of normal things for her, like shaving her legs or painting her nails…I'd rather take his boots off than the things I was picturing in my mind right now.

"Yes, Sir.", I heard myself say, my subservient voice still intact. He was not my master so Sir was proper usage here.

"Good boy…", Sir Kevin purred, pleased by my quick obedience as I crawled to his black leather boots, and saw there was no zipper at the ankle…they were pull off boots…so I eased them off…seeing his tan bare feet exposed…and placed them neatly to the side, lined up perfectly.

"Show me your love…", he stretched his toes a little, arching and then relaxing each soft looking foot against the floor, "Kiss my feet, my angel."

Now my stomach retched again. But this wasn't that terrible…yet…well, it was a blow to my small bank of dignity, but it beat sucking his cock any day.

"Yes, Sir…thank you Sir…", I said very softly, getting on all fours and making my lips moist…opening and placing a very deep kiss on the right foot….and I heard Sir Kevin give a little moan of delight…and then I jingled and moved to the other foot…doing the same thing there…I had tried to make the kiss seem full of emotion…like I WAS devoted to him. Maybe if I played along this way, and did well…he wouldn't…do horrible things to me. Maybe he wouldn't rape me.

I knelt in front of Sir Kevin now and put my hands behind me, as I was taught to do, and lowered my head a bit, my eyes on the floor, my legs together.

"I don't like that stance…", Sir Kevin looked me over, still not scolding me, just instructing, "Open your legs more…yes…all the way…perfect…let me see that cock hang there…mmmm…you're making my mouth water, angel of mine…even soft, that thing is a work of art."

I felt itchy all over as I looked down at my penis, and heard myself respond, "Thank you Sir. I'm glad it pleases you."

God, I HAVE become a robot! The only other reason I was doing all this…and not screaming and running for the door…was because of Bella. I know Victoria. If I don't take my punishment here, to her liking…it could be Bella kneeling her in front of this guy tomorrow! And I would have to watch it happen, I know that's her ace in the hole…her final card to play. Well, next to last…the last card is Katie. So I tried to be obedient, for now, knowing it wouldn't last long.

"It will, it will.", he assured, looking me over like I was a piece of choice meat. I'm glad I couldn't look a his face, it almost made things a little easier right now.

And he let me kneel there for some time in silence as he looked me over…not saying a word to me. The longer it went on and the more I worried about what he would do, the more hellish this whole thing was.

I was in control now…but I know once he starts touching me…and…doing things to me…all my obedience will be gone and I'll just be a screaming, raging mess.

"Crawl over here and massage my feet, slave angel.", he ordered like one would talk to a small little dog.

"Yes Sir.", I said quietly, getting on all fours and crawling over to him, sitting on my knees and gently taking the right foot into my hands…doing my best massaging work.

"I love how you answer, Edward.", Sir Kevin shared, smiling down upon me as I kept my eyes on his foot. It was soft, as if he'd never done a hard day's work in his life.

"You're not just saying the words without meaning like most slaves do…", Kevin continued, "You really sound like you mean what you're saying…that's very nice."

"Thank you, Sir.", I replied this time woodenly, taking another breath, feeling my hand begin to quiver a bit.

"Just relax…", he said, as if teaching, "Do as you're ordered and you'll be fine, my angel. Ughhh…your hands are so wonderful, my love…give some attention to the other foot now."

"Yes Sir.", I responded, massaging the other foot now. I kept praying for something to happen that would save me. Emmett could come busting in…or the roof could cave in on us.

"Ohhh yesss…", Sir Kevin smiled and laid his head back a bit, "Ohhh right there….uuugghhhh….you, my pet, are divine!"

"Thank you Sir.", I kept performing my task to the best of my ability.

"So, my pet, how do you feel about serving me today?", he asked, his brow raised as I peeked up at him, not believing he would ask me something so direct.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to say it was fine with me…and I couldn't tell him the thought of it made me sick…is there a middle ground?

"I've never been with men.", I informed, "It was part of my contract that I was to be used for women only…"

"Oh, but Edward…you're a slave.", Sir Kevin reminded with a kind tone, "Slaves don't get to have contracts or safewords. You must do what your Mistress or Master says, at all times, whether or not you like it. You must BE what she wants, like it or not. You're being punished and I know you don't like that. But I'm not such a bad punishment, am I? I'm trying to set your mind at ease before we really begin."

Sir Kevin looked at me for a moment and then continued.

"I heard you let yourself become smitten with another girl…", Sir Kevin shared, going, tsk, tsk, tsk…"Naughty little thing…that's not very nice, my love…hurting your Mistress so…I'm afraid that later, I will have to administer some discipline to you for that."

It's worth it, I told myself, if I was to face a punishment for falling in love with Bella…I'd gladly take one hundred thousand punishments. My last two weeks of life…had been everything. I'd pay for it.

I almost said, 'Can we just cut the crap and get on with it?'

But then I thought of us getting on with it and I nearly vomited in my own mouth.

So I just knelt there and awaited what was to come.

"Yes Sir.", I said respectfully.

Sir Kevin crossed his legs and folded his arms like he was a King seated on his throne.

"Come suck my toes, slave.", he ordered, waiting for my reaction, "Crawl to me."

I knew my face was colored with distaste at this command. I'd rather eat shit and was thinking about saying so.

And then Sir Kevin made his mental move on me.

"I heard you have a little daughter. I'll bet she's as beautiful as you are.", Sir Kevin smirked at me as I held my stance, my eyes violating the rules and staring back up into his. He didn't have to say any more than that. He had me.

Fuck.

And I lowered my eyes, willing myself to obey.

I moved, and began to crawl over, saying "Yes Sir.", and he made a couple kissing sounds, as you'd call a dog over.

"Very smart, young pet, do as you're told.", Sir Kevin smugly savored his little victory.

The foot that was dangling off his ankle was before my face as I remained on all fours, opening my mouth and licking wetly with my tongue against all his toes…closing my mouth and lips over them….my tongue working hot and wetly as I tried to imagine Victoria sitting there, not Sir Kevin.

But he wasn't going to allow me that fantasy…he made sure to keep talking.

"Aaahhhh….", he breathed…"Yesss…oh my baby…uuuhhhhhh…"

It was humiliation to begin with. Typical Dom move.

"Stick your ass out….oh yessss…more…", he ordered me as I did what he said, and heard, "More…suck harder…taste them…swallow the juice…ohhhh my God, you're good…lick in between the toes…VERY GOOD…slowly…yeaaa…just like that…keep going…you're doing SO WELL, little angel."

So far, this was nothing new for me. Victoria has a giant foot fetish and loves toe sucking, licking, you name it. It demeans the slave…and Vic loves that.

"Lick up underneath my foot…", he kept ordering me until I had covered every inch of his right foot with my saliva, "Kiss it…NICELY…ohhh yeeaaaa…you are a gifted little dog, aren't you?"

I was sucking on four of his toes when he pulled them out and crossed his legs the other way, offering me the other foot now. I lavished it with the same attention as the first…and I even gave a couple low moans to let him think I was enjoying this too. Why, I'm still not sure yet. I had been trained to pretend and enjoy everything, even if I was bleeding!

"Yes Sir.", I replied to his every question and compliment.

When I had finished that, at last, and had foot jam taste in my mouth, he ordered me back on my knees, as I was before, before him.

I spread my legs so far apart it was almost painful and awaited my next little test, my eyes down to the floor in front of me.

"That was excellent, bitch.", he said with new arousal in his voice now, "You know how to use your mouth, that's for sure."

"Thank you Sir.", I kept looking down, hoping for a miracle.

"You are so beautiful…", he stood up, staring at me, "That it hurts."

"Thank you Sir.", I replied, hating all this waiting and suspense…it was torture in itself…and then I realized that was also his game, prolonging my agony and terror.

"Stroke yourself, slave.", Sir Kevin said next.

This is another little trick. The Dom will give you a vague order…and then if you get it wrong, you're punished. But I had learned over the years.

"Where would you like me to stroke myself Sir?", I asked, keeping my eyes low.

"Excellent.", he complimented, "Stroke your cock, Edward. Hard. I want to see you come for me. You look way too tense. Begin."

"Yes Sir.", I said quietly, wondering if he'd play the game where I kept jerking my cock but wasn't allowed to come. But he just said he wanted me to come. One thing's for sure: Doms always play mind games with their slaves.

I took one hand and put it around my shaft, pulling it hard, as he said. My other hand remained in place behind me. Sir Kevin stood there, watching me…his head leaned a bit to the side, his long curled hair laying over one shoulder.

I just stared down at my rock hard cock, watching the head jerk and bob as I kept masturbating, thinking of Bella…in the shower…all wet…touching me…

It wasn't too long before I cried out and felt the orgasm coming on, clenching my eyes shut and seeing my one true love. I went to that mental picture I had taken of her in Central Park, in the grass naked, a daisy moving along her ivory flesh. And that smile of hers…damn.

If I could hold onto her today, in my mind at least, maybe I could get through this. Maybe.

"Sir, may I please come?", I pleaded, "Please?"

"Yes, you may my pet.", he allowed it after all…and then I had another question.

"On the floor, Sir?", I asked as I winced, still slapping my penis back and forth in my fist.

"Yes, boy, go ahead.", Kevin said.

"Thank you, Sir…thank you…", I groaned and then I threw my head back and let out a very loud roar…feeling my cock spew its juices all over the hard floor.

A minute or so afterwards, after I had full control over my breathing again…Sir Kevin snapped his fingers at me, still standing by the chair.

"Come on, boy..", he made the kissing sounds, "Come and thank me properly."

I was nervous about what that would be. I crawled over on all fours, like before, and I leaned my head down, kissing each foot again, saying, "Thank you, Sir. Very much."

"Rub your nose against my cock.", Sir Kevin demanded…and he was still wearing his leather pants…so…with a little bit of hesitation, I did that. God, I hate him!

"Good boy…kiss it.", Kevin said from above me.

I opened my mouth and gave the leather bulge a very wet kiss, hoping it would be enough for him that he wouldn't ask me to do any more between his legs.

"Mmmm…", he sounded pleased by that and he stroked my hair affectionately.

"You've made a big mess on the floor.", Sir Kevin noticed calmly, "Go clean it up."

My semen was all over the floor and I looked at it.

"With what, Sir?", I asked.

"Your thick little tongue, Edward.", he answered, sitting down, waiting to watch me do it.

I knew there'd be a catch in there somewhere. I hated this…it wasn't part of my normal play…but I crawled over to the area…and inhaled a breath…and leaned down, licking up the putrid, cold liquid, nearly gagging a bit as I got the first taste.

"Hurry up, darling…", Kevin verbally pushed a bit, "I have big plans for you today. And stick out your fine little ass while you lick the floor clean. Yes – that's it. Always show your ass to me…it's so perfect! And today, it is all MINE."

"Yes Sir.", I kept licking, going faster…maybe it wouldn't be so awful if I hurried.

UGHHH…no, it was just as horrible fast as it is slow.

"Don't miss any, boy…", he sighed, as if he were bored, "That will mean punishment."

"Yes Sir."

Finally, as I took one more look around the floor, it looked clean. I didn't see any trace of my orgasm on the ground anymore.

So I returned to my stance, folding my arms behind me tight, and spread my legs, looking down.

"I believe I'm finished cleaning the floor, Sir.", I said like a lowly servant.

"Let's see…", Sir Kevin walked around, looking at it, walking on the surface with his bare feet to see if he could FEEL a spot I'd missed. But I'm very thorough.

"Good job, my slut…good job.", he approved, "You do know what you're doing…very nice, Edward."

"Thank you Sir."

He walked around me, in a circle…"Now…what to do…what to do with you first…so many possibilities. I am your first man…this day must be very special…"

I closed my eyes and wished he would just get this over with already. Not that I wanted that. But he was playing with me…a cat toying with me like a mouse until his claws were ready to strike.

`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`

Even though I substituted Anthony for every Edward in my story as I read it to Dr. Peter, I could hear him saying my real name as I read the words…and I felt anxious…nauseous. The worst was soon to come in the journal and I didn't want to go there. Not today. Not ever.

I stopped reading it, and winced.

"Anthony?", Peter opened his eyes and addressed me, waiting for me to say what was bothering me, besides the fucking obvious.

"I hate the way this sounds!", I admitted, "To anyone reading this, who doesn't know the whole story, it sounds like I'm just GOING along with this! Like I'm okay with it! I hate that! I wasn't! I didn't WANT this!"

"You're still in shock at this point.", Peter said firmly, "You can't believe that Victoria is doing this to you again. You're waiting for her to come back and tell you it's all some sick joke. You don't believe it's going to happen at this point."

I agreed with that part.

"And Victoria KNEW how that whole men's room night made me feel.", I said, looking down at my open notebook, "She KNEW it made me want to kill myself. But she either didn't care about that anymore, or she knew she had Katie there to use against me, so I wouldn't."

"And she had Marie as well.", Peter reminded, "She threatened you in the worst way, Anthony. And it was not only cruel that she subjected you to twelve hours with this strange man…but she didn't even give you the option of fighting back…or resisting it. Once again, she wanted to see if you'd smile and play the part she wanted…"

"Well I didn't.", I informed, a defiant look in my eyes as he watched me, "I wasn't all sweet and agreeable for LONG. I DID fight back…HARD. Once he wanted more than foot massages and staring at my body. And he was ready for me. He may have talked all nice at first…but he was a real cold, EVIL prick."

"I know.", Peter said, with real understanding. I could hear it in his voice.

"Do…", I began, closing the journal, "Do…other patients of yours have a story like…well, not exactly like mine…but where they HAD to…go along like this?"

Peter gave a nod and then turned his icy blue eyes to mine.

"Many victims are threatened, as you were.", he shared, "Many people feel that maybe they should've fought harder…or more. Some victims are even asleep or passed out while they're attacked. I tell them all the truth. And I'll tell you. You did what you had to do to survive. It doesn't mean you WANTED it, because you were forced to obey. If a person puts a knife to your throat, you do what they say, to LIVE! That doesn't make it your fault. No one is a superhero with steel abs and special powers. We're human. We're fragile. And we all have the basic instinct for survival, self preservation. You were noble, Anthony. You knew what they could do, what they were capable of. You protected your daughter and Marie. You gave yourself so they'd be safe. There's no more heroic deed than that in my book. You have the guts of a hero. I know that."

I didn't know what to say to that and when I did open my mouth it was hard to speak…so I just gave a couple nods and smiled weakly at him, feeling my vision cloud a bit as the tears threatened to arrive. But I managed to hold them back.

"I would've DIED if I failed somehow.", I finally said, "I did fight Sir Kevin, but, I guess, for the most part he liked me because…Victoria didn't go after Marie or Katie afterwards. I thought she was satisfied with…how I did. She fed me, later the next day. And then the party happened…and was in my usual slave gear, kneeling at her side, and I heard Marie close by. (I felt a hard breath yank out of me)…I thought they were going to get her next…and that I'd have to watch it all. Then I started wondering if they were going after Katie, too. And I was chained! With cuffs just like those you had on the desk the last time. I thought all our lives were over…"

"Breathe, Anthony…", Peter instructed, seeing my breathing start to accelerate, "Hold it…to four…three…two…one…release it….let it go. Good. Again."

It took a few deep cleansing breaths to arrive at a stable place again. And then Dr. Peter leaned back a bit.

"I know you feel powerless and helpless.", he told me and I agreed with that, "And I think a little field trip is in order for us."

"Field trip?", I asked, wondering where he could take me to fix my problems.

"Yes, for you, Marie, and Katie too.", he smirked, "I'd very much like to meet her, too, if that's alright with both of you."

I smiled, glad he wanted to meet her also. I had invited him over a couple times and he always turned me down. I'd love for Katie to know Peter and get to know him a little bit. He's very cool.

"We'd love that.", I smiled, "Where's the field trip?"

"My Karate Dojo.", he informed, his eyes twinkling a bit as he said the words.

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See next chapter soon!

Love you guys!

Love, Winnd

Yea, Edward knows how to fight but it does empower victims of abuse to go to self defense classes, learn to throw a punch, and scream out as they're pummeling a punching bag! LOL. This will also be good for Bella and Katie too! It should be fun, plus Peter's gonna meet Katie! YAY!

See you all soon! Love you!


	31. Definately Potatoes

Chapter 31

Oooh, I love that…Dr. Winnd…mmmm yummy! Thanks for my new "title". And don't worry, they'll have to pry the Edward/Marcus relationship from my cold, dead fingers! LOL!

As far at the Sir Kevin rape…the actual act itself, yes, I think I'll skip over that. I'm sure it would be tough for Edward to read and he may just talk about it with Dr. Peter at that stuck point. But I will go up to that point then pan back to Edward and Peter talking. Even I'm not that evil that I could go into detail on that one. You all know what happened.

I'm approaching the Dr. Peter story very soon, it might even be in this chapter, so no, no one missed anything yet. Marcus will come later on, after Dr. Pete. I mean…I'll be telling Marcus' story…you know what I mean…LOL.

Let's go to the karate dojo!

(Hope you guys know the real Karate Kid movie from the eighties to get the jokes later in this…if not, you can check it out on youtube) I love Mr. Miyagi!

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EPOV

Katie and Bella were in the girls' dressing rooms together, putting on their karate uniforms. Yea, I know that's not what they're called. Peter just made me feel so dumb just now in front of the girls when I'd said, "Oooh, we're getting to wear the white suits too?"

And he half rolled his eyes and looked at Katie and went, "Uh, Anthony…the suit…is called a Gi."

Katie giggled a little to herself, already wrapped around Peter's little finger. And she even BLUSHED when I introduced them and he play kissed her hand and bowed to her.

I know Peter likes to be a goofball sometimes, but I think my little girl already has a crush on him. Damn. I really don't want to hear her cry someday because she's only nine and Dr. Peter is like….one hundred! I wonder if this is how Priscilla Presley's father felt when Elvis started dating her. Jesus, she was only 13 years old when they met! And Elvis was like…30! I have to get back out there! Katie's already been out of my sight for too long.

"Gesundheit!", I joked to Peter when he'd told us what the white suit was called.

And Katie didn't laugh at me. No one did. Not even myself. Katie's in love. I'm gonna KILL PETER!

HOW the HELL do you put this THING ON? I really don't want to be dressed in front of everyone by Peter, that'll really ruin my street cred! Not that I had any!

I think I had it figured out when, once again, I giggled to myself, remembering this morning's newspaper. Ben had brought it over and I'm so glad he was paying attention or I would have missed it and the best laugh of my life!

It just goes to show what a small one horse town this is when Katie's 'disappearance' made the front page of Casper's paper. But that's not what was so funny. It was the headline: Chan Takes Charge in Finding Child

I nearly fell over with laughter just from those words alone! And then, when I finally got up and looked further at the article, I saw the picture of Marcus there, glaring at me from his seat in the ice cream parlor. The guy who took it must've been right behind me when one of the townspeople had uttered that golden sentence: I knew a black guy once.

I was crying and laughing at the same time as I tried to read the article aloud to Katie and Bella, failing miserably…every word was a classic! I have to find this reporter and kiss him full on the lips!

It said:

_On Halloween night, residents got a nasty scare when Katie Masen went missing. Anthony Masen, the girl's father, reported that his daughter and another local girl, Cindy Clearwater, got accidentally switched during trick or treating festivities, as they were dressed in matching costumes._

_Marcus Chan, a newcomer to town, and a mentor to inner city children and the elderly, took charge from the word go. He recruited the entire town to take part in the search and, although he suffered the loss of his hair in the process, his efforts were not in vein. _

_The little girl was found two hours later at Ice Cream, You Scream, a booming new ice cream parlor in town. _

That part alone could keep me laughing for the next five years. They called his Marcus CHAN…and said he was a newcomer to town, and even funnier, a mentor to inner city kids…and the BEST – that he lost his hair in the process! I already have the whole thing framed and on the wall at home!

They even tried to quote him but they had to put all his curse words in parentheses and the word CENSORED wherever he used the F word. DAMN that was beautiful!

"This is why I hate (CENSORED) Halloween!", Mr. Chan announced, the paper said, and it left out his views on black and white relations, thank God. I'd never get people into his place if they wrote all that stuff. That was the only quote of his they put in, after all he'd said. I loved it! He is gonna shit kittens! I can't wait to see his face! I hope I'm the one who gets to show it to him for the first time. I have thirty copies of the paper at home. No way I'd take a chance of running out!

The one part that made me a little misty eyed was the end of the article, where they used one quote from me.

"I'm just glad she's alright.", Mr. Masen said with tears in his eyes as he held his little girl, "I wouldn't want to LIVE if I lost her."

And that one line was the God's honest truth.

I had thought of my life if Katie really went missing or was taken from my life. I know Bella would be there for me, but that's what's even worse. I'd be nothing for her, a shell! She would try to help me and so would Dr. Peter but it would all be useless at that point. I'd definitely either be in a psycho ward, wrapped up in a straightjacket, or dead. Nothing would be able to save me, nothing. No medication, no amount of love – even though it would break my heart to see Bella suffering at my side…I'd be done. It would be over.

But I DO have Katie and my life ISN'T over…so I go on and thank God it didn't happen that way…and pray that Katie just stays by my side for another twenty or thirty years without complaint.

And so now I have to tie myself into THIS white straightjacket called a GI and learn self defense from the LOSER in the Great Leaf War, King Peter! Pullleeasse! I already know self defense anyway, I learned it from Emmett, the toughest shit kicking street fighter in New York! Take THAT, SISTER PETE!

Why would Katie like him more than me? No…no, she doesn't. I'm her Daddy, she loves me! I kept trying to remember if Katie was looking at Peter's butt when we walked away and went into the men's dressing rooms. I don't think she did…God, I hope not! Do I wear socks with this GI?

"Hey, PETIE!", I called next door to the dressing room where he was.

"Yes, Anthony?", he asked patiently.

"Are we wearing socks or is that optional?", I asked.

"No socks.", Peter said flat out, "I don't want you embarrassing me with your Daffy Duck footwear out there."

"I am not wearing Daffy Duck socks!", I sneered, mumbling, "Those are in the wash."

"If you feel uncomfortable taking your socks off, you can leave them on, Anthony.", Peter said, thinking of my personal feelings now and I appreciated that…but then he added, "You'll just look silly."

"Alright, the socks are coming off.", I decided aloud, taking them off…making sure my toes were all clear of any sock fuzz.

"Don't give yourself a pedicure, just take them off.", Peter teased further, enjoying this.

"Oh, shut up.", was all I could say in response to that. And he laughed.

Once we got out there, I noticed there were like…two or three other people besides us in here. This place wasn't terribly fancy but I didn't care. It wasn't like the gyms I went to in New York, but it was big and clean…and we were standing on red and blue mats under our feet…the walls were done in sky blue and dark blue and there was no gym equipment in this room, just open space and a couple punching bags in the corner over to the left. Those people in here with us were punching on them…and one man was stretching out on the mats away from us.

"You know, when you said you were taking us to your karate dojo," I smirked, "I didn't think the ACTUAL name on the door would be 'My Karate Dojo.' But I guess I can't be surprised in this town. What's the name of your supermarket, 'My Supermarket'?"

Peter shot me a little look of annoyance as I smeared the town that had just been so great to me a couple nights ago, but I just kept on grinning back at him.

"You know, you're the only one who thinks you're funny.", he shot back, smirking as if he won a victory over me.

"Have you been watching Everybody Loves Raymond again?", I dodged and hurled back nicely, "Doesn't the old LADY say that?"

Peter sighed and looked up, biting his tongue as we waited for the girls.

I decided to strike again to put to rest any more foolish notions he had of resistance against me, the new Ruler of his pathetic Tree People.

"Hey, Peter…before the girls get here…", I looked at his silk black belt, "Let's be honest. That's something you got on ebay, right? That black belt. You don't REALLY know what you're doing here, do ya?"

Now he gave me an icy stare and I laughed, making a face that I had tripped on such a deeply felt subject.

"I'll have you know that I am quite able to take care of myself. Karate, judo, AND ju jitsu…thank you very much. And no, this belt is not from ebay, it's very real. Unlike your hair color." Peter shot back nicely. I had to smile at him.

"Hey, my hair is real!, I defended, taking a breath and looking around, then, down at my suit.

"Hey, Peter…", I said, "Why is this thing called a GI? Is it because it's the last two letters of Mr. Miyagi's name?"

Peter rolled his eyes and took another breath.

"No, Anthony.", he deadpanned like I was an annoying five year old.

I waited and then he spoke.

"Keikogi.", Peter said, "Or dogi…is a uniform used for martial arts. Keiko means practice and GI means dress or clothes. Alright? Is sesame street over now?"

He's good. He knows what he's talking about. But then, what else is new? He is so perfect all the time, it's almost irritating.

"Keillogi?", I messed it up on purpose, "I love their cereal! I didn't know they made karate uniforms…"

"Not KELLOGG's!", he tried to keep his voice down, "Keikogi! God, you can be annoying sometimes! Where is your MOMMY anyway? They're taking forever to get out here!"

I guess Bella is my Mom now. That was pretty good. I snickered so he would get more frustrated that he hadn't bothered ME at all with his little yell at me.

"They're probably late cause they're getting all gussied up for you…", I informed, spinning my waist right and left, warming up a bit, "I think my daughter likes you."

"I hope so.", Peter answered, watching the door of the girls' dressing rooms, "She's so sweet and intelligent…" Then he looked me over and added, "Despite it all, she's beat the odds."

That was a good one, Dr. Peter isn't bad at all, I thought to myself as I smiled at him.

"No, she doesn't like you…", I pointed out, "She…LIKKKEEESSSS you."

Peter looked at me with confusion and a bit of pink burned at the tips of his ears again.

"What is this, fifth grade?", Peter frowned a bit, "How would YOU know?"

"I know.", I shrugged, bending my leg and holding it there a few seconds.

Peter looked very uncomfortable about this but then he shook his head and mocked, like a boy would say, "Oh MY GOD! What should I DO? Pass her a NOTE after gym class? Do you like me? Please check yes or no and pass this note back to Anthony to give to ME!"

"You did that?", I asked him with a serious face, "Wow. No wonder you're here on a Sunday with ME! And why didn't I get a note like that? I could've checked NO and been done with it."

"I am not WITH you!", Peter squinted at me a little, "And NO, I didn't do that!"

"Sure, sure.", I said, "Whatever …"

I didn't mean to pick on Peter so much but part of me was a little sad. I keep expecting Emmett to show up in here. This place has a gym feel and the smell. Emmett was my former psychologist, before Bella even! We'd work out and he'd listen to my bullshit and then I'd listen to his. We took care of each other. I wonder what he's doing now…and where he is. Would he BELIEVE what I was doing and wearing right now? He'd probably laugh his ass off. I smiled, thinking of that…hoping he was okay…and Jasper too.

I am making friends. New friends. But that didn't erase _**them**_…it never would. I wasn't kidding when I told Marcus I don't forget my friends. I don't. And I never will. Will I grow old missing them and wondering?

The girls came out, finally, and I noticed Katie's hair was no longer in ponytails but up in one graceful bun at the top of her head. She looked so cute in her little gi and bare feet…I had to look away so I didn't smile too hard at her.

And then BELLA! MAN! She could ROCK anything she wears! Look at her in that thing! And her little toes painted glossy pink…MMMM….her hair was back in one messy ponytail with a couple long strands curled around the back of her neck…FUCK! I want to taste that neck! NOW!

I had saved my best jokes for the girls when they showed up…and now I could unleash them!

I looked at Bella and stood in my stance like a karate champion…and moved my mouth a lot, no words coming out yet…like an old Japanese movie…and then I did my best impression of Mr. Miyagi from the eighties' version of Karate Kid, my favorite!

"Danielson!", I said in full Chinese accent, just like he sounded, "Come HEUURREE!"

And then I moved my lips some more, no sound coming out.

Bella laughed and came forward, giving me a little bow, going along with me. She's getting so great at this!

"Show me…SAND THE FLOOR!", I said in my Miyagi voice, making my face stern like his was.

Bella and Katie just laughed at me. I had them back and I loved it.

"Now show me…wax on, WAX OFF!", I said in the same voice and Bella walked away from me, Katie was giggling as if she knew what that joke meant. She better not.

"Later, when we're alone.", Bella said under her breath and I nearly broke character.

So instead, I just did a Chinese sounding, "OOOOooohhhhh….", making my voice rise up high and then fall.

"Look EYE!", I said to her because she had her back to me now, "ALWAYS LOOK EYE DANIELSON!"

"Are we done now?", Peter asked, smirking at me, finding my impersonation amusing but not saying so, "Can we begin?"

"Oooh…", Katie smiled at Peter, "You have a black belt! That is SO impressive! It must take a lot of hard work to get that!"

Ugh. I can't stand by and watch this. I'm her FATHER! Should I be here while she's trying to pick up a man who's older than ME?

So I went back into my Karate Kid box and pulled out another classic moment from Mr. Miyagi.

"Danielson.", I used the same Mr. Miyagi voice, touching my own white belt, "You like MY belt? JC Penney…$3.98…canvas! You like? In Okinawa, belt mean no need ROPE to hold up pants!"

Katie smiled at me and Bella laughed again, turning to me as I finished the scene. Even Peter was chuckling.

"Danielson!", I looked at Katie and said, in my Miyagi voice, "Karate HERE (touching my forehead)…Karate HERE (touching my heart)…Karate…NEVER…HERE.( putting my hands on my belt.). Understand?"

Katie rolled her eyes and walked away, "Dad, you are such a GEEK!"

Peter showed me a grin and stepped forward a little, saying, "As accurate as that statement is, Kaitlyn, I'm afraid Mr. Miyagi is right. Karate IS in the mind and the heart, not in the belt."

I could only reply by shouting, "Bonsai!", just like Mr. Miyagi would've done it.

"Anthony…behave or you're going in the corner.", Peter said with a grin. Katie adored that and gave a very delighted laugh.

I stuck my tongue out at the back of his head as he addressed the girls.

"Now, today we're not really learning big karate moves…", he informed, "These are some basic self defense techniques that everyone should know. Especially for you two, because you're women."

"Hey, Kate is NOT a woman!", I heard myself say and immediately regretted it. Katie gave me a look that could melt the chrome off a Buick and she turned bright pink, and I tried to fix it, going, "Katie is not a woman…to be messed with…she's one fiery little…woman."

They all stared at me, silently, pitying me for my big mouth.

"I'll shut up now.", I looked down and walked away, "Where's that corner?"

"Good idea…", Peter said, gently taking my arm and spinning me back around beside him, "And since you're nice and silent now, you can be my attacker today."

"I would LOVE to.", I agreed right away, Bella smiling at both of us, enjoying this a great deal.

"Stand there a second.", Peter instructed me, then said to the girls, "Now, self defense is NOT about beating people up or becoming a Bruce Lee character…at all costs, you want to AVOID a fight. You should first try avoiding dangerous or uncomfortable situations…and then run and call for help – SCREAM IT at the top of your lungs. Let's do that. And what should we scream out, Marie, if someone tries to approach us and we're running away?"

She thought and in a second smirked, being a cop's daughter, answering, "FIRE!"

I winked at my girl and gave a nod and Peter smiled too.

"Correct!", Peter pointed at her, looking at Katie, "FIRE! It's sad, but people will look up and come when you yell FIRE…not so much for the word HELP…go figure. So let's all do that now, at the count of three, we'll all scream FIRE!"

I thought that might upset Katie, since she was nearly killed in a fire but she looked fine. She is so much tougher than me.

"Is that smart?", I asked, looking around at the other two guys in the room, "Won't we cause a stampede if we do that in here?"

"One….two….three…FIRE!", Peter yelled and we all yelled with him.

And no one came. No one else even looked as if they noticed it.

"Scary.", I commented, "Maybe we should call 'My Fire Department.'"

A little while after Peter was showing the girls to try and talk their way out of an attack, to try to escape with words, not fists and he was using me as the bad guy. I made some psychotic faces and widened my eyes at him as his back was turned to me, playing Sensei Peter…and I flicked my tongue a little bit as I sneered and twitched my eyes at him. Bella gave a little giggle and then Peter said, "And now we can beat the hell out of Anthony for all the faces he's making behind me right now."

Peter pretended he was a girl and had a purse around his arm, telling us, "Give a mugger whatever he wants. Purse, keys, car, money…jewelry…it's not worth your life to deny him anything you have on you…all that can be replaced."

"What about your hair?", I asked but just got a look from Katie instead.

"Alright, Anthony, try to rob me.", Peter stood there with the purse on his arm and I nearly died watching him with that there. I wish he had the habit on right now.

I leapt on him and growled like an animal, my psycho face still there and twitching.

"Gimme that purse, you sexy thang!", I demanded, eyeing it like it was a million dollars.

Peter handed it right over and slowly backed away from me.

"Take it, just take it…my money's all in there.", he said in his own voice.

And he was carefully moving away with his hands up, "Can I please go? That's all I have, please…"

I kept growling and approaching him, getting a couple giggles from the girls.

"Why does a guy have a purse, anyway?", I said in my bad guy voice.

Later, Peter was showing the girls how to escape a man who's got you by the hair.

He had me hold him by the hair with my one hand and I stood there, being good now, because I was promised a slurpee later…and Peter was teaching the girls:

"People that grab your hair are usually grabbing it for control of you…", Peter began as I kept my hand in his hair, waiting, "It's a handle and they can move you around with it. It hurts and it breaks your concentration."

"So I want to grab hold of his hand and push down with it as hard as I can so that whenever he pulls…go ahead, Anthony and pull…", Peter said…so I pulled, smiling with wicked amusement on my face.

Peter pushed down on my pulling hand with his two hands, and said, "Even though he's still moving me around, I'm not allowing his hand to pull my hair and cause me pain. My hands being up also protect me if he wants to start throwing punches and anything else he might come up with. While I'm here I can choose to kick him (and Peter demonstrated this, bringing his foot to my stomach)."

"And then, I can turn to the outside of his body", Peter said, just slowly turning his body around and taking my arm with him as he turned, twisting it under his arm, as I was now bent over and at a disadvantage, "And I can get away. I curl INTO his body…" Peter did it that way now…and showed that I now had his back to my chest and my arm around his neck…"Then he can hurt me MORE…so turn OUTSIDE, not IN."

He showed us how to escape someone who grabs your shirt with two hands and sometimes it was as simple as ducking under the outer arm of the attacker and then grabbing his arm…or pinching in the inner thumb area…and how to control someone by grabbing their middle finger and yanking it backwards a bit.

He taught us how to escape an attacker from the rear, a person who's got his arm around your throat…I listened, not joking around during that one in particular. I'd been there once. And even though I knew now how to escape it, it didn't take away the hours I'd spent under the control of those assholes in the bathroom. I wish I would've learned SOMETHING like this BEFORE that night. Maybe I could've gotten out of it. But now, I'll never know.

We learned how to get away when a person grabs your wrist and even how to handle an attacker who's got you in a laying down position. I HAD to kid around a bit there…screaming like a girl and shouting, "I SAID NOT TONIGHT PETER!", when Peter went to "pretend" lay on top of me. I didn't want to mess up his lessons but I had to make it amusing or else I wouldn't have been able to lay there and do it at all.

Peter took a wooden spoon out of his bag and came over to me as the girls paid attention, now sitting on the mats, looking up at us.

"Are you going to bake a cake for us?", I smirked, having to take the shot.

Peter ignored me and said, "And weapons…if you need something to use as a weapon, it doesn't have to be a gun or a knife…it can be your car keys, a paper clip, or even this. A wooden spoon, every kitchen has one…and it can be very useful in an attack."

"Grab my wrist, Anthony.", Peter looked at me and I grimaced and said in my gruff bad guy voice, "I'm a killer and I NEED that spoon! I'm making a casserole!"

Katie smirked at me and paid attention to Peter with lovesick eyes. She's getting worse.

"If someone grabs me here…", Peter began…

"While he's in his kitchen making a bowl of pudding…", I injected, smiling.

"Yes.", Peter cut in without being stopped by my antics, "If he grabs me here…I can turn this spoon and inwards and use it to press against HIS wrist and grab it with my other hand to create some pressure there."

He demonstrated it slowly as he did it and I let him use me as his dummy. It DID actually hurt a little bit and I'm sure if he pressed for real it would make me let him go.

"Also…", Peter had the spoon and turned it around with the handle part up now, "This way, it's a great tool to use for grabbing…", he put the handle behind my ear and pressed the front of my ear with his thumb hard, "…pinching…" as he stuck the handle to my nose and pinched it with his thumb on the other side…then pinched the handle against my lips and his thumb, "Or anything else I want to pinch at the time…" and then, as if a last thought, he took the handle and pinched it lightly against my nipple.

I had to draw the line there.

"HEY!", my voice went down ten octaves, making me sound like Lucifer. Katie and Bella both laughed at that, even though I wasn't really being hurt.

"Yes.", Peter looked at the girls, "Do not be afraid to pinch or attack sensitive areas. This is your LIFE…this is not a church social, go for any weak area. You're not going to survive by being ladylike. This would hurt a man A LOT. The groin also…"

And Peter made a round motion with his spoon around MY GROIN!

"Hey!", I argued back, hearing the girls laugh harder, "This is taking a very ugly turn. Why can't I be the innocent person in the groin lessons?"

Then Bella laughed and said, "I ask myself that question all the time."

"Hush, Anthony, slurpee.", Peter said, thinking that one magical word would shut me up now every time.

"Hey, watch that spoon there!", Bella pointed at Peter, "You kill both of us when you hurt that area!"

I laughed and Katie looked purple with embarrassment, letting her face fall into her hands, probably thinking, 'I hate my parents.'

"Yea, and besides that, HE might take YOU down if you piss him off!", I informed, moving away an inch or so from him, "And I won't be able to stop him! He's like the Hulk."

"EWWWW!", Katie cringed more.

"I agree completely Kate.", Peter smiled warmly at her and she was instantly fine in that moment.

"You can use anything like this…a highliter, a pen…even a stick off the ground.", Peter taught the girls as I stood there, being good for a moment.

"And now that you've watched all this…I'd like you to come up and start practicing it on Anthony.", Peter motioned for them to approach.

"HEY, no one is pinching my nipples or my groin !", I backed up fast as the girls stood up, "Especially not my nine year old daughter! That's….uukkkk…."

"No one's doing that.", Peter shot me a stern look, "We'll just practice the rest…"

And we did. I had to admit, I loved grabbing Bella from behind…it reminded me of old times on her staircase in New York. Only this time she could throw me off or twist out of my grip and then stomp on my instep, pinch and twist my nipple, or yank my middle finger backwards.

If Katie hadn't of been there, I'd have tried to grab Bella's breasts, but I'd have to wait for another chance at them later. Sad.

I liked being the guy on top of Bella but it wasn't so fun when she pretended to poke me in the eyes…with all her fingers together in a beak kind of shape. Or when she lifted her knee and "almost" got my junk.

Peter showed us all the areas to attack. The eyes, the nose…are good places to attack since no muscle grows around those and they're weak…avoid the mouth Peter said, you can get bitten. Then came his favorite number, the groin!

He'd said, "Ladies…this is the place where you can really do some damage!"

He sounded so happy about this as I stood behind him and covered up my own junk with two hands, curling up my lips and shaking my head behind him, as if saying, 'Not gonna happen girls.'

Frank would kill them both and I wouldn't be able to restrain him. But I knew they'd never attack HIM. At least I hoped not.

Finally, we got to the punching…and thank God we were striking out at the punching bags, not each other. This I really liked and we shouted out like Peter taught us, screaming "NO!", as we beat the crap out of our individual bags before us.

All in all, it was a great session and we all learned a lot. But deep down, I really think all this was just so Peter could prove he wasn't a true weanie. But still, I was glad that Bella and Katie got some good lessons and pointers. Then I prayed to God they'd never have to use any of them.

And then we got dressed and had a little bite to eat at Peter's place, and also…so I could get my slurpee. I was eyeing him when he placed it on the table in front of me and accused, "That slurpee machine is in this house!"

"Shut up and drink that.", Peter wouldn't answer me, and began cooking us some steaks on the barbeque grill on the patio out back.

"I'm gonna find it!", I began to stand up, teasing, but he gave me a hard look, saying firmly, "DON'T, Anthony. Do not wander around my home…please. My wife won't like that."

That was a little weird but I respected that. It was his house and I replied, "I was just kidding, Peter, Jesus. God, losing that Leaf War has made you moody!"

"I'm sorry.", he looked ashamed now, and smiled at us, "I just have a privacy thing…you know…"

"I know, don't worry.", I smiled genuinely at him, picking up my frosty cup, "We still love ya."

After he came back in with cooked steaks, everything was back to normal and we all had a great time. Peter asked Katie about Dancer as we finished eating and she just went on and on about how great she was doing and how she gets stronger everyday. I just was so proud, watching her talk about our little horse. And the way she was hopelessly trapped in Peter's charming smile as she spoke. It was kind of cute, in a sick, twisted way.

Katie then asked, "Do you wanna come and see her? We were going to stop there on the way home to see how she is. Please, please?"

"I don't know…", Peter looked to me for an answer and I nodded, smiling, always ready to welcome him, "Alright, if you want me to."

"I would.", she beamed up at him, "Daddy told me how you got her to eat first. I bet she likes you, too. She probably misses you and is wondering why you haven't come around to visit."

"I don't want to intrude.", he said to her, like she was a grown woman.

And we all said at the same time, "You're NOT intruding!"

"You're family, don't you know that yet?", Bella asked him, standing up and taking a couple dishes to Peter's sink.

I can't even describe the look on his face when she'd said that. He looked…changed. Like she said some magical words to him or something. He looked a lot less…lonely.

"Come on, Peter.", Katie took his hand, making him wake up and stand from his chair.

"Dr. Facinelli.", I corrected, eyeing my daughter.

"Dr. Fascinating.", she said, blushing a deep burgundy, "I mean…Facinelli."

Ugh. I have problems now. One – Kill Peter. Two – Bury Peter. Three – Find a new shrink.

"Close enough.", Peter waved a hand and smirked, going with Katie as she led him out to our car.

Katie led the way out of the car and to where Dancer was being kept while in recovery. She had him by the hand and was telling him about all the things she was doing to help her during these last few weeks. Peter looked down at her and said, "You are wonderful. I hope Dancer knows how lucky she is to have you all taking such good care of her."

Bob was with Dancer when we got to her and he smiled at us…and when Peter came in, he looked a little uncomfortable.

"You alright, Bob?", I asked him, to the side a bit as Katie gently touched Dancer, showing Peter how the scars on her muzzle were beginning to heal up.

"Yea.", he said, "Fine, Ant. Dancer's doing really well. She drank some water and ate about half her food this morning. She's a little sleepy but that's probably the medication so it's alright."

I nodded, looking at Dancer and feeling my heart swell a bit.

"She only looks healthy when YOU'RE around her.", Bob informed, smirking, "She doesn't let anyone else touch her or get NEAR until you're close by. Looks like you found your horse, the one I told you about way back when. I'm happy for you. She's a beauty."

"Yea." I watched her looking at Katie and Peter, allowing them to stroke down her side.

"But I don't know if she'll ever run again…", Bob reminded, "Or even let anyone ride her. That will take a long time to even be SEEN. She might not."

"I don't care about that.", I answered honestly, "I wouldn't go through all this just to ride her. If she doesn't want to, then, I'm fine with that. I'll be happy just petting her and watching her stroll around outside once in awhile. It's up to her."

Bob smiled at me and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Good man, Ant.", he summed me up once more this way.

And, as always, before we left her, I had to have a little private time with my little Dancer. We had a special bond and even though Katie was now a part of it, I still wanted to give her my special attention every day, even if it was only for a few minutes…or an hour. We had gotten so close already…it was like it was meant to be. For me to find her. For her to be saved and get another chance. Just like I got when Bella saved ME.

And when I would talk to her, she'd just look into my eyes, like she was understanding everything I said. Quiet…patient…a great listener…a great horse…a trusted friend.

"Are you warm enough, baby?", I asked, making sure her horse blanket was secured and doing its job right as I walked around her whole body, checking it. She gave a little sound of comfort as I met her eyes again, back near her head.

"What does Daddy have for you?", I asked, like I always did…"Sugar…carrots…apples…what?"

And Dancer started sniffing me all over to figure out what I brought her today. It tickled, just like it did that first time in the trailer. And then she nudged me in my chest pocket, knowing that's where I was hiding it this time.

"You always find it, you're so good.", I smiled, taking the treat out of my pocket, "Apple wedges…you guessed again. So smart."

I fed them to her, making sure my fingers were back and out of her teeth's way. She looked very grateful for the snacks, as I would be if I were sick in bed too.

"You have a sweet tooth like your Dad.", I put my hand out in front of her and let her come to me…and she always did….she placed her muzzle against my hand and snuggled it against my fingers. I love that.

"I love you, too, baby girl.", I cooed like a new father, and kissed her between the eyes, "So soft…so pretty…yes you are."

"I don't really care if you ever run or ride me anywhere you know…", I said in a low, calm voice to her as I looked into her cute little face, "I don't want anything from you except to see you get better…and be happy. And don't you ever let the other horses make you feel like less if you can't do what they do. You're so much better than all of them."

I moved my finger so gently over the one long ragged scar down her forehead and Dancer gave a small little whinny, but she didn't jerk out of my touch. She trusts me.

"Scars…", I said under my breath, my mind going back to the past, "Victoria used to say they were stripes of honor…something to be proud of. What bullshit….or horseshit (I corrected with a grin to Dancer)…all they really mean is that an evil person got their hands on you. Mine are still there…and I guess they always will be, no matter how much flesh grows over them. But it's okay, you know, Dancer…we shouldn't really forget the pain and the fear…you can let it make you stronger. And before you know it, you're a wall that can protect other people…or animals…so it never has to happen to THEM. It's okay. It's part of us, girl…but we don't have to let it break us…ever. Don't let them break you, baby…stay strong. You SHOW them."

Dancer nuzzled against my chest with her nose and head and I carefully hugged my arms around her face, kissing under her eye.

"And if you decide to run someday, it'll be because YOU want to…", I whispered, "Not because some asshole orders you to. I'll never let them force you to do anything, alright? You let me know what you want. And when you DO run, it'll be in a huge, open field, FREE! And I hope you run back to me…but…no pressure. You get better first, that's your job now. And rest. Don't worry. You can relax here, no one is going to ever hurt you again, I swear that to you, my Dancer."

And then she licked me…right up my shirt, over my neck, and into my face, ending when her tongue bounced the hat off my head, and it landed back over my closed eyes, covering half my face. Then the little devil snickered at me!

"Thanks, baby, I love you too.", I grinned, moving my hat back and wiping the saliva out of my eyes, "We have to work on your…expressions of love someday."

I was full of it. Her kisses are perfect, just the way they are. I wondered if she ever kissed people before us. And I shuddered with rage imagining her previous owners and how they treated her. I wish the cops would find someone responsible. I'd beat their asses until they were stains on the hay!

Time went by quickly after that. Katie had her first meeting with her new psychologist. She was a very nice older woman with blonde hair, short and cropped and she wore a nice dress with flowers on it when we met her. She told us that she would slowly get to know Katie over time and then begin to get into her past and all those years after Tanya died. We had told her the facts of Katie's life without revealing anything about my slave situation, Victoria, James, or any of that crap.

This caused the doctor not to like me very much, as she thought I just left after the fire killed Tanya, taking off to live my life and abandoning Katie. It was hard but we thought it was the best way for Katie to get her help without it ever "accidentally" slipping out from the doctor about why her Daddy left for so long. I would take her shit if meant she was helping my daughter. What else is new, right?

One thing she DID say that really sliced into my heart was this: "You should know, Mr. Masen, that Katie sees you as her prince. And when little girls lose their fathers, they are forever changed inside. It breaks their hearts."

It looks like I have scarred my daughter, just as those bastards had scarred Dancer. All I could say to the doctor was, "Well I will do anything to try and…fix that."

I nearly cried in the middle of that sentence. I couldn't fix it and we all knew it. I think the doctor hated me even more after that. But as a professional, she couldn't show it.

Katie told us she had liked the doctor, so I decided to suck it up and do whatever the Trunchbowl told me to do. That's what I called her now, the Trunchbowl, like that beast from the Matilda movie. She didn't look like her, but on the inside, she REEKED of Trunch!

It got colder and I DID actually work up the nerve to take Bella back to the haunted whorehouse. Nothing ever happened and we always had a very pleasant time there. We even brought food to cook sometimes, as the kitchen was perfectly operational. It was like a little home away from home. And it was just ours. Or that's how it felt. We always had our cell phones in case Katie needed us and we even began to uncover some of the furniture and use it…but I always made sure to cover it back up like it was before. I didn't want to piss off the ladies of the house. I meant them no harm, they had gotten a shit card dealt to them. They didn't deserve to burn. Victoria did. I hoped the spirits who lived here, though, could read it in me that I was not their enemy.

I began to think that Sharon was pulling my leg about this. We never saw anything or heard anything strange. And I was watching out for it, believe me! I never told Bella about the ghosts, she'd have NEVER come back in here! We couldn't find a way to turn the heat on inside the mansion, but we were never cold here, ever. That was kinda funny, I thought, but I didn't think ghosts could keep us warm. But then…we made our own heat, Bella and I. Our lovemaking never cooled or got boring…and I loved that about us. We just kept getting more and more into each other…it got more intense every time.

Right now, the big problem on my mind was Angela VS. Bella. They were both on me to let them cook Thanksgiving dinner this year. It is a big year, our first Thanksgiving all together as a family. I could see Bella's point: she wanted us to be a family unit and be the Mom cooking the whole meal. And I saw Angela's point too: She was the Grandmother, who used to always cook the meal, and now that Bella and I were here and part of her new family, she wanted to show her approval and love for us by making it all. And they both wanted me to choose.

One night I said, "I choose Jimmy Chan's place."

They both nearly combined as one to eat me alive then.

They squawked like two hens enraged, going, "You'd rather eat at a Chinese restaurant on THANKSGIVING?" and "What kind of THANKSGIVING is THAT?"

Then I had the brilliant idea of letting Katie choose.

She was no help.

"I vote we go to Peter's place!", she popped up like a jack in the box.

"DR. FACINELLI'S place!", I corrected her again, "And it's not a restaurant, honey, that's his home! You can't just DECIDE to go there for Thanksgiving dinner. He didn't invite us. Besides, he's going to Chicago to be with his wife and her family."

I'm glad the word wife got to come out of my mouth to Katie. I hoped that would stop her from pursuing this little fantasy of hers.

Katie just slammed down her pencil and stormed off to her room, slamming the door hard.

"Adulterer…", I muttered, "Or is it…adulteress?"

But Bella and Angela dived on me again, continuing their chicken fight until I chose the victor. I can't win in this and then wondered aloud, "Where the HELL is BEN?"

He always vanished when the women went into their little rants. I have to find out where he goes so I can hide in there with him.

One day, I was working at the stables and talking to Jenna and the subject of Dr. Peter came up.

I was telling her that Katie had chosen his place to spend the day and I was chuckling, saying, "My poor little girl has her first crush on an old married man. What do you think I should do about that?"

Maybe she'd know. She was a girl once.

"Anthony.", she began, looking very uncomfortable as she spoke, brushing the horse we were grooming, "I don't want to do anything to start a fight but…I feel like I have to tell you something. It's been on my mind for awhile and…I haven't said anything but, you have a right to know."

I thought maybe it was about the cellar that day…or maybe she'd try to make another pass at me. But she had been pretty normal lately since that day and hadn't done anything to make me feel like something other than a friend and co worker.

"What?", I asked, waiting, working on my half of the horse.

She cleared her throat.

"That guy…Dr. Peter?", she began slowly, "He's…"

"A weanie?", I smirked, "Yes, I know."

"No.", she grinned, then frowned again, looking at the horse, "He's not married. He has no wife."

"Yea, he does.", I answered, "I saw a picture of her on his desk."

Jenna shook her head.

"He moved here alone.", Jenna stated, "He's always lived here alone. And he has no patients. Well…just you and your fiancé now."

I let out a huff of breath, not believing her.

"That's not true.", I frowned a bit, "He has a whole office and—"

"When he first moved here, he set up his office in his house…", Jenna informed, her face very blank as she looked at me, "My mother and I decided that I should go see him. We heard rumors that he was so brilliant, had won awards and shit. So I went to see him…to talk about…my stuff with men and my father.

He was so sloppy drunk. He kept trying to make me sit on his couch. And when I did, he…he grabbed me and kissed me, calling me Emma. I ran and got the Hell outta there and never went back.

I told my mother and no one else…then, awhile later, we heard that a girl killed herself…a patient of his. So many times I wondered if it would've happened if I said something or told the police or someone…I don't know. No one goes to see him. No one but you. I don't even know if he's a real doctor or not. You should watch your back…be careful…especially now that he's around your fiancé and your little girl."

I pounded on Peter's door and shouted his name, then tried the doorknob and it was open already. I charged in, looking for him in the sloppily kept living room. I should've known there was no woman living here, it was far too messy. I'm so stupid.

"PETER!", I roared and got to his office door, finding it closed. I tore the door open, seeing him sitting there at his desk, writing something down and looking up in terror as I scowled at him.

I raced up to him and grabbed him by the t shirt, slamming him into his wall, taking out three hats that were perched upon little posts there.

"YOU FUCKING LIAR!", I was screaming with tears in my eyes, jerking him towards me and then slamming him into the wall again, a framed degree crashing to the floor as Peter winced, not making any moves to fight me off.

"YOU HAVE NO FUCKING WIFE!", I accused, "You have NO FUCKING PRACTICE! YOU HAVE NO GOD DAMNED PATIENTS EXCEPT US!"

"Anthony, wait, I can explain…", he said in a weak little voice, looking afraid of me.

"I TRUSTED YOU!", I heard myself screeching and crying at the same time, "I BELIEVED IN YOU! YOU WERE A FRIEND, YOU WERE PART OF MY FAMILY AND YOU FUCKING LIED TO ALL OF US!"

Peter went to speak but I threw him against the other wall…and he slid down to the floor, groaning as I picked him up again and shoved his back to this new wall now.

"AND BELLA! AND KATIE!", I was in full rage mode now, out of my mind, "YOU LIED TO THEM? YOU TOUCHED MY DAUGHTER AND HELD HER HAND! YOU'RE A FUCKING DEAD MAN!"

I punched his face so hard that I saw blood under his right eye but he still made no attempt to stop me. He kept trying to explain. Fuck him. I was about to murder his ass.

"Is THAT why you WANTED me to put the FUCKING CUFFS ON?", I accused, my brain coming up with conspiracy theories now, "IS JAMES PAYING YOU TO CATCH ME? HOW MUCH WILL YOU GET IF YOU BRING ME TO HIM? HOW FUCKING MUCH?"

"Anthony!", Peter shouted now, shoving me off very hard until I landed on my back on his desk, knocking half the shit off it…except for that fucking picture of his fake wife.

"This is probably not even a REAL GIRL!", I grabbed the picture up and was about to smash it against the edge but Peter's face turned as enraged as mine was…"NO!", he screamed so loud it echoed…and he lunged at me, grabbing it as if his whole world was in the glass there. He clung to it, weeping…and falling to the floor, rocking it in his arms like it was a baby, like he had almost lost someone for real!

I snapped back to reality and looked at him there…and my heart bled for him, even if he is a huge liar and a snake that I was still going to murder. In a couple of minutes, he stood up, his face stained with a couple of tears, mixing in the blood gash under his eye and he calmly said, "I did lie. I'm sorry Anthony. But it's not what you think. I wasn't trying to catch you or your family. I don't work for anyone. I'm just me…a pathetic pretender with no life, trying to start over again."

I didn't say anything. I didn't trust him now. And he went into that drawer…unlocking it, where the shackles were that other day. I froze, ready to fight him physically if need be. I don't care if he has a black belt in karate, I'd only go back to that life either in a box or swinging with all I had.

Peter took out a little leather journal and looked at me, looking pale and empty.

"This is _**my**_ fucked up journal.", Peter informed as I watched him closely, "I would like to read mine to you…if that's alright."

I just stood there, still not sure about this. But I guess I owed him that much at least. I shrugged, standing there, waiting.

"Would you like to sit down?", he asked, still being polite as always. But I stayed as I was, waiting for what was going to come.

Peter cleared his throat a second and ignored my silence, turning to the first page.

"It was Christmas Eve and my wife and I were invited to a party.", he began, standing there, in control as he read, the line of blood from my punch slowly moving down the crease near his nose, "I was a very successful psychologist then, with prestige and acclaim. Emma, my wife, didn't really want to go. It was cold and she hated the cold and the snow. She was a little beach bunny I used to say.

She would rather have snuggled in bed then get all dressed up and have to be bored at a psychologist party, but she did it for me…for my career.

We got lost somehow. I had no GPS back then and like a stupid ass I was too proud to ask for directions from anyone. It wasn't long before we found ourselves in a really bad part of town. And here I am with a new Mercedes, driving all slowly through the empty streets, trying to figure out where I am.

Emma was getting nervous and suggested we just go home. That was when we stopped at a red light…and Hell began.

Men came up to both sides of the car, holding baseball bats and a couple had guns in their hands. I was so scared and in shock that I opened the window on my side when they ordered me to. I started to tell them that we were lost and then there was a gun pressing against my nose.

Emma screamed as the man holding the gun, an African American man in his twenties, ordered us to get out of the car.

"Do it Peter!", Emma breathed, in fear, and I did obey them, holding my hands up a bit as I slowly got out of the car.

"Take the car, I don't care…", I said in a whisper, "Just let me and my wife go…please."

I looked over at my wife and she was getting out of the car on her side, glad to leave the vehicle and put this behind us.

I was an imbecile, going along with all they said, obeying like a sheep. If I had known what they would do to us, I'd have fought for our lives. But I didn't know how to even throw a punch then…I was a book nerd with degrees and no real athletic prowess. I thought if we did what they said, they'd take the car and leave us in peace. I was stupid.

The men on my side of the car shoved me against a wall and began to take my wallet, my watch, and they were patting me down to see if I had anything else of any value. I kept on trying to turn to see my wife, but they kept shoving my face into that wall, the gun pressing into the back of my head.

I could hear her crying as they robbed her of her jewelry, she gave it to them without any fight. And then they tried to get her engagement and wedding rings off. They always stuck on her finger a little and would often be a little work to remove. She used to say that's because we belong together and God wants them on my finger forever. Only now they wouldn't come off and the men around her were getting angry.

"Come on, bitch, get them OFF NOW or I'll shoot this fucking thing right through your perfect white teeth!", I heard one yell at her and she cried out, whimpering, shaking as she tried her best to do what they said…and her hands were trembling…

I tried to move and say, "Let me help her!" but they smashed my face back into the brick wall, and my nose felt broken…I could feel the warm blood and taste it, too, as about four of five of them encircled her a few feet away from me.

"Stay THERE TRASH!", the man behind me cocked his gun and pressed it into my face, at my side now, "Fuck that wall, and don't you MOVE again or you're DEAD!"

I heard Emma scream out a couple of times as the men kept threatening her…I should've helped her, no matter what they said they'd do to us…I wished I knew how to fight them and save her, like they do in the movies…but I knew anything I did now would get us both killed.

Then one of the men grabbed her hand and threatened to shoot her fingers off if she didn't get the rings off…and she screeched out, forcing them off…taking some of her own skin off with them. Her hand was bleeding and she held it as they celebrated…but they weren't finished with her yet. She had something else they valued.

I could see them around her and they were touching her hair, commenting on her sexy black dress that she was going to wear to the party. They began to grab her…and pull the straps of her dress down, saying disgusting things…telling her she'd better do what they said or else…and she was crying…looking at me.

It was then that I made my move, as pathetic as it was, I shoved the man holding the gun in my face and ran to her, screaming her name…but there were about five or six big men there waiting for me. They all kicked my ass, punched me in the stomach, in the face, even when I went down, they kicked me in the gut and the groin, they broke bottles over my head…hit me with sticks and baseball bats.

I could hear Emma screaming, saying "NOOO!" and "Don't hurt him, I'll do what you want!"

But they kept hitting me…breaking my bones, kicking…I even lost a few teeth as they laughed and tried to outdo each other.

I was still holding onto consciousness because I couldn't leave her, not with THEM. I was laying face down on the ground…and when I turned my head to the right…I could see her face was on the cement just like mine was…but she was laying on her back…not far away…just out of my reach…they had stripped her clothes off her completely and there was a man already inside her, raping her as we looked at each other…and I heard her whisper, "I love you, Peter…I love you…"

And I could see the tears moving out of the inner corners of her eyes as she kept staring at me, worrying about me as I laid there, a useless lump of bloody flesh. Maybe she thought if she kept looking into my eyes, they wouldn't close…and I would survive. It seemed like she was enduring her attack just to get it over with so she could get me some help. She loved me far much more than I deserved.

I don't know how long it went on…but each of them had their turn with her as I was forced to watch…I screamed and screamed…but no one came. No one heard us. Or worse, no one cared. I was raging like an animal, but still, they managed to hold me down like a useless worm. I was weak…too weak to save her. The amount of my love wasn't a thing in the face of these guys…they enjoyed doing this to us.

They told Emma that now she'd see what a REAL man felt like…and they told her to moan with the gun in her face…and when she did it, they all laughed. But the whole time, her eyes were locked on mine. They were giving her lessons in how to take their so called "HUGE COCKS" into her little body…taunting her, always with their comments.

I knew they were all hurting her each time they…entered her. She was a little girl, a petite frame. And they were so brutal to her. I knew my screams and struggles were making it even harder for Emma as she was trapped in her own nightmare.

Finally, when the last of them was done…

It all happened so fast. Emma's eyes were looking at me, alive and filled with horror one second…she said, "Peter…" in a soft breath of a voice…and then…BANG! BANG!

Two seconds later, blood exploded from her head…her face split apart…and all the light in those eyes switched off in two god damned seconds…after all the life she'd lived…all the things she did and was…two seconds was all it took to take it all away.

I screamed and thrashed, not knowing a thing except they killed everything I loved…and I kept looking at her face…it could never look ugly or scary to ME…even then. And the blood began to slowly move towards me…almost like her spirit was in it…and was coming to help me now.

I reached towards it…wanting it…wanting her to take me with her. I heard my brain say that they'd kill me now, too, so they couldn't be identified by us…and I smiled. I honest to God smiled…because I knew she'd wait for me…and even in death, I wanted to be with her always.

Then…fucking THEN…I heard a police siren from far away…and they all ran. I wanted them to finish me off but they didn't. All I heard was one of them say, "Tell anyone and you die."

Like that would scare me off.

When the police found me, I was near death, bleeding and broken all over…but most of all, lifeless. I didn't want to live. I failed Emma. I failed myself. For months, while I was in the hospital, I tried over and over again to kill myself. I was always stopped or saved. My family and Emma's tried to be there for me, but I didn't want them. I didn't want anybody but her. And I never will.

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Peter let a tear run down his cheek and closed the book, looking at me as I stood there, filled with fright as if I was just actually THERE with them…a hologram who could do nothing but watch it play out.

"The entry ends there but the story doesn't.", Peter said to me, "I left my life in Chicago, after I saw those bastards get their life sentences…I left that day and never looked back. I cut off everyone I ever cared about there and just vanished. I did drink all the time. It numbed the pain, it made me believe that Emma was alive, sitting with me and talking to me. It was the only thing that brought me any happiness. I don't even remember how I ended up in this town, I was so fucking drunk. I woke up and saw that I was here, in this house…and there was signed paperwork on the floor. I just laughed and laughed until I cried.

I figured Emma brought me here, although I didn't know why. I tried to be a doctor here…but I was still so fucked up. I took stupid chances and would be drunk when a person came in to have an appointment with me."

I looked down and said, "Jenna said she had one with you once. You kissed her, grabbed her and called her Emma. That's why she and Sharon don't like you."

"God.", Peter breathed, "I do not remember that. Did I hurt her?"

"I don't think so.", I answered, "She said she ran out but never told anyone. Then she said a girl killed herself, a patient of yours. Is that because you were drunk too?"

Peter looked up at me, shame coloring his eyes as he replied, "That night, I DO remember. It was our anniversary, August 17th. I had managed to stay sober that whole day during my appointments…and the girl, Amy, was very troubled, suicidal. She didn't have an appointment that day…but that night… I drank and drank…and I woke up the next day, face down in this room, calling my dead wife's name.

My cell phone was dead, I hadn't charged it…so the sick truth is I'll never know if she even called me for help or not. Maybe she even came here but I was too knocked out to do anything for her. Maybe I said or did something to drive her to it. I'll never know.

That day I checked myself into rehab outside of town. And I haven't had a drop since then. I have worked very hard to deal with my demons and addictions…and this is the result of years of that. I know it's not much, but I will never drink again. I will never lose another patient again. Not like THAT anyway, if I can help it.

I think now…looking back…that you are the reason I ended up here, Anthony. You are the reason I couldn't bring myself to leave here, even when no one on earth would come here to see me. Something always told me to stay, I used to think it was Emma, holding me here, for a secret reason.

I don't blame you at all, Anthony, for hating me…and not wanting to trust someone like me. I'm sorry I lied to you, and Bella, and Katie. I just wanted so badly to help you…to have a chance to do some good again. I've been sober for years, I am capable of helping people now…but I can't blame this town for not trusting me, either.

A girl is dead because of me…my wife is dead because of me…I can't change that, ever. That is my horror movie to live with. And every day I read that journal aloud to myself…and I still cry. So I DO know how hard it is, what you're going through now, Anthony. I've been there. I HAVE screamed out and had no one hear me, like you. I have had to start all over again.

When you called me that night, for the first time, it felt so right…so good to feel that connection again with a patient…a person. I FELT Emma near me for the first time since I quit drinking. And I felt at peace…finally for the first night since she died.

I understand if you want to hit me, if you want to walk out the door and never come back again. I betrayed your trust and I can never say I'm sorry enough on that. I should've told you all this sooner, myself, not let you hear it from someone else this way.

But no matter what, I do hope that you'll keep up with your therapy and keep getting better, even if it IS with someone else. You have so much life, Anthony…and a lot to live FOR…don't let your experience with me turn you off to getting help. Do it for Marie and Kate. They love you so much. I envy you that."

And I stood there, wanting to hate him, wanting to hit him…but I couldn't. He is my friend. He is part of my family. He is…my doctor. For better or worse. Whether or not I could say the words yet…I love Peter. He's the only one, besides Bella, that I wanted routing around in the Spook House that is my mind. I've told him things that I haven't even said to Bella yet.

"I envied _**you**_.", I shared with a low voice, "You seemed to have everything that Bella and Katie deserve. Brains, money, degrees…a career…"

"All that shit is an illusion, Anthony.", Peter said, moving his fingers along the edge of his journal, "YOU…you're the one who has it all…right in the palm of your hand. Not me."

"So all that crap about visiting with your wife and her family in Chicago was all bullshit.", I stated, wanting to confirm this.

"I made that up.", Peter said with an empty voice, "I don't know why. Maybe I just wished it was true. I do usually go visit Emma's grave in Chicago…on Christmas Eve…and on her birthday."

I didn't have to think long to know what my soul and heart was telling me. Peter wasn't a drinker anymore. He had every reason to drink and I would probably have been the same way, after what he endured. The girl who died…Amy…that was awful…but maybe she didn't even call him that night. He shouldn't really blame himself for her death. I couldn't imagine living with that on my conscience.

But still, he was doing it, sober, clean…and he had been a great doctor for us - all this time. And…he had always been a great friend too. And like I said, I don't forget my friends…ever. In fact, maybe I could relate to Peter a little more now, seeing that he wasn't perfect. That he really DOES understand some of my anguish.

And that he WAS there…and came all this way since then. I had a little hope now that maybe I would be okay someday as well. And I could let him lean on me sometimes. I could be there for him if he needed me, like right now.

I kept wearing my stern face and folded my arms, saying, "Before I go, I just have one question for you."

Peter looked down, sadly, believing I was going to abandon him now too. I hated seeing that in him. How lonely it must have been here for him, alone, dealing with all that shit he was carrying. And no one in this town seeming to know or reach out to him. Maybe he's right. Maybe Emma DID bring us here for a reason. And I felt a lot better about being "stuck" in this little town. This notion was a lot cooler than thinking some cop just threw a dart at a map and said, "Send them to Casper!", which is what I thought they really did.

"Yes Anthony?", he asked softly.

"Do you prefer stuffing with your turkey…or potatoes?", I asked, letting my evil smirk rise up into my lips.

"What?", Peter looked up at me with tears in his eyes, as if he had maybe heard me wrong.

"Stuffing or potatoes…", I repeated, smiling at him, "So when you come for dinner on Thanksgiving…"

And then Peter let out a pained sob and threw his arms around me, holding me so tight…but it was alright. I didn't clench or tense…Peter is my brother, in a big way.

And he cried in relief, glad that I didn't hate him and join the rest of these people in making him an outcast. His mistakes were punished every day he lived here…but he stayed anyway…hoping Emma would show him the reason why. Was it really for me? I didn't know about that, but it was nice to believe that something greater than all of us was up there, making paths meet so all our lives would get better.

How could I possibly abandon him after all Peter knew about me…and never made me feel alone, even when I told him I lied to Victoria so those bathroom rats would all be shot in the head?

"You're family, Peter.", I said as he kept holding me…and I felt my arms embrace him without fear or paranoia, "You're coming to Thanksgiving, you got that?"

"Mmm hmm…", he said, choked up and letting another little sob out.

"We love you, man.", I said, then I focused that, "I…love you. And it's because of YOU that I can even hug you and say that out loud right now."

"Oh…", Peter sniffed and pulled away from me, his eyes wet and reddish, "I'm sorry about that, I forgot."

"Oh, shut up and gimme a hug.", I pulled him back, giving him the most masculine hug I could…and Peter laughed.

"So….what's the answer to my question?", I asked, letting him keep clinging to me if he needed it…it had probably been years since someone did this for him.

"Oh…", Peter laughed again, sniffing, "Potatoes…definately potatoes."

"Just like me.", I smirked, "Good. You'll sit next to ME…at the seat of honor."

"Jesus. Lucky me.", he slowly broke the embrace, wiping one eye and smirking up at me, "Is that at the kids' table?"

"I don't trust you there.", I joked, "God knows if I sit you next to Katie, you two will probably be engaged by dessert!"

"Oh, shut up!", Peter winced, now putting a couple of fingers to his eye where I'd punched him….going, "SSSSSS!"

"Oh, sorry about that.", I made a face of regret, taking something off his desk and squirting some on my fingers, "Here, put this on it!"

"AAAAA!", he screamed out, in utter pain, and then he grabbed the little plastic container out of my hand, looking at it, "That's LEMON hand sanitizer, Anthony! GOD! That BURNS! You rubbed it right into my cut!"

"It's sanitizer, it's killing all the germs in there.", I informed calmly, smiling at him as he bent over in stinging pain.

"Don't help me anymore, alright?", Peter asked, "If you see me laying on the street, bleeding, just leave me there…okay?"

"Okay.", I agreed, looking around the room, "Jeez, Peter, your office looks like shit. Don't you know how to clean it up a bit when you have patients coming over?"

I picked up a couple of his hats…and he started bending over to pick up his phone and the things that used to be on the desk before I had landed on it. I put one of his hats on…a tall princess cone, pink and glittering with two long blonde braids hanging from it.

We looked at each other and shared a little laugh together…getting to work on making this place presentable.

"Such a lovely little princess...", Peter commented.

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End of Chapter 31

Hope you guys like it! I will be posting more in a few days. Real life poking it's nasty face in for the next couple days. Sorry! Love you guys!

Love Winnd


	32. Thanksgiving with the Destructor

Chapter 32

Hey everyone! I'm back! Man, I hate real life! I'd much rather live here in this story with all of you!

PS Without making too big a deal of this, no, I am not trying to say anything racist simply because I put a black man at the scene of Emma's death. Just a couple of people commented on this, but I just wanted to say that up front. Sometimes, I close my eyes and my mind chooses the face and form of who I'm thinking of. No race reason behind it at all. Hell, I made Sir Kevin white, Victoria is white, all the bathroom rapists were white, mostly…I have no racial agenda…after all, I'm the Winnd! I have no color…or is it…I am all the colors of the Winnd? Whatever…lol…

Thank to everyone, you take the time to give me feedback and I always do appreciate that. I do love all of you – and no, I have no favorites amongst you – you all rock!

And yea, usually it is not a great thing if your therapist is telling you about their problems and hugging you…in real life, I would not entertain this either…but this is a different type of situation. This is a small town, everyone knows everyone and their business…and Edward finds it really hard to open up to people…he could only do it with Bella before…and now his heart is trusting Peter to open up to. For him, it's not as simple as, 'let me find another therapist.' Peter is it for Edward as far as a doctor. He has found a way to tell Peter things he'd never reveal to Bella. His trust for you has to be there, in his heart, he doesn't care about the degrees on the wall or what awards Peter has won, it's all about what he feels when he talks to Peter.

And, in the long run, Edward and Peter will not just be patient and doctor, they are going to be great friends. Someday, Edward may not even need a therapist anymore, so…for the story, I ask you to suspend a little bit of disbelief. I thank you for that.

No, Peter is not in witness protection, he made sure those guys were put away for life and then left Chicago and ended up in Casper.

If Peter called Bella by her real name, it's probably because he's feeling more close to the family now…and Edward is okay with it…so occasionally, he may call her Bella. She may have even told him it's okay.

I have more surprises up my sleeve for future chapters…so stick with me…you'll love the way this all ends up, I swear! I hope! LOL!

To KRYork: Ohh man! I wish I'd thought of that, the question being where's the slurpee machine? AWWW! If it's okay, I can borrow that and have Peter tease Edward with it later. LOL. Thanks!

And yes, Edward is different in this as he was from TRL. Part of that story, he was doing his job and being a "good little slave/dancer/entertainer"…and later, when he felt at ease around Bella, you'll remember he was a little childlike and goofy at times…(the carebear bathrobe morning, the spongebob cartoons, the rescuing Bella out of the stuck bathroom door)…when he was trapped, he acted a certain way. He was sad and without hope. He was more serious then. He missed his daughter. He thought he'd never see her again. Then, he fell in love with Bella and thought he'd have to say goodbye to her after the two weeks, and that was also really hard for him.

Then, when Bella came, and eventually, his fake "lover" persona faded a bit and he became more like a normal boyfriend to her. He liked that. And now that he is completely free, and has Katie back, and is getting therapy, and he also has Bella…YEA – he is different – he's HAPPY! Sometimes so much, that he acts like a kid.

Don't forget, he never really had much chance of being a happy carefree child being raised in boarding schools and by his parent's servants. So, he loves to play…and now, for the first time in six years, he can! And he wants to make up for lost time with Katie, who is sometimes older than her years, because of all she's gone through. Edward is good for Katie, he allows her to be a little child and laugh. She needs that.

I know sometimes my Edward can be annoying, but I think he's adorable when he gets that way. It just displays his giant highs…in opposition to those terrible lows he experiences. This will get better in time, with therapy.

I missed you all so much and now this weekend I've been working on the story, so…I'm glad to be back. Thanks for waiting!

Love you guys, Winnd

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BPOV

I cried my eyes out as Edward told me the story about Peter and his wife, Emma. I couldn't speak for a few minutes afterwards, and Edward held me in his arms, stroking my hair.

"I know.", he kissed my forehead, wiping my tears away with his soft fingers, those dazzling fucking eyes of his burning into my soul with one deep stare…as if they could heal anything inside me just by looking deeply enough. And they could.

"It's a fucked up world out there sometimes…", Edward said in a low, pensive voice, "I can't believe that this one world has given me the greatest sorrows and fears of my life…."

He stroked my cheek and lifted my chin up so my eyes looked up into his…and he finished, "And then that same world gave me YOU…and Katie…those two weeks we had together…and everyday since then…I often find myself wondering if there is a God or not…and if so, why is She so pissed off at me sometimes…and then so generous to me at others…She reminds me of Victoria. I never know what to expect…a slap or a kiss."

I sniffled and looked down, shaking my head and then he said, "But…Peter…not only was he savagely attacked and nearly murdered, he had to watch them…do what they did to his wife…and he was so close but couldn't touch her…."

Edward shuddered violently and when he opened his eyes, there were tears there, thick and shining.

"I complain about what people did to me all the time…", Edward's voice cracked and broke, "But if I had to just lay there and watch ANYONE hurt you…or Katie like that…"

"Shhhh….", I held him closer to me now, kissing his closed eyes as he shivered, "Nothing like that is going to happen. We're safe. And we're living in the most boring spot on earth, so forget that. I'm here…and I'm staying here. Nothing and no one will ever be strong enough to take me away from you. Don't worry about THAT."

In a moment, Edward was talking about Thanksgiving.

"And our biggest problem this Thanksgiving is who gets to cook the dinner.", he said, making me feel small and petty now…and he was right.

"Marcus is alone, Peter is alone…", he thought aloud, "We have so much to be thankful for, for the first year in about six years, for me….I want to do some things this year for Thanksgiving."

"Anything you want is fine with me, Edward…", I gave his lips a soft, quick kiss, loving the way they felt like melty butter, so warm, almost like liquid when I kissed him.

"I owe you that much.", I admitted, "I've been acting like a stupid, selfish ass the last couple of weeks. It's not the FOOD that matters really…on Thanksgiving…it's who you're eating the food WITH."

"Exactly.", he smiled and that little mischievous glint of light shone in his dark emerald eyes…and I knew plans were being hatched in his head even now. Sometimes, I swear, Lucy Ricardo lived in there when he got this look on his face. We were all in real trouble now. But still, I smiled and waited for his ideas.

On Thanksgiving morning, things were in motion and even the weather was working in our favor. It was snowing lightly…and lots more would be coming later, the weatherman said. Angela and Ben had slept over our house last night, so they'd be here early and her and I could start preparing the turkey at dawn. It was about nine AM when the Thanksgiving Day Parade on television went black. We had the windows all covered with curtains or blinds to shield the cold air that seemed to leak in through the bottoms, so we had lights on…and now we were in the dark.

The first voice to be heard was Ben's…who was sitting on the couch with Katie.

"HEY!", Ben's gruff voice shouted out, as if the loss of the TV physically hurt him, "THE POWER IS OUT!"

"Really, Ben?", I smartcracked in the darkness, "Are you sure?"

"Either that, or we've all gone blind at the same time!", Katie giggled.

I smiled and chuckled at that one, touching her head as I walked to the couch with my hands out, "You are SO getting your father's sense of humor, you know that, kid?"

"Sorry.", she said flatly.

"It's okay, we still love you.", I played with her hair and looked around, "Edward? Where are YOU?"

"Here.", he called from the far other end of the house, coming into the living room now, "I was in the bathroom."

"Oh, now there's a bad place to get caught in the dark!", Katie said.

"Tell me about it.", he answered, putting his hand on my arm as he got over to where the rest of us were gathered, "I'm glad I know where everything is without looking or I'd have been in big trouble."

"EWWW.", Katie commented.

Edward moved the curtains away from a couple of the windows in the living room so we'd have some light…and Katie sat at the table, coloring in her book. I was glad that she wasn't complaining much yet. It was Ben who was my biggest whiner.

"Well that means we have no TV now!", he stated, still clicking the remote at the dead television set.

"That's usually what no power means, yea, Ben.", Edward said, sitting on the sofa, "Clicking it over and over again won't fix it."

"Well, what are we gonna do about the turkey and all the food we need to cook now?", Angela asked.

"Marcus' place probably has power.", Edward said, "He's got a really good system there, with backup power, I saw that. We should go there. We'll bring all the food with us and cook it there."

Ben didn't care where we went as long as we could watch TV there and eat something. Angela had to be talked into that by me…but eventually, we used Katie to crack her.

"It's alright.", Katie said at one point, "I can just have a pop tart or something for dinner. It's no big deal."

That did it. Angela's eyes filled up with tears and said, "No, baby, you're going to have a nice, hot meal today. This is a special day for all of us."

Then she smiled up at Edward and touched his face, silently showing the reason she knew this was a special holiday. Edward closed his eyes and leaned into her touch…and then she said, "Pack up everything you want to bring. We're going to the Chinese place."

"YAY!", Edward was the first one to cheer aloud, and he hugged Angela, "You won't be sorry, Mom…it'll be a great day, I promise. No Chinese dragons or anything."

"It's already a great day, Edward.", she wiped her eyes, "You're here. That's all we've wanted for the last six Thanksgivings. Don't worry. I won't complain a bit."

"I love you Mom.", he hugged her even tighter, "Thank you."

"Ugh…are you trying to break a little old lady?", she complained already, "Loosen the grip, boy…let the blood flow…"

He let go of her and snickered, saying, "Sorry."

Then Angela took charge and gave everyone things to collect to take with us. Ben was put in charge of putting chains on the car wheels outside. Edward got to pack everything Katie was going to need.

"Have fun outside, Ben.", Edward teased as he went with Katie into her room.

"HEY!", Ben shouted, "Why doesn't HE HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE?"

"He's got more important things to do, you shut up and get out there!", Angela threw Ben's coat at him, "Stop grumping and just make yourself useful!"

"HEY BEN!", Edward had to throw one last burn onto Ben's shoulders, "Can you make a snow angel for me while you're out there?"

"I'll give YOU a snow angel!", he began to lunge towards Edward but Angela saved him again, getting in Ben's way, pointing her finger out the door.

Edward stuck his tongue out at Ben behind Angela's back and Ben simply grumbled, "Alright, Edward…just wait. Revenge is a dish best served cold."

"Don't forget your hat, Ben.", Edward smiled back, "And your scarf…it looks SOO icy out there. And don't forget your rubbers."

Even I had to laugh at that one. Ben always called his boots rubbers. Edward is so evil sometimes. But you've gotta love him.

We packed up Ben's truck and even the TV came with us! Ben refused to leave it behind. The drive was slow and steady but it didn't take long for us to reach Jimmy Chan's. The snow would get bad in the next couple hours we heard, and Katie wouldn't leave the house until we called Dr. Peter and let him know the change in plans. It worked for him, too, because he was closer to Jimmy's than our house.

As we pulled up to the place, and saw it was the only spot in town with working lights and neon sign, I realized that the real miracle of the day would be Marcus letting us all inside at all. But his sign did say OPEN. There were no other cars in the lot…and the whole town actually looked dead empty.

No witnesses.

Edward was smart enough to lead the way, holding Katie's hand. I felt really bad showing up at Marcus' door with our hands full of boxes of food, and with Ben carrying the TV set in the rear of our group.

The silver bell Edward brought in that day was still at the hostesses' station and Edward was banging on it before I even got in the door.

Katie was giggling and then Edward lifted her up a bit so she could bang on the bell too. Like father, like daughter…cute.

"Gobble Gobble Gobble!", Katie called out as Marcus glared at us through the kitchen window where he was standing.

"There he IS!", Edward pointed to Katie, "The world's biggest TURKEY!"

She let out a belly laugh as Marcus slowly came out to where we were all waiting.

"There better be a DAMN good reason for THIS, white boy!", he said, not really yelling at us yet.

"Happy Thanksgiving to YOU too!", Edward said with such delight, and he gave Marcus a big hug…and Marcus shoved him off almost instantaneously.

"Happy Thanksgiving Mr. Evans.", Katie said so sweetly and politely that it made even Marcus smile a little.

"Happy Thanksgiving Kate.", he grinned down at her face, "You should teach your Dad how to do that sometime."

"How I've tried.", Katie spoke like a thirty five year old mother now.

"Marcus…", Edward said seriously now, "Our power went out about an hour ago…and I know it's a lot to ask, and I never will again, but…could we possibly hang out here today…and could you let the girls cook their turkeys in your kitchen?"

Marcus stared at Edward like he was asking to take a dump on his table.

"Anything else?", he asked, "Are you sure you don't wanna sleep over too?"

"Oh yea.", Edward looked at me, then to Marcus, "We might need to do that too. If the snow gets as bad as they say…that's a nice invitation…thanks, man."

"Invitation?", he snapped back, "Look that word up in the dictionary, CLAY!"

Edward motioned for Katie to come up to him and she did….and he lifted her up in his arms, her face right beside his.

"Well, I know we weren't invited, we'll leave then.", Edward sighed, "I just hope we can make it home safely on these roads…with an elderly man at the wheel…"

"HEY!", Ben shouted from behind us, "I am NOT elderly! I can drive as good as ever!"

Edward ignored him and went on, "And I guess, if we do make it home alive, that is, we can always figure out a way to heat up some frozen chicken nuggets or something…even though we don't have the microwave or a stove…maybe I can light a match and cook them that way…"

Marcus kept glaring at Edward.

"But I don't like chicken nuggets Daddy.", Katie said in this sappy sad little voice.

"Sorry, Kate, it's the best I can do…there are people who have a lot less than we do…we should still be very thankful for all we've got…we still have each other.", Edward sighed, "I'm sorry to have bothered you, Marcus…have a Happy Thanksgiving. You're a real friend, I mean that. Bye."

Edward didn't say any of that with a hint of sarcasm. Damn, he is good. And Katie was really good, too. A team that no one could resist. You'd have to be Charles Manson to turn us away after that little display.

We turned and were on our way back out the door, even though Ben wasn't moving at all, still holding the TV, his face stone and unwilling to leave now.

"Get the fuck back in here, you pain in my ass.", Marcus' voice said in an almost warm tone…besides the profanity, that is.

"Language!", Edward covered Katie's ears as Angela came in, going around to the kitchen area.

"I've heard curse words before, Dad!", Katie rolled her eyes, breaking free of Edward's hands.

"Where?", Edward began to enquire.

"Thank you, Mr. Chan.", Angela said nicely, not realizing her mistake as Edward tried to hold his laugh in…failing loudly.

"Yea, thanks Jim.", Ben grumbled as he went into the restaurant area, looking for a place to plug in the TV.

"What the HELL, are you – MOVING IN?", Marcus said as the TV went by him, his eyes following as Ben moved a table out of the way to make room for the television.

"He's old, the TV is his woman, what can I say?", Edward shrugged, "We could watch the game later."

Angela came back out a second later and asked Marcus, "Excuse me, Mr. Chan…but is it alright if I throw out that green stuff in the container by the stove? It looked rancid."

"What green stuff?", Marcus's brow furrowed, then ran back into the kitchen, "And no, don't throw anything away! I'll show you where you can cook, okay?"

I followed them into the kitchen with my own turkey and food so I wasn't left out of this cooking deal. Angela and I each got our own turkey to cook…a compromise…and everyone would have a little of both. That worked for us this year.

EPOV

The first phase of my plan had been successful: we were in Jimmy Chan's. Check.

I have to get Katie a great gift later for her performance. She's brilliant. A natural. She's gonna rule the world someday, watch.

As the girls took over Marcus' kitchen, I sat next to Ben, watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. It was almost over but I just loved being able to see New York again, even if it was just in the background. I nearly sighed, looking at the tall buildings, the gray overcast skies…the streets lined with stores…the kids all half frozen on their father's shoulders, smiling at the floats as they went by.

God, I miss New York.

I know it doesn't look like much now, on TV, but New York at Christmastime is really something. It's magical. The trees are all lined with white lights and even the worst city streets seem to deck themselves out for the season. Giant piles of Christmas ornaments here and there, golden angels playing trumpets to the heavens, the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree, ice skating right below it…Tanya and I used to love doing that…back when things were beautiful between us…snuggling under a blanket during a handsome cab ride, drinking hot chocolate.

Watching 'It's a Wonderful Life' or 'How The Grinch Stole Christmas' at Radio City Music Hall…or watching The Nutcracker at Lincoln Center…walking down 57th street and looking at all the store's window displays…they were not just window displays, they were ART, each one better than the one before. And every year, on Christmas Eve, I'd go into St. Patrick's Cathedral…no matter what I was feeling about God at the time…and I'd kneel down and say a long prayer for Katie. That she'd be alright, that her surgeries would go well, that she wouldn't have any more pain…that she'd be okay without me again next year…that she wouldn't forget me…or worse, stop loving me. I would cry every time I knelt there, missing her so bad I almost couldn't breathe.

FAO Schwartz was another place I spent a lot of time at…I'd shop there all the time and send gifts to Katie…not just at birthdays and holidays, but all year round. After a surgery, there was always presents there from me when she woke up…or on nothing days when she might need to be cheered up…those were bittersweet days, the toy store at Christmastime. I think I'm the only parent there who actually wept as he shopped in that store. I would get her things she'd asked for…and then realize I wouldn't see the look on her face when she opened it…or get to watch her play with it…and in minutes, I was a slobbering mess. Emmett even left the store once because I was embarrassing him so much.

One time I was in there, around November 30th, I guess, and when I turned the aisle corner, Victoria was standing there. I almost lost what I was holding as she smirked at me. She was aware of my toy store shopping and she never forbid me to do it…that was my business, she'd always said. For a second, I got scared that she'd forbid me now for some stupid made up reason. But she didn't. She had a surprise for me.

Katie was about five years old this year and I was so proud of her for doing so well with her tutor, her first year of doing Kindergarten work. She had gotten all A's and Ben even sent me a copy of her report card. So I was buying her everything this year, despite the price.

Victoria smiled at me and asked, "Are these for you…or for the baby?"

I was holding a lot of pink boxes with the words Barbie all over them…furniture for the dreamhouse they were holding for me at the register. And some dolls too.

She always called Katie the baby. I hated that. I don't know why…just the way she said it…like a put down all the time.

"My daughter is five.", I said simply, giving her a little grin, "And yes, these are for her. My aisle is a few away, in the boy's section."

She laughed and ruffled my hair with her fingers…my arms were full so I couldn't stop her…not that I could even if my arms weren't full…but I digress…

"So cute…", she said to me as I put my smile on, wearing my happy mask at the moment.

"Thanks.", I replied; in public I wasn't required to call her Mistress, just to be respectful and obedient to her.

"I have a little surprise for you.", she revealed, walking alongside me as I looked around in the next aisle.

"Let me guess…", I teased a little, "Christmas plans for us."

Every Christmas was the same. Big parties…lots of alcohol…me, naked and tied up, being the toy at every Dominatrix's dungeon, every year more exhausting than the last.

The year before that, I was their human Christmas tree, and they decorated my body, putting a tree topping star in my mouth that I had to lay my head back and hold up, and wasn't allowed to drop, and they hung heavy metal weights that were painted with red and green gloss, from my nipples and cock…and then they put electrical lights on me…and had lots of fun shocking me with a special string that sent out little jolts of buzzing pain when in contact with human flesh. They'd even put up a train set around my kneeling figure and had me in the corner that way for hours while they drank and partied.

I was an object, no more than a real tree, that one might smile at from time to time when there was a lull in the conversation…something set up and forgotten, an attractive thing in the background…and I was glad to be that…it was better than when they got loaded and remembered me…and wanted to play some games with me.

But now Victoria had a big surprise for me. I doubted I'd be surprised at all. But I played along.

"Yes, I have something different planned this year.", Victoria looked about ready to burst, "Because you've been so good this year, Santa told me, I've got a great idea for us!"

"Raven's house?", I guessed, my voice not very enthused.

"Nope."

"Your house?", I guessed again, so not into this game at all.

"Try…the baby's house!", she said and I froze in my tracks in the middle of the aisle.

I looked at her and almost couldn't speak for a second. Then it occurred to me that she was kidding. And I was so pissed off at her.

"Not funny Victoria.", I said in a deep, flat voice, turning away and continuing my shopping.

"Edward, I may be many things, but FUNNY is NOT one of them.", she said, right behind me, "I already booked our flights to Florida…and on December 24th, we're outta here!"

She was jerking my chain.

"Why are you doing this to me, Victoria?", I asked in a very sad, quiet voice, looking at her for some mercy.

"I'm NOT kidding, JERK!", she slapped my arm and nearly took out all I was holding, "You haven't seen the baby in awhile, and lately you've looked a little down…and you're doing such a great job…you're doing SO well now…you're all trained…you're perfect. And this is my way of saying – here's a little bone for you…enjoy. Besides, I need some sun. This ice cold weather is really getting old."

She was planning on coming too…I was so shocked I almost didn't realize what that would mean.

"This is not a joke.", I stated and she shook her head, smiling at me, "You swear?"

"I swear.", she raised her hand up.

"Victoria…", I felt tears come to my eyes and lost the ability to speak anymore…except to choke out, "For real?"

"For real.", she put her hands on my shoulders, "You've been a real good boy, sweetie. Merry Christmas."

I dropped everything I had and took her in my arms, covering her with kisses and getting eyes from the other Moms around us for our lewd display in the Barbie aisle. But I didn't care. I was tongue kissing her with all I had and squeezing her ass with both hands…with Victoria, that's how you say 'I love you.'

I sent all Katie's gifts ahead and called Katie the next day to tell her I would be with her on Christmas Eve. She cried and got so excited, she was screaming and jumping up and down. For the next few weeks, I was on cloud nine. I never danced so well…or smiled at so many women as they fondled me than that month.

Then, it was Christmas Eve and I had my bags all packed. I even got some sunscreen and bathing suits for me and Victoria. Katie had just gotten the green light to swim in chlorine poolwater from her doctor so I couldn't wait to see her swim. We got to the airport and got on line to check in when it happened.

I was standing behind Victoria in the line, almost bopping up and down with impatience when she looked me over and said, "You look happy."

"I AM.", I smiled like an idiot.

"I notice you never look this happy when it's just me and you going somewhere.", she stated.

"I love going places with you, Victoria.", I leaned in, knowing she needed some attention, "And I LOVE coming with you too…"

I smiled and kissed her, grabbing her long, thick hair in my fist as other people around us sighed and made their little jealous sounds. One lady behind Victoria looked like she was HAVING the kiss with us…her lips moving together and apart as she stared at me.

Then my eyes opened and looked right at her…and she nearly died, turning purple as she hid behind her hair, telling her three teenage daughters to mind their business and look over there.

I didn't mind, in fact I even smiled to myself at her as I released Victoria and we moved up a little more in the line. I couldn't believe this! I couldn't believe I'd get to hold my daughter in a couple hours…and watch her open her presents this year! It was like I'd won a billion dollars! Only better.

Victoria turned towards me again when we stopped in line and her eyes squinted at me.

"I don't like this.", she looked me over, "You're way too thrilled to be going there. Something's up."

"What?", I asked, "I'm seeing my daughter for the first time in over two years! I'm not allowed to be happy about it?"

"I knew this was a mistake.", she frowned at me, "People told me…but I said, no, Edward wouldn't do anything to hurt me…I actually believed it!"

"What are you talking about?", I asked innocently.

"Those people taking care of the baby…", Victoria said, "They'll try to stop you from leaving once we're there…they'll try something to get you away from me. That's the plan, right? Cops will probably be waiting there when we walk in!"

"Victoria, you're talking crazy!", I held her hand and tried to calm her, "No one is going to do anything to you, I promise! I won't let them. I love you. You know that."

I actually believed what I was saying at the time, too. Stupid ass that I was. I was so fucking brainwashed.

"No.", she shook her head, "No, this isn't right. We can't do this. We're not going."

She said those words and my whole body shut down on the last syllable. My eyes just widened as I stood there, frozen…and she was ducking under the cloth straps that composed the line…getting out…taking her suitcase with her!

"Victoria, WAIT!", I darted under the same strap and followed her fast, dragging my suitcase behind me, tears in my eyes already, "You promised! This was YOUR idea!"

"I know but I changed my mind…", she was clicking her heels against the floor as she raced ahead of me, "Sorry."

"Sorry?", I finally lunged and got hold of her arm, stopping her, making her look at me, "Sorry MY ASS! We ARE GOING! I told Katie I was coming! She's expecting me to be there! You can't just change your MIND NOW!"

"I can do whatever the FUCK I want!", she yelled back into my face, "I OWN YOU! Now, follow me to the car BITCH!"

She lifted her arm and showed me that I was holding onto it.

"Nice.", she said, "So much for your training being complete. NOT!"

And she tore her arm out of my hand and kept walking away…I didn't follow her. My eyes filled with tears now and my legs began to shiver…she really wasn't taking me there. I wasn't going! My heart that was so alive and blissful moments ago was now a dead rock…except for the crippling pain.

Victoria stopped a couple feet away and turned to me…her eyes so lethal and full of hate.

"I said 'Come, bitch!'" she glared at me.

I silently shook my head a couple times, one tear falling from my eye as my voice came back to me.

"No.", I almost whimpered it, "No, I won't go with you. You promised we were going! You let me tell my daughter I was coming! I AM GOING to see her! Give me my ticket and I'll go alone."

"You are being so bad right now, Edward, do you know that?", she asked, "You just said NO to me…twice!"

"I don't care…", I wept, more angry than hurt at the moment, "I'm not letting my daughter down! Not on Christmas! It's not enough that I can't ever see her? But now you do THIS! It's fucking cruel, Victoria. If you want to hurt me, fine, hurt ME…but you're not doing this to my daughter. I'm going!"

I spun around and dragged my bag with me to the line we were in…and it was all empty now…I got in it and Victoria was there, on the outside of the line, asking me, "You're going? With what? You have no credit cards, you have no cash, you have NOTHING! And even if you did, good luck finding a flight NOW on Christmas Eve!"

"See you, Victoria.", I ignored her, "Merry Christmas!"

"Ohhh…", Victoria sounded uber pissed now, "You wanna play this little game, bitch? You wanna show your testosterone to me? Okay…I'll play."

I got to the ticket agent and she smiled at me, a little too much…but I just asked, "How much are the flights to Florida, please?"

"Round trip or one way?", the blonde asked me as she typed in her computer. Perfect.

I looked at Victoria and sneered, "One way."

"You fuck.", Victoria looked and sounded like Satan right now. But I wasn't afraid. I'm glad this happened. Now I see her for what she really is. I thought she loved me and worse, I thought I loved her. Please! All she is to me now is just a bitch who's trying to hurt my daughter. I'd already hurt her enough. I wouldn't add to the damage I'd already done. If it killed me, I was going to get to her.

"Two hundred and seventy one dollars one way…", the girl informed, "And there are a couple flights later tonight, 12:30 am and another one at 2:30 am that have a couple seats left."

"Thanks.", I smiled, "I'll be back."

"I'd hurry.", she said, a little concerned, "They might go quick because of the holiday."

"I understand.", I grinned back at her, "Thanks. Merry Christmas."

I walked away and began looking around like a hawk…scouting out my prey.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing now?", Victoria followed me, trying to act all smug instead of what she was….desperate.

"Do you really think I can't make $271 in a couple hours?", I asked her as I walked quickly ahead of her, "I CAN! YOU taught me how, remember?"

I took my jacket off, then stripped off my t shirt…and put the black leather jacket back on, letting my bare chest show. I walked a few steps and began smiling at every woman who ogled me.

Where's that woman who was all drooling over me in the line earlier? I'll bet she'd pay $300 to have me in the ladies' room. This was going to be too easy.

I'm sure I can find at least five women in this airport who'd love to have me fuck them. Now…where are you girls?

"EDWARD!", Victoria hissed at my back, "You are SO dead, you hear me?"

I ignored her and went up to a woman in her fifties. She was sitting alone and looked very tired, a business woman in a suit…probably Ms. Career…she perked up the second I sat next to her and smiled at her.

"Someone is sitting here, aren't they?", I asked, "Cause you're way too beautiful to be sitting here alone."

She smiled more and said, "No one is sitting there. I'm alone…or I WAS."

"Am I bothering you?", I asked warmly, smiling my most seductive smile at her, my jacket opening a bit more as I leaned in towards her, "Would you like me to go?"

"NO, don't go!", she squeaked, blushing harder…turning into a sixteen year old right before my eyes. She's mine.

"I have to admit, I did see you a few minutes ago…", I said softly, turning my eyes so they stared right into hers…"I tried to think up something clever to say…so many bad pick up lines…but I knew you were far too intelligent to fall for any of that fluff. But I had to at least hear your voice. It's just as sexy as the rest of you…I knew it."

She couldn't look away from my eyes and breathed, "What pick up lines did you think of?"

Oh, she wanted to hear some lines…okay…it might make her laugh and then I could tell her how gorgeous her laugh and smile are.

"Several bad ones…", I shook my head and blushed a bit, "My favorite was…'Can I take a picture of you…so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?"

She did laugh…and so did I…and she chuckled, "I like that one…holiday oriented…"

"Girls all fall for that crap.", I shared, "I much prefer a woman…strong, confident…someone I don't have to play games with…"

She gulped as I spoke and I stroked my finger along the edge of her jaw, "The truth is…I think you're one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen…incredible eyes…sexy as hell laugh….drop dead gorgeous smile…"(now I moved my finger along her bottom lip as she opened her mouth…taking a deep breath)…and then I moved my lips to her ear and began to whisper Italian words of love into her ear…and I heard her moan out a little…trying to keep it quiet.

In Italian, I whispered to her, _I would love to be yours forever…but even if we only have tonight, I would give my soul to make love to you_…

I knew she didn't know what I was saying…but it sounded fuck sexy in Italian.

She breathed out hard and grabbed the back of my hair, making eye contact with me.

"I know Italian…", she whispered, "Let's go. I have a hotel room about five minutes away."

I smiled and she grabbed me hard, kissing me full on the lips…I hated to have to hurt her….but I would give her all the pleasure I could…and be good to her…and on the way out…I'd just steal one of her credit cards…or a little cash…I'd only use it for my ticket and hotel…and then I'd break it and throw it away…if she's married, she'll never come after me, she'd hate to get busted for cheating.

She doesn't even know my name…she didn't even ask for one! Damn. She must be married…and lonely. What's wrong with men today? Keep your woman happy, damn it! Maybe then guys like me wouldn't be doing what we are doing for a living.

Hell, maybe she'd even give it to me…once we're done and I tell her my sad story of not having enough money to get home to my Mom and Dad for the holidays…having to sleep in the airport…after I'd just gotten out of Africa working with Doctors Without Borders.

The truth is, you don't always have to tell people you're a hooker…you just have to have a damn good story…and a nice body. Victoria taught me that. Now, most people I worked for knew from the word GO that I was a whore, bought and paid for…but women like this…would not appreciate a hooker approaching her. Lies were better. And after she'd come five or six times, she'd listen to anything I had to say…and give me whatever I wanted. It would be like taking candy from a baby.

I didn't like working this way…but I was desperate at the moment. And I had a time limit.

"EDWARD!", Victoria was back, on my ass as me and my new woman stood up.

The woman looked at Victoria, looking scared that she was my wife or something.

"Mom!", I called her, "What are YOU doing here?"

That should piss Victoria off even more. Take that, bitch.

But Victoria always came with her own ammo.

She grabbed me by the ear and twisted it as I yelled out and she said to the woman who was leading me by the hand a second ago, "Do you know that this boy is only sixteen years old? SIXTEEN! YOU FUCKING CHILD MOLESTER! GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY SON BEFORE I CALL A COP!"

The woman was horrified and ran away from me. SHIT! Sorry, lady…we could've had fun. Say hi to your husband for me.

Oh well, I can get another one. But I have to scrape Victoria off first.

"LET GO!", I yanked away as she glared at me.

"I'm tired of your games, Edward.", Victoria informed, "We're leaving now. When we get there, I want you naked, in the punishment position, ready to take hours of shit, you got me?"

"NO!", I defied her again, "I'm going to Florida to see my daughter. You're not going to stop me!"

"Edward, I'm leaving right now.", she said flatly, "You follow me…or I'll beat Emmett's ass instead of yours."

I followed her, my voice breaking as I spoke, "This was your plan all the time, right? From the beginning? A little fucking test for slaveboy, right? See who he cares the most for!"

I knew I was right and I grabbed her suitcase, yanking the zipper down halfway and looking inside. It was so light before I even opened it. It was fucking empty! And I threw it at her feet, so angry that I was crying. We weren't going. We never WERE.

"Bitch.", I breathed, looking away, still determined to get myself there tonight…or at least by morning.

"You belong to ME, slut!", she raged, grabbing my balls in her tight grip right in the middle of a crowded airport, "These are mine! They don't go anywhere without ME! Leave me…and fucking believe this…your daughter won't see the light of day again!"

She pulled on them every other word and I nearly gasped out loud as she dug her long manicured fingernails in…

"Let's go!", she demanded, quickly walking away as I walked alongside her.

"I'm sorry I called you a bitch…I didn't mean that.", I began, hoping somehow I could turn this around.

"Don't worry, you'll pay for it.", she smirked at me, still walking.

"Victoria…can't we please still go?", I asked, sweetly, hopefully…begging for a miracle.

"Your set of balls astounds me, bitch.", she chuckled, not stopping.

"Please…I'll do anything…", I thought of Katie on Christmas morning, crying without me there…I WOULD do anything she wanted just so that wouldn't happen. It would kill her Christmas…it would slice into her little heart. I didn't want to do this to her anymore than I had every day that I wasn't there.

"Anything…", I tried to keep up with her through the crowd as she ignored me, "Please…"

"I already have that, Edward.", Victoria said coldly, "Don't I?"

"Yes Mistress…", I said softly, not caring who heard me now, "But…my daughter…she's so young…she's only five…please don't do this to her…it could set her back a lot…she has a surgery coming up in a couple months and…"

"I know…I'm paying for it, aren't I?", she cut in, still like ice.

"When she's sad or troubled, it slows down her healing process, Victoria…", I said with a little more balls in my tone this time.

She laughed and answered, "I don't care."

Cunt.

"Wait, Victoria…", I stopped her with my hand on hers, taking both her hands into mine, and kissing them, blinking the tears away, "I love you…so much. I never meant to make you feel like less…I do love my daughter too, but that doesn't change the way I feel about YOU. Please let me see her. I'll be good. I promise. And you can punish me when we get home for how I just acted. Please? Can't we do that?"

She set her jaw and looked up at me.

"Tell me you love me more than that kid.", she challenged, her eyes inhuman and deadly.

God. The one thing I'll never be able to say. Even if I acted my ass off.

"I DO love you…Victoria…", my voice was small and weak and I looked down at her shoes.

She yanked my chin up and made me look at her.

"I love you more than my daughter.", she said slowly, waiting for me to say it.

I couldn't even THINK it without wanting to hurl.

"I love you…", I choked…and felt tears coming on hard now…Katie's heart was going to be broken and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

"You are such a PUSS.", she frowned, "Follow me! And hurry up! I can't wait to get your naked ass in front of my whip!"

"Her heart will be broken if we just don't show up!", I was begging like a dog now, the tears thick and blurring my vision as I chased her, "Please,Victoria, I'm begging you…I know I don't deserve it, but please let me go…just for one day! I swear, I'll come right back on the 26th! I'll do anything you want, anything!"

"Let me put something into focus for you, you useless little whore!", she seethed, her pointer finger in the air, "You are my property, you will ALREADY do anything I SAY, anytime I SAY IT! You don't make deals with me! You are MINE! Period. If I say we're not going, then we're not going…you are MY SLUT and you do what I tell you! And we're going home now so Mama can beat you senseless."

"But if we could just go for—" I began again and she walked out of the airport, hailing a cab outside.

I turned and looked up at the airport and sobbed out loud, not giving a fuck who saw or heard…my heart was broken…this was the cruelest thing she could do to me…to wave this dream in my face and then snatch it away at the last minute. I wanted to lay here and die.

"Edward!", Victoria called and I felt my head turning in her direction, not bothering to hide my pain as I looked at her.

She was waiting there, standing by a cab and barked, "COME!"

I didn't even realize I was doing it, but I was shaking my head at her and heard myself say, "I can't. I can't do this to her, Victoria. Please come with me. It'll be nice, I swear."

"NOW EDWARD!", she screeched, her eyes full of venom.

"I never ask for anything, Victoria!", I screamed, the tears pouring from both eyes now, "I've taken it and taken it…I've BLED for you! I've had strangers' hands all over me and never complained! But this is fucked up! I'm not letting her down, Victoria. I can't. I need to go."

"Don't bother, baby.", Victoria took out her cell phone, "I'll bring her here."

And she dialed and held up a finger to me.

"Hi, it's me.", she said with a smile, "Bring Edward's kid to me will ya? Tomorrow morning I want her under my tree, tied up with a pretty red bow. Thanks babe…"

"NO VICTORIA DON'T!", I flew to her, grabbing the hand that held the phone, "I'll go home with you…I'll go…please don't do that!"

"Babe.", she said into her phone, "Cancel that. False alarm. Merry Christmas. Be good."

And she hung up, staring at me.

"Get your ass in this car.", she snarled at me and I followed her right into the back seat.

I cried like a baby as we drove away…the taxi driver kept looking at me in the rear view mirror, not asking any questions.

"Shut up, bitch.", Victoria leaned back in her seat and looked out the window, "Fucking soft ass…thought you were trained…_**my ass**_. Shit! Looks like we have a lot more work to do on YOU…"

I just kept blubbering and watching the streets go by…and kept hearing Katie's voice crying as mine was.

'Daddy, you promised you were coming!', I kept hearing her say in my brain, 'You lied! I hate you! Don't you love me anymore?'

I finally leaned forward and clutched at my hair, yanking it out over and over as I thought how I'd explain this over the phone…and how she'd react. Ben is going to beat my ass for this.

Even worse, when we got home, Victoria didn't even let me call Katie to let her know I couldn't make it. She said I could call her on the 26th. That was my punishment for defying her at the airport and saying the word NO twice. Two days without phone privileges. Besides the two days of shit I would endure by her and countless other dominatrix buddies.

I just kept begging to use the phone and call Katie…and when I did, someone would stuff a ball gag in my mouth…or some other fun object. When midnight struck that night and Victoria informed me that it was Christmas Day…I was hanging by ropes inches off the floor, hogtied, naked, with a Santa hat on my head…and a mouth filled with candy canes…some with the hooks sticking out of my mouth, some with the stick end poking out. My body was throbbing and covered with welts and thin scars, the blood wet and warm on my ass and in my thighs as Raven opened a new box, saying, "He's got two boxes of them in his mouth now. He's not dropping any."

Raven spun me around by shoving my shoulder and the room went around and around as I dangled there…spinning like a top. I'm glad I hadn't eaten much earlier, I'd be getting nauseous now.

"He's got a big mouth.", Victoria watched from a couple feet away, and slowly moved towards me, stopping my swirling and easily able to pinch my balls as I gave a muffled groan, trying not to lose any candy canes…eyeing Raven as she began to unwrap the new box, taking the clear wrapper off the first cane inside.

"Isn't that right, slut?", she asked me as her other hand grabbed my chin, forcing me to look into her eyes, "You have a big, nasty mouth, don't you?"

I nodded, feeling another tear falling down my face, picturing Katie in her bed, trying to stay awake because she thought I'd be there soon…excited and happy that Daddy would be coming home to her.

"Turn on that music again.", Victoria nodded to Raven as I whimpered, clenching my eyes and wishing I could block it out. But I couldn't.

"NNNNNNMMMMM….", I tried to plead even though my mouth was so full I couldn't form a word.

"It's okay, you love this song baby…don't cry…", she chuckled.

And Victoria smiled and started playing with my cock now…stroking it up and down.

"There you are, bitch…", she cooed to me like I was a baby, "Don't cry…it's time for you to come again…and then we'll find a new way to hurt you, hmmm?"

Raven turned it up louder and the nightmare song "I'll Be Home for Christmas" came blaring out again. And Raven came over to me and slid the new candy cane between my lips…shoving it all the way in, hooks out.

"HEY!", Ben shouted, "Hello! Edward…Anthony!", he corrected, making a face…"Space cadet!"

"Huh?", I looked around and saw Ben, waving his hand in front of me from his chair across mine at the table, "You alright?"

"Yea…I guess I zoned out for a second.", I saw there was an ice water in front of me and began to gulp it down…as if I hadn't had fresh water for days…suddenly, the taste of candy canes was on my tongue and it sickened me.

"I guess you did.", Ben grinned, "I asked you what time Peter is coming."

"Oh.", I looked around, "Soon."

I got up and wandered towards the kitchen, needing something to take my mind off things…and then I heard Marcus bickering with Angela and Bella…and I turned around, deciding maybe I'd find Katie and see what she was up to.

I found her near the back door of the restaurant…and she jumped when I found her.

"Hey baby…whatcha doin?", I asked pleasantly, smiling down at her. She had an empty bowl and said, "Nuthin Daddy."

"Can I give you a hug?", I asked, needing it so badly right now.

She smiled. "Always Dad.", she answered and I got down on one knee and opened my arms, instantly getting her embrace. She even kissed my cheek and whispered, "I love you Daddy."

"I love you too, my little Ducky.", I replied, trying to keep my voice normal. I didn't want to cry and scare her…I inhaled and got Bonnie Bell perfume…and grape bubble gum…and irish spring soap…and I did breathe out with a small little sob…loving her so much it hurt. I clung to her and kissed her hair three time in a row, closing my eyes.

"Always always…", I whispered.

"Forever forever.", she replied, brushing her little eyelashes on my cheek, "Butterfly kissies!"

"Are you having fun?", I asked her.

"Mmmm hmm.", she smiled at me, "I like it here. It's neat."

"Okay.", I grinned, "You wanna come watch TV?"

"In a minute.", she said, "I'm just watching it snow a little bit."

"Okay.", I smiled, "Don't go out there. You have no coat on. We'll go out later and have a snowball fight, okay?"

"YAY!", she brightened up.

"See you in a minute.", I waved to her, walking back to where Ben was.

Peter did arrive about an hour later, covered with snow and carrying a bottle of wine.

Katie was the first to get to the door and welcome him.

"Happy Thanksgiving, Dr. Facinelli.", she sparkled as she looked up at him. I hung back and let her say hello without embarrassing her.

"Happy Thanksgiving to you, Miss Kate.", he smiled charmingly, "You look stunning, as always."

Ugh. Now I'm getting in this.

"Hey Peter.", I greeted as Katie said a little 'Thank you' to him.

"Anthony.", he smiled, and put his hand out to shake mine…but I embraced him instead.

"Happy Thanksgiving, Doc.", I patted his back, and then pulled away and said, "OOWW you're COLD! You have snow all over you! Take all that off and come in where it's warm!"

"Thanks.", he began removing the gray wool coat he was wearing, brushing the snow out of his hair, "Oh, by the way…here you go. A fine wine for this evening."

He smirked, waiting for me to look at the bottle. When I finally did, I laughed and announced, "A bottle of cherry slurpee! COOL!"

It was even printed on the label!

"Where did you get this now?", I asked.

"Can't tell you.", he denied, "You had your chance to ask me one question that day in my office…and I thought you were gonna ask me where I got the slurpees…but you didn't…you asked if I was a potato or stuffing man. So…you blew your shot."

"OOOHHHHH!", I stood there, flabbergasted and pissed, "NOOOOO!"

I had not even thought of that…and now I hated myself for it. DAMN ME!

"Sorry Princess.", he chuckled, enjoying his little victory over me.

Bella came out of the kitchen, dusting off her hands and smiling at Peter.

"Hey you!", she hugged him, "Happy Thanksgiving!"

"Marie, Happy Thanksgiving.", he smiled warmly, "Thanks so much for inviting me."

"You're always welcome.", she waved her hand at him, "Go hang with the boys…I've gotta get back in there before Marcus destroys Angela! It's not pretty in there, I hope you all appreciate the danger we're going through for your dinner tonight!"

"Definitely.", he laughed…and Katie laughed too.

As Peter came in and I began to open my "wine", he commented how his power had gone off this morning also…at about the same time ours went down. I froze, and tried to smile and act normal as Ben and Peter talked amongst themselves…and Katie sat down, smiling and hanging onto Peter's every word.

Did I cut the wrong wire this morning? Did I take out all the power around me? Oh Jesus I'm in trouble!

Hours passed and the game began. Marcus had ventured out into the restaurant area with us and joined in as we all shouted at the screen, rooting for our team. Peter and Marcus seemed to like the same team…and bonded a little over that. They even bumped fists at one particular touchdown! Weird…football…who knew?

Later, Peter, Ben, Marcus and I went out with Katie into the empty streets and had a huge snowball war. Peter was on our side, of course, as demanded by Katie…and Ben and Marcus were our enemies…and we were kicking their asses.

"This is NOT FAIR!", Marcus' voice echoed through the empty town like an angry God's…"I'm stuck here with this old man and he's the slowest snowball maker on EARTH! And HAS ARTHRITIS IN BOTH KNEES!"

"FUCK YOU BUCKWHEAT! THROW THE SNOWBALLS!", Ben's raspy voice echoed back and I fell backwards, in hysterics as the snow fell down on my face. I knew Ben and Marcus would love each other too.

"They're WEAK!", Peter shouted to Katie and I, "Let's bombard them with our supply all at once!"

"YEA!", Katie raised her fists, "Let's KILL 'EM!"

"Hey, that's your Grandfather you're talking about!", I laughed, seeing Katie's bloodthirsty side.

"And?", she raised a brow.

"You're right.", I nodded, "Let's kill 'em!"

And we gathered up all our snowballs, shouting like warriors and charging their puny little fort across the street.

When we came in, Ben threw his wet coat off and shouted, "ANGIE! COFFEE! NOW!"

Marcus followed close behind him, covered with snow and shouting, "You surrendered! You friggin' TRAITOR!"

"We fought, we tried our best and we lost!", Ben defended, "I saw no reason why I had to die at your SIDE! Get over it, have some cocoa!"

Marcus looked so betrayed and enraged that I almost laughed. But I thought he might murder me for it.

"You kids all kick off your boots and leave your coats and things THERE!", Angela called out from the kitchen, "And be nice! We have company!"

"Yes Mommy.", Marcus said in a little whiny kid voice and Katie laughed at him.

"What company?", I asked…and when I came inside more there was Bob, Sharon, Jenna…and also a bunch of cowboys wearing hats that I didn't recognize. Maybe they were Rodeo guys.

"Hey guys.", I said, "What's up?"

"Our power is out.", Sharon stood up and came over, giving me a warm hug…and I needed one as my body felt frozen, "So we decided to venture out and see who had some juice…and we saw the sign…so here we are…starving just like the Indians at the very first Thanksgiving. These other guys were staying at my place for this weekend's rodeo…so we brought them with us."

"Good.", I smiled and nodded to them, "Welcome. Who wants cocoa?"

Little by little…people were trickling into Jimmy Chan's…all with similar stories of their power not working. Even some kids from Bella's college came all in a big group and I got to meet some of her new friends.

And Josh Holland…yea, I met him. Finally. Bella introduced us and said he was her counselor…and she called me her fiancé. I just stared at him, hating everything about him. The carefree smile, the dirty blonde hair in his eyes, the fucking dimples in his cheeks when he smirked that smile…ugghhh…he even had perfect white teeth!

"Nice to meet you, Anthony.", Josh extended his hand to me.

"Marie…I need to see you in the kitchen now!", I said in response…and dragged her off like a caveman.

"UGHHH…what?", Bella looked at me like I was a crazy person, "That was SO RUDE!"

"THAT'S THE GUY?", I heard myself yelling as Angela tried to cook around us, "THAT'S THE GUY YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH?"

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with me having FRIENDS that happen to be men!", Bella argued, "I noticed little MISS LOCK ME IN THE CELLAR is HERE! I didn't hear you turning HER AWAY!"

"Will you keep it down?", I gritted, "It's fucking Thanksgiving! And I probably took out the whole town's POWER, how can I tell them to LEAVE?"

"I'm not asking you to tell them to leave!", Bella hissed, keeping her voice down, "I'm just saying that if I can trust you to have female friends…then you should trust ME if I choose to have a male friend…or a couple or whatever…"

"THERE ARE MORE OF THEM?", I howled, "WHO?"

A few minutes later, I raced out of the kitchen…made my way through the small crowd that were sitting there, watching football and I grabbed Peter by the sweater, dragging him with me, muttering, "Sorry, Doc…I need you."

"Excuse us JOSH.", I scowled at Josh Holland as we passed him. He looked at me as if to ask, 'What's your problem?' but I ignored that.

On second thought…I smirked and turned back to Josh, saying, "You see that bald guy, there, sitting by the old man?"

"Yea.", Josh glanced at Marcus.

"He told me he would love to speak to someone in the field of psychology…", I informed, "He keeps having dreams of old, naked men dancing and he's very confused…don't make out like you're analyzing him or anything…he's very shy talking about his issues. Just…talk to him a little while and see what you can do, will you?"

He looked at me, wondering if he should believe me or not…and simply replied, "I'll go say hello if you want."

"Great. Thanks.", I smiled sweetly, yanking Peter behind me as he watched on helplessly.

Peter didn't help my side of things much…and he said I had to allow Marie to have friends of her own…male or female…he said that I was trusted…and I had to trust her in return. I still wasn't sure if I agreed with all that crap…but when I left the kitchen I was pretty pissed. Stupid Peter. I'm gonna strangle him with one of his own hats!

When I found Katie in the restaurant, my heart nearly stopped. She was talking to a girl…a woman…and when she turned her face and smiled at my daughter, I saw it was Melody. SHIT! If she told her anything about me-

I ran up and was about to say something when Katie said, "Hi Daddy! Look, it's your cousin! She's nice! She's telling me about how to beat stage fright ."

Melody gave a soft smile and stood up, saying…"Hello."

I'm glad she didn't say Edward or Michael.

"Hello.", I felt pale and twitchy suddenly, "Can…I…talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure.", she answered, and looked at Katie and smiled, saying, "I'll be back in a few minutes, okay, and we'll talk about how to keep your eyes open when the spotlight hits you."

"Okay.", she beamed at Melody.

I walked and she followed me and as I passed Josh and Marcus, I heard Marcus ask, "What the fuck are YOU TALKING about?"

I snickered to myself and moved faster…and when I got to the back door of the restaurant, and turned around…Melody was standing there.

"Hello Michael.", she smiled innocently.

"Melody…", I began, "Why are you talking to my daughter?"

"She came up to me…", Melody said, "She remembered me from the play. She's very cute."

"First of all, Melody…you can't call me Michael or Edward here.", I whispered, "I didn't get a chance to explain before…but I ran away…from my life in New York. I had to change my name when I came here. It's Anthony now. And whatever you're trying with my daughter, it's not going to work."

"Come on, Mi-I mean Anthony…", she said, "I'm not trying to hurt you. I loved you! I cried for you for over two years. We had no power and we all decided to go into town to find something to eat. Food on Thanksgiving is kinda the rule. How could I know you were here?"

I didn't have an answer for that.

"Look…Anthony…", she took a breath, "I'm not trying to do anything to you…you knew me…you know I'm not like that. I've had some time to think about it and…I wanted to say…I'm sorry I kicked you…there…you know."

I smiled and gave a little nod.

"And…I wanted to thank you.", she said, "For being honest with me and telling me the truth. I've thought about it from your end…and I know you could've lied to me that day…or acted like you didn't know me…but…because you told me the truth…I feel free…like I can move on…like…I can let you go now."

She had a small tear in her eye and I got a little misty too.

"I'm glad you ran away, Anthony.", she said to me, "I'm glad you're ALIVE…and you have your little girl…and your fiancé. I'm glad you're free…and happy. Even when I thought you were dead…that's all I ever wished for you…that you were happy."

"Thank you Melody.", I said, "I believe you."

"Good.", she wiped her eye and smiled, "And I wanted to thank you…for being my first love. Whatever the reason. You were wonderful."

"You're wonderful too.", I said with a timid voice, "And I'm glad you're alright. There's a great guy out there just waiting for you. Better than me. You'll see."

"Yea.", she took a step or two back away from me, "Well…if I don't see you again…good luck…and…be happy."

She really is a nice girl. I wasn't able to love her at the time I knew her…I know now I was meant for Bella…but still, if I were normal back then…I could see falling in love with her. It wouldn't be long before some great guy came along for her, I know that.

"You too Melody. Happy Thanksgiving", I smiled back.

"Happy Thanksgiving.", she smiled…and walked away.

This is one weird Thanksgiving. What else can happen?

Then, as if someone gave me the answer, I heard Bella laughing in the kitchen and Josh saying, "Don't make me laugh, I'll chop off my fingers here."

My ears perked up like a Doberman's and I popped my head into the square kitchen window. I saw Angela there, stirring something in a pot and Bella standing at the other stove, basting her turkey. Josh was there, chopping up carrots with a long knife, his long, soft hair almost covering his eyes as he worked. He flipped up his head and his hair flew backwards…and he smiled at me.

"Hi Tony.", he grinned, his eyes twinkling with a fiendish glee.

I hate this guy.

"MARIE!", I shouted, "BACK DOOR!"

"Not now, Anthony…", she gritted, shooting me a dirty look, "I'm basting!"

"What are you doing in here?", I decided to go to Mr. Josh instead.

"Chopping vegetables.", Josh smiled, "I love to help cook Thanksgiving dinner."

"Good, then go to your own home and help cook it.", I snapped back, "I'm sure your Mom is somewhere right now, struggling to get her stuff together."

"Anthony!", Bella glared at me, "Why don't you go see if everyone has a beer or some cocoa?"

"I'm not a waiter HERE!", I frowned more and then Ben came up behind me and thrust his finger into my back, saying, "They need five beers at table seven, boy."

"BOY?", I spun around to Ben, "Am I wearing an apron or something? I don't WORK HERE!"

"Please Anthony, help Ben and make sure everyone is alright, please please please?", she smiled sweetly at me now, adding, "I love you!"

That made my frown turn into a little pout at least…and Josh grinned at me, still chopping away like the Iron Chef.

"Fine.", I went to get the bottles of beer and a tray, grumbling all the way.

When I brought the beers to table seven, the rodeo cowboys all smiled and popped their drinks open…and when I turned, I saw Peter was talking quietly in the corner with Jenna and Sharon…and Sharon was nodding slowly. Jenna had a little smile on her face and I felt myself smiling too. Maybe they were talking things out. I'm sure that as soon as Peter saw Jenna, he went to apologize to her. I'm glad they were giving him a chance, finally, to explain and try to make amends. If anyone could do it, it was Peter.

"You guys all alright?", I asked in passing, touching Peter's shoulder, "You need anything?"

"We're fine, Anthony…thanks.", Sharon smiled at me and winked as I walked by.

Wow. Maybe it was good that I took out everyone's power today. God, I hope they don't find out it was me. Then I'll be the town outcast.

Suddenly, Marcus was nose to nose with me and shouted, "Did you tell that asshole that I have a thing for naked old guys?"

I barely made it alive out of that conversation. In the end, I feigned ignorance and pretended I had no idea why Josh asked him about that. I told him that Josh was a mental case and he shouldn't be alone with him.

A little while later, after we had put all the tables together so we were set up like one huge family, and all the food in the world was hot and sitting on the table…I stood up and held my glass of slurpee in my hand, ready to give thanks.

"I know that none of us planned to spend Thanksgiving at Jimmy Chan's this year…", I began as Marcus shot me a look, "It looks like God decided that for all of us. But I'm glad. Glad to be spending today with all you guys. I know not everyone knows this, but this is a big year for my family. It's the first Thanksgiving in six years that I've spent with my beautiful daughter, Kate. Kate…I love you more than words can say. Without you, this wouldn't BE a holiday for me at all. I give thanks, first, that you're a part of my life…that you're my daughter…and that we're back together again. And we're gonna stay that way, I promise you…forever.

Marie…(I smiled at her and she smiled back at me, sitting next to Katie), you saved my life and loved me when there was no earthly reason to…you brought me back to life…you brought me back to Katie…you brought me back to love. If not for you, I'd still be in my old life…hating myself…with no reasons at all to be thankful. You are the one…you're my partner…you're my heart…and you're the only woman I'll ever want to wake up next to. I love you."

"I love you too baby.", she whispered, tears misting her eyes.

I looked at the rest of the faces here and smiled more. Jesus! Peter was wearing a turkey hat, the way it would look after it was all cooked, the legs up with fancy white holders over the ends of them…whatever they're called…turkey leg frills I think. What a goofball! This is the guy my daughter has a crush on? Maybe now she'd see him without all the sparkle!

"When we moved here, I thought we were stuck in some little, nothing town. I was a little angry…and scared…wondering if we could make a real life here and be happy. I never dreamed what good friends were awaiting us. And what great times laid ahead. I love all of you and I thank God that we came to Casper. There is nowhere I'd rather be right now than here…surrounded by everyone at this table. I'm thankful we're stuck in this little, nothing town. And I'm glad to be here, Marcus. Thank you for letting us in today and letting the women trash your kitchen. And thank you for being my friend. I love you, man."

"Like I had a choice.", Marcus grinned and a couple people laughed…so did I.

"Peter…you keep me sane.", I continued down the line of faces, "As sane as I can be. You're the best doctor in the world, besides Dr. Bella, of course. And you're my brother. Always. Thanks for the slurpees too. And can you take that hat off?"

Peter smiled more and pulled a string under his chin and the turkey's wings clapped together…everyone laughed at him, especially Katie! There goes any shot of me convincing people in this town that he was a competent psychologist!

I heard Marcus mumble, "Oh. My. Sweet. Lord."

I moved on without another word to the wacko.

"Sharon, Jenna…Bob…thank you for all your patience…and for teaching me about hard work, sweat, and dirt…I love my job and I never thought I'd hear myself say those words. You're the reason I gave it all a chance in the first place. You saved Dancer's life and stood by me against Dr. Shitface the Vet. Thank you.

Thanksgiving is about family…good friends…and awesome food. For the first time in a long, long time…I have all that today. And I couldn't BE MORE thankful for all the family and friends I see around me. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Thank you all for everything…everything."

Everyone raised their beers or glasses and clinked them all together with their neighbor's, everyone was saying "Happy Thanksgiving" to each other. I realized then I'd always dreamt of a big family meal like this one…but I never really had it before. I was at school…or with Katherine and Joseph…God, I missed them today too. But this was so magical to me…tonight.

I noticed a very cute Asian boy sitting next to Katie and she clicked his glass then mine, taking a drink of her soda. The boy was adorable with long silk ebony hair and big, brown eyes, full pink lips. He drank his soda down fast and began to eat very fast…digging into a pile of fried rice on his plate, using a spoon.

I wondered who he belonged to as I looked around, and started to carve Bella's turkey…Ben took care of Angela's turkey….and Marcus carved into his own Chinese turkey, made with oriental sauces and seasonings. It smelled so great…I want some of that one, too!

It occurred to me that years ago, on Thanksgiving, I was digging through the trash to find a half eaten sandwich for dinner…now look at me.

I thought of Emmett and Jasper…and I'm sure Bella was missing her father, Alice and Rosalie too. I said a silent little 'Happy Thanksgiving' to them in my mind and hoped somehow, they felt that my thoughts were with them.

_We miss you guys…so much. Have a good holiday. Like Melody said, be happy._

We all ate like pigs…there was so much here…not just Angela's and Bella's dishes…but also Marcus'. I thought I'd bust open because I couldn't stop eating even when I was full. I noticed Peter talking to Jenna here and there throughout the meal…and she smiled and talked to him too. It looks like he did make some kind of peace with her and I was so glad.

Marcus and Ben were talking sports so it looks like they made a truce after their lost snow battle. I looked way down at the far end of the table and eyed Josh a little…it was no accident that he ended up so far from my Bella…and he was smiling now, eating a bite of Marcus' turkey, and Melody was talking to him…and she giggled…covering her mouth as she chewed. Good…go, Melody…get him! Get his mind off my woman!

And Angela was talking to Bob's wife about her recipe for the stuffing.

I just sat there a moment and watched every face, like the sound had all been turned down…I'm so lucky. So lucky to be part of things here. The faces I used to see at my Thanksgiving table were either strangers…or worse, people I knew who terrified me…Raven…Victoria…sometimes her father would even eat with us, but he never really regarded me at all. I was just his daughter's little pet. Those holidays we'd sit at a normal table, dressed, and eat together, making tight and empty conversation…although I wasn't allowed to speak much, or at all.

Other Thanksgivings when her father didn't come, I'd be naked and on my knees, hands bound behind me…under the table…blindfolded…waiting to be fed turkey scraps from Victoria's hand as I rubbed my hair against her legs…and kissed or gently licked her kneecap or thigh…being affectionate in between each bite. Once, she even poured a little hot gravy into my mouth from the gravy boat itself!

The other Doms would have their slaves or subs at their feet the same way…and then after dinner, we'd get to give our Doms oral sex…to thank them for the meal…then they'd take us to the dungeon or into the club to start playing with us.

Most of all, I was thankful that my old life with Victoria was over…really over. I really felt that now. At last. I will never have to do that again. I will never have to BE that again. And I felt such a sense of relief…that tears came to my eyes right at the fucking dinner table…and I felt Bella's hand under the table…holding mine…giving it a little squeeze.

She noticed…and without a word, she understood. This is why she is the only woman for me. Who else but her could put up with all my crap?

I looked at her, smiling…and she mouthed the words 'I love you Edward' to me. I responded by leaning in and kissing her…gently…softly.

"Eww DAD!", Katie complained, "It's Thanksgiving! No one wants to see that!"

Everyone laughed and Bella blushed hotly as I stuck my cherry red slurpee tongue out at my little girl. Marcus seconded Katie's statement and warned us that he could get the ice water out at any time.

After dinner was over, and then, later, dessert…we all laid around like beached whales, groaning and half dead while the TV played "It's a Wonderful Life". I watched it for the first time in years…and had a whole new appreciation for it now, after my time in Hell with Victoria…and at the end, when George's brother Harry comes in and says, "To my brother, George…the richest man in town." I sobbed like a big crybaby… and buried my face into a linen napkin, muttering, "STUPID MOVIE!"

None of the other guys made fun of me…because they were all pretending not to cry too. Marcus even commented, his voice cracking, "Crazy white people."

A couple moments later, when I was okay again…George opened the book Clarence gave him and it said: Remember, _**no**_ man is a failure who has _**friends**_. Thanks for the wings! Love, Clarence

I was bawling again now. And Bella leaned into my arms and snuggled against me.

Okay, God…I got your message. Thank you. I may not get everything you're doing…but I'm glad I'm here now…and that I'm alive…and surrounded by people who care. Maybe we can call a truce too. Maybe.

The snow didn't stop all day…and it was so deep out there, we couldn't even open the doors to get out of the restaurant! It didn't really matter. We were all having such a nice time together today…it was kind of fun to have to camp out here for the night.

Marcus carried on like a wild woman…but he eventually went up into his apartment and got blankets and pillows of all kinds…trying to make sure everyone got something to make their night on the floor tolerable. I made sure Bella was right in the corner next to me…and Katie on the other side…I checked three times and Josh was WAY at the other end of the restaurant…next to a couple of the guys from the college…good. Stay there.

The lights were all out but Peter wouldn't shut up. He kept whispering to Marcus….and Marcus was whispering back. Finally, I grumbled, "Make your date and shut up already!"

"Shut up, TINKERFELLA!", Marcus said loudly, "No one's making NO DATE! Mind your own damn business!"

Everybody started grumbling now and said, "Shut up!"

And it was quiet….for a second.

Then someone…some foul shit FARTED out loud, it nearly ECHOED in the air!

"UGGHHH!", everyone yelled at the same time, overlapping each other.

"WHO WAS THAT?", Marcus shouted, sitting up half way, looking around in the dark.

"IT WAS ME, do you MIND?", Ben's raspy voice rose up, unashamed and unapologetic, "I had broccoli and I'm 69 years old. Sue ME."

"Oh, Ben!", Angela flapped her blanket next to her husband.

"JESUS CHRIST!", Marcus snapped, "You dry, crusty old GOAT! It smells like a ZOO in HERE NOW!"

"Didn't it always?", Ben asked.

"Go to sleep BOYS!", Bella suggested, strictly putting an end to this little skirmish before it began.

It felt like summer camp, I smiled to myself as I laid my head back down, deciding that this way without a doubt the best and most fun Thanksgiving I had ever had. Bella's arm was draped around my waist lovingly…and I stroked the back of Katie's curly head as she drifted off silently…I couldn't have asked for more.

Now all I had to do was find a way to fix the town's power without being discovered as the destructor.

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See next chapter soon!

Love you guys!

Love, Winnd

Extra long chapter since I'll be back in a few days with another one.


	33. Love to the Fullest

Chapter 33

Hey guys!

A couple people asked about how Edward cut the power in town. He wasn't really in the bathroom when he showed up, he came up from the basement…and he was outside…and thought he had the cord that connected just their house's power…but when he did an ini-meanie-mini-moe with the two wires…he chose the wrong one…he cut it…and took out most of the town's power instead of just his own. Ooops. He didn't know it until he started to see people showing up saying they had no power.

I know I didn't really make that very clear, so sorry about that!

Thank you all for all your kind words…I do try to make this story all I dreamt for it to be…it's not going to be over any time soon. Sorry.

As promised…some hot Edward and Bella time coming up…

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EPOV

I had finally fought my way to castle…the dragon dead…the battle over. I searched room after room and now opened this final door. And there she is…the sleeping princess called Snow White I had heard of weeks ago.

Many of my friends had tried to defeat the demon creature that enslaved the young girl princess, but that had all failed and died very bloody…or fiery deaths. They had never gotten even to the front door. At first I came here only to avenge my fallen warrior friends…and I have done that…after all, I am a gladiator, and I was trained by the best…but now I am curious to see the most beautiful girl in all the world…that's what all the rumors said anyway.

I looked in the room and saw her there, laying on her bed, hands resting peacefully upon a calla lily that rested between her breasts, against the shiny blue silk there. The sun was setting outside, and it was golden orange, cascading in rays over her entire body…and I carefully moved closer, being keen enough to realize that a final trick could be waiting inside the beauty herself…one last curse that witch might have hidden here, just to take me down the way I had taken her down moments ago.

For a second, I thought I saw someone move in the corner…but saw it was only a full length mirror standing there…showing me my own reflection.

My armor had done well during the battle, I surveyed as I looked over my black leather chest, the two silver horses upon their hind legs facing each other were not even scratched…nor was the tree between them that laid over my heart…and my matching gauntlets over my lower arms only showed minimal wear, a bit singed by the flames the monster tried to spit at me. One of my shoulder guards had been lost in the fight…but the other remained in place…and I had left my helmet outside the castle, knowing I'd have no need of it inside.

My face was unscarred and mostly clean, since my helmet was over my face most of the time I had faced the beast, and I was glad for that. I would not want to offend royalty…and if she awakened, I wanted her to feel at ease with me.

I moved closer to the silent bed…and stood over the dormant body of the girl…looking closer to see if I agreed she was the most lovely, the most fair, as all the poets and song writers were claiming.

I began with her face…her porcelain skin was like cream, smooth and flawless, forming the lines that made up her small forehead, adorable small nose, and heart shaped chin. Her eyelashes and eyebrows were even perfection…every little hair jet black and like shreds of satin ribbon, contrasting the fair color of her flesh.

If all that wasn't enough…her mouth! Her lips! Oh GODS! I had never seen a richer or deeper red in all my life…not in the blood of my enemies…not in any rose that I had plucked to seduce a woman…not even in any sunset or sunrise…no…this red…this color…outshone them all. I couldn't pull my eyes away for the longest time.

And how precise this mouth was…the pouting, full bottom lip…the heart like top lip…curling slightly in a secret smile…as if she knows some wicked little secret…or is dreaming of something naughty. I enjoyed not knowing which it was…although I vowed someday to find out.

Her hair was long and thick, curled at the ends loosely, dark and inviting like the night…and the ribbons of red silk woven through it made my eyes move down past her elegant neck…and happily brought my vision into the circle of her breasts.

Her gown was blue silk at the chest, and it cut tightly to her body…and just low enough to push those round, full peaks up and almost out of the neckline that was decorated with diamond and silver garnish. My eyes were again slaves as those pure ivory breasts slowly rose…almost about to gently push themselves out of that firm neckline…and then at the last moment…they withdrew…moving back towards her beating heart.

I could watch that forever…and nearly did…but then as my mind began to voice its wants and desires…my eyes looked over the rest of the King's daughter.

At her little waist, there was a red velvet corset that was laced up and pulled into a single bow…her sleeves were puffy, as most royalty preferred, and were colored light blue with red satin drop designs going around them. Blood drops? That's what they looked like to me…but then, I'm a warrior…a soldier.

Her arms were thin but not too thin…like delicate lace the way they were draped at her sides. And under her shoulders laid a red silk cape. Beneath her corset, there was a soft looking skirt…golden like a tulip and just as fragile looking…and it was very short…just barely covering her hips. Her thighs were completely bare and so were her calves…and upon each foot was a red leather high heeled shoe that strapped closed around each ankle.

I traveled my uninvited pupils over every inch of those luscious legs…and could not decide which was prettier than the other…someone with magic must have made this little creature who laid here.

She had been placed here with care…with obvious love and adoration…and of course, deep sadness. That was clear. This body was not just thrown down in anger or rage. And still, she had not waken…or even blinked her eyes…it was true. She was in the hold of a curse…a deep sleep that no one could awaken her from…unless, as they told me, they were her one true love. The kiss of true love was said to break the spell and end this coma she was locked in.

I never truly loved anyone…except my country and my soldier brothers. But I had to admit, just the sight of this little princess had melted something inside my heart. I didn't know if it was love…or true love…but I needed to know her…I had to touch her…I dreamed of seeing her eyes…and hearing her laughter. I had beaten the dragon…this is my prize. I intend to claim it. If I can.

I unbuckled my belt, taking off my sword and laying it on the floor at the side of the bed. It still shone with the crimson blood of the dragon…but I would clean my weapon later. I wanted it near, in case anything else rose up to try and get me.

I looked around one more time…it was so silent and empty here that it almost spooked me. Almost.

I took the liberty of sitting on the large bed beside the princess…and felt like I was indeed committing some treason just by being this close without permission. But the King is dead…so is the Queen. No one is here to punish me. I can do as I please with her.

I decided to speak quietly, it seemed right, almost as if I were in church.

"Snow White…", I said, hoping not to alarm her with my deep voice, and I felt my hand rise up to her face…slowly…the back of my fingers dancing up the alabaster plane of her cheek…and admitted, "It's true…all that they said. You ARE…the most beautiful girl eyes have ever seen. My name is Edward, a gladiator who has never known what true love is…but…I would love to see your eyes, fair princess. Please…wake up…and smile at me…"

I took a breath and leaned in…moving my fingers into a curl of her soft, warm hair as my mouth opened…my top lip softly resting against hers…and my bottom lip closing over the little smirk she was still wearing. I closed my eyes and felt my leather breastplate press against her bared cleavage…and I gave a little groan of ecstasy and pain at the same time. Ecstasy because her body was almost hot against my cool leather chest…and pain…because she was not truly mine…she would most likely belong to some spoiled, pampered prince somewhere once I had rescued her today.

It wasn't fair…no prince could win the battle I had won today.

She was not kissing me back and her lips remained still and dormant…although soft as rose petals. And she tasted like…apples.

When I was finished and opened my eyes to look at her face…it was the same as before…and I leaned back, waiting…still sitting there…but she did not move…she did not wake. I knew I wasn't her true love. But still, it hurt a bit to see it proven before my eyes.

I waited there for a few more moments, not sure what to do now.

"I'm sorry, Snow White…", I whispered in my most velvet like voice, hoping it would cushion the blow, "I suppose I'm not the one you dream of. Pity. I truly believe…if I were to see those eyes of yours…I would really lose my heart to you forever."

I stared at her some more…finding it impossible to walk away. In moments…my fingers were moving over her eyebrows…enjoying the texture there…and over her face…her tiny nose…her lips…her chin…I could not stop stroking her…even my other hand joined in before I knew it.

"So beautiful…princess…_**too**_ beautiful…", I thought aloud as my fingers played in both sides of her hair…I moved it away from her shoulders…admiring her throat…I leaned in and inhaled the base of it…and felt a deep, surging desire to drink from it. It smelled like daisies and cotton…ohhh Gods, so perfect! I never had access to a true lady before…mostly whores and cheating wives…this is the first pure thing I think I'd ever touched.

I could not stop myself now. It has been so long since I've touched a woman. The wars had kept me busy these last two years.

"Forgive me, highness…", I begged in a whisper, "I promise not to hurt you…but you're too irresistible for me…I have to…"

I looked around again and heard nothing. I couldn't be bothered to care anymore anyway. My cock was so hard, it was throbbing under my tunic.

"Sssshhhh…", I removed the flower from her fingers and laid it beside her, placing her arms down at her sides, moving my hands over her creamy arms.

I gently touched her right sleeve, slowly moving it off her shoulder and down her arm a bit…I moaned out….finding it so lovely…I leaned in and kissed it…all over…opening and closing my lips over her collarbone, and at the little valley where her neck ended and her shoulder began. Each kiss of her flesh aroused me even more…and I found myself wetly licking and sucking the fragrant skin under my nose.

And still, she didn't move…she slept…like a living statue…but definitely flesh and blood…with heartbeat and breath.

I clawed at the other sleeve of hers and pulled that one down too…wanting to see both her bare shoulders against that long hair…I don't know about my heart, but I am definitely losing control.

My fingers were moving around her breasts…in circles over the tops were they were flesh…rising and falling under my hands…and then where they were trapped in the silk that held her. My breathing was becoming heavier…and I bent my head down and placed my lips against the top of her right breast…loving the heat of it and the way it felt as it came up and pressed more into my mouth. I had to have this.

I let out a breath and jerked my head up from her chest, deciding I needed even more of her. I could probably lose my head for this, but I was willing to take that risk.

Before I thought too hard on it, I was unbuttoning that tight little neckline that restrained those perfect breasts of hers and I whispered again, "Don't be afraid, little princess…I wouldn't harm you for the world…"

The red corset was getting in my way so I unlaced it, slowly…removing it carefully and placing it next to her besides the flower…and then I was able to completely open the blue silk piece…and I let it rest at her sides…and my eyes got drunk with the sight of her perfect bosom.

"My God…", I breathed, "What made you so perfectly, Snow White?"

I touched her breasts with both hands and just brushed her pink nipples with my touch.

A tiny little breath exhaled from her then…and I halted my hands immediately…my eyes darting to her face. Nothing. She still slept.

So I continued to touch her in any way that I liked…holding those breasts in my hands…feeling their weight…their heat…gently squeezing…clutching…and then releasing…her back arched up a bit as I did this…but she did not wake up.

I got a little more brazen then…and leaned in…placing wet kisses over her full mounds of flesh…then lapping around the edges of her nipples, sucking gently…even taking a tiny little nibble that made her give a little gasp in her sleep…her head even moved to the right a bit…but she still slept soundly.

I removed my gauntlets and shoulder plate, letting it fall to the floor and then slipped my bare arms around her little waist, my fingers clawing into her silk back as I raised her chest a bit off the bed, her head falling backwards a slight bit…the hair hanging like curled leaves. My mouth was greedier now…and it began to devour the untouched virgin flesh before me, instead of just kissing it in worship.

The princess' breathing began to get a bit deeper…and a couple more little mews trickled from her lips…but she never woke up.

My mouth kissed her everywhere above the waist…and I took hold of the base of the right breast one more time…and brought the nipple to my tongue, moaning, closing my eyes and sucking it for its delicious taste, addicted to it.

I was on my knees on the bed now, holding her up in my arms as my right hand went off on its own…stroking along the inner thigh of the sleeping princess…loving the smooth, warmth I found there. I gently laid her down again and stood up, removing my leather armor from my chest and also doing away with the tunic. I still wore the one linen piece around my cock and ass, but the rest of me was naked…and so aroused by this silent little goddess.

My hand gently moved up her legs…and I parted them a bit…and my fingers reached inside the yellow lace skirt…and I moaned out when I found her perfect, damp lips there.

"Ugghhh…", I looked up and then closed my eyes…rubbing my two fingers over the little wet clit inside…and the princess' lips opened slightly more and she breathed out, sounding as pleased as I was right now.

For a few more minutes, her back arched up and her head moved from side to side…slowly…gently…but still, her eyes didn't open at all.

I kept getting her erotic, heavy breathing in response to what my fingers were doing to her. I stopped stroking that little moist nub, as hard as it was….to gently pull the skirt down her legs…over her shoes…and put it aside with the other things of hers.

Gently, I moved her chin so she was facing me now. I couldn't be denied her lovely face anymore, even if it was only by one half.

I decided to leave the shoes on her feet…only for the sick reason that they turned me on.

God, I am a sick fuck Gladiator.

Now I could see the angel in all her glory…without a stitch of clothing standing between her and I…and I was trapped by the mere sight of her.

I took her arms and placed them up over her head, she looked more relaxed that way…less…dead.

I have to taste her. And I crawled between her legs, laying down and kissing the bones in her hips…moving carefully, not missing a single curve or angle…and finally, I kissed the paradise that laid between those sculpted legs…and began to drink from the magical waters there, my hands sliding under her perfect, round ass and lifting her up to my eager, thirsty mouth.

So aromatic and succulent was she, that I tore off my linen piece, bearing myself completely just for my own wanton pleasure. I gave a growl of satisfaction as the air touched my ass…and then I wiggled my tongue inside of the fair Snow White.

I could hear her moaning…helplessly trapped in sleep but still…sounding like she was having a very erotic dream nonetheless…her head moved from side to side…her eyes never opening…and her back arched…her tiny hands curling and uncurling as I lapped and slid my tongue tip into every little fold and crevice I could discover.

Finally, she screamed out, gripping onto the intricate carvings on her headboard…and her body tensed then released…and I swallowed the nectar of her innocence in gulps…unable to sip it any longer.

And…slowly…eventually…she slipped back into silence…and relaxed back into her resting position…and her hands fell from the headboard…and she continued to sleep…and still, that little smile rested there on those ruby lips.

I cleaned off my own mouth, drinking a sip of wine from a chalice on the nightstand on the left…and I crawled back onto the bed with her. I moved her face slowly so it seemed to look at mine and I whispered, "I am sorry I could not wake you up, Snow White. You ARE the most beautiful girl in all the world. And whether or not you love me…I love YOU…and I always will…now."

Then I leaned in and kissed her lips again…this time with passion…and I felt a tear in my eye as I realized I'd have to leave here without her…that I might never see her open her eyes…or hear her speak my name. And my heart was broken.

As I kept kissing her, I felt her little hand move on her own and bury itself in the back of my hair…and she clung onto it…and was kissing me back! I even felt her tongue venture out, curiously exploring with mine…and her other hand was moving along my bare ribcage…burning me with her touch. I held her face in my two hands, not wanting to let her go, ever…holding the most precious thing I would ever know.

"Snow…", I breathed as I broke the kiss…and I looked at her closed eyes…waiting, hoping they would open for me now…for me alone. And, magically…beautifully, they did open. They were chocolate brown, like the earth…like the fields I used to plow when I was a boy…like home.

"Edward.", she said my name and her little voice was more powerful than all the sounds I'd ever heard in my life.

"Princess!", I smiled at her angelic face as it came to life in seconds…and she smiled at me too.

She didn't say anything else, she just kept kissing my lips…over and over again…each time more intensely than the last…she kept gripping my hair and that was drawing me in even more…I wanted her…NOW.

"Yes…yes please…", I almost pleaded as her touch became more urgent and filled with need.

She crawled towards me and laid my back down on the bed, straddling me like a helpless mortal under her sorceress power.

"You belong to me now, Edward.", she said as she took hold of my shaft and began to slowly move it up and down, my voice groaning out in thick desire, animal want.

"Yes, Princess." I closed my eyes and loved the way her little hand moved me.

"You killed the dragon…you broke the spell…you are all mine now, gladiator.", she smiled down upon me, looking glad to be making these statements to me.

"Yes…Snow White…I want to be yours.", I breathed, my legs opening even more as she moved me with even quicker strokes.

"UUUHHHHH!", I cried out as she looked me over, while she drove me crazy with lust.

"You are very beautiful, my Edward.", she decided aloud, moving my face to the side with her other hand, stroking her fingers over my mouth, "I'm a lucky princess, aren't I?"

"I'm the lucky one, Highness…", I panted, kissing her fingers with devotion and then throwing my head back and growling in utter bliss.

"I've been dreaming of my faceless hero for a long time.", she informed as I writhed below her, my legs straining and my arms dying to reach out and grab her, "I'm glad you're here, at last…and that you came for me. I would never know you by sight, since I was asleep…but I would know you by your touch…and that's how I recognized you. And that's how you broke the spell."

"Princess, I want you…", I whimpered, "I want you so badly…"

"In a moment.", she smiled down at me with a hint of wickedness, still moving my cock without mercy, "I quite like watching your face when you're like this."

"Yes, Princess."

And then she finally climbed up and straddled me…and sheathed my cock inside her as she came down and sat herself upon me. I had screamed out loud and growled as she gave herself to me…and only me. It was the first time I had been with a virgin and it was magnificently tight and RED HOT!

And then she began to move up and down, her super tight hold around my cock moving with her. She was having no mercy on me, either, and she moved with quick, fast bounces…gasping and letting her hair fall over her eyes and in her face as she laid down and took a bite of my nipple…then licked it hard.

"Ohhh fuck…me…Snow White…fuck me!", I begged and she increased her speed.

I put my hands on her hips and helped her move up and down on me…and the sounds of her flesh slapping mine drove me even further into madness and pure heaven.

I thrust myself up into her again and again….the sweat of my body mixing with hers…my hands moving through her hair…and clutching it back, making her face look upwards…making those hot, round breasts bounce and stand out even more.

She began to scream out…and I wasn't much further away from where she was headed. I was aching to come but her pleasure came first. She is, after all, a princess. She could have me executed if she wanted to…she didn't even need a good reason.

She hollered and announced, "I'm gonna come! Yes! YES! YES! EDWARD, FUCK ME YESSS…HARDER! UGGGHHHHH!"

And her body began to spasm…and twitch…and she came….and a moment later…I shouted out, too, and clung to her naked body in my hot, moist arms until my seed had all flowed into her royal body. We were one now. I belonged to her…and she belonged to me. No longer Princess and Gladiator…Royalty and subject…now we were just man and woman. One heart.

I kept kissing her lips…not able to get enough of that as she kissed me back…softly…moving our hands over each other without breaking contact…and she sleepily looked at me, saying…"I loved that. I love YOU."

"Me too, Princess.", I smiled devilishly, kissing her again.

"We have to play that again real soon.", she suggested.

"Tomorrow?", I smiled again, giving her a deep, wet tongue kiss, my hands holding her ass, pinning her hips to mine, "I can be the beaten, fallen gladiator…and you can be my Princess, and punish me for not doing well."

Bella pulled back and smirked at me, grabbing the top of my hair, "Or I could reward you for doing WELL…that sounds better, doesn't it?"

"Mmmm…much.", I snuggled my face into her neck…kissing it behind her hair…"I love my Snow White…"

"I love my Edward Gladiator.", she giggled as I laid her down in our bed, laying my face on her right breast, closing my eyes, "It wasn't easy, either, being in a deep sleep while you were doing all those things to me…I kept wanting to grab you and hump you…"

"Told you Halloween costumes were fun after Halloween.", I put my arm around her naked waist, tickling the belly button a little…

"I know…you're very smart…now fall asleep.", she curled her leg over mine, putting her arms around my shoulders.

"Now I'm the one who'll be in a deep sleep.", I mused right before I passed out.

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EPOV

A lot started happening after Thanksgiving. First, I had to place an anonymous call from a pay phone that my "friend" vandalized the wires out behind the Masen's house. I disguised my voice and hung up before 30 seconds passed, just to be on the safe side.

Days later, everyone's power was up and running again. It looked like I was going to get away with it this time. That was close!

Dr. Peter told me days later, that he DID talk to Jenna and Sharon, explaining his side of things…and he did apologize from the bottom of his heart…he even offered Jenna free sessions with him to make up for what he'd done. Sharon was also invited, of course. He told me Sharon and Jenna accepted his apology…and were going to consider it.

When I talked to Jenna at work about it, she was so great about it. She said that they were the last people to begrudge anyone a second chance…and they saw that he's not the person he was…and after all, Jenna said, it was just one little kiss…and now that she understood the reasons why…how could she blame him?

The one thing that really bothered her was that her father used to be a drunk and…do things to her….and that day, Peter was also drunk and had kissed her. In that moment, for her, it was her father there on the couch with her again.

"I'm the one who just tried to lock you in the cellar so I could seduce you.", Jenna had reminded me, "How can I look down on Peter?"

That much is true.

I had been so afraid that they would hate Peter forever, because he made one mistake…and then I wondered if they would hate me too…if they ever knew my past. I had misjudged them and thought they'd just write Peter off. But they didn't. They heard his side…and they forgave…and are willing to start over on a clean slate. They are much more generous people than I gave them credit for. I was glad I was wrong about that.

Another disgusting little development from the holiday was the new friendship of Josh and Bella.

Josh had talked Bella into joining his group of students studying psychology. They were the best students of his classes and they were at the level Bella was at when I met her in New York.

Now she was back at the bottom but Josh knew she was as smart…or smarter than those students he worked with now. He told her he wasn't able to get her credits transferred yet…but he was still trying. In the mean time, he could use someone with some experience and knowledge to help him with this new project he was working on. It would challenge Bella and give her something in her field to do until the school figured their crap out.

The project was this: to try and help every day people in town by going door to door, asking if they had any problems they ever wanted to talk to someone about. A lot of people, especially in this town, don't call psychologists and don't ask strangers for help…but that didn't mean they didn't NEED it. He wanted to bring the students to THEM and let them sit in their living rooms, hoping to encourage people to be more help seeking and see how good it could feel to talk to a psychologist.

I thought this was the dumbest idea on earth.

"You didn't want help, either, remember?", Bella asked me, very angry when I'd told her Josh was insane, "I had to drag you kicking and screaming all the way! YOUR therapy was on MY COUCH! And it did some good for YOU, didn't it?"

"Yes, but that's not a fair example!", I shouted back.

"WHY NOT?", she shouted.

"I don't KNOW!", I cringed and ran to the kitchen to search for some of that cotton candy I used to have…all I kept finding were empty plastic bags with dots of sugar inside them.

Then something came to mind.

"BECAUSE!", I ran back to our bedroom where Bella was standing, her arms crossed, "I was in desperate NEED of help! I was like…bleeding profusely from everywhere! I SCREAMED out that I needed help! The local, every day person here DOESN'T NEED HELP! They're all fine. Everywhere you go, all you see are cowboy hats and smiling people!"

"That is just a façade!", Bella argued back, "Behind all those dopey smiles are probably TONS of people with problems who WANT to talk to someone but they think if they DO….the whole town will ostracize them!"

"If they want to talk to someone, send them to PETER!", I suggested, "He's licensed and knows what he's doing!"

She whipped around and glared at me…and I felt my heart clench in my throat.

"Are you saying I don't know what I'm doing?", she hissed low in her teeth, her eyes lethal as they looked at me.

"No, not at all!", I said, "You are the most talented therapist I've ever seen! I just meant…students going door to door…it's not safe, is it?"

"You've only seen two therapists in your whole life, by the way…me and Dr. Peter.", Bella began, "And this town is safe. We'd be going in pairs. Josh said he'd partner with me—"

"I'll BET he DID!", I had venom in my voice now, hating the idea of that-RRRRR-anywhere near my girl. I could still see him in Marcus' kitchen with Bella…chopping those carrots…with that cutesy little grin on his fucking face!

"You've GOT A PARTNER!", I growled, "ME! TELL HIM THAT!"

"Ugh..", Bella squinted at me, "I was SAYING…Josh said he'd partner with me in the beginning because I'm new to the GROUP! You are SO -UUUGGGHHHHH!"

"How can you be so handsome and so insecure at the same time?", Bella asked me.

"I don't know, YOU tell ME…DR. BELLA!", I frowned, hurling that back at her.

"Edward…I LOVE YOU, you STUPID ASS!", she screamed, grabbing her hair, "I don't WANT anyone else! Why can't you TRUST ME? I trust YOU!"

"Not really.", I shot back, "You were SO sure I'd cheated on you that day with Jenna in the cellar!"

"That was my stupid insecurity issue.", Bella said without yelling, looking at the table, "I am working on that, Edward. Okay? Maybe you should talk to Peter about your insecurities."

"I can't yet!", I spat, "I'm too busy trying to deal with my fucking rape! I still haven't gotten past page five of my twelve hour SAGA! At this rate, I'll be ready to be more secure for you…when I'm around ninety!"

Things got real bad really fast during that argument. Bella was crying…and I had to call Dr. Peter to come over again. I didn't meant to get so nasty…but when set off, I found I have a lot of rage down inside me, just waiting to explode and hurt everyone around me.

Peter sat between us and calmly explained again that it is normal to be jealous…it is normal to argue…and it is also normal for me to feel inadequate and insecure…besides the six years of pent up anger simmering under my skin all the time. Then he admonished me for trying to keep Bella locked in a box and keeping her all to myself. He said I was going to suffocate her this way…and I had to let her breathe…and live.

Finally, Peter had broken me down and my anger was gone…and I sat there in front of Bella, my face down, and tears in my eyes as I admitted the truth.

"I know I'm not good enough for you, Bella.", I said, my voice breaking on every word, "I'm a fucking out of work whore and I know that. I'm not smart. I'm not successful. I'm not ANYTHING. But pitiful."

I felt a tear trickle down my face as I said those last two words…and the room was so still and void of sound.

"Why do you say things like that?", Bella's voice was filled with tears and pain and I couldn't bear to look up at her, "I love you, Anthony. I wish you could see all the wonderful things I see in you. You are smart. You ARE a success. You're everything…everything I ever wanted. Victoria made you believe those lies you keep telling yourself. Don't let her do this to you anymore. Kill her in your mind and don't ever let her voice talk you down again! Please! Don't let her kill US!"

"It's not just her.", I said with a deep, agonized voice, "Your father said so too. Even then, I knew he was right…but.."

"My father was on medication and missing a leg that day!", Bella reminded, "He wasn't in his right mind. He was worried about me, you can't blame him for that…you're a father to a daughter, you understand that. He came around…he let me go…and he told me to go to you. And I'm not sorry. I'll never be sorry. No matter what comes. And believe me, Anthony…after meeting YOU…I never want to see another man again."

Was that a compliment or an insult?

She loves me. More than I deserve. In the end, we were clinging to each other again…and Peter snuck out on us for the second time, leaving a little note.

So Bella joined Josh's little group of eggheads and would be there a lot after school and some nights and weekends…I swore if Bella left me for Josh, I would kill Peter.

Bella was always home for dinner and always put Katie and I first…but then she would work on the activities with her new group. They came over to our house…including Josh…and I was afraid for Katie to see HIM up close without Peter being around…but I was glad to see she was faithful at least. She was nice to Josh and Bella's new friends…but she didn't stray from Peter an inch.

I started to see things…things like Katie's notebook cover…and Kaitlyn Facinelli written all over it, with red hearts dotting the I's. Mrs. K. Facinelli, Mrs. Kaitlyn Facinelli, Kate Facinelli…UGH! Stupid PETER!

A couple of Bella's new girlfriends that were in the group were giving me the eye I noticed and Bella didn't like that at all. So I excused myself after I met them and went into the basement to lift paint cans, laying my back on a bench, working out with what I had to get rid of some of my…tension.

This is how I used to do it…back in the day…with Emmett. What would Emmett say to me now if we were here, working out?

'Stop being such a douche, Edward.', I could hear him in my head and I smiled, feeling the sweat sticking the back of my shirt to the bench, 'That girl is YOURS…you know it. Stop being such a pussy. Say, 'Hey, girl, I'm the shit!' and be proud of who you are.'

But doesn't she deserve so much more than me? Am I really loving her if I hold her back from a more fulfilling life, a happier existence with someone who doesn't have all my fucking baggage? Does it even matter now? I'm probably going to prison in the next year anyway. I should just enjoy what I have now and keep taking those mental pictures so I have a whole photo album when I'm in the slammer being ass fucked by my new roommates.

I put the cans down and sat up, peeling myself off the bench and gripping my hair with one hand…the beads of sweat moving down my nose and hanging there a second…then letting go and hitting the floor below me. I just stared at it as it slowly bled into the concrete under it.

If I have to go to prison, I'll die, I kept thinking. They'll tear me away from here…away from Bella…away from Katie…and seeing what my future there would be…I shuddered. I would kill myself and spare my family years…decades of agony…inmate visits…phone calls…touching hands through glass walls…lifting up a receiver to say hello to my daughter on her 16th birthday while I wore that vomit smelling orange jumpsuit, my young face dead…the light vacant from my eyes…just a body…existing until some asshole stabbed me in the back with his shiv…or until I just had a heart attack.

I wouldn't do that to them. I'd die the day I went in there…the first night…hanging myself is probably the surest, quickest way…and just like that, it was decided. Now I'd just have to wait to see what the trial brought. Until then, I promised myself to LIVE…live to the fullest…LOVE to the fullest!

This is when I began to start planning our Christmas together. I would make it perfect, just in case it was our _**only**_ Christmas together. Not just for me…but for Bella and for Katie…so they could always remember that day…and laugh about it…smile…when they remembered me.

I thought of that movie MY LIFE…where the man found out he was going to die…and his wife was pregnant, so he made videos so the kid would know him growing up. I considered doing that…but I didn't think I could get through one single taping without bawling. Besides, I don't have a video camera. That's not a bad idea. I could tape everything that happens and have it forever…wherever I go…and can watch it over and over…I liked that idea. Katie could never grow up on me that way…in a sense.

The plans began to come to mind faster and faster after that…and I had some work to do…and only one month left to do it in! I got off my ass and went up the stairs…on the job.

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Love you guys!

Will post more in a few days!

Love, Winnd

Maybe later I'll have them try out the angel wings costume! How about THAT?


	34. This is Christmas

Chapter 34

Hey everyone! Don't worry, Edward is not really giving up…he is just being a tad dramatic, preparing himself for that future IF it comes to that. He knows if things look like they're going bad for Bella in the trial, he will stand up and confess to killing Victoria, to save her. But like I said, don't worry. Edward is used to, when things are going well…always waiting for the other shoe to drop and watch his life fall apart. It happened with Tanya…and then Victoria…he's just afraid because he's happy…and he believes that things are just going TOO well…and he'll lose it all again. Remember – we fear most what has already happened to us. I know that's true.

But, then, just as easily as Edward falls…he rises up again…shooting up to the heavens with a big smile on his face. Peter's got him. He'll fight…and try…but he's just being afraid. It's alright. For Katie and for Bella…Edward would fight to the death.

And yes, he is still working at the stables, doing the same things.

I had a lot of fun doing the Snow White fantasy…to all of you who liked or loved it, thanks! Role playing…love it! So does Edward…now that it's not a job for him…and Bella is playing along…and Bella loves it too!

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BPOV

The night after we had all slept over there, I reported back to Jimmy Chan's to start working as Marcus' hostess/waitress. I have to admit, I was really scared to walk in there alone for the first time…but Edward had to help Katie with her homework. I almost volunteered for that but I thought it would be good for Edward to see that there was more going on in his head than little naked me's dancing around. He has a great mind and I wanted him to discover that for himself.

So I bravely walked into my new place of employment to find Marcus in the restaurant area, his shirt over his nose, his one hand spraying a can of Lysol and the other hand a can of Glade, Cinnamon flavor.

"UGH!", I put a hand over my own nose and waved the fumes with my other hand, asking, "What are you DOING MARCUS ?"

"This whole fucking place smells like white people!", he shouted, not bothering to turn towards me, "White people and old man SHIT stuffed with broccoli! I'll never get it the FUCK out!"

"White people do NOT have a SMELL.", I rolled my eyes, walking towards the other end of the place, where the ozone layer was thicker and breathing was possible.

"The FUCK you don't!", Marcus snapped back, standing over the spot Ben had laid in the night before…and then both his fists hit the spray cans and fired relentlessly to the floor.

"Stop doing that, Marcus!", I watched him from over here, "People will suffocate if they come in and I have to sit them down! Open a window!"

People were coming into Jimmy Chan's on a regular basis now…especially when Edward and Katie started going to the rodeo's on Saturdays and handing out flyers we made for the restaurant. It looked like, whether Marcus liked it or not, people were going to be coming into this place…a lot. On the weekends, sometimes, we were full up and there was actually a WAIT to get a table! It was really exciting to see it happening and I loved coming to work here. Marcus didn't scare me anymore, in fact I thought he was fun. I liked trying to figure him out in my head, silently analyzing him now and then.

Edward was teaching me a lot about serving and how to move gracefully from table to table…in a small amount of time, I was doing it and not tripping or dropping things! I was proud of the job I was doing…Marcus and I even bonded as those weeks went by.

And I kept seeing this cute little boy around. He was also there at Thanksgiving…and I DID see him sleeping over that night also…Katie was always close to him and they looked like they had been playing together whenever I'd seen her with him. He was Asian and had these huge brown eyes…and long, silk black hair, tied in a ponytail behind his head. He wore a black t shirt and a pair of gray sweatpants…worn black sneakers.

I got down at eye level with him and asked, "Hi, honey, what's your name?"

Nothing. He just looked at me, acting scared or tense, I wasn't sure which.

"Is your Mommy here?", I asked next, looking around for someone who might be his mother…but I got no answer again.

Then Marcus would show up and bark out, "What the Hell is THIS? Blue's Clues? Table seven needs drinks!"

He handed me a slip of paper and I went to fill the order…and when I came back a minute later, the kid was gone. I asked Marcus about it and he just shrugged and said, "How the fuck would I know? Who am I, Mr. Rogers?"

I giggled, thinking of Eddie Murphy playing Mr. Robinson…doing a skit where he acted like Mr. Rogers.

"Did you ever see that Eddie Murphy…", I began but Marcus just glared at me…so I gulped and said, "Never mind."

Sometimes Edward would come in for dinner while I was working and we would play and flirt with each other, as if we had just met. That was a lot of fun.

The first night was a surprise and I turned to see this tall, lovely specimen of a man standing there. I blushed at first sight and he smirked at me while I fumbled for his menu.

"Two?", I asked, looking around for a good table.

"No, just me.", he grinned a little sheepishly, "I'm…alone."

"Uh…", I frowned in disbelief, "How did THAT happen? All the girls around here lose their sight or something?"

"Or maybe they're seeing clearly for the first time…", Edward said under his breath as I walked towards a nice small table in the corner.

I laughed a little at that and replied, "Well, yea, you DO look like a bad boy, I can see that."

"Is this alright?", I asked as we arrived at the table.

"I guess.", he shrugged, sitting down, "It doesn't really matter if it's just me, as long as the food is good."

I made a face and commented, "Oh, you poor thing. Your night is not going to improve."

Then he smiled up at me and sexy as hell, said, "It just did."

After that, I was a mess. I fumbled and trembled with everything I touched for him. With all the other customers, I was fine….confident, unafraid, friendly…assured…but whenever I came back to this beautiful stranger I was all thumbs. DAMN! How can he do that to me after we've been together all this time? He must have some kind of witchcraft up his sleeve.

I felt his eyes on me as I took care of other people…and I saw pride there as I worked. But then, again…when I brought him his water…I spilled a little of it.

"Sorry, sorry!", I took a linen napkin from the empty seat at the table and soaked the water up.

Then he put his hand gently over mine, whispering, in this deep, buttery voice, "Relax. It's alright. You don't have to be afraid of me, you know. I don't bite…much."

I shivered, remembering those words from the first night I had met him…and it was like a tiny hello from the real Edward…reminding me it was him…and that I had nothing to fear. It put me right at ease.

"That's too bad.", I answered, looking at his eyes with lust in mine, "I like to be bitten."

I had thought that one up long ago…after I had gotten home from the club that night…hours later, coming up with a cool comeback. I was glad I finally got the chance to say it to him…and not faint afterwards.

As I walked away, he coiled his smooth fingers around my wrist and stopped me.

"WAIT!", he almost pleaded, as I turned to face him…and he gave me that look…that crooked, sly grin…and added, "I didn't say I COULDN'T bite. I've got teeth. Sharp…teeth."

And I almost melted into a puddle right there. How does he come up with this stuff out of nowhere? He is so gifted. I bet he could pick up an old man if he wanted one.

I smiled and gently responded, "Good. You'll need 'em for your dinner soon."

He smiled back and almost nodded, liking my banter with him…and licked his lips…leaning in closer and brushing his soft fucking lips against my knuckles…and said, "I'll save lots of room for dessert. Promise."

Shit.

And then it came out of my mouth for REAL!

"Shit.", I said, clearly in heat as I let out a deep breath…I pulled away, embarrassed, hearing his soft laughter…and I ran back to the kitchen, retreating…needing time to regroup.

I took a glass of ice water and threw it into my own face…glad the ice cubes went down my top…maybe now my brain can work again.

Marcus looked up and his eyes boggled at my wet shirt, he even stopped chopping what he was cooking so he didn't lose his fingers.

"Dry them off!", he scowled, "I'm not runnin' the BADA BING CLUB here!"

"THEM?", I laughed, going to the ladies' room to turn the hand blower on myself…I was hoping Edward would come in here and ravage me…but he didn't. I remembered the night at the gas station with the bathroom and wished I knew why it had bothered him so much…but it was between him and Peter. Maybe someday he'll tell me. Do I want to know it?

I would love to crawl under his table and start undoing his pants, just to see how he would react. But then I pictured what Marcus would do to us and I scratched that idea off the list. Maybe some night after closing, he'll let me close up and we could play that game.

But then the mature Bella came into my mind and ruined my fun. She said that I work here and how it's not right to disrespect Marcus' place that way…and blah blah blah…so I decided to play innocently…and attack his cute little ass once we got home. Maybe I'll rape him in the car again…and I was so surprised to see the wicked gleam in my own eyes in the mirror staring back at me.

"They" seemed to be dry now so I got back out there to work. I passed Adonis' table without a glance and went to table six, where there were four cowboys smiling at me. They wanted their check and I gave it to them…but before I left, the blonde one with the stubble said, "The food was good, but the service was EXCELLENT."

I got the double meaning in his words and hoped Edward wasn't about to fly through the air and land upon them like Spiderman.

I just smiled, remembering my Edward lessons about serving…and said, "Well, thank you. And when you tip, my husband and seven kids thank you too. Have a good night."

I grinned and turned, seeing Edward smiling back at me, looking very relieved as I walked up to his table.

"Your food will be right out, Sir…thank you so much for your patience.", I said politely.

"I could wait forever.", he said without a hint of sarcasm, giving me that drop dead gorgeous grin. I wish I could wait forever. I wanted him five minutes ago. He really has turned me into a horny little kitten, rubbing myself up and down his leg. And I've never been happier in my life.

"You just might.", I snickered, going to the kitchen window, asking, "Hey, I need white boy's food. Are you done spitting in it yet?"

"Almost.", Marcus smiled at the plate with affection, as if it were a child of his…and he put all Edward's food on the metal counter, "Tell him to enjoy every mouthful."

"If you make him sick tonight, I'm kicking your ass, Homey Clown.", I warned him, taking the tray of food over.

"Okay…", I said as I placed everything down in front of him, noticing I hadn't dropped or spilled anything so far, "A few different choices of poison here for ya. It's all in how long you want the pain to last before you drop. Enjoy."

"Uh, wait.", he took me by the wrist again and I looked at him, "I don't want to eat alone. It's fucking sad. Why don't you take your break and join me for a little?"

I looked around and saw that no one else was here…it was getting close to closing time, and most people in this town only ate from 4pm – 8pm. It was around nine thirty now.

"You know…the grabbing thing…", I cast my eyes on his hand, "I didn't say anything about it before, but that's not exactly gentlemanly behavior. And I AM trained in karate."

He smirked and didn't let go, but he looked at his hand around my wrist.

"I'm not a gentleman.", he stated without shame, that sexy smirk back in place, "And if you wanna throw me to the floor, it's okay with me."

Damn he's good. I mean…BAD.

"And also…my boss is Satan.", I informed.

"I know.", Edward smiled, "But if he comes around, I'll protect you. Please."

I looked around and decided to take my break now. I hadn't had one all night.

"Well, the customer is always right, isn't he?", I slowly sat down across from him…and he released my wrist.

"Yes.", Edward smiled, a genuine, happy smile…no sexual message in this one.

"I like the way you say that.", I flirted back, taking my napkin and placing it in my lap.

"Good.", he started touching the food, "I plan on saying it a lot tonight."

I had to giggle at that one. Very good.

"Try this.", he held a little piece of shrimp breaded with Marcus' secret seasonings. He held it in his fingers in front of my mouth and I gave him my seductive smile in return.

I put my hands on the chair I was sitting in, and leaned forward…licking my lips and then biting my bottom lip…and then…I opened my mouth and let my tongue hang out a little bit…not in a disgusting way…I hoped it was in a sexy way.

Then Edward trembled and dropped the shrimp and said, "Shit…sorry. Wait…I'll get another one…don't MOVE."

I almost laughed but held my pose for him…it was nice to know I could make him nervous too. I enjoyed that.

I wiggled my tongue out a bit as I waited and then he placed the new shrimp into my mouth…and I took it…and licked my tongue over his fingers…getting the sweet sauce.

"MMMM….", Edward sounded deep in his throat when I did that…and I chewed the shrimp…moaning out with my eyes closed.

"So good.", I opened my eyes and hit him with my wanton stare, "And the shrimp is okay too. More."

And I waited for him to feed me another one. He smiled so big I thought I'd get tears in my eyes…but I kept in sexy girl mode…and he fumbled around to find something new to feed me.

I got to type the message in Edward's unfortunate cookie that night…and it said:

_You are going to be fucked tonight like you've never been fucked before._

Or so I hoped anyway.

I picked Edward up that night and took him home with me, where we did things that made our photos on the walls weep. Marcus still thought we were crazy white people but he didn't say it with such venom anymore. Edward almost missed that.

"Fuck me, Bella, more!", Edward screamed as I laid my breasts and face on the kitchen table, feeling him slamming me from behind. And I wore only my high heeled shoes.

I gasped and pounded myself back and forth, into him with more force as he screamed out and I mumbled, "The customer is always right…"

I had to watch what I said in the heat of the moment I learned fast with Edward. Like, I had almost said, at the end of that sentence, "Yes Sir." I couldn't say that or we were done for the night. I almost said, "It's a pleasure to serve you." I couldn't say that either…or we were dead.

Peter was teaching me about triggers…words that would kill Edward's mood or bring up memories he was trying to deal with or repress. We were also dealing with my insecurity issues…building up my self worth…and I really felt that I was beginning to get stronger…and see that I wasn't the plain Jane I used to be. I felt like it would take time…but…I was growing…changing.

I hadn't earned a lot of money at Jimmy Chan's but it was enough for me to afford a couple nice gifts for everyone. I got creative and thought up a couple of good ideas for Edward and Katie.

Katie had made a list for Edward and I of what she wanted and it was mostly toys, an ipod, a cell phone. When Edward saw make up on the list, he almost shit his pants. The same reaction came when he saw the word straightener on the list.

"Katie is turning into a girl, Edward.", I put my hand on his shoulder, adding, "It happens…she's gonna be ten in a few months. It's a big year."

"But I like her curls!", Edward sounded inconsolable, staring at the list, "And she doesn't NEED make up, her face is perfect the way it is!"

I giggled at him. "You sound just like my dad."

"And who is she gonna call on this CELL PHONE?", Edward sounded pissed now, "Some boy or something?"

"The only boy Katie likes is Dr. Peter.", I informed, "It's just a status thing. She sees other girls have it, so she needs to have it too. She wants to be like all the other girls."

"I don't want her like all the other girls.", Edward snapped back, clutching the paper until it got chewed looking on the edge, "I love her the way she is."

"Everyone changes, baby.", I hugged him, my chin on his shoulder, "You'll love her, even when she's a snarling, evil teenager. You just won't know it at the time."

"Teenager?", he frowned, "UUGGGHHHH….she's not even TEN YET!"

"Wait until she wants to have the TALK.", I said into his ear.

"Talk?", he perked up, concerned, "WHAT TALK?"

I rolled my eyes. "THE…TALK! The one about sex."

"SEX?", he flipped out now, the note in the air and then floating to the floor, "She is NOT going to ask ME about SEX! And if she DOES, I'm not ANSWERING!"

"Great, Dad…that's great.", I said, "Do that and you can guarantee that she has a family of four by her senior year of high school."

"Oh my GOD!", Edward looked around helplessly, "What would I SAY? What would SHE SAY?"

"I can't see the future, Eduardo!", I laid in bed, watching his back at my side, "The important thing to let Katie know is that…sex is about love. And it's a beautiful thing…"

"Sex and love?", he looked at me, "But then she'll think because she loves PETER it's okay to have sex with him."

"No….", I looked up at the ceiling, "First, that's not going to happen…and second…just because she's asking…or curious…doesn't mean she's going to walk away from you and go have sex! She's just learning now that…she's going to be a woman someday…and she will have questions."

"Oh GOD.", Edward kept worrying, grabbing at his hair.

"Edward…relax…", I moved my hand over his tense back, "You of all people have seen the two sides of sex. You've seen the passionate, beautiful happiness of making love…"

He smiled at me then, and leaned down into me. But I put my hand over his mouth, stopping him, "And then you've seen the uglier side of it…the pain, the abuse…the heartbreaking agony of empty sex…"

He gave a little nod to me then and was silent.

"You know firsthand, more than a lot of other parents, the differences of those two sides. You just teach her the difference…and tell her to wait until it's making LOVE…and I think she'll understand. Don't talk to her like she's a baby. She's not. Before you know it, she'll be asking you if she can go on the pill."

Then I lost him again.

"JESUS CHRIST!", he had both hands in his hair now, "And I'm supposed to say YES to that?"

"I thought you loved saying yes.", I teased him and got the look from him. That stern, father look that said to behave myself. It was damn hot.

"Yes, you say yes to that.", I said without hesitation, "Unless you want to be called Grandpa."

"Ohhhh….", he sounded like he was going to be sick, and he clutched his stomach with both arms.

"I know you missed a few years with her.", I gently laid him on his back and I rubbed his stomach with my own hand, "Those were young, little girl years…I get that. And she's growing up so fast, I know it hurts you. But we just have to be there, wherever she goes, we have to come along…not kicking and screaming all the way. Yes, we'll guide her and keep her in the rules…but we can't stop her from growing up. If we do, she'll go out there and do it without us. And we'll miss some great things there too. Don't be scared. She's gonna be great. She IS special. That won't go away."

"I don't want to lose her again.", Edward whispered, his voice creaking a bit as he held my hand in his, "I just got her back."

"You won't lose her.", I assured, "WE…won't lose her."

Edward began to talk again, still worried, but I snuggled into him and held him close.

"Shhh…let Mommy tell you a story.", I said.

"YAY!", Edward smiled, snuggling in more to my chest, holding me, "I love stories."

"Alright, hush and listen.", I began, "Once upon a time…in a land far far away…"

"Why does it have to be far far away?", Edward asked in a little boy voice.

What a pain in the ass this kid is! Lucky for him, he's so cute.

"In a land right around the block…", I corrected and he relaxed into me, "There was a lovely little princess…and her even more lovely father, King Eduardo."

"And Queen Bella.", he inserted me.

"Yes, Queen Bella, the long suffering wife of the old, foolish King.", I allowed as Edward pouted a bit.

"One day, the little princess went up to the sparkling King and said, 'I have something wonderful to tell you Daddy.' And the King said, 'What is it, Katie?'

And she told the King that a terrible dragon descended on the kingdom and ATE every boy that existed there."

"YAY Dragon!", Edward shouted with glee.

"Indeed!", I smiled, "And then Katie told the King that she didn't really want to have sex anyway. And everyone was so happy and they had a big feast and a wonderful party! Well, except for the families of the boys who got eaten. They went to plan their funerals."

"YAY!", Edward clapped, not caring about the poor dead boys at all…he is so evil.

"What happened to the dragon?", Edward asked.

"The dragon lived for a long long time…in the most beautiful forest the King could find in all the land. And he was never hungry, cold, or lonely ever again. The End."

"WOOO!", Edward celebrated.

"Yea, so when Katie grew up, she found a wonderful woman and they lived happily ever after!", I added, loving to tease him.

"HEY!", he sat up, frowning at me now.

"Good night, Your Highness.", I rolled over and turned off the light.

A couple of days later, Edward told me that Sharon had invited all of us to her house for a Christmas party. It would be a week before Christmas and Edward was so excited to go. He said that it would be nice for once to go to a REAL Christmas party where no one expected him to take his clothes off. He would say things like this to me, as if it were a normal conversation…and then I would go into the bathroom and cry for him, hating the pain that he'd endured over these last six years…hating that I hadn't found him sooner, so I could've spared him all that. But then, would he be who he is now? It fucks with my head.

Katie told us, too, later that Peter was invited to the party. Edward said that Jenna was starting to see Dr. Peter as a patient.

And now Katie was all desperate to get dressed up fancy for the party. She privately recruited me to help her with hair, make up, the dress – everything. It was nice that she wanted me and I couldn't say no. But, while we were shopping, I tried to gently give some advice about boys…men…and maybe try to change her mind about this obsession with Peter. She and I had some great talks and I felt us bonding…but I couldn't help but see the dangerous road ahead…and the blinking red lights saying 'BRIDGE OUT'…but there was nothing I could really do or say to stop it.

Katie was moving towards that moment…that first little heartbreak…and I couldn't save her from it. I even talked to Peter in my sessions and he was aware of what was going on…he took it seriously and said, "I will do whatever I can so that the hurt is small. I promise, Marie."

I didn't reveal too much of all this to Edward, because I knew he'd do crazy things to stop the scene from happening. He'd send Peter to Siberia for the holidays if he thought that would stop his little girl from getting hurt.

Edward still worked his butt off everyday at the stables…and also caring for Dancer everyday so most nights he would eat and then shower…and then pass out in bed after helping Katie with her homework. He had so much on his plate right now and I'm glad those marshals took a bit of a break over the holidays and left us alone. Sir Kevin was still missing, out there somewhere, alive or dead. Raven was released from jail on bail but under house arrest. James' ass is still sitting in prison, awaiting the trial.

The weekends were ours…and sometimes Katie and I would go out on our secret shopping for Christmas…or Edward would take Katie…or sometimes Ben and Angela had Katie and Edward and I would go out to shop for our little girl. Ever since the Halloween incident, I really began to feel like I belonged in Katie's life. She let me in more…and it wasn't all about Edward…she wanted me sometimes INSTEAD of Edward. And after I talked to a crying Edward about that, he was fine.

I really didn't mind it when Edward cried over Katie. It touched me that he cared so much…it attracted me to him even more. And I so loved being Dr. Bella when I could…for him.

Josh had become a very good friend over the last month. I laughed a lot with him and it felt nice to feel so care free and young. He had not once tried or said anything inappropriate…he was not interested in me that way but we still got along almost like a brother and sister. We talked a lot and I told him what I was allowed to…I knew all about his life and how he got into psychology. We have a lot in common. I had other friends, too…mostly the students in the group that Josh had gotten me into. They were more my age from those first bunch of friends I'd met and they were also psychology geeks, like me…and we got along a lot better. We could discuss things and give our own theories on certain topics…it was challenging…and great! I finally had a little piece of this world that was my own…and I loved it.

I brought my friends into my home and made them a part of Edward and Katie's life, too, wanting them to mix and blend in well together. And they did. For the most part.

Edward never hid his disgust with Josh when he came around and I remember the first dinner we all had together. It was at the Campus Café and Edward kept selecting songs on the little jukebox at our table that spoke volumes.

There was Unfaithful by Rhianna, Your Cheatin' Heart by Hank Williams, Don't Talk to Strangers by Rick Springfield, and finally, Before he Cheats by Carrie Underwood.

That's when I took him outside to yell at him for ten minutes. Why didn't we ask Peter to come along with us?

When we went back inside, Josh was playing pool and invited Edward to play him. I had a feeling this was some weird male pissing contest kind of thing…but my friend, Lynn, persuaded me to let the boys play while me and a bunch of my girlfriends drank apple martinis and advised me on men, the stupider sex.

I didn't even know that Edward could play pool…but I kept peeking over and seeing him taking shots…and the balls always went into the holes! They were talking, too, and that worried me.

Then the girls were getting a little buzzed and started asking me about Anthony in bed. I blushed and said I had to go to the ladies' room…escaping.

About an hour later, the guys returned and they were smiling. They weren't best buddies, but there seemed to be an understanding there now.

The girls were asking who won…and then Josh put his arm around Edward, who was smiling from ear to ear, and Edward crossed his arms mightily and announced, "I did."

I smiled before I realized it, Edward always won everything, didn't he? He could do anything and I was still jealous of that fact.

"This guy's a little hustler.", Josh informed, taking a swig of his beer, "In fact, that's your new name…Hustler."

Edward looked at me and I said, "Everyone has a nickname with Josh. I think it's just because he forgets everyone's real names."

"What's yours?", he asked me, looking a little miffed that he never heard it before.

I looked down in humiliation, deciding to just say it.

"Hurl.", I stated, and the other girls were laughing, Josh smiling down at me with affection.

"Hurl?", Edward asked, thinking he'd gotten it wrong, "Why?"

"The first day I met Marie…", Josh said loudly, "She was puking in the flower beds outside my office. And I knew we'd be friends forever."

Edward looked at me and furrowed his brow, "You never told me that. You got sick? Are you okay?"

Oh man. I can't tell him that I threw up because I was thinking of what Victoria had done to him, because of me. That would break his heart.

"I think I ate a bad burrito or something.", I shrugged, blushing deeper.

"At least your names start with the same letter.", one of the girls, Brandee, chuckled.

Suddenly, I just wanted to get away from all of them…and have Edward all to myself. A slow song came on and I grabbed him and ran to the dance floor.

"Hey, OW!", he chuckled as we got there, "Let me get my arm back into its socket and then I'm all yours."

"Sorry.", I put my arms around his neck and stroked the back of his hair, nose to nose with him as we moved a step left…and then a step right…and his hands cradled around my spine, near my ass. Just where I wanted them. Mmmm…

"Are you okay baby?", he asked, looking into my eyes deeper, "If you're not, we can go home…how many drinks did you have while I was gone?"

"One.", I said, "DAD. I'm alright. I just missed you."

He laughed a little and held me tighter. "My baby.", he purred, kissing my lips softly, closing his eyes, "I'm always with you, you'll never have to miss me."

"Promise?", I asked, feeling extra clingy tonight.

"I promise.", he said right away, then smiled and added, "If you can believe a vampire's promise…"

"What did you guys talk about?", I asked suddenly, not wanting to be reminded of anything to do with Victoria, "What was that?"

"We played pool.", he shrugged, looking at the table where two other college kids were playing now, "He thought he'd beat me. But I know pool. Back in the day, when I wanted a warm place to hang out, there were always a few pool halls open. This woman taught me how to play. I got pretty good at it and then I used to play for food and hotel money. The trick is to act like you suck the first couple games…then you spring…and take 'em for all they're worth. It beat hanging out in the cemetery in the winter, let me tell you…"

"Woman?", I smirked, "What woman?"

"Just a woman.", he grinned, "Christine. She was nice to me."

"That was when you were with Tanya…", I said aloud, figuring it out, "When you had nowhere to live…did you…"

"No, I didn't sleep with her.", he frowned a bit, "Not every nice woman I've met is after my cock, Bella, believe it or not."

"I know…"

"And even if she WAS, I AM capable of being faithful.", he sounded angry now, "I wasn't _**born**_ a slut, those lessons came later."

He went to move away from me but I clung onto him and let a little sob out.

"No, no…don't…don't leave…", I whimpered, "I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I didn't mean that…don't be mad at me…please…"

Edward looked up and held my chin in his fingers, making me look up at him.

"You had more than one drink tonight, little girl.", he said matter of factly, the anger in his voice and eyes gone now.

"I don't remember…", I felt a little dizzy and he nodded, as if he knew he was right.

"I knew it.", he kept dancing slowly with me, "You're not so drunk that you need to go home, but…you're a little buzzed...you are not to leave my sight for the rest of the evening, you understand me, Bella? And when we get to the table, you're having a few coffees."

"Yes Edward…", I smiled, loving how well he took care of me, "So…what did you guys talk about? Are you like…friends now?"

"Not exactly friends.", Edward looked to the right a bit, then back to me, "But we established some things. He knows you're mine and he has no intention of going after you for himself. And if he does, he knows he has a very thorough ass beating coming to him."

"Oh my God, you two actually SAID these things?", I wanted to die of embarrassment now. How could I talk to him now and what would I say?

"It's a guy thing, Bella.", Edward informed, "Don't worry about it. I think he's okay. Not the snake that James was, that's for sure. He said you remind him of his best friend when he was a kid. She got married and moved to Japan with her husband. That's his story, anyway. If he does anything strange, you TELL me…right away. Is that clear?"

"It is clear.", I smiled, leaning my face against his, loving this feeling of being in his arms as the music played "Blue Eyes" by Elton John.

We danced and Edward said, "I didn't pick this one. It doesn't fit. Your eyes are brown. The most beautiful brown I've ever seen."

"Well you can always change it to 'Brown Eyes'", I smiled, getting another kiss…this one deep and hot.

Then he started singing softly in my ear…"Brown eyes…baby's got…brown eyes….oooh, I LOVE…brown eyes…when I'm by her side…where I long to be…I will see…brown eyes laughing in the sun…laughing in the rain…baby's got…brown eyes…and I am home…again."

I grabbed him and kissed him so hard and deep…my tongue was suffocating him as I moved my body up against his…my leg curled around his…

"Time to go home, baby.", he smiled, laughing a bit as I kept attacking his lips with mine, a hungry savage out of control, "Come on, stop being a naughty girl and hold it together for a few minutes so you can say goodbye to your friends."

"And then you'll do me?", I asked, panting the words.

"WHO ARE YOU?", he asked, laughing at this new side of me that the martinis brought on, "And why am I fighting this?"

I don't even remember saying good night to all of them…and then when Edward got me to the car, I fell asleep in the passenger side, leaned back in the seat as he drove. When I got up the next day, I was in my favorite pajamas and covered up snugly in my blankets, and Edward was making something for me in a blender…the noise was DESTROYING me!

He had done it on purpose, to teach me a lesson about drinking too much…and he had the secret cure for a hangover that he was blending for me. I swore I would never drink alcohol again, once I felt a real hangover this intense. I hurled some more that day and thanked God Katie was with Ben and Angela this weekend. Edward held my hair while lecturing me on knowing when to stop and knowing my limits when drinking socially with friends. If he wasn't being so adorable, I'd have torn his fucking arms off…but I needed him that day…I felt like I was dying.

He took such wonderful care of me…nothing was ever more than an inch away when I needed it. Edward never left my side and always had a fresh hot cloth ready for my head that was killing me. He rubbed my temples and whispered Italian love song lyrics to me while I whined. I loved him twice as much at the end of that night than I did before. He is gentle, he is patient, he is never tired when needed. And the best of all, he is affectionate. Even though I stunk like puke and was miserable, he always held me and kissed my face and forehead…telling me how cute I was, calling me a sweet little drunk.

Time raced by and before I knew it, we were all getting ready for Sharon's Christmas party. Edward said we didn't need to get all dressed up and I wasn't…but I had my hands full with Katie. She was determined that tonight was going to be special for her. I wanted to say "NO!" and "Katie, he's a grown man in his thirties!" But I knew nothing I said was going to stop this crush. I trusted in Peter that he would handle it right.

When we finally came out of Katie's bedroom, Edward's mouth hung open as he took in the sight of his daughter. Her hair was all straightened, swept up in a French twist with soft strands of curled hair at each ear. The dress was beautiful, and one of my early Christmas gifts to her, an elegant but simple silk dress, red, that went past the knee a bit…but showed a little of her legs…and she was wearing pantyhose for the first time. The shoes, she had wanted high heels but I didn't go for that. The shoes were flat but stylish and in short, she looked like a Christmas angel. I did not put any heavy makeup on her, just a little foundation and some lip gloss. It was all she needed. She really is beautiful.

"Kate…", Edward breathed, "You look so beautiful."

"Thanks Daddy.", she smiled, so excited and happy.

"You have real make up on…", he said, not with an angry tone…but surprised…and his eyes moved to me.

"Just a little.", I inserted, "She wanted to just…try it."

"Okay.", Edward said, staring at his daughter, then his eyes teared up a little and he said, "You look so…you don't look like my little girl anymore."

"Dad.", Katie's eyes got wet now too, and she hugged him, "I'm always your little girl. Don't make me cry, I'll mess up my face."

And so we went to the party…and Peter was already there, drinking hot chocolate. Sharon and Bob hugged Edward and then me…welcoming us into the house, which was huge! It looked like the whole damn town was there!

"This is my daughter, Katie.", Edward introduced her to Sharon, Bob, and Jenna…and she shyly said hello, letting Edward take her coat off. They commented how much Katie looked like Edward, but he said, "No, she's the picture of her mother. She got lucky there."

Peter stood up when he saw us coming in and he smiled at Katie, saying, "You look very beautiful, Kate. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Dr. Facinelli.", she beamed up at him, unable to say much more.

Edward intercepted their little talk and tried to get Katie to go take a look at Dancer with him, but she was wearing fancy shoes and didn't want to get them all muddy or covered with snow. Edward looked like he lost his puppy when she walked away, following after Peter.

I came right up and said I wanted to see Dancer…and the two of us went to visit her in the stables. I knew I had some heat coming my way from Edward now.

"Why did you do that?", he asked me, hurt coating his voice as he moved his fingers over Dancer's sleeping face, the lights low here at night.

"Why did you dress her up and make her look…like that?", he asked further.

"She wanted to.", I shrugged, "Maybe it was wrong, I don't know…I'm not very good at this whole mother thing. But for the last few weeks, you saw it…she wanted to be with me…she asked me questions…she liked me. She looks wonderful, I didn't trash her up. If she did it all on her own, that's what she would've looked like…I controlled it."

"I'm not mad at you, Bella…but…", he looked at me for the first time since we came out here, "Tanya…always dressed up like that. She was always wearing special shoes and fancy suits…like my mother. Don't mess up my face. I hate that fucking sentence. And Katie said it to me tonight."

I felt sick inside, I had no idea…

"I'm sorry…I didn't know that…", I began, feeling tears come to my eyes at the way his voice had just sounded.

"She couldn't come see Dancer because of her god damned shoes.", Edward muttered, moving Dancer's mane aside, out of her eyes, "I don't want her to be one of THOSE girls, Bella!"

"Alright, I'm sorry.", I felt horrible, and I felt a tear fall, "I'll talk to her. She just wanted to look…extra pretty tonight."

"Why?", Edward frowned, moving a couple steps away from Dancer, "Because PETER'S here tonight? She chased after him like I was a piece of NOTHING in her way!"

"You're jealous.", I discovered.

"Yea, you're DAMN right I'm jealous!", he spun around, facing me, "My nine year old daughter is after a 40 year old man!"

"He is not forty.", I informed.

"I don't care if he's 100!", he bellowed, making a couple of the horses whinny in response, "I don't like this, I don't want Katie looking like that or ACTING like that either!"

"Edward, I know…listen.", I began, "Peter plans on talking to Katie tonight. An important talk. I have a feeling that tomorrow Katie will not be chasing after Peter anymore."

"Why didn't anyone tell ME about this?", he frowned.

"Because you're wonderful and you'd want to protect her.", I said, "But you need to let this happen. It'll be an important part of her growing up. Crushes…are hard…but girls need to have them…and have closure. Let Peter handle this."

Edward hated it but he went back to the party with me…and he even started to have a little fun…especially when Sharon started handing out gifts to everyone.

"Anthony.", Sharon pointed at Bob, who was carrying a huge box with bright green wrapping on it, "This is for you, from Bob, Jenna, and me. We also all want to thank you for all your very hard work and efforts. No one…and I mean NO ONE…has learned this job so quickly and has done it with more care and love then you have. We hope you'll be with us for years to come. You're family. Merry Christmas."

Edward looked at me and had tears in his eyes…and a tender smile.

"Thank you.", he choked out and tore into the gift…and everyone laughed, enjoying his excitement and youthful energy.

"They're so cute at this age.", Katie said with a dry sarcastic tone and everyone laughed even more.

"Wow…", he opened the box and saw a gorgeous saddle sitting inside. It was black leather and had silver decoration in it…and he said, "My name is on it…and Dancer's!"

I looked closer and saw that it did have the name Anthony in silver, in formal script handwriting…and on the other end…the name Dancer in the same writing. This saddle was not a cheap little saddle. It was flawless and the detail was amazing. I felt bad that it couldn't have said Edward on it. But I couldn't help that. Either way, Edward loved it.

"Sharon picked it out.", Bob informed as Edward kept stroking his hands over it, in love with it, "It's the best of the best…custom made. We know that Dancer may never let you put this on her, or let anyone ride her…but God works in strange ways, kid. You never know. Dancer may let you ride her someday…and when she does, you have the best saddle made by man to do it with. And if she doesn't let you ride her…well, then you still have it to look at someday…and remember your very first mare…your best mare…your Dancer."

"There wouldn't be a Dancer without you guys.", he said, holding the saddle with pride, "Thank you all. I love you."

And they all hugged…even Jenna was in it. But it was great. And I wasn't jealous at all. In fact, I blinked a tear away. Edward may think of himself as some stable boy, but it really felt as if he'd found a life here…he had found a place where he was doing good work…and loved for it. I don't care if your job is a waitress or chief surgeon, if you have that at your place of work, you have everything. And he does. I hope someday, I can be this fulfilled when I go to work.

All Edward's new stable friends and co workers clapped for him as he kept holding the saddle and studying every inch of it. You could see how touched he was and how precious it was to him. I had a feeling it would be laying between us in bed one night.

"Marie…", he looked up at me, "Come see this. It's so beautiful."

It certainly is, I thought, looking at _**him**_ as I got closer, sitting on the floor next to him to let him show it to me.

Edward had given Bob a silver plaque that had his name engraved on it and a running horse etched into the background, along with some personal words Edward had etched into the silver.

It read:

_Dear Bob,_

_When we first moved here, I was so angry and afraid. Afraid that I couldn't make it here and do such a tough job like this one. Angry because I was weak and soft and didn't think I had what it takes to make it here. I was angry at myself. I told myself I hated it here._

_And then I met you and you showed me the meaning of strong, of friendship, and of doing an honest day's work…and how to love it. You taught me to ride. For all this and more…I will be eternally grateful. And I will always be your friend. We've made a life here and we have never been happier. I love it here now and I love all my new friends. I love you, Bob. Thanks._

_Anthony Edward Masen _

Edward had wanted his real name in there somewhere, so no matter what, Bob would always know that what he said on the plaque was the truth and not a lie. Bob cried for twenty minutes after reading Edward's gift and Bob's wife had to take him outside for a little walk to calm him down. Maybe Edward has rubbed off on a few of the townspeople here, I smiled to myself.

Sharon opened our gift to her and found a beautiful stuffed white horse doll with glittery pink hooves…and a very nice necklace laid around her neck with a diamond heart and in the center of the heart, the one word FRIEND was etched inside. Edward had wrote a card to her and she read that, clutching the horse doll in her arm, and putting a hand to her mouth as she cried reading it.

It said:

_Dear Sharon,_

_Without explaining the details, I want to tell you that when we first met, I was pretty scared of you. Honestly, women have not been very kind to me in my life, especially when they were in a position of power over me. _

_I tried to keep out of your way, to avoid you, and hope you didn't interact with me too much._

_But I got a wonderful surprise. You are an amazing boss, a sweet person, and a great friend. I trust you…and I'm not afraid of you and if you knew my past, you'd know what a compliment that is. You are a very special person and I hope you know that. What you did for Jenna, what you've done for me…and so many others…says what a giant heart you have. _

_I love being a part of your stable and I do thank you for giving me this chance. Again, I won't let you down. _

_I love you,_

_Anthony Edward Masen_

I thought Sharon would never let him go after reading that card. But Edward never pushed her away…he held her until she was good and ready to turn him loose.

A little later on, there was a big room off the living room where people were dancing…and there was Christmas music playing. I managed to get a nice little dance with my Edward before he noticed that Peter was dancing with Katie a few feet away.

"Hey, Peter is dancing with Katie!", Edward said loudly to me.

"I know, I saw that.", I looked at them sadly, "I think he's going to have the talk with her soon. He has looked so uncomfortable all night, agonizing over this. Poor Peter."

"Poor Peter?", he asked, "Try poor Katie!"

"You are not to leave this dance floor, do you understand?", I gently scolded him a bit, "Let Peter handle this."

"But Bella…", Edward looked so lost and helpless as he watched Peter take Katie by the hand and walk off the dance floor with her, a gentle smile on his lips as he glanced up at us…and I gave him a little nod, trying to smile back.

"Oh my God.", Edward sounded pained as they walked away together.

I turned in the other direction, hoping there was something else I could do to take his mind off Katie's love life…and there it was!

"Hey, Marcus is here.", I said and Edward's head whipped around, looking at Marcus, and he was wearing a nice red shirt with a black tie…nice black slacks…and he was dancing…with Jenna!

"WOAH.", Edward said just as I was thinking it, "He's with Jenna!"

"They're DANCING together!", I added, the two of us gossiping together like little old ladies.

"I know, holy CRAP!", Edward laughed, "They're going to kill each other!"

We kept dancing and spying on Marcus and Jenna…and I even danced fast just so I could keep watching Marcus. He's a great dancer! And Jenna looked so happy and as if she was having so much fun. She was laughing…and it looked like she was digging Marcus. Weird.

Then, Katie came running up to us and announced, "I want to go home now."

It was a very sad and agonized sounding sentence…and I knew that Peter had the talk with her. Edward looked down at her, his own sadness showing through, as he picked her up and tried to carry her out to the car.

"No, Dad!", she cried, "I'm not a baby anymore, STOP picking me UP like one!"

Ouch. That knife went right into Edward's heart, it showed on his face.

"Okay, Katie, come on.", I just put my hand on her back and walked, letting her follow us. We said our goodbyes and thank yous to Sharon and Bob's family…and soon we were on the way home. Katie sat in the back, sniffling and not saying another word as Edward drove, always peeking at her in his rear view mirror.

I kept trying to make conversation with Edward to make some noise so Katie could cry privately, as much as she could in the back seat. But Edward kept asking, "Are you okay, Katie?"

I nudged him and shook my head, deciding to turn on the radio for the rest of the way.

Once we got home, I got into my pajamas and grabbed the chocolate ice cream and the Hershey syrup…and got two big spoons…the only known cure for a broken heart…and went to Katie's door, tapping gently on it.

"What DAD?", Katie sneered from her side of the door.

"It's not Dad, it's Bella.", I said softly, "Can I come in?"

Edward watched this from a few feet away, very worried and hoping I could help her, even if he couldn't at the moment.

"Okay.", she finally replied…I was in. Edward nodded and smiled in a bit of relief, giving his consent for me to try and cure the hurt a little.

She was laying in bed, crying, and wiping her eyes as I stood there with the ice cream and supplies.

"Hey sweetie.", I sat on the bed next to her, "I know this is your first time, so I'm here to tell you the rules. When your heart gets broken, rule number one is to have your best girlfriend come over and get into your bed with you…snuggle under the blankets…eat lots and lots of chocolate ice cream WITH…always WITH lots and lots of Hershey syrup…watch a chick movie…cry…and talk about the vermin that hurt you. If you want, this first time, I could be your best girlfriend…unless you'd rather have your Dad or someone else…maybe G-Mom?"

"I want you, Bella.", Katie said with a very weak little voice…I almost cried right there with her.

"Yea?", I asked, getting choked up.

Katie pulled the covers down, inviting me to get in and she gave me a little grin.

"Yea.", she agreed…and I got in…Katie covered my legs up with her blankets…and I realized this was the first time I got to lay in here with her…Edward usually got this privilege. I sat up a little and took the cover off the ice cream…and handed her one of the spoons…and pointed the ice cream container towards her…letting her take the first spoonful. And she did…we were on our way.

Before I knew it, the ice cream was half gone…and The Notebook was half over…and Katie was talking, half crying at the same time.

"I mean, I know he's old and everything…", she sniffed, "I know I'm not grown up yet…but I won't be a baby forever! Lots of couples have age differences! Look at Legends of the Fall! Isabelle Two grew up while Tristan was gone and when he came back, he fell in love with her, they got married, they had kids!"

"I know.", I agreed, squirting more syrup into the ice cream container.

"Love sucks.", Katie said, getting a little angry now…and that was good. It's better than crying, that's for sure.

"Peter…", Katie began softly, "Peter is such a great man. Is it wrong for me to know at my age what I want in a man someday?"

"Absolutely not.", I answered, "He is great. And you'd be blind not to see that in him."

"He's smart and funny…and handsome…", Katie said, her eyes still seeing him as she spoke, still deeply in love, "He's everything I always dreamt of. Even tonight, he was so sweet…and completely wonderful. He gave me this Christmas present…"

She pulled up her pajama sleeve and showed me a beautiful bracelet with diamond and ruby hearts linked together…and in the center, the heart was split down the middle.

One half was gone and the other half remained there. But the half that was there said 'FRIENDS'.

"That is so gorgeous.", I admired it for real, it shone in the darkness.

"Peter has the other half.", Katie smiled down at her bracelet, "He said that I was way too good for him. And that he wants to be friends with me, always. He asked if his friendship was enough. I had to say yes to that. I couldn't hurt him by being mean. I would never do that to him. He was only doing the right thing. That's one of the things I love best about him. He's so good."

"Katie…", I smiled at her, so proud of how mature she was, "_**You're**_ so good. You ARE grown up, in your heart. Most girls your age would cry and scream and be cruel to Peter for not feeling the way they wanted him to feel. But not you. Look at you now. You're kind and warm and forgiving. I do know one thing, that some day all the boys will be after YOU. And then, Peter will turn around and see that you're all grown up…and see how wonderful you are…and wish that things had been different. And that he missed out on a really classy woman."

"You think so?", Katie asked, taking another bite of ice cream.

"I know so.", I ate some more.

"Does love always hurt like this, Bella?", Katie asked me.

"Well, I've only been in love once…"

"With Daddy, right?", she asked, giving a clever little smirk.

"Right.", I gave her a little look and she giggled, "And I can honestly tell you, love isn't perfect. It's wonderful…and it brings you to life…and then…it can cut…and hurt just as deeply sometimes…even when you're with the right guy. There's pain in every relationship. But you both have to decide if it's worth it…and if the answer is yes…then you really have something precious…and unique…and you both have to protect it and make sure it keeps growing every day. It takes work. Love isn't easy."

"I know.", Katie looked sad again, "I used to hear my Mom, crying at night sometimes. It scared me. My Mom and Dad used to fight a lot. I never heard my Dad yell ever…except when he talked to HER. I don't think they loved each other very much."

"Oh no, Katie…", I touched her straight, smooth hair, "That's not true. Your Mom and Dad loved each other very much. He's told me that himself. But sometimes…I don't know…sometimes people just grow apart…or fall out of love. They may have fought, but I think they did love each other…in lots of important ways. Sometimes, all the problems of life come caving in and can hurt things between a man and a woman. You should talk to your Dad about this some other time…he could answer those questions for you a lot better than me."

Katie nodded and sighed, seeing the movie was nearly over on the TV screen.

"He's out there, isn't he?", Katie asked, referring to Edward, "He's waiting to see if I'm alright."

"You know him.", I smirked, "He's probably got his ear against the door as we speak."

"I shouldn't have yelled at him for picking me up.", Katie said, ashamed of herself, "But he made me feel like such a stupid little BABY…and that's not what I needed to feel just then. I felt stupid enough as it was."

"I know.", I touched her hair again, playing with one strand in the back, "But I also know how deeply he loves. And Katie…he loves you more than anyone. I've never seen a father love a child the way he loves you. You're lucky."

"I thought you didn't like me…", Katie revealed, "Because he loves me so much. I thought you'd be jealous of me…"

"No way.", I put my arm around her, letting her lean on me, "You're his daughter, I would NEVER try to be more important than YOU. You're supposed to be number one. I would never change that. Even in spot number two, I get so much love…more than I ever dreamed of…I'll never complain. I love you, Katie. I know I'm not your Mom…and I wouldn't try to be that, either…but I hope you know that I'm always here for you…and if you want me, I'll be your friend forever, just like Peter is."

She smiled and put her arms around me…and I hugged her back.

"I still love Peter you know.", she whispered.

"I know."

"Don't tell Daddy, alright?"

"I won't tell.", I promised, "What happens during the ice cream ritual, STAYS at the ice cream ritual. That's a rule too."

"I love you, too, Bella.", she whispered to me, as if it was only for my ears.

I kissed her head, smoothing her hair and holding her as we watched Ryan Gosling on the screen. It was one of the best moments I'd ever had with Katie. We were women, leaning on each other…being there for each other. She loves me. And I love her. Truly. She was a living part of Edward and every time she looks at me, I see him there. But I didn't love her only for that. Her heart…has been through so much and yet loves as fiercely as her father's. She is so brave and sweet and smart.

Finally, Katie said, "I guess we should put him out of his misery and let him come in now."

"If you want.", I looked at her face and she nodded.

I pulled open the door to call him and he fell into the room, face down on the floor. That made Katie laugh so I couldn't get mad at him for eavesdropping.

"Oh, there you are.", I commented as he slowly got to his feet, his fingers pinching his nose and pretending to crack it back into place.

"I was just…checking the door…for…termites.", he said sheepishly, looking at Katie's face.

"Uh huh.", I smiled, "Well, I'm going to bed now. Katie…you survived…I'm proud of you…you're a tough little woman."

I fist bumped with her and left them alone, closing the door behind me.

EPOV

Katie was sitting there, looking into the ice cream container, probably wondering how she ate so much of that in such a short amount of time.

"Are you okay, Katie?", I heard myself ask again…and I winced, saying, "I'm sorry. Scratch that. I don't know what I'm doing, baby. I know I messed up tonight. I didn't mean to embarrass you. I never want to make you feel anything but happy, you know that, right?"

"I know Daddy.", Katie said, "Come here. Lay next to me like you used to. I miss that."

"Yea?", I asked, feeling a thrill of pleasure rush into my heart, "I've missed that too."

So I crawled into the bed and laid back, and Katie curled into my open arm, laying her little moist face against my shirt.

"I love you, Katie.", I said, hoping that took some of her pain away.

"I love you too, Daddy.", she sniffled, her little arm around me.

"I'm sorry.", Katie said after a long pause.

"For what?"

"I should've gone with you to see Dancer.", she said, her little voice breaking, "I was being such a jerk tonight, thinking I was all grown up and dressed like…a geek! Is Dancer okay?"

"Yea.", I smiled, holding her little hand, "She's fine. She was sleeping when I checked on her. Probably dreaming of you riding her."

"I'll never act like that again.", Katie said, vowing it with her tone.

"It's okay.", I said, "I was being a jerk tonight too. And I was so jealous, seeing you dressed up and dancing with Peter…looking like a young woman. I was freaking out, I thought your childhood was over and I missed it all. And some NERD was trying to steal my girl."

Katie giggled a little at that and held me tighter.

"No one is stealing me Dad.", she assured, "I won't let them take me away from you…not until you're all grown up."

"Thank you.", I smiled, in relief, "And that could take a long, long time."

"I know.", Katie yawned, falling asleep on me, "But that's alright. I have loads of time."

She was asleep two seconds later…she'd had a rough day and I was glad she was finally resting. Even if she had chocolate sauce all over her little mouth.

"I won't let them take me away from you, either…", I whispered, vowing it with all my heart and soul, "Not EVEN when you're all grown up. I swear, Katie…I swear."

I spoke to Peter the next day and he was alright. He even thought I was coming over to punch him in the face again, but I didn't. He kept asking if Katie was alright.

"She'll live.", I said, trying to sound tough about it all, then I dropped it and said, "Marie took care of her…she was incredible. They even bonded more over it. Women…sisterhood and all that. But she didn't bad mouth you. And Katie is still willing to be your friend, so…that's a good thing. I saw that bracelet you gave her…nice touch, Doc."

"I nearly lost it when she started to cry.", Peter still looked so tortured over the whole ordeal, "I tried to be as gentle as I could. I told her how wonderful she is…and I told her a little bit about Emma. Then I told Katie that as great as she is, that I'm just never going to love another woman again…not like I loved Emma. Then I explained the difference in our ages…and she did react with real love and understanding. She's very special, Anthony, you should be proud."

"I am.", I answered, "But the credit goes to Ben and Angela, not me. I wasn't there."

"No, Anthony.", Peter looked right into me, "You are the one who began raising her, you laid the foundation…and there is so much love there…I can see that in her little eyes. You loved her first…you loved her best…you taught her how to love others the same exact way. Don't think that doesn't mean anything. It does."

I also had to make a little trip to Marcus' place and scream at him a little bit.

"MARCUS!", I leaned on the counter looking into the kitchen window, "YOU HAD A DATE WITH JENNA and you didn't TELL ME?"

"Since when is my life YOUR fucking business, you goddamn weirdo?", Marcus glared at me, "Take a crayon and scribble this down! Marcus' life is HIS fucking business and you can step OFF now, white boy!"

"But she's white too!", I pointed out to him, "Maybe you got confused, it was kinda dark in that room where you were dancing."

"I know she's WHITE!", he barked, "So what?"

"So you like her.", I tilted my head, trying to figure out his intentions.

"Maybe.", he avoided me.

"Jenna is a friend of mine and I hope you're not just after a one night stand.", I announced, "She could use a decent man in her life. If you date her, you'd better be for real."

"Listen, Priscilla," he began, "Let the grown ups handle their own love lives, okay? I'm not after a one night stand, if it's any of your goddamn concern! I DO…like her. Now get the fuck outta here!"

"No kiss?", I puckered my lips at him and he chased me out of there with his giant Ginsu knife.

So, now I'm standing here, in Ice Cream, You Scream, serving free ice cream sundaes to every child in this town, on Christmas Eve, waiting for Santa Claus to arrive. For over an hour the kids were bugging me asking for Santa, asking for Santa, where is Santa…GOD! If Ben doesn't get it together and get out here soon, I'm gonna drag his half naked ass out here myself and stick him in his throne.

At last, Angela came out and had Ben with her, all dressed up as Santa Claus. His face was pure evil, wearing that classic Ben frown and he added even more padding into his suit than he needed. He looked like a round ball of Santa ready to explode at any moment. I fell to the floor, hysterical, when I got a look at him, and didn't even notice when about fifty kids attacked Santa!

"No, STOP!", Angela screamed, trying to pull kids off Ben's back, "You're hurting him! LET GO! EDWARD!"

Angela slipped and used my real name in the heat of terror while I tried to compose myself and pull children off of Ben. They were like Gremlins all over him! He was screaming for help like a little girl, swinging at the kids with his wrapped presents and that made me laugh harder…I could hardly SEE with the tears in my eyes but soon, I managed to rescue Ben/Santa.

"You guys are getting NOTHING this year!", Ben shouted, "NOTHING BUT ENCYCLOPEDIAS!"

Ben was furious when Angela wouldn't let him drop the Santa gig, and he had to let every one of those kids sit on his lap and tell him their long list of wants. A couple times I heard Ben lecturing a kid, saying, in his gruff little voice, "You know, you're very selfish. There are so many kids who don't have anything this year, not even a decent meal. You would make Santa happy if you trimmed like 500 things off your list."

Then another time, he was saying to a little girl, "What did you do for others this year?"

I liked that, even if the kids were never going to want to see Santa again after tonight, he was right.

I was serving a hot fudge brownie sundae to a little boy when Ben came up behind me and grabbed my arm.

I turned and jumped, never seeing such a terrifying Santa in my life.

"What's up, Santa?", I asked, the kids at the table watching us interact.

"I need you now.", he stated…and I glanced at the mother at the table I was standing at.

"Sexual harassment in the work place…", I mumbled to her, "You're a witness."

She laughed at me and almost spit out her mouthful of ice cream but Ben was dragging me away.

"If I'm not back in ten minutes, come save me!", I called to her as her face turned red…and I was pulled into the back room, the door slamming after me.

"Real cute, Edward.", Ben frowned up at me, pulling his hat off.

"Thanks, Ben, I try.", I grinned, "Is that why you…NEED me NOW?"

"Ugh! Cut it out!", Ben shoved the Santa hat at me, "You're the Santa now! I'm done!"

"You aren't done.", I said, "There are kids on line for you! Go back out there and do your thing."

"I can't.", he shook his head, "I'm starting to hate them all. They're all so greedy and heavy and some of them are WET! I can't take it anymore! You finish up as Santa."

"Bella and Katie are gonna be here soon.", I looked at the clock, "They want to see YOU be the Santa."

Bella and Katie had a nice day out together shopping for last minute things. They were really becoming best buddies lately and I was so glad.

So, five minutes later, I was all padded up and hot as hell (not in a good way), with the white beard on and the hat, boots, gloves…all of it…I was Santa now. And I would do a good job of it, if I had to be forced to do this.

I came out and gave my big "HO HO HO! SANTA IS BACK FROM THE BATHROOM! SORRY ABOUT THAT, KIDS, I'M NOT AS YOUNG AS I USED TO BE…IT TAKES SANTA A LITTLE LONGER THAN YOU GUYS!"

And so I began playing Santa. It was kind of fun, actually. Even the greedy ones were fun for me because I could say, "I checked your report for the year, Ryan. You haven't been good at all! You're getting clothes!"

For the ones who said I wasn't real, I told them they were getting school books.

Then I saw Marcus walk in and he had this little boy with him…the cute kid from Thanksgiving, the one who was sitting next to Katie! Marcus seemed to be looking around, as if searching for me…and looked relieved when he didn't see me. What's going on with him?

I played it cool until Marcus and this boy were next on line…I kept my face down and out of Marcus' eye line…and when the kid was standing in front of me, Marcus said, "He doesn't speak English…or at least I don't think he does. I think he speaks Japanese…I picked up a couple words from him once that sounds like that language…but it's Christmas Eve so I wanted him to at least see you and have some ice cream…you don't have to talk to him…"

So I tried speaking Japanese to him. I LOVE old Christmas movies…and this was just like A Miracle on 34th Street! I just LOVE this, I get to be the Santa who speaks a foreign language to the kid and restore his faith in Santa Claus! This is a gift from God, that's the only explanation!

I said, in Japanese, 'Merry Christmas, what's your name?'

His eyes lit up and widened…and he spoke back to me, also in Japanese, saying, "Tao…what's yours?"

"Santa Claus", I said, and that was the same in any language.

Marcus watched us with shock as we conversed privately, leaving him out of the loop.

'What are you doing with this guy?', I asked him, 'Is he your Dad?'

'No.', Tao said, smiling at Marcus, 'I don't have a Dad. I came to this guy's restaurant a little while ago…and I just never left. He's nice to me. He takes care of me. Can you ask him what his name is?'

"Marcus.", I informed Tao, smiling at him.

"HEY!", Marcus injected himself in now, "What the hell is going on? What is he saying?"

"He says you're nice and I'm asking him what drugs he's on.", I smart cracked back and then Marcus recognized my voice.

"White boy?", he squinted at me, trying to yank my beard off, but I stopped him.

"Don't you DARE pull the beard off Santa Claus!", I grabbed his wrist, "Or you'll be knee deep in wall to wall white boy Christmas presents! Donny Osmond records, Barry Manilow…EMINEM!"

He released me immediately and stood there, stunned, saying, "I didn't know you could speak Japanese. You have a hard enough time speaking English!"

"I'm a man of many hidden talents.", I smirked at Marcus then went back to Tao, asking, 'How old are you, Tao?'

"Almost nine.", he said back in his language.

"Oh cool.", I said in Japanese, then said to Marcus, in english, "He's almost Katie's age."

"What's his name?", Marcus asked, as if he'd been curious about this for some time now.

"Tao.", I informed, knowing that already, "That's a great name. It means crashing waves! Very strong name."

"Any last name?", he asked me.

I spoke to Tao some more and he didn't remember his last name.

I looked at Marcus and said, "He doesn't know it."

"How could he not know it?", Marcus asked, his voice more high pitched.

After a couple more questions to Tao, I found out that he'd been on his own for a long time. He didn't remember his parents much and said that he just travels from place to place…getting a ride sometimes…trying to find food and a place to sleep. It hit home with me…but this was just a little boy. I found it tough to survive that way as an adult.

I told all this to Marcus and he looked at shocked and sad as I felt. We got up and I carried Tao with me into the door that connected this place with Ben and Angela's house…the kids all complained who were in line behind Tao but that's when I gave the Santa outfit back to Ben to take over for awhile.

I gave Tao a plate of ice cream with the works and he ate that, happily, smiling at Marcus and I as we sat at the table with him, speaking in a language he didn't understand. But we kept our tones friendly so not to alarm him.

I was in a t shirt and jeans now, and Tao didn't seem bothered by this, he just kept eating the strawberry part of the ice cream I gave him.

"He was just there on Thanksgiving.", Marcus explained, "I thought he was with someone else there…but when you all left, he was still there, hanging around…all alone. I didn't want to turn him into the police so I just took care of him, thinking someone would show up in a few hours and say they lost their kid and wanted him back."

"How have you guys been talking to each other?", I asked.

"We don't.", Marcus glanced at the kid's cute little face, "We play charades most of the time…until he gets what I'm saying."

I smiled at Marcus. "You're a nice guy, Marcus Evans."

"Shut up, I am NOT!", Marcus got a little loud but Tao didn't pay any attention. He was probably used to Marcus by now.

"Yes you are.", I probed a bit, "Why didn't you just call the police then?"

"Because!", he looked at Tao again and then back to me, "I've been on my own, like him. I've been turned over to the police. State homes…foster homes…it's better to be on your own, on the streets. I wouldn't do that to another kid."

"Where were your parents?", I asked.

"Never knew my father, my mother was a mess. Crack was the only thing she ever loved. I think my father was just a drug dealer who traded drugs for sex. All I remember was her telling me that she'd be back soon. Real soon. Days went by. I was starving so I walked two miles to the closest Burger King. I was three or four years old. I never saw her again. I was on my own for about six or seven years…and then some nice lady told me to come home with her. She was Chinese. Her name was Lian. She took care of me and became my mother. She taught me how to cook…she was damn good. She never filed any papers or called anyone…we just became mother and son…and no one ever bothered us. She got me in school. She expected me to do something good with my life. And I did. I was in the army after high school…and when I got home, I became a cop. She was proud of me."

He looked at me, suddenly, as if he'd said too much, and then cleared his throat, asking me, "So what now? What do I do with him? I can't just let him leave now, it's winter out there! Ask him if he wants to stay with me."

I was surprised by this sudden turn of events but I did what Marcus said and asked Tao, 'Marcus wants to know if you want to stay with him. He likes you. He wants you to stay.'

Tao smiled and looked at Marcus, looking happy about this.

He turned to me and said, 'I like Marcus too. And I will stay with him…for as long as I can.'

I looked at Marcus and said, "He says he likes you too, and he'll stay with you. He said for as long as he can, and I think that means he still has trust issues, which is natural, after what he's been through. You have to be careful with him, Marcus. Don't scream at him or hit him…or anything like that. He'll leave then."

"Hit him?", Marcus growled at me, "Where do you get that I'm gonna hit him? Black people always hit, right, white boy?"

"NO, NO!", I scowled back, "It has nothing to DO with your being BLACK, JESUS! You've been threatening to HIT ME since the day I walked into your place!"

"That's different!", Marcus argued, "That's YOU. I don't hit. Women or children. I was raised right."

"Okay good.", I sent him a long stare then turned to Tao, who looked worried since he saw Marcus yelling at me.

I told Tao, 'He's very happy. I think it's great, you're living there. I think Marcus is very lonely, even though he acts like he doesn't need anyone…I think he needs you. He needs a sane person to keep watch over him.'

Tao smiled and chuckled as he looked at Marcus.

"What was that?", Marcus pointed at me, "What did you just say to him? He laughed, what did you say?"

"I told him you're the black Daddy Warbucks.", I rolled my eyes, "Nothing! I said you're happy that he's staying with you! God! Don't shoot the only translator in town!"

A little knock sounded on the door and Bella peeked her head in.

She and Katie came in and Tao's eyes really opened up and sparkled!

"Hey, it's the little cutie from the restaurant!", Bella smiled at him and came over.

Tao smacked me in the arm and pointed at Katie, asking me, in Japanese, 'Who is that?'

I frowned at him now and replied, 'That's MY daughter, Katie. Why, what's it to you?'

'She's very nice.', he played it cool now, 'She brought me food that day and she invited me into the restaurant. I saw you all in the snow, having fun, and followed her.'

I remembered seeing Katie near the back of the restaurant that day with an empty bowl in her hands. Tao was outside the door, freezing in the snow, and she never said anything to me. I'd take that up with her later.

'You know this guy, Katie?", I asked her, my expression stern.

"Yea, it's Tao.", she shrugged, then waved at him, smiling as he smiled back, curling his fingers up and down in response.

"How did you know his name?", Marcus asked her.

"I put my hand on my chest and said, KATIE…and then he put his hand on his chest and said TAO.", she responded, "It wasn't very hard to figure out."

I laughed, seeing how crestfallen Marcus looked that in over a month, he hadn't found out Tao's name, when Katie got it in ten minutes.

Tao was a funny and cute little man and I liked talking to him. When it was time to go home, Marcus looked like he wanted me to go with THEM so I could keep translating, but I promised to do more if he came over tomorrow, for Christmas, and any time he wanted me. I even wrote down a few things he might need to say on a daily basis to Tao like…"Time to get dressed." "Brush your teeth." "Time to eat." It wasn't much but until I taught Marcus some Japanese, it would have to do.

"You should also register him in school after Christmas break.", I told Marcus, "I don't think the schools here will put you through lots of paperwork or want lots of custody crap. I'll find out."

Marcus agreed to that, knowing school was very important, especially if he hadn't had any for years and years. I wanted to know more about Marcus' story but it was Christmas Eve and I had some big plans of my own to take care of. Later, I told myself, I would find out about Lian and what happened to her and how Marcus came to be here, running a restaurant if he had been a soldier and a cop before. And he had lived in New York.

I pictured Marcus meeting Donald Duck and almost wet my pants laughing as we drove home, Ben and Angela right behind us in their truck. They were spending the night so they could be there with us on Christmas morning.

Then I called Marcus on my cell phone and asked him, "You did get a few presents for Tao for tomorrow morning, didn't you?"

"Yes, if it's any of YOUR fucking business!", he barked back.

"Wow.", I smiled more, "You really ARE a nice guy!"

I hung up before he had a chance to curse at me some more.

BPOV

Before the sun was even up, we were all awakened by the child cries that were screaming, "IT'S CHRISTMAS! IT'S CHRISTMAS!"

"We know, Edward, stop screaming!", I whined, feeling my bed rocking as he jumped up and down on it, trying to wake me up. And then he switched the bright light overhead on!

"I'm BLIND!", I wailed, covering my eyes as the blue dots kept swirling around behind my eyelids.

He leapt off the bed, laughing, and ran to Katie's room…to go do it to HER now…I hope she socks him right in the nuts.

"Wake up!", he shouted, "WAKE UP BEN! COME ON! I've waited all my life for this Christmas! SANTA CAME! SANTA CAME!"

We all dragged ourselves out of bed, squinting and rubbing our eyes as the colored lights of the Christmas tree glowed magically, painting their shades on the piles of presents that sat underneath.

Ben shuffled in and plopped on the sofa, glaring at Edward, stating, "I hate you."

Angela was smiling and pleasant as she came in and sat down, her eyes all over Katie as she sat on the floor, all excited as I sat on the floor next to both kids, ready to hand the gifts out.

"Calm down, RANDY!", I put a hand on Edward's back, "Behave yourself."

We let Katie open her things first, not wanting to miss a second of that. She got the ipod, she got the cell phone…lots of different Barbie dolls, the other toys she had asked for…some nice clothes from Ben and Angela…uh oh…skinny jeans! When Edward tried asking about them, I gave him one of his gifts and he was easily averted.

Edward tore into a large square shaped gift and was staring at a painting I had made for him. It was a portrait of Edward and Dancer, their foreheads together, Edward's eyes closed and his lips smiling as his hands held Dancer's face in them.

Edward just stared, unable to speak….he just kept breathing…stunned.

I leaned in and said, "I paid a friend of mine at school to paint it. She's in the art department. Lynn, my friend, remember? She had to stare at you a little to get your features, so I'm sorry if you felt uncomfortable around her. She won't stare at you anymore, she promised."

"I think she did an incredible job, it looks exactly like you and her…", I stroked the back of his hair, then asked, "Do you like it?"

He nodded hard right away and a tear fell down his face…and he grabbed me into his arms, kissing my face over and over, finally able to whisper, "I love it…I love YOU…I love you…"

"Ugh!", Ben made a gross sound, "Enough of this yukky love stuff, open some more presents so I can go back to sleep!"

"OH BELLA!", Katie jumped up, "Let's show him the big present from all of us!"

"Okay.", I leapt up and took him by the hand, "Close your eyes, Edward! No peeking!"

Katie took his other hand and Ben and Angela followed us back to the kitchen.

"You're gonna LOVE this Daddy!", Katie giggled.

"Oh yea?", he smiled as I covered his eyes with my hand.

"Alright, at the count of three…one…two…three!", we had all shouted as we counted, and then when he opened his eyes, we yelled "Merry Christmas!"

His eyes boggled and he screamed, "A SLURPEE MACHINE! IN OUR KITCHEN!"

"And you have the cups with the lids…", I pointed out, next to the refrigerator, in their holder, "And straws…"

"And different flavors!", Edward pounced on the machine, seeing oranges and reds swirling around in the top see through boxes.

"Yea, you can have anything you want.", I informed, "But for this month, we have the mix for orange and cherry, which we know are your favorites. If you want other flavors, we can order those later."

"WOW!", he beamed and almost twinkled with bliss and then he grabbed Katie and me up into his arms and spun us…covering us with kisses as we both giggled and clung onto him.

"I love youIloveyouIloveyou!", he kept saying over and over again…and Ben commented, "I'm the one who ordered it! We have one at the Ice Cream place too, I got a deal."

"It's a Christmas gift for the whole town.", I said sarcastically and added, as we watched Edward pull the lever and put the cup under the spouting cherry nozzle, "Dr. Peter has one too, he ordered it when you called for your first appointment. He gave us the number to call. I tried to get us to sell him his machine, but he said no way. He's hooked on the damn things now."

EPOV

"Oh Katie!", I said to her, "Let's do Bella's surprise now."

She looked at me and smirked, "My surprise?"

"Yep.", I walked her over to the TV set and there was a little sticky note there for her that said, 'PLAY ME'.

She looked at me and I raised my eyebrows, waiting for her to do what the note said.

"This better not be a dirty surprise in front of the whole family.", Bella shook her head and hit the play button and turned the TV on.

"Hi Bells!", Charlie's voice came out of the screen, larger than life…and Charlie was smiling at her from the TV screen.

Bella screamed and put her hands over her mouth, and the tears started flowing instantly.

"It's your old man, here.", Charlie smiled and said, "God, I miss you Bella. I hope that everyone is alright. Hi Edward, Hi Katie…Hey to Ben and Angela!"

While Charlie's message to his daughter played on the TV, I went to Ben and Angela's room and opened the door…and felt Charlie's hand rest against my shoulder….and I slowly moved, letting Charlie use his cane as he leaned on me…slowly sneaking up behind his daughter as she cried, listening to what he was saying to her on the screen.

Angela smiled at us with tears in her eyes while Ben stood next to Bella, blocking her view of me and Charlie as we approached quietly, getting a couple feet behind her.

And on the screen of the TV, Charlie said, "Well, I guess that's all. Merry Christmas, Silver Bells, my baby. Turn around and hug me now."

The screen went black and Bella went, "Huh?" and she turned around.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!", she shrieked, and flew into Charlie's arms…I had to catch him so he didn't fall over. He was new to the prosthetic leg and wasn't too steady on his own.

"DADDY!", Bella bawled and sobbed, clinging to him so tight…"DADDY!"

"It's okay, baby, I'm here, I'm here…shhhh…it's alright.", Charlie kept stroking her hair and holding her. There was not a dry eye in the house, including mine.

Even Katie was crying…and she put her arms around my waist, hugging me now.

Once she finally let Charlie go for a second, she sniffed and asked, "How?"

"Edward's idea.", Charlie smiled at me now, "Thank you, Edward. I hate to admit it, but I was wrong about you, son. You're a good man. And you've taken wonderful care of my daughter. I've never seen her happier."

I wiped the wet side of my face and took a breath, answering, "Thank you, Chief Swan. She's only sad when she's missing you. It's been so hard for her without you. She worries about you all the time. Even though she'll never admit it."

Then Bella asked me, "How did you do this? Isn't is dangerous? What about the marshals?"

"They know about it.", I said, "I got them to do this one thing for us…they did it right…no one knows Charlie is here. There's a decoy at Charlie's house right now, pretending to be him, hanging out alone."

"How did you get those marshals to do this for us?", Bella asked further.

"It wasn't easy.", I teased, "I had to sleep with the girl…Benson I think her name is."

Bella slapped my arm as I laughed and she snarled at me.

"Benson is not as hard as she seems.", I revealed, "Turns out, her father was a cop too, and was killed in the line of fire. She was putty in my hands."

"I'm not really in the witness protection program so they bent a few little rules.", Charlie said, "Plus I'm a cop and know what I'm doing. They could never bring Emmett or Jasper here this way, too dangerous."

"Are you sure?", Bella was still worried about our safety but we all assured her that the marshals would never do this if it wasn't safe…at least for a little while.

"The one thing is…", I looked at Charlie and he nodded, "Charlie can't stay for long. After dinner tonight, he has to go back with the marshals…back home."

"Why don't you stay here, with us?", Bella cried, looking at Charlie.

"I would love to, baby, but I can't.", he said with a bit of pain in his eyes, "The last couple months…Sue and I have…gotten closer. She's helped me through some real hard times. I think I'm in love with her."

"Dad, that is so great.", Bella cried again and held her father in her arms, muffling into his flannel shirt, "I'm so happy for you. I'm so glad you're not alone. I felt so bad leaving you the way I did."

"It's okay, Bells.", he said, "You have to follow your heart. And it looks like it's led you to a good place here. I'm happy for you, too, little girl."

"Let's go open some more presents!", I broke up the whole standing around bit…and we led Charlie to the sofa where he could sit down, "Katie, hand Charlie some of his presents, will you?"

She was very happy to do this and Charlie smiled back at her with real affection, saying, "Thank you, beautiful.", and he winked at her.

Oh no. If Katie falls for Charlie now, I'll absolutely murder him!

"Here you go Daddy.", Bella handed me a big wrapped box, making me take my eyes off her father.

"This is from all of us…and Marcus…and Josh.", Bella said and the moment Josh's name was mentioned, my face screwed up as if I just sucked a lemon.

"What is HE getting me for CHRISTMAS?", I heard myself sneer.

"Shut up and open it, Ebenezer!", Bella wiped her eye and smiled at her father, waiting to watch me open my gift.

I tore the box open and found books there. Basic Veterinarian Medicine. Office Procedures for Veterinarian Practices. And an envelope that said, "Welcome to the Casper School of Veterinary Medicine!"

"What IS this?", I felt something clench in my stomach, thinking maybe this is a joke.

"You are starting Spring classes next year in Vet School.", Bella announced, "Marcus helped pay the rest of your first year's tuition…and since it's very hard to get into the classes, Josh put in a good word for you and they selected you. You're IN!"

"Is this a joke?", I heard my fragile voice ask, my eyes looking at hers.

She looked sad for a moment and then said, "No, Edward. I would never play such a cruel joke on you. You have been so wonderful taking care of Dancer, that…I knew you would love this. You want to be a doctor…and you can be. You can save lives, deliver babies…just like you always dreamed of…I thought this would make you happy. Was I wrong? I can cancel it if you don't want to go…"

"No, no…no…", I held her so tight, rocking her in my arms as I felt the tears in my eyes again, "Bella…you're my angel. God, I love you!"

"I was right.", she giggled as she hugged me in return, and everyone laughed.

"You're always right.", I held her face and kissed her lips…deeply…but not too much in front of her father and my daughter, "Thank you, Bella. I don't know why I carried on the way I did…nothing could make my life better than it is right now. I don't really need anything more than you and Katie."

"Things are just going to keep getting better, Edward.", Bella kissed my lips quickly and put her face into my neck, "Stick with me, kid. The best is yet to be. I read that somewhere. Oh, and look in the bottom of that box."

I dug into the bottom, under all the books…and found something wooden…and pulled it out…I gasped. It was a Dr. Edward sign, a lot like the one I had made for Dr. Bella…only mine was laced with hunter green paint and the right edge of it had a white horse's side profile, as if she were running, the wind blowing her mane back off her face. Some of the words on my sign were:

CARING…KIND…GENTLE…INTELLIGENT…BRAVE…DEVOTED.

"Oh my God.", I felt my bottom lip trembling a bit again…"You're going to make me cry again."

"Bob helped me put it together.", Bella said, "He doesn't know it's for you. I said it was for a friend of ours."

"I love it.", I said with jagged breath, "Thank you…thank you for…"

I couldn't speak…so I just pulled her into my arms again, covering her with kisses…cherry slurpee kisses.

"Where the FUCK are all my presents?", Ben asked with that gravelly voice, breaking the moment and making everyone laugh out loud, even Charlie.

"BEN!", Angela hissed at him.

"Everyone else is getting shit and I'm sitting here with NOTHING!", he complained, and all of us grabbed a gift for him and started tossing things at him to shut him up.

Bella's little box of a gift hit him in the side of the head as he tried to catch everything we were throwing at him…and I fell over laughing at the look on his face when he got popped by the incoming air mail of gifts.

Later, when Katie opened her wii system and a few games to go with it, Charlie helped her set it up….and while he was doing that, Bella and I took Katie aside, into her room to give her one last thing. Ben and Angela came along, too, quietly standing inside the doorway.

"This gift is something special.", Bella said to her, "Go ahead and open it."

Katie tore open the red wrapping paper and there was a framed portrait, a painted picture of Tanya, smiling warmly back at Katie.

"I know that you guys couldn't take lots of pictures and things with you when you left Florida.", Bella began softly, "So my good old friend Lynn watched some of the videos G-Mom and Pop Pop had of your Mom…and she created this. I want you to know that I understand how hard it is, growing up without your Mom. And you don't have to be afraid to talk about her, and you don't have to hide your love for her from ME. I welcome Tanya, always. I won't be jealous or angry. She loved your Dad…and she loves you, still, now, wherever she is. I know that. I know she's close to you. She may even be here right now. And it's okay to love her, always. Don't forget her. Keep her alive in your heart. And wherever you want this painting, that's where it will go."

Katie sniffed and looked at the painting.

"I loved her, Katie.", I said now, staring at Tanya's face in the portrait, "We loved each other…so much. A part of me loves her still. She was my first love…your mother…she will always be special to me in my heart. And she would want us to be together…and to have a life together. And I know she would love Bella too. I know she sent Bella to me…to us. So that we could be together like we are now. Please don't forget her. She was a wonderful woman. And she IS alive…in YOU. I see her every day…every time you smile at me. And I'll do better from now on, and we'll talk about her, okay?"

"Okay.", Katie let out a little cry…and Bella caught the painting before Katie threw herself into my arms. I kissed her curls, closing my eyes and holding her close to me…and Angela and Ben were smiling at us, tears in their own eyes. Angela handed Ben a tissue and he took it, blowing his nose loudly.

"Ewwww Pop Pop!", Katie grinned at him.

"Alright, kid…", I sniffed, "That's it for the crying today…go and play House of the Dead with Charlie. I know you're dying to."

"Alright Dad.", she wiped her eyes and quickly left the room.

"Next Christmas, we're spending on a beach somewhere!", I announced.

"YAY!", Ben cheered…and I just frowned at him.

"Oh…", Ben looked embarrassed, "I guess you meant…you and…Bella…"

I smirked and gave him a little nod, turning him around and walking him out of Katie's room, trying not to picture Ben's ass in a thong bikini…uuggghhhh….chills!

Later, while Katie was killing zombies and wiping the floor with Charlie, Marcus arrived with Tao.

Katie ran up and grabbed Tao…saying, "Come play wii with me, TAO!"

He just went along with her, smiling from ear to ear, as Marcus handed me a bag full of presents.

"Here, Ralphie!", Marcus looked sheepishly as he shoved the bag at me, "What are you smiling at?"

"Thank you for the Vet School gift.", I said, and I hugged him, whether he liked it or not.

"Alright, alright…", he finally broke away from me, "It's not like I had a choice. Marie made me do it."

"She made you?", I smiled more, "Big, bad YOU?"

"Shut the fuck up.", Marcus snapped at me.

"Oh, that's not Christmas language, is it, Jimmy?", I asked, ready to start with him some more.

Once Marcus came in and got settled I asked him, "How was it this morning with Tao?"

"Good, I think.", he watched the boy playing video games with Katie, "He was so happy. I don't think he's gotten toys as gifts in…forever. It was almost like he forgot it was Christmas. If he ever celebrated Christmas. I'd love to get my hands on his parents, that's my fucking Christmas wish."

"Here…read my card before you open your gift.", I said, "Wait…let me read it out loud."

Katie wasn't in earshot, so I was safe to do this.

Bella, Ben, and Angela were standing there, listening as I opened the card, reading it:

"_Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house…_

_An old dude was farting…yes, Angela's spouse._

_The stockings were hung by the heater with care…_

_In hopes that Jimmy Chan Marcus…would get some new hair._

_And Katie was nestled, all snug in her bed…_

_While visions of Doctor Pete danced in her head._

_And Bella in her kerchief, and I in my cap…_

_We don't wear that stuff, so let's skip that crap._

_Then out on the lawn there arose such a clatter_

_I got so scared, I nearly emptied my bladder._

_Away to the window I flew like a flash…._

_I hope it's not Marcus, coming after my cash._

_The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow…_

_Gave a luster of midday to his bald head below._

_When, what to my wondering eyes should appear…_

_It was Jim in a Santa suit…swigging a beer!_

_I shouted down and said, "Hey Marcus, you PRICK!"_

_You're a Chinese waiter, you're not fucking Saint Nick!_

_Marcus yelled up, "White boy, you know why I came!"_

_I've been here five years and no one knows my real name!_

_Now Dasher, now Dancer…now Prancer and Vixen!_

_On, Comet and Cupid…on Donner and Blitzen!_

_He was after the horses…and he called and he called!_

_But they never came cause they're scared of the bald._

_He frowned up at us…and gave us the finger…_

_And said 'Life sucks as a song…and I am the singer!'_

_This is the church…and this is the steeple…_

_I hate this whole town full of crazy white people!_

_Then I heard him exclaim as he ran out of sight…_

'_None of y'all deserve NOTHING…because you are white!'_

_And tonight on this Christmas, I'm so filled with glee…_

_Cause I'm with you forever, Marcus…you'll never be free."_

Everyone loved my poem…even Marcus had to laugh! He loved the gifts we gave him. Bella picked out some new, bigger woks for him…and some new knives for the kitchen, she noticed his were getting old and worn.

"White boy gave me a whole new set of sharp knives…", he chuckled darkly, "How nice."

"Only to be used on poor, helpless neighborhood animals…before you cook them.", I said.

We also got some things for Tao. Thank God for the one Target in town that was open until midnight last night.

Peter did arrive later, around dinner time, fresh off the plane back from Chicago, where he had kept his promise of visiting his wife on Christmas Eve.

"Are you okay?", I asked him as he stepped inside…and he just nodded, understanding what I meant.

"Yes, Anthony, I'm fine.", he said a little quietly, and I didn't push him any further on that.

I introduced Charlie to him and Marcus…and even Katie smiled at Peter and said "Merry Christmas Dr. Facinelli."

"Merry Christmas, Kate.", he smiled down at her face, now free of all the make up and looking more like her age, which was a big improvement.

"Wanna play with us?", Katie asked him, "We're playing House of the-"

I was shaking my head at her and she caught on quickly…thinking about what she was about to say to Peter, who'd just come from his wife's grave.

"I mean…we're sick of that game…how about playing Mario Cart with us?", she asked, "It's a driving game."

"Okay, I'm in.", Peter smiled, taking off his coat and handing it to me, "Who's this handsome guy?"

"It's me, Peter, ANTHONY!", I joked…but he was looking at Tao.

"This is Tao.", Katie said, then looked at Tao and put her hand to Peter's chest and said, clearly and slowly, "PETER."

"Peta.", Tao closely mimicked what Katie had said.

Everyone had a great time playing the video games, everyone had a turn in there somewhere. I was even partners with Charlie as we killed zombies together…and he saved my life more than a few times. He was great with his gun. I would always forget to reload, shooting my controller away from the screen…Katie would pull my arm every time so I'd do it and be able to fire my weapon.

Marcus played me…and then he played against Tao…and Tao beat him every time. He was great! He beat me too! Katie was the only one who could beat Tao…and we all knew he let her win against him. Here comes puppy love next. Great.

Peter loved it when he opened my gift. It was a green and red elf hat with the pointy ears sticking out. I got a picture of him wearing that one, too. Classic!

I showed him my slurpee machine and he was a little miffed but he smiled anyway and said, "You still have to report to your sessions."

"I will.", I said honestly, "I don't just come there for the slurpees, you know."

"I'm proud of you, Anthony.", Peter said to me, seriously, "You're kicking ass in therapy. You're so strong. I mean that."

I didn't know about that but I still said thank you and we had our man hug. And he gave me a framed picture of Katie, Bella, me and himself all smiling together, in our Gis we wore at Karate class…and engraved in the frame it said, "An Unbeatable Team."

I loved it and hung it up right then and there while Bella and Angela put dinner on the table.

Katie was our waitress again and Tao helped her serve the food to us. He is so cute…and I loved the way Marcus always watched out for him, making sure he was behaving and being nice, even if the kid couldn't understand him.

I kept talking to Tao and he loved it that someone here was able to understand him. He asked me if he could say grace before eating…and I said yes. I would translate.

And as he spoke, I quietly said his words out loud in English. We all folded our hands and Tao said:

_I never really celebrated Christmas before…but I love it! It's so nice that all of you come together like this and give each other gifts…you are lucky to have each other. Lucky to have so much. Thank you for sharing it with me and letting me come over here today. If it wasn't for you, I'd be outside in the cold now, hungry and freezing. _

_And Marcus…thank you for everything this morning…you are a cool guy and I really like living with you. Merry Christmas everyone_.

"Merry Christmas.", everyone said in return…I couldn't imagine a better Christmas prayer than this….and then Tao pulled on my sleeve and whispered something else to me. Something he wanted me to say.

I turned white and I felt it…and then said, "And Katie…you look really pretty today."

Is everyone after my little girl?

Bella giggled and Katie turned bright pink…but she smiled at Tao and said, "Thanks Tao."

We ate and ate…and Charlie sat next to Bella, they jammed every moment they could find together in this visit…and I worried about how she'd be when the marshals came to sneak Charlie back home again.

Before I knew it, while Charlie was eating Bella's pumpkin pie, the knock on the door sounded…and I answered it, not very happy to see Benson and Morrison standing there, ready to take Bella's father away from her.

"You're early.", I said to them, not intentionally being cold. They had done me a huge favor and I couldn't really be angry with them.

"Don't worry.", Benson said to me, "We're not taking him for another half hour. We were just in the neighborhood."

I invited them to have dessert with us…and they sat at the table…and Bella got tears in her eyes.

"Bella.", I said as she stood up from the table and went to the kitchen, slamming the cabinets around, the usual signal that she was pissed.

"I know those slams.", Charlie slowly got to his feet…and picked up his cane, looking at me, saying, "I'll go this time, Edward. It's okay."

"If she needs me, call.", I followed him with my eyes as he went to her and he nodded at me.

I told everyone at the table that Benson and Morrison were cop friends of Charlie's…coming to take him back home. No one really questioned them much and they kind of just…kept to themselves, waiting.

After about twenty minutes or so, Charlie and Bella came out of the kitchen…holding hands…and Bella's eyes looked red, like she'd been crying. I really didn't want to have to do this in front of everyone, they might get suspicious…so after Charlie said his goodbyes to everyone here, we walked Charlie outside, along with the marshals who hung in the background, this time giving Bella and her father a real chance to say a real goodbye.

Once outside, Bella just threw herself into her father's arms again and cried, clinging…not wanting to let him go. I hated this. This pain they're both in now is because of me…and I know it.

"I love you Daddy.", Bella whimpered, "I wish you didn't have to go."

"I am going…", Charlie said, looking into her face, wiping her tears away from her eyes with his fingers, "But, Bells, I'm never far away. If you ever need me, no matter what…you call me. Witness protection or not…I'm always your father. And I'll be here when you need me. But you're growing up. You've made a life here…and good friends. You have love here. You have a little girl who needs you here. You don't really need me, Bella. But maybe someday…if you WANT me…I can come back to you. And don't you be sad. Or worried. I'm fine. I'm not alone. I want to know you're smiling when you think of me, you hear me?"

She let a tear fall and nodded, hugging him again, "I hear you Dad."

"Good.", he leaned down and kissed her cheek, hugging her one long last time.

He smiled at her and stroked her cheek, adding, "I'm so proud of you, Bella."

"Edward!", Charlie turned to me, sticking out his hand for me to shake…and I did, "You proved me wrong. I don't like that, normally. But this time, it's a great thing. You keep doing what you're doing, son. Take care of my girl. Take care of OUR girl."

"Yes Sir..", I heard myself say, then corrected that and said, "Chief Swan…"

"Charlie.", he corrected me this time.

"Charlie.", I smiled, feeling like I was the recipient of a great honor.

"Time for me to go.", he said with no hint of weakness…and Bella whimpered again, and held him one more time.

"I'm not saying goodbye Bells.", he said to her, "I'm your Dad. We're never saying goodbye to each other."

"Okay.", Bella wiped her right eye, "How about…see ya later Dad?"

He smiled and gave a little nod. "See ya later baby. Be good."

Bella wept as Charlie began to walk away, going with the marshals to their car. I put my arms around her from behind, letting her head lean back on my chest, keeping her warm as the cold wind hissed around us…making her soft little sobs even more painful for me.

I kissed the back of her head, closing my eyes, wishing I could erase this pain…wishing she didn't have to say goodbye to him again.

When the car started up, and Charlie waved to her from the back seat, through his window, she let another little sob fall out…and she waved, trying to smile at him as they drove away…into the winter night…and we watched until the car and the lights disappeared completely. He was gone…again.

And Bella turned to me, and buried her little face in my chest, clinging onto me for dear life…and I clutched my arms around her, too…hoping my love would heal the hurt inside her.

Later on, when everyone had gone home and she fell asleep in my arms as we laid on the sofa, watching Christmas movies.

Bella had cheered up a little earlier when I was acting like a goofball, screaming out in glee during March of the Wooden Soldiers when Laurel and Hardy started pressing the buttons on the soldiers' backs…and they started to march and rescue the town from the Bogeymen. I loved that part and even though Tao and Katie were too busy playing their video games, I still had a ball watching this again.

BPOV

"Clarence…", I called him, looking around me…it was so cold and dark here…and it SMELLED so bad, I covered my nose with my hand, calling the little angel again, "CLARENCE! What is this place?"

The cute little old man from It's a Wonderful Life was suddenly there with me, seated on a pile of garbage.

With a sad voice, he said, "This is where you wanted to go. You asked me to bring you to Edward…and so I have."

"He's a garbage man?", I asked.

Clarence looked even more morose now and looked up at me.

"Edward Cullen died at the age of 32.", Clarence stated like a fact, "He was chained up and naked…Victoria and Raven got high…and were mixing drugs…they got careless…and they started to hallucinate…they thought Edward was a vampire, for real. They grabbed butcher knives, thinking they were wooden stakes…and Edward…he died a terrible, violent death."

"No!", I screamed, not believing him.

"He bled to death…", Clarence informed, "It was quick, however painful…and when his attackers came to, days later…and saw his body there, decomposing…they realized what they'd done…they chopped up the body and dumped it here. No one ever reported him missing. No one ever searched for him. No one cared. He remains here today."

"NO Clarence FUCK YOU!", I screeched and cried, "Edward got away from Victoria, I KILLED HER! He lives in CASPER with ME! He's with his daughter!"

"You weren't there to save Edward, Bella.", Clarence reminded, "His daughter forgot about him as the years went by…she grew up and lived her own life. She stopped getting his phone calls and to this day, she thinks he abandoned her. She hates him. She's very bitter about that."

"I want to SEE him Clarence!", I shouted, looking around, "You SHOW him to me, COME ON!"

"There.", Clarence pointed to a pile of garbage bags, swarming with flies…and I dared to go over to it and shove it over…and I saw Edward's face…green with slime and half rotted away from the skull…his eyes empty and round…his mouth open as if his last moments were filled with fear…or maybe his mouth was stuffed open with a ball gag of some kind…it was just his head…there was no body that I could see.

I shrank back and screamed out, sobbing, "NO, it's not RIGHT! He's alive! I STOPPED THAT BITCH from hurting him again! It's NOT FAIR for him to BE HERE! Like fucking GARBAGE! NO! He was sweet and gentle and loving…he DOESN'T BELONG HERE! HE DOESN'T DESERVE TO HAVE KATIE HATE HIM! HE LOVES THAT LITTLE GIRL WITH ALL HIS HEART!"

"He never knew true love, not after he lost Tanya and Katie.", Clarence informed, "He died alone…so utterly alone…the last thing he heard and saw was Victoria and Raven, laughing…celebrating that they destroyed the vampire…as his life blood poured out of his body. He couldn't even call for help, poor man. Another lost angel. So many lost angels in this world…that no one ever helps."

"He did know love…with me.", I breathed, feeling as if I were about to vomit, "HE fell in love with ME! I HELPED HIM! This is a dream, it's NOT REAL!"

"Maybe.", Clarence said, "And maybe dreams are messages from somewhere else…hear this message, Bella. You have worth. You are important. You saved him and his daughter…by loving them. You cannot fail them. You must keep being brave."

"I will, I get it now!", I nodded, "I want to go BACK! NOW! Please!"

And I looked at the face of the man I loved, rotten and half eaten by rats as my whole body shuddered in terror…aching with pain.

Clarence looked at me and asked, "So what are you still doing here, Bella?"

"I want to live again!", I was yelling…"I want to live again…please Clarence…"

"Hey, hey!", I heard Edward's voice as my body shook a little bit, "Bella…wake up…you're having a bad dream. Come on…"

I opened my eyes and felt his warmth…and saw those lovely green eyes of his…and his sweet, concerned face…and I just cried all over again…holding him so tight, trembling.

"You're here! You're alright! God, that was SO real!", I sobbed a little, and he was saying, "Shhhh….shhhh…I'm here…I've got you, baby…don't cry."

He asked me what I was dreaming…and I made some story up about being George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life. It wasn't exactly a lie. But I left out the parts about him. I never forgot this dream, either. It would haunt me, years later, reminding me what could've happened to Edward if I hadn't come into his life and torn him out of his horrible existence. It was good, though, I never felt a grain of guilt over killing that red headed bitch…never.

Besides all that, it was the best Christmas ever. Charlie knew I was alive. And I got a precious day with him, thanks to my sweetheart who was kissing me at the moment…not to mention all the other nice things he gave me this year. Jewelry, perfume, a gift card at the Halloween Costume store…that one was my favorite….oh, and a sexy little devil costume that he had me open in private in our bedroom. We were going to have lots of fun with that, since he has the angel wings.

Gifts didn't really matter anyway. I got the message loud and clear. We were all together now, here, and we were happy and alive. I shouldn't let Charlie's leaving bring down the holiday we had here today. Edward had given me a beautiful gift…my father, even though my father hated Edward and had tried talking me out of following him here. But Edward thought of me before himself. I am the luckiest girl alive, to have this man.

We went to bed, kissing like teenagers…and I whispered to him, "This has been the best Christmas of my life, Edward. Thank you so much."

"Thank YOU.", Edward kissed me, the only lights on now were the ones glowing on the Christmas tree, "There wouldn't be a Christmas for me if you weren't here."

I couldn't believe we were going to make love on Christmas night…but I know that look in his eye. We were.

And I also couldn't imagine a better way to finish this glorious day. The feel of his mouth and breath on my neck…right in the perfect spot…his fingers on my body, pulling off my clothes…his rock hard cock pressing against me…oh yea…THIS IS CHRISTMAS! Thank you Santa! I guess I've been a very good girl this year! I got everything I ever wanted!

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Hey guys! Sorry this was soooo long…real life intruded so I had to write this a little piece at a time. And I didn't want to break it up so…I hope you liked their Christmas. I've missed you! See you soon with more!

Love, Winnd


	35. Whores Don't Cry

Chapter 35

Hey everyone! I understand that a couple of you think I'm just writing about nothing and that there's no direction…but trust me, there is! You just don't see it yet. Trust me. In the beginning of this, we had just Ben, Angela, Bella, Edward, and Katie. I added some more characters and that has gone well, I think. I am going somewhere very direct, believe me. Everyone has a purpose. For most of you who are liking this so far, thanks! I am working so hard on this. I love this story as much as I enjoyed doing Red Line. This is about Edward's and Bella's life after leaving his slave life…so enjoy !

Stay with me, I promise things will center more around Bella and Edward. But once I get to that climax…the story is over, so…hang in for a few more chapters. Hey, we all hung in there during New Moon when there was no mention of Edward for chapters and chapters, right? God, did I hate that!

I love you guys…and I am getting to the meat of the story now…and for those of you who are liking this, thank you. I know that last chapter was way long, and sorry for that. But, still, I'm not that sorry because I think a lot of great things went into that chapter.

I got the idea about It's a Wonderful Life during the real holidays, while I was watching it. I actually had nightmares about what my mind thought up about what would've happened to Edward if not for Bella.

And yes, I had the intention of Edward going to vet school way back when I was first figuring out the story – you're all just too smart and saw it coming…good job!

I will make them normal sized chapters now. Or…I'll try. LOL.

See you soon! Love, Winnd

And, the play with Jessie and Toy Story…is coming up in this chapter. I swear I'm not going to make all the chapters so fluffy…but before more fucked up journal stuff comes up…let's enjoy the nice moments…

Oh! The way Katie's singing the song, if you want to hear it, it's on youtube as "When Somebody Loved Me" by Jordan Pruitt. That's my favorite version of the song, anyway.

**WARNING: There is an entry in here from Edward's Fucked Up Journal. You'll see it coming when you read Edward say, "I read more of my fucked up journal…" and it will be in italics, so if you want to skip that part, it's cool with me. Thanks! For those of you who read it…stay together, don't get lost…it's rough…the rest of the Sir Kevin entries will be really brutal now, just so you know. But I'm doing them in small doses.**

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EPOV

As fast as the holidays came, they went even quicker. I waited until almost the end of January to take the Christmas tree and all the decorations down. I just never wanted it to end. It was the first magical Christmas for me in a long, long time.

Days after Christmas was over, I even put the Santa suit back on and was chasing Bella around the house, saying, "Come on, just sit on my lap and ask for something!"

"No!", she giggled, "That is SO WRONG! You're Santa! You can't DO me as SANTA! That's gross!"

"Hey, when I was Santa at Ben's place, LOTS of the MOMS wanted to sit on my lap!", I informed, teasing her as she tried to evade me.

"I'll bet!", she laughed, and dodged me again, too fast for me.

I got obsessed with watching the new DVD Bella got me as one of my gifts. It was called, 'Christmas in New York', a two hour documentary showcasing all the wonderful things to see and do during the holidays in the city. The more I watched it, the closer I felt to home. It felt like I was actually walking the streets again with the people in the film…and I think I almost even smelled that New York smell a few times as it played.

For the last month, Katie was in full character, rehearsing for her play. At first, it was really cute…hearing her using that southern cowgirl accent…and calling us all critters and varmints all the time….and it was even funny when she used me to help her practice her little square dance that she had to do in the play…but if I hear her say "YEEE HAAA!" ONE MORE TIME…I'm going to lose my shit.

She wore her hair in the braided ponytails all the time now and she kept acting in front of the mirror, watching her facial expressions. I was glad she was taking her part in the play seriously, but it was starting to take up every second of her life.

I looked at the picture of Tanya on the wall of the hallway where all the bedrooms were. Katie chose this, deciding that Tanya would watch over us while we slept…as it was during sleep that the whole fire happened that terrible night. Katie said that Tanya would protect us during the night…and I loved that thought.

"Tanya…help us…", I sometimes prayed softly as I walked past the portrait, after tucking Jessie into bed. She wasn't Katie anymore. She was the rootinest, tootinest, cowgirl in the west! I was counting the days until the play.

And finally, we were walking into the school, with Ben and Angela, getting a good second row seat in the center…and hanging out as the other parents milled in, settling for their horrible seat positions.

"I told you it would pay to get here early.", I said to Bella.

She looked at me and replied, "We were here two hours ago, Edward. The seats weren't even HERE yet!"

"Ah, but once we helped open them, we had our pick, didn't we?", I smirked, nodding my head. Ben just glared at me, opening a bag he brought with him, eating chocolate chip cookies. Angela just smiled and shrugged her shoulders at us.

I had my new camera with me, a gift from Charlie, and I had learned every feature of it so I'd be all ready when I had to snap some pictures when my baby came onstage. It even has a video recorder in it! This is gonna be SO great!

"Did you put the batteries in?", Bella asked, as if I were a complete moron.

"I'm not an idiot, Bella.", I rolled my eyes…and then I thought about it…and checked the batteries. Good, yes…they're in there. Good.

The curtains were still closed and it would be a little while longer before the play began, but the song, "You've Got a Friend in Me" was playing from the speakers around us and I was anxiously waiting…pretending to hum along to this song.

Peter finally got here, climbing over people to get to the seat we were saving for him.

"Sorry I'm late.", Peter said as he took his coat off, "I just got finished with a patient, I floored it all the way over."

"Jenna?", I asked.

"No, a new one.", Peter grinned, not wanting to reveal private information about a new patient, "It looks like my phone is a little busier lately."

"How many patients do you have now?", I wondered aloud, smiling at my Doc.

"Five.", he smiled back, looking like it was everything.

"Cool.", I said, "That's a lot better than one."

"Definitely.", Peter said, without hesitation, "It's a start…and that's all I'm asking for. If I can help five people…or even just one…then I'm completely grateful for the chance."

"You are too good.", Bella smiled at him, putting her arm around him and giving him a squeeze.

"Oh, here.", I handed Peter a program, turning to page two, "Look…Katie's name is there…look how big it is! You can have this one. I have ten of my own already."

Peter laughed and Bella shook her head at him, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Dr. Peter, I'm glad you're here.", Bella muttered, "My boy, here, is going amok again."

"Hey, I'll bet Robert De Niro's parents saved all his school play programs!", I interjected, sneering a bit at them.

"She's Robert DeNiro now.", Bella turned to him.

I looked around, ignoring the non believers, knowing when Katie won her Oscar, that she'd thank ME for always believing in her…and leave Bella and Peter out of her acceptance speech. That'll show 'em.

"Hey!", I waved a few rows behind us, "There's Marcus! MARCUS!"

He pretended not to know me as I tried waving him over to sit with us…he looked away, acting all interested in the program. Jerk. Katie said that Tao was in the play, too, now that he was in her class. Maybe they gave him a non speaking part.

"He's still mad at you for the other night.", Bella said to me, "You were pretty brutal, Anthony."

"Japanese is not that hard to learn!", I said, not wanting to have this argument again, "He just wants to play bad boy student to my hard working teacher!"

"You stuck gum on his nose!", Bella reminded, a little loudly.

"He was chewing it, wasn't he?", I defended my stance, "I told him gum was not allowed, didn't I? He popped that big bubble on PURPOSE! You do the crime, you do the time."

"Jeez, I'm SO glad they didn't put you into a teacher job when we moved here.", Bella said quietly to me so Peter wouldn't hear, "You'd be dead now."

"Hey, if Donald DUCK can do it…", I trailed off, looking at my watch…"Oh man…five more minutes…I'm so nervous. What if people laugh at her and hurt her feelings?"

"I'm sure you'll kill them all.", Bella smirked back at me, taking my hand, "Relax. She's great. I'm sure everyone will love her. You're so cute! All worried and tense…"

I smiled at her and picked her hand up, kissing it with deep devotion.

"I want to thank you, Bella, for not murdering Katie these last few weeks.", I said softly to her, "I know it hasn't been easy, living with Jessie."

She smiled and said, "It's been an experience. Today, Jessie…tomorrow…Juliet."

"Oh Jesus!", I said, in fear, not even thinking about other parts she would go on to play later. How could I live with a Shakespearean talking daughter for months at a time? I was starting to think I'll miss Jessie when she's gone.

Finally, Donald Duck opened the curtains and stood before us, adjusting the microphone so he could talk to all of us. He fumbled with it, making it go too high up…then moving it down.

Bella giggled before he even said anything and I began to do my Duck voice again…saying, "Oh…baby…yea…move that up and down…ooohhh…yea…just like that."

Bella was covering her mouth, hysterical already and slapped my arm so I'd stop.

"Shut up!", she looked away, trying to stop laughing as I snickered to myself, getting my camera ready.

"Good Evening, everyone, I am Donald Duck.", he began with a completely normal voice but Bella still laughed…the only one doing it too, in the audience. Mr. Duck looked at Bella as if to ask, "what's your problem?" but she waved her hand and shook her head, trying to stop, clearing her throat and turning bright purple beside me as I kept a straight face.

Finally, Ben caught up and belly laughed out loud, not even trying to hide it…choking on his chocolate chip cookie as Angela swatted his back…and Donald Duck frowned at him…unaware of what was so funny.

He went on for a minute or two about all the hard work the kids had been doing to make the play a success…and all the teachers who helped and designed the sets and costumes…blah blah blah! Bring out my kid!

When he finished droning on, and left the stage, taking the mike with him, I did a Donald Duck laugh and that started Bella and Ben up all over again. The curtains opened and the play was on! Little did I realize that Jessie didn't show up until way later in the play. At one point, I was sick of waiting and heard myself groan, stifling the comments I was dying to make.

I think I even fell asleep at one point…and then Bella nudged me hard, waking me up as I squinted and tried to focus. I jerked up in my seat and snapped a picture before I knew what I was doing, my hands had been in position to take a picture since the show began! I had a picture of the back of the lady's head in front of me. She just turned and sighed at me, giving me a dirty look. I deleted it as she turned back to watch the play.

Was I snoring? Shit!

"I think she's coming soon.", Bella kept saying to me…and this time she was right, "Do you want a tissue or something?"

"I know that sometimes I'm a giant mess, Bella, but no…I'll be alright." I assured her, not thinking I'd get all choked up by her portrayal of cowgirl Jessie.

Woody, the cowboy was looking around the stage and then out popped my baby…out of a giant box! She looked so adorable in her little red hat and cowgirl outfit…I loved the white and black cowprint on her pants! And she had little freckles dotted on her nose and rosy red cheeks.

And when she looked under her legs, holding her hat, and saw Woody's face…she did her very loud and magnificent, "YYYYEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAA! It's you, it's you, it's you, IT'S YOUUUUUU!"

She was great from the second she climbed out of the box…and she gleefully screamed her lines, dancing around in a few big circles, her arms clutched around Woody's neck as she went, half strangling him…and then added, "IT'S REALLY YOUUUU!", giving his head a few scratches with her knuckles, a noogie I think kids call it now.

Everyone laughed WITH her, not at her…her energy was perfect and she had the voice down pat. I almost didn't even mind hearing the YEEEE HAAA one more time. I was blissfully watching her every move, adoring her even more than before as she worked her part skillfully.

"The prospector said you would COME someday!", she hugged Woody and then gasped, pulling her hat down over her ears, "Holy MOTHER of Abraham LINCOLN! The prospector! He'll wanna MEET ya!"

Everyone was smiling at her, enjoying how good she was. I was so proud, I looked around at other parents and said, quietly, "That's OUR daughter."

People smiled at us…and Bella smiled at me…and even in the darkness, I saw the look she gave me…and I held her hand, meaning those words with all my heart. Bella may not have given birth to Katie…and Tanya is her mother…but so is Bella, in my eyes…in my heart. I've seen them together lately, since Christmas…they are mother and daughter.

The play was wonderful once Katie was in it and I laughed at every joke, every cute move she made. There was no fear in there…none that I could see. Some kids blew their lines or got stage fright…but not my little girl. She was amazing!

I understood what was going on in the play. They were all toys…and Jessie had been in storage for a long time…and now they were all going to Japan. The other toys…Buzz and Ham and the dinosaur and the rest…all wanted Woody to come back home with them to Andy, who owned them all. Jessie was terrified for him to leave, because if he did, she'd go back into storage again.

She was trying to stop Woody from going to a life with Andy…and then she talked about the little girl who owned her once, Emily.

"Emily was just the same…", Jessie said sadly, looking out at the audience, "She was my whole world…"

Then the lights all went dark onstage except for one focused on Katie…and she looked upwards, as if recalling fond memories…her face was smiling but still a little sad at the same time…and Donald Duck started playing the piano…a lovely slow melody…oh, is this Katie's song?

I sat up more, and to the upper right hand side of the stage, a screen played the real toy story 2 part of the movie, like it was what was happening inside Jessie's mind while she sang…that was genius I thought.

Bella had the video recorder going, holding it for me so I could watch and I smiled at her for that. I didn't want to miss this, even looking through a lens.

She let this one lovely note out…it had no words in it but it was GORGEOUS! And I felt my heart clench at the beauty of her voice already and she hadn't even really sung yet!

"When somebody loved me…everything was beautiful.",

She began softly and sadly…her voice young but with a touch of woman to it…a woman just beginning to awaken inside. It's Tanya's voice…her singing voice…exactly the same, only better. It feels like forever since I've heard it. I felt tears rise up fast in my eyes…for that and for the words she sang. When somebody loved her…back when Tanya and I loved her…everything _**was**_ beautiful.

I saw the memory as clear as day…Tanya giving birth to Katie…and me behind her, in my blue scrubs…holding her as she pushed…and the way we laughed when it was over…and the doctor handed our daughter to us…and we both fell instantly in love with this perfect little baby…one single red curl on top of her head. And I had cut the cord myself.

"Every hour spent together lives within my heart.", she sang, her fists together and resting on her real heart, and she sang the words with such feeling and love…I FELT it.

She smiled, as if she could really see us in the past…her and I. I began to hurt inside, even more than the first line of her song…I remember holding her as a baby, kissing her nose as she squirmed, trying to close her eyes to sleep. But I wanted to play with her, even when she was one day old. I couldn't wait to know her. All of her.

"And when she was sad…I was there to dry her tears.", Katie sang like an angel, "And when she was happy…so was I…when she loved…meeee…"

Bella handed me a tissue, still recording the song as I gratefully took it, using it to shut my mouth up as a little sob escaped out of my mouth.

I didn't want to ruin her song, but this was killing me. I kept seeing memories of Katie and me…when she was a baby…taking her first steps towards me as I lifted her up and swung her around in a circle, celebrating like I'd won a billion dollars…hearing that wonderful baby belly laugh she used to do. God, I miss that laugh.

The images and past were coming in at lightning speed…me putting a band aid on her skinned little knee, kissing the boo boo so she'd stop crying and smile again, bribing her with a green lollipop.

"Through the summer and the fall…", her voice rose up high for those words…and then she sang, "we had each other, that was all…just she and I together…like it was meant to be…"

I sobbed even harder now, the tears blinding me, only showing me a memory of me laying under the sunset in Central Park, on a blanket, holding Katie as she fell asleep on my chest, not even two years old yet…worn out after a day of playing and running…and I remember smiling, kissing her head and feeling tears in my eyes as I held her…stroking her hair…knowing that I was the luckiest man on earth to be her father…no…her Daddy.

It _**was**_ just her and I then…and it WAS meant to be…until it was all stolen from us. I felt like Katie was singing words that were coming out of MY heart. And it was destroying me inside. I was trying so hard to shut myself up and not embarrass my daughter…but I was failing miserably. Peter handed me a real cloth handkerchief, hoping that would help more than the crumbling tissue I was killing. And I saw he was holding his own handkerchief, wiping one of his own eyes, probably thinking of his Emma now.

"And when she was lonely, I was there to comfort her…and I knew then…she loved….meeeee…."

Katie was singing the song to perfection, the tone so heartbreaking and innocent…Donald Duck was right. She knew firsthand the pain little Jessie was feeling when she sang this song…she was no stranger to hurt and lonely…and I felt like such a piece of dog shit while I listened to her. I left her. Without her mother. I was the one parent left and she needed me…and I just left her. She must have been devastated!

"So the years went by…I stayed the same. She began to drift away. I was left alone."

I stuck the handkerchief over my mouth, a couple of harder sobs piercing out of me against my will…and Bella put her arm around me, silently comforting me as a tear fell down her own cheek, trying to keep the camera still as she recorded.

I kept remembering those hours…when I carried Katie to my parent's house, covered with burns, begging them to let her in…screaming their names…the tears on my face, frozen in the bitter snowy wind. And then, the moment I had to say goodbye…leaving her with Ben and Angela as she slept…under the sedatives for the pain. She never even got to say goodbye to me. I had to whisper my last words to her sleeping little face…and walk away with no response from her.

"Still I waited for the day…when she'd say I will always…love…youuuu…."

The song paused for a moment but the whole audience could hear me blubbering…but Katie never broke character…she was determined to sing the song as it deserved to be. It was so painfully beautiful.

"Lonely and forgotten…", Katie sang and an even LOUDER gasp and sob tore out of my chest, the handkerchief clamped over my mouth by my hand as my wet eyes watched my daughter, her eyes very sad and her face downcast while she performed her part…or is she really thinking of me…and her…and her mother? God, what have I done? You were never forgotten, baby…please don't ever think that…please! Thinking of you every day, every SECOND…is all that kept me alive those six years.

"Never thought she'd look my way. She smiled at me and held me…just like she used to do.", Katie sang, looking up, smiling warmly…feeling that love right now.

I saw Katie in the back yard, here in Casper…when we were finally reunited. And she ran to me…letting me hold her again. Even though I didn't deserve to. I cried all over again, like I did that day.

"Like she loved me…when she loved me…" Katie's voice rose up, at the last verse of the song, the climax…and then the music went quiet once more…winding down.

And now, Katie looked right at me…and sang to me…a secret little smile on her lips just for me…telling me it was alright…that she still loved me…and didn't want me to cry.

"When somebody loved me…everything was beautiful. Every hour spent together…lives within my heart. When she loved…meeeee…."

Flashes of me and her together tore through my mind so fast, they were a jumbled mess of wonderful moments…blowing bubbles into the sun filled skies…pushing her on the swings…splashing at her as she giggled in the bathtub…happy birthdays with only three candles or less…laughter…snuggling in bed together watching TV…late nights of crying and 3 am feedings…the first day of nursery school…Katie kissing me with her little ducky lips while I kissed her back with mine…a thousand memories…that I would never lose or let be taken away from me…but still…less…tragically less than all the ones Ben and Angela got to have with her…three years is not that long at all…and yet…those were the best years of MY life. I had lived on those 1,095 days I'd had with this little angel…if I had to be with Victoria FOREVER, every one of those days would have gotten me through it…with at least a shred of happiness in my heart…on the last day of my life.

And on the last note of the song…at the very end of it…Katie let go of her control that she'd worked so hard to build…and let one single tear roll down her right cheek. And my heart imploded into shit dust in that split second. But Katie didn't look upset or angry that she'd let that tear fall. She kept her eyes on me…and smiled at me with love…why does she forgive me? Why does she love me so much? Where does she get her strength?

The lights didn't even go dark yet and Donald Duck was still playing the piano when I leapt over people to race to the stage and pull her into my arms…letting go and crying, and she held me back, unashamed of my lunatic behavior in front of all the people in town.

"I'm sorry, Katie…I'm SO sorry!", I cried.

"It's okay, Daddy.", she clung onto me, "I told you not to get weird. I love you! Don't cry Dad. It's just a song…I told you…"

"Please forgive me, I never should've left you…", I fell apart and thank God Donald Duck sprung into action, darkening the stage and turning the music up…and there was a big round of applause for Katie's song…and I was shuffled backstage by the Duck….and Katie had to go back to the play. But she turned around and ran to me…holding my face and planting a big, wet kiss on my lips, whispering, "I love you so much, Daddy. Go watch the play!"

And then Donald Duck frowned at me and pointed his little finger back into the dark audience mass out there…I went without a word, hoping I wouldn't be in the corner with a Dunce cap on my head tomorrow. Or worse, a duck head!

I tried to act all cool going back to my seat, but everyone around me stared at me like I had some mental problem. Maybe I do. I sat down next to Bella and tried to ignore them all but after a few more seconds, I couldn't take it anymore.

"My daughter's voice is AMAZING so I got emotional, DO YOU MIND?", I defended myself as a couple of people shushed me.

"Anthony.", Bella had the handkerchief now and wiped a couple of wet lines off my cheek, "Are you alright, baby?"

"I'm fine.", I smiled at her, "Wasn't she incredible, Bella? Did you hear her?"

"Yes, she is.", Bella smiled now that she was I was okay, "She blew me away with her voice…what I could hear of it, that is."

I winced a little. "Did I ruin the video?", I asked.

"Probably.", Bella grinned, no longer taping, "But it's alright. It'll be sweet to have your…sounds in the background. Someday."

"She kissed me.", I said to Bella, "In front of her friends and everyone! She loves me."

"Imagine that.", she smiled at me, and asked, "What's NOT to love?"

"My jealous streak…and my insecure side..", I began listing my crap.

"I didn't say you're not a big pain in the ass.", she wise cracked without missing a beat and I laughed.

"But we still love you.", she held my hand, lacing her fingers through mine, "Always."

"I love you too.", I whispered, trying to keep control of myself for the rest of the play.

No wonder she cried when she sang the song in front of those nasty girls…and for that, they called her a baby. Bitches. Well, she showed them tonight. She's the fucking star of this play!

And I stared at Bella…thanking the GODS for this woman. Just when I thought my future was going to be spent in a jail cell, hanging dead…she gave me the gift of a real future…as a doctor…seeing something in me that even I didn't know was there. She opened another door for me, letting sunlight in where there was only darkness before. She always found a way to free me…to reach me.

At first, I thought it was a bad joke…one that would hurt badly if this gift wasn't for real. I guess Victoria had conditioned me to expect pain and humiliation at every turn. I would work to leave that shit behind and just accept all the great things that lied ahead for me…for us.

I didn't want to be Victoria's slave anymore. I had to work on that from the inside out…to finally be free of her. I vowed to try even harder in therapy, with Peter…and get through that damn fucked up journal day with Sir Kevin. If it killed me, I would do it.

And we all enjoyed the rest of the play, laughing and cheering for Jessie and Woody…and Buzz. At the end, when all the toys escaped and got back to Andy's room…even Tao came out and had a little part…he was Mr. Speak and Spell.

And he was covered with yellow and red buttons, a black strip screen that spelled out words when Tao pressed one of his buttons.

The robotic voice of Mr. Speak and Spell said, "Welcome Back Woody! Who's the cute little cowgirl?" and the words ran across the screen as Tao smiled, turning and running off into the background with the other toys as Woody introduced Jessie to the other toys there.

Everyone applauded that…it was brilliant! I heard Marcus laughing and clapping behind us, on his feet.

And I loved it when Buzz fell in love with Jessie…and his wings popped out! I nearly died laughing at that!

All the kids were singing, "You've Got a Friend in Me" at the end…and the main characters came up to take their bows. First was Woody and Buzz…and then there was Jessie, Bullseye the horse, and the Prospector…all together. We all roared and clapped, and I whistled with my pinkies in the sides of my mouth. Katie shyly bowed and, with her arm around Bullseye, she moved back to allow the other kids to come take their bows next.

Tanya…I said silently in my mind…your daughter was onstage tonight…and she has your voice. She has your talent. She was magnificent. You'd be so proud of her. I hope you can see her now.

It took me days to come down from that high. I kept watching the video of the parts we recorded…and after awhile, even Katie got tired of me having it on all the time. I was so pissed at myself for crying through her song. I was checking into a way to erase my noise from it so I could have Katie's song without interference…but so far no one knew how to help me on that.

She offered to sing it again for me and I could record it over…but I honestly didn't think I could live through hearing those words again. I gave myself over to the Trunchbowl, Katie's therapist…and we began dealing with the pain Katie went through when I was gone. I knew that she was sad not to have me around, but I don't think I completely got how deep her pain was until the play. I was too focused on my own pain, my own solitude…that I almost forgot about hers. I hated myself for that. I would do anything the Trunch said to make it right again somehow…or to repair the damage I'd done. I didn't want her to be an adult woman with abandonment issues. She'd be easy prey for loser guys out there.

The Trunchbowl whipped me mentally every week but I took it all. I deserved it.

I kept trying, in my little spare time, to teach Marcus some Japanese. And also to teach Tao some English. Marcus stopped trying to get even with me for all those times I tortured him in his restaurant, and began to really try and learn. He envied my ability to talk to Tao and get to know him. He wanted to do that too. So we started at the beginning.

It felt good to teach someone something. I admit I started out as a hard ass, but once Marcus stopped being a juvenile delinquent, I relaxed too…and that's when real learning began. Even Katie sat in on the classes. She wanted to talk to Tao too. And I loved it when she caught on faster than Marcus did. It made him try harder…and he was always trying to beat Katie. I told him it wasn't a race…and that he was doing VERY well for someone who'd learned Chinese as a kid. That's what I think was making it a little more difficult for him. It's hard to learn one language and then have to learn another. You begin to mix languages up…the same thing happened to me.

But then, I had a great motivator. If I fucked up, I'd get whipped…and drilled until I spoke the language correctly. I wouldn't get food until I learned how to reply to Victoria's Italian questions. I'd have to live at Raven's until I could converse in Japanese with Victoria over the phone. So many times, she'd hang up when I fucked up…and I would just scream! And Raven would stick the cock gag back into my mouth, shoving it until it hit the back of my throat…locking it in place…and we would begin again.

I wish we could have Donald Duck sit in on these classes…but then I feared what Marcus would do to HIM if they ever met face to face. Tao was always here during our classes and, since he knew everything I was teaching, when I was teaching the Japanese stuff, he would act up from time to time. He'd laugh at Marcus…or make faces at me when my back was turned…I would never have to discipline him, though…Marcus always took charge of that.

"Sit down and behave.", he stood up and said sternly, his eyes very hard, "This man is spending his family time teaching us something here! Pay attention!"

And, even though Tao didn't understand much English…he always straightened right up and listened. He seemed to respect Marcus and wanted that in return. Tao responded to the tough love…maybe he even needed it…or appreciated it since he never had anyone who gave a damn for so long. Either way, I thought it was a great relationship.

Work was still very hard but I sweated and gave even more of my effort into it, after Sharon had agreed to pay for all Dancer's medical bills, operations she would have to have, not to mention her food and her own pen in the stables…I knew it was costing her so much…I would give everything I had to thank her for that. So I stopped complaining about how hard it all was…but that didn't mean I couldn't yell at the bad horses.

"Psycho…I swear to GOD!", I shouted one afternoon, "You stay AWAY from my Dancer! Stay on your side of the field next time! She's not allowed to date YOU! I'll DIE first!"

Then I brushed my girl down and gave her teeth a good cleaning.

"You're so pretty…yes you are, baby.", I cooed as I faced her afterwards, kissing her muzzle, laying my cheek on it as I closed my eyes, "Daddy loves you so much…yeeesssss….don't play with Psycho, okay? He's bad news, trust me. Someday I'll tell you all the terrible things he's done to your father."

She gave me a long lick up my neck and face, ending in my hair, knocking my hat off again as I laughed…I think I'm liking her kisses now. Yoyo gave a little horse giggle and I went to visit him for a little bit.

"You wanna come see Dancer, Yoyo?", I asked as I let him come out of his pen, taking his lead rope and gently walking him over to the opening, swatting his ass and smiling as he went trotting into the fenced in field out there.

"Go ahead, baby.", I took her out next, letting her go free out there with him, no ropes or saddles on her at all, "Have fun with Yoyo. Chase him around awhile. I'll be out to get you in a bit."

Psycho glared at me from his pen and I just stuck my tongue out at him, muttering, "Never gonna happen for you, Psycho…NEVER. See, you should've been nice to me when I first came here, huh?"

Jenna was off her parole in the stables and back with the rodeo trainers, working on new routines and practicing events way on the other side of things. But she was still nice…and came to visit the horses and I…and Dancer. She sometimes had lunch with Bob and me, in the break room, since the winter prevented us from those nice days by the lake.

She really liked Marcus a lot…but she never said much to me about what they did or what they talked about. Marcus was a closed mouth ass, too, and all I ever heard was that, "Things are fine…nice."

Bella still worked in the restaurant about three nights a week and told me that Jenna was in the kitchen once, and Marcus was teaching her about cooking in a wok. She said they were sweet together, they laughed a lot…and that Marcus was always so nice to her, hardly ever swearing or saying anything even remotely racist in her presence. Tao was very much a part of things with them, too, and once I came to get a quick bite to eat, and Marcus and Jenna were at a big table in the middle of the restaurant, helping him work on a project he was assigned at school.

"Hi white boy!", all of them said at once…even TAO! And Marcus fist bumped him for that! If it wasn't so cute, I'd have been mad!

Peter and I were deep in the middle of Sir Kevin day lately and it was pure shit…but I was doing it. I'm sure some of the things I was reading probably made Peter want to throw up…but he never showed it on the outside. He was always patient…and quiet…always a rock for me to grip onto.

And I was reading from my fucked up journal now, saying the words…

_The tears were running down my face as he tried to put that thing on my cock again. My hands were bound high over my head, in fists as my naked body writhed and tried to turn away from him and his fucking little wand. _

_I wore only my collar with the one metal ring in the center as I stood on tip toes, on the piece of silver metal he had put underneath me. At the far end of the metal piece, was a little heater, face down on the surface…red hot…and making the piece of metal I stood on…red hot as well. Every so often, I had to lift my right foot up…then a moment later…lift my left foot…just an inch off of this floor…so my toes wouldn't burn up. Fuck, they feel like they're on FIRE!_

_But that wasn't my biggest problem now. Besides the rope around my balls that ran through a pulley and whose other end was tied to a little rusty bucket…half full of heavy silver balls and weights, pulling the rope tighter around the sensitive flesh there…and stretching my nuts upwards in agony…besides that, Sir Kevin was after my cock with that little red stick._

_He had brushed a clear, oily substance over my entire cock and rubbed it in with his hand…it seemed to conduct heat but prevented burns. When he touched that little red stick to my cock…even for a second…it felt like he was putting a red hot poker to my dick! And it was the most painful thing I'd ever felt. So much so, that I feared it even coming near me. This was fire play and I hated fire play! Ever since fire destroyed my whole life and family…and Victoria forbid me to burn myself anymore…I couldn't even look at it…and Victoria knew that too…and here Sir Kevin is, doing fire play with me. Coincidence?_

_It was one thing when I stood on my own and had burned myself long ago…but since Victoria used me as a pain slave, I hadn't done that anymore. I was unprepared._

"_Behave, angel…", Sir Kevin smiled and grabbed my already excruciating ball sack and squeezed as I cried out, my head moving backwards a bit as my eyes clenched shut._

"_Shhh….shhhh….", he said gently, like I was his lover not his victim, and he stroked my left asscheek, "Turn towards me…give me that giant cock of yours. Tell me it's mine."_

"_Please don't…", I begged, too exhausted and hurt to hide the sobs erupting out of my mouth, "Please, can't we do something else?"_

"_Do as I said, before I get mad and take out my candle lighter.", he said, stroking my hair, "I guarantee you won't like that any better. Now do what I said, bitch."_

_I tried to stop crying and clenched my jaw, taking another deep breath. I forced my body to turn towards him and I closed my eyes, saying, "My cock is yours Master." _

_The last couple of hours, he had taken such a liking to me that he ordered me to call him Master now._

"_Such a good boy.", he released my balls as I let out a hard gasp…feeling another tear roll down under my chin, "Look at those poor balls…they're absolutely PURPLE!"_

_I just kept looking and waiting for that damn red wand of his to come near me again. He was prolonging it…waiting for me to let my guard down before he struck again._

_I heard my voice breathing and crying as my toes fried on the surface under them…but I didn't lift my feet anymore. It made the rope tighten around my balls and yank on them. And the pain was getting so fucking unbearable._

"_Kiss the wand, my baby.", Kevin brought the thing I hated most to my lips and I winced, whimpering and reduced to a pleading bitch once more._

"_Please don't burn me again…please…I have issues with fire…", I had no pride left at the moment but he wasn't hearing any of my girlish begging right now._

"_Ohhh, my love…", Sir Kevin smiled and kissed my chin, tracing his wand over the slight cleft there, "You suffer so beautifully…I'm glad I didn't gag you for this. Your voice is like velvet when you plead. I love the way you hurt. So…uuhh…there are no words."_

"_Kiss the wand.", he brought it to my mouth and I managed to pucker my lips…and do what he ordered. I panted like an animal as he moved it down my neck…slowly…down my torso…and held it underneath the head of my cock…I groaned out loud, knowing it would happen any second now…not sure if I could take the pain again. He had been doing this to me for over an hour now and I had had enough. But that didn't stop him from continuing. He was trying to break me…and he was succeeding._

"_Relax.", Sir Kevin cooed as he touched the silent button on the wand that made the flame gently peek its head out and just softly lick at the area it was touching._

"_It's just a little flame…", Sir Kevin whispered as I arched backwards, pulling and losing my balance on my burning toes to struggle against the intense fucking heat that felt like it was engulfing the head of my penis. My screams were inhuman and seemed to shake the walls as Kevin grabbed the base of my cock, holding me in place as the fucking thing slow burned me…without making any actual burn marks at all._

"_RRRRRRRRRR!", I screamed out with all my might, helplessly unable to break away and stop the fucking burning sensations on my cock. My body jerked and bucked, and that made my balls pull against the rope that was coiled around it._

_Finally, he released me and the wand was taken away from my cock. I let out a gut wrenching cry…the burn still there…killing me…and my hands so impossibly far away from it…hopeless to dull the pain at all. And he wouldn't even touch me, to try and ease the pain. He just allowed me to feel it._

"_Such a good scream, slave.", Kevin watched me with delighted eyes as I kept suffering and now trying to return to my stance on tip toes, so the rope would stop yanking me, giving me the feeling that my balls were about to be torn off completely._

_I took some deep breaths, hating the tears that kept falling from my eyes, betraying me to my captor. I wanted to be tougher…stronger like I usually am during torture sessions…but this was something new for me…this was not something I had trained to endure…I was a novice with fire play…but he was doing advanced fire play with me. He was breaking the rules of a good Dominant, violating my limits. I don't even have a safeword. But I was in too much pain and too fucking afraid to piss him off at the moment._

_I was sick of begging but I knew I would the second he came at me with that thing again. _

"_You received a compliment, slut.", Sir Kevin said as I tried to get control of my breathing, "You didn't say thank you. I'm afraid that means more balls for you, my dear."_

"_Thank you, Master!", I quickly said, watching as he took a couple steps to the table where his things were laid out. There were silver balls sitting there, of every size and weight. And he was picking up two…no, three of the large ones._

"_Too late, sweetness.", he smiled at me, coming back towards me, playing with the balls in his hands._

_He brought one of them to my lips and said, "Kiss the ball."_

_I felt myself frowning a bit but shoved that away fast….and I opened my mouth, giving the ball a very sensual kiss, hoping he'd get sick of burning me and move onto something new._

"_Oooh, that was very nice, my pet.", he smiled at me with affection and then held the ball over the rusty bucket beside me, a couple inches out of my reach…and just let go of the ball in midair…and it landed into the bucket with a very hard thud._

"_MMMMMMMM!", I tried to hold in my anguish as the weight pulled harder…it felt like the thin rope around my balls was actually digging into my flesh and making it bleed. Of course, I was just feeling this…I couldn't see it very well from my angle to know that for sure._

"_Say thank you.", Kevin tsked, shaking his head at me._

"_Thank you, Master…thank you…", I gritted through my clenched teeth._

_He had me kiss the second silver ball, dropping it in the bucket the same way…and then the third. _

"_You want to do something else…", Sir Kevin walked around and whispered in my ear, it was almost a question._

_I gave a slow nod, keeping my eyes downward and not daring to make eye contact with him, that was a big no no in a slave's world. _

_I was silent now, although still extremely uncomfortable and in a bit of pain…but I had endured ball torture before, at the hands of the most wicked women. I knew how to deal with this._

"_Tell me what you'd like to do, my pet.", he leaned his face against the right side of mine…and I clenched up, not ready to say yes to what HE wanted to do with me._

_But I, alas, knew the correct slave answer._

_I let out a ragged breath and blinked, the wet tears dry for now, and half croaked, half whispered, "Whatever pleases you, Master."_

"_Uhhhh…", Sir Kevin gasped and closed his eyes, his hand moving up and down my torso, stroking me like a true pet of his, "Say that again, slave. That sounded so miraculous…"_

_Without thinking, I closed my eyes and repeated it fast, "Whatever pleases you, Master."_

"_I would love to kiss your mouth…my Edward.", he said, his fingernails moving over my other cheek, almost leaving scratch marks in their harsh wake._

Without saying a word, my body tensed and he felt my resistance. I was sure to be punished some more, and if fire kept being part of our game, I knew I would fail that little test.

_And I hate it when he says my fucking name._

"_Fine.", Sir Kevin pulled away from me suddenly, his tone laced with rejection and hurt…and in seconds, anger, "Then we continue with your punishment. You will ask for ME slut. I don't need to take you by force. You will beg for my cock in the end. You'll see."_

_I didn't know what else to say except, "Yes Master."_

_But I kept my eyes down and did not try to fight much at this point. _

He was untying the rope that was strangling my balls and I cringed, unable to hold in the little roar my throat growled out. His fingers were touching me…squeezing and releasing the purplish area over and over again, making the pain intensify. And I heard myself saying, "Thank you Master." He did not respond with his voice.

_Pain I could take, I had been trained to suffer and cry for my female Doms and_ _tormentors…they loved the way I did that. I would take whatever he could dish out as far as hurting me went…what I was not looking forward to was the prediction he made. That I would break eventually and beg for him to fuck me. I was nearly broken right now…_

_I wanted to vomit just considering that. I would have to admit the reality and face it sooner or later. He was going to rape me. No one could save me from it. Not Bella. Not Charlie. Not Emmett or Jasper. Not even Victoria. This was going to happen to me…today. The only consolation I could cling to was that, again, if this is what my sentence is for finding and falling in love with Bella…then bring it on._

_And then the thought of Bella did something inside of me._

_I would go down fighting, of that much I was certain. It would go against everything I was taught and trained and brainwashed to do as a slave. I was done agreeing and being polite. This is where I began to fight back…even if it was with my voice or body…or a simple glare. Fight! I kept telling myself that. It would make the next few hours even harder and more physically painful for me…but I didn't care. _

_I remembered what Bella said to me about fighting back. Someday, it could be Katie I was fighting for. I had to stand up and be stronger…make it difficult for him to take me. I was done being easy. I refused to let this day of shit resemble a romantic, consensual encounter. I didn't want HIM thinking it either. Even as an inkling in the back of his mind. He was raping me and I wanted him to know it. _

_Bella gave me this strength…I knew that. It's like a magical light that I didn't have before…that shines inside me now. It's a precious gift and I didn't intend on wasting it in the first moment that I came up against evil. I would let it shine…let it glow and ooze out of me so it would blind that fucker. I would begin now._

_And so, when Sir Kevin brought that red stick up to my lips and demanded, this time in a more stern tone, "Kiss the wand, you ugly little bitch…"_

_This time, I was a new person. No longer his little bitch…or anyone's._

"_Kiss it yourself, you fuckrag!", I sneered and drew my head back, then full force forward, belting him in the nose with my forehead…he shouted out and still stood in front of me, dazed as the line of blood trickled out of one nostril. I grabbed the chains that held my wrist cuffs and lifted my legs up with one athletic swing, bringing my knees to my chest and with both feet together, threw them out right into his throat, sending him flying back into the wall of floggers and whips that sat there._

_It felt so fucking good to do that, I knew that the second I'd done it. I knew it wouldn't stop him…in fact it'll only make him go harder with me now. But I had said no. I had fought this. Fought HIM. I FELT free. I placed my feet back on the steaming metal floor that waited for them…and let out a little hiss of pain as the skin re-registered the heat there. But I smiled! Smiled at Sir Kevin's face…at the way he held his throat and coughed for a moment…and the way he was looking at me…and I stared right back at him…into his eyes…defiantly. I will cherish that moment forever. My teeth sneered in the smile, hopefully making me look like what I had become…a deadly snake staring at his enemy…defending his life, enjoying the attack, even if he loses in the end._

"_Who's the ugly bitch NOW, KEV?", I seethed as I showed him my disrespect, proud of it._

"_You little cunt.", Sir Kevin regained his stance and was slowly coming towards me again, deciding his next move as I kept smiling at him like a demented joker._

"_That's right, call me some more names.", I scowled, "That is all you have, isn't it? Name calling…a little pain…no scarier than the ten year old bully at school…please. I've been there, done that. Is that all you've got, Kevin?"_

_I knew I was dead by the look on his face, pure rage. But still, I laughed in his face. Maybe I was just going crazy. But damn, I felt good._

_I knew he'd have to prove himself a big, bad Dom now. It was in the handbook. A bratty disobedient slave needs more discipline. I would bleed now, that was for sure. But I still didn't care. I wouldn't trade this moment for anything. I am Freed Eagle. And I am free…inside. I won't let anyone take that away from me._

"_Oh my love…", he smiled now, keeping his distance as he walked around behind me, "It seems you are not as gentle and meek as I thought. That's alright. I have had my fair share of your kind. The ones who want the pain. I said I would be gentle, but you don't seem to want that. Fine. I can do this day differently. It won't be much fun for you, though…"_

_I turned to say something else to him…but I never got the chance. Right after his last word, the word though…something pinched at the back of my neck…a shot? But in half seconds…my eyes dizzied and everything in my body seemed to just die – like a puppet after the strings were cut – my eyes closed and I couldn't even SPEAK. _

_I was asleep…and my body was in HIS hands…to pose me any way he liked. I didn't rush to wake up…I didn't want to know what he could conjure up for me after what I'd done. I worried about Bella…about Katie. Charlie, keep her safe, keep her away! Emmett and Jazz…don't let her come here! Ben…RUN! Get Katie on the other side of the world, please! Don't think of me anymore…don't come looking for me…don't call. Just protect my baby. Those were the prayers whispering in my mind as I completely slipped under the blackness of sleep's hand…where only an empty void awaited me…until the next round_.

Peter stopped me there, so we could discuss that moment…the one where I refused to take it with a smile…where I had decided to fight back.

I even worked up the nerve to have Peter put the leather cuffs on my wrists…even though my hands and knees were fucking quaking!

They didn't lock, only buckled closed…but when they were tightly around my wrists, I had to stand up…and I slowly paced around the room, like I was a rat trapped in a box.

"Talk to me, Anthony.", Peter watched me, sitting on the edge of his desk, here with me.

"I…", I felt tears in my eyes as my voice cracked, "I don't like it. I'm scared…even though I have no reason to be…"

"Tell me what else you feel.", Peter probed on, not breaking eye contact with me.

"I feel like I'm gonna be hurt soon.", I began to feel my breathing accelerate a bit, "Like…it's not right that I'm dressed…like soon, someone's gonna come and rip my clothes off. I feel weak…like I can't protect Bella and Katie…"

I winced and looked at Peter helplessly, feeling a tear escape my left eye as he stayed where he was, not letting me off so easily yet.

"Very good, Anthony.", Peter gave a warm smile, "What else?"

I let out a hard breath, my fingers curling, almost making clawed fists as I pulled my hands apart, only getting a couple inches of pull between my bound wrists.

"Please…", I heard myself whimper and then I paced a couple times more…trying to control my breathing…trying to calm down.

"Anthony…", Peter called my name, trying to reach me, "Breathe. A cleansing breath in…then release it…out…good. Do it again."

Once I was breathing normally again, he asked me, "Do the cuffs…did they ever give you a sense of peace? At one time, you felt very uncomfortable without the cuffs and collar on, is that right?"

"Yea.", I answered, thinking about it, "How do you know that?"

"Never mind.", Peter waved a hand, "Tell me about that time."

"I lived in the cuffs…on my wrists and ankles…and the collar…sometimes its all I got to wear for days.", I thought aloud, "Sometimes…when I was bound…it almost felt…better than being free to roam around the house. I was wanted….wanted so much that I was chained up. That was in the beginning, when I thought Victoria loved me. Tanya had never seemed very into me at the end of our marriage…so at first there was that. And then…when I knew I couldn't escape…when I was cuffed or tied…it did feel better. I would think of Katie and almost feel that it was good that I was helpless to go to her. It made my Hell a little easier…in a way. I could pretend it wasn't my fault that I couldn't go to Katie…that I was trapped and that it was impossible to break free. I was lying to myself, wasn't I? The power to leave was always mine…I just told myself I was in jail…but really, it was only my mind that was locked up….not me."

Peter smiled at me and looked at me with pride.

"Take them off, Anthony.", Peter said to me without moving a muscle, "Free yourself."

I did it…trying to reach the buckle with my fingers…that didn't work…so I just bit the leather strap and pulled, jerking my head until the cuff came loose on my right wrist…I smiled at Peter and used my free hand to unbuckle the other one…and I held the chain between the cuffs in my finger and thumb…dropping them with a loud clunk onto the desk before me. That was so easy…and so hard at the same time. My legs weren't shaking anymore and neither were my hands. And my breathing was normal…I was a little confused but I looked at Peter, wondering what the Hell just happened.

"Your mind is starting to understand, Anthony.", Peter explained, "That it's not the cuffs that hold you prisoner…it's YOU. This is a very big first step and I'm proud of you. That took guts and I thank you for trusting me enough to do this today. You never took the cuffs off yourself, did you?"

"No, never.", I looked at them on the desk and for once, they didn't look all that scary to me, "I don't even want to THINK about what could've happened to me if I dared to do that."

"You have to keep training your mind to realize that you could put those on all day long and it still doesn't make you a slave.", Peter said, "It's just two pieces of leather, snugly wrapped around your wrists. I know now it's not that simple…it will take time for your brain to learn that…and some of those years will never truly vanish magically. It's your pain. It makes you who you are. To erase it completely would be to erase yourself and I don't want to do that. Our goal is to face that those memories are in your head…and that they'll always be there…but we are going to find ways of living with them…dealing with them so they can't ever control you like that again."

A couple weeks later, Peter said I was doing so well that he wanted us to take a field trip. I was confused until he said, "There are things I would like us to do, outside this office. Some may be impossible, but…some are doable."

"Like what?", I asked, feeling a bit of apprehension.

"Like…", he looked over his notes, tapping a silver pen on the book, "Going to the scene of the crime…to Victoria's dungeon. I know we can't do that. Maybe someday, with hypnosis."

I breathed a sigh of relief. I really don't want to see that place again.

"Ummm…", Peter looked in his book, "I want to start off small…how about going to a strip club? Just for a couple drinks…to revisit your old life."

"Bella will have my balls if she finds out we're going to a strip club.", I smirked, shaking my head. Actually, I don't know that she'd get mad at that…if it was for therapy, I'm sure she'd be all for it…but I really didn't want to go to any of those places anymore.

Peter gave me a look that said he was seeing through my bullshit and I looked away.

"What would we do there?", I asked, "Slip singles into some girls' g-string?"

"We would just sit there, have a soda…", Peter said as if it were no big deal, "I don't really want to go to a place like this, either, you know…but I think it would be important for you to see where you used to be…and where you are now."

"I don't know…", I played with my sneaker shoelace.

"Or…if you don't like that idea…", Peter looked at his book, "There's always any men's room in town."

"No.", I said flatly, my eyes piercing into Peter's face harshly.

"I know, I know…", Peter nodded, not blaming me a bit, "Well, like I said…we have time. We'll do it when you're ready."

A couple of weeks later, fate decided I was ready and sent me on a little field trip of my own. I had been sent about two hours away one night after work, in search of a special medicine Dancer needed. I had found the place alright and the doctor there gave me the supplies the vet told him to turn over to me. I had put everything in the trunk and left, on the way back…and in the dark…and with this old fucking map they gave me…and also no signs on some of these roads, just barns and houses…I got fucking lost.

I drove and drove, hoping to find my exit and a sign pointing me back home somehow…but I was just driving blind, getting even more lost. I had no idea where I was now, but I was moving down a pretty busy street. It didn't look very nice around here at all, not like in Casper. There were shady looking guys hanging around on almost every corner, staring at me as I drove by. I remembered Peter's story about Emma and locked all my doors, not about to stop and ask THEM for directions.

I kept moving and eventually, I was just seeing girls walking on the sidewalks, smiling and talking to each other. Hookers, I knew right away by the way they were all dressed. Some of them approached cars in front of me and I stiffened, telling myself to just look at the red lights of the car in front of me and pretend not to notice them.

Then there was a stop light and I had nowhere else to go until it turned green again. FUCK! Just keep looking straight ahead…just keep looking straight ahead.

But suddenly, a moment later, I heard a loud man's voice shouting at someone. I felt my eyes move to the left, where it was coming from. A tall, Italian looking man with long, black hair and a goatee was yelling at this little girl. She had her back to me but I could see her long, black hair, the tiny little tank top that half covered her, leaving her back exposed to me…and this belt of a shiny black pleather mini skirt, that left her bare ass hanging out of the bottom…complete with fish net stockings and killer high heels, thigh high boots that matched her skirt. She was definitely working and from the looks of it, not doing very well. He was pissed and not hiding it.

She could freeze out here without a coat, was my first thought…but maybe that's the father in me. I knew that if she was new at the game, she would have no coat or anything nice until she earned it. And that meant, earning for HIM, the fucking pimp. On the streets, girls like these did not make tons of money. They would maybe get $50 for a blow job, maybe $100 for actual sex, either in the car in an alley or if she found a real prince of a guy, he'd spring for a hotel room. Either way, she'd really have to hustle and perform for many guys to make this pimp happy.

"There – right there is a fucking car!", the man was screaming at her, grabbing her around her neck, pushing her towards MY car, "Get in it and DON'T come back here telling me he's not interested! MAKE HIM INTERESTED or I'll break your fucking NOSE!"

Oh shit.

I turned in a spin towards the light in front of me and it was still GODDAMN RED! This must be the longest fucking light in the history of man!

Peeking to my left, I saw she was approaching the car…her hands fluffing up her long mane of loose curls as she plastered on a big smile, hiding the fear and the pain…but not very well from MY eyes. Or maybe I just recognized it in someone else's eyes for a change, instead of my own.

The guy was staring at her like a hungry dog just waiting to attack. I said a very small and silent thank you to someone up there that I'd never had to walk the streets like this. I was a whore but the arrangements were made in very nice places, and I was very expensive. I didn't have to scurry up to people in their cars to earn. For that much, I was grateful.

"Hey baby!", she smiled and tapped gently on my window with her long fingernails, "Oooh, you're CUTE! Wanna come out and play?"

Crap. Okay, Cullen, relax. Just let her get in the car and drive around the block, then drop her off. Maybe I'll give her some money, too, just so she won't get hurt.

I manually rolled down my window and gulped down a little swallow, hoping she didn't see that. I had to play the part so the pimp wouldn't get suspicious.

"Hi.", I smiled…or tried to, "You're cute, too. How much?"

I glanced at the man behind her, studying us.

"100 for a blow job.", she rattled off, leaning over to make eye contact with me, "200 for sex. Anything kinky is extra."

Hmm. Seems like the prices have gone up since I had friends on the streets. Or she's lying to me to get more than she should get. That's very dangerous. If I were a seasoned customer, she could get hurt for that. She was clearly in over her head here.

"Come on.", I nodded my head to the passenger side, leaning over to unlock her door as she trotted in her too high heels to get there before I changed my mind and pulled away.

I looked at the pimp again and he grinned, giving a little nod at the girl as she got into the car. She shut the door and then the fucking light turned green. Thanks a lot, God…you're the bomb!

I began to drive and the girl was watching her pimp as I took her away from him…she looked relieved and let out a small breath before she went into her routine.

"You are really hot.", she said right out as she looked me over, not wearing a seatbelt, sitting sideways as she stared at my face, "Thanks for picking me up."

I decided to see just what this little girl was doing out here. She couldn't be more than 19 years old.

"I didn't pick you up for your amazing conversation skills.", I said a little coldly, staring straight ahead, "Where do you go for some privacy around here?"

She looked a little scared and that's good, she SHOULD be scared.

"Um…", she trembled a tiny bit…but I noticed, and she pointed, "You can pull in there."

"An alley.", I said, "How romantic."

So I pulled in there and it was dark and empty. I went halfway into it and stopped, and turned my lights off, taking a second to figure out how I was going to do this. Actually, I didn't know WHAT I was doing…but I wanted to make a point with this girl. She is a baby and doesn't belong out here. Maybe I could scare her straight.

Once we stopped and the engine was off, I looked at her with a steely glare.

She looked back at me, confused, as if waiting for me to do something to her. I raised my brow and she said, "So…what do you want?"

"Everything.", I said demandingly, still not moving.

"What does everything mean?", she asked, moving her hair to the right side of her face, moving closer to me, leaning in, "Tell me what you want…you can have it…you're sooo pretty…"

And she tried to lick my lips with her tongue but I grabbed her face, frowning at her.

"Don't kiss my mouth.", I sneered, "I don't want to taste the last fifty guys you've blown tonight."

I shoved her away and she frowned at me.

"I haven't blown fifty guys!", she shouted back at me, "And I'm clean! I don't smell and I brush my teeth after every…."

She stopped and I saw sadness in her eyes…and I felt sorry for her.

Maybe she was someone I could save or scare…maybe she hadn't been out here very long. So I decided to test her a little.

I moved my seat back all the way and I leaned it back a bit, ordering her, "Suck my cock."

She hesitated a second, but then went right to my pants, her fingers trying to undo my jeans. But I grabbed her wrists, stopping her and sneered a little, "You stupid little girl. You don't ask for the money up front? No wonder your pimp is ready to beat you."

She tried to say something but I cut her off.

"How old are you?", I asked, not so wicked in my tone of voice right now.

"Old enough.", she tried to be sexy and seductive, moving towards me again.

"Stop giving me those whore answers and tell me how old you are.", I held her at arms length.

"22.", she answered.

"Bullshit.", I frowned, "You're a baby, you can't be older than 14 years old!"

I knew she was older than 14, but this was my trick to get her to admit the truth.

"I'm not 14, you asshole, I'm almost 17!", she shrieked, tiny little tears in the corners of her heavily made up eyes.

Holy shit. 17 years old. What the HELL is she doing here? This is someone's little girl. Some father is somewhere…wondering where the hell his baby is…and she's in the car of some stranger…about to suck his cock for one hundred dollars. And not even. In this world, if she doesn't get the money up front, she won't get it at all afterwards. And good luck to her going back to her pimp with no money in her hands. He'll kill her.

A moment went by in silence.

"What's your name?", I asked as myself this time, not as the asshole john.

"What the fuck does that matter?", she asked, "Are you a cop?"

"I wish.", I shot her a look, "If I were, you'd be getting your fingerprints done right now. You'd be safer in jail then out here, as stupid as YOU are."

"I'm NOT stupid!", she shouted.

"You go with me into an alley, you don't ask for the money up front, you try to double price me…", I listed her mistakes, "You won't last a week here if THAT'S they way you want to play it. How long have you been doing this?"

She looked like she was pouting now and she didn't answer me.

"Ten minutes.", I muttered, not needing her answer. It was obvious she had no clue what she was doing.

I sighed and went into my wallet, shaking my head, muttering, "What the hell am I doing out here?"

I took out two twenties and a ten and held it in my hand before giving it to her, "Fifty dollars – and you have to do whatever I say – for the next half hour. Deal?"

She looked happy that the money had come out and she clutched it out of my hand, saying, "Deal."

God, she is too naïve for this game. I could be a fucking murderer for all she knows. And she just agreed to do anything for fifty lousy dollars. Jesus.

"What is your name?", I asked again, "For real."

She let out a little breath and answered, "Kerri. That means dark princess."

I almost rolled my eyes. But I didn't. I had only thirty minutes or so with this girl and I wanted to make them count.

Five minutes later, I was staring at her as she ate the biggest hamburger I'd ever seen at this little diner across the street. She devoured it, not paying attention to her lip gloss at all. It was clear she was hungry and she was wearing my jacket now, too, because her skin felt like the flesh of a corpse when she'd tried to unbuckle my jeans earlier.

She definitely looked much happier now that she was eating and I asked her, "When's the last time you ate, Kerri?"

"I don't remember.", she answered without thinking, smiling at me, "I think I had a snickers the other day."

I knew it.

"So, tell me about this guy…", I said firmly, not very hungry myself as I looked at my own cheeseburger, "How did you meet?"

"I ran away from home.", she said as she ate, "I couldn't find a place to live or get a job…I was so cold and hungry…"

"Like you are right now…", I pointed out with no venom.

"Kurt takes care of me.", she said, her eyes staring at mine, a bit hurt, "He loves me."

"We are talking about the guy who threatened to break your nose, right?", I asked, "If you didn't come with me for sex? Just so I'm clear…"

"You don't know him.", she frowned, defensively.

"I know him.", I said without a beat, "I know him well. I was owned by my pimp for six years. I know him better than YOU do."

"You?", she smiled at me, stopping her chewing for a second, "I had a feeling. Cute guys never pay for sex. I've never met a guy whore before. Cool. I'll bet you make lots of money with that fucking face of yours. Is your body just as hot?"

"Cut it out, Kerri.", I frowned, "That's not you talking, it's him. I know all about it. You're seventeen. You should be at school and dances and…I don't know, writing for your school paper or something…why would you do this? Because HE told you to?"

"I have to!", she whimpered, her bottom lip trembling. Damn…she's not even hardened yet. Whores don't CRY. I have to get her out of here.

"If I don't do what he says, he'll hurt me.", she put her burger down and grabbed at her hair, trying not to cry.

"Come with me for a second.", I stood up, gently taking her by the arm…leading her to the ladies' room. I took a deep breath before going inside…and then I just forced myself to go in, bringing her with me, closing the door, not having the stomach to turn that lock, just for the sound it would make.

"Is this where you want to do it?", she was suddenly pleased, slowly dropping to her knees in front of me, kissing her lips to the denim of my cock, and moving her fingers to the buckle and zipper. Amazingly enough, Frankencock didn't respond. Maybe he's getting more mature too these days.

"No, STOP, Kerri!", I almost yelled, taking her hands and bringing her back up onto her feet again, "Behave yourself. I don't want to be in here for long, so pay attention."

I quickly unbuttoned my shirt and opened it, taking it off as she smirked at me, biting her lip just like Bella usually does. She thinks I'm gonna fuck her…Christ.

Then I moved more under the lights and showed her my bare, hairless chest…showing her the scars that were still there…Raven's scars…now mine forever.

"This is what happened to me, while I was obeying my pimp. While I was working.", I said, making my eyes look into hers. They turned away, welling up with tears.

"No, LOOK.", I jerked her chin back so she'd look at them, and I took her hand and put it on one of the deeper scars, the one that slashed jaggedly across my heart, "Feel that. Don't look away. This is what happens to whores, Kerri. Whores that stay…whores that listen and do what they're told. The abuse never ends, Kerri. It just intensifies. Your pimp doesn't LOVE you. He is using you. Look at my back."

I turned around and I heard her gasp, jerking her hand away from me.

"Victoria told me all the time that she loved me…", I said, staring at my face in the mirror before me, my eyes determined to make her hear me, "I believed her. I even thought I loved her too…once. But she didn't love me at all. She didn't even know the meaning of the word."

I turned to her and she looked afraid…and I was glad.

"Why'd you leave your parents, Kerri?", I asked her, softly, not wanting her to run off now, "They loved you, didn't they?"

Kerri covered her mouth and looked away, giving a little nod.

"You don't belong here, Kerri, you know that.", I moved my fingers over her hair, then to her arms, holding them gently, "I don't know what happened with your family, but, if you don't want to go there…will you come with me? You can't live with me, but, there's a nice town…with good people…I'll get you a room…I'll help you find a job…I'll help you any way I can. But you can't stay here."

"Who are you?", she asked with this little meek voice.

I thought about that for a moment and answered her.

"I don't want to lie to you, okay?", I asked, getting her nod, "So I'll tell you. My name is Edward. But you can't ever call me that. You have to call me Anthony. Anthony Masen. I ran away from my pimp and others that would love to find me again. You can't ever tell anyone about this…or me. Do you understand?"

After a long pause, she said, "Yea. I get that."

"Good.", I said, taking my shirt off the counter, not rushing to put it on yet, because she was still staring at all my scars. I wanted her to see them and realize.

"It must have…hurt…a lot.", she said to me, her eyes wet and glittering, as she nodded towards my chest.

I nodded too and looked down at my flesh, saying, "Yea. It did. I screamed and begged…but she didn't stop. Not even when they started to bleed. Not even when I passed out from the pain."

"You're not one of those church people, are you?", she asked.

"No.", I smirked a bit, "God isn't one of my best friends at the moment."

She smiled back and I felt like she might even trust me a little.

"Mine either.", she agreed.

"I hate public bathrooms, so can we go back to our table now?", I asked, not feeling all that brave right now.

She nodded, not making any weird faces at me, as if she didn't understand. I think she did and that made me even more angry at this Kurt asshole.

I went to put my shirt back on and before I knew it, she was helping me…and she smiled at me, not in a sexual way…but the way a friend would. She buttoned up my shirt and silently held the bathroom door open for me to leave first.

After she finished her own burger, I shoved mine in front of her and she didn't refuse it.

I didn't push her anymore about coming with me…but I knew she was going to. I wouldn't leave her here. She'd be dead before the month was out…or worse, she'd get used to it. And she'd die inside…which was worse than physical death.

When I saw that she was finished eating and the half hour was up, I said, "Well, let's get going. I have to figure out the way back home, so, it'll be a nice little road trip. I can hear your life story and you can hear mine by the time we get there."

"Wait.", she looked scared suddenly, and she was hesitating, "I can't just…go with you. What about my stuff?"

"I'll get you new…stuff.", I said flatly.

"What about Kurt?"

"He can get his own stuff.", I frowned a little, then smirked at her. She smirked right back.

"You know what I mean.", she said, "He'll look for me. And if he finds me, he'll hurt you."

"He won't find you.", I said as if it were a fact, "I can't even find my town, I'm sure HE won't be able to."

"But…", Kerri began…still afraid. But I could tell she didn't want to be here. She wanted to be free of all this, Kurt or no Kurt.

"Listen.", I stood up, leaning down towards her as I put my hand on the table, "If you stay here, you'll die. Simple as that. I got out. I nearly died but I got lucky. Someone cared enough to give me another chance. Not all hookers get that. Not many people care about us. So maybe we should help each other then. This is your chance. You might not ever get another one, Kerri. Be smart. Take it."

She didn't say anything.

"I'm gonna turn around and ask this guy at the counter for directions.", I stated, my eyes almost burning into hers, "When I turn back around, if you're here, you're coming with me. If not…I'll be really disappointed that my wonderful bathroom speech didn't work. But I'll come find you. I'll have to approach Kurt."

She looked afraid of that possibility…but she didn't say anything. I turned my back to her, as hard as it was…and took out my useless fucking map, asking the guy for directions, writing down what he was telling me. I listened behind me to see if she was getting up and leaving, but I couldn't make anything out.

"Thanks.", I said finally, taking my pad and map, tucking it into my shirt pocket, and turning around to the table we were sitting at.

She was there…trembling and smiling, a little tear in her left eye. She was still wearing my jacket and she shrugged, trying to find something to say…but not able to say anything as I smiled at her.

She is smart. She has a chance after all.

Without making a big production out of it, I walked by her and held the door to the diner open, saying, "Let's hit the road, kid."

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Love you guys!

Don't worry, Edward's not going to live with this girl, he's just helping her. It'll be good. Trust me. Kerri won't be in it for long. Hope you guys are liking this.

Love you! Winnd


	36. A Light of my Own

Chapter 36

Dark Princess

EPOV

The drive home was a lot more fun than I thought it would be. We actually talked about so many things…her parents, her old friends, her school…there was even a boyfriend back home that she told me about. He sounded like a very nice kid, who really cared about her and wasn't only after sex. They had never even done anything except kissing. She talked about him a lot. His name was Julian.

"It sounds like a very nice life you had there, Kerri.", I said warmly, looking at the smile on her face now. It wasn't like the one before. This was the real one and I just wished it wasn't covered up with all that cheap makeup. Her eyes resembled those of a raccoon and her lips were all messy. I'm sure there's a very cute girl under there somewhere.

"It was.", she stretched, now locked into her seatbelt, as I refused to move until she put it on. That was a fun ten minutes before we left the diner parking lot. She could be a real brat but that was every sixteen year old, wasn't it?

"I just didn't know it at the time.", she said with a sad voice and her eyes stared out into the black highway, only green and white signs there to distract her.

"I hear that.", I said, staring out there, too, "I had everything…and I didn't appreciate it. I walked away from it and thought I could just come back later. I got no later. It was all gone before I drove myself home. Sometimes, we don't get to come back and try again. You're lucky. You can."

"I'm NOT going home, Edward!", she got a bit loud and I winced, then she corrected herself and said, "I mean, Anthony."

"Forget the Edward, Kerri, please.", I said without any anger, "Anthony. You can't slip once we get to Casper."

"I know, I know…I won't…my bad.", she said, trying to make her seat lean back a bit.

"I'm not forcing you to go home.", I said, getting back to the topic, "When you're ready…if you're ready, it's up to you. You let me know and I'll get you there."

"They hate me.", she said coldly, not sounding upset, "And now, they'll hate me even more. I've done so many bad things."

"That's horseshit.", I said, "I'm a father of a girl and I know there's nothing she can do that would make me hate her. If she came home to me, and told me what terrible things she'd been through…I would blame myself. I would hurt. But I would hold her and try to make it right. I would try to do everything I could to make her happy. I'm sure your parents feel the same way. You're just being stubborn and not giving them a chance. It's okay, though, it's what girls do I guess."

"Whatever.", she looked away and didn't say much else then.

I turned on the radio and tried to find something good to listen to. The ice was broken again later as we sang together, along with Bon Jovi, hollering, "You give love…a bad name!"

It was perfect for both of us, that song.

Later, I found myself telling her my own watered down story….leaving out all the private details that the marshals would kill me for if I told anyone…and I was talking about Casper now, and all our new friends. Just then, I realized how many new friends we have. It was not so long ago that Bella and I toasted each other on the cliff at our special spot, for having one friend, Marcus. Life is weird.

I turned to her and she was snuggled up on her side, her hands propped under her face as she slept, a little smile on her lips. In the dim light, I could almost see that she was a little girl, the make up almost invisible to me now. I had listened to her talk for the last two and a half hours and I had to admit, she was a cute little thing. She could talk and talk and talk once she got going…she loved everything dark – vampires, zombies, ghosts….they all fascinated her. I think she just knows now that they aren't the real monsters – people are.

I carefully climbed out of the car and booked a hotel room for her for this week. If she wanted to stay longer, I'd pay the rest later. The owner of the one little hotel in town was one of the towns people I'd met when Katie got lost, so he was fine with that. There was no one else really staying here anyway, and I was glad no other people were around to see it when I got to the car and tried to wake her up.

"Kerri…", I gently said her name and shook her, "Kerri! Earth to Kerri."

"Five more minutes, Mom.", she whined a little and rolled towards me, cuddling up inside my jacket that I'd laid over her as a blanket.

I guess I'm Mom now.

I remember how well I had slept in Bella's bed when I first met her, I felt so safe. It felt as if I hadn't slept for over a hundred years then. I understood how she could've fallen into this deep, dark sleep.

I could've roused her awake with more force, but I didn't want to scare her. It looked like this was the first good sleep she'd gotten in awhile so I just said, "Fuck it." And scooped her up into my arms, carrying her to her little red cabin in the corner of the other cabins here.

I got the door open and walked into the dark room, the moonlight showing me where the bed was. I laid her down, taken a blanket from the sofa and covered her up and then turned to the desk to switch the lamp on, looking at the little digital alarm clock sitting there. 11:23pm it said.

Bella and Peter would be here soon. I had called them when I got into town and asked them to meet me here, to look for the car so they'd know which cabin I was in. I told them I found someone who needed their help, and that I would like Bella to speak to Kerri first, without seeing Peter right away. I didn't want to alarm her by another strange man coming into this room, she had enough trust issues with just ME, let alone bringing Peter into it. I thought Bella would help more, being a few years older, and being a female…and I knew firsthand about Bella's soft, warm way of helping…of talking. I knew Kerri would respond to her. Katie was blessedly at Ben and Angela's for the night so there was nothing keeping Bella there, and Peter would pick her up and bring her over here.

I was snapping my fingers near Kerri's face a moment later, knowing this girl needed a little toughlove sprayed upon her before my Bella arrived. I knew how easy it could be for someone like Kerri to change her mind and go back to that loser, out of fear or out of need…I wanted to be kind to her but I couldn't coddle her. I didn't want her to think she was just going to lay around for a few weeks while we took care of everything.

I wanted her to call home…and have her parents come get her. That was my big hope for her now, to return to her life and finish school, maybe go to college…and from what she told me, her parents were good people. She should be with them.

"Uhhhh….", Kerri complained, trying to roll over, "Noooo…."

"Yes.", I didn't allow her to roll away from me, and I snatched the blanket off her body as she gasped out, not liking the loss of the warm fleece blanket she was cocooned in a moment ago.

"Wake up, Princess.", I said sternly, helping her get to her feet as she groaned.

I walked her to the bathroom and pointed out where the soap and washcloths were.

"Wash all the shit off your face.", I ordered, shoving my sneaker against the door, "And the door stays open. I've got my eye on you."

"What do you think I'm gonna do?", she frowned at me, resembling Heath Ledger's joker from Batman, "Steal the soap?"

"Ha ha.", I squinted at her, pulling the wooden chair from the desk a few feet away and sitting in it, waiting for her to tidy herself up a bit.

What I was really afraid of was her doing something to hurt herself. I don't know where this girl's head is at right now and I have seen more than one new whore kill herself when she'd realize what she had become and that she couldn't get out of it. I wasn't sure that this would be Kerri's situation, but still, I wasn't taking that chance. She wouldn't be hurt or die on MY watch.

A minute later, I began to hear the sobs coming out of the open bathroom. I jerked my head towards the sound and saw that she was staring at her half washed face in the mirror, crying, her body shaking as she wept, the water running uselessly into the sink.

"Kerri, what's the matter?", I felt my chest tighten as I moved to the doorway, looking at her closely.

She just cried and sunk to the floor as the steam rose up out of the sink…I squatted down next to her, a human ball crumbled up before me, quivering and making the most heartbreaking sounds. A girl this age shouldn't be able to cry this deep. Before I knew it, I was holding her and she was clinging onto my arms, her head resting against my chest as she tried to form words, but they came out more like loud gasps.

"I'm SO ugly!", she sobbed again as I softly stroked her hair, the one innocent spot on her that I COULD touch.

"No you're not.", I said tenderly, hoping she could hear me in there, "You're a beautiful, young girl…"

"I'm not fucking talking about my FACE, ANTHONY!", she cried harder.

Oh. I get it.

"I know.", I said, taking another stupid chance and revealing more of my secret, "After the first time I…sold myself…I didn't even recognize ME anymore…in the mirror. I hated my face, I hated myself. I knew I was changed forever…that I'd never really be…ME…_that me_…ever again. I had crossed that line…a line you can never go back across…I felt like I betrayed everything I was…spit on all I held dear. I know how it feels. And I can't promise that there's some cure…but things can get better. If you work at it, every day. You will start to see yourself in the reflection again. I promise."

She looked at me and for a moment she was quiet…but then she burst out crying again. I tried to comfort her but I didn't know what else to do.

Finally, she began to settle down again, and when she looked up at me, she squinted and asked, "Why are you being so nice to me? What do you WANT?"

"Nothing.", I furrowed my brow as I replied, and I recognized this too – this paranoid feeling I used to get when someone was kind to me…I even had it when Bella began showing her love to me. Only I was much, much worse than Kerri was being now.

"Kerri…", I began with a kind voice, "I know it's hard for you to trust me…or anyone. I know you've been taught to only trust Kurt. But you can trust me. I don't want anything. I won't hurt you. I just know the road you were about to travel…and something in me just said NO. I'm glad I got lost tonight. Actually, I guess I really didn't get lost at all. Someone drove me right to you. Some angel. Maybe the same one that sent my Bella to ME."

"I don't believe in angels!", she sneered, filled with fear and anger and rightfully so.

"You will.", I just smiled back at her, knowing Bella would be here soon.

Then, a knock tapped on the door and I heard Bella call, "Edward?"

Kerri jumped and looked at me with fright in her eyes.

"It's okay, it's okay.", I assured her as I slowly stood up and brought her with me, "Come here, sit down a minute."

I sat her down on the bed and she watched me as I ran to the bathroom, turning the water off and then darting to the door, unlocking it and letting my baby inside.

I pulled her right into a giant hug, moaning as my heart grew three sizes just from being up against hers. She hugged me, too, digging her little fingernails into my shoulder blades as she kissed my shirt, over the circle where my heart laid. I love it when she does that.

"Are you alright?", Bella began bombarding me with questions, "Is something wrong? Did they find us?"

Peter was standing in the doorway behind Bella, staring at me, wondering what the hell was happening, but he didn't come inside, as I had asked.

"Shhh…", I rubbed my nose against hers, closing my eyes for a moment, "I'm fine now. God, you smell SO amazing. How do you do that?"

"Soap and water.", she cracked back, sounding confused, "Edward, what's going on—"

Bella stopped in mid sentence and went dead silent. I looked into her eyes and saw she was looking over my right shoulder and she was frowning a little.

I turned and looked at Kerri, who looked like death warmed over, the black lines of eyeliner running down both cheeks as she stared at Bella and I like we were two fucking child molesters about to take her down.

"I get it.", Kerri looked defeated as she looked down, just like I still do sometimes, and she added, "You want to do a threesome…or a foursome."

"What?", Bella's head whipped around so she could glare at me, in utter shock.

"NO!", I felt my own eyes gape open, looking at Bella and Peter and then I spun my head towards Kerri, adding, "NO! Kerri's that's NOT what this IS, TRUST ME!"

"KERRI?", Bella's hands went into fists at her sides as her eyes burned a hole into my face.

"If you want a threesome, Anthony, or group sex…it's gonna cost you even more than before.", Kerri said, still looking dejected.

"MORE THAN BEFORE?", Bella shouted, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ANTHONY? It better be your idea of a really SICK JOKE! And even if it IS, you're still going triple time with Dr. Peter!"

"Yea!", Peter chimed in, and I shot him a quick glare.

I held Bella's arms and began to try and explain but then Bella gasped, looking behind me.

I spun around and saw Kerri slipped off her little half tank top, no bra underneath it, and moving to unzip the little skirt she was wearing now.

"WOAH, WOAH!", I used the horse talk on Kerri now, as if it would make her stop what she was doing. Kerri just shot her eyes up at me, looking pissed off as I picked up her top and shoved it at her, saying, "STOP taking your clothes off! No one wants a threesome! Or group SEX! Especially NOT us! I told you, we're going to help you. No one wants SEX here, NO one!"

Peter made a strange little face and a very slight shrug but I think I was the only one to see it.

"Good cause you're not getting any until you're 109!", Bella sneered behind me, still ready to pounce upon me.

It wasn't easy but somehow I got it all explained out to all of them. Kerri quit taking her clothes off and got re-dressed and Bella stopped making my funeral arrangements. Peter was so proud of me he gave me a HUG! And when Bella glared at him, he excused himself and said he'd be back in a few minutes. Woos.

Before I knew it, Bella was sitting on the bed across from Kerri's, asking her some questions about Kurt.

They weren't interrogator questions…they were friend questions. Like when Bella first began to ask about MY life. When she first asked about Victoria…it was just like this. She got me to tell her what I liked about Victoria, instead of just telling me to hate her. She let me talk and discover the answers and the truth for myself.

I sat back, away from them, letting them bond and get to know each other while I just watched, amazed by Dr. Bella's talents. Peter was nice enough to wait outside, and I think he was chatting with the guy who owned the cabins, taking another chance to get to know someone in town and clean up his shattered image a bit. I would've gone with him, but Kerri wanted me to stay. I guess she had a little trust in me after all.

Peter told us to come get him if we needed him, but Bella made it look so fucking easy. As I watched her work her magic on Kerri, I realized that I'd never had a chance. When I met Bella, I think, even though I didn't know it…and Bella hadn't planned on it…I fell in love with her in the first five minutes of our couch therapy. Most of all, I felt Bella's CARE right from the start. She does care. And now I can see, she doesn't just care about ME…but about EVERYONE. It's her way.

I fell in love with her 500 times more as she gently became Kerri's new friend. She didn't come on like a psychologist…not at all. She was just another girl, a few years older, hanging out with Kerri, first finding out Kurt's so called 'good qualities' or at least what Kerri thought they were…instead of calling Kurt a scumbag from the start, which we all knew he was. She was a genius.

"How long were you and Kurt together?", Bella asked some time later, smiling like an angel at Kerri, seeing through the makeup and the tight clothes…and seeing a little girl in desperate need of help. That's what I had seen too, but I had no idea how to put things right. I knew Bella would have the skill to ease the pain.

"About a year.", Kerri said with shame, looking at me all of a sudden, as if she was afraid for me to hear this. I showed no reaction or disgust, I just gave her a warm smile, not saying a word.

Very subtly, Bella moved away from Kurt and gently eased into talking about her family. I was proud that I had thought to ask about them too, in the car, and felt such a rush of – I don't know – just something so great…that I had been on the same page with Bella…that my instincts weren't total shit. It felt so good.

"I can't say I understand what you're going through, Kerri.", Bella said later, "But I do know that the past is the past. And now is now. If you don't like what your life was, then all you have to do is change it, as simple as that. All you have to do is start over again."

"I don't have…anything.", Kerri said, her voice breaking a bit as she looked at me and then to Bella.

"You're wrong.", Bella said right away, "You have YOU. That's everything. And besides, when you have nothing, you have nothing to lose, right?"

Kerri rolled her eyes and fought the instinct to trust again, and scowled, "Got any more cute little sayings for me?"

I almost leapt up and shouted at her, but Bella had this.

"Sit down, Anthony.", Bella glanced at me and looked at Kerri with determination, "You're right, you don't need clichés and quaint little ideas from ME. So let me tell it to you straight. You're not a hooker anymore. You're not Kurt's bitch anymore. You're not alone anymore. You've done some sleazy things, that's no lie, and I know you'll have to do lots of therapy to be able to look at yourself in the mirror again…not to mention to be able to look your family and friends in the eye after you've told them what you've done.

It's gonna suck and it's gonna hurt you so much….especially if they reject you again. It's going to be damn hard. But it's either facing that and having a life…or going back…and being dead…or worse.

When I met Anthony, he was so used to his life that he actually looked like he was HAPPY with it all…or unaffected. That's the first thing I noticed about him, was how great he seemed with it all. Under that hard shell was a lot of fucking pain…pain he's probably always going to feel, for the rest of his life. He wants to spare you that pain, that struggle. He's been through so much agony and been so abused…and yet today he still wants to be kind and help people. He wants to help YOU. He believes in you. He has kept his heart, despite the fucked up attempts by some sick assholes to destroy it.

And he thinks because I saved him, that I can save YOU. But he's wrong. Only YOU can save yourself. Just like he saved HIMSELF. Only _**you**_ can free yourself. It's your choice. No one can force you to do anything. So, what's it gonna be? Are you staying? Or do we drive you back to Kurt right now?"

Oh God, I LOVE my Bella!

She took a long time to answer, looking at me again and then downwards…finally, she looked up at Bella and almost whispered, as if Kurt could hear, "I don't wanna go back there again. Please don't make me go."

"No one wants you to go, Kerri.", Bella said right away, with such heart that I got a little misty eyed myself. Kerri gave a very relieved smile and a small tear escaped her right eye.

Within a couple hours, we had made some plans for Kerri. Even Peter helped us out with that. In the morning, I came to the hotel room again to pick Kerri up for her first day of work, wearing my black cowboy hat and usual work attire.

She had given a little laugh at seeing me in my hat, but I didn't pay any attention to that. I thought I had the wrong room for a second. Kerri's face was all clean, free of any makeup, and her hair was straight and pulled back into a very neat ponytail behind her head. She was wearing a pair of Bella's jeans and one of her very comfortable flannel shirts, a black and white one. And also, a pair of Bella's sneakers sat happily on her feet.

"Wow Kerri.", I said with a genuine smile, "You're very lovely when you're all cleaned up. When you're…yourself."

She blushed a little at the tip of her small nose and looked down with a smirk, exactly the way I usually receive a compliment.

"No, I look hideous…", she began to put herself down, another trait of mine.

"You look great!", I argued, "Besides, it doesn't even matter. The horses aren't very particular. They just want to be fed, washed, and watered. Let's go."

Kerri rode in the back of the truck with us to get to the stables. I introduced her to everyone, including Bob, and she even had a little coffee with us, after she was sure Bob was only joking when he called it cow piss again.

"Do you do that joke on everyone?", I asked him as she sipped a little of it, glad to have a warm drink in this cold. I gave her one of my jackets so she didn't get pneumonia.

I was in charge of Kerri at the stables, Sharon had told me, so I began with a very sentimental favorite from my past.

"Move it, girl.", I said strictly once we arrived at work, "You've gotta move a lot faster than that around here."

"Sorry, Anthony.", she said timidly, catching up with me.

"See all these bowls?", I pointed at the plastic bowls in the shed, "Everyone of them has a name on it. We're going to put the horse's food in there and then YOU'RE gonna deliver each one to its owner. Got it?"

"Got it.", she stared at all of those little bowls, totally unaware that a very rough trick was being played on her by me…one that was played on me on my first day here. But tradition is a beautiful thing…and I, like the others, wanted to see just how tough and committed the dark princess was to doing an honest day's work…and staying clean here.

"Move it, girl!", I snapped again, "No room around HERE for a princess, not even a dark one! Hurry it up! We've got a lot of hard work to do."

She dove right in and began piling up the bowls, trying to carry as many as she could to bring them over to the pens and horses.

It wasn't very long before all the bowls were full and Kerri was on her way to each stall, gently opening the door and trying to enter with the ridiculous bowl. I tried not to laugh when she let out her first scream, in the clutches of Temper, one of the horses I loathed most. Psycho watched from his pen in glorious anticipation, almost salivating that he would get his turn with the new human today.

"DON'T BITE ME, you FUCK!", she screeched and I lost my restraint, turning my back to the stall and laughing out loud, covering my face with my hat.

Then, I got myself together and turned to her, my stern face on.

"Kerri!", I shouted at her from outside the pen she was in, "Be kind to the horses. You work for them."

"TELL THEM NOT TO BITE ME THEN!", she hollered back.

I raised my brow at her and didn't say a word.

"Yes, Anthony.", she said quietly now, trying to move out of the corner she was trapped in, and she put the bowl down, hurrying out of the stall.

She was taking forever with the bowls, and I wondered if I was this slow when I began. I was just so proud of her for not giving up, for doing it, for taking a deep new breath with each bowl and each new horse. She has potential. She's got guts, that's for sure.

All day long I was ordering her around, not particularly enjoying that, or used to being in charge, but it was great the way she always did what I asked, no matter how heavy the lifting, or how disgusting the job, she was there and tried her very best.

"KERRI!", I shouted, "More hay! Move it!"

"Okay Anthony."

"Kerri!"

"Yes, Anthony?", she asked meekly.

"More grain, bring two of the big bags!", I demanded, "Move it!"

And she did. She even RAN to get it! Those fucking bags weigh a TON! And I got them both…pretty damn quickly! She's good!

Yoyo had let himself out of his pen again and again today…I think just so Kerri would chase him and bring him back over and over. He had a little boy horse crush!

"KERRI!", I called her later, "What are you doing? Sitting down on the job?"

"I didn't sit, I FELL!", she climbed upon her feet, wiping the horse manure off her ass, "Psycho PUSHED me!"

"Psycho?", I furrowed my brow, "Sweet, innocent little Psycho? That horse is a LAMB! I don't know why he would do that, you must've scared him! Go put him back in his pen."

I looked for him and saw him out in the fenced in field, making a beeline right towards my Dancer again!

"FUCKRAG!", I shouted, racing out there, "GET AWAY FROM MY BABY!"

I hadn't meant to, but I had given Kerri a little laugh at my expense then. I guess she had earned it so I didn't mind.

By lunchtime, Kerri looked half dead. Sweaty, smelly, covered with mud and manure stains. In short, just like I always looked after a day with these evil horses.

It was pretty cold outside so I just put a horse blanket down in between the two walls of horse stalls and we sat on it, ready to feed ourselves for a change.

"Time to feed the humans.", I smirked at her, watching her sit across from me, looking a little embarrassed.

"I didn't bring anything to eat.", she shrugged, about to say it was fine, that she wasn't hungry, or some other huge lie.

I opened my lunchbox and almost rolled my eyes, tossing her a very thick sandwich, a little post it note said KERRI on it. And then this wonderful smile spread across her face at me.

"Thanks.", she said, peeling the note off the sandwich, and she turned it over.

We're all so proud of you, Kerri. Keep up the great work. Love Anthony, Marie, and Katie

Kerri smiled at that and I grinned at her as I handed her a can of coke to go with her sandwich.

"Who's Katie?", she asked, not letting it show, how much that had touched her…but I saw her face in that first three seconds.

"My daughter.", I informed, muttering, "Nine years old going on thirty."

"You told your daughter about me?", she asked, confused.

"Not all the adult details…", I said, taking a bite of my sandwich now, a nice collection of steak pieces and a little gravy enveloped in a nice, long hoagie roll. I guess Kerri had the exact same thing.

"But yea, I told her that I found you…that you'd run away from home…and that you're working here now.", I stated, "She is already bugging me to bring you home so she could play wii with you."

Kerri smiled and then suddenly acted all indifferent about this.

"What did you say?", she asked skeptically, taking a big bite of the sandwich, making a MMMM sound.

"You don't get near my home or my daughter until you show me you can be trusted.", I said flatly, not willing to take any chances at all when it came to my daughter's safety, "So earn the trust…and someday, I will bring you home with me for dinner."

Kerri nodded, understanding that and we ate for a couple minutes in silence.

"You can….trust me, you know.", she said very timidly, "I would never…never tell her or anyone anything about you. You didn't have to help me…but you did. I won't forget that, you know…ever."

I just grinned back at her, seeing a whole new side to her today, a side I really liked.

"I just wanted you to know that…", she looked down, opening her soda can, "I'm not like those people who…did those things to you. So…"

"I know you're not.", I said without any hesitation, feeling the trust for her already budding in my heart. I trust too easily. I care too fast. I love too much. Is that a good thing…or a bad one?

"Eat up, princess.", I said, pinning a little nickname onto her the last few times I'd called her during work, "We get to wash the horses next…and groom them…and you're just gonna LOVE that."

Kerri made a face that summed it up perfectly and I gave a little chuckle in spite of my mean guy routine.

Every day I worked Kerri's ass off at the stables. And every night I would ask her, "Ready to call home yet?"

She would always politely say, "Not yet."

She really did surprise me. Everything I told her to do, she did. When I told her about the horse feeding bowl practical joke on the second day, she started chasing me with a pitchfork! The other guys just loved that and I was sure to never hear the end of it.

But, besides that little slip, she did so well.

One night, a couple weeks after she had started working with me, she was about ready to leave when she came looking for me to get on the truck to go home. But I wasn't there. She found me with Dancer.

Dancer was going through a very rough time lately. She had to have a surgery on her legs and she was laying on her side again, in that special isolated pen where we first had her in the beginning. She was under sedation but still, I could see she was hurting…and there was nothing more I could give her for the pain. I just sat next to her, watching her half opened eyes looking at me as if to ask, "WHY? Why are you making me suffer this way? I wish you would just let me go…let me die…"

The nice veterinarian, Dr. Carter, had told me that he would do all he could, but that her legs may never be fully operational. She might not even be able to walk again, let alone run…and that would mean they'd have to put her out of her misery then.

I was sitting there, thinking of all of this, and how far Dancer had come these last months…and then I heard Kerri's voice behind me, softly ask, "Aren't you going home, Tony?"

She called me Tony because Bob told her how it would urk me. She got a great deal of pleasure out of it.

"Not tonight.", I heard my voice say, only it was so weak and fragile even to my own ears, "See you tomorrow, Kerri. Good job today."

I didn't look at her because I knew my eyes were full of tears and my voice must've given me away because she didn't leave.

Dancer's breathing was very heavy and labored…it looked like every breath she took was excruciating…and for the first time, I was considering letting my Dancer go…where she wouldn't feel any more pain. She had fought so bravely…and endured so much…I was starting to think that she should go onto a better world than this shitty one. She deserved better.

Kerri slowly moved inside here, standing behind me as I tried to put up a brave front for her, not wanting her to see me acting like a fucking woos.

"She had the surgery, huh?", Kerri asked, peeking at Dancer from over my shoulder.

I nodded, afraid my voice was too fucked up to use right now.

"She's your horse?", Kerri asked just as sweetly, and I gave a slower nod, whispering, "Yes."

"She's the prettiest one.", Kerri informed, but I already knew that.

I kept stroking her mane, then moving my fingers down the contours of her horse face, watching some of her muscles relax a bit at my touch. That made me so happy but still, I heard a couple sobs come out of me…knowing I'd probably scare Kerri off but I couldn't help it.

"Edward…", she whispered my real name and sat next to me, uninvited, putting her arm around me, patting my back, "It's okay. Don't be scared. She'll be alright. She's strong. And she loves YOU, it's sickening. She wouldn't leave you."

I felt myself smile a little at the way she said, 'it's sickening'…that was funny. But the hurt was still tearing at me.

"She's in so much pain.", I said, my voice breaking all over the place, but I didn't give a fuck, "She's just supposed to be a sweet little horse…she's supposed to run and play and eat apples…she shouldn't be feeling THIS!"

"I know.", Kerri agreed, "It sucks. Life sucks. But she's still HERE…she's fighting. I know she'll be cool…once she gets through the hard stuff."

I turned to her and let her see the tears that had spilled over and run down my face. She didn't turn away or even LOOK away.

"Don't give up on her, please, Edward.", Kerri said to me, but it seemed that she was not only talking about Dancer…but herself as well. I heard the meaning in her words…and saw the look in her ice blue eyes.

"I won't…", I said directly to her, staring into her face, "Not ever."

She smiled back at me and leaned her little head on my shoulder, looking at Dancer as I was again now.

"We have to watch out for each other, right?", Kerri asked, "Like you said, we're all lost angels…we took a fucking wrong turn into Hell somewhere along the line…and we're finding our way home together. That includes Dancer, too. She's one of us."

I nodded and put my arm around Kerri in return, allowing her into my small circle of friends.

"Yea, we'll find our way out.", I said softly, "All of us, together. I swear."

With Bella and Peter as our guiding stars, how could we NOT find the way?

A few minutes later, Kerri was humming a familiar melody…I couldn't put my finger on it so I asked her what song that was.

"An old song…", she smiled up at me, "My Dad used to sing to me when I was little. Wildfire. It's about a horse. You know it?"

I was thinking when she began to sing it, being very light and gentle with her voice to soothe Dancer.

"She comes down from Yellow Mountain…", Kerri sang to Dancer, "On a dark flat land she rides….on a pony she named Wildfire. With a whirlwind by her side, on a cold Nebraska night."

I could tell that Dancer liked the way it sounded and so did I…I let her keep going…remembering the song…it was from the seventies, I think.

"Oh they say she died one winter…when there came a killin' frost  
And the pony she name Wildfire  
Busted down his stall... in a blizzard he was lost."

And then, when Kerri sang the verse I knew it enough to sing along with her, making sure to be very quiet, "She ran calling Wildfire….", we sang, "She ran calling Willllddd…fire….she ran calling Wildfire…."

She stayed with Dancer and I until the morning…until Dancer was asleep and not showing any more signs of distress or agony. There was peace in my little horse now…and it was a fucking miracle!

The next night, Kerri came home with me after work to have dinner and meet my family.

In no time at all, Kerri was a part of our lives, like family. More often than not, she ended up falling asleep on the sofa playing wii with Katie and Tao, who came over all the time. Not one single thing ever happened to make me doubt that Kerri could be trusted. She was like one of the kids most of the time and the more I watched them all play together, the more I saw her that way…just a kid, a baby…but with an insight into some very scary fucking things that no child should ever know.

Just like Dancer, Kerri shouldn't be feeling this pain…she was born to laugh and play too…and thinking about other people's struggles worked so well on making me forget my own fucking shit that I actually started to feel good most of the time. Sir Kevin wasn't lurking around every dark corner for me lately…and I was so glad that he took a god damned vacation. I was more and more determined to get Kerri home…but it had to be her idea…her decision. I kept thinking of Kerri's father…and what it must feel like not to know where your little girl is and what she's doing. I'd be fucking catatonic right now if it were me.

So I pushed her harder and harder at the stables. I kept giving her the hardest horses to take care of, while I took the easy ones.

Psycho, Temper, Apollo, Nightmare…and so many more…they all helped me with my plan perfectly. And then, the more tired and sore she became, the more I shoved at her to work harder…the more she tried…and the more I knew I would miss her when she wasn't here anymore.

We had lots of talks while we worked together…being alone most of the time while tending the horses…and she really seemed to listen to what I had to say, about being a slave, about the past, about pain, both physical and mental…about owners and mistresses and customers. About Bella…about finding love, and Katie…about finding forgiveness. About trying to learn to forgive yourself.

I hoped that every word I'd said pulled her heart further and further away from Kurt and his sick little world…and would make her look behind her at the life she left behind…the life with parents and little brothers and school and friends. I didn't want her to go, but I wanted her back there desperately. I couldn't be her father. But I could be her friend…even a mentor maybe. A road sign that warned of what could be ahead if she kept driving this way…a warning…a cautionary tale. I would be that if it helped her rethink her choices.

Bella still amazed me, and was always a presence in Kerri's life. Dr. Bella was back in business, seeing Kerri about three or four times a week for a private session, besides the family times we'd all spend together. Kerri loved her and told me so. She said I was right about her…and that I was so lucky that she found me. I would always say, "I know I am."

Bella was helping Kerri in her way…and I was helping her in mine…and as a team, we seemed to be pretty damn well for our new little friend. I was so happy that I was able to say anything that would do some good. Finally, I could help in some way…making my past and experience count for something great, instead of watching it hurt or sicken people over and over again.

Peter didn't love the situation, but he respected our wishes to help Kerri any way we could. He was always willing to jump in and help us if we needed him, but Dr. Bella had bonded with Kerri and so had I…and Kerri never asked for Dr. Peter. She said he had enough to deal with, just being MY doctor. She's a snarky little girl, isn't she?

I taught Kerri how to ride Midnight Sun…and on clear days, we rode and talked some more.

Then, once, she said, "I'm lucky too. If it wasn't for her saving you…you could've never saved ME."

That sentence was a precious gift she gave to me that will always live in my heart, forever. It was something no Dom could ever steal from me, and I didn't have to hide it or lock it up to keep it.

Finally, one cold March day, after we were finished working, Kerri asked if she could come over to the house and talk to all of us, Katie included.

I knew this was what I had hoped for, that she wanted to go home. We were all prepared for this, or at least we had all talked about it, that someday Kerri would go to her family so she could heal and get back in school. In Katie's head, she agreed…but I knew when it happened, it would be really hard for her, saying goodbye to another friend. Kerri had given Katie a new confidence, teaching her how to handle those bitchy little girls in school who wanted to hurt her.

"This is real hard for me…", Kerri began with tears in her eyes as we all sat at the table.

"It's okay, Kerri….go ahead.", I said gently but firmly, giving her a little smile. I felt like a mother bird about to watch one of her babies jump out of the nest, hoping it would open her wings and fly instead of splatting against the pavement below.

"I love being here with you guys…", Kerri said, looking at Katie and then Bella, "You're all so great and I love you…"

I had to look away for a second or I swear I would've cried right then. This was going to be harder than I thought.

"But the more I'm with all of you, the more I'm missing my own family.", she explained, wiping one of her eyes, "And my little brother…and Julian. I would really love to see them again…talk to them and see if maybe we could straighten things out."

"That's great, Kerri.", Bella smiled at her, trying to hide her own sadness, "That takes guts…I knew you were a tough one."

"Definitely.", I added, so proud of her too, "She takes on the most evil horses at work everyday and comes out on top. I know I've been tough on you at work, and that I haven't said it enough…but you've done an amazing job, and handled it so much better than I ever did. And I do thank you…for every single thing you've done…and for that night you spent with Dancer and I…you'll never know how much that meant to me."

Bella nodded in agreement, actually very thankful that Kerri had been there with me then. She was with Katie that night and was glad that I hadn't gone through that suffering by myself.

The tip of Kerri's nose turned pink again and she looked down at her hands.

"I had nothing else to do that night…", she dismissed.

I smiled at her before I knew I was doing it. I would truly miss her.

Then I heard Katie give a little whimper and when I looked, she was crying.

I almost went to her to hold her but Kerri beat me to it, and she was sitting right next to Katie.

"Hey, I thought there was gonna be no more little girl stuff, kiddo.", Kerri grinned at her little friend, "Remember about being brave?"

"I'm sorry.", Katie wiped her eyes more, "I'm just gonna miss you…a LOT! And you won't ever come back."

Now I have the tears back in my eyes…damn it!

"I'll come back.", Kerri promised her, "To visit sometimes…if that's okay…"

Kerri looked at Bella and I and we both smiled at her. She's so silly.

"You're always welcome, Kerri.", Bella let ME say the words, "You're part of our family."

Now Kerri had wet eyes but she blinked the tears back.

"Thanks, Tony.", she replied, making me smile at her more.

"No problem, princess.", I shot back.

Kerri was back on Katie now, looking at her and saying, "I'm leaving you in charge of these two…" and she looked at Bella and I, adding, "They're way too good and too sweet to be left alone in this crappy world. You have to watch out that no one takes advantage of them or hurts them. You got that, kid?"

"I got it.", Katie said with a great sense of responsibility.

We called Kerri's parents that night and they cried when they heard her voice coming out of nowhere for the first time in months and months. They no doubt had that awful nightmare that maybe she was dead somewhere all this time, raped, kidnapped or murdered, or all of the above. Kerri couldn't say much, either, except "I'm sorry" over and over again. Bella let me talk to the father that night, letting me finish what I had started when I found this shivering, overly made up little girl who could put away about four cheeseburgers in one sitting.

"I don't want to speak for Kerri," I had said, "She can speak for herself. But there are things for her to say. I wish you would come here so we can all sit down together. It may be none of my business, but I just need to know that once Kerri goes home with you, that she'll never end up running away from you again. You all have to swear to me that it will never happen again. I just need that before you all drive away."

Anything I said, Kerri's parents agreed to. They kept calling me a hero, thanking me for saving their daughter and bringing her back to them. I told them I was no hero but they couldn't be argued with.

The next day, Kerri's parents and little ten year old brother arrived. Before a word was said, they all hugged each other in our living room, crying and apologizing to each other. Bella held my hand and squeezed it hard, and when I looked at her, there was so much joy and pride there in those eyes. She had always said she was proud of me, but this is the first time I really FEEL as if I deserve it.

Hours later, after it was all talked out, and Kerri had told the entire story to her parents, they hugged both Bella and I again, tearfully thanking us for all we did for their daughter. Kerri had gotten all her things together from the hotel…and said a private goodbye to Katie in her bedroom…then another little private session with Bella in Ben and Angela's old room to say goodbye to her. Finally, she asked if I would walk with her in the back yard, alone. I wasn't looking forward to this.

I nodded and got my coat…and in seconds, we were outside, in the dark, listening to the crickets chirping…waiting to hear each other say goodbye.

"Your parents seem pretty cool.", I spoke first, looking sideways at her, my stern expression in place, "Don't let things get screwed up with them this time. And don't RUN when things get hard. Stay. Stick it out. Make it work. And if you can't, you call ME. Not Kurt. Promise me, Kerri."

"I promise, Edward.", she said my real name very quietly, but she had made sure to say it so I knew she was telling me the truth, "After all you've said…all I've seen…I don't think I'll want to leave home until I'm 40!"

I chuckled at that as she smiled up at me and I answered, "Good. I'm glad my horror stories are good for something."

"They are.", she said softly, almost sadly as she looked at me, "I don't know how you told me all that…it must have been so hard. But you still said it all. You have so much courage, Edward. I want to be like you someday…and maybe help out someone like me. I want to be brave and sweet like you, not hard and bitter."

"You can be anything you want to be, Kerri.", I looked right down into her eyes, "You have all the power, not THEM. Don't forget that. I learned it a little late. But you have your whole life ahead of you…so many great things are waiting for you. Work hard and you'll get them all. Dreams won't fall into your lap. Get up and go find them. And when you have 'em, don't let go. Cling on for dear life. Because this is our last chance. We HAVE to make this one count."

"I know.", she smiled up at me, her eyes glittering with tears, "Shit…there I go, crying again…"

"Why should I be alone in it?", I asked, feeling my own eyes welling up.

Her bottom lip quivered when she saw my eyes and she threw herself into my arms, whimpering as I hugged her back, moving my hand down her long, dark hair. I know it's crazy, but I felt like I was losing a daughter. I just knew that something inside me was hurting right now.

"I love you, Edward.", she wept, her voice little and soft as she spoke into my jacket.

"I love you, too, Kerri.", I whispered, closing my eyes and waiting until she was ready to release ME. I didn't want to make her feel unwanted or rejected. I hoped she would never feel that again in her lifetime.

"Thank you so much.", she cried, sniffling, "Thank you…."

"Thank YOU.", I replied with deep affection, "For letting me help you…"

Finally, she let me go, slowly…and looked up at me, wiping her right eye, trying to smile at me.

"I have your address.", she grinned knowingly, "I'll write you guys…and I'll come to visit maybe during the summer, if that's alright."

"It's your home, too, Kerri.", I informed her, "Come back whenever you like. When school is out…and you'd better bring me a good report card when you come."

She giggled and nodded, saying, "I will."

"And leave the boys alone.", I added.

"I will."

"And concentrate on your grades, don't leap right into parties and dances right away.", I added things as they came to mind.

"I will!", she laughed as she got a bit louder with her reply, "I will! Jeez! Take a pill, will ya?"

"Alright, I will.", I agreed with a small grin, knowing we were at the end of our talk. I hated this. I would hate to see her leave.

She didn't want to go either, it seemed as she stood there, looking at the car where her family waited for her.

"Thanks for the directions.", she said, looking at me with a serious face now, "Thanks for pointing the way out of Hell for me, Edward."

"My pleasure.", I said, giving a nod and pointing at her family, saying, "It's that way. Stay straight. Make no u turns…do not turn back."

"Got that.", she looked at me, as if she was memorizing my face.

I waited a minute then finally broke the silence again.

"Take care of yourself, bright princess.", I said, renaming her myself.

"Screw THAT.", she scoffed at the name, "I'm no princess, who the HELL needs them? I'm with the horses…a stable woman. A badass stable woman. "

She said it with such pride that it made me feel guilty for all the times I called myself "just a stable boy". I guess we both know now there are lots worse things to be.

"That's the truth.", I smirked at her, loving her style.

"One more hug.", she said and opened her arms to me and I gladly leaned into another embrace, giving her a little squeeze with my arms and I placed a fatherly kiss upon her head.

"Be good, badass.", I said, hearing my voice crack.

"You too.", she said, "Although it's hard to imagine you guys being much better than you all are now. You're all freaks, you know that? You're TOO good!"

"We're aliens.", I revealed, hearing her laugh as she let me go again.

"I knew it.", she joked back, trying to keep a smile on her lips, like I was.

I hated saying it but I had to…it was time for her to fly.

"You'd better get outta here before the mother ship comes and snatches you away.", I said, trying to sound light as my heart sank miserably.

"Yea.", she said, looking at her parents, who were talking to Bella in the distance…and then Kerri let a single tear roll down her cheek, quickly wiping it off, as if she were angry at it for leaking.

"See you around, Edward.", she said, about to turn away, but then she turned back towards me and motioned me to lean down with a curl of her finger.

I bent down, thinking she wanted to whisper something to me…but then she held my face in her hands with such love, the tears heavy in her eyes now as she took a long look at every inch of my face…and then kissed me on the cheek.

I closed my eyes and felt the love soak in…and when I opened them, she was looking right into me and whispered, "Goodbye."

"Goodbye.", I replied, my voice a fucking mess as the emotion got too thick.

She was walking back to the car, not ahead of me, but beside me.

We reached her family and their car and they thanked me again, saying that I saved their daughter's life and anything I ever wanted, all I had to do was call them and it was mine.

"I got what I wanted.", I told them, "I got to know Kerri. Keep her safe."

Kerri was getting in the car, sniffling at what she heard me say to them. Her little brother got in the back seat with her, anxious to get away from all us strangers so he could have her all to himself.

The parents got in the car and the father started the engine.

"Oh WAIT!", I said, "Don't go yet…stay here a second! I'll be right back!"

I ran into the house and got back out there as fast as I could…carrying two giant red slurpees for Kerri and her brother.

"Here.", I handed Kerri the big frosty cups as she cheered out loud.

"OH COOL!", she laughed, telling her brother, "I am SO hooked on these things, wait til you try this, you're gonna LOVE it!"

Kerri and I had bonded over many a slurpee while she was here, let me tell you.

Her little brother took a sip of his straw and a huge smile spread over his face…the very first taste…I envied him.

"That's GOOD!" the kid gave me a real genuine smile for the first time…and that was just the cherry on my fucking sundae.

"Thanks again.", their father smiled at us from his seat.

"Anthony loves getting people hooked on this stuff.", Bella wisecracked at my side as I put my arm around her, loving the feel of her silk hair.

Kerri put her hand out of the open window and took my hand, squeezing it just a bit.

"Bye, Anthony.", she said again, "And Marie…Kate…take care of each other…take care of Dancer too. I want to hear how you're doing, you write to me…all of you…okay?"

"We will.", Bella answered, her other arm around Katie, who just watched…too sad to say much at all…or maybe she'd said it all when they talked in Katie's room earlier.

"Be good, you.", I said again as the car began to slowly move away…and I lost contact with her hand. Kerri nodded at me and took a deep breath, waving at us and not looking away as the car moved down the dirt road, out of sight before a minute had even passed.

Katie's heart was broken and she ran into the house. I wanted to run after her but I couldn't seem to move off the spot I was standing in, looking as if the car was still there. Maybe it wasn't right for me to try and talk her out of being sad. It is a sad thing, saying goodbye to someone you love. I hated it but maybe I should just let her hurt…not try to erase it as if she were four years old…let her deal with it…we would all hurt and deal with it together. Yea…that sounded right. We would all cling to each other as a family…and comfort each other. And we would come out of it closer, not further apart.

Bella hugged me into her arms and kissed my heart through the shirt I wore.

"You did it, Edward.", she said softly, looking at me like she was looking at someone spectacular, "You saved her. She's home. Now, if you can't see all the beautiful things that I see when I look at you, then you're blind. I want to hear you say it. I want to hear how you feel now. This is Dr. Bella speaking…and the Bella who loves you."

"I feel sad.", I admitted first, but then delved a bit deeper, "But…good too. Really good. I helped her. I got her away from that shit that was her life. I still don't know how I did it…or why she was so quick to listen or come with me…but I'm so relieved that I didn't fuck it up…I HELPED her!"

"It feels great, doesn't it?", Bella was sharing in this triumph WITH me…it was hers as well as mine. For the first time in a long time, she used her talents on someone besides me…and she had reached Kerri, just as skillfully as she had reached ME. She had real proof now, too, that she wasn't just some student fumbling through life…she IS Dr. Bella…and she is a genius. We were both fucking reeling high that together we did it, too…as a team. Even Katie had helped Kerri, too, in her innocent little way.

"Yea.", I FELT like flying, "We did it together…you and me…Katie. WE saved her…and more importantly, she helped save herself, like Peter said. And now YOU know that you were born to help people…not just ME because you fell in love with me."

"I know.", Bella got misty eyed herself now, "I had so many doubts about being a psychologist lately…I wondered if I could ever care for other people, patients even, as much as I cared about helping YOU. I used to think I'd never be able to start over again and be a doctor. But now…I know I can do it. I know I WILL do it. And I don't care if it takes me 200 fucking years to graduate and get licensed, I WILL be a PSYCHOLOGIST!"

I leaned in and held her face this time.

"Baby….you ARE a psychologist.", I informed further, "I don't care what the laws are. You're not even done school yet and already you've saved two people's lives! You were made for this! You're already EVERYTHING."

I'm not sure who kissed who first, but Bella's tongue was in my mouth and she was grabbing at my hair and savagely having her way with my lips!

I felt Frankencock spring up like a jack in the box, ready for duty.

Then, suddenly, she stopped and I almost heard Frank whimper out loud.

"Katie needs us first.", Bella said, not sounding jealous or angry over that fact at all, "Then, after she's asleep…it's time to pull out the angel wings!"

"The angel wings!", I felt my eyes pop open as she led me towards the house by the hand.

I followed her quickly. I would follow her to Canada if she wanted.

She spun around and smirked at me, saying, "Every time a Bella rings, an angel gets his wings!"

I laughed out loud. "I LOVE THAT! We have to put that on a plaque or something!"

I went inside the house and closed the door behind me, double locking it, shutting out the bad guys, sealing all my innocent hearts within. I took one more peek out the window, knowing I wouldn't see the car anymore, but still, I said a silent little prayer in my head, then I whispered it aloud, hoping that would MAKE God hear me.

"Take care of her, please…", I said, a hint of hardness in my voice, still wondering if there indeed is a real God, and I added, "Keep your eye on her this time."

I closed the curtains with a quick yank, and went to my family. I didn't know it at the time, but something inside me had changed. I found out that Bella didn't just share her light with me…she had given me a light of my own. And this is where it was born…and this is when it shined for the first time…this is where it made a difference.

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Love you guys! Missed you!

Love, Winnd


	37. Always

Chapter 37

Hey guys! Sorry about taking a few days to post this – real life sucks, you know!

Thanks for all the great reviews and thoughts about the Kerri and Edward chapters – our baby is really getting better! YAY! Okay, now we'll have some Bella time. I feel the same way that we haven't heard from Bella's POV for a bit, so I'm remedying that right now. Love you!

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BPOV

My heart was both exhilarated and crushed at the same time as I watched Edward standing there, watching Kerri and her family move farther and farther away from us. He looked like a mother spider after all her hundreds of babies flew away in the wind, carried by their virgin webs. He looked alone, even though he was anything but.

I was there to remind him of that and words fell so short of all the things I wanted to say, to express to him. He reached out and saved a life. It is a big deal…and it's a huge step forward in his life. Even more importantly, when I looked in his beautiful emerald eyes, I saw something new there…I could SEE that he knew it too. I could see that he now realized he was worth something. And I wanted to cry, drowning in my bliss that it finally happened for him. This was one of the best moments in our relationship. Edward was still Edward and I would never want to change him, but…now…he was even MORE…greater…stronger.

He held me so tight, in his special way that made me feel like I was the only girl on earth, and I snuggled into his chest, inhaling his delicious aroma, almost high from it as he looked down at my face, kissing my lips and igniting that intense fire inside me once again. God, every time he kissed me, I wanted him! I hoped that feeling would never fade or go away. I liked it. No…I love it!

Once we finally went inside, and closed the door…it was time to return to our regular routine. Katie's bedtime is 9:30pm…Edward's fucking is at 10:30pm…same old, same old…yea right! I smirked to myself, liking the bad Bella that lived deep inside me. I don't know where she came from, but I have become evidently aware of her existence right around the time I first went to a club called Fire. Yea…that's where she was conceived, I think. And now she's full grown and incredibly vocal at times. But Edward seemed to like her, and I loved the shocked look that would dance across his face when she took control of me and came out.

Edward and I visited Katie in her room and had a little talk with her. She did cry a little…but I loved watching Edward in control, holding her, stroking her hair as she let it all out on his favorite shirt. He gave me a sad little smile as he allowed her to grieve in his arms…and I mouthed the words, 'I love you' to him…and he returned that to me, just as silently, adding a kiss to the air with his lips.

"You're not a baby anymore.", Edward told Katie, "I can't make everything okay with ice cream and candy. It's okay to cry and feel sad. We all do. Kerri is a great friend, and I know, to you, she was a sister. I saw that. It's good to miss her. It means you cared for her. But she'll be back. She'll write to us. She's not really GONE."

God, Edward is GOOD! I mean…DAMN GOOD! Shit, he could BEAT me as a psychologist if he keeps this up! But I couldn't be jealous of his talent…I've known about it from the start…and to tell the truth, I was so fucking proud of him that if he were a rock star, I'd gladly sign up as one of his little groupies!

I don't even think this is talent, now that I look at them again as I sit on the bed beside them…it's just his LOVE that is so great! When he loves, he loves hard…he loves all…he loves forever…he's so god damn rare in this world. It's like, because he really had no love in those six years with Victoria, now that he was free to have it, he just couldn't restrain himself. Even though he hated it here when we first moved, he soon found worthy people to give his love to…and man, did he ever! I think almost everyone Edward knows, feels that they are loved when they're with him. Well, except for Josh, maybe. But I think there's still time for them to have a little bromance, once Edward stops with this jealous thing.

And watching Edward and our little girl holding each other now, brings to mind all the times Charlie didn't hold me when I was this age. A small part of me was a little jealous of their close bond…but 99% of me just smiled and watched the innocent magic of it all.

_Dad…I love you_, I thought inside my mind, _I wish we had more moments like this one…sure, now we are close…but it took a damn long time to get there…after I secretly played therapist, disguising our therapy as 'talks about us'. You and I were my first real patients, the first people I tried to dissect and figure out. The little girl inside me is a lonely one…but thanks to Edward, I am learning to laugh and be silly…to try to reach that little kid inside me. It's no accident that he's childlike sometimes…God just knows that I need that…and I love that about him. _

_I know I'll never really see you again, Dad…even though neither one of us could stand to say the word goodbye…I know how dangerous it was for you to come here…and we both know that we can't risk any of those assholes finding these two people I'm looking at right now…my family. I'd die before putting them in that danger. _

Charlie had even said it to me on Christmas Day, in the kitchen when the marshals showed up to collect him. He said, "Edward and Katie are special…they're your family now. You're the Mama Bear. You keep them safe. You know how. I taught you all I know."

It was so beautiful of Edward to give me one more Christmas with my Dad…but we all knew that was the last one. Either way, I couldn't have asked for anything more. Edward's soul is so complex…and so immaculate. Even though he wasn't very close to his own father, he knew that I needed mine. He knew that I needed to know he was alright, and that his life was going to be full and rich. He gave me that…he gave me peace of mind…and he made my heart happier than it was before. As always.

Will I always love Edward more and more with each day that goes by? Yes, I know I will. He's the one…I've always known that…even when it seemed impossible for us to have a life…a future.

It was stupid for Edward to be so jealous of Josh. I could never be with anyone else now…not ever. I couldn't even FATHOM kissing anyone else's lips but his. No one kissed me or would ever kiss me the way Edward does. It makes every thing inside me curl up and then expand in desire…I can feel it right down to my toes…in my knees…everywhere!

Katie wanted to listen to her ipod for awhile and be alone, so we departed after both giving her a hug and kiss goodnight…we left her room holding hands, wandering past Tanya's picture, both of us giving her a silent little smile, secretly praying to her to do what she could for Katie now…to watch over her.

I feared that tonight would be a bad night to break out the angel wings. My angel was very sad at the moment and I couldn't blame him. It had been a rough night for my sweetie.

When we got to our room, I held him closer and kissed his heart, like I love to do…like he loves me to do…and I softly said, "No role plays tonight, okay? Let me just hold you…and kiss you…if that's alright."

He smiled down at me and gave me a very deep, passionate kiss, holding my face and then grabbing at my hair.

"You know me like a book, don't you?", he asked, closing his eyes and rubbing his cute little nose against mine…and I felt all my willpower melt and fall down upon its knees…now I wanted sex…hot, sweaty, 'I can't breathe but I don't care' sex! I tried to think of old naked people…to put bad Bella in her box and whip out sweet, innocent, loving Bella.

"My favorite book.", I smiled, feeling my knees weaken as his lips briefly touched mine again, "You have everything…romance…action….danger…hot intense sex…"

"Mmmm….tell me more…", he kissed me again, not looking so morose at the moment now, then he released my lips and whispered, "About the hot intense sex…"

"Oh God…", I moaned, feeling his arm move and seeing that he closed the door with one soft shove against the wood, "It's so brutal….savage almost…the things you do…"

"Really.", he smiled, his fingers on the hem of my shirt…and before I knew it, it was being pulled up over my face…gently yanked out of my long hair…and the dark strands fell back down around my eyes…as I stood there in my bra and jeans, shivering with need and hardly restrained lust.

"Really.", I repeated his word, without the sexual growl he had used a second before…no, mine sounded much more frail and nervous…like the notebook girl I used to be…I guess she's still in here somewhere…quivering as sexy Edward comes out to play.

The truth is, I just haven't been the same since Valentine's Day. I can still feel how much I was loved that night, and how magical everything was. First, when I came home from school, there was a line of rose petals leading from the front door to the kitchen table…and upon it was a red scarf and a note, saying, in Edward's elegant script, 'Put this over your eyes and come back to the door. I'm waiting for you.'

I smirked and did what the note said, not really afraid…much. For a second I thought it could be James or one of those fucks we were hiding from…but it was Edward's handwriting, so that made me relax and obey the letter.

With my hands out in front of me, I slowly moved back to the door, knowing where all the furniture was laid out, and I grumbled, "Edward Cullen, if you let me fall…"

It was only then that I heard him snicker lightly in the distance…and I smiled more, moving towards the happy little sound.

Before I touched the door, something warm and toned met my fingers…and I was glad to be touching Edward's chest…the shirt standing between his flesh and I…for now.

His fingers slid into my hair, and stroked my cheeks as I closed my eyes harder, my lips opening instinctually, my sigh telling him what his touch always did to me. My hands rested upon his, and I turned my mouth into his palm a bit, kissing the rugged flesh there that had been hardened by the work he'd been doing everyday. I think I prefer the rough skin to the once super soft hands he used to have…these were tough hands…hands that never clenched into fists from being restrained…these were cowboy hands…Edward's hands.

"Bella Swan…", his voice was low and deep with emotion, "Will you be my valentine?"

Then he paused and added, "Forever?"

I nearly swooned from the sheer sexiness of this, being blindfolded and in his control as he placed small, lingering kisses with those full, hot lips on every exposed inch of my face.

"Well as long as Edward doesn't mind, I guess that's okay…whoever you are…", I teased, as his identity still had not really been revealed to me.

He stopped kissing me and pinched his fingers around my nose, gently as I laughed a little.

"YES, yes!", I corrected my answer, and he released my nose, "I love you, Edward Cullen. I'll always be your valentine, if you want me."

"I want you…always.", he said in a whisper, kissing my lips with such feral need that I nearly fell backwards, dizzy with love, then he added, "Longer than forever…"

"I'm yours.", I informed, "I've been yours since the moment I saw you…", diving back onto his lips with mine, my tongue playing inside his mouth as he played right back…closing and opening his mouth in tune with mine…God, this boy knows how to KISS! I want to swallow him down like wine…like hot blood…I want all of him – NOW! Fuck, he smells SO GOOD!

"Uh uh uh…", he denied me suddenly, and held my arms at my sides, dotting his finger on the tip of my nose, "Patience, my love…"

"Edward…", I whined a little, not wanting to hold still and be good.

"Shhh…", he put a finger to my lips, "Come with me. Follow."

He guided me out the door and around the side of the house, and in the cold air, I could still smell the horse we were moving towards. I knew it wasn't Dancer, because no one was still able to ride on her back…maybe it was Midnight Sun?

"Listen carefully.", he said from behind me as my hands reached out and felt the horses' muscles…the warm, soft hair bristling under my fingertips, "Raise your foot into the stirrup…"

"Edward, I'll fall!", I tensed and felt a little shiver suddenly.

"Shhh…", he stroked the back of my hair, "Do you trust me?"

"Yes, with my life…but…", I stammered.

"I won't let you fall, ever.", he said sternly, "Lift up your left foot and I'll do the rest."

I did what he said, showing him my trust and hoping he saw that…and in seconds, my sneaker was in the stirrup!

A moment or two later, he had directed me to grip the knob on the saddle above me and before I knew it, I was straddling the horse, in the front of the saddle, holding on and trying not to giggle with fright as Edward climbed up behind me, taking his place.

And slowly, we began to ride, the powerful muscles of the horse under us warm and strong as they flexed with each step.

My mind soon wandered away from the movements of the horse as Edward's moist, hot mouth found my neck inside my jacket collar, and as he held the reigns, his lips were working me up into a fucking frenzy! Oh GOD! His mouth, his tongue…his hot breath…it made the cold air around me evaporate and I weakly leaned my head back against his firm chest behind me, giving him even more access to my flesh…I even took one hand off the saddle knob to move my coat so he could easily get inside and continue how he was making me feel.

I heard him give a little chuckle as he noticed what I was doing…or trying to do…and he dove in deeper, even taking a small bite, his thick tongue moving slowly as he tasted that spot right where my neck ended and my shoulder began. CHRIST! Is it possible to fuck him while we're on horseback? Because I think I might try it in three seconds.

"Edward…Iloveyou…", I slurred the words like a drunk who was happily intoxicated…and my right hand grabbed up and onto his arm, digging my fingernails into it, as if that would keep him even closer to me. I always feared that one day he would POOF go up in smoke and I'd wake up, still alone and waiting for my life to start back in New York. He was far too wonderful to be real, I'd always known that. And the fact that he was mine? I still kept pinching myself to see if I was living in the real world or a delirious fantasy. He's mine? How did I get to deserve this…god? I know he'd hate to hear me call him that and Peter would tell me that I was idolizing him again…but there was no other way to put it…today is Valentine's Day and he wants ME above all the other women out there? I almost cried with happiness at the thought.

Without a word, he kept riding our horse, all the while skillfully kissing my neck, my face, my bared shoulder – that I bared for him myself, saying 'screw it' to the winter weather around us.

The horse finally stopped when Edward flatly said, "Whoa boy."

He kept the blindfold on me as he helped me off the horse, and he had his arms around me, leading me and kissing me as if he couldn't stop himself. I was giggling as he opened a door…and I had a pretty good feeling I knew where we were…the mansion in the secret canyon.

I recognized the scent of the place as we slowly moved inside…and Edward whispered, "Just stand here for one minute…I have to do something…"

And a half second later, Edward's body jumped and he made a little yelp sound. I got scared and tensed myself, and asked, "What's wrong?"

"Uh…nothing, nothing…", he said with a strange voice, swallowing and then sounding more like himself, "Everything's okay…everything's fine…"

And then, his hands moved to take the blindfold off me and I felt his fingers tremble a bit.

"What's the matter?", I was saying as I opened my eyes and focused.

I gasped when I saw the giant living room around me…and so many candles surrounded us, tall ones, little ones, fat ones…and they were all lit up, making the place look magical and enchanted instead of spooky and musty.

"Edward!", I felt tears come to my eyes…"Oh my God! This is amazing! You lit all these before?"

"Uh…yea.", he tried to smile at me, and then looked around us, as if he were afraid he'd see someone.

"That was kind of dangerous, though…", I said, as an afterthought, "What if the place caught on fire? Again?"

EPOV

I just have to butt in here for one second. The candles all lit up by themselves! Right before my eyes! I swear to God! I put the candles all over the place but I didn't light them yet. I was about to do it when Bella was standing there, but then I turned to get the candle lighter I had on the counter and every single candle wick sparked with a new flame suddenly! Thank God Bella didn't see it, but, OH MY GOD! Sharon was right! This place is filled with ghosts! Now I have proof! But even though it was very scary, still I felt that everything was alright. Like, they meant no harm. Like they were just trying to help me. So I conjured up my courage and tried to put it out of my mind. I didn't want to make love to Bella, all the while thinking that women ghosts were watching us…commenting on my ass or my technique…JESUS!

I kept telling myself that performing in front of others never seemed to bother me before, but I knew this was different. I was just fucking then. This is making love…with my Bella. Even now, months later, this is new for me, it's special. I didn't want to share it with anyone. And in moments, I felt like something was leaving the area…like they could hear my thoughts and nodded, turning and leaving us alone…it was like the eyes were all gone…and again, it was only Bella and I. Then I felt myself relax again…and it was okay.

But DON'T tell Bella about this – she'll NEVER come here with me again! And I have to admit, I love it here…the hot tub is my favorite. And I have big plans for it tonight.

Alright, I'll let you go back to reading Bella's version of events…but don't forget – SSHHHHH! Don't be a snitch! Thanks, BYE!

BPOV

"Shhh…", he said, taking one last look around us, then focusing back on me, smiling, "Will you dance with me, Bella?"

"Dance?", I laughed, "Have we met? I'll break your toes!"

"I've got tough toes.", he smirked, and leaned to his right, hitting a button on Katie's ipod that was sitting in a little speaker on the mantle…and Clair De Lune started to play.

Tears instantly came to my eyes as he stared into my eyes in that special way…the way that says he loves me. He's like a perfect dream that you're afraid to dream…because you'll lose your heart and then wake up…and he'll be gone. But still…when he looks at you this way…your mind goes numb…and you fall…so fast…so hard…you can't resist. You want to dance with the angel in the clouds…even though you know you're going to fall.

He was slowly moving with me, my little hand inside his large, white one. This feels so fucking right…we fit together so well. Like we were made for each other.

"I love this song.", I whispered, unable to speak at a higher register at this moment.

"I know.", he smiled at me, snuggling his face into mine, his adorable nose gliding up the side of mine as we danced, just moving from side to side…against each other…our hearts beating so close, "I remember you told me you love Debussy."

My brow furrowed, trying to remember when I told him that.

"When did I say that?", I asked.

"In New York.", he informed softly, "One morning while we were snuggling in bed together."

I felt my lips smile, recalling those mornings. Everything was so brand new then. I was in a perpetual state of bliss …and who could blame me?

"You remember that?", I asked, feeling so honored and lucky that this man was in love with me.

"I remember everything you tell me.", he answered, coming in for a kiss as my lips opened a bit, fully inviting him in deeper. My fingers clutched into his hair, and I heard myself moan out loud, loving this dream that had fallen to earth and found his way into my life. I remember once thinking that twenty thousand dollars was a lot of money to pay him for two weeks of his time…for two weeks of THIS…DAMN I was so stupid! Right now, I'd pay him five MILLION dollars if he asked for it.

"Remember THIS…", I breathed in between kisses, "I love you more than anyone in the whole god damned world, Edward Cullen. You're my life. My soul. I'm sorry I don't say it enough…but you'd better know how much I love you. Words can't even say it. You never have to be jealous…because you're the only man I'll ever want. Without you, I don't have this…I'd never have this…"

And I attacked, ravishing his mouth with mine as he matched my passion. It was a very rough but incredible kiss. I almost WANTED him to hurt me as it went on and on…I didn't want to breathe…I didn't want air…I just wanted him…I wanted to drown in him.

What a great way to go.

Before the song was even half over, I had him on his back against the lush white carpeting, straddling him as I took my blouse off, showing him there was no meddlesome bra beneath it…he gave me this gorgeous crooked smile as his eyes moved lovingly over my every curve.

"Bella…", he whispered, "My Bella…"

He took my hands and kissed my fingertips, closing his eyes and leaning his face into my palm, "You have no idea how long I've waited for you. You are SO worth the wait."

We made love right there on that spot and I made him scream out my name into the huge marble room…and it echoed all around us…I loved that!

As we clung to each other, shivering and covered with perspiration, he whispered to me again.

"I used to dream and sleep all the time…", he said as my eyes closed, my fingers moving over his hot, damp chest, "I wanted to escape my reality and only in dreams was that even possible. There were no chains in my dreams. But for the first time in my life, I want to stay awake…to be with you…for the first time in 100 years, my reality is better than any fantasy I could make up. I love you, Bella. You don't need chains to hold me…you don't need contracts to own me…I'm yours…forever. And if you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be 99 years and 364 days old…so I don't have to ever know a day without you."

Jesus, Valentine's Day and the memory of it all just made me WEAK. I don't care if I think I deserve it – or him – or not, I am LOVED. I am cherished. I want to fly up to the heavens and give God a giant, wet kiss on the lips and say "THANK YOU LORD!"

Edward Cullen loves me. He makes me feel young. He makes me feel beautiful. He makes me feel like the only girl on the face of the earth. I have everything in the world…in him…in his eyes…the way he looks at me. And oh my sweet Lord, the things we did to each other in that hot tub that night! God, he is so talented! The only thing better than a naked Edward Cullen is a hot, steamy and WET naked Edward Cullen. Damn!

The morning after Kerri left, I heard Edward in the kitchen. It sounded like he was getting things out to cook breakfast in…and I couldn't help but lay in the warm, sunny bed and just stupidly smile at the ceiling, remembering the night before, the way he touched me…the sounds he made…the things he said…DAMN, I love my life!

I heard Katie talking to Edward a few minutes later, so I got dressed and went out there to join in, anxious to start a new day back with my family, just the three of us once again. Maybe we can have a snowball fight outside today…

Just as I was coming into the kitchen, Edward's back was to me…Katie was standing beside him, and they were looking at something together that I couldn't see yet.

"What's up?", I asked pleasantly, "You guys trying to figure out the puzzle on the back of the cereal box again?"

Edward turned towards me and smiled, little tears of joy in his eyes as he handed me something small, and the way he carefully gave it to me let me know it was something precious.

I focused my eyes and saw a familiar little angel ornament…it was one from our Christmas tree that I'd forgotten about and had sitting on a shelf in the living room. It was no taller than three inches and she had a little round wooden head, with no face drawn on it, little brown curls of hair on top with a glittery golden halo perched on top, tilted sideways…and finally the white lace body with two little wire arms, tiny round wooden pieces serving as her hands. The ornament WAS holding a little hymn book, but now that book was gone and instead she was holding a little piece of map. It looked like it had been super glued there in place.

There was a tiny little card that Edward had also given me and it said:

_Hi Guys!_

_Sorry if I wrecked your ornament, Katie said it was alright since this one is from the dollar store. _

I just wanted to leave something for you all that you could look at and think of me from time to time. It's a lost angel…like me…like US. And because of you – all of you – she's got a map and is on her way home. I love you. Edward…Bella…Katie. I'll always love you. Thank you for caring about me. Thank you for everything.

_Love always,_

_Kerri_

_PS Thanks for the slurpee addiction Edward. I'm sending you my dental bills. LOL!_

_See you in the summer!_

I smiled and saw Edward's face and it nearly glowed from the feelings displayed there.

"We have to put this someplace really special.", I said, the emotion tinting my voice a little as I made eye contact with my baby.

"Yea.", he whispered, cradling it in his hands as I handed it back to him, making sure to do it slowly and with care. It was magical…a talisman of sorts to remind Edward Cullen that he had worth…that his life and his pain had saved another from the same fate. I wanted that angel in clear sight at all times in this house…just so he would never ever forget that.

I almost cried as I watched him carry the little angel to our bedroom, as if she were a real little creature that was tired and needed a nap…he was so innocent and childlike as he went that I fell in love with him about a thousand times more…and Katie smiled at me, putting on her brave face.

"That was beautiful, Kate.", I hugged her with my left arm, kissing her head, "You touch your father's heart every day, you know. And that was enormous, what you and Kerri just did for him. You have no idea…thanks baby."

Katie smiled at me and squeezed me tighter into the hug.

"I like when you call me that.", Katie said quietly, as if she'd be embarrassed for anyone else to know this.

"I like calling you that.", I grinned back, giving her one more kiss in the hair that so reminded me of Edward's…"Let's start making something to eat for Daddy, huh?"

But still, Katie hated to cook…and she scrunched her nose up and moved away from me, going to the cabinet, taking out some dishes.

"I'll set the table…how's that sound?", she asked.

"Fine.", I sighed, determined that some day…she was going to cook with me.

When Edward came back a few minutes later, Katie greeted him at the table, doing her waitress bit again.

"Good Morning, Sir.", she smiled politely, a towel over her arm, "Table for one?"

He smiled down at her and as I peeked over at him, I saw that he was really happy, his eyes almost glowed with it.

"I would prefer a table with two gorgeous girls, if you have one.", he grinned, waiting to be seated, "I like brunettes and redheads. You can hold the blondes."

"Okay…come this way.", she pulled out his chair and dusted off the seat with her towel, "There you go. How's this?"

"Where are the girls?", Edward asked.

"They're coming…relax!", she widened her eyes and Edward couldn't hold in his laugh.

As I was fixing the chocolate chip pancakes, it was slowly revealed to me why Katie loved this whole waitress game.

"I'm a waitress in my spare time when I'm not acting.", she told Edward in conversation as she poured him an orange juice, "I just finished a job, actually."

I smirked as I finished up what I was doing and placed the plates of pancakes on the counter beside the stove. Then I said, "DING DING! Pick up for table one!"

"Excuse me, Sir, your order is up now.", she said and trotted over to get the plates. I just took one of them so they wouldn't end up on the floor.

"Hi I'm Bella.", I joked as I put a plate down in front of my own seat, "I'm the brunette you ordered."

"Ooooh!", Edward perked right up, half standing as I sat down, "Hi! I'm Edward."

Katie butted in and said to her father, "If you don't like this one, we have other brunettes in the back."

My mouth fell open as Edward held in his giggle…then I sternly threw my eyes his way.

Katie grinned, seeming to mean no harm. But I was still going to shrink her skinny jeans in the wash later anyway.

"No, miss, thanks.", Edward tried to save himself now, "It looks like you gave me the very best one. Thanks. Now all I need is the most beautiful redhead you've got."

Katie sat down in her chair and smirked, saying, "That would be ME."

Edward smiled more and said, "I knew that."

If I didn't love them and if they weren't so cute together, I'd have to gag at them.

"Is this the only guy back there?", I teased and now Edward's mouth fell open while I quickly smiled and held my hands up, saying, "Kidding! I was just kidding!"

Katie was giggling and enjoying it but Edward's lips twisted into a wicked smirk, his fingers slowly picking up the whipped cream can on the table…

"GET HER DAD!", Katie screamed, "GET HER!"

He stood up and so did I, backing away from the table as his eyes stared me down, his finger on the nozzle of the can as he gave it a few, long shakes, readying it for his attack.

"I was joking…really…", I held my hands up in front of me as Katie slowly approached beside her father, they looked like two lions stalking their prey.

"I think you're so handsome…", I went on, seeing his head nod slightly as he kept coming forth, slowly reducing the amount of room I had left to escape, "The best looking guy EVER!"

Then I clutched desperately at any chance I had to get out of having a face and head full of cream.

"I love you!" I said with a sugary sweet smile…but his eyes didn't look changed at all by my statement.

"MARCUS YOU'RE NAKED!", I screamed, looking at the door where no one stood…but both Cullens were dopey enough to turn their heads that way…giving me a chance to make a run for it.

"AAAAAAAAAA!", I screamed as I heard them both on my heels and Katie's voice screeching like a killer's going, "GET HER DAD! GET HER!"

I was desperate and stupid in my escape…and I found myself running down the steps into the basement…FUCK! Now I was trapped! The cellar doors were locked with a padlock on the outside and I didn't have the key. SHIT!

I turned and saw Edward standing there, smirking like an evil elf at me…his little spawn right at his side.

"I think Bella is out of places to run, Katie.", he said with a sexy, devilish voice.

"I made you chocolate chip pancakes…", I offered, knowing I was dead meat.

Edward came closer and smiled at me, looking even MORE scary as I waited for my whip cream shampoo.

"And we love you for it.", he grinned, so close now that he was almost pressed against me, and then he whispered, "And later, I promise to help you wash the cream out of your hair in the shower…"

It was even fun when he put the can over my head and squirted me with the can. Katie was howling with laughter and I stood still, letting him do his worst. He covered my hair with it, acting like he was painting a picture on me…and after he was finished there, he just squirted a dot of cream on the tip of my nose…and then he burst out laughing at me as I stared back at him. And then he kissed the whip cream dot off my nose…and in my heart, I forgave him. But he didn't know that until much….MUCH later.

Let's just say that Edward gives a very, very good shower to a girl with a fractured ego and whipped cream in her hair. By the time he carried me to bed that night, I had forgotten all about it, except to laugh at myself remembering it. It had been a fun moment and it did bring the three of us together…too bad they didn't know that I was planning on getting revenge on their asses the next morning as they slept. Yes, that's right. Both Edward and his cute little daughter got hit with TWO cans of whipped cream at 7 am Sunday morning. I think they enjoyed waking up that way. I couldn't even SEE Edward's face after a few seconds. I nearly wet myself laughing…and then I was being chased again by the two of them, resembling two melty white zombies. Payback is a bitch, guys….sorry.

Life was always this way with these two goofballs I live with. Actually, I loved it. The light, fun moments like these were so needed in the midst of all the things like the marshals, the nightmares, the therapy, the absence of Kerri…the memories of Kevin. If they wanted to laugh and spray me with whipped cream, fine with me. Besides, I think I taught Edward a better way to cover me with it…when we were all alone.

School was getting better and better all the time. Sure, I was still stuck in classes I already took years ago, but then after my boring classes ended, I was welcome to join Josh's group and I got so involved in all the work they were doing. I got to talk about what I loved, about different treatment theories, I got to argue against students on my level, and hear their arguments. It was completely wonderful and I loved every minute of it. I got to go door to door with Josh as my partner, and with Edward along as a silent observer…and I did get a chance to talk to people in this town, people we'd never met before…people who wanted to talk to ME about their troubles. It felt good. I was doing it…I was chasing my dream. I felt like I was back on track…only this time my heart was full of love as I raced along its curves. I was even more powerful now, in a way, that when I heard about love or relationship troubles, I could now in some way, relate and understand.

Edward always behaved himself while we worked, and stayed quiet. I almost suspected that the only reason we got in the door of some of these houses was because the women at the door got very good looks at Edward and Josh standing there, smiling, asking to come in for a moment. Then I was allowed to ask them why they felt like their husbands didn't care about romance anymore, trying to hold their attention while these two supermodel men sat there grinning at them.

Edward tried to do what he could to make me feel better about it. He made me laugh when he said he'd 'ugly himself up a little'…he let his stubble grow and mussed up his hair a lot…but that just made him even fucking hotter…DAMN. Women heard about this and started calling the school, asking for our team to come out to their own houses.

But, at the end of the day, I was helping people…and that was good enough for me. Edward said he was so proud of me…and I felt proud of myself. I had a great group of friends now, including Josh. In fact, Josh was almost like a big brother to me. He never once tried anything inappropriate or made a pass at me. We just talked and talked…about everything. About our families, our childhoods, our fun stories. I had to make up a lot of detail when I told him the story of how I met Edward though.

When I asked Edward about it, the two of us made up quite a story about our "first meeting".

"Oooh!", Edward laid in bed in the dark and made another suggestion, "I know! You were trapped in a burning building and I was the fireman…and at the last second, I saved you."

I felt such a soft little pain in my heart, knowing exactly why he'd want to be that. I think even he realized it, too, a moment after he'd said it…and he was the one to say, "Scratch that one. Sorry Bella."

"I love you baby.", I answered, rubbing his arm and then placing a kiss there, "I hate that we have to do this…making up some fake story like we're ashamed of the real way it happened. I love our story. I love you. And I'm so proud of us, of all we overcame to make a life together. I don't want to make up a story."

"Neither do I.", he said, moving his fingers along the side of my hair, "But for now, we have to. Someday, we'll tell everyone everything, I promise."

"Okay.", I smiled, "So let's see…how did we meet? Hmmm…"

"Oh, I know!", he said, "I was in a rock band, singing…and you were in the audience…and you fell in love with me immediately. And then I saw you…and I sang right to you…"

"Oh my God, I love this story…keep talking…", I purred, cuddling up alongside him, placing a deep kiss onto his nude nipple.

"No, I don't like that.", he changed his mind, "People will ask me to sing or play guitar or something. I don't want to do that."

"Why not?", I asked, moving my fingers around the perfect nipple I was toying with, "I LOVE your voice."

"My voice sucks, let's change the subject – you think of an idea…", he avoided me and I wanted to know why.

"Your voice doesn't suck, you're amazing when you sing.", I argued, "I fell in love with you even more that day I first heard you singing in the shower, the music of the night. That's when I wrote in my book that I adored you…I did…and I still do. Now tell me why you don't want to sing for people."

"Bella…", he began but I wouldn't let him get away until he shared it with me.

"Edward…", I said back, and he knew that he couldn't escape Dr. Bella.

"Victoria.", he said the word I hated most…and I knew she was the fucking reason.

"She…sometimes ordered me to sing.", he confessed, "During down time in the playroom…or while she was tying me up…or for her friends….what else is new? Victoria was a bitch…next subject…"

"Your voice is one of your gifts, Edward.", I gently moved my hand up and down his chest, "She should have appreciated you and all your gifts but she didn't. It was her loss. But that shouldn't make you feel like your gifts are soiled or something. I see you…I appreciate all you are…all your colors…are so beautiful. Don't hide them."

I got no words in return but I was happy because he rolled towards me and kissed me with such emotion…and followed that with two…no, three more kisses…and he held me close, whispering, "Love you so much…"

"Love you more.", I whispered, inhaling his addictive scent and letting it fill my lungs.

So, after that, we tried to create a perfect love story meeting for ourselves…and after several good tries like – we got trapped in an elevator together, we mistakenly got put together as roommates in college, and my favorite, we met on a line at the supermarket and he helped me pay for my groceries when I was short…we finally went with one that included Katie.

We met when Katie and "Anthony" came to my door to sell girl scout cookies. They both charmed me to death as I bought every box they could sell me…and then suddenly, the skies opened up and it began to POUR rain all over them. I quickly let them inside and gave them towels, and made them some hot cocoa. And the rest is history. Edward loved that story…and I had to admit, it was very sweet.

"It's gonna be a Hell of a shock for people when we tell them the truth someday.", I commented, "But I like your idea. It's so innocent. I love that. Even after all you've seen, you still have innocence, Edward. That tells how strong you are, you know."

I kind of thought it was funny, though, this story of Edward selling me girl scout cookies instead of what he was really selling me when we first met. I can still feel that kiss he gave me in the dressing room after we sealed our deal…and he let me go, saying, "Miss me."

Mmmm…man!

I knew the real reason Edward loved this story, though. It showed him playing his role as Katie's father, taking her door to door to sell girl scout cookies, as he always dreamt of doing. Those little everyday things that he'd missed out on in Katie's past, the things he always planned to do with her that he lost…he somehow wanted them back and I completely understood that. I lost all those things with my mother, and my father, too, after she died. So we were going with the girl scout cookie story. I liked it…and I liked that nature…or even God took part in bringing us together when the rain came.

Peter was still a constant presence in our lives and was still always there whenever we needed him. He was building up his patient list quickly, mostly from word of mouth…news spreads pretty fast around this town…and partly thanks to the cards of his that I had been handing out on my door to door sessions. I never told him about it, but I think he knew. One time when I opened the door for him, he just gave me this huge hug. Edward spent that whole evening giving him the evil eye. Katie still smiled at him with this dreamy look whenever he was talking, and Peter pretended not to notice, silently hoping she would get over him soon. But he didn't ignore her. He talked to her all the time, and was interested in what she was doing and learning in school.

Edward and I still had our Saturday night dinners before therapy at Jimmy Chan's and every time was just as much an adventure as the first time we went there. Marcus was still foul and insulting as ever, and Edward was still tickled pink every time he WAS insulted…and I just sat there, trying to eat and ignore the two nitwits. The place was no longer empty but Marcus always found a place for us to sit. He never said it out loud, but it was nice that he didn't forget his two favorite regulars.

Jenna and Marcus were still dating and it looked like it was now getting real serious. She was always with Marcus and Tao on her time off and sometimes even spent whole weekends with them. We even got a chance to go see the rodeo with Marcus and Tao one Saturday and it was so great! I couldn't believe that Jenna could do all those dangerous things! I had to admit, she was the best horseback rider, even better than the MEN! I was kinda glad I didn't have to murder her after all! Yet.

I'm so happy that Edward didn't have to participate in the actual rodeo show. Even the rodeo clowns had a deadly job of it, distracting the bulls when they tossed a rider off so the cowboy could run to the gates and get away.

In the weeks that followed Valentine's Day, we were all getting better at communicating with Tao. Edward was still the translator most of the time, but I had learned some of the basic words. Katie was the most patient and intuitive when it came to talking to him. Sometimes, she didn't even need to speak Japanese, she could just make some motion that clicked and he understood. It was sweet that the language barrier didn't keep them from being good friends. And in turn, Tao knew some English too. He knew how to say "very good" to me after he ate dinner at our table and he knew "thank you" too. He also learned how to say "pretty" and Katie always heard him say that when she opened the door to let him inside.

I loved being in Edward's class. He was such a good teacher and I felt myself getting so aroused as I watched him standing in front of us as we all sat at the kitchen table, being good little students, Marcus included…and later, Jenna too. The last few times even Donald Duck sat in and took extensive notes. He became the little goody two shoes nerd of the class, always raising his hand and trying to impress Edward. What a tool. I secretly hoped that Marcus would challenge him to a fight behind the school at 3 o'clock.

Edward was so intelligent and patient as he taught us and was always kind if someone made a little mistake. The way he pronounced the Japanese words…GOD…I got goose bumps all the time. I know that back in New York Edward wanted to play teacher and student and we had decided not to roleplay that night. But lately, I was changing my mind about that.

At the moment, I was wondering how sexy Edward would look with glasses on…it is so wrong that I'm fantasizing now with two children in the room. Behave, Bella…pay attention. Or the teacher might ask you to stay after and clean the blackboards. FUCK!

I want to get in trouble…I want to make him look at me with that stern look in his eye…I want him to discipline me for getting the words wrong. Oh my God, I need some water! Maybe I can just throw a glass of it into my own face again.

"Marie…", he said suddenly, and looked at me asking me something in Japanese.

I caught one word of it…uh oh…I hesitated, trying to figure out what the rest of it meant…there was a verb in there…I know that…

And there's the stern look…oh Mommy YES!

"Uh…", I looked around, then into Edward's eyes and knew I was caught not paying attention. And there goes Donald Duck's hand in the air. God, I hate you Donald!

"Put your hand down, Donald.", Edward kept staring at me, waiting for me.

"I don't know what you just said.", I admitted, feeling a deep hot flush in my skin as I looked down at my notebook, feeling like dirt, "Sorry."

"Pay attention please.", he smirked, only for me to see, as his voice was tight and authoritative.

I nodded, saying, "I will…I am…sorry."

He gave a nod back at me and continued his lesson, and Marcus was grinning at me.

When Edward turned his back to us, I quickly stuck my tongue out at Marcus and Tao laughed at that. We all got punished that night and had to write our verbs out one hundred times. Mr. Cullen is mean.

But he's SO hot!

Springtime was coming…slowly. March turned into April and it was finally time for our little Edward to start going to his veterinary classes. Katie was taking pictures of Edward the whole night after he got home from work, saying, "This is Dad eating dinner before his first day of school." And "This is Dad brushing his teeth so his breath smells nice for his first day of school."

"Let me know when you get to 'Dad puts on clean underwear for his first day of school.'" I joked, and they both looked at me like I was a child molester or something.

Edward would be working from 7am to 3pm and then come home to have dinner and relax a little, and then he'd have classes at night from 7pm to 9 or 9:30pm. It would be hard not to have him around at night, and I would really miss him, but I knew this would be life changing for him. And we still have him on the weekends.

Katie and I both followed him to the car as he held his books and smiled at us, letting Katie get yet another picture of him. I was there with my tape recorder and held the microphone to his mouth, asking, "How do you feel, Anthony? Are you excited?"

"Very.", he grinned, "But I have to go to school now, so wait up for me babe."

I giggled and Katie went, "EWWW DAD!"

"Come on, Dad, say something nice!", Katie followed him closely.

"Something nice.", he obeyed her exact words and snickered, looking at me.

Then, as he was sitting in the car, he looked at the two of us and got serious for a second.

He took the little microphone from me and said into it, "I do want to say…that I'm looking at the two most important people in my life right now. I love you guys, both so much…this is a dream come true for me. A dream I never thought would come true. Every time I think I'm stuck on an endless road, you two find turns for me to take…new roads that I never dreamt of…and they take me to great places…they take US to great places. I won't let you down. I'll make you proud of me."

"We're already proud of you.", I said quickly, not wavering in the least as I said it, looking at him with so much pride that I'm sure I was glowing with it.

"Always.", Katie added.

"Always.", I repeated, smiling at him even more.

Edward could only respond by pulling us both into a big group hug…and that was no easy trick while he was sitting in that car. He kissed us each and then said into the microphone, "Here I GO! Look out VET SCHOOL! TONY'S COMING!"

"WOOOOO!, Katie and I cheered like little groupies as he started the engine and began backing out of the driveway…we even chased alongside the car for a few seconds as Edward laughed and waved at us…then pointed at Katie and told her to be careful and not to get too close to the car.

He was gone moments later, and Katie and I slowly walked back to the house together, my arm around her as I smirked and asked her, "So, getting back to this attitude against cooking…"

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Next, I'm going to have the angel/devil role play. And in the next couple chapters, things are going to be coming to a head. I'm nearly at the end of this little adventure…and maybe that's why I've taken a few days to post, because I'll be sad to see this one end.

I love you guys and thanks to all of you who stuck with me through it all. You're the best and I'm glad you're liking this as much as I've loved writing it. But it's not over yet! Oooh, such good things I have in store….he he he!

Get ready for some rougher times ahead now. Stay together, pick a buddy! See you all soon!


	38. Losing Virginity and Losing Fear

Hey guys! Sorry I've been gone a little while. I hate reality. LOL.

**This chapter does have a bit of Sir Kevin Fucked Up Journal entry in it, so be careful. It's in italics so if you need to skip it, go ahead. **

And yes, in the next couple chapters, the climax is coming, so for people who couldn't wait for the big finish, here it comes, just around the bend!

But first, a little angel/devil play:

See you soon!

Love, Wind

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"Do you like what you see, angel?", her voice was so thick with sex that it almost rendered me speechless. She was tightly wrapped into a skimpy little red sequined bikini-type costume, and the top hardly hid her breasts at all, except maybe for the nipples that poked through, harder than rock as I sat across from her on the bed, only the lamp covered by a red piece of cloth giving any light upon us. It gave a sense of being trapped in Hell, with this hot little minx, who had no interest in helping me fly up away from her out of here…she had no interest in returning me to heaven…unless she knew of another way to take me there, as I laid underneath her perfect little body.

I smiled as my eyes looked over her. Her hair was all teased and fuckhot around her face, cascading past her bare white shoulders, the devil horns sitting proudly on top of her head…and she had just crawled over towards me…letting her breasts hang out of her top…almost at the tip of my lips and nose as she asked me the question.

I nodded my head innocently, feeling tears softly coat over my eyes at her beauty. This was wrong, wasn't it? For me, an archangel, to feel such things for this red goddess? Surely it's a sin, wanting her…wanting to taste her. God would never approve of this.

"Say it.", she urged, her mouth looking displeased, "Say it out loud. Or you don't get it."

Get it? Get what? I was confused but I found myself obeying her order anyway.

"You are so beautiful.", I whispered, knowing God could hear me, even way down here, "I can't look at you ENOUGH. My body feels…warm…hot…something strange is happening…what is this place?"

She smirked at me as if my words amused her and answered, "This is Hell. You had a terrible fall, baby. Lucky for you, I caught you. Now you're mine."

"Hell?", I asked, looking up, "I never heard of that."

"Don't worry about it, love…", she came closer to me, sitting in my lap and moving her fingers over my hair, "It's just home, that's all. You'll like it here with me, you'll see."

I felt myself smile back at her, liking the way her legs felt on mine. I never saw a creature like her before, and certainly never touched one this way before. I was in so much trouble. This can't be allowed.

I looked down at myself and suddenly felt naked…even though I was in my usual white tunic around my waist. But my chest was always bare as it is now and my feet never needed shoes of any kind. My wings were large and proudly jutting out behind me, like always, but when I tried to move them upwards, they didn't respond. There was no pain, but, they weren't flying when I wanted them to.

She touched her glossy lips to mine and moved them in such a way that I found myself copying her…and I could taste cherries…mmmmm….I felt my eyes close and she moaned out in pleasure, sounding as if she were celebrating because I had not rejected her advances.

But then I pulled away hard, but could not bear to wipe her taste off my mouth as I breathed out, afraid…nervous…unsure…

"What happened sweet thing?", she tilted her head to one side, not surprised by my feelings, "Do I scare you?"

I winced a bit but hid it and shook my head…then changed my mind and gave a little nod, not sure what I was feeling right now.

"Awww…poor little angel…", she stroked her fingernail down my right cheek as I felt a pang of raw desire slash through me, all the way down to my…oh my GOD!

"Don't be afraid.", she comforted, "Just enjoy what you're feeling. It's good, isn't it?"

At this, I definitely gave a nod and felt my lips grin a little, knowing I was betraying everything I believed in by doing so.

"That's my boy.", she smiled enough to show her lovely white teeth, and she snuggled her little nose against my chin, "I knew you were for me when you landed in my arms. So cute…so innocent…I really love that, you know. Innocence brings out the beast in me."

I liked her despite everything my gut was telling me and I felt myself blush a little.

"I guess I should thank you…for saving me.", I felt a half smile on my lips, "What is your name?"

"Lust.", she replied, "I guess you should know…I'm one of the seven deadly sins. My six sisters are the rest. Surely you've heard of us."

I tried to rack my brain. I should know about the seven deadly sins…but for some reason my mind was a complete blank. Maybe that fall I had taken was a lot more serious than I thought. I didn't really care. As long as she keeps sitting on me this way…I'm fine. It was so warm…raw heat that didn't burn. Whatever it was, I loved it. I never wanted her to get off me.

"No?", she asked, looking a little concerned for me now as I shook my head slowly.

"Thank you for saving me, Lust.", I said softly, hoping I sounded truly grateful, "And thank you for…whatever that was…you just did…with your lips."

"Kissing.", she replied, filling me in, "That was a little kissing. We're gonna be doing that some more…lots deeper…harder…in a bit. Do you like it?"

I licked my lips, loving the way deeper kissing sounded.

"Yes.", I admitted without fear this time, "I loved that. It makes me feel…alive."

"You ain't seen nothing yet, sweetness.", she said with a little giggle, placing another one of those…kisses…on the cleft in my chin….and that felt so good it was like electricity mixed into my blood and sent little zaps of current to every cell in my entire body.

I even heard myself give a moan of bliss, and my head fell backwards a bit from the sheer perfection of it.

Suddenly, I opened my eyes and found hers right across…and my voice shook as it asked, "Is this wrong? I mean…is it bad that I'm feeling this…loving this as much as I do? Is it a sin? You said you're a deadly sin."

"Shhhh baby….relax.", she moved her fingers down my neck and over my shoulders, "This isn't wrong. It's wrong that you've flown around for centuries and never felt this…it's wrong that your God has denied you this pleasure for so long…you've done so much good…you deserve this. Your body feels so good, doesn't it? Do you want it to stop?"

"NO!", I heard myself shout out, then I blushed because I had yelled into her perfect face, "Sorry."

"This is nothing.", she continued, "Kissing is just the start of it all. Wait until I lick you…all over…wait until I sink my teeth into that flawless angel flesh of yours…and mark you as mine. You'll love that…you'll cry from the feelings that'll bring you."

My eyes were heavy as she explained how much more she could make me feel. I wanted it…I wanted it all and even more.

"Yes.", I whispered, feeling my eyes glaze over, "Please…"

"Patience, baby…these things are better with a little time…first things first.", she kissed the tip of my nose and I breathed out hard, something savage and animal inside of me being born for the very first time in all my existence.

"Let me look at you first.", she said and I leaned forward, trying to touch my lips to hers again…but she shoved me back an inch or two, "Stop. Behave yourself, boy."

I did as she said, looking down in shame but she tipped my face up with her finger under my chin, turning my face this way and that.

"Very nice.", she said approvingly, "Are all the angels up there as beautiful as YOU?"

"They're all very beautiful.", I said, feeling a little sick to my stomach, "I'm nothing compared to them."

"Oh, stop that.", she released my face, "You are probably their pride and joy up there, don't put yourself down. You're the most handsome face I've ever seen."

"Really?", I asked, wanting to believe that. That I was special and that she found me half as attractive as I found her.

"Really.", she confirmed, gently shoving at my chest until I was laying on my back, my wings laid out on each side of me as I landed. She moved off my lap a little and her small fingers reached down to my white tunic, untying it slowly.

I gasped and asked, "What are you DOING?"

I even almost sat up but she shoved me back down.

"Hush, angel of mine…", she smiled at me as she kept undoing my garment, "I have a right to see ALL of you, don't I?"

"But…", I began, looking straight up, then closing my eyes so I could not see heaven above me…I didn't want to be judged by them…I didn't want to see them looking.

"Shhh, trust me…", she leaned down and placed another one of those kisses on my chest, right over my beating heart, "I won't hurt you. I'm going to do nothing but make you feel GOOD, I promise."

I felt my hands shaking but I didn't stop her from opening my tunic in the middle. She let the glittering fabric sink down at my sides carefully as she let her eyes move over my now naked body. I clenched my eyes and felt wetness there. No one had ever looked at me…not like this. What if I'm hideous? What if she laughs at me?

It seemed like an eternity, waiting for her reaction. She didn't say anything…but then I felt something very warm and wet touch the tip of my penis. I opened my eyes in fright and saw her gorgeous chocolate curls all over my waist, hiding her face and my lower body from view.

I breathed out again as I felt her tongue lick thickly against the head over and over again…as if she were tasting me too. She made this wonderful sound, mmmmmmm….and then her entire hot mouth wrapped itself around me…and I screamed out loud, my eyes two open pockets as my back arched up and my legs tensed…then spread open even more to allow her complete access to any part of me she wanted.

No words could form on my tongue as she kept working up and down, licking, sucking, nibbling….moving her fingers and hand around me…endlessly…torturously…her spell on me rendering me speechless…only moans and jagged breaths told her what I was feeling.

Then, just when I thought I'd weep from the sheer ecstasy of it all, she took her bad girl tongue and lapped at the balls that hung underneath my very delirious cock. Then I did actually weep. God it was fucking amazing!

Lust paused for a moment and looked up at me, as if to ask if I was alright. I felt a single tear move from the corner of my eye, and into my hair as I laid there…and I looked back at her and whispered, "Please don't stop…please…Lust…"

She smirked at me then and she looked so bad…but I loved her right at that moment anyway. Whatever she is, I'm hers now. And I will do anything she says.

"What is YOUR name?", she asked me suddenly, her brow raised knowingly.

"I don't know and I don't care!", I nearly begged, my toes nearly digging into the soft bed beneath them.

She waited, not moving again, her chin propped up on my bellybutton.

Then it came to me.

"Virtue.", I replied quickly, hoping she'd go back to doing whatever she was just doing to my body.

She gave a small laugh and I felt broken hearted. It must have showed because she quickly straightened, saying, "Oh, no, baby, I'm not laughing at you. I would never do that. I just find it ironic. And so perfect. I'm going to teach you things…you have no idea…"

"Yes.", I pleaded, "Please teach me…touch me…anything…."

"Lay back, Virtue…", she breathed, sounding very excited, "This could take 100 years…I'm going to claim every inch of you…until it screams out my name."

I smiled, panting as she continued what she had started…it was pure bliss and I loved every second of it…I felt red hot and white light glowed out of my body as I screamed at last…screeching her name like a war cry, proudly…and I almost panicked as I felt something hot and liquid explode out of me…my light wrapped around Lust as she sucked it down and swallowed my juices…and I groaned out like an animal as that registered in my brain. She was drinking me…I was pouring down her throat and mixing with her blood. I found that so god damn arousing.

She grabbed my face and kissed me, we were still bathed in white light and she still tasted sweet, I could not detect my taste on her mouth and I was glad. I kissed her so hard that I surprised myself and I heard her teaching me gently as we dared to kiss deeper.

"Stick your tongue in…", she instructed as our lips melded and battled together…."Stick your tongue down my throat…"

I tried to do as she said but it was only when her tongue slipped into my mouth that I understood…God, that feels incredible! And I did the same to her…my fingers grabbing into her mane of curls as she gave a little cry of want in return.

"Yes…", she panted, "Be rough with me…that's it…pull my hair…take me Virtue…"

I pulled her body to mine and felt my penis doing strange things on its own…it was standing straight up and hard as a rock! She was sitting on my lap again, moving her little red panties up and down against me…and that was SOOOO damn hot! I groaned out like a hungry lion, hating that fabric for standing between us.

She stopped kissing my lips and her nose laid next to mine, her glorious hair everywhere as she said, "Take my clothes off, Virtue. I know you want to."

I couldn't speak again but I didn't need to. She kept kissing me as my shivery hands explored the little body so close to mine. My fingers touched the glittering red material that laid over the round, powder white flesh beneath. She gave a little purr of contentment at my touch and then my fingers moved carefully behind her, figuring out where the cloth was going…and then feeling a little bow under her long hair, I gently pulled at it…and the garment began to loosen.

I found another bow at the back of her neck and undid that one too….and the sparkling red top almost trickled off her body like drops of hot blood. And I let my eyes drink her flesh…seeing a woman's breasts for the very first time in my life. They were so perfect…so flawless…like art…come to life…and without a word, my fingers dared to caress one of them…the right…and it was such a moment for me that I touched her reverently, her being the only woman I had ever laid my hands on….and ever WOULD lay my hands on…I was almost afraid if I touched too hard…she'd burst into dew or a breeze…and fly away from me forever.

My eyes looked at her face and her eyes were closed….her smile full of joy and pleasure as I kept exploring her silently.

It was a good amount of time I spent, just touching…innocently feeling all the beautiful parts of her body…both my hands moved over the round swell of her breasts…and I felt tears in my eyes again at how lovely and delicate she was…but also so strong and powerful.

"Kiss them…move your tongue over my nipples…", she whispered her suggestion, as if praying I would do it…and I did lower my head to her breast, softly…SO softly…daring to put my mouth to every inch of her skin, weakened by my need to keep so close to her, paralyzed by my want to please her…hobbled by the dream of feeling more and more, as she promised.

"Ohhh yeessss, Virtue…yesss….", she grabbed the back of my hair and held me to her as I began to move my tongue around the round pink nipples staring at me. I closed my eyes and decided my tongue would never taste anything sweeter in all of paradise, where I used to live. Paradise never had this. I would not miss it there. Hell was my new home now. Lust was my home now.

And she kept moving herself against my penis, that was even larger than before, and throbbing with need. It was painful and exhilarating at the same time…and I loved the way it felt as she gripped my hair, bringing me even closer to her.

"Harder…", she groaned jaggedly, "You won't break me…go on…I'm not made of glass…suck me harder there….OOHHHH YEEEAAAA….yea!"

"Fuck!", she said loudly, and to me it was a foreign word. I'd never heard that before.

Suddenly, she moved with speed and urgency, and she brought my hands to her waist, where the little red panties were, and demanded, "Take them off me! Rip 'em off! Please!"

Well, she DID say please.

I was glad that they weren't real strong when I tore them apart…they shredded like thin blades of grass…like rose petals. She yelped out as they came off and I saw what had been hidden inside there. A flat stomach led my eyes downward to a single little line of soft hair that laid between two small lips of flesh…a little pink slit of moist tissue within.

I waited for her to tell me what she wanted me to do…I was completely in the dark here but it seemed so far I had made her happy with my touch, with my kiss…

"Touch me, Virtue…", she took my hand and put it there between her legs…and I was taken aback at the heat and wetness there…this was so surreal…I couldn't remember falling down here to Hell but I thanked God that I did it. How long have I lived…without living? How much longer would I have gone on without ever knowing this?

I cried out a little at how incredible this felt…and she arched backwards…smiling and with her eyes closed as I let my fingers play in the wetness I was feeling…it was so easy to glide my fingertips in and out….moving in little circles…enjoying the sounds she would make as I drew each different line or motion into the very sensitive, thin pink spot she wanted me to touch.

"Don't stop…don't you fucking stop!", she panted, laying all the way back now, her legs wrapped around my waist, "Please….please….Virtue…make that triangle again…YEA! That one…do that over and over again, please? Please? Ohhhh….thank you…thank you…"

She was mewing like a kitten as I did what she asked and kept making that triangle in the wetness….I was having fun pleasing her this way…I did the triangle straight up, then sideways…then upside down…she was screaming in a few minutes and somehow I knew it wasn't because I was hurting her. She kept saying don't stop…and I didn't.

"Lick me…, she grabbed my hair again and brought my face to the pink lips there, "Lick me just like you touched me…with that triangle thing…and the circle too…make it nice and wet…"

When I did as she said this time, I tasted heaven in its purest form! I was so wrong thinking earlier that I had tasted the sweetest thing ever…that was wonderful, her breasts…but this…was unparalleled sin on my tongue! And I loved it! If I was to burn in Hell for having this…I'd take it.

I couldn't keep the sensation of it to myself and I vocally expressed my enjoyment in the forms of soft moans and groans the entire time…I could hear her breathing quicken and even stop a couple times as I licked and inserted and swirled my tongue in the crevices and opening I found…and she was getting more and more wild the more I discovered.

My fingers also found the baby soft flesh underneath her as my mouth and tongue played happily in their new meadow…and I felt her ass and the crack down the center….my fingers clutched and grabbed and she loved that…she screamed out even louder and was grabbing at her own hair, yanking it as she let me please her.

"Gentle now….gentle…real soft right there….OOOHHHH GGGOOODDDDD!", she opened her eyes wide, looking upwards as I kept moving very softly in the spot she instructed me to show light touches to. And then, as her body jerked and spasmed, and as she screamed out, I saw red light glow all around her body…and then I tasted sweet, thick juice pour out of her…and I didn't shy away from it…I lapped it up and prayed it would never end.

A few moments later, as I gently stroked and kissed every inch of her stomach and torso, adoring her without words, she sprang up and shoved me down onto my back again. For a moment I thought I'd done something wrong, but she was smiling down at me like I was something wonderful to be eaten.

"Oh, Virtue…you are magnificent!", she complimented and I felt myself smile up at her, happy that I had put that look on her sweet face.

"Wait til I show you what comes next.", she said and then reached down, holding onto my penis, and pulling it slowly up and down, getting a very guttural groan from my throat. I dug my nails into the sheets below me, not moving as she stared down at my crotch.

"Do you know what this is for, Virtue?", she asked as she played with it, mercilessly.

"No.", I admitted, unable to take my eyes off her face and her body equally.

"How does this feel, Virtue?", she asked me, "Do you like this?"

"Yesssss…", I nearly snarled the word, "Yes, Lust…so much…."

"Are you still worried about me being a deadly sin?"

"No, not at all.", I panted, "If you're a sin, then so am I. I love this…I love YOU."

Thunder struck high overhead…God was angry. But I didn't care at all. I was devoted to Lust now. The skies above were black…and I liked that.

"Mmmm….so pure…", she sounded aroused as she kept stroking me, "But not for long…."

"Hold still a moment.", she said as she straddled my hips and placed the head of my penis right into the wet pink space between her legs. And in one fuck amazing motion, she impaled herself with me…all the way down as both of us screamed out loud, sharing the same agonizing bliss as we became one.

"Uhhh….uuuuuhhhhhhh….", was all I could articulate as she spoke to me.

"We fit well together, Virtue…I knew it…", she breathed, sitting still as she probed my mouth with her finger and I immediately sucked on it, convinced she was made of sugar and sex, and I wanted to taste every inch of her.

"I'm gonna fuck those brains out.", she threatened, and began moving herself up and down around me, taking me with her.

I yelled out again, thinking the pleasure and the never ending pouring of desire would kill me for sure. But I was willing to die if this was the way.

"Your virginity is mine…", she said softly as she kept riding me, going harder with each descent upon me, "Virtue…do you give it to me? Say you give this gift to me…only me."

"I give it to you, it's yours!", I panted harder, really feeling like a virgin once more, half a moment out of character as the angel, thinking as Edward Cullen, newly deflowered by this goddess on top of me, "Take everything…all I have…I don't want it without you…"

She arched again, as if my words gave her an even extra boost of pleasure, my hips thrusting upwards against hers as she moved down towards me at the same time.

"FUCK!", I screamed out louder, not caring who or what could hear me now, "LUST FUCK ME! FUCK ME FOREVER! DON'T STOP!"

Then I grabbed her little round ass cheeks and made her move up and down on me with even more force and she was deliriously screaming out, matching the intensity of my own shouts….our bodies slapped and pounded together and I noticed for a second that they were hot and covered with perspiration, but neither of us slowed a bit….Lust's hair was wetting as well but that just made it even sexier as some of it stuck to the sides of her face, and flew around wetly as she yanked her head backwards from time to time.

Before I realized it, our bodies both glowed again….mine with white light, hers with red light…and we clawed at each other like two panthers, holding each tightly against the other….and when I opened my eyes again, I saw that there was just one color light now…neither white nor red…it was a strange mixture of both…not exactly pink but not crimson either…but it seemed like our lights were no longer separate things…they were combined…they were one, forever. We were one…forever.

And I felt myself explode once again, this time, as I was joined with her…and she cried out in delight as my juices flowed into her body…like it was somehow healing her…making her stronger.

I sat up slowly, staring at the face of the only creature I would ever do this with…and I held her weak, limp body in my arms, covering her head with kisses as my large wings finally responded and wrapped themselves lovingly around my true love…my Lust. She was warm and protected inside and she snuggled in with a smile as I tipped her chin up so I could see her eyes.

"I love you.", I said from my heart, "I'll always love you."

She grinned and said, "You don't even know me…"

She was wrong. "I know you.", I kissed her adorable little nose, "I can see you…I see everything…and I love you. Forever."

"I love you too.", she whispered, as if afraid now, and she held me, laying her face on my chest as I laid mine against her head, watching out not to scratch myself on her sharp horns.

"You don't have to worry.", I explained, "I'll never fly away. I want to be here, with you…always."

"Why?", she asked with glittering eyes, the tears just behind the surface.

"You made me real.", I said without hesitation, "I was a shadow…flying around, aimlessly, alone…you made me flesh and blood…you made my heart beat…for the first time ever…you made me a man. If you want my wings, I'll slice them off now and give them to you as a wedding present."

"No, don't…", she touched her lips to mine like a feather, then added, "They're beautiful. YOU…are beautiful."

"Only in the reflection of YOUR eyes.", I pointed out, moving a lock of hair away from those intoxicating chestnut eyes of hers.

"You make me real, too.", she said, this time sounding more like Bella than Lust. Her voice wobbled a little, as if she'd start crying and I quickly kissed her lips so she wouldn't.

"Edward?", she broke away for a second, asking, "Can I talk to you about something?"

Uh oh.

"Yea, what's wrong, baby?", I asked, carefully removing the little devil horns from her head and placing them on the nightstand.

"Nothing.", she smiled a little, "I mean…I was talking to Peter in session the other day and I wanted to ask you about it."

"I'm always here to listen, you know that.", I kissed her nose and began to massage her bare shoulders.

"Have I seemed different lately?", she asked me, "Like, happier and more relaxed?"

I grinned back at her.

"Yea, I have noticed that actually.", I nodded in thought, "I've liked it. You are much goofier and silly these last couple months. It's been nice to have a fellow kid around the house. Why?"

"Well, Peter and I have been exploring that and I think I finally have the answer and I want you to know something.", she explained, "When we first moved here, I was so scared. Scared that you would hate this new life. Then I was scared that I'd hate this new life. The pressure of meeting Katie and what that brought into our lives…then I was scared that you would resent me, that you'd want your old life back someday. Then I was scared of what you were going through – with the Sir Kevin nightmare – and then the marshals, the trial…I was on edge all the time and I felt like I had fifty worlds on my shoulders."

"I know.", I said, my heart sinking, "I know how hard it's been for you. I was afraid too…that you'd look at me one morning and think – you're so not worth all this. I had that nightmare more than once. It physically hurts to even think about it. You know any other woman would've left me long ago. But you stay. I don't know why you do, but I'm so glad. I couldn't make it without you, Bella."

"I feel the same way, Edward, about you.", she smiled, stroking my cheek, "Even if my head felt like bailing out, my heart would never let it happen. I can't breathe without you…and I don't know what happened or when but I don't feel all that pressure or fear anymore. I feel like we're home and we're all okay…we're…happy…finally."

I just smiled at her, feeling little tears come forth in the corners of my eyes. She was right. We are so good here…life is so great here. I wasn't even paying attention, either, but I don't feel like I hate this place anymore. I used to feel that….big time. But now I can't imagine our life being anywhere else but here. Weird.

"And now I'm free.", Bella laid her cheek against my chest, "Free to be ME…and love you…both you and Katie. I can relax and enjoy myself and my new family. It was you. You took my fear away, the moment you started to enjoy your life…our life. I believe in us now…I know we're gonna make it and be GREAT. You smile in the sun and ride that horse and I can SEE our future…finally without any real things threatening to kill it all. For the first time since we met…I FEEL at peace. I feel SAFE. I love our life…we've all made this life together and…I'm happy. I'm really…so happy."

She paused and then peeked up at me.

"Are you?", she almost whispered, afraid of my answer.

"You tell ME.", I smirked at her and pulled her face in for a deep, very passionate kiss, and I hoped she could feel the joy in my heart…the good feeling and peace of my soul. Words could never cut it. I knew my Bella could hear what was going on inside of me, as she always could from day one.

"This is the happiest I've ever been, Bella.", I said without hesitation, "I'm always happy as long as I'm with you."

Then I went in for an even deeper kiss, losing myself in her as our tongues licked and tasted…as our fingers dug into one another.

"MMMM…", she was kissing me back just as roughly…and she reached for something…and then was placing the devil horns on my head.

"Ooooh, yessss….", I gently pulled my arms out of the wings and turned them around, helping Bella's little arms slide into the straps as she giggled.

"I am such a good demon.", I informed. I didn't say it out loud but she had given me such a great gift, letting me feel innocent and pure again…it had been so long since I had really experienced those emotions. And at the end, in a stroke of genius on her part, she asked me to give her my virginity…and I did. It was one of the most incredible moments, sexually, that I'd ever had. They say if you fantasize something, your brain doesn't really know it's not really happening to you. If you think it, it is, in your mind. So for the last couple hours, I had been a virgin. I fell in love. And I experienced making love for the very first time. Bella gave me that. I once told her that she'd enjoy my body more than my mind. But now, I think that she has made love to both. And while my body is hers, completely…my mind worships at her altar.

So if she wants me to play demon lover now, she's SO gonna get it!

"I remember.", she laughed, getting on all fours, turning her naked little ass towards me, wiggling it at me, adding, "Wanna spank the naughty angel?"

"Ohhhh…", I felt something red hot wake up in trusty old Frankencock, "Yes I certainly do. Can you handle it, little girl?"

"Bring it.", she dared with a little squint of her eyes.

"Alright.", I positioned her tight butt right where I wanted it and then grabbed the hair, yanking her head backwards, my voice hard and demanding now.

"Back again, are we, for punishment, Bella?", I asked, moving my other hand in a circular motion around her right ass cheek.

"Yes.", she whimpered, "I'm sorry."

"Caught pleasuring yourself again.", I said knowingly, "Guilty or not guilty? As if I even need to ask."

"Guilty.", she said, looking down, ashamed.

"Of course.", I said, a bit bored, "Open your legs. I want my strokes hitting that hungry little pussy of yours. Maybe I can cure your little problem this time."

"Oh God…", she whispered, sounding both nervous and aroused at the same time. And she opened those gorgeous legs for me. Damn, I'm one lucky son of a bitch.

I pulled her hair even more now, suddenly very angry.

"What did you say?", I gritted through my teeth, "What name did you DARE utter while in the clutches of a demon enforcer?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!", she said in a little voice.

"I'm afraid sorry won't do, little Bella.", I scowled, pulling her legs even further apart as I prepared to deliver the very first blow, "See if you can keep your GOD in mind while I'm working you. See if he comes to save you too. Count off slut."

Then I slapped my palm against the round cheek of her ass as she yelped out loud, jerking away from me in an involuntary motion.

"One!", she yipped out.

After the first five light smacks to warm her up a bit, I brought her up onto her knees, so her ear was right in front of my lips.

"I think I have an idea to cure you of your little…indiscretion, my Bella.", I sneered as I put my hardened cock right under her clit from behind, moving myself back and forth slowly as she moaned out loud, trying to struggle a little bit as I grabbed her right arm.

"Or maybe you want this.", I said further, "Maybe this is all a setup so you can be sent down here to me. You love it when I spank your ass, don't you?"

"Yes.", she breathed, her breasts rising and falling with each lovely pass the air made through her lungs.

"Do you want me to fuck you?", I asked, taking a long, thick lick up her jugular with my nasty wet tongue.

"Yes!", she leaned her head back onto my shoulder, wanting more attention paid to her neck.

But I had another little surprise up my sleeve.

"No.", I shoved her down with a scowl, her hair falling over her face as she returned to her position on all fours, "I don't like angel pussy. You all get so attached…so clingy. Your…feelings get in the way. It ruins the sex."

"Fuck you!", she surprised me with her answer here, and she sneered back at me, "I'm not like the rest of them. I hate it in heaven. I hate praying and I hate fucking celibacy! Please! I just want to feel it once. I won't get attached, I swear! You can punish me after…or before…whenever you want."

"Hmm…you surprise me, Bella.", I said wickedly, "Not many angels make that kind of confession to me. Celibacy, huh? That must suck. I'll consider it…while I slap your pussy awhile. You may thank me now."

"Thank you, Edward.", she said with much appreciation, "Thank you…"

"Continue counting girl.", I said as I delivered a medium sized slap between the legs.

"Eight.", she whimpered as I stroked the area I had just stricken.

I didn't really hit her very hard, but for the purposes of the game, she was at the end of her very painful punishment.

"Now, slut, tell me…", I yanked her up to her knees, my lips on her ear as I asked, in my most velvety voice, "Are you sorry for pleasuring yourself?"

"No.", she said with a little sob in her voice, doing a marvelous acting job, "It felt good…and it's the only pleasure I get…I'll take the punishment…but I can't say that I'm sorry I did it. I like it."

"Hmmm…", I smirked, "Good answer. I think maybe I will fuck you. You have potential."

"Thank you, Edward.", she said with a smile of relief and pleasure on her lips.

"Not so fast.", I said with a bit of distaste, taking Bella's red bikini top and using it like a demon rope, "Give me your hands."

She put her hands behind her, giving them to me as I loosely bound them together in two knots.

"I know about you angels and your power of touch.", I shared, "I'm not taking any chances."

"Okay.", she agreed, not struggling.

She was resting on her head now, on the bed, now that her hands were bound behind her, and her naked ass was right against my leg. I carefully took two separate strands of her long hair into my hands and gently pulled her head off the bed with them, holding them as if they were horse reins.

She moaned in arousal as I got into position to enter her…and I slowly penetrated the soft, glistening muscle that ached for me. And we were one again.

Damn, sex with Bella was fucking amazing, more amazing every time we made love. She was becoming quite the role player and at times, she was even as marvelous as I was at being in her role. I should have known that things were going too well because two nights later, the fucking marshals were at our door again, ready to start their own favorite game of questions and answers again.

This time they started with Bella, and they took her away from me too! I protested and shouted but that didn't stop them from doing it. Bella had allowed them to do it in the end and she told me she'd be alright. I hated it but I was put into our bedroom while she spoke to them at the kitchen table. I felt like a kid being punished as I sat there, wondering what I could be doing while my Bella was battling dumb and dumber out there.

I saw my knapsack in the corner of the room and shot it an evil glare. No. I'm not doing THAT.

But you DO want to get through the rest of it, don't you? This is something you could work on while Bella is going through her own hard shit out there.

I hate the good little voice in my head. It's so irritating.

The bad voice in my head is saying I could play video games on the wii right now.

"But the game console is in the living room!", my innocent voice pointed out happily.

Maybe I'll just see where we are now and how much longer I have to read out loud to Peter, I told myself. And before I knew it, I was unzipping my bag and fishing out the fucked up journal.

With a very deep sigh, I flipped to the last page I had been reading aloud to Dr. Peter.

God, I hate this fucking book. I hate the sight of my words on the pages. And most of all, I hate that there are a few pages left to go.

"Fuck.", I muttered to myself as I counted them, each side of a page counting as one.

Eight. Eight god damned pages left.

I shouldn't have done it, but I allowed my eyes to read some of the words that I'd have to read aloud on my next session.

_I woke up with a violent jerk as icewater struck my back, pouring down my naked ass as I shouted out, my eyes bulged open, forced to look around at the predicament I was in now._

_When I had shouted, I realized that my mouth was filled with something long and plastic that tickled the back of my throat. Cock gag. But across my lips, it was a flat, leather piece and I could feel a little metal padlock at the back of my neck, securing it firmly into place._

_I couldn't see anything but I wasn't blindfolded. I gave another little sound again, just to test out my surroundings. I smelled wood. And I could feel my bare shoulders resting against a hard wooden surface. My head was in a small box, down inside the floor. I had been in this before, it's one of Victoria's creations. From the dom's point of view, my head is in a hole in the floor, invisible to them…and I could feel leather around my pelvis, suspended from the ceiling, holding me an inch or so off the floor, my legs bound to some kind of metal piping, about every two inches, to secure them completely so I couldn't even bend them or pull away from the metal pieces. From Sir Kevin's point of view, I was on tip toes, bent over in half, my ass straight up in the air, my arms straight behind me in a tight leather sleeve, pulled up a bit and tied to something in the ceiling as well, just to immobilize them and to make them utterly uncomfortable at the same time._

_Fuck. I was in prime position to be fucked. I guess the honeymoon is over. _

_I felt a large hand smacking the cold water on my ass and the sound almost echoed as his voice rung out around the box._

"_My sleeping beauty waking up?", he asked jovially, moving the cold water over my left ass cheek, as if stroking me._

"_RRRRRR!", I roared back, trying to move my legs to get his fucking hands off me…but I couldn't move them even a hair! He had trussed me up pretty expertly._

"_You shut up in there!", he kicked a boot hard against the back of my leg, right under my ass, and that fucking hurt, against the pipe I was laced to._

_I cried out, angrily, heaving a couple breaths, fighting to breathe through this thing. Luckily, I had experience in how to breathe in these gags. An inexperienced sub could panic and forget to get air during a scene, and I had seen that happen a lot with other subs we'd play with. Once I was ordered to give a girl sub mouth to mouth to wake her up._

"_Just keep sucking that cock in there!", he ordered, every trace of romantic lover erased from his voice. I was glad. It was more of an insult being stroked and whispered to, as if I was a willing participant. I'd rather have him hate and be cruel to me. It was easier._

_I struggled and roared as much as I could. It felt good to do that. I had always been so obedient, so willing. Bella taught me that fighting back…even if you know you can't win…is much better. She was right._

"_Go on, use up the last of your strength struggling in vein.", Sir Kevin said distantly, sounding a few feet away as I quit trying to move my arms. It was only hurting them more to try._

"_I meant what I said.", Sir Kevin sounded as if he was coming closer now, "You WILL beg for my cock. And when you do, I'll say no. I'll be very hard to get, once you're broken. You will have to beg and beg hard for me to accept your invitation. But it will happen, my sweet Edward. You will see."_

"_Fuck YOU!", I said with garbled tongue through my very thick cock gag. But I think he heard me._

"_Oh my poor, sweet slave…", Sir Kevin said with a very sad and disappointed voice, "Don't worry, I'll help you. I'll make you see the beauty of being submissive again."_

_I breathed low and deadly through the gag, my back already killing me in this fuck of a position. _

"_Good boy, save your air.", Sir Kevin said, his voice more friendly now, his hand playing down the length of my spine, "You'll need it when you start screaming."_

_Then he tapped my wet ass twice, as if to say, let's begin._

"_Do you know canes?", he asked, and my stomach sank._

_Yea, I know canes. Long, wooden sticks. Some thick, some so thin. But all of them were a fucking bitch. The thin ones were the worst. Even a light stroke from one and you'd have a nice, long slit across your ass. But Victoria didn't just cane the ass. It would extend down the backs of my legs, on my inner thighs, even on the backs of my feet. Damn, they were vile. The thick ones would bruise and could even break bone if used improperly. Once, Victoria had fractured two of the bones in my leg and I thought at the time it was the worst pain I'd ever felt. She made me wait two days to have a doctor look at it, too, which was even more terrible. Dancing in the club and having women grope me with two fractured bones is no fun, let me tell you._

"_I understand that you are confused, but I want you to answer me, Edward.", Kevin said, "Or I'll really have to do something I don't want to do and when your daughter arrives, we can have a little ménage a trios. Do you know what that means, Edward?"_

_Fucker._

"_Yes.", I said and it came out as more of a soft grunt than a word, but he sounded pleased as he spoke back to me._

"_Very good.", he said, stroking up and down my ass as I tensed and tried to move my legs again, hearing Kevin going, "uh uh uh…relax, slave."_

_I gave in again, thinking of Katie. I'd die before I'd let any of these fucks touch a hair on her head. So I relaxed my legs and got a pat on my ass for my efforts._

"_Good boy, good.", he said and I felt like throwing up at the way he praised me like a dumb animal._

"_You see, I know what that girl did to you.", Sir Kevin began, placing a thin stick against my asscheeks, not striking yet, just touching the wood to my flesh first, placing where the first stroke would bite._

"_She made you think she loved you, didn't she?", Sir Kevin asked softly, almost as if he felt sorry for me, "My poor Edward. She can't love you. You're a slave and a whore to boot. And that also means, you CAN'T love HER. What do YOU know about loving someone? Look at you, sucking on a plastic cock and bent over with your white little ass in the air, almost pleading with me to fuck you."_

_Now I was pissed. Not only was he going to hurt me, torture me, and fuck me, but he was going to try and take Bella away from me too. _

_Fuck him. I won't let her go without the worse fight I have inside me. _

_I growled like a pissed off grizzly bear and felt tears gather in my eyes as my body kept thrashing around to free itself…but couldn't. _

"_Women are liars and cheats…and they rip your heart out just so they can keep a little trinket in their box full of shit.", Kevin said, and a moment later, he struck the first blow across my ass with his cane._

"_MMRRRRRRRR!", I choked out, clenching my eyes tight, holding in the whimper that was begging to rip out of me. I won't give him that. I'll try not to anyway. _

_I felt the skin throbbing, almost burning as the welt was surely rising and turning purple already._

"_Even that little girl of yours will grow up to be one of them.", Kevin almost scowled as he spoke about my daughter and I wanted to tear his fucking face off, "She will use and manipulate men…take them and then toss them aside…she'll be a little SLUT just like all the rest of 'em…just like her mother."_

_I shouted out in anger before the second lash landed. I knew what he was up to, saying all these things. He was not only going to hurt me physically, but he was going to try and wound me emotionally as well, to brainwash me and get me to break, joining him in his fucked up thinking. _

_Lucky for me, I had known Dr. Bella before getting into this shit. I clung to that, and all the lessons she taught me about being strong, about standing up for myself and for what I love. I almost wish she could know somehow…that she was helping me right now…that knowing her had made me better, tougher. The old me who didn't know her would've already been obeying with a smile, enduring it and pretending it was alright. I hate the old me. One thing for sure now – that guy is gone. Dead. And I'm glad. I will never be that again. Bella said so. And now I believe her._

I closed the book quickly, shuddering as I recalled all the pain Sir Kevin had inflicted upon me after that. I really didn't want to relive that. I would rather stop here, when I was strong and determined, not later when I was exhausted and weak.

Flashes of things passed through my head then, unwanted memories of very large anal toys slowly being forced inside me as I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking my ass would split open while Sir Kevin told me to relax and be quiet. I remembered the electric shocks, and how Sir Kevin had managed to touch them to every single inch of my body, especially the very sensitive ones. I remember when the fire play came back, right when I was at my weakest moment.

But most of all, I remember how he kept trying to make me hate Bella and even my own daughter. But I also remember that mentally, I never let him get in. I never believed any of it, for a second. I just endured, or tried to endure all his games, and soon, his words became blurred and just background noise anyway.

After all that, even then, he had only broken me by using Bella and Katie.

I put the book away, not wanting to think about that now.

I did break, yes, because my girls were threatened. I was glad, though, that I had a heart that held love inside it. I was glad to have these people in my life, someone precious that no other could replace. Some would think that would make them weak. But it made me strong.

Sure, I had to stop fighting and be agreeable at that point. I had to suck his slimy cock and swallow his filthy semen…and then I had to beg and beg for him to fuck me. I had to grovel like a dog, kissing and licking him from head to toe, to seduce him into fucking me.

And, just about when I thought I'd lose the contents of my stomach, he accepted.

I really tried to be quiet when he finally…penetrated me but I couldn't. I sobbed and fought, hating that this piece of shit was now one with me…and the sounds he made…like a lover enjoying every second of it, ignoring MY sounds of pain and anger, and defiance.

I even remember screaming, "GET OFF ME! Get THE FUCK OFF ME!"

He only moved slower at that point, and before long, I was begging, tearfully, "Please – NO MORE! Please…Sir Kevin!" I was at the end of my rope at that point, reduced to pleading like a little bitch.

But he only enjoyed it more when he listened to me weep and scream out as he quickened his fucking pace, squeezing my ass and kissing my foul, sweaty back. He took fucking forever to finish. And then, as if I hadn't been through enough, he rolled me over and began licking ME. And sucking me. I was chained but still, I fought back. It did no good, though. He still got everything he wanted.

Except Bella and Katie.

So, after it was all over, I had really gotten what I wanted too. They were safe. They were untouched by this asshole. It was the only thing that got me through it all in one piece, mentally.

And now, the marshals were out there, grilling Bella about what happened that following night.

When she was brave enough to place herself into the snake's pit just to save me. I really wasn't deserving of such a woman, I knew that. But I was grateful to be given this gift, this goddess who was created just for me. The more I thought about Bella, about all her childhood sorrows…of losing her mother, of not having Charlie most of the time, then finding her calling in life just because she wanted to understand her father more, it always amazed me. She kept learning more and more about reaching out and helping people, about healing people who were hurting and lost…and then, for our paths to cross…it's like it was meant to be.

As if Bella had finally met her match, and she rolled up her sleeves, and got right to work on me…and for her to fall in love with me…is just a miracle and a cruel joke on her at the same time.

But it's almost like all the things that happened to her in her life were like detours that led her to me, when without them, she might have ended up with some doctor type in the Hamptons or something.

"NO HE DIDN'T!", I heard Bella scream and I jumped up immediately and was running out there to her before I realized my feet hit the floor.

"What the fuck now?", I frowned at the guy marshal, whatever his name is, as Bella stood and let me touch her shoulders.

She looked angry, not crying at all, and she looked up at me helplessly.

"They're trying to pin Victoria's death on you.", she almost spat the words out, glaring at them.

"No we're NOT!", Benson, the woman shouted, "We just want the truth so we're not left with our pants down in court when the physical evidence comes in! If we get caught in a lie, we're DEAD."

"We're not lying.", I said, "We were kidnapped, I was SHOT, so was Charlie! They were going to RAPE Bella and God knows what else! Isn't there a thing called self defense?"

"Yes, but it's hard to sell that when the victim is handcuffed.", Morrison, the guy marshal muttured.

"Victim?", Bella's voice went high as her eyes bulged, "Victoria? Give me a break!"

"I think you guys should go now.", I stroked Bella's hair in back as my eyes flashed at them sternly, daring them to refuse.

"Fine.", Benson said, running a hand through her hair, picking up her folders, "But you guys better decide to come clean and tell us what really happened. Or you're both going to jail for a long, long time."

When they closed the door, Bella let out a deep breath and was trembling in my arms. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes and whispered, "I'm just gonna tell them."

"Tell them what?" I asked, staring at her as if she were insane.

"That I did it.", she blinked, looking away from me, "That I threw the candle on her. That I killed her."

"Shhh…", I covered her mouth for a second and whispered, "They could've left bugs here!"

Then I said loudly, "You DIDN'T kill anyone, Bella. It was ME. We both know that. That bitch tortured me for YEARS, I WANTED her dead!"

"Edward, stop!", she shoved away from me, "There's no bugs in here. But they're right. DNA, hair fibers…my Dad is a cop, I know about those things. They're going to find out sooner or later…that it was me. I won't let you go to jail protecting me. How could I live with that? I have to tell them the truth. Maybe then they can help me. Say it was temporary insanity or something. I'd get only a few years then, instead of life."

"No, Bella, not a few years, not anything!", I felt my heart break just thinking about it…about them taking Bella away from the court desk and handcuffing her while I sat there, watching…I wanted to throw up just imagining it, "You're NOT going to prison, DAMN IT! Not at ALL!"

"It's okay, Edward.", Bella looked up at me and gave me a sad smile, "I don't regret it. After all she did to you…and Katie. I was glad to do it. The only thing I'm sorry for is that it didn't erase her from your life…from your mind. If I could've done that, I'd gladly take three life sentences. You deserve to be free, Edward. In every way. Finally. I won't let you be locked up again…ever."

I felt myself give a little sob and said, with a deep voice, "Please stop talking this way. You're scaring me. It's like you're giving up. Don't give up on us, Bella, I'm begging you. Fight for us. Keep fighting, please. If you quit, then what chance do I have? What chance does Katie have?"

"Don't…", she cried and tried to turn away from me but I pulled her roughly back so she was facing me.

"No, I won't LET you give up.", I heard my voice tremble, "You never let me give up, and so I'm not letting YOU either. You're not telling them anything, do you hear me? If you do, I'll spring up and say it was all me that killed Victoria. I'll spin the story right back to myself and say that you're just trying to protect me. They'll believe ME. I'm a nasty whore, you're a college student, daughter of a police chief."

She stared at me with a pissed off expression, knowing I was right.

"Please, Bella, stay with me.", I said in a whisper, moving my nose up the length of her tiny one, and my hands cradled her face lovingly, "Don't give in. Lean on me now, like I've always leaned on you. I'm strong enough now. Thanks to you. I can be there for you. Please let me. Trust me. I won't let you fall."

She burst out crying and collapsed in my arms and sniffled against my chest as I covered her hair with kisses, clinging to her for dear life.

"I love you so much…", I kept saying to her, letting her cry, "I can't live without you. I don't want to. I'm so sorry. I just want to make you happy. That's all I've ever wanted. Please don't leave us. You're my wife. You're Katie's mother…we need you…we need you so much."

Finally, she quieted and looked up at me…and there was a little smile on her lips, even though her eyes were a red, puffy mess. But she's still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. And she's mine. I refuse to let her go now.

"I'm your wife?" she squeaked out, hardly able to say it.

I smiled back and nodded, "In my heart you are. But you're so much more than just a wife. You're my partner. You're my friend. You're my everything. You can't leave me alone. I'm a fucking mess without you."

She let out a little laugh and sniffed, wiping her right eye.

"You are a mess.", she joked, "Just look at you…"

"I know, right?", I smirked back, kissing her forehead, not letting go of her face, "So you HAVE to stay and look after me. You will, won't you?"

"I'm sorry.", she looked down, then back up at me, "I don't think I could leave you even if I tried. I'm just so scared that—"

"No.", I kissed her lips, silencing her a moment, then saying, with my eyes closed, "No more of that. We have to learn to stop being so scared. I loved it when you told me you weren't afraid anymore. It gave me courage too. Let's not go back there. No more fear. Promise me."

I looked into her eyes now and she gave a small nod, agreeing with me, her being the psychologist who knew all too well what a crippler fear could be.

"No more fear. I promise.", she stated firmly, holding me tighter to her.

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Thanks for all you guys who are sticking by this story! I love you! See you all soon!

Going to work on the big climax now! Evil laugh!

Love, Winnd!


	39. Come Get Me

Hey guys! I missed you all! I hope you all have your buddy with you! Stay together, and hang on! These next chapters will be bumpy and rough! You know with a story of mine, you wouldn't want it any other way! LOL!

Chapter 39

EPOV

We had thrown ourselves into living a normal life, concentrating on boring, mundane things…things so many families take for granted. Sunday dinners with Ben and Angela, helping out at the Ice Cream, You Scream Parlor…having Saturday night dates for dinner at Jimmy Chan's…fucking with Marcus…getting my next Unfortunate Cookie and its oh so sweet message from the Gods…reading aloud to Peter, trying not to vomit as I read in graphic detail the things Sir Kevin had done to my body and my mind…tolerating Josh and his constant presence in our lives…he even SHOPS with Bella, if you can believe that! Maybe he's gay, not that I'm against gay people, but…I would sure love to know that. Maybe then I can like him and relax. But then, when I look at him and his perfect face and his carefree, long hair…uukkk…no, I'll never like him.

And of course, having a daughter is a full time job too. Katie's grades were top notch, four A's and one B, in gym, so that's alright. I always hated gym myself. Apparently, she got a B because she can't hit the volleyball over the net. Big deal. She's a little girl. Fucking gym teachers.

Bella and Katie kept bonding over books…and it was the cutest sight when they sat on the couch, their legs wrapped into each other's, facing each other as they both read their own copies of the Harry Potter books. I had already read them but Bella hadn't. She really got into them after the first one and it was so fun to hear her gasp and react to things that she was reading in the pages. Then she'd tell us about it and we'd say, "Oh, I know, right? Draco Malfoy is a real little crap!" Well, I said that last part, not Katie.

And then, Katie and I had our time together at the stables with Dancer…and also, I was teaching her to ride. She rode on Yoyo, the only horse I trusted with my daughter, and I rode alongside her now, verbally instructing her as we enjoyed the trails around the stables…and it was so beautiful and like magic during twilight, before the sunset.

We had a lot of wonderful talks together…some about Tanya…she had a lot of questions about her mother and I answered them kindly and honestly. Then she asked about my relationship with Tanya…and why we fought all the time.

Those talks were tougher but I think I handled them well. I didn't lie to her, I tried to be honest without telling things that were for adults only, between Tanya and myself.

But above all, I stressed that Tanya always loved her and so did I…and it was never her fault, it was never about her. I let her know that she was the sun in our lives…everything we did, we always did with Katie first in our minds. And that seemed to make Katie happy, relieved somehow.

I asked her lots of questions, too. About what was going on in her mind when I left, what was hurting her as she spent those years without me…I even got her to admit her anger with me for not being there when she needed me most…we got deep into our own little version of Dr. Bella talks.

The one thing I couldn't answer was the day she asked me, "Where were you all that time, anyway? Pop Pop said you were working. And then when you came back, you said something about bad people had you. What happened?"

I choked on my next words…and tears did come to my eyes as I answered her.

"I promise I will tell you that…someday.", I vowed, looking at her hair as the orange sunset colored it with brilliant glows of flame, "I want you to know. And at the same time, I'm afraid that you'll hate me when you know. It's not a pretty story. That's my biggest fear…that you'll hate me when you know my past. But I swear one thing, I did it all for you. So you would be able to live a good life…and have everything you deserve. I would give my soul to make sure of that."

Maybe I did.

"Dad", she looked at me as if I were being silly, "I could never hate you. Stop worrying about that. You're my Dad. I love you. This is getting corny."

I chuckled for a second and agreed, even if it was thrilling to hear those words.

"Well let's be cool and say things only Harry Potter would say.", I picked on her hero a little, smirking as she shot me that look.

"Sorry.", I put a hand up, "I love Harry."

Katie would go to Tao's place sometimes, the apartment over Jimmy Chan's, and sometimes Tao would hang out at our house. Either way, there was hardly a day when the kids weren't together.

As the next couple months passed, all my Japanese students were doing very well communicating with Tao…and he was starting to converse with us in English too. We have a long way to go before we can sit around and have full blown conversations with each other, but we'll get there.

My big problem during our classes is keeping a straight face when Marcus and Donald Duck go at it. I thought Marcus hated ME…but with Donald, it's so much MORE. I think Marcus is just jealous because it comes very easily to Donald, this language, where he has to work at it a little more. And Marcus HATES it when he makes a mistake, he gets SO angry! I was even tempted one night to stick him in the corner, he was being such a brat.

A nice little perk to being teacher was that Bella got hot for me while I was teaching. I had noticed it a few times and finally, I could take it no longer. I had her meet me after class to discuss her…grade.

Katie had gone with Marcus and Tao that night so we had the classroom all to ourselves.

God, that was a beautiful night!

And Bella and Mr. Cullen made a deal: if she kept focusing on the material, and not me so much during class, I would give her extra special attention after class…you know, tutoring her privately. God, I wish I was a real teacher! Bella even brought me an apple one night and I made nice use of that, having her hold it in her teeth while I bent her over the table and pulled those little panties of hers down to her ankles…and introduced her to my favorite yardstick ruler. I adore the sounds she made through that apple as I swatted her little pink ass, very lightly of course. Sexy little grunts and whimpers…DAMN! And even though the stick didn't hit very hard, it makes such loud smacking noises when it makes contact! I was hard in two seconds, and Frankencock was wearing his little graduation cap, ready to play.

Later, I removed the apple, took a clean, huge bite of it and had her put her hands behind her, holding it for me on her spine while I tested her knowledge of some Japanese verbs and phrases while I licked and sucked at her pussy from behind her.

She was such a good girl that I fucked her, and allowed her to speak to me during, but only in Japanese. And I responded to her in kind. It was so much fun we did it more often than not when it was Tao's turn to have Katie at his house for a sleepover.

I was starting to see that I wasn't so against these kind of games lately. I didn't find them dirty or degrading, like I used to when it was a job. I loved how much Bella enjoyed playing and through her eyes, I found a whole new thrill in it that was never there before. I didn't think the reading aloud crap with Dr. Peter was doing any good, but maybe it is helping. It's weird how gradual this healing stuff happens, but it seems to work. And then, suddenly, I look around and see that I'm getting better, or changing from what I was…and it's cool.

I wasn't having Sir Kevin nightmares anymore…and Victoria was a flicker in my brain from time to time…not an everyday thing like before. The trial and the marshals were a dull buzz in my head that never really went away…but when they weren't around, I managed to shove them away and leave them in the corner, where they had to stay for us to have any kind of a life. Worrying about prison, about the trial, about James and his accusations wouldn't make it go away…and it would just kill any kind of time we all had together before the shit hit the fan…and I wouldn't let that happen. If I am going to prison in a year or two, so be it. But before they drag me away, we're going to make some great fucking memories here, the three of us, and even if we just have this year together as a family, it will be the best year of our lives, and that's more than some people have. And now that I have sworn Bella to silence on her desire to give herself up, I can breathe again and forget the dreams of her in an orange jumpsuit, being hauled off to a women's prison as I scream her name, held securely by a crowd of cops.

On a lighter note, Katie made a few other friends at school, other than the little bitches, and I knew that would happen. She steered clear of the cruel kids, thanks to Kerri's letters of advice. Kerri wrote to us and we wrote back all the time. She told us about going back to high school, and how hard that was for her. She was so scared but all her old friends welcomed her back with open arms. They only knew that she was missing for over a year, and was now back. Kerri decided to be selective about who she shared her story with…deciding to just trust family and a couple very close friends. I was sad to hear that the boyfriend, Julian, heard her story and stormed off, angry and upset with her. I wrote back and told her he probably just needs some time, and that he'd come around. And if not, then he wasn't good enough for her anyway. I told her that the man she'd end up with will not only love her despite her flaws and faults, but will love her for all the strength it took for her to survive such an ordeal. I reminded her of how Bella accepted me and loved me, knowing everything about my past. I told her a man was out there somewhere, strong enough to love her the way she deserves…and she'll find him someday. But more importantly, I told her, screw finding a man! Love yourself first, I said to her, forgive yourself and build your life back up before worrying about what some boy thinks of you.

Then I stopped in mid sentence, my pen halted in my fingers…and realized I should take my own advice and do the same. I have spent so many years hating myself and thinking I'm not good enough for any decent woman…I've wasted precious time whining about how I'm just a whore and a toy when I could've been laughing and living with Bella and my daughter, without shame and guilt. Damn, I'm stupid.

In a way, these letters to Kerri were helping me, too. And I felt good, having someone like her asking for my advice, wondering what I would do. I liked helping her. I felt like my own version of Dr. Bella, and then I asked Bella if she agreed with what I was saying to Kerri. I was so scared that I'd advise her wrongly and make things worse for her. I couldn't live with myself if I said or did anything to put her back in the life she ran away from. The truth is, a lot of hookers get used to the money and some of them get hooked on drugs. It's very hard to leave that life behind and live normally. Living normal is so hard, I know that. And many hookers go back to that life, being rejected by their families or friends, or feeling like they were unable to make it in the real world. I didn't want Kerri to be one of them.

I guess Kerri liked the feeling of helping others, too, because there would be a whole separate letter every time just for Katie. Katie looked up to her and Kerri always had great things to share with Katie. She filled her in on the "bitches" that every school had. She told her not to try and get accepted by those girls. Be your own person, she told her, be yourself. Find real friends, and don't judge them by how they dress or how cool other kids think they are. If you like someone, and they like you, then get to know them. Choose your friends carefully, Kerri told her.

Peter was over our place a lot, and I think Katie still has that crush on him…but it shows less and less every time he visits. Peter keeps bringing books over for Katie and tells her how great they are…a lot of them plays…and she loves that, now that she wants to be an actress. It seems since Peter suggested reading, Katie's nose is always in a book and the wii only gets used sometimes, and that is fine with Bella and I.

Work was still hard, as always, and Bob was still the best mentor and teacher I could've asked for when it came to the horses. He made a comment the other day that surprised me. He said, "You sure look a lot different than you did when you first came here."

"What?", I asked, confused by that.

"You were a skinny little pale thing with bright red hair…", Bob smirked, recalling, "You almost looked like a vampire to me. But look at you now. You've got arms now, and some muscle…your skin is tan and healthy looking…your hair is still red but it's a warmer color now…I guess baked by the sun a little…and…something else…you smile a lot more now than you did then. You look like a cowboy now, Ant."

I thought about it and guessed he was right.

"I AM a cowboy, Bob.", I admitted, smirking with pride, "And I love it."

I could never thank Bob enough for kicking my ass every day with these horses. He made me stay here, and stick it out…he taught me how to be a cowboy. And I never thought I'd love being one, but I had to admit, it beat the HELL out of being a city whore. One day, on a nice spring afternoon, I looked at myself in the reflection of the lake where Bob first took me to have lunch…and I saw that he was right. I looked better…stronger…happier. I look like a man…not a shadow.

When did that happen?

Dancer was improving a great deal and her surgery, although painful, was a success. No one could ride her yet, and I only attempted it once, but she very gently moved away and let me fall off her back, then she turned right around and nuzzled me with her nose.

"I still love you, it's okay.", I assured her, "Not until you're ready."

She gave a soft little whinny, as if to say thank you.

A few days later, I saw her trotting around in the big open pen, and I stood there, stupefied.

"She's running…a little.", I said aloud to Bob as he watched on at my side.

"Yea…and she's loving it.", he smiled, glad to see the little girl show a little speed and enjoying herself for a change in the warm May sunshine.

"And there she goes…right over towards…", Bob said as I watched, enraged and finished his sentence, shouting, "PSYCHO!"

I was running out there as Bob laughed hysterically, finding the whole saga of Dancer and Psycho hilarious. I wasn't laughing.

"GET AWAY FROM HER YOU SLOB!", I screamed as I took the lead rope around Dancer's neck and gently moved her away from the disgusting beast who scowled back at me.

"Baby, please, I told you…he's BAD!", I cooed to Dancer as I pulled her away to the other side of the pen, "He's not good enough for you, girl…believe me! There are so many other nice horses around here…play with THEM."

And Dancer would give a little whimper, and that almost broke my heart.

Tonight, while Bella sat down for dinner at Jimmy Chan's, Marcus pulled me aside and grunted, "Gotta talk to you in the kitchen. Now."

"Okay.", I followed him, Bella giving me a little nod as she looked at the still frightening menu on the table.

"What's up Buckwheat?", I asked as Marcus nervously started chopping a carrot, not making eye contact with me.

"Fuck you.", he muttured, "Pick up a carrot and start chopping. I got some things to say and I don't want you looking at me when I say 'em."

"Okay.", I said slowly, taking a carrot from the pile in front of us and then taking a clean knife out of the block beside me, carefully slicing them in thin little dime sized pieces.

"I asked Jenna to marry me.", Marcus confessed as soon as my eyes were on the carrot.

I gasped and was about to look at him when he froze and warned, "DON'T look at me!"

I put my eyes back on my carrot and humored him, as he was insane and all.

"That's great!, I said to my carrot, "Did she puke?"

I snickered as Marcus grumbled and gritted, "No, she didn't puke. She said yes."

"Wow.", I enthused to my vegetable as I chopped, "I thought her eyesight was pretty good, being a horsewoman and all. I guess not. Well, that's great, man. If she can't see how ugly you are, you've got it made!"

"Can you shut the fuck up so I can say what I want to say?", he snapped.

"Go ahead.", I glanced sideways at him, wondering what his problem was.

"I know you think I'm a bigot and hate white people…", he began.

"Why would I think that?", I half teased him, hiding a grin.

"I don't.", Marcus sliced in, ignoring my little joke, "I mean…I know I say a lot of fucked up things…I call you white boy…"

"That's one of the NICE things you call me.", I pointed out.

Marcus stopped chopping and glared at me.

"Can I please get through this?", he asked.

"Go on.", I half frowned, returning to my carrot.

"I was a cop a long time ago.", he shared, "In New York. I don't like to talk about it. I've seen a lot of bad things. I worked in the bad neighborhoods, and I guess I just got to thinking that white people had everything, while kids on my streets went without and went to bed hungry at night. I know, it's not like that. But still, it made me a little hard when it came to white people."

"I've been hungry.", I shared quietly, not looking up from what I was doing, "I've eaten out of garbage cans. It's not a black/white thing, being poor…being homeless. It can happen to anyone."

"I know.", he said, his voice sounding a bit softer now that I shared some of my homeless story with him.

"I told you about my mother…the Chinese lady that took me in.", Marcus continued as I nodded, "Well, the short story is…she got sick…she never told me. She hated hospitals. She was a little afraid of white people, but she didn't hate anyone. I came to her apartment one night to bum dinner…and she was gone. She died alone, with a photo album next to her, full of pictures of us when I was a kid…all the way to my police graduation pictures. The front of the album had writing on it, in Chinese, saying, 'My Son – My Proudest Achievement.'

She was only 59 years old. I found out that if she'd gone to the hospital, she would've been alright.

I tried to get back to being a cop but I was so angry. I hated everyone. It got bad fast. I screamed in people's faces for speeding and stupid shit like that. No one wanted to be my partner, thinking I'd get them killed with my attitude.

One night, I had this one punk white kid with red hair – you look a lot like him – he was selling drugs and he mouthed off to me, just like you do…I beat him and beat him…even after he lost an eye…and until other cops yanked me off his bloody body…he went into a coma.

I resigned in the morning, after I saw what I did to him in the hospital. I just knew I wasn't in a good place mentally anymore to do the job. I sat around watching a lot of daytime TV and cooking some of my Mom's best recipes. Cooking was the only thing that calmed me, reminded me of her and all she taught me.

I tried to find something else to do with my life that would make her happy. I had no fucking clue what I was doing. And then, a few weeks later, all this paperwork comes saying I inherited some restaurant, that it belonged to my mother…it was vacant but it was hers, passed onto her from her father. I guess she never considered going there because of me…I was a cop and happy in New York then…and she wanted to stay close to me. I never heard of Casper until then…but it was all I had. And it sounded good getting away from all the shit in New York, going out where it was quiet where no one knew me.

So I just packed everything and went for it. I was glad for the lack of people and the silence. I kept away from everyone and even when people tried to say hi or come into the restaurant, I shoved them all away. I didn't want 'em. And then YOU showed up."

I gave him a big, cheesy smile as if he was telling our love story. And he frowned at me again…and I went back to chopping my stuff.

"At first, I thought you were that kid I had beaten. But you're much older…"

"HEY!", I shouted, not liking that statement, "I'm in my TWENTIES, Shaka Zulu!"

"And much taller…", he continued loudly, tuning me out, "And your eyes are different. Still, though, I fucking hated you."

"Really?", I asked blindly, "I had no idea!"

"Obnoxious, big mouthed, pretty boy…", Marcus recalled his first impressions of me back then.

"Hey!", I piped up again, "If this is your way of thanking me for introducing you to Jenna, it's really crappy so far, Jim!"

Marcus grinned and threw his knife down, and I jumped before I could stop myself.

"See?", he asked, "You do that shit and you make it impossible for me to hate your lily white ass!"

"My ass is NOT lily white…", I corrected, "I'm more of a tannish peach now. Wanna see?"

"Can you shut the fuck up a minute?", he asked, "I'm talking here!"

So I zipped my lips and threw the key away, knowing that would aggravate him even more. He rolled his eyes and went on.

"As much as I hate to say it….", he paused, peeking at me while I chopped, "You ARE…my friend. Oh God, fuck me…I hated saying that. You help me with Tao, you helped me with the restaurant, you put up with my shit, Hell, you even make me laugh sometimes. And that hasn't happened for years. I would like you to be my best man at the wedding. Fuck! It makes my tongue taste shitty to say it!"

"Well, how could I possibly say no to THAT?", I teased.

"Fuck!", Marcus was dicing again, "Will you or not? Don't make me vomit and ask you again!"

I smirked and answered.

"Get down on one knee and I will.", I replied.

Marcus glared harder, almost burning me with his eyes as his nostrils fully flared out, his growl unmistakable. He was an inch away from killing me and chopping ME into little pieces.

"I'm kidding! JEEZ!", I smiled, "Of course I will! No one else in this town will do it, so I guess I'll HAVE to. Besides, standing next to YOU, I'm even PRETTIER!"

"Fuck you.", Marcus shot back.

"Fuck you more.", I came right back at him.

We kept chopping, not doing the man hug thing. I was too scared to try.

"I won't have to wear a purple suit or something will I?", I asked, taking another carrot, "Or like…shocking yellow?"

"I should've just grabbed a bum off the street…", Marcus grumbled under his breath.

"Will we be singing Negro spirituals at this ceremony?", I kept jerking his chain, loving this, "Cause I'll have to practice…"

"Shut up, fucker.", Marcus warned.

"Swing low…sweet chariots…", I began singing in my very deep voice as I sliced my carrot.

I wasn't able to tease him long. He soon started chasing me around the restaurant with his ginsu knife. But I was happy for Marcus and Jenna…and I was honored that Marcus shared his story with me and asked me to be his best man…and that he admitted I was his friend. I wish I had that on tape. But it didn't matter. I heard it. And I was so happy.

I couldn't wait to run back to the table and tell Bella that Marcus said I was his friend.

"DID NOT!", his voice shouted out from the kitchen.

"I'm gonna wear gold teeth as Jenna comes walking up the aisle.", I joked to Bella, "And smile just as she's almost at the altar."

"You are so sick.", Bella giggled, "So much work to do on you…"

"Be gentle with me, nurse.", I winked at her, grabbing a few of those crunchy noodle things on the table.

One morning, on a Sunday, as I was asleep in bed, the phone rang, which usually never happens. Bella jumped up, looking concerned, and grabbed it.

"Hello?", she asked with a tight voice, then relaxed as she said, "Oh, hi Bob."

"Really?", Bella asked, "Oh man. Okay, I'll tell him. He'll be there. Bye Bob."

I stared at the ceiling and set my jaw, hearing that I was going somewhere on a sunny warm Sunday morning. I was pissed.

"Babe, Bob needs you at the stables.", Bella came and sat on the bed, wearing a long red t shirt and little cotton shorts. Yum, they looked tasty.

"Why?", I asked, "Is Dancer alright?"

"Yes, Daddy, your baby is fine.", she smirked, "But he said a lot of the other horses are sick with something…some virus he thinks. He's all alone there."

"RRRRRR.", I whined, now knowing I'd HAVE to go. Maybe I'll get lucky and Psycho will keel over.

"It's Sunday.", I whined further.

"Anthony Masen….", Bella put her nose at the tip of mine, and gave me a sweet little kiss, "Horse whisperer…go help Bob. Be a good boy."

Bella gasped and put her hand over her mouth, moaning, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that…I mean…not like that."

I just smiled at her, not upset at all, like I used to get.

"It's okay, Bella.", I played with a long strand of her hair, "It doesn't bother me when you say it. I mean, not anymore."

"Really?", she squinted a little, wondering why.

"I know.", I agreed, "I guess I'm getting a little better, huh?"

I thought she'd make a joke but instead her eyes filled up with tears, her mouth smiling.

"Yea.", she squeaked out and held me tight as I laughed and stroked her hair.

"I love you, Edward.", she whimpered.

"I love you, too, so stop crying.", I said, tickling her ribs as she screamed out and flew backwards…and I leapt up, not letting her get away, grabbing her bare foot in my hands as she laid back, upside down on the bed.

"Bella Swan, you're in big trouble now!", I played, tickling her under her foot as she squealed and writhed, unable to escape from my clutches. Man, this is turning me on!

"Who's the greatest?", I asked, tickling harder as she laughed and screamed, "Who's the best and hottest guy you know? Say it, say Josh sucks!"

"JOSH SUCKS!", she cried out, kicking her legs but still not getting out of my grip, "You're the hottest! EDWARD I'm GONNA PEE!"

I released her suddenly, smiling and saying, "I don't have time for this. I have sick horses to rescue."

"UGH! You JERK!", she yelled, tacking me as I nearly got away. And we had a little wrestling match in bed.

"This is so fucking hot.", I whispered as I held her wrists in my hands while she yanked them, trying to get me.

I rolled us over with ease, laying on top of her little struggling body now, and she growled out in mock rage…and while I held her arms over her head, I let my lips kiss the perfect area around her cleavage where the t shirt nearly revealed the naked breasts inside.

"Edward!", she kept trying to kick her legs around mine and that was waking Frankencock up too, "What are you doing?"

"Having breakfast.", I wiggled my eyebrows and bit the collar of her shirt, pulling it down an inch…it was all I needed…I had the nipple now.

"UUGGGHHHHH…..", Bella weakened right away as I licked and sucked wetly on the cute little pink nub.

"Mmmmm….", I moaned low in my chest as I took my time tasting her, nibbling as her back arched up a bit…and my hands let hers go free….but she left them where they were…and I moved my fingers under the shirt…moving it up and off the white porcelain skin there.

Bella let out another little gasp as I slid the little cotton panties down off her as well, finding no panties underneath…just more soft, scented flesh.

"Mmm, yea….breakfast time…", I growled, closing my lips and licking my tongue thickly over the lonely little clit waiting there between her legs.

I loved hearing Bella's screams and the way she breathes when I eat her perfect little pussy. It's so warm and delicious, it makes me crazy not to have it. I can't wait until her legs twitch and stretch out so far apart while I make her come again and again. Sundays are so fucking perfect! Except when you have to go into work! I could be here with her like this all day, but no! I have to go clean up the droppings of sick fucking horses.

It was no secret that I wasn't thrilled about going to work today. And Bella almost laughed at the face I had on when I came out of the bathroom, all cleaned up and ready to get out there.

"Look at the pout!", she grinned, trying not to laugh at me as I walked to the kitchen table, stealing a piece of toast.

"I'm not pouting.", I said flatly.

"Don't be so sad.", she hugged me from behind, kissing my shoulder blade, "I'll bet today's not going to be as bad as you think."

"I'll take that bet.", I said sourly.

"Awww…you're too cute to be so sad…come on…give me that sweet little smile of yours…", Bella cooed at me like I was two years old, squeezing my cheeks together.

She was being so funny that I couldn't help but smile then…and she laughed, and kissed my smiling mouth.

"I love you, woman.", I grinned, kissing her again.

"I love you, man.", she answered.

I went to work, bummed out that I had to leave my perfect little world called Bella, and would not get to see Katie until dinnertime. I got there and walked into the stables, putting the black hat square on my head to block out the sun.

"Bob?", I called, going over to Yoyo, checking him out first.

"You okay, big guy?", I looked at his eyes and then checked his teeth. No mucus or water in the eyes or nose…that's a good sign.

"Yo Bob!", I called back over my shoulder…and I heard someone breathe out and go, "Shhh!"

I froze, a bad feeling creeping up my spine as I listened harder, slowly following the very faint sound…a whisper?

I moved down the lines of stalls where each horse stood, staring back at me as if hiding some big secret. Every one of them looks fine. They're not sick.

I quietly took the pitchfork off the wall hook and held it in front of me like a weapon, ready to strike when I found out who was hiding in here, waiting for me. I pictured James…I pictured Raven…then Sir Kevin…and God help me, I even pictured Victoria waiting…hiding…just dying to see my face when she pounced on me.

I neared the door at the end of the horse stalls where the hay and grain was kept and I listened at the wooden door, not moving an inch, I didn't even breathe.

I heard a jumbled whisper, but couldn't make out the words of what was being said. I was sure now. Someone is in there. I readied my pitchfork and slowly grabbed the handle of the door, yanking it open suddenly and roaring as I lifted the fork up, ready to face the enemy waiting on the other side.

"RRRRR!", I cried out and heard, "SURPRISE!"

I halted my pitchfork and focused…and Bob was there, out in front, grabbing the fork out of my hand without any trouble at all and stabbing it into the earth beneath his feet.

Bella leapt into my arms and kissed me, laughing as Katie ran up beside me, blowing a party favor at me, the paper uncurling and then curling back up as she blew and then inhaled.

Peter was there, wearing a very tall hat with a turquoise brim and layers and layers of white and pink birthday cake on top, complete with green, blue, and red candles, and felt flames on top of them, orange and yellow in color. 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY!' was spelled out in polka dotted letters on the top layer of the cake. He was smiling at me and hanging back, letting me hug my girls, and I thought I saw a tiny little bit of sadness there in his eyes, as if he wished he were me, or maybe envied me that I had my girls and he didn't have his. But over all that, he was smiling at me. And that's one of the reasons I love Peter. He puts his own pain aside and celebrates your moments. I vowed a long time ago that I would do the same for him in his life too.

"Happy Birthday, Baby!", Bella chirped happily as she kissed me again on the lips, "I can't believe you totally forgot your own birthday! I almost said something this morning but I didn't want to ruin the surprise!"

"You almost got a surprise.", I teased back, almost, "I almost put that pitchfork right through Bob, there."

Marcus was there, standing next to Jenna, who was clapping, and Tao was grinning at me, too, already eating a piece of candy, a milky way, I think.

Amongst the rest I could see Sharon, Ben and Angela in the back, as well as the other guys who also work here, and assorted people we'd become friendly with either through the Ice Cream parlor, Bella's door to door counseling, or Jimmy Chan's. It actually looked like the whole damn town was here!

"Where did you put all the grain?", I asked as they all came up and wished me well, Peter sticking his hat onto my head as he stole my black cowboy hat for himself…and a few minutes later, I was taken outside behind the stables, where the wide open fields waited, holding all kinds of birthday cheer like balloons of every color, there was a stand weaving fresh cotton candy, a slurpee machine stand that Peter was manning at the moment (this was probably the one from his house), there were long tables with white cloth over them, standing out in the perfect June sunshine, where people were sitting and eating food from Jimmy's place, as well as tons of other food made and brought here by all the guests. It smelled so good and my mouth was watering just inhaling the aromas…also I could see the guys to the left, grilling steaks and hot dogs, hamburgers! This was just BEAUTIFUL!

There were kids taking pony rides, Ben and Angela brought the ice cream, and then I froze when I saw the big banner that read, "Happy 30th Birthday, TONY!"

That HAD to be Marcus' evil handiwork. And as I looked around, I saw people with buttons on that had a big red 30 on them…and upon looking closer, I saw it said, "TONY IS 30 TODAY!"

That does it. I'm wearing a Mr. T. costume to Marcus' wedding.

A couple of girls went by and had antlers on with big 30's on each one.

"I AM NOT THIRTY!", I shouted out, "I'm 29 and 12 months!"

Bella laughed and held my hand, saying into my ear, "You just get hotter every year, Cullen. Don't worry about that thirty shit."

Okay, that cheered me up.

"Daddy, do you like it?", Katie asked, peeking up at me against the sun, "We thought about it and remembered that you said you never got to have a kid birthday party when you were little…and me and Bella thought you'd like this kind of party. So do you?"

I got all choked up at this. I forgot that I told them that and even almost forgot that I never got to have a nice party like this, out in the open air, with lots of friends around, all my favorite junk food around me…there were even people swimming in the lake over there! This was fucking amazing!

I thought back to some of the parties Victoria used to throw me, adult parties in bars or clubs, dark with neon lights and loud music. The food was always four star restraurant stuff, but there had never been slurpees or cotton candy.

And at these parties, things would happen to me that I could never share with Katie or even Bella. It would be sexual, but I would not be the slave on my birthday, I was served on that one night of the year. I was tied down once on a big dining room table and woman after woman, some subs and some doms, took their turn with me, to please me as I laid there, blindfolded, trying to guess who each person was. Some of them would just feed me and let me sip their drinks through a straw…others massaged me with oil, rubbed my feet…and others just began licking my cock and sucking me with a vengeance. Then some others fucked me senseless.

But, believe it or not…I preferred Bella and Katie's party idea much much more. They took some time to consider what I would like…what I'd never been allowed to have before. Bella probably realized what my last six birthdays were disgusting and dark, so she made sure this one would be spent in the sun and the warmth, among friends, real friends…and so I wouldn't feel like an old fossil of 30 years, she made it a fun, kid kind of party. I love this. I love them. Today is perfect.

"I love it.", I answered, hugging them both, "And I love you guys…with all my heart. You two make it a great birthday."

Later on, I discovered that a few games were in store for me. First, there was "This is your Life, Anthony Masen."

I sat there like an idiot while Sharon played the MC, using a microphone and asking me if I recognized each person's voice as they told a story about me from behind a curtain.

Marcus told the story of when I first came into Jimmy Chan's and everybody was laughing as he told it so well, complete with the cursing and all! Then when he came up in front of me, he even gave me a fucking man hug! YAY!

Peter did his turn also…and talked about the dragon hat he was wearing when I first saw him. He talked about the slurpees, and the Great Leaf War…and me wearing that princess hat after I almost beat him up and trashed his whole office.

This little game was becoming a roast with me as the guest of honor. But it was fun, I loved it.

At one point, Jenna's voice came over the speaker and she said, with mock sexiness in her voice, "I once shared a whole afternoon locked in the cellar with you…"

A lot of people went…"Ooooohhh!"

And I smiled awkwardly, blushing a bit but suddenly the mike squealed and a new voice came on. Thank you, Bella. You save me again.

Ben's voice was one of them that croaked out with a dull tone, saying, "I knew you were a little shit from the first moment I laid eyes on you…."

I almost spit out my slurpee, the laugh erupting out of me as his voice blared over the field.

I choked a little and was smiling, laughing as Ben's voice went on with its monotone deepness, saying, "He looked like he never worked a day in his life…he looked like a very pretty girl to me…I told Angela he's not even half good enough for our daughter…"

I chuckled, wiping my eye as everyone laughed…and then I heard Ben say:

"But I was wrong.", he said, "So very wrong. Not only was he a wonderful and loving husband to my Tanya, but he is also an amazing father and stronger and more faithful than any man I've ever met, and I've met a lot of great men in my day. This is a man who gave up his life for his daughter, who went through Hell so she'd get every operation, and the best surgeons that money could buy. I'm proud to say he's my son. I love you…Anthony."

It sounded like he wanted to say my real name but we knew he couldn't. I stood up as everyone clapped and Ben came out, pulling me into a huge hug, not letting me go as I choked on a little sob peeking out of my throat. Angela followed him, kissing me and joining in the group embrace.

After that, when I finally sat back down and Ben and Angela left the little stage, Ben came right back with a cherry slurpee for me. I hugged him again, and everyone was laughing and applauding.

Finally, I heard a very beautiful voice rise up from the speakers.

"They say true love doesn't just come knocking on your door…", her voice began, "But in my case, it did. And it came complete with girl scout cookies."

I smiled so big that everyone in the audience clapped and made whistling sounds and WOOOOO echoed into the air.

She told our story about our "first meeting" and she told it expertly. But I kept remembering the real first moments I had laid eyes on Bella Swan. From my vampire cage, upside down as she kept scribbling in that notebook…and then when I snatched it away and made Alice pay to get it back…the way she tried to defend me as the other women struck me…the shy innocent way she asked to kiss me…the first conversation when I took her to the Awaken room…and at last, the way she leapt on that giant woman to save me when they had me up against the wall. I did love her that night. I know that now. I was just too stupid and hard to know it then.

"And not only did I fall in love with Anthony that day…I fell in love with Katie, too.", Bella finished, "I never had a chance. Thank you both…for coming to my door."

I stood up and Bella was coming up to me, and Katie too. We all hugged, and I lifted Katie off her feet as we clung to each other like we hadn't seen each other in ten years. I kissed both of them again and again, not letting them go…sitting in my seat with them on my lap, one on each leg.

"You happy there, like that?", Sharon asked with a smile.

"Definitely.", I smiled, laughing.

"Alright, well, here's the microphone…", she handed it to me, "If you'd like to say a few words on this, your THIRTIETH birthday!"

"Hey, I told you, 29 years and 12 months.", I said into the microphone as Bella and Katie smiled at me.

I looked out there at all the people smiling at me and swallowed.

"Wow.", I said, "I don't know what to say. As you guys can all see, I've been blessed with a lot of great people in my life. I know I don't deserve them. But still, I thank God everyday for every one of them…and you, all of you who've welcomed us here. I don't know about the last thirty years of my life…I've made a lot of mistakes. I didn't know what I was doing most of the time, and didn't always appreciate all the wonderful gifts I had around me, the people sent to me to show me the way. But I do know one thing. The next thirty years of my life are going to be the best! I'll see my daughter grow up, happy and healthy in a wonderful town full of great people…I'll be married for the last time in my life to the woman I love…and it's gonna be right here, in Casper. This is the first place that has felt like home to me. We're home."

It had just occurred to me as I said it aloud, and I looked at my girls to see if they agreed with me. Bella nodded and hugged me and Katie kissed my cheek, laying her face against my chest as people clapped and smiled at us, Sharon included, who bent down and kissed me on my other cheek.

"Enough mush, let's eat something!", I said into the mike, standing up, handing it to Sharon, and then with my arms around both my girls, I walked them off the little stage and towards the grill where they were making steaks and grilled chicken.

Music was playing and I was so happy to hear that it was music from 30 years ago, eighties music, my favorite! I was having the time of my life and eating steak on a stick, and had four cotton candies, one of each color, in a bag at my side, waiting for me for dessert.

At one point, Bella whispered into my ear, "Tonight, I'm fucking you right on the cliffs at our special spot."

"Ooohhh…", I felt my mouth form an O as I pulled Bella closer into my lap, "Tell me more…"

"Later, birthday boy…after your presents…and only if you're bad.", she teased, kissing me deeply as Katie was at the pony rides across the field.

"I AM bad.", I mumbled, getting another kiss, "Real bad."

"I know. Stay.", she kissed the cleft in my chin, standing up and going towards the slurpee stand, getting me and her another one.

"I LOVE my fucking birthday!", I almost wanted to clap my hands together.

A little bit later on, I wandered back towards the stables, first because Bella and Katie were getting their faces painted together and I didn't want to intrude…and second, because I wanted to check on my little Dancer.

She perked right up when she smelled and saw me coming and I smiled at her as I slowly approached. It was nice and quiet here, out of the way of the party.

"Mmmm…hi baby girl.", I stood at the closed stall and laid my forehead onto hers…and she just let me do it and stared back at me, almost smiling herself.

"I'm old, little girl.", I confessed with a sigh and a grin, closing my eyes, "Thirty. Ukk."

Dancer made a very gentle sound, as if to whisper, "Shut up…you're crazy…"

"It's true.", I said quietly, not opening my eyes, moving my fingers up and down the sides of her face, "My twenties are all over. It all went by so fast. Well, some of it, anyway."

I felt something nibbling at my hat brim and looked up, seeing her biting affectionately on my hat.

"Hey, don't eat the hat, baby.", I reached up and pulled the hat out of her teeth, "It's my cowboy thing."

Dancer jerked away and gave a kind of hiss, her eyes widening as if something spooked her.

"Sorry, girl.", I watched her, concerned, "Did I hurt your teeth or something?"

I was about to move her lip up so I could see but then a woman's voice said behind me, "When I first laid eyes on Edward he was completely naked, on all fours, crying because his Mistress had beaten his back bloody for the first time. I was to help her toughen Edward up. I looked down at him like the worm he was…and then he made the mistake of looking up into my eyes…and when I saw them…I was a goner. I knew I had to have him. And I would wait…and wait…but today…my wait is over."

I had recognized her voice right away and when I spun around to face her, she was staring right into my face…wearing tight black jeans and a white blouse with a low neckline, revealing her fake breasts. Her long black hair hung loosely around her shoulders and she was wearing high heeled black boots.

For a split second, when my eyes met hers, it felt wrong, as if they were burning for violating the rules. I did look down…but then, I forced myself to look back up at her. She stopped walking towards me, and stood there, a few feet away, crossing her arms, raising a brow, waiting for me to do something, who knows what.

"Raven.", I almost choked on the word, feeling bile rise in the back of my throat. The first thing I did was look casually to the right, looking towards the party and all the people out there. I couldn't spot Katie or Bella at the moment…and that scared me.

"Oh, you remember me.", she sounded cold as she stared at me, "I'm touched."

Before I knew it, my eyes dropped to the ground and I heard myself mutter, "I'm sorry, Raven."

Wait! No I'm not! Sorry for running away from her? Yea, right! But my lips wouldn't say it.

Then she smirked at me and laughed, opening her arms and putting them around my neck.

"I was just kidding, sweetie, come here, give Mistress a hug!", she lightly scratched her fingernails on my back, as she used to, "You look so wonderful, baby! And look at this hat, so cute!"

She released me as I winced, feeling even more nauseous as she took the hat off my head, putting it on her own. I guess that made sense. The bad guys wore the black hats, right?

I could feel her fingernails in my hair, fluffing it up, fixing the hat hair she was seeing there. She was forever grooming me, as always.

Finally, something made its way out of my mouth.

"No.", I heard myself say, in a pleading kind of way, like, no – this can't be happening…it's a nightmare…it has to be.

I felt tears well up in the corners of my eyes…knowing what this would mean. Bella…Katie…they were in danger now too…unless I could convince Raven that I was here alone.

"I knew I'd find you again.", she looked at me with a real smile, as if we had been real lovers once, "I've missed you so much."

I felt myself shivering inside but I hoped it didn't show on the outside. I looked at her and opened my mouth to speak but only jagged air came out of me.

This was my big test, my challenge that Peter said I'd have to face someday…and I was blowing it! I remembered what he'd taught me…breathe! I began to do my breathing exercises, silently, as she did all the talking.

"You don't have to be scared, baby.", she assured me, "I'm gonna take you to a real nice place. You'll love it there."

"Stop.", I wish she wasn't so close to me, touching my face, "Don't – please!"

I could hear Dancer behind me, getting fidgety and nervous, watching us. I glanced to the left and saw Psycho and Yoyo in their pens, also looking on silently. Even they gave a look as if they knew something wasn't right.

"Just behave and don't make any trouble, Edward.", Raven said a little sternly now, "I can't get you out of all the trouble you're in but I can help you if you stay quiet. You were bad and you're _**going**_ to be punished. Now be good, he's coming."

He?

And I heard footsteps moving across the hay and turned to the left, seeing that familiar tall silhoutte, moving from the shadows into the sunlight, revealing himself to me. Only he had changed. His perfect long curls of ebony hair had become dry and half there…one side looked as it used to be, but on the other side, there were patches of short, shriveled up hair between the burned valleys of flesh.

His face, once that of an angel's…was now a whitish brown color, like cardboard…wet cardboard. His eyes were the most terrifying, filled with raw hatred and rage…but also…Sir Kevin's eyelids had been burned off, and the eyeballs bulged out of their sockets, seeming skeleton like, monstrous. The right eye was almost sealed up, squinting at me…as the other eye was huge and round, jelly like from the burns they had sustained…and there was a huge mass of bloody puss pooled around underneath it.

His nose was totally gone, and was nearly flat against the middle of his face, only two misshapen holes where the nostrils used to be. And it looked like the "nostrils" were melting down into Sir Kevin's mouth now…and the missing lips revealed a very tight set of teeth, a firmly set jaw.

In short, it hurt to look at him…but I had seen burns before. Worse burns. On my daughter. On my wife. On that heroic fireman that saved my daughter's life, even as he was on fire himself, he refused to drop her. I used to go to that man's grave everyday, and thank him for not letting my baby fall. I would put a white rose there, hoping I was right that it meant peace and thanks, I thought I remembered Katherine once telling me it meant that. Back then, I was too shattered to look it up, but in any case, I made myself familiar with that fireman. George Mitchell. He was only twenty six years old. Engaged to be married. Saving money for a house. He had his whole life ahead of him, but yet he didn't drop my daughter. He held onto her as his life burned away, determined that she would reach the roof of that building, so she might have a chance.

I would never feel sorry for Kevin. Whatever happened to him, he deserved it and more. My Bella had improved the asshole's face. Now he is as attractive on the outside as he is on the inside. Good for you, Bella.

I kept my eyes on his as he slowly approached…and I also noticed Raven's eyes as he came forth. She glanced at him and looked back at me, nervously, as if she was a little intimidated by his presence as well.

Kevin kept approaching, getting the attention of all the horses…a couple of them gave a sound of discomfort and unease…and Kevin kept coming at me until my legs backed on their own again…until I was flat up against the closed door of Dancer's stall. I had nowhere to go now…and the closer his face got to mine, the more it smelled of Vaseline and infection. I could feel I was making a face of slight disgust…and cringed as he stopped inches away from me.

"Hello my love.", his voice was still exactly the same…and that gave me chills, so much so that I felt my eyes lower before I decided to do it.

"Don't do this now.", Raven cut in, looking at Kevin, "He's afraid as it is. Wait until we're out of the country, once we get him settled in the new dungeon. Then you can yell at him all you want to."

"He SHOULD be afraid!", Kevin shouted, "Look at what he did to me! I could've DIED!"

"It was that BITCH who did it!", Raven accused, "Edward HATES fire. I told you that! Tell him, baby. Tell him that other girl burned him and Vicky."

She was talking about Bella. No way was I letting them think that she burned him. It was me all the way, as far as they'd ever know. I'd never let them touch her.

Now, I felt a little strength at last…and I smirked, and looked right up into Sir Kevin's so called face and used his own words against him, asking, "What's the matter, Kevin? It was just a _**little**_ flame."

That's what HE thought when it was MY dick being roasted during his little session with me anyway.

Kevin lunged for me and I froze in place, refusing to jump or even cower as Raven intercepted him.

"NOT here I said!", she repeated, gritting her teeth as Sir Kevin recomposed himself a bit.

"You don't give me orders, bitch.", Sir Kevin said to Raven.

"I am his mistress!", she spat back in his face.

"Yes but I am his Master too.", Kevin reminded her, as if they had this custody agreement all worked out, "He's got some fucking lessons to learn from ME before you get to play with him. We discussed that."

"You. Are. Scaring. Him.", she said slowly, not liking it a bit that once again, someone else was in line for me in front of her.

"He should be scared.", Kevin looked back at me, looking me up and down, "If he's got a fucking brain cell in his head, he's been scared since the second he ran away from me."

I found the power to raise my eyes to his again and my voice was back, loud and clear.

"I'm not scared of you.", I stated without a hint of fear, "I refuse to give you that. It gives you everything and leaves me nothing. You can hurt me – every fucking bully is capable of that – but I'll never be afraid of you, Kevin. You're not my Master. You're not anything."

Kevin roared out, in a new rage now, as Raven flew into action and screamed, "Edward, stop!"

She grabbed my hair and sneered, "You're really fucking stupid – show some respect!"

"To you?", I heard myself scoff, "Please."

Kevin lunged at me again but Raven struck first and backhanded me across the face. I heard Dancer and a few of the other horses react, shrill whinnies, as if they, too, had been hit. But I was still standing…and although the right side of my face burned a bit and stung, I wasn't hurt. I wasn't afraid.

"On your knees!", she shouted, "NOW!"

I could only utter one reply.

"Fuck you.", I said clearly and distinctly, right into their faces at the same time.

Kevin shoved useless Raven aside now and lashed out, throwing his leather gloved fist right into my eye, and I felt my back pound into Dancer's stall door.

Now Dancer was pissed and she was kicking and making shrill, angry noises at my attackers.

Then I felt a tight, almost vice like grip take hold of my throat and squeeze firmly, just around my windpipe…and I instantly choked, unable to breathe at all. I tried to fight back against it but Kevin squeezed even more, almost crushing…I felt panic set in, and I couldn't even make gagging sounds…I couldn't make any noise at all.

"I broke you once…I'll do it again.", he was saying with a smile, at least I think it was a smile…"You're not all that tough, little one. But it's cute when you try. You didn't enjoy the breath play, did you, the last time? It scares you, being without air, I remember."

I could hear horses protesting and Dancer's legs kicking against the door at my back…I hoped no one else would hear them and come running in here. Especially Bella.

I had to get them away from here, away from her and Katie. I could then let them take me to wherever they were planning…going quietly…and they'd be safe then. I could figure a way out later and get back to them. Sooner or later, I'd find an opening…a chance to strike back at them. I could kill them, once we're out of the country…and they let their guard down. I'll play nice slave boy…and they'll begin to trust me. Then I'll make my move. And once they're gone, I'll be free to come back to Bella and Katie.

But they couldn't know that Bella and Katie were HERE now. I couldn't let them get their hands on my family.

"Remember…", Kevin was saying something but I was half tuned out for it, "Remember when you begged for my cock? I do. And you'll do it again."

I heard myself growl at him, as much as I could….and that was a big rule breaker with Sir Kevin. He hated defiance.

"Come on, baby, fight me…", Kevin said to me as Raven watched on with a sad look on her face, "I'll squeeze until baby goes to sleep. Baby wanna take a little nap?"

No, no naps! I have to be aware of everything that happens now. I have to make sure they just take me and not anyone else. I have to behave.

"He's turning purple, Kevin!", Raven butted in, concerned about me.

I shook my head, saying I didn't want the nap he offered. He smiled at me then.

"Be good then.", he suggested, not loosening his hold on my throat, "Kneel. Now."

I felt myself wince and then I gave in, going down on my knees.

"That's right.", Kevin smiled as if I had done something very sensual, "Good boy."

Then he said to Raven, "That's how we do it. Now I'll let him take a couple small breaths."

And when he did, it was even more awful than a moment before. I got a couple small gasps of air, and I coughed roughly as I took them.

"He's always been perfectly behaved – always.", Raven informed as if I were a dog that had pissed on the carpet, "Maybe he misses Victoria."

Oh fuck, please!

"Stop coddling him.", Kevin said to Raven as if they were my two demon parents arguing discipline, "He's spoiled enough as it is. I'll be correcting that starting now."

I was on my knees in the straw and I could see right into Yoyo's little eyes as he stared back into mine, sadly. Then I watched as he slowly began to bite and pull the pin out of his pen, like he had done so many other times before…and he quietly walked out of his stall, still the little sneak walking lightly…and he went towards Psycho's pen, who was one of the biggest mouths of all the horses when I was struck and even now as I'm pinned down here. He was now growling and thrashing around inside, begging to be released.

"Now we deny him again.", Kevin instructed Raven as he squeezed the windpipe and cut my air completely off once more, "See? He's learning."

"Put your hands behind your back.", Kevin ordered me, "The posture is sloppy, boy, come on, remember who you are…"

I obeyed his command, feeling lightheaded…but trying to hold onto what was happening here around me. There's a horseshoe down around here somewhere. Dancer likes to play with it and she pushes it around with her hooves all the time. The vet said its good exercise for her so we let her have it. Come on, where are you? Come on, girl, shove it to me! Give it to Daddy! Help me out, baby.

"Good boy.", Kevin smiled at me with that repulsive face of his and said to Raven, "Now he can have air again…his reward."

I felt a little ease in Kevin's grip at last and I gulped at the air…only coughing a little bit now.

"Yea…", Kevin purred seductively as he looked at me now, "You're gonna be a wonderful little slave for us once Daddy trains you properly, aren't you boy?"

I wanted to play along and nod but I was too focused on breathing right now.

I felt Kevin's fingers in my hair, stroking the front, and saying to Raven, "Trust me…I know how to do this."

After a few seconds, I could breathe normally again…and I was ready to play obedient little slave boy. And I had a pretty good idea how to distract these two fucks.

"Thank you Master.", I whispered, my eyes wet as I peeked up at him, then lowered my eyes respectfully, "May the slave ask one question please?"

Kevin smiled to Raven then…and she smiled at me.

"See that?", Kevin asked smugly, like he taught me to pee on the papers, "Yes you may, slave. What is it?"

"I belong to YOU…not Raven.", I stated, and saw her frown instantly, "Is that right?"

"NO!", she shouted right away, "You're MINE! I waited FOREVER for him, Kevin!"

Kevin smiled at me, not worried at all about her temper, and answered, "You belong to both of us. But for now, I am in control. You will answer to ME, slave."

I gave a nod and looked at Raven, my eyes full of sorrow, as if my heart was broken.

"Bullshit!", she cried out, "My money and resources found him again! I had your fucking burns treated so the infections wouldn't spread! I'm not some fucking SILENT partner here!"

"Raven…", Kevin tried to soothe her. Good luck with that. I knew once Raven was pissed, no one could calm her. And I also knew that Raven was a little brat, not used to having someone tell her something wasn't hers. I had watched it for years when I was Victoria's toy…and I just pressed that button again here…one thing was for sure…no one got away with taking one of Raven's toys.

My hands kept moving around from side to side as much as I could without them noticing it…I think even Dancer caught on because she quieted and seemed to be shuffling around in the straw to help me locate the god damned horseshoe.

I could also see that Yoyo was outside Psycho's pen…and slowly he grabbed the metal bit that kept the stall door closed there…and very slyly he was pulling it up…careful not to make any sound at all…not that these two were listening anyway. I had stirred the shit up pretty well.

"For months you've been acting like you're MORE than me because I'm a woman!", Raven was still shrieking at Kevin, "And I'm fucking SICK of it! The only reason I even agreed to this partnership is because you have this big secret place in Thailand! It better be fucking epic, that's all I have to say!"

"It is…epic.", Kevin didn't seem to like that word but he used it to silence her, "Don't worry, I'm not trying to take him away from you! I told you, I like sharing. But he's in need of some real hard time before we can give him hot oil massages! That's all I'm saying. He's gonna pay for my face, and for the pain I fucking went through. He's gonna work for every penny to put my face back the way it was. And it's gonna be fucking rough work, too. He's gonna be fucked by animals on tape, he's gonna fuck little boys – whatever it takes! He's gonna pay."

Jesus! Just when I thought they couldn't be sicker…they always surprise me.

Just then, I felt Dancer's muzzle on my fingers…and the heavy metal of the horseshoe! She was shoving it towards my hands with her nose! BABY GIRL! I love YOU! Good baby! You are SO getting a whole basket of apples as soon as I can get back to you!

I was still planning on them catching me and taking me to Thailand with them, but I had to get them away from here first. I would pretend to run a little and let them get me in an hour or two, out of this town…and then something inside me began to hurt.

It was emotional pain, not physical, but it gave me the idea to get them to come near me now. I bent over, doubled in agony, holding my stomach and crying out as both of them shut up and jerked their heads towards me.

"You hurt him!", Raven accused Kevin and came down to see what was wrong with me.

"Baby, what's wrong?", she asked me, trying to make me straighten up so she could examine me, "Let me see."

Then, like an explosion, Psycho was freed from his stall and rose up like a dragon above the three of us. He went up on his hind legs and with a furious horse scream he kicked his legs at both Kevin and Raven. Maybe he was even kicking at me too, who knows?

Dancer was calling out urgently to Psycho as he took his stand against the humans harming me. Damn! As much as I hated it, Dancer loved Psycho. Even now, she seemed to be crying, 'NO, Psycho, DON'T!' I know because that's exactly what Bella would be saying to me.

Kevin went to reach into his belt and pulled out a silver gun. I was no expert like Bella at gun types or anything, but all I needed to know was that bullets come out of the end of it! I wasn't letting that asshole shoot Psycho!

I sprang to my feet and clocked Kevin in the side of his flat brown face with the horseshoe, right at his nose as he screamed out, falling over with me on top of him…the gun flying out of his grip and into the straw somewhere to the right.

Raven was too busy screaming and trying to get away from Psycho's legs as he kept charging at her now, seeing that I was dealing with the other asshole.

All the other horses were neighing loudly, kicking and begging to join in the fight also. Even Yoyo – who was loose, was right at Psycho's side, showing his teeth to Raven as she opened an empty stall door and got inside it, shielding herself from their attack. I hope she's sitting in horse shit right now, if it's Temper's stall it'll be hidden nicely under the fluffy straw for her.

I was on my feet as soon as Kevin landed and spun around, searching for the best way to exit the stables so the party wouldn't see me fleeing. If Bella saw, she'd try to come after me and put herself in danger. I didn't want that.

Dancer was screaming at me and throwing her own legs against her door, wanting out, wanting to be with me. She looked terrified that I would leave without her.

I looked and Kevin was getting back up, holding his flat nose and that huge eyeball was glaring at me.

"RAVEN!", he called, looking around for her but just seeing the loose horses guarding the stall she was hiding in.

Then he looked at me and gritted those teeth, snarling, "EDWARD! Come back here NOW! NOW!"

And before I had time to even think about it, I opened Dancer's stall and she bolted out of it, and I was holding onto the lead rope around her neck…at first being dragged along beside her as she charged out of the back end of the stable, away from them, Kevin and Raven.

"DANCER!", I shouted, feeling my legs shuffling along the dirt ground below me as she sped on faster. I kept trying to pull my legs up but I couldn't, she was moving way too fast. It was starting to hurt now and I kept trying to say "WHOA! WHOA GIRL!"

But it was stupid of me. We never got a chance yet to teach her about whoa and ya and giddyup…she was never ridden yet!

"DANCER STOP!", I cried out and then when I looked behind us, I could see a strange car I didn't recognize speeding after us. It had to be them. Shit.

"Don't STOP!", I shouted, changing my mind.

Just as I began to wonder how fucked up my legs would be after this "ride", Dancer turned towards me and swung her head, hitting my legs with her face until they flew up and I landed on my stomach square on her bare back, still clutching the lead rope I had been holding from the start.

We were moving even faster now and I realized that I had never seen Dancer move like this before! Her legs…the surgery…she was running! SO FAST! The landscape went by so fast that it was a green and sky blue blur as we moved past it. Then something else occurred to me…I was riding her…sort of. I was on her back, holding on for dear life…not at all in control of her…but that was okay with me. I trust her. As long as we were getting further and further away from Bella and Katie.

And then I felt so sick inside. We are getting further and further away from Bella and Katie. I'll be back, guys. Trust me. Wait for me. Don't give up hope. Take care of each other. I swear to God I'll be back. I will be back. Not all the demons in HELL could keep me away from you two. Know that and be strong. Wait for me.

Then I focused on the car chasing us again.

Yea, follow us, you fuckers – I thought as I looked back at that car a few yards behind us, trying to keep up with my Dancer. Come get me…come get your little toy. I'll be real sorry when you get me. I'll promise to be good. I'll even apologize and get on my knees. I'll do all my old tricks. And the second you fall asleep, you're mine! We won't ever have to think of you again. We can live our lives and forget you…and all the shit you've done to us.

Come get me.

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Oooooh, okay! Things are heating up now! More coming up soon! How about Psycho coming to Edward's rescue? I knew he was a good horse, deep down! More scary things coming up next! Don't forget to come back!

Love you guys!

Winnd


	40. The Lowest Kind of Torture

Hey guys!

Hey! Fanfiction is back on and I'm here! YES! It felt so bad to be blocked! Cool!

Getting back to things: Don't any of you trust me at all? LOL! Jeez! Just because something starts out a certain way, and don't forget this all happened within a matter of minutes…and the only thing someone might have heard was Psycho and Dancer at the end there, when they were screaming out. Edward might have made an incorrect quick decision in the heat of the moment, running for his life, or running so they'd get away from Bella and Katie…but he is not in Thailand yet. A lot can happen between then and now. Don't worry. Trust me. I know it can't be easy, when I've taken you guys to some pretty fucked up places, but have faith.

And I know the horse stuff in the last chapter was a bit of a stretch…but…it's a story, so…like I tell myself, just go with it. LOL. Thanks.

Warning: There are some difficult parts in the next couple chapters. Sir Kevin and all….you know. Be careful.

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EPOV

What am I doing? Where am I going? I'm gonna let them take me to fucking Thailand? Am I insane? I'd never get to come home. I don't even have a passport.

Quickly, as I bounced up and down on Dancer's back, I tried to re-plan. Okay, they're chasing ME. That's still good. Bella and Katie are safe. My friends are safe. No doubt Bella and others heard Psycho's noise in the stables…and they'll come looking for me. They'll see Dancer is gone…and that Yoyo and Psycho are loose. Bella will tell the marshals and they'll come find me. Wherever I'll be.

In a stroke of genius, Dancer galloped straight into the woods, darting in between trees and hills…perfect! Sir Kevin's car could never follow us in here! Good girl!

The ride was rougher now, as she jumped over creeks and hills, sliding down some too. I shouted out a few times, afraid I'd fall off once or twice as she maintained her speed. Whatever was going on, Dancer wasn't calming down the further we ran. She kept charging on, as if they were still right on our asses.

I almost relaxed a little when I kept looking back and didn't see them there. But I also knew that we could come out of the forest at any moment and they could be right there! Even if we'd lost them now, they wouldn't stop looking for me. They'd search for me…they'd find Bella and Katie. Who knows who else they could hurt because of me? No! Whatever happens, it has to end with me. I have to stop them myself. I can do it. I will do it.

We were sliding down a lot of rocky hills and I feared for Dancer's legs. I didn't know if she was strong enough for all this yet. If anything happens to her I'll never forgive myself.

After about fifteen or twenty minutes of heavy riding, I looked up and recognized my surroundings now. I could see the mansion in the distance! It made sense that Dancer would run here. She knew it here. This is where she lived before I found her. And I had to admit, it was a Hell of a good hiding place…or better yet, a good place to deal with those two where no one else would get in the way. I could kill them and have plenty of time to bury them before heading home. No one would know. No one would CARE.

Could I really kill them? Myself? I'd never done anything like that before. Sure, I had the rage and the reasons to destroy them…but…Fuck, I don't know!

I would have to do some of my best acting to convince them that I was still sweet, gentle slave boy. I'd get them to let their guard down. I'd beat them.

Just as I was thinking of what I could do, thunder rumbled over my head and Dancer whinnied, going faster, spooked by the weather. The skies were getting darker…it looked like rain…and it was getting windy all of a sudden.

I kept saying "WHOA" but Dancer only stopped when we were a few feet away from the front steps of the mansion. I quickly got off her back, moving my hands over her a couple times to check and see if she was alright.

"Thank you, girl…", I kissed the ivory side of her as I stroked my hand over her less visible rib cage now, "You saved me. You ran! You're incredible, you know that?"

In the canyon, noises echoed and played tricks on the ears. But now I could hear a car engine. Not closeby…but in the area. It couldn't drive down into the canyon…but they could be figuring that out right now…and possibly be venturing down here on foot. I had to get in the house and see if there was some kind of trap I could set or something. Gasoline! Maybe I could find some and pour it all over the place and when they came in…poof!

Only I would go poof with them. This plan needs work, Cullen. THINK!

I went to ascend the stairs and Dancer almost followed me on them. No, girl, you can't come with me. You have to get out of here now.

"No, Dancer, go home!", I turned towards her and said it sadly…and she didn't budge an inch. She just seemed to smile at me, flicking her tail.

They'll hurt her if she tries to attack them again. They'll shoot her.

"GET OUTTA HERE NOW!", I shouted at her, frowning, waving my arms and pretending to lunge at her, to make her run away.

She whimpered and gave a soft little whinny and it nearly killed me.

"GO AWAY, I DON'T WANT YOU HERE!", I said with tears pricking my eyes, making my voice very loud and harsh, and cruel, "LEAVE ME ALONE! GET LOST!"

Dancer moved away a few feet but looked confused. And very hurt.

I growled under my breath, hating myself, but I gritted, "Please, DANCER, go away before they come!"

I put my hands on her side and pushed her away from me, going back to my horrible voice, yelling, "LEAVE! RUN AWAY! GO HOME! NOW!"

And that time, she did. With one last snort and a very sad screech, she was galloping again…in the other direction, not even looking back at me. I never felt like such a piece of shit before in my life…and that is saying something.

I turned the knob and it opened easily. I hurried inside and felt my way around in the darkness, now that the skies out there were almost black out there. The candles were still in place where I'd left them and I went into the kitchen to search for the lighter. It wasn't on the counter, it wasn't in any of the drawers. FUCK! Where is it?

What else did I have? Hey! My cell phone! I went into my pockets but nothing was in there. FUCK! I gave it to Katie so she could play a game on it at the party! Probably couldn't get a signal here on it anyway. Okay…don't panic. What else?

Set a trap.

I groped around looking for cans of gasoline in closets and out around the back of the mansion…but found nothing of any real value that could help me. It looks like I'm back with the plan of playing good slave boy until they let their guard down. It made sense. One thing I was good at was acting my role. It would be great if that's what ended up saving me. Maybe if I had more time and resources I could've thought up a better plan…but I had no time to sit and ponder.

"Anytime you girls wanna lend a hand…", I muttured, looking around me as the thunder struck again, scaring the shit out of me…the lightning flashed for a moment…showing the living room…not revealing any dead ladies of the evening. I was thankful for that.

"Just don't jump out at me, okay?", I asked them one last favor.

I had a little time to set up a couple things. Not anything huge, but a couple things that might help. A couple of knives from the kitchen…I hid them under a sheet and a white pillow on a sofa in the living room…

I looked out the window and froze for a second as I saw the two of them in the clearing, a few yards away…it wasn't raining yet but it would be any second now.

Without thinking any further, I grabbed the long, sharp knife out of the wooden block on the kitchen counter and ran into the living room, flattening myself against the wall beside the doorway. I would attack when they came in here. I'd go for Kevin first, slicing his throat, and when he was down, I'd take care of Raven.

My heart was pounding in my chest as I waited…as I heard them talking and coming up the outside stairs, trying the door. It took them a little while to enter, but when they did, I saw light shed in from the hallway to my right…they had gotten the door open. They were coming in. But I couldn't hear any voices.

"Shh.", I heard a man's voice say and I held my breath, waiting.

"Edward!", Sir Kevin called as he stood in the doorway of the foyer, "Little bitch in hiding! Come here now. Get on your knees and get into your position. This is Master talking!"

I did all I could to restrain myself from screaming, 'Fuck YOU!'…but I stayed silent, my fingers gripping the handle even tighter. I couldn't wait to spill his blood.

"Five seconds.", he counted, waiting, not getting his easy little slave boy.

"I'm very disappointed in you, Edward.", Sir Kevin said, and I heard little beeping sounds, as if he was dialing his cell phone or something, "Let me play you my favorite new song, it's going on my ipod."

I listened harder and then heard Katie's little voice, sounding full of tears as she spoke.

"Daddy.", she whimpered, "The man told me to tell you that he has us. Bella and me. We tried to run but…he caught us."

My heart stopped right there. Someone has them. My hand was shaking now, and I nearly dropped the knife right there.

"There's more…", Sir Kevin said, "But you get the idea. And they don't have to be hurt in this. I just want you. And if you crawl out here and behave real nice…I'll leave them alone. My man will let them go…and we'll board our plane. NOW – come here. Get on your knees and into your position. This is Master talking."

"One…", he began counting off again, "Two…"

I carefully put the knife down on the floor next to the molding and acted before I could even consider other options. I couldn't take a chance, not on them. They're my life. I don't even want them afraid, let alone hurt in this shit.

I crawled quickly as I heard Sir Kevin say, "THREE!"

I was on all fours and moved towards the calling, counting voice.

I got on my knees in the foyer, fully dressed in jeans and t shirt, and folded my arms behind me, casting my eyes downward, waiting for what came next. It was sure not to be pretty. I had slammed Sir Kevin in his burned face with a horseshoe. I was sure to get mine now.

"Edward!", Raven said, as if relieved that I was here. But then she made her voice cold again, saying, "You little fuck."

I didn't say a word and I didn't need to. Kevin charged up to me and his scary big eye bulged even more at me. And without a word from him, he grabbed me by my hair and dragged me behind him as he went into the living room, not caring how slowly or clumsily I kept up on my knees as he searched for something.

"You still don't know your fucking place, do you?", Kevin was grumbling as he shoved me against the iron barred staircase that led upstairs. He took something out of his back pocket and twisted my right wrist behind me…and I felt metal click around and tighten against the bones of my wrist, pinching until I yelled out. He looped the cuffs in through the bars and a second later, my other wrist was being pinched as well.

I didn't make any noise. I knew I had a punishment coming and I was ready for it. I wasn't about to do anything to get Bella or Katie hurt.

Once I was helpless and on my knees before him, he backhanded my face with his closed fist. Once…twice…and a third time…the room tilted a bit as little stars burst all around me…and I could taste blood in my mouth.

"Who do you belong to bitch?", he shouted at me.

I tried to focus and I felt his fist hit the other side of my face as he screamed, "WHO?"

"You Master.", I said dully, widening my eyes as things went back into focus.

"AGAIN!", he grabbed the top of my hair and pulled my face up so I could look at him, the deformed monster who owned me, or so he thought.

"I belong to you, Master.", I said more clearly now, feeling wetness on my cheekbone.

"I have to teach you all over again, don't I?", he sneered, his violent fingers almost ripping the hair out of my head.

"No Master.", I breathed, not really caring if he had some plan to try and hurt me again. I could see it coming anyway. And pain wasn't something new, I could handle it.

"Yes I do.", Sir Kevin scowled at me, "You're all fucked up again! You ever DARE hit me with anything again, and I'll chop your BALLS off and feed them to you! And if you ever run from me again, say goodbye to your fucking feet! Apologize!"

"I'm sorry Master.", I said, almost sounding like I meant it.

He took a step back and unfastened his pants, and angrily unzipped them, showing tan skin and black hair as my stomach plunged. Shit! Not this. Not again.

"Open up, slut.", he stepped towards me, yanking a couple times on his unusually huge penis.

"Master, please—", I began, the tears in my eyes blurring things…but I never got to say another word. He shoved himself through my pleading lips, his hands gripping my hair as my entire body tensed. His taste repulsed me and the saltiness made me want to gag…and I did. He was rough and pissed off…and choking me with his cock as he pushed it to the back of my throat.

I choked and whimpered as he moaned out and banged the back of my head against the bars behind me, shouting, "Make your mouth wet. Suck it right. More. More or I'll teach your daughter how to do it!"

My eyes moved to the right, seeing Raven standing there, watching us…watching ME. I felt a long hot tear fall from my eye as I stared back at her. She looked like the scene excited her…and then she looked sad…because she was an outsider…again, just like before. And then she turned her face sour at me…looking pissed off…and she turned her back to me, as if to say, 'take your punishment'…and she flicked a lighter that she'd found in her jacket…and began to light one of the candles, ignoring the sounds we were making, that seemed to echo in the lush marble room.

It seemed to go on forever…but finally, the disgusting climax came and Sir Kevin cried out, spilling his seed down my throat as he shoved his pelvis flat against my nose, making sure I didn't lose a drop. A couple moments later, just when I thought I would keel over from lack of air…he pulled out and I gasped out, greedily gulping up the oxygen.

He further humiliated me by slapping me in the nose a couple times with his wet smelly cock as I closed my eyes and kept still.

"That felt so good, slave.", he whispered, his fingers under my chin, tilting it up, "I haven't felt that since you left me…"

And then he was kissing me, not letting my face get away as he invaded with his tongue…I whimpered and he mumbled, slapping my cheek with his hand, "Kiss me nice. Thank me."

"Thank you Master.", I said between his hard burned lips as he came in again for more.

He shoved my face away suddenly and it lightly banged against the bars beside it.

"At least you haven't forgotten everything, pet.", he panted a bit, sounding sated for now, "Eyes down."

I hid it from them but inside I shuddered. I wanted to vomit right now. But I couldn't do that, I had to pretend to be their property. Look for my opening. Raven would probably be the weak link to try. I can keep using Sir Kevin against her, that works.

"I have a couple things to take care of.", Sir Kevin said to Raven as he zipped up, taking his cell phone out of his pocket, "Keep the brat entertained, will you?"

That was all she needed to hear.

"Wait!", I pleaded, "What are you doing? Where are they? Please don't hurt them! Hurt me! It's my fault!"

"I know, love.", Sir Kevin said to me, taking a lick with his tongue up my bloody cheekbone, "Mmmm….delicious. Just keep being a good boy and they'll be fine. We'll leave and they'll stay here. I promise."

Sir Kevin walked away with his phone and then Raven smirked at me and took her purse, opening it on the table to her right.

"Where does he have them?", I asked Raven, feeling my legs trembling against my will,  
"Who's with them? Dylan?"

"Silence, slave.", she couldn't hide her smile, "No one gave you permission to speak, did they?"

I just let my head fall back on the bars behind me, hating it that I didn't know shit. My babies…and where was I? Kneeling here playing nice with the assholes who were tormenting them.

"No Mistress.", I whispered, looking for a moment in the direction that Sir Kevin had gone in…in the kitchen I think.

I kept trying to do what Bella would do: stay calm, play along with them, and work on them. Mentally. Make them believe I'm on their side. Then turn them against one another. Wait for an opening. Then strike and aim to kill.

It was all I had now. So I decided to try it.

"Look at me when you answer me, pet.", she instructed.

"I'm sorry…", I acted my part now, "Mistress…may the slave ask a question please?"

"Yes.", she allowed, watching me closely.

"I thought I would belong to you now.", I whispered, as if I were afraid of Sir Kevin, "I know you…you know me…Victoria wanted it that way, didn't she?"

"Yes she did.", Raven looked at nothing, probably seeing Sir Kevin in her mind, "But then you ran away. That was very bad, Edward. You fucked things up for us again. Now we have to put up with this dickhead for awhile."

"I'm sorry, Mistress…", I looked down, doing my sad eyes, "I was afraid…the police told me I had to testify…I never wanted to. I love you. I wanted to be with you…but they brought me here. I've missed you…so much. I wish I could touch you."

I hated saying those words. I felt sick to. But it was not the first time I had to lie my ass off to Raven. She always believed all those words. It was the one thing that kept me alive when she had me.

Raven frowned at that last sentence and she stepped away.

"Forget it, Edward.", she said, "You're not running off again. Get used to being cuffed. It's gonna be your life for the next couple years. Until you can be trusted."

DAMN! This might take a little time…and I didn't have much time.

"Yes, Mistress.", I answered obediently, "Am I allowed to call you Mistress…with him around?"

See what that does to her. She always hated it when the mention of Victoria would come up and she'd be reminded that I belonged to HER.

Raven exhaled and gritted, "Yes, you are allowed to call me Mistress. That's who I am to you!"

"I'm sorry, but it seems like…", I peeked in the direction of Sir Kevin, "Master doesn't like me to call you that."

"He is not your true Master, Edward.", Raven hissed, "I am – your Mistress. No one else. Is that clear?"

"Not really.", I acted dumb, "But I will call you Mistress if it's permitted."

"Just kiss me, slave and shut the fuck up.", she snapped and I put my forehead to her waist, kissing what I could reach with hot, deep lips. She would weaken, I knew that. I could play her…and turn her against Kevin. And then turn Kevin against her. That's the way out, I knew it.

"Mistress…", I moaned, kissing the denim that covered her stomach…breathing hot air against her inner thigh. She breathed out hard and clutched at my hair as I continued…knowing what this Domme liked.

Then she yanked my hair and was kissing my lips very hungrily…she pulled and yanked at my t shirt…and I battled her tongue with mine…closing my eyes and pretending I was turned on. She was buying it hard. She even stopped to get a pair of meat scissors from the kitchen and she cut the shirt off my chest. A line down the middle, then a line up each sleeve. She held the cotton shreds to her nose and smiled.

"I've missed your smell.", she shared, "So wonderful."

I heard Sir Kevin's voice suddenly and I screeched to a halt.

"Stop worshipping the slave, Raven.", he said, sounding bored, hitting a button to end his call on his cell, a tiny beep sound echoing in the air.

"Fuck you.", she scowled at him, "He's serving ME. Mind your own business."

Sir Kevin sighed and turned away from us, muttering, "Stupid fucking women."

Raven growled and pulled away from me, ordering, "Eyes down, head down."

I obeyed her and listened, hoping I was already planting the seeds of discord between them. This would work. They already hated each other.

Sir Kevin announced, "The pilot says we can't leave until the storm passes. Probably in the morning. We'll stay here tonight. Leave the slave where he is. No bed. No food or drink."

"I know.", she said, insulted by his instructions,"But what about US? I'm starving."

"What about Bella and Katie? You're not gonna hold THEM all night long!", I said, in a panic.

"Sit boy.", Sir Kevin said without looking at me, "It's only one night. They are quite comfortable, I assure you. Relax."

FUCK!

"Just make the best of it until it's time to go.", Kevin said quietly to Raven.

Raven sighed and went to one of the sofas, taking off the sheet, and sitting down, looking aggravated.

When I peeked up, Sir Kevin was there, drinking from a bottle of water that was in the fridge. I know cause I had put it there, once on a date here with Bella.

He didn't offer me any as he drank.

But then he poured some water on his own fingers and asked me, "Thirsty, pet?"

I just looked up at him and he grinned at me, offering his wet fingers to me.

"Drink boy.", he ordered softly, testing me.

So I licked his dripping fingers, closing my eyes, hating myself, and then began sucking on his fingertips.

"MMmmmm…", Kevin sounded pleased at what I was doing, "You do belong with me…we both know it. You try to resist it, but…you feel it just as I do. Say it."

I felt myself nod and mumbled as I held his fingers in my lips, saying, "I belong to you Master."

"My face will be what it was very soon.", Kevin said, almost whispering, "You'll see to that, won't you, slave?"

"Yes Master.", I answered.

I'd rather eat shit. For Katie, I sold my body and soul…I rented it out, I bled and endured almost every torture known to man. But for Sir Kevin? Fuck him!

"I don't scare you or…disgust you?", he sounded afraid to ask it.

"No Master, never.", I said without hesitation, looking right at him.

He smiled, looking relieved. "You're a sweet little pet. I hope you don't hold it against me when I begin punishing you. It will be hard, love. But you must suffer for what you did to me. It's for your own good, you know."

"I know Master.", I licked the fingers, "I want you to punish me. I was bad and stupid. It was an accident, you know…the fire that night. I didn't mean to hurt YOU. You were trying to take care of me, after I was shot. I remember that."

I was pouring it on really thick now, hoping he'd buy the lie. I needed him to buy it all.

"I know, it was that cunt of a Mistress you wanted to lose.", he took his fingers out of my mouth and dotted my nose with his pointer finger.

I nodded with shame, looking down. Well, at least he got something right finally.

But Sir Kevin put a finger under my chin and made me look up at him.

"Don't be ashamed of that, Edward.", he smiled, "I understand. You've crossed a line, doing what you did to her. I don't think you realize it yet, but…you've made a decision about serving women. You've chosen not to. You've chosen me."

Crossed a line. Another one? This guy was really delusional.

I nodded eagerly again, feeling tears in the corners of my eyes.

"Yes Master.", I croaked, playing my part very well, "I'm sorry I hurt you."

I even let a tear fall down my face and I heard Sir Kevin going, "Shhh, baby, shhhh…it's all gonna be okay, slave. You'll get your punishments…you'll atone…and we'll move on. My face will be restored…and so will your submissiveness. We'll heal together."

I should get an academy award for this. I wish someone else could see me now.

Well…no, scratch that.

He gave me another kiss, a soft one this time and I pretended to like it, closing my eyes and giving a little moan of pleasure.

"Sleep now.", Kevin moved his fingers over both sides of my face, "Tomorrow we go home…and then training begins. You'll need your strength."

"Yes Master.", I agreed, closing my eyes and lowering my head a bit.

It got a little chilly soon after that and I listened to Sir Kevin starting a fire in the fireplace on the other side of the living room. Raven kept whining about being hungry and I could tell Sir Kevin was getting extremely sick of her.

He is just putting up with her until we get to Thailand, I realized. No doubt that the moment he's finished using her, she's as good as dead. Poor stupid Raven.

In the candlelight, when the silent gaps of space rose up, I kept thinking of Bella…and Katie.

They were probably afraid now…and worried about me. Who the FUCK has them? Please don't let it be James. That asshole will be touching Bella, he wants her. If he -I'll kill him, I swear to GOD!

I fucking ruined the beautiful party they made for me. I ruined my birthday. The first birthday Bella ever had with me and the first one in six years for Katie and me. Fuck. And then it rained on top of everything else.

It had been the most beautiful day of my life, though. My 30th birthday. I was happy. I have a family. And I was free. Oh, and there was a slurpee machine.

I kept trying to mentally send Bella and Katie a message – I am so so sorry. I'll do everything I can so you're not hurt. Just please hang on. In the morning, you'll be safe and…we'll be…gone.

And that thought pierced through my heart…my soul just as equally painful as the night Katie was in that fucking fire.

Some time later, Sir Kevin was laying on one of the long white sofas to my left and Raven was pacing, smoking a cigarette. Maybe she did realize the danger she was in. I could use that too.

Sir Kevin looked asleep and when he began to snore, I decided to stir things up even more.

"Raven!", I whispered, "Raven!"

She heard me and stopped her pacing, exhaling her cigarette and walking over to me.

"What's wrong, baby?", she asked, unusually sweet suddenly.

"I have to tell you something.", I whispered so low it was almost inaudible, and I peeked at Sir Kevin, who was on the other end of the room. Also, it was very dark in my corner by the stairs, the candles were lit all the way over on the other end of the grand, humongous room.

"What is it?", she bent down so she could hear me, as I was still on my knees, legs parted.

"Master…", I began, "You have to get away from him. Now. You can run now before he wakes up."

"Back up, slave, what are you talking about?", she looked irritated now.

I exhaled and peeked at Sir Kevin again.

"He's gonna kill you…tonight.", I revealed, making myself look concerned and afraid, "He told me so earlier. He said that he was my true master and that you wouldn't be going to Thailand with us. Then a little later, he told me not to be scared when he takes you into another room…he said don't be alarmed by the screams. You have to get out of here, now! Please, Raven!"

"Shh.", she held up a hand and silenced my pleas, and looked at Sir Kevin, thinking over what I'd just told her.

"This is a trick you're playing…", she began, squinting at me.

"It's no trick!", I said a little too loudly, then quieted, "He said it! Think about it! Why would he share me with you? Why would he take you to his house in Thailand? He has no more use for you, Raven. He's gonna throw you away."

She frowned at me and took a step or two backwards, as if she were afraid that I was telling her the truth.

"Raven wait.", I whispered, "If you release me, I'll protect you. I'll kill him. I'll be YOUR slave. Yours alone. Let me save you, Raven, please. I couldn't save Victoria."

Boy, this is great! I should get an Oscar for this shit.

She walked away from me without another word and kept smoking. Only now she was staring at Sir Kevin. Score!

I nearly smiled but then a horribly loud bang sounded from the front door area. I couldn't see the door but the thunder clapped louder and a thud landed on the floor. It sounded like someone was coming in here. The cops? The marshals? For a fleeting second, I had hope…but then I heard the worst sound in the whole world.

"OW!', Bella's voice cried out suddenly, as if something was hurting her…and a man's voice growled, "GET UP! Clumsy bitch!"

BELLA!

And if that wasn't terrible enough, I could hear Katie crying, whimpering, afraid.

"NO!", I heard myself scream and my body jerked up, standing on my feet…and I wildly thrashed back and forth away from the bars I was bound to, trying to miraculously free myself. And in doing this, I was waking Sir Kevin up but I didn't and couldn't care.

I gave a pull so hard and long on the cuffs around my wrists that I could feel them digging into my flesh, I could feel my skin bleeding and I clenched my eyes as I kept pulling, hoping my hands would pop off or something and then I'd be free to save them.

"Come on, come on…", I pleaded as I kept the pull strong and steady…and I could feel a tear leap down my face as I waited for the cuffs or flesh to give. But they didn't.

"RRRRRR!", I erupted like an enraged panther, giving in for now and trying a couple quick yanks for good measure. FUCK!

"NOOOO!", I growled louder as I heard:

"About time.", Sir Kevin said groggily as he went out of my sight and greeted the man who brought Bella and Katie here.

"Hey, I had to drag these two the whole way in a fucking rainstorm! You can't get down here in a fucking car, thanks for telling me!" the man's voice seethed and I recognized it now. Holy Shit.

It _**is**_ him. James.

"And this dumb bitch falls every three steps!", James kicked and I heard Bella cry out as I kept growling and working the cuffs up and down the bars, furiously trying to break away so I could stop this. This was my worst nightmare come true! Not being able to protect my family. Again. This is what I told Peter. I could hear his voice in my head, telling me to breathe…to do my breathing exercises…but I was too busy screaming and cursing.

"Stop bitching and bring them inside.", Sir Kevin said low in his throat and I could hear footsteps coming in this way.

Sir Kevin was the first to come in and he came walking up to me, in some feeble attempt to calm me before I saw my family.

"Don't misbehave, Edward.", Kevin warned me sternly as I growled and panted in horror as I faced him, filled with insane fury.

"You said you wouldn't hurt them! If I behaved, you said-don't TOUCH them!", I spat the words out, "I'll fucking kill you! Don't!"

"You are such a fucking disappointment!", Kevin scowled, "If you weren't so god damned beautiful, I swear to GOD I'd just fucking kill you right now!"

"LET THEM GO!", I roared, struggling with all I had.

"I should turn around right now and just shoot that KID right through the eye!", Sir Kevin threatened, grabbing the back of my hair, "That would teach you a fucking LESSON about showing me disrespect, wouldn't it?"

I choked on a huge sob in my throat and forced myself to switch gears. Hide away the rage and beg for mercy…NOW.

"NO…no…no, Master, please don't!", I groveled for Katie's life, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please!"

Kevin put his hand out in front of me, as if I would take it and kiss it somehow. I pinched my eyes closed and covered his rough hand with kisses, moving my cheek against the top of it…and along his fingers.

"Alright, alright, pet.", Kevin sounded a bit calmer now, getting the reaction he wanted from me now, "Calm down. It's alright."

And just then, James came into the doorway, shoving Bella and Katie inside. Bella looked relieved to see me…but afraid. Katie was scared to death, crying. They were all shivering and wet, including James, and his hair was cut shorter, cropped.

"EDWARD!", Bella called out as she took a step towards where I was stuck…but James shoved her in the other direction.

"DADDY!", Katie cried as James shoved them towards the sofa near the fireplace.

They were sitting down as I panted and shouted out, my voice filled with tears, "God, no, please! Let them GO, I'm begging you! You promised not to hurt them!"

I could see Bella trying to comfort Katie, stroking her dark, wet hair as the tears welled up in my angry eyes. Bella looked at me, sadly, but there was a joy there too. A joy that she had found me alive maybe. A joy that I wasn't gone yet.

I hated it but I had to beg in front of my daughter…in front of Bella. It was the worst humiliation ever inflicted on me.

"Master, wait.", I tried to calm myself and reason with him before this went any further, "You have me. I'm yours. I'll go with you. I'll do what you say. You don't need them, please just let them go. Please! I'll do ANYTHING!"

Raven was awake and walking into the room now, hearing all the noise.

"Silence SLAVE.", Sir Kevin said loudly, letting Bella and Katie hear him.

He put his hand on my head, shoving me down, adding, "And return to your position. No one gave you permission to rise."

Katie was looking at me and so was Bella. I hated being on my knees in front of them. I couldn't get my breathing under control. I was losing my mind, quickly.

Raven walked over to my right hand side as Sir Kevin turned towards my girls and smiled at them.

"I apologize, pet, but I just had to meet them. They're very beautiful.", he commented, staring at them.

Bella stared back at him with a cold silence…Katie was crying into Bella's chest as Bella held her.

"Don't.", I warned again, gritting the word through my teeth, watching him closely.

"You…", Sir Kevin pointed to Katie and my guts imploded, "Come over here. Come say hello."

"NO, KEVIN!", I shouted now, raging, "Don't you TOUCH her!"

Bella held Katie tighter, not letting her go to him.

"Don't you want to come hug your Daddy, little one?", Sir Kevin's evil knew no bounds and he was proving it now, "Come on, your Daddy misses you."

"No…", I felt a sob rise up in my throat, "Don't do this. She's just a LITTLE GIRL!"

Katie was coming now and I growled in one long pull, shoving my sneakers against the bars behind me, curling my fingers up and trying to make my skin slice off the edges of the metal cuffs so I could get out…hating this immensely. But still, the cuffs had me.

Katie was coming to me but she'd have to go past Sir Kevin first. He was sure to stop her.

He probably figured he'd scare Katie when she got a good look at his face. But he's wrong. Katie was burned once. She's lived in burn units in the hospitals. She would not cringe upon seeing his face.

As she approached, I wept and felt tears on my face at how innocent she was…and how he was sure to destroy that to the best of his ability. But I wouldn't let him do it. Not to her.

"Hello.", he said sweetly to her as she stopped a couple feet in front of him, "I am Kevin. What's your name?"

He extended his hand to her and I felt the bile rise up to the back of my throat that he was just THINKING of touching my baby. I heard myself whispering the word no again and again, watching my nightmare play out before my eyes.

Katie looked at me, unsure of what she should do and looked up at the tall, monstrous figure before her. Then she lifted her hand up and shook his hand, and I nearly bawled as those hands made contact with one another.

Katie didn't smile but she was polite and said in her tiny voice, "I'm…Katie."

I cried a bit louder, but at the same time trying to stop myself from frightening my daughter. She kept looking at me, afraid for me, wondering what was wrong with me, wondering what was going on.

"Katie!", Kevin enthused, "So very nice to meet you, finally. Your Daddy has told me so much about you. You are just as beautiful as he is. Maybe more."

"Leave her ALONE!", I roared out again, hating this with all my heart.

"Are you hurting my Dad?", Katie asked right out, frowning a little at Sir Kevin.

Sir Kevin mocked a hurt face and replied, "No…I'm not hurting Daddy. He's very important to me."

"He's important to me, too.", Katie stated firmly, her eyes looking into his, "Why'd you take him away?"

"Well…", Kevin squatted down to be at eye level with her, "He belongs to me. Did you know that, Katie?"

His tone was nice but at the same time, wicked and cruel. I found myself hating him more and more with each word he said to my daughter.

"Kevin!", I shouted, "I'm warning you! Stop!"

"He's MY Dad.", Katie frowned, "He belongs to ME."

I closed my eyes and felt more wetness escape from inside them…I kept struggling and growling as I wept, feeling heartbreak and rage all at the same time.

"Katie, don't.", I pleaded with her now, "Go back to Bella, please."

"Silence.", Sir Kevin shot me a look, "We're talking."

Then he turned back to Katie and asked, using that sugary sweet voice with her, "Did your Daddy ever tell you about what he is?"

Bella screeched out now, and I knew that this was killing her just as much as it was me.

"Stop it!", she screamed as I shouted, "KEVIN!"

"He is my slave.", Sir Kevin revealed, "And before that, he was Victoria's slave. He was with her for many years."

"STOP TALKING TO HER!", I cried out hard, feeling everything in my intestines straining and pulling as I screamed, "STOP TOUCHING HER!"

Ignoring me, Sir Kevin raised a hand and gently stroked Katie's long, wet curls, saying, "He ran away from me. He did this to my face. And now because I found him again – I have YOU. I have Bella. And it's because of him and his selfishness that you'll have the new life you're going to have now. Don't forget that. Daddy did this to you."

I had been growling all this time but now I snapped to attention.

"What NEW life?", I asked him, my face a painting of repulsion and disgust.

Sir Kevin stood up now, and kept a hand on the top of Katie's head, playing with the wet hair there, looking at me and speaking.

"This is some of your punishment for my face, my dear.", he informed coldly, "I'm selling her."

"The FUCK you ARE!", I roared back at him.

"Yes.", Sir Kevin peeked down at Katie, "Tomorrow. Once we get home. I have a few friends who would pay millions for a little red haired virgin. If you're good, I'll spare you while it's happening. I'll put you to sleep for a few days and when you wake up, she'll be gone. But I'll still have to keep playing you the video tape that we'll post on the internet. You've earned that with all your running and defiance today. We'll strip her, and make her come for the very first time. A video of THAT will start a nice bidding war."

I heard myself rage and scream out like an insane tiger, my arms yanking and not caring what damage the pulling would do to them.

"IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN, YOU SICK FUCK!", I yelled, hearing my voice echo from all around and above…as Katie tried to keep a brave face on…her bottom lip shivering as she looked at me. I didn't even recognize my own voice now, it was pure venom…pure evil, just like him.

Bella was running up now, towards the back of Katie…and she tried to take Katie in her arms, away from Sir Kevin. But Sir Kevin heard her coming, spun around, and backhanded her across the face, sending her to the floor.

"BELLA!", I raged even more.

James was right behind Bella and roughly grabbed her up off the floor, pulling her back away from the man touching my daughter. I heard myself screaming, crying out in pain that I couldn't stop this, couldn't save her. Them. What the fuck have I done?

"Fiesty.", Sir Kevin looked approvingly at Bella as she sat on the sofa, touching her own jaw, as if it was extremely painful as James stood in front of her, saying something in a low voice to her that I couldn't hear.

"She'll make a perfect sub for James.", Kevin said to me, "Once she's broken, that is."

"Kevin, DON'T do THIS!", I warned again, "If you do—"

"What is this Kevin shit?", he suddenly realized and called me on that, as he placed a gentle kiss down onto the top of Katie's hair, "Call me what you're supposed to call me. Tell Katie what you are. Or she and I can go and talk privately in another room."

I felt so incredibly sick. Why wasn't I vomiting yet?

"Please don't do this in front of her.", I begged now, hating this more than any other shit anyone had ever done to me before. It was the lowest kind of torture.

"Katie, come upstairs with me…", Sir Kevin took her by the hand.

"Master!", I called him now, loudly, so he'd stop now, "Master…"

I heard Bella sob from her side of the room and I looked down at the dark floor, not even able to look at Katie's face now. What would she think of me now? She would hate me.

"You see, Katie?", Kevin's voice said softly, "He's just a pathetic, weak, pretty piece of meat who knows he belongs to me…who lives to suck my cock."

That time, both Bella and I shouted out at him.

"He's not a man or a father.", Kevin continued a moment later, "Look at him."

"And what are YOU, SIR Kevin?", Bella's voice was yelling with viciousness, "A burned up LOSER who's gotta tie or chain someone up to have them? A rapist, a pedophile – child molester! And those are your GOOD qualities! I'll take Edward over YOU any fucking day of the week! Edward is a human being, you're a fucking DISEASE!"

I was so afraid that he'd hit Bella again. But instead, Kevin just smirked at her and said, "I can't WAIT to have a session with YOU, Bella. Maybe we'll chain them up together again, huh James? We can finish what we started back in New York. See which of them is the tougher one."

"Sounds like fun.", James smiled, "But I already know it's Bella."

Sir Kevin looked at me and looked disgusted for a moment and said, "You may be right, James. You may be right. This is Victoria's production groveling before us. But in a few years, you'll see a whole new Edward. MY masterpiece. A slave who is devoted to me alone, who is still strong as well as beautiful. A slave who detests women and would rather die than touch one. A slave who has forgotten family life and all the mundane shit that goes with it. And when I say the word Katie or Bella, he'll look at me in confusion and ask, 'Who's that?' He'll be happier and he'll never shed another tear ever again. And he'll always be owned, up to the day he dies. His last moment will be on his knees with my cock in his mouth. And that's the way he'll want to die. He's going to be even more beautiful soon, I guarantee it."

I'd die first. I growled in defiance at his vile little speech and then something caught my eye. Raven standing out in the foyer, on her way back into the room, frozen in place, after hearing Kevin's plans for my future. Kevin couldn't see her…but I could.

I looked at her and raised a brow, not saying a word. Not having to. If I'm lucky, they'll kill each other off before I get a chance to. Not that I wanted that. I'd so LOVE to destroy Sir Kevin with my bare hands!

Stepping into the living room now, Raven eyed me and Sir Kevin, not saying a word.

"Raven, take this over there and let her lay down.", Kevin held a lock of Katie's hair as if it were covered with shit as he handed my baby off to the most evil Dominatrix I'd ever known.

He pointed to a corner where a chaise lounge chair waited, a few feet away from everyone including Bella.

Then Katie broke away from Raven for a second and hurled herself at me, hugging me around the chest and laying her little wet head and face on my torso, clinging onto me as I let out a very pained and heartfelt sound.

"I'm so sorry, baby.", I cried, closing my eyes as she latched onto me, "Be a good girl, try and get some sleep. Sing the Lion King song, alright?"

I let my face fall into her hair and inhaled her sweet bubblegum smell as she whimpered and said, "I love you Daddy. Don't leave again. You promised."

"I won't leave you, ever.", I whispered, kissing her hair as a tears fell down both of my eyes, "I love you baby. I'll always be here, don't worry."

By now Raven was on her, trying to pull her off me as Sir Kevin rolled his eyes and was talking to James about something, maybe commenting on how Raven couldn't even control the kid.

And now, she managed to pull Katie off me and they went to that lounge chair, and Raven watched as she laid down, turning on her side, and Raven put the cover sheet over her little wet body, not exactly tucking her in, just doing as she was told.

"You even lie to your own child.", Sir Kevin shook his head and made a tsk tsk tsk sound.

"Raven, please put a candle there.", I said clearly, hoping she would grant me this one little favor, "It's dark over there. Please."

Raven gave a little smile at me and then grabbed one of the round red candles that was lit…and walked it back over to the sniffling little figure there. Raven placed the candle on the glass coffee table next to her and I felt such a wave of fucking relief wash over me. I could see her now. And she wouldn't be so afraid and in the dark.

I looked at Bella and she was watching Katie as well, looking equally as worried and terrified as I surely did. Bella loves her. And me. Even now.

But these other sick fucks don't know shit about real love. And that's too bad because now it's too late for them to ever find it out. They're all gonna die tonight. Whatever I have to do to save my family, I'm doing it. I don't have that feeling of 'can I do this?' now. I know I can. I have to. Fuck, I WANT to.

"Watch them.", Sir Kevin ordered James around like he was a little girl, "I'm gonna look around and see if there's anything here that we can use, and make sure no one's out there. Just in case."

"Okay.", James said, leering at Bella.

"Don't fuck around.", Sir Kevin said, seeing that too, "Just watch them. And don't let Edward loose. Not for any reason. And tie that girl up properly."

He was looking at Bella and I loathed that.

"Check.", he said as Sir Kevin handed him a little spool of rope that they'd no doubt brought in here with them while looking for me.

James shoved Bella down on her stomach on the sofa as he twisted her one arm behind her back, moving her fingers in the opposite direction until she screamed out and stopped struggling against him.

"JAMES!", I shouted angrily but he wasn't paying any attention to me.

"Give your other arm!", he ordered her as she put the other one behind her back, grunting in pain as he tied them tightly together behind her back. Then he released her fingers and pressed his knee into her spine, getting a very irritated growl from Bella.

James looked at me and then smiled that snake smile of his and moved his fingers over Bella's long, damp hair, asking me, "So, Eddie boy, got any advice for me when I fuck my Bella?"

He'll be the first one to die, I think.

Without losing the glare on my face, I answered, "Yea…don't get too upset when she giggles at the size of YOUR dick."

Raven laughed at that. James stood up, leaving Bella alone and was starting to stride over to my spot, just as I wanted, but Raven stood in front of me.

"Fuck off.", Raven said protectively, "He's not yours to touch. And you provoked him."

James muttered under his breath and sat on the sofa next to Bella. She moved away from him a bit, putting some space between them. Raven gave me a little grin but I went back to work on my little plan.

"Did you hear him?", I asked her, looking up at her face, "Did you hear what he said? He has plans for me – plans that don't include you or any other woman. You heard that."

Raven wiped the tears from my right eye and put her finger in her mouth, sucking lightly.

"Yea I did.", she said gravely, staring back at me, and then she looked at James who was talking in low tones to Bella, and she just looked away, seeming very pissed off.

"James," Raven called him, "Come here. We need to talk."

"About what?", James asked, coming over to us, looking at me like I was an infection he shouldn't get too close to.

"Kevin.", she informed, "He's not taking us with him like he said. He's planning on killing us here, tonight. It makes sense. Why would he want us there with him? We're just loose ends to him."

"Who told you this?", James frowned, looking at me, "HIM? He's a fucking liar trying to get away, he's playing you, fucktard!"

"You heard what Kevin said before!", Raven seethed in a hiss, "He's not planning on sharing Edward with me. He's gonna turn him AGAINST women! What does that tell you?"

"That's your problem.", James took one step away from us, "I'm not part of your little arrangement here. I get Bella and I get my cut of the money…and I'm gone. The rest is between you and him."

"Not if he kills us tonight!", Raven pointed out.

"Don't believe me," I scoffed casually, "I don't care. I'll be alive tomorrow."

"Yea, but you'll be a fag's BITCH for the rest of your life, gagging on his burned up cock.", James reminded in evil amusement, "If I were YOU I'd rather die."

"You're NOT me.", I sneered, "And there's another little roadblock in your pretend love life with MY Bella."

Raven sighed and asked, "Can we stop the pissing contest and figure out what we're gonna do? And Edward, she's not your Bella anymore, she's James'. So forget her."

I just stared up at her, hating her and remembering all the things she's done to me in the past. And as horrible as they were, none of them could touch the command she just gave me. Forget Bella. I'd rather lose my legs.

"Over here.", James walked away from me and over in the other half of the giant room, "I wouldn't trust big mouth here."

Just as they moved away and had their backs to me, I looked at Bella and she tried to smile at me.

I tried to do the same as new tears sprang into my eyes and I mouthed the words, 'You okay?' to her.

She nodded, putting on her brave face and mouthed back, 'You?'

I could only shake my head. No, I was NOT okay. Katie was here, Bella was here. And I was fucking helpless to do anything about it. I was losing my mind.

I whispered, "I'm SO sorry." And I felt a couple of tears moving down my face.

But Bella shook her head, furrowing her brow and mouthed, 'I love you.'

I held the tears back as my heart cracked and crumbled in my chest as I replied the only way I knew how.

'I love YOU.' I mouthed back.

We didn't get very long to say much more, as James went back to sit next to Bella by the fire…and I got the pleasure of Raven's company again.

It didn't take very long for Raven to start being Raven with the absence of Kevin.

She kept touching my chest, as if getting reacquainted with it all over again…and my sounds of protest didn't do a damn thing to stop her as she licked her finger and thumb and began to pinch my right nipple.

I couldn't even see Bella across the dark room, and with Raven blocking me…and when she dug her fingernails into the nipple I gave a little growl at the pain, all to familiar to me when she was near.

"You were so sweet with your little girl, Edward.", she cooed as she twisted the nipple half way around, "It reminded me of me and my Daddy, when I was little. Maybe we'll take her with us, once Kevin is gone. If it'll make you happy."

Ugh. I don't know which is more cruel. Selling her to a stranger…or keeping her so she can be part of our sick fucking life. I felt itchy all over just considering it.

Then she pulled her white top down, exposing her right bare breast to me, a tan valley of flesh and silicone staring back at me.

"God, Raven, please stop!", I turned my face away as she grabbed my chin with her other hand, "My daughter is over there!"

"Asleep.", Raven frowned, "Come on, be good. Just for a little while…"

"NO!", I tried to pull my face away again.

"Be a good boy or I'll just go over and have Bella do it then.", she warned.

And in a half second, I had Raven's nipple in my mouth.

Bella leapt to her feet, looking angry and about to say something when James yanked her back down by her hair and Sir Kevin was coming down the stairs.

I stopped what I was doing but Raven pulled my hair and slapped my face…and my tongue was moving again, my eye trying to move sideways to see what he was doing.

I quickly made sounds of displeasure now, doing my acting for Kevin's ears. I whined and grunted, really hating that she had her breasts in my face…and when Kevin saw this, he rolled his eyes and said, to Raven, "Quit that. We have a problem."

Raven sighed and pulled her nipple out of my mouth, angrily moving her shirt back into place.

He motioned for James to come over, and he did, and then Kevin made his little announcement.

"There's someone out there.", Kevin stated, loading his gun as he spoke, "James, you search west of the house…I'll cover the east side. In fifteen minutes, we'll meet in front and then cover north and south. If you find anyone, bring him back here. Raven, you watch the brats. Don't release them for any fucking reason, if Edward needs to take a piss, he can piss right there in his pants, but he goes nowhere, is that clear?"

"Yes Kevin.", Raven agreed.

"Great.", he snapped his gun into place now and ordered James, "Let's go."

"Yep.", James agreed and when Sir Kevin turned his back, Raven moved her mouth and widened her eyes at James in a silent conversation, warning him that this is when Kevin could make his move and kill him. James nodded back at her, as if to say he wasn't an idiot, and put a hand up, telling her he had this under control, and it would be alright.

I felt myself smile in a fiendish delight that either way, one of them wasn't coming back here. My only worry was, is there really someone out there? Someone we care about trying to save us? Or is that just a made up story Kevin's telling to REALLY tie up the loose end of James?

When the door opened, I could still hear the storm howling out there.

I was still trying to hold my one hand closed with the other hand and pull my wrists out of the cuffs. I also had to try and do this in silence, hidden by the dim light. I could feel my skin scrape against the metal but I held off any pain that was causing. I had to get out of these – now. Katie had tried to help me earlier, when she hugged me…but she thought I was tied up…and she handed me her little pair of cuticle scissors that came in her little fingernail kit. That's my girl! I had tried to stick the little scissor points into the lockhole of the cuffs, but after a half an hour, that wasn't working.

A short time later, a shot rang out and for a second I couldn't tell if it was thunder or gunfire. But then it happened again. Before any of us could react, Raven leapt up and ran out of the room, going to the foyer and opening the door to look out and try to see what was going on. I didn't blame her. If Sir Kevin killed James and was on his way back here now, Raven was in deep shit.

But either way, now we were alone and I hissed, "Bella!"

Her legs were free so she could easily jump up and start running towards me. But I stopped her midway by saying, "WAIT! Over by the doorway, there's a knife! Try to get it and bring it over here!"

"Got it.", she ran over to the dark area…and I coached her by saying, "More to the right…right there, yea! Do you see it?"

"Hold on.", she was searching in the blackness, using her foot to look. Smart.

"Got it!", she whispered and moved the knife closer to her with her sneaker toe, then turned her back to it, squatted down for a moment, and carefully straightened again. She's not clumsy when the chips are down, that's my Bella!

She came to me and I could hear her voice cracking as she asked, "Oh my God, Edward, are you alright? What did they do?"

"I'm fine.", I felt my lips melt against her forehead, and then she looked up at me, ready to act so we could get ourselves out.

"Put the handle in my teeth.", I said, sinking back to my knees, "Then turn around and start cutting yourself loose. Those ropes aren't very thick, it shouldn't take long."

I knew it would work. I've had lots of practice holding things tightly with my teeth, with my mouth during my sessions with Victoria and Raven. I could hold it securely enough.

"Come on.", I looked up at her and she carefully put the handle in my mouth and I clamped down on it with my teeth, watching as she turned and waited for me to place the knife in between her wrists, where it needed to be so she could start moving them back and forth.

She started doing it, trusting me as I strained to hold the knife tight so it wouldn't fall. That would cost us more time and we didn't have lots of time here. She could come back any second…and Katie was still in the corner, laying there, her face under the covers…what was she up to?

"HARDER.", I gritted as I held it, praying this would work.

Bella did move with more speed now, breathing out, "I don't want to hurt you."

"NOT, come on.", I said as best I could with the hard wooden surface of the handle between my back teeth. I know she's worried about the blade cutting my lips, my face, but I could give two shits about myself right now. All that mattered was getting Bella and Katie out.

And finally, a miracle! The rope popped up at last and Bella let out a little gasp of glee, feeling it loosen as she froze then turned halfway towards me and pulled the broken rope off her wrists! I slumped a bit in relief and then Bella winced at me and whispered, "Hold still. Open your mouth."

She removed the knife by taking the dull end of the blade and then she examined my lips with her fingers. There must've been some blood because she wiped them and smiled weakly at me, saying, "It's just a little cut."

She had the knife now and smiled, saying, "Your turn."

I was about to tell her that my escape wouldn't be that easy but she turned me a bit to work on my ropes…and let out a defeated, hard breath when she saw that I was bound to iron bars…by handcuffs.

"Edward.", she breathed out.

"Look out.", I turned my face towards her as far as I could, then, seeing her get back, I leaned forward with all my weight, pushing my sneakers against the iron bars behind me, growling out in pain as I once again tried to force my hands out of the cuffs, loss of skin or not. Bella covered her mouth as she watched this and whimpered.

"STOP, stop!", she came over and pushed on my chest, "You can't get out that way, you're just hurting yourself!"

"How do you know?", I snapped, pushing again and clenching my eyes as I made another attempt.

"My dad is a cop!", she reminded.

I gave it up and stood on my feet, telling her, "Alright, Plan B, get Katie and run out the back way. There are lots of woods out there and you can hide! I'll keep them busy in here and you can run into town, get some help!"

Bella glared at me now. "I'm NOT fucking leaving you here!"

"It's either that or you can cut my hand off.", I glanced at the doorway, not seeing Raven there.

Bella looked at me and for a moment, that reality was crossing our minds. But then I heard Raven outside, calling, "JAMES! KEVIN!"

"She's coming back soon, Bella, GO!", I felt my voice break as I shouted that last word.

"NO EDWARD!", she said, tears in her eyes.

"Bella, PLEASE get my daughter out of HERE!", I pleaded and felt a little sob fall out of my mouth.

And then I think she understood how terrible this was for me, having them trapped and threatened while I knelt here like a fucking piece of furniture. She nodded and winced, finally saying, "Alright. Alright. But I'm coming back with help. Don't go anywhere."

"Thank you, Bella.", I felt a smile as she took the knife, holding it point down at her side as she kissed my lips again, quickly.

"I swear to GOD I'll be back.", she cried, "Hold on."

"I will. I love you.", I panted as we kissed again for a half second.

"Love YOU.", she whispered back, then took the broken rope and ran over to where Katie was.

I almost wept again as Bella shook Katie, and my little girl jumped in fright, remembering where she was, peeking out from under the sheet.

"Come on, baby.", Bella sat her up, taking the sheet off her, "Time to go."

"Where's Dad?", she asked groggily, looking around.

"He'll be with us a little later.", Bella stood her up now, taking her by the hand.

"NO!", Katie frowned, yanking her hand out of Bella's, "We can't leave him with the bad people, they'll take him away again!"

"Bella, just grab her and GO!", I almost yelled, hearing voices outside, coming closer to the front door.

She was about to do just that when the front door banged open and a voice said, "I fought in KOREA and you two dipshits are no match for ME! Tell 'em, Angela!"

"Shut up, BEN!", Angela's voice sounded angry and fearful and I saw Bella freeze, looking at me.

`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`0`

Oohh, the plot thickens! Will Edward rise up and get free to save his family? Will Bella leave Edward there? Will Ben fart on Sir Kevin? Come back soon – I'm working on a great next chapter for this! You will not be disappointed! I hope. LOL.

Sorry it took me a little while to post this. Fanfiction was down. And I wanted everything to be right. I have some great stuff planned next!

See you soon!

Love, Winnd


	41. Losing is Not an Option

"_Bella, just grab her and GO!", I almost yelled, hearing voices outside, coming closer to the front door._

_She was about to do just that when the front door banged open and a voice said, "I fought in KOREA and you two dipshits are no match for ME! Tell 'em, Angela!"_

"_Shut up, BEN!", Angela's voice sounded angry and fearful and I saw Bella freeze, looking at me._

41

EPOV

"GET OUTTA HERE!", I whisper-shouted at her but she shook her head and ran with Katie back to the lounge that she'd been sleeping on…and Bella put her hands behind her back, as if still tied up, and she hid the knife under a pillow there. Katie sat up next to Bella and put her finger up to her lips, saying, "SHH."

To my utter disgust, Sir Kevin, James, and Raven came walking in, and James gave Ben a shove inside the room where we were. Angela looked right at me and I felt even more ill, feeling naked as she looked at me with such pity and sadness…and Ben with shock and immediate rage.

They were all wet from the rain and now that they were inside, Kevin started asking questions.

"Now…who are you and what are you doing here, old man?", he asked.

I thought Ben would be able to tell him some false story so they could get out of here in one piece and get help. But Ben wasn't thinking on my wavelength.

"You have my family.", Ben stated gruffly, "Where else would I be?"

"More family." Kevin looked at me, "How nice."

"Sit down.", Kevin shoved Ben towards the lounge where Bella and Katie were, and Angela gasped, whispering, "Katie! Are you alright?"

Angela was holding her now and that brought tears to my eyes. How can I save them all? Even if Bella runs now, if there's another chance to, Ben and Angela could never keep up.

"Sorry kid.",Ben could hardly meet my eyes, looking ashamed, "I guess I'm not the soldier I used to be."

"Told you!", Angela yelled at him, kissing Katie, adding, "DAMN fool. OLD damn fool."

I had no words in return for Ben. I just blinked and felt a long, thick tear move down my face, mixing with the blood from my cheekbone. They were going to die. That is, if Kevin had his way. He doesn't need them. They're in the way. He'll eliminate them without even a thought. I have to stop him.

"So much for your secret hideout.", Kevin sneered at James, coming in further, walking up to me.

As Kevin came closer to me, I could see James and Raven bickering on the other side of the room near my family. I wondered what the hell happened out there…maybe I'd find out from Raven later. I had heard a shot but it looked like everyone was unhurt. Apparently that shot went nowhere. Damn.

"How're you holding up, love?", Kevin began to examine me as if I were his pony, checking my beaten face.

I froze and shrank away from him but he kept prodding and touching me anyway. I felt dirty…and vile…with all of them watching us…I wanted to vomit all over Kevin. But it wouldn't come. It nearly did when he had my daughter in his hands. But now…nothing.

"No stitches needed there…good.", he finished checking my face and reached back to feel my wrists and hands, "Nice and warm, secure…good. How's your head? Good…no bumps, no blood…"

"GET your fucking hands off me.", I growled low and deadly, meaning every fucking word of it.

He pulled my hair back and stared right into my eyes now, and his huge puss filled eye opened even more.

"You are going to feel pain as you've never felt before, my lovely little cocksucker.", Kevin informed, "Starting with your soft little heart…after your family is gone…and then we'll work on your fucked up mind…then your body…I know how to fix you, little one. And I will. But it will be very hard for YOU, I'm afraid. But don't worry, I'll be there for you. You can cry on my shoulder. And before you open up that disrespectful little mouth of yours, don't forget. I can make you suck my cock right in front of them, right now. I can fuck you three times while they watch. Or maybe I'll teach your daughter to do me while YOU watch. So shut your face…and behave. Tomorrow is almost here. The start of your real life…with me."

I forced myself to stay silent, but my eyes said everything about my anger and hatred for this sick shit who was staring back at me.

"Be a good girl. Kneel there and look sad. You're good at that.", Kevin patted my head and stroked my bottom lip with his thumb before he turned back and slowly strolled around the room, finally settling on talking to James for a few minutes.

I heard Ben saying to Angela, "Step one accomplished. We're in."

"Shut up Ben.", Angela snapped back, petting Katie's hair as she held her on her lap.

I could kill Ben. What was he thinking? Why would he bring Angela with him here? If he didn't come, Bella and Katie could be free right now. And if they find out Bella's hands aren't really tied up, she's dead.

Things quieted down for a couple hours. They told us all to shut up and James stood guard over my family while Raven and Sir Kevin hung out on my end of the room. He kept looking at me, waiting for me to say or do something…but I didn't. I was still trying to figure a way out for them…waiting for another moment when they could escape.

Bella has that knife but she's smart. She won't use it unless she knows the rest of us are safe first. And not as long as Katie was this close.

Then, I could hear Bella, working on James.

"We didn't hurt your sister, James.", Bella said quietly, "The candle fell on the alcohol…there was nothing we could do."

James laughed for a moment and said, "I don't give a fuck about my sister. I should thank you, actually. You freed me. All I care about now is getting out of this country, getting away from my father, and being wealthy for the rest of my life. You're a nice little bonus, too, Bella. I've liked you since the first day of school…remember?"

"You hate your father.", Bella stated back to him, "But if you do this, you're BECOMING him, you know that, don't you?"

She's good. Dr. Bella is in.

"Shut that bitch up or I'll do it for you.", Kevin sneered from this end of the room.

Bella didn't say anything else and I knew it was hard for her, because she's a fighter. But she knows that someone else will pay for it if she says something they don't like. It killed me to see her silenced this way…like I would be. She, for a split second there, became a submissive. And I fucking hated it. I'm sure Kevin could see my glare hotly focused on him but he ignored me.

"Did you hear that?" Kevin asked about a half hour later…and I listened…but didn't hear anything but the storm outside.

"I didn't hear anything.", Raven said, coming closer to me and moving her fingernails through my hair on the right side, "Did you, pet?"

I shook my head, staring at Kevin.

"Stay here.", he took his gun out and checked the bullets, and he started going up the stairs to investigate this noise he heard.

James walked over and asked, "Where's he going?"

"He heard some noise.", she shrugged, rolling her eyes, "What the fuck happened out there? Why didn't you shoot him?"

"I had him.", James informed, "I pulled the trigger…and nothing. I think the rain fucked up my gun somehow. That happens sometimes. Then we found the old people. I lost my shot. The old man took a shot at Kevin and missed."

"Great.", she sighed.

"I'll get another chance.", James looked upwards, "I'll take those scissors and tell him I heard something outside too. Then I'll get him."

"Let me help.", I said, cutting in uninvited, "Uncuff me, I'll go out there. You can tell him I escaped and when he comes to find me, we'll get him."

"No.", Raven frowned at that idea, "You're mine. You're not running around out there by yourself."

"James – you go.", Raven said to him, "Take my gun, it's dry."

She gave her little silver gun to him and he nodded, going over to the table and picking up the sharp meat scissors too, putting them in his jacket.

"KEVIN!", James shouted up at the stairs, "KEVIN!"

"What?", he came running to the top of the stairs, looking down at us.

"I heard something outside here again.", James shared, holding Raven's gun, "Come on, let's check it out."

Kevin came running down the steps and glared right at me, shouting, "If it's any other member of your family, they're DEAD! I'm not running a hotel, here!"

"Come on.", James tapped Kevin's arm and they took off, opening and closing the front door.

I looked at Bella and she looked back at me….Ben was looking between the two of us, trying to figure out what was going on.

I decided to get Raven's attention on me. Then Bella could sneak up behind her, and corner her over here, away from the rest of them.

Bella nodded at me, as if she knew what I was thinking and I gave a stern gaze back, communicating 'BE CAREFUL' to her.

"AAAAHHHHHH!', I doubled over and hung my head as I screamed out in agony. Raven jumped for a moment and then was on me, asking, "What's wrong? Edward, what?"

"NO-AAAAAUUUGGGHHHHH!", I roared again…coughing and choking as she tried to lift my face up in her hands.

I gasped and kicked, jerking my body as if I was having some kind of attack…and before I even saw her coming, Bella was saying, "Don't fucking move, Raven. I'll cut your throat, I swear to God or Satan or whoever YOU believe in!"

When I looked up, the knife was against Raven's throat and Bella was behind her, clutching her long black hair in the other hand.

I smirked at Raven and she widened her eyes at me, pissed off that I had been part of the plan.

"I have a good place for her.", Bella said a moment later, yanking her backwards and taking her out to the left, towards the kitchen area, "How about that nice big freezer in the kitchen?"

"Oh yea!", I smiled more, remembering that huge walk in freezer in there with a thick glass door that locked from the outside. Perfect. I don't think it's still cold in there but it would make a nice little jail for HER. This house was weird like that. Some things worked, others didn't.

"Say goodbye to Raven.", Bella almost cooed as she shoved Raven ahead, the knife still at her throat, taking her away.

"Bye Raven.", Katie said merrily. Angela held her back away from Bella and Raven as they passed, and for that I was grateful.

"Be careful, Bella.", I warned, then said, "Ben, go with her."

Once Ben followed her, Katie and Angela were hugging me and I was bombarded with questions: "Are you alright, Edward? Let me see that." "Daddy, you're all beat up. Did Kevin do that?"

I silenced them by saying, "Be careful, you guys! They could come back anytime! You should get back on the couch!"

Then, suddenly, I heard Bella and Ben shout out, "NO!" and then Ben added, "YOU BITCH!"

"It doesn't matter, come on!", Bella screamed and they came running back in here, looking very upset.

"What happened?", I asked, "Raven got away?"

"No, she's in the freezer.", Bella said, looking pissed.

Ben looked at me and said, "We closed her in and then once the door was locked, she took out a little silver key…she smiled…and dangled it…and then she swallowed it."

"The key to my cuffs.", I put two and two together.

"I think so.", Ben looked at Bella.

"It doesn't matter.", I said quickly, "Ben, get them outta here! Get into the woods!"

"No way.", Ben protested before all the others did, "You're my son, I came here to get you – ALL of you. You're not getting left behind!"

"I can't get out!", I shouted at him, "JUST GO! Think of your granddaughter!"

"Wait wait!", Bella went around behind me, looking at the cuffs, "These aren't police handcuffs, they're the cheap kind you find at some of those gross stores."

"They seem pretty tough.", I said, my hands still throbbing from the abuse I've been putting on them all night.

"No, I mean, I know how to open police handcuffs.", Bella said, looking around the room for something.

"You do?", I asked.

"A cop's daughter…a teenager…looking for ways to piss off my dad.", she shrugged, "Yea…I know how to do it. I just need a pen or…something small and metal…thin…like a barrette, paper clip…a bobby pin…"

"Sorry, I didn't do my hair today…and all my paper clips are home in my desk.", I said, heavy with sarcasm, "They're gonna come back here! Please just GO!"

But Angela squeaked and said, "I have a bobby pin! A bunch of 'em! Here!"

She pulled a couple of them out of her hair and Bella ran over, smiling, saying, "Angela! I LOVE you!"

Bella tore the plastic off the bobby pin edge and went behind me, saying, "Give me a minute. It's not that easy and I haven't done this in awhile."

"Bella…", I groaned, watching the doorway, "If they open that door, you all RUN the hell out of here! Promise me!"

"Hush, Edward, let the girl concentrate.", Angela scolded me.

"It's so dark back here.", Bella complained, "Katie, go grab a candle and bring it over!"

"Kay!", she ran to her lounge and got the candle, and ran back with it, while I was warning her, "Don't RUN with a candle in your hands, Kate!"

But no one was listening to me. I was just the thing they were trying to rescue at the moment.

When Katie brought the candle over, both Bella and Katie gasped at the same time.

"DAD!", Katie exclaimed.

"Jesus, Edward, your wrists!", Bella said, "They're all bloody and swollen! You can't get out of cuffs that way! You could do nerve damage and break your bones!"

"Thanks Mommy.", I huffed, still seeing no one coming yet.

"DAD!", Katie frowned at me. Now I was in trouble.

"Sorry.", I said, properly chastised.

"Damn it!", Bella breathed in frustration, trying again.

"Baby, please, just take Katie and go.", I begged, "If they come back…they'll hurt you and I won't be able to stop them."

"We're all getting out of here together.", Bella stated firmly, still working behind me.

Katie went behind me and was watching Bella work and said, "Oh, you bent it into an S!"

"Yea, that's the shape you need…", Bella said, "And then you just put it in the tip of the lock…and fiddle with it a little until the teeth open up."

"Cool.", Katie enthused, "You're neat, Bella."

I couldn't help but smile at them as they bonded while trying to undo my handcuffs. Only they could make me laugh on the worst night of my life.

"I try, kid.", she returned, growling as the cuffs remained in place.

"It's taking too long.", I finally said, feeling hope fading inside me, "Look, you tried. I appreciate it. I love you for it. But you can all go. They won't hurt me, they want me alive. I'll make my move when they take the cuffs off in the morning."

"They won't hurt you?", Bella asked, "Yea right."

"Shut up Dad.", Katie's little voice said, "Bella's trying to concentrate."

I heard myself exhale a laugh and wondered if I was really a free man on either one of these teams. The only difference is, I want to be owned by my team here with me.

Then the door opened and I growled, "GET OUTTA HERE!"

I watched Bella point down the hallway, out of the living room and towards where the hot tub room and outer pool area waited. Ben and Angela ran that way, disappearing in the dark…they and I both thought Bella and Katie were right behind them, but they were wrong. Bella ran back to the sofa, putting her arms behind her, pretending to be tied up again.

"BELLA!", I shouted in a whisper.

She just shook her head at me, whispering, "NOT leaving you!"

To my further horror, Katie wasn't with Bella on the couch…she had ducked behind me, also refusing to leave my side, and was working on the cuffs with the bent up bobby pin. I nearly gasped out loud, peeking behind me as she smiled up at me, as if everything was fine, as if we were playing some grand game.

I looked back at Bella and she blanched as white as a ghost, and crumpled up the sheet were Katie had been laying, making it look like she was still there. Genius.

I was too terrified to do or say much as Sir Kevin came marching back into the room, like the King of the manor. All I could do was shield Katie as much as I could, and pray that he didn't find her there.

"What the hell is this?", he complained, looking at me, "Where's Raven?"

"She took Ben and Angela upstairs.", Bella answered fast without hesitation, and added, brilliantly, "She better not hurt them."

"RAVEN!", he shouted, looking upwards, "RAVEN!"

He sighed and was about to go up the staircase, passing me as I casually tried to turn, pretending to arch my sore back to keep Katie from his view, and a piercing short scream rang out from behind me. My body froze and my eyes gaped as Kevin halted on the second step up….and looked at me…and backed down the two stairs to face me.

I peeked behind me and saw her looking up at me with shame and horror, shoving a brown spider off her leg, shivering, but still holding onto that damn bobby pin, working on freeing me.

"What was that?", Kevin raised a brow…well, if he had a brow…at me.

"Katie had a bad dream.", Bella cut in from where she was, and she looked at the sheet next to her, and she nuzzled the sheet with her nose and whispered, "Shhh….it's alright. Everything is alright."

He would never buy it. That scream clearly came from this end of the room and a screaming child wouldn't lay so still under a sheet over there. Bella was doing all she could, but it wouldn't be enough to fool Kevin.

"Yes, Katie, everything is alright.", Kevin said, smirking at me and reached over towards Bella, motioning with his finger, "Come here, dear, for a moment."

Bella looked at me and I swallowed a jagged breath. The sheet didn't move. At all.

"She's sleeping.", I almost stumbled as I spoke.

"Yea…", Kevin looked at me as if I were an idiot, "In the middle of all this, during a storm, AFTER she screamed…"

I hadn't felt Katie's hands moving on mine for a few seconds but now they started up again, hurrying with a new speed, desperately yanking and turning the bobby pin this way and that.

Kevin folded his arms and stood in front of me, towering over me as I knelt there.

"Move aside, love.", he demanded.

I could only answer one way.

"No.", I said flatly, my eyes burning with hatred and a bear's protective spirit.

Kevin didn't produce any weapons. He didn't need to.

"It wasn't a request, slave. Last chance.", Kevin offered, "And, sweetheart, if you think that I can't hurt that child when I pull her out from behind you, you know better than that. Tell her to come out and come to me."

My heart blistered with fire just thinking about doing that. I would never in a million years call her and tell her to go to this piece of vermin shit. I'd die first.

"No.", I said, feeling like a fortress that could not be conquered, "You can't have her."

Now Kevin produced his gun and placed the end of the barrel right into my right eye. And I didn't give a fuck. He didn't scare me. Protecting Katie was more important than anything he could do to me.

"Katie, come out here to me or Daddy loses an eye.", he announced.

"Stay where you are, Kate.", I said without taking my eyes off Kevin, "He won't hurt me…he needs me…don't you, _Master_?"

I sneered that word and made it sound just as it was – slimy and painted with rat shit.

"I think the first thing I'll do with you is have your vocal chords severed.", Kevin stared back at me, "It will be a great loss not to hear you call me Master anymore…but I'm so tired of your shitty mouth and the things you say to me."

"I'd love that.", I met his little challenge, smirking at him, "What a paradise it would be for me not to EVER have to call YOU MASTER again!"

I looked, seeing something move behind Sir Kevin…and Bella was there holding an iron poker from the fireplace where she'd been sitting a moment ago. But Kevin must've seen me looking or heard her approach because when she took her powerful swing, he ducked out of its way and spun around…but Bella wasn't there. She swung around and stood her ground in front of me and Katie…and swung at him again…this time hitting her target…right between his legs.

Kevin roared aloud and fell to his knees now…but Bella didn't take any time to celebrate that…she spun around and said, "Katie, let me."

"I almost had it that time.", Katie's little voice argued as I stared at Kevin, in utter disbelief that instead of fleeing, they were still standing here, trying to free me. We were three sitting ducks here.

"BELLA NO!", I screamed as Kevin held his junk, laying on his side and rolling from left to right, and his hand was reaching out…for something on the floor…for his gun!

"BELLA GET KATIE OUT!", I shouted out, helplessly as the two of them pulled at the same time on the bobby pin…"KATIE STOP IT!", Bella pleaded, "You're pulling too hard!"

"BELLA!", Katie whined and Kevin smiled at me, as if it were only he and I here now…he was about to teach me a big lesson about obedience…about defiance…about trying to escape...I was about to lose someone. And I just couldn't lose either of them.

"Choose which you want, Edward.", Kevin said with a low, deadly voice as the girls kept working beside me, "Which of them lives, darling?"

"Don't!", I heard my voice beg again.

"Choose or you lose them both.", he cocked the gun, and aimed higher…like he was aiming for Bella's head. And then he began to move the gun lower and lower…

"BELLA, he's got a GUN!", I screeched, the words tearing out of my throat like glass.

"Shit!", Bella realized what was happening now and pushed Katie behind me, and wrapped her arms around me, to shield me, and closed her eyes, ready for impact. But she still refused to leave me here alone.

"KATIE RUN!", Bella screamed out, and as she pushed Katie aside, behind me, Katie's little fingers dropped the bobby pin, and it vanished in the darkness…

"I dropped it!", Katie wailed and dropped to her knees, searching frantically for the little piece of metal. Kevin cocked the trigger of his gun and squeezed…a blast of sound deafened me…

I felt two icy hands encircle my cuffed wrists…the wintry chill shocked my senses for a moment…and a second later both my cuffs gave way…the teeth loosening their grip and my hands free as the heavy metal flew freely, dropping to the marble floor with an empty clink sound.

I don't know how it happened but I was free now, no longer pinned to this spot like a bound lamb waiting for slaughter. No…now I was suddenly transformed…into a lion…a lion about to protect his cubs.

I threw myself into Bella and Katie, flattening them against the floor as I laid over them, just in case the bullet had managed to find them. But as I took them to the floor with me, the bullet missed Bella, inches over her hair as she fell down under me. If I hadn't been free right at that moment, and pushed her down, she would've been shot in the head for sure.

It all happened in half seconds…it was so fast…but before I had time to breathe a sigh of relief, I kicked out hard, knocking the fucking gun out of his weak hand. It flew out into the dark, out of sight.

Roaring like a madman now, fueled by insane rage and the intense fright of a second ago…thinking that I just almost lost my Bella…I dived on the asshole and started beating the living shit out of him. Out of my mind with anger, I knelt on his arms, holding them down as I punched his ugly face once….twice…three times…four…five…I felt teeth break that last time as I pounded his mouth, bloodying my own knuckles with the force it took…but I didn't give a fuck. I could beat him like this all day until his head was just mush.

"Katie, come on!" I heard Bella yell as she ran with Katie down another hallway. I was hoping they were getting out of here, but I should've known better, where Bella was concerned.

"DADDY!", I heard Katie's little voice falter as it faded into the blackness…and I could still hear that devotion…she didn't want to leave me…still.

I felt like I was winning the fight with Kevin, but then the bastard actually smiled up at me with his bloody lips and said, "Oh, baby…you're turning me on!"

Sick fuck!

I hesitated then and he brought his knee up, squarely slamming me right in the nuts! And before I could even yell out, he grabbed the fallen poker and rolled over on top of me now…and straddled my chest with his knees as he pressed the long stick of the iron right against my throat, just firmly enough to deny me air.

"I wonder who you would've chosen…", Kevin breathed, his nose almost touching mine as I struggled, holding the poker and trying to push it off as he leaned in more, using his weight to pin me down.

"I guess we'll explore that another time.", Kevin said, sounding relaxed and pleasant as I now felt the urge to gasp out for air…and in seconds, I felt dizzy and tired. SHIT no! He's putting me to sleep! NO! I have to stay awake! I have to get out! Find Bella and Katie. Ben…Angela…

"Awww…there he goes…", Kevin smiled and placed a kiss on my forehead as if I were two months old, "Good night, my sweet, beautiful boy."

"NO!", I groaned, hardly with enough air to speak at all, and I heard myself let out this horrid empty air rattle sound…time was running out. I felt my eyes getting heavier…SHIT!

"Don't worry, love.", Kevin sneered with a wicked smile, "I'll flip a coin to see who lives."

"RRRRRRRRRRRR!", I felt the long roar tear out of my throat and mouth….and God knows where I got the strength, but I flung him off me as if he were a fucking rag doll!

I was on my feet and alert…and after his fucking ass! He stood up, too, holding the poker out horizontally in front of him, using it to defend himself. All I had was my bare hands and all the fucking rage of the last six years of my life.

"Very beautiful.", Kevin admired me as we circled each other, preparing to attack each other again, looking for an opening, "Protecting them…so very sexy, my dear. I love it. I will erase it out of you, once you're mine, but playing the tough hero…it's very attractive on you, pet."

"I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING PET!", I screamed, hearing my voice echoing all around us, high up in the ceiling above…letting all that pain out…all that hatred…that I had been bottling up for so long. It was streaming out of me like blood and I couldn't stop it. I didn't want to stop it.

And I grabbed the poker, and we pulled and spun, trying to get it from the other. Kevin yanked at it and it broke out of my hands, and he swung it like a sword, first on one side of my face, and then the other. It looked like he wasn't really trying to HIT me with it. He was enjoying this…toying with me until he was ready to make his final strike…the one that would make me silent and still…but still alive enough to cart off to fucking Thailand.

I heard a scream coming from the kitchen and I couldn't tell if that was Bella or Angela. Either way, there was nothing in this room I could've used as a weapon. I needed a new arena.

So I ran to the kitchen and heard Kevin laughing, not sounding too worried at all.

"Oh, darling…running away?" he asked from behind me as the thunder struck outside, and the lightning gave a harsh white momentary light to the kitchen as I reached it.

"Not very tough of you, is it, dear? You see, you can play the hero for a moment…but in the end you're still a little slave girl…running for your life.", Kevin said as he followed me quickly, not letting me get too much further ahead of him.

"BELLA?", I shout-whispered as I entered, not seeing anyone of value here.

I got inside the elegant kitchen, a modern display of white and black design, and icy steel refrigerators here and there. And glass. Lots and lots of glass, some black, some etched, some clear. Perfect. It all cuts the same. Raven was shouting at me inside her little freezer window but I couldn't hear her. I ignored her and prepared for Kevin's arrival…looking around for things I could use. Emmett always taught me to use what's around you in a fight. It was time to give Sir Kevin the fucking beating he deserved…and I intended to leave not an inch of him unmarked.

Come on, Cullen. This is it. Time to fight for your freedom…your family…time to be a man…no longer a shadow…at last! I had waited for this day, dreamt of it…and at the same time, dreaded it. I had wanted my day, to fight back, to make THEM bleed for once…but I had no idea my daughter and the woman I love would be caught in the crossfire this way. I never wanted that. But it did feel wonderful that I was loved…and that the people who loved me didn't let me be alone in this. And for the first time in years, I felt safe, even in the middle of all this.

I heard footsteps coming in. I pulled out the whole drawer of silverware and threw the contents of the wooden box right into his silhouetted face. This wouldn't hurt him but in the dark it would surprise him and give me an opening to attack.

"AAHH!", he gasped as a hand flew up to his face and before he saw me, I was on him.

I threw a punch right into his nose, felt a crunch and then spun him around to my left, following with a kick to his chest, sending him backwards into one of those etched glass walls. The crash and twinkling sounds of glass along with the thud of his body sent waves of thrill through me…and I stood my ground, staring at the dark mass of skumbag on the floor.

BANG! I heard and looked towards the sound, the freezer! And Raven! She had a huge metal can of something…maybe a ham? And she was smacking it into the freezer door, trying to test its strength…trying to get out.

"RRRR!", I heard as something huge slammed into me and hurled me backwards this time, the two of us crashing through another glass wall. I felt tiny little splinters of glass stab like needles into my bare back as we landed and then I smelled Kevin's breath hotly pouring down into my face as my eyes blurred for a moment.

A savage little moan erupted from his chest and I felt his hand hold my chin up…and his tongue licked all the way up the side of my face, tasting my blood…tasting me. That was enough for me to snap out of my little daze and continue fighting back.

I yanked at his puss crusted eye and his half head of frayed long hair and made myself sit up, trying to ignore the little stabs of glass chunks in my flesh as I stood and shoved him off of me, blinking a couple of times, wishing I could rid myself of the foggy state my head was in at the moment.

I focused on the memory of Emmett and listened to his voice as he taught me how to defeat my opponent. Use what's around me.

He was after me as I ran deeper into the kitchen and saw the steel silver refrigerator with a little top door freezer compartment. I flung that open hard as I passed it and it clocked Kevin right in his face and sent him staggering backwards, but still on his feet.

I saw a huge wrapped thing in the freezer and grabbed it. Before Kevin could even come back after me, I slammed him in the face with the hard icy block. WHACK WHACK! Once on each side of his fucked up face and I saw his cheekbones split as I struck each blow. A dull, rough groan came out of him with each whack and he fell back onto a counter, holding onto it for support.

Then, in the crash of lightning, I saw him…and he saw me. I knew he was now very pissed off. And he said, "That little bitch is dead when I get my hands on her, pet. DEAD. You know that, right?"

"You're dead.", I snarled, panting, "You'll never touch my daughter again!"

"We'll see.", he smirked, wiping the side of his cheek with his fingers and standing straight, preparing to come after me again.

Before he could come at me, I struck first. Punched him right in the puss filled eye with the strongest blow I'd ever thrown in my life.

He spit blood on me and roared out, unleashing a full attack on me now.

Before I could block him, he belted me in the mouth twice and I felt a shot of agony as one of my lower side teeth cracked. I even felt a piece of it fall out of my mouth as Kevin grabbed the top of my hair and shoved my face down onto something very hard and rough. I heard a couple clicks and my eyes bulged open, realizing what it was.

I was face down on a stove and Kevin was turning on the dial!

"NO!", I struggled to move my face up off one of the burners before the fire shot out. I could smell gas and Kevin's fist shoved my lips back down into the iron brackets.

"Oh yes.", Kevin shoved his pelvis into my ass as he stood behind me, and I could feel his arousal as I struggled.

"You don't know the fun of having your face burnt off, do you, my love?", Kevin asked as he turned another dial. My feet kicked and tried to slam down onto the top of his boot but Kevin foresaw that and kicked my legs apart.

"Let's just burn a little of that precious angel flesh, shall we dear?", Kevin snickered into my ear as I growled out harder, "Maybe just the eye?"

"GET OFF ME!", I sneered out, remembering all too well the last time I'd screamed those words to Kevin.

And then a little blue fire popped out in the burner next to the one I was nearly kissing and I groaned out, the flames so hot even being a few inches away from me.

"Awww that's hot, I know.", Kevin spoke to me like I was a two year old who was afraid for no good reason, "Don't be afraid, baby. I'll just burn half your face. Once my face is finished, I'll let you fix yours."

I clenched my eyes shut and flung my head back as hard as I could, hitting Kevin in the nose again. He shouted out and I was able to wriggle myself out of his slimy grip. I grabbed at glasses and tossed them at his face as he came after me.

Raven was really slamming the can in her hands into the freezer glass door. It was cracking a bit and would probably shatter very soon.

Kevin was lurching up to me as I found myself in a corner, but I stood my ground. He would never touch Bella again. He would never touch Katie again. I'd give my life to make sure those vows stay true.

"Come on.", I had my hands up, readying to pounce as he stalked up to me. I could hear Raven's voice now, behind him, and thick glass slowly crumbling as she dug her way out little by little, the pounding sound still in the air.

Kevin had no weapons. He thought he was tougher than me. He didn't see me as a threat and I could use that in my favor. He thinks I'm still the little bitch that knelt before him back in New York. But I'm not that anymore. That slave is dead. Gone. Thank God.

He tried to put his hands around my neck but I punched him again…and again. He blocked and struck back a couple times and I was able to duck and spin out of that corner.

I reached out and found pots and pans hanging above me and I grabbed one in each hand, using them as my weapons for a moment…and I couldn't help but smile as the CLANG of them lashed out and kissed Sir Kevin's deformed face.

Twisting him with me, I shoved Kevin's bloody face into the wall with a horrid thud and for a second I thought I had knocked him out. But he got right up again and was still coming for me. FUCK! What is this guy made of? STEEL?

I had never had to fight Kevin before, not like this, but I discovered soon into the struggle that he was no lightweight. He could take a hard punch and would smirk at me, spit blood, and then come back at me full force. He'd been trained and knew moves that I never saw before. Those moves usually knocked me on my ass and hurt like a bitch but I kept getting back up too. I had to.

Kevin was not just another jerk with a cool gun in his hand pretending to be tough, pretending to be some mafia loser. He's the real thing. Dangerous. Evil. Deadly.

Maybe he was even employed as an assassin and that's how he knew Victoria. I wouldn't have been surprised after tonight.

And even worse, it seemed like he was enjoying all this a little too much. Like he was aroused by it, by feeling my fists on his flesh. I found myself swinging harder, trying to force more and more weight and heat behind each blow, hoping it would be enough to stop him, end him, or at least knock him the fuck out. And I knew I would tire myself out fast, fighting this way, but I had to give everything…to free us…to make sure he couldn't hurt or even LOOK at anyone else I cared about again.

I tried to ignore the pain that came with his fists when he got me, and I surprised myself with how strong I was in that respect. But then, even though I'd had some time off from it, I was well acquainted with pain. But not in this form. Being punched and kicked, thrown into walls was a little different from the norm for me, but I had decided it was better than being chained up helplessly. I had control now of what I was doing here…I had a choice…and I didn't have to be agreeable and quiet, and smile and pretend to enjoy it.

I felt like a man…a real man, fighting for his family. Protecting them…coming to their rescue for once in return for all the days they'd been saving me since we moved here. And it's because of them I'm even able to fight this bastard today.

They gave me courage. They taught me strength. And now I can use it, wield it like a sword…and fight. Finally, fight! Win or lose…but NO, losing is not an option. I have to win. I have to beat him. For Bella. For Katie. For Ben and Angela. And most of all, for myself.

Our fight blazed on and on, and I never heard from Raven back in the kitchen again. My body was getting tired and I was covered with sweat. I just kept going, though, but I knew my punches were getting lame. Kevin even laughed after one cut to his jaw.

"Getting a little tired, pet?", he smiled at me as he grabbed me between the legs. I shouted out and woke up, twice as pissed now as he spoke.

"Let me know when you've had enough, huh?", he purred as he stared at my scowling face, "Then Daddy'll put you down for a nice little nap."

I almost thanked him for that. He gave me new energy…new hate to draw on…and I forgot my aches and weakness and came at him again, almost stronger somehow.

A big part of me kept worrying about Bella and Katie…where they were…if Raven was on the loose…if she was looking for them to put a stop to my battle with Kevin. And then there was the added worry of Ben and Angela too.

I had to end this. I had to put Kevin down and find my family.

Somehow, our fight took us all over the mansion. We had been in a billiards room with pool tables and Kevin tried to clobber me with a pool cue. I grabbed one and it was like we were sword fighting. I blocked him well with my stick and even got a couple of very good stabs in. It didn't produce blood, but it sounded like it hurt when I jammed the tip of my cue into his chest and then later into his smelly groin. I had a beautiful shot to smash him over the head but at the last second he rolled out of the way like a ninja warrior! Damn it!

That's when he got me and grabbed a few darts out of a round dartboard behind him and stabbed them into my back at the shoulder blade once…twice…three times. He stopped, probably in the mindset that he was still going to take me home with him. He fought me hard but he was holding back. He didn't want me so hurt that I would take months to heal before he could "play" with me. As if it hadn't occurred to him that I was never going to go ANYWHERE with him – ever again.

That time, he was the one to run out of the room in search for a new battlefield. I never let him get very far from me though, as he would have the upper hand waiting for me in a new room.

It wasn't long before we were two beaten, bloody messes hardly standing on our own feet. Kevin kept asking if I was done yet…and "Is that all you've got, kitten?"

But he didn't fool me. I knew he was hurting just as much as I was.

Then there was a music room that we tore up pretty well. I couldn't believe that there'd been a baby grand piano in here and we hadn't found it ourselves, Bella and I. That would've been a beautiful touch, having candles in here, and me playing something for her. That was the thing that pissed me off most when we fought in there. And the keys even crashed out in a musical hiss as we slammed back onto them in our struggle.

He came after me with a cello, holding the handle like a bat, and swinging it at me…but I found a large brass harp and used it to block him. The strings popped and broke but it was still enough to shield me until I could get out the other door. The sounds the instruments made as they clashed were amazing and I was glad that that cello never hit me. That could've broken bones and then I'd be fucked.

We found the gym room, a sun room, a movie watching room…and at one point, as Kevin tossed me out of an office or a computer room, I fell back onto a wooden panel. It had looked like just part of the wall…but then it opened! A nice little red elevator waited inside there and I quickly got in and closed the door behind me, and hit the up arrow. It was here that I got a good look at myself in the wall to my right, a mirror from ceiling to floor.

JESUS! My hair had blood in it and a couple lines trickled down into my forehead. My right eye was swollen and puffy, almost closed up. I had scratch marks clawed into the left side of my cheek, my nose was bruised with purple marks and had dry blood under the right nostril. My mouth was torn and swollen, glistening with fresh blood, and when I looked at my teeth more than one was chipped, broken…and a bottom tooth was even GONE! Shit! Then there was my chest! Bruises everywhere…purple, gray, and black…red blotches.

Katie would scream if she could see me now. Fuck!

I almost turned to look at my back but then the door opened and a tiny BING sounded.

I peeked around the corner before stepping out, seeing a long white hallway lined with doors.

"BELLA!", I whisper-called into the dark. Nothing. I am glad she's safe and has Katie away from Kevin, but I hate not knowing where they are. James could have them. Raven too. For all I know they could be on the other side of the house, bleeding to death and I wouldn't even know it.

I have to find them. But I have to make sure Kevin, James, and Raven are all taken care of first. I never want to fear them again. I never want to feel sick when Katie goes off to school everyday, wondering if today's the day they'll find her. I never want them or their memories coming into my bed, when I'm touching Bella. I don't want their faces in my nightmares anymore. All this shit ends today. Here. I'm finished being afraid. I'm done being the fucking victim.

Let them fear me now, I told myself, feeling a very dark thing rising up inside of me. I could be a psycho and not care about the rules. I could be a killer. I could take pleasure in hunting them.

BPOV

Once Edward leapt on top of Kevin, I wanted to stand by and cheer him on. I wanted to watch Kevin bleed and help Edward by occasionally kicking Kevin in the face. But I remembered Edward's one wish to have Katie out of this, out of here. I knew above all he'd want Katie protected from the images…the words spoken here…so I took her as far away from this side of the mansion as I could.

It wasn't easy, dragging her down dark hallways and up staircases as she struggled and shouted that she wanted her Daddy. I wanted him too and it killed me but I had to get her to safety before I could go back and try to help him. I didn't want to think of the realities of the danger we were in, but my father is a cop. I know that the fight could turn on Edward and he could lose. James could show up. Raven could escape. They have guns. The innocent don't always win and I know that. I've seen bloody pictures of murdered innocents on my kitchen table while my Dad was working a homicide.

I would respect his wish and make his daughter safe. Our daughter.

And then I would return to him and do my best to help free us from these sick bitches. But if we lose, I will die at his side, gladly, holding his hand, and watching his eyes until the light dims inside. I felt violently ill just imagining that…and I could only wish that I'd die first and not have to see that horrible moment pass. But then, I didn't want him to die alone, looking at Sir Kevin's face as he went.

"Where are we going?", Katie screamed, "BELLA! WE CAN'T LEAVE HIM!"

"We're NOT leaving him!", I spun my face towards hers…and she was crying…and I stopped running for a second so we were on the same page.

"Katie.", I got at eye level with her, "I want to go back and help your Dad. But I want you safe first. If they get their hands on you now…it'll be-there are no words. These are evil people. We love you so much, your Dad and me. You are our first priority. No matter what else happens, you are going to get out of this. So please don't fight me. Let me take you to the wine cellar. It has a lock and a key in the door. It won't be long before I come back to get you, I swear."

"It'll be dark in there.", Katie whimpered, her bottom lip trembling. And God, if she didn't look like Edward just then. It hurt me physically to see her hurting like this.

"Katie, you are so brave.", I whispered, "What you did for your Dad, the way you opened those cuffs, even when the bad guys came back…"

"I didn't open the cuffs.", Katie shared, "I dropped the bobby pin and couldn't find it. They just opened. I don't know how Dad got them off."

For a second, I felt a chill go up my spine but then I heard Edward's muffled voice from downstairs cry out and glass breaking. Katie heard it too and yelped, her head spinning around, trying to find him.

"I'll go to the cellar.", she said quickly, "Which way?"

I just smiled at her and rushed as fast as I could down the staircase that would take us to the cellar Edward and I once found while exploring this place. He found a very nice bottle of wine there and we drank it naked in the hot tub, each holding the other's glass and feeding sips to each other. His hair was dark and wet, slicked back with just a hair or two falling like silk glass over his creamy forehead. And damn…those green eyes…staring at me…

WAKE UP BELLA! Move your ass to that cellar and remember where you are!

That was my inner cop voice shouting at me. And I got my ass in gear and ran my little baby to safety.

We finally got to the door and I unlocked it, taking the key out and stuffing it in my pocket as we went in.

"Careful, baby, hold the rail…", I said as I went first, holding her hand as my feet tested out each step before we went down.

"I can't see anything!", she said in a little voice as we were halfway down the steps.

And before I could assure her that it was alright, a light went on below, inside the cellar.

I screamed out and put my hands up, ready to fight to the death as my eyes focused on who was down here…and how they got the lights to work. But all I could see were the cherry wood carvings of the walls, the slots where wine bottles rested inside, a little round marble table with two matching chairs in the center of the room…and the light bulb that hung from an arched wooden carving that laid over a counter where empty wine glasses waited.

No one was in here.

"No.", Katie decided after a moment, and she tried to move back up the stairs.

"Katie.", I stopped her, "The light is on. It doesn't matter how it happened, okay? You're not in the dark. And look, there's a place to sit here."

Thunder crashed outside like wicked laughter and we both jumped.

"I hate to ask you to stay here alone, Katie, but please.", I almost begged, "I have to get back to your Dad. There's three of them and just one of him."

"Okay.", Katie screwed up her brave face and nodded, "Don't let them hurt him. And don't let them take him away!"

"Are you kidding?", I tried to smile, "No one's taking that man away from ME!"

"Oh God.", Katie almost giggled at me, rolling her eyes, "Get a room!"

My mouth fell open but we could always get to this subject later.

I hugged her tight and felt tears come to my eyes as I whispered, "I love you, Katie. So much."

"I love you too, Bella.", she clung to me, stroking down my hair with her hand, "Please go get him and bring him back, okay? It's his birthday. No one should get hurt on their birthday."

"I know. Okay, I'll get him, I promise.", I kissed her nose and sat her on the chair, repeating Edward's words of, "Sing Disney songs. It does work. You'll be okay here, I can feel it."

Katie nodded, as if she were terrified but would try anything at this point to stay strong.

I leaned my forehead against hers and said, "I'll be back soon, I swear. Nothing will keep me from you ever."

I hugged her one last time before going and as I began to move away from her, she yanked me back and choked, asking with a cracking voice, "Bella, I've been wanting to ask you something. I need to ask you now, okay?"

"Um, okay.", I furrowed my brow, wondering what could be so important that she had to ask me NOW when Edward was in the fight of his life upstairs.

"Can I…", she hesitated, "Can I please call you…Mom?"

And something inside me….something warm and soft and sweet grabbed around my heart and lightly squeezed…and the tears came spilling forth from both my eyes.

For a second, words couldn't come.

"Uh…uh…of COURSE!, I smiled, "If…if you want to…you know I would never try to replace your Mom. I-"

"I know my Mom was a good person.", Katie said, "Daddy told me about her. And she sounds so great. But I don't really know her. Or I don't remember very well. You take care of me. You tuck me in. You read with me. When I think of what a Mom should be…I think of you, Bella. You're a great Mom. And even when I'm mean to you, you still love me. I think that's what a Mom is. And Daddy loves you too…so much. You make him smile all the time. We should be a family."

"We ARE a family.", I corrected, touching her hair, "Yes, Katie…I'll be your Mom, if you want me. I'd love you to call me that, if you're ready. If you want to. It's such a surprise! I've never been a Mom before. I thought I screwing up all over the place. And I've never really wanted to be a Mom before…before YOU. I love you, Katie."

"I love you too Mom.", she said and I felt a breath gush out of my chest while she hugged me again, "Now go get Daddy."

"I will.", I wiped my eyes and waved to her as I began to ascend the stairs.

She waved back, swallowing, steeling herself to be tough once I was up there and the door was locked from the other side.

"I'll be back.", I assured one more time and she nodded at me.

Rushing up the steps, I locked her in and shoved the key in my back jeans pocket.

Katie is safe. But no one else in this fucking house will be now. Chief Swan's daughter is on the way and there are three asses that need to be kicked.

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Hey guys! More coming up soon!

I love and miss you all! Do you have your buddies with you? Are you all okay, hiding in the mansion? Stay hidden, don't get caught! LOL!

Love, Winnd


	42. I Found Her

Chapter 42

Hey guys! Yes, you're right. The ghost ladies of the house helped Edward with his handcuffs and also put the light on for Katie in the wine cellar. They may be back in this before it's over.

Sorry it's been a long while since I last posted. A couple of big things happened in real life that kept me busy and I apologize.

Water for Elephants! God, it was amazing! He is soooo good! You GO ROB! I can't wait until you play my Edward in the Red Line! Waiting for that miracle…

And as for the ending of this story: I can't tell you anymore it'll ruin the surprises! Just read on my warrior chums! LOL

Love ya, Winnd

PS I am not real great at writing the big fight scenes at the end of the story – you've been warned!

PSS And don't worry, one obnoxious review will NOT make me stop writing. Ever.

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EPOV

"Getting a little tired, baby?", Kevin asked with a smile before he threw a crushing punch into my jaw, and I both saw and felt the blood fly out of my mouth as I fell into the wall in the hallway upstairs.

But one thing I have on my side is: STAMINA. I could take this shit for hours if I had to. I'd done it before.

"You kidding?", I panted in between my words, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, "Victoria punched a whole lot harder than THAT when I was GOOD!"

Kevin got pissed at that remark and grabbed me around the throat as his lips got so close to mine. I shoved at him to keep him away while he scowled at me.

"Thanks for sharing that, love.", he breathed into my face, "I was getting tired of bitch slapping you. It's good to know that I can swing as hard as I want to."

And before I knew it, his fist was coming again…and I ducked it just in time…and his hand went through the wall and left a giant hole in the once perfect ivory surface.

I got the chance then to leap right on him and I twisted his arm behind his back, turning him and shoving him towards the black iron ledge, slowly pushing him towards the drop that would send him down to the bottom of the stairs on the marble floor down below. The fall was long and deep and it would kill him if I could push him over the railing.

Kevin struggled and tried to claw at my face behind him as I kept moving him forward. I even heard my voice say in a very evil and wicked tone, "I know you can burn…but can you fly, Sir Kevin?"

He planted his feet firmly but the floors were marble so they were slick and smooth as ice. I nearly had him there on the rails that reached up to his waist. I couldn't wait to hurl him over it and watch him plummet to the black and white floor below. I felt hot all over just imagining the sound his body would make when it struck the ground.

"Fly for me, Master…", I heard myself say…only it didn't sound like ME. It was a very dark part of myself. The raging beast in me that wanted Victoria's blood. That wanted Kevin's blood. That wanted revenge. Payback for hours and hours of fucking misery at this asshole's hands. They way he touched me. The way he spoke to me. Like I wanted it. Like I enjoyed it. Even when I screamed, he silenced me and petted me like a gentle lover, slipping a gag into my mouth, softly explaining that I was a bit too loud. I wanted to rip his hands off and keep them as mementos.

"BITCH!", Kevin sneered as he struggled, feeling his pelvic bone lean against the iron bars, "GET YOUR FUCKING SLAVE HANDS OFF ME!"

"That's right…", I smiled as I braced myself behind him, not letting him push us backwards any, "The last hands that touch you will be MY FUCKING SLAVE HANDS! The only thing I'm sorry for is that it'll be a QUICK death. You deserve twelve hours like I got twelve hours! But I guess I'll have to trust that your fucking eternity will be that…over and over again…all the things you did to me…now they're gonna happen to YOU…forever. Chained right next to Victoria. Or maybe she'll be the one to dominate YOU, a woman touching you, how you would HATE that. You can take my place in Hell with her. That's my fucking wish for you, MASTER."

Kevin lunged a foot up against the bars, using that to keep him from going over.

"You think it was so hard, that one little day I toyed with you?", Kevin growled, "You have no idea what you're in store for now, you little COCKSUCKER! Wait til you're mine for a month! A YEAR! Five years! I know things about pain and humiliation that your little brain can't even IMAGINE! Now let go or I'll make you EAT your own daughter's heart after I tear it out of her flat little chest!"

"That doesn't work anymore, Kev.", I hissed back into his flat hole of an ear, "You can't touch her. You can't touch Bella. You don't scare me. Not anymore. And you need to die. Now."

"Stop.", a woman's voice said calmly, halting me for a moment. And when I looked, I saw those icy eyes. Void of any feeling, like a snake's. She held a silver gun and pointed it at me.

After a moment of her staring at me and me staring at her, I informed, "I'm not gonna stop. I'm doing this. Shoot me if you want. But this fucker dies today."

Raven half smiled and said, "But if I shoot you, surely that will alert sweet little Bella here…and then innocent little Katie…your daughter will see your corpse on the floor along with his. And all the blood. Surely that will do some damage. Not to mention her entire life without you…you don't really think that Bella will raise your daughter after you're gone, do you? Maybe I'll take her with me. I always wanted a little girl. I'll teach her to be just like me. How'd that be, Edward?"

I was about to tell Raven that Kevin was not her friend. That he would kill her the second she served no purpose to him anymore. I was ready to push that button but then a sudden scream slashed out into the air, almost making me jump backwards.

It was Bella! And she was attacking Raven! In a few seconds, she belted the gun out of Raven's hand and belted her right in the eye with a powerful punch! I never saw her so enraged and ferocious as now….and I decided I liked it. I didn't even have time to worry that she'd get hurt…because she was already beating the piss out of the deadliest dominatrix I'd ever met.

I heard Bella growl in the midst of their fight, "You'll NEVER get MY daughter, BITCH! OR MY MAN!"

Every strike Bella made to Raven's face produced blood and Raven tried to put her hands up to protect herself but Bella knew what she was doing. She'd been trained by her father from a very early age…and I was so glad for that. And I silently thanked Charlie again for his help and for sharing his precious angel with me.

I went back to my own task and started moving Kevin again. I grabbed the bars and just pushed him forward with my own body behind his.

"Time to go.", I announced to him, one of my hands grabbing at what was left of his hair on the left side of his head.

I heard Bella scream out and I turned to see if she was alright. Raven was shoving her face down into the floor. And that's when Kevin made his move to get free. He slammed his head backwards into my face and I lost my grip on the ledge bars. For a second, everything was fuzzy and then I felt him grab my hair from the back and slam my face down hard into the iron ledge. And as if someone flipped a switch, everything went black. Jet black.

BPOV

"EDWARD!", I screamed, seeing Kevin smash his face down into the ledge. The iron gave off this sickening BONNNGGG sound as it made contact with his head and I shoved Raven out of my way. Edward wobbled on his feet for a couple seconds and then fell like a ton of bricks to his knees, his upper half slumped over and his face hidden from me as it laid on the floor.

"That's right, bitch, assume your position.", Kevin breathed out in victory, delivering a hard kick of his boot into Edward's head.

I screeched out, feeling sick, because Edward didn't react. His head just swayed to the left and back again.

"EDWARD!", I ran over to him but Kevin turned, standing in my way, picking up the poker from the floor…the one from the downstairs fireplace.

"I'll kill him before I let you have him back, GIRL!", Kevin informed, as if disgusted by the sight of me, "You don't deserve him. Hell, you don't even know what he NEEDS! He needs to kneel before someone mighty. He needs to be controlled. You can't really honestly tell me that you two have had a happy little life together since he left me…can you?"

"You fucking rapist, get out of my way!", I snarled with venom, taking a couple huge steps forward. But he blocked me again.

"A little vanilla family…a little VANILLA LIFE!", Kevin spat back, "How disgusting you've made him. Jesus, he was wearing a fucking COWBOY hat when we found him!"

"I said get the FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!" I shouted louder, and shoved his chest to move him out of my way but he shoved me back harder, making me fall down on my ass.

And then Edward moved.

He quickly sat up, as if suddenly snapping out of it…and ready to fight again…only when he opened his eyes, they were swollen and dark red…and a single long line of blood ran down each side of his face out of those eyes.

I felt myself freeze, unable to breathe or speak…in shock.

"BELLA!", he shouted out, feeling around with his hands on the floor. He blinked a few times, and opened his eyes wider but it was clear to me…and I felt my heart shatter into a million little shards. It looked like he had no idea if it was five minutes later…or five days later…and he was terrified that he'd already lost us.

"BELLA?", his voice slurred a little the second time he called out to me.

"I'm here Edward.", I stood my ground, rising back up now, staring at Kevin with unrestrained hatred. I remembered that dream…or vision I'd had at Christmas…with Clarence the angel from It's a Wonderful Life telling me to be strong, to protect him…not to let Edward fall into their hands again. I could clearly see Edward's rotting and dead face even now, and would never lose that horrible image ever. I could smell the garbage…could almost TASTE it…it had to have been real. I had to stop them. I had to be tougher. Or I would lose my family forever.

"So striking, isn't it?", Kevin glanced back at Edward and then at me, "The crimson blood against the white face…even when he BLEEDS it's gorgeous. It should be a fucking CRIME to be that beautiful."

Edward was up on his knees and gently touched his eyes, then rubbed them a bit harder as I looked on helplessly. I wanted to weep, I wanted to scream…but I forced myself to harden inside…to prepare myself to kill. To beat Kevin and Raven, I had to temporarily become as hard as them…rock. I had to put away any weaknesses in me…the evil always used their victim's heart and fear and humanity against them. I couldn't let them get me like that.

"Something wrong, love?", Kevin mocked, smirking and holding the poker over his shoulder as if it were a baseball bat.

"Edward, are you alright?", I cried, unable to keep my voice from crumbling. So much for being hard. Who am I kidding, anyway? My love for Edward could not be hidden away or shelved. It was flowing through my blood, in my veins…it filled my heart and changed it forever. No matter what happened here today or ever…I would never regret my decision to love Edward. Alive or dead…we would always be together.

"I can't SEE!", Edward said, his voice filled with anguish and also fury, and when he repeated it again, it was loud and scary, "I CAN'T SEE!"

That sentence echoed and bounced all around the ceiling high above us as I held my stomach and heard myself whimper, "Oh my God."

"A blind slave…", Kevin pondered softly as Edward began moving his bloody fingers along the floor, trying to get his bearings…trying to stand up…looking dizzy and unsure.

"It's not the most convenient thing in the world…", Kevin kept talking, "But for what I need you for, love, I guess you don't really NEED your sight."

Edward tried to stand up and stumbled, falling onto his hands and knees, on all fours, and he shook his head violently, still trying to clear his head and put up a fight.

"You won't have to see my face at least. You won't be able to look at me with the disgust you showed me today. In any case, it's taught you a good lesson.", Kevin went on, "Perhaps it's what you've needed all along, my dear…a FLAW. Maybe now you won't be so haughty and disrespectful to your Master."

"Bella?", Edward clenched his eyes tight and crawled a couple steps, his bloody fingers staining the white squares on the marble floor.

"And finally…", Kevin surmised, watching as Edward crawled,"It will keep you close. You will need me. You will appreciate me. And you'll never be able to run from me again. I'd say this has turned out quite nicely after all."

"I don't need to SEE to find YOU, KEVIN!", Edward said now, sounding more like the fighter I had seen him become today. Edward scowled and looked almost like a dark angel with the blood lines painted down his face…it reminded me of the paint he wore the day they named him Freed Eagle in New York.

I felt myself start to cry. He was never more beautiful to me than this moment. Who could ever call my Edward weak? God, I hope his eyes are alright. It's not fair for him to be blind now, not after all he's gone through to have a real life. There were so many beautiful things in this world that I wanted him to see. Things he would've never gotten to view from his dungeon at Victoria's.

"All I need to do is smell that burnt dog shit smell and I know right where you are.", Edward finished, and then, just as fast, he looked fragile again…dizzy…and he clutched at the sides of his head, groaning out loud. I was even more worried now. Not only are his eyes damaged, but now he might seriously be hurt in his head. What if he passed out or fell into unconsciousness?

A small part of me remembered the day I put the blindfold on him on my rooftop in New York. He was relaxed in it. He felt safer with it on, I remembered.

"Fuck.", Edward began to breathe a bit heavier, as if willing himself to stay awake as Kevin strolled around behind him, grabbing a curtain sash from the set on the wall beside him.

"It was very noble, my dear…", Kevin complimented Edward as he bound his wrists behind him, and Edward violently gave a shake of his head, as if he could clear the fogginess away by doing so, "The way you tried to stop me. I understand, love. You will pay for it, of course, but…I hope you don't try to repeat tonight again. As much as I like you, I won't tolerate rebellion from my slave."

Anger flamed inside me as I watched Edward struggle against Kevin's claiming of him…and when he did, two more lines of blood fell from his eyes. It looked like he was crying blood tears. He clenched his eyes again and let out an anguished growl, trying to rise up off his knees. But Kevin just grabbed his hair and yanked him back down again, barking, "STAY. Stay or you can listen to us rape your girlfriend!"

"HE IS NOT—", I screeched, "YOUR FUCKING SLAVE! HE HATES YOU! HE DOESN'T WANT YOU! HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU HAVE TO HEAR THAT?"

"I don't hear YOU, bitch.", Kevin smirked at me as he stroked Edward's bloody hair, "He is mine. And he always will be. He just needs…adjusting. You've gone and confused him. He will remember what he is…soon enough."

"Leave her alone!", Edward snapped suddenly, opening his eyes, still looking around in hope of seeing something…but finding nothing it seemed.

"Find your gun, Raven.", Kevin said to her, almost as an afterthought, and then he looked at me, saying, "And you. You are going to take me to where you hid that brat. Right now."

Raven had looked as concerned for Edward as I was just now…but she snapped out of it long enough to do what she was told and she was looking around on the floor for her weapon.

I was about to tell Kevin to go fuck himself and then he stood behind Edward, using the poker vertically in his hands, putting it against Edward's throat and slightly pulling it so that it created firm pressure there, almost cutting off air.

"No, Bella…", Edward breathed as his eyes closed, the fresh blood wet on his eyelashes.

And before I could say a word, I felt Raven's new found gun press into my back. As if that scares me.

"My poor baby here is already about to conk out from the blow to his head…", Kevin informed me, glancing down at him as he turned even redder in the face as his air was cut off a bit more by the poker, "It won't take much pressure here to send him to sleep. And that means that this is the last moment you two will have together."

Edward growled again, harder and turned a dark beet colored shade as the poker pressed a touch tighter. And a couple more red tears ran down his face. His unseeing eyes looked upwards, hopefully wishing he could make something out, unwilling for me to say the words I had to say to make Kevin stop. But I had no choice.

"ALRIGHT!", I suddenly yelled out, wishing that would make Kevin stop instantly…but he didn't. Edward let out an empty breath as his eyes clenched tight and then re opened.

"STOP IT, I'll take you! I'll take you!", I promised, my voice sounding desperate and shrill.

And then Kevin released Edward and he slumped over, doubled over as his face laid against the black and white floor, and his mouth was a huge, open hole gasping for air like a fish on land…but in between a couple of those terrible sounding noises he was making, his voice pleaded, "No…" he said that word a couple of times, his arms bound behind him as he fought to stay conscious.

I wanted to be there with him, to hold him and touch him…but I didn't want to give Kevin more reasons to harm him…and I had to formulate my plan. I could make Kevin believe I was taking him to Katie…I would really take him somewhere else…to the dangerous part of the mansion…where the fire had been. There I could look for an opening…something that would give me a chance to attack Kevin again. But I had to be careful. I didn't want Edward hurt any more. He'd already been through enough shit in this one lifetime.

"It's alright, Edward.", I breathed, feeling like such a backstabbing bitch as he struggled to get his breath back.

"I'll take you there.", I said, swallowing down my fear and looking right into Kevin's ugly, crusty burned eyes.

"Really.", Kevin gave me a strange look as I stared him down.

"Just promise me you won't hurt her.", I said, hoping that would make him believe I was really going to do what he wanted.

"He WILL hurt her!", Edward suddenly shouted out, his breathing more even and steady now as he sat up, raising his head and trying to look in my general direction, adding, with a very frightened voice, "Don't do it, Bella!"

"She'll do it.", Kevin cut in harshly, staring at me harder, "Because she's a selfish bitch who only cares about herself. Because you…because Katie…aren't as important to her as herself. That is a woman, my love. Don't forget that."

"Are we gonna do this or not?", I snapped, not wanting to hear any more of his shit…and more, not wanting EDWARD to hear any more of it either.

Kevin glared at me for using such a tone with him. He really thought he was something. Like an evil prince in a fucking fairy tale. Something more than me. Something more than Edward. What a joke.

"I'll get her and bring her back here.", I said, knowing he would object to that right away. That was my plan.

"Fuck you.", Kevin almost laughed, then noticed Raven again, standing there with her gun, "We'll all go with you. Up for a little field trip, baby?"

He was asking Edward, moving his hand up the side of Edward's face, it was almost a stroke of affection but then when he brought his bloody hand up to his mouth and tasted Edward's blood like it was a magic elixir, I felt my stomach flip over.

Edward winced and tore his face away in the other direction while Kevin said, "Mmmm…so delicious. But then you always are, my pet."

At this, Edward let out a very hard and angry breath at hearing the words "my pet" again in reference to himself.

I wished that I could've had Raven or Kevin go with me alone to "get Katie". I could've gotten a good shot at one of them alone and then come back to get Edward. This way would be harder, with Edward right there. But it could still work. I just had to pay attention and see the opportunity when it arose. I could do this. I HAD to do this.

Kevin unbuckled his belt and for a second I thought he was going to do something vile and disgusting to either Edward or myself. But he turned from me and looped the belt around Edward's neck, not buckling it but holding the strap end in his hand like a leash, able to pull it and have it tighten around his neck if he wanted. But for now he was just holding it loosely, not trying to strangle Edward in any way…yet.

And then, kicking Edward in the side of his leg, he demanded, "Get up, bitch. Follow like a good boy."

And Edward stood up, not saying a word. He didn't have to. His face spoke volumes of his disgust and loathing…and I couldn't help but see some betrayal there too. And I knew that I had put that there. He thought I was turning Katie over to Kevin. How could he think that of me? After all we've been through? Maybe I'm just imagining it. Maybe Edward is acting to help throw Kevin off the trail. I hope so.

Kevin looked at me after taking an inventory type of look over Edward and said flatly, "Go."

I started to back from him, concerned about Edward as he blindly followed where the belt was pulling him. His eyes were down again and that caused me physical pain.

"It's…this way.", I thumbed behind me, turning around and leading the way down the other end of the hallway.

"Raven.", Kevin's voice was right behind me as I began walking, "The bitch tries anything, you shoot HER in the leg. We can watch her bleed out before we leave in the morning. Got that?"

"No problem.", Raven said with a dull, bored tone of voice, walking behind me to my right.

I walked and walked, pretending I knew exactly where I was going. In my head, I prayed to God…and to my Dad.

_Charlie…I remember everything you taught me…I will be very careful. Help me. Be with me. I WILL see you again. We ALL will. I love you._

"Steady.", I heard Kevin say as we began to reach the scorched side of the mansion. I turned around and saw Edward's eyes. They looked very heavy and tired…and Kevin was helping Edward stand straight, one of his arms around his back, the other on the belt leash.

"Come on, boy, up.", Kevin said like he was talking to a performing bear at a circus, lifting Edward's chin up a bit, "You can sleep very soon, I promise."

"Dizzy.", Edward half mumbled and grunted as his eyes fell closed and then opened wide, like he was trying to force himself to see and stay awake, and he added, "Bella?"

"Shhh, she's right here, don't worry.", Kevin spoke softly to his prisoner, moving his hand tenderly down Edward's face, "Hang on, love, you'll be fine. I've got you."

I wanted to vomit watching the way Kevin was treating Edward but I never got a chance to react. Raven sighed and pointed her gun at me again, saying, "Walk. How much longer?"

"It's soon.", I assured, looking down a very steep and littered staircase. It was black, gray, and brown everywhere. Debris, pieces of ceiling and wall were all over the steps. It was very dark and I had no idea where these led but as I stepped on the first stair in the case, it felt sturdy enough so I decided to proceed.

"Down here.", I said, glancing back at Raven, seeing Edward leaning heavily on Kevin, his eyes closed peacefully as he moved reluctantly with Kevin's help.

"Jesus.", Raven said on the third step down, "I can't see SHIT! There's nothing to hold onto! And there's SHIT all over the steps!"

Exactly.

All I need to do now is spin around, grab her arm, and pull her down the steps after me. It was a decent fall, it would be enough to hurt her and let me in to get the gun if I could see where it fell.

"Careful, pet, watch your step.", I heard Kevin say behind me and as I turned to look at Edward again, everything happened so fast.

Kevin shouted out in a wordless yell as Edward's body came down over Raven's and I heard myself scream as the two of them tumbled down the remainder of the stairs together. I heard Raven and Edward land at the bottom and I scrambled down after them as fast as I could, not wanting Kevin to get his hands on me.

"Bella, get DOWN!", Edward shouted out from below and I immediately laid face down on the ashen stairs.

"DOWN!", I called out to let Edward know where I was and a split second later, shots rang out – ONE—TWO- then THREE FOUR FIVE! He was aiming higher, looking for Kevin with his bullets. I heard Kevin roar out loud and scurry back up the staircase, taking cover for now.

I heard a couple empty clicks of the gun and Edward kept pulling the trigger, hoping if he did it enough more bullets would explode out.

I didn't hear Raven at all and didn't see her until I reached the bottom of the steps.

"It's empty, Edward.", I informed as I got to him. I gently took it out of his hand as his arms wrapped around me, and his lips were kissing my neck, his face buried in my hair.

"Edward, that was GREAT!", I enthused, smiling for a moment as I checked the gun, verifying that the bullets were all used up and gone. I had to admit I was impressed by Edward, more so with every minute we spent here. One thing was for sure: he was no longer a slave. In fact, he was a great candidate to join the Forks police force!

"I can be great every now and then.", his voice said with a little tinge of pride as his fingers moved down the right side of my hair.

"Baby, let me see.", I held his face in my hands, holding it up a bit so I could try and see him in the dark, only a little bit of light coming from a far away window down another little hall, a washer and dryer waiting there silently. I moved the bloody tears away from his eyes, being very gentle, having no idea what to do to help him.

"Do they hurt?", I asked, the tears filling my own eyes now that I could hold him and touch him, and I gently touched my fingers over his eyebrows.

"YES!", he flinched away hard, not wanting me to even touch them this lightly, and I could hear the pain in his voice.

"Sorry.", I whimpered.

"Shh, no, don't.", he actually smiled at me then, and kissed my hand that he was holding, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. Pretty good plan, huh? Kevin was buying it all! I thought he was gonna try to CARRY me down the steps!"

Edward laughed as I clawed at the belt around his neck, ripping it off him, being careful not to touch near his eyes as I got it off him, flinging it over my own shoulder as I answered him.

"You punk!", I tapped his arm, "You scared me! I thought you were dying or something!"

"No.", he smiled with such a joy that it made me warm all over…like we were already free and out of all this.

"I refuse to die without you.", he grinned, "We die together, remember? So we can be together, in heaven OR hell…whichever."

"We're not dying today.", I said in all seriousness, helping him to his feet.

"Fuck that.", he agreed, "We're not going until we're old and gray…and fat and wrinkled. Not until we've had our life first."

"You got THAT right.", I agreed, looking around now that Edward was on his feet.

I felt such a relief that we were both on the same page – and felt guilty for thinking he would believe I had betrayed him and Katie.

"There she is.", I said, seeing Raven in the corner of the staircase, laying dormant, the lower part of her leg, under her knee, broken and turned in the opposite direction of where it should've been. She looked dead. She wasn't awake anyway. I trembled, realizing it could've easily been Edward laying there all broken like that. He had taken that chance, risked his life to save us. Again.

I didn't take my hand out of Edward's, as he clung to it, not letting me know how scared he really was, being blind. But I felt a slight tremor there and I knew that if I were him I'd be freaking out not being able to see. But he didn't show it much.

"Is she…", he paused, listening, looking off at nothing.

"I don't know.", I whispered, "She's not moving and her leg is broken, that's good enough for me. Damn, Edward. You could've landed badly…you could've broken your neck!"

"But I didn't.", he replied simply.

"You were lucky.", I looked at his face, still beautiful even in all it's bloody and bruised state, "You have to be careful, Edward. I CAN'T lose you. You're the only Edward I've got."

"I couldn't let him touch Katie again.", he explained, "I didn't want him touching YOU again, either. I'll give my life if I have to to make sure he doesn't. Where IS Katie?"

"She's safe, Edward, I promise you.", I assured as I touched the key of the wine cellar through my jeans, "She's far from here, in the wine cellar. I locked her in, I have the key."

He breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"Thank you, Bella.", he squeezed my hand tighter, and his voice was filled with love and emotion and it cracked as he whispered, "You're a great mother."

Something in his words and voice touched me so deep that I nearly burst out crying right there.

"Do you really think I was leading him to her?", I asked now, on the verge of tears.

"Of course not.", he frowned, trying to look in my direction, "I knew you had a plan. You're a Swan, after all."

"Good.", I felt myself breathe a deep breath, relieved that he never doubted my love for him or Katie, "So why can't you just let me execute my plan? I was about to grab Raven when you just JUMPED over her like Spiderman!"

"I didn't want YOU struggling with her, she had a gun!", he frowned more, "And because she wouldn't think twice about hurting you…with me, she wouldn't pull the trigger."

"Alright, just…please try and be careful until we're out of this, okay?", I pleaded, "You're taking years off my life here."

"Careful won't get us out of this.", he began to walk along with me as we passed the laundry room filled with cobwebs, "We have to be as fucked up as they are. If we're human, we're dead."

"I heard that.", I agreed, listening to hear if Kevin's footsteps were over our heads, "Kevin went back up the staircase. I think you missed him with your shots."

"Damn.", he grumbled, "I thought I fired right where he was standing."

"How did you get loose anyway?", I asked him, remembering Kevin had tied his hands behind his back.

"Please.", he closed his eyes, his other hand touching the wall as we walked, "A cloth strip double knotted…child's play."

I like Edward this way. Confident. Tough. Even smug! He was turning me on, if there wasn't the fear of us being shot or kidnapped at any moment.

"I don't hear him.", I whispered, trying to see what was around us, "I think these are the servant's quarters. The rooms are small and not very fancy."

Edward smiled again.

"Servant's quarters…", he repeated, then said, "Perfect."

I smiled back at him, ready to make some clever remark about him growing up so rich…but then his face looked so full of shame and pain.

"What's wrong?", I felt that quick drop in my gut again as I stood right in front of him, touching the right side of his face, "Does it hurt more?"

"It's my fault.", Edward confessed, hardly able to be heard, in the blackness, just the occasional glare from the lightning revealing his stone face.

"It's my fault he found us.", Edward underlined, "I called Katherine."

I don't know why but my heart stopped in my chest. I didn't know how to feel. Shocked. Angry. Scared. Sad. All I could do was stare at him and try to breathe again.

As Edward spoke again, his voice was laced with tears, as if he would start sobbing at any moment. And that made my chest hurt.

"The marshall said that she took my death really hard.", he explained, "She said that Katherine was even hospitalized for the first few days after they told her…we died. I didn't call even then…and I felt like shit everyday, not knowing how she was doing. I was never going to call. I told myself that I had to be strong for you…for Katie. And then…months later…I was alone in Sharon's office, waiting for her to get there so I could sign something for payroll…and the phone was just…there. I stopped myself a couple of times…but I had to call her."

"Edward—", I began but never got to finish.

"She IS my mother, Bella.", Edward's voice rose a bit but held onto its pain and agony, "Esme never was, it was always Katherine!"

"Edward, I—"

"I love her!", he pleaded with me to understand, his breathing a bit jagged, "I couldn't do it to her anymore, I just couldn't! If she died…I'd never be able to forgive myself…it was only for a few minutes. I'm so sorry, Bella. It's because of me that we're going through this now! I don't blame you if you hate me—"

"Edward!", I finally leapt in, taking his face in both my hands, "Stop! Don't apologize for being a person! I'm glad you're not someone who could just walk away and forget the people you love. I couldn't either. But I was lucky enough to have someone very special bring my Dad back to me one more time so I could say goodbye. I understand, okay? And I don't hate you, you dope!"

"Well I hate me.", he said, looking down, closing his eyes.

"Well hate yourself later, we have work to do now.", I heard myself demand, ever the cop's daughter. It actually sounded like something Charlie would say. And I liked that.

"Yes Ma'am.", he managed a little smirk now.

"Hey, if you get us out of this mess, maybe I'll forget all about it. How'd that be?", I teased.

"Deal.", he said, snapping himself out of it, maybe knowing as well as I did that we didn't have time for this.

"Deal.", I grinned, squinting as I ducked a hanging wall of spider webs, and we were walking again as I observed, "I don't see anything yet we can use. I hope there's no other way he can get in here."

"There probably is.", Edward informed, "Servant's quarters usually have several ways in and out, depending on the servant's job. I had loads of ways to get into Joseph and Katherine's room from the house."

"Oh excuse me, I forgot I was talking to Richie Rich.", I teased.

"Oh shut up.", he chuckled back, feeling his way around with his free hand as we moved through the forgotten and burned up rooms where walls were half there, bathrooms were charred black and the tubs full of rubble and garbage. Boards and piles of shit were all over the floor. A couple of times we nearly fell in the dark as we tried to find a way out of here. There were a couple of store rooms we found and broke into but all we found of any value was a mop handle that Edward carried. I had the empty gun. We were so dead.

"Maybe this will lead us to where Katie is and we can get out of here without even seeing Kevin again.", I heard myself ponder aloud, "Maybe Ben and Angela got out and found them already."

Edward froze in place and clutched my hand tighter.

"Bella…", Edward began, sounding strange, "I want you and Katie to get out. But you know I can't run from this. You know what I have to do. I have to kill him. I have to end this. I don't ever want to worry that he got his hands on Katie or you…ever again. I can't live that way, always looking over my shoulder. It's been so hard. Leaving you and Katie every morning…wondering if I'd get to see you again that night. Coming home, hoping I wouldn't find my worst fears inside that door."

"I'll help you.", I said firmly, realizing he was right…and that he wouldn't have to do this alone.

"No.", he said suddenly, a little loudly, then softened his voice, "You helped me last time…with Victoria. You killed for me. I hate that I put you in that position. I hate that I was so weak back then…that I couldn't even move…and you had to…"

"Stop, Edward.", I cut him off and moved my hand up his arm, resting it on his bare shoulder, "You didn't make me do anything. She hurt you…she hurt me…she hurt my father…I was just doing what my father taught me. I defended US. I've never been sorry. Don't YOU be."

"But -" he began but I put my fingers over his lips, carefully moving around the cracked and bloody cuts there.

"No buts.", I stopped him as he closed his eyes, and I added, "I won't leave you."

"Bella…", he sounded pained and then opened his red eyes, as if they could see into mine, and he breathed, "I love you. I'm so sorry that everything has been so fucked up…I—"

"Hey shut up.", I frowned, petting his hair gently, "Everything has been amazing! This time I've had with you…well it's not always easy…but…it's been the best time of my whole life. I wouldn't change a thing about us."

And before he could say another word, he was kissing me – HARD. I liked how hard it was for me to breathe and I loved the strong way his lips moved over mine. He was fisting my hair in his hand and that made me warm all over. For a second, I almost forgot we were in so much trouble.

"Jesus, Edward, you sure pick the strangest times, don't you?", I breathed the second I was able to…and I felt his lips on my nose, my eyelids…my forehead…

"I don't need eyes to see you, either, Bella Swan…", he whispered as he kissed me, "And you're SO fucking beautiful…"

"We need to keep moving.", I whispered, "Get to Katie…"

I must have been in mother mode to suggest he stop what he was doing to me right now. But for some reason I hated not having her closeby. Even locked up on the other side of the mansion, I didn't like Katie being all alone with these psychos racing around.

"No.", he stopped and frowned a bit as he pulled away, still stroking down my hair with one hand, "And lead Kevin right to her? No. He's expecting that. We need to take him out. Then and only then can we go to Katie."

He was right.

"Okay.", I nodded, with him all the way.

"I guess there's no way I could lock you up down here and go take care of him myself?", he asked quietly, as if he was considering doing just that. Maybe, if he could see, he would've…but as things were now…he had no shot of getting rid of me.

"Not a chance in Hell.", I smirked back up at him as he gave a couple nods.

"Didn't think so.", he grumbled, almost to himself, "Come on. But you promise me you'll stay back and let me handle it!"

I lied and said, "I promise." I knew he couldn't see me but internally, I crossed my fingers.

"I saw that.", he squinted at me, and for a second, I would've thought he really COULD see.

How would he be able to handle this battle without his sight? Kevin was sure to use that against him. I had to be his eyes. I would be.

I chuckled, hiding my nervousness and he relaxed a tiny bit and we began walking again.

We walked and walked, going up more stairs and crawling through some of the destroyed, burned rooms of the mansion. We helped each other and Edward did very well for not being able to see much. He was very good at listening for the slightest sound and feeling his way around. At one point, he even felt a weak section of floor and made us go around it.

It turned my stomach but finally, Edward began calling out to Kevin.

"Kevin!", he roared, "Why'd you leave us? Come on back! We have no IDEA what to do now, without you ORDERING us! Come on, MASTER…don't be scared! We're just a slave boy and a woman!"

"Do we have to piss him off?", I whispered to Edward as we opened the door that led us into the hot tub sauna room.

"Yes.", Edward smiled and I couldn't help but smile right along with him.

"You are one crazy boy.", I said as a compliment, moving my other hand down his arm.

"Where the fuck is he?", Edward kept listening…hoping to hear him breathing, a shuffled footstep…anything. He sounded nervous, as if it was making him more on edge not to know where the rapist took off to.

"You're sure Katie's safe.", he said to me, as a sentence, not a question.

"He has no idea where I hid her.", I stated securely, "There's no way he could know."

"I don't like this.", Edward finally admitted, swallowing uncomfortably, "Maybe we should go to the wine cellar."

"Are you sure?", I whispered but then a very loud shout tore into the darkness of the room.

"Slave of mine!", Kevin's victorious voice called, "I found her…"

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See the next chapter right now!

Yea, it's a double chapter posting since I was gone so long!

Love, Winnd


	43. Sunrise

Chapter 43

"Slave of mine!", Kevin's victorious voice called, "I found her…"

He sang that last part like it was some game of hide and seek we had been playing. And Edward lunged forward, ready to race out there, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back to me.

"No, EDWARD, NO!", I gritted, trying to get through to him, "He's trying to draw you out!"

"He has her!", he argued, trying to break free without hurting me.

"No he doesn't!", I held his face in both my hands since he couldn't see me, "DON'T!"

"Bella—", Edward sounded in agony but then Kevin's voice called again.

"You want your little showdown, slave.", Kevin challenged, "And so do I. So come and get it. I've got the perfect place for us. Follow my voice, love. And I'll tell you the rules when you get here. Let's end this. It's nearly morning. And we have a long flight to catch."

Edward was moving out of the room and into the huge living room where all this had begun…but Kevin wasn't there.

"Edward wait!", I pleaded, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to him.", he felt the wall beside him, "He's right. This needs to end now. And if he has Katie…"

I wanted to believe that Katie was safely locked in the wine cellar. But the truth is, she could've gotten out somehow. If there was any chance he DID have her, I had to know too. It made me sick thinking he had his hands on her and we weren't there. We rushed through hallways, following the fucker's voice. We never heard Katie at all. For a minute I relaxed thinking Kevin was full of shit. And then we heard her.

She wasn't crying or weak sounding at all. In fact, she was taunting Kevin, saying, "My Dad is a black belt. He's gonna hurt you – bad."

Then we heard Kevin scoff and reply, "Your Dad is a little slut."

Edward roared out and made his presence known right away. Their voice were above us…and as we came into this huge area, I could see it was a gigantic room of glass. Glass stairs, one staircase here and another matching staircase on the other side of the room, leading up to a glass floor, where there were lots of little square crystal tables, half destroyed and blackened by fire…and there were some half burned chairs down here where we were, as if they fell from above. And when I looked up at the glass floor above us, I saw a big hole, cracked and splintered silver and black…and then there was another hole to the right…and another way back. And up on that ruined glass level, there stood Kevin, standing next to Katie, holding her hand, a gun in the other one.

"KEVIN!", he shouted, "Let her go! This is between US!"

"How did you get her?", I heard myself scream out, hating myself…hating that he did the impossible.

"She came to me.", Kevin announced, smiling at Katie, "It's not hard to get a kid to come to you…especially when you shout that her father needs her, or that he's hurt. She came running to me."

"I'm sorry Daddy.", Katie whimpered, feeling ashamed of herself…but neither one of us blamed her for being such a sweet and brave heart, "He said you were shot! He said you needed me!"

"Don't be sorry, baby.", Edward said softly, his fists clenched at his sides, "We love you. It's alright. Everything's gonna be alright, I swear."

Kevin scoffed and pointed his gun downward towards us.

"Now listen to the rules, my love.", Kevin began, "You leave that skank downstairs and you walk up here alone."

"Fuck YOU!", I raged as Edward gripped my hand tighter.

"You walk up here alone.", Kevin repeated, "And then we have it out. Up here. Last man standing wins. You win…and you can go, you and your vanilla family…can go fuck yourselves for all I care."

"And if you win?", I dared to ask.

"Then, Edward comes with me…on the plane, willingly.", Kevin replied.

"You can go FUCK yourself!", I spat out.

"Wait!", Edward said to me and then asked, "And what about Katie and Bella?"

"I don't really need or want them.", Kevin said to Edward, "Frankly, this whole thing is tiring and boring me. Bella was to be for James…but he's shown himself to be a fucking traitor, so fuck him. They can live their lives in Buttfuck Country for all I care. Even if they tell the whole story to the police, we'll be long gone, out of the country. They can't touch us. All I want is you. That's all I've ever wanted. And if you succeed in killing me, then you're not the submissive I dreamt of…and it won't matter if I live anyway. I've lost everything else…my face, my life…my place in the world. This is the deal. Take it…or leave it. You have one minute to get up here…or I pop the kid in the head."

I felt tears come to my eyes as the bile rose up to the back of my throat. Edward turned to me and held me by the arms, whispering, "I have to go, Bella."

"No, Edward!", I panted, hating that he would have to go up there alone, blind. Kevin would kill him. He would kill Katie. And if he did that, he'd be killing me as well. And all I could do was stand down here and watch? Fuck that!

"Bella, it's alright.", he kissed me quickly, trying to look in my eyes as best he could, adding, "I'll be back. With Katie. I promise. Please believe in me."

I hated this. I fucking hated it…but I heard myself panting and whimpering, "I do believe in you, Edward…"

"Then I have everything.", he smiled a sweet little smile at me and then he held my face in his hands, and he gently moved his fingers over my eyes…then my nose…as if he were seeing me this way. I cried and felt wetness on my face as he leaned his nose on mine and breathed, "I love you Bella Swan. I will be back for you. Always."

And before I could respond, he was walking up the uncertain glass staircase. He felt and held the thin glass banister as he moved upwards, his feet trying his weight on each step before fully standing upon it.

"Good boy.", Kevin coaxed, "Take your time. Wouldn't want you to fall again darling."

"Edward, wait - it's a TRAP!", I cried but he didn't look surprised when I added, "It's all a glass floor – burned! With lots of holes and cracks!"

"I know.", he said quietly, his back to me, "But I have to get Katie. It's okay. Don't worry, Bella. You know nothing could take me away from you now."

He turned and gave me a little smile at the end of that last sentence and my heart broke as he began feeling his way, carefully stepping on the fragile stair that awaited him.

Reluctantly, I'd had to let go of his hand and he began his slow journey up the cracked and broken staircase.

"I'm coming Katie.", Edward assured in a very strong voice as he moved his shivering hand over the step in front of him, "Hold on, baby. It's okay. Daddy's here."

All I could do was stand there, panting and clutching at my own hair and whimpering while I watched this all play out. I kept trying to think of something…anything I could do to help. But everything I thought of put Katie in danger. Now I understood my father a little better.

Back in New York, he had kept me out of the loop on what was happening to Edward when he went back in the club. Now I could see why. He was doing whatever necessary to keep Edward safe, to protect HIM. And in my eyes, it looked as if he were doing NOTHING. But now I knew better. Standing still and waiting to strike…that has to be the toughest stance of all. And now I was faced with it.

"Yes, do be careful, my love.", Kevin said as he looked down like a mighty king, "Make the wrong move on those steps and you won't even get here at all."

"Nothing will stop me from getting up there and exterminating your VILE ASS.", Edward quickly returned, his tone low and deadly as he moved up the next step.

Then Edward fell forward a bit and I heard glass break. I screamed as Edward grabbed the banister at his side. He pulled his sneaker from the new ragged hole he'd made in that step and replaced it onto a firmer piece of glass. And I put my hands over my chest, my heart slamming like a madman banging on his prison door.

"EDWARD!", I shrieked, feeling tears fall out of both my eyes.

"I'm alright.", he assured right away, "I'm alright, Bella."

"Okay.", I wept silently from below, "Okay, good. Be careful – PLEASE, Edward."

"I will, I'm sorry.", he was surveying the next step with both hands now, being a bit more slow in his examination.

Then, not very silently, I ranted aloud, pacing back and forth, going out of my mind.

"What a fucking TOUGH DOMINANT you are – hiding behind a little girl!" I gritted through my teeth, "Making a BLIND MAN climb broken fucking glass steps so he can FIGHT YOU!"

"Bella.", Edward said, about to try and calm me down while he was surely going through his own private nightmare on these one million steps going so high up. The fall from up there would surely kill you, and the image of Edward crashing down here through that glass kept eating at my brain.

"Sorry, sorry.", I said, letting out air, not sounding that sorry at all as I pulled the ends of my hair.

I didn't want to break his concentration and have him fall to his death, sliced up in ribbons through the glass, because of me and my tirade.

I couldn't see Kevin and Katie all that well up there…but from time to time I'd hear his voice, very soft, talking to her. I couldn't make out what he was saying, but it sickened me that he was talking to her at all, or even sharing the same air as her. I'm sure it was bothering Edward too, and making him hurry where he should've been slow and cautious. It was probably being done intentionally by Kevin to further torment Edward.

"Take your time Edward.", I coaxed with a gentle voice as I stared at his back, "Focus."

"Okay, Bella.", he said, sounding appreciative of the support. I was sure he was afraid…but he was hiding it well. I wondered if he was thinking of the blindfold.

I wanted to say so much more.

I'm with you, Edward. I'm here. You're not alone. You're never alone. I love you so much. I'm so proud of you. Look how far you've come. You're not a slave at all. You're not weak at all.

But I couldn't keep distracting him. He was high up now. I had to shut my mouth and let him concentrate. I had to let him go, against everything inside me, and let him do what he had to do.

"Very good, my pet, you're almost here.", Kevin finally was saying when Edward was a few stairs away.

"Yea, get ready to kiss your ass goodbye.", Edward muttered, "And I am NOT…your PET."

"Hurry up, dear, we miss you up here.", Kevin urged with a tender smile, holding the gun and still holding Katie's hand with his other one.

And finally, Edward had reached that top step…and I saw him stand upright, standing on the glass floor far above me, in the dim blue light. I was shivering, wondering what would happen now. Would Kevin kill Katie? Would he throw her off the floor? Would he kill them both? My father once told me, insane people have no reasons. They could do anything. It didn't have to make sense.

I whispered Edward's name a couple of times, waiting and frozen as he stood there, looking so strong and brave…and I strained to hear what they were saying to each other now.

Katie's POV:

I knew I had messed up big time, not listening to Bella…letting myself get caught by Kevin. It didn't sound like I was in trouble with Daddy…or Bella…and I was glad for that.

But when I saw my Dad, standing here now, after getting up all those stairs, and he looked so beat up and sweaty, I knew that we were all in big trouble. I knew the Kevin guy wanted my Dad to go with him. He wanted to take Dad away from me again and I wasn't about to let that happen to me twice. I don't think I could lose him again…and I promised myself I wouldn't. I had to be tough like Bella now…and help my Dad any way I could. I kept trying to remember all the things Peter had taught us that day…about fighting and self defense.

"I'm here, Kevin.", my father finally stated, and I noticed his eyes were strange. He kept looking down and then upwards…and then I saw his eyes were all swollen and a little bloody…and that scared me. Did Kevin hurt Daddy's eyes?

"Very good, slave.", Kevin said proudly, like talking to a kid who had gotten a great report card or something.

"I'm not your slave, why can't you see that, Kevin?", Daddy asked with a very calm and almost sad voice.

"All I see is my property, being stubborn.", Kevin glared at Daddy. And Daddy looked in his direction, looking really sad now.

"That's all you see?", he asked softly.

"Enough of this crap.", Kevin cut in, sounding angry now, "You wanted to fight one last time so let's do it, love. Oh, but one little thing first."

And then Kevin pointed his gun at the glass steps Daddy had just crawled up and fired! The sound was deafening and I screamed, putting one hand over my ear.

Daddy's swollen eyes were searching around and I head him scream my name. He must've thought that Kevin shot me. And all the breaking glass sounds were so sharp and loud that he didn't hear me shout, "I'm okay DAD!"

I heard Bella scream from below and I looked down further to make sure she was alright.

She had jumped way back to avoid the shards of glass but she looked up and saw me…and she was hugging her arms around herself and she tried to smile up at me. I waved at her, letting her know I was okay but she still cried anyway.

"KATIE?", Daddy called me again as the noise of the glass quieted.

"I'm here, Daddy.", I said louder this time, "I'm okay."

He breathed a big gush of air, looking very relieved as Kevin said, "Just making sure you don't run off before we're done this time, baby."

"I'm not gonna run, Kevin.", Daddy said, looking really mad now, "I'm finishing this now."

I wanted to tell Daddy about the handcuffs…but Kevin said he would hurt Bella if I did.

"Sounds great to me.", Kevin said to Daddy, "It's time you took your place."

"This is only gonna end two different ways, Kevin.", Daddy said, "Either I'm going home with my family…or I'm gonna be dead. But I'm not going anywhere with YOU. Not today, not tomorrow…not ever. Can't you just accept that and walk away? Why are you so nuts about having ME? I don't get it!"

"It's very simple, pet.", Kevin smiled at my Dad and half whispered, "I love you."

Ewww. I have to save my Dad from this THING.

"I don't love YOU.", my Dad said, sounding strong but kinda nice at the same time, "Please…can't you just let us go? Is it really worth all this? Worth losing your life over?"

"See, that's why I love you, sweetheart.", Kevin shoved the gun into his jeans, "So sweet. So sad. You're like a mirror showing me my own broken heart. You're the most beautiful sub I've ever seen."

"I'm not a sub.", Daddy said, frowning, "I was never that. Subs have power. Subs have a choice. I never did. I just wanted to make sure that…you got a choice…before this all ends. So that I'll never have to think about you…or feel some misplaced sense of guilt over killing you. Make no mistake, Kevin, I am going to kill you. You've hurt my daughter…you've hurt Bella…you've threatened their lives…you can think I'm as sweet as you want but…if we do this…you WILL die. Today. Now."

"You don't want your little girl to see you kill, do you?", Kevin taunted, using me as his bait now.

Daddy hesitated then said, "Katie…I never wanted you exposed to any of this. I tried to keep it all from you. I'm sorry. But today you learn that the real world is very scary sometimes. That there are bad people in it. And that sometimes…some people are so bad that the only way to stop them…is to destroy them. Because maybe then and only then…you'll have some peace. (Daddy was talking to Kevin now) Not that you deserve it. But in any case, my family will finally have peace. And I'm not ashamed to do what I need to do so that happens."

"Nice speech, my love.", Kevin came closer to my Dad and grabbed his chin, saying, "One last kiss before we go?"

And he forced his mouth on Daddy's lips…and that did it. The fight was on. What I couldn't tell Daddy was…I was handcuffed to Kevin's wrist, by my own. But I was determined to use this to help my Dad in the fight. I could do it.

This was gonna be hard, though. There were lots of cracks in the glass floor here…and holes. And they were already real rough with each other. My Dad yanked his face away from Kevin's kiss and wiped a hand over his mouth, disgusted, and instantly threw his fist right into Kevin's direction, missing his nose by inches. Kevin moved around and pulled me with him, thinking I'd blindly follow and move the way he wanted me to.

Wrong.

If I was difficult, I could have Kevin's whole right arm down and un-useable while my Dad could get a good punch in. So I did just that. I grabbed onto Kevin's hand with both of mine and pulled down hard, sitting on the floor so I'd be out of Daddy's way.

"HIT HIM, DAD!", I coached, "Hit him NOW!"

"Katie, get out of here!", Daddy called out to me as he took the chance and belted Kevin right in his huge, yukky eyeball. He didn't know I was stuck in this as much as he was and there was no time to explain now.

Kevin growled at me and yanked his wrist, trying to break loose of my grip…then decided to use his weaker left hand instead and went to swing at my Dad's face.

"Look out DAD!", I screamed and my Dad yanked backwards, avoiding the oncoming fist. They locked together for a moment, struggling with the other for an opening to strike. I looked around, trying to think of something else I could do to help Daddy.

Kevin had his hand around my Dad's throat and my Dad was trying to jerk his neck out of the hold. I climbed up into Kevin's arms, put my legs around his waist, and started slapping him in the eyes. I tried to hit as hard as I could, and Kevin did yell out and he let my Dad go, but then he grabbed me by the hair and pulled real hard.

"Get off me, you little BITCH!", he roared, shoving me to the glass floor, off of him.

Just as I landed, the glass cracked a little tiny bit but then stopped moving it's jagged little line away from me, pointed in my Dad's direction. I didn't breathe for a second, afraid it would start again.

I had yelped as Kevin pulled my hair, and that's all my Dad needed to hear.

"KEEP YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF MY DAUGHTER, YOU FUCK!", Daddy screamed, and I thought it might make the glass shatter some more but it didn't.

And Daddy moved towards Kevin to grab for his throat but a little to the left of his foot was a little hole in the glass.

"Look out DAD!", I squealed, glad I was close to the floor so I could jerk his pantleg, getting his sneaker away from the hole.

Kevin kicked his boot at me and I felt the enormous pain on my back. For a second, I wanted to cry, but then I remembered Bella and held it in. I had to get up and keep helping…or I wouldn't have a Dad anymore. I knew that.

"KATIE NO!", I heard my Dad say to me, even though he couldn't see where I was…he knew now that I was close, "GET OUT OF THE WAY, GET OUT OF THERE!"

They were fighting hard and I tried to stay out of their way…I still weighed Kevin down and pulled on his wrist, making that arm nothing he could swing at my Dad…or even to block a punch from Daddy. I don't think he thought this whole cuffing himself to me idea through very well. Either that or he didn't think I'd fight too. He expected me to be a scared little kid, making things harder for my Dad, not him.

He didn't know much about Cullens, did he ? Or Swans. Because when I had a chance to look down at where Bella was standing, she wasn't there. For a second I thought she'd left…but then I saw her…climbing up the empty frame that had held the glass of the stairs…and there was PETER! He was helping her climb! I saw another figure and when the lightning flashed again, I recognized Marcus! They came to help us!

I was so excited, I nearly cried! Peter climbing up here to save me! It was a dream come true for me. Even though it was no fun watching Kevin and my Dad fighting like this. I hated it when Kevin got a shot in on my Dad. I felt like I had messed up everytime that happened.

Then I climbed up on Kevin's back, and that made his arm bend up behind him, totally useless as my Dad punched him right in the gut! Oooh, that looked like it HURT! Kevin looked like he might puke but then he just yelled at me, calling me a 'retched child' and he said, "GET OFF!"

My Dad was heavy into the fight but he still told me to get off Kevin and to "get out of here"…but I couldn't go very far.

And Kevin stepped backwards, trying to pry me off his back with his left hand and he stepped on a piece of the broken glass. I screamed as his whole leg went in and I held on for dear life.

Kevin screamed out and jerked his leg, trying to get it out…and cracks spread out all through the glass around it…and the cracks swarmed around my Dad's feet like evil snakes hunting for blood.

"DAD LOOK OUT!", I screeched, "The glass is cracking by your feet!"

My Dad's eyes bulged a little, as if he could hear it coming and he got on his knees, doing a little slide to the left, to avoid making any more pressure on the weak glass by running or stepping away.

But Kevin kept being stupid, jerking his leg and trying to break the glass to get free…little did he know he was breaking all the glass around us.

"HELP ME, you little BITCH or we BOTH fall!", Kevin yelled at me as I dug my fingernails into his neck from behind him, using all my weight to pull back on his throat.

"KATIE!", I heard my Dad shout my name.

"You DESERVE to fall!", I yelled at Kevin. My Dad was right. Sometimes, you had to fight the bad people. No matter what.

It was then that I saw the gun halfway down the front of Kevin's jeans. I reached it from behind Kevin and grabbed the handle, yanked it out, and tossed it to my Dad, not thinking that through very well.

"Daddy, HERE!", I had shouted, as if we were about to win.

As soon as I threw it, I knew that was bad. It could've shot and hurt my Dad as I threw it. It could land and shoot my Dad. It could land on the glass and cause it to break.

But I got lucky because none of those things happened. It slid over to where he was, to our left a few feet away. And I saw him feel the gun with his hands…so I knew he realized what it was.

"How lovely…a father daughter moment!", Kevin still tried to bother my Dad, "Yes, go ahead and shoot me. Even for a blind slave that shouldn't be too hard! Kill me right in front of your daughter…and let those memories live with her for the rest of her life! She'll be as fucked us as WE are! Go on."

Dad pointed the gun and for a second, it looked like he was going to do it. But then his jaw flexed and tears came to his eyes and he shook his head…and his grip on the gun loosened. He didn't say anything…but he placed the gun down on the floor next to him and clutched at his head, as if it was killing him. I heard him crying and hated that. I wanted to hold him and tell him that he was still the greatest. He would always be that…to me.

"Still weak.", Kevin sneered at my Dad, adding, "And STILL a slave."

My Dad didn't say anything but he was clawing at his hair…I hated Kevin and wanted to hurt him. My Dad was nobody's slave.

I saw a few sticks of wood next to me on the floor and picked one of them up. I remembered what Peter had said about how much it would hurt a man to pinch this against the nipple of his chest. I heard Peter's words: "Don't worry about being ladylike. This is life and death, not a church social."

He was right.

It was easy to do. I put the stick right over the top of his nipple, over his shirt and just pinched a huge lump of skin into the stick. He screamed out real loud and I pinched harder, until my finger and thumb were almost touching! I was standing behind him and felt the glass splintering around my feet…and so I carefully moved to his right side, still pinning his left arm behind him with mine.

"KATIE!", I heard my Dad screaming my name, probably wondering what was going on, scared that Kevin was screaming. I was real proud of myself for helping beat Kevin…but then Kevin managed to grab my hand, the one that was pinching him.

I didn't see how it happened all of a sudden, but Kevin was choking me with both his hands, real hard. I couldn't breathe and I could hear my throat gagging and could feel my legs kicking. I tried to claw my nails into his fingers but he didn't care…in fact, he was smiling down at me as he squeezed harder.

"Die princess.", he breathed, his teeth the one thing I could see above me as I gasped and tried to get out.

But the second Kevin said those two words, two or three shots rang out, like explosions.

I looked and saw that Kevin was bleeding badly. The shots had gone into Kevin's chest and his black t shirt became very wet and clung to his body. The red color of the blood was hidden in the shirt color and I was glad about that.

Kevin's grip on my neck loosened a tiny bit and I was able to get some air then…I was still choking and coughing a bit, but when I pushed Kevin's hands away, they went away…and finally they were off me.

Kevin's eyes were so big and round as he trembled and put his hands to the holes in his chest. And he turned his head to look at my Dad. My Dad still pointed the gun at Kevin, his hands shivering just a little bit, waiting to hear any more sounds that might say he needed to shoot again. But all that came was Kevin's voice, whispering.

"I DO love you…", Kevin breathed to Daddy and was about to say something else…but then stopped and just said, "Edward. Thank you."

And then Kevin stopped breathing, one last horrible rattle sound and that was all. He laid back carefully, almost gently, as if he were going to bed before that last breath. And then he was gone.

The only thing I wish is that I'd had a minute to tell my Dad not to come too close. But he was with me in two seconds, crying, and pulling me out of Kevin's grip.

"Baby, are you alright?", he wept, shivering all over as he touched me, checking my neck, "Does it hurt? Does anything hurt?"

"Dad, NO!", I finally choked out, "THE GLASS!"

The next thing I knew, the floor gave out from under me and was dangling in the air, held only by the handcuff around my wrist!

I was screaming because I was afraid of how far down the floor was…and because the handcuff was hurting my wrist bone. I braced myself and kept waiting to fall.

"KATIE!", Daddy was screaming, his hands searching all over broken glass for me, "KATIE!"

"I'm here!", I screamed, "But don't! You'll fall! The glass is all broken!"

"I don't care!", he followed my voice and felt around the jagged hole that I'd fallen through, laying stomach down on the side of it, extending both his arms to me, trying to locate me.

"Come on…reach to me Katie.", he gently instructed, "Climb up."

"Dad….", I cried, "I'm handcuffed to Kevin! Don't! The glass is gonna break again!"

Now my Dad's eyes looked really scared.

"Where's your hand?", he asked, trying to remain calm as he reached and found Kevin's arm…and followed down it until he felt the cuff, almost sobbing, "Oh my God! Katie!"

Once he felt the cuff, he had my hand and curled his other arm around my back, leaving only my legs hanging.

"I've got you…it's okay baby…climb up my back, you can do it…carefully…", Daddy's voice was so gentle and slow that it scared me a little…and I knew that climbing up my Dad's back was easy enough…but every move I made, I was scared that it would make the glass all give out completely…and we'd all fall through together. I took my time…and once I got up to the cracked glass surface my father was laying on, I was afraid to put any more weight on it…my Dad would fall through!

"Go on, baby, crawl onto my back, hurry up.", he said, sounding more urgent now.

"No, Daddy, I hear the glass cracking!", I cried, afraid he'd fall because of me.

"I know, it's okay.", Daddy said, "Just climb up. Do what I say, Katie."

He didn't yell that last part at me…but he meant it.

I did what he said and he kept saying, "Good. Good girl. Keep going."

I kept saying, "No, Daddy…" but he kept saying, "Come on, Katie…you're doing good…keep climbing…"

"Daddy…", I heard myself whimper as I finally got up out of the hole I fell through and was crawling onto his bare back covered with bruises and some blood, as he told me to do instead of crawling onto the weak glass. I couldn't go much further, though, because of the cuff that still connected me to the dead body of Kevin that I tried not to look at too much.

"You're doing so great…", I heard him say again as I wondered what he was going to do now.

I could hear Bella's voice and also Peter and Marcus calling up to us.

"We're coming, Edward, hang on!", Bella shouted and I also heard Peter say, "Coming, Katie!"

"Dad?", I turned my head after a long pause not hearing anything from him. He had both his hands around Kevin's cuffed wrist….and looked like he was staring at it…like if he did, it would evaporate and I would be free.

"Sorry, sorry.", Daddy said and then clawed at his hair again.

"What do we do now?", I dared to ask.

"I don't know.", Dad admitted, turning his head towards me, "Do you see any safe place on the floor? I could pull him over to a stronger part of the floor."

"I don't know…it's dark.", I squinted, trying to see if there was a good place to move to but before I could even focus, a couple little pieces of glass fell from under Kevin's body…he was about to fall through here any second now…I could feel it…and so could Daddy.

I let out a little scream and Daddy's face turned pure white.

"Come here, hold onto me – TIGHT.", Daddy said all of a sudden and he clung onto me too, then with his other hand he grabbed Kevin's cuffed wrist.

Then I heard Daddy mumble something to Kevin like, "You're NOT taking her with you, you bastard."

Daddy was feeling around on the floor and asked, "Katie, I need you to look around. See if there's any sharp pieces of glass…sharp edges."

There was lots of those.

"Yea, I see some.", I said right away.

"Can you reach one without getting cut on it?", he asked.

"I think so.", I picked this one piece out a little bit away from me. I had to reach to get it…but I got hold of the corner of it and gently pulled it over to us.

"Is this one good?", I asked, and was afraid when my Dad's hands carefully touched its edges. And my Dad DID cut his palm on the real jagged part of the broken piece of glass and he smiled at that!

"It's perfect baby.", he answered and kissed me, "Now I want you to tell me which way the ledge is. Are there bars or something around ? Something you can hold onto if this floor gives out?"

"Yea, over there a little.", I pointed to some white and black bars to the right of us, a few feet away.

"Okay, you lead the way.", he said to me, laying the piece of glass on Kevin's wet chest, and both his hands grabbing Kevin's cuffed wrist, "I'll slide him. Say stop once you can reach the bars, okay?"

"Okay.", I said, looking at all the cracked glass that I would have to crawl on to get there, "But what if I fall?"

"You're not gonna fall baby, I promise you.", Daddy said, sounding so sure, "I won't let you. Do you trust me?"

"Yea Dad.", I said without even thinking about it.

"Alright then.", he gave me a smile, "I want you sing the Lion King song until we get there. Can you do that for me babe?"

"Okay.", I agreed, feeling confused, "Right now?"

"Right now.", he grinned at me.

But then Bella, Peter, and Marcus' heads popped up way over by the stairs…where they used to be. They looked like they were about to step up onto this floor!

"DON'T STEP ON THE FLOOR GUYS!", Daddy shouted, hearing them approach before I SAW them with my own eyes, "It's about to give."

"Well get out of there stupid!", Marcus' voice bellowed…and I smiled at him in spite of everything.

"Well that's a great idea!", Daddy smirked in his direction, "Why didn't I think of that? Katie, sprout wings and we'll fly out of here."

"Edward, what are you gonna do?", Bella's voice sounded like she was about to cry…and then I got more scared.

"We're gonna slide him over there.", Edward revealed, nodding over towards the bars, "Katie's gonna grab on…and I'll take care of the rest."

"You're gonna chop his hand off.", Peter finished, as if that were obvious.

Daddy glared in Peter's direction and muttered, "Thanks, Peter, I'm trying not to upset the C-H-I-L-D here."

I frowned and shouted, "The child can SPELL D-A-D!"

"Shit.", he clenched his eyes and said, "Sorry, Katie."

"Okay.", I said, not really able to get that mad at him right now.

"I'm gonna start pulling him.", Daddy said to me, "I'm gonna go slow…move as slow as you can, too…but if I tell you to jump for the bars, then just do it, okay?"

"Okay.", I said, then wondered aloud, "But what about you?"

"Don't worry about me, just do what I said, alright?", he said with a very serious tone of voice.

"Alright.", I said quietly.

"Oh my God.", I heard Bella whimper and Peter said, "It's gonna be alright, Bella, they'll be fine."

And so we started sliding towards those bars and pulling Kevin along behind us, going as slowly as we could to prevent any more glass breaking. We treated every inch as if it might be the last…the one that would make the whole floor shatter under us. But it was a miracle! We made it to the bars and no glass broke at all.

"Told you it would be fine.", Daddy let out a huge breath as he said those words and I clung onto the bars with both my hands, glad that something was strong enough for me to hang onto here.

Bella was crying, I guess because she was happy we made it. And I saw Peter smile at me and he was patting Bella's back, trying to comfort her. Marcus looked very concerned and almost angry as he watched us.

"This is stupid, so stupid.", Marcus was saying loudly so Daddy could hear him, "When you get the cuff off her, what then? When the whole floor gives, she'll be hanging there, holding on those bars…and then what?"

"I don't KNOW Marcus, I haven't had lots of time to plan this out.", Daddy stroked his hand down my hair, saying to him, "But if you have any big ideas, shout 'em out, I'd love to hear 'em."

Marcus was quiet then and Daddy went back to what he had to do now. He picked up the glass off Kevin's chest and gently touched my hair, saying, "Katie, I want you to close your eyes and sing the Lion King song now, okay? No matter what happens, don't open your eyes…and keep singing, alright?"

I nodded then forgot he couldn't see me and squeaked, "Yes Daddy."

"It's okay, just don't let go of these bars, ever. Promise me.", he said, kissing the back of my head.

"I promise.", I said, already closing my eyes like he told me to.

"That's my girl.", he said and that made me feel all warm and safe inside, like it always did when he said that to me, "Now sing for me. Nice and loud."

And even though I felt like an idiot, I did it.

"Hakuna Matata...", I sang a little shakily as I clenched my eyes shut more, hoping I didn't hear or see anything disgusting. My Dad was trying to chop off Kevin's hand with that piece of glass, I knew that now. I was glad to be a kid and not have to see it. Would there be lots of blood? Would it get all over me?

"What a wonderful phrase…", I sang slowly, and felt myself trembling all over, "Hakuna Matata…aint no passing craze…"

I could feel the other end of the cuff I was wearing and it gave a couple of jerks on my wrist as my father worked…I kept trying to imagine something fun…like Simba and Pumba dancing on the log while they sang…but all I could think of was…what if my Dad falls through the glass? What if he dies and I'm hanging here all alone?

"It means no worries…", I kept trying, "For the rest of your days…"

I sang the song over and over a couple of times…and then suddenly I felt the pull on my wrist let go…and it felt like nothing was attached to my handcuff now.

I nearly opened my eyes and stopped singing but Daddy shouted, "DON'T LOOK KATIE! NOT YET! Keep your eyes closed baby. Just for a minute."

"Anthony, the floor's gonna give any second!", I heard Marcus shout out.

"Thank you Marcus!", he yelled back, like he knew that already.

"Daddy!", I called, praying he was coming to hold onto the bars with me.

And then a second later there was a horrible crash….and it sounded like sharp pieces of rain and hail showered down to the floor below. I heard Bella give a scream and felt sheltered with Dad's chest right behind me, and he was protecting me as usual. He was with me, holding onto the bars real tight. He had done it…and he jumped onto the bars! He didn't fall!

A few seconds later, Bella was calling, asking if we were okay.

"We're good., Daddy assured, "Are you guys okay?"

"Yea.", Peter replied, then added, "I'm glad none of us were down there."

And then I dared to open my eyes and peek down. There were broken pieces of glass, big pieces…everywhere….even where Bella had been standing before. Anyone who'd been down there would surely be dead now. I'm glad they all decided to try and climb up to help us. I couldn't see Kevin down there at all and I was glad.

My Dad's shivering hands were examining me…to see if I was alright. Then he asked, "Katie, are your feet on the bars or are they hanging?"

"I put them on the bars.", I informed, letting him know I wasn't dangling. There was a bar going across on the bottom for us to stand on, thank God.

"Anthony, you can climb on the bars to get back here.", Peter suggested, "Just go sideways from bar to bar…there's nothing in your way."

"Okay.", Daddy said but he didn't move…he was shaking really hard now.

"Dad, are you alright?", I asked gently, half turning my head to peek at him. His face was as white as loose leaf paper and when he blinked, a long line of red blood ran out of his right eye.

"I don't know what's wrong.", he whispered, then added, "I can't move."

My Dad had been through a lot today…and I knew that it was all crashing down around him now…maybe he was in a kind of shock or something. Plus, it must be real scary to be up here, and not be able to see. I could help him.

"Anthony…you okay?", Peter asked, sounding like his doctor self now.

"He's fine.", I said, wanting to protect my Dad, "I just have to help him. Stay there."

I heard my Dad let out a very pained breath, as if my words hurt him…or maybe he was just embarrassed with everyone looking.

"It's okay Daddy.", I said softly, nuzzling my hair against his chest, "I know how scary today has been for you. But I'm fine. You're fine. Bella is fine. We're almost home. You can do this. There's no better tree climber on the face of the earth than YOU. Remember the park?"

I remembered him at the park. He hopped from branch to branch like a little bird, like Peter Pan himself, as if there was no way he COULD fall.

"Uh huh.", he said, not sounding very certain now.

"You're not blind, Daddy.", I informed him, "Your eyes just got hurt. They'll be right again, you just need to go to the doctor."

"How do you know that?", he still didn't move and his breathing got a little heavier.

"If they could fix me after the fire…", I reminded, "They can fix anyone. You'll see me again. You have to. You want to see me grow up so bad. So you will get better. Okay?"

Then I heard him let out another breath, but this one sounded happier…like he was relieved.

"Okay Katie.", he agreed…but still didn't move.

"Alright…now…", I said very patiently, "Just let go of the bar with your left hand…and move it over a little bit until you feel the next bar. It's right there. You can still hold on with your right hand. You won't fall. Go ahead and try it."

My Dad's left hand shivered and gripped the bar and looked like it WANTED to let go…but it didn't.

"You want me to sing again?", I offered.

He let out a little breath of a laugh and I felt him shake his head behind me.

"No, that's alright Kate.", he said, kissing the back of my head in front of him, "You're not a little girl anymore. I see that now."

"I'll sing for YOU.", I offered again, "I'm always YOUR little girl Daddy."

There was a long pause and Daddy kissed my head again…and he whispered, "I love you Katie."

"Love you too.", I said, knowing I had to get him moving. I wanted to go home and get the heck out of this place.

"Alright, now…your left hand.", I said again, trying to sound like a teacher when it was time to get to work, "Just close your eyes and pretend you're at the park with us. Bella is down on the ground, giving you a dirty look…and I'm right up here next to you."

I peeked behind me and Daddy's eyes were closed…and he was smiling.

"Bella's waiting for us, Dad.", I added that in to see if it would help.

And after a tense moment, Daddy's hand began to ease up and finally he did let go of the bar…and with a trembling hand, he reached out and right away found the bar beside it. He clung onto that one now, and his fingers turned white against it.

"Good job Dad.", I praised with a smile, "See? It's easy."

"Now just move your left foot over the same way. It's okay, both your hands are still holding on.", I reminded.

And very slowly, we began to move together along those bars, my Dad always behind me in case I were to fall. Even with his fear, he would put me first.

Bella was smiling at us…and she didn't try to interfere or say anything…Peter and Marcus were also being quiet and for Marcus to be quiet was a little miracle in itself.

They let my voice guide Daddy…and it was slow…but we finally made it to where Bella, Peter, and Marcus were.

Without even knowing it, we were all clinging to each other…Bella clinging onto me and Daddy, Peter clinging onto me and Daddy, Marcus even wrapped his big muscular arms around the whole GROUP of us!

Bella was placing little kisses all over my face and then she gave Daddy some too.

"I'm gonna kill you two if you don't stop scaring me to death!", Bella teased, tears in both her eyes.

"Sorry Bella.", we both responded at the same time as we usually did…and then I corrected myself and said, "I mean, Mom."

And Daddy smiled the sweetest smile I'd ever seen him do…and Bella cried more.

"Let's get outta here before this whole thing collapses.", Marcus tried to hide his emotional voice as he turned away from us, asking, "Do you want me to carry you down, Priscilla, or can you make it now?"

He was talking to Daddy.

"Screw you, Jimmy.", my Dad grinned back, his hands feeling the wire framing in front of us, "Ten bucks I get down before you do."

And just like that, Daddy was a kid again.

"Hey, we're up three stories.", Bella scolded, "Nobody rushes. And no betting."

I just love Bella. She was born to be a Mom. And she's all mine.

"We still have to find Ben and Angela.", she was saying as Daddy put me up on his back, letting me hold loosely around his neck as I talked him through where to find the next place to hold onto.

"They're probably at the police station by now.", Peter said.

EPOV

I wanted to believe that they got out of here alright…but it was a long way and there was a storm going on, and it was pitch black outside. I didn't know what we would find when we got out there but the hopeful side of me kept dreaming…that somehow after all this, our family would be intact…and would be alright.

I didn't want to shoot Kevin in front of Katie. I wanted to kill him with my own hands, away from the eyes of my child and my Bella. I didn't want those permanent images in their heads, as Kevin's shit would always be in mine.

But Kevin made sure his burned face would be in Katie's brain…he had lived so long killing and hurting others that he wasn't afraid to die himself. I think he knew I wasn't going to be his slave…he knew that I would not be "adjusted" or "reminded" of what I was…he said he loved me. I couldn't believe that Kevin knew what love was. But maybe in his own diseased mind he thought he found love for the first time…with me. Maybe he looked at me like a real pet, a brainless dog that would return his affection someday, after some training was applied.

I couldn't make myself believe that Kevin would willingly die because he realized he wouldn't have me like he wanted. But maybe there are other reasons. Maybe other people are chasing him…maybe some other killers want his head. Or maybe he knew the marshals would get him and going to prison would be a death sentence for him, whether by lethal injection or the other inmates he had wronged in the past. Maybe he was already dying of his own infections and burns and couldn't even risk going to a hospital to find out.

Or maybe he was just insane.

In any case, when we reached the bottom of that staircase, I wanted to make sure he was dead. I wanted to see him. Only I couldn't see a thing. Damn it. I felt robbed that I wasn't able to see him die. Some dark part of me…wanted that image forever.

I stood there, frozen as Katie let go of me and held my hand, standing beside me now.

"Edward?", Bella called me my real name, not caring about Peter and Marcus standing there…and she had my other hand.

"Peter…", I said, "Can you take Katie to the next room? We'll be right there."

Katie tensed and her fingers gripped mine tighter. I think she figured out what I wanted to do, because she suddenly said, "Okay. See you in a minute."

Peter went quickly, taking her along…I didn't hear Marcus leave…and Bella was right in front of me.

"He's dead, Edward.", she said quietly, "You don't have to worry about him anymore. He won't ever hurt us again."

"I need to know.", I said flatly.

Bella began to speak again but Marcus cut in.

"He's right.", Marcus said coldly, "I'll get him."

I could hear Marcus kicking glass and I slowly moved in that direction. Bella kept hold of my hand and came along, not saying anything.

Finally, Marcus' voice said, "He's here."

I took a couple steps closer as Marcus examined the corpse.

"Two shots to the chest.", Marcus said, sounding every inch the cop he used to be, "Missing hand. Not to mention a very fucked up, broken body. No pulse. Dead."

"Are his eyes open or closed?", I asked, not sure why I had to know.

"Open.", Marcus said without hesitation.

I squatted down and used my hands to feel what Marcus had told me. I felt the blood on his chest…still warm, not yet cold or hard. And I felt the hard, burned part of his face…finding the eye sockets. I closed his eyes with my fingers. He would never see us again. And we would never see him. I didn't want to be happy that I destroyed someone…but I was glad he was dead. And I was glad that I was the one that stopped him. He would never breathe again. He would never laugh again. He would never speak another god damned word.

And it was because I killed him. I did feel good. And I felt horrible at the same time.

"Come on, man.", Marcus put a hand on my shoulder, "The sun is coming up. You've been in the dark long enough, huh?"

I gave a nod at that. Marcus didn't know how true that statement was. And when I stood up, Bella was there, kissing me. I had really needed that. And it felt like everything that I hated having inside of me…fear…hate…rage….it felt like her kiss was erasing all that.

All I could think of now was going home and sitting at our little round table, and having Katie be my waitress while Bella played the chef. Strange…some people don't appreciate their simple lives…moments like that…some people probably think they'll have a million of those moments and so they take them for granted. I was glad I wasn't one of them.

I know how precious life is…and how fragile. I will handle every wonderful minute of it with intense care. I promised God…or whoever is up there…that I would live now…my family would live…and we would never look back at this time again.

Well, maybe I would…sometimes, only when I forget how wonderful my new life is…when I'm sore or smelling like horses…or real tired. And I felt like a bastard for ever complaining or grumbling when we first came here. I was the luckiest man in the world…and I had been so angry. I was blind back then, not now. And if God decided that I should be blind for the rest of my life, then I'll accept that. But it won't stop me from having a good life. I'll never let anyone or anything stop me from that again.

"Come on.", Bella said with a little sternness behind her voice, pulling me along with her, "We have to go."

I knew that the first place I'd be carted off to was the hospital. I hated that idea but knew Bella would want my eyes checked. I was a little afraid of what they would tell us. How would I tend the horses if I couldn't see? How would I do lots of things?

Then the notion hit me that the marshals would move us again. They'd take us away from Casper and hide us somewhere new all over again. That thought made small tears come to my eyes.

Right in the next room Katie jumped me and had my hand in hers again. I had tried to wipe the blood off my hand first, but she didn't care how dirty it was. She pulled it away from the leg of my jeans and held it firmly, kissing it quickly, confirming her love for me.

And Bella was in my other hand…and Peter and Marcus led the way out, and it made me feel good that we had them here.

"What took you two so long?", I even joked as we walked through another room.

"We had to sneak past the fucking marshals.", Marcus informed, "What buttfucks those two are, man."

"Tell me about it.", I had to admit now. They hadn't even showed up to help us! But Peter and Marcus did. I couldn't wait to tear into those two, after all the months of shit they'd put us through.

"Oooh, the black and white room!", Katie said, recognizing the living room we had started out in.

We were almost out. I couldn't wait to feel the sun on my face again.

But then Bella tensed and Katie stopped in her tracks. I could hear shuffling across the room and heavy panting.

"Raven!", Katie squeaked.

"Thought you'd just kill me and walk off, did you?", she sounded like she was in a lot of pain…and I heard a metallic click, as if she cocked the trigger of a gun.

Another gun? Jeez!

"You disgusting little SLUT!", she shouted at me as I tried to move Katie behind me…but she wouldn't go…and Raven wouldn't let her go.

"No, don't hide her!", Raven screamed, "Let her see what happens when you LIE! When you pretend to care for a person for YEARS and all the time you HATE THEM! Try to kill THEM!"

"I had to play my part, Raven.", I explained, hoping I could buy us some time so maybe Marcus could jump her, not that I wanted that either. If one of them got hurt trying to help us, I'd never forgive myself.

"I had to pretend to be what Victoria wanted…what you wanted.", I went on, "But I can't anymore. I'm not a slave, I'm not a sub…I'm just…me. This is my family. This is who I want."

But instead of understanding, Raven was sobbing and shouting.

"You don't GET another chance!", she bellowed, her evil voice echoing up into the ceiling, "You don't GET to have a family NOW! I WAITED FOR YOU! YOU'RE MINE!"

"Please just let us go.", I tried to appeal to her feelings for me…but she was not calming down…and she was too far away for Peter and Marcus to try anything without us getting shot. She was going to fire…any second. I hoped she would fire at ME and not Katie or Bella.

"NO!", she screeched back, clutching at the gun tighter…I could picture her, thumb on the trigger, ready to pull it, and she roared, "IF YOU DON'T WANT ME, THEN FUCK YOU! YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE ALL DEAD! YOU AND YOUR LITTLE FUCKING FAMILY…YOU CAN BLEED TOGETHER!"

"Raven…please…", was all I could think to say.

"NO!", she stopped me, and howled out, "WHORES DON'T GET ANOTHER CHANCE!"

And, just as she finished saying that last sentence, a horrible rumbling, like an earthquake, happened…and a sickening sound of twisted metal and iron stabbed at my ears…and when I blinked, I COULD see…right behind Raven was that long iron staircase where I was handcuffed before…and at the top of the staircase I could see six figures standing there…six beautiful young girls, dressed in old fashioned clothing…they were frowning down at Raven…and just as fast as they appeared, they were gone…and I was back in the darkness again…blind.

The entire iron staircase came down in one flat THUD…a distant clanging sound echoed behind us as the sounds Raven were making halted suddenly. Katie now leapt behind me and almost hurt my hand as she gripped it.

Raven was dead. Crushed under the stairs and I didn't have to see it to know that.

"Bitch.", Marcus finally summed it up for all of us.

"Marcus.", Peter scolded.

"Well she was!", Marcus defended, then said to me, "Anthony…wasn't she a bitch?"

I wish he would watch his language around my daughter. He never does.

"It's okay…", I assured, "I think Raven would find that…a compliment."

"This place is falling apart.", Peter changed the subject, "Let's get out of here before something lands on US next."

I looked upwards, in the direction where those ladies had been standing…even though I couldn't see them now…and I whispered, "Thanks girls. I owe you one. I owe you everything."

"Let's go, Dad.", Katie said, sounding scared.

"Alright, alright.", I followed them as they made their way outside fast.

BPOV

I couldn't wait to get outside and see Edward's and Katie's faces in the light again. There were times tonight when I thought we'd never get out alive. After the terror of Kevin getting his hands back on Katie, after that fight Edward had with Kevin on the faulty glass three stories up…and with the floor caving in and nearly taking out my whole family…after Raven's little surprise and the strange way that staircase came down just at the perfect time, crushing her…after all that…I was ready for a two month vacation somewhere warm and sunny with palm trees.

But that didn't seem to be in the cards for us.

We had just gotten out the front door and down the steps, and had another little family hug together when I heard it.

"Bella.", a male voice said behind us…and Edward tensed, tightening his fingers around my hand.

I turned fast and couldn't believe it when I saw him.

"James.", I said, astonished and wanting Edward to know who it was.

"Another one.", Marcus pointed out to Peter a couple feet ahead of us.

"You two…on your knees now.", James' voice said calmly.

He was talking to Marcus and Peter…but they weren't moving.

James waited a moment then walked up to us, placing his gun against Katie's chest, and he said, "Let me repeat…get on your knees now."

Peter and Marcus looked at each other and slowly sunk to their knees on the dirt ground, hatred shining in both their pairs of eyes.

James took the gun from Katie's chest and waved it in front of Edward's face…seeing that his eyes weren't moving along with it. He laughed and muttered, "Funny."

"What do you want James?", I asked, stopping him from further mocking Edward, "Kevin and Raven are dead. Thought you were too."

"Kevin thought he killed me.", James revealed, "But he was wrong. So I thought I'd just hang out here, see who comes out in the morning…and relax. Looks like I was smart to play it that way."

"So like I said, what do you want?", I repeated, "There's nothing here for you now. No Thailand, no plane, no money…you should just go. Go before the cops come to get you."

"Cops.", James scoffed, "Have you SEEN the cops here, Bella? I've got plenty of time."

"I'm a cop.", Marcus cut in, announcing this so James would move towards him and away from us. I was afraid for him. He was one of our best friends.

"He's lying.", Edward said right away, looking afraid for his friend just as I was, "He's a lousy chef in a Chinese restaurant. He's just trying to trick you."

"Lousy.", Marcus mumbled, looking pissed.

"I want you Bella.", James informed now, "And I want out of the country. Those are the only two things I really wanted. So be a good girl…and I'll let the little brat live. She can come with us."

"I'm not going anywhere with you.", I said with no emotion, "This is my home."

"Not for long.", James grabbed Katie's hand and tore it out from inside Edward's.

Edward cried out at the loss of Katie and she screamed out, too, equally as wounded as James tossed her into my arms and shoved us away, off to his left side, but still in his sights if he chose to turn the gun on us.

"Join your friends, there, Stevie Wonder.", James jerked the gun towards Marcus and Peter…who were kneeling in the dirt, in front of a beautiful red sunrise coming up over the hills behind them.

"No.", Edward faced him bravely, not moving, "I'll never kneel before anyone again….unless it's Bella…when I propose to her."

"Oh God…gay!", James insulted him, "I said kneel down over there with your friends…or you can listen to me shoot the kid…it's your choice."

"Bella…", Edward looked so conflicted, whispering, "Don't let her see…please?"

He was talking about James shooting them in the head. He knew it was going to happen but he didn't want her to witness it happening. I had to do something. My stomach felt like it was coming up fast. Maybe I could throw up all over James…that would surprise him.

"Move!", James pointed the gun right at Edward…and he moved backwards a bit…feeling around with his hands as he found Marcus there at his side at last…and slowly, and with a great deal of pain in his face, he knelt down, the three of them facing James.

And James paused a moment or two…liking the pain in Edward's eyes as he waited.

"Who should I hit first, kid, huh?", James asked Katie, "Maybe the cop! He looks like a cop!"

I held Katie and turned her face away from James so she couldn't even SEE him.

"Leave her out of this!", I shouted at James, "Hasn't she been through enough?"

Ignoring me, James said to Katie, "I'll let your Daddy be last…so he can watch his buddies go before him."

"Why are you doing this?", I turned to James again, "What is wrong with you people?"

"They've seen my face, Bella.", James said, "I don't want them…or the cops…or anybody who works for my father…coming after us."

"Well then let's go NOW!", I felt tears come to my eyes as I said to James, glancing at Edward, willing to do anything to save him, "Let's just leave them and GO! I won't fight you, come on!"

"I have some loose ends to tie up here first, then we'll go.", James frowned at me.

"And you expect me to go WITH you after this?", I asked, amazed.

"You have no choice.", James smirked at me…and then he started walking up to Peter, his gun pointed right into his face.

"Just shoot ME then, James.", Edward said, stopping him for a moment, "They don't know anything about this. They don't even know my real name. Let them go. It's me you want to see dead, not them, you don't even KNOW them. I'm the guy who has Bella's heart, right? Come get me. Show her that you're the stronger man."

What is he doing?

"Excuse me.", another voice said…a southern accent…a male voice.

I turned as James did…and there was Bob! Standing there, unarmed, his arms folded, his face in a friendly grin, his hat perched backwards, his face clear in the now sunny red skies around us.

"Looks like you have some of my neighbors there, son.", Bob said politely.

"Who are YOU supposed to be?", James asked, keeping his gun aimed at Peter, not finding Bob such a threat without any weapon.

"I'm the Sheriff of Casper.", Bob revealed with a smile, "And you are?"

"None of your GOD DAMNED business!", James shouted back.

"Oh, I'm afraid it is.", Bob said, suddenly taking on a Clint Eastwood stare that even chilled ME.

"See we may be a bunch of hicks, here, but we all stick together.", Bob said, "And when you fuck with one of us, you fuck with all of us…so I'm here to warn you, son, you're in a whole Hell of a lot of trouble right now."

James laughed.

"Yea, I'm so scared.", James chuckled, "You're some Sheriff, you don't even have a GUN!"

"A gun?", Bob smiled more, as if James told some great joke, "You think I don't have a gun?"

"Let me show you something, kid.", Bob said to James and put his fingers to his mouth, giving a long whistle into the air.

And in one split second, a huge canyon that looked abandoned for twenty years came to life. Behind every rock, every tree, every hill, people rose up and cocked their rifles, guns, hell, one guy even had a crossbow in his hand!

I could see Bob's wife…I could see Jenna…and Melody! I could see Sharon mixed into the faces of all the men who lived in town…Edward's friends from the stables…everyone I had talked to when I went door to door counseling…everyone who helped us look for Katie on Halloween night! I saw Josh! Teachers from the college! And all the kids from my classes! It looked like the whole damned town was out there! And they all had their sights set on James! I even see Donald DUCK, Katie's teacher!

And finally, I saw Ben and Angela! Ben pointing a rifle and Angela standing next to Dancer, petting her side, off in the distance behind where Edward was kneeling. How I wish he could've seen this!

"Now…", Bob said gently, "I know that you're from New York…so you're smarter than the rest of us hillbillies here…so maybe you can tell me….if all these people fire….how many bullets do you think will hit you?"

James didn't say a word…I thought he was ready to freeze and surrender but then he quickly turned the gun and was shoving it into Edward's forehead!

Everyone who was out there waited…not firing a shot yet as James yelled, "Get back or I'll kill him, I SWEAR TO GOD! Even if you arrest me, I'm gonna kill HIM! He killed my sister! And he stole YOU!"

James yelled that part at me. I just took a step or two back, holding Katie, answering, "You never HAD me. I killed your fuck sister. And I'd do it again."

"You fucked my whole life! A little fag slaveboy!", James looked around nervously now, speaking to Edward and gritted through his teeth, "So now, I'll fuck yours!"

James spun around and took his gun from Edward's face, turning with good speed towards me and Katie!

"NOOOO!", I could hear Edward screaming as shots fired everywhere! I did like my father once taught me and fell to the ground, shielding Katie under me as the explosions of gunfire and screams echoed all around us.

I even closed my eyes, hating how afraid I felt as the noises blazed on.

And then, as fast as they began…they were gone. And just an eerie silence remained. It scared the hell out of me. Was Edward dead? Was Katie hurt?

"BELLA?", I heard Edward's voice call me desperately and his hands were on my back, rolling me to my side, "BELLA, are you alright?"

I was stunned for a moment and could feel his hands everywhere, examining me to see if I was shot. He was crying and that snapped me out of my shock.

"I'm fine! I'm fine, Edward!", I said, hating it that he thought for one second that I was shot. And then Katie's voice was popping up from under me, saying, "We're fine DAD!"

And Edward was hugging us so tight as he sat on the ground beside us, and we were all a quivering, crying mess.

"It's over, Bella…it's over!", Edward sobbed, burying his face in the arms of me and his daughter.

That sounded too good to be true…and as he wept, I looked over his shoulder and did see that James was laying there, a bloody piece of swiss cheese full of holes…Marcus and Peter standing up a couple feet away, looking at us with concerned faces.

Bob motioned behind him, into the hills and where everyone in town waited. Right away, everyone was coming out from behind where they had been hidden…rifles and weapons in hand, sternly coming to check on the situation…and ready to strike again if James did show any signs of life.

Bob was the first to arrive, and he looked down at James with a sad look.

"Shame.", Bob commented briefly, "Young kid."

But then he turned to me and gave a peaceful, warm smile. Slowly, he approached us and squatted down, getting at eye level with me.

"You all okay?", Bob asked, not wanting to intrude.

I began to nod at him, finding my voice clenched and strained as Edward kept holding us and crying.

"BOB!", Edward heard his voice nearby and reached one hand out to him, managing to grip onto his shoulder sleeve.

"Hey Ant.", Bob smiled at him, just like always.

"Are you really the Sheriff here?", he managed to get out between his panting breaths and half sobs.

"Yes, Edward.", Bob used Edward's real name for the first time, "I'm sorry I couldn't tell you. But I hope you don't think that means…that I was never really your friend. I was always that. Since the minute I met you, I knew you were a good kid. Not what your file said at all. Are you mad?"

Edward composed himself long enough to shake his head and choke out, "No, Bob, I'm not mad. Thanks for watching out for me."

"Hell, it wasn't easy either.", he smirked at Edward, "Vanishing into cellars, disappearing at your birthday party! Who has that kind of luck?"

"Me.", Edward smiled back.

"I know.", Bob replied, scratching his head under the hat.

"Well, I think our luck is finally changing.", I said, playing with Katie's hair.

Edward nodded and let another tear fall, saying, "Definitely. The second we came here."

Peter was right beside us now and said, "We need to get him to a hospital. Now."

"And leave all this fun?", Edward joked.

"He's right.", Bob tipped Edward's chin upward, "You put up a Hell of a fight, kid. Good for you."

"You should see the other guy.", Edward smirked as I stood up, liking the idea of getting him to the hospital as soon as possible.

I was amazed at the amount of people all around us when I got to my feet. Everyone we ever knew here was crowding in, asking how we were. Josh pushed through and started yelling, "Give them AIR! Back up! LET THEM through!"

"Here, good idea, Ben!", Josh said, and then I could see Dancer!

I hugged Josh and he kissed my cheek like a good brother would've…and Ben was bear hugging Edward and Katie at the same time.

"Get on.", Josh helped Edward up onto the saddle…and then I got on, sitting in front of Edward, and Katie was hoisted up in front of me.

"We never would've found you guys if not for HER.", Bob informed from beside us, "It was pitch black – couldn't see a thing. But I could see HER…glowing like an angel…racing right at me. She brought us here."

"Good girl, Dancer.", Edward held me around the waist with one hand and petted Dancer's ribs with the other, "I love you, girl."

"We'll be along as soon as we catch up, Ant.", Bob said, using the ANT name just to tease Edward, "You'll be fine. But hurry up."

Bob slapped Dancer's backside…and just like that, we were galloping right out of the canyon…into the sunrise, and a crimson red sky. I even laughed to myself at how corny it seemed…but I couldn't stop crying out of pure joy.

A new day...a new life.

We are together. We are alive! And we have our whole life in front of us to look forward to.

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Hey guys! Sorry again that I was away so long! I'm back now and will be posting the next chapter, an epilogue type end chapter, very soon, not a long wait like last time, I promise!

Love you guys, hope you liked the big fight scene! I tried! LOL!

See you very soon! Love, Winnd


	44. Colors

Hey everyone!

First, I want to thank all of you for being so kind and for liking what I did with those last two chapters. Sometimes, I write my ideas down and go 'yuk'…and I tear them up and write something totally different to see how that will come out. I wanted the final battles to be great, and did the best I could, and it is such a relief that you all liked the way it came out. I often see things in my head…and try to make it come to life on this blank white screen…sometimes I'm happy with how that goes…and sometimes not. So thank you more than words can say for all your great reviews on this – not just the ending, but all of you who've been there since chapter one…page one. I love you and writing for you is always the most fun I get to have in real life. I don't really want contracts or tons of money to sell my stories to some publisher…I am happy just sharing it with you guys.

For so many years, since I was a kid, I have loved writing: poems, stories, whatever I felt like…and I was scared to share it with anyone, thinking they would laugh or call me a geek. I'm not a kid anymore (or that old either)…but I admit it was scary at first to put my stories out here, wondering what people would say. Thanks for not breaking my heart and telling me I suck…LOL.

One thing I was kinda bummed about was that I had wanted Marcus and Peter to come blazing into the fight, right when Edward needed someone most. I wanted Peter to look into Kevin's eyes and say, "I know who you are. Kevin." And belt him dead in the face, using his great karate moves that we saw earlier.

And also Marcus…I wanted to show him display his great cop skills to save his little white friend…LOL…but then I also wanted it to be REAL. If Peter, Marcus, AND Edward were all beating up Kevin at the same time…it would be dumb. And even Kevin couldn't handle all that. Also, I wanted EDWARD to be the one to finally defeat Kevin, on his own. Well, I had Katie help him…and I love that she did. Katie has been treated like a weak little frail victim for so long, I wanted her to find her courage and join her Dad in the fight, as much as she could, without really putting up her dukes.

I always wanted the ghost whores to lend Edward a hand way back when I first showed the mansion. I love ghosts and you'll see there's a reason for them later. And I have been seeing the whole scene in my head for months now where the whole town pops out to rescue our little family. It kinda reminds me of every Disney movie at the end, where all the animals race out to do their parts to help the hero of the story. I also wanted to show that Edward, Katie, and Bella have found their true home in Casper.

In the end, I like how things turned out. I have a lot of surprises for you here in the epilogue so I hope you enjoy it. I have had such a great time writing this sequel and again, thanks to all you guys…I didn't think TRL could have a great second half to it but once I started typing, I couldn't stop. Edward kept whispering to me and telling me their story. And I like it. It's better than I thought it would have been. So again, thanks. See you soon at the end of this last chapter.

Love always, Winnd

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BPOV

I think I love this wall the most. It began with one small picture but how it's grown. My eyes always catch that first shot…Edward and Katie on the boat that first time we went fishing, Edward wearing Ben's worn out old man's fishing hat…and Katie with the ridiculous yellow smiling fish hat on her head. Edward was smiling with true joy…but Katie…not so much. She looks like she's about to kill me and that always makes me laugh, even now.

I think that was our first real day as a family. Sure, we had lived under the same roof for awhile before that day…but this was the first day we truly ENJOYED each other…just the three of us.

And I love it when I move my eyes to the right…and right there is a little bigger sized picture of Charlie and Edward's faces, their profiles side by side as they fish together…and the red dawn light is coloring their skin so beautifully. I remember feeling tears in my eyes when I clicked that one. Of course, they're both wearing different old man fishing hats filled with lures and hooks. Two fathers…the two men I love most in all the world.

I tip my eyes down a bit and there is Katie, fourteen years old, her mouth open wide as she stands in Charlie's boat, both her hands on her fishing pole as she yanks a decent sized trout from the lake…look how cool the drops and splashes of water are just frozen in midair all around her…and that wild red hair of hers…curls everywhere…suspended forever here. So beautiful.

I get tired of fish shots so I let my eyes dart upwards, near the top of the wall. I can't stop the smile that spreads across my face when I see the picture of Edward in church, all dressed in a suit, smirking at Katie as she kneels beside him, her hands flat together, pointed to heaven…showing him how to do it properly. She was still so little then. So innocent, despite all she'd been through before that.

That reminds me of something so my eyes go searching for the shot of Edward with his black sunglasses on, back when he had lost his sight for a short time, right after the death of Raven, James, and Kevin. There were bandages over each eye underneath, and he always wore the sunglasses so Katie and I wouldn't get too upset, as if we would forget about his injury and think he was just going through a "I'm trying to be cool" or "I don't want to be recognized by my public" phase.

This was the only picture I could take of him during that time…but it was important. Edward is clinging onto Katie, and it almost looks like he is crushing her in his intense embrace. But she is smiling, and her eyes are closed, as if she is with the best person on earth (and she is)…there is a little cake with one candle lit on it on the table next to them…Katie made it for Edward, saying he deserved another birthday, one better than the real one he'd had that year. She said the one candle was for only one wish: for Daddy to see again. That's all she wanted, she'd told him.

Edward was the one who asked me to take the picture. And then there's the one right next to it…all three of us are there, wearing black sunglasses, and pulling them down our noses to reveal the top halves of our pupils…Edward is smiling. Edward can see in this picture! We had just gotten home from the hospital, where Edward officially regained his sight for the first time in six weeks. The bandages came off and after he'd blinked a few times…the most dazzling smile moved across his lips…he could see us, he'd announced! It took us ten minutes of crying and hugging, the three of us, before the doctor could get Edward to sit back down so he could check on some other things.

That was a great day that still makes me quiver inside when I think of it.

I wish I had some pictures of Edward's bravery during those weeks. The blindness didn't stop him from anything. He still took care of Dancer…he kept going to work at the stables…he refused to stop living his life because his eyes had gone dark. It wasn't always pretty, him insisting on trying to do all he had done before…but he never gave up. The horses sure had a wonderful time with blind Edward in those weeks. Psycho and Temper especially delighted in their revenge on the unseeing stable man.

By the time he had regained his vision, he was pretty expert on doing everything blind anyway. The doctors were never sure he would get his sight back…they did all they could do…and said it was in God's hands from then on. Edward didn't hold out a lot of hope that God would help him out. It took a lot of arguing from me and Katie, reminding him of all the times God helped him in his life. But he was still unconvinced and that hurt us to see him with so little faith.

I can still hear his voice, full of emotion, cracking with tears, when he saw Katie and I for the first time since…he told me later that night, in bed, that the only thing that scared the Hell out of him was never seeing my eyes again. Or my blush. Or his daughter grow into a woman.

"Thank you, God, for not taking that away from me.", he'd wept in my arms that night right before I made sweet and furious love to him. That's when I believe he decided to give God another chance…and we went to church that next Sunday together.

The memories of all that filled my eyes with tears again, even now…so I had to look away…and that's where I found Katie behind the wheel of her car, rolling her eyes as Edward sits in the passenger seat, his mouth open, in the middle of a lecture or a lesson…I can't figure out which.

His fingers are pointed out, as if he's looking out through the windshield at real cars…but I'm pretty sure he didn't let that car move for a whole week before he actually let her turn the key in the ignition.

I laughed out loud and glanced to the picture next to this one…and there goes Katie's little yellow car down the road…and Edward is chasing it…both hands around his mouth as he shouts "BE CAREFUL KATIE!", I can still hear him scream, with love, not anger.

That was a big moment for him…a rare second in time that he had to let her go a little. A licensed driver…going out to celebrate with her friends. He didn't like it…but he opened his fingers and let her float up out of his grip that morning. It was a rough day for ME, let me tell ya. Everytime a car engine went by, Edward jumped up and ran to the window to look.

It's nice when you're a parent and you can look backwards, almost making your growing daughter a little girl once again. I did just that now, proudly looking over Katie's section of Karate pictures. So many tournaments…ribbons…articles in this area. I love this newspaper article, here, showing Katie holding her trophy. The headline is so big and it says, "Cullen Wins Championship for the Third Year!"

It's strange. After all Katie went through that day with Kevin and Edward in the fight upon the glass…I was so worried that she'd be scarred forever. That she'd always be afraid. But she amazed us all. She had Peter teaching her every move he'd ever known and a lot he'd never done before. Peter began training her, not just teaching her here and there. Katie always wanted more. More lessons. More moves. I think she was determined not to be the weak little child anymore. I think we all knew we'd never have to fight for our very lives ever again…but Katie still never wanted to be unprepared for that possibility. I will never forget her voice the way she sounded so adult…like a warrior or a soldier almost when she told me, "No one will ever get that close to hurting MY family again."

I love the pictures where Peter and Tao are in them with her. Yes, Tao also trained and went to every class that Katie did. He also won awards in some of the tournaments. Together, Katie and Tao were a very dangerous couple, even as teenagers. It was no easy trick keeping Edward under control during those tournaments, either, you'd better believe. He wanted the blood of every kid in the competition who dared try and oppose his daughter. Once, a kid kicked Katie in the face and I almost fell down the bleachers holding onto Edward's leg as he raced down there. It took me, Peter, and a couple of the judges to hold Edward back from the fifteen year old kid!

Over here are Katie's and Tao's prom pictures. Tao had become a little hunk over the years, I had to admit, although I could never say those worlds aloud. Katie AND Edward would BOTH murder me. His long black hair was like silk, very neatly cascading over his white tuxedo and his eyes have always been so soulful and filled with something magical. Something deep and sometimes a little sad…but wise.

And Katie looks so beautiful in these, her hair all up, glitter sprayed in…her makeup, flawless and not too heavy. Her fingernails done in a French manicure, just like mine were that night, since I had done an Alice that day and taken her to the best places in town and out of town to have it all done. That dress, a gorgeous black and white silk masterpiece, was the easiest of all. Edward had sent away to New York for it. He chose it himself. It was just exactly what Katie had wanted. I guess he has some Alice in himself as well. Well…he was always great at picking out the perfect outfit and matching shoes. He had dressed me up…many, many times.

Nothing was too good for his little girl…and yet he didn't spoil her into a brat. I still don't know how he did THAT.

And then my eyes caught the pictures of Katie helping Edward in the stables with Dancer. Ah, that's how. There are pictures of Katie riding all kinds of horses through the years around here…but my favorites are the ones of her and Edward riding Dancer. I turned around to look at the best one, Edward on Dancer alone, and Dancer upon two hooves, no longer sickly or scarred…no longer hobbled or restrained. She's healthy…perfect…and beautiful…and the smile on Edward's face….damn.

And over here…look at this…Edward is helping Dancer deliver her first foal. He's wearing his glasses…God, he looks sexy in glasses! And he's so fully concentrating on what he's doing.

Wearing his white veterinarian coat…Dr. Cullen is truly amazing when you watch him work.

I touched my fingers to his framed diploma over here…and have to close my eyes, recalling all those nights Edward had to study and go to school…I have a lot of those pictures in photo albums…for years every time you saw Edward, there was a book in his hand or on the table in front of him. He amazed me with his dedication to learning…he never let it get too hard for him. He would even fail sometimes here and there…a test…an exam…but then he'd come back ten times as determined to kill that next examination! And he did! Edward graduated second in his class. Those pictures are over this way…I think Edward in a black silk cap and gown are insanely sexy, don't you? I had my way with him in it that night once Katie fell asleep.

There's Bob, me, and Edward at his graduation. Katie took this shot. Bob looks so proud…but not as proud as I do…I'm kissing his cheek so hard…my arms wrapped around him…and Edward looks so young…so hopeful…as if he has everything.

He got his dream that day. He became a doctor. A veterinarian.

Speaking of dreams coming true…my eyes go to the center of the wall to my right as they do every day…and I see myself in my white wedding gown…a simple white lace piece…with my groom in black tuxedo…complete with the black cowboy hat, so sexy almost covering his green sparkling eyes.

The sun is setting behind us over the edges of the cliff we found together, where we had spent my birthday and a few other blissful nights. That's where we took our vows in front of the world. I love the pictures of the whole wedding party over to the left, here.

Edward wanted red for the bridesmaids' gowns…and Alice, Rose, Jenna, Kerri, and Melody all looked so great in that color. Edward called them "the red line" and I already knew what that meant. He said this time he's on the right side of the line and he never intended to cross over it again.

And look at the guys in their tuxes! Jasper, Emmett, Marcus, Peter, Josh and Bob all look so handsome! It wasn't easy getting Marcus to wear the black cowboy hat like all the rest of the guys, either. But he finally caved in. There's another picture of us all where Marcus is smiling and fake gold teeth are shining…glowing! Edward laughed his ass off and took the teeth away so we could re-shoot…but he had to keep copies of that first picture. The two of them are sick in a cute, adolescent kind of way. And still are.

Katie was my maid of honor. Who else could I entrust that post to? Charlie was Edward's best man. He said that if not for my father, he would've never had me with him on the plane when he came to Casper. We would've never had this beautiful life…our second chance.

And Ben and Angela…they both led me down the aisle together, one on each side of me…bringing me to the man that had first married their only daughter. I'll never know what side of heaven those two came from…but I'm forever grateful for them. Charlie was still the one to take me from them, though….he kissed my hand with so much love…and put my hand into Edward's…and he is the one who said "I do" when the priest asked who gives this woman. It was even more emotional for me because Charlie was on both his legs for the first time that day. He was practicing for weeks before with the prosthetic leg, but wouldn't let me see until he was standing there, smiling and waiting for me. It was a small miracle that my make up wasn't all run down my face by the time I got to Edward. And Charlie even danced with me that night at the reception to "Butterfly Kisses."

And I laughed when I turned to Edward and he was standing there, watching us, crying himself as he danced with his little girl. God, I'm going to have to make sure a lot of tissue is around when Katie finally gets married!

I love this picture, here, of Edward and me at our tree, under the 'Edward and Bella' carving he made, we're carving the words, 'Mr. And Mrs. Cullen'. And Edward is biting his bottom lip as he carves…man!

We still go there all the time. It's our place. It will always be. I would love our bodies to be there someday, after we're gone. Or maybe Katie can spread our ashes there on our cliff. I would love that.

We didn't get married right away after the deaths of Kevin, James, and Raven. Edward made us all wait until he was "worthy of me". It happened after the trial, after he became a vet…after I really became Dr. Bella…I waited years…and it was so worth the wait.

I always take a minute to look over the articles we framed and programs from all of Katie's school plays. She pursued her acting dream BIG TIME all through high school, getting marvelous reviews on her performances. She always made us cry, Edward and I, at every play she did. She went from doing small parts…to getting the lead. She took our breath away with some of the roles she played.

Edward was convinced she was going to leave us one day to go to Hollywood and join the ranks of Meryl Streep and Robert De Niro. We knew her talent was great but still Edward was tortured by the thought of her in that life. What would it do to her? Her soul, her heart…he had lived among people like those sharks out there for a long time…he loathed the thought of Katie out there swimming in the same waters as they.

And I'm not sure what happened but…just like that…Katie decided she didn't want to be famous…she didn't want to be a star. She loved acting…but she shrank away from the notion of that life all on her own.

Katie graduated high school in white, the school's color, since ghosts were so celebrated here in this town. The high school's football team was even called the Casper Ghosts. It was perfect…with her long red hair…she looked amazing and so bright…Edward didn't even hide it when he wept that day. Every moment he got to see Katie have was a dream come true for Edward. I think he had once convinced himself that he'd never get to be there for all her moments.

And Tao, once a boy who couldn't even speak English…was the Valedictorian! He skipped GRADES in high school because he was so advanced! (But I personally think he just wanted to be in classes with Katie and graduate with her.)

He spoke so intelligently and with such passion…he was even FUNNY in his speech! And he thanked Edward for being his teacher…and his friend when he was a kid. He thanked his parents, Jenna and Marcus, for his whole life. He spoke about all the love they'd showed him…and he talked about how beautiful it was that a white woman, an African American man, and a Chinese boy could all come together as a family…he wished the whole world could be like his parents, he'd said…then there would be no problems between the races.

Right over here next to Marcus' and Jenna's wedding pictures with Edward as his best man, are the framed pictures of Marcus and Tao smiling, holding his adoption papers to the camera. Edward took these pictures.

Jenna waited until Tao was ready to ask her to be his mother…and the next year, he did…and she was added to the papers officially.

It seems that Jenna had learned some important things about waiting until being invited…about not forcing her way in…about waiting until one's heart is ready to accept her inside it. I wonder who taught her that.

Peter did wonders for Jenna…and for Edward and I too…along with many, many others. He became one of the top and busiest psychiatrists in the region again.

And I'm not one to stare at my own pictures but I do love looking at these to the left.

Peter and I are holding a plaque – a sign that would grace the door of our office – the one that's at Peter's house, reading: **Dr. Peter Facinelli and Dr. Bella Cullen** and we're wearing huge Mad Hatter Hats…and over both of our hats is one big sign stuck to them that says, 'PARTNERS!'

Edward wrote that sign and took these shots. He used up five rolls of film on us that day…and every inch of my office was photographed…and yes, my Doctor Bella sign is on my office door and will ALWAYS be, just as Edward's doctor sign that I made for him is on his office door. Edward wanted his office to be at our house. He hated being far away from home.

My eyes glaze over as I catch the pictures of Ben and Angela dancing at their 30th wedding anniversary party…and next to that, there's the article that reads, "Ice Cream, You Scream Celebrates Tenth Anniversary"

Also here is the Jimmy Chan menu that Edward first saw and fell in love with…right next to a picture of Marcus all dressed up opening his second restaurant, not that he needed to. Jimmy Chan's was where Marcus could be found, always, cooking up some new creation, cursing like a sailor every second of the way, of course.

But Marcus was no longer an outsider. He was a big part of the community. He coached the high school football team! He donated money to the schools every year. He started a big brother program in Casper! He taught a cooking class twice a week! People loved and respected him…and they didn't ask him to change a thing about himself. His foul mouth was something everyone thought was funny…except when he went to church, of course.

Oh, and over here is a very important picture and article that graced the front page of the New York Times awhile ago.

"NOT GUILTY", the headline simply reads. There is a picture of Edward and I beneath it, hugging each other, crying happy tears after his verdict was read in court. A second later, we were covered by Ben and Angela.

Getting through the trial was long and hard…Edward on the stand, answering the prosecutor's invading questions…I ached for him as he sat there for days telling his entire story to the jury while people sketched him from the front row…while reporters scribbled every detail of his past life the moment the words came out of his mouth. I was so afraid he would break.

But Edward didn't crumble. He stayed strong. He was truthful and the jury saw that. They believed him. Thank God.

The scariest part about the end of that whole ordeal was Victoria's father, a huge mobster very like John Gotti, came walking up to us right there in the courtroom. He chilled my blood but Edward stood his ground and didn't waver in the least. He pushed me behind him and waited, not even blinking as the man came up to him.

And he said to Edward, with a smile, "You don't have to be scared, kid. You're not worth the time it would take me to whack you. Victoria's toys never interested me and never will."

At first I was insulted and almost tore the guy's head off but then he put his hands up and said, "Hey, no offense. I'm just telling you…live your life. You'll get no trouble from ME."

And we never saw him again. We heard rumors later that he even put the word out that anyone who harmed us would pay for it with HIM. Weird.

I later heard he was being laughed at, that Victoria's thing with having male sex slaves was a source of embarrassment to her father and his associates. I think that if he did hurt Edward, it would've made him look more ridiculous to all of them, as if he really cared about his daughter's "pets". And in the end, I don't think he cared at all for either Victoria OR James, even as children. Which probably explains a lot about how they went after Edward and I - looking for love.

And those useless marshals – they showed up at the hospital that day after the town had rescued us…angry that they hadn't even known where we were or what was happening that day! Edward told them off brilliantly right there from his bed, as his eyes were being bandaged up, saying he didn't need them and that he had all the protection he ever needed right here. They wanted to relocate us but Edward told them to fuck themselves. I couldn't have said it any better myself.

"We're home and we're staying right here.", he had said with all the strength in his heart, and Katie and I were so thrilled. We couldn't have agreed with him more.

After the trial, when we returned to Casper, we knew we had a lot of explaining to do to people…apologies to make and truths to tell…we worried a lot of what they would say to us…would they want us back in Casper? Would they reject us like those people had burned out the whores way back then?

We needn't have worried so much. These pictures over here say it all. When we got off the plane, the very first thing we saw was this giant banner, and big red letters saying, 'WELCOME HOME CULLEN FAMILY!'

Marcus and Peter were holding that banner and the whole town was standing around them, clapping for us and waiting their turn to embrace us and say, "welcome back." I cried in loud sobs when Peter hugged Edward and used his real name for the first time, saying, "We missed you, Edward." And then he hugged Katie and I into the same embrace and said, "You too, Bella….and Katie."

The whole article is framed here…Marcus, Peter and Bob are standing at a podium, talking to the town – this was while we were in New York going through the trial. These three were the ones…who had told the whole story to the rest of the town…they told our stories and our sides to things…before they were done they had the whole town thinking we were some sort of heroes or something…we didn't really want THAT…we just wanted to come home. And be ourselves.

And they let us. And we never had to use the names Anthony Masen or Marie Brown again…although Bob still loved calling Edward "ANT" all the time. His little red ant, he would say.

I love the headline here, to the right, in the Casper Chronicle. It reads, simply: CULLENS FINALLY COME HOME!

I wasn't a Cullen yet, at the time, but I was included in that….they all already considered me a Cullen. I loved that.

These other pictures over here are some of Edward's favorites. This tiny little white colt's name is Tiny Dancer. She's Dancer's first baby boy, the one Edward was delivering over on the other wall, there. Psycho is the father, and that was a fun day when Edward found that out for sure. Let's just say…I was afraid for Psycho when Edward went charging off to the stables that morning.

Tiny Dancer is just something else! Edward will always have that special bond with Dancer, but when he's around Tiny Dancer, he becomes that little kid I love again. Tiny Dancer plays with Edward and also with Katie and me like we're horses, too. Edward once got down on all fours and put a carrot in his mouth and he and Tiny Dancer had a tug of war with it! He's an innocent little horse and not afraid of anything…he is almost too trusting to everyone…and he's even managed to calm his Dad, Psycho down a lot.

He's all the things Dancer would've been…if she hadn't been so hurt and abused in her lifetime…and in a way, it was like Dancer was reborn…and was given a fresh chance in her son. Edward makes sure that Tiny Dancer never wants for anything…and is never afraid of anything…he's loved, just as his mother is loved…and Edward swore to me that nothing would ever harm any of these horses as long as he had breath in his body.

Edward is a cowboy…I still can't believe that happened! That New York city boy I once knew…he was so cool and confident…but now I know he's much more himself and happier in his own skin when he's cowboy Edward. Who knew?

Well…Charlie knew I guess. We found out he was the one who told the marshals they should take us somewhere fresh and sunny…somewhere in the country…someplace where there were horses. Turns out Charlie had some problems as a kid and was sent to a summer camp where he worked with horses…he had sent me there a couple summers and I had hated it…but it had done him a world of good – it had turned him around and he grew to be a Chief of Police. Thank you Daddy. It was a good idea.

Look at this picture…Kerri in her red graduation gown…a high school graduate! Edward is dressed in a suit and has his arm around her and her cheek is pressed up next to his. Kerri is holding the little angel with the map in her hand that she had made for us back when she returned home to her family. The lost angel…or should I say…the found one. Only now it's wearing a graduation cap, one that Edward had super glued on its head.

They both look so happy…Edward looks so proud! She invited all of us to her graduation and Edward couldn't pack fast enough to get there. We had all kept in touch since she came into our lives…lots of times she wrote long letters to Edward, pouring out her pain and sorrows along the way….and how proud I was when Edward got right to work, opening his once dreaded notebook to write back to her and share his knowledge and advice…never willing to let her drift back into that world he'd found her in.

Kerri was the first angel Edward saved…but not the last.

My eyes quickly find the pictures of the mansion rebuild. This one shot is of Edward, Ben, Bob, Jasper, Emmett, Peter and Marcus…all hammering beams…putting the empty whorehouse right again…every inch of it…we were all involved in that….everyone helped…me, Katie, Sharon, Jenna, Alice, Rosalie…Josh and all the kids in the college who wanted extra credit for anything….Donald Duck even painted and decorated!

There were times I thought Alice would kill him for taking over most of that job…but thankfully, she restrained herself and found that she was really great at things like hammering, drilling, and sawing! I have lots of those pictures in my photo albums, every one of them gold! I think that's when Alice and Jasper – and Emmett and Rosalie – really got to know each other again…and really bonded, during that rebuild. Every time I saw Alice, she was conveniently helping Jasper with something…and the same for Rosalie with Emmett. I guess there's no stopping love. Everyone gets a second chance.

Yes, the town of Casper gave us a wonderful gift when we returned from New York: the very special house we had discovered where we saw the last of Kevin, Raven and James. Bob had convinced the town to give us the whole house, as no one else really wanted it anyway.

Edward got right to work on it. He began alone, with Katie and I as his helpers…the next day Peter, Bob, and Marcus showed up, rolling up their sleeves and asking what they could do…then…little by little, people came to assist us in restoring the house to its former glory. A lot of people asked Edward what he planned to do with the place…would we live in it? Would he sell it? He would just grin and say, "You'll see."

And we did. I knew Edward would never want to live in this huge place, just him, Katie and I…mansions reminded him of his childhood: a lonely, fancy world. He wasn't the mansion type anymore and I was so relieved about that because neither am I. And I couldn't imagine myself CLEANING this whole place!

What he had in mind all along absolutely thrilled me…and when it was all finally finished, another article came out in the paper, declaring, "LOST ANGELS HOUSE FINISHED!"

And there was another line beneath that, a quote from Edward saying, "A PLACE AND A VOICE FOR THOSE NO ONE HEARS"

And there's a picture of Edward and I in front of the mansion, smiling, an arm around the other.

"Mom!", Katie was calling, and then remembered and quieted herself, whispering, "Mom?"

Very quietly, I answer, "Up here Katie."

I turn my head and there she is…so grown up, standing there…smiling at me.

"He asleep yet?" she asks, peeking at his little face as I keep rocking my hips left and right, dancing with my little man.

I nod to her silently, smiling down at his sweet, long eyelashes that are hiding those brilliant green eyes of his…loving how his full lips pucker and pout as he slips into his dream state…he is the very TWIN of his father. He turns into Edward more and more everyday…and none of us would change that. He's almost two now.

I look up and see a very large and pregnant picture of me…standing sideways and looking down with a smile on my face as Edward kneels at my feet, placing a very reverent and loving kiss on my exposed stomach, his long, slender fingers stroking the side of it with such care and tenderness…I get misty eyed all over again just remembering taking this picture…and I smile when I look at the shot of a teenage Katie holding Edward Jr. as an infant, a single, tiny little flame of copper hair standing right up from the top of his otherwise bald head….and Edward and I are on both sides of them, and we're holding a sign that says, "IT'S A BOY!"

There's another picture of Edward with the baby and all the guys. Bob, Marcus, Peter, Ben, Charlie, Jasper, Emmett…all of them have unlit cigars in their mouths. Goofballs.

Everyone's waiting for me downstairs. It's a pretty big night and I can't wait to start it.

I ask Katie for two more minutes and she nods and runs downstairs. Yes, we have a downstairs now. This is the house we began in…but it's a little bigger now. We made it into everything we'd dreamt of…we all made it together. Tanya's picture still watches over us…and she has taken great care of us all these years.

Whenever I walk up and down this hallway, and look at all these pictures, I realize that to an outsider, if they were here looking at all these stellar memories…it might seem that we had lived the perfect life…a life free of pain or problems.

God, that is SO not the truth!

I can hear echoes of Edward in every room of this house, shouting at me…yelling as I'm yelling back at him.

"Maybe I'm just TOO STUPID to be a vet! And maybe I'm too stupid to be YOURS!", he had screamed once after flinging all his books off the table, after he had failed a very difficult test.

"You are NOT stupid, you just failed!", I can recall myself yelling back, "It's okay to fail sometimes, no one is asking you to be PERFECT!"

And a split second later, I remember my soft voice as I held him while he silently cried when I said, "Failing is important sometimes, you know. We learn a lot from our failures, too, not just our successes. If everyone always succeeded in everything, it would make life very dull. The important thing is…not to let it stop you. You keep trying. You get right back on the horse."

Edward has cried, screamed, and laughed many many times here in between these walls…just as much as I have….and Katie has. I can see and hear all the good times…and I sometimes recall the hard ones too, as I look into every room, especially late at night, when I'm checking on the baby. I can never sleep all the way through the night anymore. I always have to check the kids…even Katie.

Yes. In between all these oh so perfect pictures, there have been a lot of bumps in the road. Peter has been here with us, this is almost his second home, counseling us…getting in between us when we have it all out…and always he quietly slips out when we are finished, clinging to each other and making up as only we can.

Edward has learned to face his anger…to let it out and voice it…and not lose control over it. And I am still learning how to be a good mother…and wife…and friend. We aren't perfect at all, any of us. But we are getting better every day. We love each other and we never forget that, no matter what else happens. We know we're all lucky to have each other…and I'm so glad for that. Kevin, Victoria…Raven…are in our past now. They can never be totally forgotten but after years of hard work with Peter…they torture Edward…no more. He is truly free now. We all are.

And we made it through the teen years with Katie, which was a lot of fun…**not**.

You would never know it by Katie's high school graduation pictures, where all of us are wearing big goofy smiles on our faces, (including Ben and Angela) but Katie was a VERY difficult teenager. She was always a good kid deep down…never any huge problems like drugs or sex…but there were a lot of times when I seriously considered trading her in for a nice quiet beagle. She is a screamer, just like her Dad.

So many times Edward clutched at his hair in this house, doubting what a good father he is…asking me if he was doing the right thing. It's a miracle he's not bald now.

But Edward and I stuck together as parents, and we had lots of talks about how we wanted to raise her along the way. We argued a lot there, too, but we always found a compromise…we always found our way. And I think we've done a great job. Katie is a kind, sweet person. Smart, gentle, understanding…everyone loves her. But like her father she is also very stubborn too. Some days, they locked horns over some very big things (and other times, over some very little things)…and then I had to be the mediator. She is always trying to grow up and fly away…and Edward is always trying to keep her young and on the ground in his arms.

I feel very proud of all the work we've done behind the scenes, in between each of these pictures…we have all sweated and bled so we can make it as a family to the next framed picture, smiling like we don't have a care in the world. We have earned every one of these pictures, that's for sure.

And then my eyes fall on the picture of Edward, Katie and I staring at a burning notebook…the fucked up journal…this is the day Edward had worked so hard for…the day he let those twelve hours with Sir Kevin go forever. It wasn't just his moment…he shared it with us. He had read it all to us that day…Katie was old enough and she said she was ready to hear her father read it aloud, for the first and last time, before the flames ate it all away forever.

He had finally told Katie everything…when she was old enough…he didn't hold anything back from her…not after she'd heard all those things Kevin had said that day…and still never turned her back on him. We explained what we could at that time…but all the gory details of those six years that Edward spent with Victoria…would have to wait for later. Years and years later.

And when the time came, Edward faced it. He told her everything. He answered all her questions. And she cried…she rocked Edward in her arms as if he were the child and she the parent…we clung to each other…and we became even stronger after that. All Katie saw was his love for her…for him to sell himself like that to buy her a new life…and then she saw something more inside me…and she hugged me, saying that I saved her Dad's life…that I made her family whole again…and that only I could've.

Like I said, Katie is very special. And that's just one example of it.

It amazes me every time I look at these pictures…every time I think of what our life is now…that if I had followed all the rules, if I had been a good little girl and stayed in my place, stayed in Forks or stayed locked in my apartment in New York…I wouldn't have even KNOWN Edward Cullen. I wouldn't have a Katie…a Peter…a Marcus…a Bob…a Jasper or an Emmett…a Kerri…an Edward Jr.

We had colored outside the lines…I brought my yellows, greens and blues to Edward's reds, oranges and blacks…everyone we knew told us not to mix…told us it would be a sin to do so…that it would be wrong.

But we couldn't help ourselves. We did it anyway. Too attracted by each other's glow, we crashed together, right or wrong, and our colors bled into each other without forgiveness or apology.

Red burned into crimson…burgundy and cardinal…chestnut…coral…fuschia and maroon…ruby…terra cotta…sangria.

Yellow melted into amber…butterscotch…aureolin and morning mist…saffron and marigold.

I look at all the people in our lives…people we couldn't live without now…and I see all those mixed colors that ran together….the ones that almost never were, shouldn't have been, and never would have been if we hadn't broken a few rules. I see turquoise…I see sapphire…I see lilac…I see jade.

And that's the funny way I see our life, sometimes, when I walk this hall at 3:13 am when Eddie Jr. doesn't want to fall asleep…I see so many fascinating colors, as one life blends and intersects with another…and I feel sorry for people who are trapped in their little primary squares of red, blue, or green. People who will never know emerald…or scarlet…or indigo.

I shudder to think I was one of them once…I was afraid to look beyond my little world and know that there could be more…so much more.

And then this angel fell into my life…one who needed me as much as I needed him…and he took my hand and led me here. I would do it all again, even with all the pain and struggle we have known…it has been SO worth it all.

I could never return to a world of plain primary colors now, all the reds staying with the reds and the blues with the blues. It would be like being color blind. It would be a gray world, a pale, boring world. And for me, that would be even worse than death itself.

And now it's time to lay my son down into his crib, and I kiss him, softer than a feather would brush his cheek and I whisper, "I love you little Edward."

One thing is for sure. Anything or anyone who tries to hurt THIS Edward is gonna have one HELL of a fight on his hands! I read once a quote that said, "There is no bitch on earth like a mother defending her kids." That's goddamn right.

Edward Jr. gives a small twitch as I cover him up with his favorite plush blanket…a purple one with a happy elephant on the corner…and I hold my breath. He's asleep. Finally. And now I can tiptoe downstairs and join everyone. But first I'm taking the shortcut that will take me down to Dr. Cullen's office on the ground floor. I haven't seen the beautiful veterinarian all day and I miss him like crazy. That much about us hasn't changed much in the last ten years.

I tap a little knock on Dr. Cullen's door and hope there's no one else in there with him right now.

"Yes?", the deep voice is so velvety I feel my mouth fall open and he adds, "Come in."

And I open the door…hardly able to wait until I can feast my eyes on the very sexy doctor inside.

He is all alone so I close the door behind me and lock it, giving him the look that says he is in danger. He smirks back at me, lowering his adorable glasses and getting a better look at the face I was giving him.

Closing a thick book he was reading before I came in, he gave me his full attention.

"Hello.", he greeted as if he just met me for the first time…and he stood up, still wearing his light blue scrubs and white coat. He slowly walked up to me and asked, "Can I help you Miss?"

"I need a doctor.", I informed simply.

"Do you?", he smirked more, putting his hands in his pockets, "What seems to be the problem…I mean…where does it…hurt?"

And with that he towered over me…and his nose was so close to mine…I could smell his mint breath and wanted to taste it.

"Everywhere.", I answered, slowly sliding his glasses off, carefully folding the arms together, sounding as if I might whimper at any moment, and I peeked up at him from under my eyelashes…doing my innocent girl thing that he loves so much.

"Well I might be able to help you…", he said, looking me over more closely, "But maybe not…I only know how to care for animals."

And then there was my opening to make my move. I grabbed the back of his hair tightly and made him look down into my eyes and I almost growled out the words, "I AM….an animal."

That was all it took. We were kissing like teenagers and groping each other like we'd been apart for two years. We had to seize these chances when we could. With a two year old baby in the house, we didn't get much love making time in the night.

I moaned out loud as Edward roughly jerked my blouse apart at the buttons…and I almost laughed when he moaned and said, "Oh my GOD! That's a new bra! Fuck, it's hot! I loovvveeee black lace!"

"Shut up and tear it off me with your teeth.", I challenged as Edward laid me back on his examining table, burying his face into my half open shirt.

Just then, the little beep of the intercom sounded and both of us froze in place, as if we'd been caught doing something wrong.

Let me share a little secret with you. I hate the intercom.

"Dad!", Katie's voice said into the air, "I know what you two are doing in there. When are you coming out here? I want to see this!"

The intercom went off abruptly and Edward looked at me, grinning.

"She knows what we're doing in here?", Edward asked, "How does SHE know?"

"She's only 20 years old, she has no idea, don't worry.", I teased back, "But she's got a point. Everyone is probably waiting for us. We're being rude. Maybe we should go out there."

"No.", Edward darted back into my cleavage, "I wanna play doctor with YOU."

I squealed and laughed and curled my leg around his perfect little ass as his teeth made first contact with the cup of my bra. And I heard him growl…fuck! The older this man gets, the hotter he is. It's not fair.

After a minute or two, we did compose ourselves and ready each other to go into the living room where our public awaited. But God, it wasn't easy stopping.

The very first person we saw right outside Edward's office door was Emmett…and he was standing there, arms folded, smirking at us like the cat that swallowed the canary. I felt my cheeks get hot as Edward spoke up.

"What the hell are YOU smiling at?", Edward mocked irritation.

"You might want to wipe off the smudged lipstick, bro.", Emmett grabbed Edward's chin and turned his face to the left, revealing a little bit of my lip gloss.

Edward jerked away and wiped off his jaw where the offending makeup glistened while Emmett changed the subject.

"Where's Freddy?", he asked me now.

"His name is NOT Freddy, EMMETT!", I lowly grumbled, giving him my stern eyes, "Stop calling him that. And he's asleep. Where else would he be, doing his taxes or something?"

"I never get to see the little guy anymore!", Emmett complained as Jasper came up behind him, rolling his eyes.

"He's gonna forget his uncle Em.", Emmett almost pouted, "I have a lot to teach the little booger about wrestling."

"Okay, I promise, if you eat all your vegetables tonight, you can play with him all afternoon tomorrow, how's that?", I compromised, "And you have to stop calling him Freddy! His name is Edward. Promise me!"

"Gotta go.", Emmett ducked away, almost knocking Jasper over in his wake…but he did manage to swipe half the food off Jasper's plate as he went anyway.

"Hey, you MONKEY, that's MINE!", Jasper groaned as he valiantly lost the struggle for his pizza, now holding only an empty plate.

Edward laughed and asked Jasper, "Where's the girls?"

"Rosalie is in the bathroom.", Jasper informed, "Alice will be here any second. She had a rough afternoon. It seems that Beth called Destiny fat."

Edward looked scared for a moment and asked, "Bloodshed?"

Jasper scoffed and said, "Not a chance. My baby has it all under control."

"Maybe I should talk to them.", Edward offered, as always when it came to the Lost Angels House.

"Not tonight.", Alice popped into the mix and curled her arms around Jasper's neck from behind, "It's all quiet and peaceful now. But maybe tomorrow you need to make an appearance, both of you, and put them straight yourselves."

"No problem.", Edward and I said at the same time and looked at each other, grinning.

Then, before I knew it, Edward was off. He darted into the living room into the sea of people hanging out there, and was on Tao's case again.

"Tao, nice to see you again.", Edward was right behind the sofa, looking down upon him and his daughter beside him. They were sitting there very innocently, their hands in their laps.

"Nice to see you again, too, Mr. Cullen.", he said with a smile, half turning towards Edward.

"Dad.", Katie gave a slight frown.

"Did you get something to eat?", Edward asked him very sweetly.

"Um…not yet.", Tao shook his head a little, looking confused by Edward.

"I'm taking him away now.", I said softly to Katie and her boyfriend, and put my hand in his, gently leading him away from the couch.

"Thanks Ma.", Katie smiled at us as we took a few steps away.

"Where's your Dad?", Edward asked Tao as we departed.

"He's re-fixing all the food in the kitchen.", Tao grinned, giving a little flick up with his eyebrows.

Edward was about to head into the kitchen when Peter came up to us and grabbed Edward by the arms, saying, "Edward, I changed my mind, you have to cut all the parts of me out of the video. I probably sucked anyway. I don't want to do anything to hurt the Lost Angels House, so…just erase all of me out."

"Shut up, man, you were great!", Edward said right away, "You've been doing this for months now, stop it! You'll see in a few minutes you were amazing. I don't want you erased out and besides, it's too late now. Just suck it up and be quiet during the parts when I'm talking."

And without missing a beat, Edward was back behind the sofa, now staring in between Tao and Katie as they shared a little kiss, Tao's hand softly moving over her long red hair.

"Hi Tao.", Edward smiled like the Cheshire cat staring at a helpless mouse. The kids pulled apart suddenly, Katie gasping and going, "DAD! Stop! I'm almost 21 years old!"

"Exactly.", Edward retorted, the pleasant look still on his face. I guess he's remembering ME when I was only 21 years old.

Actually, he was just teasing them. Tao had come to Edward and I a week ago and asked for Katie's hand in marriage. He said such wonderful things…he told us how deep his love for Katie was…and I got tears in my eyes just listening to him…it reminded me of all the feelings Edward and I first found together…and I was so happy for both of them. Tao had been part of our family forever…and no matter if he and Katie were best friends, or dating…deadly enemies…or "taking a break"…Tao was always included in Katie's life somewhere…and we had come to love him as much as she did…in a very different and platonic way of course.

Once Edward established that Katie wasn't pregnant, (and no, he didn't make her take a pregnancy test…YET)…he was glad to say yes…and he even hugged the kid! I was so proud of my Edward…he has come a long way in the Katie dating boys department. On Katie's first date, Edward was sitting in between them, holding the tub of popcorn at the movies.

Katie doesn't know it but tomorrow night, she'll be proposed to. Until then, Edward had a little more time to torment them.

I decided to take a little stroll around and be a good hostess, saying hello to everyone. I saw Jenna and Marcus in the kitchen. God I can't wait until Marcus finds out that Edward is going to be his family soon. All those curse words he loved to use are gonna come flying out of his mouth as if they never left.

I found Rosalie coming out of the bathroom…she's very pregnant so I made sure she found the buffet as fast as I could. I scolded Emmett for stealing Jasper's food and not making sure his wife and unborn baby were fed first.

Ben and Angela were sitting in front of the TV, watching a commercial and quietly talking to each other, patiently waiting for the show to start. Little did he know it's on DVD and won't start until we hit the PLAY button. I gave them big hugs and urged them to eat but they said they were too excited to think about food. I love how proud of Edward they always are.

Edward's parents weren't here…but Joseph and Katherine were. Katherine had her arms tightly wrapped around my husband as we speak right at this moment. He isn't struggling in the embrace, he is clinging onto her just as tight. She kisses him right on the lips and tries to fix his hair with her fingers…and then she realizes it's a lost cause and musses it even more. So cute.

Josh and Melody are sitting on the loveseat across Ben and Angela…Josh's hand is resting on her knee and she is smiling at him, wiping a little pizza sauce off his bottom lip. They've been an item for years and years now…but neither of them are rushing into proposals or babies. They are happy living together and Melody is a drama teacher now at the Casper Community College where Edward and I studied. I'm so glad they both got someone great to love…they both really deserve it.

Thank God our place got a little bigger as we kept remodeling…all these people would've never fit in this place when we first moved in here.

I love that we did most of the work on this house ourselves: Edward, Katie, and I. I love that when I see the paint on the walls, I see Edward teaching Katie how to use the roller up and down. I love that Edward and I boosted Katie up on our shoulders so she could nail Dancer's horseshoe (the one Edward used to slam Kevin in the face at the stables on his 30th birthday) up over our front door for good luck. I love that we all sat together at our little table in the kitchen to figure out how Edward Jr.'s room should be decorated, a very pregnant me eating oreos as we discussed it.

"Kerri!", I greeted happily as she came through the front door, rushing, asking, "I didn't miss it, did I?"

"No, we wouldn't start without you.", I hugged her, "Everything okay?"

"Yea.", Kerri made a little bit of a face, "Just don't let Beth and Destiny sit side by side…here they come now….shhh…"

And just then, our six girls from the Lost Angels House came inside. They're all great, and so different from each other. They were all talking a little loudly to each other, as if having some big debate…but they all stopped and said hello as they caught sight of me.

"Where's Edward?", one of the girls asked, her name is Alyx. She's eighteen and very sweet but she has this strange fixation on Edward. It seems she only feels safe around him and while I understand that…we are going to have to have a nice little talk with her too, tomorrow.

We tried to be patient with her at first when she came here…but lately Alyx has been hugging Edward a little too long…and inhaling when she hugs him…Edward told me that last week, he thought she was going to try and kiss him…but she chickened out. He still wants to help her…but he feels uncomfortable. He doesn't want this kind of attention from her. It will be alright. We'll talk it out together, all of us…I think Alyx just feels the only way she can show Edward she cares for him is to be sexual, as she's had to be for years now. She'll understand…in time. She hasn't been the first one to fall for the emerald eyes of Edward Cullen, that's for sure. And I'm certain she won't be the last, either.

It's times like these that I see how much I've changed over the years. The old me would be so insecure and jealous and angry…I remember when Jenna made a move on Edward. I threatened to KILL her! Jeez! I'm glad I have learned some control and found some self esteem along the way. Or I would be just a hindrance at the Lost Angels house, not a help or a true partner. I used to think I wasn't good enough for Edward. In fact, I knew I wasn't. I thought his love for me was just misplaced thankfulness for me helping him out of that life he used to know. I was sure someday he'd wake up, look at me, and say, "I'm sorry, Bella. I just don't feel it anymore. I don't know why…but it's not the same."

That was my worst nightmare then…not Kevin or Victoria or James…

But in all this time, Edward has never strayed away from me at all. His eyes always light up when he sees me…and even when we're both dead tired or aggravated…he finds a way to let me know I'm still special to him. Oh, plenty of times he's a true jerk, like every other man, though….and that's okay. I'm sure I'm not always a blushing bride to him either. Even so, he's still everything I could've dreamt of for a husband…and more.

Sorry girls. He's all mine. I know that now. And I don't worry about losing him all the time anymore.

Bob and Sharon are here, too…it looks like all our friends are here actually…and it amazes me how lucky we are to have all of them. We started out here just the three of us…and we didn't have a friend in the world. Just look around now. There's not one place to sit down. And that makes me so happy.

Finally, we get to the big moment and Edward suddenly gets timid and shy…he sits in between Tao and Katie, separating them effectively and he pulls me down onto his lap, as if trying to hide behind me before everyone is watching him on the screen before us.

"Hide me.", he says quietly, placing a little kiss on my back through my blouse.

"MMMM…best seat in the house.", I chuckle.

"Gross.", Katie winces, then moves over so I can sit next to Edward instead of ON him.

"You're in public, guys, willya?", Katie scolds us and then brilliantly adds, "If you two can do that, then so can Tao and I…"

Edward straightened right up and turned into a little schoolboy.

Katie had finally made us behave and everyone had quieted enough at last for Katie's liking so she could stand up next to the TV and made a little announcement.

"I just want to say…" she blushed a bit as everyone's eyes were on her, "Dad…Mom…we're all so proud of you. It took a lot of guts to do this show…it's not a reality show…it's about all of us…our lives…the Lost Angels House…I know it's gonna be great and I hope that people all over the world, when they see it for real next week, I know something great will come of all this. Before we know it, they'll be two Lost Angel Houses…then three…then five…until they're everywhere. I love you so much."

Everyone clapped as Edward and I said, "I love YOU" right back to her.

"Alright enough!", Katie smiled big and put her hands in the air, "Let's watch this THING ALREADY!"

I suddenly felt so terrified as the DVD began…what if it's horrible? What if they twisted everything around to make us look stupid or disgusting? I feel sick.

On the screen, there was complete darkness…jet black…and then a little touch of white mist wafted across the dark…and Edward's voice spoke in all its lovely velvety goodness.

"For over six years, I was a sex slave…and a prostitute.", he began as the mist and black began to change…I could see Edward's back now…in a black leather jacket…the camera pulled back to reveal him in slow motion, walking down the city streets, black sunglasses on…and slowly, he pulls them off and reveals his beautiful eyes.

I can hear the girls around us all going, "OOOOO!" Edward laughed and turned a nice shade of purple at that.

"They made me wear makeup…", he explained shyly, still bright red as the girls kept catcalling.

Then a woman's hands with blood red fingernails grabs the jacket and shoves Edward down onto his knees…and rips the jacket off him, revealing his back and suddenly Edward's eyes are covered by a blindfold and a whip lashes at his flesh…but before you can even focus on that it's gone and the same woman's hands are handing a stack of bills to Edward's hand as his voice says, "My business…was to sell my body."

"When did you shoot that part?", I heard myself asking and Edward looked a little ashamed, about to open his mouth to explain, but I cut him off, saying, "They had some woman whip you?"

"It wasn't real, it was just for the intro…", Edward said quietly, not meeting my eyes.

Everyone was shushing me. We'd get to this later. I didn't like seeing him like that again, even if it WAS just for the show.

And then we can see Edward's back, slashed up with thin red marks as he puts his jacket back on, going back into the night…almost vanishing into the mist afterwards. I feel my stomach lurch and rub my forehead as I keep watching. Katie understands and silently slips her hand into mine, giving it a little squeeze, whispering, "It's okay, Mommi."

"My name is Edward.", his voice says next, "There are no last names when you're a whore. And no one cares what your name is anyway. You're nothing but a shadow…once they're done with you…once they get what they want…you might as well disappear…"

And Edward's image does vanish…after he steps over a red line on the ground…and as if he went up in a cloud of smoke.

"There are a million of me out there…all lost…all voiceless…every year, people just like me are bought, sold, beaten, raped, tortured and even killed and forgotten…**no one** hears their cries for help. I was one of them. I sold my body…and I almost lost my soul."

And now Edward, MY Edward, comes into the screen suddenly, dressed in a white shirt without the sunglasses and throws the leather jacket at the screen, and looks right at us and says, "But **I** can hear them. And now my business is to get THEM…OFF the streets."

Then Edward is smiling, talking to a couple girls who are clearly working the streets in fish net stockings and not much else…and he's handing them a card…and they are smiling back at him, accepting it.

Emmett chose this moment to shout, "GO EDWARD! Give her the VISA!" in his sleaziest voice. Rosalie slapped him right in the head before I could reach him though.

"Thanks Rose!", I smiled at her as I turned back to the screen.

It's not his credit card he's giving them. It's the Lost Angels card, the card with all Edward's information and phone number on it.

That was the end of the intro…and now the show begins…and Edward is sitting in a room at the Lost Angels House…a red wall behind him.

He is looking right at us and says, "I was owned by a woman named Victoria for six years. And I'm proof that it could happen to anyone. I used to think only young teenage runaway girls could get caught in this world…but I'm a man… I had a family, a wife, a daughter. And in the blink of an eye, I lost it all."

Then Edward fades out and pictures of Tanya and Katie are strewn all over…happy family shots including Edward…and then the pictures begin to curl up at the corners…and flames can be seen. This scene was very brief and I looked at Edward next to me and he was looking away.

"Never miss the chance to say I'm sorry…", Edward's voice continues and we can see his face again as he speaks…and his eyes are wet, his voice a little deep with emotion, "Never miss the chance to say I love you…swallow your pride and don't run out angry…cause I did…and I never got the chance to say those words…I never got the moment…to say goodbye. And it was a pure miracle that my daughter survived that night…but the pain she suffered…the agony…I knew my life from that moment on had to be dedicated to making her healthy again…to giving her everything she needed. Losing her too…was NOT an option. That's when Victoria found me. It was the perfect moment for her to strike…I was desperate…I had nothing. I was ripe for the plucking."

"I sold myself to her for fifty thousand dollars.", Edward went on, "And that was the beginning of Hell for me. I thought I deserved it. I wanted the pain. I wanted to be hurt. I didn't want to be loved. I was in the perfect place. A club called Fire."

"Stripping is where it begins.", Edward explained, "Dancing…it's the doorway into prostitution. At first I thought, "this isn't so bad"…I stripped and performed onstage and suddenly women were giving me their numbers and shoving hundred dollar bills into my pants…the money kept coming in all the time…it's so hard to say no to all that money…especially when you have something important to use that money for. I used to check people out at the supermarket and after killing myself for a week I'd get maybe…a couple hundred dollars…maybe not even that much. And here, I'm getting that after dancing for three minutes. It's crazy and very hard to resist that easy money at first."

Peter could be seen now, and sat across from Edward in his office, as if they were having a real session together, and even now I felt elated at how easy it seemed for Edward to talk to him…and how now there were no hesitations, no avoidance from Edward in the least. He was completely open and willing to answer anything with utmost honesty. Peter had worked miracles for Edward and any jealousy I ever felt at not being the one and only person who could reach Edward just didn't exist anymore. It was a miracle, both on Edward's AND Peter's side. They had equally helped each other's lives since the moment they sat down together for the first time. I'm so glad I nagged Edward until he broke down and made that phone call to Peter that first day.

And also, I was glad Peter and Edward weren't wearing funny hats in this scene of the show. I'm sure they probably wanted to…and would've – if some director or someone hadn't stopped them.

"Edward…", Peter asked without judgment, "Why would you want to go on worldwide television, and tell everyone all this about yourself? I would think you'd want to just start your life over and never tell anyone any of this. Why are you doing it?"

"For the Lost Angels House.", Edward said right away with such truth in his eyes as he looked back at Peter, "And because I tried that already. And because I'm sick of hiding and being afraid. Why should I hide my past? Fear, guilt, and shame have kept me prisoner for too long already. And it's probably keeping a lot more people out there, too, trapped with their pimps or owners or whatever they call themselves.

I'm proud of my life and what I've done. I'm a rare breed because most people, once they're in that life…it's like a net. You step in, the net goes up, and you're trapped. You don't GET out. I never thought I'd be home again. But I was lucky. I found help. Well, it found ME.

And I can either hide forever and be afraid everyone's gonna find out…or I can tell everyone myself and be free. And I'm free now to cut other people out of that net they're stuck in. I've got the knife now, so I'm going to use it. And I'm gonna save as many as I can.

To sit down, live a fake life, and pretend that I'm not what I am…to not try and slice that net wide open…is to spit on my freedom and Bella, who gave me the strength and the keys to escape it all. She's a rescuer…and whatever she is…I want to be that too.

So here I am. And to people who know me, my town, my family, my friends…they all already know my story. And they love me anyway. They accept me anyway. I've never known people like these before. They're almost too great to be real. But if we're gonna tell the story of how I got out, then we can't start anywhere else than with my Bella."

Everyone started cheering and whooping as I heard myself mutter, "Oh my God, no…"

I covered my eyes as the screen turned and beautiful classical piano played in the background…and the word BELLA in white mist blew across a black screen while all our friends whistled and cheered and commented…Edward pulled me to him, his arm around me, and kissed my lips as I covered my eyes more, not prepared to see myself on the screen.

"Don't do that, you're beautiful!", Edward pried my hands off my eyes as I came onto the screen, riding my horse, with my helmet on, of course. I dismounted and took the helmet off, shaking out my hair with one hand as Peter came up and gave me a nice hug.

I liked that this part of my interview was outside, in the sun, with the lake shining in the background as we walked side by side. I felt more comfortable this way.

Peter's voice filled in how I became Edward's customer and why I bought him.

"It was the best purchase I ever made.", I joked onscreen as everyone around us laughed and went AWWWW…

"I really needed someone to study for my thesis. Going to Fire was my friend, Rosalie's idea…and there I saw the most beautiful man I'd ever laid eyes on. It wasn't just about his body, either…it was his eyes.", my voice was saying on TV.

"It was a LITTLE about my body!", Edward shouted out, getting laughs from Jazz and Emmett. Even BEN gave a wicked cackle that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

"Yea, very little.", Alice giggled.

"Hey, don't think I didn't notice you and Rosalie checking me out that day in New York!", Edward returned quickly.

"Shut up!", I growled as I tried to listen to myself.

"It was his eyes.", I'd said onscreen, "They just…grabbed me and didn't let go. And they never have yet. And he seemed so happy and eager to please on the outside…but I saw a deep sadness inside him…covered up really well. And then all I wanted was to help him…to know him.

It wasn't easy. To him, I was just another customer, another woman to perform for. He didn't want to open up and TALK to me. Women were last on his list to be trusted. He was so guarded then, so locked away. Victoria had him just as she wanted him. It took everything I knew to try and crack that shell he was hiding in…but in the end, I don't think it was my BRAIN that made him come to me…it was my heart. I fell in love…so fast. I think in the first day I loved him, even if I wasn't aware of it. We fought that, too, but in the end, I think he WANTED to be saved, to be talked to and I think that it had been so long that someone had shown him any kind of love that he was starving for it. I was afraid for a long time that his love for me was just that – but he's shown me so many times that his love is real."

Peter's voice narrated everything so beautifully that I almost cried a couple of times. In between our dialogue, he would fill in the details of Edward's life, my life, Katie's life…it was incredible and so well done, not anything like some crap reality show at all. I was feeling better and better about this the more footage we all watched.

Edward and I were sitting side by side on camera now and he said, "I was a jerk. I thought she just wanted my body. And it was so easy to make her blush. I loved making her do it."

Then Edward smiled that smile at me…the sexy, crooked one…but I still managed to speak next.

"No, I just wanted your head.", I said as Edward smiled more, "I MEAN BRAIN! I wanted your body LATER."

"Yea, five minutes later…", Edward teased onscreen.

Then Katie's head fell into her hand and she groaned, "Oh my God, my friends are gonna be seeing this."

And Tao laughed, trying to reach out and hold Katie's hand behind Edward's head on the sofa, trying to comfort her.

"It broke my heart.", Edward said next as he looked sadly at me beside him, "I thought that I'd have this wonderful little piece of time with Bella…and then I'd go back to my life and she'd go back to hers…I thought I'd never see her again. I even planned to be sleazy and cruel on the last day we had together…so she'd think I was just a hardened whore that didn't care about her…then she could go on with her own life. And the more time I spent with her, the more I knew I couldn't do it. I loved her…I broke my own rule: never to fall in love again."

"Thank God for my Dad.", I said onscreen.

And Edward quickly added, with a firm nod, "Every day of my life I thank God for your Dad."

Then Charlie was onscreen! And he said right out, "I wanted to kill him. I almost did. But once I calmed down, I could see it. I know an abused person when I see one – and I saw that he needed help. And that's my job."

Then Peter's voice said, "And now…it's Edward and Bella's job too."

And Edward was answering a ringing phone in his office, saying, "Lost Angels."

And right away, his hand grabbed a pen and he was scribbling fast as he listened, no doubt this was someone calling him for help. Edward always took notes. Sometimes the call would be cut off, sometimes they would hang up. But Edward would have his notes…and he'd try to locate who or where that person he lost was. It didn't always work out…but sometimes, it did.

"It's okay, cry if you want to. I know. Just please don't hang up. Stay with me, you promise? Okay. Where are you?", Edward asked softly and patiently, "I'll come to YOU."

The camera showed our desks at Lost Angels House…they were face to face and I was already on another line, talking to someone and taking my own notes about another boy we were looking for…someone had seen him and she was telling me where. This boy had been ready to go with Edward last week…and he suddenly disappeared. We had been everywhere handing out cards, even offering money if someone would let us know if they'd seen him.

Sometimes we would not get any calls. Other times, our phones rang off the hook.

They finally came to speak about Katie and she was brilliant on the screen. I still think being a real actress on TV or movies is in her future. So much like Edward but then I still see a lot of Tanya there too….they compliment each other in her so beautifully.

Peter interviewed her and Tao as they painted inside the building that would soon be their business together. Katie and Tao would soon be martial arts teachers, working in their own dojo. Katie had done a couple of small acting jobs in three movies in her teen years…and that money she earned was HUGE. Tao had worked at Jimmy Chan's since he was 14 years old and saved most of that money. Together they bought this place and spend all their free time fixing it up and getting it ready for opening.

I have a feeling that's where Tao is planning to pop the question to Katie.

"We want to work with kids.", Katie smiled as red little pain dots shined on her cheeks, "I've gone to schools for a couple years now, telling kids about me and my Dad…and my Mom…it helps them to know they're not alone…if they've been hurt by someone or if they've been abused. I guess, in a way, I'm a lot like my parents, wanting to help people, in my own way. But I don't think I could sit at a desk all day…I like this setting better. And here, I get to kick some butt while I'm teaching! That's what helped ME get through my pain…so what more could a girl ask for?"

"Tell me you didn't just say BUTT on television.", Edward grumbled, his hand over his mouth.

"After all the stuff YOU just said?", Katie argued back, her voice high pitched, "I could've said ASS, you know. I didn't!"

"Not now you guys!", I stopped them immediately.

I felt relieved once our own personal stories were over with and the show focused on the Lost Angels House.

They showed some of the things we all do here, like helping the angels with their court dates. Edward and I go with them so they're not alone, if they're facing some kind of charges. And what's so wonderful is that Rosalie is with us now…she is a lawyer, and a successful one, but she once told me that she is a Lost Angels lawyer FIRST before anything else. She defends our angels like they're her family. She's fierce, smart, and she usually has her way in the end. She helps seal their records so they can go out there and find a job and not have their past count against them. She is a vital part of Lost Angels and without her, we would've lost a lot of our angels to the jail system.

"Alice and Kerri are the managers of Lost Angels House.", Peter's voice informs a couple minutes later as Edward steps inside the new, bright mansion and greets them both with huge hugs. Edward is all about the hugs these days. He hugs everyone. I think once he hugged the mailman on the first day we got mail here at this address.

"I'm a country vet so I have a lot of free time on my hands, thank God.", Edward says into the camera as it follows him around the house while he gives us a tour, "And that's when I go out looking for new angels. I know where to look. I know how to deal with pimps and johns. Sometimes, women approach ME….thinking **I'm** working!"

Then I came onscreen, sitting in one of the meeting rooms at the mansion, a yellow wall behind me as I talk about this period in our lives.

"I hated that.", I said without hesitation, "After Edward saved Kerri, he was hooked on it. He wanted to go out there to the bigger cities around here and walk the streets to find other people he could help. I hated that idea. I had seen Victoria in action and Kevin…I knew how dangerous those people were. I didn't want him up against these people again, after we fought so hard to get out ourselves. I didn't want him hurt ever again. I didn't like him going out there alone, trying to get hookers to quit their jobs while their pimps are coming up behind him, probably with a knife or a gun in their hand. How was I supposed to hang out at home with our daughter while he was out doing this? I couldn't do it. He could've been killed. A couple of times he DID come home all beat up. One night he didn't come home at all. I was calling every cop I could think of…two days later I got a call from a hospital that Edward was there, and had just woken up from being unconscious. That was the last straw for me."

Then Edward's face was onscreen and he looked sad as he spoke.

"Bella was right.", he admitted, "It was crazy, wanting to do that. I saw her point and I agreed with her…and I tried to put the idea out of my mind…but I couldn't do it. I kept thinking about all the people I'd met and known during my time with Victoria. A few of them had been killed. I would hear about it from Emmett from time to time. I was becoming very sad and ashamed of myself, doing nothing. A couple weeks later, Emmett and Jasper showed up and applied for jobs."

And now, Emmett and Jasper were onscreen, in the hallway of the house as Edward walked up and he introduces them as "my bodyguards".

"We keep his pretty face intact.", Jasper says sarcastically, arching his right brow as he looks into the camera.

"When he goes out, we come along.", Emmett informs, "He just goes right up to girls, guys, whoever…without even worrying if their pimps are around…he hands out his little cards, not caring what they might do to him. Good thing Bella hired us to bring him home in one piece."

"It's not like THAT!", Edward argued on camera, shoving Emmetts face away, "I can handle myself, don't believe them. They come with me to get me food when I'm hungry…and for the company."

Jasper starts laughing in the background and I laugh, too, at how goofy and loveable they all are together. I'm so glad they weren't separated for long. They really are brothers. Once we went through the trial and refused to be in witness protection anymore, one day we got a very loud knock on our door. It was Emmett! The next week Jasper showed up…then Rosalie…and finally Alice. It looks like they didn't really want to keep hiding either and they've been with us ever since.

Charlie also lives in town. He teaches at Casper Police Academy. That recommendation came from Bob himself. Charlie doesn't use the wheelchair anymore at all. He uses the prosthetic leg and you'd never be able to tell he has one from the way he gets around now. He's better than ever.

They showed Edward answering the phone again, saying, "Lost Angels."

And a very loud, angry voice came shouting on the other end and Edward's whole face went from soft and patient…to stern and restrained rage…it was an angry pimp…screaming at Edward for "fucking with his business."

"Fuck you, you piece of shit!", Edward sneered back into the phone, "She's not going anywhere. She's with me now and you're never getting her back."

There's a pause while the caller shouts some more then Edward smirks.

"Oh yea?", he doesn't sound scared at all, "You're gonna come GET ME? Uh OH! You're pretty tough, huh? So far you've only beaten women, come GET ME then! Try fighting a MAN! My address is 552 Locust Avenue. I'm here – come get me! And bring some friends!"

At that, Edward slams the phone down.

"Aren't you afraid they'll come and hurt you?", Peter asks.

Edward scoffs. "Gutless cowards? No. None of them have ever come here to face me. And even if they did, I'm not afraid…not in this town. And definitely not in this house. This is a safe place. I used to think there was no such thing…but now I know there is. And if they show up, they're done. Because that's when we take them to jail."

The scene changes and it's another day, in the Lost Angels House, and the camera is following Edward.

"This is a very important wall.", Edward says reverently onscreen as he stops and the camera focuses on it.

In big letters, on top of the wall, it says, "They DON'T love you." This 'they' refers to pimps, owners, master, mistresses…all of them. In the center is a painting of Edward, hands bound above his head, on his knees, shirtless, his back covered in bloody lashes. His eyes are closed and his head is down and a single tear is moving down his face.

"My first angel painted this for me.", Edward displayed it proudly with a smile, "Kerri, who you met a few seconds ago. And over the years, if you look, all these pictures are of people who have been here…who wanted to add their pictures to the wall to drive the point home for others who come here after them."

I could see the pictures of injuries…gashes in the face…bruises, stab wounds, black eyes, swollen lips and even a broken arm as the camera slowly moved over them…all people we had known…people Edward had found and brought to us.

"It's not pretty.", Edward's voice finally broke the silence, his eyes wet as he spoke, "But it's the truth. This is just some of the pain and abuse I've seen over the years. But it's nothing compared to the hope and love that keeps growing inside this house."

Then Edward smirks and says to the camera, "This house is guarded by ghosts. I've seen them, here and there, once in awhile. This place was an abandoned, empty place…full of pain and sadness…anger. The girls were ladies of the evening and were murdered in their sleep…burned alive. They saved us here…a long time ago. And when this house was given to us, I couldn't think of a better place to have the Lost Angels House. When I bring someone here for the first time, they ARE dead inside. Their heart is broken, their spirit is broken…just like mine was.

But this is a place where the dead rise again…spirits come back to life…or refuse to die. There are a lot of tears here…a lot of anger….but there's more laughter and life than anything else. And there's hope. And that is the life blood of this house.

I asked the ghosts…the ladies of this house…before I hammered one nail…I stood here and asked them if they would accept my idea for this place. And I got their answer. We haven't had one single incident here…not one fire…not one report of anything scary or threatening at all. They do things like, turn the lights off if I'm working too long at my desk, if I'm falling asleep in front of my computer. Once in awhile, I hear them…like a very faraway bunch of girls laughing. When I go home at night, I say goodnight to them before I walk out the door. I think they're at peace now. They like us being here. And I would never ask them to leave. We all get along."

Rosalie was on the screen now, Alice and I sitting next to her on a white sofa in one of the meeting rooms at the mansion – and she looked angry as she recalled, "The three of us were in NEW YORK! Where there are thousands of prostitutes! And we were calling everywhere, trying to find Edward some kind of help to get him out of his situation! NO ONE cared! NO ONE helped him! All they heard was that he was a prostitute and they were like 'Well, he got himself into his mess, he can figure his way out of it.' CLICK!"

"That's the sad thing.", Alice said, "People think it's something you asked for, like you WANTED to be this…so they turn their back on you…Edward is right. No one hears them screaming for help. Or they just don't care. There's all kinds of help for alcoholics, drug addicts, even people who beat their kids….but there's no one giving a damn about these thousands of people out there on the streets…"

"There is now.", I said to Alice on the screen and the three of us smiled at each other, proudly.

Rosalie gave a firm nod and said, "Damn straight."

"I never had to walk the streets.", Edward was back on again, talking to Peter in the stables, and he was stroking Yoyo's mane. Yoyo is all grown up now, the hugest horse in the rodeo…and he's the star of the show.

"I was sold in the club.", Edward said as he thought back to those days, the sadness back in his eyes once more, "I was sold on the internet…and I was very expensive. It costs a lot when you want to damage the merchandise, burn its flesh, cut its skin and make it bleed. But that was my job…to be the toy…to be whatever they wanted me to be, whenever they wanted it. I did my job well, with a big smile on my lips…and a very happy twinkle in my eyes. I thought she loved me…I began to believe the lie…I wanted their money…I wanted my daughter whole again, I wanted her to have a life, even though mine was over, or so I thought. I became a wonderful pretender. I even fooled myself. I told myself all the time that Victoria loved me. I even told it to Bella in the beginning. I thank God every day for Bella. She opened my eyes."

Then Peter asked Edward, as he was smiling at Yoyo's still huge and innocent brown eyes, "What would you like people to know about Lost Angels?"

"I want them to know that there's a place to call now.", Edward said a little loudly, his passion showing through as he spoke, "If you're trapped and have nowhere to go…if you want to get out and can't…if you're scared and feel like they're going to kill you if you even DARE to call…please! Even if it's only for a minute, call us! I will come to you, wherever you are, you don't have to live close by. We will hear you – we won't hang up on you…we CARE! You'll have a place to live, we'll help you find a job, or finish school…we'll get you clean if you're an addict…and eventually, when you're ready, you will be able to get your own place and start living a real life…anything you need…whatever you need."

Then, in the next shot, is Edward shoveling horse manure and tossing it at the camera, letting out a little laugh, his cowboy hat perched proudly on his head.

"But it's no free ride here.", Edward says as he stands there, still shoveling, as expertly as he used to when he worked here full time, "Everyone who comes here starts right here, in the stables where I started. You will shovel the shit, it's a motto around here. But I think anyone who works in the sex trade will agree…shoveling shit is better than what we used to do."

"It helped me…", Edward continues as he shovels a bit deeper, "Thinking about something other than myself…something other than Victoria…caring for the horses…caring for something besides yourself…was very good for me. And these horses…they're hard work. You have to earn their respect. You have to sweat…and stink…and believe it or not, when you do that…believe me, your mind won't be on yourself."

"I still come here and do this every now and again…", he smiles as he shovels, "No one should ever get too big that they can't do this. It's honest work. It's good work."

Peter asks, "How do the people you bring here react to this? Don't they get mad? Or do they find it too hard and just quit…and maybe go back on the streets?"

Edward thought for a second and smiled, answering, "They don't all look thrilled at first…it's tough work. Not a lot of hookers are used to tough work. And the pay is not wonderful here. It's a hard reality for them. But you know what? Not one of the people I've brought here has ever harmed any of the horses. Sometimes they throw a little fit and complain…but I'm used to that. I did it myself. But after a few days, after they think it over and think of what their alternative is…they always show up the next morning on time, ready to work."

"All of them?", Peter asks, smiling.

"No.", Edward looks a little sad now and I know why. We have lost a few angels along the way. Some of them…for all Edward's and all of our efforts…just aren't ready yet.

"Some of them leave.", Edward replies curtly, avoiding the camera as he shovels a little harder, throwing the manure in the wheelbarrow, then he looks right into the camera, saying, "Some of them fight it and just take off. But I don't quit that easily. I go right back out and find them, most of them…go right back to where I found them…and I'm there the next day, driving them crazy until they agree to come back with me. There was one girl, I won't say her name in case her family watches this…but she was a very sweet, very special little girl. She thought all this was too hard. She ran off in the night and went back to her pimp…her boyfriend, she called him."

Edward pauses and I feel sick inside because I know what happened to that girl. She was only fourteen years old.

And he finishes the story by saying, a crack in his voice as he speaks it, "He killed her the minute he saw her again. For running away. Stabbed her sixty seven times. She was killed while I was sleeping…before I even knew she was gone. I should've locked her in her room. But then I would've been just like THEM, I guess."

And I knew something else he didn't tell Peter onscreen. She did leave Edward a note. It simply said, "I'm sorry, Edward. I'm just not as strong as you are. Please try to forgive me."

Peter's voice doesn't ask Edward anything else but Edward speaks up anyway.

"I know I can't save everyone.", he said, his voice choppy with emotion as he keeps shoveling, "My wife and best friend-doctor- Peter helped me see that, after a few years…I accept that. But I'll always keep trying. I'll never give up…on anyone. No matter how hard they resist me, no matter how they try to shut me up…or get rid of me...it won't matter. I'll keep coming back. I won't write anyone off as a lost cause. I know I have to keep my mind on the ones I can save…"

Then, a girl that used to be at the Lost Angels house, Marni, came on the screen and Edward and I both gasped, totally surprised by this. We loved all our angels, every one of them, and kept in touch with most of them after they left us.

"I was face down, drowning in my own vomit when Edward found me.", she shared, not looking ashamed at all.

Then, another boy we know, Mark, a former Lost Angel, came on, recalling, "Edward beat up the two guys that were sharing me in an alley at like…3 o'clock in the morning…I was just a kid, I was being raped, I wasn't even a hooker…and this guy came out of the dark…and stopped them…I couldn't believe it…it was like a movie. Only I thought there were no heroes in real life, not like that."

Another man came on next, an older man Edward found one night a few years ago. He was in his thirties and once seemed happy to be a prostitute…his name is Michael.

"Edward hounded me and hounded me until I gave in and went with him one night. I just wanted him to stop following me so I figured, I'll go with him, blow him or something and then he'll leave me alone. But that's not what Edward was after. Now that I think of it, I think I quit hooking just to get rid of him."

Michael laughs for a second before another girl comes on the TV screen.

"Edward carried me over his shoulder because I was too high to walk.", Mika said with tears in her eyes, letting one fall down her face, "I was crazy. I kicked him in the face with my high heeled pumps and he had to get stitches. And he still carried me to Lost Angels House. He was still nice to me. I gave him a scar. He's still pretty though."

She smiles, probably seeing his face in her mind and shares, "I'm married now and almost finished with college. I'm going to be a nurse."

Marni came back on and smiled, saying, "I'm a physical therapist now and I got my two kids back. Life is good!"

Michael came back on and announced, "I'm an artist…and I have my third show next month in New York."

Mark was back onscreen and smiled, saying, "I just graduated high school and want to go into law. I got accepted into Princeton. I also know how to fight now. Thanks, Emmett."

"I am a policewoman.", another girl we helped, Alexis, came on, adding, "And I also work with abused children."

There were faces we knew…one after the other…I counted at least ten or eleven…and then I lost count…all of them were telling their stories…telling the world about Lost Angels…and it all came flooding back to me…every one of the memories of each of them…their beginnings…the part we had all played in helping them the best we could…and the endings…when they were ready to fly away…stronger…hugging all of us, tears in their eyes, though smiling…and saying they loved us…and how we saved their lives…the way this was done, at the end, each one of them after the other, mixed in together like this…it made me realize just what we had done…and when I looked at Edward, he was crying right along with me. I guess we're just a couple of geeks…but we have each other and that's all I cared about.

One voice after another kept going….

"I'm married now with four children and I'm a doctor."

"I live with my partner and we're opening a book store together next month."

"I'm a music teacher now and I just got engaged!"

"I'm clean for two years and 44 days now…I only work for Blockbuster now but it's an honest job. I love it…and I will keep fighting until I have everything I want!"

"Oh my God.", Marni was back on, getting very teary eyed as she spoke, "Bella…saved my life. I'll always love her."

Then Mark was back and informed, "Edward brought me to Bella. And if it wasn't for her, I'd probably have killed myself that night."

Michael was back and smiled, saying, "They're like the perfect match – Edward tracks you down and drags you to Lost Angels House…and then Bella comes in and starts to work on you. That woman is a little goddess! I just fell for her right away…she heals you…you know?"

"I thank God they're together and that I was brave enough to call them. They really are the best people in the world.", Stacey, another former lost angel said next.

Then a little mixture of all of them, each looking at the camera as if they were looking at us…and they all said thank you to us in their own way.

"Thanks you guys!", Michael blew us a huge kiss with both hands, "You rock!"

"I love you Edward and Bella!", Marni smiled as she cupped her hands around her lips, "EVERYONE at the house! I love you all! You saved me. Saved me from myself. Thanks."

She got choked up at the end of her speech and Katie was handing Edward and I tissues right now.

"Love you guys! Thanks for giving a damn and making me believe in heroes again!", Mark smiled.

Alexis smiled and tilted her head a bit, as if she could see us, "I love you…and I thank you. Everything I do with my life now is because of you…all of you. Keep doing what you're doing. Don't stop. Don't EVER stop."

"I'm sorry I kicked you, Edward. I love you. I always will. Bella, I love you too! Thanks for being so tough with me…I needed it."

Then, after dozens of former angels thanked us, Edward was back on.

"I love every one of them.", Edward said about the angels, "They are our children too. I used to be this little wimp who was so scared – I once even thought that I shouldn't even HUG people anymore because they might know what I was. But now I hug everyone, I have only too much love to give!"

"Oh…Edward…", Marni smiled, saying, "Best. Hugger. Ever."

Mark was back on now, adding, "Lots of hugs. That's for sure."

"When Edward hugs you, you just FEEL safe…instantly.", Alexis stated, "You **feel** loved."

Now Edward was back and said, "How can I ask a 13 year old girl to be brave and risk her life to call me…if I'm not brave enough to face these bastards that are destroying their lives? I'll defend every one of them…even if it means my own life. I know this is what I'm here for."

Then I was back, sitting next to Edward, and said, "I love our life. I love our work and that we can do it together. Our children will grow up strong – and not scared."

"It's the best gift I could give them.", Edward said beside me, "It's something I never thought I would have…this bravery I've discovered awhile ago in myself. I was a slave all because of fear. It's an evil thing. It's stronger than iron bars, thicker than chains. It would have kept me a slave if not for Bella reminding me of that. I could be dead now. Everything we have now…everything we do now, for others…is all because of HER. Because she was brave enough to reach out and try saving me…a real lost cause back then."

"But we don't do it alone.", I said on the screen next to Edward and he gently shook his head, agreeing with me, "Without Kerri, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper…there wouldn't be a Lost Angels House…not to mention the support we get from everyone in town…the community…our families…every single person we know does their part to make Lost Angels what it is."

"Absolutely.", Edward confirmed.

Peter's voice came on and said, "What would you wish for…if you had just one wish?"

Edward smiled, thinking about that with a tilt of his head and I was smiling at him as I sat beside him, watching.

"For myself…nothing.", he said, "I have everything I ever wanted right now. If I could wish for something, I would wish for more Lost Angels Houses. I wish there could be one in every state…all over the world. And I want the world to see what our angels go through here and all the hard work they do to turn their lives around. That's the whole reason I said yes to this six part series. This first part may be about us but the next parts will be the best…you'll see what we do…you'll see our angels at their very worst…and at their very best. And what I'm wishing for…is for other people to want to do a Lost Angels House in their neighborhood…so this place doesn't end and die with us. I want there to always be a Lost Angels House…for as long as there are prostitutes out there who need us. Only when there are no more…that's when I'll be okay with closing the doors. Until that day, we are open for business."

I gave a definite nod and added, "Always."

"Always.", Edward repeated as we smiled at each other…and before we knew we were doing it, we were kissing right there on television! Edward held my face and got the kiss as everyone around us went, "WOOOO!"

"You kissed in the show?", Katie asked, looking directly at us on the couch next to her, "Don't you two have any restraint at all?"

"No.", Edward said simply, smirking back at his daughter.

Peter was walking out of the room, on the TV screen, where we were kissing, closing the door, looking at the camera and saying, "There's definitely lots of love here, I've seen that everyday that I've been in this house. It's a good place. A safe place. If you need help, help of any kind…please call. Any time of the day or night. There will be someone here, ready to answer you. Call 1-800-LST-ANGL or www dot lost angels dot com. Your voice will be heard, you will not be ignored anymore. You can do it. Be brave. And just reach out."

"Look at you!", Edward held his hand out to the TV, smiling at Peter, "You're fucking incredible, Pete! You make me misty eyed while you're giving the phone number!"

Peter blushed now and waved his hand at Edward, as if he was nuts.

There was a nice piece of the Peter Gabriel song "Don't Give Up" as Peter walks out of Lost Angels House…and the camera pulls back, showing the entire mansion…the sun setting hot red behind it. It was like we were flying over it, as an angel would.

Slowly, the camera just focuses on the red sunset…and then…it fades into black.

Everyone around us now was applauding and cheering and Edward clapped, too, for everyone else, not himself…I thought the whole thing was great, and I couldn't wait to see the next five parts of the series, where we would see five of our angels' journey from beginning to end. They had taped us for months to make this show and if the rest was as great as this first part, then I knew I could stop worrying.

Without even seeing the next parts, I thought over some of the things the cameras were present for.

Edward carrying in Beth that winter night, she was blue and looked dead. Emmett had found her under the snow, not moving. And after she was released from the hospital, she was still blue for a couple days afterwards. He took good care of her, he fed her soup every night…he talked to her, even when she wasn't able to talk back. He told her where she was and that she was safe.

There were also harder times with Beth, too. I remember the night Edward got angry with her because she kept talking about how nice her life was before, when she was a high end escort. She would talk about how she could buy anything, go on the best vacations, and how many cars she used to have.

The other girls in the house had to listen to this all the time and it made things harder on them. Finally one night Edward couldn't take it anymore and he shouted at her.

"You want your fucking money?", he asked her as he went to her closet in her room, taking her hangers out and throwing them onto the bed, "Then let's get your shit, I'll drive you back to your scumbag PIMP myself! Let's GO! If all you care about is how much money you have and how you miss all your THINGS…then by all means, let's get you back there so you can suck the dicks of all those great rich guys who knocked you out and left you to freeze under the snow!"

Beth was crying and begging Edward not to throw her out in less than five seconds. And they ended up in a huge hug on the floor, because she had actually dropped to her knees while she begged Edward not to toss her out. She and Edward kept saying they were sorry…and Edward held her and stroked her hair forever, telling her it was okay….and that he'd never kick her out. It was good now when Edward showed his anger…he let it out…then reigned it right back in…and always apologized…but now, he just used it for good….like this time. And it worked. It woke Beth up to the realities of her life. And she started to see that her value wasn't in how much money she had or was making. She started to look inside herself to find something more than that. It was a big turning point for her.

There would be other footage where Edward brought Destiny here. She would beg Edward for drugs, for hours, while he watched over her through the night. He had to lock them in her room because she would try to physically get out to find drugs somewhere in the house! She used to try anything to get him to give her what she wanted…she would even try to kiss him and grab his penis, taking off her clothes and promising him the best sex he ever had if he would give her something. Edward never wavered, though, and was always as patient as he could be, re-dressing her and making her get back in bed to try and get some sleep.

All of us would be in the series, all doing our jobs that we did everyday. We would see Emmett and Jasper fighting to protect Edward and the newest angel he'd found. We would see Kerri and Alice work their magic, keeping things running, both financially and emotionally. Alice had become an accountant, as she wanted to when she attended New York University. And Kerri had graduated college too, but didn't want to work anywhere else except Lost Angels House. She began at the bottom, as Edward's assistant, answering phones and running errands. And now they were in charge of everything from fixing a leaky faucet in the bathroom to being there when someone's heart was broken.

We would see Rosalie doing her battle in the courtroom, defending and fighting for the rights of another lost soul ready to be found again. And I'm sure Peter and I would be there…talking to each of our angels as I talked to my first angel…Edward Cullen. That cocky little piece of perfection, displaying himself half naked on my couch that first day, thinking he'd make me stop trying.

He had no idea who he was up against.

My Edward Cullen. He does have a last name. Everyone does. It all began with him, my lost dark angel. I thank God I colored outside the lines…I would do it all again.

"Let's forget this now and EAT!", Edward announced and in seconds, we were all sitting around our super long dining room table. It was packed but no one seemed to mind. Everyone was eating and having a great time, talking and passing the garlic salt, grabbing their slices of pizza.

I just sat there, moving my eyes from Edward to Katie…from Katie to Tao…to Marcus and Jenna…Bob and Sharon…Peter…Melody and Josh…Charlie next to me…Ben and Angela…Rosalie and Emmett…Jasper and Alice…Joseph and Katherine. How did we get so lucky to have all these amazing people in our lives? I felt tears come to my eyes and Edward held my hand, leaning in gently and whispering, "You alright, love?"

I could only nod. My voice wasn't working. And he kissed me with a smile and his wonderful pizza garlic and cherry icee breath comforted me and slowly brought me back to earth right before he ended the kiss and stared into my eyes, giving me that perfect smile.

"I love you.", he whispered, and I was the only one to hear it.

"I love YOU.", I breathed the words back, overwhelmed by the depth of my feelings for him…a usual occurrence even after all this time.

Edward once told me about the red line…the one he crossed every night to leave his heart and soul behind and become the "whore" as he put it. There are no more red lines anymore, not for him. Everywhere he turns, there is a person who loves him, who cares about what happens to him…a splashed, mixed color that blots out the horrid red lines Edward used to know.

He will never cross that line again. He will never BE that again. I think all the colors we blended together over the years…I know we erased any red lines that might have existed…even in his mind.

I know that we'll always be on the lookout for lost angels…and when we get too old to do it all, we'll pass it on to our children, and their children…it won't die…ever. It will get stronger…and bigger. There will always be a Lost Angels House somewhere. I truly believe in that. As much as I believe in Edward. As much as I believe in US.

"I don't want any garlic salt on mine.", Katie shielded her slice from Edward's garlic shaker, "Stop Daddy."

"Alright.", he winked at her, smiling at Tao…a real smile this time.

Tao smiled back at Edward and said, "It was a great show, Mr. C. People are gonna call, believe me."

"We'd better eat now before next week comes.", Alice chirped in, taking the garlic and sprinkling it all over her slice, "I'm probably on the night shift for the phones!"

"Not every night.", Jasper pointed at Edward, who looked back at him innocently, "I want my woman available at least two nights a week, write it down Cullen!"

"Noted.", Edward touched his finger to his temple, eating his slice.

"I'm so proud of you, all of you.", Angela said as Ben used the garlic next, loading up on it. When Angela saw this, she slapped his hand, "HEY! What are you trying to do? Give yourself an attack? Give me that!"

"HEY!", Ben complained.

She stole the garlic away and handed it to Emmett, who used it heavily also.

"Hey ED!", Emmett shouted, "When's the part when I kick that one guy's ass? The guy who takes the gun out and sticks it in your face? Is that in the next part?"

Edward had been shaking his head at Emmett with bugged out eyes and when I looked at Edward he froze, giving me a very innocent smile. And even then he just said, "Hi.", to me, his mouth half filled with pizza.

"What?", I shouted, "What guy had a gun in your face? When? Why aren't I ever told any of these things?"

"Peter.", Edward called, "Why are you so FAR AWAY from me? Get over here, bring your pizza! You know you're never off the clock, loser of the Great Leaf War!"

Peter frowned and his lip became a flat line.

"Are you ever gonna let that go?", he asked, "It's been ten years man!"

"NO!", Edward argued back…and I realized immediately what they were doing…they were trying to distract me off the topic of the gun in my husband's face…fine…but we would be going over it later – alone.

"You LOST the war!", Edward explained again as if it were yesterday, "Accept it and stop crying about it!"

Everyone was arguing now…in on the debate. For a moment I was going to get mad…but then as I looked at all their faces…all I could do was burst out laughing…this is my life. And look at all these wonderful nitwits I'm surrounded by…look at them!

God, how I love them all! How I love my life! How I love all these gorgeous colors!

THE END

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I love all you guys. Thank you for sticking with this story and being so brave during some very rough parts and chapters. I knew you could do it. I'm so glad I did this second part to Red Line, I have loved writing it so much. It became something totally different from Red Line, and at times, I couldn't believe where it was going. But I really like where things ended up here.

Let me know what you think. And thanks again for all your support and love over these stories I've written. I love doing it and look forward to writing even more of them.

See you all soon! Be good!

Love, Winnd


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